Reply All - #151 Thank You for Noticing

Episode Date: November 14, 2019

A listener finds a UFO floating in the sky over a leather store, and Alex sets out to find the man who put it there. John R.E.'s Google reviews The UFO above Sav-Mor Leather Behind the Scenes of On the Inside (http://replyall.limo/ontheinside) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, PJ. What was that? Me being happy to see you. Hi, Alex. Why are you clutching your microphone? I don't know. Like you're either like a blues singer or you're drowning. I'm a drowned and blues singer.

I'm just happy to see you. Is that a... I feel like, here's a deal. Last week you were working on your story. You were busy. Yeah. This weekend... You didn't get quality time.

This weekend you had a birthday party and you were very warm and happy to see me. But you're also busy. You were working the room. You're just glad. You're just glad we have some time together. I'm glad we have some one-on-one time together that we say into a microphone. Like, then it gets broadcast to the world. It's hard to be mad at that.

Tell me your story. So this whole story started with a tip that I got that sounded less like a reply-all thing and more like, I don't know, an X-Files case. It's from a listener named Andrew. Hey, Andrew. Yes, hi. Hey, it's Alex. I happened to catch him while he was sewing. I am trying to finish sewing.

this backpack for my sister. I'm teaching myself how to pattern and design bags. What prompted you to decide to get into sewing? You know, I think I've always had kind of a propensity for stuff like that, and then I just finally picked up a sewing machine, and then now I'm going crazy. It's one of those things. There's like three life skills that I think are probably not that hard to learn, that I would like to learn, and sewing is one of them. What are the other two? Dancing in the sense of dancing at parties, like if you could take a weekend class, I would take it? Like non-awkward gyration class? Buddy. Yeah. I can make that happen. I really don't want one-on-one

dance at parties class from you. I know that I know you're trying to like, I know you're trying to mock me, but I'm not trying to mock you. I'm just saying that I'm a good dancer. I know you are. I just don't. I just, I think this is a problem with the classes. I don't want to go to it. Well, I think that, I honestly think there would be like a therapeutic aspect of to it for us. Tell me more. I just think that there would be like, there would be a level of very bizarre but very real intimacy to us dancing together. Okay. I'm really into this idea now.

And then the third thing, just so you know, is casual singing in car singing on key. I would like to be able to do that. I feel like for some people, just singing on key is tough. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you're one of them and they have no disrespect. No, it's true. sewing dancing singing anyway he sews uh-huh and the sewing thing is germane to the story because

as he said when we talked Andrew was making a backpack and he wanted to make it out of leather okay so he's like goes online looks for a leather store finds this place called save more leather S-A-V-M-O-R leather um and he drives over there and he's sitting in his car looking at the listing for it to make sure it's open and he notices something very odd The first photo that comes up on Google has something very strange about it. And my heart kind of almost outbeating. And I stared at this photo for a very long time. The main picture for Save More Leather when you go on Google Maps is this.

Okay. So, yeah, it's like a short squat industrial building under an overpass. But it does have a sign that says... What are you missing, PJ, in that picture? What am I missing? Keep looking at that photo. It says Savmore leather. Oh, my God.

There's a giant UFO in the sky over it? Yes. God, I have like UFO blindness. I mean, in my defense, it's sort of sky color. Like, it's sort of like a UFO with a cloaking device that's coming off. But it's definitely a UFO. It's not like, it's like a big. big, like, classic, definite Independence Day UFO.

Yeah. You saw this before you went into the store. Oh, yeah. You better believe I looked up in the sky. And you better believe that, you know, I was, I sat there in my car in the same approximate spot this photo was taken from. I looked up at that light pole. I took a photo myself and checked it to see if a UFO showed up on my cell phone screen, you know. So what is your theory?

What do you think is going on here? You know, Alex, I'm very torn between thinking that actually there was a gigantic UFO hovering over downtown L.A. With some kind of cloaking device and somehow flickering right when he took this photo. Or, I don't know. It just doesn't make sense. But it seems like just to really not be the fun guy here, it seems like what is up with this picture is like, Somebody uploaded a picture of a storefront, and they photoshopped in a fake UFO. And like to this person's credit, what I like about these hijinks is I like when people put in a joke that's like doesn't announce itself.

You know what I mean? It's like a person paying close attention will find this and no one else. Yeah. The other thing I figured out, though, is that the person who put the UFOs in the photo is also doing like all sorts of reviews on Google Maps. Like, I went to this hamburger place and my hamburger sucked and here's a picture of the hammer. Yeah, I went to this del taco and they didn't put enough meat on the taco. It's funny that you and I both immediately go to complaints because the only time I ever give a review is when it's a one-star review and I'm mad about something. What have you reviewed?

Let me look at my Google Maps profile. You do it on Google Maps? Uh-huh. Street View, bicycling, your locations, your places, your contributions. Let's see. Your contributions. Reviews. This comeback was my landlord.

He tried to cheat me out of my security deposit. I eventually had to file a small claims case against him to get it back. Yeah, I suppose that doesn't have much bearing on how he practices law. But if he'll cheat a struggling kid out of money, he's entitled to, don't you think he'd do the same of you as representing you? Avoid like the plague. It's really funny because every time he reviews like that, I'm like, I'm so glad I don't know this person, but I know you.

I reviewed the vitamin store I used to work at and got fired from, and I wrote the manager's a dick. That feels like a real conflict of interest, man. Wait, here's an important question. What was the gap between them firing you and you posting that review? That's a great question. It was eight or nine years. Also, just so you know, manager turnover at the vitamin shop. He was a career guy.

I'm sure he's still there. Unless he retired. Well, I'm sure you showed him. I'm sure you saw that, and he was like, I should be nicer to people. What else you got? I've got a five-star review of Greenpoint Heights, RIP, and then a one-star review of the eyeglass place. And what does that say?

Well, if I could give these guys negative stars, I would. They gave me a prescription that actually made my eyes worse. I asked them to recheck my glasses, and they told me that it was a result of working in front of a computer screen in spite of the fact that I've never had any issue with a computer screen before. They suggested looking out the window every 25 minutes or so to relax my eyes. Something I never had to do prior to getting this new prescription. When I told them this did nothing to help, they told me that I had to either get a specialist or to give me a new prescription or there was nothing they could do for me and then proceeded to hang up the phone.

And then I also said avoid them like the plague. Apparently that's like a thing for me. It's kind of your tag. How do we get here? Well. Okay. I was alerted to a weird picture of a UFO. You remember that? Yes. I wanted to learn more about whoever put it there. So you're looking at their Google reviews. Yes. Did you find a thing?

There is a username attached to the account, which is John R.E. John R.E. Okay. So I looked at a John R.E's account. To see if you posted other reviews or other photos? Yes. And the first thing I figured out is that he did post other photos that featured the UFO. Okay. Are they also sort of like nominally photos of small businesses? It's mostly small businesses

in generic chain stores. Does the UFO look the same in every one? It looks pretty similar. Uh, where's the CVS? There you go. It looks like it's kind of parked on top of the CVS. It's weird that he's doing it on like totally nondescripted businesses. Yeah, totally. But can I tell you what really caught my attention about this guy? Uh, yes. He is just an insanely prolific Google Maps reviewer. Like, he's posted thousands of photos, hundreds of reviews.

It looks like he's based in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and it feels like he's on a mission to review every single business in the city. Like, he reviews, like, glass repair shops, um, cannabis dispensaries. Um, he reviewed, like, his local coals. He's reviewed a parking lot downtown. And what are, what are the reviews? like. They're actually really detailed. Like, you know, he's just like the world's foremost Santa Feologist. Like, he will tell you which Baskin Robbins is the best in the city.

Which hardware store has fresh popcorn? There's one where he talks about who the most helpful employees are at the antique store. He's just like Mr. Santa Fe. And he's obviously really opinionated. Like, sometimes he can actually be pretty anal in his review. Like, this is a review of Rouse. What's Rouse? Is a grocery store that's owned by Kroger. Okay. Dogs in the grocery store?

Like pajamas, dogs appearing inside stores is a phenomenon. And it happens here. Kroger does a good job of keeping their prices lower than the competition, organic produce, friendly service, ample yogurt, and a large selection of adult beverages that make the grocery store more than convenient. And the dogs? According to the U.S. Code of Federal Regulations 36.202, They're legal unless out of control or not housebroken.

If you experience otherwise, service dog or not, you're within your rights to ask that the dog be removed. Sounds like a crotchy old man. It's just weird. It's like weird how quickly you draw a character in your head. I mean, there's also moments where he's got this almost like Aaron Brockovich vibe. Like this is a review of a place called Shoko Cafe. Sadly, Shoko Cafe has lost its day in court. The owners have been ordered to pay overtime to three employees after being convicted of wage theft.

This is not an establishment that can be recommended. Let the Fukuda family know how you feel about workers not being paid properly and the Fukuda's pocketing their employees over time. Okay. So pro-labor rights, anti-dog in grocery store. But sometimes he actually seems really vulnerable in his reviews. Like, here's a review he did for a place called the Drury Plaza Hotel and Bar in Santa Fe. It was a bad week.

It was a bad day. I didn't want it to be a bad night, so I wandered Santa Fe downtown. It wasn't long before I came in front of the Drewie, Drury Plaza Hotel in its downstairs bar. I took myself in wondering if this was just another tourist trap. I knew I needed a drink first. I saw a bar. It was full of colors. That's where I went. A bartender helped me. He was friendly. He was real. My night started to get lighter. I ate an appetizer, a tapa. I had a glenphidic. I had a cup of coffee. I had a couple dollars. I told the bartender, thank you. You see a lot of strangers, but tonight you made a friend. I needed this and you gave it. Thank you, he said.

a post-prohibition vibe here at Eloises and there's another bar on the fifth floor. I called it a night and walked home with a smile. That's so pretty and sad. I know. I know. Ah. It just felt like a tiny glimpse of who John was, you know? And like after reading hundreds of his reviews,

I have read hundreds of them, I felt like I had sort of an outline of who this person was. Like he seems kind of lonely, but he also seems completely devoted to documenting every square, inch of Santa Fe, this town that he clearly loves a lot. And that made me really want to meet him. So the first thing is, I think we figured out what he looks like. Oh, really? Yeah. So we're sitting there going through all his pictures, trying to find clues about who he is. And our executive producer, Tim Howard,

noticed one picture in particular where you could see the photographer in the reflection of a window. And it's a man with like male pattern baldness. And as we go through his picture some more, we start seeing a guy who looks like he could be the person in the reflection, and we're like, okay, that has got to be him. What does the guy look like? Let me show you a picture of him. Hold on just a second. He's got on the left.

Okay, so he's like, he sort of looks like he's in his early 50s, maybe 60s, mostly bald, he's got a beard, glasses. He kind of looks like an art teacher. He's got like a sweet art teacher vibe. Or like a nuclear scientist, but one of the progressive ones, who's against the bombs. Totally. Okay.

Do you see that? Yes. Okay. But what felt like kind of a problem to us was how do you track down a person from Google Maps without freaking them out? Yeah. Because it would be very easy for me to, like, post his picture on Twitter or go to the Santa Face subreddit. But that all feels pretty invasive. So I was like, why don't we try to find someone who already knows him personally as a way to approach him that is more friendly?

So myself and producer Jessica Young, who is in the studio with us. Hi, BJ. Hey, Jessica. So you are also helping Alex with this story. Yes. So Jessica and I decided to divide and conquer. We said, okay, we'll each take a couple days to call people we know from Santa Fe and ask them if they have any leads. Because Santa Fe is actually pretty small.

No, it's not. It's pretty small. It's 80,000 people. Okay. So just find one person you knew out of 80,000 people. Listen. I grew up in a town that is about 80,000 people. And the lattice of connection is very great, and it is very easy to.

to find people that you know in strange ways. The only reason I'm not being more disparaging about this plan is because the fact that we're talking about it suggests it may have worked. And so just to be clear, the method you guys are pursuing here is, it's like we're trying to find this guy, John, he went to Coles.

Who do you know who would most likely know a John who'd gone to Coles in Santa Fe? We also show him the picture. But beyond that. It feels like a little kid somehow getting on a plane to go to the North Pole and like walking around with the picture of Santa Claus just like flashing it at people or something. Do you know what I mean? Or like going to England and asking if you can meet the Beatles. Like it just feels very...

When you put it that way, it sounds really silly. Not naive. It feels naive. But again, we're here. Which leads you to think that's how it worked. Anyway. So I figured I would talk to someone who was right. roughly John's age because maybe they have friends in common. Like maybe they hang out with

similar people. So our senior producer, Fia Benin, her mom lived in Santa Fe until pretty recently. Her name is Josephine. And I decided to give her a call. So what did you what did you want? What to know or whatever? What's that big? Okay. All right. So I know that you for a while lived in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Is that right? Yeah, for a little while. How long would you say? Five months, I think. Okay. It's a decent amount of time, right?

Okay, yeah, I guess. Oh, my God. So I showed Josephine the picture of John R.E., and she's like, I have no idea who that is. But she did have a suggestion of someone I could talk to. The person that I think I would give you, and I don't know if she would know him, she's actually was our real estate agent and has lived there for a long time and knows a lot of people because she's a real estate agent. So would that, you want to talk to her? That would be amazing if you could put us in touch.

I doubt that it'll be amazing, but I hope it is. So then I talked to the real estate agent, and she said, he looks familiar to me. I've seen him. Really? Gosh. I mean, I don't know that I could tell you who it is right this second,

but he looks really familiar to me. And God, I bet I could figure out who he is. And then she, a couple days later, after me actually bothering her a little bit, was like, hi, I've asked a couple of people, no idea who he is, sorry. I'm honestly surprised you're already even this close.

Like, even like, I think maybe I saw him on the once is crazy to me. So Alex's branch of this, like, amazing plan so far had not worked. So, Jessica, like, how was your side of this plan going? I kind of panicked because I was like, Alex already did be his mom. Yeah, and I was like, dang, I don't know anyone in Santa Fe. And so I quickly get on the Gimletzac channel. And I write, does anyone know anyone that lives in Santa Fe? And then eventually someone got back to me and said, oh, this guy who works at Planet Money, Alexi Horowitz-Gazi, he grew up in Santa Fe. Hi, is this Alexi?

It is. Is this Jessica? Yeah, it is Jessica. Did you feel it all? Did you feel more embarrassed because you were going reporter to reporter? Absolutely. Do you feel like it was somewhat of, that you were being somewhat stymied by the fact that unlike Alex, you just like have a sense of shame? Oh, yeah.

I didn't feel any embarrassment at all. I know, Alex. So I tell Alexie all about John R.E. And I show him some of his reviews. And basically all he can tell me is a lot of his reviews take place on this road called Sorrios. So Sorrios is like kind of the main artery. And it's kind of the like nastier kind of strip-Mali street in town. But yeah, other than that, he didn't really know anything else.

But then the next day, he emailed me saying, you know what? my buddy, his name's Cowboy Reed. Cowboy Reed? Cowboy Reed. I know that he knows a lot of people. You should talk to him. Hello? Hello?

Is this Alex James Cowboy Reed? This is, yes. It is. And I'm like, okay, so do you know a guy named John, R.E., maybe middle last name? I don't know. And he's like, no, I don't think that I can help you. And then I showed him the pictures that Alex showed. you. Yeah. And he says, I don't know John, but I do know the guy standing next to him.

The guy in the right was the owner of a taco place called bumblebees. Oh my God, really? Bumblebee Bob. That's the name of this guy. Wait, it's Bumblebee tacos and the guys, like, people just called him bumblebee Bob or he called himself Bumblebee Bob. I think that's what he calls himself. Cowboy Reed knows Bumblebee Bob. He knows Bumblebee Bob. The whole theme, the whole schick is Bumblebee's wearing sombreros in this restaurant. Wait, so it's a Mexican restaurant where it's Bumblebee themed. Yes.

Okay. I'm fine with that. And at this point, I'm thinking, maybe we should actually read John's review of Bumblebee Bob's. And basically his review is like, yeah, I mean, because I guess this is a new location. He was like, it's not as good as when Bumblebee Bob used to be behind the grill for, like, the past 10 years. So I was like, oh my God.

This guy was a regular. This guy definitely knows John. How can I help you? Hi. Is Bumblebee Bob there? Oh, no. He's not here. Not to your next month.

And I'm like, okay, so can I ask you a question then? Do you know this guy who's a regular? He comes in all the time, apparently, and he writes a bunch of Google reviews. His name's John. His Google review name is John R.E. Oh, to be honest, I don't think we know him. Okay, cool. No problem. Thank you so much. So at this point, we realize, like, we are not going to get anywhere sitting behind a computer at Gimlet trying to figure out who John Ari is.

Our best chance of finding him is to go to Santa Fe. We would like to welcome you to Santa Fe. We hope you enjoy your time in Santa Fe. So Jessica and I arrive in Santa Fe, and we, like, step up. out of the plane and immediately right behind the airport is just a huge beautiful mountains. Nice. All right. All right.

Are you ready to go, man? Okay, so do you know where we're going? We are going to the St. Francis Hotel. We are listening to the dirt bombs. We are going to drop off our stuff and then we are going to find John R.E. I will say that this road, Serios, yeah. Is where most of his reviews take place.

Absolutely. Like, he's totally reviewed that GameStop. Yep. I think he's reviewed this Olive Garden, too. Oh, yeah, he wasn't into it. But it's Olive Garden. So we get to downtown Santa Fe around lunchtime, which is perfect because around the corner from the hotel is one of John's favorite restaurants, this southwestern diner called Tia Sophia's. All right, it's right up here. My sea at this side. We just need to find a place to park.

Okay. Dang, I kind of regret eating all those chips right before we came here. And in John's review of this restaurant, he writes that there's a waiter that he really likes there named Carl. And I was like, okay, this is a good sign because if he knows the waiter by his first name, maybe Carl knows him and would be able to tell us how to find it. Take your time. What are you getting? I'm going to get the tamales. What are you getting? Dude, I'm getting what John said was good.

Getting the wave is one shows, yeah. Maybe that's Carl. Maybe. After we order, we ask our waitress if Carl's working today, and it turns out he is. Hi. Hi. Good. So we try to ask Carl about John, but it's difficult because he's very preoccupied.

Could we show you the review that he left? I only got like two minutes. Oh, are you writing down orders? Yeah, tell me. I can do it by hard. Go ahead. So here's his review. He says, an institution that thrives due to its servers, the food is local Santa Fe home cooking

and the wait staff is a comedy. Carl is a favorite, with each table home to a unique personality. Soapapia served after 11 when breakfast ends. Have fun over Wavo Rancheros, Pazole, whatever. It's Tia Sophia's, and she's in a rare mood today. Oh, that's a really good review. Oh, I love that. Very good. I have no idea who it is, though.

But thanks for the review. We have his picture. The guy on the left, does he look familiar to you? Not at all. So attempt number one was awash. All right. Well, not any closer. All right, so what's next? Okay, okay, where are we? We're still down there.

So our next stop is a place called Pyramid Smoke Shop, and we decided to go there because John mentions the guy who runs the store by name. Let me read you what he says about him. He says, stop in. Say hello to Nick, who can help you find what you need and more. Ask him what's new. Oh, oh, right there. There it is. All the way in the corner. not so are we going to try and go in there? Yeah, I think. And for some reason, we're, so we're in the car, and Alex just gets really freaked out at this point. Suddenly I was like, this is all very sketchy to me.

I feel very nervous. Wait, what? I just was like going into a place, going into a place that, that like, sells drug paraphernalia. In a place where it's legal. With a big microphone feels sketchy to me. What did you just really? What did you think was going to happen? Well, I feel like we're going to get shot.

Dude, we're not going to get shot? You guys are like the anxiety detectives. Are you stopping because of these signs? We're 18 years or older. Besides this, you must be 18 years or older to enter. No person under 18 will be permitted to enter. Smile, you are on camera. If you do not know...

If you do not know how to speak in a smoke shop, do not speak at all. Thank you. All products in the store are intended for tobacco use and tobacco use only. Dude. I just feel like this is where I really feel my most uncool is around

drug stuff. Okay, dude, okay, A, you've been inside of a smoke shop, it's chill. Come, come. Like, they're just putting that up because they're scared of people stealing. No, they're also scared of people talking about weed weird.

Okay, well, we're not going to talk about weed. Okay, fine. So in your mind, you guys were going to walk in the store. You're going to talk about weed weird. So you'd be like, oh, I love to blunt a spliff. And then they'd be like, this guy's a cop and they'd shoot you? I just felt like I am incredibly culturally ignorant.

Is that you're going to offend the weed community? Yes. And then they were going to shoot me. How are you going? Good. Hello. Not much. We actually have kind of a weird question for you.

I'm sorry? I said we actually have kind of a weird question for you. Are you recording? Yes. I don't like that. Okay, we can turn it off. We can turn it off. He asked us to turn it off.

But then he was very nice. Okay. And he told us that he recognized John. Really? Yeah. He was like, yeah, he comes in here about once a month. But does he have like a phone number for him or something? He didn't.

I guess why would he? He was like, leave your card. And if he shows up, well, I'll let him know. And he was like, I feel like you guys can probably find him. Okay. Yeah. So for the third stop, we decided to go to the video library. We both really wanted to go there because when,

we were looking through John's reviews. We saw this photo, and it was this flyer to, like, save the video library. What is the video library? The video library is the last video store in Santa Fe. Oh, cool. Hi. Hey, how are you? When you walk in, it's, like, pretty claustrophobic.

Man, this place is cool. It's, like, narrow with, like, wooden shelves everywhere that are, like, Florida ceiling DVDs arranged in a way that is totally nonsensical to any normal person. It requires a lot of browsing. and like they don't have a computer system. The entire store's catalog is on index cards. It's just like this weird anachronism. They're so old school that their music system is literally just a boombox

or the bunch of CDs piled up next to it. It's a pretty, this is a good vibe in this place. So we go in there and the people who work there, we show them his picture. This guy right here is John. Oh, yeah. John's awesome. I don't recommend him. I don't remember his last name, but he comes in, he was in here last week.

He's fantastic. Oh my god. Really? Yeah, he was in here just a few days ago. And I wish I could remember. Is there any way to figure out? Figured out? I was so close.

He's around. He's a great, great guy. And he's always super knowledgeable on film too. The two employees that were working there, they were like, we've worked here for maybe like six months. six months or less. Yeah. But some people that have worked here have worked here for years and years and years. And those are the people that know everyone's names.

Because they were like trying to find John's name, but they were like, listen, like, we don't have a computer system. It's all paper logs. And these guys aren't the guys who know the regulars because they're too new. Right. So they're like, so why don't we text our coworkers and get back to you? Okay. So they reach out to a coworker.

We go across the street. We go get a drink at this bar. About two hours later, Jessica gets a. a text that says, come on back. We found him. Whoa. Yeah. And? His name is John Reed. He was perfectly happy to talk with us. And so we made a plan to meet the next day.

Now I am. Okay. The next morning, it's 10 a.m. We head down to the lobby of the hotel we're staying in. Okay. Oh, there is. Hey, John. It may be. Alex and Jessica. Well, good morning. He's tall and skinny.

He's got like a big beard. He looks exactly like he did in the photo. Did you at all have a moment where you just felt like, you've basically been treating him like he's like J.D. Salinger or something? He's just like reclusive novelist and you've come to ask him all these questions about his work. Like did you worry at all that he was not going to feel that way? Like he was just going to be like, why are you asking me about my Google reviews? I mean, we did come from New York City.

to Santa Fe to ask him about this stuff. I was worried he'd be like, this is a little weird. But when we sat down, he, like, reached into his pocket and, like, pulled out a sheet of notes. And I was like, oh, this guy is, like, taking this as seriously as I am. He is prepared. Like, he has been waiting to be interviewed. I'll sit here. I actually, after we spoke last night, I jotted down a couple of notes.

Oh, wow, you did. But maybe a good way to start would be to ask you how you found me and my reviews. Well, a couple months ago, we got an email from a listener that said, I was Google searching this place called Save More Leather. And he looked at the photo. Yes, there's an unidentified flying object flying over that store. I thought I was the only one who saw it. And so then we decided to come track you down.

Well, John R.E. is a pseudonym. It's kind of an acronym of my real name. I got a little. John told me the whole origin story of John Reed and John R.E. And it turns out that he actually isn't from Santa Fe at all. He moved there in 2001. It was not a place he expected to end up. And if you hear him talk about the city,

it's almost like his reviewer tendencies kicked in, like the moment that he set foot in the place. Before I even landed at the Sunport International Airport, which is a misnomer. Why is it a misnomer? It doesn't have international flights. Oh, really? I was told people come to Santa Fe because they're looking for something. Or they found it here.

So I was already, before I even touched ground, I already wondered. about this town. What was your first impression of Santa Fe? God, it was a small town. It's great they have a traitor Joe's there. You familiar with Trader Joe's? That was your first impression? It's great they had a Trader Joe's?

Yeah. I couldn't believe. I was in Santa Fe. I said, what the hell am I doing here? There's nothing here. So what do people find in the desert? You know, there's a weird disconnect that I feel. It feels like it doesn't exactly square with the incredible dedication you have to reviewing,

because reviewing feels like it's the act of a person who loves a place and wants to support a place. I'm wondering how you square those to you. Wow, Alex, that's very perceptive of you because it's my secret, and you've just kicked a rock. John always thought that he would end up somewhere bigger, like someplace that felt like the center of everything. Because honestly, that's what he was used to. He grew up in Los Angeles. His dad worked in the TV and movie business,

and sometimes he would let John tag along to film sets with him. My father was an art director for Hollywood, and so I ran around Desi Lou. They were shooting Mission Impossible. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, would be to remove both nuclear devices. Star Trek. Captain's Law.

Star Date 1513. And John's mom was a classically trained ballerina who became a background dancer. My mother's all over, Andy Griffith, Dick Mnandike. Every time they cut to Glenn Ford, there's my mother. I'm sitting, doing the waltz around him. I was surrounded living in the valley. I'm a valley boy by entertainers and celebrities. My best friend, his dad was Paul Frees, the man of a thousand voice.

My next-drawn and frightening sounds echoed. My next-door neighbor, George Lidecker, his father, Ted Lidecker, and his brother, did every special effect for the John Wayne films. John is, like, surrounded by important people. He's bright, he's opinionated, and he really wants to make a name for himself. And as a young man, he searches everywhere for his own spotlight. Like first he tries theater, and then he thinks, Maybe I can be a radio personality.

And he goes back and forth across the country, chasing jobs again and again, and nothing works out how he planned. And when he is 49, a friend of his calls him with like a pretty unglamorous job offer, which is a sales manager position at a radio station in Santa Fe. Were you excited at all about moving there or was it just like, well, it's a job? Yes, I was excited about the change and the challenge. and I was good at what I did. This radio station was sold like so many stations. So that job shifted, and I slowly segued from media into semi-retirement. Tell me about the moment you decided, were you like, I guess I'm retired.

What happened? It was forced. It was a forced retirement. I couldn't get work. I was in a town that had limited resources and assets. If I was maybe at your age, I might pick up again and move to another town. I had done that all my life. I'm done. I felt I was at the end of my life.

John described this period as hitting rock bottom. He said that he was like drinking all the time. He was just hanging out in bars, not sleeping, eating, terribly. And he just felt like he was trapped in Santa Fe. Like it was a dead end. He had no prospects, no future. But at the same time he moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico established a tax credit for people who wanted to film movies and TV there. So while he is in this despondent phase, all around him, they're starting to shoot all of these movies in TV. Like Breaking Bad? Yes, like Breaking Bad. Better Call Saul, of course. The Avengers, no country for old men.

Right. Like everything that's a Western, basically they start shooting in New Mexico. And then one day, he sees an ad for extras in the newspaper. And he gets cast. Ah. I was a nuclear scientist in Manhattan. I was a silver miner in the movie Magnificent Seven. I was a veteran of the Civil War.

And then I've done by her call Saul, the space between us. The reason he told us he had a beard, actually, is because he often plays cowboys, because he's sort of in the dusty Coway John R.A. Yeah. Work with Uma Thurman on a couple of nests. And there's this other big thing that happens to John, and it's the thing that eventually lands me and Jessica on his doorstep, which is this little spark of joy that he gets after he writes a Yelp review.

Really? Yeah. Yelp made someone happy one time in life. And then in 2013, he discovers Google Maps reviews, and it just really does it for him. The old journalistic craving did creep up. And I enjoyed the wordplay of writing these short reviews. And his first reviews are pretty like, he does one of Costco, he does one of a glasses store, and they're pretty like one-line reviews.

But at this point, Google Maps has a point system. Uh-huh. Where if you're a reviewer and you take photos, you can get points. If you answer customer questions, you can get points. if you write reviews, you can get points. And at first, most of what he does is take pictures rather than review stuff because he's like, it's an easy way to get points. I like getting points.

Yeah. It's a totally arbitrary incentive system that seems to really sort of tickle a part of his brain. I want to pretend to find that weird, but like I completely understand it. Oh, I totally understand it too. I am a local guide level eight. You start at one. And these are the badges. Master reviewer I've earned.

Master photographer, expert trailblazer. expert director, that's for my videos, and novice fact finder, they'll ask you questions. And then they have a report card. I am probably the local guide for Santa Fe that has the most points. He, right now, he has about 47,000 points. He's level 8. Level 10, which is the highest level you can achieve, is 100,000 points. He's halfway to maxing out the system.

Yes. And at that point, like when you're like level, Eight, do they start to, like, does like Sergey Brin send you a Christmas card or something? They occasionally give you, like, a newspaper subscription. Google does? Yeah, if you're, like, a consistent reviewer. And John was like. He's gotten some of those parts.

John was like, yeah, I've got a New York Times subscription. But so he started doing this to get, like, a sense of purpose. And as he's, like, scaling up the, like, Google Scientology Thaeton chart, is he feeling good? Did it feel good seeing all those views of your reviews? Oh, yes. Absolutely. My count was 115 million views. That has gravity to it. So now I approach the Google Maps from a little more professional

rather than informal point of view. So at this point, John has an audience and he just starts performing for them. Like that review I read you where he is sad and he goes to the bar and the bartender's kind to him. Yeah. He told me that,

he told us that he did that in the style of Raymond Chandler, like the film noir. It's cool. It's like he's finding his voice. He's like experimenting with like different guys like formalism. He's enjoying himself.

He's like found a form. That's really cool. And it was in this period where he was, uh, being creative in which he started doing the thing that caused us to stumble across him. The UFO photos.

Yeah. I do want to go back and ask a bit about the UFOs. Okay. Where did they come from? Where do UFOs come from? Are you serious? I think you know what I mean. Where did the UFOs and the photos come from?

Thank you for noticing, Alex. After I did a couple and I didn't get thrown off the platform, I thought, okay, I can play a round more. And I have It's as simple as a filter on a photo app That's where the UFO came from And why did you choose to do it? What was the impetus for doing it?

To get attention It worked It did And I hope somebody would see that And kind of like an Orson-Well's War of the Worlds And wonder if that was Caught on film, right? By accident

So? That's John Ari. He does about five reviews a week. In fact, it's like a family affair now. He met a guy in Santa Fe a while back. They fell in love. And now John and his partner and his partner's daughter all go out and review stuff together. And I'll ask them, okay, how was the meal, you know, one or five stars?

And they'll wait until I take a picture of their plate before they eat. So I have them well trained. We actually ended up tagging along with John on his 525th review. And what is your most popular burger? Absolutely the green chili cheese. At a place called Santa Febite. They don't have a beer or liquor license here. The customer count is good.

It's, what, going on 1.30, so we're almost out. Well, it's 2 o'clock. We're definitely out of the lunch hour. This place is still packed. And you can see it's a pretty old bunch of group of people. The service was perfect. The presentation was clean. The order was correct.

John gave it three out of five stars. It says the burger's a little bland. Reply all is hosted by PJ Vote and me, Alex Goldman. We're produced by Shruti Pinamennani, Fia Benin, Damiano Marquetti, Anna Foley, Jessica Young, and Emmanuel Jochi. Our executive producer is Tim Howard. We're mixed by Rick Kwan. Fact-checking by Michelle Harris. Our intern is Rachel Cohn.

Our theme music is by the mysterious Breakmaster Cylinder. Music in this week's episode is by Breakmaster Cylinder and Bobby Lord. Special thanks this week to Jesse Williamson, Mike Armiho, Eliza Lutz, Melissa Adair, Chauncey Gaddick, and Mike Smith. Matt Lieber is a five-star review. You can listen on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks for listening.

We'll see you after Thanksgiving. Coming.