RedHanded - ShortHand: Would You Survive The Titanic?

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

On the night of 14th April 1912, the ‘unsinkable’ RMS Titanic struck an iceberg and sank into the icy depths of the Atlantic Ocean – killing almost all of its passengers. But the real question is: would you make it through that fateful night? In this special 114th-anniversary ShortHand, we walk through your realistic chances of survival after boarding the doomed ship… And with your sex, class and circumstances all tipping the balance on some seriously sketchy odds, you’d better grab a life jacket just in case.--Patreon - Ad-free & Bonus EpisodesYouTube - Full-length Video EpisodesTikTok / Instagram

Hello. Hello. We've all heard the story of the Titanic. Some of us may even have bought a Lego Titanic kit and then been so embarrassed, they sent it back immediately. No. No. You have no idea how big it is. Oh. It arrived and I was like, you can't do.

It arrived at the person's house. And they thought to themselves, you cannot seriously be thinking about this 35-year-old person. So I got, it's so back. Oh, fair enough. Maybe one day if I'm really good. I can have it. As a treat. It's not to know.

Okay. The unsinkable ship, whose maiden voyage ended in tragedy, securing a place in history as one of the deadliest ever disasters at sea, doing it all while not looking any bigger than the Mauritania. You might also think that you know how it all really went down. Jack and Rose met, shagged in the steamy car,

the iceberg hit, panic ensued. Over 1,500 were left dead, freezing in the Atlantic Ocean. and the floating door that absolutely did have space on it. But have you ever wondered if you would survive that fateful night? Well, wonder no more, because we are going to talk you through your chances step by step. Strap on your life vest, and let's find out if your heart really would go on, or if it would be doomed to stop forever in the icy darkness. This is the shorthand.

I read the other day that the reason we know the time it sank is because of all of the watchers, that froze at 20 past 2. Makes sense. Also, this is the, if you're listening to this on the day of release, tomorrow is the anniversary of the Titanic. Wow. A very unceremonious anniversary, though. It's the 114 years.

Oh, give a fuck. I'm trying my best. Sorry. Operated by the prestigious white star line, the RMS Titanic was built in Belfast, with a staggering cost of about one month. £1.5 million pounds. That is £170 million in today's money.

Her sister ship, the Olympia, made her maiden voyage in June 1911 to a great fanfare. But the Titanic, she was going to be even bigger, better, and busier. As the name sort of gives away, this ship was massive.

At 269 metres long, 28 metres wide and over 53 metres tall, she was dubbed the largest moving object in the world. And she wasn't just big. She was beautiful. The ambition was to create a floating hotel, the grandest and most luxurious passenger experience ever seen at sea. Taking inspiration from the ritz in London,

architects kitted out the boat with restaurants at cafe, promenade decks, shops and smoking rooms, as well as, naturally, the most advanced safety features of the day. powered with over 10,000 light bulbs, the Titanic would glide across the Atlantic as a glowing beacon of wealth, prosperity and innovation. Finally, the day of her maiden voyage arrived, the 10th of April 1912.

As she prepared to set sail on a seven-day journey from Southampton to New York, with stops in Sherbourg, France, and Queenstown Ireland, her lucky passengers, including you, because remember this whole shorthand is about whether you would survive, We're excited to climb aboard the best bloody ship in the world. But hang about what kind of ticket did you get? Did you perhaps win it in a card game?

Think very carefully about your ticket type because it is going to affect everything. An average third class ticket would cost you about seven quid, roughly 800 quid today. Third class, fuck. That's bonkers. Second class, around 13 or 1,500. What does this English? Does they include my food? I would assume so.

And also you are at sea for like weeks. Oh, seven days. That's a week. Week. You're a sea for a week. Which is much short than I thought. I would have thought weeks. I only know that because I literally just read it.

And I was about to say, that seems very short. How am I supposed to know how long it takes across the Atlantic? No one ever did it again. It was the last time. The ship was so big. It just like, you just like had to move a little bit across. before it was already in New York. No, Titanic Go to America in four minutes.

If you were, best of all, in first class, you have no idea how many quotes I have in the fucking chamber for this episode. I know, and I should have read before we start recording this. I'm also simultaneously really thirsty, so I might piss myself by the end of it. Perfect. Let's go. If you were in first class,

those tickets went, on average, for about £30,000, over £3,000 today. See, that doesn't seem so bad. Oh, it's the 800 quid to be in third class that I don't like the sound of. The grandest first class suite to accommodate all of your fancy clothes and your servants and your mum beating you up in a corset. We'll set you back hopping 890 pounds, which is more than 100 grand today. Whoa. You weren't just paying for your passage. It was all about social class.

I mean, this is like the equivalent of going in fucking that ocean. gates admissible. This is ridiculous. More rats. If you cut the Titanic like a cake, you would see the full strata of the late Edwardian class system on full display from wealthy aristocrats and heiresses at the top, middle class professionals just below them to working class migrants crammed in the lower decks. So let's take a look at what life on the Titanic would look like for you, depending on which class you plumped for. And I do have to say, you know, I enjoy a bit of VR and I did actually do the Titanic VR experience and it was so much fun. I believe that.

I literally can't recommend it enough. It's really fun. It's just in Camden. I like would highly recommend you go. The game is that you're like an explorer and you're going down to like look at the remains and then when you touch things it takes you back and you can walk along the decks of the Titanic and there's like seagulls and if you poke a seagull it flies away. It's really fun. I had a great time. Anyway. So in first class you'd be sashaying down chandelier lit staircases, dining on the ritsiest cuisine and rubbing shoulders with the wealthiest people in the world. Your swanky sweet would boast opulent furnishings, its own bathroom and even a private promenade if you were a true baller. For entertainment,

you'd have your pick, a swimming pool, Versailles-inspired lounge, gymnasium, posh cafes for a spot of tea by the ocean, and even full-on Turkish baths. In second class, you'd have a lot of, you'd be very comfortable with polished cabins, a library, a barbership. Is that just like a barber on the ship? It surely should read barbershop. The script says barbership. And I'm glad that I am such a bad liar. I didn't even pretend that I just knew what that meant.

I'm so glad because I'd be so embarrassed. A barbership. You know, your friendly local barbership. Everyone has all that is. Okay, I think that's a typo. A barbershop. We're going down at our best. So yeah, you'd be fine in second class.

The barriers between first class and second class were more social than literal. So if you fancied hobnobbing with royalty, all it really take is a bit of confidence. The Chippewa Falls, well, substantially. Down in third class, things, however, get a little bit more basic. Think cramped dormitory style cabins, shared bath facilities and very, very simple food. If you're down here, you've most likely left a life of poverty. scraping together your life savings to chase a dream of a new life in America. And while steerage conditions on the Titanic were known to be far nicer than other ships of the time,

you'd still be physically and socially shut off from the luxury above you. But none of that matters now. Because it is 1140pm on the 14th of April and we have just hit a motherfucking iceberg. Uh-oh. Not head on. After the lookouts raised the alarm, first officer William Murdoch managed to swerve the iceberg. managed to swerve the iceberg, so it was more of a scrape. Deep scrape.

A scrape, yeah. Down the side like Morse code. What are the scrape patterns on the Titanic spell out in Morse code? I don't know, asked James Cameron. Also, the binoculars that they were supposed to have on the lookout were accidentally locked away by someone who was on the ship before they took the key with them, so they didn't have them on the lookout, which is why they saw it too late. Like literally just something as chance as that.

Wow. Anyway, as a passenger, you wouldn't have any clue of the danger because you're shagging in a car. What? Those tucked up in their plush first-class state rooms felt the tiniest shudder. Whilst in steerage, you might have heard a thud over the din of the various parties going on. Up on the decks, oblivious passengers came out to gawk at the majestic iceberg. Some played football with the chunks of ice, or even popped it into their drinks. Captain Edward Smith and his right-hand men assured the passengers.

that everything was A-OK. It was probably just a dropped propeller from the close shave with the burg. There wasn't exactly an atmosphere of panic. Yet. But down in the boiler rooms, in the bowels of the ship, icy ocean water was already pouring in at a faster rate than the desperate crew could pump out.

Remember those watertight doors? They only went up to a certain point, so if the water rose too high, it could spill over the top like an overflowing, ice tray. Good news, the Titanic could stay afloat, with four of its lower compartments flooded. Bad news? By 12.20 a.m., five of them had been breached. I assure you, Rose, she can't sink. And she will. Doing some seriously quick maths, the ship's architect, Thomas Andrews, came to a grim conclusion.

The Titanic would sink in about two hours. The ship was going down and fast. So here is where we hit our second major hurdle, after the iceberg, obviously. With the ship doomed to sink, the only option left was a full evacuation. There were roughly 2,200 souls on board the Titanic's maiden voyage. She carried 20 lifeboats, enough to carry 1,178 people to safety. They were tested in Belfast with the weight of 70 men. I can't stop! I am so impressed.

When was the last time you watched this film? 2000s? Wow. remarkable. It's also why I can't forget arguments, but never mind. But think of this skill. I think I actually have the only job in the world where I can use it. You don't exactly need a maths degree or even to have seen the film recently to see the issue with the lifeboat.

At least half of us on that ship are going for a very cold swim tonight, even if they were filling them up properly, which they weren't. Also, a very interesting study. But you know, there's like the whole, like, there are areas of like the manosphere and seldom that are like, oh, women and children first, like men have no value. That's not actually ever true. The only historical records we have of any sinking ship being women and children first is the Titanic and two others. And that's only because the captains insisted. Every other record we have of ship sinking was literally every man for himself. Women and children's first is a absolute myth.

So Barmarino, not surprised anyway. What the fuck happens now? We know that more than half of us have nowhere to go. And we really wish that we could say we're all in the same boat, but we are not. The truth is the ship is sinking very differently for different people. So let's start with how things would likely go for those lucky ducks in first class. Firstly, you'd have geography on your side. From your lofty cabin, you wouldn't have far to travel to get where the first lifeboats were being launched from,

which was the highest deck. And as Intel trickled through the ship about the true extent of the emergency, you would definitely be the first to know. In first class, there was one steward for every seven people, so they could calmly knock on your door and escort you out to the deck area. Hell, you might even have time to grab a few of your jewels on the way.

From the second-class cabins, you'd have a few more stairs to climb. But at least there were no physical barriers blocking you from getting to the boat. But down in third class, totally different story. With only one steward per every 50 people, they basically just ran down corridors and flung open doors and yelled at everyone to put their life vests on and sit tight.

And the lack of communication wasn't helped by the fact that a lot of the passengers down there were European migrants who didn't speak much English. And as time went on, people began to notice that the Titanic was literally tilting and water was trickling into their cabins. And while panics well, there was still no still no orderly evacuation process. So instead, a lot of steerage passengers just stayed there.

Psychologist Wingraig Wade calls this phenomenon stoic passivity, where even in intense disasters, working class people tend to wait for direction from who they consider to be their social superiors, rather than actively responding to the danger. And since larger family groups tended to travel together in this class, it also made sense that they were reluctant to move and risk being split up. But tragically, this lack of early reaction put steerage passengers at a huge disadvantage.

Nobody ever actually told them that the Titanic was sinking. And by the time they realised what was happening, it might just have been too late. So let's say you finally realise the severity of the situation and decided to make your way from Dex E and F up to higher ground. Not only would you have a long, winding path ahead of you to reach the lifeboats, To add insult to injury, you'd also find security gates physically blocking your route. The thing was, all the lifeboats were being launched from decks where third-class passengers technically weren't allowed to go under normal circumstances.

And these barriers between steerage and the upper decks weren't just about snobbery. They were there to comply with US immigration laws. At the time, third-class passengers, most of them European migrants, had to be processed at Ellis Island for days. disease checks, whilst other passengers could hop right off at Manhattan Island. I can see the Statue of Liberty already. Very small, of course. You might think those stuffy rules would go out the window in an emergency, but for a solid chunk of time during the evacuation, eyewitness accounts tell us that some of the gates were

shockingly still manned. Many third-class passengers were forced to seek alternate routes, like climbing emergency ladders or even scrambling up the side of the ship between decks. Their already tricky path to safety was hindered by red tape bureaucracy. And by the time access loosened, most of the lifeboats had already gone. So yeah, we apologize to everyone who reckon they'd be travelling in steerage. Because while the evacuation protocol might not have technically said higher classes get to leave first, that's basically exactly what ended up happening. Even without calculated discrimination, the social landscape of the Titanic naturally stacked the

against those guys from the very start. So let's say you actually managed to get to the upper decks where the lifeboats were being launched. As of now, your class wouldn't matter anymore, but something else would. Your gender. Captain Smith gave the orders to the officers in charge of loading the boats to follow the rule of women and children first.

So if you are a bloke, sorry, back of the queue unless you're willing to beat women or steal a child like cow. But sidebar, as I mentioned, women and children first does get talked about like it's some ancient unbreakable law of the sea in the world, an unbreak chivalric code that sailors have always followed. But that is bollocks. A 2020-2012 study by Swedish researchers Mikhail Allender and Oscar Erickson

looked at 18 major shipwrecks over more than a century and found that in most disasters, men actually had a much higher survival rate than women and children did. So Titanic was not the rule, it was notably the exception. So, you know, don't let men tell you lies. So Captain Smith did explicitly enforce this rule as the Titanic was going down. But the way it was applied was interesting. Loading boats on the starboard side,

First Officer William Murdoch took Captain Smith's words, as they were intended, women and children first. If there were spaces on the lifeboats after that, he let men climb aboard. But on the port side, second officer Charles Lyttoller, for some reason took it to mean women and children only. He refused to let any men board, even threatening them at gunpoint. Needless to say, this caused absolute fucking chaos. Families were split up, with many women actually refusing a spot on the boats

because they didn't want to be separated from their husbands or loved ones. And it meant that most of the boats were launched at just 60% capacity, reducing the already dodgy survival odds even more. It's goodbye for a little while, just a little while. Even aside from Lytolers blunder, it was a total shit show of an evacuation. The crew undertook basically no emergency training before settling sail, and a planned lifeboat drill that very morning had been mysteriously cancelled by Captain Smith. Since the vast majority of crew members were not seamen, their inexperience and general sense of panic exacerbated everything. There were numerous close calls where lifeboats took on water or came close to crashing on top of each other.

Each lifeboat had to be lowered about 70 feet down the side of the ship into black freezing water. For those huddled on the still bright mass of the Titanic with its glitzy furnishing and comforting warmth, it looked absolutely terrifying. For a long time it was difficult even to convince people to get in the boats at all, another contributing factor, to how many boats left only half full. So when the Titanic's deck started to tilt to a terrifying angle, you finally realized it was your only way out alive and you might have already missed your chance unless you are the unsinkable Molly Brown. By 205 a.m., the final lifeboat rode away from the now rapidly sinking Titanic.

Those left clinging to her deck had 15 minutes of pure terror to endure. A priest gave confessions to the traumatized masses as they process their fate. And yes, the band was playing, although accounts disagree on exactly how long they kept the music going. Some claim that they played right up until the end, but eyewitness accounts seemed to suggest they packed up before the decks started to seriously tilt. An enduring rumor is that bandleader Wallace Hartley

played the hymn, Nearer My God to The, while some survivors claim that they heard the strains of jauntier tunes as they sailed away on the boats. since they were trying to stop people from panicking. I don't know which is worse. A jaunty tune while I wait my death or some somber tune I could reflect on.

I think either way, they're literally like musicians who are like, you know what? We will die here and we will die playing the fucking violin. Like that's incredible. I don't think it matters what they were playing. Anyway, those left on board the doomed ship were probably asking themselves, the same question that you are wondering now.

Was it possible? to survive the night without a spot on a lifeboat. No. The water was literally freezing at minus two degrees Celsius. It was described as feeling like a thousand knives being driven into your body by Jack Dawson, like when she's hanging off the, you know, you know what I mean. And it is often said that most Titanic victims died from hypothermia, but the truth is they didn't even have time for something like that to take hold.

being dunked into this freezing mass would kill you within minutes either from cardiac arrest or panicked inhalation of water or cold shock. If you found yourself bobbing around in a life vest in the Atlantic Ocean that night you would almost certainly be dead within half an hour.

Yes, technically you could do a rose and cling to a makeshift raft to avoid being totally submerged but realistically that would only delay your fate's not going to save you. Only a handful of swimmers were plucked from the water by a single lifeboat that was near enough to the wreck and of those several perished before being taken to safety. So pretty much your only way out of the sinking of the Titanic alive would be climbing aboard a lifeboat to take you to the nearest ship, the RMS Carpathia. So even if you did get your 50 metres swimming proficiency that actually mine had a tiger on it.

Oh yeah, Tony, Tony the tiger. You would be fucked. Oh, Tony told me you're great. Never mind. At 2.20 a.m., it all happened quickly. If you're on a lifeboat, you'd watch in horror as a Titanic's bow sunk into the icy depths, her stern rising impossibly high. Hundreds of people still clung to her deck like tiny ants screaming in fear.

The lights still glowed, casting an eerie shimmer across the ocean. Then came a horrible crack as a Titanic split in two and plunged into darkness. And yea, though I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I feel no evil. propeller. Legs dangle. In the gloom of the moonless night, you might not be able to see the last tip of the Titanic slipping into the sea, but you would hear shouting and splashing as those on board fell into the water.

Their haunting screams would die out within 20 minutes. The survivor shivered for hours on the lifeboats waiting to be rescued. As the sun rose, they were all shakily pulled aboard the RMS Carpathia. And if they looked back at where the mighty Titanic had once sailed, They'd seen nothing but eerily calm water in an endless field of ice. I read that one of the survivors said for years, she was like, no, it's split in half, I heard it and I saw it. And they were like, no, it wasn't.

That couldn't have happened. And it wasn't until they actually discovered it that they were like, oh, she was right. It did, like, nobody believed that it had cracked like that. Anyway, you, sausage, against all the odds, somehow, have made it. And maybe you've got the heart of the ocean in your coat pocket. But how did everybody else get on? Well, of the 2,200 people on board, about 710 survived whilst around 1,500 died, creating an overall gloomy survival rate of 31%.

So let's do a quick data dive. The Titanic's official survival stats tell a dark story of how class, gender and age would affect your odds of making it out alive, with some twists that may just surprise you. Firstly, girl power seemed to rule 74% of all women on board. survived the tragedy. First and second-class women were the luckiest, with survival rates of 97% and 86%. Third-class women had a far lower survival rate of 46%. In contrast, men got the short straw. Only 20% of men across all classes made it. 33% of first-class men and 16% of third-class men survived, while men travelling in second-class fared the worst out of everyone on board with a survival

rate of just 8%. And that's based on the cabin locations. Second-class men were more likely to reach the deck where Charles Light-Toller was refusing access to anyone with a Y-chromosone. So, you can thank the Patriarch if you're creating a system where women

might not have had equal rights, but the trade-off is getting chucked onto a lifeboat first. Finally, when it came to the little ones, class really mattered. There weren't that many children in first and second class, and they all survived, except for one. A little girl whose family were separated in the chaos. Only 34% of the children in third class survived,

with 52 out of 79 meeting their end. So what does all this tell us? In a nutshell, once you were up on that lifeboat deck, then your gender and age would be your golden ticket. But you had to make it there first. And that's where social class came into play. So congratulations, you rich fucker. You survived, the sinking of the Titanic.

you'll just be scarred for life but maybe you'll learn to fly a plane you know who knows for years to come you might wonder why you survived whilst others didn't was it something you did or were you just lucky well now you know that for the most part

the cards were already dealt long before you ever set foot on the unsinkable ship wasn't really much to do with you at all there you go there you go that is the 114th anniversary of the Titanic Shorthand episode We hope you learned something. And I'm not sponsored, but go do that VR thing.

It's quite fun. Bye.