Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - Ep 957 | How the Gospel Heals Anger, Addiction & Adultery | Guest: Jeff Allen

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

Today we're joined by Jeff Allen, a born-again Christian comedian and author of “Are We There Yet?” He explains how he went from a life of anger, marital difficulties, and alcoholism, to redemption through the Gospel and surrender to Jesus Christ. Jeff spares no details of the darkest moments of his life, moments that eventually led him to the Lord. As he puts it, “God breaks you for a reason.” He also gives his opinion on some of life’s most difficult questions: What is the key to finding freedom from vices like anger and addiction? Can even the worst marriages be saved? And is anyone beyond redemption? You can get Jeff's new book, "Are We There Yet?" here: https://www.amazon.com/Are-We-There-Yet-Meaningful/dp/1684514827 --- Timecodes: (00:46) Stand up comedy (05:56) Meeting his wife (10:05) Recovery (23:35) Working through marriage (33:30) Finding salvation (41:35) How faith changed comedy (44:01) Wife's salvation (48:50) Advice for others --- Today's Sponsors: Good Ranchers — claim over $900 in free bacon before the leap year sale ends! Go to GoodRanchers.com and use code 'ALLIE' when you subscribe. Jase Medical — get up to a year’s worth of many of your prescription medications delivered in advance. Go to JaseMedical.com today and use promo code “ALLIE". My Patriot Supply — prepare yourself for anything with long-term emergency food storage. Get your new, lower-price 4-Week Emergency Food Kit at PrepareWithAllie.com. EveryLife — the only premium baby brand that is unapologetically pro-life. EveryLife offers high-performing, supremely soft diapers and wipes that protect and celebrate every precious life. Head to EveryLife.com and use promo code ALLIE10 to get 10% of your first order today! --- Relevant Episodes: Ep 730 | When God Calls You to Tell Jokes | Guest: Joel Berry https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-730-when-god-calls-you-to-tell-jokes-guest-joel-berry/id1359249098?i=1000591424117 --- Buy Allie's book, You're Not Enough (& That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love: https://alliebethstuckey.com/book Relatable merchandise – use promo code 'ALLIE10' for a discount: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/allie-stuckey

Hey, this is Steve Day. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed, you can watch this D-Day show right here on Blaze TV

or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. You are never too far gone, never too far off, never irredeemable. There's nowhere that you can go that God's grace can't reach you and change you. That is the story of Jeff Allen. He is a stand-up comedian who became a Christian 27 years ago and his life before that. And since then is an incredible and uplifting testament to God's power and his desire to save the lost sheep. So here today to share his incredible story is Jeff Allen. Jeff, thanks so much for joining us. Well, thanks for having me. Yes. Yes. For those who may not know, can you tell us who you are and what you do? I am Jeff Allen. I am a comedian and a stand-up comedian on the tour right now based on the book. Are We There Yet?

Yeah. I just finished the Arlington Music Hall on Saturday. Okay. Awesome. How did you get into comedy? Oh my gosh. Well, my brother was a musician. So I was out 16 when I went to a club. He was working. And I saw some comedians. and I thought, boy, that'd be neat to be able to do, but how do you doing? You know, back in 1975, they didn't have a table set up and career day in high school for stand-up comedians. Anyway, I forgot about it. About six years later, I was working for a jewelry company in Chicago, and somebody said, let's go to this comedy club, and I said, what is that?

And they go, comedians get up one after another, and that was it. It was August, and I think it took me until November. to work the courage up. Yeah. And then I was, that's a Thursday, and I was Thanksgiving night, so it was a Thursday night. Yeah. And then I went back Sunday for the next open mic night, and the MC came over and go, you're going to have to make some sense tonight.

We're still trying to figure out what you said Thursday night. It was not good. Oh. Yeah. It was not good at all. It was not good. Yeah. Okay.

How did you improve? I don't even know how you work on something like that. Stage time. That's it. You know, it's repetition. It's not like, you know, you can produce an album for music. in a studio, never once seeing a live audience. But you can't do that in comedy.

You have to be in front of people. Yeah. And it takes, you know, Milton Burrell, I think, said it takes 10 years for a comic to really find his voice. Yeah. It took me really up until, you know, dry bar hit for the country to catch up with me. Right. It was interesting reading the comments. Where has this guy been?

I've been around since 1978. Yeah. Yeah. Gosh, I imagine that being a comic, especially stand-up comedy, it's got to feel so vulnerable. Because you just, like, you made the comparison to a singer that's in the studio, but even a singer that's on stage, a lot of times they're singing music that's not their own. They didn't write it. They are doing a cover. They're singing music that someone else wrote. But you're writing your own jokes. You're not just performing words. You're writing your own jokes. And humor is something. that can be very subjective. So it takes a lot of courage in my book, at least to stand up in front of people and say, I'm funny and I want you to think so too. Well, that's, yeah, and it's different audiences have different, you know, it's funny when I started working in the churches. I was 40,

so I was already 18, 19 years into it. And my entire resume was casinos and nightclubs. So when I, I was in Las Vegas working when 9-11 hit and I couldn't get home. And like a lot of people, you know, my family was freaking out. And I'm sitting in the desert and I can't get home. And I told my manager the next day, I need to find another place to work. You think churches had hired me. He's Jewish. So he says, well, you're asking the wrong guy.

So anyway, we put it out. I did one church in a year. But it was an interesting, I'm a storyteller. So in the clubs, I learned to just. get to the point. You know, I think Shakespeare said brevity's a solo wit, but you learn in the clubs that if you ask a rhetorical question, some drunk will yell out like you're talking to them.

So I quit asking rhetorical questions. I quit making general statements about men and women. I just started talking about my wife. I had a woman stand up in the middle of a show, and why don't you talk about men the way you talk about women? I go, I'm not talking about women. I'm talking about, well, man, the one I married. You know, and if you married her, you'd talk about her too.

So anyway, it's a process of, yeah, you know, somebody once said, have you ever bombed? I go, you're not a comic till you bomb. You know, it's like you're not a boxer until you get punched in the face. You'll decide after you get punched in the face if you want a box. Right. And you'll decide if you want to do comedy after you've humiliated yourself in front of hundreds of people. Yeah. How do you deal with that in the moment?

I've always wondered that. I've only gone to a couple comedy shows. And you can tell when the comic says something that. he thinks is going to land one way and it just doesn't. We're still trying to figure out what he said or whatever and you keep going, you roll with the punches. But in that moment, once you've said something and no one laughed, what do you do? Well, you just move on.

And that's one of the reasons why it's important to be prepared. Yeah. But the funniest thing, I fell in love with my wife because of her laugh. And she laughed at all the jokes that didn't land. Yeah. I'd hear her in the back of the room, you know, just like, cat. I got to meet this one. Yes.

Oh my goodness. That's a really sweet story. So tell me a little bit more about that. How you met your wife? Oh, she was a waitress at a club. Yeah. Smoker, 37 years ago, they have the best laughs when you cannot get oxygen into your lungs. Yeah.

That's music. Charming. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I walked off stage, asked about her. I asked her the woman in the back and she came out of the back room. And I've been doing this as part of the.

the new tour. She came out with a white blouse and leather skirt, you know, and perm. It was the 80s. Yeah. So she had a, and that was it. I mean, I followed it around like a puppy dog. My son said, so how did you meet? I said, I followed around until she paid attention.

He goes, she just stalked her. I go, that would be today's term. Back in the 80s, it wasn't against the law. Yeah, I guess it worked out. Yeah. And she had a two-year-old son. And we just hung out for the week. and I was living in Los Angeles at the time.

And, you know, it was interesting in my relationships prior to her. I'd meet a waitress, spend a four or five days with her, and then that would be it. You know, there were no cell phone, so I just didn't keep in touch. And I got back to L.A. and I thought, you know, well, that's just another one, you know. But then, you know, we, I said, no, she's different. So I kept in touch with her. And we would hook up if I was in the Ohio. Iowa area, you know, Indianapolis, whatever.

And anyway, it's April. I flew them out January to Los Angeles. And I played dad for a week with the kid, took him to Disneyland and the beach. And I had a mattress on a floor in a 13-inch black and white TV. That was my assets and a 68 Volkswagen bug. Yeah. You know, so I'm quite the catch.

Yeah. And anyway, April, I had an idea. I thought I'd ask her to marry me. had no ring, no plan, nothing, just an impulse thing. And I got to the airport waiting for the luggage. I said, I love you. I love Aaron. Do you want to get married?

She said, pardon me. And I said, do you want to get married? You and I, so she knew who I was talking about. And she thought about it, looked at me, and this is a direct quote. She said, I guess, yeah, if that's what you want. Okay. And that was it. Like, I asked her to go to McDonald's for breakfast, you know, if that's what you want.

Yeah. And I was there. We got the luggage and left. And how long were you engaged before you got married? We were not. I mean, I asked her to marry me in April. She got pregnant in May and we got married in July. There you go.

And I went from traveling 50 weeks a year, single with no responsibility, to a wife and two kids under the age of three. Yeah. Ryan was born in January the following year. It's a big change. Yeah. And July 5th was the first. When I walked into Alcoholics Anonymous. Hey, this is Steve Deist.

If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest. issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos. If you're looking for commentary grounded in conviction and unwilling to lie to you about where we are or where we're headed.

You can watch this D-Day Show right here on Blaze TV or listen wherever you get podcasts. I hope you'll join us. How many years has it been that you've been married now? 37. 37 years. Okay, so you've made it. Tell us about those beginning years.

Well, the first half of the book is about those seven or eight years. Yeah. I tell a couple stories that got me into recovery. We were living in Boston. We moved to Boston to start our family. And I was able to, you know, I was a binge drinker.

I would go on on the road five or six days, and I would drink and party and whatever and then come home, dry out. So that's basically the husband I was. I was a dried out drunk. But Boston, I was able to stay in the city and work. In the 80s, Boston was the hottest place in the country for comedy. I mean, you could stay in one building

and do five shows on a Saturday. They had three upstairs, three downstairs. and the comics would just go up and down to different houses. So I couldn't stay sober for weeks. So I would start binging at home and didn't take long. Tammy was, God gave me, you know, it's funny. I was raised in a home where, you know, conflict was settled with a, you got tossed against the wall. And that was the end of, you know, whatever the conflict was.

So I avoided conflict. And what did Scott Peck saying? you cannot have a loving relationship without conflict. There's no such thing as a conflict-free loving relationship. It doesn't exist. And again, you'll decide if you love each other after the arguments start. So anyway, I feel God bless me with a woman who actually enjoys conflict. I would try to avoid it, and she would follow me from it.

So anyway, I'd get home at three or four in a morning, drunk, and then she would push me out of bed at seven in the morning and tell me those boys need a father, get up. And, I mean, I resented her for that. I mean, I couldn't sleep. I was, you know, I was just a raving lunatic. So one night I got so drunk, I drove the wrong way on the interstate in Boston at two in the morning. I was going into traffic. Fortunately, Boston's not very busy at two in the morning on the interstates.

Anyway, it took me an hour and a half to get home on a 35-minute drive. You know, that was kind of like, holy cow, you know, I wake up and I'm doing. And probably less than a week later, I was doing cocaine in front of a nightclub that I just finished. And there was a wrap on the window. And I look up and there's a police officer. So he takes me out and cuffs me and he's putting me in the cruiser. And another officer who was on off duty was doing security at the club I just finished, came out, saw me and said, oh, he's one of the comedians let him go, as if that's a get out of jail, free card.

And they did. They took me out of the cruiser. He uncuffed me and he said, you have no idea how lucky you are. The DA's up for re-election. And they love white suburban boys right before election time. Yeah. You were looking at three to five.

And I had six-month-old son and a three-year-old. And anyway, I'm driving home thinking, my gosh, you know, you think that would, you know, be enough. Right. Anyway. And the bottom, the absolute bottom, I came home from a party on July 4th, and I was sitting in my office trying to figure out why I was so miserable where all the guilt was coming from. I never had guilt.

And I'd been arrested. I'd bar fights. I mean, but that's part of being a drunk. Anyway, I realized it was her and the kids, you know, and this is, I mean, I have a conscience, you know. And anyway, I figured if I can get rid of her, I'll. and the kids I can just send money and, you know. You won't feel guilty anymore. I made a mistake.

We're not in a year married. Yeah. And I realized I made a huge mistake. So you thought that if you got rid of your wife and kids, then you wouldn't feel this naggy guilt anymore. Yeah. And that's, you just wanted to get rid of that. Right.

At that point, did it occur to you that it was actually the behavior that was making you feel guilty? Not at all. You're insane. You know, they call it insanity. I mean, I was trash. So anyway, I decide if I beat her up, who could stay with someone that does that. So I'm standing next to my wife.

She's sleeping and I'm standing there. And again, that voice we have inside of us. We all have, God, give us a conscience. I said, this is wrong. I'm wrestling with what I'm about to do. And my son started crying a six-month-old. So I went in and tried to quiet them down and end up spanking them. Tammy wakes up, takes him from me.

And she says, who does this? And she sat in the end of the bed and fed our son. And no shame that washed over me. I mean, I had felt nothing that deep. That cut me to the core of what I almost did, what I could have done. So anyway, I told her, if you don't take me to Alcoholics Anonymous, I won't go. And if I don't go, I don't think we're going to make it. Not even thinking about what that did to her.

She already had one child out of wedlock, and now she's got this drunken idiot looking at her going. I don't think I'm going to make it. Like, my gosh, the fear that must have went through her body. holy cow so anyway she takes me in and they tell me to pray and i said to what um you know and that started the journey that's you know the first six chapters of this book is about that seven or eight years of trying to find some point in meaning to life yeah apart from myself and i went through it all new age buddhism and um i was trying to figure out how to accumulate wealth we had filed bankruptcy we

had done, I mean, you know, we're actually literally 10 minutes from the courthouse, um, filing divorce papers. We had them notarized and she changed her mind. But the book begins with the baggage claim proposal in the first chapter. And the first chapter ran seven years later. We're in Arizona. I find out she's with another man in California. And, um, I call her, I asked, her friend said she was shopping at a mall.

So anyway, I call my credit card. Just to clarify the timeline, so about a year after you got married is when you went to Alcoholics Anonymous. And that was your road to recover. You didn't become a Christian then. Oh, gosh. You just started realizing, okay, there's something bigger than me. How I've been acting is not okay. And so I know that the details are filled in your book.

But what, I mean, what did it look like a little bit from that moment to the seven years later when you found out that was cheating? Just angry, bitter, jaded. So your marriage didn't get better right away? Oh, gosh, no. And that's one of the things, the illusion that even the spouse says, well, if he quits drinking. Everything will be okay. Oh, the cap came off, man. I was just snotty.

Did you resent her in some ways for kind of pushing you to sobriety or making you feel guilty about being drunk? No, I was okay with sobriety. I really knew I didn't want to drink again. Yeah. You know, that was the, you know, I'd go to my sponsors and I would work the program. I knew I didn't want to drink again. But it's interesting. I had a lady come up to me about a year and a half into the program.

She came up to my navel. Yeah. And she goes, young man, can I say something to you? I said, please do. And she poked me. And she said, I've been listening to you for well over a year now. Maybe the problems in your life aren't your wife's. Maybe it's you.

and I had just enough sobriety not to pound her head into her chest cavity. Yeah. And it was interesting because I said to one of the guys, I said, I can't go home. I'm going to argue with her. I'm going to fight with her.

I don't want to do this. But I'm so... Anyway, he says, pull into a church. I go, what do you mean? He goes, they're open all day. Just pull in, sit in a pew. I go, why would I do that? I don't know.

He goes, I find a sense of calm. So, I don't know. I was driving home church and I just pull in and I walk in and I sit and the pews and I just start sobbing, just sobbing, you know, a miserable mess, you know. And that was kind of, I think, that lady pointing in, I always say there's seeds. We have, God gives us people in our lives. We are the message, the message carrier for him. You know, I look at Wonderful Life is one of my favorite movies. I've been watching it since I was in my 20s.

And when he prays, he ends up getting punched in the mouth, you know, and he gets sent on this life-saving journey all the way to clearance and back. But it began with, you know, help me, and then got Jackson in the face, you know. But sometimes we need a punch in the mouth, you know, to get us moving. Yeah. And we're in Arizona. And anyway, I mentioned it because it was, for me, I believe this was when the Holy Spirit,

there was a night, I can't, timelines messed up, but months, maybe a couple months earlier where I was, I was in the yard, I had gotten into an argument with Tammy,

and I had put a 50-pound heavy bag on my porch so I can punch it when the, when this bile would come up. I would just go out and hit this bag. And Tammy told me years later, you know, when we were living in Nashville, She said, you remember that bag you had?

I go, yeah. She goes, every time you went out there to hit that, I thought you were hitting me. Yeah. No, not at all. I said, I just, this, this, and men, I know it's because men come to me all the time. They get it.

There's this bile inside of us that something clicks. And I'm no longer in the room. I mean, I'm not. I'm just, there's another. Like out-of-body anger. It is. It is. just, and it starts with me with shame. The shame kicks in and then the cycle has to run its course.

Yeah. So if I can avoid that, then I'm okay. I mean, I'm okay. So anyway, one night I'm hitting a bag and it falls off the hinges and I end up picking it up and I'm throwing it against the cinder block fence and screaming at the heavens. Why? Why? I mean, that's all I'm just screaming. Do you know why you were angry or what kind of set you off this episode? It didn't matter. So you just kind of had these episodes of intense anger. And at this point, you were sober. This is, you said about seven years after. So you're in Arizona at this point.

Y'all had stuck it out, even though it had been difficult. But you're still trying to deal with these bouts of anger in a way that you probably felt was healthier at the time, right? Yeah, I tell people, I actually shut down. I mean, I always say if you're in a marriage full of acrimony, wait till you get to apathy. God never intended us to be an apathetic relationship, you know. But that was the only way I could function was to just shut down. But eventually the cap would come off and I would just explode. Yeah.

So anyway, I finished banging the bag and I'm sweating, you know, and I'm walking the house. And my kids are standing there and they're little and Tammy's looking at me with her jaw. like what did I just witness and she says get out and I go what do you mean she says leave you go to a hotel that's where you live anyway I don't want you here she's scared yeah and my son came over little Ryan he was probably five four puts his arms around my legs I pick him up he goes daddy you scare me I go I scare myself son and something came over me and I looked at Tammy and I said I don't know how I know this but it'll never happen again and she said BS and I go, no. Have I ever said that to you? She goes, why? What does that matter? I said,

my father said it to my mother over and over and over again. And it always happened. My brother, same thing. I never made that promise to you. I don't know how I know this, but it's not going to happen again. And I believe, in hindsight, as I was writing the book looking for things, signs, this was when the Holy Spirit came. That was the answer to the frustrating prayer. to the heavens just shouting out. I can't do this anymore. Why, why? So anyway, we get to the point where I find out she's in California with another guy.

And I call the hotel room. Credit card said she was using it at a hotel. She picked up the phone and I said, gotcha. And I said, get home. I'm not doing this over the phone. And, Allie, I believe in my heart of hearts had she come home that night, we would not be married today. James compares to human tongue to a rudder on a ship.

the very large vessel, the small part, but you can't steer that vessel without the rudder. And the tongue is small part. And we steer this. We can edify, bless, and praise out of one side, but we can cut curse and destroy. And I would have cut curse and destroyed that night. I would have tore her up.

You take an angry man and give him the right to be anger. Then it's righteous anger. And that's when all the damage is done. Right. But as it was, her friend called me and said she won't be home. She's too devastated to fly. She'll be home in the morning. That night alone in my room changed my life. Every time I'd get righteously angry about what she was in the middle of doing, that little voice would say, remember the time, you know, and I share some of the more

painful incidences. We were in an argument in Jersey. I stood on a stool in the kitchen. I screamed at her until she dropped to her knees and sobbed and put my son to bed that night. He goes, Daddy, you win. I go, what do you mean I win? He goes, you yell, Mommy cries, you win. Not a proud moment. I went down to, I told Tammy, I said, I'm going to get help. I am.

I'm going to, and I did, I went to a therapist. And I just didn't want to be who I was. I didn't know how not to be. So it was just all this information, you know. I just wanted information. So I read all the books I can get my hands on, all the self-help, all this stuff. And eventually God put me in the path of a Bible-believing Christian. And this is, okay, so after you found out that your wife was having an affair,

and the next day she came home and you were... Yeah, I picked her up at the airport, and as you can imagine, I mean, she's shuffling across the tear streaks, and I'm exhausted. She stops dead in her tracks, and she's just bracing herself. And I walked over and I put my arms around, and kissed her in the cheek. She said, that's it. I go, it's all I got left. We're a mess, you and me. If what you want is in California, I'm not going to stand in your way, sweetheart. I'm not. But if you want this marriage to work, you have to take 50% of the blame. I'll take the other 50.

If it gets 51.49, that imbalance will destroy us. We'll start calling each other names and we'll resent each other. So take your half. I'll take my half. And if it's meant to be, we'll be married. And I told her, I said, I love you. I do. I just don't love well.

I'm trying to learn that. I am. And then how long after that was it that you came across this Bible believing Christian? About a year, year and a half. Okay. I came across him relatively soon after that. But we left that week. It was interesting.

He kept bringing up the Bible as we would talk. And I'd go, stop it with the Bible. He goes, what's wrong? I'd go, I mean, I don't, probably an agnostic now, but I said, I'm an atheist. I don't believe God, God's word. Come on, a little archaic. and he says what's in the Bible you don't think is true. Maybe I can help you out.

I go, I don't know. I never actually read the Bible. You're not an atheist. You're a moron. I said, how so? And he said, look, he goes, it's the most influential book in the history of the world, and you can't even crack it open.

That's just lazy and moronic. He said, crack it open, read it, study it. And then if you come to some conclusion, you know, but to just ignore it. And that's really been my mission for the last 20, five years to get even Christians to open the book. I was shocked when I started working churches, how many of them don't even use the Bible as a reference. So anyway, we parted company and he asked, he goes, I like you. And believe me, I have no idea why. I really don't. I was a foul-mouthed,

angry, bitter, jaded, cynical human being. And he was just this beautiful, beautiful man. And he said, can I sign you up for some Bible study tapes from our church? And I said, if it doesn't cost me, money you can sign me up for whatever you want not kidding two or three days after i got home to arizona the bible came in the mail he sent me a bible i threw in a junk drawer and then the tape started coming from the church never opened one up and that was about a year a year and a half uh but we we would talk we'd played a lot of golf together and we had nice conversations but it always ended the same he never once said i sent you tape sent you bible all he'd say was how you and tammy doing i'm not too good phil I just can't stop smashing things.

He said, well, we pray for your marriage. I go, why? And he said, because we believe they're ordained from God. And you were put together for a reason. And anyway, time came. Tammy just got, we were filing divorce papers, and we turned around and went home. And on the side of the road, I told her, I said, you're out. She goes, what do you mean? I go, we drive 10 more minutes, you're out.

You deserve better than me. You know, it was just saying that every man at some point in his life needs to get down wind from himself. You know, I had gotten down wind. You know, that night in the bedroom, I mean, I went from how could she be doing what she was doing to what took so long? I wouldn't want to be married to me either. I mean, it was just one thing after another. I mean, it's like, holy cow, you're a jerk. That's a polite word.

So I told her you're out. She says, let's go home. I said, we go home. You're in for the long haul. When we met, we got married. We didn't know each other. We didn't know what we were getting into. But we've had seven years now, eight years.

So you're in. She goes, I'm in. Well, three months later, she said, I'm taking the kids. I'm going to Ohio for the summer. You're draining me. I mean, I don't know what I mean, I can't imagine if a woman knows what it's like to be married to somebody who has no idea. The point to, what, why? We're losing the house.

We're losing everything. And she's shaking me. I mean, we're losing. I can't make the money you make. I would. I do everything else. She says, but you got to get your head out of your rear end and start working comedy. I mean, I said, but why?

What's the point? You know, I got, one of the stories I tell in a book, I got wrapped up in my kid's gerbil. I just sat there watching it one day. Tammy walks by after about 15 minutes or 20, and she goes, what's going on with you in the gerbil? And I said, look at it. She goes, it's a gerbil. I said, no, but it gets sticks on one side, brings them over the other, stacks them up.

And then brings them back over, stacks them up. every now and then spins the wheel. She says, so what? I go, it's our life. She goes, what do you mean? I go, we go out, you know, I make a few bucks. We buy a few things. They wear out.

Take them to the landfill. You know, if I'm lucky, I get a sitcom deal, a movie deal, and make a lot of money. We just get nicer sticks, nicer things. Vegas, Disneyland, those are our wheels to entertain ourselves. And she goes, what are you talking? It's our life. Do you understand that?

We just get sticks. They wear out. we take them to the landfill. And I looked at her. I said, if this is my life, because I'm projecting 10, 15, 20 years from now, I'm checking out. She said, you checked out years ago. She goes, I'm looking at you now.

You're not even here. Your head is somewhere else. We're losing everything, and you don't care. I go, I don't. She goes, who says that? Somebody who doesn't care? I go, Tammy, you don't think I want to care? I mean, honestly, you think I don't want to care?

I feel the weight of everything, but I just can't figure out why it matters. I knew guys that off themselves because they lost sitcom deals. They jumped off of buildings in L.A. She says, what about us? Can that give you... I said, what if you get T-bone at a red light?

And you're gone. She goes, that's morbid. I go, but it happens. Look at the news. Why does anything matter? Is all I wanted. Anyway, I meet this guy. gets the tape. So she leaves, takes the kids, gets these Bible tapes, throws them on the floor.

You're going to listen to these things that I'm throwing them on. I'm sick of looking at it. As you imagine, you're a housekeep, you know, in middle envelopes everywhere with dust on them. So anyway, she wasn't a Christian at this point. No, she was raised, she was raised by Christians who abused her. Okay. And you were raised. Your dad did not like Christians, right? No, he told me at 14 there was no God. Okay. And his father was a pastor. And was your dad an angry person? Yes. Okay. So that kind of probably influenced the kind of person that you became. Yeah, like I said, conflict resolution was simple. If I stood it up for myself, I got thrown against the wall. That was the end of the conflict. There was no discussion. Yeah. So you didn't really have a model or an example. Not at all. How to be married or how to be a doubt. Not at all. Not at all. You were just shown anger yourself. So at this point, she just was like, listen to these tapes, not because she believed in God, but because she was like, I'm tired of looking at these. Yeah.

So anyway. So they left, went to Ohio. Right. And you hear the saying all the time in God's timing. Yeah. So anyway, this was the timing. I'm walking by. I'm alone.

I thoroughly convinced she's not coming back. Yeah. And she told me years later that when she got off the plane, her mother goes, you're home now. You don't have to go back to him. And she was still seeing that guy occasionally. I mean, on the road. So anyway, I'm walking by.

And then, you know, I end up deciding. I'll open up an envelope and see what's in there. And it was Ecclesiastes. And my first sermon I ever listened to, I hear meaningless, meaningless, all in life is meaningless. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's how you felt. Right.

And if you go through Ecclesiastes 1 in there, I'm not sure what the number of verse, but it says the eyes never get enough of seeing, the ears never get enough of hearing. And then you look at your video library, your audio library. This was the moment for whatever reason God chose to just turn my heart onto his word. And I could not get enough. I was sitting there.

And he said, make notes in your Bible. So I remember it. I put the Bible in the junk drawer. And anybody who has a junk drawer knows when something's in, it never comes out until you get a shed. Then that's the suburban version of a junk drawer. So anyway, I open it up. I'm looking for a cleese. I couldn't even pronounce Cleese a clotheclaw, whatever.

And anyway, that was it. I listened to a year and a half worth of Bible study tapes in probably two months. Wow. And a lot of them, two, three times. I had nothing to do. I wasn't working, you know. And anyway, I came to Arlington to work a club. And I had my boys with me.

I had gone to Ohio to pick the boys up to take them on the road with me. I left Tammy there. And we were in Arlington, Texas. And I had gone to Denton Bible to meet Tom Nelson, the guy I had been. and listening to. And when we finished that service, my friend said to me, he goes, when I met you, God, put it on my heart,

you were looking, have you found it? And I said, if Jesus is not who he claimed to be, then Solomon was right, suicide. Because Solomon's conclusions, you know, Ecclesiastes basically says, life without God will have no meaning. Without meaning, there's no purpose without purpose, suicide.

And that resonated with me because it was like, I've never been suicidal, but it was like I was getting to the point where what's the point to anything, you know. So anyway, we went back to his house and he says to me and goes, can you admit you're a sinner? And I said, well, let's not go overboard. But I've often said this when God breaks a man, it's clear how broken he is. When the world breaks him, they leave him on a trash heap and move on, mock them, humiliate him, and continue to kick him. You know, God breaks you for a reason so he can build you back up. And I got on my knees and I said, whatever this is, it's yours.

I'm done. I can't be a husband. I can't be a father. I can't barely get through a comedy show anymore. And the next morning I wake up, I'm in the room. And it's hard to explain outside of that we've all heard that lightness of being thing. My kids were in the other room. I had gotten up and got a breakfast and I had gone back to bed

and they're watching cartoons or something anyway. And I wake up and I'm sitting on the end of my bed and I go, holy cow, something. I went, oh yeah, I gave my life to Jesus. Is that what this feels like? And I'm not, you know, I used to hear these stories and roll my eyes, but in my mind's eye I could see a valley. and I saw these moments in my life

and that voice was saying, I was here, I was here, I was here, I was here, I was here. I've been just waiting. Just wait. And it's been an interesting journey for the last 27 years. So that was 27 years ago. Right. So we wrote the book.

I tell people in the audience, I know if you can get through the first six chapters of the book without killing yourself. It's an uplifting tale. Yeah. Right. It's, I post, I ask five questions that I visit monthly in my own life. What do I value?

Or no, define, what defines me? Because most men will give you a vocation. And if your definition of yourself is a vocation, you're a victim to the circumstances of your life. Yeah. Jobs come and go. What do you value? If it's stuff, I don't know.

I value integrity. I really do. I'm not there yet, you know. But when you integrate with what you believe with how you choose to live, so important to me. And then what are your expectations? I constantly tell Tammy if you would lower your expectations of me. I would meet them and you'd be much happier.

But expectations are very important. You know, if you're 67 years old, and you want to be an astronaut. You might want to lower those, you know. What voices do you listen to? You know this. We live in a very noisy culture. Garbage in, garbage out.

So pay attention to what you're pouring in. If it's news, pay attention. We live in a 24-7 news cycle where the paradigm is. If it bleeds, it leads. So what could go wrong with that, pumping that into your soul seven days a week? Right. And then what is your hope?

If your hope lies in the next election, I pity you. I really do. And it's John Paul Schart before he died, realized that his philosophy, existentialism wasn't working. And said, in order for something finite to have meaning, that has to be attached to something infinite and fixed. And he would never say God, but that sure sounded like God. And how does this inform your comedy? How has that changed over the past 27 years? Oh, my gosh.

Tammy at times would come out and see me work and leaving tears. You must hate me. Just bitter. The heart changed. That's it. The material's probably the same. I've always focused on my life, you know. But it's just a different heart.

you know it was very funny the first time i worked with gaiter bill gaiter i did my set and then the next day i'm doing a breakout and somebody from his organization came over and said uh we really loved what you did last night and then anybody who's been around knows you're waiting for the butt you know and they said but you know you really kind of hit your wife hard and i went really i mean again my head i'm going you have no clue you know that was love so they said at some point today could you mention you love your wife in the course of your show? And I go, sure, it's not a problem.

But they don't know that. He goes, well, you know, this is the church, not a casino. I go, okay. So anyway, I do my set and I'm leaving the stage and it dawns on me. I never mentioned I love my wife. So I turn around while they're applauding, I come back. And I go, I have to say this. And then God bless me with this most amazing woman, patience.

And anyway, I start crying. I mean, it's never happened to me before. Wow. I walk off and Tammy looks at me and goes, what the heck was all that? I go, I don't know. So from that on, I just kind of, when I work churches, I just figured, you know, I'll take some time and remind them how much I love the woman. And she would always ask, did you go Jimmy Swagger?

Did you go swaggered on them? Did you start crying? And so this book, is it your first book? Well, second, but really it's my first. Tammy, we went through. The last draft, I told Tammy, you need to read this and be okay with my version of what we went through. So she read the first two chapters, put it down, came to me and said, we were horrible people. And I said, that's the beauty of the story.

Yeah. I said, Jesus changed all. I mean, we're not those people. Matter of fact, Andy Andrews was a friend of mine who wrote the forward. He got it. He told the reader, you're going to meet two couples. Yeah. So don't give up on the second couple.

Did she become a Christian when you did? Well, it was funny because I came home August. And I know the day in August 17th, 96. I said, that's when my life was born again. And anyway, it took me three weeks. I was taking the kids to church. But to her, it was just another one of a long list, from Buddhism to new age, just one more thing.

But I told her, I said, I'm a born-again Christian. She says, what does that mean? I go, you know, honestly, I have no clue. Yeah. I go, I just heard the term. And she says, what does that mean for us? I go, nothing, Tammy. I said, look, we're still working on us.

I said, this is just one more. I said, if it's just one more thing, it'll fade away like all the rest. Three weeks later, she said, can I come to church with you? And then when we lost the house to, we barely got out before they foreclosed, we were sitting in the escrow office. And the escrow lady said, I got bad news. The IRS has taken all of the profit from me. your home. And I said, it doesn't matter. I said, the only thing that matters is sitting at this table here. And Tammy told me a couple years later, she said, that was the first time in our

entire marriage. I felt that we were a priority to you. Wow. And I'm spending the rest of my life trying to make up those first eight years. Yeah. People really underestimate the power and the influence that a dad and a husband can have in the family to lead them to church and to lead them to Christ, it really can make all the difference in the world. And that is a partner because we pick each other up. I get lazy in my studies. So our church just built like three blocks from our house. So we were driving 30 minutes to church. So they're three blocks away. So we decided to start doing small group. And that's a growth on her. because I don't know what kind of homemaker you are,

but every button in her gets tripped when people come to the house. So it's clean, clean, clean. It's, you know. And I normally mop the hardwood, but I told her I'm not going to be home to be able to mop the hardwood. But she's studying now Bible every morning, you know, again, 20-some years later. But, you know, it's like we're, we hope to get to the finish line,

you know, together. We don't take it for granted. We're learning how to pray together. It's interesting. We've had periods where we try to pray together. We never had a problem having sex before marriage. But to sit down and get intimate with God is one of the most difficult things we have.

But we know that if we pray together, we're going to be together. We know that. We know that. that's what the enemy is such an attack. It's ridiculous. This is, you know, and it's really hard if you've had a little minor argument and then you're going to bed to go, let's get on the side of our bed and pray.

Yeah. But, um. Well, it's hard to be angry with the person that you're praying with. Absolutely. And in our sin, sometimes we want to stay angry and bitter. We want to go to sleep angry. Right. Right.

But scripture actually tells us. tells us be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. But gosh, I mean, certainly in my sinfulness, there are times I just want to hold on to my grudge and resentment, which is why what you said is so true and prayer is so powerful to just kind of melt away all that bitterness. It is. 100%. We've been given a map if we would just pay attention to it. Yeah. You know, and scripture to me, 99% of it just washes over me. But every now and then something will happen,

and a verse will come to me and go, wow. Yeah. Wow. Mm-hmm. You know, I remember reading the first time, from what pleasure to you get out of all those things that you are now ashamed of. And I thought of all those parties I went to that I thought were fun. and I look back and go, it's a waste of time.

Yeah. You know. But I'm having a blast doing comedy. Just a blast. Good. And what advice? Before we end, I want you to talk a little bit more about where, you know, you can get your book and how people can find you. But you're talking to a couple, maybe in particular a man who is in the thick of it where you and your wife once were, they're thinking, this is the end of it.

It's the end of our marriage. maybe they're thinking at the end of my life. I'm never going to get it together. I'm too far gone. God can't forgive me. Can't make up for what I've done in the past. Whatever it is. They just feel like they're at the end of their rope.

What would you tell someone in that position right now? Well, that's the ultimate lie, is that you're irredeemable. That's the devil's playbook. That you're beyond redemption. That's not true. It takes work. It takes an effort. It takes a desire.

desire. And I believe it begins with prayer. Get on your knees and say, look, I can't do this. That's where I really got and totally surrendered. I just said, I can't do this anymore. And then I got a really good whiff of the kind of man I'd been. And I quit blaming everything externally. You know, we tend to match, look for externally what we feel internally. For instance, for, for externally what we feel internally. For instance, if you're, you know, an angry, bitter, jaded human being and people keep asking you why you're so angry when you have a beautiful wife, you have, you know, the job, the home, you're checking the boxes that the world tells you matter. And you're still at this point. So we'll look outside of ourselves to validate it. And politics is a wonderful,

I got politics. I just started pointing at groups of people. in the political spectrum and going, they're the reason. Why am I sewing them? It's them. And that's a lie. That's the lie. You have all you need to be at peace,

but it begins with humility, some sense of humility, that you are not in control of everything. You're not God and prayer. It sounds so simple, but it's so difficult. I said the longest, journey was from standing to kneeling for me.

I wasn't getting on my knees for nothing. Yeah. And certainly something I made up, you know. So it's not brain surgery, you know, it really isn't difficult, but it is. Yeah. And it is, it's really all God's grace. God's grace gives us the ability to go from standing to our knees. He gives us the ability to pray.

It's the grace that saves us. It's the grace that sanctifies us. And yes, of course, it requires work and discipline to repent of our sin, but even that is powered by God's grace. Well, Paul talks about it. You know, your old nature doesn't go away. You just bring in a new nature, you know. And I believe, you know, the Holy Spirit, the more I respond to that, the old nature gets deeper. but it's still there, this war, you know.

The Romans 7. Why do I keep doing the things that I don't want to do? Right. It doesn't, you know, so, and the devil isn't going away. I mean, it sounds so cliche and trite. I mean, even as a, you know, it's funny, I remember saying to somebody, I'm not a big devil guy, you know.

But then I had some things happened to me that were just, I mean, outside of anything but demonic. I mean, I couldn't explain it. I remember Tammy looking at me. And going, what was that all of us? I have no idea, sweetheart. I really don't. I mean, this, it was just, like again,

not a body, whatever. So if you look around and you do, you culturally look around, you don't see a lot of forgiveness and grace in our culture, none. You know, and that's, you can't remain married without the ability to forgive.

You just can't. I mean, there has to be, I don't think any of us married. saints, you know, and she has forgiven me for plenty, and I've forgiven her for plenty. And we're going to hang in there to the end, I hope, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for your vulnerability. My little walker. Yeah. Hey, got to keep going. And so people can buy your book. Are we there yet? Wherever books are sold? Well, Amazon. You can go to my website and order, and I'll sign it then, but you'll have to be patient because I do the shipping.

Okay. So if I'm out of town for two weeks, it's going to take a while. Okay. Okay. Well, thank you so much. And you're on Instagram, and you've got your, you've got a website. Oh, absolutely. Just change it, brand new, jeffalloncom.

Great. And people can find your schedule and everything there. Absolutely. I am out and about. Awesome. Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Hey, this is Steve Dase. If you're listening to Allie, you already understand that the biggest issues facing our country aren't just political. They're moral, spiritual, and rooted in what we believe is true about God, humanity, and reality itself. On the Steve Day show, we take the news of the day and tested against first principles, faith, truth, and objective reality. We don't just chase narratives and we don't offer false comfort. We ask the hard questions and follow the answers wherever they leave, even when it's unpopular. This is a show for people who want honesty over hype and clarity over chaos.

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