Retronauts - 528: The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Episode Date: April 24, 2023

Mama mia! The Super Mario Bros. Movie is here, and currently dominating the box office with the biggest global opening weekend ever for an animated film. It's clearly won the popular vote at this point, but is the first new Mario movie in 30 years worth its weight in box office gold? On this episode of Retronauts, join Bob Mackey, Henry Gilbert, Jess O'Brien, and Stuart Gipp as the crew readies their thumbs to assume either the down or coveted up position. Danger: opinions ahead! Retronauts is a completely fan-funded operation. To support the show, and get two full-length exclusive episodes every month, as well as access to 50+ previous bonus episodes, please visit the official Retronauts Patreon at patreon.com/retronauts.

This week on Retronauts, a movie about plumbers that circles the drain. Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Retronauts. I'm your host for this one, Bob Mackie, and today we're talking all about the 2023 movie, the Super Mario Brothers movie, the first feature-length adaptation of the Mario series in 30 years. So consider this a review cast that will either end when we're out of opinions or when we scream ourselves horse, whatever happens first. let's see what happens.

Before I go any further, who is here with me today in the same room? It's Henry Yelbert, and I'm slowly learning that life is okay. And who is our other American guest? Wahoo, it's a me, Jess O'Brien, aka Voidberger. And who is our foreign correspondent? Hello, I'm Stuart Gibb, and I say, trust the fungus. Yes, a better catchphrase, not said in this movie. So I want to say up front, if you're listening to this, that there will be spoilers

in this review cast you've been warned right now they're going to start although there's not a lot to spoil because nothing really happens in this movie and i think we're all the people on this podcast are all on the same page when it comes to our opinions on this movie so i will tell everybody out there listening if you like this movie it's totally okay if you like a movie i will quote we hate movies by saying it's okay to like a movie and if you like it and we didn't we're not saying you're stupid for liking it we're just saying we didn't like it and we didn't like it and we're just saying we didn't like it and we wish you no specific harm. So that's what I'm going to say. Can I interject and say that actually I don't agree to that and I'd like to withdraw from that promise. I do think you're stupid if you like the movie. Cheers. I can amend that.

I can amend that, Stuart. Stop. I can amend that. We don't think you're stupid if you like the movie if you're a patron. And that will buy you our, you know, sympathy and trust and respect and everything like that. It only costs five bucks a month. So, you know, consider how much is that worth to you?

My respect. I think it's worth five bucks a month. a deal for a huge exemption. I'm going to say that I don't think you're stupid, but, you know, you don't know what I'm thinking. You don't know. So. Who could guess? Who could guess what Stewart's thinking?

That, I mean, that's why such a great host. So let's, uh, so what I want to begin this podcast by doing is having an opening summation because this is going to be a somewhat freeform podcast. We all just recently saw the movie. Um, and I want each of us to talk about our thoughts about the movie up front in a minute or less, just so the audience. knows where we're coming from, and then we'll break down our different points about the movie. So let's start with Jess.

Jess, in a minute or less, what are your, what's your summation of the Mario movie? Should I time myself? Do you mean plot-wise or vibes-wise? Plot and vibes, just in general, just like a minute long, just like, here's what I think of the movie, and then we'll break all that down afterwards. And you won't be timed. The 1993 Super Mario Brothers movie has a reputation for being disliked and I think it is unearned. Because this movie basically takes a lot of, like, the good things this movie does is it takes some of the, some similar plot beats to the original movie and does them bad.

But they're there. But basically, you're Brooklyn plumbers that you know and love, they get zoipped to the mushroom kingdom. Toad pops up. Well, the first thing gets separated, actually. And Luigi gets yeated to the Bowser zone or whatever. they are split up Toad happens and Toad keeps happening

to you in this movie Toad's whole role is to drag you kicking and screaming as fast as possible to the next scene He drags Mario to the princess For no real reason They team up for no real reason Even though the princess is hypercompetent To a weird degree

That is uncanny It's like they swung so hard In the opposite direction of sexism That it became sexist again And it's so strange and I'd love to get into that again later. I definitely want to. They go visit Donkey Kong land.

They fight Seth Rogen Donkey Kong. They get an army of Kongs. They shoehorn in a Mario Kart sequence. All throughout this time, there's some random license songs happening that are completely out of place and super whacked out. Then they get separated.

They have the usual act to low point where everybody's a little despondent and then they decide actually we're fine. Let's do the thing anyway. they get some power-ups and then like the peach agrees to marry Bowser

because it was a hostage situation and then during the wedding she just solos his entire army by becoming Elsa from Frozen and Luigi gets rescued the end

the end one of a roller coaster of fun yeah five stars Stuart you obviously love this movie and can't wait to talk about it. In a minute or less,

you're just opening thoughts about this movie. Okay, I thought it was shit. And I mean that in the purest possible sense on every level. I thought even going in with the understanding that it's not aimed at me, it's aimed at children. But essentially, it's meant to be a family film. There are children's family films made by the same studio, like minions, which everyone hates,

but it has actual jokes in it. There are attempts to make you laugh in that movie. The Mario Brothers movie seem to have no jokes. it seemed to have no story and it just didn't have anything at all enjoyable about it for me. If you're there to look at things and go, oh, it's that thing I recognize. It didn't even have that much of that. They showed it all before the movie even came out. You know, they're like, hey, it might have been an interesting, fun surprise to find out that Donkey Kong and Frankie Kong and all the other crappy Kong are in it.

But, you know, the DK rap even got revealed before it can. That would have been funny. I would have laughed at that if they'd have done that. but no, there was nothing. It was just a depressing more movie that felt like it went on forever. And what was the deal with at Luma? Why did they think that was funny?

Why was that the go-home joke? This movie has the weirdest sense of non-humor. Like, there are attempts at jokes in this, but it's like someone was described what a joke sounds like to, and then they had to try to make a joke from that alien description of, what humans like as jokes.

Like, it was so, like, displaced and strange. And, yeah, that Luma was bizarre and not funny. So basically, I got very scattered thoughts, which we'll get into, presumably. But basically, it did about six things that I thought were not just bad, but, like, weird, bad. Like, why did this happen bad? Which we'll get into. Stewart's about a 4.5 on Letterbox, I take it. Henry, your thoughts in a minute or less.

All right, look, I am the biggest Mario fan here. I don't know about that, Henry. Well, I look at all my toy. About most things. That's the hell works. All right, fine. Well, I own the most Mario merchandise. Okay, there you go.

And, yeah, there was, there were parts of the movie, like, the fan service actually did work on me. And I think visually, I like the design of it. I just think it could have been way, way worse on visual design-wise. Like, I like how colorful it is and how good it looks. But everything else about it, I agree with all you guys. Like, it is a two-send. 2008 kids movie made in 23 like it is so

kids movies like even illumination is better than this sometimes sing is pretty much at the same level of just like obviousness and stupidness it's just like you know the second you saw music being there and sing that's the whole point but yeah sorry yes yeah

but no I mean the in the cast is every obvious thing you did like it's uh and and yeah also it is shocking that it is follow so many of the same story beats as the 1993 Mario Brothers film because I think that shows you like oh Hollywood didn't come up with a new idea

for a Mario movie or at the very least Nintendo did not approve of a new idea for a Mario movie so it still has to be basically strangers in a strange land and the origin type story it's just they did it with the characters looking more like how they look in a video game

but 5 to 10% distinct enough that if you sell the toys of them you're selling the Illumination version toys and Illumination and Universal get a cut as opposed to a slightly more realistic denim and also Mario's got weird like a lip now

it's weird I don't like it and shoes and greatly detailed pupils I think like the plot of this movie it feels like they took like eight

they tried to write this movie eight different times with eight different kinds of plots you've got like the family daddy issues one you've got the origin story you get the fish out of water stranger and strange land thing

you've got the brother the brother relationships situation all of those scripts got rejected they shredded them all up they put them into chat GPT and said make these generic plots about the Mario brothers yeah I'm glad you said that because in a lot of ways

it feels like AI wrote this movie yes it does actually does but Henry are your thoughts concluded well and generally I will say there were moments where I actually did like go like oh this is fun I like this and then Donkey Kong says this is fun then Donkey Kong will say well no then Donkey Kong

will say something like uh you seriously thought that would work can we not don't have the one line delivery i thought was a bit funny which is when mario says oh like he's like oh my dad thinks i'm something he's like oh yeah my dad does too and he just goes like your dad was right that's like the funny the funniest line in the movie and it's not even funny but it's like every obvious thing i thought would happen and then 10 times and then also some things i thought this is too obvious they wouldn't do it And then they did it.

Yeah. But like they literally said like it's on like Donkey Kong. Like no, no, no. You need one extra joke to that. You can even say it's on like me. Like me. Like the joke was right there. They didn't trust the audience.

Unlike Donkey Kong, which is me. Hello. I am Donkey Kong. The way that they don't trust the audience is really interesting because they'll go into extreme detail about how power-ups work as a concept, like a whole video game concept, something that like, unless you're Amish or 900-year- years old, you probably know that if you get a power-up in a game, you lose it when you get hurt. They explicitly explain this video game mechanic. However, later, during Mario Kart, this

coop with a blue shell just decides, blue shell, he just says out loud and becomes the winged blue shell. And there's no explanation for that. So if you don't know that specific thing from Mario Kart, you're out of luck. But good thing we described exactly how power-ups and mushrooms work earlier in the thing. What is this? Yeah, in Mario Kart, the blue shell attack is not a turtle killing itself. And I still like it better than the Sonic movie. That's my last thought. Really?

But, but, yeah. We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. This is the opening summation. I will give my thoughts now. Then we'll get into all of our screaming. So my opening thoughts are a good children slash family movie should start with a strong script. This one does not.

Things just sort of happen. And it feels like the filmmakers going down a checklist of the Mario elements they were either obligated or allowed to include. And I know a lot of people are pushing back against the critical negativity, and they're saying, it's a Mario movie. What do you expect? It's just a Mario. I just have fun.

I say that the Lego movie proves that you can take what should be a very cynical product and turn it into a surprisingly good film. And I'm not even that crazy about the Lego movie, but it did surprise me. And I will say that all the references mean nothing to me. I don't need mass market media to validate my interest because Mario games are mass market media. It's the most generic video game next to Pac-Man, is a Mario game. And I love Mario games. And I also will point out that my job is to watch cartoon movies once a month. And a lot of them are made for children, but a lot of them have characters that go through arcs, surprising moments, interesting storylines.

Like, this does not have any of those. This does not have, like, your fundamental movie parts. And, yes, I agree with mostly everything that's being said in these other opening. summations. This movie was very frustrating. And in our last Mario podcast, I said, I'm sure it'll be surprisingly good. But actually, I was going in expecting that and I was let down. Yeah, I was not going in this cynically. I wanted to like it. And like my bar was still like a little bit low because, you know, video game movies. But it's like the trailers look good enough. And usually for me, at least, the trailers are like misrepresentative of most modern movies to me and they make it look

worse sometimes for me. And I was like, well, if going by the trailers, which are pretty good. This is it probably going to be fine. I was, like, shocked that it was this bad. I went in, like, I wouldn't call it cynical of my part, but more. I just, I really thought it was going to suck. That's cynical, isn't it? Well, I don't know.

I don't know. I feel like, I don't know. I mean, maybe. But it really, the thing is, I was actually surprised just how much it sucked. I really didn't think it would suck that badly. I just thought it would be real, I thought it would be bad, but it was horrible. Like, I never want to watch it again, horrible. I could sit through, like, Dispickable Me Too again, maybe.

If I didn't have this podcast to be on, I would have walked out of the theater. Like, within the first, like, 10 minutes, I was like, I want to leave. I wouldn't even have gone to see it, if not for this podcast. So thanks for that, Bob. Thanks a lot. I was going to see it. Thank you for your service. Both of you.

Thank you for your service. So we're not just shouting random thoughts I do want to sort of break it down into like different areas And I do want to talk about the story first Because I find it very exactly I found it very lacking If they can make two angry birds movies, movies about games with no lore, movies about games that are just like physics toys.

I'm surprised they couldn't find a story here with all of the Mario elements swarming around because it's a weird kind of chosen one story except Mario offers no real skills to the Mushroom Kingdom people outside of not being small and cute. And I think it would have been a much better choice if like, oh, like his plumbing skills amaze them and it actually figures into how he defeats Bowser in the end, but they completely forget about that entirely. It happens in the 93 movie, by the way. Yes, exactly.

He uses his plumbing to save the day. I'm going to just straight up say it. The 93 movie, it's good. It's a good watch. It's fun. I like it. Especially the Morton Jankel Cut. Look it up.

Sure, that's a better kind. It's an interesting novelty. But in terms of story, like nobody's going through an arc. The princess will talk about her. I had similar problems with her, Jess, and that she has no flaws. She's ultra-competent. She doesn't need Mario for any reason. she can touch the power-ups too

Mario doesn't have to learn anything there's no characters that are moving through arcs like I said there was a training montage for no reason except to holding out for a hero yeah and it's just like I find all of this stuff lacking like these are the essential movie elements that are even in movies for very little kids

like there's no like set up and payoffs really in this movie at all I just it's like when not to jump to the end but I will it's like oh Mario and Luigi are teaming up well they never had a problem teaming up before this moment is meaning list to me. Yeah, but they repeat the line. They say that as long as we're together, we can do

anything, and that's supposed to be like the arc, then saying that twice. Usually there has to be something that happens in between those two statements that makes it change the meaning in some way. A super easy script fix. Like a line that could have fixed that is like right before they get sucked into the alternate dimension and they get

separated, have them have a small argument. That's it. And then Luigi gets yeated, gets kidnapped, and then it's like, I got to save him. The last thing I said to him was something really mean. And then when they reunites, like, I'm so sorry, you know, the business isn't working because you suck. Yeah, that would have been, that's all you needed. It was right there.

You know, isn't it, isn't it crazy that it follows the exact spine of, like, the movie? Like, it's two Brooklyn plumbers who have their failing business in a van that, like, the princess is Daisy in the 93 and it's peach here. But it's an orphan princess who seemingly is from the real world. And that part's not important at all in this. Yeah, I feel like, oh, they found a baby and made her their queen, not weird at all. When she looks up in the sky, when she looks up in the sky and says there's a lot of galaxies, I was like, is this supposed to be like a wink towards like a Mario Galaxy? Yes, that's what it was.

Oh, they are sequel baiting us so bad in the middle of the fucking movie. But anyway, and then everything follows, like the event it ends with a giant fight back in Brooklyn. Like, they honestly should destroy the new World Trade Center in it to make it match entirely. That would have made it funny. No offense to New York listeners. but I would have laughed but I did a Mario's second 9-11 But I just wonder is that

Is that what Hollywood Thinks like Well this is the only way you can do a Mario movie It has to be I mean Sonic also had to start with like Sonic comes from the video game world And he's in our world Kind of bullshit too

But in like Marr It's how did it end up the same Is this what Miyamoto wants like to It's an Issaicai It's an Issaquai isn't it We've already groan about that in her last time. Well, that's the same in the anime movie we watch too.

It also is Mario's in the real world and sucked into the game game. Did anyone think the first scene in which Bowser starts professing that the reason he's doing this is because he's in love with Peach and wants to marry her? There was a little tiny spark of Mario RPG style, Marion Luigi style Bowser in there. You know, the characterization he has there. And I was like, oh shit, it's actually going to be good because Bowser's actually going to be quite vulnerable and funny. like he is in those in those games but then no they just fucking don't bother doing that

they just have jack black do a crappy song like the way that isn't like the way that is good in in paper Mario and stuff like that it was just the wrong vibe of pathetic yeah it's the brief flicker when I thought for a second oh that's a good idea they're gonna do maria RPG style stuff but then no they just did jables doing his joke you know his only joke we we were talking about the similarities between the two movies the 93 one in this one and it wasn't explicable to me that they moved the final battle into the real world because I thought the movie was going

to end with my, like my rewrite in my head was, okay, the bullet bill blows up the pipe to the real world and they're stuck in the mushroom kingdom, but here they're heroes and their lives are better, but the movie remembered, oh right, there was five seconds of dad things we need to address so the dad needs to look out the window and see his son saving the

day. So I think that's the only reason why it was moved back. And then it's like, oh, they can just go back and forth whenever they want. There's no conflict at all. Yeah. I thought, so like, I thought like similar to the 93 movie it was going to be like oh the worlds are merging Brooklyn my home like you know I thought it's going to be like oh

I can take over this place too dope and like they don't do that everyone goes back home I assume that when Bowser's big ass castle appeared it probably crushed about 500 Brooklyn nights that lived there thousands of people died a bunch of people just died

right Mayor Pauline is going to become a hero she's going to host SNL all of her scandals would be forgotten about for let's say 20 years I mean I always thought it was kind of funny that they went from the like Sky Castle Bullet Rain

wedding climax to we're just in Brooklyn now and that's the end by punching each other yeah well you get to see you get to see a site I've always wanted to see and isn't unpleasant up to witness at all

which is a weeping in pain battered and bruised realistically bloodied Mario I don't want to see that why would any human being on the planet want to see that it's like that picture that they did the rounds a few years ago that's like what if Mario was real he'd look like this

it's exactly like that except for the whole movie like hey do you want to see Mario's do you want to see Mario's pause like these paws on his face do you want to see Donkey Kong getting his skin realistically scratched by Cat Mario's claws is that what you want kids weird movie huh weird movie

I thought the ending yeah I also thought the ending when they blew up the pipe I was like oh so they're stuck here and then they're like well you're the heroes of the mushroom kingdom you can't go back home but hey you can be the heroes here and get used to this new world that like is a sacrifice they have to make

you know well it's also funny because spoilers for Ant Man quantum man if anybody gives a shit I thought the end of that movie would have the same thing like Ant Man a portal is closing and Ant Man stays behind to defeat the villain

and I was like, well, he's stuck here forever, but that's the end to Ant Man, but he's sacrificed, what a heroic sacrifice. They instantly didn't reopen the portal and he's taken home and it's a happy ending and everything's fine. I was like, why? What?

You had much more like pathos in this ending. I was almost invested. That was a close one. I felt dumber in Ant Man, where I was like, oh, you actually made me think you'd get to do like an interesting ending here. When are actual like stakes that matter and when things happen that change the characters

like, I know it doesn't compare that well, but let's say Spider-Man No Way home when Aunt May gets iced, that actually makes it a much better film because it creates an actual sense of, like, attention and, you know, stakes and consequences are actually real. And then I don't really expect the Mario movie to have Luigi get, like, bled out or anything.

I don't expect that, but nothing happens at any point that's, like, in any way makes you think. think uh-oh threat a real threat is happening yeah i mean steward this is from the same like kind of corporate filmmaking that was in star wars where it's like oh my god chubacca's dead oh no he was actually in the other plane sorry about that i've ever seen but i'm sorry you always weren't reminded me of that oh god uh yeah it's it's really bad but i do want to go back to what jess was saying about like how luigi was mishandled like the movie is called super mario the super mario brother's movie it's about the brothers they they're always getting along

they're separated not by choice so again the moment at the end where it's like we're better together it's like yes you always knew that it's not your fault that you were separate and I feel like if your movie is going to be called the Super Mario Brothers movie it should be about them and uh 20 or 15 minutes into the movie they're separated Luigi doesn't get to do much and then it becomes a Mario slash Donkey Kong buddy comedy where they're at odds but then they grow closer together and I feel like that's one of the issues with this film is that there's so much just in the Super Mario Brothers world but they're like oh but it's got to be a

Donkey Kong country movie and it's got to be a Smash Brothers movie and it's got to be a Mario Kart movie and even with all of those things they're only there to make montages happen they don't make the story any better so the movie feels over stuff but also very very padded at the same time something I noticed about the movie and I've been told off on the internet again for mentioning this did anyone else notice how much talk of death and killing there is in this movie for a Mario movie it's constant it's like Bowser I'm gonna kill your brother right in front kill his brother right in front of him i'm going to kill him you're going to die the sweet embrace of death like constantly going back to just death and killing and we're going to die

and i'm like it's a weird vibe it's weird for a mario movie right it's kind of weird i mean when i play mario i die all the time but he all he does is go like do do do do do and then come back and there's no one-ups in this movie even though they're talking about that's see that's that's funny there wasn't a one-up joke in the movie the constant death thing was sort of done in the in the montage because it's Mario keeps falling and then has to restart but it's just like that that's their closest thing to it

but no I I think the death stuff in it I mean that's like Hollywood writing 101 of like you need stakes you need state you have to have character to say like this is serious you're going to die I'm going to kill this guy I'm going to torture him like but I don't know

I will also I think too with Bowser I didn't know how they wanted to play him because they In the trailers, they didn't let you know that he was a jokey figure. He's only scary in the trailers. And then the second he sat down to the piano was like, no, he really did just do the Jack Black thing. That's the exact reason you hired him.

Maybe I am just kind of being kind of a nerd here, but like, Bowser is a threat should, for me, be almost pantomime level. Like, I don't mind when he's appearing in his threatening, his breathing fire and stuff. But when he's saying stuff like, I'm going to kill his brother in front of him. like who is this guy he wouldn't do that he wants to like marry peach or just like jump on mario you know it's weird when he's just explicitly threatening death i just find that weird i feel like everyone's characterization was off though like in different ways yeah i also noticed all the talk of death and like all of the uh the dark jokes with the little floating

luma yeah they love that they love that didn't they went back to that six times yeah it would have been funny if they that was just like one line in the movie but boy they lingered on it And a lot of this movie, I feel like it was focused tested a lot where it's like, oh, this tested well. We're bringing that back. We saw that in the Simpsons movie with like spider pig. Like, oh, audiences love spider pig. So we put the spider pig song in at the end, which is why I was like, oh, audience must have loved the Bowser doing the Peaches song. So that's why he does it again in the mid credits.

And when I heard the peaches song, I was like, oh, this is just like the Dana Carvey Chopin' Broccoli song. It's like it's the same comedic idea, basically. it's like every other tenacious d song as well it's you know well that's like and i look and i love the d but that that style of comedy like do one more thing with it like that when i call it a 2008 movie like that's another of those feelings because like the tenacious d like tenacious d some people saw them in the late 90s on the like the accompanying mr show movie or show stuff then they had their movie in like 04 and then their stuff started being in kids stuff well also they were school of rock in 03 like literally a 20 year old movie and so now they put him in a kid's movie

20 years later and it's like man just the same thing just do that why why try something else i love jack black i really wanted to enjoy him as bowser i really thought he might be fun you know yeah but he wasn't jim kerry his robotic was fun he he had a lot of fun in that movie and yeah i was i was i was like well at worst case scenario jack black can at least deliver liver lines funny so like unless he's got really bad material he's gonna be fun oh oh boy it's like yeah it's like a jump car it's like well i'm sure as long as it's got good material but swipe oh geez speaking of that joke they did that about it they did the same like four jokes like 12 times each like the slow mo like mamma me uh and like the three times in the movie

yeah it's like an ungodly amount of times to do the same joke and and the like record scratch like something climactic's about to happen oh music cuts out just kidding something stupid happens instead that was like six or seven times that same joke happened and I felt like I was going insane the I mean the repetition of it not just in jokes

like there are scenes where you know the traditional scene where a character walks into something and it looks and he sees it and he's amazed and he's like whoa and then it pans around to reveal the incredible sights that he's seeing they did that like three times He does it when he gets to the mushroom kingdom

He does it when he gets to the Congo jungle or whatever it is He does it when he gets to the cart room And I'm like, you've done this shot They're to a different shot It's so weird to have that happen three times I guess it's just because they're like Oh people like this, you can put this in the trailer People, you know, I don't get it

It just felt like AI made it like you said It really does feel like that Yeah, it's a lot of that does feel like padding I do you want to talk about the way, the voice I do want to talk about the voice acting, though. My thoughts are it. just like it's so like the movie is like the most to me it's the most average movie ever made you could calibrate other movies using this movie yeah uh and i feel like you know chris pratt i have

no strong opinions about him i don't really care about him that much he was funny on parks and wreck that was a long time ago but it's like okay you're competent but also anyone could have done this uh ania taylor joy competent but also the role she's given is somebody with zero personality or anything interesting to do or say i think set rogan is a fine donkey con and i really wanted to hear Charlie Day as Luigi. Yeah. But, like, I didn't even know that Kegan Michael Key played Toad. I'm like, the whole movie I'm trying to figure out like, who is this?

And, man, that could have been anybody. Yeah. And Jack Black, I'm not even that hot on him playing Bowser. I mean, yes, we all love Jack Black. He's very funny. He's very kind, et cetera. He's a gamer just like us. But he's worn your wife's t-shirts.

Exactly. I respect him for that. But he is just doing Jack Black stick. And I think it's funny that, like, Chris Pratt is like, if Jack-Brat is like, if Jack black went down the dark side it's like if there were Marvel movies for Jack black in 2002 he would be in Chris Pratt shape and also not very funny anymore and I okay I think a lot of these actors who I've seen them in other lots of animated things and I think they have much more room to have fun I feel like the fun is in the editing

room floor like I think that they wanted the safer stuff I think especially like Toad is nothing in this movie there's a couple of times where Toad like does a joke of like, I'm really tough and we're going to do it. It's like, well, you never show that side of you again. You're basically just silent most scenes. Or it's like, isn't it funny? He's in a big truck. It's a big truck. But he's little.

He's little. Could you believe this little guy's in a big truck? Like, I was like, I completely missed that that was supposed to be a joke. It was just like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay. Come on. What a funny justice. Don't forget. Don't forget the other thing that Toad does, which is bellow about death

constantly, just at the top of his voice. Like, this guy's brother. is going to horribly die. Oh, yeah, that's screaming stuff. Screaming's the same as a joke. Well, like I said, like his whole role is to just, like, drag us as an audience and Mario to the next scene as quickly as humanly fucking possible. Like, it's the pacing of this movie is bat shit.

I couldn't believe, like, how slow and how fast it was going simultaneously. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. Like, it really is, like, you're watching it on Fast Forward or someone's just doing the crib notes. It's crazy how fast the pacing is in a bad way, very bad. Also, like, speaking of the voice acting, Camac, Kevin Michael Richardson. Oh, Christ.

Sorry. What's with the Peter Laurie impression? Can we, like, get over, like, the Peter Laurie impression in the year 20, 23? Like, why does every lackey need to sound like Peter Laurie still? Before he spoke, I was like, I wonder what voice is going to do. It's probably going to be like Peter Laurie or something. And then, like, yeah, of course it is.

Like, well, that's the least creative thing you could do. So, of course, that's what they did. And I don't even think they name the character within the movie. And he's just Bowser's second in command. I don't even think he ever says, Camac, do this. I don't know. I don't know.

Everybody, well, yes, everybody is doing the obvious thing. And I know that these are creative people who know what the obvious thing is and would say, I got to think at least if you have said, well, okay, that's the obvious thing. But we can do something else. And then somebody is directing them or then goes like, no, we need the obvious choice. Some studio persons, like the audience is. not going to understand that you're subverting something. They're going to think you missed the obvious joke.

They want the obvious joke. Let's be safe. So with Pratt and Charlie Day, I did want to mention, like, their first scene in the movie. And I'd seen the trailers, and I knew what their real voices were in the movie. But in the first scene for the commercial, the joke is, what if they did, like, the video game voice? And when I heard the joke is, like, to make sure it, you know it's a joke. the characters literally say, are those voices a bit much? Are you sure that?

But when I heard him in the commercial, I was like, maybe it's because I love the Mario voice, but I was like, yeah, that voice would work perfectly fine for me in this entire movie. I don't get this yet. I don't want to hear that for 19 minutes. I'm sorry. I do not want to know. I was fine with it.

Oh, it's me. Oh, no. No, thanks. The constant lamp shading of everything, though, like everything needed to have a little look at the camera, like, isn't this dumb sort of thing about the world and, and, and, you know, the world building and stuff like that. Like, oh, I got to eat mushrooms to power up, but I don't like mushrooms. Like, by the way, did not have a payoff.

They should have had him eating a big old mushroom slice of pizza at the end, enjoying it that did not pay off. Yeah, very few payoffs in this movie. Yeah, weird. But I do want to go back to what Henry was saying about the opening where it's like, they talk with their Italian accents. And then they're like, can you believe those crazy accents? I am the Mario fan in the audience.

And I'm like, no, I like that Mario Luigi jumped off of a pizza box to entertain me. and it's like a weird like whiteification of the characters because it's like oh Mario's relatives can be ethnic as hell because they're silly but Mario talks like a regular white guy and so does Luigi and right now I'm playing the Mario RPG remake for 3DS the first one Superstar Taga and I like that Luigi's like like they just speak in nonsense gibberish I don't want a movie like that but it's just like

I like how they are outdated caricatures and it's okay to be racist against Italians it is though as an attack for saying that I'm retronite. Thank you. Give the Mario movie to Ardman animation

and let them do it with no voicing. That would be good. Just noises. I'm just worried that this movie is drawing the line in the sand where it's like

well we can't go back now so in Mario Odyssey 2 is going to be like let's a go. Oh yeah. Mama me. I didn't even, it wasn't like I was like

you know going like his voice sucks like his voice I was one of the top people on Twitter going like Chris fucking Pratt again when this was announced like the

But honestly, like, his voice, I was not bothered by his voice. Keegan Michael Key was my least favorite of the main voice cast in the whole thing. But like, I thought he did fun. You know, and, look, I kind of like that Fred Armisen was playing, like, annoying Jewish father to Seth Rogan's character. He thought that he recorded that lying down somewhere. He was like so not into this. During COVID, probably so.

He was being driven to another better movie while recording that. his iPhone. I mean, like, four, I didn't need Cranky Kong in this movie, okay? I didn't need Donkey Kong. I don't really need him in this movie. That could be in a sequel. But Cranky Kong, he should have been like one of the oh hello guys. Like, he wasn't Jewish enough for me. He didn't sound old enough for me. He just sounded like a middle age Fred Armisen, just kind of like, do the schick, all right? He should have upped it more. Yeah. Nobody made bold choices. You compare it to the Lego movie, which is also full of seriously style humor, but done much better.

They made much bolder choices with like, you know, with Batman is Will Arnett doing like going hard? Like he's going hard in the idea they have. Cranky Kong has that idea, but they want to go like 50% at best. They do not want to actually go hard into it because because they lack the guts to actually try. Yeah, this is a cowardly movie. Yeah. Well, and I mean, Jess, you brought up Princess Peach. I, yeah, I have many thoughts on the conundrum of Princess Peach.

Which, well, okay, my main thought is that Princess Peach is the video game damsel in the stress. If you make a video about or an essay about, there's too many damsels in distress in video games, it's a terrible trope. She's the picture you put in it because that is what she represents. So I can see why if you're writing a movie starting in 2015 probably, then your thought is, well, obviously Peach can't be captured. she can't be, though she is actually, though she gives herself up, I guess. But they, I feel like it's an overcorrection into making her entirely, almost entirely

an interesting. I mean, I could see the pitch for this character. It's just like, this is the peach for the 2020s. She doesn't get rescued. She rescues other people. She's badass and competent. She's a girl boss. Jess, what are your thoughts about this?

And yes, I am saying, they made peach woke. I know, right? I'm not actually saying that. Here's the thing. Like, there, like I said earlier, It is such a crazy overcorrection that it feels sexist again. This is like the feminist horseshoe theory where on one end you've got crazy-ass-girl boss peach that has zero flaws, does everything perfectly, needs absolutely. And nobody in this movie helps her hardly at all because everything is fucking totally handled by her.

You've got that end of the horseshoe. And on the other end, you've got like roll from the Mega Man cartoon where it's like, she can kick ass. Look, she was built to be a maid and she's got a hair dryer and a vacuum cleaner. as weapons. Like, that's fucking really sexist. But if you go swing the other direction, it feels like you don't even know what women are as just like entities, human beings. Like, it's just like a facade of some sort.

It's just like a robot coded femme at this point. I mean, I'm not, I know it's a different movie, obviously, but I watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie today, the new one. Oh, great. Yeah, it's great. And, you know, there's a character, I've forgotten her name

Helga, I think, or Holger or something like that. Who plays her from Fast and Furious? The name escapes me. I'm very bad at this. Michelle Rodriguez. And she's hypercompetent, but she also has vulnerability and, you know, there are moments when she cuts tension, she makes actual

jokes and doesn't just constantly win all the time. But it really didn't seem like it would be that difficult to give Peach some kind of personality rather than just she has one in the 93 movies. movie and she gets damseled in that too but she gets her own damn self out because she stabs like the lady that's keeping her captive and leaves because toad helps her and like you know

she does some rescuing of herself in that it's not as like you know regressive as one might think for 93 and she has a love story with luigi instead of like nothing yeah i yeah well also with peach in this movie too like there's that line they have after the practice session where she's trying to support him like hey it was hard for me too and then maria's like you did it perfect the first time didn't you and she's like yeah I was like yep that's who you are you did it perfect the first time I mean I at least assumed in this movie it's like okay I was expecting like movie things to happen in this movie that was my mistake and it's just like well yeah peach is probably you know she's

got a lot of pride you can tell that so maybe that will be like a slight misstep will happen because of her pride but no she is doing everything correct at all possible times and I think A better excuse, sorry, a better transformation of a character that had a better excuse to transform was like Bo Peep and Toy Story 4, where I feel like that, yes, they were overcorrecting a bit based on, you know, Bo Peep not even being in Toy Story 3 and her having just like to sit on a shelf for most of the other two movies. But they gave her a role that made sense in Toy Story 4 and they gave her, like, they made her more of a worldly character. There was a reason why she was more confident than Woody in the new place they were. And I felt like that is a good way to make a feminist character. It's not perfect, but it's much better than this. I guess if you want to make a character like Pete who's completely flawless,

the problem is that makes them not likable. It makes them kind of arrogant. So if you lean into that and you make them a little bit obnoxious and like prideful and, you know, boastful, that's even that is something to latch on to be just kind of, oh, this is that character's floor. People really hate Oscar. Turn her into Oscar. Everybody does hate that. Aska, they're wrong.

Well, also, I think with Peach, too, like, there was one moment in it where I thought, hey, I think this is like an interesting thing. Well, it's not exactly. Well, it's a little bigger than one moment. But they do when she first sees Mario and she's like, wait, are you human? Like, she's, there's a moment of like, oh, she feels incredibly lonely and isolated in this world as the only person like her. And now that it makes a connection with Mario when she meets it.

him because she's like, oh, you're another human. Let's, you know, and when they're in the field later, and she reveals her origin story, I was like, you could give a little more here, like at least show that she is lonely or that she thinks not only is she lonely that there's no other humans, but also she got turned into royalty by a bunch of weird little men who, and she should be like, yeah, they built a castle for me and a stained glass thing. It's kind of fucked up. And they all just reviewer me as their queen, like her princess. I think you have all these choices they could have made where it's like maybe she just has like a bunch of weird habits because she was raised by mushroom people and maybe they gross Mario out like something something or maybe she's just so pampered that she can do the obstacle course really good but when she's out in the real world she's not quite as confident like there are setbacks there but it's just a very bland like corporate feminist character and I feel like it's only being done because it's a popular choice to do that that's the only reason why they're doing that and they're over correcting as well. Can I talk real quick about a very quick scene that just peeved me so bad.

It was like when they were Mario carting on Rainbow Road, man, that was horseshooting like crazy. But like Peach and Mario are talking on their different, you know, vehicles and like Mario kind of accidentally says something a little, like that's just a compliment. And it's not flirting, but like Donkey Kong, Seth Rogan comes up. It's like, are you guys flirting? And like, Mario's like, no, what? It's fine. I'm just being friendly. and then Toad comes up and because DonkeyCon is like, you don't even have a chance with her.

And then Toad comes up and he could totally get with her. And like that could have been funny. But it's like, and all that Peach does is go, boys, boys, please. And like has no emotional reaction at all is the most possibly neutral position she could have taken in that super weird scene that did not need to happen at all for any reason whatsoever. It was not even funny. Yeah. I felt like it was, was it their way of saying that no. Mario and Peach aren't a couple

or are they or will they won't they kind of thing like it is is it about because then they share a little moment of looking at each other there's like little glances but also like I mean just have romance or don't like I don't like I don't like you know and just having a weird joke

about flirting which is at like the expense of Peach but she doesn't even she doesn't get offended she doesn't like go ah ha ha tehi like embarrassed like no emotional reaction is the weirdest possible way for her to be played in that scene.

Oh, and the wedding stuff, I was like, well, this looked better in Odyssey. Every time they did the wedding jokes. I will feel like if there was a love story, then she would be a character and there would be an arc and growth. Like, she thinks Mario is kind of a loser, but he wins her over and there's a spark between them. But there's not

even that. I feel like a lot of the limitations they had in this movie might have been brought down by Nintendo, like, well, Mario and Peach aren't going to kiss in this movie. They're not going to get married. There's not going to be a love story. It's all about the chase for Mario and maybe he and Pete are just friends. He gets a peck on the cheek every once in a while, but that's it. Like I feel like a lot of, uh, like I said up front, it feels like a lot of the movie was mandatory checklist stuff and I wonder how much of that was brought down by Nintendo saying make sure you do this, this, this, this and this do not do these things. And I feel like maybe they could have had more fun because according to Stewart, the minions movies have like stories and actual jokes. And here it feels like their hands are really tied from doing anything too edgy or subversive or interesting. I don't know what I mean I just don't know what this movie was I'm gonna be honest with you

Even talking about the movie is just making me feel kind of sad Like it's just remembering this movie In the time I spent watching it And like I just remembered the joke when they get to the castle And when Mary gets the castle with Toad and the Toad are like Oh the princess is in another castle And I'm like What? Like no

Don't do this to me There's no need But They were checking the bot They were checking out of the checklist. They're like, these are the lines people expect to hear. They say, I will say,

I do want to say one positive thing about it here is that. How dare you? I saw this in a theater with a ton, like a big family theater. The kids did love it. The kids were actually like, it was also weird because there's a dumb joke in it, of where Bowser doesn't know what a spiny is.

And like a kid, I was thinking it in my head of like, It's a Spiney. Come on, we know what these are. But, like, literally, like, a little kid in my row said, Spineys, Spineys, like, I should have said, shut up, I'm trying to watch a goddamn movie. You know what's weird about that joke is they don't even look that different to the Cooper Troopers. It's kind of, why don't they choose a weirder-looking enemy, like one of the bizarre Mario enemies instead of a normal one? That would have been a funny, you know?

Yeah, Stuart, I had the exact same opinion where it's like, well, Spineys are like the fourth enemy you encounter in the game. Make it like one of the weird Hammer Brothers you only see once or something. something like that just like again they didn't trust the audience i can't believe there were no pokey's no pokey's not enough shy guys not no pokey's oh it also even a chain shop in it when the shy guys yeah at the wedding yeah you heard well you definitely heard a bow wow noise but uh yeah the the the this is so nerdy but the shy guys when you first see them in the movie they make shy guy noises and then later they speak full like sentences and it's just like pick a lane that's just a really really minor thing to be annoyed by

No, Stuart, that bothered me as well. They make the shy guy noises, and then Bowser is like, who are the, who is this guy? It's like, well, Mr. Bowser, it's Luigi, or they have some kind of weird voice. Like, well, they can talk now? Well, at the risk of being excessively harsh that, the reason for that is that nobody gave a shit. Like, this is just the most, like, fuck it, it's done, move on, movie ever. It's going to make $10 billion anyway. It doesn't matter.

Yeah. And it's, when I watched it, it's just making me, it's like, insultingly bad. Please sign it. Thank you. Speaking of not giving a shit I do want to talk about Illumination one of their trademarks

is all these needle drop songs Oh yes And there are so many in this movie And my correct assumption was like This song didn't used to be here Because nothing they're doing Is matching anything in this song And the song doesn't really fit

But this song Sorry yes Sorry I didn't mean to jump into a point That's because I apologize No that is true And yeah like I feel like There were different versions of this movie being tested

And it's like, well, you see, sir, the audiences in Phoenix, they love the aha song. And so did New York in Seattle. It's like, okay, well, take out whatever shitty instrumental song. I know it's good, but this is the exact same thing. Take out whatever shitty instrumental song, that guy we hired wrote, drop in aha. And the thing is, like, this movie is for people like kids and people in their 30s and 40s. Like, I feel like I'm too young to be into Take On Me. When I got into Take On Me, people were ironically nostalgic for it.

So just like, that song feels too old. and so does, I'm holding out for a hero. I like that song when it was in Short Circuit 2 when I was 6. I'm just a big fan of synthpub in general, so I love to hit take on me no matter what, but I can listen take on me at home. The thing that immediately, like the first moment where I thought, I'm not going to like this movie,

was one of those needle drop moments, and it was at the very, very, very, very start where Bowser's, you know, fighting in the ice field and all that stuff, and the penguins come out, and I know for a fact, because it was in one of the teaser trailers that there was cool music in this scene at one. point instead in fucking stead they replaced it with battle without honor or humanity from kill bill

and it's like who is this for you ruined this scene the most obvious shit ever as well what the hell i want yeah a couple things with this because i like one i retweeted a person who pointed this out to me like that use of battle without honor and or in humanity from kill bill like that after kill bill volume one came out, it was used to, here's a list, and this is not a comprehensive list of all the things that's used in comedically. Transformers, Shrek the 3rd,

Kung Fu Panda, Hotel for Dogs, Team America World Police, Hood Winked 2, Hood versus Evil, Mitchells versus the machines, the boss baby family business. Like, that is how extremely played out that joke is. To be like, oh, isn't it funny

to hear this Kill Bill song? over non-intimidating things i'd have enjoyed it if it went on to become an absolute bloodbath that would have been funny but i mean obviously that wasn't going to yeah sure yeah like it yeah like a new ground style like 2002 fan animation and and i want to credit the the twitter account k rule country that's that's who i quote tweeted when i mention it but like so the soundtrack comes out like the the orchestral score soundtrack comes out and there's tracks on and i think the orchestral score uh score by Brian Tyler is really well done

in full of like these great like light motifs or moments from from classic Mario and Donkey Kong music but there's some tracks on there there's a track called Drive in Me Bananas and it sounds great it has stuff from KDK

Island Swing and DKC theme and that is the like it syncs up with the scene perfectly some people have shown it that's what they cut out for take on me and it shows like they made it that far it feels like a two months ago decision to get rid of that song and replace it would take on me like the version of take on me they use is like oddly edited and truncated down so that it starts at the most iconic part and it ends at the other like

the more indie part but like that's not how long the song is so it has like these very strange little i don't know there's little edits in it or something and i was just like this is so i'm unmoored by how weird this is. The visuals, yeah, they don't even at all, like, go with the song choice either. I mean, even holding out for a hero is kind of a word choice, but could I say that I didn't mind No Sleep Till Brooklyn over the 2D sequence? I didn't love, I'm not saying I loved it. Okay, that's fair. I'm not saying I loved it, but at that point, I didn't know it was going to be like a recurring thing in the movie, so I didn't mind it there. But then... Something that ticked me off about the No Sleep Till Brooklyn part was that, like, it was

showing Mario being super athletic and like running to the the plumbing job they had to do and he was like going through all the scaffolding they were doing all this cute little like you know uh like like poetry it rhymes it's like the same as the game like he's platforming but in brooklyn and it was super cute and i was like okay cool this means we don't have to have a training montage later because it's already established that he knows how to jump and run and flip and no we're going to do that anyway we're going to set it to another fucking song that i hate so that's great why did you do it then well yeah no sleep till brooklyn if that was the only one i'd have forgiven it because it's like it at least is set in brooklyn it is thematically fitting to the scene and it's like you know the beastie boy it actually feels like something you haven't heard in 800 movies take on me i've heard in 800 movies like over 20 years ago south park made the joke of putting it in their aspen episode because they're like yeah it's an 80s movie so of course you're hearing take on me and it and actually i tweeted about this the other day but uh the movie basketball which came out 25 years ago the real big fish

ironic cover of take on me was on the soundtrack it's just like 25 years ago we were being ironic about that song and and Zaymouth hold now for a hero Shrek 2 used that like in Shrek 2 is very old and they at least had it be diagetic in the movie and it's sung by a character

like it at least works so much better as an actual joke isn't that over the scene with a giant gingerbread man storming the castle yeah see now that's a good scene there should have been a giant gingerbread man in this movie for sure And a Shrek. You know, it is funny how this movie is making other movies we thought were bad seem good.

So I saw this movie with my wife and like as a goof when we got home, we were just like on our phones or whatever. We put on the movie Turbo on Netflix. It's 2013 movie. Ryan Reynolds is a snail who enters like Formula One racing and it sounds stupid. But we put it on and I was like, oh my God, like this is what a movie is. There's characters. There's ups, there's downs. There's arcs.

There's an act structure. Things make sense. things are set up and then paid off. I was like, I have respect for turbo now. And I never thought this movie would give me that. What you're saying is the Mario movie has completely re-aligned your taste in films. Yes. Thanks, Mario.

That's why it's important to see bad movies, I think. It's just like you can recalibrate like, oh, like I forgot all the things I expect. They're here. What sucks for me is that I last week saw the D&D movie, which as earlier stated, actually rocks. Yeah, it's awesome. And it's, it subverts a lot of the. cliches that are now very, very, very common, largely because of Marvel movies constantly lampshading and quipping and all these little gimmicks and stuff like that. And it doesn't do

those things. And it instead like plays, plays it sincere. Doesn't say like, get a load of this guy. How dumb is this world? It's just in it and it's invested in itself and it's not going to make fun of itself over it. And I was like, my faith in humanity and films was reawaken. I was like, wow, films can be good. I forgot. And then I saw the fucking Mario Brothers movie and all that goodwill just like sucked out of my soul. You definitely saw them in the wrong order. I was lucky to see them in the right order. Yeah, for sure.

I also thought the D&D movie was very good and actually felt like a like a campaign somebody turned into a movie. Like, yeah, which had the really good feel too. But, okay, the market, I, all right, I want to compliment. I am the guy who liked it by comparison on this. So I agree with everything everybody's saying.

Like, I think when they actually had to animate like a good long action sequence like Donkey Kong and Mario's long run like in one shot I thought that was skillfully done and it looked and the production values looked high

like it did not look like a cheap film and also I think that like I feel like it was a Nintendo thing that they didn't stray too far design style-wise from the games like when they get to the Mushroom Kingdom it may as well just be a level from 3D world

I was, sorry, I was thinking this about what you, it ties him with what you mentioned, actually. I was playing Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze yesterday, and I was thinking about Donkey Kong's design, and I was thinking it's really funny that, like, 30 or 25 years ago, some British guy made this horrible render, and now everyone, now Donkey Kong looks like this forever. Like, he's the worst-looking character, he looks hideous, and now in this top-draud illumination movie, he looks like that because of some British guy. 30 years ago. So, yeah, big ups.

Like we said on the Donkey on Country podcast, he is just a brown battle toad. So now Illumination must animate the brown battle toad. Talk about also the movie just shouting you in the face, like, we would know it's Diddy Kong, guys. Do you really need Cranky to be like, uh, Diddy, I'm talking to you? Like, but I guess he didn't say,

and Trixie, tell him to be quiet. Like, yeah, he didn't say that. I mean, yeah, I don't like, I was expecting, like, to be slightly tickled by the references, but honestly, they didn't go deep enough for me. Like, it's like, okay, Foreman Spike, yawn, I don't care about this. Like, show me a boshi, show me a booster, show me something that, yeah. Only two, like, ones that actually got me, and I was like, oh, cute, nice, thank you for that, was Luigi's ringtone being the GameCube startup sound. Oh, yeah, they play it, they play it twice in full in case you don't get it.

cute though i'll take it i'll take it not everyone knows that that's for me okay and the other thing was like when luigi was in the spooky zone they played a little a motif from luigi's mansion i was like okay thank you just a little from just my little like black soulless gamer heart can i praise one of those little bits just the one thing in the movie i thought was vaguely creative when king bobom sits down accidentally hits the turtle and it starts bouncing back and forth on the pews in the church that was a cute little gag i thought that was okay more like that please i was expecting more jokes about like the logic of the video games but the references they they didn't really do anything for me it's like there's a there's a punchout

pizzeria and mario gets like knocked into it at one point and i'm like okay why is this punch out theme like make it make a joke about that but it's like this could have been the excite bike pizzerie this could have been wario's woods pizzerie it didn't matter it just felt like there was a duck hunt french restaurant in the background and it was just yeah i saw that one if you're looking for like i feel like i was looking for like i was looking for like i was at the backgrounds more than the foregrounds because they were so so dense so like compact so busy and so distracting

this movie is going to make listicle writers a collective $1,000 no they're already up like everything you missed I should have looked up one of those but I spotted there were there are several others that made me go like yeah like well one like in that bit where it's the Luigi's mansion thing he also does say Mario where are you which is the famous Atari commercial for old people. Right, right, right, yeah.

Mario, where are you? Just speaking of the Easter eggs again, I know it's not a D&D movie podcast, but I want to compare it favorably to that again because there are references to D&D and D&D things in that movie, and they're thrown in it organically. I don't know anything about D&D.

And when I got out of that movie, my friend said, oh, that was cool that the Displaceer Beast was in there. I was like, what's the Displacer Beast? It's like, oh, it's that Panther thing that was like, you know, with, it can make clones of itself.

And I was like, you know what? I just thought it was a cool monster and it in no way jumped out at me. Like, this is a reference to a thing. I, it doesn't put you out of the movie. It's just, you're in the world and you're enjoying yourself in the world. Whereas in this, it's just like, oh, look, there's disc on the background from the Famicom disc system. It's like kind of weird that like, okay, the Mushroom Kingdom, sure, put all the references in there.

But why are there a ton, a ton, a ton of Nintendo references in Brooklyn, which is ostensibly the real world? Well, Mario is playing Kid Icarus in it, which asks a lot of questions to me. Is this like a period piece, or is Mario a disgusting retro gamer like me? I don't want my hero to be like me at all.

I think he is because Luigi has a modern cell phone, so I think he is. Yeah, yeah. Also, I actually did like, Mario does not remember 9-11. It never happened in this world. I did like the Forman Spike in it, was in it. I thought he was hot.

I like to, I'll just say that. But also like there was a, couple other cute ones I liked was Giuseppe who is the first Charles Martin A character who just talks like Mario he's playing what is all intents and purposes

the Donkey Kong game but it is a game called Jump Man an arcade cabinet for Jump Man I thought that was cute and I also did think it was cute is they're going down into the depths of the Brooklyn sewer system there's a sign behind them that

says level one too Oh, for goodness say, I didn't even notice that. That's awful. Sorry, sorry. And watch it again. You'll catch so many things like that. If you keep your eyes peels,

you just may see a few little nods to your little Easter eggs, you know? The one I hated was the toads in the background with the NES cartridge going like, he's just got to blow into it. I hated that. It was like a sledgehammer, like, uh, nah. I did like the Mario cart bit when they're setting up their carts. I was like, oh, that is just like a Mario Kart 8. You just pick your wheel.

your thing, or I guess seven, it even goes back to it. I did not. I did notice in this. I did notice in this movie, and it felt like a corporate mandate from Nintendo where they're they're mainly referencing the newer games and I understand why those are the games that are on sale uh but it's like a lot of the power-ups that play into the action scenes are the newer power-ups like it's not the tunic suit he's in the raccoon suit which is from new super maria brothers uh you i think i think so no white squirrel is in you i think two is the one with the raccoon's or 3d land also brought back you can get the tunis suit in super maria brothers three but it's not

It's not really the same That one is from Mario 3D land Yeah because the raccoon suit is not the Tanuki suit Right And then it's like the cat suit is from Mario 3D world But it's just like I want to see like everything featured I want them to all play in like There was a reference to the cape

And the cape is like one of the coolest things in Mario But I feel like they were It's a joke reference Yes it's a joke But it does feel like okay yeah reference Mario Kart 8 reference you know Whatever's on sale on Switch And reference

Reference Donkey Country Tropical Freeze or whatever I feel like they're just, this is because there's no new game to promote right now because the release got so screwed up. I don't know if it was ever planned to release alongside a game, but it feels like that is their way to move more product is to just like, oh, put the newer stuff in this. Maybe when the Bluroy comes out,

they'll do a direct and shadow drop the new Mario or something. I don't know. I feel like there's a Mario coming this year. I think we're getting something, but, well, you know, the, okay, also with the lore stuff, after, it wasn't until I read your wife, Nina's tweet about accurately predicting the post credits

that I tried to think what the post credits would be myself and right before the movie I whispered by my husband like maybe it's a Yoshi thing but then in the middle of the movie during their walking montage there's a bunch of Yoshi so when there's a big herd of Yoshis

I really thought like well then they're not going to tease Yoshi at the end of this because I just saw a bunch of Yoshi so that's what happened That's because I pieced out as soon as the credits started, because fuck that. I just, I didn't care. Yes. So that's what happens.

You get the Yoshi teas. Yeah, like on the way to the theater, my wife, guest to the show Nina Matsumoto, she said, I bet the stinger is going to be like you see an egg and it starts cracking and then you hear Yoshi's voice and it's like coming next summer or whatever. And that's exactly what happened. There's no release date, but yes, we saw Yoshi. Thank you. I agree. We saw Yoshi's in the movie.

You can't tease something that we had already seen. And, of course, in the tea. he says Yoshi in the way that Yoshi talks in the video game but when we see Yoshi in the next movie he's going to be like Timothy Shalomey or something yeah yeah he'll go like yeshi clear his throat and then

have his normal voice like what if I talk like that the whole movie yikes yeah let's go here I stand by that I like this movie more than the Sonic the Hedgehog movie which the first one which I think is full of I think it's full of terrible same kind of bullshit obvious songs

and people talk talking about like, you didn't make my coffee right. Like, oh boy, Vente coffee humor. That's really great. But at the end of the Sonic movie, when they called their shot of like, the next movie will have tails, they show you tales and they commit to a tails design. Having only the egg is their way of saying, we have not officially decided with Nintendo what Yoshi is allowed to look like in the next movie.

So we're not going to commit to a vision of him in this. We're just showing you the egg like that. That's another like cowardly move. I just want to make it clear to the listeners that I thought the first Sonic movie was bad. Like, it is not a good movie, but I still thought it was, I didn't get that. I still thought it was ten times more entertaining than the Mario movie, honestly. It had actual efforts at humor in it. It had some kind of emotional core to it, kind of.

It had normal movie things. So, yeah, I did like it better. Plus, Ben Schwartz is just a charming man. It's sad that the bar is like, it had normal. movie thing. It's a low bar. It's a low bar. Yeah, I want a normal movie things for this. And I guess I'll make a compliment sandwich that's mostly like made of insult bread. Yes, I did like the action segments. They did feel like the put your 3D glasses on now segments, which is fine. Like they were well done. No one was talking. It was well animated. The gags were fun. The action was interesting. And, you know, there were some eventive stuff in there. And the kids in the theater, that's where they lit up the most. They were most excited by that. But I was also thinking like, oh, none of the kids in the theater were like capable of speech when Mario Odyssey came out. That's how long it's been since there's been a new Mario game, not a re-release of a Wii U game, but a new game. And I'm like, I wonder what these kids are playing. I just, I wonder what their world is like,

because I came into this world. And then when I was three, Super Mario Brothers came out. And then it's like, well, he was with me my entire life. These kids were just dropped into a world with like 30 years of Mario. And I wonder like what their experience was and like what they recognize and what they play. That is an interesting point, I think, because when I, um, right in the beginning of the movie when Mario first makes it into the Mushroom Kingdom, one of the first weird things he sees is one of those bow-legged

kind of purple, orange things that kind of goes round and round, you know, like a slinky. They move kind of like a slinky. And it goes right over him and he goes like, hi there, and then it goes again. And I was sort of thinking like, that's weird. Why choose that creature of all things? Like, nobody cares about that creature. And then I remembered that I'm old

and my experience of Mario is completely different to pretty much a fully grown adult now is experience of Mario. It doesn't, didn't have like Mario World, all that stuff. Didn't wasn't, didn't matter. There's his new Super Mario Brothers. And that's what that's from. So yeah, that makes sense, I think.

Well, I wondered with the kids in the audience, I said it earlier, but like, I was like, what is Mario to them? But I have to remind myself that even though I think all kids play Roblox or maybe Minecraft is incredibly retro to them, like, I have to remind myself like, Mario Cardi. did sell like 80 billion copies and new Mario brothers like kids do play a lot of Mario like they

they do I do think it still is a thing kids love I mean also the success of this movie monetarily it shows you that yes kids do like this and know who Mario so it is doing well I haven't watched any financials or anything oh it's doing well yeah it's about to be like Frozen 2 for best

opening weekend of an animated movie so it's doing very well Well, Elsa will show up at the end, so, of course. Yeah, it's so funny. Yes, she becomes Elsa. You're totally right about that. But I could tell, like, what references were for adults, because I could hear, like, the dad behind me kind of, like, mumbling, like, oh, Rainbow Road. Like, he, like, I could tell, like, well, that's for a 40-year-old.

But I feel like Rainbow Road should have been your climax in the movie, not to, like, jump back to dissecting the plot again. But that felt obligatory, but that should have been the end of the movie. Rainbow Road is traditionally the end of Mario Card. It's like the victory lap, the difficult final. challenge before you know you get your trophy and everything but just like strikingly beautiful yeah yeah it was a good action it was the only it was one of the best action scenes in the movie by far i thought based on the trailers i thought it was the end of the movie also like this is not this isn't a problem with every single movie but especially kids movies every trailer gave away

everything like there's there was two things in this movie that wasn't in the trailer well let's talk about a problem with kids movies henry and that is dad's stuff uh yeah i feel like the executive thing is just like oh emotionally detached fathers they test really well with kids let's put that in here and it feels like that was an element of an earlier script like Mario's dad's always down on him he's trying to impress him

but I swear to God there is 20 seconds of that with Mario and five seconds with decay and it feels like does that have to be in every movie some of us don't have dads and it rules some of us actually like our dads represent the other part of the demographic that doesn't

have dads who despise them you know It really is just like two lines for both the instigation and the resolution, isn't it? It's just the dinner scene where he says one thing and Mario walks out. And then at the end where it's just like, oh, Mario, you are not terrible piece of shit after all. I like that his dad hugs Mario and Luigi is nearby being like proud, but it's like, what the fuck? Why you're not hugging your other son, Luigi? You know, I just stood in the path of a huge pillar of flame holding only a manhole to protect myself. Like, come on, where's my hug?

Mario Well, and the, the, uh, yeah, well, so it's funny too. Now I think about Chris Pratt was another recent animated film he was in was Onward, which also ends with like a dad hug at the end of it. Like they all, they all end with this. But I, well, yeah, in the eel, when they're inside the eel, they do have a conversation reminding you of like, oh, my dad hates me. But like, but yes, no, every, that's a good, no, there's checklist things. You have to end a movie with a parent apologizing to you.

Like, that's what. movies are now. We've moved on to moms now. The moms are apologizing now. Well, this has been in production so long. It's like, honestly, turning red got like pitched and sold and released in the time it took to make this movie. It's such a, sorry, it's such a 21st century kids movie thing that they just, like, Kranke Kong did exist. He was an existing character. He has a personality.

But Mario never really had a dad, but they invented dad to be disappointed in him. That's the reason why they give him a dad. Sad. I mean, I'm thinking about this now. and like a movie that I do love Cloudy with a Charts of Meatballs that must have been like 15 years ago now and that has the exact same plot beat

as this every Lord Miller thing does really yeah much as I like eight different generic scripts that were just chopped up and thrown into chat GPT and make it Mario please because like yeah why why does this father figure disappro does not

approve of you thing even coming from why do we need this in the Mario movie it's bizarre Lego movie ends with it too yeah Oh, and also into the Spider-Verse as well, ends with a dad, a mustache and father hugging. It really is just, it's the checklist. Like, it just is like it. I guess, I mean, it is a checklist, but of course, in those movies, they do kind of do the work to make it matter in some way.

They establish actual characters that you care about, like Miles Morella, so you like Miles because he's so real from the beginning, right? Well, and importantly, he shares scenes with his father in between the starting end of the movie. They actually have moments to get. Yeah, I feel like it's a different line of business. And especially if, like, again, you know, setting up flaws for the characters, things they have to overcome, not to make it some random element messed up their first plumbing job. Make it so like, oh, Mario is confident,

but he's not as skilled as he could be. Or there's like discord between the brothers that makes them mess up the plumbing job, not like a dog was mad at them. That was a straight out of life, secret life of pets. Yeah, just like, call a cop. Cops, all they do is shoot, The cop would walk in and shoot the dog in the head. You can do your plumbing then.

That scene was so friggin' weird because it was so, like, the stakes were really high. That dog could have, like, killed them. Like, that was, like, a normal, large-sized dog. And it's, like, I imagine a version of this scene where it was, like, a nasty little chihuahua, which is, like, cliche, but it works better. And the stakes aren't as scary as, like, this dog is, like, chomping, like, big teeth noises at Mario's fucking neck. And it's, like, that's a little scary. this dog going ape shit on them for something they did not do on purpose to this dog

it was so random and weird and I guess I well I mean okay if we're talking about arcs Luigi did have the arc of it's not that him and his brother had issues it's that Luigi is scared all the time but he got his he got the confidence to save

Mario's life by blocking the fire with the manhole cover something that we haven't talked about yet what is up with that weird flashback where Luigi is being bullied by and it's baby Luigi and he looks nothing like

the other kid the other kids like from a completely different universe and then you just had a shoehorn in the babies yeah that's only reason it's so weird story got a shoving Princess Peach Baby

it's so bizarre once the babies appear in the movie you can sell a toy of them that's what yeah and baby Logan Paul nobody's gonna buy a toy of it doesn't matter what he looks like you're talking about that

that Luigi thing Henry I think it was another like half measure by the movie where it's like he wasn't afraid enough he just seemed like to lack a bit of confidence and that's not like the fun scaredy pants Luigi in Luigi's Mansion games like Luigi had a right to be scared

when he ended up in hell when a giant monster is torturing you and saying I'm going to like break all the bones of your body like what a pussy man getting scared of that like yeah no I yeah I wish he was more of a scaredy cat I wish everybody was just more of something embellished

characteristics more I would rather have seen him separated from Mario having a separate adventure by himself or coming together with Mario at the end that might have been fun but then you get a bit more... That's a good joke in paper Mario actually.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that but actually do it and then have Mario not believe him at the end like in Paper Mario like in Paper Mario that would have been funny I think but I don't know I don't, I don't, I'm no screen writer

either. The big payoff of getting the superstar, I at least, I like, again, I like that action. And I did like the music. They actually didn't put in a stupid fucking needle drop song. They actually had good orchestration of the star theme from it. And I like that of them. I wish they were, like you said, Bob, everything has to be like how it is in the new games.

Their power-up worked on them like in the new games. They didn't flash like in the original game. But then I was reminded like, the anime movie ends with him getting the goddamn star and doing the tail swing. Oh, you're right. The 86 movie had the exact same ending. I think that the movie should have ended when they got the superstar.

I think Mario and Luigi should have jumped on Bowser. or I think he didn't jump on enough things in this movie. That's just my personal opinion. It really only happened in their like running montage, but they, but I did, I also did kind of like a couple of the times, they,

it was another like slow-mo, zoom in, make sure you get it jokes, but when it was moving in real time, I liked when Mario got in poses and was like, oh, hey, that's the box cover. He's another pose.

That's cool. But they just, they had to like smash it into your face. Yeah. You know, I didn't even, um, I didn't get that it was supposed to be a Smash Brothers thing when he was fighting D.K.

It did not occur to me in the slightest. It didn't read to me like a Smash Brothers thing. And I thought they could have like, I came out of the movie being like they should have done a Smash Brothers thing in that scene. Like that's how I came out of it. Mario's punches and kick poses. Like those were like his action moves from his smash. To be fair, I think during most of that scene, I was tweeting about how miserable I was in the movie theater. So that might be on me.

Yeah, I mean, like if I feel like it was a Smash Bros. scene because it could have been like you got to make it up all these ladders my son's going be throwing barrels at you that could have been like the challenge it could have been that could been an interesting choice but instead it was like fight donkey Kong in an arena with that has weapons in it that does feel like smash brothers to me i mean i would again but again maybe it was too subtle when they spend this off into the super maria brothers movie universe inevitably you know i might give a don't con movie a moment of my time i'd like to see what's going on with the old dk you know going on the adventure to get his banana hoard back that would be fun you know maybe

I'm sure their rollout includes that, like, after the success of the Lego movie, and they're like, oh, and Batman's the breakout star, so before they did a Lego movie, too. Yeah, so I would think D.K. is probably, they're like, that's why D.K. and his lore is so heavily featured in this, because it's their first spin-off plan. Pretty soon we're going to see, like, a Kathleen Kennedy figure in front of a giant roadmap. It's just like, well, here's what's coming in 2039. Yeah, yeah. The Smith-It, The Sniffic Chronicles, 2039.

If this, I guess it really depends on like how long the tail is on this because, yeah, this first weekend, really great. If it does pass like a billion dollars and is like a super duper successful movie, then yeah, I think it's all going to be fast-tracked pretty darn quickly. I mean, the word of mouth surely can't be good, surely. The reviews certainly aren't. But I know it doesn't necessarily matter. Well, there's some defensive people on the internet about it. There are people. I mean, there are people who like Ball and Wonderworld.

I'm one of them. So I don't listen to people on the internet. Oh, God. I know. I know. It's a serious problem. You like this guy on a video game podcast, Bob. I don't think anyone of our listeners would take this personally, but a lot of people

attach their ego to this movie. There's a lot of like Rotten Tomatoes ballot box stuffing where it's like this movie's got a 98% audience rating. I feel like there are a lot of people that I understand why. Like, I was indoctrinated from birth, basically, to enjoy Mario in his antics. So I can understand what the. the attachment is there, but there's so many other Mario things.

This is just one little product from the Mario line, and it's okay if you don't like it. This does not ruin Mario. There will still be Mario games, and I can still enjoy Mario. Like, I went back to Mario and Luigi. I'm like, okay, I like this. This did not turn me off of Mario.

This got me starting up a third replay of 3D world to be like, yeah, this is pretty great. It's a great game. It's a peak Mario. I love that shit. I'm planning on watching the next. movie later in the week with some friends because I need to feel whole again. I wish this movie, if they're doing all these obvious needle drops and like that aren't even

intrinsic to a scene or a clever new use of a pop hit song, couldn't they have just put in Walk the Dinosaur? Thank you. Couldn't they have just done that? It was extremely obvious in 1993. And you'd be asking where's a dinosaur? Oh, Miyamoto probably would have said like he is not a dinosaur. or he is a Kupa and they don't use that time sort of thing. Like, I want, another thing, random thought,

I would love to have seen the meeting where they convince me Amoto to put in the Super Mario Brother Super Show theme because I would think he views that as awful and bad. And to actually convince him to put in a cartoon, he and Nintendo prefers to act like never, ever happened. I wonder how that meeting would. What do you think was more likely, like, in a vacuum? I would have thought it would have been slightly more likely

that there would have been a background Easter egg for like Scapelli plumbing from the 93 movie than anything from the Super Show personally. Does anyone else like align with that? Yeah, I guess I guess that shows they hate the 93 movie more than Super Show. I think I don't even know if I don't even know if they hate Super Show. I feel like they are just not aware of it. But I'm sure like it helped them sell a lot of games.

It gave kids a chance to look at Mario every day on TV for years. And I'm sure like, well, that did well, that did well, for us, but we're not going to respect the choices it made or like any of the lore it invented, but it was like, it was good marketing, you know, ultimately. The Mario movie from 93 was not good marketing for them that tarnished

the brands. When it, I think maybe... Even though I prefer it. When it comes to convincing Nemoto to allow that, like maybe in 10 years time there'll be like a documentary where it's him speaking in Japanese and the subtyples are just, they drove a dump truck full of money over to my house

or something. I mean, that... I wasn't made of stone. Yeah, yeah. It's like I don't know. I mean, there's this whole thing of like, you've got Miyamoto there promoting it because, you know, he's the face of like Super Mario more or less. But like, I don't know really what influence he would have actually had on the product, really. You know, I actually, I got to counter that, Stuart. I think Miyamoto's gone Hollywood. Like he, he's sold out. Okay. What's he made lately? I'm saying in the last five years, I'm saying ever since this got announced, you don't see, name me a direct where Miyamoto spoke in context. about a video game he only appears in them to talk about this movie he is always saying like me and chris and me and chris son are working so hard on this and he he has been talking about that this movie exclusively in directs for so long he is very invested i noted this in the theater when the first credits on the screen like presented by it was shigero miamoto and then

Chris Melodondry the head of illumination Miyamoto went over him in the credits like his name was first like so yeah I think he I think he really wanted

to be involved in this movie I wonder though if it's a case of him being involved or that being part of the marketing to win your trust

where it's like well we were so hands off with that first movie that they were just doing whatever they wanted and we don't like what they delivered but we're going to make

sure you know Motto is best friends with Chris Son and they hang out and they go to his weird church together and they're best friends. I think the media should give Shiguru a harder time about this. This is you're like, okay, so you invented Zelda and Mario and what else did you invent other stuff? What have you invented lately Shigori Miamoto and it's like, oh, Pikmin, pickman what? Four is it, you know, good Lord.

I think the people should start turning on him, quite frankly. We should have the anti-we should go hard on Shigsy. Let's go. come on let's have some I think me I think

I think Mato I just think it would be funny because he's obviously one of the greatest

people in the history of the industry if inexplicably there was this ridiculous wave of negativity towards him

and I'm going to see his ruin I want to spearhead that negativity I want the rise of Teseco I think

Miamoto was really full of himself from doing like Jimmy Fallon and all that and like

well oh they really like me I want to be around all these famous people like he you look up the photos from the

premiere night like he's in he's taking photos with all the movie stars like he's I think he was very excited to be there but yeah it's also funny we've talked about all this stuff but we have not mentioned the directors of this at all who I had to like look up like Aaron Worvoth

and Michael Jelinek or Jelinek I'm saying it like Jellyneck he's the character of Stranger with Candy but they were the directors of the Teen Titans Go to the movies movie which actually I think was good. Yeah, it was pretty, it was all right. It was entertaining.

Yeah, I mean, it was a fine Teen Titans Go episode, I suppose. And that was full of, like, actual inventive stuff. I was like, oh, that's surprising. They got away with that kind of thing. I got to think they were, like, hog tied by everything, all of the rules in this movie compared to Teen Titans Go, which is crazy because Teen Titans Go is also part of a giant media monolith and companies full of rules about what you're allowed to do with DC characters.

you would think they're pretty used to it. And also, the special thanks was Alex Hirsch, which I was like, wait, the creator, Gravity Falls. And I remembered, oh, yeah, briefly, he was hired to write it. And I have a feeling all the rules like is why, like, like, just pinged right off of it. Like, oh, this sucks. Could have been better.

Yeah. I talk about someone who's not in the credits. Please. Grant Kirk Hope. Oh, yeah. Of the D.K. Rapp is not credited for the D.K. Rapp.

It's just like, D.K. rep from Donkey Kong. country or whatever it's like wow i think personally i would not want to be credited for the creating the dk rap but that's just me well i think he wants some money i kid i kid come on i love drunk cope come on please who's the voice i'm upset there were no getting your name in the credits of a billion dollar movie is a pretty big deal dog i i just wanted them to have the donkey kong rap lyrics but i felt like well they were just ashamed of that part of it it's like all right and uh i hope no one thinks that's like an obscure reference i just wonder what people think because it's like when I see these references

and I'm sure people are thinking oh I can't believe they put that in there but then you look it's like well that game sold 18 million copies like again Mario is like mass market video games I was not surprised to see the DK rap it was like a cute to see a pop up and like Smash Brothers Malay in like 2001 like oh wow they put this in here

but then like oh it's like well everyone has played this as a kid and everyone's nostalgic for it so I'm not that surprised anymore well its inclusion in Smash was how I know about it to begin with because I did not have any Nintendo systems until the N64 I loved its inclusion in smash because I thought it was like oh everybody made fun of it in 64

Nintendo will never recognize it again and then when it was in smash I was like oh hey they're in on the joke or they think this is fun and I would put that on the troll people as the background music yeah yeah you know honestly though obviously it's really sucks that these original composers didn't get credits in the movie

that use their fucking songs that's the sad it's a sad fact about like game composition for making music for video games unfortunately but also I I'm so used to it with like as a Marvel dork I know like the dudes rarely ever get any like

all the original creators rarely ever get any credit except in a giant wall of special thanks at the end it's just for me to read and say like oh they did credit Gary Conway that's nice at least in this special thanks that I want to clarify like obviously it is BS that he wasn't credited I want to make that clear

that's my actual opinion okay they should have been credited obviously yeah and i think that like not all the marie music they used was just coji condo because from uh mario sunshine on he was he had people that were helping him and i think some of the compositions were not just him but uh i don't know what the legal rules are maybe because he was like the head composer was the head of the sound team it's just him but i feel like more people could have been credited for the music for sure could they have found it in their hearts to credit tommy talloriko for anything please Now, Cochi Kondo's still a big dog at the Mario Factory, so that's also why he can get the credit. I mean, and he deserves it.

He deserves all that respect. But, yeah, I mean, it's also Haym Saban and Shuki Levy get credit in it because their song, they wrote for a TV show, which had ASCAP laws. And they would actually, and also, they should rightly be terrified that Hyamsaband would sue the shit out of him if they used that song without paying. Absolutely. Something that made me laugh was, it's a sort of an audience. reaction when the movie starts and you first hear the Mario music. Someone in the audience went like, the music.

And it reminded me of something, which is when the Sonic movie came out, and someone mentioned the Tales ending and someone was like, oh, spoilers. And I'm like, it's not a... It's Tails! Like, how isn't it a spoiler? To say tails is it in a Sonic movie. It's absurd. It's crazy. Yeah, like, of

course they're going to have the music in the movie, in the Mario movie. So, like, we're running out of time here. I do want everyone to give up their final thoughts. This is longer than the movie is right. Sorry, go on, go on. We're reaching the actual Mario movie link. This is not a commentary, by the way.

I will say, I've said my piece. I went in optimistically. I went in not wanting to hate it. I went in, again, being indoctrinated to love Mario since basically my brain had started forming. Did not like it. So many missed opportunities. I don't like the Italian erasure. There are no accents.

And these guys never talk about Italian food ever. And Mario doesn't even want to eat the pasta. And I feel like that is essential to who they are. They jumped off a pizza box to entertain you And they just Everything in this movie just hit with like the blandification ray And I feel like the games Have way more character than this movie

Like I love what I see in playing the games And that is not on the screen And that's what I wanted And those are my final thoughts Uh Jess how about you final thoughts about this movie You basically said exactly like verbatim What I wanted to say Blantification

I apologize Blanification ray is a hundred percent Exactly the words like I would have used if I had the exact same brain as you. But yeah, it's just, it doesn't need to be this way. Like, kids' movies are good. They can be amazing. Like, if you want a good Mario, uh, CG movie, watch wreck it Ralph.

Like, that's better than, than this by leagues. And it's like, just because it's a kid's movie doesn't mean that we aren't allowed to criticize it as adult filmgoers or anything like that. Like, kids deserve good movies, too. Like, this is just a big nothing burger. like who cares about this it's just toys clashing against each other until it stops eventually

Stuart how about you final thoughts on the Mario movie you've said it all both of you it's not it's just a poor film like it's a disappointing poor lame lazy feeling film I'm sure they work very hard on it but you know what I mean it's like every aspect could have been more interesting and the Mario you when you think of Marion

you think oh how could you even make a good movie out of that because I mean let's face it it's just an abstract series of obstacle courses basically in that core. But then you have the Mario RPGs and why don't they lean into that? You don't need to introduce Mario. Everyone knows that he's just Mario, you know? He doesn't even need to speak. You can have him there and you have this compelling world around him full of strange creatures,

strange monsters. And Bowser can be the one who drives the narrative because he speaks, you know, that all you need to do is something like that, something weird like that. And it's still Mario and it will still charm people and you just, don't need. You can even have Chris Pratt. It doesn't matter. You just need to make something that's actually charming rather than just like, here's some of the iconography from Mario. We've placed it onto this shitty, despicable Me 4 or whatever. Whatever. Who cares? Get the movie out. Rake it in, make the second movie. Like,

it just feels total production line bullshit to me. And it could have been so much more fun than this. Agreed. And Henry, how about you? Okay. Yes. My glass half full way of thinking about this. I think this could have been much worse. I think it could have looked uglier. I think they could have had even more lazy jokes. I think there could have been more shitty needle drops. Like, I had lowered expectations for it

and I at least like, it's got good animation, some of the action's good, but yes, I was like, man, 30 years you couldn't think of a better plot than just the first movie. And I also think like, you're not going to get a paper Mario or the meta stuff of a Mario RPG.

Also, because like Miyamoto, I don't think particularly cares for those games. They're not really his thing and he doesn't want to do it. I would love someday, let's say these get so big that they make a series of Mario movies and then eventually they're like, hey, you know there is that Lego movie that animates

the Legos like they move like how Legos actually move. Let's do a Paper Mario movie and we animated in that like, you know, they do something exciting with it. It's crazy in a post-Spiterverse world that nobody's exciting. They're not really experimenting all that much. And the last thing I wanted

say was oh right there's a special surprise i was saving this unboxing here my infinity rewards i forgot about it what did you do to earn that henry i i am part of the monopoly of exfinity uh subscribers uh so you get a free super mario brother's movie gift box here with it and oh my god it's a bomb uh so it comes with a microwavable and exfinity branded popcorn it's got to be full of christinogens and uh a little mario uh folder here with Bowser on the front. Not even big enough for a sheet of loosely paper. A box of Sour Patch Kids.

I'll take those. What is happening right now? Some crayons for my Mario movie activity book. Oh, wow. How many illustrations. Can you go through real quick? I want to see it on the webcam. Okay.

I wish I could do activities. I'm jealous. I want to see if these are like screenshots that they like desaturated and trace over. Okay, so you got like a puzzle here or you got like a little maze. to run in there. This is awful. This is a bad gift. I'll have the Bowser shake.

I'll have the Bowser shake. It looks like a menu for like Denny's. Shoots and ladders type game here. So actually, you know what? They gave me the crayons. You don't even really like, oh, rearrange the letter game. Look at that. So yes, that thank you.

Thank you. Infinity reward. How insulting. How insulting. How can I get one of those? Well, you have to look. live in America and have to be forced to subscribe to Xfinity for cable

because they're the only game in town. And you get a free pack of crayons every decade. Yes, yeah. So, yeah, I'll close by saying no matter what we say, this movie will make a billion dollars, and I will just be a pathetic millionaire podcaster. So in the end, who's the real loser here? It's me.

It's a me. Yeah, it's a me. There, like, I forgot he talked like that. It's been so long. But yes, thanks for listening, folks. This has been Retronauts. You can find us on Twitter at Retronauts, but of course, we are supported by all you great fans out there at patreon.com slash retronauts sign up for three bucks a month there you can access all these podcasts one week at a time and at free but for five bucks a month that's where you want to be because for five dollars a month the cost of i don't know a third of a ticket

to this movie you can get access to two full length bonus podcasts every month all the other podcasts one week ahead of time and also a weekly column in a weekly podcast by diamond fight there's so much waiting for you there we began this new initiative in the beginning of 2020 So there's now like three complete years of podcast that you haven't heard waiting for you behind that $5 level at patreon.com slash retronauts. And let's go around the virtual room here. Let's start with Jess. Jess, where can we find you? What are you up to lately?

Hi, I'm Jess O'Brien, formerly of Giant Bomb video producer, currently just being an unemployed fucking loser, but kind of liking it. You know, streaming on Twitch, I'm Voidberger on Twitch on Voidberger on, uh, YouTube, Twitter, all those places. I'm Voidberger Gaming, if you want to see my stream vods. And, yeah, just dabbling and stuff, little projects here and there. It's nice. Thank you. And Stuart.

How about you? Oh, hello. You can find me on Twitter at Jupacabra with all my terrible opinions that I spew out at rates of ridiculous amounts per day. Instead of doing any work, you can read my book. All games are good when it comes out from Press Run this summer, I believe. I don't know the exact day, but as soon as I do believe me, I will be plugging it relentlessly. and be unfollowed by everyone, including in real life. And also, you can listen to me on Retronauts,

because I do present episodes here as well, and write things on the Retronaut's website. For example, I'm currently reviewing every single Game Game, which I now fully regret beginning to do, because they're not very good. Thank you. And, Henry, I know we talk a lot about good animated movies in the past three or four months, like Chicken Run and Parenthorman and Hollywood Gothaithers.

Excellent movies with great screenplays. Where do we do that? That's at patreon.com slash Talking Simpsons. as part of the Talking Simpsons network of podcasts at me and Bob do. Yeah, we, if you liked all our cartoon opinions here, we do that every week, multiple times a week. We have the Talking Simpsons podcast where we go through every episode of The Simpsons in chronological order. We're deep into season 13 and three right now, about to get into seasons four and 14. And there's our What a Cartoon podcast where we cover a ton of side stuff in, or a ton of non-Simpsons cartoons.

And yes, our animated movies thing, we talk. you want to hear this to six hours long, then you need to sign up at patreon.com slash Talking Simpsons. Our chicken run one was really great. Also, yeah, the Batman Superman World's Finest. We had a whole bunch of fun with that. And even Disney's Dumbo or, yeah, other anime films like Kiki's Delivery Service or Akira. There's lots of cool stuff there.

We haven't covered a, no, we haven't covered a video game movie yet, video game inspire movie. I'm sure that day will come, but yes. Or an illumination movie. And I guess we're going to have to someday. Eventually. But yes. So that's at Talk Simpsons pod on Twitter. Patreon.com slash Talking Simpsons for all of our bonus content.

And check out Talking Simpsons wherever you listen to podcasts. And I'm H-E-R-E-Y-G on Twitter. Thanks so much for listening. Folks. We'll see you again next week. But for now, the balcony is closed. You know what I'm going to be. Thank you.

Thank you.