Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 567 | BONUS Birthday Episode! Life Advice + Voicemails

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

Today, as promised, we have a special bonus episode in which we celebrate Allie turning 30. We look back on Allie's 20s and try to pull some wisdom and advice from those crazy, chaotic times. Then we listen to a few voicemails from the audience giving their take on what it's like to be 30+. --- Today's Sponsors: Carly Jean Los Angeles has done the hunting for you & provide clothes that are effortless, easy, & flattering on any shape, size, age, or season. Visit CarlyJeanLosAngeles.com & use promo code 'ALLIEB' to save 20% off your first order of anything in their online store! Cozy Earth bedding was invented to sleep at the perfect temperature, has thousands of 5-star reviews & they even offer a 100 night sleep trial! Plus, you can rest easy knowing there's a 10-year warranty. Go to CozyEarth.com & use promo code 'ALLIE' to save 35% off your order! Hurry, offer ends soon. Good Ranchers delivers 100% American meat straight to your door for a great price — once you subscribe, your price never goes up! Go to GoodRanchers.com/ALLIE & use promo code 'ALLIE' to save $25 on your order. --- Show Link: For Allie's 30th birthday: Amazon Wish List for the Prestonwood Pregnancy Center: https://amzn.to/3HRqAoP --- Buy Allie's book, You're Not Enough (& That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love: https://alliebethstuckey.com/book Relatable merchandise: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/allie-stuckey

Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort.

We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. Hey, guys. Welcome to Relatable, just me and my chicken biscuit if you're watching on YouTube from Chick-fil-A because that's even better than a cupcake and this little candle because it is my 30th birthday. And we have a fun 30th birthday bonus episode just for you. Okay, guys, our bonus birthday episode is brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers,

Better Than Organic Chicken and Craft Beef sent right to your front door. Use good ranchers.com slash All right. Today is the day, my 30th birthday. And wow, I was not, I was not expecting that. That kind of scared me a little bit. And I wanted to do. do a special episode for you guys. Just going to kind of walk down memory lane in my 20s and hope that there are bits of wisdom for you guys, kind of woven throughout for those of you who are about to be in your 20s, those of you who are in your 20s, or even who are my age or older. And then we're going to listen to some voicemails that you guys sent me. Thank you guys for sending those. If you're watching on YouTube, you can see that there is a sign.

off to the side that says it is your birthday. Now, if you are like our associate producer Dylan, you might not know where this is from because as I have said before and I will never stop saying Dylan doesn't like the office and he says there are no jokes in the office. Guys, I know all of you. I heard your collective gasp and slam on your brakes and shriek. That's exactly how I reacted. That's exactly how Beth and I reacted when he said that.

But this is from the office. It is your birthday, period. Where'd the sound effect go? I thought there was going to be a sound effect after I said birthday. I guess that's just, there we go. I guess that dropped off. All right. So we are going to take it all the way back to when I turned 20.

I've been trying to remember. what exactly I was doing on this day on my 20th birthday. I honestly, I don't remember how I celebrated. I can't remember it. It was 2012. I was a sophomore in college in South Carolina. The sophomore year of college was not a great year for me because I still had not found my place and my crowd yet in college. I was living on a hall with girls in my sorority. I went to a small liberal arts college. We didn't have like sorority houses. We had halls that we lived on our sophomore year with other girls in your pledge class if you were in a sorority, which is fun. But it can also be difficult when you're kind of insecure. And I struggled with insecurity a lot as a 20 year old, especially in regards to my appearance.

That's what I think of when I think of being 20 years old. I remember my skin was breaking out. I wanted to be skinnier. I wanted to be fitter. But I could not stop eating dining hall cookies. And I don't know if the dining hall cookies were like this at your college or even your high school, but they were basically like these half-baked cookies that you could just, you could get as many as you wanted out of this like little like warmer thing. And that was, that was my weakness. That in Biskopf cookie butter, which I would just eat out of the jar. So I wanted to be fitter, but I didn't want to give up on those things. But also, looking back, I was not overweight, which just shows you. And here's a little like nugget of wisdom.

for those of you, I mean, I don't want to say it's wisdom, but not going to have advice that I would give you. Maybe you will consider it wisdom for those of you who find yourself in the same kind of situation or feelings. It just goes to show you how much insecurity and comparison can really distort your view of yourself. Like looking back at pictures of myself when I was 20, I didn't really need to worry about that. But comparison leads to distortion. It leads to discontent. And that can lead to joylessness and anxiety. And it did for me when I was 19, 20 years old. I really struggled with this in my 20th year of life. And I knew the Bible verses. I knew that I should be thankful to the Lord for all he's given me.

I knew I should be secure in, you know, the body, the appearance that God had given me. I knew that I should choose joy. And I really felt like in this year of my life that I couldn't. I really struggled with the idea at this, in this season that God loved me, that he delights in me. And I may not have realized it then, but I really was not happy at the beginning of this decade of my life. I was trying really hard to be, but it was difficult. I'm sure a lot of you have been in that kind of season or phase where you really want to be happy, you know, that you should choose happiness. You do all of the right things to try to make yourself feel happy and it's just not there.

So that was really hard. And I don't want to blow it out of proportion or be dramatic or act like I was going through like the most trying season of my life. I know all of us, you know, myself included, have gone through more difficult things than seasons of insecurity. But at this point, like when you're 20 years old and you're in college and you just want to fit in and you're told that college is supposed to be the best time of your life, being 20 is supposed to be like this amazing experience because you have become an adult, but you're also still really young and you have so much of your life ahead of you, there's a lot of pressure. And when you can't make yourself fulfill all of the expectations that are

kind of arbitrarily put on being 20 years old, that can be disappointed and discouraging. I was also, I was dating someone who I simultaneously did not love, but also wanted to marry. And I know that the reason I talk about this is because I know it is relatable to a lot of you guys. Now, maybe you're asking though, like how does that make sense? How does it make sense to know that you don't want to be with someone, but simultaneously tell yourself that you want to be with them for the rest of your life. Well, like I said, when I was 20 years old, I was very discontent. I had friends, but I didn't feel like I had a set group of people that I really felt secure and comfortable with. And so I was hungry for acceptance and to be wanted and to be thought of as beautiful. And really, also, I wanted to

escape. I wanted to escape my feelings of dissatisfaction with my circumstances with myself. And I thought that if I focused on this relationship and on the hope of getting married, either right after college or maybe even graduated in a semester early to get married, then I wouldn't have to worry about all the stuff that I was worried about then. I could make myself feel better for not having the college experience that I was hoping to have by telling myself, well, at least I have this relationship. But I'm just going to get married right after college. So it's okay if I don't love college and I don't have like a great set of friends.

That's kind of what I was telling myself. But like I said, I also, I did not love this person. Great guy. Nothing was wrong with him at all. Everything great on paper. But I knew from the get-go from the very beginning that he wasn't the one for me. And I hung on to that relationship for two and a half years because of the escapeism that it brought me. Because I was afraid I couldn't find anything better.

I think that's a fear that a lot of people have. Maybe especially women, maybe guys have it too. But especially women, you're dating someone and you're. you know it's not right. You have a fear that you're settling at least just, you know, for yourself. It's not the person that you want to be with, but you're scared that if you let this person go, that you're going to be lonely forever and ever. I think that keeps a lot of women in relationships that they know they're not really supposed to be in. And I'd always assumed that I would get married right after I graduated college. I don't know. Maybe it's because my parents got married really young.

My parents got married at 19 and 20. And so I thought that I was, I felt, that everyone got married, like, you know, May or June of right after they graduated. And so I wanted to hang on to that because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. I thought that everyone met their husband in college and then you just got married right after college. I also didn't know who I was at the time without this relationship. But there were good things also happening at that time in my life. And so that was kind of the bad that was happening. And I don't even want to necessarily say that it was all bad. It was challenging.

It was like a stretching, growing time in my life because of those things that I just described. But there were also good things that were growing me. Like I had a really a good friend who was older than me who had just given me my first study Bible. It was an ESV study Bible, my favorite study Bible. And she doesn't even know this, but that really changed my life. So despite me feeling spiritually dry and kind of emotional, all over the place, I was spending a lot of time reading my Bible and journaling. This was a very emotionally turbulent and a secure time in my life when I struggled to understand a believe in God's love

for me, but it was also a time of significant theological deepening. I was listening to sermons, really for the first time. I mean, this was kind of when podcasts were getting, or we're getting big, and almost everyone had an iPhone. So I was listening to sermons for the first time. I was reading theological books. At that point, I'd been doing that for a few years, but I was really kind of narrowing the people that I was listening to because when I first started caring about theology, probably my junior year of high school, I was listening and I was listening to and watching all kinds of people. Stephen Ferdick. I was reading Donald Miller. I was reading the shack. I was listening to Joel Osteen. I didn't have a whole lot of discernment in the beginning. I was very just thirsty for, you know, more biological knowledge. And thankfully, by the grace of God and this friend who gave me an ESV study Bible, this was probably the time that I became reformed without even realizing it. Most people who call themselves reformed, and we've done episodes on what that actually means, didn't realize that they were becoming reformed when they actually were. It's just that they were drawn

toward certain pastors, sermons, books, study Bibles, and that ended up kind of shaping their view of the Bible and Christianity. And that certainly was true for me. I wouldn't have even known to describe, you know, what it meant to be reformed. But now looking back, I see that God was doing that during that time. So when I think about who I was starting my 20s, I have a lot of compassion for her. But I wish I could tell her a few things. And so take this as what I am telling you. If you are 20 or if you are 50, It doesn't matter. I think that the things that I would tell myself really can apply in a variety of situations. So I would tell my 20-year-old self, number one, these feelings of discomfort and insecurity that you feel about your body and your skin.

The skin that you're in, the skin that God gave you will pass. Your pimples will go away. But the comparing of yourself to people is going to continue to steal the gladness and the gratefulness to which, the Lord has called you, the people that you're comparing yourself to, they are all insecure to. And you will not even remember them 10 years from now or why you were jealous of them or why you wanted something that they had. But also, I would tell myself just practically to stop turning to food for emotional comfort. It creates a cycle of self-loathing and discouragement that just isn't healthy. I would also encourage her number two to keep reading her Bible, to keep writing,

to keep studying, to keep listening. I wish now, just to kind of a pause, I wish now that I wrote as much as I did then. I mean, I would write just pages and pages in my journal. I think that made me a better thinker, a better writer, and more creative than I don't dedicate as much time to that now, but I wish that I did. So I tell my 20-year-old self, keep doing that,

keep listening even when you struggle to feel like God cares, trust in the knowledge that he has revealed to you in his true and trustworthy word that he does. But I would also caution her not to do these things merely to gain theological knowledge or to impress anyone with her theological depth, but to really to know and to love God. And again, this would go back to her insecurity and wanting to be loved and accepted and approved of and praised. It would go back to pride, which manifests itself very often not in self-praise, but in self-hatred.

Self-hatred is still a form of pride. And I would call her out for that because sometimes she would think about gaining theological knowledge and knowing the answers to deep theological questions as kind of a badge of honor. And I would chastise her. I would admonish her not to think of it that way and to ensure that your motives and gaining knowledge is to really love the Lord, her God with all of her mind, heart, soul, and strength. number three i would encourage her to stop thinking about um well actually okay so this is still a number two so i would encourage herself i would encourage her to um stop thinking about herself so much even when it comes to her study of god like is she doing it the right way is she writing

in a way that if someone read it like it would be impressive to them whatever to stop focusing on herself and to focus on god for the sake of focusing on him for the sake of knowing him then number three I would tell her to break up with her boyfriend, rather than waiting for the relationship to fall apart years later in my senior year, which obviously it did. While God used that relationship, I think he can use all relationships for good things and his glory. He used it to teach me things. I would say to her, you know that nagging feeling that you have been trying to bury about this relationship since the very beginning. you know those doubts that you're constantly trying to push down and excuse and to justify, that's actually conviction.

This relationship is an idol in some ways, a means of escapism in other ways, and it's giving you an excuse not to be all there. Also, as much as it is a source of acceptance for you, it is also one reason you never feel good or pretty enough. Your fixation on this relationship is also one reason you don't have a solid secure group of friends. I would say to her, break up, lean on God, invest in long-lasting friendships,

and in being so incredibly present where you are. One thing I would commend her on, however, in this, is her motto to never pass up a conversation for homework. That is always something I abided by my entire life, actually, and I

still do. I can procrastinate if I can come up with a good, virtuous sounding reason, loving sounding reason, to not do something that I don't want to do, I will do it. So that's something that I carry with me to this day. I wouldn't tell her everything that her 20s would hold because I think that again would rob her of contentment and focus. But I would tell her things are going to get better. Being an adult out of college, working, independent is going to be as fun as you have always felt that it was going to be

since you were six years old. You've wanted to be an adult since you were six. And being an adult is so much better than being a child or being a teenager or even being in college. God will be faithful. Some things will be really hard. Some things will be easier than you anticipated. God will be faithful. So if I had to summarize what I tell my 20-year-old self, it's probably what I tell myself in different ways at any age.

Pursue peace and presence. Peace and presence. That's what I would tell my 20-year-old self. And we're going to move on to some other parts of my 20s in just one second. Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself.

On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this T-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. So I did grow and change for the better in my 20th year and in my 21st.

So I think back to when I was super insecure in my sophomore year and I think about some of the advice that I would give myself and I do realize that there were some steps that I took at that age. that actually kind of changed the trajectory of my life that were small then but ended up being significant for reasons I'll explain so I took a couple leaps of faith I started working out I did couch to 5k which honestly kind of changed my life like I couldn't run five minutes straight when I turned 20 then by October of 2012 I ran a half marathon my goal was to do it in under two hours without walking and I did that. And that led me to finding a lot of joy in working out from running to to Pure Bar to CrossFit. And working out is how I later met my husband when I was 22 living in Athens, Georgia. And so it's just funny how God uses seemingly small changes to change your life

in really big ways that you can't see in the moment. I learned a lot about perseverance, about pushing past pain and difficulty and feelings of self-doubt to do something that's hard. and I gained a lot of confidence in this time, not about my appearance necessarily, but about what I was capable of. And I could use, I should really try to dig back into my brain to find that determination now because I am struggling to find the same motivation or time or energy that I had then to working out. I truly do love working out. I told you guys though that my New York's resolution isn't really going great to get back into working out. Since I had to be working out, since I had to really. COVID, it's been really hard to get back into it. So I need to remember what was it like when I was

20 and 21 and I decided to literally start from scratch, never having worked out really consistently in my life to running a half marathon. I'm going to have to try to find that perseverance. But like I said, it did change my life for the better, not just because it taught me a lot of things about life and myself and even the Lord, but also it led me to meeting my husband, which would not, Like, if I had not started a couch to 5K when I was 20 years old and I hadn't gone on that fitness journey, I might not have gone to the gym where I eventually met my husband. It's kind of crazy to think about that. So the second leap of faith that I took when I was 20 years old was studying abroad in

Scotland in 2013. I made some really good friendships during this time and I was away from home from familiarity from my comfort zone, from the relationship that I had. and I got to experience a lot. I turned 21 in Edinburgh and that was really fun and I really hope to go back there one day. I don't want to go on a rabbit trail, but sometimes it makes me sad thinking that the just the idea of world travel has been, it's just been thrown for a loop with all the craziness that's happened, but that was a really good time in my life. And I hope that I get to go back there with my husband one day. Now, the rest of my 20s were kind of a whirlwind. On the one hand, being 20,

the whole scenario that I just described, it feels like forever ago. It feels like I have lived multiple lifetimes since 2012. But in the last five years, so much has happened that they've just flown by. Like it feels like I just turned 25. So 22, as most of you know, if you read my book and even if you've listened to episodes of this podcast where I've talked about this, I went a little wild in my last semester of college. I like to say that I tried to cram four years of college into one semester.

and I'm not trying to make light of that. I partied, I drank too much, I had too many unhealthy fleings. It was a stupid, honestly regretful time in my life that I still wish to this day did not happen. And so if you're in that stage of life right now, let me tell you something. And I say this in love and as someone who has been there, stop it. Stop. Stop getting drunk. Stop hooking up with guys. Get out of that unhealthy relationship. It's not worth it. Do you want to be 30 years old and still thinking about how you wish that you didn't go through those things. Now, I, you know, I understand that there is the grace of God. And of course, I can look at that stage of myself with compassion and all of that good stuff. But that doesn't mean that I don't regret the mistakes

that I knowingly made then. I also developed in that crazy time of my life and eating disorder that I didn't shake until after, until the fall after my graduation from college when the counselor that thankfully, providentially I went to told me that this was going to kill me. It wasn't more self-love or self-empowerment talk or more self-focused that I needed that saved me. It was hard truth. And the grace of God to bring me back when I did not deserve it, when I had rejected him and his goodness, despite his faithfulness to me and his patience with me. And there's a lesson there, too. I was chaplain of my sorority when I turned 20.

Truly passionate about studying the Bible and sharing the gospel. I mean, that was genuine. And then by 22, I was living like every other worldly girl I knew. So our spiritual lives are not a direct line from A to B. That's one lesson. The second lesson, the bigger lesson is that if our salvation is dependent upon us, our merit, our perfection, we are screwed. I mean, for lack of a better word.

But if it's dependent on God's perfection, his faithfulness, his promise to us through Christ, then we can rejoice in that security. That doesn't mean that we do whatever we want. It's actually that our obedience to him flows, should flow from the gratitude that we have for that secure salvation. Because when we make him savior, when he makes himself savior for us, he also makes himself Lord. Those two things are inextricably intertwined. So those were some nuggets of knowledge that I learned in that crazy time that I'm very grateful for, even though I regret so many things, you know, that I'm.

I did and how I lived during that rebellious period of my life, I'm thankful that the Lord really does work everything together for the good of those who love him and for his own glory. And that's one thing that I can look back at that stage and say, wow, God is so incredibly gracious and faithful. And I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that I'm able to reflect back on that. 22, I delivered the commencement speech for graduation. That's significant because I remember the feeling I got when delivering it. Like when looking out, when I was looking out into the crowd, I thought to myself and it really felt like almost an out of body experience, like a feeling from God himself, that this is what I was supposed to do for the rest of my life. I mean, I just knew it. There was just a moment where I was speaking

and I was like, yep, this, I've never felt like this before. I've never felt this much energy. I've never felt this much sense of purpose. So when I was delivering that speech, I just knew that I wanted to talk publicly for the rest of my life. I didn't know when or how, but I just knew. And I did not pursue that path right away because the path wasn't clear. I just took the next best opportunity as it came. So I took a job in PR and social media management in Athens, Georgia. And while I knew it was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, I learned how to communicate professionally, how to write a good email, which guys is so. so important how to work with clients. And that is that's something that is still thankfully,

again, by the grace of God benefiting, benefiting me to this day, how to have responsibilities for entities other than myself. I mean, when you're in college, really all the work that you do really depends. I mean, yes, it depends on you, but it also, like, it's working towards credit for you. And when you get a job, other people, are depending on you. And people's livelihoods are depending on you in some ways, especially if you're working with clients. I also learned how to have a boss.

I am someone who does not like authority. I do. I do not like authority. I have not liked authority my entire life. I don't know if that's a surprise to you or not. I also don't like rules, especially arbitrary rules. I have struggled with respecting authority my entire life. All of my teachers could probably tell you that.

All of my parents could tell you that. I'm not saying that's a good thing. Now, I think that that is a personality trait that can be shaped by God in good ways, but that's probably where a lot of my political philosophy comes from, too. But you do have to learn how to submit to proper authority. You do. That's a part of life. You can't just be a renegade forever.

And so I did have to learn how to relate to a boss, how to respect a boss. And I still benefit from that. I still benefit from so many parts of that job to this day. It was not my calling. It was not my dream job. And still, I learned so much from that job that still benefits me. I still talk to those bosses to this day very regularly. I still talk to a lot of my coworkers from that job to this day.

Literally some of the best people in the whole world worked with me at that PR firm after college. I still think that they're just amazing people. And there's another lesson in there. You don't have to be in your dream career. right now for whether you were 23 years old, 22 years old, or whether you were 43 years old. You don't have to be in the job that you feel like is the purpose and the calling for the rest of your life for God to use your current job and your current station in life and your current

circumstance as a platform and a foundation for the rest of your life and your calling. And as we've kind of already taken note of throughout the story, you have no idea what God is doing in your life right now that might seem small and insignificant that is playing a role in the big things that could happen later on. You just don't know. When God seems like he's doing one thing, he's actually doing a million things. And we are so finite and so unable to see the big picture that we sometimes feel like we're just flailing or that we're just stalled or that we're just stagnant. We have no idea the huge things that God is doing for his glory in our good. We just don't know. So at that point in my life, I had been deciding between that job before I graduated from college and an internship at AT&T that paid more in my hometown of Dallas.

I don't remember why exactly I chose the Athens job, but I'm glad that I did because I met my husband there in the fall of 2014 working out. And that is also actually funny how that happened. Talk about just like fitting random pieces together. What seemed random. I was actually at the house of a guy that I'd gone on a couple dates with. And there was another couple that was there. And they were doing handstands against the wall. And I just remember thinking, that's really weird.

Like, that doesn't seem like that should be happening right at this, like, social gathering. What are they doing? And they were saying that they were, like, trying to do handstand pushups and that this was the kind of stuff that they were doing at a gym called tribe, which was outside of Athens. And this is not a place that, like, a ton of UGA students went to or, like, people my age really went to. So I have no idea. And I was actually living in Athens. So I have no idea why I decided, hey, I think I want to drive 20 minutes outside of Athens to try that out. But I did.

And that's where I saw my husband. The first time I saw him at 22 years old, he was there with his girlfriend, who I thought was his sister. I don't know. They kind of looked alike or something. And he says that he saw me and his first thought was, oh, great. The sorority girls have found tribe. And we didn't start talking right away completely separate from me because we had not even officially met yet. he and his girlfriend who turned out not to be a sister, thank goodness, broke up. And pretty soon after that,

he struck up a conversation with me. And then we ended up just talking. Like, I remember ladies, and I think I've said this before, but this is just a good note. I remember, like, I remember planning and scheming this. He had said in passing when his birthday was, and I didn't bring it up after that. And I thought that he thought that I wouldn't know when it was, but I remembered. He said that it was October 19th and he was turning 24 years old. So the Monday after his birthday, I think his birthday was like on a Saturday. I told him happy birthday. And that's what he knew. He knew that I was paying attention and that I was actually interested because I remembered something that he had told me several weeks earlier. And I had planned. I made a point to tell him happy birthday and

ask him how his birthday was. And he was shocked. I remember that his birthday was October 19th. And that's just that's when I got them. That's when I got them, ladies. And so we, I mean, we talked for hours outside our cars in the parking lot after working out. I mean, skipped dinner. It was, I'm talking like 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. just standing outside in the parking lot, just talking. And I knew before we even left that parking lot together to go on a date, which I'm pretty sure was to Chick-fil-A, if, I don't know, there's some, there's some debate about whether or not that was really our first date or whether it was when he took me to gas station tax max. And it's okay.

Like it's very sweet, but I'm from Texas. And you're going to take me to a place that calls queso cheese dip for our first date. So I don't know whether it was that date or whether it was chick flay. Regardless, regardless, I knew that I was going to marry him. I just knew. I texted my friend named Allie, who I still talk to and actually work with every day. telling her he's my husband and I'm sure she didn't believe me at the time she actually says that she doesn't even remember this but I remember this and it was a feeling I truly never gotten

in any other relationship even though I thought that I knew previously when I met him I was like oh this is different this is what they mean when they say when you know you know I didn't believe that before but it's true it's true I really did know from the get go and that's not to say obviously that you shouldn't have discernment about that person's faith and character and worth ethic and all that. But it's also not just about the qualities that you can list on paper, in my opinion. It's also about how you feel. Now, obviously, people have arranged marriages. I mean, not that much anymore and not in the Western world, but people have had arranged marriages and that has worked out.

So I'm not saying that you, if you don't have like these over-the-moon feelings, that it can't work. but I do think, I mean, call it a privilege of living in the modern West, whatever it is. I do think feelings and attraction are really important in a relationship. And maybe it sounds strange to you that I'm even having to emphasize that. But there are Christians who don't necessarily feel that way who just, you know, believe if you've got a, if you find a believer and you've at least got somewhat, you know, similar values and interest, then go ahead and get married and make it work. And I do think that that can work. But I'm really glad. I'm really glad that I didn't do that.

I'm so glad. I'm so glad that I waited for the person and that God sent me a person that I felt so strongly about. And they still do. So we started dating. We got engaged and got married in less than a year. That's a little crazy. That's a little crazy.

But we did it. I think that we started talking in October of 2014. We got engaged early May, 2015 and got married September 6th. 2015. I do recommend short engagements. Maybe if you want to date like a full year, that was the recommendation. That's like the advice that I've heard, like see that person through all seasons and really get to know them. Obviously it worked out for us. But, you know, I do think that there's some wisdom in that in general. But I think short engagements are really key. One of the best days of my life, obviously our wedding day. In addition to having our two children, we lived in a little triplex right by

Sorority Row in Athens, which again, turned out to be. providential. You want to know how much our rent was every month? I think about this sometimes. $550 a month. Actually, I think it was $500. I think it was just $500 a month rent. Isn't that amazing? He was doing mortgages. I was still working in social media management slash PR. And then right after we got married, I decided I wanted to really try my hand at public speaking. Like I said, I knew that I wanted to do that, but I had no idea how. I'd always always loved the news as well. And I wanted to do something. And I mean, I loved Megan Kelly. I've been a huge Megan Kelly stand since, I don't know. I was 14, 15 years old. So the fact that she's come on this podcast and I've been on her podcast, I think three times. Like that's a big deal. I try to play it cool because I'm like, oh yeah. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. Like I'm in the media too. Like, yeah. I'm a professional. It's totally, totally fine that I'm on Megan Kelly show. But actually internally like 15 year old, Ali is freaking out because I've been watching her for now, like 15 years of my life. And so I like really. admired her and I was like could I do something that like she does I have no idea I didn't study journalism

in college I was a communication studies major and I don't I don't know how I'm going to do it so I just decided to like make it up as I as I went I decided that I was going to since the election was coming up I was going to speak to sororities at their chapter meetings about why they should vote in the primary why they should vote in the presidential election. I had always been interested in politics and culture. So I decided to see if I could give a presentation to these college sororities about why they should vote. I kept working my day job.

But then I started a blog in 2016, I think like February of 2016. There's also some like providential stuff within there that we won't get all into called the conservative millennial. And then by the beginning of like 2017, my Facebook videos that I was making on my conservative millennial page, we're getting hundreds of thousands of views. which is amazing because they were not good. Okay, they were not good. I was editing them on I-Movie and like they took me hours to make

because I actually started making them before I even had like a Mac before I had I-Movie so I didn't have a way to edit them. So I was trying to do like a straight take and oh my gosh, I spent so many hours in our apartment doing those videos which were literally awful. I think my first video was about Harambe and how ridiculous it was that people cared more. about her ramby dying than like babies dying in the womb which fact check still true so good take alley but terrible like terrible terrible videos why didn't you even like bother to brush your hair anyway so they were still getting a lot of views though uh eventually i didn't start out that way

i think i was getting like 300 views at first but then i did this whole like women's march thing at like early of 2017 just talking about how ridiculous it is and that ended up getting like 2 million views and then I was like, oh, maybe I can take the show on the road. And so early 2017, actually, we moved from Athens for a new job for my husband. And I quit my day job, not knowing if I'd be able to find a job when we moved or what I would do for work. I had no idea if people would pay me. I wasn't making any money doing this blogging and video stuff. But then through a series of crazy connections that I've discussed before, I won't get into all of that right now. I started working at the blaze. First is a social media manager, so not like on-camera talent. But then I

I asked if I could just like make and post videos of my own. I was like, okay, I'll all write them. I'll like work with the camera people and the editors and things like that. I'll post it on social media. I kind of had an end because I was the social media manager. So that kind of worked out. And then they ended up being really successful. Then I started appearing on Fox. I was still speaking to different organizations. And long story short, relatable started March of 2018, first once a week, then twice a week, then three times a week. And here we are at four times week with hundreds of thousands of listeners every month and millions of downloads every month. So praise God for that.

So that is part. That's a big part of what happened in my 20s. But there's an even bigger blessing that happened in my 20s that I think shaped me more than anything else. And I'll get to that in just one second. Okay. So two of the biggest blessings in my life, in addition to Jesus and my husband, and much bigger than this podcast, even though I love this podcast, I love the work that I do, but the biggest

blessings are my children. These are the biggest blessings, again, in addition to Christ, in addition to my husband, of my 20s. I became a mom at 27 and then again at 29. And I can't even put into words how much I love my children. I would give anything for them. I would give up anything for them. I would do anything for them. More than anything else in my life, being a mother has taught me about God and the gospel, the love that God has for us. that he would sacrifice his own son on our behalf. I don't know if there's anyone that I love enough to sacrifice my children for them. Can you imagine how much God loves us?

I mean, and people who hated him, whom he decided to reconcile to himself through the death of his son, how much, how radically and relentlessly and extremely must he love us to make a sacrifice like that. And so that's just one thing, one very profound thing, that motherhood, has taught me. I mean, they will be the greatest investment that I ever make, the greatest work that I ever do, the sleepless nights, the two unplanned sea sections, the changes in my body, the demand on my time, my energy are all so unbelievably worth it and purpose and joy giving. Every single hard and overwhelming moment, because they do exist, are surpassed by the profound

gut-wrenching, all-consuming joy and love of motherhood. Not everything. in my life has been joy in my 20s. My husband and I both lost our grandmothers within weeks of each other in 2019. 2019 was definitely a year of like give and take away. I gave birth in July of 2019 and then my grandmother died a few months later. And I understand grandparents die. That's what happens. But I was extremely close to my grandmother.

She lived with us until I was 13 years old. She was always my ally when I was in trouble or when I wanted or needed anything. She was there to comfort me to help me to advocate for me. She loved me so much and I loved her so much. Speaking at her funeral was one of the hardest things that I've ever done. I don't get nervous before speeches, but I was nervous before that because I knew that I wouldn't make it through it without just dissolving into a puddle of tears than I did. I still think about her almost every day and I'm going to try not to cry.

out to cry right now, wondering what she'd think about so many things, the wisdom that she would give me turning 30. Okay, I'm going to move past that subject. So I don't dissolve into a puddle of tears right now. But, you know, turning 30 makes you reflective about the things that happened, not just in your 20s, but your whole life. Now, obviously, COVID also happened in my 20s and we're not going to get into all of that. I'll just say that so much unexpected happened. So many difficulties happened for everyone. I mean, the past two years have been hard for everyone. And for so many people, much harder than it's been for me and for our family. I have a lot of blessings to count, thankfully, that have come out, that have come up over the last

couple of years. And so I don't take that for granted. And now I'm 30. I'm 30. And it's daunting a little bit. It's strange. I feel like there are a lot of expectations on this decade of life. it sounds old to be honest like it just does it sounds old it's like the year that everyone talks

about like oh 30 living in your parents basement 30 and you don't have this together whatever it is um it just sounds old and i'm thankful for this many years i'm so thankful i don't think we should ever more in getting older but i am also overwhelmed by how quickly things are going and just how truly adult that this age sounds like i said i've always loved being adult i'm certainly that's not something that I have ever wanted to push off, but I mean, it's really, it's really adult. It's really adult. I'm not going to pretend like I know what's going to happen in this next decade of life. The only thing that I can commit to doing, which I encourage you to do the same thing is

to do the next right thing in faith and for the glory of God. And I fall short of that every single day. But I know that as was true in my 20s, as was true in the years before. I turn 20 that God's faithfulness is the one thing that I can hang on to. The one thing that I can expect and know without a shadow of a doubt that it won't disappoint me. It won't fail me. And that's true for you too. That's true for you too.

All right. We are going to get into some voicemails. I'll just go ahead and do our last sponsor for the day before we get into the voicemails. And that is you guys know. You guys love them. That is good ranchers. American meat delivered, craft beef, better than organic chicken, all from American farms and ranches at a super affordable price. We know inflation has made grocery prices go up, but Good Ranchers

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and picking out what kind of meat that you want. Again, you get $25 off. If you go to good ranchers.com slash alley or use promo code alley at checkout. That's good ranchers.com slash alley. Good ranchers.com slash alley. All right. Thank you guys again.

And for those of you who have sent me on these voicemails, we're going to play four of these voicemails. I asked for, you know, some advice, some wisdom for either people who are in their 20s, going to be in their 20s or people who are going to be in their 30s. Like, what's some wisdom that you guys have? So we'll play each voicemail. I'll maybe give a little comment and we'll play the next one and then we'll close this out. So let's go ahead and play the first voicemail.

And I'm a relatable listener from Eastern Kentucky. First of all, I wanted to wish you a happy, happy birthday. I hope you are having an amazing day. Second, I know you asked for advice from somebody over 30. However, like you, I'm turning 30 this year. So I just really wanted to share my excitement in that because I know I'm looking forward to this next decade of life and what the Lord has in store for it.

And I fully believe he has incredible things in store for you. Aw. And I just have to say it's been so refreshing over the last couple of years to have somebody my age to listen to who shares my values. And I'm just so grateful for your work. that you're doing, and especially your pro-life work. Without getting into the details of my story, I'll just say that it's a miracle that I even get to be here to celebrate a 30th birthday.

So it means the world to see somebody who isn't just spreading pro-life values, but it's actively working to help moms and their children. And you just inspire and encourage me every day in that way. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Allie. Anyway, I hope 30 is fabulous for you, and I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day. God bless. well thank you Kaylee so much and that's a reminder for you guys that in honor of my birthday and I'm posting this on social media too but in honor of my birthday I really want you guys to donate

an item or several items or donate a money towards a big item to pressing wood pregnancy center I am going to link the Amazon baby registry in the description of this episode so you can just click on it and you can donate what you can that would be super helpful they serve families in crisis, pregnant women in crisis in Texas. And I've worked with them many times in the past and they are doing just such incredible gospel-centered pro-life work. And so if you can, make sure to donate to them using the link in the description of this episode. All right, next voicemail. This is Jamie. I'm from the eastern shore of Maryland. And it seems silly to try and give you advice when I feel like you're more of an adult than I am in a lot of ways.

But I am apparently 38, so I'm closer to 40 than 30, which is crazy to me. And the thing that I can tell you of my eight years of 30s experience so far is that I've really loved it. I felt like my 30s was when I really got comfortable in my own skin, you know, as much as possible, you know, as a believer in Christ, knowing that the skin is only temporary. I really feel like your 30s is where you find your groove, you know your purpose a little more solidly, and, you know, as a mother and as a wife, like you really just kind of know your place. And, yeah, you're very much less worried about what other people think of you and trying to impress, you know, parts of the world that you're in. So that's something I look forward to for you, especially since I feel like you were probably more mature than I was, like, through your 20. and I wasn't my 20s, so you're probably ahead of the game. But I hope you really get to enjoy the comfort of the 30s and that you just keep doing what you're doing.

I'm so thankful for you and for how you speak truth in boldness and in love, you know, knowing what you know and knowing who created you. We need more of you. So I'm so excited to celebrate 30 with you and I hope it's everything you want it to be in more. So that's it. Thank you. Sorry that it got cut off a little bit at the end, but thank you so much for leaving that sweet voicemail. So I'm recording this before my birthday.

This is coming out on Friday, but we will be in California. And it's actually kind of like for work, but we're making it into a fun trip. And so it's a part of California that apparently is not quite as restrictive and communist. as other parts of California.

So that is how, just FYI, we are spending my birthday. All right. Next voicemail. Hi, Allie. My name's Ashley. I just want to wish you a happy 30th birthday. I can tell you as a middle 30 or old, I'm not going to say my exact age, that I can say my, honestly, my 30s have been great.

And I hope it's the same for you. I have a mom of two as well. and I can just say that the Lord has made me so much more confident in myself and just in him as well. So I just wanted to share a verse with you. I actually just read it this morning and I think it's so good for all women to hear. It's the story on Luke about how Jesus healed the disabled woman. And it's Luke 13 versus 12 and 13. and it says when Jesus saw her, he called out to her, woman, you are free of your disability.

Then he laid his hands on her and instantly she was restored and began to glorify God. And I truly feel like this is kind of how my 30s have been. God has just put his hand over me and just has made me more free. And I just wish that for everybody and for you as well. So thank you for your podcast. Thank you for giving me, helping me see the world through a biblical view. It's just so encouraging to others, others that think the same way. So have a happy birthday.

Bye. Oh, thank you so much, Ashley. That was so sweet. And I love that passage that you read. Thank you for sharing that with us. So encouraging. All right. The last voicemail.

My name is Bianca. I absolutely love your podcast and I've learned so much through it. Just want to give you a little advice on turning 30. Always have a pack of venedrill in your purse. On my 30th birthday, I kid you not. I found out I gave us food. allergy. I've never had a food allergy before, but once I hit the big three-oh, that was it. They're not kidding when they say it's all downhill from here. So anyway, have a wonderful

service and may the Lord continue to bless you and your family. Happy birthday. Bianca, I don't know whether to be excited that I just got a really good practical tip or sad that I know that that is probably going to be applicable. Man, my husband and I were just joking about the fact that when we first started dating and we're first married, that we would, you know, stay up until 11, whatever. And then we would literally wake up at 430 and go do like a crossfit style workout and like eat super healthy and never really thought anything of it. And like getting that little of sleep was totally fine. Like I don't remember having any like chronic pain. And now it's like, oh, I think like one of my five pillows wasn't wedged correctly behind my back

when I slept last night and now I can't walk. So that's a fun part of aging. And so I guess I'm going to have to apply not just the Benadryl putting in my purse, but also just some Tylenol. Yeah. So that's aging, but there's so much, there's so much beauty in it. And so thank you so much, Bianca. And thank you to everyone who left voicemails. I'm sorry that I'm not able to play. All of them, we would be here for a little bit too long. Thank you guys so much for supporting Relatable. This is a huge part of my life. I'm so excited to be here and to talk to you guys about this stuff and you guys make this possible.

I would not be doing this if there were, if there were no one listening or no one watching this on YouTube. And so thank you to all of you who really have become kind of like a family and a community and certainly have become friends. You often say that you feel like we know each other. You feel like we're friends. well, the feeling is mutual. So thank you guys so much for being such faithful listeners. If you love this podcast, you can, for my birthday, in honor of my birthday, you can leave us a five-star review on Apple podcast. Make sure you subscribe on YouTube as well. All right. We will be back here on Monday. Hey, this is Steve Deast. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest

issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed,

you can watch this Steve Day Show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us.