RedHanded - Drunk Women Caught RedHanded

Episode Date: March 14, 2021

Welcome to our Acast Red Nose Day Mashup podcast for Comic Relief For Red Nose day two of the UK’s finest crime podcasts have mashed up for an episode unlike any other. Join Hannah Maguire and Suruthi Bala from RedHanded alongside Hannah George, Catie Wilkins, and Taylor Glenn from Drunk Women Solving Crime to bring us 'Drunk Women Caught Redhanded'.  This powerhouse of super-sleuths leaves no stone unturned in solving a true crime from history, whilst imbibing their favorite adult beverages and inviting us to play along too.  We also get to hear some personal true crime tales of woe from hosts and listeners alike and whilst the gang may not be able to solve everything, they sure as hell don't make it worse.   Please donate whatever you can. Donations have the power to help people living incredibly tough lives. If you can, please, head to comicrelief.com/podcastmashup and give now. Or give £5 by texting ‘COMIC’ to 70205. To donate £5 text the word COMIC to 70205. Texts cost your donation amount plus your standard network message charge and 100% of your donation will go to Comic Relief, a registered charity. You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill-payer’s permission. For full terms and conditions visit comicrelief.com/podcastmashup   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Red Handed early and ad-free. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. So, get this. The Ontario Liberals elected Bonnie Crombie as their new leader. Bonnie who? I just sent you her profile. Check out her place in the Hamptons. Huh, fancy. She's a big carbon tax supporter, yeah? Oh yeah. Check out her record as mayor. Oh, get out of here.

She even increased taxes in this economy. Yeah, higher taxes, carbon taxes. She sounds expensive. Bonnie Crombie and the Ontario Liberals. They just don't get it. That'll cost you. A message from the Ontario PC Party. Get ready for Las Vegas-style action at BetMGM,

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BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact ConnexOntario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome, everyone, to Drunk Women Caught Red-Handed. That is the name that we have decided to go with because it's excellent and it describes exactly what is happening in this situation. If you don't

know, it is a mash-up between red-handed and drunk women solving crime. What more could you want in your lives? Nothing, probably. So what is this? What's going on? What are you all watching slash listening to? Well, this is a very special bonus brought to you by Acast, who are actually bringing you an exclusive series of bonus podcasts like this from your favorite podcasters for the Red Nose Day podcast mashup. That's right.

Red Nose Day is back. And this year, it's more powerful than ever because let's face it, we all need a big old laugh right about now. And this laugh can help create change around the country and around the world. No matter what you're able to give, you have the power to make a difference. So if you can, please give now at comicrelief.com slash podcast mashup, and we will leave the link in the episode description so that you can find it very easily and have no excuses for not being able to find it. So with that, that's what you're listening to. Hello, everyone. Hello. Welcome. Should we introduce ourselves? Hi, I'm Saruti from Red Handed. Hi. Oh wait, that made it look like an AA meeting. Hi Saruti.

It's the very opposite of an AA. It's a really bad AA meeting. It is. It's a failing, failing AA meeting. It's an enablers, enablers anonymous meeting. Pre-AA. So if you're new to Red Handed, I can tell you what we are because I know that one. We are Red Handed,

Saruti and I, and we are a true crime podcast that we started in a cupboard under the stairs and somehow managed to still be doing it

three to four years later. And nobody stopped us and we're super excited to be here with Katie, Taylor Glenn and another Hannah, Hannah George. So we're going to have

to call her the big HG because HM doesn't really work and my middle name's Mary, so my initials are... Hannah, my middle name's Mary as well. Oh my God, two Hannah Marys. Yes, mate.

Hannah is an anagram of... So that's just something that other Hannahs like. That's my friend Jim Campbell's jokes. I should say that. I was so happy when he sold me. I was like, yeah. Niche Hannah material.

Yeah. We're going to launch our own podcast. It's called Hannah Mary. Oh my God. That's incredible. It's so big of you to credit the writer of that little joke. You are a magnanimous HD.

Absolutely. Even in conversation, if I do a joke, I have have to go like that was sarah melkins or whatever that is magnanimous amazing just credit after credit did you like that one yeah stupidly already i've lost the plot but when we've lost the plot so much that we've shamelessly stolen your entire format for this mashup We're not bringing very much to it at all apart from the stories that you asked us to bring about crimes that have happened to us Should we kick off with those?

Yes, that's what we only have one question on this podcast and that is Have you ever been the victim of a crime? Saruti, was it just now where I said I was going to start a podcast with Hannah because I'm sorry Yes, that's theft

Because that is a bad podcast That is theft HG. You can't just take her away. What is happening? I'm outraged. I did give this a lot of thought and I have to be honest, in my life, I have not been the victim of many a crime, despite my very best attempts at becoming a victim of crime. Because I don't know, anyone who listens to the show knows that I do love a bit of a hitchhike. I have hitchhiked many a place. I will argue that it's always been a necessity. I have been trapped. I have been on the side of a road in a place I shouldn't, and I had to get in a car or just hang out there. That's so untrue. No, it isn't no Tell me one story

Of my hitchhiking Where I had another choice When you're in Croatia And you could have got a taxi Number one I couldn't There wasn't any There was

Anyway We can't have this argument You're an international Hitchhiker too This is Almost exclusively International Almost exclusively

Almost exclusively I try not to Hitchhike domestic Now Oh my god That's so passe not to hitchhike domestic now. Oh my God. So passe. Don't hitchhike where you eat or whatever. Go hitchhike somewhere else where you're in much more danger because you don't know the language or anything that's happening to you. Anyway, despite all of those situations, never been a victim of a crime internationally. But what did happen in quite a plot twist

Was when I was on holiday, my house was burgled Oh It was actually my parents' house So I was on holiday with my parents And we were there for a couple of days And then we get a call from our neighbour saying Oh, you guys have been burgled And I was like, oh, that's really shit

So my poor dad had to get on a flight and come home To deal with the burglary And he got home and I called him and I was like, dad, what's happened? Have they taken anything? And he's like, it's a very weird thing that's happened. So these people have broken into the house and my parents live in a very safe suburban middle England, nothing town. They had unscrewed all of the shower heads in the house. Yes, gets weirder. Then they had torn up a bunch of floorboards around the house and poured a bunch of bleach around because the house stunk of bleach. And the only thing that they had actually nicked was a briefcase

that my dad kept in his wardrobe that had my birth certificate in it. Isn't it? So I was like, what the bloody hell is going on? And I really wanted to try and understand. So then the police officers came around and like, talk to us about it. And I was like, what's the deal? They said there have been a spate of burglaries exactly like this around the area, exclusively to Asian households. And what these burglars have discovered is that for some reason, my Asian brethren around here have been hiding gold jewellery in their floorboards and in their shower heads. Oh my gosh. Okay. Oh my gosh. And I think the whole bleach situation was when they were frantically tearing up these floorboards. I think one of them cut themselves and got blood everywhere

and then poured a bunch of bleach around to get rid of the DNA. That's what I think. Oh, interesting. Wow. That is like a golden shower that I could get behind. Old HG, big HG. Sorry, I'm sorry, Kate. You could be old and big, trust me. But yeah, that is my crime. The bleach was making me think more of a crime scene. Like maybe they did something there. Like maybe they didn't just try and rob.

Maybe they. That's way worse. I hope it wasn't. But you have the intel that that is not what happened. They were looking for gold. They were looking for gold. I'm glad there was a little bit of a method to the madness. And you'd think I would be a little bit more savvy after three years of doing this like I would have picked up some logic or something because I was like okay it's probably

who hosts grand designs I bet it's him they went crazy and he's just tired of hosting and that's literally where my head was like it's a disgruntled presenter I've seen it a thousand times yeah and he's just really angry at these rainfall shower heads that everyone has now. Let's fucking get this shit out. What the hell are you doing? And these floorboards, they're disgusting. Also, the other thing that makes me think, maybe it was someone that used to live there or somebody,

and they had left something there, you know, that they wanted to go back for. But again, it's solved because you know that they would fit to loads of other people. This was the theory that was told to us, but I think I prefer yours. And I think I'm more scared by yours, Katie. Oh my God. What if it's some sort of like... It's like parkour. Oh my God.

No, I'm scared. That's a horror film. That's a good horror film. That is a good horror film. Gosh. And then like you've redecorated the bathroom. Yeah. And you're not in the shower head anymore.

Oh my God. My favourite part of that story though, is literally when you're on holiday with your mum and your dad and you get the call and you're like, Oh my God, dad, I think you're going to have to go. Like you and your mum, like, Oh my God, you're just like so manly and like a protector. I think that you should have done that. It's such a shame for you. I know, me and mum just slowly turn and look at him. I'm like, shall I's such a shame for you I know Me and mum Just slowly turn

And look at him Like Shall I book you A fine dad And I now Have lost a birth certificate As well So

Yeah what a pain That's sad Just a briefcase With a combination lock That they just ran off with Thinking maybe the gold Was in there No

You could have rattled it around And felt that there was Just papers in there Maybe someone will steal Your identity rattled it around and felt that there was just papers in there. Maybe someone will steal your identity like they steal the dead baby's identity. I know, this is what I'm thinking. What if somebody steals my identity? Yeah.

I don't know. Could they do it with a birth certificate? Because birth certificates, I feel like they're at the very bottom of the list of ID for like a bank account, aren't they? They're like, just go with a birth certificate and nothing else i've got my footprints and i know my name

we gotta do some business here hsbc and you don't look like a 30 year old indian woman why have you got that birth certificate what's happening i don't know but anyway that's all i've got guys wow that's a I've got, guys. Wow, that's a great story. Because, I mean, horrible for like your family. Yeah, but I'm glad it happened. Otherwise, I'd have had nothing for this. Swings and roundabouts, really.

Hannah, are you going to be able to top that organised crime? I don't think so, but mine's definitely more embarrassing for me. So yes, please. So I used to be an English teacher in Korea, South Korea, don't panic. And the culture there is like you as an English teacher, your job is super easy. You get paid loads of money and you can just like go out drinking all the time. And I am a sesh goblin. So I was out on a Friday night, slave to the sesh and was walking home from my taxi to my apartment building, which was probably like a 200 meter walk. In those 200 meters, I like world-endingly had to piss. Like it could not wait the extra like 200 meters to my house. So I had to do a street. I had no option. I had to piss in the street. In the process of my street, we put my handbag down and then got up,

sorted myself, kept walking. I was like, shit, I can't find my handbag. What have I done with it? Oh no. Where have I put it? And I was like, I'm too pissed to figure this out. I'm just going to have to figure it out in the morning. The other thing I should say is Korea is so safe. Like stealing is not in their culture at all. Like my friend left their laptop on a bus bench. It was there three days later. Like you just, yeah, no one's like, you can go to a McDonald's and like leave your phone on the table and no one will touch it.

It's just culturally not a thing. So when I came back here, I had to do some relearning. So I go home and it didn't matter that I didn't have my keys because everyone has like keypad combination locks on their doors in Korea. So it was fine. I could get into my house, but I didn't have my bag or my phone. And I wake up in the morning, not feeling too hot. And there was a knock on my door and I was like, oh God, like, what did I do last night? Like, who is it? Who did I piss off? Like someone going to come and like beat me up. Like what is happening? Opened the door and it was a policeman with my bag.

Wow. Oh, wow. So like in Korea, as an alien, you have to have your alien residency card on you at all times. It's the law. So, but that did not have my address on it. It had my school's address. So that means on a Sunday, they rang my school. Like, where is this drunk foreigner? Where did she go? Oh, no. Did they tell them that we found it next to, well, it had a strong smell of urine.

We're not quite sure. It was slightly damp. We haven't had a chance to test it yet. Yeah. If they did, they didn't tell me. I just went into school on Monday and not a word was said.

That's my favorite thing about that culture. Yes, please. Let's ignore anything that's embarrassing. Yeah, exactly. They'll talk about you behind your back

to no fucking end. But to your face, absolutely nothing. I don't need to know. That's fine. You can talk about me all you want behind my back. What a snapshot

of such a different way of life. I mean, that's unbelievable. I did not see the story going this way, even though you said like, it's not part of the culture. I'm like, something bad still get it. Well, we recently did some research on the homicide rate in South Korea. And guess in every 100,000 people, how many are murdered in South Korea?

Annually? Yeah. One. Like, can I say half a person? That's weird. You can say half a person. Big HG, that's no problem. Yeah, 0.5 maybe.

I'm sticking with one. I'm going to say seven. It's 0.6. Oh, I was so close. Yeah. Actually, if you round up, it's technically me. No, it's you. What you'll learn about Katie is she likes to win and that's what we like about her just so we can all be embarrassed you said this was an embarrassing story so i'll top it a little

bit with my own embarrassment that reminded me because i'm like have i ever weed outside like properly in public not just like camping. And I was like, of course you have. And that reminded me that my friend in New York said, it sounded like this. So I might as well do the accent. Don't put your bag down. If you got a piss on the street, that's my top tip.

I was like, okay, what do you, what do you do with it though? So you don't get it when she's like, put it around your neck, hang it around your neck, like a giant fuck off necklace. And so I just had a flashback of the poshest place I've ever had a piss, which was on Park Avenue at 3.30 in the morning with my handbag just around my neck, like bouncing on my boobs as I went. And I clearly remember like a gentleman walking by, like a proper gent. He looked like the Monopoly man. I think he had a top hat. And I was just like, remember like a gentleman walking by like a proper gent he looked like the monopoly man I think he had a top hat and I was just like you should be a good sir and listener she married him

a pissing outside story is always fun though anyone got any more oh endless yeah my best one's quite short I was at what's that, Lovebox, the one that's in like Victoria Park or some shit when we were still allowed outside. I'm just absolutely about to have some sort of internal hemorrhage situation if I do not urinate. Crept into some bushes and weed, emerged with quite a lot of urine all over my black boots that showed quite how wet they were.

Yeah, it's not great. July in a park in London with your feet covered in piss even if MIA is on stage it's still not gonna distract you enough MIA has seen your shame yes she has I think summer 2020 was very much the summer of the alfresco wee I had to get very comfortable This is true Yeah because everything was shut Yeah Yeah there's a a favoured tree in Clissold Park for me

it's got a nice little curtain there's a frog in it Everyone's got their favourite tree like we're all dogs now I sometimes go to Clissold Park I have a sniff I love that our producer was like

you know guys keep it tight we want to keep it tight for this episode and we're like who else is pissed outside because let's chat about that for a bit please I love that our producer was like, you know, guys, keep it tight. We want to keep it tight for this episode. And we're like, who else is pissed outside? Because let's chat about that for a bit, please. I remember I pissed outside.

This doesn't really count because I was fishing with my dad when I was about 10. But it's just a lesson in looking where you piss because I pissed. Outdoor pissing 101. Yeah. I was pissing on a red ant's nest who had then, yeah, I noticed, I was like, what's crawling at my leg? And it was lots of red ants and they bit me. And I screamed quite a lot and scared the fish away,

as my dad said. That's bullshit, David. It was the scapegoat he'd been waiting for. He was happy. I'm surprised with all the like warning videos in the uk that we've talked about like from the 70s that they never touched on like don't piss on a red ant's nest you could die it just feels like something would have been it's a missed opportunity yeah exactly they just made us watch endless videos about not playing on the train tracks when we were kids where was the advice not to piss on a red ant's nest? Yeah. And not pirating VHS.

That too. That too. Got burned into my memory. You wouldn't steal a car. How do you know, Brenda? You don't know. You don't know me. Segway time.

I think we all know each other a little bit better now. So maybe it's time to move on. Thank you for sharing those stories with us they were great absolutely yeah top draw stuff thank you why does my voice sound sarcastic the whole time it's genuinely meant it that's the only way we sound we take it with love they get shot don't worry americans in particular find us really insincere taylor give us a report at the end of the...

Yes, I will. I've lived here too long. I'm so jaded. We'll wait. I'm the worst kind of American because I sound completely American still, but I hear another American

in the UK and I'm like, oh my God, shut up. Shut up. You're a fool. I love her. Shut up You're a fool So The way we do it On our podcast Is that I've got All the details

Of the crime You guys know nothing You know But you know nothing About the crime And so I'm going to Feed you some information And ask you some questions

And you're going to Flex your detective muscles And we're going to solve this Okay I've got a pen and paper I'm ready to flex. Oh, I love it when people take notes.

We play to win. This is some serious shit now. We didn't have a note taker until Jenny Eclair and then we did our first live show and she came out with a notepad

like she was into it and we're like, yes. We've had very few. We've had very few cents and there are special... Yeah yeah there's a handful of people yeah okay welcome well the elite members of the force that's why we made the pod squad i'm gonna pretend to write because i don't have i've got you we're a team okay today we're in 1870 and we're discussing the crimes

of the chocolate cream killer. Now... Sounds delicious. Wait till you hear what she did. This killer laced... Oh, fuck. My first question was, was it a man or a woman?

Yes, she did. Okay. That's okay. You know, we took some extra piss time exactly and you made up for it with with gender quiz yeah you got it you got us back on track so the chocolate cream killer who was a lady she would lace chocolates with poison but before we get to this stage of her life this is christiana edmonds now Now, Christiana was born in Margate and was the eldest child of William Edmonds, who was an architect. So she had quite a privileged upbringing. She was privately educated and led a sort of normal-ish life for the first 40 years of her life. And then when she was 40, she wanted to change, guys. She moved to Brighton

with her widowed mother and started up an affair with a high standing member of the local community now this guy was known for being a bit of a flirt who do you think that could have been the the main guy I just moved to Brighton and I'm really keen on the history here so I'm gonna go with the guy the one guy i don't know anything about bright but it feels vague taylor the palace building playboy prince which which what's his fucking name so the guy who built the pavilions yeah i don't know his name either or is this too early is this too early for that guy? I will give you a clue. You don't have to know his exact name. It's a guy within a community.

I'm going to go with the mayor. I was going to say, that feels like a good guess. I'm going to say, oh, no, I don't know enough. So he's a bit of a flirt. He's a bit of a flirt. Bit of a flirt. But he's an upstanding member of the community, is he? Sure is.

Is he like the church man? You were going to say the Pope, weren't you? I was like, what's the right word? Is it father? Is it vicar? Vicar. The vicar of Brighton. I was going to guess the vicar as well.

Interesting. Two for vicar. One for mayor. I'm going to raise the vicar and brighton i was gonna guess the vicar as well interesting two for vicar one for mayor i'm gonna raise the vicar and say archbishop oh arch very high standing or it could be some kind of lord of the manor but actors weren't respected in those days were they he couldn't be an upstanding member of the community i could see stereotype hat on, actors can be flirty, but they wouldn't be respected in those days. No. I think it's a, it's a something gaudy

or something political. Yeah. It's got to be power. Yeah. I'm sticking with Maya. Duke Bish Prince. Yeah. Duke Bish Prince.

We've got it covered. It was, well, he was a doctor. Ah, that's good. Yeah. and i always say there's nothing better than a flirty doctor he's not the man you want to be flirty is he really no but i can't stand it when doctors have like no crack at all like that makes me upset like when it's something really embarrassing and you're like oh i'm gonna make a joke about how like my face looks like the phantom

of the opera or whatever and they're like like, just flat. I appreciate that. If I'm coming over to like, you know, get some fucking thrush cream. I don't want, don't even want eye contact. Just let's get it done. Give me that canister. I want to get out of here, please. It's not quite the same thing, but I remember going into Boots when I was a teenager in my hometown. And the woman behind the counter, of course, was my friend's mum.

And I was like, no, absolutely not. I'm not having that. I'm waiting for someone else to come to the counter. How did you buy your pregnancy tests? Well, I went in to buy the very thing that would hopefully stop that happening. So I went in to buy condoms. I can't fucking like, yeah, 19 guys. But anyway, I need that. And again, my friend's mum was at the anyway, I was like, I need it.

And again, my friend's mum was at the counter. I was like, I've just got to wait. So I waited and this woman came out who I had no idea who she was. And I was like, brilliant. So I went up to the counter and she said the immortal line to me. She said, do you want a bag hammer? I don't know where the fuck she knew me from. But yeah, you're right.

You don't necessarily want... You want a degree of anonymity. I can't say it. Don't you want to cover up your shame sheets there, Hannah? Yeah. Exactly. Daughter of Jill,

who lives at 147. Hannah Mary George. This is becoming A great episode For anyone that wants To steal my identity So Yes It was a local doctor

Oh they need us Your birth certificate Yeah Got the wrong briefcase Yeah He was called Charles Beard Now there's some dispute

Over the nature of their relationship, whether or not they were actually sleeping together. Was he a beard? Well, this is the thing. It would be a very literal surname. Ah, OK, sorry. But I do like, I like the fact that he's called Dr Beard because it just makes me think that everyone's forgotten his name

at the first place. He just knows more than he did. He had to go with it. HG, sorry. Was she married, this killer lady? No, the killer wasn't married Charles was married So he was married to a woman Okay

Mrs Beard Mrs Beard, indeed Mary? Mary Beard, yeah Oh, shit She's about that age Plot seconds We'll never tempt her on if you slag her off Oh, shit. She's about that age. Plot seconds.

We'll never tempt her on if you slag her off. God. We don't want to ruin that for you guys. Taylor actually said you were 160 years old. It was really out of order. I can't do maths, it might not be that. All she needs to do is be like, and what have you done with your life? And I'll be like, yeah, no.

You're right. You don't have several shows on channel four about the romans do you no none of us do but if i did you'd watch it because it would be great it's the guy it's that guy who it's that guy the guy he built something they're probably probably rome so So people didn't know that they were definitely sleeping together, these two. Okay. But there is some proof still exists about whether or not they were more than just friends. So what do you think that was?

What physical evidence could still exist now? That they were more than just friends. Sexy letters. Sexy letters, okay. Smart. Was it the shame sheets? Have they been fossilized like Taylor suggested? Yeah.

We'll just put it on you. In amber. Taylor's fossilized shame sheets. They've had fossilized shame sheets. Ambered. Next to a mosquito and then a shame sheet. In amber. Jurassic Spunk.

Taylor, any ideas above and beyond shame sheets? Well, I think letters is a very good. Okay. I'm going to go engraved jewellery. Good one. Oh, a photograph of them. Just hold still for 10 minutes or so while I take this quick photograph of us having a little kiss very very hard to take a selfie with the size of cameras yeah or like maybe a photograph of him

with his family but he's wearing a watch that she gave him or something hey is it something creepy like a photograph of this family, but she's cut his wife's face out and drawn her face in? Yeah. Oh, we've all done that. Come on. Guys, Hannah, you were right straight away,

straight off the bat. Love letters. It was love letters. There's one thing I know, it's pastime sex. The dick pics of this time Yeah Just a

A romantic letter A doodle He's just put it on a piece of paper And traced around it And sent it in the post Oh my god That's what happens If your dick dies

Okay Sorry Or he's murdered I suppose But anyway The the point is Yes, they write each other love letters I've heard that too of you guys Am I right? I'm bringing the chalk

So basically She was very much into Charles Beard And so she tries to kill his wife. She thinks, this is how I'm going to get him. So her first victim is Mrs. Beard. Now, Christiana became friends with her, visited her one day, and gave her a box of chocolates that she'd bought from a local confectioner that she'd laced with poison. Right. What do you think was her poison of choice?

Do we know much about the poisonings of this era? Arsenic. Yeah, I was going to say about the poisonings of this era? Arsenic. Yeah, I was going to say arsenic. We've got two for arsenic. I'd say strychnine to be different. It could be cyanide. I was going to go cyanide, but I don't think it was actually popularised until World War II.

But it kills you quicker than strychnine does. Also, cyanide smells like almonds, which is better in a chocolate, where arsenic smells like garlic, which is terrible in a chocolate. That's good. Yeah, that's better in an omelette. Sorry. Better in a poisoned omelette.

Or an Ilex. Or a poisoned spaghetti. Yeah. Meals that go with garlic. I love that. How to match, how to pair your poisons and your poisoning vessel.

We should write a cookbook, ladies. That's right. That's colleagues. Murder on a plate. I love it. Guys, it was strychnine. So that's the garlic one, right? No, that's the almond one.

No, cyanide is almond. It's neither. Arsenic is garlic. I can't comment on what strychnine tasted like, but I'm pretty sure you could put fucking anything in chocolate and I'll gobble it down. That was classic Mrs. Beard. She knew.

Classic Mrs. Beard. How is she getting it in the chocolate? Is she injecting the bottom? Like as a kid, I don't know if you ever did this but sometimes there was no guide for the chocolate so we'd have to flip them upside down stick my finger in it I started we did that and then I just went to me because I'm the only one who did it to look at what was inside so she like injecting them I would have been in so much trouble if I did that Taylor I may have only seen this on the sitcom. Sometimes I'm not sure the difference with my childhood.

No, I was trying to make a joke about her. I was always in trouble. It didn't work. Let's move on. Oh, man. So I don't know exactly how she did it, but all I know that it was straightening that she got from the local chemist,

as they did in the day. What do you think she said to the chemist as to why she needed it? I don't know, but I bet they said, do you need a bag with that? Christiana. Was it thrush? Thrush. I need to murder my thrush.

With the strychnine. Was it rat poison? I feel like that's the thing, the olden times one. Yes. It's so plausible that the olden times one. Yes. It's so plausible that it was probably also for thrush. That's what's really... I mean, just burn that shit right out. That'd be funny.

Yeah, and then put it on your eyes. It's more beautiful. It'll brighten your visage. It'll kill your rats and it'll deal with that thing down there that's going on down there welcome to victorian england yeah and the rats living inside you so christiana she said that it's because she needed it to poison stray cats oh okay i was one step down the food chain yes and i kind of read that and I was like, dude, like, just go in on rats. Like, yeah, I'd be like, you're lying anyway.

Yeah. Say you're going to murder a cat or a bunch of cats. Fucking hell. Chill out. Yeah. And it will draw attention to like, yeah, this weird lady wanted to kill some cats. Then she's like, she's on the radar. She's gone too big. She has gone too big, you're right. So, Mrs. Beard, she eats one of the chocolates. Does it kill her? Do we think that Christiana has nailed her first murder?

I feel like she doesn't die straight away, at least. I think she's going to survive this. This is going to be like a farcical comedy of errors now, isn't it? Okay, we've got comedy of errors now isn't it okay we've got comedy of errors from kankana i have a really dark forest gump sketch going on in my head now yeah i feel like she didn't like the chocolate so she didn't eat enough of them because i did look it up and apparently strychnine just has a really bitter taste which also doesn't pair well

Well maybe it pairs well With chocolate I don't know But maybe it was like One of those yucky Like liquor chocolates You get at Christmas And you're just like

And she didn't eat enough of them And so she doesn't die So she has to try again Yeah she maybe just gets sick Yeah I agree I feel like she's going to Survive several attempts In some sort of Kill Bill situation And eventually like she's going to survive several attempts

In some sort of Kill Bill situation And eventually Christiana's going to be chasing her Across England by a train Okay So we've got Kill Bill I like it I like the idea of the Victorian Kind of costume version

Of that yellow suit What would that look like? That's what they need. They need a period drama Kill Bill. Yes. Killeth Billeth. That would be great. So apparently, I mean, great research, like, in the moment,

because, yeah, she bit into a chocolate, said it tasted bitter, so spat it out, but she did suffer from a violent illness um but she did then recover from it now this is bad for christiana because well basically dr beard had his suspicions it was her did he raise the alarm do you think oh well he doesn't want to get busted for fucking her. No, I don't think he did. Oh, how awful. Yeah. I want to save your life. I do.

But I got my own problems that I've created. So sorry. For myself. I'm sorry, Mary. I'm sorry, Mary. I'm too respected. It would destroy the town to know that I'm like a big old fuck man. I love it.

Halfway through that, you were like, remembered he was a doctor and you're like, okay. Hello, Dr. Fuckman's office. He's currently fucking. Oh, no, no. Yes, he'll call you back after. Come on. It's like that bit in in Breaking Bad

you know when what's his name is doing heroin with that the girlfriend that's Jessica Jones yes and she's yeah and she's choking and like what's his name Walt Whitman could put her on is it what we Jesus Christ I love it when someone starts a story and they can't remember a single character I'm not even drunk I'm just on a bone fillers Oh my god I can't believe my mouth was full

and then Walt Whitman Walt Whitman does feature quite heavily in Breaking Bad He does I'm clever Remember that Walt Whitman does feature quite heavily in Breaking Bad. Oh, right. That's amazing. I mean, I believe that that's why. I'm clever. But anyway, he could, you know, she's choking and he's trying to steal the money. And Jesse James is very impressive.

He's on a horse. He has the choice to save her life or let her die. And his life is so much easier if she dies because she's about to out him to everybody. So he lets her die. And it just feels a bit like that scene yes it does it does absolutely absolutely um so no he didn't he did not at all however christiana she was worried because she was like okay so he's not going to job me in but if mrs beard works it out and thinks well she gave me the the chocolates so christiana's like i'm going to cover my tracks here what do you think she does now this part is bonkers just to give you a clue so she's trying to cover her tracks yeah because for a start she doesn't want dr beard knowing that

she tried to poison his oh got it and also obviously she didn't want it all to come out anyway because she would get done for it. Does she hire a beard and then wear it as a disguise? Okay, disguising. I like it. I wonder if she tries to get the rest of the chocolates back. Yeah. So there's no evidence.

Oh, nice. So it's like, I'm sticking with my comedy of errors. She's like, I need to get the answer phone tape. You cause a distraction. Oh, I'll get the answer phone tape you cause a distraction oh i'll get the chocolates i wondered if she planted it in her home to make it look like well it wouldn't be a suicide attempt but to make it look like well she ingested it of her her own accident someone tricked her so she's a victim unknowingly passing it on. Or just that she has it in her house.

In her house, yeah. And she's sprinkled it, you know, I confused the salt with the strychnine. I'm a terrible cook. I don't know. That's a good one. Her eating it too would be a good one to exonerate herself. I was going to say,

did she poison herself with a little bit of strychnine? Yeah. And then say, there's a poisoner on the loose, ladies. Don't eat any chocolates that anyone gives you. Yeah, and then you'll burn down the chocolate shop. Exactly. Yes. Well, if she had half the intelligence of you guys, maybe she would just have done that.

Intelligence being slightly sinister. I mean, these are good answers, guys. I mean, does she even know who Walt Whitman is? Because she's an idiot. Basically, Christiana goes on a poisoning spree. So, does that cover her tracks? It's like the Tylenol people, right? Where they, like, poisoned...

Yeah, who was it that wanted to kill one person, but it would have looked too suspicious, so they poisoned a bunch of other people as well? Oh, my gosh. To throw off the scent. I feel like it's like a housewife-y type situation. Very similar to this. I can't remember.

There's like a very famous case that I've forgotten. Anyway. Well, it's very similar to that. Yeah, it's like if loads of people are getting poisoned, then it's not going to look suspicious that the wife of my lover or the man I'm in love with has been poisoned. Because she can be directly connected to that.

Is it like when I have like a proper sharing size bag of Doritos and I've had half of them, but I'm like, oh God, I don't want anybody to know that I've had half. So I have to finish them, get rid of it. Yes. There were never Doritos. Exactly. It's that.

What she did is that she bought bought loads more chocolates from and this was over a series of sort of weeks and months from the local confectioner john maynard she laced them with strychnine took them back to the shop saying they weren't what she wanted over time she got like children to take them back into the shop for her to make it look less suspicious oh jesus i know and then she her plan was to frame maynard like she was just like she chose this guy because he was a he's like a chocolate guy like literally he makes chocolates for a living and like i think surely people that run sweet shops are nice people i mean i don't know but there was no reason why she would try to no motivation to go after him no to pin it on him

other than she couldn't be responsible for it so she had boxes of chocolate sent under an alias to prominent people in Brighton, including a politician, a newspaper editor, a surgeon. And who else do you think she sent a box of chocolates to? Herself.

The video guy. Herself, that guy. The Queen of England. The Queen of England. The wife again. Yeah, to send it to them again. That's what she did. She sent it to Mrs. Beard.

She sent Mrs. Beard another box of chocolates because it hadn't worked the first time. So basically Maynard unknowingly sent these poison chocolates and also sold them to anyone who came into the shop. There was one other thing. We've actually, somebody's already guessed it, but let's see if we can go back to it. One other thing Christiana did

to properly make sure it looked like it was nothing to do with her. Oh, she ate some. I mean, yes. Yeah. I was going to say. I'm going to open it and see if anybody had.

It's always annoying when someone gets the right answer straight away, but well done, Katie. Sorry. No, you're completely spot on because yes, she sent herself

a box of poison chocolates. What do you think she did to make it look like it wasn't from her? Some elaborate Valentine's poem about how beautiful she is. Picked horrible flavours and then went out into the street and yelled about how she hates orange cream and they were all orange creams. I would never have bought these. I don't like orange creams.

Someone doesn't know me at all. Did she pull out a hair of someone else that was like the opposite colour hair of her hair and put that in the box? Do you know what? She quite simply misspelt her name on the front. Oh, hilarious. This woman!

Wow. It's just like, I love that when people do things where you can just see when they get the idea and they're like oh yeah I know what I'll do this has just escalated so far

from one little murder it's absolutely bonkers and predictably and this is the very sad part is that one person died from her poisoning spree I'm glad it was only one though yeah lots and lots of people

got ill across Brighton over this time, but the person that died, which, yeah, is predictable, unfortunately, was a kid, so it was a four-year-old. Yeah. So in 1871, Sidney Albert Barker, on holiday with his family, died as a result of eating the chocolates from Maynard's shop. It is amazing it was only one person that died, but before long it was all in the papers,

and eventually Dr Beard comes forward and says, Ah, says ah shit okay i think this might be christiana so her brilliant plan didn't put him off the scent it was all the random chocolates yeah if anything it whiffed even harder to talk like a detective i don't know were they still i guess you said it's disputed whether they were even having a proper relationship so we don't know i'm they still, I guess you said it's disputed whether they were even having a proper relationship. So we don't know. I'm just so curious, like, were they still seeing each other while this is going on? Well, there's lots of different sort of versions of events,

but the version of event that is the most sort of like common one is that basically after she'd done the first chocolates, he broke up with her. Okay. And that was what led her to do this. Okay, okay. Bloody hell. All this for some doctor beard dick.

That was it. She killed a kid for that. Yeah. I know. It is crazy. It is crazy. I feel like also, I'm like,

this doctor's version of events is going to be either no affair took place or, yeah, I immediately broke it off with her once I knew she was trying to kill my wife. Whereas actually the real story might be that we kept fucking her, but that just that bit didn't make the history books. He's like, she's crazy. Bitches are crazy. But he was like, I wonder. Yeah, I feel like it's option three. Yeah. I mean, he he turns up in the court case

and he does not redeem himself. Wow. I can't wait. Oh, okay. Yeah, we'll get to that. Yeah, I can totally picture him rolling off of her like, but you're done with the chocolates, right? I promise.

Basically, and as well, of course, like he's a doctor, he's a bloke. They have his testimony, so that's almost enough to sort of convict. But they did another thing. They matched Christiana's handwriting to a letter. Now, it wasn't a love letter. What do you think Christiana wrote in a letter during this time that would incriminate her, not just because she has the same handwriting, but because of what she'd written?

Because she's not going to be daft enough to confess. And she has a writing from Margate, my childhood friend. I've been into ever so much in Brighton. Dear diary, murdered a kid this morning by mistake. Whoops. And she didn't write the Like chocolate notes To people herself Oh, in icing

Just misspelling her name And I don't know Maybe I'll go with that That she wrote out The notes for the chocolate Gifts that she was sending Your secret admirer

It's not quite there Something that she's written Incriminated her Because it matched The handwriting on the... Yeah, and who she was writing to. Did she have to sign, not just sign for it, but just because it wasn't always this conventional, like you go in the shop and you buy it,

but was she like putting in an order for strychnine and they just happened to get a copy of that? Ah, okay. Katie, anything to add? She wrote... I got nothing. and to get a copy of that. Ah, OK. Katie, anything to add? Tea? I got nothing. Well done for starting, though. I love that one.

Most of my sentences start when I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. So basically, she wrote three letters under three different aliases to Sidney Albert Barker's parents. Basically, she was implicating John Maynard

in the crime, saying they should sue him. So she's really going hard down this, it's this guy, it's this guy. And he's had a chocolate shop for 18 years in Brighton. He has no reason to be killing people suddenly. So basically, she was charged with the murder of Sidney and the attempted murder of Emily Beard. Did she plead guilty? What do you think? No, I think she stuck to it to the end. She might have tried a cheeky insanity plea. Cheeky insanity, okay. I'm going to say she might have pleaded guilty, but be all like, I'm so in love.

Okay, so insanity. Taylor? It depends. He was hip hop's biggest mogul. Taylor? It depends. He was hip-hop's biggest mogul, the man who redefined fame, fortune, and the music industry. The first male rapper to be honored on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Sean Diddy Cone. Diddy built an empire and lived a life most people only dream about.

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I'm disgusted. I'm so sorry. Until you're wearing an orange jumpsuit, it's not real. Now it's real. From his meteoric rise to his shocking fall from grace, from law and crime, this is the rise and fall of Diddy. Listen to the rise and fall of Diddy exclusively with Wondery Plus. I'm Jake Warren, and in our first season of Finding, I set out on a very personal quest to find the woman who saved my mom's life. You can listen to Finding Natasha right now exclusively on Wondery Plus. In season two, I found myself caught up in a new journey to help someone I've never even met. But a couple of years ago, I came across a social media post by a person named Loti. It read in part,

Three years ago today that I attempted to jump off this bridge, but this wasn't my time to go. A gentleman named Andy saved my life. I still haven't found him. This is a story that I came across purely by chance, but it instantly moved me and it's taken me to a place

where I've had to consider some deeper issues around mental health. This is season two of Finding, and this time, if all goes to plan, we'll be finding Andy. You can listen to Finding Andy and Finding Natasha exclusively and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. You don't believe in ghosts? I get it. Lots of people don't. I didn't either, until I came face to face with them. Ever since that moment, hauntings, spirits, and the unexplained have consumed my entire life. I'm Nadine Bailey. I've been a ghost tour guide for the past 20 years. I've taken people along with me into the shadows,

uncovering the macabre tales that linger in the darkness, and inside some of the most haunted houses, hospitals, prisons, and more. Join me every week on my podcast, Haunted Canada, as we journey through terrifying and bone-chilling stories of the unexplained. Search for Haunted Canada on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or wherever you find your favorite podcasts. I wonder how much she was starting to believe her own little story.

Like, who is doing this? I got the chocolates too, I ate them. They spelled my name wrong. Like, really delusional. Yeah, proper. My name's not Cristiolo. So, yeah, I'm going to say she pled not guilty. Well, Hannah, you're spot on.

It was a cheeky bit of insanity. She pled insanity. They always do. She also was insane from the sounds of this. I mean, I think it's probably legit, to be fair. Like, at age 20, she was diagnosed with with hysteria but then at the same time so was every woman yeah the wandering womb just means she had period pains yes i almost thought i'm yeah i'm not even going to include it because i just think if i told you that at the beginning

another woman with a uterus better orgasm her her better Quick Yeah Does not exist anymore I've asked for it I can't get that on the NHL I thought you said You had a flirty doctor She was trying

That does mean She could have had Some kind of childhood trauma That obviously Hasn't been cured from Basically Like her dad Who was the architect,

he ended up in an asylum. Her brother was in an asylum. Okay. So there's a history of mental illness within their family. So at the court case, her mother went and took the stand and said, look, I think this is true. But some of the love letters were read out in court

and she'd signed them from Dorothea and wrote some of the words in Spanish. They said that she'd lost touch with reality due to the strength of her infatuation with Dr Beard. Which, I mean, who said that? Who? Anyway, Dr Beard testified, like I promised you, and he said that he'd never had sex with Christiana

and that they'd never had more than a flirtation. And it was just blowjobs. Go on, sorry. Yeah. I love that Katie's like, yeah, we flirted. It was a BJ. That is a flirtation. And it was just blowjobs. Go on, sorry. Yeah. I love that Katie's like, yeah, we flirted. It was a BJ. That is a big flirt.

I love it. But yeah, conveniently, all of his letters to her had been burnt and just did not exist. And he dismissed her love letters to him as the product

of a woman obsessed. Do we believe him? Well, who had possession of the letters to him as the product of a woman obsessed. Do we believe him? Well, who had possession of the letters to him? Did he have those letters or did she have? Well, it sort of stands to reason that she'd have them. But I think maybe he was covering his own back by either telling her to get rid of them immediately or he asked for them back or something before the court case. This is what infuriates me is what the hell really happened.

You know, like you just like, obviously she's doing things that I do not approve of. I'm going to make that very clear. But you just don't know what kind of gaslighting is going on in the background. And like, I guarantee he was more involved than yeah history is telling us and who know like who knows he might have been complicit in it like he might have he might have told her who knows how to inject something better than a doctor he put the strychnine and the chocolate in the first place you're right i mean there's an element that the possibility that she could actually have been vulnerable. Yeah. If she's got this history of unresolved trauma and stuff.

I don't know. We agree. We can excuse any woman. Yeah, we always try and excuse the women and blame almost any woman. Absolutely. She killed a kid. She poisoned many people. But I think we need to take a look at him.

It was all a nice doctor's fault. When you put it like that, it does sound like it. No, no, you go. Female workplace. Okay, so we're at the end of our story now. Do you think the jury convicted her? Yeah.

She killed a kid. Yeah. Yes, they did They sentenced her to death But in the end To death? Death yeah Oh my god

Murder man in 1870 So then she said she was pregnant And then they examined her And they were like You're not pregnant And she was like But I'm insane And they were like

You're not pregnant I'm paraphrasing What actually happened Get the memo I'm insane So yeah They did eventually declare That she was insane I'm paraphrasing what actually happened get the memo I'm insane so yeah they did eventually declare that she was insane

and she spent the rest of her life in Broadmoor criminal unit oh no she died there in 1907 at the age of 79

oh Jesus yeah and the reason that I found this this case was that I was watching it was like a Channel 5 documentary

that had come on after after Wild with Ben Fogel which is excellent and I was watching, it was like a Channel 5 documentary that had come on after Wild with Ben Fogel, which was excellent. And I was just like, oh, we'll leave it on. Oh, she murdered a child, okay. And then I thought, I know who I'll share this with. That was excellent. Yeah.

That's an amazing story. What year did she die? Sorry. 1907. 1907, okay. Wow. Yeah. Oh, I imagined Broadmoor at that time oh my god i don't want to yes when people survive in that setting for so long it fascinates me not that you can like choose it's because they are insane though if you're gonna survive in there

then i think it'd be a lot easier to be in there. Yeah, because you're probably maybe doing better in there than poisoning a bunch of people with strychnine on the outside, maybe. God, that was really good, though, engaged she. Yeah, yeah. That was excellent. Yeah, big and old. She showed no remorse for her crimes. And that's it.

So let's hear it for I guess chocolates Cheers Unpoisoned chocolates And to our future cookbook Pairing your poisons Appropriately Smiley face

Genuinely think We should probably do that I think that would be The funniest thing ever Let's do it. At the end of Drunk Women's Summer Crime, we always do a listener crime. And I believe red-handed,

you guys have bought us a listener crime. We do have a listener crime for you. Oh my gosh. So basically, we asked our patrons to tell us their listener crimes. And we got about 400 replies Oh my god I was like, I don't know how to get through all of these

So I just sort of Give them to us, we'll do them on our podcast You can have all of them, there are so many Oh yeah, we literally will And I actually was like, there are three really good ones And Amanda was like, no, there's time for one And that's very fair because we have to be strict. So this was the best one that we thought that made me laugh the hardest.

So this is from a young man. This is from a man. I don't know if he's young or whatever. Named Edward Hearn. Oh, he sounds young. He sounds like a young man's name. It's very simple. It's in one sentence.

It says, my dad was a victim of credit card fraud. The fraudster used the card to buy two things, to book a five-star hotel in Vegas and buy a whole full-page slot of advertisement in a magazine dedicated to ballet. Who was this person? Wow. That's so random i mean that's great just two things who goes to vegas and takes out ad space a full page that's a crazy

venn diagram because i normally wouldn't put those together oh my god so this guy has already stolen a credit card you know he's obviously not a great guy. I love the idea that Av just says like, ballet sucks. You're wasting your life, Twinkle Toes. Go back to school. Play English. And then he went to Vegas to celebrate. Maybe, maybe he got turned down by a ballerina and he's furious. So he takes out a ballet sucks advert and then he goes to Vegas to celebrate. Possibly a vendetta story, the classic revenge tale. Yes. Maybe they were an aspiring ballerina and their dad told them they couldn't do it.

And then they ran away and did it anyway and they bought the ad space to be like, see dad, I always can do it. And then they had to go to Vegas to do their residency.

Yeah, so they could have been advertising their own ballet show in Vegas and then just staying in a five-star hotel. Exactly. And then they send pictures

of their sold-out ballet show to their dad to be like, look dad, it sold out organically. I didn't spend a whole load of money on a full paid ballet friend. I totally think we've legit cracked it. Like I can't wait to hear from this guy. He's like, oh, my God.

Yeah, I actually had the answer and I was withholding it because I know what it's like. This smacks of like a first Edinburgh show. It's like you're not jaded yet like nobody has shat on your picnics you're like i'm gonna spend all my budget on a great bit of accommodation yeah and a huge ass i want to enjoy it when i get in after my show yeah like the show was called spin and then he realized like oh i can't do on point at all i don't know it feels like a show he should have spent that money on flyers yes it was a bad decision yeah i do always find it interesting what people do when they steal someone's credit card or their identity i always

find magazines fascinating like there's a ballet magazine that seems crazy apparently so and you can take out a full page ad so there you go and it's important to support the arts especially now so if there's any credit card thieves listening to the podcast do take out ad space in niche magazines in niche arts magazines full page because it's not your money yeah that would be such a funny thing yeah if there were any fraudsters out there that are stealing credit card details on the regular like an arts and culture robin hood yeah yeah what's the first thing that you would buy though let's say that it was morally fine to steal somebody's credit card what are you gonna buy so I've been trying to buy a sofa recently and the one that I would like is very expensive and

feels like an unnecessary amount of money to spend on a sofa so I'd probably just buy that and not worry about it yeah free sofa free sofa well I felt that recently I bought a new office chair for like where I sit and I work. And it was quite expensive for me. And I was like, and I toyed with it for six months before I actually bought it. And my advice to you is just fucking buy it. Steal a credit card tomorrow. Treat yourself.

Because you deserve that sofa. I mean, this is the prologue of the pairing with poison book, basically. It's like an also. For happiness. Steal like an also. For happiness. Steel for sofas. Yes. We're going to need a legal team before we get a publisher. I'm just throwing that out there.

I agree. Let's do that ASAP. We're just going to put some stuff in quotes, that's all. It's a good idea. Air quotes. Get into everything. And then cite it to someone else. Then they can Gets you out of everything. And then cite it to someone else. Then they can't sue you.

Right? Smart. She came for the true crime and you leave him for the crime. That's another life hack. Well, I've been spelling my own name wrong in scripts for years. Well, what can I say, Edward? I really hope that's helped.

I'm pretty sure it probably has. And I guess all that leaves for us to do is to wrap this up. I have to read the comic relief thing, which is going to be

a riot of laughs because I'm really bad at reading out loud and I'm also quite drunk now. So we'll see how this goes. Okay. Red Nose Day aims to bring the UK together, although we may be apart, to show just how powerful humour can be through the toughest of times. It has never felt more important to raise smiles and money for those who are struggling more than ever, as the continued impact of COVID-19 brings unprecedented challenges to many.

Money raised by Red Nose Day will help vulnerable people in the UK and around the world. So please, if you're able, give now at comicrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup or text comic to 70205 to donate £5 now.

Texts cost your donation amount plus your standard network message charge and 100% of your donation will go to Comic Relief as a registered charity. You must be 16 years or older so please ask your bill payers permission for full terms and conditions visit comicrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup. I did it let's go! Yay! That was excellent! So I guess we should just sign off the episode saying I mean steal a credit card guys get that money to comic relief is what I'm saying

because they need it and this has been such a pleasure we're going to start a pod squad which is just us being friends now because it's been so much fun

I'm so excited and then we're going to write the pairing poisons book and do all of this stuff it's going to be so much fun so this has been

Drunk Women Caught Red Handed Yay Sort of sounds like a porno But I feel like That'll bring them in Let's do it They say Hollywood is where dreams are made. A seductive city where many flock to get rich, be adored, and capture America's heart.

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