Reply All - #82 Hello?

Episode Date: November 17, 2016

Alex and PJ take calls from anyone, about anything, for 48 hours straight. Thank Yous Adam Quinn (for setting up our phone system) Peter Nelson (for his excellent horn playing) The Mysterious Breakmaster Cylinder (for going above and beyond this week) Matt Farley Jorge Just Austin Thompson Build Buildings Everyone who called Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

From Gimlet, this is Reply All. I'm PJ Vote. If you're a regular listener to the show, you may have heard of Matt Farley. Matt's a musician, but not a typical musician. Rather than being a guy who sits down every day and tries to write one big hit song that everybody in the world's going to love, Matt sits down every day and writes between 20 and 100 songs. His idea is rather than trying to write a hit song,

he just write so many songs that people will just end up listening to each one, maybe like once or twice, and he'll make a few sense off of each of him and in that way, he will find a way to make a living as a songwriter. Matt has written over 18,000 songs. He's got happy birthday songs for pretty much every name you can come up with.

He's written songs praising every city in a state. He's done seven albums that were all basically just about cleaning his toilet. But recently, I've been thinking about Matt because of this other unusual thing that Matt does, which is that in a lot of these 18,000 songs scattered across the internet, Matt puts his actual cell phone number in them.

So if someone hears it and they call that number, they will call him. And Matt picks up those calls. Matt says that for the last four years, he's gotten at least a call a day. He estimates in total he's gotten about 1,500 calls. His wife makes him silence the phone before he goes to sleep. But if he misses a call overnight, he'll just text an apology in the morning and tell the person to call back. He gets calls from jerks. He gets sent dickpicks.

But Matt says that the bad stuff is rare. He says on the whole, he's just met more wonderful, strange, sweet people than a lot of us meet in a lifetime. We wanted to find out what it would be like to do that, to just try to be totally open to random human connection for a little while. So last month, we performed an experiment. We broadcast a phone number to the world, and for 48 hours, whenever somebody called that phone, it rang both on my personal cell phone and Alex's personal cell phone, and we'd pick up. We talked about whatever they wanted to talk about. I just want to test it right now and see if it works.

If Alex, like, accidentally hangs up or like doesn't pick up a.m. We started at 10am on Monday, October 10th. We ended up getting 105,000 calls, and we answered as many as we could. Check, check, check, check. Ooh, sorry. Right. That's dumb. Here's what happened. Check, check, check.

I'm recording my voice. I'm recording my voice. I'm not way too hot. Do you like to have friends? There we go. All right, are you ready? Yeah, are you ready? Here we go.

Do you have any predictions about what this is going to be like? I don't think I'm going to sleep. I think it's just going to be like hanging out. All right, here we go. Welcome to the conference. It is Monday, October 11th, 10 a.m. You are being recorded. Hello?

Hello? Hi. I'm going to be super honest. up front. I have never heard of your show until yesterday. Nice. Who are you? Claudia from Virginia. Hi Claudia. So is there anything that we can help you with? Like, do you have questions for us? Oh, yeah. Um, uh, oh shoot. What is something in history that makes you laugh? Something in history that makes me laugh. I'm cringing at myself right now, but go ahead.

I feel like everything in history is just a big tragedy. Like what Abraham Lincoln's assassination? Like, what's the funny historical event? Well, that's actually a really funny historical event. How? Wait, why? I've written a few articles about this. Okay, so do you ever hear about one of the assassins, Louis Powell?

I didn't even know there was more than one assassin. Oh, yeah, no, it was a whole group. Actually, part of the group was a woman who was the first woman executed by the federal government in this country. Really? That's not funny, though. Yeah, that's not the funny part. Okay, wait, tell me the punchline in the Lincoln assassination. Okay.

So one of the assassins, who's Lewis Powell, and you've probably seen his picture because a lot of people think he's hot. it was so funny his job was to kill the secretary of state William H. Stewart he was just the worst assassin ever he went to Seward's house and Seward had just been injured in a carriage accident so he's like in a body cast or whatever you know in bed super easy target But Powell goes in stabs everybody. There's like seven other people in the house. He stabs everybody. He gets to the Secretary of State, stabs the Secretary of State like 20 times, stabs a telegraph messenger on the way out. Nobody dies.

And then the telegraph messenger, not even supposed to be there, right? Paralyzed for life. Oh, that's sad. That's not funny. That's plus, fine. Okay, wait, wait, hold on. Louis Powell, though, after does all his stabbing, gets lost for three days. Wait, he gets lost for three days? Yeah, he had never been to D.C. before, and he just gets lost.

So he's just wandering around having committed an attempted assassination, and not only is he lost, but there's not, like, a manhunt that finds him? Not for three days. They finally found him, like, hiding under a bridge. That's insane. Yeah. The call quality quality is really good. I don't know what I expected, but I think I expected something much different. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what you expected either because you've never heard the show before.

Yeah, this is really fun. Awesome. Take care. Bye. Have a good one. Bye. Hi. Hello.

Hey, this is out. Who is getting this number to call about podcast? I'm sorry. Who's on the phone right now? This is Gene Coco. My daughter works at the Daily Tar Heel in Chapel Hill. She gave me this phone number to comment on a podcast. Do you know anything about this?

Maybe she gave me the wrong number. No, no, no, no, no. You've got the right number. But this is Alex Goldman. I'm the host of Reply All. What can I do for you? Okay. Well, she sent me, my daughter sent me this phone number and said,

call this number to comment on our podcast. So do you know anything about this, I-85 podcast? No. I do host a podcast, but not the I-85 podcast. Okay. I'm going to have to regroup with her. I'm sorry to have bothered you. No problem.

Take care. Okay. All right. Bye. Bye. Monday, 11 a.m. hour one. Hello? Hello.

Hello? Hi. Can you hear me hearing? Yes, I can. There's two people on the line. It's pandemonium. Yeah, we're having some technical difficulties. There's two callers.

Oh, well, I'm Miles. Who else is on there? I'm Devin. Hi, Miles and Devin. Whoa, this is not supposed to be possible. You guys, like, you guys, like, stepped through a time travel portal. It's like the fly, even though I haven't seen that. Devin, where you from?

I'm from Los Angeles, Sanomonas. Oh, shit, I'm from Brooklyn. All right. Well, you guys just do the... interview, we're just going to hang back and see what it happened. Hello. Hey, who's calling? Matt Farley.

Matt Farley. Hey, Matt. You were on Jimmy Fallon recently. Yeah. Wasn't that great? How did that happen? I just said they called me out of the blue. And they said, hi, we're from the tonight show and we were wondering if you would. And before they even finished the sentence, I said, yes.

And how was it? It was fantastic. I had the time of my life. The piano was nice. I felt comfortable. I felt like I belonged there. Gosh darn it. I had fun fighting with the people who wrote negative things about me on YouTube.

What did people say about you? This guy, this is a cringe-worthy song. I could write 20 songs a day if they were as dumb as this, et cetera, et cetera. What did you say to them? I gave him a link to my song called I'm sorry you feel that way. You know, Matt, I feel like me and PJ have learned a lot about how to handle criticism from you. Nice. Yeah, well, I mean, I got a lot from the TLDR. Of criticism?

Yeah, well, it was mixed, but I mean, I was definitely, you know, a lot of people. when people hear that I do so much music, then they kind of want to poke holes in it, sort of, for some reason, or just like find a way to prove that I don't have talent, you know? Like, where do you think that comes from? People have this false myth of the tortured artist who wanders the field and is struck by inspiration after suffering.

You know, they have to suffer, and they got to be a drug addict and just be sad and miserable. and heartbroken and then be struck by magical inspiration. And they don't want to know the truth. The truth is that you just go to work every day and you make stuff. And sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. And so, you know, I'm kind of crushing that myth for them. Do you think that if you said that you were suffering, they would be happy?

Yes. Yes. And I think most tortured artists are faking it dating back as far as Van Gogh. who met with a marketer who said, you know, look, Vince, cut a little bit of your ear off, and people will start talking, and the price of your pictures is going to skyrocket. It's all, everything's a sham. Every artist is as jolly and happy as I am, but, you know, they got the memo, like act, depressed, and people will respect you.

But I'm, I'm fighting back, gosh, darn it. Well, hey, guys, I'll let you get to, uh, to the listeners, but this is cool. I like what you're doing. If the baby wakes up at the time. three in the morning, maybe I'll call again. Yes, sounds good. All right, peace. Take care.

Bye, Matt. Bye. Hold on a sec. Don't pick that up just yet. What time is it? It's 12.15. Okay, before you do the next one, I'm going to go mobile. Or you take it.

I'll jump on the next one. Where are you going? Anywhere. Hello? Hi, who am I talking with? Yes. That is a cool name for a ship. One, two, three.

Okay, it is 1244. I am... Hello? What? It works. Hello. Hi, this is Alex. Yes, I can.

Hi, Alex. How's it going? Good. What are you guys doing? You guys are crazy. You're not going to get any sleep. Yeah, probably not, honestly. Are you excited?

I think this is a... cool idea though. I was excited until we started, and now it's been like not quite three hours, and I'm really, really tired. It's hard to talk to people for three hours straight, and I've got 45 hours to go. Do you have throat coat tea with you? No. That stuff has saved me before when I'm on set too long, man.

Crazy. Oh, my God. I will be keeping you guys in my thoughts for 48 hours, except when I'm asleep. How are you guys going to be sleeping? Are you going to take shifts? You know what? I'm going to tell you, and it's going to sound crazy. Have you ever heard of Nichiren Buddhism?

Now, in Nichu-Hen-Budis, we chant Nami-ho-Hareng-G-Yo repeatedly. So, Nami-ho-Hur-Reng-Gi-Yo. So every morning and evening, I chant. And I'm going to add you guys to my list because you guys are going to need this energy. I'm going to be chanting to get you guys through this. Okay. Okay. All right. Thanks, then.

Take care. Thanks, guys. Bye. Alex, you still there? Yes. So we can, like, stay in this, like, chat roomy thing. Yes, we can. Cool.

I got my car and I'm driving. Where are you going? I don't know. There's something about being in motion that feels good. All right. I'm hanging up. Okay, cool. All right, I'll talk to you in mere moments.

Bye. Bye. Hello. This is PJ. I'm in the car. Hello? I think there are more than one person on this call. Oh, really?

Four people on this call. PJ, PJ, yeah. Lola's dad, just wishing you. Hey, Bobby, how's it going? Everything's great, man. You know, it's somebody told me that I wouldn't be able to get through, but I just pressed once and just opened up for me.

So I felt very lucky. over and sad. Hi, this is Alex. Nice to meet you. Alex, my partner on the podcast, Bobby. Yep. Oh, that's great.

It's, all right. Well, I should get off and let more people enjoy. So is this truly without sleep? Is that, was that the run? So far, we started at 10 o'clock this morning. We've been going to say, we're going to go until 10 o'clock tomorrow morning without 10 o'clock Wednesday morning, PJ. You've done harder.

I'm going to talk Wednesday morning. Oh, Wednesday morning. You've done harder things physically. Yeah. But emotionally, I'm not so sure. Let's see how this goes. Do you have any advice for us? The advice?

Yeah. The advice is just to, you know, just presume that everybody loves you because at one point or another they might. So, and then keep plugging. Very good advice. Yeah, it's not terrible advice. No, it's not terrible advice, thank you. for that.

All right. Take care. Bye. Hi. I'm still here. But now I feel like my question is weird if suddenly like someone's relative is going to show up. No, no other relatives are going to shut up and show up and no questions are weird. Relatives may show up.

You definitely can't promise that. That's true. But any question is okay. Okay. Okay, I have a question, and it's a question that I have for a long time wanted to ask someone male that I don't know. Okay. So here's my question. My question is that I have two little kids.

I have two sons that are three and six. And I've been thinking for a long time and now more for obvious reasons about what our conversation is going to look like them when they're older. And we have to talk to them about like consent. with partners. And what I can't figure out is that I feel like this conversation that my husband is probably going to have with them for a variety of reasons. But my concern is that my husband's conversation is going to be like, I'm a guy. And what I know is that you should have consent and not understand like what that's like from a woman's perspective. and I'm going back and forth between,

do I have a long talk with him about all of my experiences with this or lack of it in my life? Because then he knows stuff that I don't really want to tell him. I think of what I had to say about what happened to me was like there was a dark alley and a stranger. I would have said that 10 years ago. But that's not what I have to say. What I have to say is like a nice person that is a nice person

that everyone liked that blah, blah, blah, like did these things that, you know, in retrospect were bad. And, like, that's actually the fear I have for my kids. And I'll think they're going to be monsters. I just, I don't want them to be the people I feel. To go hurt somebody. I think that you've got a, I think, like it's probably a thing where you can't, you'd add a level of difficulty by trying to find a way to talk to them without talking to him.

And one of the things that I've seen people do to me that has helped me and that I didn't know before was an option in, like, talking to people you love is to say, like, I'm going to tell you about a thing. I need you to not do this or this. Like, it might upset you. I need you to not get angry. You might, like, I need you to not ask these kinds of questions right now. Like, literally I need you to, I'm going to tell you, you're going to listen. At the end of it, you're going to say, I love you, and you're going to hug me. And, you're going to hug me. And, and you're going to ask me. And, and I'm going to ask me. And, and, We can talk about again in two months or whatever, but like I think sometimes it's helpful to to actually be prescriptive with people when you're giving them information that's like all of a sudden they might like fumble the ball and I don't know maybe that sounds insane. What like what is your worst fear about his reaction if you were to be frank about things that that the things that you're worried that you can't unsay and like put out there? maybe that he would be like, oh, that doesn't seem like a big deal. I don't know why you would be upset about that now.

Or like that it's like that doesn't seem that bad. Like why are like, it's not unaware that there are ramifications of things like in our marriage to this day. And I think once I told him exactly what it was, I would be worried that he'd be like, that doesn't seem that bad. Why are you acting crazy? If we didn't have two sons, I would, there's a whole, like, there's a whole bunch of stuff I would never talk to him about. I just, I've dated people who had had sexually traumatic experiences where they were really able to talk about it. And I've dated people who have basically all they've been able to say is like, there's something in this area, you know, and like, and I want you to know that and I don't want to talk about it past that.

And like, I've never felt like, oh, you could tell me more or like, I don't try to or. And it's helped. Like, it'll help your husband to know, like, he's probably like, I don't know why. Like, it's such a big deal. Like, it'll give him actually context, which is almost always better understanding the people who you love, you know, like where they come from and why things are important to them. It's hard, too. And it's like, okay, that's hard.

Thank you, guys. I feel like that was probably heavier than you were expecting, but I actually feel a lot better. I feel like this has been like an ongoing discussion in my own head for like a year, and it's nice to actually just say it to someone who I won't see. I hope the rest of your 48 hours go as well. Thank you. Good luck. Bye.

Monday, 3 p.m. Hour 5. We probably all sound very similar because we're triplet. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. It must be strange to have somebody who looks just like you. It must be so strange to have two people who look just like you. Oh, um, yeah.

Well, it's not like I've ever been not a triplet, so I don't really know what that's like. Right. I could tell you about it. Um, but I don't know which parts would be a single. I think sometimes it's probably lonely. Oh. Hi. Who's this?

This isn't the actual Alex Goldman. This is another Alex Goldman. I don't know what's really going on here. Wait, what? You're not the Alex Goldman who plays paintball, are you? Because that Alex Goldman is more famous than Alex and always shows up first in his search results. Oh, really?

No. That's not me. You're not the Alex Goldman who's a chef, are you? Because that Alex Goldman also honestly usually shows up before Alex in his search results. No, I haven't done a lot of self-optimization. I'm Alex Goldman.

You're not... As is yet unsuccessful entrepreneur. You're not the Alex Goldman who has been indicted for smuggling cigars, are you? No, I never got caught. The cop that is searching my tent. He yelled out, his tent is this. I say, it's mine. And he says, can you come here for a second?

And so I get up and I walk over and I try to stay calm. And he opens the door and shines a flashlight in. And he says, can you tell me what that is? And I look in and it's my vibrator. So I say, that's my vibrator. He turns into hate-kill. Like, he gets so, like, slustered and embarrassed. He zips the door to my tent, back shut, and moves on to the next one.

That's, like, a real win for sex negativity. I know. Alex? Yeah, I'm still here. I'm lying on the floor in my room. I think I'm getting my dissent. What do you mean? I'm just like, I'm like, there's truly no way that I can do this for an additional...

42 hours? Yeah, wait, 42? We've been doing it for six. Oh, you said 32. 48 minus 6. Like, if you were like, oh, you do... No, dude, it is 42. Uh, yeah.

We've been doing it for six hours. Yeah, there's truly no way that I can do that. So what do you want to do? I don't know. I mean, what do you think you can do? That's a good question. I mean, we can go in shifts. We can just go as long as we can and then give up.

We can claim that there was some sort of catastrophic error and shut the whole thing down. It's kind of up to you, man. Well, how do you feel? I'm exhausted. but I can keep going. For how long? I don't know. I mean, what do you want to do?

Die? Um... I could definitely stop immediately. Um... Look, I'm just glad you're blaming yourself and not me. Oh, no, I know this is my fault. Oh, God. We could go get a beer.

Do you want to go to Melody Lane's? Sure. Okay, I will talk to you soon. Monday 6 p.m. Hour 8. Hello. Hello. Hi, who am I speaking with?

This is Sean. Who am I speaking with? This is Alex. How you doing? Alex? What? Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing well. How are you?

I'm good. You sound really excited. I think PJ's on the line too, but PJ's decided he's not going to talk for a little while. He needs to recharge. Can you hold on for just a second? Yeah. Hello? I'm just taking phone calls.

How are you? Harvey. Oh, my God. I love him so much. Boy or girl? Oh, my God. That's amazing. Yeah.

Does it make you want to have another kid? What are they? Because I have to get back to this poor guy. Yes. Just a guy named Sean. Oh, he's not... He can't hear you. I'm just talking to you.

No, he can't hear what I'm saying either. He's on hold. No, that's the whole thing. No sleep. Okay. Well, yeah, yes, it's 48. No, I have... We've eaten.

We've taken some breaks. But... All right. All right. Good. Okay. All right. I love you very much.

Bye. Hey, are you still there? I'm really sorry about that. That was my wife. Uh, where were we? Can I get a blue point? I have a whiskey. A whiskey coat? A whiskey hook? A whiskey hook? Hello.

This is Sarah. Who's this? This is Alex. And PJ. Oh, hi. This is so cool. So where are you calling from, Sarah? I'm calling from Seattle. PJ, I saw your tweet about just being exhausted, so I thought I would just call and then put you guys on mute for like five minutes and let you just be in quiet. Yes, yes, please. Please.

Okay, I'm just, I'm going to mute it, and I'm at work, so I'm just going to leave it. And then can you hang up on me or do I have to hang up on you? Just check back in in five minutes. Okay, all right. I'm going to meet you for a bit, and I'll be back on time. Sarah, you are very nice. Thank you so much. Oh, that is the nicest thing.

That is the nicest thing. That is the nicest thing. Oh, my God. Save your open for a few eyes. He's never gone beyond five in the postseason in the three previous slots. Oh, give me that external battery. Now, I'll just feel too strong. Hey, hello again. It's been like five minutes.

Hey, Sarah's back. I'm back, hi. You've been the nicest person. You've done the most incredible thing that anybody's ever done for us. It's like, it's like on Christmas, Santa coming down the chimney and time being like, I got you a guess.

I was on a poll for a while, so I want to give other people a shot, but because I've put the rest of the day and night, you guys. Thanks a lot, Sarah. Take care. Bye. Bye. Never stop calling. All right, let's get out of here.

PJ, this is your cab. Yeah. Thank you. Monday 10 p.m. Hour 12. Hello? Hi. Hi. Hi. Hey.

I think it's just PJ right now. Oh, cool. How are you? Good. Who's this? This is Ali. Here my name's Dylan. Ali and Dylan?

Yeah. And Alex. Hey Alex. And Alan and Alex. Cool. Hi, Al. How's it going? How's your guys' day going?

It's going. Okay. Wait, I have a question. For you, Alex. Yes. Yes. Are you at home in New Jersey now? Yeah, I'm home.

Okay. I just got home. and my very, very patient, very kind, very patient, and also kind girlfriend, who it's my anniversary with is here. And so I'm going to spend a little bit of time with her. Okay. Because I want to try to make it to two years. Why don't you put your phone on silent?

I'm going to keep taking calls for a little bit. Okay. You're a hero. You're a king among men. Okay. I'll talk to you later slash maybe in the morning. All right. Take it easy, bud.

Take it easy. Bye. Bye. Hi. Hi, Ali and Dylan. How's it going? Good. Just chilling.

So, what do you want to know? I actually kind of want to know what your first job that you liked was. Yeah. Well, I've had like 30 jobs. So it depends on what you mean like first. Do you mean first career style job or you mean first job job? What was the first one that you liked, and why did you like it? The first job that I liked was Subway because I got free sandwiches.

I worked midnight at a gas station. That was awesome because I ate all kinds of beef jerky. I had a job as a flour delivery guy, which was pretty fun. I worked at an Indian buffet. I was kind of into that. I worked in a video store. I liked that. I work at it.

You love me? I pre-hated the oven. No need. It should be margarita. What? Yeah, definitely is. Okay, cool. I'm just, I just gotta basically like sign back out with Alex and I'm done.

This is your job. I love you. It's nice to just be able to be around you. I love you. Balls. This is Alex. This is BJ. B.J. Hey, is it just you and me? I don't know. Is it just you and me? It sure seems that way.

Yeah, I'm home. I'm going to go to sleep. Is that an okay thing to do to you? Yeah, it's cool. Tell Lula I say goodnight and go to bed. And I will talk to you later. Do you feel like you learned anything today? Yeah, I learned that you're a real baby. Yeah, that's true. All right.

Bye. Bye. Hey, Sarah. We don't happen to have double A batteries anywhere, do we? I checked in the thing over there. I'm exhausted. Jesus.

Is your voice okay? Yeah, my voice is fine. You're drinking water? Uh-huh. I'm fine. How are you? You seem concerned. Welcome to the conference.

You are being recorded. Streptovib. Alex Goldman Streptobeeb Streptobybe Alex Goldman Streptobebe Alex Goldman

Streptobebe Alex Goldman Streptobebe Alex Goldman What's streptobebe I don't know Alex Goldman Streptobe

Alex Goldman Alex Goldman Streptobe Alex Goldman The Socialist Streptobeebe Alex Goldman Yeah

Streptobeeb Alex Goldman Streptobe Alex Goldman You're gonna have to yell it over this because this is out of my control Alex Okay Alan

We have an important question Streptobib Go for it Alex Goldman What could we name of a child Streptobe Alex Goldman It's a girl

Alex Goldman Is it in December Congratulations Congratulations for First of all. Alex Holdman. Thank you. Streptobebe.

Sorry about streptobeeb. It's okay. It went away. Ask me the question again. Okay. We are having a girl, our first child in December, and we don't know what to name her. Okay. Do you have any ideas?

Yes. We have two ideas. So the first one is Zuzu, Z-U-Z-U-Z-U. Okay. And that's from the... movie, it's a wonderful life. It's a little girl. Yeah, yeah, Zuzoo's pedals. I know. Come on, man. Yeah, my wife loves that film. And then the second one is my grandmother's name, and it was Naila. I like Naila. But I got to be honest with you, I really don't want this responsibility,

so you guys have to make this decision on your own. Well, I hope your life's not too crazy in the next day and a half. It'll be fine. Everybody's been so nice to us so far. It's been pretty cool. Have you guys gotten some good stuff. Yeah, the weirdest phone call we got so far was streptobieb. Yeah, it was... So I tweeted, I tweeted yesterday about how I was cleaning up after a party once and found a piece of paper that had a word written on it and the word was streptobib. And so someone decided to make a little robot say streptobe at me. I don't know why. So did we, was that two calls coming into the one call just now? That was two calls simultaneously. We We don't have a lot of control over.

This system is imperfect. Let's just say that. Congratulations on your kid, by the way. Thanks. We'll name her Nila. Tuesday, 1 a.m. Hour 15. I feel like I'm going to be up late,

so I'm just trying to get my amplifier turned on, but I haven't turned my amp on in many, many months. Are you guys taking shifts? Well, we were going to do them all together. But then PJ... Oh, sleep? No. PJ sort of neglected his...

His one-year anniversary with his girlfriend. Oh, there we go. Hold on just a second. You hear my guitar? There we go. Nice. Right now it's just me, flying solo. And my very patient wife is upstairs. and you guys are in New York.

You're in the city, right? Well, PJ lives in Brooklyn. I actually live in New Jersey. My name is Alex Goldman and I'm here to say I'm really, really tired. Hello. Hi, Alex. This is crazy. Hello.

Hey, how are you? I'm sorry. Hello. Hello. If you can hear me, I can't hear you. Hello. Hey, Alex. How's it going?

I'm all right. How are you? I just like laying out in like the desert. Straight up, yes. Are you exhausted? How is it going? I'm a sleepy boy. I feel like I've created my own Twilight Zone episode. It's just like every time I hang up, a new call comes immediately. I'm still bad and I'm talking to Sam.

Hi, Sam. We're getting our wire. cross so like a couple people are ending up on the calls who am uh i talking to i'm i'm this is sam i'm from uh indianapolis indiana and who who else am i talking to uh brent from phoenix uh so what's going on guys how are you well alex i'm pumped to talk to you guys i'm on my way to the airport what's going on with you brent what's what's uh what's new man how's it going I was sitting in my bed waiting for you to pick up and I just hit my head on the fan

So Oh Guys I actually think that I'm going to pass out I'm so tired I know that we're supposed to be taking calls Where are you guys located again I'm in Phoenix Arizona

Indianapolis And are you guys both on the road Right now? I know. Where are you, Brent? Are you at home? Oh, yeah. In my bedroom, my girlfriend's downstairs wondering who the hell I'm talking to at this time.

Why? Because it's one in the morning there? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. So let me ask you a question. Do you have unlimited minutes on your cell phone plan? Yes, I do. Unlimited minutes and unlimited data. All right.

I'm going to ask you to do me a favor. I am so fucking exhausted. I can't continue. But if all of us hang up, someone's just going to call back and my phone will ring again. So here's what I want you to do for me, Brent. Here's what I want you to do. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to either put on a radio or like put on something. that people can hear and put your phone next to it. So when people call in and they join this conference, they'll just quietly hear something in the distance, something spooky or like talk radio or music or something. And when it comes time in the morning for us to come back, we'll just end the call and then people can call again.

I'll load up Info Wars on a YouTube and just put that on in loop Oh my God Yeah Wonderful info wars Yeah If you could find like six hours of info wars I mean it's not going to be that long

But that would be so fucking amazing Can you do that Brent? I would have to get my My iPad And I could somehow do it probably I think you should I think you should try If you do it for me

Do it Brian if you do it for me brent i will send you a reply all t-shirt do it you can do it i'll send you the chair and talk to my already frightened girlfriend all right well okay so if you're telling me you can't do it the obvious question is sam what can you do for me here do you have unlimited data or unlimited uh minutes I could do it, but I can't last longer than 5 o'clock because that's when my flight is.

Right. So it would be an hour. So it's either Brent does it or I have to take another call. Yeah. Don't put this on me and I didn't make this idea up. But you called it one in the morning, Phoenix time. You have to be ready for anything. I'm part of the problem.

Sam, don't peer pressure him. If he can't do it, he can't do it. I don't want to freak out his girlfriend. All right. Well, it was a solid effort. Guys, I'm going to go. I'm going to take another call, but I appreciate you guys calling in. Good luck, man.

Tuesday, 4 a.m. Hour 17. Hi, this is Alex. Who am I talking to? Hi, this is Evan. Hey Evan, what's popping? I have I have an internet question for you

I'll do my level best If you YouTube Spider-Man Elsa pregnant That usually gets you where you want to go Yeah, I'm a little confused by this too Pregnant Rapunzel versus Paw Patrol versus bad baby Joker pregnant frozen Elsa versus bad baby with Spider-Man pregnant Frozen Elsa versus Spider-Man Spider-Baby

pregnant pink spider girl versus bad baby Why is this on the paranormal board So I'm going to look into this But I have no idea what the fuck's going on with these Okay, well, that's okay I'm sorry that I couldn't give more help Yeah That's okay

Hey have a good night man Hey, you too, good luck. Thanks, bye. All right. Bye now. Hello, can anyone hear me? Check, check, check. Check, check, check, check.

Okay, here we go. All right, so it's what? Ten after eight. I'm leaving the house. Hi, hi, buddy. Have a good day. I guess you, go, go. Say bye-bye.

Bye, Harve. Is that your choochoo? All right, well. One, two, three, four. Okay, it's eight twenty-four in the morning. Hello, this is Alex Goldman from the Reply All podcast. Can you hear me? Hello? Alex Goldman, as I live and breathe.

Yeah, that's me. That's me. Just came out on the subway, walking to work. Feeling okay? Who are we speaking to? Who is this? Oh, hey, it's Kevin. I'm calling from a cafe in Budapest. What's going on, man? What's happening? What's happening?

What's going on? What's happening? Yeah, I got a whole bunch of remote contracts. I'm just kind of kicking around the world and, yeah, just working wherever. PJ, I'm like a block away. Where are you, man? I'm actually in the studio now. I got two mics open. So if you want to hop in the studio, you can have this studio. apparently somebody sent Dunkin' Donuts,

so would you bring it down before you come in the studio? Wait, someone is like a listener? Uh, yeah. Dude, that is very nice, but we don't deserve it. What are you talking about? Listen, it's not like myself seems that good, but we deserve Dunkin' Donuts. No, no.

We caused this. What is wrong with you? It's like if I deliberately crashed my car and someone showed up and was like, oh, geez, I'm really sorry. Let me take you out to dinner. No, it's like if you deliberately crashed your car and somebody was like, you made a weird, painful choice, here's a donut. All right, Kevin, I know that you're biased.

You called because you know the show, but do we deserve these donuts? I need to know. If not, I'm going to go upstairs and throw them all in the garbage. You deserve all of those donuts. There you have it. All right, well, can't argue with that. Tuesday, 10 a.m. Hour 24.

Sorry, what's that? Nothing. That was just the sound of Alex eating a donut, possibly? Maybe. Hello? Hello? This is Alex. And also PJ.

Hi, it's Emma. Hi, Emma. What's up? Not much. How are you guys doing? A little confused. Eating donuts. When I was first using the internet, they were like weekly meetings of the local bulletin board I hung out on.

And it was like everybody from like age 14 to age 45 was there because, mostly because my dad was like, I don't know enough about the internet to be worried that it's dangerous. So I would like go to the bowling alley with a bunch of weirdos that I met off my bulletin board. every week. Well, my exes Warcraft Guild used to have in-person meetups. What were those like?

I never went, but the amazing thing is that's where he met his Secret Warcraft girlfriend, which is why we broke up. What a dick. Wait, Secret Warcraft girlfriend. Can you just answer some of the Fob questions you know that I'm going to ask? Yes, I'll give you the short version. You don't have to. I don't know if you knows, but we're doing a 48-hour calling show.

So we were like, this is, this is like most of my 20s. I was living with him for like six or seven years. And then a couple of years into that, Warcraft came out. And we both got... And this is World of Warcraft. World of Warcraft, yeah. We both got super into it, but we were in different guilds, which was a whole thing.

And so, but he was like, he took it much more seriously than I did, because he works from home and he just had more hours to, like, devote to it. And so eventually his guild had, like, a meetup in Dallas. And a couple months later, he started acting like a little bit shady. He was in sort of a mood all the time. And then he told me that his aunt in Poughkeepsie was dying of cancer. And I was like, well, that's terrible. And his father had died of cancer when he was,

a teenager, so it sort of messed him up. And I was like, that's awful. Whatever you need. I'm here for you. And he's like, well, I think I'm going to start spending some time with my aunt and Poughkeepsie. And I was like, yes, of course. Whatever you need. So every other weekend, he would go to, you know, Poughkeepsie to see his aunt dying of cancer. And this went on for like six or eight months. And only after we had broken up, did I find us that whole time? He was going to Baltimore to see his secret Warcraft girlfriend who was like a mage from his guild. What an elaborate con. Also, you can never trust a match.

But I'm a mage. I was a mage. That sucks so much. How did you find out that was his aunt sick or was that completely fabricated? He didn't even have an aunt. Oh, my gosh. So, like, his, first of all, he didn't tell his mother that we broke up, even though we lived together. So like a month after we broke up, his mother called the apartment looking for him.

And I was like, oh, we actually broke up. I'm sorry. I'm surprised he didn't tell you. And I was really sorry by the way to hear about your sister. And she was like, I don't have a sister. And I was like, oh, maybe I misunderstood. Maybe it was Chris's father's sister. And she's like, no. That is insane. What a shitbox. I was like at work when I found out. So I ran downstairs. And I called him on my phone and I healed of him for like a solid hour and he was just like yeah you're right I knew I knew before you said I knew it was going to be that tone of voice it's like yeah yeah yeah I'm a bad I'm a really bad guy I'm I'm you got listen I'm broken you're better off without me did you say that that's almost exactly what he said and when we were hanging up he

was like I'm sorry for ruining your life and I was like dude don't You don't give yourself so much credit, asshole. I know. I know. It also just sucks when you're like, you're like, that was like the tiniest window. Like the fact that you managed to have an affair through fucking world of warcraft. Did it end? What happened with him and his other mage?

I don't know. He still lives in Baltimore where he moved to be with her. And we don't really talk. talk. So I don't know. Yeah. Did you make you never want to play the game again? A ton of video games right now, actually. Warcraft sort of broke that urge in me, I think. But an interesting footnote to the X stuff is that he definitely continued to play. And he felt such like crippling guilt about this whole secret girlfriend situation that for a while he would walk up to me in a city, like in, in the game in Warcraft, and just give me, like, a thousand gold and,

like, walk away. Oh, my God. What a dorkass. You're like, okay, well, now we're cool. He would just, like, give me money and items and just not even talk to me. And I'm like, okay. All right, I'll take it. All right.

Thanks for calling him. Get through the next 24 hours and survive. 23 hours. 11. We're on our way. Welcome to the conference. Play-all calling show. Broadcasting from a couch in the office.

Alex is also somewhere else in this office. Hello? What up? Can you guys hear me? Yes, we can hear you. Awesome, guys. How are you feeling? 24 hours in, 26 hours in. That's crazy. Where are you calling from, sir? I'm calling. Okay, this is weird.

I'm in a closet in the New York Times building because it's the only safe. place to call. I've been in line since the 90s. Really? Oh, yeah. You were hardcore. I was hardcore. I was command,

and everything. Well, it's just, you must be around a lot of people who are like totally secular, who are like, yeah, I've slept with tons of people that I'm not married to. Yeah, no, definitely exposed to that all the time. You know, I do think that sex is, was, you know, designed by God and intended to be in the confines of marriage. Do I have airport what, sorry? Airport secrets.

Like do you know things about the airport that other people don't know? Like, oh. Stuff that I know is really useless. Like if you come away and you've got a really important meeting and you forget your cufflinks from your shirt, that there is a guy on the desk called Manuel who will be able to produce some from the depths of nowhere and save your life. That's a good airport secret.

That's a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. I've had this thought before of, you know, when you're in like a fight with a friend or maybe a significant other and you text them something and all you want is a response and you want them to respond like, no, I hate you go away or I'm not meeting up with you or you hurt me or something. But all you get is just nothing. Yeah. And you're left to just wonder and worry.

Are they mad at me? Are they forgiving me? Are they figuring it out? Maybe they're busy. And then you're just left in this limbo. So I think of that as hell, mixed with, like, being in a desert. And all you're left with is just your own thought. Hello, this is Alex Goldman of the Reply All Podcast.

Hey, this is Andrew Sudenum of the living room. Good. What can I do for you, Andrew Suddenham? What can you do for me? Why don't you get my stepdaughter into Yale? Alex. No, I don't have an agenda. I'm a fan of calling into, you know, radio shows. And when I found out that one of the great podcasts had converted into a radio show that I could call into late night, early afternoon style, I leapt the chance. I seized its throat. I grabbed its espresso machine and made myself a restretto poor. Do you mean, do I need an agenda? You don't know what part of that. I don't know what a restretto poor is. It's just a kind of espresso that I heard about one time.

But then you tried it? Sure, I tried it. It was offered to me in a cafe, and I tried it. But the point isn't, you know, it was just a metaphor. My mom sent me some boxes that I hadn't seen since probably 98. And in one of the boxes was lube. Not that kind of lube, Alex. It was a trumpet lube, valve lube, so that the keys to your trumpet.

it move more smoothly. And as I was dialing you, this bottle that I had just pulled out, you know, plastic from the 90s burst and my entire bookshelf was just covered in old jazz loop. And I think I got into my phone and it destroyed the headphone jack. So now I can't even go hands free. And I tried to clean it up and I'm visually impaired. and so I'm used to dropping things and having them disappear. You know, most people drop a quarter and then you see it,

but for me I have just a, basically like a toilet paper tubes worth of central vision remaining. So I drop a quarter and it might as well have fallen into a wormhole into another universe. And so I'm used to spilling things and then waiting a long time to find them. Oh, are you telling me to hold on? No, I'm talking to Shruti Pinmanani. Well, tell Shruti to hang on a second because I'm talking about this wormhole spill. Anyway, so I spilled it, and I'm used to, as I say, Alex, I'm used to something being spilled and just never seeing it until later, you know, my wife or my stepdaughter saying, oh, there's a bunch of Greek yogurt on the floor. But so anyway, the jazz lube just went everywhere, but it's not that I couldn't see it.

It's just that the lube being so surfaceless, covered everything, and sort of just became absorbed. My life, just my life kind of soaked it up like a sponge, and now it's kind of covering everything. It's covered the whole afternoon. Welcome to the conference. Tuesday, 3 p.m. Hour 29. You are being recorded. Welcome to the wonder of the wonders. Welcome to the conference. This is Alex Goldman and PJ Vogue.

We are walking down the street. PJ is rambling. What can we do for you? I'm just sitting here practicing my French horn. Do you want to hear? Yes. All right. Hold on.

Let me see if I can put you on speaker. Okay. What do you guys want to hear? What can you play? Yeah, what do you got? How does it sound? Keep going. Yeah, I want to rock an entire song for us.

Okay, okay. I just finished recording for the next Pirates movie coming up. Pirates of the Caribbean? Yeah, I'm in L.A. I'm a horn player in L.A. That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah. Can you do more of that? More? Okay, I'll keep going. Yeah, just the... That was so nice. Thank you so much. I can totally imagine the soaring strings over, over top of that.

Okay, what other thing can we do to entertain you? Literally, I would just... Oh, yes, Oregon, please. Okay. Here we go. Bring up on me. Yeah. Marimba.

We have a marimba here too. Yeah. My new song for you guys. You ready for another call? More calls, getting more calls. We're always gonna get some more calls. More calls. I want more calls.

We're always gonna get some more calls. Yes, hello. It's the reply all telephon. This is Alex Goldman and PJ Vote. We are in a car. What can we do for you? Oh, I just wanted to say hi, and I hope you guys get some sleep at some point, and I hope someone brings you some food.

We're actually driving right now to Bay Ridge, which is in southern Brooklyn, to get food from a deli that was recommended to us by another caller. And we just arrived at it, and now we are trying to find a parking space. So we've manifested your wish very quickly. Yeah. Wow. I'm magical. That's fantastic.

What is it? Okay. This sandwich is roasted eggplant, prosciutto, and parmesan. Or not parmesan. Excuse me. Motsarola. Is it good? It's really good.

That sounds really good. One of our listeners told us to come get, go get food. Do you feel like he knew what he was talking about now? Yeah, I thought he was going to be, like, I walked in there, I was like, this place looks like every other deli I've ever been to in New York City. Great, they have fancy cookies, big deal. And then... And then it turns out that the sandwich is pretty legendary.

He always says, Dad is a judge. He's a retired judge. He literally walks around his life judging things, just like his son. But he gets paid for it. So here's a true story. One time I was watching TV with my dad, and you know Paradise Lost, that documentary about the Robin Hood Hills, the three kids who... Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Do you know what I'm talking about? People thought they did a crime, but they didn't do a crime. They were three kids who were really in a heavy metal, and it was right during the satanic panic. Her name for a heavy metal band. And I was watching it with my dad, and he was, like, drinking. My dad was, like, having a couple beers and, like, loosening up after work or whatever.

And so we were watching the movie, and, like, every couple of minutes, he'd be like, oh, that guy, that guy's guilty. And I was like, I was like, how do you know, Dad? And he was like, I can just tell a little look in his eyes. How do you think I judge? Oh, my God. Gary. He was joking, but it was so funny. That's funny.

I'm stopping my tape, for something. All right, Matt Lieber. I'm going to mic you up, and you are going to take calls for PJ for a while. So you might... Check, check. Where's the level? Oh, okay, there it is. Yep. Okay. How do the calls end? Do people have to decide themselves to hang up, or do we hang up?

We can hang up whenever we want. Okay. But I'm not like a monster. But we are probably going to get going in a minute. But I wish PJ would get off his butt and we could leave. Where's PJ? I think he just went to lay down and catch for a little while. He'll meet up with you.

I think, I think. What a fucking baby here. What a fucking baby. Unbelievable. Okay, let's go. All right, let's go. Hi, this is Alex Goldman and Matt Lieber. PJ is a baby who's laying down on a couch right now because he can't handle it.

Because he's been awake for like 30-some hours and that's just too much? But he hasn't. He slept last night. I stayed up. So what's you going to do tonight? You guys got another, uh, or 17 hours? Listen, I don't know what PJ's going to do, but, I mean, he also made like a very bad tactical decision and just ate a bunch of McDonald's. That's, that, that is really going to make the next 15 hours a lot harder. Hello, this is Alex Goldman from the Reply All podcast. It is 6.53 p.m.

I would be here with PJ Vote, but he's a weaner and he fell asleep. I'm here with Matt Lieber instead. Hello. Hi, who am I talking to? This is Noah. I'm calling from Toronto. So, uh... What's up, Noah? What can we do for you?

I have a question, which is a little bit of a strange thing to call into a show and ask strangers about. Okay. But I want to know if it's a good idea to ask my best friend out. Oh, PJ would say no, because PJ doesn't believe in telling people your feelings, that you have to do very complicated dances around the truth in order to tell people how you feel. And I think that you should probably go for it, but you need to go for it with the full realization that you might. If she is not interested or he is not interested, you will lose him or her not only as a potential love interest, but as a friend. Yes, and that is terrifying to me. Keep in mind that I'm in high school, and this is a setting like that.

Wait, you're in high school? Yeah. How old are you? What grade are you? I'm 15. I'm in grade 10. And how long have you known your best friend? Tell us about him or her. I've known her for about a year and a bit now. We've been really close friends since pretty much the beginning of grade 9 when we first met. Have you gone out with anyone before?

No, that's the problem. That's why it's scary. Yeah. I saw a couple things. One is I feel totally ill-equipped to give advice about this subject. Why? What are the qualifications? Because I was horrible at dealing with the situation you're in when I was your age. I inevitably messed it up. Like, there was one girl I had a super big crush on, and we went to a dance, and I was too afraid to ask her to dance. However, she asked me to dance. Wow.

Do you know what I said? No? I said no. Why? Because I figured once we started dancing, I still wouldn't know what to do. So I feel very ill-equipped to give an answer to this. But I do think Goldman's initial response, which is like the issue with asking her out, is that if she says, no, you should be prepared to, like, have the relationship be lost entirely.

I don't think it's true because I think we thought you were a little older. But the fact that you're in high school somehow makes it like, I think if you ask her and it doesn't go well, it's still like something you could recover from. Yeah. Yeah, I think you should go for it, and I actually think you have very good instinct, and you should be confident when you broach the subject to her. And the worst that can happen is not that bad. Good luck, Noah.

Good luck, Noah. Bye, bye. Thank you so much. Bye. That was good. Man, do you remember the intensity of those emotions? Yes. Hello? Hello?

Reply all calling Joe. Reply all calling Joe. Spooky. Is it just us three? Yeah, I think so. Where are you guys? I'm back at the office. We're coming back. Oh, okay. I'll hang out here and wait for you.

Tuesday, 7 p.m. hour 33. Welcome to the Reply All Value Surplus Store and Mattress Giants. You want 17 new mattresses for one penny, 18th for the 99 special. Come in for the friendship, stay for the hugs. There's no one there. Not with that attitude. If there's going to be any more callers or if that's it. You know, my prediction?

More callers. And here's one right now. Reply all nighttime. Reply all nighttime team. Yeah, night team time. Night team time. Welcome to reply all night team time team. This is Alex Goldman and PJ Vote.

We're coming at you. Hot. I made it on? This is a very long. This is a very long recording. Sorry, the conference is busy. Please call back again. Night team time.

What can we do for you, bud? Oh, man. This is crazy. Who are we talking to? I'll tell you, my name's Peter Carroll. You've made me feel like a nine-year-old boy sitting on my parents' bed trying to call the local radio station.

People always say that. Yeah, you'd be surprised how much we hear that. Well, thank you. I mean, you're welcome? I don't know. So, Peter, welcome to nighttime team. Yeah, thank you. What can we do for you today?

Well, I just wanted to call them thank you for such a great show. It's got to be more than that. We've got to do more. Yes, we need more. Do you want to hear... Listen, nighttime team doesn't thank each other. Nighttime team doesn't thank each other. Where in the world are you?

I'm standing on a dock in Madison, Wisconsin. A dock? It's the only quiet place I could come and talk. What does it look like there? I can see the capital across the water. It's really beautiful. The lights on the water. What does it sound like where you are?

It's a breeze. The freeway nearby. When I walked out here, a fish jumped. It's really freaky. But yeah, it's really still. Can you hear the water at all? If I bounce on the dock a little bit. Can you put your phone near the water and bounce on the dock a little bit?

Try not to knock it off into the water. Yeah. This is like rural phone sex. PJ, don't be gross. It is. You're like a lake fetish. I'm trying to get some, some ambi from the world. Oh, God.

You want some ambient noise? Yeah, let me, I think I'll have to splash, but let me try. Yeah. Did that come up? That came up. That did. We got some Madison water. PJ was so cynical, and then he gasped with the light when he heard it.

I just thought you were asking him when you got a little dirty, it's all. Calls on the phone. They ever leave me alone. Calls in my eyes. I don't. Yeah, just answer my alone. Please press any number, then to pounce. Welcome to the conference.

Hello. You are being recorded. Welcome to the Replyal Mini Mall. Live from the Gimlet Media Complex in beautiful town-town-manentown-town. It's Goldman and Vote, one night only, together at last. Hi. I can't believe I got to, actually. Hi, how are you?

Where are you calling from? I'm calling from Brazil and Switzerland. Oh. Awesome. Yeah. What time is it there? It's 3.18 p.m. Oh, that sounds nice.

No, sorry, a.m. 3. 18. Yeah, it's 3 in the morning. Why are you awake at 3 in the morning? I'm a bit depressed about the world right now. And so I wanted to try and call just to remind myself that there are good people and that the world does not suck as badly as it feels like right now. That is so nice. Are you stressed from stuff in your actual personal life?

Yeah, so I'm 24. And I kissed a guy for the first time like a month ago, maybe. Congratulations. That's really exciting. I did not like it. So now I'm wondering if I should explode my sexuality a bit before I, before, like, how do I know I'm straight? I don't know that.

So, but whenever I have talked to my dad, especially in obtuse terms about this, he has, he is very homophobic. So things are strained at home right now, because I feel I cannot be honest about my stuff. Well, I mean, people's parents never have good ideas about their sex lives. Like, they always have dumb, old ideas, and so you just should not tell them while you're figuring stuff out. What if I find out that I don't like guys and I like women? Then I can never tell my dad that he would never accept that.

So maybe it's better not to find out than to find out and lie about it. I don't know. I feel like find out, first of all. Also, like, millions of bad kissers out there just walking around, like, time bombs. Can I tell her about my first kiss? Tim is here. He wants to tell you about his first kiss. Hey, how's it going?

I'm Tim. My first kiss was terrible. It was, like, a teeth-clashing kiss where you're both so excited to kiss, and you both open your mouth like horses and your teeth are out, and your teeth just smashed together. It was very, it was awkward and painful, and everything that followed was bad for a while. Anyway, my experience is the first moments give you very poor indication of what is to follow, personally.

Thank you. That's actually reassuring, even though I'm sure. That was very nice of you to share. Thank you. Because there was a lot of tongue involved in my kids. My son is wet. Worried about finding out that I like women, honestly. I would prefer that honestly because my experience with guys hasn't been that good.

But, like, I have super nice girlfriends. But, like, my father is sort of, like, my best friend. Like, he's more of a friend than a... Like, it shocks me. He's so open-minded about everything else. So this has been like a really big chasm between us. Is that how you pronounce chasm? Yeah.

Yes. That's how you pronounce it. But it's like you can't, I feel like you're going to have to, I think that if someone stops you from finding out something really important about yourself, then you resent them. Like I think you got to go find out and then find out what the fallout is. Not only that, but if you continue. Like, if you deny yourself happiness to maintain your relationship with your dad, I feel like that could end up bringing, that could end up making you resent your dad, which is like, what good is this very close friendship you have if you, if you are so resentful of him?

Like, that feels terrible. That's true. I have not been talking to him properly for the last one month. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really sorry. This sounds really, really hard. I'm good at compartmentally, I think.

So it's fine. That's one guy. Me too. Like I worry about some stuff, and I focus my worry to other stuff. No, no, no. Thank you. Like, this was good to talk. I hope.

Just take care of yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You two. You two are really great. Peace people, the good luck.

Thank you. Thanks. Thanks. Get some sleep. Bye. Tuesday, 10 p.m. I'm on a hunt to find a nemesis. Hour 36.

You are being recorded. We're sorry. The conference is full. Or is it? Sorry. Oh, that person totally hung up. Oh. They would do that.

Okay. I'm on the hunt for nemesuses. I want to know who's got a nemesis. It's pronounced nemesis. Nemesis? Do you have a nemesis? Do I have a nemesis? Yeah.

I wouldn't say I have a person who's a nemesis. But? Like, maybe some concept. Oh, no concept. No, no concept. It's got to be a person. No, no concept. It's got to be a person.

Why not? Like, like, rampant materialism. No. No. Thumbs down. Thumbs down. That's not a nemesis. A nemesis is like, listen.

I went to a wedding last weekend. And I wasn't wearing a tie, which I think is whatever. I was trying to decide if I felt okay, not wearing a tie. And I was, like, walking to the ceremony, and I opened the door, and all these people wearing ties. So it's like, okay, I'm going to go get a tie. I'm walking back to my room and I pass a group of five people, all men, not wearing ties. And I was like, oh, I was going to go back to my room and get a tie. But since you guys aren't wearing ties, I feel good about it.

And this one guy in a group who I didn't know was like, well, you could button the top button of your shirt. Ooh. That, man. You got played. It's now my nemesis. My nemesis isn't like. People who are judgmental and give unsolicist opinions, that man's my nemesis. Then I totally have a nemesis.

Yes, we are there. That I made today. Tell me about the new nemesis. Let's get into it. Fresh nemesis. So basically, so I'm a second year at Berkeley, right? Okay. Follow you so far.

And today, I ran into this girl who went to my high school. And we have like Spanish class together in my senior year. like a pretty small class. So like we definitely know who each other are. And I saw her at the beginning of the year. She just started this year. And I was like, oh, hey, how's it going? You know, let me know if you need anything this year. She just started. She's a freshman. She's like, oh, cool, thanks. And then today she walks by me, looks at me. My name is Nikki, right? She looks at me and goes, Tara, oh my God. How are you doing? That is. Nemesis, behavior.

But it just made me so angry. That's a nemesis. You have a nemesis. That's my nemesis. She's definitely my nemesis. Welcome to having a nemesis. I think that... Thank you.

It's really exciting. Okay, now hold on. Follow up question. What's her name? My name? No, her name. Your nemesis. I can't say that.

You guys have to promise me more. I can't. Okay. That's okay. Just picture. her in your brain right now, okay? Her name's Alex. Okay. Oh, that's my nemesis'

name also. Okay, so Alex, the way you feel about Alex, compare to the way you feel about, like, rampant materialism or whatever. Doesn't compare. Nobody cares about rampant materialism. You care about your nemesis.

I care about rampant materialism. Yes. Yeah, I'm not an Alex fan either. I don't know what point I just proved, but it feels really good. Do you remember when Mo Tucker became like a tea party person? Do you remember? Yeah.

Who's Mo Tucker? Mo Tucker was in the Velvet Underground. Mo Tucker became a, like the one who sings the really pretty song. No, that's Nico. No, the one after hours. I think it's, wait, hold on a second. I think it's Mo Tucker. The drummer.

Yeah. My favorite Velvet Underground song, Mo Tucker sings. You don't know this song? No. All right, wait, I'm just going to play the song first Yeah, this is like my top Four song Okay, you ready?

One, two, three The night could last Forever Leave the sun Shine out And say hello To never All the people are dancing

And they're having such fun I wish it could happen To me But if you close the door, I'd never have to see the day again. If you close the door, the night could last forever, leave the wine. Glass out and drink a toast to never. Oh, someday I know someone will look into my eyes and say hello. I need to lay down for a minute.

Okay. What time is it in New Zealand right now? It's half-five seven in the evening. Yeah, I'm making dinner. Hi, I'm Nico. I'm calling from Germany. What time is it over there? It's, I think, nine o'clock, so I'm ready to get to go to work. Sorry, one second.

I think someone's coming with a package to my door. So, but I just have to sign something. Yeah. Where in New Zealand are you? I mean, it's a little small town called Grey Mouse. Kind of like the wilder, more dramatic part of the country, like the mountains come right down to the sea. It sounds like the end of the world, like the edge of the world.

It feels like the edge of the world sometimes. I feel like I'm on the moon right now. I feel like I'm on the actual moon. Yeah, I feel like I'm on the moon and you're on Mars. Did you have Taco Tuesday there? Of course. Do you not do that in New York? No, I mean, we do Waffle Wednesdays.

Turkey Thursdays are big. Alex fell asleep on the couch. It's very adorable. I think he was trying to look at his computer, and so his computer's open, it's like there's a glow of the computer on his face, and he's not wearing shoes or socks. He looks like a guy who's using free Internet at a library and fell asleep.

Excellent. Cool. We'll have a fun next seven and a half hours. Oh, God. Hello. This is a probably all calling show. Who's calling? My name is Julie, and I am in the stairwell of La Quinta in in Scottsdale, Arizona. Wait, the stairwell of what? I am of La Quinta in Arizona. Why are you traveling?

I'm taking my grandpa to get surgery in the morning in Phoenix. And we live in Tucson, Arizona. So we are staying in the fantastic, I can get in for a couple of weeks, probably. And I'm just calling because I don't really know who else to call it 11 p.m. at night, or I guess, three in the morning for you guys. Well, we're, well, Alex is asleep right now, but I'm here. I'm here. Is it a, is it a, is it? Pretty much fine, honestly. Turns out you can do anything that's stupid. Your grandfather's surgery, is it like a okay thing? Are you, are you feeling okay about it?

He's 92, so any kind of surgery is a little scary. And he, um, he has a kind of giant kid. his hip. Oh, it's okay. I didn't call for like the therapy. I'm not good at it anyway, but I'm sorry if I didn't just say that. No, it's okay. I, um, I called because I was thinking earlier, I was talking to him, and I have a tendency to record things when I can, and because of his health, I've been feeling pressured to record him. And I have a tendency to record him. And, and I have a tendency to record him, a lot, which makes me feel bad because then I think that I'm engineering these moments with him instead of just appreciating him. And I, so today, I decided not to take the recorder as we were packing up and going to the hospital

and stuff like that. When we checked into the hospital, my grandpa, he had this really sweet conversation with the lady who was checking in and she had this Austrian accent language. She was a little bit blunter than usual. Grandpa, they had just the sweetest 10-minute conversation. And in the back of my mind, I kept thinking,

shit, I should have just grabbed this because of self-making dogs. What do you remember them saying to each other? She was trying to get all his information and one of the questions was, are you hearing impaired? And she automatically said, filled no, and my grandpa proceeded to shout like five times.

What? What did she say? What did this lady say? And then other people started laughing, you know, stuff like that. Your grandmother's got good timing. Yeah, it was, that's why it was so perfect. And then other times, you know, I'll have my recorder, and the only sound I get is, like, the fridge humming for, like, 55 minutes because my grandpa was. not in the mood to talk to me.

And I guess that's just how it goes. I think maybe the nicest thing about having it is that you would feel like, well, no matter what, this is saved, and I don't have to feel the fear of if I'm losing it. Like, I can just be here, and then later if I want it, I'll have it. What time is it tomorrow? No, I don't think so. I think it's not quite midnight. Oh, yeah, it's almost midnight.

In a second. Is it three or four in the morning where you are? It's about to be three. That's okay. You know what? I made this choice. I made my lack of a bed. Are you starting to dread the call?

No. No. No, I just, I'm lying. Sometimes I totally dread the ring. Sometimes you think you know what the call is going to be before you pick it up, but you never really do. Oh, my God. I want to try to fall asleep for a little bit.

Can I ask you a weird favor? Yeah. Can you try to just like... Yes. Or you don't even have to leave it on mute. It's fine. Just leave it on for a while. Yeah.

I'm going to mute it. I really like your show, but there's something about us both falling asleep with the phone on. That is too weird. That is too intimate and like high school boyfriend. I completely appreciate that boundary. but thank you for leaving it on. That is extremely nice. Yeah, that's what I did the first time.

I called, too. That's like my thing. I did it like a five-minute break at like 6 p.m. on the first day. Oh, my God. You have no idea. That was like the first time I was crashing really bad. That break was so good. You bring silence.

I do. Okay, good night. Good night. Bye. Bye. Day 9 a.m. Hour 47. He wants to play you a song.

Hi, hi. There's an actual person here. That's awesome. Hi. Hi. Sorry, what was that about playing a song? Lucy wants to play you a song. It's a Christmas song.

She's my daughter. She's 12. And, um, want to say hi, Lucy? Oh, go ahead. Oh, so I think we've just been connected to each other. I think we're two members of the public. Oh, you're kidding.

Yeah. Okay. Who's this? My name is Steve. I live in Texas. Oh, that's weird. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Well, do you want to hear a song regardless? Sure, I guess so. Okay. I'm going to put this on speakerphone. Okay. Ready? Want to say hi?

Okay. Go for it. You're just playing someone a song. He's clapping. What do you say? Thank you. All right. Well, this has been interesting.

Yeah. Yeah, nice to make your acquaintance. Have a good one. Okay, you too. Bye. Repai Al is hosted by me, PJ Vote, and Alex Goldman. Our show is produced by Shruti Pimminani, Fia Bennon, Chloe Prasinos, and Damiano Marquetti.

Our executive producer's Tim Howard. Our editor's Peter Clowney. This is our last week with Peter. Peter, we are going to miss you so much. Thank you for all your edits and wisdom and for stopping the show from burning down about a million times. We are very excited for your secret project.

Production assistance from Thane Faye. We were mixed by Rick Kwan with additional help from Casey Halford. Matt Lieber is a late-night phone call from a friend. Special thanks this week to Seth Land, Chris Neary, Jorge Just, Austin Thompson, and Paul Ford. Adam Quinn both designed the technology that made this whole experiment work and also came in and saved the day when we got way, way more calls than we anticipated or planned for. We had horns by Peter Nelson.

Our theme song is by the mysterious breakmaster cylinder. Our ad music is by Build Build Buildings. You can find more episodes of the show at iTunes.com slash Replyall or wherever else you get your podcasts. Our website is Replyall. com. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. Hello? we on a call.

Oh, tell me if you can hear me because you're stressing me out. Do you think they're recording us right now? I don't know. That's fascinating. Maybe not. Not in Iowa, you don't. Yeah, you guys really checked your rules, didn't you? Oh, I think so.

Oh, I committed voter fraud. 40 a.m. Great. If somebody comes on this out, we'll just tell. Loofing. I won't think. You were scared off by my aggressiveness? No, it just said, you've been pushed in the conference.

I know I've joined the meeting, asshole. I know you're here listening to me.