Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 804 | My Mom on Mothering Toddlers, Teens & Adults | Guest: Lisa Simmons

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

Today we have a very special Mother's Day guest – Allie's mom! She's here to talk about raising children from babies to adults. We start out with some advice for mothers of babies and toddlers: you can't do everything, and that's OK. We talk about the pressure to have it all together and how quickly it will all go by. We also discuss how raising children can be categorized into three six-year segments, and we go through some advice for each segment. We'll share some stories from childhood and give some advice to the mom who is scared to have kids. We hope this episode encourages all you moms and moms-to-be out there! --- Timecodes: (00:51) Interview begins (01:35) Advice to moms of kids ages 0-6 / you can't do everything (07:14) Time goes by quickly (12:18) Advice to moms of kids ages 6-12 (17:32) Sleepovers, friendships & bullying (22:59) Devices & social media (24:44) Advice to moms of kids ages 12-18 / curfews (39:26) Advice to moms of adults (41:12) Grandparents (43:55) Advice to the mom who is scared to have kids --- Today's Sponsors: Patriot Mobile — go to PatriotMobile.com/ALLIE or call 878-PATRIOT and use promo code 'ALLIE' to get free activation! Seven Weeks Coffee — Seven Weeks is a pro-life coffee company with a simple mission: DONATE 10% of every sale to pregnancy care centers across America. Get your organically farmed and pesticide-free coffee at sevenweekscoffee.com and let your coffee serve a greater purpose. Use the promo code 'ALLIE' to save 10% off your order. CrowdHealth — get your first 6 months for just $99/month. Use promo code 'ALLIE' when you sign up at JoinCrowdHealth.com. Quinn's Goat Soap — right now through Mother’s Day save on the Four Seasons of Soap package. Normally this package is $120, but during this Mother’s Day sale it’s only $99. Go to QPGoatSoap.com and use code "ALLIE". --- Relevant Episodes: Ep 170 | Is It OK to Celebrate Halloween? | Guest: Lisa Simmons https://apple.co/44QbgEF --- Buy Allie's book, You're Not Enough (& That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love: https://alliebethstuckey.com/book Relatable merchandise – use promo code 'MOM10' for a discount: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/allie-stuckey

Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort.

We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. Today we've got a Mother's Day edition of Relatable. I've got my mom here. We're going to be talking about all things motherhood. I'm going to go through every stage of motherhood. Ask her for her advice, her wisdom. We'll hear a little bit of insight into what it was like raising little Ali Beth. And so you're really going to love this. It's very encouraging conversation and honoring for mothers everywhere. I am so thankful for my mom. I'm thankful that I get to be a mom. We help make the world go round by the grace of God. So this episode is brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers. Go to Good Ranchers.com. Use code Allie. Check out that's good ranchers.com code alley. Mom, thanks for joining again. Thanks for asking. Second time, people can go back. back and listen to the first time I had you on, I think it was about Halloween, Halloween, Holyween. So people can go listen to that if they want an introduction to my mom. But I thought

I'd do a Mother's Day episode and have you on. And I don't really know what we're going to talk about. We're just going to talk about motherhood. And the things that you've learned. Let's talk about the things that you've learned like in each stage. If you can just think of like one lesson that you learn from, okay, this is what, this is one thing that I would want moms to know when they have the baby through toddlers and then we can move to like preteens, teenagers, and then adult children. So if you were talking to a mom like me who has babies through toddlers, if there's like one thing that you would encourage them in or tell them to do, what would that be? Well, I think in every stage I had to remind myself and that you can't do everything.

and it's okay that you can't do everything. I used to hate the Proverbs 31 woman. I would read that and I felt so inadequate and just like, I can't do all that. And so I thought, this is what a woman has to be, a mom and all those things. An entrepreneur, going out, doing things and tending the home. I can't do it. I can't do it.

And so then I heard this one. woman, and I was probably 40 when I heard this woman speak, and she was in her 70s. And she was talking about the Proverbs 31 woman. And she said, this was a woman, first of all, probably not a real woman, but it was the ideal. Yes. And it was her lifetime. It wasn't one day in her life. She didn't do all of these things every single day, it was her lifetime. This is just sort of a synopsis of a woman. And it just relieved me so much that, oh, wow, okay, over my lifetime, I'm going to get

to do these things or I'm going to accomplish some of the things that I want to do. I don't have to do it all right now when I'm 30. Yeah, right. And so that's probably what I would say. So you were allowed to think on your day. day to day because I think sometimes when you have small kids, you can get to the end of the day and feel like I accomplished nothing. All I did was try to keep everyone alive and you can feel unsuccessful or you can in some ways maybe feel unfulfilled. Like, oh my gosh, there's so many problems

in the world or so many other things that I could have done and I didn't do. So I guess remembering that the Proverbs 31 woman, that's an entire life, that it is enough. It is enough to keep people alive. Yes, it very much is enough. Yeah. I also tell people too, and obviously I'm still in the thick of this stage with my oldest being almost four and then the youngest on the way is that like do the things that only you can do, especially in those like postpartum days. If you can rely on other people to help you do the things or just don't do the things that don't have to be done. Like you actually don't have to do the laundry right then. You actually don't have to pick a.

up your bathroom right then. I think a lot of people, I don't know if it's Instagram or whatever it is, but they think that like after they give birth immediately, you need to snap back to normal. Everything needs to be. Get back in your skinny jeans. Yeah. Organized. Your kitchen needs to look nice. And I think that really, it just stresses, it stresses people out needlessly. Yeah. And even before social media, even when I was a young mom, it was still that pressure to have it all together. And the good thing was we didn't see it every single minute of the day on somebody's feed. But just going to her friend's house, you know, I had a friend who had three babies in about three years.

And her last two were 11 months apart. And she was determined after her third baby to get back, you know, down. She wanted to be in this little fashion show for, you know, women's ministry. And so she went from, you know, being a pregnant, you know, mom of three. Oh, now I know who you're talking about. And then down to a size two. Yeah. And in just a few months.

It's like a crash diet, right? super crash diet, yes. Terrible for you, I'm sure. Water and salad. It was terrible. But that pressure to be everything and to look good doing it has always been around. It's just increased now. Yeah, I guess it, I mean, it goes back to biblical times.

There's a reason why one of the Ten Commandments is thou shalt not covet. I mean, we think of like just stuff, like, oh, we want our neighbor's house or we wish that we had we had their money or their status, but it's also wanting our neighbors put togetherness, like wanting our neighbor's appearance, wanting how our neighbor like dresses their kids. And of course, it's not even your literal neighbor. It's everyone that you see on social media now. But that's been true since the beginning of time. Oh, I just wish I had it together like her.

And I managed all these things like they do. And even coveting your own past. So you look back at yourself. when you were 18 and you said, oh, I was so cute. I was so, you know, look how skinny I was, you know, all of those things. And you felt like even though when you were 18, you didn't think you had it all together. But now when you're looking back, you think, oh, yeah, I had, you know, the world by the tail and I was going places. So we can covet our own past as well. And I think that can be even more dangerous because you can't get away from that.

You can also, I mean, you can come up at the future. I think a lot of people and a lot of moms in this young stage can think, oh, I just can't wait until they can get a kindergarten. I just can't wait until they're not trying to literally die every second by jumping off the counter or something. Oh, it'll be so nice when they graduate from high school or whatever. And then, of course, every mom in your stage just says, it's going to go by slow down. It's going to go by quick. The days are long, but the years are short. They are. They are. I was just a picture popped up in my Facebook feed this morning.

Mom, it's too early in the conversation. I'm sorry. To start crying. And it was just your firm in graduation, which was nine years ago. And I think, and that was the day that you knew what you wanted to do. Because you were able to give that graduation speech. And anyway, it does go by so fast, even though you think each day, you think this day will never end. Yeah. The hours from 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. seem like the entire day. Yeah. Yeah. And you're thinking, oh, it's only 9. I know. You're like, oh, yeah. It's 10 hours till bedtime. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, even just, I just think about this past year, my oldest being in preschool, I was emotional.

when I dropped her off at preschool for the first day, I didn't think about being emotional on the last day. But I'm like, oh my gosh, that just went so fast. She's already done with her first year in preschool. So the older they get, the more you realize how things speed up. Well, and I think because your life then really gets shortened to nine months is a year, because you go by school years. And so it goes by so much faster.

when you're shortening your year to nine months. Yeah. And it's just amazing. Once, if you think of your children's lives, they really have about three six-year segments. Mm-hmm. And those first six years are super hard because you're in it every second of the day. And they just need so much. And yes.

And then the second six years is different needs, still intense, but not exactly the same. And then those last six, you're preparing them to launch. And wow, that's when it really goes so fast. Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort.

We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. So let's talk about the second six. The first six, we've kind of talked about just being in the thick of it, trying to outsource the things that you can, realize that you don't have to have it all together.

it is enough to keep people alive and not just keep people alive. You're also trying to teach them how to live in society, how to be Christ-like, laying those fundamental. So you're doing a lot. And I mean, that stuff really matters. And then the next six, okay, most of them are off to school. Maybe people are homeschooling, but they're in a different stage. They're more autonomous.

They're more independent. What's difficult about ages six to 12? I think the autonomy that begins because you've had complete control. for the most part from zero to six or zero to five or so. And, you know, you can tell them what to eat and tell them who their friends are. You've got everything is right there. And then once- I try to tell my children what to eat.

It doesn't- You control what they eat. They can't go cook themselves. They can't, you know, just go with a friend somewhere and, you know, eat whatever. or once they start school, if they're actually going to school, you have a lot less control over that. They're meeting people that you don't know. You don't know their parents. And they're going to be invited to things where, you know, that's not something you would normally do.

And anyway, it's just that beginning of the tearing away. I mean, the tearing away obviously begins when they cut the umbilical cord. Yeah. But really letting them go and letting them, you know, make their own friendships. And while you're still guiding that and protecting that and, you know, we had a lot of this. You were my social kid who, you know, always wanted to be at somebody else's house and, you know, playing with all your friends. and it was really hard because, you know, I needed, I wanted to know who those parents were. And every once in a while.

And you did for the most part. You didn't let us spend the night at someone's house if you did not know the parents. I did except one time that sticks in my mind. And, you know, it turned out that that family had an alcohol problem, even though they said that it was in their past, but anyway, I was warned after I had already let you spend the night. And I had gotten to know this mom a little bit, but anyway, that just kind of reminded me, okay,

you got to be vigilant about it. And nowadays, people don't even really do. It's more acceptable to not do sleepovers at all. And some of it is because of technology. heard on a mothering podcast a lot of probably a year ago saying every family is as old as their oldest child and so if you've got a six year old that has a 12 year old brother well that six year old is going to know a lot more than the six year old who is the oldest child in the family they just have access to more i mean of course i have two great older brothers and we didn't have social media but

i mean i watched i think i watched braveheart when i was like four and i think it was like i think I probably went to kindergarten saying this is my favorite, my favorite movie is Braveheart. And then I, you know, I watched Boy Meets Worlds and things like that. Saved by the bell. Saved by the bell and all those things. And then it's harder also for parents because then you would try to come in after and say, you can't watch that anymore. I remember watching Sanlott when I was five.

And I decided to repeat the one cuss word that was in it. To the babysitter. Yeah. Yeah. I felt so guilty that I had to, okay, well, I'll just tell everyone this story of me, of my remembrance of saying my first cuss words. So I'd seen Sanlott where, what's his name? The Jet Rodriguez. What's his first name? Benny. Benny the Jet Rodriguez. He's running from the beast and he looks back when the beast is trying to get him and he says the S word. And for some reason, Cuss words just stick in kids heads and they're like, I must repeat this. And it's funny, they always get it in the right context. In the right context. And we were, I remember the babysitter that we had, her name was Angela, and it was during the day. And we were running around like playing hide and go seek.

And I ran up to a gate because I was running. And it was locked and I looked up and I just said S. We don't cuss on this podcast. And I was like, I can't believe I just said that. And I'm like very, as a young kid to you, I'm very concerned about like sin and forgiveness. and all this stuff. And so, which is a good thing. But I go, I went to the, I went to the babysitter in the kitchen and I was like,

I said this. And I'm sure she was like, excuse me. You're like five or four. And so anyway. So all that to say, it's even more so now. The things that kids have access to, I don't really see myself allowing my kids to do sleepovers at other people's houses unless I like really, really, really, really know the parents. We have all the same rules about social media and devices and bedtime and all that.

Kids just know more. And they have more access to pornography and all that stuff than they used to. Yeah. I absolutely would not let my child spend the night with anybody unless it's maybe a cousin or, you know, a family member. But even then, I don't know. I just can play with them. You can go to their house for, you know, several hours of the day. But spend the night.

There's something about. the night. Yeah. I mean, you just don't make good decisions. No one really does. Yeah. And I mean, there were times growing up where y'all would pick me up late. Yeah. Y'all would pick me up. And I think that's an option. If parents are willing to do it, you know, I'll pick you up at midnight, you know, but you're going to sleep. And then another thing is, too, that you don't get sleep at those sleepovers and then you're in a terrible mood. Terrible. Yes. So the autonomy, the independence, I think one thing that will be hard for me is like you were saying, making those friendships and knowing, because I went through this, that they will get their feelings hurt and they will get

excluded and they will get rejected and they might get made fun of someone, I mean, unfortunately, girls, I mean, we're probably told, someone probably told us that we're ugly, like as soon as kindergarten or that they didn't like our hair or that our shoes were dirty or something like that. I don't think that I'm going to be able to tolerate that. Like I can't even, how do you do that? How do that. If someone is mean to your kid at school during those ages, not as your little baby who does nothing wrong, how do you handle that? I did not handle it well. I don't think I got really upset when, you know, around fifth grade when, when y'all were really getting into it with, you know, there was two or three little girls that y'all used to be friends and then all of a sudden,

you're writing mean notes about each other, reading them out loud in class. Oh my God. I know. And one of these girls, her name is Melissa. And she ended up being my maid of honor. So it was fine. It does work out. But I, you know, got really upset with the other mothers because they weren't stopping, you know, where I saw their children more than ones wrong. Excluding. Which was true. Which I'm not saying that I was faultless, but they would not, they didn't want to reconcile to me. Yeah. I don't, I don't know. We still don't know what, and they don't even. know. I've asked Melissa, what was going on? I don't know. So, you know, kids are just mean. I had, I was bullied when I was in fourth and fifth grade. You bullied your sisters a little bit. I did bully my sister, not just one sister, not my baby sister. Only the middle sister. And yeah, it's just, it's just a right of passage, unfortunately, for that for that age, fourth, fifth, sixth grade. really, I mean, you and Melissa reconciled around the bonfire in eighth grade.

It took a little while. So, you know, typically it sort of resolves itself. It's harder now because you can keep egging things on where you could come home and not have any contact with Melissa or the other girl for days. You can't do that anymore. Well, you can. but it's harder with social media to stay away from people like that. If you were raising me now, like if I were in fifth or sixth grade now, how do you think you would handle the like device social media thing?

I hope I would if I know what I know now and like it's right now, I would not let you have it. Yeah, I would not let you have it. You were even when you were in seventh grade or whatever, you still were one of the last people to get a phone. Oh, really? Even though you were still too young. Now, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have done that.

Yeah. But there was no internet access on the phone. Well, I did not on my phone, but I do remember probably fourth grade. Again, it's because just my oldest brother, he had a screen name. And so I would use his like AIM, which even that, looking back, it was too much for me as a fourth grader. though thank the Lord, I never talked to any weird stranger. Yeah. But that did happen to people. And it was distraction. Like I remember almost feeling addicted to aim. Yeah. Like when I was like in fourth grade because your little brain just can't handle it. And now with all the pictures and

everything that's attached to it, like every, every expert that I hear from, like I had one on yesterday, it's delay, delay, delay as much as possible. And like it's okay if they're, mad at you, which is easier said than done. But I was never mad at y'all. I know. And if you were just so compliant and so easy, I don't know. It was, you know, it was a breeze. People can probably tell from my personality now that I'd ever had any opinions at all. Right. Right. Yeah. No, that was not true. Yeah. So, okay, let's talk about the next six years then. So, and the middle six years, we've got the autonomy, learning how to let go, but also still having a lot. you still have to have a lot of control and influence over your kids' life during those times.

It's not a time to just let go completely. It's a time to like maybe you loosen the leash. Yes. But the leash is still there. And in the next six years, I would say that's probably the hardest because you are loosening that leash, driver's license, phone, things like that. But the leash is still there. So it's difficult to know how much slack to give, right? It is.

it is especially when you're hearing mom it's so ridiculous everybody else is you know the the everybody else thing and it would get me because I don't I didn't want you and no mother wants their child to be the only one that doesn't get to do anything we may say well I don't care what other people but we do and so it's really difficult but I remember when you were going into high school, so ninth grade, we had a meeting with all of your closest friends, the girls that you sort of really hung out with the most, all of their parents. We had them over for dinner. So we could, we thought this was a great idea.

We would get everybody on the same page so that you couldn't come home or their daughters couldn't come home and go, well, Allie's mom, or, you know, Danny's mom said, you know, you couldn't pit us against each other. So we got everybody, we didn't make them sign anything, but we should have. But we were just like, okay, we agree that, you know, we're going to have a curfew. We're going to have, you know, no sleepovers, no co-ed sleepovers, which was a big. Very low bar. That's crazy that that would have even been a thing.

But it actually was when people would go to lake houses or something. there were boys and girls and homecoming and you know all of the things they had about that yes a lot of of that and i was like that doesn't even you know i remember when justin they even did that when justin yeah and we didn't let him do it either yeah and um so that so we had that that dinner and everybody was like yes this is great we're not one of them did that not one of it and so you were the only one. I was. I mean, looking back, obviously, I'm thankful for that. Like, I think I had an 11 o'clock curfew, which that's now looking back. I'm like, y'all were obviously right that the closer you get to midnight, the less likely you are to make good decisions. It's just true. But back then,

it was hard because Melissa is going to listen to this. And be like, why do I keep getting brought up? But, and you know, my friends, though, they were good. They weren't. They weren't out drinking. They weren't having sex. They weren't doing those things. Neither was I. But their parents, I mean, they would sometimes come home really late and their parents didn't care or they would take it on a case by case basis. Whereas like y'all didn't take very well to. And now I understand. But if I called you at 1045 and said, actually, is there any way I can stay for an hour? Y'all did not like that. Y'all did not like a change of plants. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it put us on the spot, you know, And then we had to really look bad by saying no.

Yeah. Or we'd give in a little bit. Yeah, you can stay till 1115 or 1130 or something, you know. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, that is the most difficult part. And one of the things that actually helped us with you, the boys were, especially just in, you know, Daniels on the autism spectrum. So we didn't have the same issues with him.

And Justin was always pretty compliant, you know. I mean, he's also a boy, and so it's just different. It was a little different, you know. And he just didn't ask to stay out later. He didn't really care about doing that. And you were just always more social. But we decided to go to counseling when you were about 15, 16 years old. Yeah.

And this was because, just so everyone knows, it's because my dad and I, who I've had on a couple times, so everyone knows now, that we have a great relationship now, a great relationship. I'm so thankful for my dad. But in high school, we didn't. I mean, we really butt heads. I mean, we went at it all the time because I felt like he was, he, I didn't like that he didn't trust me.

So he would preemptively tell me, you better not do that. And that would just irk me. We just didn't get along. We just didn't mesh. I thought he was too overbearing. He thought that I was too probably pushing the boundaries a little bit. rather than just saying, okay, sounds good, dad, and I never wanted to say that. And so it was a constant battle, and you were in the middle kind of trying to always mediate,

trying to be a peacemaker. Usually you were kind of defending me in a lot of those, in a lot of those cases. Yeah. But it was tense. It was a tense time. It was very, I felt like one of those punching bags that you sit in the floor and you hit it and it just kind of goes, that's what I felt. felt like. And so I finally told your dad, we've got to get help because I can't live like this. Yeah. And y'all can't either. Somebody's going to kill somebody. It may be me killing both of y'all.

We did it. And just to reiterate, there was never any violence or anything like that at all. At all. We're just talking about being at each other's throats metaphorically. Yes. Anyway, we went to a counselor. And the best thing. he told us, and I've shared this with parents many times, is having a sort of a grid, I guess, you call it, or columns. Yeah, categories. So you would have your rules. First, you would have your values.

Your values are never going to change. We always value respect. We value honesty. We value love. All of those things. that is not going to change. In the middle, you would have your rules, and then you would have your preferences. And those two things are going to exchange places. So your rules for your six-year-old might be you have to be in bed by eight o'clock. That's not going to be the same rule by the time

they're 16. That might be your preference that they go to bed at eight o'clock, but that's not realistic. So you begin to exchange the rules and the preferences. And that way you're letting go gradually. You know, one of the things that just drove your dad crazy, it didn't bother me as much, but was your messy room. And he wanted your room cleaned up every single day, you know, and I was like, let's let that be a preference. And let's say you have to clean up your room every Saturday. once a week or yeah something like that and so that just happened to be our thing other families have have different rules and preferences but I just love that simplicity and I that helped us so much

that you could be a part of that conversation and we could say okay the rule has been your curfew as at 11 now maybe that's a preference and the rule is now going to be. your curfew is at midnight. Yeah. You know, whatever. So I think that was just a really easy way for us all to agree and have an adult conversation about it. I remember the metaphor that he, that the counselor gave.

And by the way, the counseling wasn't that easy. Like, it was met with some resistance from dad, but I think he also learned a lot from it. And my dad, I mean, y'all know he's a great, great dad. We just had, you know, personality, a personality class because we're similar in a lot of ways. And that can be difficult, especially when you got a teenage girl. But I think one thing that made it difficult was like the counselor would say, okay, metaphorically, your dad is saying you've got peas and carrots. You need to eat your peas before your carrots.

Whereas maybe Justin Daniel would say, it doesn't matter. So, okay, I will. Sure. I would say it doesn't matter. So why should I? Yeah, exactly. Why would you even tell me that? It doesn't matter if I eat my peas before my carrot.

So let's stash this out right now. And I might do it your way, but it won't be because you told me to. I'm not saying that that's a good characteristic that I had, but that's just kind of how things were. So everything always just kind of like escalated to this point of tension. But then like things like that tension really kind of resolved and relieved itself when I went off to college. So just like encouragement, I think for because I'm sure that I'm sure that I'm,

I was not the only teenage girl that had this kind of adversarial relationship with their dad. I mean, by the grace of God, I think both dad and I grew in our faith at the end of college, but also the distance and the autonomy that I really desperately wanted. Dad always said I was six going on 26. And I was. That's why school was hard for me because I would listen to my teachers. I'd be like, that's not right. That's not right.

And so I was finally an adult. And it like literally is as good as I always thought it would be. I love being an adult. I don't miss anything about being a kid or even being in college. I love being an adult. And so finally having that and y'all like I went to South Carolina from Texas. It's a long way. Having that space I think really helped.

I'm not saying that's the answer for everyone. But for us, I think that helped a lot. Yeah. And I think that sort of the gradual from that counseling, forward, it got a little better and a little better until you went to college. And so it wasn't like going to college was the answer. Yeah. It was a very gradual growing in y'all's relationship. And then me trying to step back and let y'all work that out. Instead of jumping in and trying to, you know, pacify each side, I had to step back and realize you weren't going to kill each other. Yeah. And

And I think that's what happened. And then just you're going off that far. You know, it's, I don't, I don't, no matter what kind of relationship you have when your child leaves your home, there's a tearing away that happens. And you may have had the worst relationship. Kids, you see it all the time. Adult children still will come want. that relationship with their parents. And they may have been terrible parents,

but they will try again and again and again many times. And so sometimes that distance is what is needed to kind of foster that. And some parents, too, are better at different stages, you know? And like, dad is a, y'all both are. Y'all both are. So you had all the stages that you were good at. But he's a really good parent of adult kids, not just to me. But to Justin and Daniel too.

Like he's a really like good friend. Like he's a good advocate. And I enjoy talking to him about the things that we talk about. So we're just because now I am on, I mean not on, you know, his level. But that like authority piece that was always difficult for me, teachers with anyone is not there anymore as much, you know, or really at all. And so that allows it to just be a lot more. Right. Well, now you respect him in a different way.

It's not out of authority or fear or, you know, you're trying to tell me what to do. It's just on that more peer respect. And it's also just maturity. I mean, you're just immature when you're 16. You just are and you can't see things. And so it's so difficult. And I just like empathize with that. And I hope I remember that for my kids.

Like how physical. incapable you are as a teenager to think through consequences and what you feel seems so absolutely true. It just seems so true. And you really can't be convinced otherwise. And so I just hope I remember that. And you were always good at that. Like if I went through a breakup or something, you obviously knew this is this is going to be fine. She's going to be fine. She's going to meet someone else. But you never made me feel like you're so dumb for caring about that. Yeah. Um, Okay, we only have a few minutes left, but adult years. Now, as a, like a grandparent, mothering adult children.

And I know, like, Daniel has different needs and things like that. And so that's, you know, a whole conversation in and of itself, having an adult child with special needs. But just in general, like, what tips do you have for parents whose kids are out of the house or they're getting independence? They're becoming grandparents now. well you know it's it's the whole process of parenting is letting go as we've been talking about and um so once you've kind of let go through college and if they didn't go to college maybe they've moved out of the house and they're you know have their own apartment or whatever they're it's it's a little easier and so once they're adults you can start to have that relationship

like you were talking about with dad, more of a friend relationship. And you can talk about adult things and just have normal conversations, I feel like. And it is hard not to slip back into mama mode, you know, and when they call and tell you about something and you want to go fix it, it's, you just do. And I still don't want somebody hurting you or hurting your feelings, you know, when I see comments on Twitter. I never get any mean comments or messages, so you don't have to worry about that. And then that just multiplies to the grandchildren. Yeah.

You know, that's, oh, yeah, don't mess with my grandkids. Yeah. Yeah. It won't be. What is it like becoming a grandparent? It's not the same feeling that you have, right? like when they lay the baby on your chest and there's that inexplicable tidal wave of love and you were like, I will literally take you out if you do anything to my child and I don't care. Yeah. And but you say that it's the same thing for your grandkids, but it's not the exact same, right? Like what is the difference? It's different, but it's multiplied. It's like, it's not that, oh, I don't know. I started to say it's not that I love them more than you. Oh. But you might kind of. Well, you don't have to do a lot of the difficult stuff.

I think that's it, that you get to love them, and that's it. You don't have to discipline them, you know, not really. It's just easy. And you're just so thankful that, wow, we did it. You know, we got them to adulthood, and now this is our reward. And they're keeping their kids alive. Yeah. And it's, I don't know.

It is hard to explain. just like hard to explain parenthood. Yeah. You can't really explain that feeling to someone who's never had a child. And it's the same way with grandparent. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Last 30 seconds. To the mom who or no, not the mom. To maybe the woman who is scared to bring kids into the world. She's a Christian. So, you know, she's married. She feels like she should have kids. She wants to have kids. But she's scared.

because the world is scary and so she's hesitating or whatever. Like what's your encouragement to the mom who is scared to raise kids in the crazy culture that we have today? Well, I think every generation has had something to be scared of, but we all keep having babies. And I just encourage you to trust that if you feel that that nudge, that it's time. to have a baby, do it. God is in control. And every, you know, the moms in World War II, you know, were having a lot of, you know, there was a lot of anxiety going on at that time. The mom's in the 50s. You had the, you know, the H-bomb and the Cuban missile crisis and all of those things. That was super scary back then too. Then in the 60s you had all the riots and the

race wars and all of those things gone. Every generation has had something to be afraid of. And yet we had babies and we kept the world going and that's what we're supposed to do. Yeah. And darkness needs light too. I mean if there's anything that you can do to contribute to goodness that's in the world raise wise and strong and brave kids. Right. What you said reminds me of that

C.S. Lewis quote and I can't remember it verbatim, so I'm going to butcher it, but he's talking about like when they were scared of the atomic bomb. Yes. And, you know, all the drills and everything that was going on and people are asking, how are we supposed to live? What are we supposed to do? And he's like,

the same thing that people did when they were scared of Viking attacks. The same thing that people did when they were scared at the bubonic plague, the same thing that we did. Like you said, during World War I and World War II, we kept going, doing the things that glorify God. And he's like, you know, a microbe can kill you. Yeah. And you, everyone here that he was, it's a radio show, he's like, everyone here is going to die. A lot of us are going to die in really gruesome ways. And so this just adds another thing to the list that we might die from. And so if, he was like, if the atom bomb finds us, let it find us like drinking

a pipe with our friends, reading the Bible, bathing the children, cooking dinner, doing the things that God has called us to do because nothing that we do in the way of anxiety is going to stave off death. It's what Jesus said. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life. God has already, he's going to equip the next generation for whatever obstacles it faces. And what better, you know, every time somebody has a baby, almost every time, there's so much excitement around that and so much hope. And I think new life does that. It gives new hope. Maybe this, you know, this will be the child that, you know, cures cancer or, you know, something like that. You never know. You don't. You never know. Image bearers of God are credits to the world rather

in the secular view that human beings are just burdens to the world. And that's our responsibility as Christians, as mothers, to make sure to carry that message to the world. So thank you so much, mom, happy Mother's Day. Thank you. Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and

follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us.