Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey - REPLAY: Half-Truth from Hell

Episode Date: September 30, 2019

Just because something sounds good doesn't mean it IS good. We break down another "me-first" lie from a popular influencer. Then, Q&A.

Hey guys, welcome to Relatable. My name is Ali Stucky. Thank you so much for listening. I hope that you guys have had a great week so far. So today we are going to talk about half-truths. And we're going to talk about a particular half-truth that I saw by, spoken by a very popular influencer and why it's actually wrong from a Christian perspective. I might get to one piece of news at the end. It depends on how much time we have. If not, I'll bump it to next week. And then I'm I might, sorry, I just lost my voice for a second, I might have time to answer some of the questions that you guys sent me on Instagram. So the half truth that we are going to discuss today was something that I saw on Instagram, just like a couple of weeks ago when we did the three myths

that Christian women believe. I talked about a myth that I saw posted by a particular celebrity about how you're enough, you're lovable, you're beautiful. And we just kind of talked about how that whole mentality, although it is casted as biblical, is actually very selfish and unbiblical. It doesn't ultimately help us because our focus should be on Christ. And this is kind of a continuation of that or at least another piece of that. So I want to read you this quote and then we are going to break down why it's not true and the truth that I think is far more rewarding, far more healing than what this offers. So the quote is, focus on what you think of you.

So this is a quote by a Christian author that a lot of people love and follow. She's got a podcast and I think a million followers on Instagram. People absolutely love her. She's got some good self-help knowledge, some good business savvy that I think has helped a lot of people. But when it comes to Christian faith, she's just not someone that we should be listening to. Her point in focus on what you think of you is true. Don't compare yourself to other people.

Comparison is the thief of joy. That's absolutely right. The 10th commandment says, do not be envious of your neighbor's goods. In other words, do not covet. We should not be focusing on what other people have that we do not have.

That is incongruent with being joyful, with being content with what God has given us, and cultivating the talents and the blessings that God has given us to use for his glory. So I completely agree with the sentiment behind that. Don't focus on other people's opinions of you. Don't focus on what everyone is saying about you or else you're never going to accomplish anything.

You're never going to be able to move forward in life. I agree with the sentiment in general. And I'm not demonizing this person, but I want to point out the insufficiency of this statement, of focusing on what you think of you. Here's the problem. Here's the problem for Christians with that statement. If you're not a Christian, maybe that's the best you can get. Maybe what you think of you. Maybe that's the most that you can get to in a healthy way of thinking. But for Christians, we have transcendent possibilities and they're

found in God's words. So the reason why this statement, focus on what you think of you, is problematic, is because what you think of you is irrelevant because it is untrustworthy. So your thoughts about yourself, my thoughts about myself in my little P brain are three things. They are A conditional. They are B changing and they are C conceited. So my thoughts of me are a conditional. They are dependent on what we do, how we look, what we feel like this morning. Like I'm pregnant.

My hormones are everywhere. Sometimes I wake up at 7 a.m. feeling super rested. sometimes I wake up at 4 a.m. like stressed about everything. Sometimes I wake up at 8.30 and I'm like, what am I doing with my life? And I just lay there and look at my phone. If I depended on what I think of myself for confidence, I would feel really badly about myself. Because as a pregnant person who has already gained about 15 pounds and who feels lazy most of the time and who oversleaps and looks at her phone for an hour in the morning sometimes, I'm not feeling too great about myself most days. Like, if I dug into my mind as the reservoir for my confidence, I wouldn't find very much.

So the problem with focusing on what I think of me is that sometimes what I think of me isn't correct because it's completely conditional on how I look. It is completely conditional with my hormones that morning. Like, I am too unreliable for me to focus on what I think of me. Like I will drive myself crazy because A, what I think of me is conditional. It is conditional on a whole bunch of factors that change every day. B, what I think of me is also changing. So this is very similar to conditional because our thoughts about ourselves are conditional.

They are also changing. We are not very steady people, even if you are just kind of this rock solid human being who is not swayed by your emotions at all, who doesn't follow your feeling, doesn't follow your heart, you're a very logical person who follows your principles. Even so, just in general, we are not steady people. Things change. Life changes. Stuff is thrown our way that we didn't see because our opinion of ourself is conditional. It also changes. Just think about this. How exhausting is it? How exhausting would it be to constantly focus on what you think of yourself. Your mind is going in circles. Someone compliments you.

You feel like you can take on the world. Someone says something good about you and you say, yeah, that's true. I am really awesome. My podcast is great. You know what? I am better than all of those people. I'm feeling really, I'm feeling great about myself. I feel good about myself. I'm going to reward myself with some chick filet. And then I get a mean message from someone that says, you're horrible at this, at this thing. You should stop having a podcast. This is so embarrassing. Please just end your career. And then I hate myself and I still go get chick filet, but I'm not happy with myself. My confidence is shot. I'm like, oh my gosh, should I? Should I keep going with this? Is this the right choice of career? Am I talented at all? So we are constantly on this pendulum between arrogance and self-loathing, which is a really dizzying

ride, you guys. Like if I am focusing on what I think of myself, then I, and my head is spinning constantly. So we're on this pendulum. One end of it is arrogance. One end of it is self-loathing. And when someone compliments me, I swing to arrogance. When someone criticizes me, I swing to self-loathing. loathing. But guess what? We don't have to be on that right as Christians. We don't have to focus on what we

think of ourselves because number three, or C, I think I'm using letters, C, what we think of ourselves is also conceded. As we talked about a couple of weeks ago, both arrogant and self-loathing are symptoms of thinking of ourselves too much, thinking of ourselves too highly and too lowly means that we are obsessing. We are obsessing over our strengths and our weaknesses and we're not supposed to be obsessing over these things. So thinking about what you think of you is going to exhaust you. It is going to make you feel more insecure than you did before. It's going to confuse you. Because guess what? Guess what? Besides being untrustworthy, besides being insecure, besides basically lying to ourselves about ourselves all the time,

whether it's good or bad, we just also, well, we're just not, we're not perceptive enough. We're not perceptive enough to distinguish between the two. We're not smart enough to decide when we're telling the truth about ourselves and when we're feeding us lies. So focusing on what you think of you is completely, completely a terrible pursuit. it's going to get you nowhere. And here's the good news. Here's the good news. Guess what gives you energy rather than exhausts you, like focusing on what you think of yourself. Guess what gives you confidence rather than insecurity, like focusing on what you think about yourself. Guess what

offers clarity rather than confusion. God. God does. Jesus and who he is, not just what he thinks of you, but who he is gives you the confidence and the energy. and the clarity that you need when you're thinking about who you are. And like I said, it's not just what Jesus thinks about you, because as I've said many times before, I think too many Christian female teachers paint Jesus as this person who's just like sitting by you, braiding your hair, telling you how awesome your highlights are and how great your personality is. So I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about who Jesus is because of who he is, who we are in him. So Jesus, Savior, Justifier, Sanctifier, beginning in Alpha Omega author, Perfector of Faith.

He is friend, intercessor, great high priest who sympathizes with your weaknesses, a creator and sustainer of the universe. Before time began, he was here, is coming back to take his home. His kingdom has no end. His love does not fail. His faithfulness does not change. He is steady and steadfast and loyal and relentless in his pursuit of us. He is transcendent.

He is above everything. He is intimately acquainted with our pain and our suffering. He is God. And yet, with all of these wonderful transcendent, supreme, superior things about him that our little tiny minds cannot wrap around beyond all comprehension that our finite brains can grasp, he loves us. He loves you. He loves you so much that he died for you.

And even beyond that, like sometimes that seems like two big people. for us to understand and it's really not, but sometimes we just fail to understand it. He also does, like, he has thoughts about you. Like, he considers you. He knows, he knows your name. He knows when you are born. He knows the circumstances that you're in. He knows everything about you. It should really terrify us that he knows the depths of our hearts. Like, he knows all the ugliness in there. Like all the bad intentions, all of the hypocrisy, all of the things that we say, but we're not actually doing. All of the things that we think that we are putting on display for the world

and what's actually behind them. He knows the hollowness in our hearts, our selfishness, our ambition, all of the things that we don't want people to know about us. The God of the universe who is perfect knows them. That should scare us. But it should also fill us with amazing gratitude that knowing all of these things about us, he chose to sacrifice himself on our behalf

that we could be reconciled to a perfect God forever and ever. That's incredible. That is all you need for your confidence. That's it right there. That the God of the universe, despite the fact, and even because of the fact, that you and I are so amazingly messed up, so corrupt, so depraved in the core of our being

that he died for us, something he did not have to do, by the way. He had every right as the God of the universe to destroy us, and he actually sent a way to unite us together through Christ. That should rock your world. That is what wakes us up in the morning with the joy that, hey, wow, I am saved and in Christ and I don't have to pay the debt that I once owed. I don't have to have the faith that I once had.

That is what gives us our confidence. And the great thing is about that is that while what we, think about ourselves is completely untrustworthy, completely conditional, completely changing, completely conceded the reality that we who are in Christ are in Christ forever and Christ does not change, that is unconditional, that is unchanging, that is unconceited, it is steadfast, it is sure, it is selfless. I love alliterations, by the way. So how much more freeing is it for the Christian to know that you don't have to focus on what you think about yourself. And that what you think about yourself, what you see when you look in the mirror is totally

irrelevant. It's totally irrelevant. First Corinthians 517 says that those of us who are in Christ are a new creation that the old has passed as a new has come. So no matter what you look like, no matter what you've done, no matter what you accomplished, who you are in Christ is new, cleansed, washed by the blood of the lamb, that is your new identity. I mean, how liberating is it to know that that is what defines us? And yes, being a new creation does have implications for our actions, how we live our lives. We should through the power of the Holy Spirit be striving towards holiness, repenting of our sins, both internal and external. We should be in his word, in constant prayer, helping those around us, working hard at our job, stewarding the gifts that we have been given.

those things flow from our identity in Christ, they are not our identity themselves. And this doesn't mean that we don't acknowledge our talents. Like, I'm not talking about living in this constant state of self-deprecation. I'm not at all. But, and I couldn't find the exact quote by C.S. Lewis, but there's some quote by C.S. Lewis, maybe in Mayor Christianity, maybe it's in another book. I just don't remember about how those who are in Christ, we are not arrogant about our strengths, but we are not also completely down on ourselves because of our weaknesses. They're just facts to us. They're just facts of living in this physical life. Like for a Christian, we don't need false humility. Like we are allowed to say, yeah, God gifted me with the gift of

communicating or with the gift of writing or with the gift of drawing, with the gift of being a really good friend with the gift of being hospitable, with the gift of being able to organize an event plan really well, something that I cannot do at all, by the way, it's okay to say, yeah, we have these gifts. And I am using these gifts to the best of my ability for the kingdom. I am stewarding them well. I am using my talents well. That's not arrogance. That's just acknowledging what God has given you and that you are doing everything you can through the power of the Holy Spirit to use those ways and use those talent in a way that brings glory to God. Like there's nothing wrong with saying that.

And there's also nothing wrong with acknowledging our weaknesses, the things that we're bad at. And I'm not talking about sins that we are genuinely struggling with. So, of course, we can be open about that as well. But we can also say, you know, like, I'm not actually very good at hosting people or I'm not very good at being organized or I'm not very good at singing. We can be open about our insecurities too because those are also

just facts of being in the physical world and living the life that we live, that's all okay, because the freedom for us is that we know that neither our strengths nor our weaknesses actually define us. Christ does. So we are not striving to meet the standards of the world. We are striving to meet the perfection and the holiness that God has called us to in the Bible, but is only accomplished through Christ and through sanctification in the Holy Spirit. So like I said, that doesn't mean that we are self-deprecating. It also doesn't mean that we are arrogant. We know who we are.

We know the gifts that we've been given. We know our dignity in Christ. And the meshing of all of those things, the intersection of all of those things means that we are using them to bring God's kingdom here on Earth. We are using them to alleviate the pain of others to beautify the tiny plot of Earth that we have been given. our small, a relatively small sphere of influence that God has gifted us with. That is what we're doing.

And I actually got through all of that really quickly. So we are going to have time to do everything else. You guys responded really well, like I said, to the three mystic Christian women believe a few weeks ago. So I'm always going to kind of come back to that because I do think it's really important for us to break down this me-centered Christless gospel that we're seeing from women in the church. particularly women. I don't see it as much on the man's side. And the thing that bothers me, the thing that bothers me about how Christianity is represented by influencers is that on the one hand, you have these Christian teachers, Christian female teachers who constantly coddle women. It's constantly like, girl, you are just beautiful and perfect and awesome and amazing. And you

can do no wrong. You should feel no shame for your choices. You should feel no guilt whatsoever. girl, if you start feeling bad about yourself, you just tell yourself that you are Beyonce. You just look in the mirror and you say, girl, you are looking good and perfect and you should just be positive about yourself and that you should get along with your day and tell yourself that you're worthy and lovable and adorable. That's not Christianity. Like, that's not biblical. And it doesn't last because like I've said many times before, sometimes you're not adorable. Like sometimes you're not lovable. Sometimes you've done something that you should actually feel guilty about. Like this.

This self-love movement, self-care movement, self-me-me-me-me-stuff is just another form of worldly stupid jargon that ends in death and sin and destruction and devastation. It's just shrouded in some decontextualized Bible verses, but it ain't going to save you. So that's one end of this coddling stuff. And then on the other end, so that's like the Christian influence. And then you've got the non-Christian influencer or who is a Christian, but she's not in the Christian world. So here's where I find myself like in the middle and why sometimes I have difficulty striking the balance of my podcast and like knowing how far to go in either direction because I just don't find myself connected to either side. So you've got the majority of Christian

influencers being like cuddle, self-love, girl, you're awesome. Oh, and by the way, like for some reason we link compassion to open borders and being pro-choice, like weird. So that's one side. And you've got the other side. You've got conservative women. And I'm talking about all conservative women, by the way. Some conservative women in the media, it's like, and this is fine. This is fine. This is not their shtick. But it's almost like God is just kind of like a mascot for their political views. It's like God guns and small government and faith guns and God, faith, family guns, whatever it is. It's like God is just kind of like this character that is in the play of their lives.

And he's talked about in this very like general sense, but there's not going to be a genuine sticking up for the gospel and the exclusivity as well as the inclusivity of the gospel. And I just find myself in this in between of like, wait, but I want to talk about theological stuff. I want to stick up for the gospel. I don't want to pretend like I don't actually believe. that Jesus is the way, the truth, the life. But I'm also not on, I'm not just like, I'm not a Christian teacher.

I don't consider myself a Bible teacher. And I don't feel like I have to tell people how wonderful and awesome and perfect and beautiful they are in order to encourage women. Does that make sense? I'm just trying, I'm just trying to talk about the things that I know are true. I'm trying to, whenever I have to describe my podcast, I say I'm trying to help people navigate faith, culture, news, and politics, how to fit everything into the context of their Christian faith. And I am not the inerrant word of God. We can disagree on these political

opinions and even some of these biblical opinions. And we can all be okay and be in the same Christ family and we can push back on each other and have discussions about that. That's great. All I'm trying to do is to reject the lies of both sides and bring the truth of both sides in together in this conversation about the things that are most relevant to us. So I hope to be accomplishing that. That's why sometimes it's exclusively political. Sometimes like today, it's exclusively about the Bible and the lies that we're hearing. But really, in either case, we're talking about lies and the and the truth that should replace them. Okay.

Since we have time, I am going to, I've decided against talking about the political thing. I wanted to talk about the Virginia legislators that proposed a bill approved of by the governor that would allow abortion up to 40 weeks. It's terrible. Thankfully, it was struck down by Republicans, but I might save that for next week or I think I am going to save it for next week because, yeah, I just think that. it deserves a little bit more time than the time that we have right now. So I'm going to take some of the questions that I got on Instagram. So, oh, yes, I love getting relationship questions.

Just FYI. I just love it. I had a girl recently send me this whole long explanation, not too long if you're listening, girl, long explanation of the fight that she had with her boyfriend. And it was great. We went back and forth and I gave her all of this kind of advice. I'm not necessarily a guru, but I've been in plenty of relationships myself. I probably know what you're going through.

So here is the question. I recently got rejected by my former crush. Could you give some advice on how to cope? Girl, that sucks. I'm not going to lie to you. Like, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Being rejected is one of the worst feelings in the world. Because you put yourself out there, you're vulnerable,

and you're told that you're going to feel better for being honest. And then you just basically get slapped in the face, hopefully not literally, but at least metaphorically, that just is the, the worst. It's the worst feeling ever. So just know that it's okay that you feel sad. Like you probably aren't feeling too great about yourself right now. But I want you to have big picture. I'm just, I don't know how old you are. I'm judging by your picture that you're pretty young. Um, think about big picture if you can. And I don't want to sound like a mom.

But knowing what I know, being out of college, being out of high school, I have been rejected. I've been broken up with. I do not think. I do not think about. my ex-boyfriends from high school, like ever, ever. I never think about them. They are literally the smallest specs on the span of my life that just like do not affect me. So you have to, if you can, you have to realize that it's okay to be sad and then take a step back and realize, you know what, that was just a small misstep in the grand scheme of things. He's not going to affect you what he thinks about you, what he likes or doesn't like about you. One, it doesn't define you. That's what we kind of just talked about in this, in this, in this podcast. But also, like,

it's just not going to matter. He's just this random, immature guy that doesn't know anything. And y'all's paths probably aren't going to cross that much for the rest of your life. And so, you just kind of have to take a deep breath and remember you are who God says that you are. And who he is is far more important than whoever this guy is. And in the grand scheme of things, you're not going to remember him. He will be if, but, a footnote in the autobiography that you write of your life. What are some healthy ways to relieve stress? I am so not the person to ask about that.

I shouldn't have even read this because I am stressed. I am a stressed person. I stress out really easily. I worry about things really easily. I don't have actual anxiety. I just am an overthinker. I inherited it from my mother. So you can imagine how many times I googled things when I was in my first trimester of pregnancy.

Like can I eat yogurt? Like can I sit down with my legs crossed? Is everything going to be okay? Not, I would not recommend my mode of thinking. Now, I typically get most stressed at night or when I wake up in the middle of the night, I start thinking about all the conflicts that I have in my life, all the things that I need to get resolved. And praying as trite as it sounds, well, it doesn't sound right.

Sometimes it sounds right, but it's obviously not right. Praying and remembering, again, the grand scheme of things, the bigger picture. What's going to matter in eternity versus what matters tomorrow? It really does help. It gives you that peace that passes understanding. And even if you don't know how something is going to be resolved, how something is going to be fixed, how something is going to turn out, how you're going to get all of this stuff done by Friday.

There's just no way. Just reminding yourself what's important. And that things do get done. The amazing thing is that things do get done. I'll give you an example. I'm writing a book that is due April 1st. I'm kind of freaking out about that. Like, April 1st is soon.

That's really soon. And I'm really excited by it. Wow, I just stopped being able to talk for a second. That also stresses me out. I'm really excited about the book. It should come out, I think, January of 2020, sometime next year in 2020. So I'm really excited, but I'm so stressed about that.

I just have to remember that it's going to get done. I have to prioritize my time, something that I'm not good at. And I have to pray and I have to accept that piece that passes all understanding and just realize that it's going to be okay. It does take some. It does take some pep talk sometimes, though. What names are y'all thinking about? Okay.

So we are not, I am not going to share the name of my child on social media ever. So I'm really sorry, but you guys aren't going to know the name of my child. And it's not because of you guys who are listening to the same. podcast is because of the creepers and the haters out there. People, I don't, I already don't like the people on Twitter who, when I say something that they don't like, say, I feel bad for your daughter that you're bringing into this world. You're going to be such a horrible parent. I already don't like that. Not because it criticizes me because who cares? Their trolls living in their mom's basement and they're criticizing me. Okay. But because it brings my child into it,

like I already don't like that. People using my child as a weapon. And I don't think I can emotionally bear seeing my child's name being used in that way. So I'm not going to share my child's name a lot of. I'm not even sharing. It's not just on social media. Like I haven't even told my family yet. I will tell them, obviously.

But, well, I also don't want to hear people's opinions. Like people always have opinions about names. Like I don't really care what you think. of my child's name, but I promise I won't name them something weird. So, and I'm also not going to, someone else asked me if I'm going to post pictures of my child, no. I'm not going to post pictures of my child's face. That's another thing. Like, people are weird with Photoshop, the things that they do, I, no, I'm not, I'm not going to exploit my child in that way. Not that other people who do post pictures of their child are exploiting their child. I just know for me that there are

creepers that are going to do bad stuff. And I just, I don't want that. I don't think I can bear that. Okay. Would you ever do a meetup in Dallas? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe so.

Another question. Why do you think most celebrities are Democrats? Hollywood has always kind of leaned to the left or at least for the better part of their history that I've been aware of Hollywood, they have leaned to the left. Because I think it's better. to ask why they're liberal because they're typically not moral people. And in order to justify the things that they glorify in Hollywood, like all kinds of sexual promiscuity and basically having no morality whatsoever, it's kind of hard to admit that there is some kind of higher transcendent

truth or morality. And so it's better to just be, it's easier for them to just be a liberal. And typically liberalism, today's progressivism is just kind of, there is no such thing as truth, except what the government says is truth. There is no right or wrong except for what social justice says is right or wrong. It kind of gives a pass to any kind of sin that you can think of as long as you are saying that the government should take care of people. It's a lot easier for liberals to have that. They're typically godless or did I say liberals?

I meant to say celebrities. They're typically godless. They typically don't really have a moral compass. Not all of them, but a lot of them. and that's what happens. When you don't believe in truth, you almost always become a progressive. Like it's very rare that you've got a born again,

strong Christian who also really knows politics and is a progressive. It's just rare. It's hard. It's hard. It's really hard to be that. Oh, here's the question based on what I kind of just said. Engage in conversation with those believers who vote for unbiblical policies.

So they probably don't. don't know a lot about what they're voting for. Now, I don't think that you have to be a Republican to be a Christian, but I don't see how you can be a Democrat. Does that make sense? Like, if you're a Christian and you're trying to decide what political party you are going to be a part of, I understand if you have some contention with the Republican Party, especially the current Republican party and what they're actually doing, not just what they say they stand for, but what they're actually doing if you're like, look, I'm just not going to be a part of that. I think that's respectable. I think that we can have that conversation, but I don't understand how you can be a Democrat.

I mean, these are the people that are advocating for abortion up to 40 weeks who believe in the redistribution of wealth, who believe in socialism, which has led to all kinds of human rights travesties throughout history. Usually those people who are voting Democrat, who are born again Christians, I'm not questioning their salvation. I'm questioning how much they actually know about the policies they're voting for. I mean, if you look at a lot of the Christian responses to the New York bill, we did have plenty of women who I think were used to be kind of silent on the issue of abortion, speak up and say, look, this is too far. This is not okay. But then you had other Christians that were like, look, this is about the life of the mother and you need to just adopt. If you're

going to ever talk about being pro-life, that's just ignorant. Like, that's just ignorant. They don't know anything about the bill. The bill decriminalizes abortion up to nine months. So if a man stabs a woman in the stomach kills her unborn child, but she survives. the man is only charged with assault, not with homicide. You can just look at the bill. I'm just getting this information from the bill. An unborn child was redefined not as a, not as a person anymore. So you have to be born and alive to be a person, which is weird.

So just like dead adults aren't people anymore. I don't know what they become. But that's just a philosophical question for Andrew Cuomo. Genius. So I think most people that vote that way who are Christians, it's that they either don't know their Bibles. or they don't know politics. And typically it's the latter.

They just don't know what they're voting for. They're told they're voting for compassionate policies. They're told Medicare for All is more compassionate. I'll do that an actual episode on that. They're told socialism is more compassionate. They're told open borders is more compassionate. And they buy it. Why?

Because it's so easy to think that way if you're not thinking very hard. So that's my take on that. That's all that I have time for. I got tons of questions, though. And so now I have them in my back pocket. I'll be able to answer them later on. Thank you guys so much for listening. I would love your feedback.

Please leave me a review if you so desire. If you like this podcast, please leave a five-star review. If you don't like this podcast, then of course you don't have to leave a five-star review. But if you do like this podcast, I would love a positive five-star review from you. And I would also love your feedback if you don't like this podcast. I take feedback really seriously. I take questions really seriously. And you guys make me better.

You guys make me smarter. You guys make me a better podcast. So always feel free to reach out to me with what you want to hear more of, what you want to hear less of. Love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. And have a great weekend.