Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 63 | Very Important Episode

Episode Date: December 18, 2018

I talk about a very important topic, kicked off with a very important announcement. Copyright Blaze Media LLC. All rights reserved.

Hey guys, welcome to the podcast. This is Relatable and I am Allie Stucky. In case you didn't hear that, I think my voice just cracked at the very beginning of this podcast. If you've never listened to me before, you might think that that's a regular thing, but I assure you it is not. Hopefully, my voice isn't cracked for the rest of this podcast because it is a very important episode. I have told you guys on social media that this is a monumental episode of Relatable and that you guys do not want to miss it. I am going to tell you something extremely, extremely, extremely important. I don't know what else to describe it as. It's just very important. And I am going to dive into that for the rest of the episode. But first I'm going to tell you what pillow I sleep on. That's a bolster sleep pillow.

It's an awesome pillow. It's so comfortable. My husband has one because he kept on stealing mine because it's so comfortable. I only have to sleep on it. No more of stacking a million pillows. So you have the right feeling. This is a perfect pillow so that you don't have any cricks in your neck and you can sleep soundly all through the night. It's made from this material called tin cell that keeps the pillow cool cool side of the pillow. Your pillow will stay cool all night, which is great. You should go to bolsterisleep.com. You can use promo code Alley. You'll get 10% off your pillow. It's a great Christmas present. If you're looking for some last minute Christmas gifts, either for someone else or yourself. Definitely go to bolstersleep.com. Use promo code Allie to get you that discount.

Okay, guys. So the reason why this episode is so very important and the reason why I was so awkward starting this episode off is because it's really weird for me to say what I am going to say. So a lot of you guys have been asking me. Ever since I kind of started this thing, every time I post a picture of my husband, people ask me, Ali, when are you guys going to have kids? And really, I don't like that question because, quite frankly, it's none of anyone's business except for ours. But the announcement that I have today is that we are expecting a baby. And I'm officially in my second trimester. I am due in June.

And we are so excited. I really can't believe it. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that we are having a baby. But we are so, so thankful to the Lord for blessing us with this. I just could not be more excited. So what I'm going to do in this podcast is I'm going to talk about five things that I've learned or five things that I realize as I'm just a few months into this pregnancy. I am not going to be giving any kind of parenting advice because I am not, even though I guess I'm technically a parent, I don't have any parenting advice. And there are a lot

of moms out there. I know that listen to me who know a lot more about parenting than I do that can give me some great advice along the way. That's not the advice that I'm giving you. I am giving some encouragement and things that I have learned already just as a very fresh, very new, very inexperienced mom. And of course, in this podcast, this is what we do a lot. We root things back into scripture. And that is what I am going to do.

I'm going to root these five lessons or five realizations that I have into scripture. And this is going to be a podcast that is relevant. to you whether you are single, you're in high school or you're in college or you're dating someone. Maybe you're married and you're trying to get pregnant or you're not ready for kids yet. Maybe you're a young mom or maybe you're someone who has never had kids who wants to have kids, hasn't been able to have kids, and you are struggling with that. I want you to know that this podcast is for you. This is not going to be exclusively just about what it's like to be pregnant.

It's going to be talking about life in general in the making of life and the importance of life and the importance that you have as a human being, whether you are a mother or not. So no matter what stage of life you are in, also, you could be a guy and also find encouragement in this podcast, too. It's not just for mothers or potential mothers. I hope that you find encouragement in this podcast as we kind of go through some of the truths that I have recognized in this short period of time that I have been pregnant. So number one, that I know for sure. These are the things that I know for sure that have been backed up not only by my own experience now, but also what I know through the Bible and what I know from other people.

Number one, this is a human being. It is a human being. I know that for sure, for sure from my own life and from what I have seen in my doctor's appointments, this is a human being. If you have ever doubted that what is growing inside a woman when she was pregnant is a human being, you should see a sonogram. This is not a clump of cells. This is not a parasite. This is not a random mass that might coincidentally grow into a human one day. This is a human being. So I didn't realize everything that happens during pregnancy. I guess I was just kind of ignorant,

quite honestly. I just didn't really know how life was formed and how it grew in all of the different stages of pregnancy and the stages of embryonic growth. I just didn't know because it wasn't exactly relevant to me. I knew enough in order to make a scientific and logical argument to be pro-life, but there are so many intricacies to how life is actually formed in the womb that I was unaware of. So when I went to my first appointment at about eight weeks, you see the baby that's inside you. Of course, there's all this fear and there are all these nerves, at least there were for me, that is it really in there? I mean, I know I had a positive pregnancy test, but am I really pregnant. I don't know unless I actually see it. And then you see this tiny little thing that

honestly looks like a bean. It doesn't even look like anything. It just looks like a little bean inside you. But this is the thing that just blows your mind. You see this little moving circle it kind of looks like inside that little jelly bean that's inside of you. And that is the heart. And you see this heartbeat at only seven and a half, eight weeks. It actually started beating along before that, maybe even at four to six weeks, the heart started being. But you see this little beating heartbeat. They can measure the heartbeat. They can measure this tiny little jelly bean that's inside you and you realize this is a human being. At just eight weeks, most people have abortions after eight weeks or at eight weeks, but this is a human being. It has a heartbeat. And from the

time of conception, it had its own DNA. It was its own person. It was already a boy or a girl that had already been decided even though we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet. It had a heartbeat. And then four weeks later, you have your 12-week appointment. Sometimes women have sonograms. Sometimes they don't. But I had a sonogram at my 12-week appointment. And what you see at your 12-week appointment is incredible.

You went from seeing this jelly bean-looking thing that just kind of looks like a little, I don't know, thing inside you with a heartbeat to seeing a human being. Like at my sonogram appointment, I saw a human being with a head and, of course, the heart and you see the brain inside of him. I say him, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet, has arms and legs and fingers and toes. And I just burst into tears at my 12-week appointment, seeing this child that actually looks like a child now with a profile.

You see the teeth, the nose, everything moving around. The first time I saw my child move, I could cry right now, but I won't. It is like no experience you have ever had before, knowing that you had a part in making this thing that is its own independent, person and is now moving around, that is amazing. It was just this spontaneous reaction that all of the sudden I just burst into tears, seeing that this is not just a human being, which of course I knew it was from the moment that I found out I was pregnant. For the moment of conception, it's a human being. We know that scientifically. But seeing it actually look like a human being,

that is a startling experience. And of course, you guys know that I am adamantly prolite. I was pro-life long before I was ever pregnant, long before I was ever married. And I've talked thoroughly with you guys about the arguments for being pro-life, not just from a biblical perspective. Some people think it's only a religious argument. It's not. But from a moral and illogical and a scientific perspective, why abortion is wrong, why it's murder, why life inside the womb is truly life and has value and worth in it of itself.

But there is nothing like seeing life that you helped create on the sonogram screen actually move and be. It is amazing. It's amazing what you see. It's given me a completely, I guess I would just say refreshed. And I don't want to say a stronger, a stronger conviction about being pro-life because I can't really, I can't say that. Because it's just as strong as it was before. It's just a different perspective. And I'm grateful to be able to have experience that. And of course, course from biblical perspective, there is no moral argument whatsoever for abortion. Because even though I didn't think that this looked like a real life human being until 12 weeks, even though I couldn't

see this child move, I couldn't see its face. God made this child's DNA and crafted this child especially even before I knew I was pregnant. Psalm 139, as you guys know, talks about God forming children inside the womb and they have value and worth inside the womb. Psalm 139 says, for you formed my inward parts. You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works. My soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eye saw my unformed substance in your book were written. Every one of them, the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them. That is,

that's the reality of pregnancy. That's the reality of God creating every single human being when a woman finds out that she's pregnant, when that HCG hormone that is, that's there when you are pregnant is found. It makes the positive pregnancy test. That is not saying that a woman might be pregnant with human life. It's not saying that a woman might be having a baby inside of her. It's saying that she is creating a human life right then, right there, whether you find out at four weeks, whether you find out that 12 weeks, that is a baby, that is a human life that's being created. HCG is not present when you just have some kind of mass inside of you, when you have some kind of parasite to some people on the left say inside of you, that is an indication of

human life. There is no chance unless there is a miscarriage, of course, which is tragic, or something happens to the baby along the way in which they're harmed or in which they actually died. there is no chance that that that little fertilized egg turns into anything else other than a fully formed human baby. It's not going to turn into a turvice tumbler. It's not going to turn into a pumpkin. It is always a human baby. It doesn't turn or I shouldn't even say turn into. It's not turns into a human baby. It comes out a fully formed human baby. It's embryonic stage just happens to be an early stage of human life. So what I know for sure, based not just on the Bible, but on my own experience and on logic and on science is that everything, every single stage that I've

experienced so far with this child has been a stage of human life. This is a human being. The second thing that I know for sure is that children are a blessing. So that means that they're not an inconvenience. They're not a burden. They are not a hassle. They are a blessing. Unfortunately, there is this lie that people believe both in and outside of the church. Of course, it's very prevalent in this whole postmodern feminist world that we live in, that children are an impediment to your success, that they're an impediment to your fulfillment. But unfortunately, it's kind of seeped into Christianity as well. And just to be perfectly honest with you, it's something that I used to think. At one point in our marriage, when I was just focused on building my career and, of course,

we were moving different places, my thought was that children will be a burden to me or that they will be an obstacle to me achieving what I want to achieve, to me fulfilling what I want to fulfill. I had this checklist of all of the things that I wanted to do that we wanted to do before I had kids. That's a sinful way to think. And it's honestly difficult for me to admit that because I know a lot of people that think this way. But if you're a Christian, that's just not biblical. It's a cultural way to think. It's a worldly way to think because what you're saying is that children are not a gift, and the Bible is very clear that they are. Psalm 127, 3 through 5 says, Behold children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the

hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. So throughout the Bible, we see that children are good, that they're not a burden, that they're not something that we should be scared of, that we should resist. Of course, when we are in a covenant relationship of marriage. They are not something that we should dread. They're not something that we should see as taking away from, but something that is added to as a gracious gift of the Lord. Now, there is contention over this, of course, when it comes to the question of birth control, the natural question when you say, okay, if children are a gift, if children are not a burden,

and if the Bible says that the children are a blessing from the Lord that should be asked for and should be that we should be grateful for. The question is, is birth control allowed? Is birth control within the realm of God's larger will? And I think that's a very difficult question. I don't know every single theological answer to. Now, I do know that any kind of birth control, and there are people that know a lot more about the science behind birth control that I do,

but any kind of birth control pill that actually causes an abortion. So after conception makes the uterus, unlivable or makes it hostile towards growing life, that would mean that it's causing an abortion. That is sinful. That is wrong. That would not be a part of God's will. And I've heard, again, I don't know for sure, but I've heard that pretty much every birth control pill does that, that it creates an environment that is hostile towards

a fertilized egg so that doesn't actually grow. And if you believe that life starts a conception, that would be considered some kind of abortion. Now, if there was a birth control that actually prevented fertilization, that's where it gets, that's where really the moral question comes in. Is that part of, would that still be considered trusting the Lord? Or should you not have any birth control whatsoever? Or should you just say, okay, I'm just going to trust God with this. And whenever we get pregnant, we get pregnant, sure, we might be poor.

We might both be in school, but God's going to take care of it. And that's the question that I'm not, I'm just not totally sure about. because I see both sides of the argument. On the one hand, yes, of course, we should trust God and God knows our situation. He knows our financial situation. He knows that we're both in school, but we're trusting him. And I'm not saying this is what we did. But now I'm looking back and I'm learning and I'm just asking these honest questions. Is that the right mentality? Or is the mentality, okay, well, certain kinds of birth control is a gift of common grace. It is a development of technology, and we should take advantage of those things with wisdom by using prudence,

by saying, okay, we are completely financially destitute right now. We have no business trying to raise a child. So we are going to use wisdom and to put that off until we're a little bit more stable. I could see, I could see both ways. But of course, the second option that I just listed, it gets a little muddy because what actually is stability? Are you waiting until you make, you know, $50,000 or are you waiting until you make $100,000? Are you waiting until you have some kind of job? Or are you waiting until you become CEO? When does it start to become selfish? I'm not sure. So I guess in all of these things where I say I know for sure, these are the five things I know for sure, but a subset of the second point that children are not a burden, I don't know fully the theological

answer for not having any birth control whatsoever because I do think wisdom should be involved in that. But what I do know, what I do know for sure, as someone who has probably had a simple mentality at one point in my pregnancy, who has probably unknowingly had a selfish mentality about having children, especially when we were moving a lot and we were trying to figure out our careers, I do know that children are not a burden and that we shouldn't view them as that. That we shouldn't purposely put children off simply because we want to check all of our boxes and check everything off of the list. I do think that's a wrong mentality to have. Where birth control falls into that, outside of the whole abortive birth control issue, it's a hard question that I am still trying to figure out for myself. If you have insight and discernment into that, I would love to hear it. So number three, the things that I know, our child is not ours.

And this is literally something that I heard and had not thought about until I was pregnant, that my child is not mine, that it is gods, that it might have, it might look like me. It might sound like me. Of course, it might look like my husband, sound like my husband. It might be like me. It's going to pick up a lot of the habits and the behaviors that I have, but it is not mine. It is God's. That means that God has a plan for my child's life that really has nothing to do with me. Of course, he or she is ours to steward and ours to take care of, ours to feed, ours to love, ours to point to God. But after I die, hopefully God still has a plan for this child, considering or assuming that this child is still alive.

God has a plan for my child after I die that has nothing to do with me, has a plan for his or her life that has nothing to do with me. His or her soul is theirs. It's not mine. God has hopefully a plan of salvation for this child, has a purpose for this child. Psalm 139 says that every single one of his or her days was written before any of them came to be that has nothing to do with me, I didn't write my child's life. I have no idea what they're going to be like. I don't know what struggles they're going to have. I don't know what sins they're going to deal with. I don't know what their salvation story will look like, what their testimony will be like. But God knows every single detail of their life, which means that he is more in control of them than I am.

He cares more about them than I do. He loves them more than I do. He has a plan for them that I could never have. And so I pray that my husband and I have that mentality throughout my child's life. and I hope that that helps us be good stewards of this gift and be good parents. That really my only role is to care for this child by feeding them, by loving them, by providing for them financially for as long as is feasible and responsible in pointing them to God. I do not have control over the rest of their life. I don't even have control over their salvation. God has them.

This is God's person, not my person. I am just a caretaker of this gift, but ultimately this is God. and his soul, his or her soul, is in God's hands, not mine. So that is a reminder that I have to press into my brain because I am naturally a controlling person, an anxious person. I'm an extremely protective person. If you are familiar with the Enneagram, I think I'm an eight. I go back between being an eight and one.

I can't really figure it out. My quiz always changes. But either way, I'm extremely protective of the people around me to the place. point to the point, simply, where if someone hurts someone that I love, I want to pay the person back who hurts someone that I love. I really hate when people mess with my team and mess with my inner circle. I can't even imagine what I'm going to be like with the child. Like, I will probably want to be that mom that's at school that is fighting battles for my child. I just hate when people that I love are treated unfairly. But my reminder is that this child is not mine, that God is doing

things in this child that have nothing to do with me. And hopefully that reminds me to step back and not over control my child's life. That's going to be something that the Lord sanctifies me and it has to teach me continually, I'm sure. But that's the third thing that I know that this child is not mine. It's not ours. It is gods. Number four, and this is one that I want you to hear, especially if you were someone who maybe pregnancy just isn't in the cards for you right now or ever and you've struggled through listening to this podcast, I hope that you're still here because this is what I want you to hear, that parenthood does not fulfill us. Parenthood, according to the Bible, if you're a Christian, parenthood is not the end all be all. We have this tendency to, it is

kind of paradoxical with the tendency that we also have to believe that parenthood is a burden or that kids are a burden. We also simultaneously believe, ironically, really, that parenthood is the peak of our fulfillment. That after we reach this certain status in our careers, after we do all the things we want to do after we've traveled to all the continents, that parenthood will be kind of where it ends. And that will be our peak fulfillment. And then we will be finally fully satisfied that we will be fully joyful. That's kind of the exclamation mark at the end of our youth. And that is not true. Children, while they certainly are a blessing, they will disappoint us. They are human beings. They will not bring us all of the happiness and satisfaction that we need. And as Christians, we have to know

that only Jesus can do that. Only Jesus can bring us that satisfaction. So if you are someone who doesn't have kids, you don't have to worry about missing out. You are not missing out. No Christian is missing out on anything by not partaking in something worldly, whether it is marriage or whether it is children. Jesus is that satisfaction for you. First Corinthians 732 through 35 says, I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy and body and in spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things,

how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, and not to lay any restraint on you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. That means it is better spiritually. If you can later, or actually I think it was earlier in this chapter he talks about, if you have self-control, if you can remain away from sexual immorality, then you should not get married. This is what Paul says. He says that there is no law against marriage, that you're not sinning if you get married,

and that, of course, the Lord would rather you get married than be sexually immoral. But if you can remain fully devoted to the Lord, and remain away from sexual immorality, then you should stay single. That means that means that our fulfillment does not come from our spouse. It does not come from our children, but it comes from the Lord. And we should be as undivided in our attention to the Lord and our devotion to the Lord as we can. I say that as a married person. So obviously, I'm not condemning married people. I say that as a mother to be. I'm not condemning any mothers. I'm just reading what the Bible says. So if you're unmarried, if you do not have kids, do not worry that you are not going to have all of the joy and satisfaction

and happiness and love that people who are married or have kids do. That is not true. That's not what the Bible says. The Lord is sufficient for you. His grace is sufficient for you. His joy is sufficient for you. Your purpose, your identity is not wrapped up in being a spouse or a mother. It's just not.

There will be people. Like the, who is it? Who's that crazy blogger? Sorry, if you guys like her. the transformed wife, the transformed wife who really believes conflates your identity and conflates your purpose and your worthiness as a woman with being a wife and a mom. I'm sorry, that's not what the Bible says. Your identity is in Christ, which means it's in something way bigger than being a wife or a mom. Now, it's awesome to be in a wife and a mom. I love it. It is a blessing to me.

But even if I weren't those things, God would still be blessing me with his son and with the Holy Spirit and he would fulfill me with that completely. So I just want you to, I want you to be encouraged in that. And I also want you to remember that having spiritual children, that means people that the Lord, if the Lord uses you to bring people to Christ, having those, quote, spiritual children, even though it was really the Lord who did it, having people that you disciple, that you help bring to the Lord through the power of the Holy Spirit, that is far more fulfilling, far more eternal than having physical children.

So again, I want to remind you, you are not missing out. Number five, and this is the last thing, God is sovereign, and that's the thing that underpins everything. So I just want to give a note. And again, I hope these women are listening, and I know this podcast might have been hard for these women. I just want to give a note to the women who have struggled with infertility. I want to talk to the women who have gone through a miscarriage or maybe went through a stillbirth

or who it's just, I don't know, went through. something, maybe lost an adoption battle. Maybe you were fostering kids and you wanted to adopt these kids and it just didn't go through. Maybe you've been trying to adopt for a while, but you can't afford it and you are afraid that you will be parentless or, I mean, that you will be childless and that those kids will be parentless. Maybe that's your fear. And I just want you to know that, number one, number one, that God has not forgotten about you, that he sees you, that he's with you, that he has more compassion for you than you could ever imagine that he feels your brokenness and that he empathizes with you. We have a great high priest who empathizes with our weaknesses,

not one who is far off, but one who is near to us. He is with the brokenhearted and he binds their wounds. I want you to know that he sees you, that he hears you, that he knows the desires of your heart, and he knows your longings, and I know that he's in control. And number two, so that's number one that God sees you. Number two, much less important, I see you too. And ever since I found out that I was pregnant, ever since I thought about doing this podcast. And ever since I thought about posting on social media, whenever that is, I've thought about the people who follow me, the women especially, but also the men who follow me who haven't been able to get pregnant or aren't able to have children themselves. I just want you to know I'm not going to spend the next few months rubbing this pregnancy in your face.

and I haven't forgotten about you and I won't take for granted the blessing that I have of being pregnant. And I just want you to know that you are valued and that you are no less valuable because you don't have children. So, and maybe you take that as patronizing. I hope you don't. Maybe you're just thinking, well, you have no idea what I'm going through. I don't. I don't. I just want you to know that I think about you and that I pray for you. And then I know for sure. I know for sure that God is in control. Now, I don't know God's plan for you. I don't know if you'll have ever. have kids. I don't know how that wound will be healed. I don't know if you are going to wake up tomorrow and find out that you're pregnant or if you will never find that out. I don't know if you'll be

able to adopt. I don't know those things because he doesn't promise that. He doesn't promise that things are going to work out how we want to on this earth. That's not the guarantee that we have. the guarantee that we have is that he's good, that he is in control, that he is with us. And we also have the promise that one day that all of this pain that we feel will be eradicated, that when we are in heaven with our fellow believers, when we are worshiping Christ, that you are not going to be mourning anymore over the miscarriage, over the lost child, over whatever pain you have dealt. And I hope, I hope that that doesn't sound callous in any way. I'm talking to all people who have experienced all kind of loss, that God makes us whole,

that he will heal us, that we will have joy that is completely incomprehensible right now. No matter what you've gone through, I promise that we will not be thinking about how many kids we had or did not have when we are in heaven with Christ. I promise you that. So I just want to, I want you to know that you're not forgotten, that you are prayed for, that you are thought about, and that you are certainly not forsaken or abandoned by God, that he had a plan for your life, too, before you were born. And this is part of that plan. And he's using this to sanctify you and to bring you closer to him. And I can't tell you I know all of the reasons why. It would be silly for me to say that I do because I absolutely don't. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. why the 15-year-old who doesn't want kids, obviously, had this unwanted baby and why the woman who was 35 who's been trying to get pregnant for 10 years can't. It doesn't make any sense. And I'm not saying that it does, but the thing that I know for sure is that God is sovereign. And that's really all I know. So these are my five things that I know as you can, as you can tell,

even within these five things, I don't know everything. I still have a lot of questions. because I am not all knowing and I'm still learning a lot. And I would love to hear your feedback. But I wanted you guys to be the first to know this news. I haven't announced it on social media. This was something special for my podcast listeners. I said it was a very important podcast, the most important podcast that I've ever done. I don't know if it's the most important.

Maybe. I mean, I think it is because besides coming to know Christ, this is probably the most important thing that has ever happened to me, also getting married. I would say it's on par with that. but I just wanted to share this with you guys because I really consider you friends and I consider as part of a family. And before I announced this to the world, I wanted you to know I wanted to have this conversation with you. And I wanted to really cover all of my bases before I announced it to everyone. I will announce it on social media soon. But I wanted relatable listeners to be the first

to know. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for your support. I'm excited for us to go along this journey together. I won't be talking about pregnancy nonstop. I promise. But I probably will give a updates every now and then you all know that I am a trash person mess. And I just, I guarantee that's going to be even worse in pregnancy. I already can't fit anything except for my sweatpants pretty much. So just imagine the trash personness that will ensue over the next few months. Get excited for that. Thank you guys for listening. We will be back on Thursday.