Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 119 | Pregnancy Lessons

Episode Date: May 31, 2019

Fun Friday episode for you: Things that I've learned in my eight-plus months of pregnancy that I wish I'd known! Copyright Blaze Media All Rights Reserved.

What's up, guys. Welcome to Relatable. Happy Friday. There are so many things that we could talk about today. We did our news episode on Wednesday like we always do. We did our theology episode on Monday like we always do. And hope you enjoyed both of those. But today I just wanted to do a more lighthearted one. We typically do some kind of interview on Friday or we do like a rundown again of something that's happened in the news. We could talk about the Mueller press conference and how he said, that in their report, they couldn't say that Trump didn't commit a crime and all the craziness surrounding that. But it's Friday. I don't want to talk about that. You've probably heard enough commentary on that if you're even interested in it. So I want to talk about things that I have learned while I'm pregnant because if you did not know, I am pregnant. And I am less than a month away. It depends on what you see as a month, like four weeks. Okay, yeah, I'm about four weeks away, but I'm technically less than a month away from my due date. That's actually part of my first point that I learned about pregnancy.

So I'm going to go through the things that I've learned. I would love for you guys to message me, email me, if you have been pregnant before, and tell me the things that I need to add to this list, the things that you have learned because I learned a lot from you guys. I learned a lot from your messages on Instagram about what I need to look forward to, what I need to be wary about in pregnancy and birth and all. that stuff. Now, if you don't want to hear about pregnancy, I'm not going to get graphic. Don't worry about that. But if you don't want to hear about pregnancy, if you don't want to hear about childbearing and all

that stuff, then this is not the episode for you. But if you're interested, whether or not you plan to have children or whether or not you've had children, then this could be an entertaining episode for you because this is just like my opinion on things. This is not any kind of like expert analysis. I'm not going to go to any sources, anything I've read. This is just like Allie's mind thinking about the things that she has learned during these eight months or so of gestation. So the first thing that I have learned during pregnancy is that pregnancy is really long. You hear, you've heard for your entire life that pregnancy is nine months. That's a lie.

They lie to you when they say that pregnancy is nine months. Technically, it is nine months. But if you think of a month like you think of four weeks, then you are going to be sorely disappointed at the end of every four weeks because you're going to realize that that doesn't really correspond with how many months you are. Because actually what I learned didn't know this, just in everyday life, actually what I've learned is that the average month is like 4.33 weeks or something. So it's like four weeks and some change. And so you're not actually pregnant for nine months in the sense that you're not pregnant for 36 weeks. Because if you think of a month,

like four weeks for every month, and that's only 36 weeks. But you are pregnant for 40 weeks, sometimes more than 40 weeks, which is a lot longer than you think. So if you're in your pregnancy, you're trying to calculate how many months you are. Just don't do it. Just think of your pregnancy in weeks rather than in months so you don't keep on getting disappointed. Another thing that I've learned about the length of pregnancy is that you think that you sound like a lot farther along than you actually are. Like, I remember thinking that, oh, I'm 20 weeks pregnant. Like, I'm really far long or I'm like 24 weeks pregnant. I'm super far along. And you are technically. Like all of those are great milestones when you're 20 weeks. You're halfway through when you're 24 weeks. That's, I think,

the week of viability. But you look back when you're 30 weeks, 32 weeks, 35 weeks, 36 weeks, like I am now or will be tomorrow. And you think, oh my gosh, I was just a tiny little human who didn't know anything. and wow, at 24 weeks, I can't believe I thought I was uncomfortable. I didn't even know what discomfort was. Like, I remember thinking back to when I was 20 weeks and thinking, oh my gosh, it's uncomfortable to like turn over in bed. I just want to look back at my 20 week self and say, when? When, you don't know a single thing about pregnancy.

Because now at 36 weeks, I'm like, it is a chore to do anything. It's a chore to do anything. And I don't want to seem like I'm complaining. I'm going to give caveat to all of this. that I am so grateful to be carrying life. You guys know that. I think it's like the greatest privilege in the world. One of the greatest privileges in the world. I was in a tornado. I was in a tornado thing the other day. It was a tornado warning in my area. And of course, I was home alone with my three animals. And there's only so many places I can go in my house that are safe,

that don't have windows. So I go into our guest bathroom and I take two cushions from the couch and I lay in the bathtub like on my side with the cushions over me. And I'm like, you know, I'd probably be pretty safe. But the thing I'm more scared about is getting out of this bathtub. Because not only do I have to push the cushions off of me, but I have to actually get out of this thing. It's different than getting out of bed. You have to like hoist yourself up and give yourself the strength to do it. And so after the tornado warning expired, I just kind of laid there for like 30 minutes. I was texting my neighbor. She was like, oh my gosh, do you need help? And I was no, I think I got it. It just takes a lot of wellpower and a lot of mental strength to be able to do

small tasks like that. And you just look back at yourself before you got pregnant and you were like, you have no idea how good you have it, you mobile, flexible human you. Now every single movement is just like this whole ordeal that you have to actually physically think about. Remember that time if you're pregnant before you were pregnant where you would just move a muscle in your body. you didn't even have to have a real thought about it, your brain just did it and it was a reaction. That's not true during pregnancy. You have to actually think about everything that you were going to do, especially when you were asleep at night. You have to think about, okay, my brain needs to wake up and tell myself to roll over now. Okay, I'm going to do that. So really, I know this was a lot of

different points in one point, but the point of my first point is that pregnancy is really long. It's really long. The fact that I have still a month left that sounds like not that long of a time, but it also sounds like 500 years. The fact that people are announcing now their pregnancies in December or their babies that are due in December, I'm like, oh my gosh, thank you. Thank you people who are announcing for reminding me that I am so glad to be almost done being pregnant. I've been really busy while I have been pregnant. I have traveled multiple places almost every month of my pregnancy until I was, I think, 30 weeks pregnant. I think that was the last time that I traveled, which you can travel past that, but there, I just didn't travel past that,

but almost every month of my pregnancy. I've been traveling multiple places. I've been writing a book this entire time. I have been recording podcasts, of course, recording, I think like triple the number of podcasts that I usually do to make sure that we're putting out content while I'm away. and I'm not like patting myself on the back because there are people that have like five kids and who are pregnant who are a lot busier than me. All I'm trying to say is it's gone by really slowly and it's not like I've just been sitting around nesting and, you know, putting together a crib. And so when people tell you, especially I think for your first one, because you don't have any other kids that are really making you run around even more than, you know, a regular job would, it still goes by pretty slowly. people will say on my Instagram like, oh my gosh, I feel like it's gone by so fast. I'm like, I'm really glad that it's gone by fast for you. Because I've been really busy and I've tried to keep myself busy this whole time and it still goes by really slowly. So I'm just going to let you know that unless you have some kind of crazy fast-paced life or if this, of course, is like your third pregnancy, then of course you know your kids keep you busy and it goes by fast. But I think that your first one, it goes by really slowly because you're just waiting at.

every day. Okay, the second thing that I have learned, and I kind of gave away some of my points about the second part in the first part, the second thing that I've learned is that pregnancy is both awesome and really hard. And when I say it's really hard, like I don't want to sound like a typical millennial who is complaining about something, but it just is. I think the first time that you get pregnant, you don't realize how much change is going to happen physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually, professionally, all of the leaves that you can possibly think of, things just change a lot. Now, I had an easy pregnancy. And these are some of the things that I just wish people would have told me. So if you are not even in the stage of having kids yet,

I hope that you find this stuff helpful. I just didn't know a lot of this stuff. I didn't know the changes that your body would go through. I didn't know the changes that would come my way. And I have had an easy pregnancy. Like there are, if you follow, you probably don't, but But if you follow Amy Schumer, even just a little bit. I don't even follow her on Instagram, but I know that she had, I forget what it was actually pre, was it, no, it wasn't preeclamps yet. What did she have? She had something the entire time during her pregnancy that made her really ill.

And so she had a hard pregnancy. There are a lot of people that have really hard pregnancies that are put on bed rest. So I do not want it to seem like I'm saying like I had that kind of pregnancy because I didn't. I had, you know, a first trimester where I was kind of sick. mostly just really tired. Like I took a nap every day and then slept for like at least nine hours every night. You just kind of feel like you have the flu during that first trimester. You don't feel sick, but the tiredness that your body takes on because you're, I don't know, growing a human being with eyeballs. Yeah, it just kind of takes it out of you. So I don't want it to seem like I'm saying,

oh my gosh, I had the hardest pregnancy ever, but it just is difficult. Your body is adjusting. your mind is adjusting, your mind immediately starts thinking about a million different things. As women, we're already thinking about a million different things at once. We are already thinking about like how we can take care of this person. Is this person, are the needs of this person met? Is this person okay? Is this person getting enough sleep? And what did I take that thing back to target?

No, I don't think I'm ever going to. But you're constantly thinking about things anyway. And then you've got a human being growing inside of you. and you, all of that doubles. And so now you've got your mind going a million miles a minute. And so it's just a lot to adjust to, I would say. In addition, if you are someone who had any kind of health issues while you were pregnant or maybe you're carrying multiples or you have to be put on bed rest for any reason,

people do not give you enough credits. I want to take a moment to give people credit for those of you who have had difficult pregnancies, that's nine months of really hard struggle that I know is totally worth it in every single woman that has had a child will say that's totally worth it. But that is really difficult, especially if you have kids, especially if you have a job, either a nine to five job where you're sitting at a desk or a job that keeps you on your feet all day. Like that is really something to be commended. And I just want you to know I see you because I've had a little glimpse of how difficult pregnancy can be. And I work from home for the most part. So I just want to give you a little

panel on the back. And I want to give you a little round of applause over here on relatable for saying that you have been through a lot. And I hope that you have a husband, that you have friends, that you have family that give you that encouragement because people do not give you enough credit. Now, so pregnancy is really difficult. I'm just letting you know that right up front. Probably. It's probably going to be difficult. Maybe not. Maybe you will feel no changes in your life whatsoever when you get pregnant. You probably will just because hormones just change everything. They just change everything. And you're totally expected to just like keep going and act like nothing is happening to you and not have any change to your routine or your work demands whatsoever. Just know that that's going to be difficult,

but you can totally do it because millions of women have gone before you. So that is my word of wisdom to people who have not gotten pregnant yet. Now, so pregnancy is difficult. More difficult. More difficult. for some than others, but it is also amazing. I've said this to my husband several times. If there's anything, I think that could, that would even just for a second, make the staunchest atheist wonder if there is an intelligent designer, if there is some kind of supreme creative creator, it would be pregnancy. And it would be the birth process. Like the things that have to come together, all of the mechanisms that have to work together and just do work together in a woman's body to create a human being. Like, I just want to, I just want to remind you that it is like a

human being with arms and legs and lungs and like a digestive track and a nervous system and a brain. Like, that literally creates inside you. It goes from the size. When I first found out I was pregnant when I looked up what size it was, it was, she was the size of a quinoa. We called her kinawa for a really long time until we figured out she was a girl and we named her. From the size of a quinoa to like a seven and change pound baby with a brain in lungs and a mouth. Like that is crazy. And all of that just happens in your body and all you have to do is like eat and sleep. That's insane.

And all the stuff that your body knows how to do all the hormones that it produces to put you into labor for that baby to come out. and then immediately when the baby is born, the baby knows how to feed itself. Like all of the instincts that come together with the baby and the mother and the insides, all of it, it is insane. And the more you learn, the more you realize that you really, we really don't know. Like there's a lot of things in pregnancy, in gestation, fetal development, even in the birth process that doctors are like, yeah, we don't really know why this happens or we don't really know what exactly puts you into labor.

I mean, they know that there are certain hormones that kick in that put you into labor, but we don't really know why that happens when it does. It's kind of crazy to think. We hear all the time, oh, science has filled in all of the gaps, and there's not going to be, you know, any reason anymore for people to believe in God. But those people don't point to all of the little things that doctors and scientists really don't know. There are a lot of little things, particularly about the body, that a lot of doctors just don't know. And it's been amazing to me to think about that. And it's also

been really important for me to remember as I've been nearing birth and I'm nervous. I talked about this on Instagram the other day. It's important for me to remember that we were made or this is a natural function of the woman's body too. Like this isn't some, you know, I don't know, crazy otherworldly thing that's happening. It is crazy. some ways because of just how it all works. But it's supposed to happen. And it's a natural process that is going to happen whether you want it to or not. And I think remembering that, that now that I'm pregnant, I'm literally made to do this and made to give birth despite how much it's going to hurt. I think it really helps. And it also brings you to a place of rejoicing in the glory and the

creativity of God, I think, for being so deliberate and so purposeful and just so. And so creative and innovative. If I can say that, I guess God is innovative in every way, but innovative when it comes to pregnancy and birth and all of that, it just kind of brings you into a place, honestly, of worshiping him and saying, yeah, this is awesome that he created us like this. So I do have some pieces of advice when it comes to the changes that will come with pregnancy if you have not gotten pregnant or maybe you've just gotten pregnant. So I know I said that your body will change a lot. And that is just something that you are going to have to, you're just going to have to come to terms with. And you are going to have to learn to see yourself

in a different way than you saw yourself before you were pregnant. You are going to have to hold yourself to a different standard because you're not holding yourself to the standard. Well, you shouldn't ever be holding yourself to the standard of, you know, Instagramers, fashion bloggers, fitness gurus. You shouldn't be comparing yourself anyway because comparison truly is the thief of joy and the thief of contentment and the thief of your confidence in Christ. So I wouldn't recommend doing that anyway. But your standard of how you look, your standard of fitness, even your standard of beauty is going to change. And it kind of changes into this pride. And again, I would say glorifying and honoring God with what your body is doing

and how your body is changing and realizing that all the ways that your body is changing is necessary to give birth. Now, every person is different. Some people gain like 10 pounds, not really. Okay. Some people gain like 25 pounds during pregnancy. Some people gain 80 pounds during pregnancy. I talked to someone the other day who gained 80 pounds during pregnancy and you would never know it. She's like the tiniest person ever. And so everyone's body changes differently. You cannot compare yourself to other people who are pregnant. Like I said, you certainly can't compare yourself to bloggers on Instagram who are pregnant. They work very hard. to look the way that they do and only gain weight in a certain place. And then if that's you,

that's awesome. That is so awesome. And I'm not saying that you should forego health completely, but you do have to let go of that stress because the stress of looking perfect and being a certain way when you're pregnant is not going to help you. And it's not going to help your baby. And so if that is an idol that you have, pregnancy is a really great time to let go of it. It's a really humbling time. but at the same time, almost paradoxically seeming, it's a very confidence building time too, that, wow, your body's able to do this. Your body is able to grow a human being and your body is changing exactly the way that it's supposed to, to give the nourishment that it needs to to your child. Now, all of that said, I would give a piece of advice that I didn't take myself.

I would if you work out right now. And if you don't work out, I would recommend working out. But if you work out right now, I would try to maintain the level of exercise that you do right now pre-pregnancy throughout your pregnancy. Now, that is going to change if your doctor says, hey, sorry, you can't do that anymore or puts you on bed rest. Of course, you always listen to your doctor no matter what or your provider, your midwife, whoever it is to make sure that what you're doing is best for you and best for your baby. But I would not do what I did. That first trimester, I was so tired that I just gave up on stuff. And I worked out a lot before my pregnancy. And then I was just like, oh my gosh, I'm just so tired. All I want is Chick-fil-A. And please,

I don't want to work out. And so I kind of stopped doing that. And then by the time I was ready to work out, it was probably like, honestly, it was probably like 28 weeks that I like got my energy to a point where I felt okay. And then I was like, well, it's kind of too late to start a new workout routine now, right? And so I've been, you know, walking throughout my pregnancy and doing some body weight stuff and lifting light weights and things like that. But I do wish I had kept riding my bike. That's what I used to do. I do wish that I kept doing yoga. So I really encourage you if you can and if it's healthy for you, push through, push through the pain, push through the sickness if you can and push through the tiredness and just make yourself work out. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do the pain. I do the

tiredness and just make yourself work out. I do not recommend, and your doctor will not recommend, I'm just saying this from experience, not from a place of medical expertise. I don't recommend taking on a new, like a new workout routine, especially not a rigorous new workout routine while you're pregnant. I mean, yeah, if you go from doing CrossFit to yoga, that's fine. But don't go from doing yoga to CrossFit. And if you're doing like super intense crossfit right now, some people do that while

they're pregnant, by the way. that's totally fine, more power to you. But I would probably ask your doctor about that. But anything else, like I know women who ran throughout their pregnancies, I know women who did bar throughout their pregnancies, yoga, all that good stuff, cycling. That's my encouragement to you if you are just pregnant or if you're thinking about getting pregnant. Try to push through that.

I wish I had next pregnancy. That's definitely going to change. At the same time, don't worry too much about, I mean, you want to eat healthy. of course. You do want to eat healthy. Like you don't want to just fill your body with absolute junk. But it is like this really fun and rare and unique time where you can kind of let go a little bit. Where I think you should. Like I, this is just alley advice. This is not inerrant, infallible advice. This is alley advice. I think that it's mentally healthy to not lose all discipline. I'm not saying that. not be a glutton. I'm not saying that. Not be completely lazy. I'm not saying that.

I'm just talking to my fellow type aers out there to, I think it's mentally healthy to just be like, you know what? It's okay. On a Tuesday, like, if I just want to go eat ice cream, like, that's okay. Like, if I just want Torchie's tacos on a random Wednesday, I'm just going to go do that because before it was very, it was pretty strict for me. It was, you know, I don't eat badly during the week. Pretty well, my husband, if he's listening to this, he's probably laughing because we didn't always do this. But for the most part, it was healthy during the week. And then we'd kind of eat whatever we wanted to Friday and Saturday night. And it is a little free during pregnancy to be like, you know what? It's a random weekday. I'm just going to go for it. I'm going to go crazy.

Not crazy. But I'm just going to, I'm going to be unpredictable. So random. I'm just going to go get tacos on a Wednesday. Now, you might be listening to this being like, I already do that, which more power to you. If you do that and you maintain some sense of discipline, go for it. But I do think that like letting yourself go not in a bad way, but in good and just kind of like laid back way when you're pregnant, there's joy to be found in that. As long as you can, you can understand that, you know, you're going to probably look different and things are going to change and you're going to be okay with that. then I would say try to let loose a little bit. Again, if you have an idol of your appearance and looking and seeming perfect,

pregnancy is a great time to let go of that. I highly encourage that because you're not going to look perfect. You're just not. I know I told you guys, I'm, so I like I said, I'm 36 weeks. And I asked you guys like a few weeks ago, okay, like when is the belly button going to come out and when am I going to get stretch marks on my stomach? And neither of those things have happened. But stretch marks elsewhere and your body just changes in a million different ways. And so your body is going to change in different ways than another woman's does. You can't even, you can't, you just can't compare it. So just get ready for that and just realize that it's okay.

And at the end of these 40 weeks, I almost said nine months, at the end of these 40 weeks, you are going to have something that is so worth all of these changes in from what I've heard. from what I've heard, you will be extremely proud of yourself. Oh, by the way, in case all we're wondering, I did decide on a doula. So I'm excited about that. She was like, you know, yeah, like a lot of people get doulas a little bit earlier in the process. I'm like, yeah, I know, been a little bit busy. But I'm really excited. Every one of you out there who said, oh, I had a doula and it changed everything for me. You guys helped me come to the decision. Plenty of you guys said, no, you know, it's not worth it. But for us and for me and the concerns that I had, I felt like having,

someone who's confident, who's been through a lot of births. This person has three kids herself and she has been doing this for a little bit. I think that it's going to help us. So anyway, thank you for your recommendations on that. Okay, this is the third and final thing that I learned. And we talk about this guys. We've talked about this on this podcast. We have talked about this plenty of times. I've probably said something on Instagram. But I mean, it just never ceases to amaze me. You have probably noticed picked up on the fact that every Saturday I post a picture. don't really post very much in between that. Every Saturday, I post a bump date or an update on my pregnancy to say how far along I am and the symptoms I'm having and the things I'm thinking about.

And it's just amazing still to see the comments that people leave. Now, I would say 98% of the people leaving comments totally know what to say. They know exactly what to say to a pregnant woman. And it's awesome. But then you get the people. It's usually dudes. it's usually due is why did why do guys even feel compelled to comment i don't know that say something that i think in their heart they think is nice or funny or whatever you also get random women that say the things that are taboo that i'm going to uh that i'm going to list here so when you're pregnant this is just something to anticipate um if you haven't gotten pregnant yet and if you have you know exactly what i'm talking about people for whatever reason when they see a pregnant woman

the filter just kind of goes away. I don't know what happens. It must be something in the brain that your brain's like, you got to say this super awkward thing that you would never say to someone who's not pregnant. I don't know what happens. It's just like there's this little, I don't know, devil on people's shoulder that's like, oh, you should, you should totally, you should totally comment on this person's appearance. You should totally comment on the size of this person's stomach.

No, no, trust me. This is what's something that you want to say. I mean, these are things that people would never say to someone who's not pregnant. You would never talk about someone's size, especially someone that you don't know to someone who was not pregnant. You would never make any kind of comment negative or that it could even be interpreted as negative about someone's appearance who was not pregnant. But when you are pregnant, people all of a sudden feel like this, you know what?

I think this girl wants me to say something about the size of her belly. I think that she does. So there are a lot of people, though. I just want to say this, that I know have good intention. So I don't get angry every time someone says something. Now I might give some kind of sarcastic remark back. But I think for the most part, people are not trying to be rude. So you do have to give them the benefit of the doubt.

That's the one thing I'll say to pregnant women. Like you got to give people the benefit of the doubt. You got to know that people typically are not trying to be rude. Like I said, they've just got this filter that just kind of like goes away. and you just don't know. And maybe there was a time before I was pregnant where I thought this too. And you don't really think about these things

until you are pregnant. And you realize, even though you're happy about what's going on, you really don't want to hear certain things. So just to reiterate, what I think I've already said on this podcast, the only acceptable things, even if you are someone,

if you're someone who's listening to this, watching this, and you're like, you know what, I don't, I, maybe I've said something, inappropriate to a pregnant woman, and I didn't know. I'm never trying to be rude when I talk about, you know, a woman's stomach size. That's okay. Like, it's a learning experience. It's fine. I'm just here to help you. And I'm here to help the pregnant women in your life or that you run into over the next,

however many months, years. Okay. So these are the only acceptable things to say to a pregnant woman. Well, I would say they're including, they include this list, but they're not limited to the items on this list. So if you have any suggestions, ladies, let me know. So here are the only things, I think, some of the only things that are acceptable to say, you look great or some variant. You look awesome. You look wonderful. You look lovely. You look beautiful. All of those work. You're glowing or some variant. I don't know what a variant of that would be. You're glowing. Not sparkling. That's a little weird. You're glowing. That's great. You were glowing. You got that pregnancy glow girl like you are looking so good motherhood looks so good on you pregnancy looks so good on

you um or you can say you're going to be a great mom i love that one that's a great compliment i think you are going to be a great mom or you guys are going to be great parents um or i'm so excited for you guys you've got so much to look forward to this is so great that you are pregnant i'm so excited um or you guys are going to love being parents you're going to love it i can't wait for her to be here. I can't wait for you guys to experience this. You guys are going to love being parents. Now, I will say, I think it's acceptable to ask if that person knows it's going to be a boy or a girl. I don't think that's an offensive question at all. I mean, not to most people now. If you're out in California, some people might be offended by that,

that you are already oppressing their child with some kind of gender dichotomy that they don't want their child to be oppressed by, but I would say for the most part, people are not offended if you ask if it's going to be a boy or girl. I think you can ask how she's feeling, how excited they are. You can ask if you can do anything for them. You can ask how you can pray for them. You can ask if there's anything that they might need post birth, especially if they're close. So basically, anything that you say to a pregnant woman, or I would say even a dad, even like a husband of a pregnant woman, should be positive and complimentary. That's it. Positive and complimentary. If what you're about to say, unless you know them super well, like this is your sister, this is your best friend,

I almost said if this is your daughter, but honestly, moms, we don't really want to hear the negativity from you. You, unless you are super, super close to them, I would say everything and anything that you say needs to fall under the positivity and the affirmation, the compliment categories, or just don't say anything that's perfectly fine. If you're just a dude out there, like, it's always a safe bet just to not say anything. Or you can go for, like, it's probably maybe a safe bet for you not to say anything about appearance. So I would go for like, I'm so excited for you. Or are you excited? Or how are you feeling? Like, those are all really safe bets. Now, those of you out there, I can see people be like, oh, you're just too sensitive. Well, maybe you're just kind of rude.

I don't know. Maybe just something, maybe just something to think about. You can, I mean, this is just, I'm just trying to help you. I'm just saying that if you stay within the realm of positive and affirming, you're not going to risk hurting someone's feelings. Isn't that great? And you're not going to risk feeling awkward. Like, I can just tell you that the majority of pregnant women just want to hear positivity. Some people might not care at all. And that's totally fine. Like I said, if you know that person, But I would just say you're not going to go wrong if you stay in the realm of compliments and positivity. Anything that could be construed is criticism, especially if someone's appearance, I would just lock that up. I would just tell the little devil on your shoulder who's saying to comment or to comment on a pregnant woman's appearance.

I would just say, you know what, dude, I'm good. I'm not, I'm not going to say anything about this woman's appearance. Now, this should go without saying, but sometimes it doesn't. If you don't know if someone is pregnant, you don't say anything. You don't say one thing if you don't know if someone's pregnant. Do not ask when she is due? Do you not ask if she's pregnant? You just don't say anything.

It's so much better safe than sorry. The list of things that you should not say or ask include but are not limited to the following. You're about to pop. Well, actually, no, Susan. I'm not about to pop. I have 10 weeks left. So thank you for reminding me that my stomach is going to get even more huge than this. I'm not about to pop that's also included here.

You must be due any day now. No, I'm not. I'm actually not due any day now. But if my water breaks early, I will let you know. Anything about the size of the stomach. You're huge. Or wow. No, I'm actually, my stomach is normal size.

But thank you so much for the observation. I'm also giving you responses that you can say to these people. Just kidding. Maybe you should cut the sorry cuts them a little bit. I'm just giving the responses that I'm thinking in my head when these people say these things to me. Do you sure there's more than one in there? That's a great one. Or you must be having twins.

Or are you, are there triplets in there, quadruplets, however many variants people have of that? Actually, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure there's just one. I'm pretty sure. But you can come with me to my next doctor's. point in you can take a look at the sonogram if you don't believe me girl um don't say that don't say there must be twins in there i don't know why that became like a common comment for people to have there

must be twins it's not twins unless she told you as twins it's not twins and you don't need to say that it's just one baby one baby in a perfectly sized stomach uh here's another one that's going to be a big baby um actually cool guy 977 on twitter it's not going to be a big baby she's actually normal she's actually in the 50th percentile so far. I mean, she might be a big baby, but really the size of your stomach isn't that much of an indication of that. And so, again, just like not the right thing, not the right thing to say. If it is a big baby, great, but you don't need to employ your prophetic powers to say that. Another one that's great, you look like you're ready to be done. Or you look like you're uncomfortable. Well, you don't know that. Maybe I'm loving pregnancy,

but now I'm really glad that you told me that I look haggard. So thank you. And then the last one that, of course, is so sweet, something that you loved here, backhanded, backhanded compliment, trying to be helpful. That way it's going to come right off. I haven't personally gotten that, but I've heard someone else who's gotten that. How do you know that person wants to hear that? Maybe they're totally fine with the weight they've gained.

Maybe they hope they retain all the weight that they gain during pregnancy. Maybe that's just not something that you need to tell them. also on this list. Now, this is like a separate category that some of you might not agree with. Also on this, I would say these are comments that are just, they are maybe meant to be helpful, but they're negative and they don't fall under the positive or affirming category. So people who say, you think you're tired now, just wait. People who say, man, I do not in BU experiencing those first few weeks of newborn life.

Well, thank you so much. I'm excited too. And any other comments about how hard it's going to be or how tired they'll be unless, like I said, unless you know them well. And in this case, I do think that a mom, obviously your mom can say something about this. But I don't really need what I definitely don't need. And I don't think any pregnant woman needs. You don't need horror stories. You don't need warnings. Again, unless it's from someone who's really close to you and you, you are asking advice. You don't need warnings about how hard it's going to be. Every pregnant mom has been told a million times how tired she's going to be the first six weeks, the first eight weeks, the first 10 weeks, however long it is. Every pregnant mom has been told it's going to be hard. And we know, we don't know from experience, but we know from people telling us. And just like you did person out, we're going to figure it out. We're going to figure it out. I am not under any impression that it is going to be easy with a newborn. Like I am not under any impression whatsoever. I understand things are going to be hard, but I only understand as much as I can without having to

experience it. So just know, unless you know someone really well, you don't need to brace them for impact. I think it comes from a helpful impulse, but you don't need to make them feel a sense of dread for how much sleep they're going to lose or how noisy it's going to be or how hard it's going to be because they already know. And they're going to figure that out. And them knowing that beforehand, again, unless you know them well, is probably not going to help that much. And they probably have people in their lives, in their lives that are already telling these things. So you don't need to take it upon yourself if you were just, you know, a random person to tell them how hard it's going to be. They know it's going to be hard.

So all of this to say, if you want to make a pregnant woman's day, and you know this if you've been pregnant. If you want to make a pregnant woman's day, if you are a woman and you see a pregnant woman, I promise you, you will not go wrong. I don't think anyway, you will not go wrong if you tell a pregnant woman, you look beautiful. You look great. Because at the end of the pregnancy, we are so used to getting backhanded compliments. We are so used to getting passive aggressive remarks. We are so used to people saying things about our appearance that you would never say to anyone else, that when someone says something, just takes a moment out of their day to compliment you or says something like, you're going to be a great mom or you're going to love being a mom.

I mean, it really just makes your heart sore. It's the little things when you're pregnant and you're hormonal. When I was in California, I was 28 weeks or something like that. And I was just starting to feel like, oh, my gosh, I'm huge. My stomach was huge. And I was hot. And I was just not feeling that great about myself. and this random woman came up to me in a coffee shop and was like, you look so beautiful.

She was like, I never looked good when I was pregnant. You look so beautiful. And I could have cried. I just hugged her. I hugged her. I was like, thank you so much. You know exactly what to say to a pregnant woman. I promise you. If you say some variation of affirmation, positivity, compliment to a pregnant woman, you will not go wrong. You can also just go with not saying anything at all. That works too. So here are the things that I have learned. These are the things that I have learned over pregnancy. there are about a million other things. I will do another rendition of this when I learn things about birth. I'll do another rendition of this when I learn things about parenting. It's all just a learning process. And you, relatable listeners are going on this journey with me. And I appreciate that

more than you now. Love you guys. I will see you here on Monday.