Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 77 | What Is Love?

Episode Date: February 14, 2019

The Chris Pratt + Ellen Page drama tells us what the world thinks about love. Here's why the world is wrong. Then, I answer all your relationship questions! xo Copyright Blaze Media All Rights Reserved.

Hello, relatable listeners. Welcome, welcome. Happy Valentine's Day. I hope that you guys are having a great day full of love, full of chocolate, full of watching your favorite Netflix and doing whatever the heck you want. But the reality is that you guys are probably driving to work right now or you're probably just having a regular day. But I hope that you at least do something fun, whether it's with your spouse, whether it's with your significant other, whether it's, with your dog. I hope that you feel loved today and that you have a wonderful, wonderful Valentine's Day. In the spirit of love, we are going to talk about that very subject. We're going to use a topic that a lot of you guys sent to me and asked for my thoughts on, and we're going to use that as a jumping off point. So as you guys have noticed over the past few weeks, I have kind of started doing, okay, Tuesday is politics and kind of what's going on in the news. And then, Thursday is more theological. I might stay in that vein if you guys like it. You can give me your feedback. I look at the stats on my podcast, you know, every few days or so. And it always seems like

Thursday, you guys really love the more kind of biblical worldview topics. Not necessarily more than the politics, but it just seems like you guys really respond well to that. So if that's something that you like, please let me know. Send me a message on Instagram. Speaking of Instagram messages, is this is a topic that I did receive from a few of you via Instagram message, and that is the drama that played out between Chris Pratt, who is an actor from Parks and Rec, who I really, really like, by the way, and Ellen Page, also an actor, an actress. He posted on Instagram in response to the drama, and we're going to get into all of that. But let me back up just a little bit for those of you who don't know what happened. So Chris Pratt was on Stephen Colbert. He talked about

this kind of 21-day fast that he's doing with his church, and I'll show you that clip. Do you ever feel like you're in the lion's den by being like a celebrity in the public eye with, you know, people always trying to figure out what's going on with Chris Pratt and the camera's pointing at you? You ever feel like you're in the lion's den, Chris Pratt? Wow. Oh. Yes.

Yeah, I suppose I do. Yeah, I do. There's this great quote that I actually heard in church, and it felt like it really appropriate, which was, if the spot. light that's shining on you is brighter than the light that that comes from within you, it'll kill you. So they're just talking about, you know, his, his faith, what he, what he's doing with his church. Chris Pratt has been pretty outspoken about being a Christian. He said some good stuff in the past. I just like Chris Pratt and that I think that he's extremely positive, that he

is okay with going against the grain. He's been called out in the past for not being politically correct enough. And I kind of love when actors, especially famous actors that are so well liked in Hollywood, kind of push back against the status quo of political correctness. Of course, within bounds, not just being rude to be rude, but, you know, just being a normal guy. Like, he's gotten in trouble for hunting in the past. And I'm like, you, you go, Chris Pratt, you go. While Ellen Page had a hard time with this Stephen Colbert clip, and she, a quote, tweeted it and she said, oh, okay, um, but his church is infamously anti-LGBQ, so addressed, so maybe address that too, she says. And then she also said in a subsequent tweet,

if you are a famous actor and you belong to an organization that hates a certain group of people, don't be surprised if someone simply wonders why it's not addressed. Being anti-LGBQ is wrong. There aren't two sides. The damage it causes a severe, full stop, sending love to all. So let me just pause for a second and say I love when people say full stop, as if that ends the conversation, as if, okay, if I say full stop, then you can't have anything to say back. You can't have a retort. You don't get to have a response because I said full stop. I said on Twitter that I'm going to start using those words after every controversial opinion I have so you can't argue with me. Like what a burger is better than in and out. Full stop.

Third eye blind, better than Pearl Jam. Full stop. I'm just going to start saying that. So you guys can't argue with me anymore. I think that makes me the objective authority on everything if I start using those two words. And as we see here, apparently Ellen Page is the moral authority on what is love and what is hate, even for religious people. I don't even think she's religious because she said full stop. Okay. Chris Pratt responded on Instagram to this drama saying he posted on his Instagram story. I'm going to try to read it. It has recently been suggested that I belong to a church which, quote, hates a certain group of people and is infamously anti-LGBQ. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I go to a church that opens their doors to absolutely everyone. Despite what the Bible says about divorce, my church community was there for me every step of the way, never judging, just gracefully accompanying me on my walk. They helped me tremendously offering love and support. It is what I have seen them do for others on countless occasions, regardless of sexual orientation or gender. Oh, I can't read this part because I'm getting too old and the font is too light and small. My faith is important to me, but it doesn't something dictate who I am. I'm not a spokesman for any church or any group of people.

My values define who I am. We need less hate in this world, not more. I am a man who believes that everyone is entitled to love who they want, free from a judgment from their fellow man. Jesus said, I give you a new command, love one another. This is what guides me in my life. He is a god of love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Hate has no place in my or this world. Okay, there's already so much here. There's so much here, guys. You guys have probably heard me talk about this subject before, so you know that my mind is just spinning right now. But first, let us look at the facts of this case. The question is, is it true that Chris Pratt even goes to what Ellen Page considers an anti-LGBQ

church. Well, according to Vox, Chris Pratt goes to Zoe Church. A lot of celebrities go there. Dresson Bueber goes there. Chris Pratt's new fiancee. Catherine Schwarzenegger, I think her name is, also goes there. So there's a website called church clarity.org. That's actually a pro-LGBQ. I don't want to call it an advocacy organization, but it's a group that lets you know where a church stands on gender roles and on accepting and approving of the LGBTQ community. It's really a helpful site. You can just type a church name in and it'll tell you their stances on that if the stances are available. So Zoe Church, the site says undisclosed on LGBTQ policy. The church is pastor as Chad Vech. He is also a hipster church along with Judith Smith, who we talked about last week and Rich Wilkerson Jr.

He is a celebrity pastor of a church down in Florida. The site church clarity.org says that the church's pastor served as executive producer for a film that refers to same-sex attraction as sexual brokenness. Their site or their statement of faith that was given to church clarity.org in a PDF, I think it was given to them in a PDF. We believe in the sanctity of marriage is established by the Holy Scriptures that God created marriage and that the only legitimate marriage is the joining of one man and one woman. Okay, so pretty traditional in line with scripture.

The pastor Chad Vech had an interview with Christian Post asked about not preaching controversial stuff from the pulpit. And he said in response to that, I think, I think that we have to shine a light. We don't have to tell darkness how dark it is. So I don't have to address all these peripheral issues when the gospel is the main issue. He goes on to say, for example, Rich Wilkerson Jr. and I have a lot of friends. And a lot of our friends, we try to shine bright and dark spaces and we don't have to go around telling them how dark they are or address these issues. We're just trying to shine bright and God will do the rest.

We let God do the work. I don't even think it's our job to go off on tangents and get ourselves in trouble over what could be trivial things. I think some people get themselves in a lot of trouble by trying to make statements about subjects that I don't think are going to heal. anybody. I don't think they're going to bring that much health to people's souls. Okay. Churchclarity.org also says this church is egalitarian. It allows women to be pastors and preach on Sundays. We know what First Timothy 212 has to say about that. So here's the bottom line. Here's the bottom line for Ellen Page for Chris Pratt for Chad Veach. Everyone is confused. Everyone in this whole thing is confused. From Ellen Page to Chris Pratt to the pastor,

they are all extremely confused. And what they are articulating is just not in line with the Bible and the definition of biblical love. They are all confused. Ellen Page is confused. Chris Pratt, confused. Chris Pratt's pastor,

Chad Veach sounds confused. It sounds like his church believes one thing, but he's not really willing to verbalize it and articulate it himself because it's controversial. Not a single one of these people is actually in line with the Bible when it comes. to the definition of love. So as a reminder, Ellen said, if you are a famous actor and you belong to an organization that hates a certain group of people, don't be surprised.

Wow, sorry, surprised if someone simply wonders why it's not addressed. Being anti-LGBQ is wrong. There aren't two sides. The damage it causes is severe. Full stop. Remember, full stop. So we can't say anything. Sending love to all.

Chris Pratt says, he is a god of love, acceptance, and forgiveness. is hate has no place in this world. Chad Veach, pastor. I think some people get themselves in a lot of trouble by trying to make statements about subjects that I don't think are going to heal anybody. I don't think they're going to bring that much health to people's souls. Not a single one of them in these quotes actually gets it right. And you know who gets the most credit in all of this? It's Ellen Page. Because as far as I know, I don't think she's religious. I don't think she believes in the Bible. I don't think that she is a Christian. And so it makes sense that she would have this on homosexuality, she would have this view that what you do is who you are.

And therefore, if you criticize what I do, you're criticizing who I am. So you are not just judgmental. You are also hateful. But that's actually a mistake that it seems like all three of these people are making. And two of these people are saying that their worldview comes from the Bible, that their worldview comes from Jesus. So only two of these people are actually hypocrites in this. one of these people is not.

So here's the mistake that all of them are making. Again, at least in what they're articulating, I don't know what Chris Pratt believes in his heart of hearts, and I'm not saying that he's not a Christian. And I'm not saying that Chad Veach is not a Christian. I'm just saying that on this particular subject, there seems to be articulated a misunderstanding about what biblical love is and who Jesus is and what he actually died for. So here's the mistake that all three of them are making. they equate love with full approval and acceptance of someone's actions.

This is a secular mode of thinking, not biblical, but this is what happens. This kind of reasoning is exactly what happens when we place ourselves at the center of our own universes. When we do that, authenticity becomes our highest ideal. That means that, quote, being yourself, you doing you, is your greatest virtue. that anyone who violates that, therefore, is hateful. That's how that works. So you place yourself at the center of your universe because you don't believe in God.

So why wouldn't you? When you place yourself at the center of the universe, the most important thing becomes just being yourself, being authentic. That is how you measure whether or not something is moral if it is true to what you want to do. Therefore, if someone pushes back against what you do or what you believe, they're not just violating what you you think they are violating who you are. That makes them not just wrong. That makes them hateful. So that is the logic that Ellen Page is employing when she says anti-LGBQ, whatever she means by that, is hateful. It needs to be called out. That's her logic. That's a secular mode of thinking and it has no place in the church because the Bible gives us a different line of reasoning for how

we are supposed to approach sin in our identity. And that's exactly what this is. This is a case of mistaken identity. No matter who you are, no matter who you are, you are not the sum of your actions. You are not your sexuality. You are not just your choices. You are not just your preferences. You are made, Christian or not, you are made in the image of God and you have a soul. Because you have a soul, you have a purpose. The things about you are not you. And that purpose is ultimately to know Christ. You are not just your body. You are not just what your body does. does. You are a soul. You are a spirit with an eternal destination. But from a specifically Christian perspective for the Christian, you are not just made in the image of God. If you are

saved, you are now a new creation entirely. Your soul is new. Your soul isn't just improved. Your morality doesn't just get better. You don't just stop cussing, for example. You are a new creation. That's what 2 Corinthians 517 says. That means you are no longer defined. You're not defined by your sin. You are fully and completely not defined by your sin. Your identity is not in what you do or who you were. Your identity is in Christ. This takes this reality to an entirely different level with your identity being in Christ. And your identity in Christ has implications for what you do. First Corinthians 6.9 and 1st Timothy 110 and Romans 126 through 127, the Bible does count homosexuality as a sin.

I know that is so extremely uncomfortable, and it would be so much easier if that just weren't the case. If we could just pretend like, okay, these are decontextualized verses and we just don't have to worry about them, but the Bible talks about it in the Old Testament and the New Testament. And even beyond that, the only marriage that is condoned and legitimately defined in the Bible is the marriage between one man and one woman, which this particular church, Zoe Church,

seems to believe at least in its doctrine of faith, which is, it's biblical. But also there's another level to that, that it's not just about the physical reality of the marriage between a man and a woman. It's also that it has spiritual implications as well. So Ephesians 5 says that there is not just physical significance to marriage between being between a man and a woman, but also a spiritual significance in that it reflects Christ and the church. the truth is that all of them seem to be missing, at least in what they verbalize, is that sin matters to God. And again, we don't have to expect Ellen Page or someone who's not a Christian to believe that.

That's fine. But people who are Christians need to be clear about knowing this and saying this, that sin does matter to God. You cannot preach the gospel without talking about sin. You just can't. Jesus didn't die for the fun of it. He died because we are sinners and couldn't save ourselves. You don't send a life raft or throw a life preserver to someone on dry land. No, he saved us because we were dying. That's what Ephesians 2 says. It says,

and you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience, among whom we all want. lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath like the rest of mankind. But God, there are those two words again, but God being rich in mercy because of the great love with which he loved us. Even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ, by grace you have

been saved and raise us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. That's Ephesians 2 1 through 6. A second Corinthians 521 says, for our sake, he made him to be sin who knew no sin that in him we might become the righteousness of God. We were saved from the death and the destruction that is the consequence of sin. We were saved from hell. That is the good news. That is the gospel. Romans 6 1 through 4 says, what shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound by no means how could we who died to sin still live in it do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into

christ jesus were baptized into his death we were buried therefore with him by baptism into death in order that just as christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the father we too might walk in the newness of life john 1415 says if you love me you will keep my commandments a woman caught in adultery Jesus stood up and said to her, woman, where are they? Has no one condemn you? She said, no one, Lord. And Jesus said, neither do I condemn you. Go. And from now on, sin no more. Sin matters to God. It matters to God. Do you think he would have sent his son to die a gruesome death on the cross voluntarily if sin didn't matter? He didn't come just to make us good people. He came to save us from hell. the hell that we deserve because of our sin. How good of news is the gospel really if you don't know that your slate needs to be cleaned? If you don't know just how close to destruction you are, I really recommend that at least Chris and Chad, I think his name is, I've already forgotten. At least Chris and Chad would read sinners in the hands of an angry God by Jonathan Edwards.

it's not meant to be it's not meant to be only condemning it's not meant to be only judgmental it is meant to show the stark reality of our destination and of our fate and of our depravity without christ that's what makes the beauty of christ and the redemption that he offers and the reconciliation that god gives us so beautiful uh we are supposed to talk about darkness we are supposed to talk about just how dangerous it is to continue to walk in sin. And the beautiful exchange that happened when Jesus died for our sins on the cross and then rose again defeating death forever. We need to know how close we were to hell, how close we were to being separated from God forever to truly understand to be grateful for the good news of the gospel that that doesn't have to be our fate anymore because of Christ.

So I completely disagree with this pastor. And unfortunately, I don't think Chris Pratt understands. stands the reality of love that deals with sin in a very real and upfront way. What all three of these people are talking about when they talk about what is loving, what is kind, what is not hateful. What they're talking about is cheap love. And it's not really love at all. It's not saving love. It's not sanctifying love.

It is cop-out love. It's culturally convenient love. It's, I don't want to make you mad love. It's non-controversial love. And two of these people are going to invoke, invoke the name of Jesus to justify that? Do you think that's the love that Jesus showed us? One that avoided controversy? You think he was afraid to talk about sin? Can you name me one book in the Bible, a single book in the Bible that doesn't talk about darkness in order to show the brightness of light? Can you name one book in the Bible that doesn't talk about sin? Can you name one book in the Bible that doesn't talk about sin? Can you name one book in the Bible that doesn't contain some content that would be controversial to culture today that wouldn't seem bigoted? Are we supposed to avoid those? The content that still contains God's infallible word, truth, and the life-giving message of the gospel simply because we are afraid that it won't, quote, heal people, that it's going to, quote, put us on a tangent that just make some people mad. Our goal is not to be liked. Our goal is to not. Our goal is to not

make sure that we have more celebrities coming to our church so we don't have to violate their their liberal, theologically liberal worldview. That's not the point. The point is to preach true love. And the truth of the gospel is that love. And it is not cheap love. It is expensive love. Because God sent his son to pay for that love with his life. That's a love that changes lives. that love is that you and I without Christ are wretched sinners, no matter what the sin is, no matter what it is. And that God offered a way through His mercy to forgive us, to reconcile us, to save us from the fate that we deserved, that we deserved.

That is a love that changes lives. That's a love that changes hearts. That's a love that tells you that you are more than the sum of your actions, that you don't have to live like that anymore, that you don't have to pay the eternal price. for your mistakes, that's an identity changing love. So those are my thoughts on the whole drama. You probably didn't expect me necessarily to go that direction. Probably didn't think it was going to be a Valentine's message.

But alas, it is. And again, I really like Chris Pratt. And I think that he's doing good things. Like I think that it's great that he's talking about God and he is talking about God being love and he is talking about the Bible. That's great. But it's just as important for celebrities. if they're going to represent Christianity to have good theology as it is for us.

I think sometimes we do kind of give a break to celebrities because we're like, okay, well, at least they're saying something. But if they're misleading people to a wrong gospel, that's not really good. And again, I'm not saying that he's not saved. This could just be a misunderstanding that he is sanctified through. And that's great. We all do that. And, you know, he has a platform and that can make it a little bit harder.

He has to, you know, his sanctification is really public. and this theological learning is really public. But especially for this pastor, we all need to make sure that we are representing Christianity in an accurate way. And the only way to know that it's accurate is to know that it's biblical. And I'm not saying that I'm perfect at that.

But I hope, I hope that if I get something theologically wrong, which I'm sure I have, even in this podcast, I've held wrong theological beliefs, certainly in my life. But I'm sure I've said something in this podcast that I might look back and say, oh, that's not actually in line with the Bible, that doesn't make you necessarily a false teacher, not a believer, but you should

be moved to repentance because of that. We should all be working to align our thoughts, align our beliefs to what the Bible says and to understand the Bible and the context that the Bible gives us and the meaning of the Bible that is there. It's not just up for subjective interpretation. I think that's important for all of us. So I told you guys that I would answer. I would answer some of your relationship questions. So I'm going to do that. Okay, I got a lot of really great questions. I love the relationship questions. Sometimes it gets super specific ones. You guys didn't really send me those, which I understand because you probably don't want the person that you're talking about to listen or to know that. Totally understand. But these are still really good

questions. So someone said, how did you know you wanted to marry your husband? What do you do? to keep Christ at the center of your relationship. Love you. Aw. Thanks. Well, love you too. Okay. First question, how did you know you wanted to marry your husband?

Now, I am not setting this as the Christian template for relationships. I'm still trying to figure this part out in line with the Bible. And let me just back up for a second before I actually answer that. So I rely a lot on into. in making big decisions. Not that I don't pray. Not that I am talking about like sinful decisions versus non-simful decisions. I'm talking about what college to go to. I remember if I should study abroad like things like that. I really have strong intuition. And I'm still trying to figure out the biblical, the biblicality, the biblicalness, the biblicalism of intuition. So just know that I'm,

working, I'm working through that. But it truly was with Timothy. I just had a feeling. Like, I just had a conviction. I just, I wouldn't even say, I shouldn't even say a spiritual conviction. Because again, I don't know how to talk about this in proper theological terms. I'm just telling you what happened. I just knew. I just knew. And people would always tell me when you know, you know. and I thought that that was stupid because I had been told. I'd been told from a church leader, actually, and from other Christians, that as long as the guy loves Jesus, then you should marry him. That that's really all that matters that you can make everything else work. And so I believed that in college.

And I was dating someone for about two and a half years. And I told myself that. I was like, well, he's a good Christian guy. But I knew literally the entire two and a half years that I dated him, I knew that it wasn't right. I knew that it wasn't. But I got to the point where I convinced myself that I was going to marry this person simply because he was a good Christian. But there was always something from the very, very beginning in the back of my mind saying, this is not right.

And he doesn't have character issues. Like there was no like, oh, red flags like underlying thing that I was saved from. It just wasn't right. And I can't even tell you why. There really were no tangible things besides I just felt it. I just knew that I didn't love him. With my husband, I just knew really from a few times after talking to him. We only dated for five months and we were engaged for four months.

It really was one of those whirlwind things. I mean, I texted one of my best friends after about a week and a half saying, oh yeah, I'm going to marry this guy. I know you're going to think I'm crazy. but I'm going to marry him. I just knew. And I never, after I felt that for the first time, ever, ever second guest. I never wavered. Now, again, I'm not telling you that that is the standard that you have to reach because I know relationships, wonderful, healthy, married couples, Christian relationships that did not go that way, that there were a couple years of going back and

forth of trying to figure out, okay, is this the right thing? Is this what I'm supposed to do? I don't know. They broke up. They got back together. They were unsure. They wrestled through doubt. And then they ended up getting engaged, getting married, and they're totally fine. So I am not saying that you have to feel the same way that I did in order for, in order for you to get married.

Now, one thing that I do say, one thing that I will say that's kind of like a rule of thumb that I tell girls in particular when they ask me like, oh, should I be with this person? if you are convincing yourself, if you are convincing yourself or convincing the other person that you should be in this relationship, you should not be in that relationship. You shouldn't have to convince yourself that you like that person. Now, maybe this sounds like I'm contradicting what I just said. And you can work through anything technically, but in general, in general, I believe that if you are finding yourself constantly convincing yourself that you should be with that person or constantly convincing the other person that they should be with you, that's not something that you want.

Romantic love, the feeling of just ecstasy when you see the person that you love is not unbiblical. It's a gift of what we call common grace, that even non-Christians feel it, and that it's this beautiful thing that C.S. Lewis describes is bringing you together. It doesn't last forever. You have to have unconditional, steady, sacrificial love after that. But that initial romantic love, I personally believe, very important. I do not believe that you should just marry someone. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want to say the wrong thing. But in the experience that I've had and that I've seen other people have, I don't think that you should marry someone only, only because they are a Christian. Now, you can and it will work. You will work it out. And that unconditional love that

you have because of Christ will make that marriage work. But man, having romantic, love and being in love with that person makes it so much more fun. It really does. I mean, marriage is already hard because you get to the point to where you're just like annoyed at how they breathe sometimes and having that romantic love and being attracted to that person, physically attracted to that person, emotionally attracted to that person, liking that person's sense of humor, just sharing that camaraderie. It just, it cushions. It cushions a lot. It cushions a lot. And like I said, the unconditional love that Christ showed us and that we exemplify in Christian marriage is enough. It is enough. It is. I personally believe that romantic love is also a really important

and really fun part of finding the person that you're going to marry. And I dated a lot of people that were great guys and loved Jesus, even some that made me laugh. There just, there wasn't someone until my husband that just clicked. And I personally am very, very grateful for that. I know I took a long time on that. What do you do to keep Christ at the center of your relationship? Well, this is something that you have to work towards. You have to work towards it every day. And some days we do really well. And some days we don't. And so we've started to, we do this devotional at night, which is, it's, I mean, it's okay. It's okay. It's fine. But it more just like prompts conversations.

It's not like our Bible time for the day. It more just prompts like Bible-centered conversations about our relationship and about love. And it's good. Like we've had good conversations from that. We do pray together. I just love talking to him. That's how I fell in love with him. We talked in a parking lot outside the gym that we went to for like hours on in before we

even went on a date. And so I just love talking to him about stuff. And yeah, we both spend our individual time in the world. word. We talk about what we read about and what we're thinking about, what we're struggling with, what our fears are. And we're just very open and vulnerable with each other. And we really just, we really just love each other. So someone says, thoughts on who, what to look for. What standards are unrealistic and what standards should be held onto. P.S. I don't mean literally looking as entirely trying to find someone. Okay. So I think I kind of answered that.

actually with what I what I just said. Oh, this is kind of, it's kind of a hard question. What standards are unrealistic and what standards should be held on to. So obviously if you are a Christian, it should be that he loves Christ, that he has a relationship with Christ, that he actually takes that seriously, not just that he goes to church, not just that he grew up with the faith, but that he is actively in a relationship with Christ and is reading his Bible, is in community, has friends who are pushing him towards Christ. Now I'm not saying every area of his Christian life has to look exactly where, you know, your dad's does right now, who is probably 30 years older than him. But he needs to be being sanctified by Christ and putting Christ first in his life.

I think that's extremely important. It is extremely important. If he's going to eventually lead you and your family, you want to be able to know that Christ is leading him. What standards are unrealistic, to expect them to be, and I didn't have this problem, but I've heard other people have this problem to expect them to be like the person who was 20 years, the guy who was 20 years older than you, like your church leader, your dad, whatever, who is farther along on their spiritual walk. Like you expect them to have it together in every single area of their lives exactly the way that men who are much older than you have it together. That's just not going to happen.

You do have to give grace. Also, there are going to be things that you don't see eye at eye. eye on, they're going to be parts of his personality that probably annoy you. That's okay. I do think that you should be physically attracted to him. I do. I don't think he needs to be perfect. But quite honestly, I don't meet very many girls who are like, oh gosh, you know, I really loved everything about him. I mean, I was head over heels, but he doesn't look like Channing Tatum. So I had to say, bye, that just doesn't really happen when you fall in love with someone, even the things that you might have seen as flaws in someone else you see as good in them. I love, as we know from the Bible, covers a multitude of

sense. And I'm taking that out of context as a joke. But yeah, I think you, I think you just know. You just know the unrealistic standards. If you are finding yourself, like, overly critiquing him, then you need to either evaluate your heart to see if you are, if you're just being a perfectionist and you need to let go of that. Or if you just don't really like them. So you're finding a reason. and not to date them. And that's okay. Like if you don't like someone, that's okay. Don't try to convince yourself that you do.

How does one find a man? Oh, I don't know. I honestly don't know. Like, I don't know. I'm too old for a dating app. Like, I never went through the dating app stage. I think church is a great place to find, to find a guy. But I know people who have met guys in all different kinds of ways.

And I met my husband at a day. gym. And so it doesn't have to be a church. I definitely have friends that use dating app. It's worked for that. I have a friend who's married after meeting her husband on Tinder. So different things work for different people. I wouldn't go for like immoral way. Like I wouldn't go for Christ's list. But I would definitely pray about it and also realize that Christfully satisfies you without a boy. But there's nothing wrong with longing for a husband or longing for that companionship. And just praying. And I think not a not obsessing. over it, but there's nothing wrong with thinking about it either. I'm not giving. I feel like I'm

out of the loop on how to find guys. And so I don't have very good advice for that. Do you and your hubby pray together? If so, any tips on making this happen and feeling authentic? And so we do pray together, but we should definitely do it more. We should totally be praying together more. Feeling authentic. Now, I wouldn't worry about that. It's going to feel awkward. At first, it's going to feel forced. You're going to feel, maybe you might even feel embarrassed. Like you might even feel like, I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Let your husband take the lead on that. Pray that your husband would take the lead on that rather than nagging him about it.

I know that from personal experience. And so don't worry about making it authentic. Like, that's just going to come with time. Someone says, I'm dating a strong Catholic and I'm Methodist. We've been together for five years and I obviously see a future with him. but what are your thoughts on how things will be in the future for us and our kids one day? We go to different churches currently. He wouldn't consider switching from Catholic,

but I suppose I wouldn't mind making the switch. Do you know any other couples that go through this? My recommendation would not be to make the switch. My recommendation would be if you know this guy is going, you are going to marry this guy. Like if you are extremely sure that y'all are going to get engaged, I would start having some deep spiritual conversations about what your differences are. And I guess this doesn't require you to know that you're going to get engaged to talk about this,

but it's especially important if you know these things. You need to start talking about what your differences are and just how fundamental they are because there are some big differences between Catholicism and Protestantism. And you need to be sure of your faith and know what you believe. if you are just making a switch for a guy that you're dating, then you might need to evaluate. You might need to evaluate how strongly you hold your beliefs and why you hold the beliefs that you do

and you need to also understand the differences between Catholicism and Protestantism. Maybe you decide that they're not that big of a deal to you, but you need to search the scriptures to know what's true based on what the Bible says and decide if that's a jump that you want to make. Don't just do it for this guy. Remember, your faith in God, your relationship with God comes first and is far more important.

And if ultimately you decide that the differences are too big based on what the Bible says, then he is not willing. He's not willing to change his mind either. Then you just need to think about some things. But study the word, pray. Ask for godly advice as well. Ask for wisdom from the Holy Spirit. Have grace-filled conversations and loving and understanding conversations with him.

coming from a place of truly trying to understand his position on certain, on certain doctrinal beliefs before you just switch. Anything else? I would love to hear any advice for talking to Christian friends who decided they are, they are not waiting until marriage. Waiting to have sex is something that I've always believed in, but I have several friends who live Christian lifestyles and other aspects, tithing, involved at church, conservative political views,

but think it's fine to have sex outside of marriage. I feel like I never know how to talk to them about these views. Would love your perspective. Yeah, I think it's really difficult. I think it's a really difficult subject to talk about. You just point to what the Bible says and what an emphasis God puts on purity. And you just continue to love them and to pray with them and to ask questions about their relationship and why they believe what they believe.

I think it's important to have truthful conversations. but I also think it's important to, I also think it's important to let the Holy Spirit do his work as well. And speaking the truth in love is part of your responsibility as a friend. But ultimately, it is true that God is the only kind of, the only kind of person, the only person that can change hearts. And so point them to scripture, pray, speak the truth in love. My question for your relationships episode is how long should it take from initial contact until marriage? Plus, how long should a couple court for initial contact? I guess just like meeting someone.

I don't think that there's a formula for that. I read a Christian book one time that said a full year so you know all, you know them in all seasons. That's probably smart. Like I said, I wouldn't necessarily recommend what I did, even though it worked out very well for us, I do recommend short engagements for sure. There's just no reason. I mean, unless you're in school or there's like some financial reason or there's some circumstance that is absolutely stopping you from getting married soon, then, you know, that happens. That's okay. But if you can help it, have a short engagement, there's no reason to plan your wedding for a year. I planned a beautiful

wedding. If I do say so myself in four months, unless you have to do not have a long engagement. So that's the only advice I'm going to give on that. Did you ever get impatient in God's plan while waiting for your husband to arrive? I feel like I'm constantly annoyed for not having a boyfriend and I feel bad about being annoyed. Well, you shouldn't feel bad about being annoyed necessarily because I think it's a natural feeling, but all of our feelings need to be subjected to the truth of the Bible and the truth of Christ and to be surrendered to Christ. And so what we know is that Jesus satisfies us and we don't need marriage to satisfy us.

But again, the longing and desire for marriage isn't wrong. And I think it is natural to be annoyed. But it just takes an even more constant and even stronger reminder of what the Bible says about who actually satisfies us and meets all of our needs. Of course, there were times in my life where I thought, now, well, I say this, I never really had a long period of time of being sing. Like I'll just, I'll just be real with that. But there were certainly times, even when I was dating people before my husband where I was like,

I'm never getting married or I'm never going to find the actual person that I want or I don't want to break up with this person because I'm afraid I won't be able to find the person that I want or that, you know, I want to marry, whatever. But it all worked out in the end. I actually thought that I was going to get married when I was 27. I'm not even 27 yet. I just had it in my head. I had a prophecy.

I was like, I'm going to get married when I'm 27. I also thought that I was going to do a lot different stuff. I'm doing now. And so we don't have a very good knowledge of anything. Hey, Ali, my wife and I've been married for nine months and have gone through serious hardships and the trauma of enduring a miscarriage. How has married challenged or shape your response to the difficulties, tragedies, and unexpected turns in life. Grateful for your podcast. Lord Bell says it keeps growing your family. I am so sorry. I am so sorry that that happened. I know people who have gone through miscarriages. I've heard countless stories of miscarriages and just the heartbreak that you go

through in losing a child and losing the hope and the joy that you had when you found out that you were pregnant and going from that emotional high to the devastation of losing someone that was a part of you and a part of you both. It is indescribable I've heard. And I can't say that I've been through it myself, but I can imagine. I can't fully imagine just the heartbreak of going through something like that. And I've also heard how difficult it is to come together as a couple and to kind of deal with that pain and to understand what the heck God is doing in the midst of all of that pain. So I just want to let you know that I am sorry. And as you know, as I can tell from this message, you already know that God is with you, that he wasn't surprised by that, that he wasn't thrown off

guard, that it didn't come unexpected, that he actually knew that and it was a part of his plan and that he always finds a way to bring beauty out of distress, out of ashes, and to glorify himself from hopeless situations. And so just trust that he is doing something for the Christian that is always the hope in every tragedy that we endure, that he is doing something that nothing is wasted. Not a thing in our life is wasted. There is hope for redemption of everything. And that is just the satisfying knowledge that we have as Christians that in him and in eternity, we have purpose. And even the most devastating situations have purpose. And so I just want to encourage you and remind you of what you probably already know. Now, we have, I have gone,

and I can't talk about it because it involves someone else and exposing what that person is going through. And so I can't talk about what we have gone through candidly, but there is someone very close to me who has struggled with a particular sin and depression and even suicidal thoughts because of this sin and because of this struggle that this person has very close to my life. And it has totally torn me apart more than anything else in my life. Totally just totally torn me apart seeing this person go through, go through the pain and the struggle and the hurt that they have and the people around them. Also going through the pain and the struggle and the hurt, it has been really hard. And it has been the biggest temptation that I have felt to ask God,

why? Why are you doing this? To be like Job and to say, and to just finally break down and say, look, I know the Lord gives. I know the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. But like, really this? Yeah. It's been really hard. And my husband has had many nights of me crying, like hysterically over this.

And it's had to comfort me. And it's had to speak truth to me. And I think that's what it takes. But there have also been, he's also been through hard things himself. He is himself. He's also gone through different doubts of insecurity and things like that where I've had to comfort him. We give each other the confidence that we have in Christ.

And it's just amazing what the grace of God does in those desperate, in those hysterical situations, that something comes over the other person that says, someone's got to be strong here. Someone's got to remind them of truth. Someone's got to be the anchor. We can't both be hysterical right now. Someone's got to remind them of what's real. And you, that's the beauty of Christian marriage is that there is a constant balance of that.

It's not, that's not restricted gender roles. And so that's what my husband and I have done in the past three years of our marriage. And it is a beautiful, a beautiful gift of grace that you get that when you're married to someone to constantly point you to Christ. And so I just encourage you all to continue to do that. I encourage you all to keep reading the Bible together, to pray together, to remind each other of what's true and what's real as is found in the Bible. That's going to be the encouragement and the only encouragement that really lasts.

Okay, I think that's going to be the last one because it's over 45 minutes. And I've been giving you a long podcast recently. But I hope, I hope that you had a great Valentine's Day. And I hope that you have learned something from my relationship advice. And if you have any more relationship advice, I would love to answer it. It can be called Ask Allie, and you can ask me all of your love questions. I love you guys on this Valentine's Day.

This is 77 episodes. That's a heck of a lot of episodes. And if you guys are going to CPAC, I will be at CPAC. So make sure that you come say hi. I'm speaking twice on the Friday of CPAC. And so make sure that you come listen to me. And I will see you guys next week.