Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 89 | You Ask, I Answer

Episode Date: March 22, 2019

I give a bumpdate and answer some of your questions! Copyright Blaze Media All Rights Reserved.

Hey guys, welcome to relatable. Happy Friday. So last week we did an interview. This week, we're going to do something a little bit different. Actually, I guess it was a conversation on an interview. That's what I'm trying to call it. But this week, we're going to just do something fun because you guys asked that I would kind of change it up on Fridays. It's just kind of like the wildcard day. I'll try to keep it pretty consistent. So you can kind of expect what you're going to get out of this. And I always want to give you value. I never want you to feel like you're just listening to. something just to listen to it. A lot of you guys have expressed gratitude or enthusiasm about Q&A. And so we are going to do that. We're going to answer some of your questions. I'm also going to take this opportunity to give you guys a bump date. As most of you know, if you're not new to the podcast, I am pregnant. I'm six months pregnant. I am almost tomorrow. I will be 26 weeks. So almost in the third trimester, which is crazy. Those of you who have kind of watched my pregnancy are probably like, oh my gosh, this is going by so fast. I feel like that always happens. Other people's pregnancies are over in like two weeks, but your own pregnancy, those of you who

have been pregnant, you understand this. It feels like it goes by forever, especially your first one because you're not taking care of other little ones. So you just are like, I think I'm going to be pregnant for the rest of my life. And the month of June when I'm due sounds like a really long way away. And so it's like, oh my gosh, am I really going to be pregnant for that long? But at the same time, it's now it kind of seems like it's sliding by really fast because I always told myself at the beginning of my pregnancy. I was like, okay, I'm going to put off doing the nursery and doing all of that kind of stuff, having a registry until April. And in April, two months before the baby is born, I'm going to start doing all of that stuff. And now it's like

towards the end of March. And I'm like, oh my gosh, it is almost April. And I still have so much to do. as you guys know, I'm writing a book. As many of you know, I'm writing a book. It's going to come out in 2020. And I can't tell you the title of it, but it's a lot of what we have been talking about on this podcast of this kind of self-centered doctrine, both in and outside of Christianity that has permeated the way that we think about theology, the way that we think about the world, the way that we think about politics, and why that is so endemic in our society and what we can do to fight against that in our own personal lives and also against culture in general. I'm really excited about it. I know you guys are going to like it. It's going to give you something even more than what you're

getting from the podcast. So don't think just because you've listened to the podcast that, oh, I'm not going to read Ali's book because I can get everything out of the podcast. No, I'm dishing some stuff that I've never dished before and talking about things that I've never talked about before. And you're going to feel fully equipped and you're going to laugh and cry and all that good stuff too. So, but I'm trying to finish that book or I'm trying to write that book while I'm pregnant. And so I've got like two taking time bombs for lack of a better term. I've got this child inside of me that has now decided to do workouts about every few hours of the day inside my uterus. And I've also got this book. And writing a book, guys, it's overwhelming.

It just, it just is. It's not like when I sit down to write my notes for this podcast, which comes so naturally to me or writing a script for a video that comes. comes so easily and naturally to me, or writing an article comes less easily to me, but I know it has to end at some point. But a book, it's so permanent. It's so concrete. You're going to be judged by it. You're going to be criticized on it. What you say in it. It's really hard to take back things that you write in a book. You can't edit it after it's published. And it's going to be hopefully widely circulated. And you do have a word limit, but the word limit, of course, is longer than anything you've ever written before. And so it's just a very overwhelming process. And the fact that I have April coming

up, the time that I have to do all my baby stuff and the book is still going, it's just, it's a lot. But, you know, I will say I am extremely, I'm extremely thankful. I'm so thankful for my job that I have a job where I work from home, basically. Yes, I do travel, but I've kind of lightened up on the travel this, this spring while I'm trying to write this book and get prepared for everything. Someone the other day, one of my friends was saying, wow, you must be like the busiest pregnant person. No, I'm not. That's very kind to say because I do have a lot going on. But I think about those of you out there who already have three kids, five kids and are pregnant, those of you who have the eight to five job where you're going into the office every day, those of you who are nurses, those of you

who are teachers where you are not just physically spent and mentally spent, but you're emotionally spent all day. I do have a lot going on. But I also have a lot of privilege. is working from home and having a pretty flexible schedule that I understand that other people don't have. So shout out to all of you who are moms. I mean, I guess technically I'm a mom, but moms of children that are outside of the womb and who are running around chasing them, moms who are working full time, who are in an office who had to go through that grueling first trimester of being tired and sick all of the time and trying to be perky and happy at work. God bless you. I might have some stuff going on, but I am no busier and no more stress than

the many of you out there who are pregnant, who are moms, who are working, who are doing all of the crazy and great things that you're doing. So that's kind of my pregnancy update. I am feeling pretty good. Sleep is kind of getting weird for me. My body has been on a weird sleep schedule. I'm pretty paranoid person, kind of a hypochondriac, but that's gotten a little bit better as the pregnancy has gone on. You get more confident. Now the baby is technically viable. Of course, we know that life begins at conception and it's valuable from the very beginning, but now the baby is viable, meaning that it has a better than halfway chance of surviving should I go into labor early. Of course, that's not what you want to happen. The baby still has a lot

of development in learning to breathe on its own, its lungs are still developing, and its eyes are developing, its brain is developing. Of course, that development goes on after birth, but a lot has to happen for this to be a baby that's ready to exit the birth canal. So you don't want an early birth, but if it does happen at this point, you know, that there are ways to make the baby likely to survive. And so you do kind of have more confidence at this point, but of course, every little thing that happens. like I had this like stomach spasm the other day that I was like, oh my gosh, what is what's happening? And I'm like freaking out.

I email my doctor. I really don't do that very much actually. I know I said that I'm paranoid, but I actually try not to Google that much. And I don't call my doctor and I don't email my doctor unless I like really have to. But this kind of did freak me out. I was like, what the heck is going on? So I, um, but everything's fine. It was just a twitch.

Stomach is just growing. It is weird having people. know that I'm pregnant now. I felt like I just hit it for so long and I just had this thing in my head when I was in public like, oh, I'm pregnant, but no one knows. Like the other day, it was Monday, I think. I went to dinner with my brother and I had the tray of food and I was about to carry it to my table and the cashier was like, do you want me to carry that for you? And I was like, what? Like it's a salad and soup. Why would I need you to get? But then I realize he probably can tell I'm pregnant. He's just being a kind person. Great perk to being pregnant, as I've said before,

is that people are so much nicer to you. They're so much nicer to you. Now, some people, and guys, we've talked about this on Instagram, for those of you who follow me, some people, not so much. So one side of it is that people are really nice to you. They want to do things for you. They want to go out of their way to make you comfortable. That part is awesome. And you have, like, all the excuses in the world to do, eat what you want to eat and avoid the things that you want to avoid. They're real excuses, by the way. It's not lying. It's just like, no, I'm literally.

No, it's real. Like, I really am fat and tired. Like, I can't do that thing that I could have done when I'm not pregnant. It's a great way to make legitimate excuses. But some people, so that's one side of it. The other side of it is that people, and those of you who have been pregnant, get this, people feel that they have a license to say things to you that they would not say to someone who is not pregnant.

Did I, I don't even remember if I've said this the up. I don't think I shared this on a podcast. And I'm not even going to say exactly what this person said. Did I already share this? I'm so sorry if I did. I'm going to have to re-share the story. I guess this is pregnancy bring. So I was at this political event and this sweet, kind, well-meaning lady came up to me.

I was with my dad and this other person. This lady came up to me. and was like, I, oh, I didn't know that you were pregnant, but I could tell on TV because your face is fuller. And then she also said something else about my appearance that I will not repeat because those of you say that you have children in your car. And I was like, oh my gosh, why would you say this to me? First of all, even just like your face is fuller thing might be true, but like, do you need to comment on that? And why would you say anything other than, to a pregnant woman other than you look awesome. You look great. You are glowing. Oh, I'm so excited for you.

You're going to be a great mom. So here is my advice to you because I didn't necessarily think about these things before I was pregnant. So I'm not condemning you. I'm not judging you. You might just have not thought about it. You don't really think about it until you're pregnant yourself and you're getting these comments and you're like, that's kind of rude. So just think about this. If you are not pregnant or if you haven't gotten pregnant yet, don't comment on how big someone is unless you like really know them like this is your best friend and you can joke with them this is your sister okay whatever but someone that you don't really know very well don't say that they're big don't say that their face looks different don't say that oh you could tell that they were pregnant but you weren't sure because

that just makes them feel like they okay maybe they look fat no one really wants to hear that okay i'm just going to speak for all pregnant women when i say we know we look fat okay i get it especially me because I've eaten Chick-fil-A almost every day of my pregnancy, I probably could have saved some pounds if I wanted to, but I just gave into the temptation. That's another great part about pregnancy. Don't say that a woman looks big. And like, don't even say that her stomach is big.

Like, I know that that seems totally innocuous, but I've gotten so many messages from people, from pregnant women saying, oh, my gosh, I heard this, I heard this, and this hurt my feeling. Things that I didn't even think about. But, for example, don't tell a woman, oh, my gosh, you must be about to pop. Because what if she's not?

What if she's 32 weeks pregnant? Which means she still has two more months. And you just told her that she's huge. Just don't say it. Don't say it. Only acceptable things to say to a pregnant woman that you don't know super, super well, you look great. You're glowing.

You're going to be a great mom. I'm so excited for you. Congratulations. Ask them questions about preparing for it. Do you not say, do you have twins in there? Don't. Don't. Just don't.

or don't say anything. You don't have to say anything, especially if you're like a guy. Like, it's probably safe to just stick with the congratulations or something like that. Maybe that's sexist. I don't really care. Now, some of you maybe are like way tougher than me. And you're just like, you know what? People are going to say what they're going to say, which of course is true. You can't like, I'm not going to like rip someone to shreds. But the things that you guys have heard that you guys have told me that people have said to you while you're pregnant, I'm just like some people just need to be put into their place. Okay.

Now, all of this said, this is always the caveat that I give after I give a bump date because that's basically my entire bump date is that I just want to remind all of you that those of you who are not pregnant, who are single, who are wanting to be married, who are maybe married, hasn't been able, you haven't been able to get pregnant yet. you are struggling with infertility. Maybe you've suffered a miscarriage. Maybe you've gone through something in your life that doesn't allow you to get pregnant. Maybe this is a sore point for you, a point of just sorrow.

I want you to know that I see you and I think about you. And I sympathize with your pain, even though I haven't been exactly where you are. And know that even though I talk about my bump dates and I talk about pregnancy and all of that, that I will never forget about you or think that your value is placed in or found in being a mom, that your value is as a human being made in the image of God who has a soul and has an eternal purpose and an eternal destination outside of what your earthly role is as a mom, as a wife, as whatever, and that God is in control of your life and that you are not missing out necessarily. You are not missing out by not.

being able to have kids or not getting married. These things are wonderful things, but the Bible says that Paul says, I wish all of you could be as I am. It is better to be single than to be married because you can devote yourself fully to Christ. If that is the case, then you can find fullness of joy apart from those things. And you are just as worthy and as valuable and as productive and as important in this world to the kingdom of God without those things. We've also talked. talked about the importance of if you can have children and you are married to have children, that aside from not being able to have kids and aside from ministry obligations that we should be people who, once we are married, who want to have kids because children are

a blessing, they are not an inconvenience. They are not a burden. They are not a hindrance to your travels, something that I used to believe. I did. And I'll just admit that. I was, I simply thought of kids as a hindrance to the things that I wanted to do. And I need to check all of my boxes before I had them, but that's not the biblical perspective of kids. So I just always want to give those two caveats that I see all of you no matter what stage of life that you're in. And I am very grateful that you celebrate with me, even if you're in a different stage

of life. Those of you who are in my same stage of life, I love that we've been able to walk through this together. A lot of you guys have said that you're praying for me. Thank you so much. And I love hearing your stories. I love hearing your advice, some advice that I give from people. Interesting.

But most of the time, especially the people who actually listen to my podcast, those are usually like random, like men who try to give me pregnancy advice. And I'm like, what? But you guys, you listen to my podcast, you guys give me great advice and great encouragement. And so love all of you. Just wanted to give you that update. And now I am going to answer some of the questions that you guys sent me.

me. You guys sent me a lot of good questions. And I said personal, political, professional, whatever they are. Okay. This question is, is it appropriate to wear leggings to a corporate job if you have a cardigan or something covering your behind and you've seen other coworkers do before? I love that question. Well, I do think it depends on the environment of your office. And I, I don't think that there is like an objective biblical perspective on this. Now, I think if the leggings to have like a zipper in pockets and they look like pants if they're jaggings or there are even work pants that are like that stretchy tighter material but they look like actual pants. I personally would say that's okay as long as whatever you're wearing on top is appropriate. And of course,

they're not see-through or anything like that. And you do have adequate coverage everywhere. Now, I think the best thing to do would be to ask someone who has worked there for a long time. I think the best way to do it in a way that wouldn't seem like your passive aggressively accusing them of wearing something inappropriate would be to try on whatever outfit you want to try on, take a picture of it in the mirror and then show a coworker and say, like, I just don't know. Do you think that this is appropriate to wear to work? Just be honest. Do you think this is good?

And maybe don't even say anything, hey, is it appropriate to wear leggings at work? Because if that person is wearing leggings at work, they might think that you're being passive aggressive about them wearing leggings at work. Girls are weird. So that's probably what I would do. I don't know if you have a good enough relationship with your boss to where you feel comfortable doing that. If this is a corporate job, maybe not.

But if there is a coworker that you trust that's been there for a while, I would ask them about a particular outfit. If you are uncomfortable doing that, I would err on the side of caution and not do that. I would wear trousers or I would wear a skirt until you feel comfortable enough making sure that that's okay. Chances are, if you've seen other people do it, it's probably fine. again, as long as it still looks professional and it's modest. Some people probably have different opinions on that. I personally, if it's a corporate job, wouldn't wear athletic leggings or just playing cotton leggings. But again, it's kind of something that you have to feel out and you probably just have to assess the situation where you are. Next question. I am a senior in high school and I'm very passionate about politics, but I'm feeling conflicted about majoring in polysize. I'm afraid I won't get a good job. What should I do? Thanks love the podcast.

Okay, here's my honest opinion. I don't think it really matters what you major in unless you know that you want to go to grad school for something if you want to go to med school, if you want to go to law school, even if you want to go to business school and get your master's, whatever. I don't think what you major in is that important. I majored in communication studies. I simply majored in what I was interested in. I thought about double majoring,

but then I realized that that's not really going to help me in life. It's just going to stress me out. I thought about going to law school at one point, and when I did, I was going to maybe do Pauly Sai in English, and then I realized, no, I don't want to go to three more years of school. So I majored in communication studies. It wasn't a hard major. And I think I probably could have majored in anything

and still gotten the job in PR that I got out of high school, out of high school, out of college, and I still probably could have gone on to do what I do now. Now, communication studies was something that was genuinely interesting to me, and I was good at it. I was good at public speaking, and I was good at my calm classes, and I really liked it. I loved my polyside classes, too. Probably could have majored in that. I think that you major in what you're interested in and what matters more than what you major in. Now, don't major in something stupid where you're not going to learn anything of value. But in place, science, you're going to learn something that is valuable. What matters more is the kind of

internships, I think, that you have in college and the kind of experience that you are able to gain both in leadership positions on campus, extracurricular activities, and in the internships, apprenticeships that you take. I think that matters more to what you will be able to do after college than what you majored in. There are lots of different majors that you can have. And and still get a successful job. But if you know that you want to do something in the realm of political science, whether it's going to law school or being in politics or being a journalist or whatever it is, political science can apply to a lot of things.

I went to a liberal arts college, which allowed me to take on a pretty general major that could apply to a lot of things. There are goods and there are bads to that. I went into my first job in PR not fully prepared. I didn't know how to write a press release. I didn't know how to do these specific things. but I had a lot of knowledge in different areas that probably people who only majored in PR at a state school did not have. So there are goods and there are bads to that. So that's what I would tell

you. Don't worry too much about your major. Worry about the leadership that you are practicing and the roles that you have outside of school and doing well in what you have. What are your top favorite fiction books. Oh, that's really difficult. Okay, what was, so I read this book recently, recently. It was probably like almost a year ago now, but it was called the Nightingale and I just love World War II. That's my favorite era. It was a really good fiction book. Now, when I was in high school, that's, that was the prime of my fiction time. I was such a nerd looking back. My friends and I, this was really before smartphones, like you didn't have social media. So you didn't scroll on anything. This is why I say it was a lot smarter in high school.

honestly because I read fiction all of the time all the time like I read all kinds of stuff I really liked Francine Rivers in high school now looking back I'm like was aren't those emotionally healthy books not really but the Mark of the Lion series that trilogy was so good again that was in high school or maybe college that I read it so I can't even say that I would read it now and say oh my gosh this is amazing but I loved it then and I did love redeeming love now we've made fun of redeeming love on this podcast before in the episode titled Purity Culture because it is kind of an emotionally and spiritually unhealthy message that we all should be waiting for our Michael Josea with bated breath all the time. But I loved Francine Rivers in high school. And I do think that she's an

amazing author regardless of what you think about the emotional health of her books. I loved romance novels. I loved historical fiction. And that's what the Nightingale is. So I guess I haven't grown out of that at all. I love the book, 1984. just because of the cultural relevance that it has and has always had and will continue to have. It's a great book that I recommend every single person read. If you have not read 1984, you need to read 1984. Speaking of reading, my husband told me this interesting thing that he heard on a podcast about how our brains have atrophied.

We've talked about that on this podcast before, about how we really are dumber, probably, those of us who are around my age, I'm 27, dumber than we're. we were 10 years ago, I think because of social media. And this guy, this expert on this podcast, actually confirmed it. So scrolling on our phone gives us dopamine and it releases dopamine. And it's like a reward. It's kind of like Pavlov's dog. We get a treat. Our brain gets this treat every time we scroll on our phone. And so when we get bored, when our minds don't feel like doing something difficult, for me, it's like when I'm writing my book. My brain craves scrolling on my phone.

It craves scrolling on Instagram because of the dopamine that's released. Now, when I was in high school, that was not the case. When I was bored, I would read. I didn't have anything to scroll. And like TV, okay, yeah, I could watch keeping up with the Kardashians or something, but that only lasts so long. And it wasn't, my brain actually craved something to feed on and to, it actually craved working out in exercise.

and now my brain craves laziness, which is scrolling on social media. So what I always tell people, if you want to get ahead in life, I think that you have to be a good writer and a good communicator because so many people in our generation just aren't. They can't hold a conversation. They cannot form a logical argument, which is why, quite frankly, I know I might get in trouble from some of my liberal listeners on this, why quite frankly so many young people are liberal because you don't have to think to be a liberal. You have to think to be a conservative.

You do not have to think in this day and age as a young person to be a liberal. Doesn't mean all liberals don't think. But it does mean that almost all people that don't think are liberals, young people anyway. Because they cannot critically think. Research is too hard. Understanding the Constitution is too hard. Understanding complex concepts are too hard. And so they feel everything.

And part of it is because our brains have atrophied by social media. So if you want to get ahead, if you want to stay strong, be a good communicator, be a good writer. you cannot, in my opinion, be a good writer if you don't read. You cannot. I look back at some of the things that I read in high school. They're better than the things that I write now because I read a lot more 10 years ago than I do now. Some of it is because I'm busier now, but some of it is because I waste time on Twitter. So my encouragement to you and to myself, I'm preaching to the choir here, is to put down your phone and read and read fiction. There's nothing wrong with reading fiction. A lot of times we think that are we're wasting time by reading fiction. I don't think so. I think I'm a smarter person,

a more creative person and a better writer when I am reading good fiction. I think fiction matters. It helps you be a more critically thinking, creative, well-rounded, good communicating person when you read not just how-to books or not just self-help books or not just philosophical books, but good fiction. There are ideas and fiction that might not be as obvious as when presented by a self-help book

but that still are really important lessons for our brains to take away and it actually takes more exercise and effort for our brains to get there which is good for our brains. And like I said, I'm preaching to the choir because I never want to read at night

which sometimes I just really don't. Okay. Okay, I don't know the answer to that one. I don't fully know the answer to that one. Someone asked me my views on teachings from Bethel Church. So I do have views, but they are not fully formulated yet. And my views are negative. I'll just say that. I've actually talked about it on my podcast before. From what I can tell, it is overly charismatic emotionalism that has no real grounding in the Bible.

So that's my basic thought. I should probably do a more thorough episode on that once I have more information. But yeah, I would be very wary of Bethel Church and I would just make sure everything you're hearing from them, whether it's music or, or teachings that you have your Bible open as you listen and that you make sure that it's actually biblical. Any advice for a young Christian conservative woman looking for her future husband? Well, I understand. I've been there before and I've always been someone that's, that, you know, has wanted to be married. And it's a very natural to want to be married. It's a good thing to want to be married. There's nothing wrong with that. I would say get involved in church. I would say get involved in any community organizations that

you can get involved in. Any kind of service or nonprofit, nonprofit organizations that you can get involved in. I would say just be connected to a local Christian community. And of course, you can pray. Now, the caveat to the praying is that, I do think it's very easy for us women, for, yeah, for us women to, to idolize our husband and to think that we will not be fulfilled. We will not be happy. We will not be complete until we get married. And that's wrong. Christ satisfies us completely and totally. We don't need a husband to be satisfied. As I've already said, Paul says it's better to be single than to be married. and so your job as a single person is to be satisfied in Christ.

That doesn't mean that you won't long for a husband. That doesn't mean that that's not natural. Of course it is. And it can be very good. And you very well may be married, but you might not. And you have to trust God that he has a good plan for your life. And you find joy in his purpose for you. And if he wills you to be married, the right person that he would like you to be married to,

that is a believer, he will come along. And I would not settle. I do not settle for someone that you don't really love just because you want to be married. That's what I'll say. Is dating at 17 and marrying at 18 a good idea if you and your significant other share values or should we wait longer? That is difficult because I don't know the 17 and 18 year old. I know myself at 17 and 18.

I was significantly smarter than I was at 17. Seriously. Like I was making way better decisions at 18 than I was at 17. I would think back and I'm like if I married the guy that I was dating at 18, oh my gosh. Thank God. I mean, for me, thank God literally. I'm not just saying that. Thank God that I did not. I'm so happy with who I marry. Now, again, you just don't, you're not fully developed when you're 17, 18. Now, of course, people used to do that all the time. They used to stay married, you know, forever getting married at 17 and 18. but the 17, 18-year-olds now are not the same as the 17-18-year-olds in the 1940s and 50s.

Like we've already talked about, this prolonged adolescence has really taken root of our culture and people don't grow up nowadays until they're like 32. And so, but I don't know you, I don't know this particular couple. You might be astoundingly mature. Y'all might not live at home and you might have jobs. If that's the case and you feel like you want to get married and you both are believers, if you are Christians and you are both sure and you're just way more mature than people around you, that I'm not going to tell you, no, absolutely not. Do I think that it's important to take advice from

other people, wise people that you trust? Yes, do I think it's important that you assess your financial situation, that you assess your education situation, that you assess some practicalities and logistics when you're a teenager thinking about getting married? Of course, I do. I think it's good to employ wisdom, of course, pray about this. But if you're 18, I would say if you're 18 years old and you want to get married and all the things are aligned, I can't say objectively that absolutely not. But there are a lot of things, a lot of things that I would consider first. Okay.

So do you have any encouragement for a gal who feels all alone in her views, both politically and spiritually, even at the world's largest Christian university? girl, I know how you feel. And I am really sorry. I would, I would try to find and pray for people who are like-minded. I'm curious to know what you feel alone in, which is a totally normal feeling, by the way. You just don't feel understood. You don't feel like people truly share the beliefs that you have. I would pray for like-minded friends and community. I would get involved in church, try to have a small group, try to find points of commonality among people. that you think might disagree with you,

stay rooted and grounded in the word and don't compromise your values and your faith just to be liked by other people. But I understand this is hard and you're going to have to pray for strength to persist through this loneliness. And it's a really hard feeling. I have totally been there.

I totally was there in college at a pretty conservative university. And I know how you feel and it is really hard. Unfortunately for me, I ended up compromising my values to be liked and to get affirmation and attention. And I can tell you from experience that does not end well, I racked up a lot of regrets in that season of my life because I thought that partying and hooking up and all that stuff would make me feel better about myself and make me feel more accepted and it didn't.

It just made me feel worse and it made me feel empty. And so I don't recommend that. I recommend that you stay the course and you pray for strength and you pray for godly community and you look for ways to serve other people, even people that maybe you don't agree with or think that you wouldn't be friends with. Okay, just a couple more questions. This is a great question. Someone says, when I look at myself in the mirror, what should I say to myself to be reminded of who I am? Appearance can definitely set off my trash person self-alarm, and I want a way to combat that. Yes, I totally understand. Speaking of college, I also had a

season in college where I really struggled with insecurity. My skin all of a sudden got terrible. My hair started falling out at this period. in college. I had also gained weight and I just hated how I looked and I was so obsessed with my appearance and wanting to be more like other people. And it really just led me to this very selfish, self-absorbed place. And it wasn't, as I've said many times before, more self-love or self-motivation that I needed. It was less thinking about myself and realizing the things that are important, which is our eternal purpose as people, you know, as people, who are in Christ. And so our comfort for our insecurity, which is a real thing. You shouldn't just

say, oh, no, I'm not going to be insecure because I'm a Christian. No, you'll be insecure. You'll hate your body. You'll be self-conscious. You'll be worried about what you look like and you'll be trapped in the trap of comparison. Our comfort for all of those things is not, girl, you are awesome and you're like Beyonce because you're probably not. Like, I'm not like Beyonce or you. Really? If you are awesome, more power to you. Maybe you should say that you're like Beyonce. You're probably not. You're probably just a regular girl like me. And the reminder that you should give yourself is that you are not your body. You are not your weight. You are not your acne. You are not your disability. You are not whatever thing you think that you have or don't have that other people don't. That is not

your identity. Your identity is your soul. Your identity is who you are in Christ. And he has already called you forgiven. He has already called you loved if you are saved in him. He has already called you redeemed. He has said, I have a purpose for you. If you honestly think that I'm going to let your appearance stop me from using you, then you're crazy. And the fact that we have been chosen by a wrathful but loving and merciful God is the balm for our anxiety. Now, does that mean that you're immediately going to feel good about yourself and you're immediately going to be ready to take on the world and you're never going to think about the fact that you can't zip your pants up anymore that you could wear last month. No, you're still going to think about those things.

And there's nothing wrong, of course, with enacting discipline in your life. If, for example, you've begun to indulge too much in junk food and you need to be more disciplined in working out and being a good steward of your body, there's nothing wrong with taking action steps in that regard if it's a matter of discipline. But some days, it's not a matter of discipline. It's just a matter if you don't feel good about yourself. And your comfort is that you'll never be enough. You're never going to be good enough. There's always going to be someone prettier than you. always going to be someone with wider teeth, always going to be someone skinnier than you, always someone with better hair. So instead of striving after those things, which are ultimately

fruitless and will not satisfy you and will fade, strive after God, the purpose that he has for you and cultivating the fruit of the spirit, which cannot be down without the power of the Holy Spirit. And that's not an immediate fix. That is a lifelong fix and a struggle and something that we have to discipline ourselves to do. And it's a choice that we make. It's not a feeling that we have. the problem with a lot of this self-love stuff is that they tell you that you have to feel good about yourself. Well, no, some days you won't feel good about yourself. What's not, what's important is not that you feel good about yourself. It's that you know who you are and that you make a choice to remember who you are in Christ. You have no right to look at yourself any differently than

what God looks at you as, which is clean and new and redeemed and purposed for something higher than yourself. So that's my encouragement. I'm going to end on that one. I love doing these Q&As. I'm sorry that I didn't get to all of the questions. Maybe I'll get to some, maybe I'll get to some more next week in our podcast. But love you guys. I hope that you have a great weekend.

And I'll see you here on Monday.