Regulation Podcast - Reverse Funeral // RegulationPigeon.com [69]
Episode Date: September 3, 2025Geoff, Gavin and Andrew talk about nice, Alien Earth, Black Mirror, Timothy Olyphant, cryogenic funeral, a sad milestone, back muscle, regimented locking in, IBS, silent bathroom, cat tub, birthday su...iting it, butter mattress, CPAP rain out, dreaming, Jack's bird, Geoff's Websites, eating a pigeon, a quail is a slider, Earthshaker high score, The Break Show, and squirrel burgers. Mail to: Regulation Company PO Box 13146 111 E 17th Austin, TX 78701 Sponsored by ZocDoc. Go to Zocdoc.com/regulation and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. #sponsored Support us directly at https://www.patreon.com/TheRegulationPod Stay up to date, get exclusive supplemental content, and connect with other Regulation Listeners. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This episode is brought to you by Peloton.
A new era of fitness is here.
Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ.
Built for breakthroughs, with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move.
Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress.
Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go.
Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca.
Uh, Nick, the time machine, we gotta figure this thing out.
Nick, Nick, hold it steady.
Nick, we gotta let the people know that the break show,
the break show is this Monday.
It's on the 8th that's on the 8th, September 8th,
at 3 p.m. Central, 3 p.m. Central time.
Twitch.tv slash the regulation pod.
Nick, Nick, you gotta hold it steady.
Nick, people have to know about this.
Nick, we're going to leaving now!
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Regulation podcast.
This is episode 69.
Nice.
My name is Jeff Ramsey.
With me as always, Agent Ben, Captain Free, Eric Mulderick, Nick Schwartz.
Apology.
Sorry about that.
Why was it nice, Kevin?
I don't know.
I just felt the urge to say something about that.
He's just been hanging out with way too much, I think.
I was going over in my head, like, should I make a 69 sophomore joke or then like even make a joke about not making a joke at the intro?
And then I decided just to steamroll through it and ignore it.
And that would probably be the best bet.
But Gavin was here.
Well, I feel like I did the volleyball handback last time.
And I thought, you know, I'd just step it up a little bit this time.
Spiked it.
I spiked it.
I spiked it onto our side, which is unfortunate, but still.
you did you slammed it right into the ground on our side and then just yelled at all of us
i spiked it and then it bounced up and hit me in the face hey can i can i ask you guys
real quick can i ask you guys a math question yes yes okay cool so i was watching the first
episode of alien earth last night which i really like by the way i'm only about halfway through
the first episode about that was really cool and uh right when it starts off it starts off it starts off
a ship that has collected some samples and they're bringing them back to Earth, right?
And it says the year is 2120.
And I thought, oh, wow, that's, I'm not going to live the 2120, but it's crazy that I could
almost be living in the alien universe, right?
So then, right after that, it says, so you'll be able to check my math here with me,
Andrew, and right after that, it says they're on year 65 of their mission, and there's a lot
about, like, how they don't like being cryogenically frozen.
So I assume that would mean if the mission began 65 years before 2020 or 2120 and they were all like 30 or if they were over 30 years old, then that would mean they're alive today right now.
The people on that ship are alive on Earth right now.
Assuming we're in the same universe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You went deeper. Alien crew, if you're listening to this, do not bring the samples back
no matter what Waylon Yutani says. Don't do it. You're six years old right now and it doesn't make
sense to you, but please don't. No, but I just think that that's cool because my entire life,
Alien has been like a distant future sci-fi series and now I've grown, I've lived long enough
that I could theoretically share the planet with people who exist in that universe that I've been
watching as a fan. That is very fun.
I think of that universe, they've already been
on Earth for thousands of years, haven't they?
The, like, the engineers and stuff?
Yeah, man.
Are we doing a, are we doing a Prometheus?
All right, here we go.
I just think it's cool that I can watch a TV show
about aliens crash land.
The alien crash landing on Earth
and the people that were on the ship that brought it here
are share air with me.
That's just wild to me.
It's definitely the most similar feeling story
to, like, a current timeline,
especially with Ice Age being in it so much.
You got Ray Romana.
I haven't gotten to the Ice Age part yet.
Oh, it's a big deal.
It's coming up.
I'm still with like the kids and stuff.
Yeah, I had three takeaways from it.
The first was I saw the year thing did the same thing you did, Jeff, but I stopped at, oh, I'm dead.
I'm dead when this happened.
There's zero possibility in which I reached this year.
I am just dead.
My second takeaway was that guy from Black Mirror, boy, did I not realize all I'm ever going to
to think about when I see that actor is his episode of
Black Mirror. He has an
unfortunate thing for me
at least where like no matter what character he plays
it's the only thing
that sticks in my brain. Which character
is it? The brother
that... Oh, okay. Oh yeah.
Every time I see him, I just go, oh,
that's the Black Mirror guy. That's fuck. I haven't seen
that. Is Timothy Oliphant
in it yet? Yes. Oh yeah.
Is he cool? He's in it pretty early. He's very
weird. He's weird. That's cool.
I like him a lot. I like him a lot. He's a
dude in general, I think. Yeah, I like that. I like that he's kind of a weird guy.
I like that he doesn't, he's the opposite of a method actor that seems like he doesn't
prepare for anything shows up and he goes, tell me where to stand, baby.
I'm gonna need third. Let me, give me a script in 30 minutes to memorize.
It's a great show. I'm excited to watch episode three. Yeah, I'm excited to continue
watching it. Like I said, I only, I only watch the first half of the first episode. It just
it just punches you right in the face with like, hey, this is, this is kind of near future now,
which just blew me away.
Yeah, that's great.
That guy, the person, the showrunner of that,
knows how to adapt things very well.
Same guy that did the Fargo show.
Great TV.
If you could go into cryogenic sleep,
whatever they do, like, hyper sleep,
would, like, say you were going to sleep for 85 years.
Okay.
Would you have, would you want that to be a funeral for you?
No.
Oh.
Because everyone you know is going to be dead,
and no one alive will ever see you again.
Are you...
Now, in this scenario, who is attending your funeral?
Is it Meg?
Are you being cryogenically frozen,
85 years of future,
but you're leaving your wife behind?
Like, are you saying goodbye to your parents
and your grandparents?
I think that's the implication.
Oh, yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you mean?
Wait, wait!
Why were you caught off guard by that?
Why is that not the first thing
in this hypothetical?
At no point in the hypothetical
was it me doing it?
it. I just assumed I was putting the question out for anyone.
Yeah, I don't want to do it. Do you want to do it?
So you put out a hypothetical, not from the perspective of considering it for yourself, but a also hypothetical person.
It is a hypothetical scenario built around the hypothetical of a person.
Yeah. That's crazy. Well, hypothetically speaking, yes or no?
I don't want to do it. I don't think so. No.
I mean, I just, I can't get past the why I'm going into the cryogenic freeze.
Like, if I'm doing it as a, as a future tourist, then I'm a real piece of shit to my daughter and my wife and my family for just leaving them behind, unless I'm taking them with me.
And then if I'm taking them with me, then I don't give a fuck if there's a funeral for me or not, because who do I care about, you know, that's left behind?
It's the classic sci-fi dilemma, though, isn't it?
It's like, it's like an interstellar.
He has to leave his whole family behind to save the-
I haven't seen interstellar, so I had to can't.
But you didn't put any sticks attached to it.
You just made it.
Do you want to cryosleep for 85 years?
No, that was the question.
Do you want to sleep?
It was you have to sleep.
Would you want that to be a funeral?
No, you didn't say you have to sleep.
You said you're going to sleep.
Like, it's out of life.
If you're going to.
Like maybe you have a disease, like Franklin Richards,
the Sue and Reed Richards kid that can only be cured in the future.
So you're like cryogenically frozen or put in some sort of a stasis
until they develop a cure for your disease.
Then I definitely wouldn't want my family to throw.
I'm answered your question.
That I definitely wouldn't.
Shut up, I'm answering.
Then I definitely wouldn't want my family to throw a funeral for me
because that would be admitting defeat as if I had died.
But the whole point is that if I get cryogenically frozen
to get cured down the road, then I'm living.
So if anything, I would want a celebration of life funeral.
There's a bomb in your penis.
It's using an explosive that has a half-life that's just like 85 years
and then the bomb will be in active.
But you have to
You just
You have to go to sleep for 85 years
Created the greatest porn parody
Of all time of speed
In which somebody has to keep stroking
At a certain amount
Or else the penis bomb explodes
If your heart rate goes above 50
Fetus explodes
I you know what
I'm gonna turn this completely on its head Gavin
I don't want a funeral for me
I want to make a funeral for everybody else
That I like
And I'm the only gonna be the only survivor
Reverse funeral
Reverse funeral
Because I'm gonna be the one
That has to grieve them
They're not gonna really grieve me
Well I guess I'll be gone
And cry of sleep
But it's not like I'm dead
What I think is gonna happen
That's gonna have to be a two-way funeral
Where everyone in the room
Is gonna die for you
And you're gonna die for them
And you just all have a nice little
It'd be like a new kind of event
I think we might need to ban Gavin
From hypotheticals for a little while
He's on a little bit of a run
Of these
All right yeah I'll take a break
I don't think
I don't think I would tell people
I was cryogenically frozen
I think I would just tell them
I was moving to Australia
I only say that
because yesterday
last night
Gavin floated to me
what if
murder was legal
but it was just
very expensive to do
I get to buy a murder permit
but you could only use gold
to kill people
I mean what
I mean that's probably
today world we live in
Yeah, I think you just described.
Boys, I don't think you're going to like the answer to this one.
But Gavin pitched it in the sense of that the reason why murders occur now, like it was like he forgot it was currently illegal.
Like him making, all he did was create a loophole for billionaires to kill people.
He didn't solve crime.
Yeah, it's like, bullets are so, bullets are so cheap.
What if they were, oh, I guess just only billionaires would murder whoever they want.
Terrible scenario.
Yeah, something that's definitely not happening.
now something we don't definitely have to worry about yeah yeah also also earlier when jeff
was talking about the cryogenic thing i thought he said if i were to do this as a bit i thought
that's where he was going and like that's the funniest bit guys i'm about to pull a fast one
85 years in the future it's a big gotcha we have an availability calendar and he's just like
out from 2026 onward through 2115
I'm very sad to report
I hit a new milestone
that
I never considered hitting
over the weekend
and I'd like to share it
with you guys
What's the milestone?
Yeah,
trying to think of a sad milestone.
Yeah, what's that?
Well, I had to drop Milly off at college
again for her sophomore year
which I assume that stops at some point, right?
Like, I don't know, will I be,
maybe I will be moving around for the rest of the rest of it.
I don't know.
This is my only kid.
I don't know how it works.
But anyway, I moved her into college again.
and had a fucking amazing time, Emily and I had a blast, whatever.
It was bonding and warming, and it was sweet, and it was wonderful and all that stuff.
But right before I went out of town to do it, I went for a big, long bike ride.
I had a ton of work to get done to go out of town, and I got it all done early,
and so I had some extra time, and I did, like, a double bike ride, which I haven't done in a very long time.
I was awesome.
I felt super in fit and in shape and stuff.
Woke up the next morning to go to the airport, the entire left side of my body was on fire.
apparently I wrenched myself at some point on the bike ride
and so I then had to go through airports and sit on planes
and ubers and check into hotels and carry heavy back
by the way we're moving Millie back to college so she took
three new suitcases full of stuff from home
to college that she forgot the freshman year so it was like we had like nine
fucking bags it was like when you see it was like in the movies when you see
those people go through the airport with like three carts full
stuff and you're like and they're like that's going to be a long weekend yeah like the macaalice
and uh so i'm struggling with all that and my the left side of my body is just on fire and i'm
feeling super fucking old and lame and go to bed that night get up at like four in the morning and
take a piss like a raging piss in a hotel you know you're like fucking stumbling around bumping
into the walls it's completely black couldn't find a light if i needed to to save my life you
if you told me find a light in the next 15 seconds i'll give you a million dollars i wouldn't even
try. And I
stumble my way to the toilet
walk into the bathroom
and realize I'm going to shit hard.
Which is something that never happens
to me. Like I, you know, I may
wake up and I may shit five times
before noon, but my
asshole knows when appropriate
shitting time is and when appropriate
shitting time, it is not.
And I never, never, I don't know about you guys,
but I never have to wake up in the middle of and I take
a shit. So I take a piss, I sit down, I
take my piss and my shit real fast, and I
just like a pretty bog standard shit. I'm trying to sleep
through it, you know, because you don't want to wake up and
I have a long day ahead of me. And I
wipe and flush the toilet. And then
here's the milestone. I
just stood up
and
one inch off the toilet seat
I felt something snap
in my back. Oh, no.
I pulled a muscle in my back
shitting. That's one milestone.
I'm now the kind of person who
if a conversation comes up and somebody says,
have you ever thrown your back out,
taking a dump?
I have to raise my hand.
But I think that's kind of awesome.
I don't think this is a sad milestone.
Because here's the thing that makes it sad,
is it was just a bog standard shit.
But when you hear that somebody
threw their back out shitting,
you imagine something so much more impressive.
Yeah, like a dumb and dumber level of shit or something,
but it wasn't at all.
It was just a super normal shit.
I think what happened.
And the reason I led up with the previous injury
is I think it's kind of like,
like Kevin Durant in game five
in that Warriors finals where
you're nursing another injury
and it causes you to put too much strain
on the other parts of the body
and so you end up with a much worse injury
because let me tell you,
after I pulled my back out,
my side, I didn't give a fuck about it anymore.
That was nothing.
So I'm at like, I'm happy to report
it's been six days.
I'm at 65%.
I can mostly stand up
and sit down without grimacing.
It's a really good thing
that it was while you were getting up
and not why you're actually trying to blast out.
That's true.
It is true.
It is true.
Because that could have been a couch.
It could have been a stool.
I think the fact that it was shitting was secondary.
And I will say that if you're going to throw your back out,
to do it above a chair is pretty convenient as well.
You can just sit back down.
You're in the perfect position.
It's true.
If you pull something and you need to recalibrate,
you just go back down.
Also, if pulling your back caused you to shit yourself,
you're also in the perfect spot.
there's so many positive to this story
I didn't realize in the moment
what I'm fascinated by is
because I'm in the same boat as you
I've never had to wake up to shit
but are you saying like even during waking hours
you have a comfortable read of when you need to shit
yeah I think maybe
interesting maybe it's
maybe it's because of my time in the military
that would make sense
but you get really good at scheduling your own shits
You know, because there's going to be periods of the day when it's just incredibly inconvenient
for you to, you know, to get into the shitting position with miles gear and guns and Kevlar
and all that.
You know what I mean?
You're on a 20-mile hike or whatever.
So you get real good at like compartmentalizing your shitting time.
And then, you know, I have the explosions because of my whole issues.
But usually it's all done by, we're done by the end of breakfast, you know.
I'll knock three or four good ones out before.
more like 11 a.m.
And then I'm pretty good
the rest of the day.
That's just what I was going to say
is somebody who also has IBS.
That is a thing I encounter
where it just,
it will just come for you.
Like night.
It will just appear.
And there are times where it's like,
oh, I'm fine.
And then suddenly it is a stage 10 emergency.
So the fact that you seem to have
the ability to lock down
and time things out,
I'm both impressed by.
And it gives me hope that I can,
maybe future discipline and training.
can really lock in my shit.
Because I was talking to Gavin about this recently.
I have strategic shitting with my IBS.
Like I know my body and what will happen
in certain situations.
So I plan it.
But there are times where it just appears
and there's no stopping it
and I just have to find the most immediate bathroom instantly.
I assume whenever you're four minutes late to a recording
and you're just typing a discord,
you know, I'm going to be five minutes.
It's because you're still stuck on the shit.
It's always an IBS issue if I'm late for a recording.
Are you, are you IBS medicated?
Are you taking medication to manage it?
Absolutely not.
That would probably help.
That would probably help.
It never even occurred to me to ask for medication for it.
I've had it so long.
What?
You've had some of your colon removed if I hadn't considered any medication.
Well, I got the colon removed.
Medicine be damned.
This is done.
I guess I don't see like TV ads for IBM.
Like I see peptide.
Obismal stuff, and I feel like that's general shitting.
It never occurred to me. I guess
I feel like I'm definitely 90%
at fault for not asking, but it's, I've also never been asked by a doctor.
Hey, do you need IBS meds
for the stuff that's in your file?
You know what, on a car, you can pick like all terrain or if you
need like four-wheel drive, that's a mode? I just like the idea of you
going on a toilet and you're just like, that's just a general shitting.
It's just a box tattoo.
Bog standard
Yeah
I'd love to just
have bog standard
shitting issues
I just
I just googled
like medicines
for IBS
there's so many
specific medicines
for IPS
that I've never even
heard of
you gotta get on
him
I do
yeah dude
you need to get
some lens
or
oh lens that's on
TV
you need to get
some lens
or some
Zifaxan
or some
Vibersel
or some
amitiza
I don't know
I don't know
what if Andrew
we put a TV
in your toilet
right?
Not in the bowl, just in the room.
Okay.
Like, H.T. Am I going through the wall?
A second mic that's going to your mixer.
So you could just seamlessly transition from toilet to desk while recording.
And maybe I need like a field mic.
Like I'm, uh, I think a worst setup is funnier.
It sounds like I'm in the field.
Oh, this is, uh, this is Andrew Patton reporting live in the field.
The field is always just six feet away.
and it's a toilet.
I wonder what's more disturbing
for a stranger to witness.
A bathroom with a full recording setup
or the most soundproofed walls in a share.
Oh, man, a fully soundproofed bathroom,
I think is terrifying.
Has anyone ever chat with zero echo?
Oh, no.
I think I would genuinely, like, let's say
I go to a co-worker's party
or like it's somebody I meet at some function
and I go to their house
and I go into the bathroom
and the bathroom is fully soundproofed
I think I'm leaving
and never talking to them again.
We can do this.
Jeff has a whole shit room
at the regulation office.
We can, it's the smallest bathroom.
We can just put a bunch of sound dampening
everywhere.
I like the idea of hiring in
like a home theater company to do it though.
Straight to the bathroom.
I just, if I go in there,
it's immediately in my mind
a kill room. I'm not thinking of the podcast.
My mind went straight to kill room. It's like,
oh, what does he want to do in here that needs to be quiet?
Yeah. Exactly. This is
organ removal is what this room is for.
I had a bathroom story alongside
Jeff. Not a
milestone in any way. More a
unfortunate horrific
accident in the most relaxing
at times. I was in my bathtub.
The water's running. I'm
feeling great. I'm just kind of
looking at my phone, not really paying
attention kind of spaced out water's filling up it's loud not soundproofed and i'm going through
my notifications and i click i'm just like cycling out i don't need ticot don't need email somebody some
random person sent me an xbox party invite and i meant to swipe it but instead i clicked on it and next
thing i know i'm in a party with a bunch of people that i don't know i'm just in their xbox live party
Mike is on
I can see the water
from the tub is coming through the
microphone and I'm just
staring at it and I didn't
I was frozen in fear but then
I had the thought of if I immediately
leave this somehow feels worse
I'm just going to stay here
and see what happens
So I'm looking at the mic
it's a full party of people I don't know
it's going off
I can see their mics doing things
but they're like I can't
it's muted
I can't hear them.
I do this for probably 20-ish seconds.
And then I decide, okay, I need to hear them.
So I turn on the speaker on my phone.
Didn't realize that while I was doing this,
I happened to be in a TikTok live that I didn't know I was in.
So then all of a sudden, the TikTok live just started talking.
And now that's getting picked up.
So it's the water running and this random person on TikTok live talking about stuff.
And this lasted for probably.
two and a half minutes before I cleared
out the entire party. I stayed
I held my ground. Everybody
else in the party left
and so I just wanted
to apologize. I wanted to take a moment. Whoever that
was, I'm sorry that
I ruined your party.
But I felt like I had to stay in my grant. I felt
like if I immediately left, then
it was clearly a weird, like a mistake
that I had made, but if I stayed
it just, I became like a weird guy
that was, like I was hoping they would think
that I did it by accident, which I did
but that I didn't even know that this was occurring.
What is that thought process that you think,
you don't want to leave immediately because it would look like a mistake,
but instead they're listening to what sounds like a TikTok in a waterfall.
Yes.
And that sounds like that was what you intended.
Well, I was, as I said, my main goal is I was hoping that they thought like,
somehow this went through his phone and he doesn't know,
as opposed to me just sitting there mortified in my tub,
seeing I'm in this party chat all of a sudden instantly just put me in with Mike
on crazy would you were you able to relax again in the tub after that or was that oh
absolutely yeah once everybody left that was all good but just it was an unexpected
moment of terror and complete relaxation I don't like that you can just do that via the
app you're just like fumbling and opening channels left and right through the internet
yeah I'm just like I don't need this email don't need this thing I think I I think I
click the Xbox thing thinking it would open the app and then I could like
reject it or I don't I don't know what I was thinking I was spaced out but I mean
that's certainly how I ended up instantly in the party which is once again crazy I
feel like you shouldn't just deploy somebody into the party chat by clicking I
feel like there should be like a second approval window of some kind remember that
doctor's appointment that when you planned on booking but then life got in the way
or that dental appointment you keep meaning to rebook since you
canceled it before, why not book it today? Sock Doc makes it easy to find the right doctor
right now, and it's all online. You probably could have it booked before this ad ends. I don't know
about you guys, but my social feed is filled with different health trends like cottage cheese
is an entire nutrition plan or red light therapy can solve every skin problem. I say we give
these questionable trends a rest. Turn to IRL healthcare professionals who can help you meet your
health goals. And with Zoc Doc, it's easy. You can find doctors that are right for you and instantly
book an appointment. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality
in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in-network
appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty. With a range like that, you know
you'll be covered. We're talking from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care,
and more. The range is incredible. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance,
are located nearby, are a good fit for any medical need you may have, and are highly rated
by verified patients. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment
openings. Choose a time slot that works for you, and click to instantly book a visit. With easy
filtering, you won't have to worry about finding the specifications you need. And with Zocdoc
appointments, they happen fast. The last thing you want is a long way, so typically within just 24
to 72 hours of booking.
You can even score same-day appointments,
which is so important.
If this is something I needed,
I'd use Zock-Doc-Doc.
Stop putting off those doctor's appointments
and go to Zoc-Doc-com
slash regulation
to find an instantly book
a top-rated doctor today.
That's ZOC-D-O-C.com
slash regulation.
Zoc-Doc-com slash regulation.
With Amex Platinum,
access to exclusive
of Amex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot track side.
So being a fan for life turns into the trip of a lifetime.
That's the powerful backing of Amex.
Pre-sale tickets for future events subject to availability and varied by race.
Terms and conditions apply.
Learn more at amex.ca.
slash Y Annex.
Have you had any issues with the new cats in the tub, if any of them fallen in?
I've had, uh, yeah, uh, yeah.
The answer is yeah.
They do a thing where when I'm in the tub, they like to investigate and they'll put their
paw in and then they'll walk up and they'll kind of flick their paw because of the water
and they'll spray me in the face with the paw water um yeah classic cat top thing there was
a situation where while it was draining investigations were being done and one i i don't know if they
fell in or they went to investigate further did not like it immediately ran out um i'd say the
most entertaining cat story i have was i was recording something with gavin
and I vanished suddenly.
How long would you say that I was gone for,
Gavin?
Oh, like two minutes?
Two minutes.
It was a very short period of time.
And I just came back and I went,
that was the chaos that just occurred.
You have no idea.
And he was shocked.
You sounded like you'd been,
you went out of breath,
like you'd just been running.
So we had people coming over
to repair things in the place.
And we put the cats in my room
to just keep them,
way because they're going inside and outside
their indoor cats. It just was like
the safest option was just to keep them
in here.
So they're in my
room and they're playing around. One of them
is trying to like get out a little bit so he's like
playing with the door but it's whatever and I'm
getting ready to recording this thing Gavin
and then all of a sudden the door swings
open. Now an important context to the story
I'm completely naked.
I have no clothes on
I'm just sitting at my desk
naked and the door
swings open. And so I thought like, oh no, they're gonna, they came in here by mistake. So I'm getting prepared to tell a person like, ah. But it wasn't a person. I guess the door wasn't fully closed and the cat put his paw under the door and yanked hard enough to get it open. So he opened the door and immediately booked it out. And then the second cat was getting ready to follow behind. So I grabbed the bag of treats because I've kind of trained them that if you shake the treats, they come.
They love treats.
They're very food-driven.
So I grab the bag.
I got to shake the bag.
And much like Jeff's bacon bits,
the bag was not sealed.
The beef treats fly everywhere out of the bag.
The whole floor is now covered in beef treat.
The one cat immediately comes back that really loves beef,
super into it, happy about the incident.
The other cat just keeps going.
Then maybe 20 or 30 seconds later,
I hear a high-pitched scream by one of the people that are in the place.
because I guess it turns out that
in their culture, black cats are like demonic
and they didn't know to like anticipate a black cat
so they're just doing stuff and they turn
and then my dumb black cat walks in and scares them
so it was just complete chaos
there's nothing I can do about it. I'm naked
I can't run over the chase them. Can I ask one real quick question?
Yeah. So you mentioned at the top of this
that you were recording with Gavin
and people were repairing stuff in the house.
Is that at the same time?
Yep.
Now, you are also naked during both of these occurrences.
So you're recording with, you're not even Winnie the Pooh in it.
You're just birthday suiting it.
Yep.
Gavin, were you aware that you were recording with a naked, Andrew?
I wasn't.
And now I'm wondering, how often is this the case?
Oh, yeah.
I'm naked right now.
What?
Really?
Yeah, I just didn't put a shirt on.
But, wait, wait, wait, but.
So you're just wearing boxes?
No, I'm not wearing another.
So I recently made the change to I used to fall asleep in boxers.
Now I'm just sleeping naked or with just a shirt on.
And then I typically will wake up and immediately start recording with you guys.
So like, I don't know, like maybe episode 80 or so of face.
We did a bottoms out episode where we all recorded with our dicks out and it was a big funny thing.
And we were all grossed out by it and the audience was grossed out by it.
And it was a hilarious bit.
but what I'm hearing from you
is that you're recording
every episode
of everything like that now.
Most things, oh, I mean, you knew
the Winnie of the Poohing was occurring.
That's a Winnie of Pooh.
I'm part of the Winnie of Pooh lifestyle.
Once again, I'm worried for your chair
and the cleanliness of the chair.
It's like waking up
and putting on the same pair of boxes every day.
Oh, the chair's good.
I mean, I don't have to worry about the chair
until like a month from now.
Or like, I guess a week, right?
September.
Doesn't it typically break in September?
We're in chair season?
Yeah, you got a week.
or two before it really starts falling apart on you.
You surely don't want to be naked when the chair gives out next week.
I mean, he's naked when people are coming over to fix stuff in the house and the cats are
running around.
I don't think it matters much.
I just love that in the middle of a recording, there was a moment in time where someone
in your house was screaming and your room was just a mess of beef and cock.
Someone screamed and I went, oh, that's not good.
but I can't go help because I'm naked.
That's unfortunate.
What if, Andrew,
we'll watch an alien earth right now
and reminded that aliens have acid blood,
you know?
Yeah.
Which I think is one of the coolest features
of any alien ever.
What if you have like really low grade acid farts
and it just takes about a year
of your acid farts to break a chair down?
And it's actually your alien-esque.
acid farts that are doing it.
Just like corroding the bolts
and shit over time.
Yeah, I'm trying to think if like, I don't think I've had underwear
where like the fabric and just
the ass has slowly vanished.
Because you don't wear it. Because you never wear it.
Oh, but I haven't always been
Winnie the poo in it. Winnie the Pooh like all
the time has been in the last few months.
What was the decision behind
the shirt coming off eventually?
Suns out, guns out.
No, okay. So this is, there's a few
factors to this one is if i need to do laundry i just sometimes like i'll do it tomorrow if i don't
plan on going out then then it's like then it gets pushed and maybe i'll extend a day other times
we've talked about how my bed slowly escapes from the wall and then pillow mountain goes into the
hole sometimes if i'm in bed and i'm like you know what i could use a little bit of a head
propage, I'll just pop the shirt off, turn that into a pillow.
You are...
You've got eight or nine pillows and you're using your shirt.
Well, because all the pillows are down the pillow hole, so it's like...
Yeah, but they're not actually serving a purpose down the hole.
You could just pick one up and use it, can't you?
I'd have to fully get out of bed and then I'd have to...
Okay, this is realistically what it would occur, to fix the gap.
I would have to get out of bed, my partner would have to get out of bed, all the pillows
would have to get pulled from the pillow hole.
The bed would then need to get pushed back.
Then the mattress would need to get pushed back.
Then the replacing of the pillows back into position.
You're making it sound like the hole is opening up, eating the pillows and then
can't you just reach over?
It is doing that because he hasn't installed a headboard yet.
Oh, right.
The headboard.
Where's the headboard, Andrew?
It's upstairs.
We have the solution.
We can fix all of them.
of it.
Well, the problem.
See, what you're,
you're forgetting,
Gavin, is like,
let's say I pull the pillow
out of the hole, right?
Yeah.
Then I put it back into place
it just immediately goes into the hole.
You need to fix the hole.
Do you have a mattress
coated in butter?
Like, why can't you block down a pillow?
He fixed the only butter head floor.
It isn't fixed.
What was your question,
Gavin?
Yeah.
What?
Are you saying how does it,
how does it slide?
How's it slip and
straight back down there. Do you have butterface and butter mattress? Is it just shooting out?
It shoots out because I like to lay against the wall. Like, I like to, I prefer, I've always been,
like, putting pressure into the wall type sleeper. Right. Yeah, you're like permanently sleep
tackling the wall. Have you considered maybe just, like, instead of wallpaper, just pillow paper
the wall? What if your wall was pillows?
We're just putting you in a padded room, aren't we?
Yeah, maybe if I ever have my own place, I can pillow paper the walls.
You know what?
Another perk of the cats is that I had a big whoopsie that I framed on the cats for a whole day, which was great.
I wasn't blamed for it at all.
I got the CPAP, and, you know, you have a hose, Gavin.
I'm interested maybe in your strategy.
I used to just have the hose dangle off the bedside table, and it would go down to the floor and then up.
But because of that, I would feel like it was constantly yanking away from my face, just the natural tubing weight.
Like a slight pull.
So I have a large lamp on my thing.
So I've started running the hose up through the lamp.
So it's up high and it doesn't have the same pull.
Like if anything, it's because of gravity.
It's going to my face.
And it has been a nice change.
This has worked fantastically.
Andrew?
I do exactly that.
You do the same thing.
you run it through a lamp?
Yeah, I've got this lamp that's like,
it's got like a swing arm on it,
and I just swing the lamp out.
I put the hose through the gap,
and I swing it back shut,
and it just kind of holds the hose above me.
So I've been doing that,
and I'm a back sleeper,
so it works fine.
But I tried to spice it up a little bit
and sleep on my left side.
So I rolled over,
and it was fine.
I'm comfortable.
And then all of a sudden I hear,
and I've pulled the CPAP machine
off of the counter.
It is fallen between the side of the bed
and the end table itself
and it's just, it's gone, it's down.
And I went, that's not great.
And my partner wakes up.
And they're like, oh, the cats.
I was like, yeah, the cat's crazy.
But I'm cozy and I think
it has fallen and everything still works.
Things can't get worse.
This is fine.
I'll just continue to sleep.
Maybe five minutes later,
brah!
Loud thud the lamp has now been pulled off with the thing
I think the CPAP machine added the weight and was slowly pulling it to the side of the bed
So now the lamp is off to the side and my partner's like those crazy cats
I was like yeah
Oh boy so I I get up to like see what damage I've done thankfully everything is fine. There's no damage nothing broke
And they're like ah is the cats okay? They break anything and I was like no all good all fine
I put everything back
and then I confess my crimes later
but I got away with it
I wouldn't have got away with that before
You know I'm not convinced you're using the CPAP right
Really?
Well today
We did a little recording before this
You told me that you were using it without water
And then you were like weird
I woke up with a massive nose bleed
For a start
But also if you're using a CPAP
That's sloughed down the side of your nightstand and bed
Isn't it just vacking up dust and shit
Like, it's got an intake somewhere.
I wasn't thinking about it in that time.
I'm never, like, I'm not doing that.
Like, it's always on the table.
But my thought while I was very tired was, this can't get worse.
It's fallen.
It still works.
I'd rather just go back to sleep than roll over and wake up and adjust it.
As you're huffing, you're completely dry air dust.
My dry dust.
Yeah, I just didn't, uh, I need to get some more water for it.
And I thought, I'll just try.
Because I went through an era of
I was getting too much moisture in the tube
and it was just blasting me in the face
with water constantly.
So I spent...
What?
How are you getting actual water come out of it?
It's just been to like...
Are you serious? You've never had that happen?
I assume that this was a thing.
Oh man, that's interesting.
No, it's just meant to be humid air.
The only time I'm actually getting liquid spray
into my nose is if I've just washed the tube
and I've got some like residual wetness.
So this is a process that you can have
with a CPAP called rain out
and it's where your moisture,
like the settings aren't aligned.
Sometimes it could be like a difference
between the temperature in the room
and the temperature of the hose.
There's all sorts of different factors.
So when I was trying to play around
with moisture levels,
I got like that the worst time.
It was like a super soap
who was shooting out the hose on me.
Then there were a bunch of mild cases
where like the tube was always wet
and I knew I was having water blasted my nose
but it was so minuscule
I didn't really notice.
So I kept adjusting moisture to a lower level
to the point where I was at one
and I'm currently at one,
the least amount of moisture you can have in your air.
And then I have been just doing it without water
because I just need to get more water.
And I've been totally fine.
Like I haven't noticed the difference.
I think that my moisture level was so low.
No moisture and the amount of moisture I was using
is not a noticeable difference.
Except for the nose bleed.
Except for the nose bleed
But I don't know if that was related to it or not
Because before
Let's say if like I was at a high moisture
And the thing would run out during the middle of the night
It would really bother my nose
The air pressure without any moisture in it
But now since I'd be doing it on moisture one
And I got used to that
Like I've noticed no difference in that regard
Hey Eric
Yeah what's up
Hey man if uh
Do me a favor
If I ever go to the doctor and I get prescribed
as CPAP as some sort of
a necessary remedy. I want you to kill me.
Yeah, absolutely, man. I got you.
And then, conversely, you don't even
have to ask. I just, just so you know,
if I ever hear that a doctor
prescribed you, I'm going to kill you. Yeah, no,
I appreciate it. I can't imagine living
this way, so I'm with you,
man. No, no sweat. It's really not bad.
Cool. Yeah, it sounds terrible. This whole thing
sounds awful. Cepap suicide pact.
Yeah, I'll be honest. Interesting.
Rain out sounds like a really cool problem to have.
Suicide fits spelled with a C.
I guess it's like comparatively
Like I it doesn't bother me at all wearing the thing
And not being tired all the time
Like the difference I've noticed since using it
I don't fall sleep in the bathtub anymore
I just thought I was comfortable
But in reality it was just I was so sleep deprived
I could fall sleep at any moment essentially
Have you ever thought about incorporating the CPAP into your tub time
And like going under water and seeing if it works
No I'm dying
That would be the end of me
I did have the thought once of like
what if I if, because you can get portable
CPAPs. I was like, what would that be like? And then I was
convinced I'd sleep too well and I would drown.
Do you think you could slowly
increase the moisture level
over a period of time until you eventually
become Aquaman and can just breathe underwater?
I've already
done the first half of that and I never became
Aquaman.
I just gained a tolerant.
It was like getting water bottled
water bottled, Jesus.
Water boarded, but nostril only.
Yeah, you're waterboarding your sinus directly.
Yeah.
I still have some issues with the geography of your sleeping position
because you're saying you're mainly like
glent into the wall with the pillows.
But also you're on your back.
So are you like tackling the wall backwards?
So...
You're like pushing in with the back of your head?
I used to be a side sleeper.
Yeah.
And so when I was, when I would do like side sleeping into the wall,
I'd have the pillow against the wall
and imagine my neck
being like L shaped like my head
my head would go up
and then I would I would lay against it
and I'd push that way essentially
now it's just like a chair
where I make the pillow mountain
and then I put my back on it and I push
backwards like I lay back
like almost like a rocking chair like I will
I'll put all my weight back
and then I'll fall asleep
and then I'm sure I'd move around
and like adjust at times
which influences the movement of the bed.
I think if you're a headboard
when you eventually put it on,
if it has like four bolts,
I think you need some extra security bolts.
I think you should go no less than eight.
Absolutely.
Because I think you're going to snap that shit off.
I agree.
Yeah, definitely.
Needs extra boltage, for sure.
Like, gorilla glue the bolts on too.
Well, that's been my life.
Joining random parties and then demon cats
has been my week.
Does everyone else just sleep normal?
Just like normal,
horizontal flat pillow sort of
I close my I lay down
I close my eyes I open my eyes it is
the next day
yeah same
sometimes I'll roll to the left
and sleep and sometimes I'll roll to the right
and sleep but either way I'm going to sleep
with eight seconds
interesting
what about dreaming
I don't dream
man it's pretty rare
that I remember my dreams these days
I used to a lot
I think that part of my
I think that that amount of life
got sucked out of me
at some point along the way.
I'm with you, bud.
Wow.
Your business doesn't move in a straight line.
Some days bring growth.
Others bring challenges.
But what if you or a partner needs to step away?
When the unexpected happens,
count on Canada Life's flexible life and health insurance
to help your business keep working,
even when you can't.
Don't let life's challenges stand in the way of your success.
Protect what you've built today.
Visit canadalif.com slash business protection
to learn more.
Canada Life.
insurance, investments, advice.
You guys, you guys know Major League fan Jack, right?
Yeah.
You guys remember him?
Remember him?
I'm glad you brought up the bird.
I was bored the other day at the airport, and so I was thinking about ways to fuck with Jack.
Uh-huh.
And I could have like a little bit of a cue of, you know, things I can do to Jack if I ever need to.
and so I was trying to think of ways to add to the queue
and which is actually kind of funny
because I was thinking like if a brain is a gun
then ideas or bullets
and there's nobody better to fire idea
bullets out than Jack
but anyway
I was just thinking about his pigeon
his regular his exotic pigeon
and I was thinking about what a great photo it was
and how wonderful it was that he shared with us
that photo and how I
kind of want to give back to Jack for the years of friendship and the years of support.
He was the first Major League fan.
He has been, you know, he's been a big supporter of us all along.
And then he gifted us this amazing, amazing, exotic bird image, which we were turning
into some merchandise.
And, you know, he was so kind to share it with us.
I wanted to do something for him in return.
And I thought, how hard would it be to make it so that if you look up the word pigeon
on the internet, you get Jack's image.
Like, Jack's pigeon becomes the regulation pigeon.
Globally.
Like Wikipedia's pigeon, Google Pigeon.
Yeah, so I looked into it.
I read up on SEO a little bit and things you got to do.
And a lot of it, it's just naming conventions.
It's metadata.
Getting people in chat rooms to post the image, you know, with the right keywords.
When it comes up naturally, that kind of thing, you start seeing.
it into the world. And one of the best ways to do that is with websites. So I went ahead
and bought and created this website, RegulationPigeon.com.
Whoa!
So now, if you go to it, it's just a, you know, it says this is a regulation pigeon. This is a
jumping off point for us. Eric and I have been working behind the scenes on this a little
bit. I also have a list of other domains that I'm going to buy. I haven't bought them yet,
but I got some time because, you know, this doesn't come out for a bit. I was going
to see if you guys wanted to add to the list.
We're also going to acquire regular, we have regulation pigeon.com.
We're also going to acquire this is a pigeon.com.
What is a pigeon.com?
Real pigeon.com.
Pigeon pigeon pigeon.com and regulation bird.com.
Yeah.
And it's just going to be this sort of what you see is this template website.
And I have a feeling this is just going to be a regulation pigeon.
That's just what it is.
There it is.
Also, Andrew, this is this website uses cookies.
I just want you to be aware of it.
Oh, I'm accepting right now.
Yeah.
So, you know, just throwing that out there to the audience and you guys as well.
If you ever want to just swing by RegulationPigeon.com, you see what a regulation pigeon is.
Take a look at it. Feel free to copy the image and use it yourself at any point.
Inform others about it.
Let people across the world know what a bog standard regulation right out of the package in every way pigeon looks like.
It looks exactly like that exotic bird that Jack shared with us.
and alternatively, if you guys have any other ideas for domains
and other ways that we can help get the word out,
I want the world to know Jack's Pigeon.
That's incredible.
I love it.
This is fantastic.
I like that you said you wanted to give back to Jack, though,
even though we paid him for the Pigeon pitcher.
Gave him actual money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're giving back.
We paid him for the fucking photo, sure.
But I want to give back for the years and years of relationship.
I see.
And support.
And it's so much bigger than the money we threw his way.
We want to, I think to me, the thing that I'm really driving at here is the feeling that he had at that party when I called over every single person at the party individually to look at this picture.
I kind of want him to have that all the time.
So this is sort of our way of finding it for him.
Yeah, I just, I love him and I love this bird.
And I think it would be interesting if we use the power of our community.
to elevate this image to the annals of perpetuity, let's say.
Do we want to show people the shirt that we're working on?
Oh, yeah, we do.
We're working on a shirt.
Do you have the press?
Why, in fact, I do.
So people can know, have you seen this bird?
People can have a look at that bird.
Know if they've seen that bird.
Because on all of these websites and everywhere you Google,
that's the bird you're going to see.
Yeah.
It's funny to me that we didn't even crop the...
Listen, why would you need to crop it?
That's the pigeon in his natural habits.
I mean, Jeff cropped it for the website.
I'll be honest with you.
No, I didn't crop it for the website.
The website cropped it for me
and I couldn't figure out how to uncropped it.
I don't know.
In 2025, I created, a quick aside,
I created the first website for rooster teeth.
I created the first four online stores.
I created the first
PHPB board
Gus took over after that
and did all the good stuff
but I created like the first
three rooster teeth sites
I used to understand
how to make websites
I made it took me an hour
to make that have you seen
this fucking pigeon
website that I just made
and I had no control
over that image whatsoever
I was just like
I was just like
slapping at the keyboard
with my big dumb paws
just hoping something
would fucking work
that looked like a website
by the end of it
however
moving back over
to the t-shirt image
I did crop it
I played around with it a lot
I made it a horizontal
I made it
a letterboxed
I made it a square
and it just didn't look right
Okay interesting
It just looked weird
in any other position
other than
its native format
Yeah I'm enjoying the negative space
It's great
I wonder if we should
Maybe I could also try and give back to Jack
Because I've known him for quite a long time
I'm going to try maybe
and get him the pigeon
What do you mean
Maybe I can catch this pigeon
Okay sure
Oh and then domesticate it
And make it his friend
Train it
Have it just be like a living regulation pigeon
Dude you know what
Then Jack and the pigeon can start a podcast together
You ready for my
Wacky summer comedy pitch
You ready for this?
Jack gets the pigeon
Becomes best friends with the pigeon
Pigeon escapes, ends up at Mike Tyson's.
Mike Tyson takes the pigeon.
Jack now needs to steal his pigeon back from Mike Tyson.
Wow.
I love it.
This is a great idea.
Mike Tyson just staring at the camera saying,
You got my bird!
I do like the idea of other regulation listeners being able to see this in the wild, though.
I feel like if you're in the Texas area, just keep an eye out.
Yeah, that's true.
If you live in Central Texas, there's a chance you could meet.
this pigeon if you keep your eyes about you.
Like, what's the range on a pigeon?
What's its territory?
Great question.
It is a really interesting question.
Oh, yeah.
It would be fun to have a website in which people can submit photos of potentially seeing Jack's pigeon.
Oh, that it literally is.
Like, have you seen it's like people providing evidence?
People could submit their photos.
Yeah.
And then there could be like a map that, like, shows you all of the pigeon photos locations
that people think they may have seen them.
We've just recreated the milk carton system of the 80s.
We did.
For this pigeon.
For this pigeon.
I like the idea of this picture of the pigeon on the website being like one of question mark.
It could be more in the future.
Anyway, if anybody comes up with any ideas for more domains and additional way,
like Gavin is going to find the pigeon, I think that's great.
This is my pitch to you all.
I think that we should, as an homage to Jack,
give back for his many, many years of friendship and
support, we should make sure that the
7 and a half to 8 billion people on
earth know about this exotic bird.
I want
to find someone who genuinely doesn't know what it is.
That would also be fun.
Maybe when the shirt goes on sale, we temporarily
redirect regulation pigeon to the shirt.
That's a great idea. Oh, yeah, we can do that. We can definitely do that.
Sure.
That's a great idea. Wow.
That's a great idea
If one of you knows how to do it
I'm not our
I am not our webmaster
Just so we just so we're clear
I can help you out
I think if this goes well
And this becomes
The internet's regulation pigeon
Like it's the picture on Wikipedia and stuff
Potentially we could try
Next to work on bird
Yeah
Like it's just the bird
It's just like the first regulation
Oh I see like it gets broad
Okay I get it gets like broader
I do I do think that
while we're doing this for complete
like friendship reasons, right?
Like we're doing this because of our extreme love
and friendship and desire to support and send up
and let the world know what we think of Jack
and how much he means to us.
But I do think this is kind of like
what regulation can do in some ways.
I mean, that's kind of what we're set up to do
is as the arbiters of what is a regulation,
we should be able to decide
what the regulation, whatever is
and then ceded out into the world
and hopefully it would be adopted
at some point, you know?
Like maybe this is the first of many forays
into this idea that we have.
Just like worldwide regulating.
Yeah.
Would you eat a pigeon?
I think I'd eat a pigeon.
Okay.
Like there are certain like animals and stuff
where like I feel like, oh, that would be
even though like culturally,
culturally it might be accepted
in a not where I live
is just like a little bit of a mental hurdle
for me to get by. Pigeon, I'd have no problem.
I got no feelings towards that bird.
I feel like if it was a country pigeon,
I probably wouldn't want to do like
a Trafalgar Square Pigeon.
You think the location that the pigeon
exists in is influencing your...
I mean, you see them just like drinking out of puddles
by the underground and it's just like, I don't know.
I don't want to eat that.
I'm reading here, while technically edible,
feral city pigeons can be tough
and might carry mites and ticks
so be sure to cook them thoroughly
yeah I was just thinking like a pigeon burger
cooking them until they fall off the bone
is recommended to kill potential
city parasites yeah interesting
yeah we gotta get we gotta get some country pigeons
we gotta get some jelly
farm raised pigeons right here
meat for culinary purposes typically sourced from
from young farm range
pigeons I was just thinking
for the burger count like I would have
Pigeon, I would eat a pigeon burger.
God's sake.
A patty of pigeon?
I would eat a patty of pigeon.
How many quails would it take to get a solid patty?
Oh, that's a really good question.
It's got to be, it's got to be talking city quails or country quails?
What if pigeons are burgers and quails are sliders?
Oh, then it would take three quails for one burger.
One quail yields approximately three ounces of,
of meat after processing, so how many ounces of meat is a burger?
Three ounces of meat?
Eight ounce?
So about three, three, three, there you go, there's sliders.
That's sliders.
The whale is the slider of birds.
Quail's a slider.
It's a definite slider situation.
I wouldn't need a dove.
I'm just going through birds in my head.
I wouldn't need a parrot.
Wait, wait, you would eat a pigeon but not a dove?
Yeah, I don't know.
Like, I understand, like I feel like,
Isn't it the same thing?
I mean, they're essentially the same.
Essentially the same, but there's something more majestic about the dove that, like,
the PR that the doves have done as a whole.
It must have because, again, a dove is a type of pigeon.
Yeah, it's that goddamn bot.
It's that soap.
Oh, yeah.
If it was called pigeon soap, you would, you would eat a dove.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'd eat an owl.
I wouldn't need a parrot.
Absolutely.
I eat a blue jay.
Hummingbird.
Okay, hang on.
Cardinal.
Oh, I'd eat a cardinal.
Okay.
Oriole.
Oreo.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I need an orio.
Should we draft edible birds?
Well, I think all birds are edible birds.
Should we draft birdie bird draft?
Wait, wait.
So why don't we eat like roosters and stuff?
Well, I think you can.
I think they're just gamey or stringy.
Yeah, they're just not...
It's just easier to eat the chicken.
We just eat women.
When there's...
When chicken is so plentiful, why would you eat?
of a lesser-meaded, less flavorful animal.
A stupid, a stupid stringy rooster
when you just have succulent plump chickens everywhere.
I'm gonna put a bird in the chat right now.
Imagine Thanksgiving dinner.
You sit down, table set,
the bird gets walked out, majestic, delicious, glazed emu.
I think that would be a great tablebook.
I bet you can make emu steaks.
That's a lot of meat on that.
A lot of bird.
Look at the L shape of its neck.
It's like how you sleep, Andrew.
It is.
Yeah.
Andrew's the emo, the emu of this podcast.
I have a distinct memory of being like six with my L-shaped sleep position going,
this is not, this is probably not good, but I, this is comfy.
This shouldn't be.
You know, the emu is like the light meat and the cassowary is like the dark meat.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a...
I've been a dark meat guy.
Mm-hmm.
You know, like, I know the dark meat is better, but I don't know.
Would you eat a roadrunner?
Yeah, I did a roadrunner.
I'd need a roadrunner, but I'd have to catch it out of respect to the coyote.
Yeah, you'd have to catch it.
You could, like, paint.
And I know, I just, I want to let you know.
You just need to go catch it.
You can't paint a big black hole on, like, a wall and expect that to work.
It's not going to work.
That should be the rule.
It should be, like,
legal to eat them, but you have to catch
them cartoon style. Yes.
Yeah, like a big net. You have
to put rockets on roller skates.
Try to drop
a giant rock on one.
They have to run into a cliff that's painted like
a road. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Would you eat a woodcock?
Oh, wow.
Some would say that's the easiest bird to eat.
Because it flies so
slow.
Because it flies five miles a mile to know.
Look at how, oh, look, he's so sad that you're going to eat him, Andrew.
If I took a bite out of a woodcock, I'd expect it to taste like chocolate.
That just looks like a chocolate wrap.
You're insane.
Do you not understand what I mean?
Well, like a Cabri's Easter Bunny style.
Yeah, like that bird looks like it should be chocolate underneath it.
That looks like a chocolate bird.
It does not in any way say chocolate to be.
No, it ensued chocolate bird.
No, it's a corn dog.
That's the corn dog of birds.
That looks like you're supposed to hold it by its beak
like it's a stick and eat it like a corn dog.
Let me get, let me figure out exactly where my brain.
It's pulling from somewhere.
Okay.
While you figure that out, I actually have news.
Yeah, what's your fucking news?
I have the high score.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
I have the high score.
6.6.49 million?
Yep.
Oh, shit.
Wait, who's at?
Uh, it, I took the picture and it was the wrong, uh, time because it was flashing.
Uh, baby, it's rat.
It's rat.
Gotcha.
Oh, it's like not lighting up the same time.
Wow.
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I have the high score on your pinball machine.
Did you get that today?
Yes, I did.
I get back to the office.
Right before we recorded.
I thought I was going to be late.
I'm not stopping.
I'm not stopping.
I have to get this.
Dude, congratulations, dude.
That's an awesome score.
You must have been going for a while.
I mean, Miles, did you get on the freeway?
Oh, like, 48 or something?
Like, it's like an insane.
Yeah, it's like way up there.
You get those freeway multipliers.
Yeah.
I might try and go to the office next week
just to keep the share of you.
Yeah, you can try.
I'm going to share my screen.
This is going to date this a little bit.
Like, this won't mean anything
to the people that listen to this live.
Get ready to look at my screen.
Okay.
On Monday, I told you,
guys I have a stream idea okay get ready uh fuck sorry I'm gavining this I don't
you are you having it would you mind getting ready I yeah I do need to get ready
this is so crazy that I just wasn't prepared for it okay hop back into my
Discord app share screen this is what the stream is today that you guys didn't know
was coming okay oh we letting right now what it is I realized that in pinball FX
Earth Shaker is an available machine.
And the stream today was me.
I was going to ask you guys, what's the high score?
I want to set the high score in the office pinball machine.
It's perfect.
Now you know.
Now you know the high score.
It's perfect.
It's serendipitous.
Wow.
So you could pop in and you can play it.
We talked about doing this once on.
On Facebook, we talked about doing this, I think.
This is it, man.
This is the, this is full on.
the machine, dude.
So that will be our stream.
It's got the music and everything.
Yeah, it's an exact pull.
So we're doing a pinball stream today where I want to set the office high score.
Wow.
And then I got a bunch of other tables.
We can check out too.
So fucking cool.
That's Andrew.
That's awesome.
I'm very excited about doing that.
And just amazing time.
And the fact that you happen that first of all, we're recording this on a Friday,
which is unusual.
And that you set the record on the day and brought it up in the recording.
It's all perfect.
I can't wait for the stream.
later. Unreal.
That's weird.
I was thinking earlier
in the week trying to hook up some like internet
control buttons so you could actually play
our machine. This is much easy.
We did talk about that.
I was like, I wonder, because I know you guys
had mentioned Earthshaker is kind of an obscure
cabinet, but I was like, I wonder if there's
a virtual version of it anywhere
and it happened to be added to this game
like six months ago. It was a relatively
recent DLC pack.
Yeah. So.
Yeah, apparently it was really popular for its time.
It's just not really highly sought after now for some reason.
It will be now.
We're changing the landscape.
That's a regulation pinball machine right there, my friend.
What's also really cool about this pinball machine in this game is that you can do
like an updated version of it, like a virtual.
So if I hit B, you get like a little earthquake like shaker machine.
You got him in the car on the left.
Like there's some different styling.
So you can like cycle between what it actually looks like.
It changes the topography between California and.
Nevada up top.
That's so cool.
Yeah, that's awesome.
So that'll be the stream.
I didn't plan on showing this clearly because I didn't have it prepped.
But just when you brought up that score, I was like, I got to show this to you guys.
This is crazy.
That is fucking awesome.
I'm really excited for the stream today.
Yeah, it's going to be fun.
I can't wait to show the other tables as well.
Hopefully get the score and then 6.6 is high.
I wonder where that is.
Let me look at the virtual leaderboard for Earth Shaker.
Oh, I bet it's so much higher.
It has to be like, it's like 20-1, 154 million.
Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, I'd like to see him do it on the actual.
Yeah, but let's scroll that.
Like, 6 million is not an insignificant score.
6 million is just scratching the computer starting number.
Like, you can see that second place at 6.5.
That is like the default high score.
But think about it this way.
If we look at the weekly, you are your fifth place or what, six?
You're six place. You'd be in sixth place this week.
I mean, it's way higher than Gavin.
Well, I don't know if it's way high.
Way higher.
No, I think so.
Hey, Nick.
What day does this episode come out?
What day are people listening to this?
This comes out on the third.
Of September.
Yep.
Oh, okay.
Why, what's up?
I was just going to say, I think we may have already had the break show at this point.
You think so?
Wow.
Maybe because I was going to try to do it next week, but you know, we have our thing next week.
Yeah.
So maybe we'll do it like the first or the second.
But I was just going to bring up, I finally got to the post office the other day and went to pick up our mail and the lady brought out a shopping cart full of boxes.
Oh, yeah.
That people had sent in.
And so we just need to get the ball rolling on that.
Thank you so much for all this stuff you guys sent us.
And seeing a lot of disparity in the address on some of the packages.
So I figured I could weed it real.
fast just to make sure that everybody knows what our
address actually is. I think having
a readout and maybe like a pop out
in the video. Popout's not a bad idea.
The address is Regulation Company,
P.O. Box 13146,
111 East 17th Street, Austin, Texas
78701. Sometimes
the street address got missed.
Interesting.
So with the new,
the break show coming back, is that
also just going to be like where you open fan mail and stuff is it all sort of one umbrella
because yeah i think i think it's uh to you know we'll feel it out in the in the production as
we're going but in my head it's kind of a cross between awu and the break show you know yeah okay
i was even thinking about calling the regulation closet and we just open up the closet and just
pull stuff out of it whatever it is so it's like you know half audience submitted half you know
weird oddities that i find so are you just going to go live one day with it or are we going to
like announce it and figure
all that out. That's a great question.
We should probably figure that out.
I want to be there there, there.
Well, I'm definitely going to let you know ahead of time.
I'll just go live when they'll be like,
Gavin, get here, we're live.
I just see the notification that you're live,
and I just have to get into an Uber.
Yeah, we'll announce some sort of a test show, probably,
and I doubt we would do it as a surprise.
But I was trying to, I was just going to let,
give people the note on the address,
but then I was trying to decide
if it's already come out or not.
We're really close to starting it
and it just keeps getting pushed
for other projects.
I feel like every time we went into that room,
we'd be like, okay, well, we still need this,
and then we'd order some stuff,
and then we'd put it in.
And now we're at the point
where we're just like standing,
looking at everything, just like,
I think this is it?
Yeah, I think it's it.
I think it's right.
It's just going to require us all to be in the room
for 45 minutes to, you know,
just polish everything
and make sure it works in OBS.
Yeah.
I don't want to make this too sausagey,
but maybe the first video is like announcing
what the format of the break show will be going forward
and you opening a few of the things
and then like displaying.
Because I think there are a lot of people
that don't even know that we have a PO box.
So I think having a little content piece
to like really drive to it
and also promote the start of the break show
would be pretty cool.
I think that's a great idea.
Maybe let's let's table that discussion for offer
since it's probably not the most entertaining thing to hear.
But anyway,
just let the audience know
we do have the P.O. box, it's open.
If you did have something you wanted to send us,
it's now okay to send it to us.
And we will be opening
stuff that you send sooner than
later. So thank you for all your support.
And your attention on this matter.
Have you ever opened up any of those, like,
little basketball guy, blind boxes, Jeff?
Like the little ball
that you opened up, it's got like a tiny rubber basket.
Yeah, I've opened up, and I think it's called ballers.
I've opened up a few. Yeah, I got a Luca one somewhere
in my bedroom. Oh, that's awesome.
Or in my closet.
I'm in my office
You got there
Oh, I'm looking at him right now
He's up, he's next to puss-puss on the wall
Oh, Puss-Pus and Luca
It's Pus Pus Pus, Luca
and the pocket
Wrist Pocket
Fantastic
Do you guys remember when we made a wrist pocket?
Yes, it seems like 10 years ago
Absolutely does
Do you still have my freaking
Nice to 3E, Thrice to meet you?
Glove thing?
Yeah, I have it.
Okay.
It's in my closet.
As long as we still got it.
Yeah, I'll bring it to the office.
I have a bunch of stuff like that that's like
souvenir-type shit that we could display.
Can I serve up maybe some quail sliders
on the first break show?
Yeah.
Uh, yeah.
Have you ever cooked sliders generally?
Would this be your first slider?
Have you ever cooked quail ever?
Nope.
Is it difficult to get?
I imagine.
It's me.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I don't think it would be difficult to get them.
In the U.S., I don't think it would be
difficult in the slightest.
All right, good luck.
Just buy it off of a website.
Texas quail farms
raised, it's, they do you buy an
H-E-B. Yeah. Yeah.
There you go. Okay.
I'll work on some recipes.
Yes.
Maybe the first
burger and everyone's count is a quail burger.
Well, as we discussed,
we'd have to eat three for it to count.
Right. That's, yeah. That's true.
Am I, oh, am I cooking 12 quails?
It's a lot.
a lot of quail. Especially difficult when squirrels on your grill.
Yeah.
I need to clear that thing out.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah, if you're gonna be making quail burgers, you better.
Oh, dude, maybe you should make squirrel burgers.
Ah, see, that's, that's probably not advised.
It's a quick way to clear it out.
See, that's an interesting one where if the squirrel was alive,
I couldn't sentence the squirrel to death.
But if I showed up and there was squirrel barbecued meat already there,
there, then I'd be willing to eat it.
What wouldn't you eat at this point? You just want to eat everything?
No, that's not true. I wouldn't eat a dove.
I wouldn't order a squirrel off of a menu.
Pigeon, yes. Dove, no, squirrel, yes.
Squirrel, if it's free at a party, but he's never going to go out of his way to eat it.
Yeah, like the, I don't want to, I don't want the squirrel blood on my hands, but if it's on
someone else's hands and I just happen to be there, I'd be willing to try it.
A few sticks of quill, quill?
What's that the Harry Potter guy?
Voldemort head.
Like a squirrel satay.
What?
I don't even know.
Chicken satay sticks.
What?
I'm so confused.
You said Voldemort head and I just can't.
Well, it's a quarrel by accident.
Oh.
I got it.
Yeah, guys.
He said quarrel.
Yeah.
Is that the name from the guy in Philosopher Stone that had the Voldemort head?
Was he quarrel?
Yeah.
Crazy.
Troll in the dungeon.
Bye.
Every opportunity to wrap this up.
It is petered out like three or four times.
In the chat, in the chat, I just keep going, you wrap it up.
Let's wrap it up.
Seems like a good place to wrap it up.
To be fair.
It doesn't allow it to Peter in the edit, surely.
Now I will.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he's really going to get in there and clean this up.
Nick, use your editing wizardry.
All of your skills laser focused on this episode
to make it the best episode of Regulation Podcast
that has ever released.
And why wouldn't it be?
Because this was our 69th episode
as Gaffin so sophomorically intoned early on in the episode.
Thank you for listening to the previous 68.
Thank you for listening to the next 68.
Thank you for listening to the next 100,000 episodes.
We're going to, at some point, I'm thinking, kind of like alien Earth style, we'll take our consciousness and we'll implant it into younger, hotter bodies.
And then we'll have superpowers that will allow us to continue to podcast into infinity.
So we'll see you next time.
And then every time, forever, always.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.