Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 1401 | 'Death of the Pastor’s Wife': Everyone’s Getting This Wrong About JP Miller

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

In this episode, Allie looks at the Netflix docuseries “Death of the Pastor's Wife” which investigates the tragic death of Mica Miller and her marriage to Pastor John Paul “JP” Miller.  Allie makes the important distinction that JP’s abuse didn’t stem from biblical alignment, but complete disregard of scripture to satisfy his own lustful desires. Addressing his past which in no way displays a life in submission to scripture, Allie looks at both complementarianism and egalitarianism and why they are not to blame for JPs abuse or Mica’s death. Furthermore, Allie looks at the biblical structure of authority seen in scripture and how JP’s church should have exercised discipline towards him long before Mica’s death. Do you have a question for Allie? Leave a voicemail at 844-755-5252  Share the Arrows 2026 is on October 10 in Dallas, Texas! Tickets are on sale now at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://sharethearrows.com⁠⁠⁠ Share the Arrows is sponsored by: A'del Natural Cosmetics: AdelNaturalCosmetics.com Range Leather: RangeLeather.com/ALLIE We Heart Nutrition: WeHeartNutrition.com – Time Codes – Today's Sponsors: Good Ranchers | For a limited time, you can get a free Ground Beef bundle with your first Good Ranchers or just visit https://goodranchers.com/allie to claim your free Ground Beef Bundle. Seven Weeks Coffee | Go to https://sevenweekscoffee.com and save 15% forever when you subscribe, plus get a free gift with your order! Use code ALLIE for an extra 10% off your first order. Every Life | Visit https://Everylife.com , and use promo code “ALLIE10” to get 10% off your first order today!  World Watch News | Visit https://worldwatch.news/allie or use promo code ALLIE to start your free trial today. PreBorn | To donate, dial #250 and say the keyword BABY. Or visit https://Preborn.com/ALLIE . Episodes You May Like: The Mysterious Death of Mica Miller | Ep 1005 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBPvkYBi49w  The Cult-Like NAR Church That Nearly Destroyed John Cooper | Ep 1397 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HReTd-JbnZo   'He's a Warlock:' Kathryn Krick’s Spiritual Father’s Dark Secrets | Ep 1385 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeTHtTlWfYc  --- ► Buy Allie's book "Toxic Empathy: How Progressives Exploit Christian Compassion": ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.toxicempathy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ► Buy Allie's book "You're Not Enough (& That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love": https://alliebethstuckey.com/book ► Subscribe to the podcast: iTunes: https://apple.co/2UVssnP Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2FwkXxj ► Connect with Allie on social media:  https://twitter.com/conservmillen https://www.instagram.com/alliebstuckey/ https://facebook.com/allieBlazeTV/ ► "Relatable" merchandise — use promo code ALLIE10 for a discount: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/allie-stuckey

It's inaccurate to say that John Paul Miller's doctrine and actions reflected complementarianism, that men and women are of equal worth and of equal dignity, but we have different roles. We are spiritually made for different roles and different responsibilities. So the problem with John Paul Miller at Solid Rock was abuse of power, deviation from scripture, rejection of biblical truth, not the hierarchy that is actually outlined in scripture. Hey, y'all, welcome to Relatable. Happy Monday. Hope everyone is having a great start to your week. I got to tell you, God's eternal plan of redemption is going off without a hitch. No surprises. He's never taken it back. He's never looking down and wondering what the heck is going on. How am I going to solve this?

How am I going to clean up this mess? Whether it's your personal life, whether it's politics, whether it's what's going on in the world, what's going on in your church and your friend group with your family, whatever it is. God is not surprised by any of it. He is seeking a, and saving the lost, he is advancing his kingdom. Job 42, too, reminds us that nothing is too hard for him and nothing can thwart his will. So we have encouragement from that today and every day. Well, you might notice that I am wearing a t-shirt, which I don't typically do. Unrelatable, I like to dress up just a little bit for you. But today I'm wearing my share the arrows t-shirt because we are now, if you can hear me, less than two weeks away, officially for.

from our Christian Women's Conference in Dallas, Texas, October 10th, y'all. We are so excited. We're getting down to the wire. We are putting the final touches on everything to serve you the best that we possibly can. Shane and Shane will be leading worship with an incredible worship set. I'm so excited. We've got Rosaria Butterfield. She will be first.

She'll be bringing the heat. You know she will. We've got Kosti Hinn, Elisa Childers, and Natasha Crane. And then we've got Audrey Broke and Grace Hannah Castleberry talking about biblical womanhood. and wifehood together. And then we've got our girl, Sarah Huckabee, Sanders, the governor of Arkansas, talking about faith, family, how she prioritizes those things while running such a conservative and pro-life state.

It's going to be such an edifying day or clarifying day. As I've said, let me just repeat this. If you're looking for a fluffy self-help conference, there are so many conferences like that out there. Some of them even call themselves Christian conferences, but it's not this one. You should not waste your money at Share the Arrow's expecting to get a bunch of talks about like self-help, self-love. You're just, you're not going to get that here.

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So make sure that you come, even if it's just for the merch, share the arrows.com. All right. That concludes the fun on this episode because we've got to talk about something really serious that a lot of you guys have been asking me to discuss. And we've been working on this episode for a while because it's so important for every episode for us to get things factually correct, theologically correct, and everything. I mean, we put so much work and effort into that every single episode. But this one especially, we're talking about so many sensitive.

of topics, so many topics that have to do with different facets of the church, and it's not just about true crime. It is also about the theological implications of this true crime story, and I just wanted to make sure that we got every detail of our argument correct. And it has to do with this new Netflix docu series, Death of the Pastor's Wife. Death of the pastor's wife. This is insanely popular. Millions and millions of people are watching it, talking about it online. It's the tragic story and death of 30-year-old Micah Miller. It has been circulating in the news from the New York Times to famous TikTokers giving their commentary on this. And you might wonder, well, why is that? There's so many true crime stories out

there, so many Netflix documentaries that have to do with terrible tragedies. Why is this taking up so much airspace? And that is because of the conversation and the debate surrounding gender dynamics within the evangelical church. Now, if this story, or the name Michael Miller strikes you as familiar and you haven't even heard of this documentary, that's because we talked about this in depth long before I became a documentary. A couple of years ago, we went through the timeline and we went through some of the questions that we have, but we didn't really get a chance to explore the theological implications of it or the debate surrounding it because that wasn't something that was happening. So if you want a full timeline in detail,

of everything that went down and what was reported at the time, then I would go back and listen to that episode. We'll put a link in the description so you can go back. Today, we'll give you an overview of what happened in the documentary itself, but we're really going to dive into, okay, is there something wrong with how we view men and women in marriage and submission and all of these things that lead to these kinds of tragedies? So let's back up a little bit. I'll give you a summary. This series on Netflix, the death of the pastor's wife, traces the relationship of John Paul Miller, who is the former pastor of a church called Solid Rock Church and his wife Micah from the time they met when he was 28 years old and married and she was just 13 years old

through years of alleged grooming, adultery, and abusive marriage marked by sexual deviance, coercive control, up to the day that she, apparently, committed suicide. So today we're looking at why some critics are pinning Micah's abuse on traditional Christian teaching about men and women. We'll respond to that and also point out and demonstrate that it is unbiblical teaching. It's actually unbiblical behavior, unbiblical doctrine on gender roles and the brokenness of the human state, sin, that actually leads to these kinds of tragedies. So let's back up a couple years to that day.

April 27th, 2024, Micah Miller was found dead at Lumber State Park from a gunshot wound to the head. Just two days before that, she had filed for legal separation from John Paul Miller. Infamously, the day after Micah's death, John Paul waited until the very end of his sermon. So he gave a sermon the day after his wife died at his church and kind of in an offhand, nonchalant way at the very end, announced this breaking news to the congregation for the first time that his wife had died, Sot 1. I got a call late last night. My wife has passed away.

Yeah, it was self-induced, and it was up in North Carolina. And we're going to have a funeral for her next Sunday here at 3 p.m. And so it's all I can, yeah, I'm just kind of going on adrenaline right now. So y'all pray for me and my kids and everybody. And she was, she wasn't, y'all knew that she wasn't well mentally. And then she needed her medicine that was hard to get to her. Okay. So it was that clip from my memory.

I think that was the first one that I had seen a couple of years ago that kind of triggered people asking a lot of questions about this person. Hang on. Like this is such a strange way to announce such a tragic event. about your wife, what really is going on here. Now, one could say it's because Micah and John Paul had been living apart for several months at the time of her death. And even so, even if you had been living apart for several months to kind of what we call

in journalism or what they call in journalism, bury the lead, that's when you take the main point of a story and you put it like at the very end so that people don't actually read it to bury the lead in his sermon. that his wife had just committed suicide is strange behavior, no matter what. Now, John Paul obviously denies having any involvement in her death. He says that he was in Charleston, South Carolina, at a soccer game, the day that she died. After Micah's death, John Paul was released from his duties at Solid Rock by his spiritual advisor, Charles Randall.

The church closed months later, but John Paul is still preaching. He founded a new church in 2024, so the same year that his wife committed suicide, and about now 20 people attend, it seems, each Sunday. Now, it's important to note that neither the documentary nor any kind of official person involved in this is accusing John Paul of actually pulling the trigger to kill Micah. I think in the beginning there were some questions about that. Okay, did she really kill? herself or was he involved? This is more of a questioning and interrogation about the events and the behavior and the treatment that led her to this, that led her to apparently make that choice. I think that the question is, did she feel like there's no other way out, that she felt trapped,

that she felt because she allegedly was abused by him, that this was. was her only escape, her only relief from suffering. So we'll get into what the Netflix series shows from her friends, from the people that knew John Paul, from the people at their church. And just a second, let me pause, tell you about our first sponsor. It's good ranchers. We love good ranchers. We rely on good ranchers almost every single night in our home. It's such peace of mind to know that you have a freezer full of all American meat. And so you know that you're always going to have at least one potter of your meal that is supporting American farms and ranches, supporting the American economy, but also is really high quality, really healthy,

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American Angus Ground Beef to help you stock your freezer when you use my link, good ranchers.com slash Allie. We cook this ground beef multiple nights a week. I am telling you it is really good. Good ranchers.com slash alley. So here's what the director, Michael Gasparo, of this Netflix series, explains. He says, John Paul didn't physically murder Micah, but through the series, you understand how much he may have pushed her to that brink. Before we even talk about what some of her friends and families, people surrounding this situation allege, we can back up a little bit. None of these things by themselves prove that he had any involvement. None of these things, as a part of his history, prove that he even abused her. However, in light of this tragedy,

I do think it is worth looking at the context. In light of some of the text messages that have been revealed about Micah from John Paul to Micah from John Paul, some of the the alleged very serious abusive behavior when it comes to his marriage and his relationships. Since she was a teenager with Micah, I do think it's worth noting all of this context of who he is. In 1998, John Paul was involved in a bitter custody fight over his first child. He had the first child out of wedlock before his first marriage. That's just context. that's not trying to say that makes him an abuser later on. Filings also show John Paul admitted to disrupting his son's daycare,

was accused of ignoring the visitation schedule. 1999, he was charged with assault and battery after driving his truck into a woman and dragging her 100 yards down the road. Seems relevant. It just feels relevant. John Paul's marriage to his first wife, Allison, ended when his adultery with Micah was discovered. He had been texting Micah when she was three years.

into marriage with her first husband, so they were both married. And then in divorce documents, Allison, again, that's John Paul's first, or wife, when he started having an affair with Micah, alleged that John Paul had confessed to her and other church staff that he had sexual encounters with underage girls he met at the church and, and quote, addiction to prostitutes. Now, remember, John Paul and Micah first met and began a friendship. when he was 28 and she was just 13. Like, let me just say there is zero good reason for an adult man to be friends with a teenager. Okay. To be friends in particular with a teenage girl, it might be one thing if an adult man has a mentorship, a fatherly relationship with a young

man and trying to help him through different seasons of life, disciple him. But there is no good reason mentorship or not for an adult man to be friends with a teenage girl ever, ever, ever. So that's a big red flag. According to reporting from the Christian Post, John Paul has had his own mental health struggles in a now deleted Facebook video. He is seen in a state some described as a drug-induced psychosis. And so the guy has had a turbulent past in a variety of ways. So here are some of the allegations of what John Paul did to Micah. This is according to her family and friends. So they say that he had been grooming Micah since before she was 18. He had multiple affairs during their relationship, a woman named Megan, even during his engagement to Micah,

a church member named Susie Skinner during his marriage to Micah. John Paul married Susie one year after Micah's death. There's also a lot of strangeness with. that story with Susie Skinner. He had been in a long-term relationship with Susie. And Susie's husband died by drowning apparently during that affair after he had found out about the affair. So there's just a lot of sketchy things, not only infidelity and violence and mental health struggles, but also death. Like we have two people who have been involved, some in John Paul's love triangles who have died, apparently by suicide. It's just strange.

He pressured Micah, apparently, allegedly, with questions about whether she felt sexual temptation toward a woman and accused her of an affair with a female friend. And apparently there was no basis for this whatsoever. You do find this. Remember in that episode that we did about Jor Davy, the self-professed prophet, who is the, like, mentor of Catherine Crick, the allegations against him and in some of the recordings and spiritual deliverance, he pressured a woman into trying to, like, get her to confess that she had sexual feelings toward another woman. And the only pattern and connection I'm trying to

draw here is that it seems like these spiritual, sexual abusers allegedly use women to play out their own sexual fantasies. And that seems to be what happened here as well. After this allegation, so after he said, I think that you are homosexual and you have this homosexual relationship, Micah felt unsafe, probably because it was an insane accusation and left home to stay with her sister, Sierra. In a text exchange between John Paul, Micah, and Micah's sister, John Paul said, and these text messages have been revealed, that he would, is coming to pick up Micah. And when Micah's sister said that he's not allowed to come to their house, he said, that's fine. You can call the cops. I'm armed and ready. And at one point,

Micah says, like, that's going to be trespassing. If you try to come get me and he just says, ha, ha, ha, ha. So seems very, very disturbed. I think that's extremely nefarious, just the text messages that he was sending. He apparently paid home. people off the street to try to get them to commit sexual acts with Micah. Now, that's not just a random accusation. John Paul admitted this in an apology letter, according to Micah Miller's lawyer. He pressured Micah to take testosterone to keep up with his sex drive, apparently. He allegedly had her forcibly hospitalized for psychiatric reasons, took her phone, car,

laptop while she was detained. He commented on Micah's alleged mental illness from the pulpit, which you can see in several clips from the docu series, not just that last one that we played. Micah's sister, though, says that Micah had no history of mental illness before she married John Paul, which was part of the reason why her family expressed so much concern about this relationship from the beginning. Now, according to Nancy Grace, according to a 911 call made by Micah, the abuse sometimes turned physical. She accused him of putting his hands around her throat, slapping drinks out of her hand, pushing her down in front of thousands of people at Disney World.

It is also worth noting that John Paul Miller faces federal charges, this is according to the DOJ, of cyber-stalking Micah and lying to investigators. Allegations in this indictment include posting a nude photo of her online without her consent, having tracking devices placed on her vehicle, contacting her more than 50 times in one day interfering with her finances and daily activities, and damaging her tires. These are all from the time when she and John Paul were separated. John Paul allegedly lied to federal investigators by denying he damaged the tires. Okay, so the guy is in trouble with the law for some of the things that he did to Micah. These are not just family and friends, rumors, and guys.

His pretrial hearing was scheduled for October 6th, but he has filed to delay for the seventh time this year, pushing his new pretrial date to January 2027. I didn't know that you could just do that indefinitely. If the case goes to trial, he and he's convicted on both counties, he faces up to seven years in prison and a $250,000 fine. There's so many more details to this case and their relationship. So again, if you want to know all of those details, you can watch episode 1005 from a couple years ago. But let's get into this bigger question. Is this the dynamic of their relationship at whatever level he may have been involved in what led to her death? The alleged abuse, the coercion, the cyber-stalking, whatever it is. Is there alleged relationship

dynamic, a sign of a bigger church problem when it comes to how women are treated, how marriage is talked about, how men in power are able to get away with certain things just because they're the head of a church. A lot of people are talking about that. This documentary has pulled in over 41 million views in the four weeks since it was released. And some people have made this argument that Micah Miller's death is actually due to the biblical teaching on men's and women's roles, framing Christian so-called fundamentalist teaching as inherently dangerous to women. Here's an example of that. In an opinion article for the New York Times titled Death of the Pastor's Wife and the Horror

of Spiritual Abuse, writer Jessica Gross wrote this. She says, in his church, Micah in John Paul Miller's Church, Micah was taught to submit to both her pastor and to her husband. He says, obey those who have authority over you, for no authority can exist without God's permission. John Paul preaches to his flock, along with citing Ephesians 533 about wives respecting their husbands. She goes on to write, Micah's relatives and friends said they felt John Paul used the Bible to control Micah. She was very submissive, and she felt that this was how she could honor God. One of her friends, Bruna Pabin, explained. When Micah finally did get the strength to leave many in the church cited with John Paul, according to her brother,

her social circle went down to essentially nothing. And then Jessica goes on to argue this. While John Paul Miller's abuse was extreme and unusual in its cruelty, many churches and religious influencers preach that women should submit to their husbands sexually and otherwise. She cites an author Sarah Stan Corb, who wrote the book, Damned if she does, why women quit church and what it means for the future of religion, she calls the teaching of wives submitting to their husbands a pipeline or abuse. And the solution to all of this, Jessica Gross says, is that people in her life should have told her that you should never subordinate yourself to a man. Now, we have other influencers, those who have deconstructed saying,

hey, this is a problem in SBC churches. This is a problem in Baptist churches. This is a problem in Baptist churches. is a problem. And all of these Bible-based churches, when you are told to submit to your husband, this is the kind of thing that happens. We'll get to that in just a second. Let me pause, tell you about my next sponsor. It's seven weeks coffee. We love seven weeks coffee. This is a pro-life coffee company. Not only is it pesticide-free, mold-free, super clean, taste amazing, sustainably sourced, all of that good stuff. The best part, the very best part of seven week's coffee is that they donate 10% of every sale of their coffee to pregnancy centers across the country. They have raised $2 million for these pregnancy centers. Don't ever believe

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I've already seen some conservative talking heads to be like, it's not all churches. This is an attack on the faith. This is not an attack. This is a revel. This is a revel. of the hierarchies and the systems of abuse that the church builds and continues to build. Because if you grew up in the SBC or any kind of Christian fundamentalism or literalism, this was your church. This was what they taught women. You have absolute submission to your husband. Women did not only not have autonomy, but autonomy was taught as dangerous through the doctrine of Eve. When you're a young girl, and they also don't believe in consent at all.

Because when you're young girl, your body's not yours. It belongs to some man you've never met. So you can't consent yes to anything sexual when you're young. That would be a sin. And then when a man owns you when you're married, you now can't say no because he owns your body. I'm sure that that kind of thing is taught somewhere, but I was raised in the like early 2000, so-called purity culture of Baptist evangelical world. And I was never taught anything like that.

Yes, you are taught that you should preserve your body and you should save sexual acts for marriage. That was preached on a lot. And I'm not saying that every single book. that was read was the very best. Like I can think of some books that didn't have some great comparisons in it to like what happens to your worth when you decide to engage sexually before marriage. I've talked about all of that before. But the prevailing message of purity growing up is one that I think has saved a lot of people from heartbreak and a lot of people from falling

into sin that does hurt your heart, that does hurt your body. I never once learned that you don't have autonomy, that you don't have agency, that you don't have the ability to consent, that you better just do this for this future man and then you won't be able to say no to him ever. Never, never, never. I went to church two to three times a week my entire life. I went to a Christian school who also talked about things like purity and sexual activity, saving that for marriage. I went to the Christian church camps. Never, ever, ever did I hear this message that justified or excused or minimized abuse in any way. In fact, by the time I got to college, there were a lot of teachers that were mostly emphasizing to men. Like, that was a whole thing of the early 2000s, like the young,

restless reformed, like the tough love was directed toward men, maybe too much. I think women got like a soft message of like, you're beautiful and you're perfect. And like, this is the most important thing that we can tell you is that you're just precious. And I'm not saying that those things that saying that you're precious in the eyes of God is wrong or anything like that, but men got this really harsh message of like, you're a loser, get off the couch, everything is your fault. And some of that tough love was probably really good and really helpful. But I'm just saying, like this picture that's being painted generally of conservative churches,

theologically true churches, like biblically based churches, churches who believe in complementarianism, we'll get into the details of what that means in a second. But people who preach literally through Ephesians 5 that wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. I have attended those churches my entire life. Never once have I heard anything close to, close to the justification or the belittlement of abuse. Again, not saying that never happens. I'm just saying I'm as inundated in this world as you can possibly be.

I've never heard it. I've never heard it. So I'm just saying it's not as pervasive and characteristic as some influencers online want you to believe. Zach Lambert, a professed pastor, I think, says what most people outside of white American evangelicalism don't understand about death of the pastor's wife is this. While Micah Miller's situation is tragic, it's not unique. Millions of women in church pews all over this country are being talking about.

that God requires them to be completely subservient to their husbands, no matter what high control religion mixed with patriarchy is a death sentence for many women. I do think that there is like this secular, like Christian and named only secular like manosphere that's trying to like fit its way into Christianity. That is just very like degrading for women. Again, I think that is rare in the Christian church. I don't think that's characteristic of most evangelicalism.

at all. And I've never heard be completely subservient to your husband no matter what. Yes, submit to your husband insofar as you are submitting to the Lord insofar as he is not requiring you to sin. And also, that is never just a justification or an excuse for a husband to mistreat or to belittle his wife. Because the follow up to wives submit to your husbands is husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Wow. So the kind of sacrificial death to self love that is required for wives from husbands is written out right there. That completely excludes the possibility of the justification of abuse. Now, we know, as I've said, that abuse absolutely happens in evangelical churches. We covered Texas megachurch pastor, Robert Morris,

Mike Bickle, former leader of IHopper, International House of Prayer in Kansas City. There have been several other accusations of sexual impropriety, not even just abuse when it comes to people like Carl Lince or Steve Lawson, which, by the way, we've got to talk about Steve Lawson very soon, who has a new book out. And so a lot of people, they look at these leaders and they look at the churches that they come from and they say, okay, while they typically have traditional views when it comes to gender and marriage, so that must be the cause. Denny Burke, president of the council on biblical manhood and womanhood, responds to that kind of line of reasoning. He says, this is the real problem

is that John Paul Miller is a wolf and his church was too weak to remove him. So it's actually the lack of biblical courage, not biblical fidelity. that is causing this. So Denny says this. The film depicts a pastor who is a case study of the wolves that Jesus and apostles warned us about. It exposes a shepherd who twists the Bible and uses it to manipulate people into servicing his own lust. It's absolutely disgusting. The evidence of his lechery was either covered up or ignored for years before the final calamity. He should have been removed from his position over a decade before his wife's death. It should also be noted. It should also be noted and we didn't have time to get into every single detail,

but I think it's important to bring up the fact that John Paul Miller was not like some of those conservatives that we listed before. He actually didn't have the same ideology that I have. He was more progressive when it came to women's roles in the church than me because he allowed women to preach. He believed that women could be pastors. Okay, much like a lot of these progressive deconstructionists believed, he actually had a more egalitarian belief of women's role in the church than I do than a lot of conservatives do. But that seems to be left out of the analysis. The abuse and scandals that progressives point to in the church do happen. But not for the reason they say, not because the Bible is wrong, not because the Bible is a justification for abuse.

and not because of complementarianism. Okay, so what is complementarianism? You probably know, but a lot of you don't. And if you don't, that's okay. It's not something that's probably preached on explicitly a lot from the pulpit. But complementarianism is opposed to something called egalitarianism. And this really matters in our understanding of what God means for marriage and the genders. But let me go ahead and pause.

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and you'll get 10% off your first order everylife.com code alley 10. So this is defined by the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Complementarianism is a teaching rooted in the created order, not the fall, the created order that men and women are equal in dignity and value, but have distinct roles in the family and in church. Genesis 1.27. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them.

If you've ever heard me give a speech and sometimes I say this line on the show, I say, it's like God knew we were going to be confused. And he was like, you know what, you don't even have to read 30 verses before I tell you what's up. Before I tell you the truth about all this, I'm going to define all these culture work questions that you have, the definition of gender, the definition of marriage, the definition of the value of human life. We are made in God's image. That's our value. We are made male and female. We are married as male and female. Boom, right there, first chapter of the first book of the Bible. If you can't affirm that, it's not because you don't want to be controversial. It's because you don't want to be biblical.

It is so incredibly fundamental. That's why when people start denying Genesis 1,27, they end up denying John 14, 6 too, because this is so fundamental, not just to society, but to Christianity. As we see in Revelation, this is a reflection of the marriage between Christ and the church. So the Bible starts with this setup, this dichotomy. and also ends with an eternal spiritual form of it. Genesis 218. Then the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone.

I will make him a helper fit for him. Okay, so this is pre-fall. This is not after the fall and, oh, things got distorted and it was supposed to be egalitarian and they were supposed to do the exact same things with the exact same roles and then sin mucked it all up. No, a helper is there fit for him in Genesis 2. before sin entered the world. Now, the fall did corrupt the relationship between men and women, but it did not introduce the differences between men and women. Genesis 316, to the woman,

he said, I will surely multiply your pain and child bearing. I think about evil lot these days as I'm getting ready to give birth again. In pain, you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. So wives are to submit to their husbands, but the pattern of redemption in Christ that we see in the New Testament is that men and women are equal in terms of the blessings of salvation while maintaining their different roles in the home and in the church, each fulfilling roles with equal dignity and value. Galatians 328, there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male or female and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

So when it comes to our salvation, when it comes to our place, of importance, if you will, value within the church, that is not differentiated by our gender or socioeconomic status or our ethnicity because we are made righteous. So we have been purchased by the blood of Christ, all of us, which is a very radical message today. It was a radical message back then when it was introduced when people were judged based on what they brought to the table intellectually. And also their gender, their age, their socioeconomic status, the class that they were born into, whether they were a slave or free. And so this radically equalizing when it comes to worth and standing before a God,

message of the gospel was just revolutionary. And clearly it still is. Colossians 318 through 19. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Okay. So right there, Paul says, and he does it again in Ephesians 5, submit to your husband's wives, because if you're both driving the ship and you're going to

different directions, you're not going to go anywhere. Things are going to be very chaotic. It's going to be difficult in your home if you've got two leaders who have two very different ideas of where you should go. And there's no real captain. There's no real leader. God is a god of order. He's not a god of chaos and confusion. And because he likes systems that are conducive to human flourishing, he says, this is how I've set it up. And then husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 1 Corinthians 11, 7 through 9 and then 11 through 12. For a man ought not to cover his heads since he is the image in the glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman,

but woman for man. Nevertheless, in the Lord, woman is not independent of man nor man of woman. for as woman was made from man. So man is now born of woman and all things are from God. And so to me, like, gosh, we could spend hours and hours. And I could spend hours and hours learning about that passage. But we could spend hours and hours talking about that passage that he's talking about, okay, yes, you're distinct. You've got different roles.

At the same time, your worth, your salvation all comes from the Lord. And so just as he teaches about, hey, masters, you need to treat. your slaves well, different time. And slaves, you need to obey your masters. And he also says, children, you should obey your parents. And fathers, don't provoke your children to anger. Like at the end of all of these commands, Colossians and Ephesians, he says, because God is the God of all of you. Because this speaks to an eternal hierarchy, this importance of us all submitting to God, us all having the same innate worth before God. And a, uh, us all being equally dead in our sin and equally made alive in Christ by grace through faith.

The opposite of complementarianism is something called egalitarianism. The view that men and women are interchangeable in every role in the home and church, with no gender-based distinctions and leadership or authority, just totally interchangeable. So critics who already see complementarianism as harmful or quick to misrepresent what it actually is, And so let's look at some of the progressive claims just quickly. So here's what complementarianism is not, because you'll hear that complementarianism and like harsh patriarchy where women, and I'm not even calling like patriarchy this like as a principle,

but they will call it like, oh, this is harsh patriarchy where women are belittled, where they don't have a say, where they don't have value at all, that it's all the same. They'll just conflate all of this. But complementarianism is not unchecked authority for husbands to abuse and oppress women. Christian authority is delegated from Christ, who is the only one with absolute authority. In scripture, when human authority figures are in sin, we see believers standing up to them. So when the religious leaders told the apostles not to preach the gospel, they did not submit Acts 529. But Peter and the apostles answered, we must obey God rather than men.

That reminds me of Shadrach Meshach and Abedigo too, not bowing before the idol and getting thrown into the fiery furnace in the Old Testament. The Bible also does not teach that a woman's body belongs to her future husband. It's not what the Bible teaches. Every Christian ultimately belongs to Christ. 1 Corinthians 619 through 20 does say, or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God? You are not your own. For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Men, you are not your own. Women, you are not your own. And you'll remember the passage that we read earlier about that there is a, there's a mutuality here between men and women. Paul says this in 1st Corinthians 7 3 through 5, that there's a mutual belonging within marriage between the husband and wife. 1 Corinthians 7 3 through 5. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights.

And likewise, the wife to, her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body. All of the deconstructionists would stop right there. But the husband does. But, but he goes on to say, likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now, I also, I just want to point out that last part there, that he is not removing the autonomy and the agency and the responsibility

from men and women who choose to lust after someone else's spouse or choose to have an affair. He still says because of your lack of self-control, that Satan can tempt you, but it is your lack of self-control that would lead you into those situations. And so I just want to say that there, that this is not removing the responsibility to avoid sin from the husband or wife, even if for whatever reason there was a period of time where a husband and wife couldn't have sex, say, like the husband or the wife is going through serious cancer treatments or that can happen.

This is not a justification for any kind of infidelity. The fruit of the spirit is still self-control. Now, all of these things about complementarianism, is that what John Paul preached? Like, is that what he actually believed? I've already pointed out that he was more egalitarian than I am and believing that women can exercise authority over men, despite what First Timothy says about that. First Timothy says, First Timothy 2.11 through 12 says, let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness.

I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man. Rather, she is to remain quiet. Well, we already know that he allowed women to preach in his church, at least one woman to preach in his church. And so he didn't even believe that doctrine from First Timothy. But what else did he actually preach that is in alignment with complementarianism? Is that really the ideology that he espoused that motivated him to treat his wife the way that he apparently did? Let me pause before we get to that.

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Today, denying sex in your marriage, sexual immorality. Is the same thing as rape, sex trafficking, homosexuality? Okay, so is the problem there his fidelity to scripture? Here's on Matthew 529 in the words of Jesus. It says this, if your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. Jesus also argues that lusting after a woman is the same as having an affair. It's the same as committing adultery. That's when people say, oh, Jesus was just bucking their religious.

systems and the lawkeepers of the time. No, no, no, no. He was showing them that following the law is more than following it to the letter. It's more than just your superficial behavior. It goes down to your heart. He was showing you that righteousness and actually being in alignment with what God's word commands you to do is really hard. It is much harder than just saying, well, I'm pure because I've never had an affair. I'm doing my job because I've never actually gone through with my thoughts or whatever it is. Jesus is saying, well, it doesn't matter. If you hate your brother in your heart, that's the same thing as committing murder. If you're right eye causes you to sin and sin in this case is looking at someone lustfully, then you need to throw it away. That's how important it is for

you to resist temptation. Okay. Yes, and those other passages that we've already read, the mutual submission sexually of husbands and wives to each other is important. But remember, at the end of that passage, Paul emphasizes the importance of self-control that Satan might tempt you, not because your wife denied you sex, but because of your lack of self-control. First Corinthians, 618, flee from sexual immorality. Run from it. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. This is a little. This is a little. also my rebuttal when people say things like, oh, this kind of sin, whether it's homosexuality or sexual immorality of any kind, you know, we shouldn't treat it differently than any other sin.

Like, why do we emphasize it so much? Why does God emphasize it so much? It's not true. Yes, all sin separates us from God and the wages of all sin is death. That's true, but not all sins are the same. They don't all have the same effect. The sexually immoral person sins against his own body. That's why sexual sin is so important. So the emphasis there on if you don't do everything that your husband wants you to do sexually, he's going to go out and he's going to lust.

That is not how the Bible talks about what sex looks like, should look like, within marriage. Scripture does call women to submit to their husbands. This is the second point here. As to the Lord. but what seems to be left out of this kind of snippet or the deconstructionist saying, see, this is what happens when you follow the Bible too closely is the second part.

As we've said multiple times already, but I think it's worth reemphasizing. Ephesians 525 through 28. Husbands, or husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the words, that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. That sounds like a really big thing, right? Like a huge responsibility. Like you are responsible for? Like your leadership is responsible for your wife's sanctification or it plays a huge role in leading her sanctification so that she may be

presented before the Lord without spot or splendor. Now we know Jesus's blood covers us and gives us his righteousness and that's what makes our slate clean. But it looks here like there is a sanctifying spiritual, eternal impact that the husband has on the, on the splendor, the spiritual splendor of his wife. And that is a really big deal. Wides are not told that we have that same obligation, same responsibility, same mantle that we are carrying for our husbands. Our husbands are carrying that for us. That's a huge responsibility. In the same way, God through Paul says, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. It's funny, the people who talk about self-love over and over again, and that's all we need. Well, we read about it right here.

What does it look like to truly love yourself? Well, you love sacrificially someone else. you love sacrificial your wife just as you would want to be treated, that is how you should treat your wife. Wow, he spends a lot of ink telling how husbands should sacrificeally love and care for and help sanctify their wife. Even if John Paul did preach Ephesians 5 at some point, and it just wasn't in the Netflix series, his life didn't actually reflect that. It wasn't because he held two closely to scripture that he did the things that he did, it's because he totally deviated away from it. So it's inaccurate to say that John Paul Miller's doctrine and actions reflected complementarianism. Complementarianism is what I just read to you, that men and women are of equal worth and of

equal dignity and can be saved in the same way by grace through faith in Christ, but we have different roles. We are innately made for different roles. We are spiritually made for different roles. We are spiritually made for different roles and different responsibilities. So the problem with John Paul Miller at Solid Rock was abuse of power, was deviation from Scripture, rejection of biblical truth, not the hierarchy that is actually outlined in Scripture. Progressives love to blame hierarchies and evangelicalism for the abuse that Micah Miller suffered, but Solid Rock Church did not actually followed the biblical model for authority that was established throughout the New Testament. Wayne Grudem explains in systematic theology the power of the church is its God-given authority

to carry on spiritual warfare, proclaim the gospel, and exercise church discipline. Now, we know that John Paul was not given the proper church discipline throughout his life. Yes, he was asked to step down after Micah had died, after she had a parent, killed herself, but there had been affairs before that. There had been allegations of abuse. There had been allegations of infidelity. There had been all kinds of scandals with Susie, the woman that he had apparently had an affair with. There were accusations of grooming, of Micah when she was a teenager. There should have been church discipline long, long before Micah Miller was committed suicide. The question is, how has Christ called his church to exercise

that authority. What limits scripture places on it and how that compares to what was practiced at John Paul Miller's church. So his church and JP himself didn't follow Titus 1 through 5. When talking about elders or leaders in the church, he says this, that you have to be above reproach. The husband of one wife, his children are believers, not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination for an overseer as God's steward must be above reproach. Above reproach, he must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain. Hmm.

This reminds me of someone that we're talking about. But a hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, disciplined. Wow. Another really, really high calling. It's crazy that so many women are vying for these roles. like this is a really, really stringent qualification process that men have to go through for being overseers of the church. Remember, the John Paul's first wife, Alison, said in an affidavit that when John Paul admitted to the affair with Micah, he also admitted to soliciting prostitutes

being sexually inappropriate with several female underage church members. And John Paul's church actually recognized that he had a sin problem and he needed to step away from the pulpit. But according to the church bylaws, no one within the church had the authority to make him do that. According to Allison's affidavit, a council was formed and voted for him to jump down and get sexual addiction counseling. But instead of stepping down, John Paul held a meeting informing the council that according to the church's bylaws, he had 100% decision-making authority. All right. So that's not the structure that is needed. That's not the structure that's outlined by scripture.

The apparent overseer of the church, who they called an overseer, was a man that we mentioned earlier named Charles Randall. Pastors another church is not a member of solid rock. He had released John Paul. This is the email that he sent with that announcement. He said, I, Charles Randall, by the authority vested in me as overseer, hereby released Pastor John Paul Miller from all ministerial functions for a time of healing. counsel and guidance pursuant to our government instrument. But the church had not been made aware

that Randall was a part of its leadership structure. And so that was a, someone said a random email we got from CR. So again, it wasn't until later, like they didn't follow structure. Like, they didn't follow accountability. They didn't follow the Bible's guidance for what you're supposed to do for a church member when they're unrepented in sin. Like eventually, you're supposed to kick them out, hand them over to Satan. the hopes that they will repent. The hope is always restoration and repentance, but they didn't follow any of that. And then, again, after Micah Miller committed suicide, then he stepped down, but then he started another church, the same exact year. The truth is, if we are going

to talk about so-called fundamentalist, and that is a church that actually believes in the fundamentals, that's not how liberals take the word fundamental, but that's really what it is. You believe in the fundamentals of scripture. You take scripture literally. This church was not that. They weren't following the elder model, the leadership model, the church discipline model, the repentance restoration model, the accountability model, even the gender model that is outlined in scripture. So what should it look like? Because you might be in a church that also doesn't have this structure, that also doesn't have a lot of accountability. And you need to know what the Bible, not what I say, but what does the Bible actually say about how these structures should look?

And I would even go back. I would listen to the episode that I just did with John Cooper from Skillet and how he found himself in a church that he once loved asking the question, like, hang on a second. What do we preach? What do we believe? Why does it seem like you're manipulating us in the name of our pastor being an apostle or a prophet? And is there, anyone keeping this guy accountable and he's been brave enough to tell the truth on that. So go back and watch that or listen to that. But before we get into what scripture says, the most important thing about eldership and about leadership in the church, let me pause and tell you about our next sponsor. And that is pre-born. Love pre-born. I have so many pro-life sponsors that are just fighting

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Go to preborn.com slash alley today. That's preborn. com slash alley. Okay, so here's what the New Testament says about elders in a church and how they should behave. 1 Peter 5 1 through 3 is that I exhort the elders among you as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ as well as a partaker of the glory that is to be revealed shepherd the flock of God that is among you exercise oversight not under compulsion but willingly as God would have you not for shameful gain but eagerly not domineering over those in your charge but being examples of the flock there's been a lot of conversation about this lately like what is the role of the past pastor. Is it to shepherd the flock or is it to just rule? Is it to understand the needs of your congregation and try to meet those in a biblical way, not in like a compromising way and a conceding way and just doing everything that your congregation wants you to do, but in a loving, compassionate way

in a way that a shepherd would love its flock. There's been some debate about like what the role of the pastor is, but it does seem here that the leadership in the church is not supposed to. to dominate over those in your charge. But you are to be examples in gentleness and love and biblical fidelity. The church has the right to hold its leaders accountable. 1 Timothy 5. Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses. There's Old Testament precedent for that.

As for those who persistence in, the rebuke them in the presence of all so that the rest may stand in fear and the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels, I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality. So again, we see that reflection of the Old Testament where God's heart is that you should not give partiality to the accused or the accuser, that the truth really matters. The process of justice and accusation really matters, both for the accuser and for those

who are accused. Churches that disregard this, that disregard church teaching on authority, they are the ones that are vulnerable to false teaching and are vulnerable to the wolves that come into the flock to exploit them, to abuse them, to manipulate them spiritually. And this happens in all kinds of churches.

This happens in Catholic churches. This happens in Protestant churches. This happens in churches who call themselves liberal. This happens in churches that call themselves conservative. The problem in all of these different kinds of churches is a departure from what the Bible actually says. It is not that they are following the Bible too closely. And again, I just think of the Pharisees.

The problem with the Pharisees, the reason why they were exploiting the poor, the reason why they were able to put themselves as lords over just the regular person, is not because they cared about the law too much. It's not because they were so religious. It's because they weren't really following the law. They weren't following it.

They weren't obeying God down to their heart. It always comes down to heart level obedience. Old Testament and new, that is what God is looking for. That is what protects us from predation or for those in charge becoming a predator yourself. It's not less Bible. It's more Bible. God speaks to all of this. He cares about abuse.

He sees it. He cares about justice. He cares about truth. He cares for those who are bringing forth accusations that are founded in truth. And I believe he wants that transparency. And he also wants that accountability. And he wants us to stick to the truth and the structure that is outlined in scripture. If your church only preaches a one-siding teaching on marriage, only the needs of men,

or only the demands and the needs of women, that's a red flag. Churches should be faithful to the whole council of scripture, not just what's convenient. The biblical model does not give husbands permission to dominate their wives. It certainly doesn't give permission for wives to dominate their husbands. It doesn't say that husbands and wives are interchangeable. It also doesn't say that husbands are to truly, I mean this in the true sense, like oppress and repress their wives, but to love. lead their wives lovingly, sacrificeally, also strongly and courageously, and that wives are supposed

to submit to the Lord first and foremost, and that also, as a reflection of that, submit to our husbands as to the Lord and be his helpers. That doesn't mean being dominated, but that does mean being led. And what a privilege that is as a woman, yes and amen, that I don't have to be the one in charge. So lesson of the day, it all comes down to a departure from God's truth, not from sticking to it too closely. All right, that's all we got time for today. We will be back here on Wednesday.