Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 895 | Is Motherhood God's Plan for Every Woman? | Q&A

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in, conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed. You can watch this D-Day Show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. Is circumcision biblical or barbaric? Should you keep trying for children if you've been trying for a long period of time and God has not yet allowed you to conceive? What about IVF? Is it unethical in all cases? Also, what's my favorite movie? We've got all of this and more on this episode of Relatable, which is brought to you by our friends at Good Ranchers. That's American Meat delivered right to your front door. Go to Goodrangers.com. Use code Alley at checkout. That's good ranchers.com. Code All right.

Starting point is 00:01:18 Hey guys. Welcome to Relatable. Hope everyone is having a wonderful week. I've got some questions to answer from y'all that you sent me. All right, a lot of interesting ones. First one, advice for someone who is wondering if motherhood is part of God's plan for me. We've been trying for over a year with no results. I keep feeling like God is teaching me that I, I keep feeling like God is teaching me that I don't need this and I should be satisfied with Jesus alone. How do I square this with the command to be fruitful? So I am so sorry that you have been desiring something, trying for something for this long. And I understand that that feeling, that sinking feeling every month when you get that negative pregnancy test, that waiting period between like when you're trying and the time that you know that you could take a pregnancy test, it's so difficult.

Starting point is 00:02:08 difficult every month, like your emotions rise, your hopes rise, your expectations rise, only to be dashed. That's a really difficult feeling. And I haven't gone through something for that long, although I will say that for all of our kids, it took us a few months. And so I'm not pretending to be in the exact situation that you are in, but I can, I do understand some of that feeling. And I understand also how that feeling would be even deep in, just the longer and longer it goes. And so over a year is a long time. There are people who also have been trying and not able to get pregnant for years and years and years. I've heard miraculous stories of people who have been trying for 10 years and then suddenly something happened and they were actually able to conceive.

Starting point is 00:02:53 So I don't think that just because something is difficult means that it's not part of God's plan. In fact, there are a lot of things that are difficult. There are a lot of things that take a lot of effort and a lot of time that are part of God's plan. I think that we can see this throughout scripture, that of course Sarah, Abraham's wife, that she didn't conceive until she was very old. We even see when Israel is wandering through the wilderness for 40 years. God could have brought them into the promised land immediately. Immediately, he could have defeated all of their foes. He could have just parted the Red Sea and transported them immediately to Canaan and said, here's your land filled and flowing with milk and honey. you've had a really hard time in slavery already. No use in making you wander, but he did it.

Starting point is 00:03:38 Like we see a lot that God demands that we wait, that God brings things through a process, that we don't always see the reasoning for that. We don't always see the why behind it. We don't understand why we don't get the results of the time that we want to. And we wonder, does God even want this for me? But look, God promised that he was going to bring Israel to the promised land before they were wandering through the wilderness. He did do it.

Starting point is 00:04:01 He did it on their timeline. He did it so that he could show his provision and he could bring them closer to himself, show his faithfulness, show his strength, show his power, demand their obedience. And I'm not saying that's your exact situation today. I can't say that I know what God is accomplishing through this situation. Maybe he will never bless you with a biological child. I don't know that. Unfortunately, because we live in a fallen world, there is disappointment.

Starting point is 00:04:32 there's heartache, there's barrenness, there are things that we don't understand, don't have an explanation for, but we don't know that. We don't know that just because you have not gotten pregnant yet, that it is not God's plan for you to ever be pregnant. He is doing something, though, I promise you this. He is doing something through this waiting period. He is sanctifying you. He is working things out for your good and his glory in a way that we can't see, in a way that you probably can't always feel, but in faith you can know, because that's what he does, that we are to rejoice in trials of many kinds because these trials produce a steadfastness. They produce a perseverance. They produce a patience and a faithfulness in us

Starting point is 00:05:18 that has eternal and spiritual ramifications. And so God is being glorified through accomplishing his will through you. We don't know how. We don't know why. We don't know where. We don't know when or if you will have a child, but that we know for sure, that God is totally faithful and totally good and that he knew the second that you would be born before he laid the foundations of the world, that if you have a child, he knows exactly when that child will be conceived. He's already planned every single day of their lives before any of them have come to be. That's what we read in Psalm 139. So how do you reconcile this? with God's command to be fruitful? Look, right now, you don't have physical children. And so God

Starting point is 00:06:08 commands us to be fruitful. Yes, of course, by multiplying through children, but not everyone. If you're not married, for example, you can't obey that command. So what are we supposed to do? What are the people who are not having children for whatever reason? Because they're not married yet or God hasn't blessed them with children within marriage? What are they supposed to do? Are they just supposed to sit around and twid their thumbs and just say, okay, I guess I can't be a real Christian or really obey God until that happens? We're called to be spiritually fruitful now. Are there young women in your life that you can disciple? Are there children in your life that you can invest in? I think all women are called to mother in one way or another, whether you are single or whether you're married, whether you have biological or adopted children or not. We are all given this innate ability to mother, to nurture, to nourish, to beautify the spaces that we occupy, to help mentor and raise up the next generation. That's through teaching. That's through instruction. That's through care. That's through mentorship. that's through volunteer opportunities, that's through service in your church. There are so many different ways that you can have an eternal gospel impact on the people

Starting point is 00:07:11 around you, on the young people around you, even if God has not yet or does not ever bless you with a child. That is something that we know that you are called to. I can't say whether or not you should keep, quote, unquote, trying whatever that entails for you. obviously I've talked about the ethics, you know, the very questionable ethics of hormonal birth control and things like that. So that's not what I'm suggesting. But sometimes also when you stop tracking your ovulation and you stop obsessing over the timing of things and you stop being so stressed out and overthinking about things that can really help. That can help your marriage. That can help your state of mind. Sometimes I think it can even help conception. That's not my medical diagnosis. It just seems that way in my own experience. And so, maybe God is bringing you into a time of just relaxation, of not fixating on this and not thinking that your salvation or that your sanctification depends on you conceiving, but you just doing

Starting point is 00:08:11 the next right thing, just doing the next right thing in faith with excellence and for the glory of God. That's what he's calling you too. And then some couples who go through this, they also realize, okay, we need to adopt. That's what we want to do. And it's funny how often this happens that, and I'm not saying that there's any like spiritual correlation here. I just think it's funny that this happens that a lot of times when couples go through infertility and they decide to adopt and then they end up like in the adoption process conceiving naturally and then they have these two babies that they're taking care of, which is awesome.

Starting point is 00:08:43 So maybe God is calling you to adopt. Maybe he's calling you to foster. Maybe that is what God's calling you to. I would definitely pray about that, seek wisdom about that. Maybe having a biological child while that poll is so real and so unconstitutional. understandable. Maybe it is through adoption that he wants you to have kids. I'm not sure. But right now, God is making that choice for you. I would also just make sure that you're assessing your health. There are a lot of things that have nothing to do with reproductive

Starting point is 00:09:11 technology like IVF and things like that that have nothing to do with those things that you can do to take control of your health. I mean, again, I'm not saying this as a doctor. I'm not saying that this is going to be some like perfect plan, but there are fertility specialists out. there who specialize in nutrition, in exercise, ensuring that the things that you're eating and the environment that you're in, even the products that you're using, are conducive to fertility. There are also supplements. I'm not talking about like which doctor type stuff, but like just normal supplements that you can get to help you induce ovulation. I think it's totally normal and good and fine to look into those things. And then there's,

Starting point is 00:09:57 There are steps that you can take to just make sure that you are doing everything that you can that is within your control, within reason, just to ensure that you're stewarding your body well and that you are setting yourself and your husband too. Because it matters for him, for sperm production and all of that, that y'all are both as healthy as you can be. Again, not saying that that that guarantees anything and not trying to stress you out or put more on your plate. but certainly before there's any like consideration or like I would say there shouldn't be consideration of those unethical like reproductive technologies like I would just yeah I would just ensure that the things in your life that you can control that you are stewarding well. Hey this is Steve Day's. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual and rooted in what we

Starting point is 00:10:52 believe is true about God, humanity and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this T-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. This kind of leads to the next question. Are you a

Starting point is 00:11:32 opposed to IVF if a couple uses their own eggs, sperm, and eventually uses them all. So I'll link a couple episodes that I've done in the past about IVF and why I'm against in vitro fertilization. And it is not because I don't think that kids who are conceived through IVF are not made in the image of God. I'm not saying that you are a bad parent. I'm not saying that your kids aren't precious and valuable. They're just as precious and valuable as kids conceived naturally.

Starting point is 00:11:57 It's not about that. And I say that because those are the kind of messages that I get when I talk about the ethical question surrounding IVF, it's not about if you're a good mom. It's not about if your children are beautiful and precious and made in the image of God. I'm sure you're a wonderful mom. I'm sure you're wonderful parents. And your kids are precious and made in the image of God. It's just the question surrounding what happens when you separate reproduction from sex. And there are questions that surround that. There is difficulty very often for the health of the mother when it comes to IVF, there is a high attrition rate. And so even after these eggs are

Starting point is 00:12:37 fertilized, which as the believer, like we believe that life starts at conception. That is when a unique human life is formed. There's a high attrition rate, a high death rate for those fertilized eggs when it comes to IVF. So even if you're implanting all of the fertilized eggs eventually when it comes to IVF, like you are still taking a very high risk with the life of those little image bearers of God that have now been fertilized. And so anytime you take, you separate reproduction and sex, like there are going to be ethical questions. They're going to be dilemmas that I simply think that we really need to consider. As we've said many times in this podcast, whenever technology in any realm takes us from what is natural to what is possible, they're at the very least questions

Starting point is 00:13:24 that we should ask. Doesn't mean all technology is bad. Sometimes going from what's natural to what's possible is awesome. If you're a paraplegic and technology allows it for you to walk, if you're someone who is unable to speak and you have technology that is able to help you communicate, if you can't hear, technology allows you to hear, like we went from what's natural to what's possible through technology. These can all be wonderful things. But things get a lot more complicated when you're dealing with other human lives, when you're dealing particularly with unconsenting and vulnerable babies, these fertilized eggs. And so a lot of questions surrounding IV, and even if someone fertilizes the eggs and then they implant them all eventually,

Starting point is 00:14:08 I still think that there is a lot of risk there. There's a lot of risk to the mom. There's a lot of risk to the baby. And the fact is, this is the thing, is that most couples don't do that. That's not the case for most couples. I would say that that is the better option for sure to implant all the eggs that were fertilized. Absolutely. But that's not typically what happens. Typically what happens is that you fertilize as many eggs as you possibly can. And you, a lot of times there's a process of picking.

Starting point is 00:14:45 Sometimes the sex, sometimes based on whether the embryo looks strong or the fertilized egg looks strong. There's some genetic testing that can be done, especially when you're talking about surrogacy. And when it comes to like two men or two women, there's very often sex selection that goes on in that process. So the entire like reproductive industry, there's a lot of shadiness that goes on. There are a lot of ethical questions that are just never even addressed because adults' desires always seem to trump a child's rights in a lot of different cases, but certainly when it comes to reproduction. So again, just some questions to ask someone also asked me, like, do I think it's okay to adopt snowflake babies? These are the babies who,

Starting point is 00:15:33 they're embryos, they were never implanted, or they are fertilized eggs that were never implanted, and they're just on ice. You know, there are like millions of these in America because their parents didn't want to implant them. That's what happens. You fertilize all these eggs. You get the two kids maybe that you want, and then you have all these fertilized eggs that are on ice. those are people. Those are humans in their earliest stage of development. We as believers believe that they're made in the image of God and they're just in a freezer. And so there are some questions about that, about the morality of doing that. And so should you adopt these fertilized eggs? Look, I think that that's fine. I think you totally can. I think that I'm not

Starting point is 00:16:15 sure that it's necessarily an objective right or wrong when you decide between these what's called snowflake babies and then these, you know, like children, five-year-olds or whatever, or children who are outside of the womb who have already been gestated, who also need adoption. Now, Jennifer Law, who has been on my podcast, who has studied and talked about the bioethics of all of this for a very long time, she says that it is better to adopt a child who has already been born than these snowflake babies who are on ice. And actually, like, she would argue that the ethical thing is to, if you have no intention of ever implanting these babies to allow them to be destroyed.

Starting point is 00:17:05 And I don't know that I, I'm not sure that I align with that. But if you're deciding between, like, destroying them or paying forever for them to just be frozen indefinitely. That's a really big moral dilemma, right? Those are children that you've created. So this is all a part of the difficulty, I think, of IVF and the reproductive industry. It's just things, I think, again, that we need to consider. All right. Next question. Very different question. What's my favorite movie? Hmm. Really good question. I love, there's so many. I love the Count of Monte Cristo. I love sad movies. I legit love the note. book, okay? I love the notebook. It's not overrated. It's perfectly rated. Terrible morals. Okay,

Starting point is 00:17:54 I'm not advocating for that. But Rachel McCadams is like my favorite actress. Um, great movie. Uh, Braveheart, great movie. Um, also Boondock Saints, great movie, but that surprised you. Uh, I like these kind of, I like, like dramas, if you will. So, I don't know. probably one of those, although I haven't sat down to watch a movie like that in a long time. Takes up a lot of your time and a lot of your energy. Is circumcision biblical or barbaric? Very, very controversial. So the practice of circumcision was different in the Bible than it is today.

Starting point is 00:18:41 Circumcising all baby boys is a very like American thing. They don't do that everywhere. and the circumcision that is performed today in hospitals is from my understanding more invasive than the circumcision that was in the Bible. Obviously there were different regulations, a different time waiting period in the Bible also than there is today. But I don't think that it is biblically necessary for all boys to be circumcised. just because that was a symbol that, you know, God used in the Old Testament. I mean, maybe there are some, like, principles of cleanliness to be derived from why he commanded circumcision.

Starting point is 00:19:26 There seems to be always, like, a good reasoning behind why God commanded what he commanded in the Old Testament, even if we're not under those laws. But still, I don't think it's biblically necessary for every boy to be circumcised. It's become, like, a very contentious issue, actually, that. I've only seen it discussed and debated in recent years. So I could definitely see, depending on your perspective, how people see it as barbaric. Again, I think there's a difference between the kind of circumcision where you're taking your baby boy to the synagogue eight days later to get circumcised and the circumcision that happens today. There's also just a lot of propensity for infection and things like that when it comes to circumcision in the hospital day. So I don't know, things to consider.

Starting point is 00:20:12 I wouldn't say that I have necessarily the most. most informed opinion or passionate opinion about this. But yeah, that's a question actually that I've gotten a lot. Do we ever plan to homeschool? Maybe. We'll see. We're not quite there yet. If you could change, well, let me say, we know that we will be doing Christian education of some sort. We just don't know exactly what that will look like. If you could change one thing Western evangelical Christianity does wrong, what would it be? I think. I think. I think, well, I mean, there's a lot of things, obviously, that we could, like, pick and choose. I do think, I think one thing is, like, the hyper individualism that we see so much in our, in our church today.

Starting point is 00:21:13 And the emphasis on feelings, the emphasis on what you get from church and what you get from the Christian experience, I think there's a lack of community independence. Like, even in our small group situation, like, we might have friends that we meet. with once a week, but the really like interwovenness of people's lives that I think that we see more in non-Western, non-European, non-American countries, I think that's really missing today. And it's not necessarily the church's fault. It's just how we live. It's how our houses are set up. How our schedules are set up.

Starting point is 00:21:49 How our lives are set up to be like very individualistic, a focus almost exclusively on the nuclear family, which obviously. the nuclear natural family is great, but a lack of dependence on communities, on our neighbors, on our church family, just in our everyday lives, I think that that is like we're missing a part of Christian joy for that, like feeling like, okay, my Christian friends who live close to me, they not only have my back, but they're looking out for my kids. I think that really the world or the country in general is missing that neighborliness. But even, within the church. I think everything that the church can do to foster that kind of community is good.

Starting point is 00:22:31 I would also say just like community opportunities for single people. I think there's probably more of that in like the urban churches than there is in the suburb in churches. And not just for the purpose of them finding their mate and getting married, but actually making them feel like you're just as much a part of the church. You're just as important to this church and this community is the married mother or father is. Making sure that everyone in our church has people, has people, the seemingly weird person, the person who is otherwise ostracized, the person who is bullied at church, or hopefully not bullied at church, bullied at school, or who is like down on their luck, like the person

Starting point is 00:23:17 who is a little eccentric, like all of those people that the world kind of tosses to the side because they're inconvenient, like may the church give every one of those people an opportunity to be loved and really, like, really communed with. Can I do a book tour? My next book comes out. Hopefully, I hope so. I hope to be able to do that. Why are some books left out of the Bible that we use today?

Starting point is 00:23:44 So I don't know if you're referring to perhaps the Apocrypha. So the Catholic Bible has more books than the Protestant Bible does. Apocrypha means hidden. And so, for example, Tobit, Judith, Prayer of Manasseh, First and Second, Maccabees. These are books of the Catholic Bible that Protestants don't include. Of course, Catholics say that we took out these books of the Bible, but we actually say that they added these books to the biblical canon and they do not actually belong in the Bible. And the problem and the reason is is because, I mean, the history of the church are these very earnest and

Starting point is 00:24:32 serious and godly councils of Christians meeting together and deciding which books should be included, not based on whims, not based on feelings, not based on politics or like cultural norms, but based on what is historically accurate using a variety of texts, both in and outside of the Bible. What is confirmed by scripture itself, what is confirmed by history. There are many, many, many resources on this that I would recommend. The canon of scripture by F.F. Bruce. That's one resource that I would recommend. The canon of scripture by F.F. Bruce. Like, why do we have the 66 books that we have today as Protestants? Why don't we include the apocrypha? Why don't we believe these are the inerent Word of God? Because we don't. We don't

Starting point is 00:25:17 believe that the books of the apocrypha are inspired by the Holy Spirit. We believe that in some cases they contradicts scripture, that they contradict history, that they contradict Jesus. There's a reason why Jesus doesn't refer to them. There's a reason why ancient Israel didn't believe that these tax were part of the Word of God. And so rather than getting into all of that right now, because it's a long conversation, I would recommend the canon of scripture by F.F. Bruce. And then let's see if there are any more questions for me to answer. Aside from the Lord, what makes your marriage stronger? And so let's see, I've been married for eight years, so I can't pretend to be the foremost expert on this.

Starting point is 00:25:58 There are people who are a lot older than me who have been married a lot longer, who have been through a lot more, that could give you more and better wisdom on this. So just speaking, as someone who has only been married for eight years. years, but gosh, that seems like a good chunk of time, honestly, eight years. Wow. Can't believe I'm old enough to have been married eight years. Spitting time together, finding things that you both like to do, enjoying one another's company, having fun, just hanging out and doing nothing, not constantly being busy, going from responsibility to responsibility, having time without your kids. That's something that we really care about. We are very consistent with like, with bedtime. at night with our kids and we have time before we go to bed to hang out. And I think that that

Starting point is 00:26:45 helps just enjoying each other's company. It doesn't have to be fancy. It doesn't, you don't have to be like doing like playing games or even having spiritual conversations, although that's great. But have fun together. Enjoy time together. And enjoy time with your phone down, like actually talking to one another. I think that's really helpful. All right. That's all we've got time for today. We will see you guys back here next time. Hey guys, if you love this podcast, please leave us a five-star review wherever you listen on Apple podcast or on Spotify. And if you haven't yet, please subscribe to our YouTube channel.

Starting point is 00:27:33 Thanks. Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality.

Starting point is 00:27:57 We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us.

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 895 | Is Motherhood God's Plan for Every Woman? | Q&A

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