Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 928 | From Transition to Conversion | Guest: Daisy Strongin (Part Two)

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

Today, we're joined by Daisy Strongin, wife, mother and de-transitioner, for part two of her story. We pick up with the complex feelings that accompanied her parents' validation of her "new gender" and some of the red flags she felt ultimately led her to de-transition. She shares how she felt after her double mastectomy and why she ended up regretting it. We discuss some of the conservative podcasts she listened to at the time, including this one, that helped change her mind on transgenderism and abortion, and Daisy shares her spiritual journey toward fully de-transitioning and accepting Christ. --- Timecodes: (00:50) Parental reactions (03:10) Double mastectomy aftermath (07:58) Questioning the decision (13:20) Spiritual transformation (20:25) Breaking point (25:10) Politics (27:50) Reading the Bible & believing --- Today's Sponsors: EveryLife — the only premium baby brand that is unapologetically pro-life. EveryLife offers high-performing, supremely soft diapers and wipes that protect and celebrate every precious life. Head to EveryLife.com and use promo code ALLIE10 to get 10% of your first order today! --- Relevant Episodes: Ep 927 | Is Tumblr Making Kids Trans? | Guest: Daisy Strongin (Part One) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-927-is-tumblr-making-kids-trans-guest-daisy-strongin/id1359249098?i=1000640465566 Ep 897 | A Detransitioner on the Lie of Trans ‘Joy’ | Guest: Laura Perry Smalts (Part Two) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-897-a-detransitioner-on-the-lie-of-trans/id1359249098?i=1000632747460 Ep 896 | From 'Trans Man' to Transformed by Christ | Guest: Laura Perry Smalts (Part One) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-896-from-trans-man-to-transformed-by-christ-guest/id1359249098?i=1000632613519 Ep 667 | After Hormones & Surgery, She Found Christ | Guest: Sophia Galvin https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-667-after-hormones-surgery-she-found-christ-guest/id1359249098?i=1000577362561 Ep 884 | Sex Change Regret: Why the Surgeries Never Work | Guest: Scott Newgent https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-884-sex-change-regret-why-the-surgeries-never-work/id1359249098?i=1000630220531 --- Buy Allie's book, You're Not Enough (& That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love: https://alliebethstuckey.com/book Relatable merchandise – use promo code 'ALLIE10' for a discount: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/allie-stuckey

Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort.

We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day Show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. D-transitioner Daisy Strongen shared the first part of her story on the last episode of Relatable, her story of thinking that she is a man and then starting to detransition back to who she really is. But she also is on a faith journey. She realized that God is real and that was part of her recognition of her own femininity. So she's here today to tell us that part of her story.

And this episode is brought to you by a friend that Good Ranchers. Go to Good Ranchers.com. Use code Alley at checkout. That's good ranchers.com. Code Alley. Does your parents ever call you by your chosen male name and your male pronouns? Sometimes my mom did. usually she just avoided pronouns if she could

but it's kind of impossible to do that sometimes if it was a situation where like we're in public and you know someone sees me she knows she like she knew that like she couldn't just call me like oh this is my daughter because at this point I was starting to look distinctly male and passing all the time so

and your voice had lowered Yeah, yeah. And testosterone also changes like the fat composition. It changes your body to look more masculine, right? Yeah. I mean, I was still super skinny, so people still thought I was like way younger than I am. But I definitely didn't look like a woman. Yeah.

So sometimes she found herself in situations where she had to say that I was her son. And then... I bet that was hard for her. Yeah. And then my dad eventually did start calling me Ali and his son. And like towards the very end, because the whole thing lasted about five years. And I think four or five years in, they kind of just figured like, well, it happened. It's reality.

Yeah. You are trans. You have transitioned. So I'm not going to put so much mental energy into fighting this anymore. And I remember when my dad started like saying, like introducing me saying like, this is my son, Oliver. My name was Oliver at the time, Ollie. I felt so conflicted. I was like, I should, I feel, it feels good to be validated by my father.

But there was this cognitive dissonance of almost like, feelings of guilt. Like, I don't know, I just felt like I had put them through so much. And I knew that he didn't actually see me that way. Yeah.

I knew that he still saw me as his daughter. So, yeah, I actually didn't, I remember feeling very complex feelings about him validating me and my mom whenever she would use male pronouns. And how did you feel after the double mastectomy? Right after it, I felt very euphoric for the first like three to six weeks, I would say. Because there's something about like when you hate yourself. and you want to be just anyone else,

and you want to change yourself in this insanely radical way that almost seems impossible, right? When you actually see the change is happening and the world starts to conform to your fantasy version of yourself, it causes this, you know, there was a lot of vanity and narcissism, involved. Like, I'll just be very real. It gives you this almost like high of being like, I have control of the world. Like, I have control of how other people see me in a way that is,

that I didn't think was possible. And when you, when I like saw my chest for the first time, I, it was very surreal. I had seen so many YouTube videos too of people seeing their chest for the first time and just like crying with joy and saying things like, I'm finally free. And it did kind of feel like a sense of freedom because it meant I didn't have to wear that binder anymore.

And, you know, that made it harder to do things for sure. I couldn't really do any physical activity for more than like 30 minutes. minutes without getting out of breath. And I knew I couldn't do that forever. So the idea of like, oh, if I could just be flat chested and not have anything restricting my breathing, that would be amazing. Right.

So I was very happy at first. Yeah. And I was like, well, I'll never regret this. Yeah. I feel so good. Yeah. So. And did you ever consider what they call bottom surgery?

No. You didn't. That was just, I've heard that, you know, Like that even women who get the so-called top surgery, that bottom surgery is like a bridge too far for them just because of all of the potential complications that come from that. And just, I don't know, that part of my body, I always knew was just like, I don't want to mess with that. Yeah. I like the idea of messing with that and having like a fake penis, not worth it. And I didn't feel like I hated that part of me.

Yeah. You know? It's interesting. Yeah. So, because that was hidden from the world. Yeah. But I was just so focused on like, outward, like other people's perception of me and just really indulging my vanity.

And just, um, so that part of me didn't. really matter that much, at least not in my day-to-day life. And I was okay with what I had. And so I never considered bottom surgery. So this was 2018, right? That you got the double mastectomy. And then you told yourself, wow, I'll never regret this. I feel so awesome.

Finally, I guess masculine without the restriction of the binder. But you did come to regret it. So let's talk about that and how that happened and the timeline. Yeah, well, everything that I initially wanted to do with my transition had been done. The whole thing from hearing about genderqueer up until now, it just escalated so quickly, and I was so gung-ho about it. It was kind of like my religion, actually. Because it's based on a, it's kind of a inherently religious thing to say I have the soul of a man.

and that I need to align myself with that, you know, internal manhood. But I think I was, it was probably early 2019 when I remember feeling frustrated over the fact that I was still thinking about my gender all the time. I was kind of exhausted by it. Yeah. And now, so like I'm passing all the time. Not everyone even knows I'm trans. Only the only people who know I'm trans are people who are close to me. And they're all accepting.

They all call me Ali. Nobody is, you know, no one sees me as a girl anymore. Or at least no one seems to. And that was like your ultimate goal. Yes. Is to pass for everyone. Yeah. Yeah.

And just, and to blend. in. Yeah. And I was. I had a, I had a normal job and was finishing up college. You know, I wasn't like, I was just living a very normal life for a 21 year old. But then I started to just feel like I'm incomplete. Like, I've, I remember, because I did not really look like a guy, like my, you know, torso up when I looked at myself not wearing clothes. I'm like, I'm still really skinny and curvy and hairless and, you know, I had to watch so many, like, I had to watch so many, like, gender, videos of like people who really make themselves look like men and become very hairy. That's like that's a very small percentage of people and I was just like I don't know if if I don't feel comfortable in myself now. I don't know if I ever will. And that's when I started

to get very scary thoughts of like did I really need to do this? And I was terrified. And I was terrified of those thoughts. Yeah, I imagine that that would be really scary. Yeah. And also at this point, I'm like, 21. I like, I'm thinking more about having a family because I've never been a particularly career oriented person at all. Like, I've always been a very family oriented person. And at this point, at this age, I'm like, you know, I've been single for a couple of years and I was sort of like going on dates with people, but I didn't feel like any of them. With boys? Yeah, with guys.

And I didn't feel like any of them wanted to like. Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality.

We don't just chase narratives, and we don't. and offer false comfort, we ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us.

Get serious about me. Yeah. If they did, they probably saw me as like a, fetish. Like either the guys that I was dating were kind of like treating me like I'm a friend almost, like just in a very different dynamic of like, you know, male and male relationships is just so different and kind of awkward. Or they would be like really sexual around me and like that's when I knew that like, okay, you like, you like girls who look like boys. Like that's kind of, you're into that.

And so, yeah, that's when I started having feelings of like, man, this would just be a lot easier if I was just a straight girl. And I could be that, but I also can't because I've irreversibly damaged my body. And I've been at this for five years. And I've also told myself, you know, death before detransition. I've heard that or I've seen that. Yeah, it's a motto. It's really not a healthy thing to tell yourself. But, you know, I didn't make the decision initially to transition.

I didn't make it lightly. I knew it was a really big decision. And I told myself, like, you can't go back on this, especially when I started taking irreversible steps because I knew my voice was going to be deep forever and that my breasts were not going to grow back. So I was like, you better be making the right decision because if you're not, you're, you know, effed. So, yeah, those thoughts that I was having, they were so terrifying that I couldn't even. I actually tried to suppress those thoughts very, very much so.

And just tell myself like, you're fine. You're just keep being a guy. Yeah. You're okay. Your life is good. Yeah. Maybe you'll have some more challenges, but hey, you signed up for that. So what was it that tipped you over?

So, rewinding a little bit. I, in 2018, there were a lot of things that tipped me over, honestly. But I think the spiritual aspect is an obvious one that I've yet to talk about. A lot of people hear my story. like they know that I'm now Catholic and they think like, okay, you just, you were groomed by Christians to do this for God. And that's the only reason. It's like it's much more complicated than that. But I started, so I had been atheist for like eight years from like eighth grade to like 19 years old. And then when I was 19, like I just, I never thought about it. I never thought about God. I never thought about religion. I just wasn't interested in that. I much preferred just doing whatever I wanted to do. Because I stopped being Christian.

I was raised Protestant. I was raised Christian, not particularly Christian, but we went to church. And I had a very, like, I had a very, like, childlike faith because I was a child. And I knew that Jesus died for me. I knew that Jesus loved me. and I knew that Jesus was God. And I just, I just loved him back. You know, there was no, I didn't know about, I didn't know about hell.

I didn't know about sin. And I think in seventh grade, when I learned about hell and that Christians, you know, if you're not a Christian, you go to hell, I heard that. And I was like, what? Like that doesn't make sense to me. Like my dad's not a Christian. I know people who aren't Christian. Like and so that is when I kind of was like, I'm just going to reject this.

You know, science makes more sense. And that's kind of, I became like an annoyingly atheist eighth grade kid. Yeah. And I just thought like if you believe in God, like you're just. just anti-science and big bigoted or whatever. And I'm sure that thinking was also being affirmed online and kind of what you were reading and the people you were connecting to. Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah, go ahead and if you can fast forward to then what kind of brought you back around to believing in God. Yeah. My testimony, it's kind of all over the place, to be honest, because there were just many times where I was like, I felt called, but then I would be like, I would reject it again. And so at 19, I think it was also because I was listening to Jordan Peterson a lot at this time in like 2017. So that kind of reintroduced the question of like, is God real?

Because I found what he had to say about God and religion very compelling. So it got me thinking. How did you start listening to Jordan Peterson? Well, he was caught up in a lot of the like pronoun controversy way back in like 2016. Yeah. And I actually remember sympathizing with him and being very like disgusted with how a lot of trans people were reacting to him and trying to, you know, get him canceled. Yeah. Yeah.

I was like, no, like I'm a free speech absolutist. Like free speech is is very necessary. And then I started listening to his lectures and he became kind of a significant. figure in my consciousness. So that's when I started thinking about, you know, like, is God real? Is Christianity real? If Christianity is real, then why Christianity and why not something else? What is the Bible?

Where did that come from? Very basic questions. And I also felt like I wanted to start going to church again. And I didn't know why. I kept myself at a very, like, intellectual stance on it. It wasn't really personal. It's like, obviously I can't be a Christian. And I knew that progressive Christians were a thing, but even then, I was like, that doesn't make any sense.

So I was like, okay, I'm going to go to a church. I'm just going to sit in the back. I'm going to go to a bunch of different churches. I'm going to like just see what it's like. I want to see how other people worship God. Mm-hmm. Not, I don't want to actually worship God, but I want to like see what it looks like, I guess. And so I basically just like would go to a different church per week.

And sometimes I would go to a church, you know, a little more consistently. But then ultimately I would step back because I was like, these people can't know me. They can't really know me. And so. Yeah, that was, I never really like considered becoming a Christian at that time because I was still trans. And I found it very difficult to reconcile being a trans Christian without just like completely ignoring the Bible and, you know, Christian teaching. But it's interesting that you even then had that discernment to say those two things don't can't be reconciled. Yeah, and like, no, the Bible does not directly explicitly address transgenderism because it wasn't a thing at all.

But, you know, like you've said, Genesis 1, it's God made them male and female. It doesn't seem, I mean, it just doesn't seem to compliment it that I could, that my gender is actually up to me and I can change it. Yeah. So, and I just knew it would be hard to find a church. Because I didn't want to go to a really, really woke church, but I also didn't want to go to a church that would like, um, say that,

oh, you need to stop being trans. Um, so that went on for a while. And then the feelings of doubt and regret kind of started to rise up alongside that. But I don't think the, the going to church influenced those feelings of doubt. I mean, they did, but it wasn't like I was sitting there thinking,

I really want to be a Christian, but, you know, I have to detransition. I'll just detransition so I could be a Christian. It was just like it just wasn't that simple. So May of 2020, like peak pandemic, quarantine. I'm locked in my house. I'm, I've just like given up on life. I was so depressed. I had been the feelings of regret, not just doubt, but regret, were really starting to weigh on me.

And all of a sudden, I'm like, I don't have a future. I don't know what my future looks like. I can't detransition. Like, I can't, I don't want to face the reality of going through life as a woman with a deep voice and no breasts. No one will ever love me. No one will want to be with me. And I'm just like, I can't fix this. I've permanently androgyized myself.

And I never like wanted to do that. Obviously I knew I wasn't going to become a biological male, but I thought I would be able to cope with the, with that fact better. But it became really hard. So I was just like staying up till like 5 a.m. drinking every single night and smoking a ton of weed and just trying to like numb myself. I just didn't.

Yeah, I just didn't care anymore. And there was one day, Thursday was my testosterone shot day. And for several weeks before that, I would kind of have this internal battle with myself, like, do I want to do I want to do this or I want to do my shot? I've been having these feelings. Now, I'll just do my shot. just do the shot um because i felt like if i stopped taking tea then i would that would basically be the end of my transition and i like some people you know they don't necessarily have to continue being on

tea but the feelings of doubt and regret were piling up so much that i was like if i've stopped tea i know why i'm stopping tea so um but then yeah one thursday came it was may 14th 2020 i'm really good at remembering dates. But I, it's like, no, I can't do this. Every shot that I take is bringing me one step closer to needing a hysterectomy because of the atrophy that's happening. And again, I was still living at home at the time and I told my mom, like, I don't want to do my testosterone shot. And I was so scared that she was either going to be like really overly celebratory or like have an intense reaction to that because I didn't want to I didn't want people to be celebratory at that time because I was devastated. Yeah. I wasn't happy about it at all.

And she basically asked me like why not and I kind of told her like I think I maybe want to go back to being a girl or like try being a woman. I think I was like I was pretty I was treading very carefully. I was like I might want to see if maybe I'll be okay

with being a woman again. So yeah that was the day that I stopped taking to testosterone and I consider that to be when my detransition started. And then I felt this sort of freedom to look at Christianity in a different way. And I know that like you don't have to,

you don't have to cleanse your, you're not supposed to cleanse yourself of sin before becoming a Christian. But, and I definitely, that was not my only sin. Like not even close. I was up to my head in sin. Um, but that was just a really, big barrier. That's why I felt like I couldn't really like give myself over. Yeah. So. And let's let's back up some because we were talking off camera before this. Um, and when you messaged to me originally, you talked about, um, when, when and why did you start listening to relatable of all things. Yeah. Well, I had, you know, this is going to sound weird. but I was always a little bit more of like had a conservative mindset.

Yeah. I mean, if you sympathize with Jordan Peterson, it sounds like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was never, I always like thought that the hard left stuff was like, you know, more off the rails. But I fancied myself a centrist. Yeah. And I thought that like there were people who were on the extreme right side that were also off the rails.

and I think that was my perception of you at first. I was like she's like so conservative. How did you find this podcast? Do you remember? I think it just showed up on YouTube. I think actually the first thing I ever saw from you was you were responding to a progressive Christian YouTuber that I watched. And that was I think one of the first things I ever saw of you. and I was like, I don't like that.

I don't like how close-minded she is. Let me watch more for some reason. And then, yeah, I think it was also like around quarantine when I was like watching your episodes in full. And I kind of just found myself doing that. And I was like, huh, maybe I'm doing this because I think that she's right and I actually appreciate her perspective. But also she is very against transgenderism.

so I don't know. But definitely, like, you did like change my mind on several things. Like I wasn't, I would have said I was like pro choice, but like, you know, abortion's wrong, but in some cases it's okay. And I thought your position at first was extreme, but then hearing you explain it, I, it actually became pretty clear to me like, oh, this is actually a pretty black and white issue. but yeah that was just that's just one example and so oh i was also watching a lot of like detransitioners at this time but yeah actually not a lot um i just i was it was becoming more

aware i was becoming more aware of the existence of detransitioners and i i dreaded very carefully around that because i was like i'm worried i'm going to relate to them a little too much so you know, I was still like scared of detransitioning, but then then when I actually decided I was detransitioning, I was like, okay, I'm, I'm a lot more open to hearing these people's experiences. And, yeah, so around the same time that I decided I was going to detransition, I also started to spend time in my clock. actually reading the Bible and praying because I felt like I needed to be in a closet away from my phone because I'm a bit of a social media addict. So, you know, I didn't want to have any distractions. I was like, I'm going to read this book as if it's just true.

And I'm going to pray while doing it and just see what happens. And that, doing that for a month or two, it really, it wasn't actually very hard to accept scripture as true like I thought it would. I thought, I mean, my intellect was still kind of getting in the way and I still, you know, I would, I would still read some things. and it like wouldn't make sense to me. It's not like, you know, it obviously is not like a simple, it's a very overwhelming to like start reading the Bible and be like I was doing like a Bible reading plan. And but the prayer aspect paired with it and just learning how to pray

and how I would feel when I prayed was, really something. I don't really know how to put it into words, actually. But there was just this, just this sense of like overwhelming peace. And so I was like, okay, I guess I'm, I think I need to submit to Christ because right now I have no idea. Like, I'm really desperate right now. And I feel like it's, like, when I read the Gospels, like, they just sparkled. They just, like, it was like the words came off the page.

I didn't, I was reading, you know, I had studied philosophy in college, so I had read a lot of different philosophers. And, you know, there were some things that were moving to me. but not like this, not like the Gospels and just like learning who Jesus was in a much deeper way. Because obviously I knew who he was and I was familiar with the gospel. But taking it straight from scripture was just like very, very different experience than reading, say, you know, the trial of Socrates or something. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. So and churches were not open.

at this time because it was like nothing was open the world was like turned off yeah so um this is when my life just really take a drug took a drastic turn yeah because i also um before the pandemic i went on three dates with my now husband and i was still identifying as trans but like secretly full of regret and then um after when the restrictions lightened up a little bit, he texted me and was like, hey, I want to see you again. I was like, oh, that's surprising. I, like, thought, I didn't know you were still thinking about me.

Yeah. And I was like, well, I'll just go on a date to basically tell him that it's not going to work out because I'm detransitioning and I'm having a really intense spiritual experience that involves me giving my life to Christ. So I'll just go out with him to tell him. that it's not going to work out, basically. And then, and then so I was like, it was a couple months after I had decided to detransition. I still looked like a boy.

And I told him and he was like, yeah, okay, I definitely want to do this with you. And then we were just inseparable. And we actually started going to church together and yeah and then and then I kind of fell away from Christianity again you thought that was the the end like I stayed Christian the whole time but no there was still resistance because I felt like you know I wasn't praying enough or you know I still I didn't do a particularly like I felt like I wasn't doing a particularly good job at like staying sanctified and being holy and wanting to be holy

and being repulsed by sin because I had fallen in love with Jesus. I had expected to be just immediately like repulsed by sin like don't want to get drunk, don't want to watch any movies with sex scenes. But like I wasn't. I still enjoyed sinning. I still enjoyed, you know, trying to get away with as much freedom as I could, because this was just a, I found myself becoming almost overly legalistic towards myself and just always questioning, like, if my salvation was genuine.

And, you know, I just had all these other voices in my head saying things like, well, if you're not repulsed by sin, then are you really a Christian? and like that just made me really doubt myself. And probably eight months after my initial conversion, which was very climactic and emotional, I started to kind of lose the passion that I had and praying less and less because, again, like social media,

it's the cross I have to bear because it still gets in the way of my growing my relationship with God. And so I basically kind of fell into this like mindset because I also kind of had some, I think I had, I didn't really have my own, like a firm foundation of what my theology was, but I did believe in predestination. And I thought, eh, I'm just damned. Like, nothing I can do about it.

Yeah. I'm just, this just isn't for me because I still. want to sin and I want to pray less and less. And I just had no patience with myself. And so I was like, you know what? I can't really call myself a Christian because eventually the faith in the resurrection and the reality of Jesus being the Savior

started to wane. I was just kind of like, eh, maybe, I don't know. So I was like, well, I can't call myself a Christian if I don't believe these things. And I was like sad and discouraged about it. I still want it to be a Christian. But so, yeah, then there's another year of me being not religious. And, you know, I was like, I don't want to talk about it.

Like, because my husband had his own faith journey. But he, he. often wanted to like have these intense theological discussions with me and I would almost get hostile like about it. I was like no no I don't want to I don't want to talk about this but then I got I got married and then I got pregnant right away and when I was about eight months pregnant I started thinking like, how do I want to raise my son in terms of like religion and God? How do I, do I want to raise him with just nothing? I don't want to raise him with nothing.

I don't know how I want to go about it because I myself at this point, like I don't even know if I believe in God anymore. and I don't really have, I didn't trust myself to be able to, like, raise him in anything solid, but I want to go to church again. Let's just start going to church again, just for community, just to have something that he can go to and yeah I was kind of just didn't feel super strongly about it but I did really want to go to church and raise him in an environment where you know he was going to church and just hearing about hearing about it and then I'll just figure out my own I'll figure it out on my own I'll maybe I'll become Christian again, maybe not, but I want my son to have, to have exposure to this, because I know it's good. I know it's good.

So we started going to an Episcopal church, which I had never gone to before. I had gone to a lot of non-denominational churches, some like Pentecostal, charismatic churches. Methodist and it just seemed either disingenuous or just like all about the pastor and the preaching, which is like preaching, good preaching is obviously important, but I liked the Episcopal environment because the liturgy, I was attracted to how just historic the liturgy is and how far it goes back. And I was not considering becoming Catholic at this time at all because I was like I hardly believe in God and Catholics believe in all of this extra stuff.

Like it was very overwhelming the idea of that. But I'd always been attracted to the beauty of Catholicism and just the weddings and the funerals that I had gone to that were Catholic. I was very attracted to the, just the beauty of it. But I thought that, you know, was all it was. I was like, I'm not going to become Catholic just because I like the aesthetic, you know.

And so we started going to this Episcopal church. And I knew that Episcopal churches were kind of more on the progressive side, but this one didn't seem that progressive. Like it's not like they had a rainbow flag out front or anything. or like, you know, drag queen pastors. Like, it wasn't crazy. So we were going there for a while, and it was a positive experience. I remember thinking, like, oh, I really, the people here are very kind.

And, you know, I like the preaching. Some of it I don't like. but I was still just like caught up in this, like, what's the truth? What's actually the truth? And I was still, you know, I had read a lot of scripture at this point. I think I had read pretty much the entire Bible at this point. And it's like some of the stuff in the Bible is pretty clear. But a lot of it's leaving me with more questions than answers.

and that's when, you know, when I started going to the Episcopal church, like, I didn't know, I wasn't getting a lot of clarity from that church. I wasn't getting, you know, they weren't really talking about sin at all. They were talking about love and peace and justice and acceptance. And again, they weren't like overly over the top woke. but I was like there's something, there's a lot of, there's like something missing. There's a, there's like all of the gaps of what the truth is weren't really being filled for me. And I was trying so hard to not be like snobbish or overly like picky about like, I was like, I just, just go to a church.

It's good to go to go to church. Like don't obsess too much over what kind of church and what they believe about everything. But that's when I started to. get more curious about just the idea of there being a one true church. And I eventually came to realize that that's the Catholic Church. We were baptized Catholic in April of this past year. Me, my husband, and my son, we were all baptized. And you have a 15-month-old and you're almost due with your daughter, right? Yeah, yeah. Which is an amazing, that in itself is an amazing story of redemption. Now, obviously, we've got plenty of serious theological differences as I am a reformed Protestant,

and unfortunately we don't have time to parse all of those out. Yeah, and I've only been Catholic for like less than a year, so I'm not ready to do like straight up apology yet. So yeah, but I do, I do have to mention that because obviously my audience, who is, I do have some Catholics on my audience, but it is mostly reformed Protestants. I would be remiss if I didn't say something about our disagreements. But I am so thankful, so thankful for your story and how God redeemed you and pulled you out of the pit. It's so many different times in so many different ways. And also that like he's giving you the courage to share your story. Because not everyone who has your story shares your story and that is just another way I think that he's using you as a vessel of redemption.

Yes. And I'm very thankful for that. The reason why I talk to media about this and not just keep it to myself is because I want people to have to not despair if they feel like they might regret their transition. I want people to know that there is life after detransition. And I also want people to know the gospel. And I'm still learning how to do that because I'm all too familiar with the cynicism that comes with, you know, having bad experiences with the church or just atheism. I am still trying to learn how to share the gospel with people in a way that is effective.

and I pray that, like, just before I came out here, I was just praying, like, Jesus, please, just tell me what to say somehow, just give me the words. But I just want people to know that there is life after detransition, and it's not the end of your life. and yeah, yes, it's, it's, it's, um, it can feel very devastating to feel this type of regret. Um, you know, like I can't, I can't breastfeed my kids. Um, and that's really hard. It's just being hard, it's hard being a, a woman without breasts, you know, but, um, I am. so incredibly blessed with my life. I mean, I forgot to say this, but one of the things that just led me ultimately now to live a more religious life, regardless of how I felt about how I was doing or, like, you know, spiritually or how often I was praying or if I was praying the right way

or if I, you know, it's like, God's given me so much grace and that's so obvious. Why would I not, why would I not give him my life? Like, I just, I'm, I'm bowled over by the amount of grace that he's given me. Like, two children, an amazing husband. The, like, I am living the life that I've always wanted to live. And it's just, yeah, it's just astounding. Praise God. Well, thank you so much.

Thanks for taking the time to come here and to share your story in person and your kids are very, very blessed to have you as a mother. So thank you so much. And I know that God can use your story to change people's hearts and to change people's lives. So thank you. Thank you. Hey, this is Steve Daste. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about

God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us.