RedHanded - ShortHand: Wallis Simpson – The Nearly-Nazi-Queen of England

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

They said she'd mastered a Chinese sex technique that could "make a matchstick feel like a Havana cigar". Top Nazi Joachim Von Ribbentrop allegedly sent her 17 carnations for each night they slept together. After three botched facelifts, she became a bed-bound recluse scammed by her evil French lawyer. Wallis Simpson – the woman King Edward VIII famously abdicated the crown for in 1936 – was no stranger to wild rumours: from exotic bedroom secrets to her not-so-secret love of fascism. But how much of the gossip was actually true? In this week's ShortHand, we're uncovering the real story of 'That Woman': the scandalous American divorcee who threatened to topple the British crown forever. --Patreon - Ad-free & Bonus EpisodesYouTube - Full-length Video EpisodesTikTok / InstagramSources and more available on redhandedpodcast.com

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In December 1936, jaws around the British Empire dropped. when the newly crowned King Edward announced his intention to step down from the throne to marry the woman he loved. A divorcee from across the pond, Wallace Simpson. In that moment, the course of the British monarchy changed forever and a new public enemy was born. Twice divorced and, gasp, American, Wallace was the original Megan Markle. It was ever thus, yet again.

She walked so Megan could run into a horrible, boring Netflix documentary series. The press loved a hater, the establishment shunned her, and intelligence services were desperate to dig up as much dirt as possible on her, including whispers of a scandalous dossier full of exotic bedroom techniques, traitorous espionage, and even the odd Nazi romp. The world knows Wallace as the bewitching siren the king chose over his duty, But was it the most romantic love story of all time? Or just a royal situation ship that went a bit too far.

From her origins as an ambitious southern bell to her reclusive final years under the spell of her scheming lawyer, the Duchess was never far from a scandal. And even after her death, historians still don't quite know what to make of that woman, which is what my grandma calls her. And here is the short hand. Born Bessie Wallace Warfield, yep, that's just one word.

On the 19th of June 1896, the future Mrs. Simpson grew up across the ocean from the Royal Court that she'd one day smash her way into. But she was born into a society with his own rigid set of rules, class and pedigree. She came from old money stock in Baltimore with an established heritage that stretched back to the likes of the Mayflower. And while Baltimore isn't technically part of the South, her forefathers had deep Confederate roots and were, to no one surprise, big-time slave owners. Her mum, Alice Montague, was the daughter of a wealthy stockbroker, while her dad, the brilliantly named Tickle Wallace-Wolfield, Tickel. What's happening? Came from a similar merchant background. Aply, with a name like Montague, it was a bit of a Romeo and a Romeo and a bit of a Romeo and

and Juliet's situation. Alice's parents reckoned she could have made a better match than the sickly Tico, who had tuberculosis and shuffled off his mortal coil when Wallace was just five months old. When no capital of her own, Alice relied on wealthier family members to help her bring up her little girl, a position that made them always feel awkwardly like poor relations. Still, she managed to scrape together the cash and connections for Wallace to attend the most expensive private girls' school in Maryland. Dropping Bessie from her name because it sounded like a cow. In her teens, Wallace's school friends described her as brighter than all of us and ambitious.

She was always immaculately dressed, keen to impress and be seen, especially by boys. Wallace's society debut might have been dampened by the outbreak of World War I, but she didn't let that stop her from seeking an eligible bachelor. and whilst visiting her cousin in Florida in 1916, she met one, a handsome, charismatic US Navy airman called Earl Winfield Spencer, nicknamed Wynne.

Wallace fell head over heels with the idea of being this rugged aviator's wife. But once they said their idos, just a few months later, she realised that she'd rushed into it and she didn't actually know her new husband at all. And what she was learning, like Wynne's alcoholism and Vichaelism

and vicious temper she didn't like. Wallace's first marriage was rocky, and they actually spent most of their time apart whilst Wynne was stationed overseas with the Navy. In the early 20s, she grew close to an Argentine diplomat called Felipe de Espel, although whether that was a full-blown affair

or just an emotional entanglement is up for debate. We do know that by the time Wynne persuaded Wallace to join him in China in 1994 for one last go at Wedded Bliss, the marriage finally imploded and they split up for good. Alone across the Pacific Ocean, Wallace figured she may as well not waste the ship fare. She stayed in China for a year, flitting between Hong Kong, Shanghai and Beijing. It was in Beijing that she found a home away from home,

staying with her old friend, Catherine Rogers, and her husband, Herman. Jusely, biographer Andrew Morton claims that Herman was the love of Wallace's life. Although again, we're not sure if she actually did any home wrecking or just nursed a big old crush on him. Whether adultery was on the menu or not, Wallace thrived in Beijing's tight-knit western enclave, a glamorous, boozy bubble of diplomats and expats. One socialite joked, the Wallace only mastered one Chinese phrase during that year, and that was, boy, pass me the champagne. Still, after a year of fun and frolics in the Far East, it was time for Wallace to go home. She managed to persuade Wynne to divorce her on grounds of abandonment,

and the paperwork's finalised in December at 1997. Officially back on the market, a freshly divorced Wallace made no secret that this time she was marrying for money. She moved to London and straight into the orbit of Ernest Aldrich Simpson, an Anglo-American shipping magnate who liked to hobnob with royalty. He swiftly ditched his first wife, Dorothea, for Wallace. They got married in July 1928. Compared to the fiasco with Wynne, this marriage was a breath of fresh air. Ernest was kind, devoted and shared things in common with Wallace,

and his proximity to the wealthy elite of London didn't hurt either. Always keen to mingle with the glitter-arty, Wallace slid into the royal adjacent social scene and made as many friends in high places as she could. When the Wall Street crash hit Ernest's business, the Simpsons had to tighten their own. belts and sack some of their servants, which is the upper-class equivalent of maxing out your overdraft. But Wallace had tasted the high life and she wasn't going to give it up without a fight. And that's when Wallace met Edward, the king's handsome, playboy eldest son.

And fascist. They were introduced in 1931 by Wallace's friend, Viscount Thelma Furness, who at the time was known throughout royal circle, to be his main mistress. When Thelma had to travel to America in 1934, she asked Wallace to look after Edward and make sure he wasn't lonely without her. But Wallace took the job a bit more seriously than Thelma intended, swiftly taking her old pal's place as the prince's number one side chick.

At first, Wallace enjoyed what she saw as a harmless flirtation that kept her stocked in jewels and scandalous anecdotes to tell her mates. But it soon became clear that this, wasn't just a fling for old Edward. Courteers were uneasy about the hold Wallace seemed to have over the prince, who was described as slavishly devoted to his new mistress. Wallace was brash, domineering,

and one of the very few people who didn't fawn over him. One observer noted that she would actually tell Edward off in public, like a governess rebuking a child, but he just lapped it up, acting almost childlike and needy around her. A rebel prince with mummy issues, stunted by a distant and dysfunctional upbringing in the royal household, Edward was drawn to Wallace like a moth to a flame.

And worryingly for those in court were starting to seem that he wasn't content to keep Wallace as a mistress. He wanted her as his wife. The Bell Air Direct app includes crash assist, which detects an accident the moment it happens, and even offers you emergency assistance at the tap of a button. Okay, but what if I don't have an accident? Well, just keep on, keeping on.

Direct, insurance, simplified, conditions apply. Over time, Edward Brazenly began bringing Wallace along with him to royal events, to the horror of his family and royal hangers-on. It's like that bit in Titanic when Rose's mom is talking about the unsinkable Molly Brown, and she's like, new money. The whole nation was doing that face at Wallace Simpson. Because the only thing worse than being new money is being American. And American, Wallace really, really was.

She was brash. She had the wrong manners, a raspy voice and a chequered love life. Nobody could imagine Mrs Simpson as their future queen, and they didn't bloody want to. Despite swirling rumours in the foreign press, the British media faithfully kept stum for now. But naturally, within upper-crust society circles, the gossip mill was working overtime. Who was this mysterious woman who had the prince acting like a lovesick fool? And crucially, how could they stop her? Wallace had everyone on edge. So much so that the Met Police's special branch snooped into her personal affairs.

They dredged up rumours that as well as her love triangle with Mr Simpson and the Prince, Wallace allegedly had another bit on the side. A car salesman called Guy Trundle. Insiders have since indicated these claims were likely exaggerated, but the fact is the actual police were trying to dig up dirt on Wallace. And that proves how deeply she had got under the establishment's skin. Special Brants become the anti-terrorism unit, by the way. Yeah.

And then there were the whispers of what Mrs. Simpson had got up to in what she called her Lotus Year in China. That's what I'm going to start calling gap years. Rumors spread about the existence of a Chinese dossier, allegedly collected by Beijing intelligence officers in the 1920s containing nude photos and evidence of trips to opium dens and brothels where she supposedly became well-versed in exotic sex techniques. I just love so much that they're just like,

she must be doing something. Yeah, they're like, it's got to be more than just some old-fashioned white bread missionary that's like got this prince so under her spell. Yes. The most notorious trick in Wallace's repertoire, the Shanghai grip. I've moved that whole leaf, mostly to your imagination, except to say that it apparently gave the wielder

the ability to make a matchstick feel like a Havana cigar. That's a quote. As for why this had worked so well on his royal highness, well, Edward Spurndex mistress, Thelma Furness, the one who had, if you remember, introduced Wallace to the prince, had been going around spilling that Edward was, let's see, Let's just say under-equipped. It's all that imbreeding.

Mm. Yeah, either give you a tiny penis or a giant penis. See our short hand, which is either out or coming soon on Prince Ferdinand of Spain. But anyway, suddenly it all made sense. Wallace had a hold on him, literally. And Wallace's alleged sins didn't end there. There were also claims of a steamy affair with an Italian count named Gian Galazgo. Siano, Mussolini's

Minister of Foreign Affairs and son-in-law, leading to a botched abortion, which had apparently left her infertile. So while nobody actually ever saw this so-called file with their own eyes, it basically became gossip within royal circles. One thing

was crystal clear. Wallace Simpson was not Queen material. So it was lucky that Edward was just the prince, not the actual king, wasn't it? Well, In the worst case of timing in history, the old King George V chose that very moment to pop his clogs unexpectedly, which meant Edward ascended to the throne and became King Edward the 8th in January, 1936.

And even as the monarch, he had no intention of giving up Wallace. Tensions in the royal family grew as Wallace properly got her feet under the table, even acting as a hostess on a trip to bow moral. Oh my God. I've never felt more British in my life. The Highland Air was even frostier between Wallace and her potential future sister-in-law, the Duchess Elizabeth of York,

whose alleged dismissal of her as that woman went on to become an oft-quoted royal legend. To be fair, Elizabeth had her own reasons for not being on Team Wallace. She had once caught her doing a bitchy impression of her at a party. Stick-thin, Wallace would often pose. fun at her plump frame calling her cookie. Oh, oh.

But Royal Mean Girl antics aside, the proper beef was that Edward's family and the court didn't trust Mrs Simpson. They thought she was a power-hungry gold digger who wanted to muscle her way to the throne. And their fears would soon be realised. In October 1936, Wallace's decree Nisi from Ernest came through,

She'd filed for divorce, ironically on the grounds of his adultery with her childhood best friend while they were separated and she was already Edward's mistress. Thinking the last hurdle was down, Edward declared he planned to wife Wallace up officially. But for a spoiled prince who'd always got his way, Edward had a big shock coming. Because ironically, given how the whole thing started with King Henry VIII clearing the way to bang, and Berlin, the Church of England, weren't at all keen on divorce. Divorces could only be married if their ex-spouses had died, and royal sensibilities meant that their presence in court was already contentious as it was. Politicians viewed Wallace as a cunning figure pursuing Edward

for his wealth and title. Not exactly helped by oft-repeated rumours that she was heard remarking, soon I will be the Queen of England. Not long after Old King James. to kick the buckets. So in November 1936, when Edward told Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin that he wanted to marry Wallace as soon as possible, he hit quite a big brick wall. Despite suggesting what's called a Morganic marriage where he'd basically be king but Wallace wouldn't be recognized as queen, Baldwin and the other Commonwealth leaders weren't having it. If he married Wallace, then they'd have to resign their governments and chaos would reign. And to add insult to injury, it was now that the story finally broke in the British press.

The most hated woman in Britain, Wallace fled to the south of France to hide out at her friend's very luxurious villa for three months. Not exactly the worst place to hide out in the middle of a media storm, I have to say. Still, with the papers spewing hate and gossip about her, she later despaired, saying every morning my world fell apart on my breakfast tray. They did find an unlikely cheerleader in Conservative MP Winston Churchill who declared the king should be allowed to marry his cutie only for playwright and old coward to quit back England does not wish for a queen cutie That's amazing

The Bell Air Direct app includes crash assist Which detects an accident the moment it happens And even offers you emergency assistance at the tap of a button Okay but what if I don't have an accident Well, just keep on keeping on. Bel Air Direct, insurance, simplified, conditions apply. On the 10th of December, 1936, after not even a year of rule, Edward officially abdicated,

becoming the only British monarch in modern history to ever voluntarily give up his crown. In a radio speech, he famously said, I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility and to discharge my duties as king without the help and support of the woman I love. Fair enough. The throne passed to his younger brother, Albert,

and the rest is literally history. And while it might sound like a romantic sacrifice, it is a bit more complicated. Wallace didn't actually want Edward to give up the throne for her. She later wrote in her memoirs that they had terrible rouse, where she would try to convince him to change his mind, since they would only create disaster together,

but Edward was a mule, and he dug his heels in. Some sources claim that Edward threatened to cut his own throat, if she left him, and some biographers have suggested that there was more to Edward's decision than love. He saw Wallace as an escape rope from his heavy birthright as king. Wallace even referred to the abdication as his Peter Pan plan in a letter to her ex, Ernest. But whether it was out of love or cowardice or both, Edward was committed to Wallace,

and she was getting cold feet from a fling that had spiraled way out of hand. And according to Anne Seber, biographer, Wallace wasn't in love with Edward, but with the opulence, the lifestyle, and how he made all her childish dreams come true. She was sure the fairy tale would end, but couldn't bring herself to be the one to do it. And now she was in way over her head. with a man who'd literally rewritten the destiny of the British Empire just to be with her. So in the end, she had to go along with it. It's pretty awkward, but Edward did really love Hitler.

So in the end, on balance. Probably good. Wallace's divorce was finalised in May 1937, and on the 3rd of June she and Edward were married at the Chateau-de-Candé, led by their French millionaire mate, Charles Bedou. The date would have been King George's 72nd birthday, which Queen Mary took as a dig. And not a single member of Edward's family bothered to turn up. Wallace wore blue, and Edward gave her a ring engraved with,

We are ours now. And she's just like, fuck! Do you have to? I'm marrying you, aren't I? Isn't that enough? The new Duke and Duchess of Windsor lived in France in a sort of unofficial exile. Edward's relationship with his brother Albert, now King George, was strained, especially since he refused to give Wallace the title of Her Royal Highness. But they still got a generous Royal allowance, so, you know, every cloud.

And after all, that these Star Cross lovers had gone through to be together, wasn't exactly happily ever after. Those who observed the royal couple described their dynamic as the dim infatuated duke and the disappointed domineering duchess. and while Edward remained pathetically devoted to Wallace, she treated him coldly and seemed irritated by him most of the time. And as biographer Andrew Morton puts it, the only thing they had in common were a mutual interest in golf,

fascism and casual racism. In fact, the couple's pro-Nazi leanings raised even more eyebrows than their controversial romance during the build-up to World War II. I do have to wonder, being pro-Nazi, can that be described as casual racism? I think being prone Nazi was encapsulated in the fascism bit of the sentence. I think the casual racism was just the sprinkling on top. I see.

Because I am not being hyperbolic this time, the two of them cozied up to Hitler at his Berkhoff retreat in 1937, and the Fuhrer later remarked that Wallace would have made a good queen, which tells you everything you need to know about their stance and how we're all better off that it didn't go that way. As the war ramped up, Wallace and Edward were actually suspected by many of being Nazi spies, which caused Edward to be called the traitor prince.

With all that said, there isn't any direct evidence that they were actively in league with the Third Reich or plotting against the Allies. They definitely did have fascist sympathies, but like so did loads of people, especially in the aristocracy. Still do. But Wallace's legacy is obviously shaped

by how she accidentally saved Britain from a Nazi king. After the war, the couple settled in a grand Paris townhouse into a life of leisure. With the royal allowance and none of the duties, they spent their time getting drunk, smoking cigarettes and hanging out with their fellow fascist Brit exiles like Oswald and Diana Mosley. Wallace had three facelifts and became sort of an eccentric gay icon,

indulging in a flirtatious friendship with the Tory's gay playboy and Woolworth's air, Jimmy Donoghue, who fan the gossip flames by cheekily calling her the best cocksucker I've ever known. When Edward got jealous, Wallace scoffed that she was Queen of the Fairies. Upon his death of throat cancer in 1972, a nurse claims he called up pathetically for Wallace, like a lamb calling for its mother, but she wasn't even at his bedside. Their romance might have changed the world, but it's hardly a fairy tale ending.

After Edward's death, Wallace withdrew into their vast Paris home, rarely seen in public. frail in suffering from dementia, she survived on Edward's estate and her allowance, which brings us on to one of the more bizarre twists of the story. Once known for a brash and dominant personality, the Duchess in her later years became a helpless puppet at the mercy of her manipulative French lawyer, Suzanne Blum. After convincing Wallace to sign over power of attorney, Blum took control of her life.

She threatened that Wallace would be a very big, from her Paris home if she didn't donate to French institutions, and coerced her into signing over priceless heirlooms that she then sold to her friends at cut down prices. Royal biographer Hugo Vickers described her as a satanic figure wearing the mantle of good intention to disguise her inner malevolence. Blumband the few friends that Wallace had left from visiting and spun yarns about her good health, whilst in reality she was fading rapidly.

By the late 70s, the Duchess's of Windsor was described as a vegetable, unable to walk or even speak. Her affairs were handled purely by Blum. Her final years were tragic, creepy and utterly humiliating. A far cry from her glory days as the fearless woman who dismantled the British monarchy. And this bit of the story is actually being adapted for a film which is coming out this year, starring Joan Collins as Wallace and Isabella Rosalini as Suzanne Blum. Joan Collins is wonderful casting.

Wallace Simpson died in 1986, and if the British press loved to hate her while she was alive, they positively feasted on her once she was gone. From the post-war years on, the tabloids and biographers went wild, dredging up every rumor they could, including outlandish new claims that Wallace shagged high-ranking Nazi for Keem won Ribbentrop in the late 30s, who allegedly sent her 17 carnations to represent each. night they spent together. How romantic?

Cardassians are horrible flowers. They are. There's not a nice flower. But yeah, there you go, maybe that's all he could get his Nazi handle. This rumour seemed to lead back to the word of a single German duke who later ran off to the USA to become a monk, so

needless to say, it's hardly trustworthy. And then there were the old whispers about the infamous Chinese dossier. Revived by Charles Haim's sensationalist book that brought it to the wider public's attention. By the time it hit shelves in 1988, the myth had fully taken root. Wallace was a depraved femme fatale, who vajmatized Edward and infiltrated the monarchy

with just a dream of being queen and a book of Chinese sex tips. The only problem is that the so-called Chinese dossier doesn't actually exist. There is no trace in Chinese or British intelligence archives, even those recently opened. The tales were stitched together from scandals involving other Western women in the 20s in China, playing on the era's racist fantasies about the Orient to tarnish Wallace's reputation. How unsurprising. As the spectator puts it, an allegedly scandalous past became a useful myth at a time when letting a British king marry a foreign divorcee was unthinkable.

Biographer and full-time Wallace Stan Anna Pastonac goes further and calls it a full-time. foul fiction cooked up by the establishment to discredit her. In other words, it was one of the most effective smear campaigns in royal history. So who was the real Mrs Simpson? For decades, we've been force-fed two extremes. They're scheming Jezebel, who sank her claws into a weak man for power, or the tragic heroine of a royal romance. The thing is, neither version is quite on the money.

And while the truth will always be clouded by rumour and hearsay, what we do know for sure is that the establishment didn't quite not what to do with a woman like Wallace. So they had to invent myths to fill in the gaps that they couldn't make sense of. For now, though, we'll leave you with her own words. You have no idea how hard it is

to live out a great love story. No, I don't. Can't even get a text back out here. But that just utterly screams a woman who is playing it out. Yeah. Yeah. So there you go. That is everything you need to know about Wallace Simpson,

the woman who accidentally saved us from a Nazi king. Mm-hmm. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Bye. The Bell Air Direct app includes crash assist, which detects an accident the moment it happens and even offers you emergency assistance at the tap of a button. Okay, but what if I don't have an accident?

Well, just keep on, keeping on. Bell Air Direct, insurance, simplified. Conditions apply.