Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 160 | Dear College Me

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

Four things that I wish I knew when I was in college.

Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Happy Monday. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. So last week, I posted on my Instagram story, a picture of myself from College Move-in Day when I was 18 years old. That was nine years ago, which is crazy for me to think about. It seems like a whole other lifetime ago on one hand. It also seems like yesterday had my Nike shorts on that day. If you are my age, so if you graduated from high school, like at 2010, you remember that, having every color of those Nike shorts was super cool. So I was wearing my super cool Nike shorts. I still have them, by the way. I thought about, as I was looking at that picture, what I would tell my young, naive 18-year-old self. And I wrote about it a little bit on that photo on Instagram. And a lot of you messaged me saying, can you please make a podcast episode on this subject? So I am. That's what we're going to talk about today. Now, you might not be in college. you might be in high school, you might be out of college like me, I'm 27, you might be older than me. No matter what life stage you're in, I think that this will resonate with you in some way,

whether you are in this stage or you know someone in this stage. And hopefully you can apply some of the things that I talk about to whatever phase of life that you're in. I think it can be productive no matter what to reflect on who you used to be, how far you've come, what you've learned, and for all of us to see the faithfulness of just, Jesus be the persistent thread through the ups and downs in the various circumstances and phases that we have been through. Mondays, as you know, are meant to be focused on a theological topic. And while this is not strictly theology, obviously, it will, of course, be centered on the character of God and the truth of his word with some practical wisdom just from my personal experience.

So first, I want to back up a little bit and give you some background on who 18-year-old Ali was, as she was entering college. So 15, 16, 17 year old, Allie, I would describe as a little bit rebellious. Now, maybe not the kind of rebellion that you're thinking about, just depending on your own background. So it's not like I was doing drugs or drinking alcohol at all, having sex, going to parties, anything like that. That's not what I'm talking about. It was more just an attitude of feeling misunderstood, as a lot of teenagers do. My friend and I decided to dye our hair black when I think we were 16 or so, just because we thought it would be fun. Of course, we did that box dye, so you know it looked really good and super natural. But I was really just kind of your average,

bad attitude, desperately wanting to be independent teenager. I was doing okay in school. I had my friends, but I was just over being a kid. I've been over. I was over being a kid for a really long time. By the time I was ready to graduate from high school. And emotionally, I think I just did know how handle that. So I would say in a lot of ways, I was just your average high schooler. And then in my junior year of high school, I had a Bible teacher. And he really piqued my interest in theology and studying scripture in a way that had never happened to me before. I had never experienced before. And I hardly remember what he actually taught us or if today I would align with him Theologically, but what I remember is this teacher, maybe for the first time in my life,

treating us like adults. He would allow us to split up into different groups or in pairs and discuss some deep theological subject and then come back and the whole class would discuss and debate it. And I just remember realizing for the first time the intellectual richness that comes with Christianity. I went to a Christian school. I was raised in the church. Thankfully, I'm so glad I had Christian parents, but I hadn't really, I guess, thought about Christianity that much. I hadn't really thought about the Bible that much. And then my junior year of high school, this class changed that. I loved this class because it revealed to me just how much there is to learn about God's word that I just hadn't recognized before. So I started reading the Bible

consistently on my own. I read the book of Romans over and over again. That became my favorite book. I started reading C.S. Lewis. I started reading Scrutep. letters, which will make you realize really quickly if you didn't already know the spiritual reality or the spiritual war that's going on for your soul. And that will wake you up. That will jar you to realize, okay, I need to start taking this life seriously. I later read mere Christianity, which helped change my life and it actually still does every time I read it. If you have not read mere Christianity, whether you are a skeptic, whether you are a non-Christian, whether you've been a believer for 25 years, I highly recommend mere Christianity. It will at the very least change your

perspective on how you reason God, I guess. And then I actually read the book, Reason for God, my senior year of high school, I had another great Bible teacher. We discussed apologetics and why we believe what we believe. And this completely transformed over the span of about a couple years, it completely transformed Christianity for me from a baptism at seven years old, raising your hand and saying, okay, you know, I don't want to go to hell in Sunday school classes every week to this kind of joyful journey to knowing God intimately. I started attending a new church around this time, and I joined a youth group my junior year of high school, which again revealed to me, I think, just a more personal and deeper part of Christianity than I known. And it was with that church that between my

junior year in my senior year of high school that I volunteered at a camp called Camp Barnabas, which is a camp in Missouri for kids and adults with special needs. And I think it was then that I saw the most tangible picture of the gospel that I had seen. I knew the gospel. I memorized the story of the gospel of the good news of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. But it was actually a poignant, visible picture of what that actually looked like. Some of these campers are completely dependent on the people who are volunteering to survive. And I recognized that that's who we are without Christ. Even more than that, we are actually dead in our sin and we are enemies of God when Jesus rescues us.

So I experienced the joy and self-sacrifice that I just hadn't experienced before. So in all of this, the Holy Spirit grabbed my heart and my mind started changing me from what I would say, the inside out, my attitude changed. I matured a lot. I just grew up. I ended up actually getting a job on staff at Camp Barnabas the next year. So before I went to college, which helps me kind of, helps kind of put me in the right mindset before I got there to stay on the straight and narrow, to be strong in the Lord, to keep reading my Bible and keep that relationship with Christ that had been cultivated over the past couple of years. And I did that when I got there, but it was hard. I didn't know anyone on campus. I am from Texas, born and raised, and then I went to a small

school in South Carolina, just basically because I wanted to. There wasn't a whole lot of reason except that I liked the campus. I liked that it was small, but I didn't know anyone on campus. I was actually excited about that fact. Most of my friends went to Baylor, went to A&M, and I was excited for a new opportunity. My freshman year roommate at this college was very different. We were very different people. I tried to have Christian community, but I was extremely picky about what kind of Christians I wanted to hang out with. And we'll kind of get into this and the regrets that I have with that in just a minute. But I was extremely picky and selective. I joined a sorority spring semester of my freshman year, which did give me a few great friendships. But also at the same time,

I started seriously dating someone that same semester. And I ended up dedicating a lot of my time over the next two and a half years of college to that relationship. I've talked about this before, so I won't get too far into it. He was a good guy. He met my criteria on paper, but I knew from the beginning that it wasn't right. I just could never shake this feeling

that we shouldn't end up together. And yet for almost three years, for almost three years, I convinced myself that we needed to stay together simply because he was a Christian and because he checked some of my boxes. And for almost three years,

I spent time worrying about and investing energy into our relationship rather than building those lifelong friendships. Now, I don't want to sound like I had no friends and that I was all by myself because that's not true. I did have friends and I still have some of those solid friendships to this day and I love them all very much. But when I was in college, I never felt like I was totally in with a group. I just never felt like I fully belonged. And so I'm not sure what really came first. If I didn't feel like I belonged to any particular group and so I found belonging in this boyfriend and this relationship, or if I was finding my belonging

in this relationship so I wasn't spending the time that I needed to actually cultivating those friendships so I could belong somewhere. I don't know. I just felt like I didn't fit in with the Bible study girls and I didn't fit in with the girls that were, you know, partying every night and having this relationship offered me a sense of belonging, again, of being needed, of being wanted, which is something that all of us crave. And I think that's probably why I stuck with it for so long. We broke up at the end of the fall semester of my senior year. And because he offered me that sense of being a part of something, and even I would say hope, as I obsessed over marriage and what it would look like if we had a wedding and all of that stuff, I was devastated. Even though I knew it

wasn't right, I was completely crushed. There was relief underneath it. I actually remember exactly the moment that it happened, it's crushed and is, I just incredulous as I was. I also remember this like abiding relief that, okay, I don't have to worry about this anymore. But what happened quickly after that is that I felt isolated. I felt like I lost a piece of my identity, which tells you how stuck I was in idolatry, really idolizing more than him, my future. And again, a sense of identity and hope. So eventually I started doing what I had never done in college. I started drinking too much. I started going out. I started partying and enjoying attention from guys that I had never, you know, talked to before since I was dating someone. I felt like I had missed out on all of this stuff

over the previous years because I was dating someone and being what a lot of people may describe as like a goody two shoes. I also started working out obsessively. I started not eating. When that didn't work, I would bench and purge. I was a total mess. I was a total mess. But the is because I lost a bit of who I thought that I was and I didn't want to deal with the heartache. I think for some reason that it's, you know, it's terrible to say this and to admit this, but I think at the time I even resented God a little bit. I decided that maybe it was worth instead of just, you know, being obedient and being on the straight and narrow, letting loose and maybe trying a bit of that instant gratification that

everyone had been had been trying for themselves over the past few years. And the conclusion of that semester, again, I've talked about this before, probably in more detail, but the conclusion of that semester was regret. And that's what sin does, not just for me, but for everyone, it tells you that this is worth it, that hey, this is just a few months of your life, that this is what college is all about, that this is what it means to be young. You should just live it up. It's just a stage. So many people have done so much worse. It's not that big of a deal. You deserve to have a little fun, you're happy. I wasn't actually happy, but I was convincing myself that I was. So what else matters? That's what Satan does. He never tells you the cost of sin. He exaggerates and lies about the immediate

enjoyment of sin and downplays or completely ignores the consequences. Then when it's over, you realize that the consequences actually far outweigh the enjoyment, or at least the regret, far outweighs the enjoyment. Obviously, eventually, and the year after college, God's kindness, again, led me to repentance. It actually led me to some of the very things that had first sparked, sparked my faith, like reading the Bible, obviously, and mere Christianity. And while we know God uses everything for his glory, that he is gracious, that he is in control, that he is redemptive, that he is good, that he is faithful when we are faithless. And I'm so thankful for that. I still can say that I do still have regrets from college and I wish that I could change things. I wish that

college would have gone differently for me. And I think it's okay for me to say that, still knowing that, yes, God is in control and he's faithful. So looking at 18-year-old Allie in that picture, I was so tan, by the way, that's something that I really miss. I don't miss anything about being younger, but I do miss being tan. There are so many things that I want to tell her that I hope will also help you, again, no matter what stage you're in, whether you're in high school or in college or maybe you're a parent of kids these ages. And, maybe you can share this with a friend that you think needs to hear it if you're not in this stage. And especially if you're a parent or a grandparent, I encourage you to share it as well.

If you think this is wisdom, you would like them to apply. So the first thing that I would tell 18-year-old Ali on college moving day, sit her down and say, Ali, find friends, find friends right away intentionally. And intentional is such a Christian buzzword that I actually never say because it's such a buzzword, like I just said. But intentionally find Christian community. Don't be picky about this. Don't worry about if they are cool enough for you.

Don't worry about if you have the same hobbies. Find Christians who will hold you accountable and love you. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't have friends who like the same things you do. But the most important thing in the world for you is to have Christ-like friends. Obviously, when I say this, it's second to actually have a relationship with Christ, but that being already understood. You have a relationship with Christ. You have to be in community.

That's what I would tell her. I would say join a Bible study. Go to church. Join a Christian campus organization. And when you do, plug in. Go to meals with them, shop with them, study with them, rely on them and be reliable. Integrate your life with theirs. Confess your sins to them.

Pray with them. And for the friends you have who aren't Christians in college, Allie, here is my controversial advice. Stop. Stop. Don't stop being kind and hospitable and generous to them, but stop spending all your time with them. And when you do spend time with them, do so on your turf. That means you control the environment, the activity, and the conversation. That means you elevate your interactions with them to a place that is Christ honoring. You share the gospel with them. You talk about what God is doing in your life, what you're reading. Either they will want to know more or they will want nothing to do with you because it makes them uncomfortable. And when and if they walk away from you

because they think that you're no fun anymore, you let them do that. You don't stop them. So to you listening to this, stop trying to be like them. Stop trying to make them like you. Stop laughing about their stories about hooking up or getting wasted. Stop acting like you don't care about sin because you think it makes you relatable. You are doing these things because you have convinced yourself that you are being some version of kind. And maybe this version of kindness will make them want to become Christians. That's what you've told yourself in your head. You are lying to yourself. You might be being nice, but you are not being biblically kind. That is your excuse for avoiding awkwardness. Your righteous sounding excuse for avoiding awkwardness. We have all done it.

We've all been there. Remember, I'm also speaking to me here. I'm speaking from experience. Our job is Christians is not to be unoffensive. It is not to make people feel good about themselves in their sin. We can be kind, we can be inviting, we can be generous, and disapprove of people's sin. Why? Because if we are Christians, that means we believe in the gospel. That means that we believe when people are apart from Christ, they are dead and they are bound for hell. And therefore, it is not kind and it is not loving to pretend that they are okay the way they are. Do not be a morally relative Christian, as if there were such a thing, do not be a morally relative Christian in an effort to appear inclusive. Stop spending all your time with them. Stop imitating them. Stop

compromising with them. Stop meeting on their turf. Stop pretending that you share the same value. Stop pretending like you're pushing them forward when they're actually pulling you back. Stop. It's not worth it. Go make friends with Christians and pursue those friendships at school, at church, in organizations, and ministries, that will be worth it. Tip number two. Ali, 18-year-old Ali, forget the idea that you have to find your future husband in college. Now, some of you listening may have found your future husband in college or found your current husband in college, and that is awesome.

I'm talking to me. There's nothing wrong with that. But, you know, finding your spouse in college, there's nothing wrong with that. But I wish that I wouldn't have focused so much of my time and energy on that. when I was in high school, I just assumed that everyone found their husband. I think that's more of a southern thing than a northern thing. You can tell me, or even a West Coast thing, you can tell me if I'm wrong. I think it's kind of southern culture.

I just assumed that everyone found their husband in college and got married right after graduation. That didn't happen for any of my friends either, by the way. So when I found myself dating someone that checked off at least a few of my boxes, I thought, okay, well, I better hang on to him because this is my last chance. I mean, I'm 21 years old. I'm not going to get another chance after this to meet a guy that I might want to marry. So, okay, this sounds good.

He's a Christian. I mean, where else do you meet people? If you don't meet people in college, that's what I was thinking, which is so crazy to consider. So I dedicated time to him, even when I knew the relationship wasn't right, even when I had that pit in my stomach that he wasn't the person that I was supposed to end up with, I stuck it out. And instead of cultivating those friendships that I should have and enjoying the

freedom of being on my own for the first time, I put all my energy into making something work that I knew was ultimately not going to work. So my advice to you, who may relate to this, is going to be the same advice I'd have for me. And this really goes for anyone in any stage of life. Do not ignore, if you're in a relationship, do not ignore that aching in your gut that tells you that this relationship isn't right. It doesn't matter if they meet your criteria on paper. It doesn't matter if you have been dating for six years and you feel like you are too far in. It doesn't matter if you are engaged. It doesn't matter if you feel like you are never going to find anyone better than this person or who loves you more than they do. It does not matter if your

parents and your friends like him. If he is a part of your church or from your hometown and everyone wants you to get married, it does not matter. If you are dating or engaged, to someone that you have a persistent feeling about, that they are not right for you, do not ignore that. Don't ignore it. Our feelings are not always reliable. We know that. That's what the Bible says. The heart is actually desperately wicked.

But if you cannot shake that doubt, there's probably a good, solid reason for it. Even if you don't know right now, even if you can't exactly put your finger on what it is, that's what it was for me. I didn't have a tangible reason. I just knew that it wasn't right. do not stay in a position in a relationship where you are convincing yourself that it is right. If you find yourself convincing yourself consistently into being with a person like I was, of course you need to pray for wisdom and direction.

And then you probably, probably, I don't know, you have to pray about this. You probably need to get out. That would be my humble advice to you. Now, some people do go through seasons of doubt. Some people break up and they get back together and they end up forever. and it's great. But if there is something telling you over and over again that you are not supposed to be with someone, listen to that. I would say listen. And again, my humble advice would be that you end the relationship as soon as possible. And you will be sad. And being sad,

even for a long time, does not mean that you didn't do the right thing in breaking up with them. This person was a part of your life, so it's going to hurt to let them go. But give a time. I would say, just Ali speaking here, to cut them out completely, invest your time and energy into godly pursuits, and you will be okay. You will. Making an idol of marriage, especially when you are 20 years old, will force you into a position of settling on a spouse. That doesn't mean that you can't be 20 years old and be dating the person that you end up marrying. Of course, that happens for people, but you can be dating someone that you end up marrying without making marriage an idol. And that's what I would encourage you not to do, is not making.

marriage and idol. Don't put all of your hope and all of your identity or any of your identity into that. I think God that he was gracious enough to pull me out of that relationship as hard as it was at the time, as devastated as I was. I am so glad. I'm so glad he didn't let me stay there because some people do. Some people make the decision to ignore that feeling and that ache in their gut and they stick with it. And then their regret comes later down the line. I'm so glad. I'm so glad that we broke up when we did. You might be like me and a year later you will meet the person you're going to marry and you will be able to look back and say, okay, so that's why that relationship didn't work. That's why I had that feeling about that person. This is who I'm supposed

to be with. I mean, I, people told me over and over again when you know, you know, you'll just know the person that you're going to marry and I didn't understand that. What does it mean when you know, you know? That doesn't make any sense. That's not logical, but it's true. At least it was true for me. I knew. I knew. Before we went on our first date that I was going to marry him, I texted one of my best friends and I say, oh, I found my husband. She thought I was crazy. But we just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. So I would say that at least in my case, it worked. That might not be the case for you. That might not be the trajectory of your life. It might look totally different. And that's okay. Marriage is not the goal of our lives. Christ is. Either way, you will one day understand why,

probably, probably that that relationship needed to end. So no matter if or when you get married, know that if you are someone who has never been married before, it is better to be sad and single than miserable and married. So I'm not talking to married people. I'm talking to single people. It is better to be sad and single than miserable and married. So college girl or really any person in any stage of life, if you are dating someone, make sure it's right. If it's not, get out. If it is, make sure you are also spending time

making college count, building friendships, and working hard. Tip number three, withstand temptation. As I already said, the last semester of my senior year, I did what I like to say then fit four years of college into one semester. I just got out of her long relationship. I was sad. I was lonely. I was fearful. I was wanting to belong somewhere. I wanted attention. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to fit in with the people who had been having the so-called fun their whole college careers. I knew I wasn't supposed to. I had friends who warned me. I stopped reading my Bible eventually that semester. I tried to read my Bible the days after I'd go out and drink too much. And eventually I just couldn't. I just felt too convicted and I didn't

want to feel that anymore. I knew that what I was doing was stupid and wrong. So what did I do? Did I listen to the Holy Spirit? No. I remember why too. I remember why. I remember why. was like, no, I just, I can't live both lives anymore, so I'm going to go this wrong direction. I thought that if I walked along the path that Jesus had for me, one of obedience, that he would make me sit in my sadness, and I didn't want to do that. But if I went along this other path, then I could numb the pain. The path that I thought was healing, which ended up not being that at all, it just kind of helps me suppress things with immediate gratification. And I was probably right in a sense. I wasn't right in the choice that I make, but I might have been right in my

thinking that Jesus would have made me deal with my pain and it would have been hard. I also was trying to hide an eating disorder from him. You obviously can't hide anything from God, but that's what I wanted to do. And the eating disorder is something I latched on to for control and also just because it made me feel more confident or I thought that I did. And so I thought that if I went to him, then he would make me give that up too. And I didn't want that because I didn't want to not be thin anymore, which is so superficial, and this just shows you again how Satan and sin can blind you and more if you're more if you're thinking. I mean, describing this all sounds so stupid. And that's exactly what Satan does. He makes ridiculous things sound true and good. So what I would tell

myself, if I could go back, would be this is not worth it. It's not worth it. It is not worth a few nights of so-called fun. It is not worth the thrill of excitement of being liked by a new guy. You will have regrets. You will wish that you hadn't given in. Sure, lots of people party their way through college. A lot of people say that it's just a normal part of growing up, but you know, Ali, 18 year old, Allie, that it is not for you. You can get through this. It seems impossible right now. Well, I guess I would be talking to 22 year old, Ali, if I were talking at this particular point, it seems impossible right now, but it's actually not. See, these first two tips actually go along with this one. If I had done a better job of cultivating friendships rather than making an

idol out of a relationship that I knew wasn't right, I may have been in a better position to withstand the temptation that was thrown at me. If you're like me and you're out of college, what's done is done. Maybe you had a similar experience as me. That's in the past. You can't change it. We can't change it. God does make beauty out of ashes. He makes the dead alive, the old, new. He brings good out of the gory. He brings light into darkness. And there is nothing too hard for him. He brings near those who are far off and he reconciles the most wretched sinners to himself. He runs after his prodigal sons and daughters when he sees them coming from a distance. And he finds a way, even in our failures, to bring glory to himself.

That is not at all an excuse to sin. That is confidence that God is good and faithful when we are anything but. If you are currently in the thick of temptation, do what you know, according to God's word is right and ask for the strength to persevere. I want to read you parts of Ephesians 5 1 through 21. I encourage you to read the whole thing on your own when you can. Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness, nor foolish talk, nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be Thanksgiving.

For at one time, you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light. For the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true, and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil. therefore do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is and do not get drunk with wine for that is debauchery but be filled with the spirit addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ allow that to be your guide for how to behave in college and in life. Verse 18, do not get drunk with wine, but be filled with the spirit. So what that tells us is that whatever fills us, controls us. So if you are filled with wine or vodka or gin or beer or tequila or whatever to the point of intoxication, you will do whatever these substances compel you to do.

And not what the spirit compels you to do. You cannot serve two masters. The Bible says you cannot serve God in money. But if we cannot serve two masters in general, I would also. say I will take the liberty to say that you cannot serve both God and drunkenness. So withstand temptation to live like the world lives. It is worth it. It is worth it to withstand temptation. Number four, this is the last tip. I wish I could have gotten to five, but my brain only came up with four. Number four, enjoy your freedom. Okay, listen to me. This is what I would say to 18 year old Allie and this is what I'm saying to you. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you have more freedom than you probably ever will in your entire life. I don't know, this is not to Allie,

this is to you. I don't know everyone's story. I don't know everyone's deal. Maybe you're working two jobs to put yourself through college. Maybe you're taking 25 hours in a semester. I don't know. And if that's the case, you might actually be busier now than you will be in a few years when you have your first full-time job out of college. But most of you in college, I'm going to guess, I'm just going to guess, were kind of, or kind of like I was, taking a normal number of maybe you're in a sorority, maybe you've got internships like I did, you've got different organizations, extracurricular activities, and you feel like you don't have time to do anything. You are overwhelmed and you are stressed. First, I want to say those are totally valid feelings to have.

I'm not trying to take that away from you because you do probably have more responsibility than you ever have before. So know that if you do feel stressed, that's okay. But I do want to give you a little bit of perspective to remind yourself when you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed. Having a career and a full-time job where you are responsible for not just your performance, so not just getting an A on a paper, for example, but for the performance of your client, for the performance of your company will be much more stressful and burdensome than what you have right now. In my opinion, now, in my opinion, you have something to look forward to. It's so much better. I love being out of school. I've never wanted to be back in college or high

school. I don't like homework. I've never liked assignments like that. I would so much rather be doing the thing that I want to do, even if it is stressful and busy a lot of times. I think that the real world is way better. Having a job is way better than college. But still, there's more responsibility. There's less freedom and there's more stress. So enjoy being able to sleep in. Enjoy having the time to do what you want to do, to read for fun, for example, to have long conversations with friends to go get Chick-fil-A in the middle of the day. Also take advantage of your metabolism, which you will never get back. You will not have this again. Every stage of life from here on out requires you to deny yourself more and more.

And that is wonderful. It's perfect. That's exactly how life is going to go or supposed to go. That's how it should be. But most of what you're doing right now is for you. Your classes, your internship, your sorority, your groups, whatever it is. So use this time wisely to grow up, to start. serve others and to love God and enjoy it. Do not let your stress ruin this experience. Someone told me this in college and I just, it's stuck with me since then I was stressed out about getting, I don't know, it was like a bee on a paper or something, no, it wouldn't have been a paper, a bee on something, some class that I didn't like. And I remember getting a text from a friend saying,

do you honestly think God is going to let a bee on a test ruin the plan that he has for you? Like, do you think that his sovereignty is that fragile? I was like, wow, I completely forgot that it's not all up to me. So remember that too. It's not all up to you. There's a lot more that I could tell y'all. Get a godly mentor, try to find a local Christian family to get to know. That's one thing that I did.

And I'm so glad that I did. I actually got close to a few Christian families in the town where I lived. where the college was, and I'm so glad that I did. I also, something else that I did, I would say my advice would be to exercise. I never ran my whole life. I probably couldn't even run a whole mile. I didn't like working out, but I decided one semester to train for a half marathon. And I did.

And my goal was to not walk. I think my goal was to do it in under two hours. I think I might have been at like 159 or something. Maybe not. That sounds kind of fast. I don't know. Either way, I finished the half. marathon without walking. And that is actually something that I still look back on and appreciate

that I did. I think it taught me a lot of lessons about mental toughness that you can push through things when they're difficult. If you are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to study abroad, I would recommend doing that. Be careful. Maybe don't stay in a co-ed hostel in Barcelona or sleep on the floor of a dorm room in Amsterdam, not speaking from experience or anything, mom and dad. but I would do it if you can. Okay, those are all my tips that I have. I could probably do like a three hour podcast on this. I love talking about this subject.

Please feel free to ask me. I get really personal questions like about your lives and personal questions towards me. I love that. Those of you who have sent me those questions, you know that I respond in kind. Like nothing's TMI. One thing that you will learn when you become a mom is that you kind of lose like all sense of dignity.

nothing is TMI anymore. You just say anything that comes to your mind and other moms appreciate it. So if that's you, feel free to send me an email, ask me questions, let me know what you think. It's Alley at the conservative millennial blog.com. Subscribe on YouTube. If you haven't done that already, you can follow me, Instagram, Twitter, you can like the page on Facebook, all that good stuff, and I will see you back here on Wednesday.