Regulation Podcast - Regulation Listeners // Geoff's at 36% [78]
Episode Date: November 24, 2021Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff's colonoscopy & if he has to run, Andrew's formal apple apology, and Betty White contests to fund the show. Jet Ski Club Merch: Cyber Monday, November 29th at... 10am CST Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face), Better Help (http://betterhelp.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hello and welcome to episode 78 of the F*** Face podcast.
My name is Jeff Ramsey. My audio sounds good according to Nick.
We had to do some tests earlier because I had some weird device manager problems.
Thanks, Nick. With me as always, Andrew Patton and Gavin Free.
This episode and the next one, because we're doing
back-to-backs, it's going to be a little weird, and
I'll tell you why. We didn't record last
week. Whenever we skip a week,
the notes pile up.
I have more notes in my
phone, I think, than I've ever had.
I went through them last night with Emily, and she was like,
holy shit. I thought you were kidding.
That is way too much to talk about.
And some stuff is time-sensitive, so it's slipping away but on top of that the degree of difficulty
andrew i don't know if you want to talk about it we couldn't film last week because you were ill
you're feeling better now i however am not feeling great oh no well it's it's not i'm not sick it's
that i i have a colonoscopy tomorrow scheduled and uh i'm in the middle of colonoscopy
prep so i haven't eaten in a couple of days and i'm i'm living off of a clear i'm living off of
white gatorade and uh and water right is that why you weren't at the office earlier yeah i couldn't
well i was gonna come in and record with y'all play a video game with y'all but uh yeah i gotta
drink a bunch of weird shit.
Nick, I'm in the middle of drinking the weird shit.
But at that specific time, this is the other reason why it's going to be interesting.
I don't think I've gone 15 minutes without shitting my brains out today.
Really?
So I tried to my damnedest to like explode everything I could out of me before the recording.
But I might have to I might have to leave for a little
bit to shoot water violently out of my ass. I will. If there's one podcast that is established
recording in a bathroom, you've already done this. This is a round two for you.
I don't know how to get the mic in there, but God damn, dude, I woke up at about three this morning,
get the mic in there but god damn dude i woke up at about three this morning ran to the bathroom and i don't think i left until 5 30 if you cut the sides off of it is a porta potty really the
worst desk chair i think that there's a world in which that could work cut the side off yeah well
because you don't want to be in a fucking you're like boxed in it's like a phone booth if you got
the whole thing so if you cut the sides off and it's like a throne at that point you slide the chair in why not just cut it in half
like horizontally what do you mean cut it in half well how's that different than what i'm saying
well with the sides off you still got a roof over it well now if you cut the sides then there's
clearly no roof what is supporting the roof if there are no sides gavin that was sort of an
assumed uh you wouldn't um do i leave the
back up that's actually a great question i kind of like there's a little bit of a sun you got a
bat you want the bat i don't know i think it would depend on the porta potty right if your back rests
against the back wall or not i think it's too big for any desk you think so i think i could fit a
porta potty in here and well no that no, that's not true at all.
You could even get it through the door.
That's yeah.
You know what?
Honestly, getting it up the stairs would be the bigger issue.
I think I could get it in the room.
We'd have to get a lift of some kind to like bring it up to my level.
And then we would be OK, I think.
Do you think it would hit the ceiling?
Oh, no, I got really tall ceilings.
I got so much space going up.
I'm good.
We don't really utilize ceiling space either. Like like what should i feel like it's dead space now that you
were telling me last night that we also waste door frames yeah door frame doesn't do enough
it's true there is not enough door frames just exist i'd love your opinion on this jeff when
have you ever seen a door frame be utilized for anything outside of it being a door frame throw a light in that throw a light in the frame yeah why not well you
want it to be like a status thing that like a progress thing i did a pull-up bar eric just
said pull apart that's a great call it's a good use for a door frame or halo the halo ranking
system i was just saying it would be cool to have a visual indicator of the
bar and i figured like the door frame isn't being used at all and it's like where you measure as a
child we've been playing so much halo infinite we've been watching our little rank bars go up
and andrew was just like wouldn't it wouldn't this be great if instead of on here it was on
my door frame and i was like what are you talking about and he was equating it to like when a kid gets taller and you measure the height
on the wall
well because Gavin said I'm going up
a bit and I thought of like oh as a kid
like it was exciting when
you'd go up a new notch and they put a new notch
in the door frame if you could have
like a physical bar of light that
showed your progress it would be so
great up and down just like the nerves
every time you go up you down just like the nerves every time
you go up you go to use the bathroom you're looking at that fucking bar like oh fuck i need
to next game next game's a big one even though we haven't recorded in two weeks andrew and i've
been spending a lot of time together playing a little bit of halo infinite oh that's cool you
guys haven't joined us i haven't been invited oh invited. Oh. Yeah. That's how that dies.
When you don't invite me, I don't join.
Yeah.
Not a big mystery on that one, guys.
Yeah, but everyone's just on.
Everyone's just playing.
I'm on playing Halo.
I've played a bunch.
Nobody's invited me.
What rank are you?
I'm only rank one.
Yeah, rank one?
Of what?
Halo?
Halo?
Halo rank one.
Do you remember in Halo 2, Jeff, how they had, like, symbols as the rank?
We were talking about that.
How, like, it was visually cool, but, like, you'd encounter somebody who was the fucking moon.
Like, it would move on from numbers at a certain point.
It was just nonsensical.
Vaguely, yeah.
I remember the Halo Reach ranking better than any of the other ones, I think.
What was that?
That was just the military? military yeah i was just really it was very similar to actual military
rank in a fun way for me so i remember like trying to level just because i was it was i don't know
it was fun yeah i've i've found i don't know if you've done the rank games in halo infinite but
i have enjoyed it a lot more since becoming ranked and like really focusing in on that
I'd recommend you put time
I have only played quick
games like quick play whatever it is
you should do ranked it's a lot of
fun okay I'll consider it we had a
great comment from
a comment lever recently
that I saw because we had last week we were trying to
discuss what someone who listens
and doesn't leave a comment is called.
Yeah.
Jeff was saying, like, unleavers and stuff.
There's someone in a comment whose name is Imeanyolowright
suggested regulation listeners.
I'm so glad you brought that up, Gavin.
I love that.
I think that's great.
I saw that as well on Twitter, and I thought,
that is fucking perfect.
Regulation listeners and comment leavers.
I thank you for bringing that up
that I completely and totally agree
regulation. There we go. Yeah, I
think we're set. I think that's I
don't even remember comment leavers debate
and regulation listeners. There you go.
Should we just sell both of those
as an individual shirt and you can buy which one
that you are.
I really want to leave a comment,
but I don't want to have to buy the shirt
because I've already bought the regulation listener.
It's a real problem.
Maybe we can have like a trade-in program.
Yeah.
Leave your first comment.
Guys, I'm fucking out of it.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying so hard.
I'm so hungry and I'm so tired.
We should have done this on a different day. Probably.
We kind of ran out of days.
It's my kind of ran out.
I'll take,
I,
you know what?
I have multiple things I want to apologize for.
Cause we haven't recorded since the cosmic crisp review.
I was a little,
came in a little hot.
I was sick at that time.
Didn't realize it.
I thought,
uh,
just bad sleep.
I want,
I want to issue a proper,
a formal apology to everybody. Oh oh i don't think it was
a trap i appreciate it as the i think i think you guys i think the apple fell against um
how do i not turn my apology into an insult um that's a great question i i don't think i don't
think there's a great i don't think the room was filled.
Nick seemed very Apple qualified.
I think the rest of the people in the process of the review seemed a little less Apple qualified,
not their favorite fruit.
Kind of a strange...
It would be like if I reviewed a banana.
Not to that extreme.
What are we qualified at?
I would find, as a regulation human, I assume,
I would think... I would find your banana review to be just as valid as anyone else's.
I may not agree with your answer or result or your opinion,
but I think the review is valid.
Yeah, we don't want an echo chamber.
All regulation humans should have equal review say.
It's fair, but it's just, I don't know,
if you're specializing in a specific thing for the majority of people to think that it can only be average at best, I feel like puts a ceiling on the extent of that review.
Also, just the opinion of that person.
If that makes sense.
It's not a special, nobody here, I include myself, I'm not an Apple expert.
I enjoy apples.
The main point I wanted to apologize for is I said it was a trap.
I said to you guys, it felt like a bit, a prank.
You guys didn't fail.
It was Cosmic Crisp.
They failed.
They failed me.
I reached out.
I sent messages.
No replies.
I tried my best to get their product.
It is not your guys' fault that I was not able to secure one.
It's Cosmic Crisp's fault.
So I apologize for the heat.
I apologize for the heat i apologize for the
declaration of revenge well i appreciate that i will then let me apologize andrew for something
real fast uh because since that moment you know i do i'm on the cameo you know i do some cameos
from time to time uh-huh uh and since that moment every canadian cameo i've gotten of which there
have been you know it's been a week so there have probably been six or seven.
I have
potentially turned
those cameos into
questions about how the fuck apples work
in Canada and why you weren't able to get one
and asking them if they could get Cosmic
Crisps. So far, nobody's gotten back
to me. I kind of
turned it around on them and made them all put them to work.
But I did.
I did maybe get a little a little spicy talking about your inability to get an apple to other
Canadians.
So I apologize for that.
OK, did you eventually get one, Andrew?
No, I still haven't got one.
I'm still looking.
I'm still looking.
I'm on them.
I'm trying.
I'm putting out feelers.
I'm on websites.
Gav, imagine being a guy who loves apples.
Not an expert, but certainly an apple enthusiast.
An enthusiast.
Without a doubt.
Who lives in a country where apples aren't readily available.
That's got to be a hard life for you.
I got a lot of apples.
I just don't got the Cosmic Crisp.
I'm eating a Fuji right now.
I got a Fuji on my desk.
I got a mandarin orange on my desk.
Is that from your private favorite apples list that you won't show you know what i'm not saying it's on
the list but we're dabbling a little bit if he's eating it at home that's got to be top three
oh eric and nick eric and nick are uh they're taking that as confirmation there is i very few
apples i would refuse to just eat or that i wouldn't buy. If I see an apple,
if I'm walking by, I'll grab that apple. I'll grab it. If it's in a bag, I'll take it with me.
I don't think there's any value to assuming that because I have it in my house means it
is a top apple for me. It's a lot of good apples. I don't understand why you would buy a non as
such an enthusiast with such a refined apple palette. I don't know why you would buy a non as such an enthusiast with such a refined apple palette i don't know why
you would buy a non-top apple like why would you own a non-top apple in your house because if i if
i'm just going by the fruit section i maybe don't want to go into the heart of the jungle jeff i
maybe i'm on the perimeter and i'm like you know what fuji isn't bad i'll grab a fuji is it a bag
grab this bag of Fujis.
So are you so is this a situation where you can only buy apples on in caps?
Uh, not not like restricted to that.
But yeah, sometimes, you know, like we've talked about before of not going down the aisle, just purchasing on the perimeter, on the edges of it.
Sometimes you don't want to go into the heart of the fruit section.
It's big.
It's a vast section of
you can get lost they got organic products next thing you know you got a whole fucking shopping
cart of apples you don't need that i would love to see you get lost in a fruit section
i did when i bought bananas as i said i felt very lost i felt very confused i didn't know if i needed
a bag i didn't know if I needed to write stuff down.
There's a code to certain fruits that I am not aware of.
Boy, we got dinged on codes.
We made that dumb joke about how we had the serial numbers from the stickers on the apple.
Oh, yeah.
Obviously, it's a PLU code.
It says it on it.
We were just being silly.
And that one angered a few people who work at grocery stores for some reason.
No, it's the batch.
It was the batch.
It was the batch number.
Jesus Christ.
That was fun.
I enjoyed doing that supplemental review as much as it didn't sound like I did at the time.
I had a great time.
And that's a little something for the audience if you're not aware,, if you somehow missed it, we dropped when the Apple dropped a couple
days after the Cosmic Crisp dropped.
We dropped our review of it via the usual means, you know, the podcasting platforms
and whatnot and the YouTube.
But we didn't announce it ahead of time or anything.
We just threw it out there.
And it's not a full episode.
It was just meant to be a review.
Very angry, Andrew.
Very interesting.
I thought it was that was a little different
and a lot of fun and i hope we do more stuff like that in the future there were i mean the one
criticism of the thing it was very different it felt being able to see made a big difference for
me i think that's why beyond being sick i think that influenced my anger hearing you guys do a
box opening and not being able to see the box or like review the thing it was complicated
but you were angry after you were watching us no i was angry just in general but it really like
for you guys to be like oh it's a box filled with apples and me just looking at a fucking discord
screen of nothing well that's how the audience feels yeah but the audience isn't supposed to
fucking comment on the box they're not adding to the recording. Oh, they comment constantly, buddy.
Oh, they do.
We do have a comment section,
but you don't listen to a piece of audio
expecting your comment to then impact
the show that is currently happening.
Sure, sure.
I'll give you that.
There's a difference.
I was supposed to be able to react to a thing,
but I will say Apple's great.
I become a really big frozen raspberries guy.
I love a frozen raspberry.
I think we've talked about it before.
Yeah, you mentioned that.
Yeah, I have.
You've just eaten them.
Well, no, I'm not just.
Well, I'm kind of doing both.
I get a glass of water, pour it in the.
Well, no, I get a glass first.
Empty glass.
Got to fill it with raspberries.
I fill like half the glass with frozen raspberries
then you put the water in it's great it's like ice you snack on it it's delicious i will take
a photo that's it that's that's it all steps dad listen it's we like a simple recipe gavin
you just get some frozen raspberries and throw it in a glass breeze and that's that's and that And that to you is better than a room temperature normal raspberry.
Absolutely.
I think he realized his two-step process was too short, so he added another step.
And that was get a glass that's empty.
No, no, no.
Get a glass of water.
The glass starts as empty.
Step one.
No, this is...
Do you know what happened there?
I'll give you the fucking honest truth of where my brain went. I thought about bathtubs,
okay? And when I get in the tub, I
sit in an empty tub first, then I put the
water in. I don't put the water in first.
You gotta put the raspberries in,
because you need to have enough raspberries.
If you put the water in first, you're limiting
the amount of raspberries you can put into the glass.
Well, what's stopping you from killing three birds
with one stone, take a bath,
throw a bag of frozen
raspberries in and snack away yeah no it's gross no think of it like it's almost like romantic like
rose petals but you can know it's terrible you fucking there's no oh i'd vomit everywhere
i don't want you keep your muffins on the box seat yeah no i don't i put them in a bowl and i i can't wait for you to
visit here at one point and you're gonna sit in an empty tub and you're gonna be like you know what
that's a fucking convenient table right there that is perfectly level i don't see how our putting
your headset on the crust zone of a toilet is cleaner than eating raspberries from water.
No, water that
you're in is the big change.
You're like, water.
Have a shower first, then
hop in. Now there's too many steps.
What am I showering? Is that step four?
Step five? You just throw them in a glass.
Throw them in a glass, add water
to the glass, get a spoon.
What? What are you talking about
i don't fucking know it sounds like you're making raspberry you're countering that to my experience
of having the raspberries in a glass you're saying that that is a better like that would be the better
move and i'm saying there's too many steps it's the biggest glass you could ask for yeah i would
like to point out that eric i think, very astutely wrote, the raspberries
are Andrew and the cup is the
bathtub. Yeah, it's terrible.
Nobody wants that. That's awful.
So the raspberries probably don't want to be in the cup
then, if you don't want to be in the bathtub.
I really do not care about the feelings of the
raspberries. The raspberries considerations
are at the bottom of my list.
Here's what I see. I see
turn the lights off, light some candles,
play some soft music,
maybe one of your favorite football team fight songs.
Then you sprinkle some raspberry,
whatever you're listening to at the moment,
state songs, whatever it is.
Then you sprinkle some raspberries,
dip into the tub and just relax.
And then occasionally when the mood strikes,
just reach your little hand out,
pluck a raspberry out of the water.
Yum.
Andrew's taking himself on a date.
I don't know.
I don't like it.
I'm not a fan of that.
It seems gross.
It seems disgusting.
I'm fascinated by the line you draw
between what's acceptable and what is gross.
Because I feel like for me,
it's a nice straight line
between all the normal gross shit
and all the usual stuff.
Yours is a bit of a wiggly one. It sort of
goes around into gross
as acceptable and back out.
And this is apparently...
There are certain things that enter into just the
purely gross category that you'd never
do and then there are things where
at the time, like it's easy for me to
say now, I would not do that thing i lost him i lost him yeah he's he's gone i just heard bang and then he went
drifted away yeah he's yeah he's he went down the drain of the bathtub oh eric i'm sorry
today's the day buddy uh now's the time to go shit. Nah, I'm okay at the moment.
Are you sure you don't want to push one out?
No, there's no push it out.
Oh my god, it's more like just trying to hold it in.
There's no pushing.
Yeah, that was probably on the day I shit my pants six times.
It was just water.
I mean, it is literally...
If I recorded it, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference from me peeing and shitting.
Wait, did I?
Did I vandalize?
Yeah, you've been gone for a while.
Oh, I did a whole fucking
I did a whole thing. Oh, you should have done it for us.
We would have loved it. I thought
everyone was listening. I was
oh, where did I leave off?
I said Jeff is a shell of a man
and then there was no response and I realized
that. I don't even think I heard that part.
Yeah. No, we didn't hear
but we, you've been gone for about 45
seconds probably I did a whole
fucking monologue about this thing
and it was silent and I was like
I don't know if this is going really well or if you guys
are just listening I don't know how to feel
about this and then there
was silence after I kind
of threw a shot at Jeff no response
is like something is clearly broken
and I came back to fucking Jeff talking about shitting which. No response. I was like, oh, something is clearly broken. And I came back to
fucking Jeff talking about shitting,
which, funny enough,
is where I was leading anyway.
Oh.
And so it synced up.
I was very confused.
Well, do you want to go back
and insult me
where we can all hear it?
I was just saying
that I think the gross line,
it can change
based off of where you're at.
If you're exhausted,
you're having a bad day,
maybe what would seem gross
in an ideal scenario is acceptable at that time. I see. That was sort of the general point. Are you saying where you're at if you're exhausted you're having a bad day maybe what would seem gross in an ideal scenario is acceptable at that time i see that was sort of are you saying that you think
that like potentially my view of the grossness of your raspberry romance bath is being uh affected
by this my my current situation like if i was a if i was like a healthy happy jeff i might i might
find it a little grosser exactly that's what i was saying where je was like a healthy happy jeff i might i might find it a little
grosser exactly that's what i was saying where jeff is like you're not you're not a hundred
percent right now i'm not maybe there's a thing what percent are you uh i'm gonna so i came in
thinking i was at like 85 i felt pretty good about it and it. And then y'all got
me immediately.
And I realized I wasn't at 80%.
I was at more like 40%.
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visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply can i tell you a story of pain and
misery that might might bring you up a little bit please my pain my suffering i'm laying in bed last
night gavin and i played halo i'm crawling into bed it's like 11 p.m. I was up
playing I could have played Halo at 11 p.m. phone number you have my email
address you have like Xbox live gamer. I didn't see online.
I would have definitely, if I saw you online.
I don't ever see either of you online.
Are you guys appearing online?
I'm definitely doing something.
But what I was doing last night was I was in bed.
Everybody's appearing offline, but somehow I get left out.
It's fine.
I understand my place in this podcast family.
I am at the bottom of the pile.
I'm the one that you invite.
Nobody else is around.
Andrew's too sick to play.
Nick is taking care of the baby and Eric's playing baseball.
Maybe Gavin will hit me up if he can be bothered to remember my fucking phone number.
I get it.
Anyway, Andrew, you were saying something gross.
So no, it's not gross.
I was laying in bed and you know, when you have those, I don't know.
I feel like this is relatable where you're in bed, you're comfy, but you kind of have
a thought of like, oh, what if I go down and do this instead?
What if I get a snack?
What if I get a drink of something?
Yeah, but I'm so cozy and you have that like real struggle.
And I had, I was like, you know what?
It's fucking, we're getting into the winter season.
My favorite time of year.
Yeah, you're battling the cozy wall.
Some hot chocolate right now would be fucking delicious.
What a like just a nice little cup of hot cocoa.
Oh, man.
What a time I was laying there.
I thought I had this fight in my head for 25 minutes.
Do I get up?
I'm so comfy.
Do I get hot chocolate? I decide I I had this fight in my head for 25 minutes. Do I get up? I'm so comfy.
Do I get hot chocolate?
I decide I'm going to go get some hot chocolate.
So I go down.
I get the milk going. It's nice and warm.
I'm doing it all fancy.
I got the marshmallows out.
Are you doing it in a pan?
I'm doing it.
I'm doing it in a pot.
I'm doing it.
I'm like taking my time.
I'm enjoying the experience.
I got my cow is in the cupboard.
I got my taking my time. I'm enjoying the experience. I got my cow is in the cupboard. I got my,
the kettle is,
there's so many people that want to fight me that that is a kettle.
It's the most ridiculous having to send product links.
But anyway,
the thing is being made.
It's delicious.
I got my tablet and one hand whipped cream marshmallow.
It's hot.
It's all fantastic.
I turn around.
I take four steps. I drop my drop my tablet hit my forearm shift my forearm
spill hot chocolate everywhere largely on myself burn my shoulder just scorch my shoulder with hot
milk i got whipped cream on the ceiling i got marshmallows on a pantry door it's so much
velocity it flew everywhere i don't know gavin how it get so much velocity? It flew everywhere. I don't know,
Gavin, how it got so much velocity,
but it went fucking everywhere.
Because as I've just learned, you've got high ceilings.
I do. I do have high ceilings.
It fucking flew.
It flew everywhere. I burnt myself.
The speaker on my
tablet no longer works. I broke that
in the hot chocolate.
I had to clean everything up i immediately
my shirt still in the kitchen it's just there i took the shirt off it was covered in hot chocolate
miserable it was miserable it was one of the worst hot chocolate experiences i've ever had i cleaned
everything up i had a quarter of a cup left i shot some whipped cream in there and i just sat
downstairs and watched seinfeld sad eating the remains of my hot chocolate.
It was terrible.
It was a miserable experience.
You didn't bother making a night,
after all that effort, you didn't just make a new one?
No!
I was broken.
I was a broken man, Gavin.
I had a burnt shoulder.
I was picking marshmallows up off the floor.
Having to put stuff in the garbage
that you know is delicious is always crushing.
I'm just sitting in the dark watching Seinfeld at 1 a.m.
Miserable.
And this is after we played Halo?
This is after.
Yeah, this is like maybe 40 minutes after.
My whole evening was ruined.
I should have just stayed in bed.
That's all I kept thinking about.
I should have just stayed in bed.
I stayed in bed and I got no whipped cream on any ceiling.
Fucking, oh, it's the worst.
It's terrible.
It was, ah.
I've had a bad run.
Well, I'm sorry that happened to you, man.
I feel like burning the shoulder only is a rare one.
Like, maybe it would get up to the shoulder
if you, like, burnt your whole arm.
It only burnt a corner of my shoulder,
and I luckily avoided the cat.
That is, like, the biggest thing,
that I don't know how the cat didn't get hit by any of it voided them Sam Sam yeah you know that you're aware of this cat
20 years old it's yes she is it's it's been I don't know it was a rough night in that regard
I'm just spilling shit all over the place I I've become a maple syrup guy it's a big addition
in my life really gotten into maple syrup recently i was making some pancakes took them upstairs
put i was carrying a lot of stuff i think my issue is i'm carrying too many things at once
well yeah you've always got a tablet in your hands
i had like six different things in my hands and i'm gonna sit at my desk to eat my pancakes
with a lot of maple syrup and i put the sit at my desk to eat my pancakes with a
lot of maple syrup and i put the plate on the bed for a minute and then i think oh fuck there's so
much maple syrup on that and i quickly grab it luckily didn't come off i was like oh that could
have been really bad so i continue with the rest of my night crawl in the bed ready to sleep pull
up the first blanket it's drenched in maple syrup just coated
in it i was like oh it's one like i just want to go to bed fuck see that's that's where our lines
between acceptable and gross differ because i don't want to put food in my bed i don't want
food anywhere no it was just there for a moment I put the plate down for a second because I had so many
things in my hand to adjust to put
other stuff on the desk. Then I immediately
grabbed the food from the bed.
It was just at an angle. The plate was at an angle
and all the maple syrup poured off the pancakes
onto the blanket.
So you were sticky?
It was all sticky. Both blankets were.
I threw that off. I was like, well, at least I have another...
Oh, no, this one's also fucking covered in maple syrup that's just coated in it my whole arm everything terrible
how did it get on the other blanket it's so viscous i wouldn't imagine it would go through
quickly i think it just hit double coverage i think it hit both of them at the same time and
i didn't see it there's a lot of maple syrup on my plate and i think it just slid off and coated two different blankets and i can never get maple syrup right i feel like
i'm putting too much on and then i go to eat the pancakes and suddenly it's all absorbed and i'm
like where the hell did all the maple syrup go i can't even taste it and i put more it's it's really
hot it's a surprisingly difficult condiment to get right i feel like really I put zero thought into you just drown it well I'm not
necessarily drowning it but I've never been like oh that's too much or too little it's like that's
just I have maple syrup that's interesting I've never even considered the possibility of like
loading too much on it are you working on your pancake mix that you ordered is that where you
yeah I'm still no I'm still going through my 70 pounds.
I don't think I finished a 10-pound bag of it.
I'm still working through it.
I totally forgot about that 70 pounds.
Isn't it close to expiring?
I think it expires in 2023.
I think I got some time.
I think I'm good, but yeah, I've been working away.
I'm almost done my first 10-pound bag.
I'll gladly make you
pancakes if you guys ever come over.
I'm so excited to come over.
Yeah, you can eat them in the tub and you'll see.
Let's be sure to make it, when we do that,
an official face event so I get the invite too.
Oh, you're always invited, Jeff.
Am I?
Was I invited to Halo for the last week?
I had an interesting thought while I was listening to all these stories.
And I was thinking, I was thinking about a fun bit we could do would be,
I could put out like a request and try to find some new or real friends
who actually like me and want to spend time with me.
I texted you guys at 10 o'clock this morning, you, Eric, and Gavin.
Once again, nobody responded to me.
It's becoming very clear to me.
It wasn't a question.
It wasn't a question.
It was a conversation starter.
Do you ever text me?
Okay, this is the thing.
If you send a text saying today is going to be interesting
on the day we record the podcast,
all I'm thinking is, hell yeah, can't wait.
Yeah, that was my reaction too.
I thought that that was like a
oh exciting save it for the show type thing and you thought hell yeah and he doesn't deserve a
reply i was trying to start a conversation with you guys my point being it's very very and it's
okay it's okay because it's a it's a day job we all gotta make our paychecks i get it we do we
have we have great on-screen chemistry but i think a fun bit i didn't have this in my notes because i just came up with this right now but i
think a fun cool thing we could do is maybe i could like put out a call to the comment leavers
and the regulation listeners that like hey i might want to play halo with friends i might want to
text with people back and forth and have them respond to me within three or four days like the
last time i brought it up uh maybe there's some people out there who may not think maybe think
that there's some value in old Jeff as a friend
and may just want to have a conversation with me. If you're
out there, let me know on Twitter or something. I'm currently
in the market for at least two friends.
I'm so lonely
and I don't have any friends to talk to, so audience,
hit me up. We talk daily.
What do you mean?
I don't feel like today
is going to be interesting
G is what you texted the group text.
I read that, Jeff, with excitement, thinking, oh, I don't want to ask about it in the text
because I don't want to ruin what will happen on the show.
There's a huge risk with responding to the group chat.
We could easily blow all of our reactions to something good.
It's a massive risk, and I can't believe you're acting like it isn't.
It's a huge risk. Let's see. The last
time, we'll go back through our text a little bit,
because Gavin and I talk daily.
On Saturday,
I texted Gavin,
and I said,
hey, text me back. Eventually, you did.
And then we
talked about some stuff, eventually.
Then Sunday,mber 7th
which would have this is uh i sent you a video and i said have you seen this and you said yeah
back eventually i text you back you text me at 9 24 a.m i replied at 10 06 that's not eventually
no that's fine that's pretty good then the next time we talked on our daily talk was sunday november 7th i sent you a video and i said have you seen this and then you said yeah and then
i sent you a video on sunday or i sent you a text on the sunday to ask how you were feeling
and then you responded but at no point in any of oh and then i said again i sent you another text
to see how you were feeling uh and at no point in any of these conversations did you reach
out to me first this is only me reaching out desperate for a friend getting one or two word
answers and then moving on with my life and then trying to get a week later i i'm can't repeat that
that we're talking about text messages this is awful we were on the podcast on monday when i was
that was another day we didn't need to text. I've been seeing so much of you.
Yeah, okay.
Well, great.
Happy to do more, as always.
I feel like if you're teeing up some good face stuff,
the best thing to do is just to wait to hear it.
I think that was the misunderstanding in that text, Jeff.
I think clearly it was about the colonoscopy that you're going through.
It was.
I was trying to talk to you guys about
my thing, and then just nobody
seemed interested in responding to me, so I thought, oh,
well, I'm not going to burden them with my problems
because they can't even be bothered to respond to me.
I was also at work. I was
in the middle of a Let's Play. I'm not going to, you know,
I'm about to come out. I
arrived home late, like
five minutes after we started, because
I didn't have any time. I haven't even eaten yet.
There's all these demands.
It's not a demand.
It was like five hours ago.
Four hours ago I sent that text.
How does it work?
I was in the video that you didn't go to.
We could, to be just completely honest,
we could have recorded 10 hours from now.
I still wouldn't have responded
because I thought it was show related.
I thought it was like, ooh, exciting thing for the show.
All right.
That's fine.
It doesn't have to be.
Well, I rescind everything I've said.
Then you guys are the best.
I look forward to playing Halo with you constantly.
It sounds like we do it all the time.
I'd look.
You know what?
You know what?
You know what I look forward to?
Somebody texting me first one day.
I texted you.
You texted me first yesterday and then started a conversation with me and then disappeared and then when i said hey what's up man
are you gonna tell me that thing you said oh never mind i had the conversation with gavin
i don't want to have it with you again we need to talk so this was massive texting i'll fucking read
it no please do because this is a whole this You have no idea how how like bad I felt.
I felt bad on so many levels.
And this has happened before.
But it's the first time I've been trapped.
You texted me out of the blue, which I appreciated.
It was the and you said, I have an idea.
And I said, go on.
And then I didn't hear from you for three minutes.
And then you responded to me and you said, I hate myself.
And then you said, I told it all to Gavin.
And I said okay
should I go and I was like okay so should I ask
Gavin for the information then and you go
no just I'm not going to tell you just
save it for the show we'll do it for the show
we can have Gavin explain so even when you're
texting me even when you're trying to have
a conversation with me you're not you're doing it with
someone else you're doing it with Gavin let's just cut
me out of the conversation
completely absolutely not let's just I want you to hear my position on this my perspective
I texted you that thing and I was so excited to talk to you about it Jeff like genuinely I was
like oh I can't wait to talk to Jeff here's opinion I value it he's so funny he's a creative
guy I can't wait this is gonna be so wonderful i text you you reply i had gotten a
text from gavin earlier in the day you're both g's on my phone you both have the same icon because
of that like the default g google thing i accidentally then click gavin and i sent like
seven or eight texts explaining and outlining this idea with a link. And then I realized,
oh,
fuck,
this is,
I sent all these to Gavin.
Too hard to copy and paste back to me.
Well,
because I thought it'd be funnier on the show to have Gavin then explain to you my idea.
But Gavin,
what could you explain to me Andrew's idea?
I've been on,
I've been waiting for days to hear it.
From what I've seen,
um,
you watch 10 hours of Betty White and you get paid a grand or something.
So,
uh,
the idea was we've talked about before on the show,
budget,
port-a-potty budget,
dumb budget.
We need a budget.
I came across this absurd,
this absurd contest. If you want to call it that it's like
betty white is in no way affiliated with it or endorsed by it but it's this insurance company
that is like hey if you can prove you're the biggest betty white fan we will give you a
thousand dollars and a dvd player and some dvds and you have to document yourself watching 10 hours of Betty White
and that's the contest.
You're being,
the contest is them trying to find
the biggest Betty White fan
to then have social media
like document their experience
of watching this content.
I don't think anyone's gonna
fucking enter that thing
and I feel like we could just
take over random contests and win them and
that is how we could fund this show we just need to win these things i also thought it'd be really
funny if on our youtube channel just a random video out of nowhere comes out of one of us
talking about how much they love betty white and why she's so great and then so like there's a week
where the audience will be like what is why is is Jeff or whatever talking about Betty White with like no context?
So we'd have to do is make that before this comes out.
All we would have to do is before the contest ends on the 22nd for submission.
So the audience in no way can impact this in any way.
They can't apply.
They will hear after the fact.
And I don't think anyone will apply so i think if we apply and include a video
of the application i think we might be able to win the betty white dream job contest i i sounds
awesome to me i like the idea of entering random contests uh that nobody else enters and wins i
know we we know somebody uh associated with rooster used to do that and had a lot of success
with it i remember i listened to a uh like a game podcast and they talked about how running a gaming website in the
mid-2000s, they used to have these huge contests where it was like, if you could submit in the
greatest PSP guide or whatever for this thing, you will win a car through this promo that they're
doing. And nobody had the ability to capture footage at that point or like just the
the barriers the entry were so hard they'd have like four people enter for a new car and it was
just like a constant thing where it's like it was such a small thing i think if we target these
weird bizarre contests we can just rack up the wits i'm just so confused at this contest like
everyone applies and if you're like and then they select only one person yes to watch 10 hours from
like various pre-provided dvds and then you get a grand so they all they get out of this
is one person doing like a bit of social media about betty white yeah but what i really love
is when you read the details of the contest there's a very clear line that betty white
has no affiliation or support of this and then she in no way endorses this in any way i don't know how they came to the
decision of doing this betty white thing but i don't think anyone will enter and i think we could
take it over and even if we don't get selected i think we could hijack the betty white thing if
they've got like a hashtag or whatever we could just take over the hashtag i feel like i could
easily watch 10 hours of golden girls that's some good shit is that your favorite
betty white content that's the only betty white i've seen what's better than golden girls this
is one of the best shows of all time lake placid great that's a that's a good movie but what are
you gonna watch lake placid six times i could easily watch lake placid six times she's feeding
the fucking the thing well don't dude don't spoil the fucking movie for people who haven't seen it oh i'm sorry you haven't had time no yeah
fucking placid lake placid is is a very good movie it's also got uh what's his face in it um
oliver is all over plat all over plat and that yeah yeah he's great in it yeah i don't know if
it's an intentional and it must be the like the greatest gag in that movie is they keep
one of the characters keeps falling into traps
set for the crocodile or whatever
alligator
what is it? Is it crocodile or alligator?
I never know I always confuse this
I think it's probably an alligator because I think it's freshwater
yeah
people always try to figure out if it's an alligator
or a crocodile
in what situation does it ever matter?
That's a great point too, Gav. Crocodiles are bigger
than alligators. That's the only difference.
I mean, they'll both rip your arm off.
Yeah, I think they... Yeah.
I feel like Jeopardy would matter.
Trivia shows.
Side of that.
I guess if Mayim Balik is asking you, it matters.
Could we
sign up for this?
Can we just enter the Betty White?
Who's stopping us?
I can't do it because it has to be a US.
It has to be somebody in the US. I'm blocked.
We'll talk to our producer, Eric. He'll do it.
Eric, are you going to sign up for us?
Are you going to be our Betty White ambassador?
No, Nick can do it. He's not busy.
Oh, there you go.
Do you think you're
more busy than nick
uh yeah immediately mute
nick says are you sure well wait a second everyone was just talking about the joy of being able to
spend 10 hours watching betty white and then when it comes time to sign up everyone's suddenly busy
i'll watch betty white i don busy. I'll watch the Betty White.
I just don't think I can pull off a good video
explaining why I love Betty White.
I'll fill out the form on your
behalf, Jeff. Is that okay?
I don't understand.
Your grand
vision here is for me
to enter a contest for you to win?
For us to win? No, the show
we spend the money on the budget
for the show.
This is how we get budget.
We enter in the contest
and then you spend the money that we win
that you don't.
No, it becomes the community
pool. View it this way.
We're winning a port-a-potty, essentially, is the prize
of this. Yeah, this is great. Because we don't
ever get given money for anything,
and all of the sales money for the billion ad reads on these videos
and audio files don't come to us either.
They all go in the pocket of sales.
This could be our...
It's all going to be contest-winning budget.
This is interesting.
That's a really good way to look at it, Gav.
Yeah.
What could we do with $1,000 after taxes gav yeah what could we do with a thousand dollars after taxes exactly what could we do with 700 it's prize winning so it's probably taxed to the moon
what could we do with 630 dollars
this is just the start okay we start cleaning up we start no i'm thinking like we could buy a
surfboard what could i buy a surfboard.
I bought a surfboard once for 600 bucks.
Really?
They probably cost about that.
We could buy a surfboard.
I'm not being...
I'm not trying to be a dickhead here.
I'm being serious.
I'm trying to think of what we could spend
600, 700 dollars on.
There's a lot.
You could repair your bike?
I don't want to talk about it.
Oh.
I don't want to open up that whole can of worms.
I got bike problems, man.
Jet ski rental that'll
that's three
600 bucks would be two jet skis for
three hours right
we could do that that'd be pretty good
that'd be pretty good or three jet skis
for two hours that might be even better
oh yeah then Andrew could have his own absolutely
I like this point
this could fund the joust
that's what I'm saying that's a great idea Nick Absolutely. I like this point. I see we don't want to share with you. This could fund the joust.
That's what I'm saying.
That's a great idea, Nick.
Betty White's joust fund.
We have to call it the regulation Betty White joust fund.
Something along those lines.
If we can, I will recant now and say,
I don't like the idea of the joust,
but if the Betty White contest does fund it then i'm on board and we'll do whatever it takes in order to win this money
i just love the idea of this company sending the check
the betty white joust fund face a subsidiary of uniform well technically it's a subsidiary of fluke face which is an arm oh sorry uniform uniform
combining the power of one with the form uniform so now we just need uh we need a video jeff
explaining why betty white is so great we can we can do that but we need to watch the 10 hours of
content first i was gonna say no no but No, no, no, no, no.
That's the point. That's the point.
We don't get to watch it.
Yeah, but don't you need to watch some content to remind yourself of how great Betty White is?
No.
You think you're just going to spit hot Betty White takes from the hip without refamiliarizing yourself with any of her content?
You're going to have to dip your toe into Betty White a little bit before you make the video.
I'm not sure about that.
I don't know.
I mean, if only to watch
your favorite scene of Lake Placid
so you can quote a moment.
You don't want to sound...
Like, your idea is very sound
and very good,
and even though I am operating at about a four...
I think I'm down to about 36%
right now. Uh, and just loopy as fuck, even, even at this diminished capacity, I can see the
potential. I think it's a fantastic idea, but I think if you want to like, I, and I do think we
should enter this. I do think we should try to win. I do think there won't be a ton of people.
I also don't think it'll be a walk through the park. I do think other people will,
and we'll have to put
some level of effort in.
And I think that we're going
to have to come across
as actual Betty White fans.
I agree with all that.
Okay.
I mean, could we all dress up
as the Golden Girls?
That's an idea.
See, that's thinking
outside the box.
That does, I don't know how,
there's no way I could submit that
in the form.
I want to be Sophia.
What if we dress up instead?
Well, you know, we can dress up as our favorite Golden Girls,
but then it's about more than Betty.
What if we all dress up as our favorite Betty White from her career?
Like, Gavin, you could be Rose Nyland, right?
Okay.
And Andrew, you could be the crocodile or the alligator
or Betty White from Lake Placid.
And I'll pick up betty white from
some other like uh what is it it's uh it's all it's what is that show she had it's like hot and
oh hot in cleveland hot in cleveland never seen it but i'll familiarize myself with hot in cleveland
and i'll be that betty white character i love this this is i'm glad that there's support i wish that
i would have texted the right person the entire way through yesterday.
Maybe I'll hold up a collection of things that Betty White is older than,
such as the ballpoint pen.
That's...
I don't understand.
Dagger.
What else came out?
No, that's a great thing.
No, here's your take on this.
Electric can opener.
Betty White...
Here's your thing right now.
Country music.
Betty White is such an
institutional like such a a national uh uh what's the word I'm looking for here uh treasure a
national treasure she should be when she dies there should be uh she she should be interned
in the Smithsonian her career has she is still at the top of her game at 90 X years old, right?
Her career has spanned so much time.
She has been a famous,
she had been entertaining millions of audience members
since before the electric can opener,
since before the ballpoint pen.
These are great ways to show
not only the longevity of her brilliant career,
but our knowledge of it.
This is what's going to win us the contest.
Shit like that, Gavin. That's smart.
Dude, number one,
sliced bread.
She's older than sliced bread.
That means sliced bread is the best thing since Betty White.
Sliced bread is the best thing since
Betty White. That's a t-shirt.
Other people must have made that observation.
Why are we not mentioning the high five?
And we're just talking about things.
She's older than she's way older than Jeff's older than I five.
According to your bullshit.
Yeah, it's not my bullshit.
It's just a historic fact.
You don't know about history coming at Dusty Baker.
He didn't know what to do, Gavin.
Can you imagine the pressure of seeing a hand
and not knowing what to do with it?
Your product didn't exist
yet.
Oh, speaking of
things that Betty White is older
than, if we ever...
This is the problem with, like, not all
the content that I have we haven't touched
anything on my list uh nor do i think we will but a lot of it isn't evergreen and one of those
things is andrew your fucking nugget challenge i pulled some stats i don't know if they're
relevant anymore but i pulled some stats of like all time oh my god? I, how do I undo?
I just deleted all of my notes.
No, you didn't.
What in the fuck just happened?
Are you on your phone?
Okay, I got it back.
Okay, that was weird.
You just deleted f*** face by accident.
Yeah, I wanted to list.
Well, like I said, guys,
diminished capacity.
And let's be honest.
You've known me for a long time.
My capacity hasn't been minished.
Like at my best,
I'm never very minish.
So we want to look at
best performances of all time.
Now, obviously,
Wilt Chamberlain
has the highest scoring game
of all time.
He scored 100 points
in 1961 versus the Knicks.
The second highest points total by NBA players, Kobe Bryant with 81.
Then we have some other people.
I'd never heard of David Thompson.
He was a Denver Nugget, though, and he scored 73 points.
Although, I'm not sure if that's correct,
because that's different on my other list.
Anyway, but that puts you in the same category
as Michael Jordan.
His career high is 69.
Pistol Pete Maravich, 68.
Devin Booker had that terrible game
with 70 against the Celtics.
Nobody wants to remember that.
Anyway, and then a bunch of Wilt Chamberlain
doing it over and over and over and over again.
But you scored, what, 62 was where you were, Gav?
No, was I?
I think I was like 57.
No, you were in the 60s.
You were in the 60s.
I was in the 60s?
It was 62 or 67.
Okay.
I've kind of blocked that whole thing from my memory.
Anyway, you have scored more points
in your one NBA game
than Stephen Curry,
whose career high is only 62.
Carmelo Anthony career high is only 62.
The great Tracy McGrady,
only 62.
Damian Lillard has only scored 61 points in his career.
James Harden has only scored 61 points in his career.
Did it twice though.
LeBron James highest scoring game of his NBA career, 61 points.
Those are all people you bested in your first and only NBA game.
That is, Eric is right, that is rarefied air.
Is that I am more qualified than LeBron James to make another Space Jam movie.
If they make a Space Jam 3, my credentials are more deserving
than whatever he's done in his career.
They're definitely up there.
I mean, to say that's an impressive list
is an understatement.
Not only that,
oh, this might be where I saw it.
According to the internet,
the highest scoring regular season game
by a Denver Nugget was Kiki Vanderwey.
He scored 51 points.
So you've kicked the shit out of you.
You trounce like the Nuggets and the history of their franchise have nobody that they can put up against you.
Eric just said Andrew is a hell of an athlete.
You guys haven't even seen me do the sewing machine yet.
That's really going to blow some minds.
That's going to turn some heads.
I don't know if you're a hell of an athlete, but you're a hell of an eat fleet.
I'm telling you, the sewing machine...
There's a word I hope I just made up.
Eat fleet.
Eat fleet?
Eat fleet.
But I feel like I'm a terrible eat fleet.
Why do you think you're a terrible eat fleet?
Because going against any of the people that are eat fleets,
you know, like a Joey Chestnut, a Kobayashi, whatever,
I got no chance.
But I feel like going against athletes in the athletic world, my numbers are pretty good.
I feel like I have to stay in the athlete territory.
The moment I go in the athlete, I'm at the bottom of the pile.
Dude, Devin Booker, to my knowledge, Devin Booker is the only player playing in the NBA right now who has outscored you.
That's fucking crazy.
How many did he get? How many did he get?
He got 70 against the Celtics like three years ago.
I can fucking...
I'll fucking destroy Devin Booker.
I'll take him out. But can you
though? Because you stopped shy of that.
Yeah, but there's a difference
mentally when you're trying to eat
120 nuggets as opposed to
71. That's a big gap.
That's a big difference difference i could definitely use 71
i can make that work and we're not doing this for a while this is going to be months from now i need
to get back into nugget shape nugget form nugget mentality i need to work my way back it takes a
lot to do these and what what kind of things will you be doing to prepare absolutely nothing it's
just more of a time and forgetting how bad it was.
Like a reset.
Yeah, just like once enough time passes where I fully forget everything,
and then there will be an evening where I'm like,
fucking Devin Booker's going down.
I'm going to wake up at 4 a.m. one day and just say,
Devin Booker's time is over.
I am dethroning Devin Booker.
Yeah, you got to wait for the nugget confidence to hit you.
I understand that.
Yeah, exactly. You'll be cozy in bed, hit you. I understand that. Yeah, exactly.
You'll be cozy in bed and then you'll think, now's the time.
Should I get up and do nuggets?
Oh, man. I'm throwing nuggets
all over myself. Do you know
Eric's letting us, giving us the wrap-up
sign and we got to because we got to record another one. I'll be
honest with you, I didn't know if I was going to make it to the next one
but the last five minutes I've started to feel
a little bit better. So maybe
I can. I do want to let you guys
know on something that we missed this week that I think
could have been spectacular
but Eric
shot it down tomorrow as we
as we know I'm getting my colonoscopy
to get my colonoscopy if
you've never gotten one it's not a fun process you
can't eat for a bunch of days you get on
a liquid diet you have to drink a bunch of
weird shit that tastes gross that makes you shit and puke constantly i have to drink like after we're done
i have to go drink 46 ounces of liquid in like an hour is that just so they meet no resistance on
the way up well you have to rest your colon so you can't have any food go through uh that can
agitate it or fill it up in my my case, I have diverticulosis,
so I have those little pockets all over.
So you gotta flush out your system,
like kind of shock it out,
and then you have to keep it clean and clear
because even like colored food,
anything with a dye like red Gatorade
can look like blood to a camera.
And so it's just not a fun process.
And then they make you take a bunch of special liquids that extra clear you out right like like you've never taken a laxative like you've
taken when you go for a colonoscopy uh anyway it's like nick says awful like he's i'm assuming
nick has had a colonoscopy before i have as well this is my second uh so it's not my first rodeo
i kind of know what to expect um But I thought it would be great.
We need to do a break shit,
face break shit.
I wanted to do it tomorrow after the colonoscopy.
I wanted to go from the hospital
to the break shit,
all looped up on the casino.
They put,
they knock me out, right?
Like they give you drugs.
I'm all loopy.
I'm all fucking dumb.
I'll be,
it's like a truth serum.
I won't be able to,
like I would have just been wackadoo for hours.
And Eric was like, absolutely not.
I was ready to do it.
He said it right there.
There is no way that I'm going to put Jeff on camera
after an outpatient surgery.
You already did it.
Well, 10 years ago.
I did it 10 years ago.
I am not doing that.
I am not doing that.
That's, no, we're not doing it tomorrow
after he gets all the stuff inside of him
and then it's, no.
No, absolutely not.
No, no.
Jeff carries that show and goes like, here's interesting facts about the cards. I don't even know what it would be. No, absolutely not. No, no. Jeff carries that show and goes like,
here's interesting facts about the cards.
I don't even know what it would be.
I don't either.
That's what would be so much fun.
Pack a card and put it in a dollop of drool.
Yeah, 100%.
I have no idea what facts would I come up with
fucking blitzed out of my mind on hospital drugs.
I have no idea.
It would have been so much fun.
But I respect that Eric...
Ultimately, I think Eric's looking out for me.
And I think he's maybe not necessarily looking out
for the show, because I think it would be great for the show.
But I do appreciate Eric looking out
for me. But I also would love
to have done it.
Insane. That would have been great.
Insane. You know, show must go on
and all. It does. Should we
talk about the jet ski
stuff? The big merch
drug? Have we talked about that already? I don't think we
have. Why don't you cover that and then we'll wrap
this up. Okay, well, I mean, I feel like
it's really, as the big jet ski guy,
I was excited to share with you, did you see?
I'd be shocked if you did. This is a big week
for jet ski news. It was a great jet
ski week. Is it? It's a good story.
There's a big story. I'll drop in the chat.
There were some farmers.
There's flooding in BC right now.
Farmers hopped on some jet skis,
saved some cows.
Oh my God.
Wait, how do you say,
how do you get a cow on a jet ski?
Did they tow in the cows?
No, they didn't put the cow.
No, they were like guiding them
using the jet skis.
Oh, they were herding.
Yeah, they were herding them.
They were sheep jet skis.
Yeah. When we sheep jet skis. Yeah.
When we go jet skiing, we should play
a game of chase where one of us is dressed up
as a sheep and the other is dressed as a cow.
I mean, Jeff did something similar instead of
a cow, though. It was a dead, bloated deer.
I guess that's just true.
That was so gross.
It was a great week for jet skis.
And we have jet ski merch coming out on November 29th, I believe.
Celebrate the cows.
Buy jet ski merchandise from Face.
On, where did it fucking go?
On November 29th at 10 a.m. Central Standard Time.
Cyber Monday.
Fill up your cyber coffers with jet ski related merchandise
and pay homage to those brave farmers in Canada
who saved those cows with the power of jet.
Yes.
That is exactly why we're doing jet ski merch.
It is to honor the Canadian farmers.
Yes.
There's no history or appreciation for
jet skis on this show. I still haven't
been on a jet ski.
That is a moment
I'm excited to experience.
I'm ready for my life to change. Do you think
you'll go 60 miles an hour?
I think I will probably have an experience like
you did where I will be just like doing
little speed, just
little crawling almost across the
water and then I'll get into it and we'll
be flying.
In other merch news, scrumping is
dead apparently according to the merch channel.
It is. All the scrumping
signs, no scrumping signs are sold out.
Yeah, they were like fucking gone.
See ya. I guess that's it for that.
They were made out of plastic.
I was imagining a nice
solid metal sign was it a plastic sign apparently it's a plastic plastic no scruffing sign
which originally greatly disappointed me because i never actually touched one but then i just
thought well that's that's definitely face well you know i see what you're saying in my head it
was like one of those metal signs you would see like posted next to a farm or whatever on the side of the road but i i did go to lowe's
the other day and i did look at some signs like no soliciting signs and most of them were were
the same material as the as the scrumping sign so i think it might be a situation where the industry
has moved on in our in our heads that's very. I cannot remember the last time I went sign buying.
So I can't say that I'm really regularly in the market
and know what the typical experience is.
The plastic sign is pretty commonplace these days.
Okay, good to know.
Never mind.
Never mind.
That being said, I hope you got one
because I don't think we're making any more.
I think this was a special thing.
So,
for all you that didn't get it,
I just pray for your apples.
Well, what if we brought back
all of our limited items
for RTX next time we do it?
Like unlimited RTX?
Yeah, like if...
Wait, what?
Wait.
Well, because they're unlimited for RTX
if we bring them all back. Like we're unlimiting. It'd be re- Wait, what? Wait. Well, because they're unlimited for RTX, we bring them all back.
We're unlimiting. It'd be re-limited
at RTX.
So, are you
asking, should
we just make all of our collectible items
no longer collectible at RTX?
Is that what you're presenting? Yeah, we're
unlimiting it. I don't know. I just worry
about our ability to let people know that merch is
coming out, and by the time we've mentioned it, it's already out.
We just did a great job.
We let people know about the farmers and the jet skis.
We're doing great.
Let's just be better.
The scrumping signs were long out before we mentioned it.
That is true.
We could have handled the scrumping thing better.
We are victims of our own recording schedule more than anything.
And your colon.
And Andrew's illness. We've all had to cancel shows. How big is a sack? are victims of our own recording schedule more than anything and your colon and andrew's and
andrew's illness yeah i mean we we've all had to cancel how big is a sack would you say how many
apples do you think should fit in a sack if you're gonna what's the minimum 40 40 okay we're on the
same sack a sack is is is probably the biggest size that you can sling over your shoulder and still carry around without being weighed down.
I agree.
I think, Sac,
I think like Santa Claus, I think of a giant
bag. Yeah, a bag with
swag written on it. I have in my
head, and I'll be honest with
you, because I can't tell
I got, you know, this is, and
Eric will end, but we'll wrap it up with this.
In the notes that I
never got to of the 4,000 things to talk about uh a lot of them are Apple related if I'm being
honest with you and I it's it's given me pause and I want to ask before we go down this road
are we nearing the end of our Apple related content or do we continue down this road
because I was going to build a prototype for an unscrumpable uh like
lockable apple sack that you could string over your shoulder that's that holds one apple with
a strap and then it's locked in some way so that so it's like an unscrumpable apple you bring on
the go with you it's i and i say apple sack just because apple sack sounds good but it would only
hold one it doesn't hold to be, that's incredible because my next prototype,
I was going to invent the apple pocket.
What is?
After the grief I got last week about no one storing an apple in the pocket.
I'm going to make a dedicated pocket.
I love it.
I don't.
This is.
I love it.
We're sticking with apples, baby.
I love it.
I can't wait. Let's end this podcast so we can talk baby. I love it. I can't wait.
Let's end this podcast
so we can talk more about apples.
Oh, I can't wait.
I just like this.
This is like phase two of the FCU
is the apple phase.
We've already gone through.
The FCU.
We're done with baseball.
That was phase one.
No.
Baseball will come back.
You can't give up on Zimmer. Oh, God. He was introduced was phase one. No! Baseball will come back. You can't give up on Zimmer.
Oh, God!
He was introduced in phase one, but he's obviously
going to be it. End it! End it!
No more! No more things!
We gotta stop! We gotta stop because I want
to talk to you guys about Zimmer. Alright. Okay.
Love you guys, but hey,
if you ever find yourself
Jeff woke up. Yeah, I
feel a little better now. I said, if you ever find yourself thinking like,
oh, I haven't talked to Jeff in a year.
I've ignored him and I've never played video games with him.
Maybe give him a ring.
He's not doing anything, I promise.
Thanks for listening to F*** Face.
We've only played twice.
Goodbye.