Regulation Podcast - Minor Roadblock Gavin Era // Ultimate Zen Test [123]

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

Geoff, Gavin and Andrew talk about rememberings, grackles, Goof News, chicken ears, Madagascar, walking out of movies, new merch, mixing, explaining to Gavin, merch slack, tots, baseballs, 5, Geoff's Zen, car fight, bike ride, Dungeon Crawler Carl, Gears of War, doppleganger, Twin Peaks, Pizza Count, driving range, Coffee News, Ian pose, zine, convenient numbers, and family lies. Pizza Count starts OCTOBER 1 and runs for a full year. Sponsored by Factor. Thanks Factor! Go to FACTORMEALS.com/regulation50off and use code regulation50off to get 50% off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. (See website for more details). Also sponsored by Keeper. Get 60% off personal and family plans at Keepersecurity.com/REGULATION Support us directly at https://www.patreon.com/TheRegulationPod Stay up to date, get exclusive supplemental content, and connect with other Regulation Listeners. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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and discover how to take your summer to the next level. OnStar. Better Never Stopps. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Regulation Podcast. This is episode 123. My name is Jeff Ramsey with me as always.

Andrew Panton, Gavin Free, Nick Schwartz, Eric Bador, Eric, at the beginning of every podcast before we start. He goes over a rundown

of what the previous episode was about. And as he did that, I realized I might not have been there for the last episode because I didn't recognize anything he said. Are you serious?

Are you serious? I remember you there. I remember you there. What about the... You don't remember the bird? You don't remember bird murder? Bird murder, what is bird murder? Murdered birds.

It's why Meg won't eat a Whole Foods. Oh, because a bird got murdered at Whole Foods years ago. I remember that. Yeah. And I have the information. It was indeed a grackle. Oh, okay. Like other grackles? Of course it was. Yeah. The crackheads of the bird world.

Wow. Jeez. It's true. They're all addicted to shit. You have like a list of crackheads for animal type? It's like well known in Austin that the grackles are out of control and they're addicted to like sugar packets and all this shit that's left out at coffee shops and they just they're fucking nuts so what is because you've lived here for a long time what's the craziest thing you've seen a grackle do

you ever seen one smoke whoa whoa uh i saw one driving a petty cab one friday night I've just seen a lot of Gackle mosh pits in like Oh, good God. McDonald's parking lots. Taco Cabana, it's like Greckle City, you know? Oh, yeah, dude. H.E.B.

Yeah, definitely. The H.E.B. parking lot is Gackle City. I saw a grackle steal a taco out of a woman's hand at Tyson's tacos one time. That's awesome. The whole thing or just the fillet? Yeah. Oh, no, I mean, it was like the whole,

I think there was probably like, half a taco left and she went to like she like picked it up and was talking and it just swooped and took it out of her hand i've never seen anything like it was crazy structural integrity in a taco i feel like it's tough to scoop and grab it's powerful it's a powerful bird they have crack strength they have drug strength it had to have been soft the the shell soft shell situation yeah absolutely yeah yeah yeah just tortillas oh dude this is austin very rarely you're gonna find a crispy taco here I'm just thinking how disappointing it would be to have a bird come in and crack your taco, spill it all over you and fly away.

Get none of it, just ruin it for you. Zero of it. Like, it doesn't get it, you don't get it, just disaster. I have an animal-related question I was going to bring up today. And this seems like as good a time as any since we're talking about animals. It's not bird-related, but you know how some animals have stripes or spots? Yes. Leopard, zebra, tiger, et cetera.

Yeah, I know that, yeah. Do you think some animals have striped dicks or spotted dicks? Oh, like the dessert? Like is, no, yeah, like the dessert. Yeah, do you think they like dessert? What dessert do you think an animal likes? No, do you think like a zebra has a striped dick? Huh.

I've never considered it before. Yeah, I don't know. I never thought about that. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like they're all sort of like red rocket sort of texture where they come. come out of, it look more like an inside than it outside. You would think so, but I was doing research the other day for goof news and working on that, and I was trying to find some, like, fun facts about animals and stuff, and obviously I'm going to

feature eggs and apples heavily. And one of the egg facts I found out is that the color of a chicken's earlobe determines the color of the egg. Whoa. So, chickens have different colored earlobes. Why couldn't some animals have striped eggs? Where's the chicken's earlobe? I've never seen a chicken's ear. Oh, it, like... Yeah, like the little hole.

Like the little... Yeah. Like the lobes on their holes? Dude, check it out. I didn't know that this is what it was called. That... The thing that just kind of hangs down like the side, like it's not quite like the waddle in the front,

but like the smaller piece, that's an earlobe apparently. I didn't know that. So that chicken, that chicken lays white eggs. Huh. Because it has a white earlobe. Wow. If it had a red or pink earlobe, it would lay brown eggs.

And then there are some boutique chickens that... Boutique chickens. What do they call them? That's a better name for it. It's not boutique. It's what they call old pigs that have been around forever, too. Can a chicken have one of each earlobe? Or is it always...

They've always got matching earlobes. By the way, that chicken will lay blue eggs. I believe. Yeah. I would love a different color deal on each side with alternating eggs. Like every time it has an egg, the color changes?

Like an even odd day egg? It's like left right, left right. Oh, like a mood ring for kids. But if this is the case for individual chickens, then why can't a zebra have stripes? Why can't one in ten zebras have stripes on its dick? I just never thought about it. I'd like to see a striped.

I'm not big on dicks, but I kind of like to see a striped cock. I don't know if I don't agree with that. assessment. I think you're, of everyone here, I think you're the biggest on Dix. You brought this up. I think you're the biggest of us here on them. I mean, I don't have anything against Dix, but I do think it would be interesting to see

a striped penis. I mean, I'd rather have a striped cock than a spotted cock. No spotted dick. Yeah. Spiral Dicks, the pigs. Yeah, the little coax crew. I don't know that like chicken earlobe... Airloom! That's the word I was thinking of.

Sorry. I don't know that chicken earlobe egg color is quite equating to zebra-striped dick, though. Mm, is it? I'm just saying if there can be that much variance in an earlobe on a chicken, why couldn't there be that much variance on a striped animal's body parts? It's so funny that you and I were both thinking about zebras in very different contexts yesterday. What was your zebra context?

I saw a clip of Chris Rock talking about how they need to make another Madagascar because he's been through a divorce and he doesn't have Madagascar money anymore. and I was thinking like if you were going to, if he just decided, okay, they're not going to make another Madagascar movie, I'm just going to make a zebra animated movie. If you could flip the stripes and that would be legally distinct enough to be a different character. Because I assume it's like black, white, black white, black white, black. If they did the exact same drawing but went white black, white black, white black, would that technically be a big enough change to not have copyright infringement on the character?

Yeah, because if you did like a different, fruits filter over them. The entire animal would be different. Yeah, it would be completely different, but it's the exact same. I was just kind of, I was curious if that would fit. I know there's like some legal percentage difference you need, and I feel like you would cover that, even though it's the exact same animal. And you wouldn't be able to tell. Was there a Madagascar 2? Yes, there was a Madagascar 3. Are there like, because they have like spin-offs and stuff, because there's like the, what's the, what's the penguins? Yeah, but what's like the, what's the guy? King's. King Julian.

What kind of animal? He's a lemur. There's like a lemur movie, right? Oh, there is? I guess maybe. That feels right. I kind of think of the Penguins is more having spin-offs

than the lemur. But yeah, that feels right. Hmm. I remember that movie because I took Millie to see Madagascar 2 when she was a, I don't know, probably however old she would have been, five or six.

And it was one of two movies in her life that she asked to leave because she got bored in Madagascar 2 and we left 40 men. minutes in. The only other time that's happened in her life was she got bored to death at Mary Poppins and was like, can we please leave? And I was like, yeah, we're an hour in and nothing's happened yet. We can go. Yeah. Just me going. It was just me going, it's about to get good.

Something's about to happen and not remembering how there's like a 45 minute run up on Mary Poppins of nothing happened. Yeah, that's just like normal human trauma at the start. Except they got cannons on the roof and that, don't they? That's cool. There was one cannon fire, didn't impress her. Oh. I call the furniture go at ape. Yeah. Anyway,

that's what I remember about Madagascar, too. Madagascar 3, really good. Surprisingly good. One of the only like franchises I could think of

were the third is the best. I would consider kind of the first two not necessarily watchable. I don't think I know anyone who's been there. Hmm.

Huh. Yeah, I certainly don't. Maybe we should go. Do you think it's like the movie? Road trip. What do you think is more like

the movie, Madagascar for Madagascar, Brazil for Brazil. If we go to Madagascar, we should dress up as these animals. If we go to Madagascar, we should try and find two opposite zebras. Now, when you dress up as the zebra, Jeff, is your dick going to be striped? I think I would go. I think if I'm going to go to the trouble of striping my own body, I'm absolutely going to stripe my entire body. I'm not going to skimp on the weiner.

I'll probably start there. Do you think more stripes on the penis will give the illusion that it's longer? I hope so. That's why you do vertical stripes probably too. Horizontal stripes is just going to make your dick look short and fat. It's like the chode effect. It's like one of those like visual puzzles that you look at, everything shakes, but it's not technically shaking. A whole illusion's with it.

Something that feels incredibly offensive about four white guys showing up to Madagascar painted as characters from the film. Well, I was going to wear. I was just going to wear a hippo costume with a tutu, but I'm going to paint myself. You think of all the Madagascar characters your most like Jada Pinkett? When I look at that group of animals, the hippo is the one I associate, man. I want to be a part of. I want to be, I like that hippo. A lot of sass.

It's a sassy hippo. I like the umbrella. It's like a parasol. I like it. Should we talk about some of our sick new merch that got announced on the old break show the other day? Sure. Sure.

Go for it. in content proper. But we announced Andrew's favorite products seemingly of all time, which is a binler. And we've got a double gurp pack of two smaller gurps called the gurpler Jr.

Yeah, so we got some samples in from the fulfillment house for us to approve. And since we got them in right before the break show, we decided to show them off. This stuff won't hit the stores for a while. Probably think holidays. But yeah, the next Gerpler drop, I guess, is officially announced now.

Instead of a Gerpler, it is Gerplers. It is a two-pack, a purple and a green Gerpler Jr. I think they're pining or 16 ounces, whatever it is. They go together in one box. So you're getting two for the price of one plus maybe a dollar or two. And then the other one is the Binler, which is a Gerpler-inspired home office trash can that Elphamoso made and showed to us and said, what do you think about this? And we said, can we make a thousand of them right today? And they said, oh, thank God. We were going to make them anyway because we thought they were funny. We were just

going to keep them around the office. But if you guys want them, we can get it made. And so we are in the process of getting binlars made and, yeah, the Gerpler Jr. And they should hopefully, we'll communicate more information as we have it in terms of release dates. But look for it amongst many other new items, somewhere around the holidays. I like that the plan was to put one Gerpler inside the other to create sort of a translucent gurpal color in the middle. And it really just doesn't do that at all. Yeah. What do you mean? It's not, you don't think that's

creating gerple? You can make, uh, basically, it looks like either if you put, depending on which way you put them in, it looks like a rank purple or a rank green. Yeah, what did you think gurp, what did you think gurpil was? All right. We'll have, uh, we'll have these images in, uh, on socials and in the video of the episode two, so you can see them if you want to. It comes in a pretty cute little black box. The original idea was that there was a window in that box with like, you know, cellophane or something you could see

through that showed the Gerbler's stacked. But that's an expensive window to make. It's so prohibitive. Very expensive those windows. Wow. We didn't want to pass that cost onto you so we nixed it. I want to show one other thing that I don't think we showed on the break show when we actually had this stuff because

there's some stuff we held back. But we are making a new coosler. It's a hyper. It's a hyper-color coosler where it goes around your cold cold drink,

it gets cold and then when you pick it up with your hand, the warmth of your hand changes the color of the

coosler. So if you go over to your drink and it's a little bit lower, you can be like, wait, who drank this

and then you can measure the hand print on it. Yeah. And track down the hand that drank. Right. That's what we were

trying to do. We were going, you can measure the hand print. It's a gotcha cousler is what it is. It is.

Get to the bottom of some shit with a coozo like this. Have you ever wanted to entrap somebody via Coosler? We have it for you. What I want to do is with the Gerpler Jr's is I think we all need to come up

with our own green drink for the green Gerpler Jr. And our own purple drink for the thing and then mix them and determine what Gerpil tastes like. But we already have a

Gerple Ger. Yeah, but like I like a thing where you go like you mix them. You do half and half. You do green and the green, purple in the purple. I'm down with that. I'm down with making any kind of colored

concoction. Yeah, I mean, I'm into it also. Gavin's not, but I'm still into it. No, no, no, I'm into it. Gavin's, like, extraordinarily against it, but I'm into it, Andrew. I'm into it, but wouldn't the mixing happen in the gurpil gurpler? What do you mean? Like, this is two separate cups.

He's saying, put your green drink in your green cup and your purple drink in your purple cup and then put them together in a big gerpled gurpler instead of their individual small cups. That's where you mix it. in the larger... I see. Already existing gurpal gurgle gruelg.

I would say we already sold the one for mixing and these are like the pre-mix gurpolas. Oh, see, I completely disagree. These are like smaller things for the mixing. Oh, so which one you drink? Where are you mixing it? Well, you can pour it in either one you want. There's just two of them.

I just thought it would be fun. I guess, you know, go fuck myself. Yeah, I didn't think it was that complicated, man. I'm with you, Andrew. I'm with you, dude. I got to say, we have entered very quietly into, and my wife has mentioned it. She brought it up to me yesterday

after listening to yesterday's podcast. We have entered into a very quietly contrarian I would say like minor roadblock Gavin era where he doesn't he doesn't he requires the jokes to be explained

to him and he says he's like out the gate against everything for some reason. He's very, you can be very quickly turned but it just seems like we're in some sort of a like, I don't know what it is, but there's a, we're in some sort of a quiet. His knee jerk isn't yes and it's no but,

and then you just have to go, what? And then he says what? And then you turn him quickly. I feel like it's not even no but. I feel like his, you go yes and and he goes, why? And it's that. To be honest, though, I think why.

It's not a no, it's just more like why. I think why, though, is a phenomenal question for a start. And also, I think I've been primarily a yes man, but Andrew has reminded me that I love friction and I think maybe I'm just leaning into the friction. You've been leaning in hard to the friction. Yeah, dude. You really have.

All right. I could defrict. No, no. Friction all you want, my friend. It's just, you know, we just wanted to call it out. I've noticed it also. It's just I think more in probably like the last 20 episodes I've heard you say something and then say what

while saying the thing you're saying while everyone else is saying what. and then we have to explain the whole lot of it to you more than we ever have in like the history of the show. We were joking about it the Monday after we did the Monday recording right before the break show. So Emily was there. And then she listened to that episode yesterday and she came up to me just in the middle of the evening

and she goes, I finally listened to that episode. I 100% understand what you guys are talking about. What is wrong with Gavin right now? I was like, I don't know. She's like he is like he's being really obstinate about some stuff. And I was like, yeah, yeah. What are you going to do? Great.

I love it. Damn, I wonder what that means about my life and stuff. Well, don't evaluate. Just keep going. Smart. Never look inward. Just continue to push outward. I'm just happy to be back in the merch slack, you know.

Why were you out of it? I still don't understand. I don't think any of us do. I realized that I felt kind of disconnected from all of merch. I did see the stuff that Jeff was posting in the disqualification. scored every Monday meeting. But I realized I just wasn't, I didn't have the merch

slack on my slack and I hadn't apparently been in there since November. What? I just don't, but like why? A year? Why is a great question? Why is a great question?

I went into the logs and look what I found. What'd you find? What you find? I don't know what I'm looking at. November 20th. 20th, 20th, 2025, you have been removed from merch by Lil Sketty. By who? Lil Skeddy.

Oh. November 20th. 25th. I'm looking at the days where we were doing stuff on the 18th. I don't. Probably not. I'm looking, we have stuff on the 18th. We have stuff on the 24th.

There's nothing on the 20th. Did he post something? No, no, no, because I'm looking at the last post, the last post before that was November 18th. Why would this be November 18th, 2025? Either way, I'm justified, so I'm not really concerned about it. But like, 24th. I'll just say on Monday at the break show, I got a lot of shit from Lil Skatee about not being in the merch channel. Yeah, you did. You did. And I stand by that. You stand by you removing me from the channel?

Yes. You did it. Absolutely. You're in fault here. Yeah. Yeah, it's your fault. Oh, hey, hey, hey, if we've been doing this for a year without them, it doesn't seem like we've really been missing the mark anywhere.

So, again, justified in whatever it was, just looking at why that would be. And there's nothing on the 20th. Like the thing that's getting me is that November 18th there were posts. November 24th, there are posts. There's nothing on the 20th. What day of the week was November 20th? I don't know. I'm going to look.

Oh my God. If it was the weekend, I'm going to be furious. If you just went on at the weekend, it just took me off. And there must have been something that occurred maybe the day before that you really. No, it's a Thursday. So it must have been in the middle of a recording. I thought it was maybe we were hiding. Like maybe he was removed because we were going to make a joke.

piece of merch or something that we didn't want them to see, but I don't think that happened. It is during a recording. Thursday at 424, that was while we were recording. Thursday at 424? It could have been. It could have been if it was before we switched to 11 a.m.'s.

Yeah, when did we switch? That was probably a long longer ago. We could have been in the gameplay still. No, that November 20th, we were recording at 11 a.m. And there's not a change. We did an Advent. Advent, Wheel of Death. Oh, Advent wheel of decades was it 2.30, but then that doesn't line up with four.

What would it have been? Could have been a thing that you made a note of and then did later. No, I wouldn't have done that. I think we just stopped recording. You got off work, you sat on your couch, and you just went, I'm going to take you out of the merch channel.

The thing is, it's absolutely Eric's fault that you're not, you weren't in the merch channel. Yeah, it is. It is a little odd that it took so long for you to make the connection that there is a channel that was as used and important. Especially a channel that you had access to and had used before. Like, I would think the onus would be on you to recognize that you no longer had access

to the tool that we were discussing in front of you. But it's hard to realize that you're not doing something anymore. But it gets talked about a lot. I do agree with you there. Yeah. Like, I used to drink, I don't know, I feel like I've been a pretty consistent orange juice drinker my whole life. But if you ask me, when was the last orange juice I had? I would have no idea. I'd be like, oh yeah, orange juice. Did Eric stop you from doing it? Okay, but like, I guess my

counter to that, and I completely get where you're coming from, if people around you kept talking about drinking orange juice. And asking if everybody's seen the new pictures of orange juice. I think you would maybe realize that you weren't drinking orange juice. The new pictures were being posted weekly in the Discord meeting. Sometimes. Sometimes. There were probably conversations. is like leave your feedback in the slack on the new picture, on the new orange juice pictures. And then I, in my head,

I probably assumed I'll see an unread slack in there that I can go and look at. And then never having seen one since November, I just debranged it. Yeah, and the debraining is the thing that I'm really highlighting is kind of crazy that it happened. But definitely not your fault for not being in there. Yeah, I think it's me.

Gavin's fault for not realizing it sooner and Eric's fault for taking him out. Absolutely. I just would love to get down to the moment it happened in the wild. Me too. Why would I, like, what? Because it could very easily have been an accident, you know? Like, you're just like clicking around. But if Eric shot me, right?

And then it was in like a high adrenaline moment. And then I didn't realize I'd been shot. Is it my fault for bleeding out? Or is it Eric's? You think that that's what this is? That's what you're likening it to? You know what? You know what?

It's your fault. I'm just happy because I'm now the not the only person this happened to. I mean, I'm going to guess Eric did it in retaliation to something. Oh, absolutely. I assume that it's a response to something. Again, I feel justified in whatever it is that I did for whatever reason. I don't feel it was unjustified. I just don't know why it is.

I can no longer remember why I'm justified. I don't know the justification, but I agree with it, whatever it was. When we first started the podcast, there was a Slack channel for that. And I wasn't in it for like, I don't know, four weeks, five weeks. That was the channel for the podcast? Yeah, back when we're at Rister Teeth. Yeah, the one I left for a while, didn't tell anybody. Was that because of tots?

It was, yeah. I left up for like three months. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, it existed for months or at least like a month or two without me realized. it didn't come out till post pencil trial that that existed because I guess there was a discussion about changing the podcast time or like not being able to do it on that day

and I didn't know about it until like an hour before because that's when it was texted or like the invite changed but that was because I forgot my Slack channel at one point and then made a second Slack channel there were two Andrew Payton's in that Slack I remember this is a little different from Gavin's thing

I think fundamentally the But yeah, it's the, I have the why. I at least have the why in my scenario as to what occurred. I think the difference is Gavin was removed. You were never added. That's true. I know I'm not alone in this, but my eating routine took a hit these past couple months.

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slash regulation for 60% off personal and family plans. And if you're running a team at work, check out Keeper's business plans. Just make sure you use our link so they know we sent you. Keeperssecurity.com slash regulation. Jeff, during Tots, during Tots when you quit the Slack.

I don't know that it was Tots, but it was that era. It might have been something else I was pissed to you guys about. It might have been the fucking baseball. I didn't remember. I just remember I was fucking annoyed with you guys. and things were rough everywhere else in my life,

and I did not have the patience, unfortunately. How long during that era and after you quit the Slack Channel, did you intend on never recording another podcast with us? Zero seconds. Oh, hell yeah. I would, no, I quit to give myself a break because I had like real world stuff happening.

You know, the world was on fire around me and in the company and outside of it, in my personal life and outside of it. And so I just needed to give myself a time out. So I didn't, you know, sometimes you got to eliminate the thing that it. Sure. I don't have the ability not to get, like to get in the middle of it with you guys, you know. And so I thought, I'd just take a break.

I didn't intend to be gone for as long as I was. But I did eventually come back. But I never considered not doing the podcast. Since the first episode of this podcast has aired, since we recorded the first episode of this podcast, it has been outside of family the priority of my life. love it. Me too. That's why I can't stop

thinking about it. My priority is the merch. My priority is making sure Gavin is in the merch slack. Oh, you have been, your priorities have been lacking, my man. That's tough. I didn't even know. I thought I was doing a great job.

Do I have permission, Andrew, to at some point in the next year, remove you from a slack and time how long it takes for you to notice? Sure. Yeah, do it. I'll probably need Eric to hit the button there. I'll work with you to do.

do it, yeah, absolutely. You could probably do it. See, if you got Eric hitting the button for you, this now opens up the idea that your merch removal was a hit and he was just the hit man, the slack man. Oh, like I got greenlit by someone else. Yeah, somebody called it in and Eric.

Who's pulling the Eric strings? Yeah. Speaking of pulling the Eric strings, I had this in my calendar the other day. I texted everyone five on the 5th of September. I don't know why. it was in my calendar to text 5

to Regulation Group anytime, but I did it. Does anyone remember why I did that? I do. I do. I really fucked myself on this. Yeah, you were the last by a mile, dude. Well, it's, yeah, I really, I really screwed it up. I was, it started because of me, it may have been

August, but August that we, I don't know. It was like a fifth, and I woke up, I was up early and I just said, I'm gonna post five, we do a thing, every month until we go through ANAG, last person gets the least amount of points

type idea. Wasn't it like the first person to respond gets to call the next five? No, it was just we're going ANAG, I think. Oh, okay. It was supposed to be Nick, Eric, Jeff, and then like every month. I don't know. I don't remember that part. I just remember being up and doing like, oh, it's the fifth.

What if every fifth we do a five speed count? It could be dropped at any time. And so far, all of you guys have picked the morning. So I've been dead last in all of them. What about the other four of us makes you think that we wouldn't pick the morning? Well, you pick any time. You don't have to pick the morning. No, no, I know.

I know we can pick any time. In fact, we did. We all picked the morning. What makes you think that we're not all morning guys? Yeah, that's unfortunate. Have we explained our five thing from the Falcon event ever? I don't think so. We've talked around it a lot.

Let's talk about it. Go for it. We were having issues with Andrews's connection. So in the Falcon event, which is a monthly event we do on Discord with all the Falcon tier supporters, we would all

say one, two, three, four, five and then it just got to the point where we were saying, trying to all say five at the same time and timing how long, how late Andrews Five was. Something like that, wasn't it? It was, yeah,

but I think it was the thing where I could hear you guys but you couldn't hear me and then it was like a whole Discord thing where just audio stopped working. Now as soon as soon as, someone says five, what you'll try and say five as soon as possible. And you just don't want to be the last person to say five.

Yeah. Is essentially what it boils down to. Not that there's any punishment for it, but it feels fucking, it feels crummy to be the last five. I can attest. Yeah. And it was Andrew when I did it, but Nick, what did you just send? So as soon as I got the text, I typed five, sent the message. And then it pinged me back and said, ah, it didn't go through.

Nick wants credit for hitting it first. But, well, no, not even credit. I just want to show you the bullshit that happened. Then I redid it. I redid it and this is what happened. And Gavin beat me to it. The order on your phone is different from the order on my phone too

because there was one of them where I was first on my phone and second on Andrews the last time. Also, you did a great job of calling it walls in the shower otherwise I could have scoop those other two. Yeah, Nick sent five on August 5th and I set mine on September 5th. I believe so October 5th is me I guess let me I guess so hold on calendar

calendar October Put it in the morning Do it in the morning Do a 5 Early Now part of that Thing that Nick shared

Was Jeff you talking about when do we record this episode That we're recording today Because your Zen was tested you want to talk about it. Oh, fuck. You're in an ultimate Zen test. Yeah. I think there's one part

that you didn't want to talk about, which is fine, and then you said something else happened that none of us know about. I'd love to know what that is. I'll just tell you the whole fucking day. I wasn't, I had debated on,

like it happened right after we recorded or something, and so it was enough time had that lapsed where I wasn't, I wasn't sure I wanted to talk about it. You were rattled. It was before we did a recording, and you were kind of rattled about it. Very understandably so.

I think I probably would have dropped it and not mentioned it, but I think I have mentioned it in other content, and so I feel like I need to follow through with it. Last Wednesday, I want to say it was, or Tuesday. Someday last week, I went to the bank to do some company business, and I parked in the parking lot, like normal went in, and did my business, came back out, and there was a car parked to the left of me,

immediately to the left of me. Like a light blue Toyota, I don't know, early 2000s model Toyota, windows down, and I didn't think anything of it. And I went and I got into my car. I opened up my door and I got into my car and I turned my car on and I saw something on the corner of my eye. And I looked over and there was a lady in that car to the left of me waving furiously at me. And I went, wow, that's weird. So I rolled down my window and I said, can I help you? What's up? And she goes, you just hit my car. And I said,

excuse me? And she goes, you just hit my car with your door. And I said, no, I didn't. And she goes, yeah, you did my fucking car. And I said, whoa, I did not. I assure you, I did not hit your car. And she said, my entire car just rattled because you hit it so hard. And I was like, I'm sorry, but I definitely did not hit your car. And I definitely didn't hit it hard enough to shake your entire car.

You're mistaken. And she goes, no. And I go, okay. She gets out of her car and she walks over to me. And I go, I look at her car and I clearly did not hit her car. I wasn't anywhere close to her car with my door.

But I go, all right, well, let's look for damage then. And I point to her door and I go, can you show me where the damage from my car is? And she goes, I don't care. You hit my car. And I said, once again, I didn't hit your car. I don't know what to tell you here. But I said, but here, let me show you. I opened up my door to where it touched her door. No, nothing. My car's black. Her car's light blue. No marks on it. No nothing. Like nothing. Except that her car is a piece of shit and it's beat to hell. And it's clearly been in multiple accidents. But none of this has come from me, right? It's like a demolition

derby car. And it's like, hey, you bumped it. Hey, you bumped my car. It's like, it's like 30% rust and somehow, you know, I hit it. But I'm like, okay, well, I agree to disagree, I guess. And she goes, and she's just staring at me. Like, I can feel the anger and heat waves coming off of her. And I go, what do you want to do here? And she goes, you hit my fucking car.

And I go, do you want to exchange insurance information then, I guess? If you were insistent, I didn't. You know, I'll refute it. But if, give me your insurance, I'll give you mine. And she goes, okay. So I go into my car. I pull out my insurance. I take it over to her.

She's standing there. I let her take a picture of it. I go and I put it back in my car. She walks over to her car, gets in her car, and shuts the door. And I think, well, that's weird.

So I walk over to her car. I knock on her window. She's just staring straight ahead. I knock on her window again. She rolls the window down, kind of glances at me before I can say anything. She goes, no, thank you, and rolls her window back up.

And I go, no, I knock on it again. I go, hey, she rolls down a little bit. I go, you have to give me your insurance. I gave you my car insurance. You're required to give me your insurance as well. And she goes, no. and rolled a window up. So I go to knock on it again

and right at that moment I think, I take a step back and I think, okay, I'm a 50 year old tattooed guy in a parking lot of a bank banging on the window of some young woman's car, like maybe 30 year old woman. I go, this probably looks weird. I don't want to make this look any weirder than it is.

So I just, I back up and I go, I'm going to call the police and I'm going to report this and I show her me calling 3-1-1. And I go, just you know, I'm calling the police. And so I go over to my car. I call through and one. They tell me to call 911.

I call 911. And I go, I feel really bad about this. I have to report an accident that didn't happen. And they're like, yeah, we deal with this from time to time. Give me your information. Okay. We'll send it. And I go, you're probably not going to want to send anybody out here because there's no incident.

And they go, no, we definitely need to. Tell her, we're coming. And she needs to give you her car insurance. And I go, okay, I'll tell her. And I go, I get off the phone with the cops. And I look over and she's gone. She's gone into the bank. I go, okay, I'll wait for her to come out.

I have to sit here and wait for the cops anyway. They told me not to leave. And so I sit there for 15 minutes. She's in the bank the entire time. I think she's trying to wait me out or something. She comes out. I see her come out. I roll down my window.

I'm like yelling at her. I'm like, hey, the cops are coming. They said don't leave. The cops are on their way. You need to give me. And she just gets in her car and leaves. So I'm like, fuck. So then I call the cops.

And I go, hey, I don't know what to tell you, but the lady left. And they go, okay, give me a description to the car, license plate number. I took a million photos. Which direction did she leave in? will take care of it. And I go, I don't know, I don't know what that means, but cool. I just go home. I call the insurance company. I say something weird just happened. I don't know if they're going

to file a claim or not, but I wanted to let you guys know ahead of time. An hour later, she files a claim. What? What? So I am now in the process of, I don't know. I don't know what to, I've submitted all my photos and explanation and everything. So I don't know what's going to happen if they're going to, you know, if they're going to deny the claim or what. But all that happened pretty quickly and just caught me so off guard. And the more I thought about it, I was just kind of in like reactionary, get through the moment mode. And at the end of the day, it's not like a big deal because I'm old and have lots of insurance, you know? It's like, this is why you pay for insurance your entire life. So when you can be an old dude and not be that affected or that upset about

a fucking ding in a car door or whatever, you know, like, fine, whatever. It's not the end of the world. But the more I'm thinking about it as I get home, I'm like, this lady took advantage of me. She is a scammer. And she intentionally probably does this. She parked next to my car. There were no other cars in the parking unless she could have parked in any other space. She parked next to it. And I was, and she's just probably, and I'm thinking like, maybe she waited for me to come out and then claim this because it's he said, she said. And I wonder if she does this all the time.

Or maybe I'm just crazy and she genuinely thought I hit her car. But I did not get that vibe at all. But it upset me for the rest of the day. I still maintain my Zen, but it was hard, right? Because I'm just like, I feel taking advantage of, honestly. And now I got to go through this whole rig and roll with car insurance and stuff. And it's still not handled. It's still not done.

I still don't know if I'm going to be found at fault for an accident that didn't happen or not. I hope not. So I go home and I'm like, I got to decompress because this is like, it's one of those things where like it wasn't bad in the moment, but as you sit with it, you get more and more upset by it, you know? And I was just getting more and more upset by the minute and just felt, you know, like, I don't know, it just made me feel weird about people. And so I thought, I'm just going to get on my bike.

I'm going to clear my head and I'm going to go for a nice, long bike ride. And so I went for a, uh, I got on my bike. I go for my normal bike ride. And right around deep Eddie pool, I'm going through the woods, through the trail, and there is, in front of me, what appears to be a homeless person in the middle of the trail bent over. I'm looking at him from behind, picking something up off the ground. And so I slow down. I don't want to freak the guy out. I slow down.

I go around him, give him as much space as I possibly can to the right. I'm like hugging the trees. He's got like five feet of space between me. and I'm very quiet. I'm just like, I'm going super slow. Like, I'm almost walking the bike to get around him because I don't want to be rude. And the guy, and I have my headphones in,

and I'm listening to like, dungeon crawler Carl. And the guy, as I get about halfway next to him, like, about even with him, he stands up. Like, I surprised him. And I feel bad about that. I didn't mean to. And I, by the way, I'd hit my ding, my little ding on my bell on my bike.

So I thought that would have alerted him. But he seems shocked anyway. And he looks at me and I just, you know, I'm just riding my bike. And he starts screaming at me. But I can't understand what he's, saying because I have a book going in my head. And he's, I don't know.

He's just like making emotional noises, really, honestly. Very three-year-old Andrew, which will make sense in three months. And so, like, all of a sudden, after he stands up and sees me and starts yelling at me, he lunges at me. Like, not like a half-hearted attempt. Sometimes homeless people will do that when you're riding your bikes. They'll, like, give you like a little, like, you know, and you're like, whatever. He lunged at me and made a full grab at me like he was going to take. take me down. And he missed me. He missed me. If he'd a hit me, if he'd caught me, he would

have knocked me off the bike. And then I would have been in an honest to God, beat the shit out of this dude fist fight, you know? Because he made a hundred percent attempt to knock me off my bike and attack me. And so I got to, I was around him. He missed. He wasn't super spry. But I got around him and I was just like, what the fuck, you know? And it took me, I just kept riding my bike a little bit. And then I had to go sit on a park bitch for a minute and just like, calm down. Like, that was fucking weird. And I was. And I was. like, God, this day is really piling up. So then I get on my bike and I'm like, I just got to continue this ride and fucking go back

to decompressing. And now I feel even weirder because I just got a, like I literally tried to physically assault me. And like he made an honest to God attempt, not like a half-ass fake attempt, which happens. And I'm on the other side of the river now over by Barton Springs and I'm going down a trail. And there's a lady sitting on a stone bench and she sees me and I've got my headphones in again, listening to my book. And she just starts yelling at me from her bench.

And I can't hear what she's saying, but I don't want to hear what she's saying. She's like 12 feet away from me, maybe, 10 feet away from me, 12 feet away from me. And I don't think anything of it. And I just keep riding. Because you deal with this kind of stuff a lot when you ride the trail every single day. And I go back to where I'm going and I turn around and I have to pass her again. And as I pass her again, she jumps up off of the fucking concrete or stone bench and chases me and tries to grab it. What's going on?

She's slower and not as fast as the other guy. And I, but she also made a legitimate attempt to grab me. And so I just rode my bike home and then I'll be, I swear to God, I didn't leave the house for two days after that. I didn't want to, like, I felt weird. I don't want to leave. I felt like the world was trying to get me. Were you wearing like a hug me shirt or something? Dude, I was, I was wearing a fucking white t-shirt and shorts.

Same. The uniform Jeff wears every day. I don't know what it was. I don't know what I did to piss those two people on the trail off. but they legitimately tried to physically attack me. And I've never had that happen on the trail in the 10 plus years I've been riding bikes on it daily. And so weird to have it happen twice within 15 minutes

of the other attack. And on the same day that that lady, I assume, is trying to scam me. And it's just like, man, I was fucking done with the world after that. That was my Zen trial day. And I went home, I didn't ride my bike for four days after that. I didn't, I just felt weird. You know, I just felt icky. And I didn't want to leave the house from it.

a couple days. I just like, the whole world seemed like it was trying to get me. And so I just fucking, I siloed up. I feel like you do get little hints of that sometimes where you're just like, oh, the universe is trying to kill me today. Like you'll be in a car and you'll have like a bunch of near misses. And you just be like, maybe we should just stay inside today. It's just one of those days. Yeah. Yeah. And I got the, I got the sense from the universe that I should stay inside for a couple days, so I did. What's important to note is between those incidents is you being stuck in a room and gears of war for two hours. That was part of it. Yeah, it was in the middle of that. I also had did like a, we did a seven and a half years, seven and a half hours of gears of war recording in two

days in the middle of all that. We spent like five hours in the same room. You couldn't get out. It was awful. It took us five hours to beat a boss. We played that level. It's coming up, I assume, soonish. But we played the same fight so long that we basically developed our own language to communicate with each other on how best to beat the boss. We might know the geometry of that map

better than anyone else on Earth except for the developers at this point. We lived in it for so fucking long. It was a thing where you had your bank incident before we recorded. We spent two hours stuck in a fucking room, just miserable, you left and then circled around to that bike incident.

What a day. What an incredible day. Yeah, that's true. I forgot that that recording was in between, so I had to get home to record. Then I was like, I got to blow off steam. I took the bike ride, and then I had the two incidents with the people on my trail. I don't know what it is about you, though, because I'm thinking, like, maybe you had like something, like a toilet paper stuck to your back or something of people trying to alert you or something innocent. But people do just start on you for No reason. Like that time in the alley in that. Gav, you've known me for a very long time. We've been best friends for a very long time.

You've seen it happen. I am just, I just have one of those faces where some people, when they see me, they go, nope, fuck him. I'm taking him down right now. This motherfucker. I don't know what it is. I probably deserve it. I assume we talked about it before, but we were a bar like 15 years ago or something

with Barbara and a homeless guy was just walking by. we're outside and then he sort of makes a point to like double take us and then turn and then walk back towards us and then he just goes you at Jeff and says

you're the problem with Austin and I went what and he was sure what's wrong with Austin and he just walked away yelling at me while he's walking away okay I got maybe I am maybe he maybe that guy and the two homeless people and the lady that's currently

trying to get insurance money out of me maybe they're all right maybe they're maybe they're keyed in to something Do you think maybe you have a terrible doppelganger? Oh, fuck. I have a Mr. C out there somewhere in Austin, just wreaking havoc, doing drug deals and killing people in hotel rooms.

But he has no tattoos? But he has no tattoos. This is Twin Peaks Season 3 talk, by the way. I just assumed it was Twin Peaks. That sounds like a Twin Peaks thing. Mr. C is evil Agent Cooper. Did you see, Jeff, that there was a bunch of Steam Achievement leaks that happened?

recently and one of them was for a Twin Peaks game that is not announced. I saw there were two achievements for an unlisted game. One was, I don't know, some bullshit, but the other achievement was to drive to the double R diner in Twin Peaks. Does that at all excite you or is it? It very much excites me. I'm very excited to play a Twin Peaks video game. If it happens and comes out, absolutely.

Yeah, reach the double R diner. What kind of game is it supposed to be? There's no information known outside of the achievement data that was leaked for it. There's a ton of chatter about it in the Twin Peaks and the David Lynch subredits, but nobody knows anything about it. Like, what it is. Oh, I hope you can become a freaking draw handle or something if you fail. That's how you fail. You get turned into wood.

Yeah. You get trapped in the Log Ladies' log. I was much more excited about an unannounced elf video game. That's what I want in my life. I want a 3D platformer elf in 2027. Give it to me. Is that real? Was that announced too?

That was one of the games. Yeah, nobody once again, it's the thing where nobody knows it. anything about it outside of the fact that it was data that was part of that leak, but I'd love to see it. Alf was at the game awards like two years ago as like a weird special guest thing which felt weird. So

it seems plausible to me. You play the 1989 Sega Alf. I was reading about that as response. Curious if there were any elf games and I guess there's some PC ones and there was one console one. Yeah, Sega Master System elf game. Apparently there was a PlayStation Twin Peaks game I'd never played

either. Maybe we should do it. Really? Load up an old Twin Peaks and an old Alph game. Well, that's going to save them. That's going to save Sony. We'll do our best to help. I was really contemplating, picking up a PS5 for Wolverine.

And that did not review well. No reviews is bad for that game. At the time of this recording, the reviews are coming out today. Yeah. I guess I won't dust my PlayStation off. That's a shame. No, I still think you should.

I still want to see you pop claws. I think of all the people. You're the opinion. that I care about the most. Okay. All right, we'll also have to figure that out then. I think that's supposed to be next week we were talking about doing that.

Yeah, doing a stream, a Pop-Claas stream. I want to see Jeff Pop-Claas. I'll try to get ready for, get that setup, then that shouldn't be a problem. Hey, I wanted to propose something to you guys real fast. You know how we've done the hot dog and the hamburger counts? Yeah, I was just about to bring this up. This is great.

We're gearing towards another count. Yeah, in about a month or so. We'll start the October count. It'll go from October 1st to, I guess, September 30th or whatever next year. and we've been discussing, I think generally we consider pizza to be the one.

Another interesting one, which probably doesn't work, but for everybody, but I thought would be cool was coffee. You just count how many cups of coffee. It doesn't work for me. But I know it doesn't work for Andrew, unfortunately. However,

I'd love to track that. Maybe that's the next year. Maybe we spend the next 365 days. I don't mind being a Gavin and just not, like Gavin said too, that he's excited about it. I have no problem just being one where it's like I'm not engaging in this.

Well, I'm always on the board. Yeah, that's true. I just, I meant like obviously like hot dogs and burgers aren't necessarily things you're pumped about. So if you're really excited about coffee, I don't mind you guys doing coffee. Do you think you could get 10 cups of coffee down in a year? Absolutely not. You don't think you could get 10? No. Well, this is now complicating what I wanted to do because I'm really excited about this idea and exploring this because I definitely want to hook Andrew on coffee now and I think we can figure out a way to get it done. But my prep, my proposition to you guys is we've been looking for these four. fucking pizza slices and the data on the how many slices of pizza the average person uh consumes in a year is inconsistent and kind of all over the map and instead of following somebody else's standard my proposition to you boys is what if we are the standard what if we create a regulation number of pizza slices a person eats in a year right so we take all five of us we add all of our numbers up at the end of 365 days divided by five and that's the average number That's the regulation average number of pizza slices that a regulation person eats in a regulation year.

I'm sick of following and seeing if we fit the trends of the larger populace. We're the fucking regulation podcast. We should be setting the standard going forward, and I want to do that. Great boy. That's phenomenal. Oh, Jeff, you blew this thing wide open. I love the idea. I support it fully.

With that said, also, if you guys want to do coffee, I'm not shutting that down just because I'm not a coffee. No, I think coffee's 2027. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I'm not falling off coffee between now and then, so we got nothing to worry about. My numbers aren't going to change. It's going to be the same. No issues there. Averaging between the five of us is nice, too, because my poor numbers won't pull the group down too much.

100%. But that's what we need, you know? It's like, that's how averages work. Yeah. Yeah. So with everything wrapping up with our burgers, we do have our final, final burger count, which we did talk about previously, but when we recorded,

it was just before the 1st of September. So I just want to finalize everything. Jeff at 89, Andrew at 80, Nick at 45, Eric at 34, Gavin at 14. So those were our hamburger numbers. And I feel like we did a really good job with the community and with ourselves sort of going like,

well, what counts as a hamburger? Because obviously there's a spirit to these things and we want to make sure we're consistent in everything. So three sliders counts as one burger. And I think that really helped people sort of wrap their head around this thing. I think the pizza slice conversation is going to be really all over the place. I think if people just adhere to the idea that there's a spirit to this

and follow your own moral judgment, remembering that you're not competing in any way. This is not a competition. Is there a trophy? Yes. Will I be awarded the trophy in some sort of video form for regulation? Yes. but that's not that's beside the point

the point is to give an accurate count of how many hamburgers, hot dogs or slices of pizza you actually eat in a year not to be pedantic and try to get one over and be like technically that's two pieces and not one because it's so large that doesn't do anybody any good you're not helping yourself or anybody else out

you're not helping the spirit of this thing out you know what a slice of pizza is use your own fucking internal moral barometer on what a slice of pizza is and keep it to yourself. I don't need to know what you consider a slice of pizza. Whatever you consider a slice of pizza is good enough to me. Sure.

Is there a slice of pizza where the topping is more calories than the base? Oh. You could probably do that with like some healthy pizza, like a cauliflower type crust type thing. Like you could probably easily get there. cauliflower crust? Yeah, that's the thing that people do. You've never heard of that? No.

Yeah, what? You used to have it all the time. Yeah, that's. Normal. Yeah. When I was keto, that was all I ate. Yeah. Is it good?

It's fine. It's not quite pizza, but, you know. It's close. You know, it gets you there if you're on some sort of a diet where you can't have it, you know, it'll sate the craving, I think. Yeah. Alamo Draft House used to have a decent cauliflower crust pizza. I'm sure they don't anymore, but they did five years ago, four years ago.

What else could you crust? Chicken? Yeah. Sandwich? Sandwich. Sandwich crust? Uh, what else can you crust? I mean, there was a, there was a chicken, like, you smashed the chicken super flat,

and then you put all, like, the pizza toppings on it. That's like, I've seen that. Yeah, it was good. If you can get it crispy, it's good. Coliflower might be unique, because you can also rice cauliflower, and I don't think you can rice a lot of other stuff. Maybe broccoli? I don't know. Whoa.

I don't know you could make crust. Not sure. I mean, I know you're usually picking it off the crust tree, but no, typically. You can make it. Most gluten-free people have to eat cauliflower crust pieces off the crust tree, unfortunately. I think it's an important thing to note for this, too. And also, like, there are different styles, obviously, in shapes a slice, whatever the slice is of that type. You haven't a Detroit style, even though it's a square?

That's, that's a slice. It's a slice. It's a slice. Oh, yep. I meant to tell you guys this the other day. Or I guess today I'm going to tell you this, but it happened the other day. You know how my wife is into golf now, right? She's like,

Big time golfer, obsessed with golf. She's been going to the driving range constantly. She doesn't want to play golf. She just wants to be good at the driving range.

She just wants to hit the ball straight and far. And she's taking lessons and she's taking it seriously and she videos herself and she sends videos back and forth to her dad. Like,

it's very serious. That's wonderful. And like that I love that like sharing them with her dad. The idea of like getting lessons exclusively though for the driving range is so awesome. Well it's not exclusively the driving range but that's how you start

you get lessons you learn. Sure but you said like not really interested in playing the sport itself so like the idea of like perfecting the driving range I think is fucking awesome. Yeah I think that's just like where her interests lie I think when she feels comfortable with hitting and aiming and all that stuff

maybe at some point that'll transition into proper golf I don't know I know that's a part of her her classes she takes, like they will eventually play golf. But she's just really enjoying hitting golf balls, right? So we've been going to the driving range a ton. And Sunday, I was at the driving range. And I ran into like four different regulation community members at one driving range. I had no idea. Apparently, the regulation community is big into golf because I ran into more regulation. It was almost like an event. I was like, did I, did I stumble on to some

regulation meetup? There were so many people there. It was wild. So to all the regulations, golf community members, hello, it was nice to see you. I would love to know if Emily is aligned with my feeling of there'd be no better way to wake up than to just wake up, walk out, slam a ball.

100%. Golf ball, tennis ball, like as long as nobody's getting hurt, as long as it's fine, environmentally and all that, there's no better start to the day in my mind than just smashing a ball. I feel like without stretching, though, after a long sleep,

I'd be very likely to pull something. Yeah? You think so? If it was like the first thing of the day I did. Yeah, I guess you have to understand your body and like warm up if you feel like it. Maybe it's not the first thing, but definitely like knowing

you're going to get to slam a ball to start the day at some point is a great release in my mind. Also wanted to say to Mamel, the guy who I ran into a Costco the other day who hit me with a Jeffrey. No one has ever done that before in public and that was delightful.

I really, really tickled me. It made me laugh out loud when he did it. So thank you. We should probably point this out also. That as of now, I guess as of now, it's very early. But we are in coffee news and the coffee news has been found.

Jeff got the coffee news and we have the coffee news framed at the office. We are a coffee news podcast, boys. We are 100% a coffee news podcast. That's exciting. veteran owned. I cannot tell you how exhilarating it was walking into that two cheese sub.

The place, the very hallowed grounds of the Philly Cheese Steakoff and to see a regulation Ian on the wall. It was fantastic. Did you think about just standing by it and like pointing at it when strangers walked by you just to see if people made the connection? Yeah, I'll just look up, yeah.

Look at the ceiling. I can't believe that none of us have ever really done the Ian pose? It's tough to do. I wonder who is the most like Ian when they do the pose. I don't think necks worked the way that the Ian pose works.

Oh. Is it like a physical impossibility? Like when you think about it, like it, how would that work? Your nose where your hair currently is, but also your teeth being forward? Well, I mean, you can see into my mouth if you can see up my nose. What do you mean?

I mean that the center of the face is like the mouth is in the middle and your nose is at the very top and that's just not how faces work human faces. I can get my nose to the top without turning my head too much. Yeah? Okay. I got some distance on it. That's hey, I respect it. I don't think I could pull it off. The unbreakable nose cannot do the end. Well, we've established that most of your nose starts from within your head, doesn't it? That's why it's unbreakable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. it's really protected. It's hidden. Andrew's nose is like an iceberg. Yeah. Tucked in. Yeah, I think it is unbreakable because most of your nose is your whole head.

Yeah, exactly. It's like my face is a filly shell for my nose. Like, it's just, it's covered. So where do we go from coffee news? Do we try and get on a... I think we go to a different coffee news because it's regional. Oh, okay. Maybe we have a petition. I don't know. How do you guys feel about it? But I would be, I would be happy to always be advertising in coffee news. but only one coffee news at a time and it's a different region every time. So maybe it's in Indiana next time or it's in Wisconsin. I don't know. Maybe it's in Canada. The only evolution of this that I think we need is a way to specifically track

coffee news users interacting with the ad in some way. Whether that's like establishing a phone number that's unique to that or... I mean, there's, if there's tracking on the QR code, we could know it that way. I just, I think, respectfully, the audience of coffee news generally doesn't know what a QR code is or how to use it. I feel like it needs to be a phone number at some point. And I would just love if we had voicemails from people that called the number

what those would be. We could definitely do that. We could. That kind of ties into something else we're working on in the background right now. Yeah, for sure. I think that's entirely possible. I tried to make our phone number regulation because there's enough letters in the numbers, but

it was taken. Damn. Man, I've been working on some dumb thing. for us in the background this week that has been kicking my ass, but I've made so much progress. I wanted to thank you, Nick and Andrew specifically for helping me out with it, making our own, like a dumb little bit for down the road a bit, but, uh... Was Gavin in the slack for it, or no?

Yeah, I'm in the slack. I removed them. Just making sure. Thank you. Oh, good. Hey, probably justified, Jeff. I get it. I can't remember why, but I know I was right when I did it.

I feel that, brother. I'm very excited. It's a thing that I feel like is maybe scratching a zine. niche for you, I would guess, Jeff? I won't do the zine now because of this. Yes. Probably. 100%. Yeah. Like, it definitely filled that need and that niche desire in my, in my, in my heart. And so, yeah. The big thing will be like, is this a one-time thing or do we do it again?

And if we do it again, how often? And, you know. Yeah. I think there's a lot of interesting ways to evolve this coffee news venture that we've started in. and, yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, I think this is going to be a long and fruitful relationship we have with coffee news. I'm very excited about. Were there any other outside of regulation? Were there any other numbers

you tried to get Gavin that weren't available? I tried to get regulation-themed stuff. I got close, but I mean, it's hard to... There's like so few numbers available when you just type it in stuff. Is it easy for people to get custom numbers? I guess so. Because I

Even like Going back to the celebrity Rollercks I have There are a lot of celebrities That have very convenient numbers And I wondered like Is this coincidence or is this like This is like a rich person perk

That they get What do you mean convenient? It'd be like three of the same number On the back half So just as an example Like I have number number number number number 1-1-1-1-1-1

Would be the end of it Oh Just something that's super easy to remember Huh a lot of like the same number in a stretch type thing. It's like that feels like a very convenient number to randomly get. And the percentage of them that had convenient numbers, I would say were like 85%.

I wonder what is mathematically the least convenient phone number. Oh, that's a great question. It'd be no doubles, right? Yeah, no doubles, nothing easy to remember about any of the numbers. Are there any numbers that you confuse? Like, why try to remember? Yeah, I don't think so No

Do you? Like 6 and 11 Or like what do you mean? I'm thinking like if you're trying to remember something You know like maybe you'll look at one source And then you have to go to another place to put the number in Is there a certain number that's always like Oh was that a 6 or was that a 9 type thing

But I don't think there is I don't think there's like a uniquely different Difficult one to remember So it has to be all different numbers Yeah I think I feel pretty equal about all numbers It's probably I feel pretty equal. less popular numbers

1 through 10 what do you think the least popular number is 1 through 10 6 3 3 3

9000 6 I think it's 8 so you dropped 8 lost well you draft in I think 1

2 10 5 are all heavy hitters Lucky number 7 yep 3 is a big one so you're stuck with like 4 6 eight and nine are really your least, your less prestigious numbers.

I think four is really low. I think four is super low on the list, dude. It's coming, yeah, because it's sandwich between three and five, which are bangers. The vanger numbers. You might be, you know what? You might be on it. And also the nice thing about eight is it's sideways infinity and that might draw some people.

So I am going to retract it. I think you might be right on four, actually. Yeah, I think four, I think four is the worst. I think seven segment displays do a lot for eight. It just looks big and full. Hmm. Hmm. We can do a poll

Nick What do you think? Nick, Nick, what do you think If you had to pick the lowest number? I think I'd go with Two Wow, you think two is You think two is the bottom?

Second's the best, dude Nah, nah Nobody's thinking about two Nah Nah Two Sequels are always weaker Two

Tell that to the Godfather And Impostress back Terminator 2 Wow You wish it was Terminator 3 Tell that to hangover two, bro. Madagascar too? My daughter even saw some of that one.

Part of it. I had a realization the other day that's something that one of my family members told me is there's no way it's true. And I think I believed it. Really? And I think I told people at school about it. But then I must have stopped believing it quite a long time ago. And then the other day I was thinking about it, I was like, why would you tell me that? But my uncle told me he invented the...

silent auction. Okay. Yeah. To Gavin. Gavin. He was like explaining it to me as a new concept when I was like eight or something. And I was like, oh wow. You see, we were having an auction in a library.

And we needed the bids in. I bet I was in like year five at school and be like, oh, my uncle, yeah. He invented the silent auction. Now Google disagrees. There's no way. I wonder if he believed that or if that's like a really funny lie to tell somebody. He just wasn't really someone who ever messed with me. So maybe I misunderstood it or he thought he invented the silent auction.

I hope he thinks that he invented the silent auction. That would be the outcome. That would make me the happiest. He's at an auction looking around going pretty loud. Now what if? What if we just did this on the download? I mean, I feel like it is. something that multiple people could come up with.

Oh, sure. Maybe he just thought he came, like you said, maybe he thought he came up with it. He'd never run across the silent auction before. I'm gonna have to ask him. And then he thought, wow, it really caught like wildfire after that one I put on at the church function. It's everywhere overnight. It's gonna be, it's gonna be

one of those things where I remember that as a significant moment between me and my uncle and I'm gonna ask him about it now and he's gonna be like, what are you talking about? Oh, I should have copyrighted the silent auction. Fuck. All the money. I could have made. Could you imagine lying to a kid

like joking to like a nephew years, like 25 years ago? You're going like, oh yeah, I admitted the silent auction and it's just a passing thing and then he texts you out of nowhere decades later. Hey, so did you invent the silent auction? What the fuck are you talking about?

You just described 20% of the conversations I have with Millie still to this day. She just text me and was like, were you lying when you said that? I'm like 100% kiddo. Cool, thanks. Believe that, my whole wife. Thanks, Dad.

You got to reach out and say that you're making something about the history of auctions that would love to get a little bit of the history of the silent auction. Yeah, my last few videos, I've been telling people you invented this, so I'd really just love to get you on camera, do like an interview. I just think it's so easy and fun to lie to a child, I assume. But I think they really remember it. Yeah, I mean, there's like nothing you need to assume about that, but it's, yeah, 100%.

It's the best. I just haven't really lied to. I don't have a kid to lie to, I guess. You could text Millie right now and, like, lie to her if you want to. She's not going to fall for it. She's true, she's fucking grown up as hell. But also, because, I viewed it as

preparing Millie not to fall for any bullshit. She doesn't trust anybody anymore. You're not going to get one over on Millie Ramsey. I made her tough by telling her, you know, the Bears live in toilets and stuff. You told me a fair amount of shit as well. moved it. I made you tough too, buddy. I saw you as a child, I think.

If only he would have got to you before this silent auction lie, you would have never believed it. You would have never fallen for that after you hung out with me for a couple years. I'm just trying to think of other little claims people have made when I was a kid. Yeah, like invention-wise, not, I don't know if I have anything like that.

I don't think I had anybody in my family that was mischievous in that way. Oh, you just pulled that out of nowhere? What do you mean? You just decided to start doing it to other people. Oh, who me? Oh, yeah, I'm different than most of my family for sure. I'm, I'm, yeah, I'm an anomaly, I think. But no, I just don't think anybody in my family was like pranky. My family didn't do a lot of pranks and shit like that. They're pretty just like, sure, straightforward, normal people. Funny, but not, not pranky. I had a very funny grandmother,

but Nick, have you bullshit it Aachi with anything? Nothing stand out so far. I think it was, one time it was like, ah, you can't go outside without like a shirt on and you'll get arrested or something like, I don't remember. He was like trying to walk around the backyard and just like his underpants or something and I was like, you can't go out there without

the pants or a shirt. Doesn't he also think that the worst crime on earth is to break someone's roof? He does. Yeah. Oh, he did. He didn't think that anymore. He doesn't think that anymore. He doesn't? Oh, I'll have to get an update. Yeah. All right. Well, we should probably

wrap this fucker up then. Let's do it. What do you say? You want to make this the... We've covered a lot. We got Zan, we got pizza. I'm so excited for pizza. My only issue of pizza is I'm going to be slamming whole pies and off the count the slices.

Oh yeah, that's true. Do we need to give an average amount of slices to a pie? No. I don't think so. Do your own homework. Yeah. There's a spirit to this. That's all I'm saying.

And there's a spirit to this podcast. And that spirit requires you to come back next week and listen to all. all over again, so you better fucking do it. I'm going to be waiting, and if you're not here listening to this fucking podcast, I'm going to lie to you about something. We'll see you next week. Bye-bye. Bye.

Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know, the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today, I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll.

So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem.