Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 525 | Getting Sober, Fighting Culture Wars & Becoming a Mom | Guest: Bridget Phetasy

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

Today we're talking to comedian and podcast host Bridget Phetasy about her life and how her views have changed over time. Bridget was more or less a typical liberal Democrat for much of her early adult life, before being unintentionally dragged into the culture wars. She talks about leaving the Left, how she navigates having heterodox views in an increasingly polarized world, and how her faith in a higher power has been strengthened after her amazing story of beating addiction, meeting her husband, and getting pregnant. **Please note: this conversation is for a mature audience** --- Today's Sponsors: Alliance Defending Freedom has challenged the employer vaccine mandate in court, but they need your help. Protecting our cherished freedoms from government overreach is why it's vital that you join thousands of other patriots in supporting ADF. Go to ADFLegal.org/ALLIE & make a tax-deductible donation to ADF's Freedom Fund. Dwell is a Bible app, inspired by the Psalmist's command that we must hide the Word of God in our hearts. Dwell has built a beautiful listening & reading experience for the Scriptures, with over a dozen new recordings of the Bible. Go to DwellApp.io/RELATABLE to get 10% off a yearly subscription, or 33% off Dwell for life! Good Ranchers exists to support local American farms that help you make great American meals for your family. Foreign meat is stealing their business & robbing you of the quality & flavor you deserve! Go to GoodRanchers.com/ALLIE right now & you'll get 10 free bistro filet medallions with your order of American meat. Plus, if you subscribe you'll save $25 on each box & using promo code 'ALLIE' gets you free express shipping! --- Show Link: Walk-Ins Welcome: Ep 92: Allie Beth Stuckey Thinks "Self-Love" Is a Dead End https://apple.co/2YUyNas --- Buy Allie's book, You're Not Enough (& That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love: https://alliebethstuckey.com/book Relatable merchandise: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/allie-stuckey

Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed.

You can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. Today I am talking to Bridget Fetasy. She is a comedian. She is a writer. She is a podcaster. She is an interesting, down-to-earth, very unique person.

And I'm so excited to hear your perspective. She has kind of become a political, cultural commentator over the past few years, but she's just got a very interesting life story. Now, this is going to be a little bit different of a conversation. We're not on the same page on a variety of issues. On a lot of important issues we are, but we have a different theological, religious perspective. We've got different perspectives on social issues, on cultural issues, probably even quite a few political issues. But I just love her. I love talking to her. I know that you're going to be encouraged by her story. We're going to talk about addiction. We're going to talk about sobriety. We're going to talk about

God and marriage and starting a family and all of that stuff. I wouldn't maybe listen to this conversation with kids around. There are some things that you're maybe not used to hearing on relatable, but I know you're going to love this conversation. So without further ado, here is Bridget. Bridget, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. Yes. Can you tell everyone who may not know who you are and what you do? My name is Bridget Fetty and I am a writer, comedian, and I have a podcast and a YouTube show. A podcast is called Lockins Welcome and YouTube show is called Dumpster Fire. And I'm just a wife and human.

You're a human. Okay, tell me why your YouTube show is called Dumpster Fire. So Dumpster Fire evolved. I had been wanting to do it for a while, but I luckily have a producing partner, my cousin, who always dials me, you know, we'll put a little bit of hold on things, projects that I'm ready to go on. We were getting the podcast started and had to get that plate spinning. And then the podcast is much more thoughtful. It's like one-on-one interviews, you've been on it.

And it's not always serious. I often have comedians and it's fun. But it's definitely more soulful, I think. And dumpster fire, we were just, it was in 20, I think it was leading up to, it was like 2019. I guess we just celebrated two years. So two years ago, my, I always felt like people were misinterpreting my tweets in particular just because I would be kind of snarky or sarcastic and people would take it seriously.

And I'm like, I wish people could hear this tone and I had been wanting to do just a show making fun of like the insanity of everything. And we were leading into the 2020 election. and it was just so crazy. And I needed a place to put all that crazy. And so we started dumpster fire in my garage, basically, just as a way for me to be like, bleh, very different than walk-ins welcome. And that's-

Just about like politics, culture, life, anything? I mean, we make fun of ourselves. Our whole kind of mantras that will make burgers out of your sacred cows, that's just like our whole thing. And it could be anything. I mean, we were making fun of Russell Brand barely, like just teasing him. And I was, our audience was so mad. And I was like, oh, you didn't think that was, that when we said your sacred cows,

you didn't realize that it meant you too. So we just have fun. And it's my cousin and my former roommate and they're on the other side of the camera. So there's a lot of banter. People always joke and say it's one of the meaner comments, I guess, was if I I wanted to feel like I was standing at a waitress station. I would go back to work in the restaurant industry. And I was like, I'm doing my job, if that's what this feels like.

Yeah. I wanted to just feel very, it's very kind of populist, I think. We make fun of like the olds and the pores and our, we just are irreverent. Yeah. And you are not necessarily a conservative, or do you consider yourself a conservative? No, I don't think, I think socially I still don't share a lot of the value. and I come from being very much a liberal, although I don't necessarily share a lot of the social values there, the more extreme ones lately. And so I think like many people, I would call myself

politically homeless. I'm a registered independent now. I know that that means nothing and seems kind of wishy-washy, but I just can't, I don't feel like I belong really anywhere. And you used to be a Democrat though. You used to be registered Democrat and then how did that evolve? Why are you now an independent? In 2015 it really started. I think a lot of it had to do with getting sober. I got sober in 2013 and just started writing for Playboy in 2015 and stumbled into the culture wars, knowing nothing about the culture wars, by the way. I was not, I didn't go to college. I had been waiting tables and drinking and just trying to be a writer, but mostly trying to do fiction and comedy in L.A. and do like scripted fictions. And that wasn't on Twitter, wasn't on any kind of, I just

wasn't involved. And when I started writing for Playboy, you have to, I started doing Twitter in 2013 when I got sober because I needed something to do with my lots of excess time. And it became my new drug of choice. And I stumbled into the comedy and writing. and I was like, oh, these are my people, the writers. And I suddenly understood what you could do with Twitter as a comedian or a writer. It was like the family guy writers and they were so funny. And I didn't even know political Twitter existed.

I was just operating in a completely separate space. And then I started writing for Playboy because it was more social stuff and commentary on, I mean, I really was like a chick from the, you know, from the maxim years who stumbled into this kind of fourth wave feminism of online, very online millennials. And I did not know. I thought I would get very criticized by the right. And I did. But I had no idea how much I would get from the left for saying things like real man. And I didn't know that. So why were you criticized by people on the right? Like what were some of the things that you were talking about?

Oh, I mean, I was like showing my boobs online and just being just a lot of being feminist. Like this is the downfall of societies, women like you. And so you saw yourself as like genuine girl power female empowerment type feminist. And. But I didn't even see myself as a feminist. Yeah. You were just saying what you. I was just being like, yeah, I was having fun.

And I was being. I did feel, I did rage against a lot of the double standards that I felt like existed between men and women. And I was very behind the like free your nipple, free the nipple. And I just also am kind of a, I think I was working through a lot of stuff too, just working through a lot. I was raised Catholic, very Catholic. So I had a lot of guilt around sexuality. I was raped when I was 17. So I had a lot of trauma. I was, I just was a hyper sexual, hyperactive slut for many years and proudly, obviously at the time and felt like I could kind of heal myself through promiscuity.

Fun fact, that didn't turn out to be the case. Yeah. But I really kind of, there was a whole. system that supported a lot of that that mentality. Yeah. And I also think that I really, what I've really come to terms with is that I think because I was dating such d-bags and I was not choosing the best men obviously, not putting myself in great situations. I was still partying and drinking and I was in cities and men have many options in cities and I was choosing always the kind of player guys

because I like the challenge. And I just told myself that I would be single forever that I didn't want kids. And a big part of me because of my history just felt worthless and like I didn't deserve love or any of that if I dig under a lot of the kind of lies I was telling myself on top.

So I think with, A lot of that was playing out, but I was also writing two men at a time when men were really on the defense, which it was a weird time to be writing for men in 2015. And I was like, guys, girl. I didn't, I wasn't like one of those people who was, I wasn't feminist, and I wasn't anti-man, and I didn't feel like the patriarchy was holding me down. And so it was interesting to be writing for all these men at a time when they were so much on the defense. and I felt like people who were screaming toxic masculinity

and telling men to get in touch with their feelings were also telling them to sit down and shut up and there was a lot of paradox around that. And that's when I started getting attacked from the left was just for being internalizing. Misogyny or whatever. So on the one hand, conservatives were criticizing you for maybe being to...

A loose morals. Yeah. Libertine-ish or being what they saw as some kind of radical feminist who was showing your boobs online. And then people on the left were mad because you weren't mad enough at men and you weren't demonizing men enough. So that's kind of how you found yourself in the middle and in the middle of culture wars without even really trying to be in the middle. No, not at all. I mean, I was learning terms faster than I could even. I didn't know anything. I knew nothing.

And then what started happening was 2015 was right around the rise of Trump. And everyone kind of started losing their mind, but all these feminists were criticizing Ivanka and Melania. And I was like, guys, I thought we were supposed to just not be criticizing a woman for her looks or whatever she was wearing. And I was seeing so much hypocrisy. And that was frustrating to me. I'm like, let's criticize their ideas like we've been talking about or you've been talking about.

And I was starting to, through writing to all these men, and it was really, really, you know, really when I started listening to a lot of their own struggles, and I always kind of had this idea that men just had it easier. And hearing what they had gone through with things like erectile dysfunction, balding, all of these problems that men deal with, not feeling like they can show their emotions or cry. And having men write me these long essays telling me how they were feeling about different aspects of their emotional landscape was really eye-opening to me.

and but also because of the kind of red-blooded American male that I was speaking to and hearing from, I was exposed to a more center-right conservative man. And they were writing to you as you were writing for a Playboy or just because they found you on Twitter? No, they were writing to me because I would say have an idea for a topic. And on Twitter I'd say, hey guys, I'm writing a piece about balding. Send me an email to blah, blah, blah. And I would get these long essays from men about their experience. And they were moving.

I would be crying reading some of these things. Like talking about just how hard it is too? Yeah. I mean, the grief really. That's what I really realized reading all of these emails was that there was a profound sense of loss almost like you experience when you lose someone you love. It is a grieving process because you're grieving this death of a part of you. And they, it was just fascinating.

And then I would go into a lot of the research about it and different studies. And so I was still mouthing off on Twitter at the time. And I think the first time that I really realized how, I mean, I never really thought I knew much, but I was a very mouty kind of liberal, just thinking that I knew all the things, like, I was in the right. And there was a school shooting. I don't remember which one, sadly. And I was mouthing off about it.

And then my audience, which had been, I'd been cultivating through Playboy, they pushed back. And I was like, whoa, I read some of the comments. And they were very thoughtful. They were just like, this isn't blah, blah, blah. So I had them write me essays about what their opinion was on this. So you had said something about it being about guns or something? I said something like, we need to take something very just. And when they were commenting, I stopped and I was like, I don't know anything about guns.

Yeah. I don't know how to hold a gun. I couldn't load one at the time. You couldn't tell, I couldn't tell you what a single gun line in California is. I don't know what you have to do to be. I know nothing about this and I'm mouthing off about it. And that was really the beginning of recognizing how absolutely nothing I knew nothing about anything.

And as that process started, I just started getting curious. And I wasn't somebody who was paying attention to politics. I didn't, I just had my head down and I was working trying to get through the day. I think many Americans got pulled off of the kind of apolitical sidelines in the past five, six years for similar reasons. They just were forced into it, whether it was like they got kicked out of a mommy group for saying something or they stepped over lines.

They didn't know existed. And that's when I really stumbled. So I wrote some, then I started writing more political things, not political, just. cultural things. I wrote a piece for Playboy, which I was shocked. They let me write. It was all about like the silver lining of like the Trump if he won. But I posted that on inauguration day. And it was just not good. Like people weren't ready for it. Hey, here are some positive. Here's some positive things. And that was like the height of people's anger. because that was also like that crazy women's march too with the hats and all that.

So people were just not, they didn't have the appetite for silver lining at the moment. I shed like 600, I think 800 followers immediately right after posting it. Yeah. And I started, that's when people started calling me kind of a right wing. Did you vote for Trump in 2016? No. I voted for Hillary. Yeah.

I was like, I, and it was, I voted for her for the worst, lamest reasons. I didn't like her. I just wanted to be able to say to my niece that I voted for Hillary, like that I voted for the first female president if she won, not even really thinking like my brother and his family, like they're not exactly like Hillary's supporters. Yeah. She probably would have been like, why? Yeah, why'd you do that for me?

I didn't ask you do. And also like, you're an idiot. Wow, you shouldn't admit that. Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself.

On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. But okay, so that was your reason, though.

In 2016, you published that 2017 beginning inauguration. And then would you say that you evolved even more like while Trump was president or did you kind of stay in that messy middle of being like, well, I still don't like what Trump is saying or doing over here. but also the left is kind of crazy. Like how did you navigate the Trump years? Not great. I mean, I did. I navigated them, but I never liked him,

his character. Yeah. Somebody sent me something leading up to 2020 that really stuck with me. They said, I could never vote for Trump, even though I like him, but I like his policies

or even just not like leaving us alone for the most part and support that. I could never vote for him and look myself. in the mirror and tell myself that character mattered. And that was something that resonated with me because I felt even though I didn't vote, I didn't vote for Biden or Trump for the, in 2020. I just didn't. I abstained from voting for a president because I just don't want to be bullied into voting either. And everybody was bullying me on both sides. You know, they're like, you're just not,

you're not, I'm like, I'm like California. A, my vote doesn't matter. B, I don't, you can't bully me into voting either way. I hate that. So I just felt I saw it was hard though to navigate because not knowing anything, not having like a poly side degree, not following politics other than left wing talking points and NPR. I just wrote an essay about how that NPR was like my personality. And because I was in primarily left wing environments, I was never challenged. And I just thought I was right and everybody agreed with me. Yeah. And I didn't really have to think things through. I was lucky to have people who would push back. But that was really those kind of messy years were when I relied on, I mean, weirdly,

I had to kind of rely on never Trumpers because they were the people who were pushing back against Trump from the conservative side. And, but some of them were reasonable enough to, it was hard to figure out, is this something every president has done that's being completely blown out of proportion because it's Trump? Or is this something that's truly unprecedented? That's truly unprecedented because it's Trump. And so navigating that was hard and trying to stay balanced and just figure out, like, is this unprecedented or is this just a normal thing that's being.

Yeah. Yeah, that was tough. But then I kind of, I started doing right wing media because they were the only people who talk to me. Yeah. I really wanted to talk to the left and be like, you guys should care about the fact that you're pushing people like me away. And as Glenn- Why do you think it is? Like, why do you think that the right seems to now be more welcoming of heterodox views? Like you coming on my show, I'm a conservative evangelical. We probably disagree on a lot of things. We know we disagree in a lot of things. But maybe someone on the left wouldn't welcome you on their show because you are too heterodox or you're just not quite in line. with what they deem acceptable. Yeah, I'm not sure. I think the things that you and I agree on

are basic first principles, like freedom of speech and the ability to have a conversation and the ability to disagree and the ability to maintain your own opinion and debate these things vigorously. And that is something that the left has seemed to, they've lost that completely where if you

they don't want to hear dissent they want to shut it down they don't want to hear people who might be pushing back I just felt like I was a kind of repeat customer at a bar that got taken for granted

and then there were all these like new hipsters and they started catering to them and they stopped serving you know like Bud Light or whatever and I've had to find a new bar and they didn't really want me there anyways anymore. So I got called a lot of names, obviously, like a reactionary. And I also really, I was in comedy at the time.

So I was seeing it in the sex area where there was this weird kind of Puritanism coming from the left around sex and gender. And a lot of wanting to like the policing of bodies that I felt was strange coming. from what I thought was a kind of free spirited party. And then... Like, what do you mean by that? What do you mean by, like, the policing of bodies from the left? Just the talking about what you...

The way you're allowed to talk about bodies or not allowed to talk about bodies. The, like, weird stuff that was coming down around women, like the birthing persons and... and chest feeding and people with uteruses, which to me sounds like the language of a serial killer. Yeah. Or the way I'm misogynist might talk. It was very strange. I didn't know how to get my mind around it.

I certainly was like many Americans and didn't know. I wasn't very online and didn't know all of the lingo and pronouns and babies and a lot of this stuff. And I really realized a part of me was like maybe I'm just old. And I'm like, get off my lawn. I felt like had an old person. And I'm like, maybe I'm just old and maybe it is that old saying that if you're a liberal in your 20s, whatever it is. Like the one word's like if you're a liberal before you're a liberal before you're 40, you have no brain. If you're a liberal or if you're conservative before you're 40, you have no heart.

Yeah, something like that. Or like if you're something like that. You're supposed to be old and conservative basically. Right. And perhaps, perhaps that happens naturally with many people. where they get older and they realize that a lot of those idealistic values that they had when they were young in real life practicality aren't quite as realistic as they might have seemed when you're 20 and you're like woo yeah um but i also do think that the the left just went super far left so there's a lot of language around sexuality and the body and it's it's just seemed like they were having less sex than ever before too, which was strange. And then there's like this, all this talk about, there's this weird antinatalism now. This is a thing that's been really coming up all the time lately, which I think is kind of dangerous. And I was also through

sobriety and therapy and a lot of work coming to terms of a lot of the lies that I was telling myself about sex and love and a lot of the stuff that I bought into, which wasn't really leaving me feeling great about myself at all. And so, yeah, I felt like I was growing up in public because then I started doing media just to talk about a lot of this stuff. And because they were the only people who wanted to talk to me, I got labeled like, you know, that classic like grifter or right wing, right wing. reactionary and Nazi and carrying water for Nazis and white supremacists. I mean, it's a whole thing.

Yeah. Yeah. So the anti-natalism, I want to talk to you about that. And I did. I heard something interesting from someone who, you know, she labels herself like a progressive Christian. Like we could not disagree on more things. Even though she calls herself Christian, we probably disagree on more things than you.

And I do because she's so far left on so many things. But one thing that she said that I thought was interesting that she posted on Instagram was that she only, she tends to only see people on her side of the political aisle on the left side of the political aisle be so blatantly sometimes anti-children. It doesn't mean that everyone on the left is. But when she sees that, just anti-child rhetoric, like she was actually talking about a specific TikTok video where someone was like, F them kids. I don't feel bad. You know, when people are mean, it gets, whatever. And she made a good point. She was like, you know, children are super marginalized.

the world, why is it only that people on the left seem to be so comfortable with being blatantly anti-children? She said, you know, I never see that on the right. Why, like, why do you think that is, even knowing that, of course, most leftists don't feel that way, hopefully, about kids, but you do see that just kind of like ugliness about kids in childbirth from progressive sometimes. Yeah. It's disturbing to me. Yeah, it's weird. I think I would say for me, it was a lot of self-deception. I didn't have like anti-kids thing. I always loved kids. And I'm the oldest of five. But I was like, I'm not going to have kids.

It's just not for me. But it was more, it was one part selfishness, other part. I really realized now looking back that I wanted a family, not just a kid. And so because I wasn't dating good men and I didn't have somebody that I loved, kids weren't even an option because I wasn't just looking for a kid. I was looking for like the whole thing. I didn't want to raise a kid without a dad. and it's totally possible to do it,

but I just, I come from divorce and I didn't want to have to put a child through that if I could avoid it by marrying somebody that I kind of knew I wasn't really in love with just to have a kid. And I never really was into the idea of just having a child for the sake of having a child, although I completely understand why a woman would want to.

And I just told myself I didn't want kids. It was easier for me to just tell myself I didn't want kids and confront all of that that I wasn't dating the right men, that I wasn't in love, that I didn't feel like I deserved love or kids because of my slutty past and because of choices that I had made and addiction and all kinds of things that I didn't think I'd be a good mom. I mean, so much. So those were some of the fears and the lies that you were believing that you think were being masked by

you're just telling yourself well I just don't I just don't want to kids yeah and also just and maybe even going over the top and being like you know those are just for like the breeders you know and I don't need to do that

and I can just be a single woman and crush it and so that was my experience of it I'm not sure what's going on with this next generation down, it seems like, and I say there's an element of selfishness too, because how was I going to pay for a kid? I was a waitress who was still trying to get by.

So it's amazing really like a lot, the lies that we do tell ourselves to just justify a lot of the situation we might find ourselves in, decisions we're making that might not be great, and also just my circumstances, that I didn't feel like were great for bringing a child into the world. But also I just wanted to party and have fun and travel

and I would have rather done that than have to be responsible for another life. And it was easy to say something. I think there, I'm pretty sure there must have been in my 20s. I'm sure if I find my journals. I know I was very worried about the environment. and I'm sure I had that like, what's the point of bringing a kid into the world?

I can just live and it's like justifying my own selfish desires. By making it seem selfless though. By making it seem political. Exactly. Like cool and selfless. I'm doing something for the world by not having a child and just traveling and doing the things. Right. When it really is like the prime act,

I think of getting out of yourself. But yeah, I mean, I've been through a lot of those. They're very basic. evolutions. I see a lot of people go through them. How did you meet and when did you meet your husband? So we met recovery, which is great because we share a lot of those values. But when we met, he was very early to sobriety. This was in 2017. And I had about four years of sobriety. He had like 90 days. Oh, wow. Really new. And it's like a no-no to date somebody who's new when you have time. It's just not. And I

knew what that first year or two was like for me and how much I needed to be single and have that time alone to all this stuff is coming up like all your trauma all your resentments all your baggage all the stuff you've just been throwing in the back they say that getting sober is like driving a hundred miles an hour for a hundred million miles and throwing all the garbage in the back seat and then you slam on the brakes when you get sober and all the garbage comes forward you still have so you still have to deal with all of the garbage it didn't actually just leave you're trying to get away from it, right? Is that the metaphor? Well, you're just like throwing it

in your back seat and then you get sober and it's like slamming on the brakes and it all comes forward and now you're just sitting in all of your garbage. You've been just throwing behind you hoping you didn't have to think about it. Okay, so the driving 100 miles an hour was the non-sobriety.

That was the drinking and the drugs and the sobriety is the stopping. Yeah. And you have to deal with all of the trash. So there's in sobriety, there's, I know that we're talking about how you met your husband, but just to take a little detour. So in sobriety, there's no way to not deal with the garbage that you've been driving with. Like, is that part of the recovery process is working through all of the garbage that's in the trunk?

I think it's inevitable that it comes up. I'm sure you could find ways to avoid it. And they say it's like peeling an onion. And in my experience, that has been the case. You're only dealing with as much as you can because if you deal with too much, often it will drive you out. You know, you don't want to deal with like. It's overwhelming. Yeah, it can be really overwhelming.

If you're suddenly, you know, dealing with like dark trauma that on day 30 of being sober, it's too much. So I was, yeah, and just the process of going through the 12 steps takes you through all that garbage. Like when you do a fourth step, it is literally an inventory of all your garbage. It's every fear you have, all of your resentments, every single person, place, thing, institution that you have a resentment for can go all the way back to kindergarten if you need to. And then you write, you know, what instincts is that affecting? Like your pride, self-esteem, sex life, money, and your, and then most important column is the what is your part in that? So you're really looking through all of that stuff. And taking responsibility for it.

And this is after doing, you know, turning it over to some kind of higher power. Many people come into sobriety, not having any sense of higher power or anything. It could be the group of the 12-step group. Something bigger than you. Something transcendent. Yeah. And for you, this was back in 2013. right? Yeah. Okay, let's see. I'm trying to decide if I want to go to the higher power direction or the husband direction. All right, let's, okay, so that was 2013 for you. And then what does it look like in between 2013 and 2017 when you met your husband? Like, what does recovery long term look like? Oh, it's so hard. It's really a miracle anyone does it. And I tip my hat to anyone who does because it's just a slog. I mean, it wasn't pretty for me the first two years. And I was working a very, I was.

It was kind of this classic. I worked in a really strong program the first year. I threw myself into it. I went to meet. I had nothing to do in the beginning. I was waiting for this other waitressing job to start. So I was going to like three meetings a day just to stay sober. You have so much time suddenly that you didn't know you had. And you're still working as a writer? I was not even, I was waitressing. So I hadn't even started. I'd always wanted to be a writer, but I was never getting paid to be a writer until 2015. Yeah. So I just was slogging through it and doing comedy still.

And I was like stand up. Yeah. That was one of the other places that just as a quick detour where I was seeing a lot of censorship. And it was another one of the areas where I felt like I was being pushed out of the left. I was seeing it in the comedy world and even in myself. So I was still doing comedy during this time. And I was still waiting tables. and just trying to be put one foot in front of the other,

doing the working the steps, meditating. It was a big part of my early sobriety. Thank goodness for this one meeting. And then trying to heal my relationship to some kind of higher power, which had been damaged over the years. Because you were raised Catholic. And then when did you cite, okay, I'm not Catholic?

It just kind of like that process. Yeah, it just kind of felt. Yeah, it just kind of fell by the wayside. I was joked I was a recovering Catholic. There was just so much guilt around sex and I felt like it was so fear-based. And I think I just moved away from it and became more of like a hippie. Yeah. And I was a big stoner.

I was, I drank a lot, but I was like a huge stoner. And I did yoga. So I was very into like the woo. So my higher power for many years was like the, it was like a buffet from all of that. a lot of the new age stuff, a lot of, like, the great spirit, you know, like nature was a big one for me. Yeah. And do you still think that's how you kind of identify spiritually? I think I'm more, I have an interesting relationship with God now.

But, and my husband and I both struggle with us because he and I are both very strong. skeptical in general and we'll laugh at how like one because our relationship alone is like it's crazy actually the story is crazy we we met it was in 2017 we met it was Valentine's Day and the night before Valentine's Day and it was called the sad part it I called it the sad party it wasn't called the sad party I was calling it that I was like I'm going to the sad party and it was to hopefully meet him because he had been in meetings and I was kind of hoping to to see him, which apparently is the only reason that he went. And we were talking and he just asked me like such an insightful question that not even my

therapist had ever asked me, which was what was the quality of my emotional landscape? I mean, this is why I was a therapist. Yeah. What was the quality of my emotional landscape before I even started drinking? And I had never even been thought about it. And I was like, well, fear. I was just always in fear. And then when I was leaving, we just kind of shook hands or touched.

hands and there was this like electric pulse that went into my heart i mean i was letting my hand kind of drag behind me and it was like something shot into my heart and i turned around and i was like what the hell was that it was so weird and then we i got his number we talked all night we got breakfast the next morning on valentine's day and i was like i can't do this you're your 90 days i feel horrible we can't do this it's just not but we could not stop ourselves and then you just knew did you feel like you just knew At the time, but I'd also been through relationships with crazy people when there was that spark right away where it just fizzled out. So I didn't necessarily trust it. Yeah. And we, I was like, well, I'm going to Mass. I was going to, it was, kind of. So you were still? You were kind of still. I still go to church. You still go to Mass today. Yeah. I still sometimes. It's not like I go religiously, but I still go. And it was. it was when the Parkland shooting was.

Yeah. What was the, why am I just having a brain fart? The one where you get the cross on your head. Oh my gosh. I'm not Catholic. I know. I'm just blanking. You're not talking about Ash Wednesday.

Are you? Okay. Thank you. I'm just pregnant brain. Yeah, we'll talk about that too. It was Ash Wednesday and we, and I was like, want to go to mass with me? And he was like, sure. So he wasn't Catholic though

But he was just like okay I want to spend time with this girl Yeah That's kind of cool Yeah And you know we were in the program Talk a lot about God and think about it And so we went and we walked in And the guy who was like organizing where he said

He was like hey can you two walk down the aisle And bring the Eucharist and the wine And so the first date we ever had was in a church And we walked down the aisle Oh my gosh it's poetic It really was crazy And then we ended up, then we came out and there was a Parkland shooting and I was so upset by it and just distraught. And he came over and was just so sweet and nice and loving.

And I had no idea how to handle a man like him at all. I didn't even think he was real. It was like I couldn't handle intimacy. I was like intimacy's creepy. Eye contact and sex. No, I just could not handle any of it. and we kept we couldn't stay away from each other we kept on dating but I kept I would cry in every therapy session because I was so torn by what I felt what I was doing the wrong thing and also

just my love for him and he was getting kind of more and more clingy the more he felt me pulling away which just wasn't good either because he was so new I'm like I don't want I don't this is so common in early sobriety a guy will meet girl or guy will meet each other and they'll make you their higher power. And so I broke up with him like five months into it and broke his heart. And I kind of didn't even think twice. I was like, I'm off to do my single thing.

But also my work life was really starting to take off at that time. And because this is like at the time where you were kind of becoming a cultural commentator accidentally. Yeah, accidentally. And so we broke up and then 15 months, went by. My life drastically changed. I started, that was right when I started doing like media and I think my first media hit was on the Ben Shapiro election special, one of his in 2018. And I mean, talk about, I mean, that's a big deal. And that is like as conservative as it gets on Fox. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I was like, oh yeah. Okay. I was on that too. I don't think, no, we weren't on the same night, but I, yeah, I remember I was one on one of those two. It's like a four week special on Fox. Yeah. Yeah, I think I was on with Lauren Chen Yeah And some crazy girl from Code Pink Like a lunatic Yeah, she like bombarded Ben in the middle of the interview with some question about Palestine

That was complete, he asked her a question And she was like, well, let me end He handled it so well, but it was complete non-sequitur Yeah So that was your big like conservative media debut Yes, and so And so let me back up My husband comes from a very conservative background.

Oh, really? And he's Republican. But not religious. Yeah, not religious. More Republican, I guess. But conservative values. And his family was like MAGA. You know what I mean?

Really? They were parts of his family, definitely, yeah. But y'all met in L.A. Is he from L.A.? Yeah, he's from. But they're MAGA. Oh, yeah. In L.A.

But they were like in the desert and in like Valencia area, not like L.A. I'm not super familiar. but I guess it's just not all completely deep blue. No, it's not at all. That's why I always laugh at people who are like, we needed to go like these celebrities. They're like, we're going to Oklahoma to find somebody who's like these conservatives.

Yeah. These Trump voters. I'm like, you could drive like 45 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. I know you don't, you go to Beverly Hills.

Yeah. Like that's MAGA country. Yeah. And so, but he was so kind of turned off by all the MAGA. And mostly. like the cult of personality being a therapist I think he's just like

oh that is so dangerous and repellent so he was very turned off and he kind of came to the center and he was going through his own stuff with depression and then he found guys like Jordan Peterson and so I'll never

like Jordan Peterson the great gateway drug into the only right I think he made him more like brought him more to the IDW side And so I went to his house That's the for people that don't know Because I don't even know if I've ever said that That's the intellectual dark web

Intellectual Dark Web Yeah it was like self Self termed by I think Eric Weinstein Is one who coined it And then I think like Barry Weiss Talked about it in the New York Times She wrote about it And it was like this conglomerant

Of people who were all talking in this middle space I mean Joe Rogan really like Made all these people to a certain extent because they, again, I think he really held the Overton window open. It's this very heterodox world where I would call a lot of them now we're probably considered conservative and some of them are. Like Ben Shapiro is a part of it and stuff. But not everyone is like, certainly not MAGA and certainly not everyone is necessarily on

the right in the IDW. No. I mean, Sam Harris certainly isn't. And Eric and Brett Weinstein, I think, still consider themselves liberals. Yeah. Dave, I would say probably considered, Ruben considered conservative. He's conservative. Yeah. Now,

there was a lot of fracturing that happened, I think, in that space throughout those years. Joe is still Joe. You know, he's just being, I think he and I are very similar in that respect and that, like. Well, listening to y'all's conversation,

for sure. I mean, I feel, I know that we're going on another detour. Like, when I'm listening to him, I'm like, you sound conservative in so many ways, even though I know that he and I probably disagree on, like, a lot of social things like you and I do. But just hearing him even talk about, like, vaccine mandates and things like that. And different things like, you know, a woman is a woman, not like just a uterus, have her. That now gets you labeled as conservative.

And I just like, I actually appreciate the heterodox characteristic of people like you and Joe Rogan. Like, I like that you guys disagree on a lot of stuff because I feel like you guys have a power to persuade someone on the other side that. maybe someone on the other side would write me off because they know I'm a Christian. Even though I don't think that's a reason to write someone off someone else might. I like that we have a lot of heterodox people now that are considered right wing. Dave Chappelle and I probably disagree on everything. But I appreciate his willingness to be like, you know what, I'm not going to be summoned by this group of people. Yeah.

Anyway, it seems like principles of freedom. You know, that's really where there's like this group that's for it and there's a group that's more for centralization and mandates and speech policing and all that yeah so um my the first time I ever went to my husband's place he had all these books and it was like Ion hercy Ali christina hoff summers um the gulag archipelago and I took a picture of it and I was like this is a guy who's like I'm on a first date and my audience was half like run and the other half was like where how did you find this guy in la and so we shared a lot we just could have like robust conversations And because I come from the left and he comes from the right, we have really interesting reactions to news stories. And we're both very aware of our biases. And it's funny to just, this is the podcast. I want to start with him is where we talk about a lot of the mental health and addiction and all this stuff. But also like just the different ways will react to a news story. Just because of our factory setting programming. So it was great.

We just always had stuff to talk about and he challenges me. He's much smarter than me and brilliant. Just brilliant. Reads all the time. But you all broke up after five months. We broke up and then 15 months later, I was like, I'm coming back to that meeting. And he had stopped kind of emailing me and being like why we were meant to be together. And I was like, go away.

You're a stalker. I'm like, aren't you supposed to be a therapist? You need to check yourself. And he did. And then he went through like a montage. I think we were both in like montage sequences, but he was really in one where it was like grew a beard, went to back to his, got his degree to be an LMFT.

He just bulked up. I mean, so we went to get coffee. I was like, looks good. I mean, he always looked good, but you look really good. I was like, you're really hot. And then we went and got coffee and we were supposed to go watch some comedy and I didn't want to do that,

and we ended up going to dinner at Malibu when we were together ever since. And that was like September of 2019. And then I had an atopic pregnancy right away. I got pregnant immediately right when we got back together. And that was pretty, like, traumatic and horrible. And it was a really showed me what kind of man he was. He was just there by my side through all of it, made sure I was okay. It was so loving.

You're still dating at this point. We were just dating, yep. And then we went through that. Then we got engaged and then the whole world shut down. And then we were quarantined together because he was working at a grocery store at that time. And I was sick. And so because, and I was living with my roommate, but she didn't want me to come back home. So he and I were in this apartment, his apartment, quarantine for like two, three weeks together.

And we really got to know each other. time too under this crazy duress of the whole world was going through and just living through that together and being together nonstop day in and day out I was like I could be I could live with this man I could do this forever yeah yep and so yeah we got married in November it'll be year November 10th oh my gosh hasn't this year gone by so fast it's crazy the past couple of years have been such a blur it's such a blur it's such a blur and this year. I'm like, can't believe it's already been a year. Yeah. And then now I'm and I'm also pregnant. Now you're pregnant.

Okay, so were y'all trying to get pregnant from the very beginning of marriage? We weren't trying. We just weren't not trying. Yeah. It's the not not trying stage. Yeah, it's the like trying, but it's not exactly like I'm young. I wasn't, I didn't have too much time. I think I really always was like,

this is in God's hands and this is why I say my faith in God now because of the way things have unfolded in ways in which I cannot comprehend and are truly, like how much evidence do I need that something is at work. I don't know what, but when I really get out of my own way, in those early days of being pregnant, the past three months, I've really had to turn inward and turn over. I mean, I've been praying every day.

I mean, my husband and I pray every morning anyway. We say the third step prayer from 12 step. We say it together. But that's like as religious as we get. And what's that? God, I offer myself to the to build with me and to do with me as thou will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties.

That victory over them may bear witness to those. I may help of thy power, they love, and they way of life. And then that's it. I do they will always. But I love the relieve me of the bondage of self. He got that inscribed in like an Etsy Wood thing and we have it. I mean, that's huge. And that's so like, that's so countercultural.

That's like, I mean, kind of what we talked about on, on your show is like the bondage of self. We hear that more self is going to liberate us today. Yeah. The gospel tells us the opposite. And you're repeating that to yourself every morning. Yeah. Without even really knowing fully what you believe it sounds like that's what you're about

to say, right? Yeah. That's, I mean, that is really, I try to ground myself and I know that when I'm out of my own will, my life is, I am better. And by out of my own will, when I'm not attached to results, when I'm not comparing to other people, when I'm not trying to manage the world in the way that I think it should be, and really getting pregnant at 42 out of the freaking blue, I was told that I was in menopause. Like it's truly like a freaking miracle child. So all of a sudden, I want to hear, how did you figure out you were pregnant? So it's crazy. So in June, I was told that I was pregnant,

or that I was in menopause, but they couldn't, she wanted to put me on birth control, but couldn't because I also had to get a lump in my boob checked. It's all fine. But I needed a biopsy. So she's like, we can't add hormones until you get her biopsy. And in that means, like, think about even like, The timing. Yes. I know. If I got on birth control, I was thinking about that today. And we, but again, it's so much of like letting go.

So much of it has been letting go. I've been just trying to, we went and talked to fertility specialist and he was like, looking at your levels. It's going to be like a miracle if we get, we're hoping for that like one golden egg. And I'm not going to lie. it's going to be hard and maybe not even possible. And he had me order all these prenatals and I got them like $250 worth, which because I got them from them, which was stupid.

But I got them all and not just prenatals. It was also like ubiquinol, which is something you take to increase. It helps like strengthen cells growth and can help with like egg strength. strength. And so I started taking them. And then I was like, I looked at them and I got them like, what am I doing? I don't even know what I'm doing. I don't want this. I don't want to try and force this because I really wrestled with forcing this thing at this age when I felt like if I had really wanted it, I would have already done it. And I also was like God has a plan for us. You know, maybe that's not what we're supposed to do. Maybe we're supposed to adopt. Maybe there are

other ways of being parents. And we don't, we're not exactly rich. That, it's a lot of money. Some insurances pay for some of it, but it's still a lot of money. And I was mad that I spent the money on those prenatals. And my therapist was like, well, just take them. They're good for your hair and your nails and your skin. So just take them.

Yeah. And I started taking them. And then we went back. He hadn't met my family because we got married in COVID and they'd never met him. So in July or August. we went home. I started taking them like July. And sometime in August we went home

and he met everybody, all the babies. My sister had a baby. My sister-in-law had her third child. And I kept waiting for like the pang of longing. And my other sister was teenage boys. She started very young. And so we saw how hard it was in the reality. But we were also, we sat on the beach.

And I was like, are you okay if we don't? have kids, are you okay with that? And he's like, yeah, I'm fine. If you're okay with that, he's like, I just worry and get emotional. He's like, I just don't want you to regret anything. And I was like, I'm, I really just, I couldn't like bear to, I've seen women go through that, like, fertility. And it can be so heartbreaking and you invest yourself in it.

And then you're disappointed. And sometimes it works and it's like a miracle. And I know so many people who are like, do it. It's like this huge blessing, but I also didn't want to like lose my mind over it. And we, um, we just decided that we were fine with that. And we, he's like, I remember going on that walk. And we came back home. I went and saw my, um, OB to get the pills, the birth control pills. And she gave them to me and I for some reason didn't take them. Mind you, I was taking prenatals every single day during that vacation. Like religiously, I never take any pills like this.

This is so unlike me. And I came back and I was about to book all these travels. And he's like, will you please take a pregnancy test? Because my boobs were sore and I was like exhausted. And he's like, Bridget, I think you might be pregnant. And I hadn't got my period. So the reason I thought I was in menopause was I got vaccinated,

didn't get my period for 90 days. Now that could be my age or it could just be like one of the weird vaccine things. And then I got it and I got it again. So I got it in June and that's when I went and talk to her and she's like, let's test your levels. You're in menopause. And then I got it again in July. And so when I went to see her again, when I got back in August, I was like, I haven't had my period in like 40 days. And she was like, that's just the menopause.

Didn't even test me. Wow. So you're like, okay. Give me a freaking pregnancy test. Wow. Which is actually kind of negligent giving my history of actopic. You were more likely to have an actopic. So he, a week later, was like, will you please take this test?

Just for peace of mind before you go to South Africa and I was supposed to go to Europe and like all these places and New York. And I took it. I was like, fine, I'll take it. It's going to be negative. Was it a digital or was it one of the lines? Like lines? Yeah. And I took it.

And I was like, see? And the one line popped up and then like immediately the other one popped up. Oh my gosh. What was your reaction? It was it just like you couldn't believe it? I called my best friend immediately. Like I texted her. I was like, holy shit.

Because she's pregnant with twins and it's IVF. Wow. And she's pregnant with two twin girls. And it's like four days, we're four days apart. So she's, and she's like my spiritual sister of life. We've known each other. We met in Catholic school, actually, when we were in first grade. And I was like, I don't know what to do.

And she's just kind of like walked me through it. And she was like, you need to get into a doctor because F her. She should have like, you should have known this a week ago. Yeah. And she basically came and saw me and did an ultrasound. She's like, it's in there. There's a sack. It's not necessarily.

It's five weeks. Oh, yeah. So you can't know. You can't do the heartbeat. Yeah. Nothing. It's just as literally was just a sack. Yeah.

And she was like, I was like, how do I make it stick? And she's like, honey, if I knew that, I'd be like a billionaire or the private island. Yeah. Like, yeah, fair enough. Yeah. So. But you could at least say that it wasn't an, like, topic. That's what I needed to know. It's in the uterus.

Yeah. And so it was, she was like, no, it's entry uterine. You know, it's like, and there's all this like healthy ex or whatever it's called like that like white healthy stuff you see around it. And I was like, holy crap. But then it was just like, well, we wait. And so I got a new OB. Yeah. And made an appointment. And at six weeks, it was weird. It was like right when the abortion ban came down the six week. abortion ban happened. I was six weeks. That was like the exact same week in Texas. And that was when I, you can't hear the heart be it, but you can see it. So that was a like very strange experience. Have you had another ultrasound since then? I had two more. I had to go every two weeks because I'm a geriatric. Oh really? Because I'm a geriatric. When you suck because at eight weeks it looks almost like this little jelly bean with this like little beating heart. And then for me like it was such a big

difference from that first that was the first time I had at eight weeks and then the second time I had one at 11 and half weeks and all of a sudden it was a baby yeah no it's crazy kicking moving like flipping around I saw the brain the ribs yeah that was insane that was when I like just lost it did you was that like surprising for you well it's weird because I saw it from the sack and then it was really just I had to I don't really remember it feels like a blur because I was in that weird purgatory of knowing I was pregnant but like I had to turn it over. And I didn't want to, I was saying on Rogan, like I really had to turn it into like a new age mantra person because I have so much fear and really had to face feeling like I didn't

deserve it. And I was like, why do you feel like you don't deserve this child? And the fear, just the natural fear everyone has about those scans and the early days and so much can go wrong. And I'm older, so even more can go wrong. and I just really had to pray. I read my little like readings every morning and turned it over. I was like, this is, I kept just telling myself, this is, God's got this.

Like, this is in God's hands and whatever will be will be. And then we, I saw it again at six, like eight weeks. And that was when I got to hear the heart and that was crazy. That was crazy. And emotional. And then I saw again at 10 weeks because he wanted me to come just to make sure Because my the first day of my last period wasn't it's not accurate at all from when I actually conceived So he was like we want to just make sure that you're on track

With the development and then they did the test at the 10 and a half weeks for Promosomal Abnerant Malities in the sex and that's when we found out it was a girl and things were looking healthy and And then, and at that point too, I was really coming to terms with like, would it even matter if it came back? You know, like they do all these screenings and they're like, well, this is so you can make a decision. I'm like, I've made the decision.

I don't think I could be like, I don't want the, like no matter what it, what. Right. It felt like such a miracle that no matter what, it felt like it was supposed to be, no matter whether it was, Down syndrome are healthy. You know, it's still very new.

To be maybe. Yeah. So then I got to, then he got to come with me for the like 13 week one where they do the NT test, you know, they're like, measure the water in the base of the skull and the bridge of the nose. They do a lot with like geriatrics. And, and, um, they actually, they legitimately do call it a geriatric. No, they do.

Pregnancy. You're not just saying that. They call it geriatric, even though you're not geriatric. No. It's like over 32, I think. 35. They call it chariotic. Yeah, which is crazy.

But it's good that they, I mean, that they're being careful. They are in the side of caution. Yeah. And then that's when I was like, holy crap, it went from this little like tadpole to like baby. Arms, legs, chicken. Like she had fingers and legs and arms and like you said. You can see the brain still and the spine. You can see it all.

She was like yawning. I was like, oh my God. Yeah. so crazy. And then he's like, okay, we'll see you in a month. Everything boring and normal so far. And that's where you are right now. You're waiting. Yeah. But I feel I wouldn't even let myself get excited. Yeah. And I think it was like a weird, I'm, you know, cautiously optimistic by nature about everything. Even if it's like business, I'm just like that. But in this instance, it was kind of, I would talk to my therapist about it. Like, what a funny form of self-protection as if I wouldn't

be enormously disappointed. Even if I got excited. It's like a weird form of self protection. Like I'm not still going to be crushed if something happened. But it's just my, she's like, you have a messed up upbringing. Like this is

normal and many people are, she's like I was superstitious. It's not uncommon. But it also felt like a weird way of me trying to control something I had no control over. You don't. So yeah, now we're just, I have 14 weeks. and it's weird because I'm feeling better.

So I'm like, oh, am I pregnant? Yeah. It's like you go from being reminded of it every day all day. Because you're sick. But the second trimester is so much better. And then kind of what we were talking about before we started recording, that third trimester is when you like don't really want to do anything. Well, towards the end of it, you'll probably, I mean, you might feel great all the way through the end.

But I went all the way to almost 42 weeks with both of my kids, which is a long time to be pregnant and you get really uncomfortable and plus I gained like a million pounds some people don't and they feel and look great but towards the end I was super uncomfortable but there's that sweet spot yeah and you're about to enter into it yeah yeah like 16 to 28 weeks that's what everyone says or it's like you have the cute bump and like you're feeling horny well you are you like look really cute yeah so yeah it's a good time it's so weird I'm like I hope she's fine down there because you're kind Well, and you can't feel her yet. And you will.

Like in a few weeks, you'll feel her. And so that'll be your indicator, you know. Yeah. Like, oh, okay, she just kicked. She's fine. But right now it's like, are you even in there? Yeah. So she's like, what?

Like the size of like a lemon or something? Yeah. She's so insane. Tiny. It's so crazy. Man, there's so many other things I could ask you. Do you, the last thing. The last thing, since we're running out of time.

I wonder if your view about God and that higher power, do you feel like it's changed as you're kind of cultural views have changed and even your views of motherhood, marriage, and yourself have all changed? Do you think that it will continue to evolve? Yeah, I think it's, I think I've, if I've learned anything, that it's just that I'm constantly evolving. Like, I don't know anything. I'm constantly reminded how little I know. I just don't, me sitting on that beach and being like, I'm fine without, we're good. We don't need to have kids and then finding out we're pregnant. We were laughing because it's that like that old saying of man plans and God laughs and I just that's all I've been thinking like all the little things with like the lump in your breast not being able to be on birth

control all of it all the little things so clearly work together I know and it it is like a little it's crazy it was really fun telling his mom that was like my most exciting thing yeah we just surprised or we waited to tell most of our family I told friends and people people that I would need if something went wrong and I would need support from girlfriends, but I didn't tell my dad or like his mom until we got a lot of the testing back and knew what the sex was. So I didn't want her to have to go through all of the, it was. It was anxiety. A lot of anxiety, just trying to manage the anxiety and be like my dumb little mantra of like, I'm in perfect health, my baby's in perfect health. This pregnancy is going to go perfectly. It's just like,

Or whatever it will be, it will be. But just trying to manage the counterbalance the negative. Yeah. Yeah. It's been a journey. I do think it has evolved. And I mean, it's hard for me not to believe in God. When I saw that heartbeat, I was like, I don't understand anything.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just hearing you tell your story, not just motherhood, but from the very beginning, I see the providence of God and the specificity in his plans and purposes for you. And even just like hearing you wrestle through a lot of the lies, all of us have believed lies at one point. But hearing the lies that like accompanied addiction and then overcoming them with sobriety, like I certainly see what we would say like is the hand of the Lord. And even you're repeating, gosh, I think that's such a solid and good prayer that you repeat every morning. If it's worth anything, I feel like I see the Lord in your life.

and has worked so clearly throughout your life and in the life of your little girl. And so it's really encouraging. I think a lot of people are going to be encouraged by this too. Where can people find you, support you, follow you? You can find me at Watkins. Welcome is my podcast. So please subscribe.

We have talked to all kinds of lovely people like yours truly, you. Like yours truly like me. Yeah. Not me. And we also have dumpster fire, which is on YouTube and Rumble. And my website where you can subscribe, it's like a whole community of very politically homeless people where we talk about all kinds of things.

But I do workouts with the women every day. We do it on Zoom, which I love. Okay, I didn't know that somehow. I'll give you the link. Wow, I should do that because I'm not working out right now and I need to be. It's a half hour. It's tons of women who just had babies, honestly, like three or four of them. And it's only a half hour.

Are you leading the workout? No, I just put, I stream this one woman that I love and we all just follow. It's really just like hold each other accountable and to show up. What time is it? It would be like two o'clock year time. And I can turn off my camera. Oh yeah, everybody does if they want to. That's good.

Yeah, no, it's such a great supportive, amazing group of women and they're just, they've, we've walked through like all kinds of stuff and now and yeah, two, I think three of them just had babies and some are pregnant. Now, I just found out, like, three of us are pregnant in there. That's awesome. Yeah. So, yeah, I have a subscriber site and that's, it's not even that expensive, actually. It's just really a place where we put, like, the unedited dumpster fire and just extra content. Yeah. It's a safe space. Yeah, very cool. Well, thank you so much, Bridget. I really appreciate taking the time to come on. I really love you. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Hey, this is Steve Deast. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing

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