Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 1381 | He Lived as a 'Trans Christian' for 30 Years Before He Heard This | William Allen

Episode Date: August 7, 2026

Allie is joined by William Allen, the author of “Not Man Enough to Be a Woman,” who lived as a trans-identifying woman for 30 years. William talks about his feelings dating back to his childhood and his eventual decision to live as “Maggie.” However, as time passed, he came face-to-face with the LGBTQ movement, which he saw as far more sexually driven and attention-seeking than anything he ever desired. His life took a turn when he encountered the real gospel after a family tragedy and realized he needed to live as the William that God created. Do you have a question for Allie? Leave a voicemail at 844-755-5252. Share the Arrows 2026 is on October 10 in Dallas, Texas! Tickets are on sale now at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://sharethearrows.com⁠⁠⁠ Share the Arrows is sponsored by: A'del Natural Cosmetics: AdelNaturalCosmetics.com Range Leather: RangeLeather.com/ALLIE We Heart Nutrition: WeHeartNutrition.com Buy Allie's book "Toxic Empathy: How Progressives Exploit Christian Compassion": ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.toxicempathy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check out more of William’s Content: X: wmallen2024 Facebook: wmallen2024 TransformedLifeOutreach.org X: wmallen2024 FB: wmallen2024 Or contact William: [e-mail] – Time Codes 0:00 Introduction 1:45 Will’s Confused Formative Years 22:21 Will’s Transition to “Maggie” 26:53 The Horrors of the New Trans Movement 37:05 Will’s Conversion to Christianity 53:29 Becoming the Man God Created – Today's Sponsors: Good Ranchers | If you go to ⁠⁠⁠GoodRanchers.com⁠⁠⁠ and subscribe to any box of 100% American meat, you’ll save up to $500 a year! Plus, if you use code ALLIE, you’ll get an additional $25 off your first order. EveryLife | Visit EveryLife.com and use promo code ALLIE10 to get 10% off your first order today! Concerned Women for America, the nation’s largest Christian public policy organization for women. Download your free guide today at ConcernedWomen.org/ALLIE. Geviti | Go to gogeviti.com/allie and use code ALLIE for 20% off. Visit worldwatch.news/allie or use promo code ALLIE to start your free trial today. - Episodes You May Like: Ep 1359 | After a Hysterectomy and Hormones, Jesus Saved Her from Transgenderism | Haley Furst https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-1359-after-a-hysterectomy-and-hormones-jesus/id1359249098?i=1000772374878 Ep 1020 | Botched: The Brutality of Trans Mastectomies | Guest: Soren Aldaco https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-1020-botched-the-brutality-of-trans/id1359249098?i=1000659311855 --- ► Buy Allie's book, "You're Not Enough (and That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love": https://alliebethstuckey.com/book ► Subscribe to the podcast: iTunes: https://apple.co/2UVssnP Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2FwkXxj ► Connect with Allie on social media: https://twitter.com/conservmillen https://www.instagram.com/alliebstuckey/ https://facebook.com/allieBlazeTV/ ► Relatable merchandise — use promo code ALLIE10 for a discount: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/allie-stuckey

William Allen lived as a woman for 30 years, and all that time he believed that he was a Christian. But something changed when he heard the truth, not about gender, not about identity, but about his sin and his need for a savior and what repentance actually looks like. This is the power of the biblical gospel. This is the power of even offensive truth to change the lives of people. people who have been entrenched in sin for decades. His story is inspiring as we remember that God's eternal plan of redemption is always going off without a hitch. Well, Alan, thanks so much for taking the time to join us. Before we get into the details of your background, can you just give us a quick overview of who you are in the testimony that you share? Thanks for having me,

Hallibeth. I appreciate it. In October of 2023, I completed my my detransition after having lived as a woman for 30 years. I don't know what led me into that. It's hard to imagine now, but it was something I dealt with all my life. And I was perfectly content living out the rest of my life as a woman, pretending to be a woman. I was successful, had a successful career. But God. And I heard the true biblical God.

gospel and everything changed after that. Wow. Okay, let's back up to the beginning of your life. You said that this was something that you struggled with. Even as a young child, you had these feelings that maybe you were in the wrong body. Can you talk about that? Well, you know, that's something a lot of folks say today. I was born in the wrong body or I feel like I'm born in the wrong body. I never felt that. I just always wanted to be a girl. I knew I was a boy, but from a very early age, and I'm talking four, five years old, I just had this compulsion, this desire,

and I don't know where it came from. But I do remember crying myself to sleep many a night, praying that God would change me in the middle of the night into a girl. And, you know, in my book, I talk a lot about childhood because I want to get a point across about how children think. Because children are not bright yet. Their brains are still developing. But these are the things that I thought about.

And I even wondered, you know, as I was praying to God, what if I do wake up a girl? How am I going to explain that to my parents? But again, that was my childlike mind. I actually believe that could happen. But it was a thing that stuck with me. And if you had known me back then, I was just a typical boy growing up in the Midwest in the 1960s. And we were out riding our bikes all day and building forts and climbing trees and blowing stuff up and getting in all sorts of trouble. I had the occasional visits to the ER and you just never would have known.

But at night, I had this other life, this other, I would get into my head. And as a lot of children do, they play dress up, but I would dress up in my mother's clothes, not my father's. And I, that's what I had to deal with as a child. And of course, now this is the 1960s. I couldn't tell anybody. Deep down, I knew that something was wrong. I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I knew I shouldn't tell anybody.

either. Couldn't tell my parents. I didn't have any siblings, so it was just me. So I just had to deal with it as a child. And back then, nobody knew anything about it anyway. So, you know, I grew up and getting through high school was problematic. It was hard to focus on schoolwork. I did date. I was attracted to girls. I had a steady girlfriend for two years, another one for one year, and I dated in college as well. But yeah, it was this yearning for discovery to figure out why was I this way. I mean, I didn't ask for it. And the other thing to note is that I was raised in the church all my life.

I thought I was a Christian. And I'd go to Sunday school every morning with parents. every Sunday morning and go to the service and my parents were in the choir. So my dad was always keeping an eye on me from the choir loft, make sure I didn't get in trouble. But I grew up learning the Bible stories, memorizing verses, and even throughout high school and college and early adulthood. I kept going to church. I was a part of church. I gave to church.

I was active. I was in the choir. And that one church I attended, I was elected the treasurer of the, on the, on the council. And at the time, I professed to being a Christian. I didn't have a problem with that. I thought I was. And even after I transitioned, I kept on claiming to be a Christian.

But looking back, I had no idea what it meant to be a Christian or how one even becomes a Christian. I was absolutely a false convert. Right. And you said when you were growing up, five, six years old at night, you would dress up and your mom's clothes. And I assume this kind of behavior persisted for a while, maybe manifested itself in different ways. Was there any time at any point in your upbringing where someone caught you? Or you felt like, okay, they're on to me. They know something's going on. Or did you manage to keep this totally and completely secret until adulthood? Totally and completely secret. And did you feel a level of torment? I mean, you describe having a basically normal life of playing with friends, of dating, of going to church. Did you feel that you were in a dark place,

or were you kind of effectively able to compartmentalize that fantasy portion of your mental life? I didn't really feel like I was in a dark place. Yeah, I was able to compartmentalize it. I, you know, my father taught me how to play baseball and football and he exposed me to science and chemistry and and music and all sorts of things. And I never, I never could understand. I kept looking for a cause and I've talked to a lot of other transgender and they can usually point to some sort of an abuse or trauma or something early in life.

and I just I got nothing. I don't know where this came from, but I was always able to compartmentalize it. There was there was Will time and then there was the girl. And I didn't even have a name back then. I didn't think of a girl name, but there was that special time at night. And it was separate.

I was in the Boy Scouts. I went on campouts and yeah, like I said, nobody knew. But when I was by myself, Yeah, everything changed. And you said that it was sometime in early adulthood that you decided I'm going to live publicly as a woman. It's hard for me to even understand what that could have looked like, both internally and externally at a time when there was probably no word for it. I'm not even sure if the word transgender had really emerged in the lexicon at all.

So you didn't have much context for what this could look like when you started transitioning. But talk about that. What was that like? And how did you come to that decision? Yeah. You say, you can't imagine. Imagine what it was like for me. I had thought I was the only person in the world that felt this way for so many years.

And even college, I took some psychology classes, too, to see if I could figure it out. And there just wasn't anything. And it wasn't until I was out of school. I was working at my first job as an engineer out in the Pacific Northwest. And I found a notice on a telephone poll somewhere. It said something about a support group meeting for transvestites and transsexuals. You're right. Transgender was not in the lexicon yet.

Back in their day, it was transvestites, transsexuals. And that was it. And I thought, what in the world is this? And I called the number and they said they have a meeting, a regular meeting every Friday. And they gave me the address. And so I went, I had to check this out. And there were other people there like me. It was, honestly, it was kind of shocking because there were a lot of men there dressed up as women.

And they looked like men dressed up as women. And it was, it was a shock, you know, because then I thought, oh my goodness, do I, do I look like? that. And but there were two or three people. There were a couple of women there and I think who were either significant others or, you know, supporters. But there were a couple of women there I got to talking to. And it turns out they were also men. They were in various stages of actually transitioning. One had already completed it, surgery and everything and the other was still in transition. But they fooled me and the voice and everything. And that was the first time I realized this could be a thing.

And boy, that really got the mind going. You know, you just start thinking about all sorts of possibilities. Quick pause to tell you about our first sponsor for the day. And that is World Watch. If you are looking for something to watch with your family, with your kids, that you can actually trust is going to say the words, represent the ideas, and show the attitude. that are actually biblical and edifying,

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That's worldwatch. dot news slash alley. I started attending regularly, and then there came a time when I went for the first time dressed as a female, en fom, they called it. And I had put a lot of effort into it, and I showed up, and I got a lot of compliments.

you might say I was affirmed. Okay, we're going to talk about that some more later. But yeah, that was a wonderful feeling. Yeah. The compliments just emboldened me, you know, it encouraged me. So life was going on. I'd be at work during the day, and then we had that weekly meeting, and occasionally they would have an event of some sort.

Well, then one day I got on an airplane to head. back to Ohio for a family reunion one summer and I sat next to a girl and by the end of the flight I knew that was a girl I was going to marry and as it turned out that I found out later that she had told her family that she had just met the guy she was going to marry and sure enough we both returned I was living in outside of Portland at the time she was living outside of Seattle and we got together when I got back when we both got back and we both got back and we started dating long distance dating and that the long distance part of it got old pretty quick so i just eventually up and quit my job moved up to seattle found another engineering job and within a year

we were married and she was at the next year's reunion as my wife and i i gotta tell you it's you know this this this univated dilemma it just had dodged me all my life you know it made work difficult made school difficult it was this always on my mind and after we met you know I had prayed God you know just take this off me well all all these compulsions I'd had my whole life I was in my my mid-20s at the time all these compulsions they just went away they're gone I I was overjoyed I had a significant wardrobe you know of women's clothes built up and and uh all the accoutre month goes with it i just and i got rid of it i threw it all out that's how confident i was and how grateful uh we got married and

she was a godly woman she she was christian she wanted to be a homemaker she wanted to raise children she chose me to be the father of her children and the first two years of the marriage were were fantastic. But then in the third year, this old nemesis, it just, it came back. And it came back with a vengeance. I couldn't hide it. It was taken over.

And these compulsions, I just, I wish there was a way to explain it. You know, we talk about trans people today, and we can be pretty flipping about it. And basically in our minds, we just think, well, just don't do that, you know. It's a lie and you should come around. But it's just not that way.

This thing is so deep rooted. It's a feeling just being uncomfortable in your own skin. And although I don't agree with the notion of being born in the wrong body, I can understand the sentiment. I get it when they say that. It's this longing, this compulsion, and you can't get it out of your head. it just takes over.

But she didn't know. She didn't know what? Just to interject. You didn't know what? Your wife didn't, yeah, she didn't know because you had felt when you met her that she had been healed. And so you probably felt also, well, there's no reason to tell her that I've struggled with this.

I don't want to threaten this beautiful thing that God has given me. And so she probably had no clue that this had been something. the two had been struggling with. And this is like early mid-80s at this point, correct? Mid-80s. We were actually married in 86. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. So she had no idea, but she knew something was going on. And so tell us what happened from their third year of marriage. It came back with a vengeance. What went down? Yeah, I couldn't hide it. she kept after me, like I said, that she knew something was up. And, and I, eventually, I just, I had to, I had to tell her. I had even saw it out a little bit of counseling before I did that, just trying to see if there's anything I could do. And, uh, there just, there just wasn't, the resources just weren't there back then. And, uh, so eventually I had to tell her. And I told her, I said, there's just nothing I can do about this. And, uh, Of course, that was devastating to her.

We ended up in divorce, of course. And I just, I felt awful. I was angry. I was so sad, you know, I was just getting used to the married life. And we had been making plans to have kids. And all that was going away. There was added stress. We had bought a fixer up her,

and I had been working on the house. trying to get that ready. And so now I had to get it, now I'd get that done faster. And plus I still had work. And so there were a lot of things that were going wrong. I was just, I was losing everything. And she had moved out and in with her parents. And I was still working on the house in the evenings. And I, boy, depression really set in. And there was a period of five different nights after I would finish work on the house. I sat on her spare bedroom with a gun pointed in my head. And it's, I just, I kept thinking I'm going to do this.

And on the fifth night, I finally did it. And I pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. And this is, that's a story that's, it's in the book. It's, it's a tear-jurker. But, uh, I. To this day, I don't know if it was divine intervention or if it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I don't know. But somehow I got through it.

I look back on it now, and I'm grateful that God bought me through that. The divorce was final in 89. That group that I found in Portland that I mentioned, I found another group just like it in Seattle. And I started going to it. And at the same time, I was also seeking out counselors. And I even talked to a lot of pastors. I would call up churches in the area. I didn't talk to my own pastor, but I called up other churches and just asked if I can come in and talk.

And I told them what was going on. And, you know, I pray for a miracle. And most of them, they just said, we don't know what to do. And, and I mean, biblical counseling, I guess, wasn't a thing then. And I mean, they just, most of the pastor, I don't think, honestly, were well grounded in Scripture. And they just, they didn't know how to attack it. There was one pastor I saw. And I was sitting across from him, and he was at his desk.

And I had told him to, I said, I pray for a miracle. This is because it's going to ruin my life. And he leaned in and he says, well, maybe this is the miracle that you can actually change your gender. Because I told him what I had been contemplating. When he said that, oh, Allie, I just, knowing what little I knew, I mean, I didn't even read the Bible regularly, but, you know, I had been going to church. And, you know, I believed in God, the Creator God. I believed in Jesus. I believed in the resurrection.

I knew enough to just stand up and get the heck out of there. And I did. I didn't say a word. Oh, wow. I just stood up and I turned on and walked out because that guy was way, way off base. He, that guy would be. Oh, yeah, yeah. And now, that guy would be perfectly home today in a lot of churches.

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slash alley. Use code Allie. You'll get 20% off. That's G-O-G-E-V-I-T-I.com slash alley. I was still trying to make it go away, but I kept going to that group in Seattle, and I was dressed going as dressed as a woman. And so these things, they just kept getting stronger in my head. And I finally got to the point where I realized, if I don't do this thing, I am going to wind up dead. And there came a day, and I just, I made that decision. It was in 1992. and I made that decision. I started seeing a different counselor who was well versed in transitioning.

And I had to start seeing a new medical doctor and getting tested. I went on hormones. And things started to happen. There came a time there at the end of 1992 came a time to tell my family. I had to tell my parents what I was going to do. And I flew home to Florida. I was living in Washington State at the time. I flew home to Florida for the Christmas holidays to tell what was going on.

And it was the last night that I was here. And they knew something that was up to. And so we finally, on the last night, started talking about it. And my father, he was a good father. He didn't suffer foolishness much. He was a disciplinarian. He didn't say, I love you a lot. but when he did, I knew he meant it.

He wasn't real affectionate. But occasionally when he did give me a hug, I knew he meant it. And he was proud of his boy. You know, I was the first one in the line to get a college degree. When I was a kid, I made Eagle Scout. He was my boy, proud of my boy. You know, he would tell people. And then all of a sudden, his boy wants to be a girl, his only son, his only child.

and he he didn't react well it was devastating and honestly I can't say that I would have reacted any differently that had to be devastating but the the conversation turned very nasty and things were said and at one point he went off on a diatribe about his sisters his six sisters And he told me about how loving and nurturing they are and all the things that they can do that men can't and how they have to tolerate so much just from life and from men and what they do in order to raise kids. I mean, he just adored his sisters and his mother. And he just worked himself up into a lather, you know, he just gritting his teeth and seething. And he just says, you're just not man enough to be a woman. And that kind of struck me.

And I had to fight back a chuckle because it seemed funny. I mean, it's a nonsensical statement in and of itself, but I understood what he was trying to say. And from there, it just went downhill. When I wrote the book and I needed a title, that popped into my head. So not man enough to be a woman is the name of the book. That's where that came from.

It was in March of 1993. even though I had been on the hormones since the fall of 92, I one day, William left work on Friday, and then the next Wednesday, I took a long weekend. The next Wednesday, Maggie showed up. And it went amazingly well. A lot of people didn't even recognize me. And someone thought I was a new employee.

And, yeah, it was pretty crazy. And that's, that's, that was the beginning of, Maggie's career. So you chose the name Maggie as your new identity. I'm curious because nowadays there are different origin stories when it comes to men who pretend to be women. It used to be even just a few years ago, we assumed that every man who dresses up as a woman has a story like you had, that they had this persistent and insistent, consistent feeling from the time they were young that you didn't feel that you were born in the wrong body, but for some of them, they say they felt like they were born in the wrong body, or they just wanted to be a woman,

or they had these very active fantasy lives about being female. Well, now it seems that more and more, we have young men, even older men, who did not have that story of when they were growing up. But almost suddenly, they feel like, you know what, I want to dress up as a woman. And so often, And with that kind of origin story, you see them dressing up as a caricature of a woman, either hyper-sexualized, almost dressing up like a prostitute, or something very strange and disturbing, dressing up like, yes, or dressing up like a little girl and wanting to be seen as adolescent, even as a grown man. And so there are two different aspects of this.

A story like yours that's like, you beg to not have this. And then the stories of what we are seeing now, where it's clearly sexual, driven by pornography, driven by a desire of degradation, self-degradation, the degradation of other people. It seems like those are more of the individuals that insist on drag queen story hour, insist on showering in the ladies' locker room, going into bathrooms and things like that. And I just wonder what you think before we get more into your story and your transition and all of that. I just wonder what you think of that development because it's hard not to think that, okay, it's all sexual, it's all pornography, it's all predatory when really like there are, there are some differences. But I'm just curious about your perspective on all of that today. Yeah. Well, back in the day, it was it was called gender identity disorder. there were transvestites and transsexuals.

Transvestites were men who dressed up as women for sexual gratification. They didn't want to be a woman. Transsexuals actually either felt they were a woman, were wanted to be a woman, and they were at different stages. They were further distinctive as either pre-op or post-off. That's all there was. And back then, when

we were transitioning, all we wanted to do was transition and blend into society and get on with our lives. The last thing we wanted was attention. Very unlike what we see today. I mean, we took care in our presentation. I mean, I have my beard removed with electrolysis. I went to a voice coach. I was able to retrain my voice. So even on the phone, people didn't realize that I was man.

And my gosh, today, it's just so in your face. They're, the movement, they're, they're, they're militants. They're demanding. They are coercive. They, it's, it's just gotten so out of hand. And even while I was living as Maggie, by the way, and like I said, I had a successful career and had a pretty comfortable life. I got to live and work in three countries. after I moved up the ranks from engineer and I got into management and I was a I was a corporate executive for seven years and I had people working for me all around the world and and people just didn't know.

And then I launched onto a second career too, which was primarily male career. But I succeeded in that as well. And what I saw though 20 years ago, even living at a second year, even living in a career, but I succeeded. as Maggie. I heard something about drag queen's story hour and I wonder what in the what what is that? And I looked, I saw a news report or something and talked about drag queens reading books to children. Oh, that can't be right. That's not happening. But I kept hearing about it. Sure enough, it was happening. Of course people would deny it. You know, the people are pushing it. They denied that was happening. There's a cycle. I'm sure you know about this cycle. They deny it happens and then eventually when so much

evidence comes out they say okay what's just happening a little now now it's happening a lot well okay yeah it's happening but why do you have a problem with it is they try to turn it around on people try to justify it normalize it and that same thing keeps happening it went from drag queen's story hour to uh bringing these books into the classrooms and into school libraries elementary school kids and and then indoctrination And now a whole bunch of teachers, teachers who are trans and gay, now are influencing children. And it just kept going and going and going. I just, I couldn't believe it.

And I wasn't, I didn't become an activist, but when people would ask me about this, people who knew me, like from my family or maybe somebody who knew me from my past, you know, what do you think about this? And I think this is atrocious. You know, you had mentioned men who just all of a sudden think that they're a woman or whatever. And there's all sorts of new terms and labels that are being applied now. Those are, that's autokinophilia. And I have mixed feelings about it.

I find it hard to believe that that would just happen. Rapid onset gender dysphoria. It's called. I bet that there's something that goes back to childhood that's feeding that. Next sponsor is EveryLife Diapers. We are about to be back in the diaper stage, y'all, the newborn diaper stage. And I would not be using Every Life if I didn't think I could trust their diapers. No one wants to deal with the blowout, okay?

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code Alley 10. And it's interesting. You said during this time, even when you were living as a woman named Maggie, you're trying to live as a woman named Maggie, you didn't like the activist aspect of it. I don't know if you considered yourself an LGBTQ advocate or part of that world. Or did you still consider yourself a Christian during this time? Did you consider yourself, maybe not even political language, but still conservative leaning in how you saw the world? Or had you abandoned that worldview by the time you started taking hormones and living as a woman? Yeah. Prior to transitioning, there wasn't really an LGBTQ movement that I could remember.

People I knew that were gay, they would do things together. And then, of course, I had my little support group meeting for the trans people. But there wasn't an all-out movement or an ideology that people were trying to push. I and even after I had transitioned I never once did I ever believe that I was a real woman I knew who and what I was

I was a man pretending to be a woman I was good at it I was successful people didn't know yeah I used the women's restrooms and I traveled and people never knew I had a boss that he didn't know I had gone back to Seattle I went to that support group meeting as Maggie had been Maggie for many years. And I just went back to see if there's any new faces or any old faces.

I remember to see who the new faces are and see if I could be any support. And what I saw was horrific. I stuck my head in there. And I looked around. And honestly, I thought about just asking, okay, is this the Amway meeting? And as an excuse to leave, but I went on in and everybody in there, probably 20, 30 people. they're all dressed, you know, and just like the people you see in all the Antifa riots, the BLM riots.

They're all tatted and pierced and multicolored hair and stuff. And I went in, I walked in there as Miss Maggie, and like I had just gotten off of a cruise, you know. And I mean, I was looking good. And I sat down and they do a thing called the check-in at the first part of the meeting where they go. around, everybody gets a chance to say something about themselves without implicating anybody else. And they all kept saying their name, and then they'd say, he, him, or they were saying all these weird, these words. I didn't know what was going on. And it came around to me, and I just said, my name's Maggie, and I started talking, and they all screamed at me, pronouns.

I mean, this was my first exposure to this pronoun hysteria. So I said to her and I wanted to leave in early because I did, I mean, it had taken such a turn. I looked at the person who had started this group. I knew from way back when and I just kind of gave her a stink eye. And I just am thinking, how could you have let this happen? So you believed at the time that you were still a Christian, but you know, you talked about that you were a false convert. So tell me what were your feelings of trying to reconcile what you thought was genuine Christianity with this identity? It sounds to me like you knew that you couldn't really reconcile them.

Yeah, I didn't reconcile it ever. I just had it in my mind that, you know, other than living like this and whether or not it's even sin, I mean, living like this, other than this, I'm a pretty good person. I'm an upstanding citizen. God will let me in, won't me? That was my feeling, you know, and it was constantly trying to weigh good with the bad and always trying to be a better. a person I throughout my life I would try to read the Bible occasionally and it was always just kind of gibberish to me it was always Greek Greek to me see what I did there and yeah yeah I I just I couldn't get anywhere with it and I would start a Bible in a year program often and by day three I'm just done I can't do it and I did yeah still considered myself Christian I was still attending

a church, one church for another. And what happened was I moved, I came back, I didn't move yet, but I came back to Florida in 2015 to bury my parents. I had been estranged from my father for 23 years, by the way, and I was still in touch with my mother. She never approved of what I did either, but at least we communicated clandestinely. My father had cancer really bad. He'd been battling it for three or four years, and he was terminal. And I had been talking to my mother about coming down to take care of her. And she finally agreed to let me do that. And I was going to set out the next day and do a cross-country road trip.

And I got a call the next morning from an aunt. And she told me that my mother died during the night. And we didn't even know she was that sick. So that was pretty devastating. So instead of driving, I got on a plane and I came back to, Florida and my aunt and uncle picked me up at the airport and this is actually I have a large family and about half of them accepted what I did and the other half didn't and this aunt and uncle they never accepted what I did and we hadn't talked for decades until just recently but they picked me up

at the airport they stepped up it was very awkward the first time they'd ever met Maggie and we hung out at the my aunt and I hung out at the hospital hospital to be with my dad, but I didn't, I never went in, but she kept conspiring with a nurse. And through a series of events, my father and I had a deathbed reconciliation. And that was, man, that was just amazing. I write about that in the book and that'll just rip your heart out as well. But the next day he died. So my parents died nine days apart. I had to stick around here. We had to do a double funeral, and I had to stick around for a year because probate takes a year.

And I got pretty close with my family that was here. I should say Maggie. Maggie did. And in 2016, here's where the good part happens, Miss Allie Beth. My aunt and uncle asked me to go to church with them. And for the first time in my life, Allie, I heard. the true biblical gospel. I had been going to church all my life and all these pastors, they would get up in the pulp there would be a scripture reading by the associate pastor. That was it.

And then the pastors would get up and they start talking about a news event that happened that week and blah blah blah and then try to apply that to our everyday life somehow, something based on the script. I don't know. Didn't have a Bible in sight, but I'm attending this church now and this pastor He's got his Bible in hand, and he's reading from it, not just the scripture reading for the day. He's reading from the Bible, and he's exploiting scripture. And I had never in my life heard a pastor talking about hell and sin and wrath and repentance. I didn't even know what repentance was. And I got to tell you, made me pretty mad at first.

But I was drawn in somehow. And I found the archives online and I started listening to all his previous sermons for the last couple of years And this went on and I really and I started was reading the Bible that when he when I first heard what he was telling me Things like the wages of sin is death It's a point and then demand to die once and then comes judgment It's a terrible thing to fall under the hands the living God and and and and that Jesus Jesus said no one is good. No one is good but God.

And that scripture says that we've all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I mean, this is all kind of bad news. And like I said, I was getting angry. So two things happened. It drove me to the Bible to check what he was saying. And I found out he's right. And the second thing that happened was I realized I'm reading the Bible. and it's making sense.

That had never happened before. I just dove in. I couldn't get enough. And even though the gospel was offensive, and it's honestly supposed to be, I just kept getting drawn in. At the same time, I found other preachers online. Next sponsor is Good Ranchers.

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They've got the steak. they've got the seafood, they've got the hot dogs, they've got the ground beef. It is all so good. I can attest we've been eating Go to Ranchers for five years. It makes her life easier too. Go to good ranchers.com slash alley code Alley to get $50 off anything. Good Ranchers.com slash alley code alley. All my life, I'd had a blind faith in God and Jesus.

From an early age, people told me, Jesus died on the cross of your sins. Okay. Okay. They always said it, just that nonchalantly, that cavalierly. There was never any passion behind it. There was never any explanation of it. I never knew why he did that. Jesus says, okay, I never understood why I needed a Savior. You know, I'm just trying to get through life, trying to be a good person. Boy, I didn't get any of it.

And, but now it's starting to make sense. And it wasn't until I had a good grasp of the bad news that I could fully appreciate the good news of the gospel. And once I looked at the law, I looked at it as if looking into a mirror. And as you know, Ellie, the law is not a guideline to live to live your life by. it's there to reveal us for who we are right it's once i look at the law like that all of a sudden i could see my sin in it's too light and i could see myself for who and what i was i just an absolute wretch vile person and i'm not talking about just this lifestyle i'm living i'm talking about sin sin in general and i i i i have

had this sorrow and I again it wasn't just being trans it was I felt guilty over telling a lie and when I realized that I was condemned from that first time I ever told a lie or that first time I dishonored my parents or that first time I stole something that's when things got real and I had this sorrow and it was you know there's a worldly sorrow and it's usually a sorrow getting caught but i i i felt this this godly sorrow i i realized what i had done i realized who god was and i i had sinned against him i had transgressed against his law the one who created me the one who gave me life the one who gave me a mother and a father and that crushed me and And I finally understood what I needed to do.

And I needed to repent and put my faith in Jesus. And like I said, prior to all this happening, I didn't even know what that word meant, but now I understood what it is. And it's not trying to make your life better. It's not trying to clean yourself up to come to him. It's a change of mind. It's just turning your back on sin, just turning away from sin and turning toward God. And that's what I wanted to do.

And there's a promise that will be made a new creation and will be given a new heart with new desires. I was a little bit hesitant first because I thought, oh my goodness, if I do this, does that mean I'm going to have to detransition? And because that would be problematic. I mean, after 30 years of living as Maggie, I was way more entrenched as Maggie than as William. And it would be expensive and paint fog I had to have them stuck to me. be a nightmare. And, but I got to that point finally, and it didn't matter anymore. I knew what I had done.

And there was guilt and shame over that. And I didn't want that. And I just didn't want to continue sinning. I knew I had been slave to sin all my life. And I didn't want that anymore. I wanted to be free from it. And one night, I just broke down crying. And I called out to God and confessed my sins.

I asked for forgiveness. And for the first time of my life, I repented. And I put my faith in Jesus. And that, you know what happened next? I was given a new heart with new desires. Everything changed. I saw the world differently. I saw people differently.

I saw myself differently. I knew the Holy Spirit was in me and living in me. and I saw my lifestyle for what it was. And not only did I see it for what it was, I just didn't want it anymore. Prior to all this, I was perfectly content living out the rest of my life as a woman. I had a lot of friends that didn't even know.

My next-door neighbor and my best friend, she didn't know. She thought of as his sisters. But how all of a sudden I just, how could I live like this? And there were some folks who were close to me as well who realized, okay, yes, you're, we'll get it, you're saved. That's great, but you don't have to detransition. You can still, I said, no, you don't get it. I don't want to live like this anymore.

I see it as abhorrent. I don't want it. I want to detransition and I want to do it to glorify God. And I wanted to be a testimony. And I felt like I was having to fight people over this sometimes. It was just, it was weird. curious because this was in, you said you went to church in 2016. So this process and studying apologetics and reading the Bible and realizing what repentance was, it's interesting because I noticed in that time what you were diving into wasn't necessarily about transgenderism and gender identity. It was really just the Bible.

And God exists. He sent his son. This is what sin is. this is what turning away from sin is. So I wonder how you realized during that time. Was it something someone said? Was it reading a Bible verse? Was it just the Holy Spirit increasing his influence in your life that made you realize,

okay, all of this over here, the existence of God, his authority, the gospel, all of that means that this, what I'm doing, how I'm identifying is wrong. Because you could have believed some of those people, because there are certainly, as you said, pastors who believe what that pastor did 30 years ago, that look, sure, you can have Jesus, you can be a Christian, but you don't have to give up this part of your life. This is who you are. And God loves you the way you are. It doesn't sound like you were persuaded by that at all. So I just wonder what it was that showed you so clearly can't do both. it was it was knowing the truth

I get that a lot from people today a lot of trans people and gay people who say that they're Christians and they they have this notion that yeah God loves them just the way they are God would never ask me to change yeah sorry but no that's he asks us to change Jesus said If anyone would follow me, deny yourself. Take up your cross daily and follow me.

And Jesus never affirmed sin. Last sponsor for the day is Concerned Women for America. I get questions a lot about what should I be doing? How can I get involved? I concern women for America. You can get involved if you are a woman who cares about the future of this country for your kids and grandkids. If you care about the sanctity of life, education, you can get involved in your local chapter. You know what's actually going on on the local level, on the state level, on the federal level, and see how your voice can count, how you can raise a respectful ruckus, as we like to say, for the things that matter. The midterm elections are approaching. So CWA is offering for a limited

time a free practical guide to biblical civic engagement. This would be a great guide to bring to your Bible study, to bring to your small group, make sure everyone in your community knows what to vote for, how to vote, the issues that are on the line, and especially those that affect Christians and affect kids. Go to Concernwomen.org slash Alley. Get your free guide today. Concernedwomen.org slash alley. I was just interested in your detransition.

And that happened a few years ago. So tell me how that eventually went down. Well, yeah, I started, I announced it to my family and I felt bad about it. I mean, I was happy that I was doing it. But here I am. I'm going to do this thing to my family again. and they're going to have to get used to, you know, a little different person, basically. It took a lot of planning.

I needed to get a mastectomy. And that took 10 months to find a surgeon. I started calling around in the local area. I talked to, you know, cancer doctors and surgeons and anybody who would do a mastectomy. The moment they found out I was detransitioning, they didn't want anything more to do with me. Someone would hang up on me. Someone said call a plastic surgeon. I call plastic surgeons in the area.

Same thing. They didn't want to work with me. They'd be happy to help me transition. But even here in the free state of Florida, I was so surprised. For months, I looked and I just could not find a surgeon. I was at my wit's end. I was getting ready to call a gender clinic in Tennessee. which I didn't want to do, but I was going to call them up and tell them,

I'm a woman and I want to transition to being a man. Help me out. And this clinic is known for, I mean, you can call them up. And after a 20-minute phone call, you'll have your letters and the papers, whatever documentation you need to go to any surgeon that does these things and get it done. And probably even have the state or have insurance pay for it. I was getting ready to resort to doing that. And at the last moment, a surgeon in Miami Beach called me and said,

come on down for a consult, I'll work with you. So I did. And of course, it had to be Miami Beach. That was, it was very expensive. But he was awesome. And he told me he would never help anybody transition. But he heard about me and he wanted to help. So that was great.

There was a recovery time. And I did have to stay down there for quite a while. During that time, I was waiting for surgery. I had to keep working. as Maggie because I was trying to save up the money. The D transition itself, everything all in was about 30 grand. So gosh, that was not a cheap endeavor. And I've been started a new job as William.

Wow. William was back, October 2023. Wow, that's amazing. Praise God. Is this something just the feeling of wanting to be the opposite sex? Is that still something that you struggle with and that the Lord helps you through? No, no, that's gone. You know, I talk about, you know, being born again and giving their new heart with new desires and being free from sin.

That's all true, but does it mean that we never sin again? Of course not. We're still in the flesh. And we'll deal with that. But we're, I see sin in a different way. I see my own sin in a different way. I recognize it. I'm remorseful, and I try to take step to mitigate it.

And I ask for forgiveness. I hate that I do certain things. But praise God, this thing, he took off of me completely. I had started to write the book even while I was going through all this, even while I was still living as Maggie. And I love it. look back on it now and I think I'm glad I wrote it when I did because each chapter I tried to write in the mindset that I was in at that point in history. And I look back on this now. I don't

think I could have done that in the chapter that talks about my transition. I mean, I was, I was euphoric. It was, this was a wonderful thing. I was exciting and new and I was looking forward to new life. I can express it in those words, I guess, right now, but I don't remember those actual feelings anymore. It's so far removed from me. So I couldn't have written that now. So I'm glad I did. I'm glad I wrote it when I did. But this thing, these urges, this compulsions that I had dealt with all my life. Oh, Sally Beth, it's gone, just gone. And I'm so grateful for that. I think the Lord realized that I just wouldn't be able to function if I had to deal with that. But now, you know, I when I surrendered, I mean, I just gave me a

life to him with no conditions and I said you know use me and I want to be used and that's that's what I'm doing now so I'm I'm an evangelist and I'm an activist and I mean I'll I'll share the gospel with whoever will listen but I I do go after particularly LGBTQ because I have a history there I've been there I understand it and And I just, I have that love for them. I get accused of being such a hater all the time. And, uh, I'm just vile and I'm a racist and I'm a transphobe and a this and that. And I get death threats to.

And it's, but I just, I keep trying to plug away at it lovingly. If I can, I try to be. And it's, uh, they say you're a hater because you won't affirm. I said, listen, it's, it's not. How hateful would you have to be to watch a blind. man walking toward a cliff and say nothing you know is it loving to tell a 16-year-old girl who's anorexic that oh yeah you still look a little pudgy there you probably should lose a little more weight that's not loving it's not hateful to speak truth and it's not loving to affirm a lie it's

not loving to affirm a sin so that's the message i try to go forth with and um you know it falls on a lot of deaf ears but sometimes a conversation gets struck up sometimes a public conversation online on acts or Facebook moves over to private direct messages. And that's good. I like that. And I mean, this is what I want to do. I want to talk to people. I want to let people know that there's hope. Well, thank you so much. Not man enough to be a woman. Your book is available wherever books are sold, I assume. And they can find more information about you online. That's where I found you. William, thank you so much for sharing your story and praise God for what he's accomplished in your life. I'm so thankful for testimonies like yours and just being reminded

of his power. And he is seeking and saving the loss. So William, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me. I like that. Appreciate you. Keep up the good work. You too.