Reply All - #36 Today's The Day

Episode Date: August 25, 2015

On this week's episode of Reply All, PJ and Alex go outside. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

From Gimlet, this is Repai-All, the show about the internet. I'm PJ Vote. And I'm Alex Goldman. In this week's episode, it's a little different. We're going to focus mostly on how computers work. And we're going to start by interviewing an expert on transistors. This guy doesn't seem to be picking up. I feel kind of relieved.

I have zero questions about transistors. Could we just roll the credits? Repai-all is me, PJ Vote with Alex Goldman. We were produced this week by Tim Howard, Struthi Penameney and Fia Benin. We were edited this week by Alex Bloomberg. Our show was mixed by the Reverend John DeLore. Matt Lieber is a job that you love so much

that you actually sort of forget to go outside. And then one day you just find yourself wondering, has the 4th of July happened yet? And so you look out a window and you realize actually it's the end of August. Summer's almost over. And you just feel this tiny little teaspoon of regret. And then you realize

you could just go outside. The building has an elevator. What if you took it? The sign's outside. Yeah, it's pretty beautiful. We're at Central Park, bro. We're at Central Park. That guy had a sign advertising carriage rides.

Well, there's a bunch of horses over here. Oh, nay. Right, guys. You were interested in taking a horse and buggy ride. Okay, sir. The two of us. This goes around by Balter, the boat pump, Bethesma Fountain, Bowbridge, Cherry Hill, the lakes, strawberry fields, all that.

Let's do it. Let's do it. Okay, guys. So where are you from? The west of Ireland, guys. How long have you been in the city? 18 years here now, guys. And how long have you been pilot?

How do you say it? Piloting. Horse and carterraver. Horsing carterra. Horses. 18 years as well, guys. Wow. Living an American dream.

Looking to the horses backside every day, guys. It's not super crowded. It's kind of serene. Yeah, I can't remember the last time I felt this at peace. Stomach full of hot dog. Carriage under my butt. Co-host on my side. See, you're telling me this isn't romantic, at least a little bit.

I guess it's a little romantic. A man just took a picture of you. Really? Yeah. This carriage is pretty slow. Should I jump off and run after him? It's going to end up on somebody's, like, vacation slide out, and where they're like, and there was this guy with a microphone in a carriage.

Yeah. Okay. I can handle it. Greatest city on Earth. Enjoy the ride. All right. Thank you for your time, guys. train.

All right. Now that this family's leaving, I can say what I want to do. Every one of them had the exact same mouth. And not just like the kids and the dad, but like the dad and the mom. When you say same mouth, what do you mean? They just had like these tiny, perced mouths. You're such a serial killer. What's the appropriate way to point out that an entire family on the subway train has

tiny pursed mouths? I don't know. It just sounds like your next thought is like, and I'm going to collect? all of those for my collection. Those lips look great on that face. They look even better on my mantle. Yes. Yeah, I know exactly what kind of serial killer you'd be, too.

What kind? Like, a snobby. You'd have, like, a... I have that murder on Vineal. Yes. Yeah, you would kidnap people, and you'd make them listen to your records before you'd kill them.

And they'd be, like, all tied up and terrified for their lives, and you'd be like, this early pressing of this... This is the John Peel session of Girls at Our Best. Yeah, and you'd like ask them about their taste of music, but then you just talk over them. What kind of music do you like, DJ? I like that.

I just don't really think that it's really that good. You're like a being murdered right now. That music, kind of. The next and last stop is Cody Island's Dillwell Avenue. How's it going? Can I just get two tickets for the freak show? Sure. It's $20.

All right, guys, please no photo or video of any kind of. during the show. Audio was fine. What were you saying when you used to come here when you were a kid? When I was a kid, my father used to take me here all the time. Then we were teenagers. We used to cut out of school. Jump on the train. Oh yeah, the three-legged man used to be here in the Freak Show years ago.

His name was Lentini. And he had a leg coming out of his back. Really? Yes, yeah. But, you know, nowadays that operate and they take the leg away. And he used to kick the football and everything. With his back leg? Yeah, that back leg used to swing it all over the place.

That's amazing. Yeah. Arm blade to swallow free. And it is ridiculously long. So come right out. Do you want to see it? That sword swallowing was like an illusion, just like bullshit. But this is insane.

The name. Calling an actual sword. for me. You're ready to get on the cyclone? No, not right. Oh my god, it is actually a big roller coaster. Yeah, it's pretty big. And yeah, it is like not new wood. So you think what's going to happen is we are going to, first of all, the metal is going to give way, and then all the wood is going to rot out from under us. Yeah, also there's a sign that says built on June 26, 1927.

Like, don't brag about that when you're a roller coaster. Welcome to Chia Cyclone's Roller Coaster. Alright, so we're going up. And up. And up. And up. And up. And up. And up. Seems very safe.

No, it doesn't. And up. Oh my god, look how big the water is. The ocean. All right, we're about to the stuff. Aw, shit. Right. It's such an idiot.

Why? Because like summer has. and I could have been here twice a week. Why didn't you? I just like didn't realize I could. It seemed like harder than it was. And we're now like standing at the Atlantic Ocean. Yep.

I'm just gonna jump in, okay? Take your jeans off. I'm not gonna do that. Dude, that's crazy. So, uh, was that a good idea? Yes, emphatically yes. Oh, Annie Mills just sent me a text. Let's just send me a text.

What about? We're supposed to meet him in Guantas, and we are going to do something weird that I think you'll like. Weird, I'm in. Cool, let's get a cab. Do you want to see the boat from here? Let's look at the boat from here first.

So you can see it in its glory. Say where we are right now. We are standing above the Gowanus Canal, which is... A venereal disease of a body of water. Well, I mean, it's not just colloquially known as a venereal disease of a body of water. It's actually a super fun site, right?

And they found gonorrhea in the water. Okay. But do you see my boat? Is it the little blue guy? That little blue guy right over there. That's where we're going. Fire in the hole. Listen to that baby purr.

You guys ever been in the Gowanus? No. I saw a crab holding onto a chicken wing, like a chicken bone in one hand. And I thought that was funny, so I went to take a picture of it. And as I took the picture, a condom just floated right into frame. To get under the bridge, you're going to have to help me by crawling onto the front of the boat. to weigh it down. So we're trying to go under a bridge at high tide,

and if it doesn't work, we're going to die. Yeah, lay down. I feel like I'm the hood of ornament on a Rolls-Royce. This is one of the dumber things I've ever done. Oh, my God, this is very, very, very close. Put your feet down. So there's only an inch under a bridge right now. Well, it's more like six inches, but it's still, oh, it's more like three inches.

We made it! Andy, how did you get a boat license? I found out that there are different sets of laws pertaining to people at sea, and one of them is the Good Samaritan law where it's illegal not to help someone out when they're in distress. If you can, you have to help them out. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. But then while I was poking into different maritime laws,

I realized that here in New York, we still have all these old laws on the books from back whenever the waterways were essential to New York's, like, economy. And so one of the laws says that if you're a resident of the city of New York, the water is yours. If you have a boat that's registered with the city, there's nowhere you cannot go. And so I just got on Craigslist and found boats like this for like super cheap. So what was the point where you were trained in driving a boat? Oh, I've never been trained in driving a boat. And get ready for this, though.

When we come around this corner, there's... And there she is. I've never been to as close to the Statue of Liberty. Really? You've never been the Staten Island Ferry? No. Staten Island Ferry ain't got nothing on us. We can get all the way to the base.

Really? Yeah, you want to? Yeah. Have you never been to the Statue of Liberty? No. Today's the day, PJ. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. The people on the statue cruise, I always look at them, like,

they must look at this in disgust. With his beer and his open shirt, shirt just paling around with Lady Liberty like it's no big deal. We're sort of racing a statuary ship right now. Do you think we're going to beat them? Beat them to what? Freedom. But there she is.

That's amazing. It's made of copper. PJ, you've never been to Governor's Island? No. What have you done for the past seven years? Made of podcasts. That's been less than a year, so tell me again. thought about making a podcast.

Oh my God. You know, the thing they say about when you're on the ocean, sometimes your stomach doesn't feel so good. Are you getting seasick? Only mildly. Well, we'll get out of these choppy waters in a climate. Oh my God, look at the fucking bridge.

We are under the Brooklyn Bridge right now. Doesn't it look so different from down here? Yeah, it looks more beautiful and less trustworthy. Yeah, it definitely doesn't look as strong, huh? Yeah, they say when this bridge, the Brooklyn Bridge, when it was made, It was the tallest man-made structure on earth. And everyone was so used to traveling by boat that they didn't trust it.

And so in the opening months of the Brooklyn Bridge, this is like legend. I don't know. You could probably Google it and find out if I'm bullshit or not. But the story that's told to me is from old men, is that when they opened up the bridge to show that it was strong, they had P.T. Barnum and all of his elephants. Like, in total fanfare, just crossed the bridge. showing like it's so strong elephants can cross it.

So it's 6 o'clock. You can't drop us off in Midtown, can you, Andy? I can drop you off close-ish to Midtown. Really? Yeah. I mean, not legally, but... We have to climb a little. I can do that.

This is going to... This looks promising, but super illegal. Yes, this is a dock for very, very fancy boats. One of them is named Jewel. Go, go, go, go, go. Jump, jump, jump. Good luck, guys. I'm gonna get out of the way now.

All right, see ya. Can't dock here. He can't. He can't. Can't get him off the boat here. What are we gonna do? He's leaving. I can't help you.

So we're just stuck on the stock? It's a $50 fee to unload you. Okay, you want $50 bucks? Yeah. Okay. Go. Thank you. Thank you, ma'am.

You just bribed like a harbor master. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Baxie. How you doing? We're going to 32nd between 5th and 6th. Oh. PJ's a widow C. Sick. Yeah, I'm Manuel.

Well, look at it this way. You won't have to eat dinner. What consolation is that? I don't know. Dinner's expensive. Your human programming could be upgraded. It's fair. There's Bloomberg.

Where? Right here. Hey Alex Bloomberg. How's it going? How's it going? How does Nas feel about you being like, I have to go do karaoke. She was totally psyched. Yeah, no, it's going to be fun.

Your cheating heart will make you win. Wow. You'll cry and cry. Why is there a band called Jefferson Airplane and a band called Jefferson Starship? Jefferson Airplane became Jefferson Starship. Oh, they left Earth. Left the Earth's atmosphere. Was that a drug thing?

Jefferson Starship was when they added synthesizers basically. One bill makes you larger and one. This goes out to you. I drink up all that hits you got on your shelf. So just let me introduce myself. My name is Humpty. Pronounced with the umphi. Right now,

strong, slow dancing with that peach blonde tramp and she's probably getting frisky. Right. Okay, so let me just explain to you because I feel like you actually do not know what we're doing right now. Yeah. So I have a friend who has a friend who has a friend who, for fun, he has an Instagram account and he will like break into places where he'll sneak into places that are beautiful and forbidden in New York and he'll post the pictures of it. Okay.

So my friend called their friend who called their friend and he said he would take us to these places. Is this illegal? Yes. Like how illegal? Like if we get caught, we'll get arrested. but I don't think it'll mess up our lives. Like you would not see your baby tonight, be you to your baby tomorrow.

Okay. Okay. Where are we meeting this guy? In the subway. Okay, this sucks. The guy's like half an hour late. I don't think he's actually going to show up. Okay, so...

So the deal is he was gonna take us this... It's like an enormous building in like industrial Brooklyn. It's been shut for like 50 years. And apparently, like, if you can sneak up... into it. There's a roof and the roof is really beautiful. So we could either bag it or if you want to just go with the two of us and try to get in, we could try to get in. Why not? Let's do it. Okay. So if you look right now, there's an alleyway. There's a sign that says warning private property. The fence is closed on that alley. The fence is closed. We could climb the fence. I'm just,

I don't know if there's a guy in the guard booth that's right there. Oh my God. That's the building. Yeah, that is the building. That is so spooky. Um, it's like 20 stories tall and it's like brick that's like, that's very white with age. It looks like a fucking ghost ship. So we're doing this? Yeah. Let's do it, right? You want me to go first?

Yeah, I'll hold your gear. Good luck. One last thought. If this goes bad, this tape is either going to be very sad or we're going to be in the future, listening to us in the past being like, you are fucking dumb. How about this? hop over the fence, I'll hand you your kit and go look around

I'm real shitty at climbing fences Yeah, you're really bad at it Get on that board Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh fuck Well, the butt of my pants is now Very open I feel very exposed Very nice

Here, here, take your kit This is really beautiful There's like a big purple sky And just this building Oh, Alex's calling a fence is actually good this. That was awesome. Do you feel the spooky feeling? Count of three, run across. Does your, does your website tell you how to get in the building? I think they went around the side with the water. The side where? By the water? Yeah. Okay. I'm not going to fall in the fucking guanas.

It was not me. Okay. This doesn't get us in. What is it do? That was me. Oh my God, there's a goat. Oh my God, there's a goat. What the fuck? Why is there a goat there? It is not afraid of us. Yeah. Don't go by it. Don't go so close to it. What? Don't go so close to it.

The goat went over that way. I've never been as afraid of anything as I wasn't that goat. It was just like a creature that wasn't a human. Did you not feel scared? I jumped and ran. Okay. Here's a question that I would want to know the answer to. Sure.

What? How did that go get here? I don't know, man Have you ever seen a wild goat in New York City? No. Can you tell you something? What's that? I can kind of see how there's a time in your life where you were brave and cool.

I can, like, see why you see yourself as a cool person. Okay. Like, when I was a kid, I would not have come here. And one of the thoughts I had was, like, there's so much graffiti in there. And I was like, this is a place for bad kids. Which is not I thought I've had in a very long time. I still want to believe there's some way in. There's what?

I said, I still want to believe there's some way in. Oh. I think this is actually where you're supposed to sneak in by way of water. Now is this sliding down. Hey, hey, you good? I'm good. I was just lined down a pile of boulders above. I'm good.

Okay, now. Hold my kit. Are you doing it? I'm going to see. All right, be careful. And he's trying to just ease into. He's trying to. Oh, oh, oh.

You good? What if a goat comes back? I'm over here, man. What? I'm on the other side. What? I crossed over to this side. This does feel a little bit like a nightmare.

Like putting onto something broken to not fall into something dark. I just got to take a running jump onto the flat part near the building. It looks far. It's not that far. Oh, did you hear about that podcast profile? I really like it. Yeah, it was really good. Then the host went in a warehouse in the guanas, and they died. I'm watching a PJ talk to himself as he tries to figure out how to get across this thing.

Oh, they wanted to take a day off. That doesn't look too sturdy. That's not sturdy. That's just a boulder on rebar. Should we do it at three? One, two, three. Uh, one. He's praying right now.

Two, one. Two, one. You could also go down. Ah. Haven't you ever played Tomb Raider, man? Yeah, I died a lot. Didn't you die a lot in Tomb Raider? Did you just have one game that was really fun?

What just happened? The rock I was staying on one away, but I was holding on to this. Just be close where I could grab your hand. Okay. And you just do this thing. Yep. And then just push up again. Oh, we're up. You're up. You're up. You're up. You did it. P.J. Oh my God, we're in it. We're in it. You did it. I'm so proud of you.

Are you really? Yeah. Me too. Now we just have to figure out to get to the top. We're walking down a fucking serial killer hallway. We're walking down what looks like an endless hallway. Yeah, Rau Pahawah is really good. I liked it

It was a good poised It was like I think if anything We don't want the light on Because it would definitely Draw attention to the fact That there are people in this building There's all these crazy old grain shoots

Crazy old what now Grain shoots Perensians Oh green shoots Oh my god Yeah look up You look up and they look like You're okay? You're okay

You're okay? I think we want a little light I just walked into something It's like a giant ancient Wheelbarrow We can't get through here without like Yes. I agree with you now. Oh, cool. Just a death pit.

There's just a hole. Is there any way across that? Yeah. Is that ground underneath us, or is that a deep hole? This is ground. There's a deep hole over there. What about this? These are indeed steps to something. Well...

We're as tall as the top of the battleship. What's up there? Pretty good view of the battleship. Oh, the building, the roof's covered with grass. Can you see that? This is crazy. So we're standing at the, we're standing in a brick window of an abandoned factory. And we're as tall as a battleship.

We're looking at the Verzonno Bridge. And the moon? A very bright moon. And there are plants growing out of the side of the building that I'm touching right now. I think I'm going to step on a rusty nail. Are you okay? I am. Probably going to have to get a tennis show.

Was it worth it? I don't know. Good day off. Yeah, it's a good day off. So is this our final stop? Yeah, this is it. Matt Lieber! Hey, guys.

Are you coming in? Yeah, let's go in. You'd love to. After a very long day off, you show up at Matt Lieber's house. And it turns out Matt Lieber is, surprisingly, completely unfazed to find two knuckleheads, knocking at his door, clutching a sheet of paper. It's late at night, and Matt Lieber is someone who looks like he was probably asleep. He's wearing a night shirt and his underwear.

But he's as friendly as if he didn't mind it to you. And when you shove the piece of paper into his hand and ask him to read it, he obliges. He's Matt Lieber. Are you ready? Yeah. All right. Reply all is Alex Goldman and PJ Vote.

We were produced this week by Tim Hauer's Truthy Pinnem and Aneem, Fia Bannon, production assistance from Sylvie Douglas. Matt Lieber is reading the credits. That's me. Our show was mixed by Reverend John Belor. It's his last week here, and he will be missed. That's true. He will be missed. Bye, John. Special thanks this week to Breakmaster Cylinder, who custom made the gorgeous music on this episode. Our ad music is by Build Build Buildings. You can find more episodes at iTunes.com slash Replyall. Our website is Replyall.orgio. Thanks, hover, for the dotrodeo. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week.

What did you do today? We went to Coney Island, we wrote a boat, we wrote a carriage, we broke into a warehouse. We did karaoke with Alka Lumber.