RedHanded - ShortHand: Gladiators

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

Watching slaves being ritually hacked to pieces may not seem like many people’s idea of a great day out. But 2,000 years ago, Romans turned up in their thousands to watch exactly that. So, with Gladiator back on our screens, we set out to find the truth behind the spectacle – and it’s even bloodier than the movies could ever allow.So what exactly happened in the gladiatorial games? Were there really lions, elephants, bears – and even full-scale naval battles in water-filled arenas? And did Maximus Decimus Meridius really have his vengeance? Find out in this week’s ShortHand.--Patreon - Ad-free & Bonus EpisodesYouTube - Full-length Video EpisodesTikTok / Instagram

Hello. Hello. And welcome to a very special episode of Shorthand. We who are about to die. Mm-hmm. Are you not entertained? So many quotes. Not that I can remember any.

I've got them in the back, don't worry. I've got them in the tank. My brain is just full of 300, which is not the same film, I realize. We're not here to talk about. No, we're not. We're talking about what the Roman gladiatorial games were actually like. We're going to answer loads of questions. questions for you, like did people really turn up in their thousands all over the Roman Empire to

watch slaves hack each other to bits? Could Honourable fighters really rise up the ranks and win their freedom? Did they really bring lions, tigers and bears, elephants and giraffes and all of that shit into the arena? Were there lady gladiators? And did Maximus Decimus Meridius, husband to a murdered wife, father to a murdered son, really have his vengeance? The answer to every single one of those questions I just posed, apart from the last one, is yes, and the reality is so much bloodier and loads more insane than it is in the films. So let's step into the arena. Here is the shorthand. Before the Romans, a lot of Italy belong to the Eutruchians. And when the Romans wiped them out, they borrowed from a lot of the polytheistic nutrition traditions, things like animal sacrifice

to help divine the future, a bundle of sticks, somehow representing divine leadership, and of course, gladiatorial combat. It actually started as a part of the nutrition's rights of death. They'd make enslaved people or condemned prisoners fight to the death of funerals. It's the same idea as human sacrifice,

the idea being that spilling human blood helps to purify the dead person's soul, somehow. So having slaves fight to the death at your funeral was a good way to beef up your salt, ready for a great afterlife. Since killing slaves is a pretty costly business, though, it would only happen for very wealthy folk.

The first private Roman fight was in 264 BC, and then they carried on four years. People fucking loved it, and soon enough, they didn't want to have to wait until the next funeral to see a fight. The spectacles were known, known as Munera, and they were originally held in the city's forum, which is the central plaza, the hub of Roman civic life. Temporary wooden structures were built to house more and more spectators, but they kept collapsing and killing people, not the people who were supposed to be in killed.

At one point, the collapse of a wooden amphitheatre killed at least 20,000 spectators. So to solve that problem, the Romans built permanent stone amphitheaters instead, which are less than. likely to fall down and make you go dead. Soon enough, aristocrats and important generals were holding grand ceremonies of bloodshed to demonstrate their wealth in importance to the populace. And then, they were made even more important by the most important Roman citizen of them all, the big J.C. Not Jesus Christ.

We're of course talking about Julius Caesar. So time for a little rewind, recap and rundown on the Roman Republic. Rome wasn't always an empire. At the start, it had kings like everyone else. But then they lost the kings and replaced them with a democratic senate. Lost is a nice way of putting, killed all of. Now, this democratic senate was a collective of smart lads who ruled together, with no one figurehead. And it stayed this way for around 500 years.

But then, Julius Caesar, a mastermind general who thrashed the galls. invaded Britain and massively expanded the empire. And while he soon had other ideas, him and his two mates, Krasis and Pompey, formed an alliance and started hoarding political power. Caesar was hot shit and he knew it. So when a bunch of nurse back at the Senate said that he had to dismantle his army and slink back to Rome,

Julius Caesar said fuck that and invaded. He won and pretty much ruled. unchallenged. And Julius Caesar absolutely loved a Monera. To celebrate winning his civil war he threw a massive gladiatorial games, even throwing in a former senator to fight to the death. And then he threw another huge set of games at the tomb of his daughter who had died in childbirth. And this one had the gladiators obviously, but also stage plays and beast fights and also

age are off. And then he held another one in honour of his father. who had been dead for 20 whole years. And that was the one where 320 pairs of gladiators and silver armour fought each other at once. Caesar eventually got so powerful that he named himself dictator perpetuo, which you can probably figure out, but it means dictator for life. But a few months later, a few senators not quite so hot on this eternal rulership idea, burst in and killed Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar's heir, Octavian, later known as Augustus,

took sole power, solidified that power, and the Roman Republic became the Roman Empire. And before we move on from J.C. Let's clear up the Caesar thing. Yes, Caesar was part of his name, but he was so influential that it was also used later as a sort of catch-all word for leader. It's also the origin for the German word Kaiser.

and Russian Tsar, and I believe that actual classicists don't say Caesar, they say Kaiser. But I always think that's funny when you get told off for pronouncing things in Latin wrong. I'm like, you don't know how they said it, you weren't there. It's a dead language. Exactly. Anyway, let's get back to the arena. The first emperors of Rome, through gladiatorial games, to demonstrate their power, celebrate military victories or birthdays, and also to mark visits from officials.

They'd also put them on to distract people from political issues. The people couldn't get enough. And soon, Rome needed a colossal venue. Nice. The Coliseum was opened in 80 AD. You've been, haven't you? I have. And the Coliseum is actually not its proper name.

It was just called that later. It was actually called the Flavian amphitheatre. That was like the original name for it, because it was built by the Flavian dynasty. And then later everyone was like, fuck them, let's just call it the Colosseum because it's so colossal. So yes, built a long bloody time ago and by then, Rome was the biggest city on earth, with a population of more than one million. When the Colosseum opened, it was inaugurated with 100 days of games. And over those 100 days, 9,000 animals were slain.

Up to 50,000 spectators could fit inside. and they came from all sections of Roman society. And the Colosseum, like I kind of said, I have been, and I went and did a tour of like the underground as well, like where they used to keep all of the gladiators and the slaves and all the animals and all of that. And it is an incredibly impressive structure. And it is incredibly elaborate, actually.

It's almost like they were putting on, it wasn't just a fight, they were putting on a show. It's like a giant theatre because there's trapped doors everywhere, there's ramps, there's pulley systems, there's all sorts to surprise attack people with animals and lower them in and take them out and do all sorts of crazy things. Very, very dramatic.

And they'd flood it, wouldn't they, and do like sea battles? Yeah, yeah, yeah, they'd flood it, put full-on ships in there, do sea battles. It was all going on at the Colosseum. So that's enough context. Let's now talk about the big bloody bastards themselves, the gladiators. Gladiators tended to be slaves or condemned prisoners. and a lot of both would have been soldiers who'd been captured in the many, many, many, many wars across the continent.

And originally, captured soldiers were made to fight with their own weapons and armour in their own style. So a lot of the style cues of the gladiators, which were very different from Roman soldiers' armour, came from foreign tribes and empires. Samnites were a tribe from Campania, who Rome absolutely creamed back in about 290 BC. And because so many captured Samnites became gladiators, they gave their name to the most common class of fighter.

The Samnite class would be heavily armed with ornate helmets, a large shield, and armour on their right arm and left leg. That's, you've coloured that picture in at school. And they also carried a short sword called a gladius, so called because it divides the throat, which in Latin is Gullumdividere. And who carries a gladius? A gladiator, of course.

And that is all from Hannah's Etymology Corner. The Thracian class. I remember these guys. They're my favourites. Named after the soldiers from Thrace had curved swords and a small shield that they held in their fists. The Marlomo class were known slightly unfortunately as the fishermen after the fish-shaped crests on their helmets.

And the Rhetarius would have no helmet and no armour. just a padded shoulder piece, and they just have to do what they could with a weighted net and trident. And then there were the Esedarius class, who fought with chariots like the British Celts. The equates entered on horseback, the Sagittarius used bows and arrows.

And the Andabata were a helmet that deliberately prevented them from being able to see, so they'd effectively be fighting blindfolded. Most Manera started with animal hunts, Men known as bestiari would chase deer, ostriches, lions, tigers, crocodiles, bears and even elephants around the arena, and then slay them for the bay and crowd. Sometimes animals would be brought out just to publicly tear criminals or Christians to pieces. Offenders were thrown to ravenous dogs, lions and bears.

And after all this animal stuff, lots were drawn and war trumpets blown. It was on. The gladiators would be paired up for a bit of contrast, so they were evenly matched but not identical. Most fights were between big lads, who were slower but more heavily armed, and then quicker but less protected fighters. Most of the time, it was one battle at a time, but sometimes there were massed jewels with hundreds of pairs fighting at once. Naturally, gladiators themselves had very little choice but to fight, if they did. didn't play ball, they were punished with leather whips or red-hot metal bars. Still, though, some resisted. Once, a bunch of Germanic prisoners decided to strangle each other in their

cells instead of putting on a show for the Romans. And of course, then there was Spartacus, who led an uprising with 70 other trainee gladiators in Capua and went on a rampage all over Italy. And people kept on joining the Spartacan cause as they went, and they defeated four Roman armies on nine separate occasions. After two years, though, a Roman army finally beat them in Apulia in the South. Then, as a warning, 6,000 of the Spartacus followers were crucified along the Appian Way, which goes between Capua and Rome. I think it's the second scene of the film that people remember. God, I can't remember anything. People remember. Yes, that one. I am Spartacus.

Yeah. So am I. Blah, blah, blah. Yes. And then there's a one at the end where they're walking along the road and it's just loads of crucified people. I need to rewatch this film. I like, I keep meaning to rewatch it, but I'm like, do I have three hours?

It's so long. It would have been good if it was on the plane. But in life, I don't think I've got three hours. Sorry. After the mass crucifixion, the number of gladiators that could be owned by private citizens was strictly controlled to stop them from doing another. surprising one would assume. Needless to say, a gladiator fight was an absolutely brutal spectacle. And it's hard to imagine wanting to go down to the local arena to watch people die all day.

But enemies, criminals and slaves were not considered to have a place in society. Criminals were thought to have rejected civilized society by doing crime. And captured people were barbarians. And they didn't have TV? No, they did not. What else were they going to fucking do? No one can read. There's nothing to do. So as well as that, being able to stoically bear witness to death and bloodshed was a big point of pride in Roman society and a core Spartan value.

It's like, again, we're looking at it through the lens of our situations. They were a completely different life, a completely different way of doing things or different culture. It's just the way that it was. I think have you listened to Painful Tainment yet? No. Because it starts with him talking about. this is Dan Carlin's podcast and he does in horrible histories. Sorry, hardcore history is horrible.

In hardcore histories he does like of... Dan Carlin's going to fucking have you. He does a four-hour podcast about pain. Our obsession, I would say, with torture and violence and all sorts. And he starts with the Roman Empire and basically asks, how far have we really come from that point where we were enjoying this kind of visual spectacle. I would say probably not that far.

But we do have to say that there wasn't actually that much dying going on in the gladiator fights anyway. I mean, they're not much worth to you when they die, are they? Exactly. And that's what we learned when we went to the Coliseum. It's like they're expensive. Like to have a slave, have a gladiator and then turn them into a full-grown man and then like have fed them and kept them for all that time. It's not much use if they just keep getting murdered.

Exactly. How are you going to run the training camp in North Africa? And they weren't actually often fights to the death, despite what the movies might tell you. Firstly, promoters, like we said, didn't want their prize fighters killed. That's just bad business. Most of the time, as soon as anyone was seriously wounded, the fight was considered over. Though, very quick sidebar, we are not saying for a second that the spectacles weren't bloody. Huge numbers of criminals, slaves and animals were indeed slaughtered in all sorts of very creatively horrific. ways for the bay and crowd, just saying that the gladiators didn't always die.

When a gladiator was declared the loser, presumably after an injury, they appealed for mercy by dropping their weapon and raising a finger. Then the emperor could decide to make his opponent end it all or not. The crowd would call out to try and influence the emperor's judgment. But the thumbs up, thumbs down thing is probably a little bit of poetic license. It may comes from a painting called Polyseverso where the crowd are all thumbs downing a victorious gladiator. But that was painted in 1872.

There was a gesture. It's just we don't really know what it was. Many scholars think that the thumbs up was actually the sign for death and a thumb in a closed fist meant leave him alone. But then there are other people who think that a handkerchief was waived, meaning mercy,

but that seems a bit like white flag, apocryfulness to me. Anyway, what's important is not all fights in the gladiatorial arenas ended in death. It was probably around 1 in 20. And at a time when 1 in 5 people didn't see their 20th birthday anyway, that's not a terrible shout, because you could be in for some serious glory. Graffiti from the time also shows slogans and fan messages for popular gladiators. Like Celadus the Thracian,

thrice victor and thrice crowned, the young girl's heartthrob, and Cessnes, the netter of young girls by night. Gladiator blood was considered by some to be a remedy, even for impotence. Celebrated gladiators could earn big cash prizes or other treasures, or after years of victory, even their freedom. If a gladiator lived long enough to reach retirement, or just kept smashing manorres out of the park, he was given a wooden sword as a symbol.

and freed. And all that goes some way to explain why quite a lot of people voluntarily signed up to be gladiators. That's right. Not all gladiators were enslaved and forced to fight. By the end of the Roman Republic, more than half of gladiators were free men who became gladiators by choice. And why on earth would someone do that? Well, quite a lot of them were social outcasts or beggars,

looking for a role in society. Others were discharged soldiers who just loved a scrap, and there were even upper-class patricians and knights who wanted to just show off. And maybe the emperor might on a whim pick up a spectator from the crowd and have him thrown into the arena. In ancient Rome, cowardice was the worst sin of all. And to fight and die bravely was the greatest honour. So naturally some people chase that glory all the way to the end. And there's one more category of people who you might not have expected to be.

to see in a gladiatorial arena. Women, the ladies, the galdom. Evidence of female gladiators is sparse, but they definitely existed. We know that many women joined in with the animal hunts at the start of the Manera, and that some fought in the arena with weapons for entertainment. By 1 AD, they were a common fixture in the fights, but we do have to burst that girl boss bubble slightly, because mostly these fights were not taken particularly seriously.

A lot of the fights involving women were novelty acts, and apart from fighting other women, they'd often be pitted against dwarves or animals. Still, a few of these female gladiators did make a name for themselves. Two fighters, called Amazon and Achille, fought a fierce gladiatorial fight in 2 AD, which ended in an honourable draw. Women were encouraged to stay in shape, mostly to ensure a healthy childbirth.

some even wrestled, and those who excelled were encouraged to go into gladiatorial combat. In 66 AD, Nero held games featuring a series of female gladiator fights. These games were held to honour his mother, who incidentally he murdered. Not sure that quite makes up for it, but nice try. The Roman society never quite got the hang of it, though, and the lewd jokes often got out of control. All female gladiatorial combat was banned in 200 AD. by Emperor Septimus Severus,

because he thought it was breeding disrespect for women. Probably the last person you would expect to see in an arena would be the Emperor himself, but one of them was mad enough to do it. Emperor Comedus was the son of Marcus Aurelius, a revered leader and stoic philosopher whose writings are still studied to this very day. And you can see him in the opening scenes of Gladiation.

with Russell grove. Marcus Aurelius was the last of what is known as Rome's five good emperors and the last emperor of Pax Romana, an age of peace, calm and stability for the Roman Empire. And you can

probably guess from all of those last I just said, Comedus, not so great, and Suriti is going to tell you exactly why. He was paranoid and power hungry, a terrible combination in the leader. and he renamed Rome, the colony of Commodus,

and named the months of the year after his various titles. Even the Roman people were renamed Comedanius. Alias Lampridius wrote at the time, Commodus lived rioting in the palace amid banquets and in bards along with 300 concubines. He was not free from the disgrace of intimacy with young men, defiling every part of his body in dealings with persons of either sex. And his sister?

I make that up? Yeah, it's a lot of that, isn't there? Still, among all the personality, culting and orgies, he also found time to jump in the gladiatorial arena. While Cometus' dad was known for his brains and good leadership, Comedus was all about the bod. He claimed to be descended from Hercules himself and started appearing in the arena,

reenacting Hercules' various feats, dressed in lion skins. and soon he took on other gladiators too. He was never in any real danger though. He'd just get out and spar with a defenceless opponent. And every match ended in the same way. Opponents would eventually submit to the emperor because they didn't have choice

and he would accept their surrender. Aside from the fights, Commodus would also slaughter wild animals in front of the crowds, mostly from a protective platform with a bow and arrow. Once he killed three elephants and a giraffe. And it said that he once killed a hundred lions in a single day, and I don't believe it. We've even read accounts of Comedus asking for amputees to be tethered together and brought out into the arena, and then he'd clubbed them all to death and say that he'd slain a giant.

What? Ah. Okay. And say what you like about the Roman populace loving fucking bloodshed. This was too much for them. even for them. Yes. I don't know why I'm thinking of human centipede.

Oh, God. As soon as it was like tethered together. I think maybe the Romans would have liked that. Who knows? The most popular opinion of Comedus's hijinks in the arena was that it was not for an emperor to be doing and actually very much beneath him. Shouldn't he be out fighting barbarians

and protecting their empire and their legacy and their people and their men and their children and stuff? There's a problem. They seem to have a lot of people. showman showman emperors because was it Nero who just wanted to

like be an actor? Yeah. And they were like can you just get back to fucking work? Exactly. And it didn't help that Comodus paid himself an enormous salary

for his arena appearances which were so big they strained the economy. Oh my God. So since we're here let's talk about the films. In Gladiator, the original

Marcus Aurelius chooses his general, Maximus Decimus Meridius, that's Russell Crow, to be the next emperor of Rome. But Comedus doesn't like that. So he has his father killed and orders the execution of Maximus. Maximus escapes and gets sold into slavery,

but works his way back to the Coliseum as a gladiator. This film won five Oscars, including best picture and best actor for Big Old Ross. So how does it match up to the facts? Well, firstly, Maximus never existed, though he is inspired by real figures. Narcissus, for example, a fighter who killed Comedus in real life, and also Lucius Quintus Santadius, who was a farmer who worked his way up the military ranks and was appointed emperor when Rome was in danger of being invaded. He stopped the invasion and stepped down after 15 days and went back to his farm.

You can't help but Phil they were just like, You're king now. We're going to stand. I'm back here. We're going to let you be murdered by these barbarians. As we already told you, Marcus Aurelius absolutely did exist. But he had no problem with Commodus being emperor. And they actually ruled together for three years before Aurelius died of plague.

I didn't know that. In terms of what happened in the gladiatorial arena, the film is actually pretty good. There was even a bit in the original script where gladiators are doing some sponsored product placement for ancient Roman brands. which absolutely definitely happened, but they took it out because they thought that modern audiences wouldn't believe it. What's actually going to happen in Gladiator 2 is the boy in the first film, Lucius,

Commodus' nephew and Marcus Aurelius's grandson. He's going to be the key protagonist and it's set about 20 years after the original. So the film sets off with Lucius being settled down with a wife and kids in North Africa, but then two co-emperors, Caracalla and G. Getter invade him and he is made into a slave.

And just like in the first one, he uses his superfighting skills to make it in the big Coliseum and get back on top. So it's basically the same. It's the same plot. Okay, good. Just check him. So again, the central characters are subject to a little poetic license. The real Lucius actually died way earlier before even Comedus's rule.

So he definitely didn't grow up to be handsome and great at fighting. but the two emperors, played by Joseph Quinn from Stranger Things, and Fred Hershinger from White Lotus, are indeed real. They were the two sons of the Emperor Septimus Severus, and because he couldn't choose between them, they spent their whole co-rule fighting over who got the best parts of the empire. But in reality, Carcala soon had Geta murdered by his guards. Carcala then went on to have Gettus image wiped from paintings,

killed all of his supporters and became a solid gold piece of shit solo emperor. Once, when he saw a satirical play mocking him in Alexandria, he ordered the massacre of everyone involved, which amounted to thousands of people. And he was also one of those Killamore kind of invaders too, slaughtering the populations of any city that he conquered. And as we have made abundantly clear, we haven't seen Gladiator 2 yet. But, firstly, quite a lot of the actors seem to be riding on rhinoceruses.

No. And somehow gladiators did fight them with nets and with swords, but apparently riding was a bit too far. They did not ride on the rhinos. It's probably impossible to ride on a rhino. You'd have to have the biggest fucking child-birthing hips in the world to spread your legs that far. That rhinoceros.

Well, they could put a little seat on the top like an elephant. Oh, there you go. Anyway, the trailer also lets us in on big old battleships in the Coliseum filled up with water and yes, as I said, they did do this in purpose built arenas across the Roman Empire. These spectacles were called Naumachia

and there were big reconstructions of naval battles with real life ships in huge pools of water surrounded by crowns. In the Colosseum's inaugural games, Emperor Titus had it filled with water for a display of swimming horses and bulls and a naumachia to boot.

But they didn't do much more than that in the Coliseum itself. It's a bit too big to be totally filled with water. And also there's loads of trap doors, which makes keeping all the water in quite difficult. It's quite hard to believe when you're there that they ever flooded the whole thing. It is fucking massive.

It is so big. But it's very, very ingenious because they have all of the drains and all of the ways in which they could block it off so they could flood it. Just wild, wild stuff. And we actually don't really know how they manage to fill it with water.

But anyway, in the end, overall, it would seem that Gladiator 2 is accurate enough. And also, it is interesting to find out what really happened. But nitpicking over historical details can feel a little bit pointless. So in case anyone needs reminding, it's entertainment, not an actual video from Roman times. Yeah. I enjoy watching those videos that are like, how accurate is this film to the historical facts? Yeah, because that's fun.

That's fun. But I'm also like, still going to watch Toy. Fun film. Don't care. It's not a documentary. So after thousands of years of bloody gladiatorial spectacles, the Manera came to an end around 480. Why? Well, by then, the Romans had finally let God into their hearts. And the violence didn't really sit right with an empire full of good Christian soldiers. Plus the fact that quite a big part of the show was a ritual slaughter of Christians. That might have left quite a bad taste in everyone's mouth by that point.

Plus, by then, the empire's economy was in a bad way, and that shit's expensive. In 399, Emperor Honoreus closed all the gladiator schools. Then in 404 CE, a monk called Telemachus jumped between two gladiators to stop the bloodshed. But the crowd didn't like that very much, they actually stoned the monk to death. But the emperor did then formally ban the contests, which was a shame for Romans, but they didn't really have that long to feel put out because just six years later, the Vizigoths sacked Rome

and put an end to the Roman Empire for good. Still, it was fun while it lasted. Yeah, they had a good run. They did have a good run. They had a great run and we're still talking about them. I mean, Rome's still there. It is still there. It's still famously still there.

And I think when you go to Rome, you realize that people who are from Rome, they are like I am Roman like I am from Rome my family is from Rome I am Roman and it's like oh you must have seen that tweet that's like please don't call me an American I'm a New Yorker it seems like that kind of attitude yeah very much so very much so like I guess they see themselves or at least did see themselves for a very long time it's very separate to the rest but yeah interesting stuff and if you're in Rome top tip go see the Coliseum Now my top tip is, if you're in Rome, go see the weird fucking Franciscan church full of bones.

It is so bizarre. And you can go see it and everything and do a little audio tour. But they're like, we don't really feel massively comfortable about this. And they are like, what the fuck were these monks thinking when they put this together? And because they have a lot of earthquakes, they're like, the bones fall down quite regularly. And they are like, if a bone falls down, we just take it and we bury it. We're not allowed to put a bone back. into the decoration.

So they're like, in 20 years, the whole thing will be gone because all the bones all have fallen off the walls. So go see her while. You can't. Wow. I've been, so I have no tips at all. When next time you go, now you know. But I am on day 86 of Italian duolingo.

Oh, my go. All ready for your trip to Rome to go see the Coliseum. Yeah, well, I'll speak actually no Italian because I'll be too embarrassed. As all right, they speak pretty good English. I know. And also, I have Italian friends and they will laugh at me. I'm just not going to do it. All right, guys.

That is it for this week. shorthand and we'll see you next week. Ciao bye.