Retronauts - 620: Micro Machines

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

What if a car was small? Stuart Gipp, Lewis Clark, and Guy Kelly shrink themselves down, dive into a teeny-weeny jalopy and race to Retronauts Studios! Retronauts is made possible by listener support through Patreon! Support the show to enjoy ad-free early access, better audio quality, and great exclusive content. Learn more at http://www.patreon.com/retronauts

This week in Retronauts, welcome to Retronauts Micro Machines, that is. I should have said something like, start your engines because this is a cars one, and that's the thing that people say when there's cars, I think. I don't really follow cars, you know, because, you know, then you go to, like, prison. But anyway, hello, I'm Stuart Jip, as you have no doubt if I'm from my truly hilarious material that I've brought to the top of this show, and today we're talking about a very, very, very exciting subject, although it's actually very small indeed. It's a very minuscule subject, and that's Micromachines, which is, of course,

and toy and also and game. But it's not just me talking about it, though that would obviously be excellent. There are two other people here with me, and one of them is actually completely new to Retronauts, I believe. And who on earth are you, sir? Hello, I am Guy Kelly, and I am outrageously excited to be on Retronauts. I have no idea what I'm doing, but oh, I'm going to do it a lot. Oh, it's good, isn't it? Yeah, that should be like the botto for my episodes, I think. two and a half hours of just whatever I don't know

God knows but also joining us along with Guy is the returning who are you Hello I'm Lewis Clark I realized that last time I was on I just sort of like started and I sounded really rude

and I think it was just because we were chatting prior and I think because we're mates in real life I just sort of like oh yeah alright cool I'm here I guess so I will actually try and be it sound a little bit friendly this time round do you want to do a sort of friendly like kind of i don't know what's like a friendly thing to say how can we break the ice here what will be like a friendly exchange because i'll help i'll help

you know um what if you said something like how do how you didlin or something like that how do how you didlin i'm lost i feel so warm oh my god i feel so warm inside yeah i'm from the website tagadriven dot com i do the writing and i founded the place and i also do the YouTube videos as well. They give videos you should watch them. I think you should watch them, not you lose. I'm pretty sure you do watch them. I mean, the listeners, the listeners should watch them.

But yes, as I mentioned, we are playing, we are playing, goodness me, we're talking micro machines today. Imagine if we are playing it while we were doing this. We wouldn't be able to concentrate, would we? It would be so enthused by the action. I did have to play a little bit prior to remind myself of how bad certain games are. Mm-hmm, yeah, I've been playing some micro machines and going, you know, they are small. You know, that's my main takeaway.

of cars were really little. Yeah, exactly. See, they dared to ask that question, didn't they? Absolutely. Over at Codemasters. So, yeah, some of them to get started with it. I guess the first and smartest thing to ask, as I usually ask, because this is quite a formulaic show underneath all of the carnage.

Guy, may I ask what your sort of formative micromachines experience has been? Well, as a youth in the Midlands, which, as you don't know the Midlands, it's the middle of England and is generally not great. I grew up in one of the cheapest places to live in the Midlands, you know, the sort of place where your little brother finds a human ear in the stream in the woods nearby. And so, that did happen. That's not like a whimsical.

They never found the rest of the fella, but anyway. Oh, no, hang on, hang on, you can't just allude to finding a human ear. That's now the whole podcast. It's a true crime. It's true fair now. I think that that's just sort of what happened, you know, a little bit of ancient woodland. My brother and his friend were out.

There happened to be a stream. In the stream, there wasn't ear. Human enough to be recognisably human, so not, you know, dog or other. It doesn't naturally occurring ear, just right there. I mean, there are fungi that look a bit like them, but this is the sort of thing where I think he turned it into the local authorities and they were, yeah, that's a, that's a person here.

So he sort of picked it up and... You know, I've never checked. I don't know if you, like, yeah, pocketed it. like he'd need it in a matchbox or something. Good Lord. And basically made himself, you know, a culprit because he's now his fingerprints all over and ear. I just, you know, keep the ear and then later maybe

if you find another ear, then, you know, keep going from there. I saw a movie about that once. But no, yes. And that, of course, relates to micro-machines quite... Yes, I was going to say, when I wasn't with my brother or learning about my brother finding ears in the woods,

I was quite an insular kid. playing video games on the Sega Mega Drive, and oh boy, did I ever love the Mega Drive? And that was where I sort of first got into Micro Machines, Microsheens, Microchines, 96, TurboTorand, all that sort of thing. Sadly, not a hugely popular kid, which does explain my career in comedy afterwards, but it meant getting a game that was largely multiplayer-focused and, you know, all the bits and pieces that we'll talk about later, very much wasted on me, as I sat on my own. I mean, there is good, I would say good single player in these games. I have fun, racing the AI. I think what I especially appreciate is the fact that if you get a particularly good lap, it just lets you win.

It just goes, okay, you can just have the win. You're obviously going to win. Just a really forward-thinking feature. I've sort of blown it by talking about it too early. But no, Lewis, actually, let me go back on that a second. Guy, did you play any of the later micro-missions games at all at V3? V3 I loved. I don't think I ever owned a copy of it, but there was a friend of mine that had a copy of it, and it was always magical going to his house and playing that, because it

hints to, I'm sure if I had the game myself, and I blitz through it in a few weeks, I'd be incredibly bored of it, but when it's, and I'm sure you've touched on this in previous podcast, but when it's a game that you don't own, and everything is rich in promise. Every corner could be some new discovery, so just unlocking a single car and seeing something that the menu suggests could be a different gameplay feature just becomes one of the most interesting things in the world. I've got to interject and say, me and Dave Balmer

actually just did an episode about games that you coveted, like games that your mates had. And I'm not sure if that's out yet, but of course that falls right into that sort of purview, you know? Lewis, what's your micro-missions sort of foundling? I don't know if that's even remotely applicable. Similar to Guy, actually.

So I'm mainly Mega Drive focused, even though I know the Micromachines series is on lots of different systems. But, yeah, had the first one, basically followed it through all the way to 96, kind of miss military, and then came back in with V3, which was more a thing I played at Friends. Again, similar to a guy. First time I ever used a multitap would have been Micromachines V3, which was quite the experience. Great game in 4-player. Played a bit of Micromaniacs briefly and then realized. Wow, this is horrendous. They've got their wheels, you know.

They're just their fellas, aren't they? Absolutely, yeah. They're just kind of loaks. They kind of lost the plot from there, really. Yeah. But yeah, I know... You mean Fox Kids.com Micromaniard racing? I forgot that that's the name in America.

Oh, and obviously had a huge affinity with the actual toys themselves. I had loads of the little buggers. Once they started doing Star Wars ones as well, it was like, well, and now I have found my home. Yeah, you're quite the aficionado with very small cars in racing games, aren't you? I do like a top-down racing game, absolutely, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You have this quite enjoyable Twitter thread where you just update it every time you find a single screen. Yeah, lock screen races, yeah. Top-down racing game. You can see the whole map. It's just, every so often it just gets bigger and a bit. It's just an enjoyable experience.

Yeah, well, it's such a niche. It's like one of those things where, again, I love the micromachines series, and to be able to see the entire circuit, you know, without having to scroll is quite a novel thing, and it makes playing the game a little bit easier because you can actually see everything that's coming up. Unlike micromachines, which in certain cases,

especially when it's on portable consoles, it's very difficult to anticipate how the track is going to sort of appear. Some versions do have issues with that kind of not being able to see far ahead of it. Even some of the console ones are quite rough in that regard, I think. In a sense, I don't really mind in micromachines, because it's just, you know, if you're playing multiplayer, which is the way that, sorry about this guy, which is the way that people generally would be playing it.

it almost doesn't matter because the chaos and the failure is like part and parcel with the whole thing. But no, for me personally, the last time I can recall that, I mean, I played micro-missions with my friend's Nintendo. He had the NES version. Right, okay. I mean, the fact that I had a friend with the NES in the UK, I know, was astonishing. It was very astonishing. And I didn't get to play the Megadrive games because nobody only owned them, and I didn't have a Mega Drive. As Retronauts listeners well know, I didn't have anything until, like, the PS2.

But in later years, I did play V3 a lot, again, at Friends Houses. Yeah. And it's probably one of the games I've laughed the hardest and for the longest at, just while playing it, because it just lends itself to total and complete carnage. We will get to it, of course, but, yeah, I remember playing it on a master system, not on my own master system, but it's always been there sort of bubbling under. I remember reading about things in Sega Power magazine like Micro Machines TurboTournament 96 having the track editor.

Yeah, yeah. And thinking, this is the coolest thing I've ever heard and I desperately want to play it. But I didn't get to you. Then by the time I did get to play it, I was kind of like, oh, this isn't so good. But we'll get to that. We'll get to that. Now, Micromachines is an interesting one, because it starts back in 1990s, and it was released on NES, Megadrivedmasters from Game Gear, Philip CDI, apparently.

Wow, okay. I didn't know about that. I think there was a Game Boy version as well. I already mentioned Game Gear. It was on everything more or less. And it kind of came, in my opinion, it kind of came out of the gate, like, already really good. The first micro-missions to me, if you handed me that and just said, you'll never have another micro-machines. I'd probably be fine with it. It is brilliant. It's a Codemasters thing. it's one of those games where they didn't actually have the license

from Nintendo to make games they got this programmer Andrew Graham who made a prototype and it was called California Buggy Boys which was, I love that, isn't that great? I'm sorry with my gang. We could all be playing California Bucky Boys.

But that was like a top-down sort of Sand Dune kind of racetrack thing. Apparently it's inspired by this Atari 5200 game rally speed way, from 1983, which I checked out. It does actually, you know, it is redolent of micro machines in this. Now, the interesting thing about micromachines multiplayer for me is that it doesn't use split screen.

The NES doing a split screen would not be easy to do. I don't want to say it has never been done. I'm sure there are examples of split screen NES games. I just can't think of any right now. So initially, when this game was like prototyped, it was with networked consoles, which impressed this company named Galube, which is a very funny name, I think you'll agree.

And they got this license to make this game based on micromachines toys, but they still didn't have the NES development license, so it was initially an Aladdin deck enhancer cartridge. I'm sure you all know what the Aladdin deck enhancer is, because I'm reasonably sure I talked about it on the dizzy episode.

But rest assured, I've got a plan to cover the Aladdin Decc enhancer in great detail in the future episode. So the basicness of it is it's a of hardware that acted as a, I don't even know what it was, like an in-between for the NES. It's like a pass-through cartridge, yeah. And you'd place that into your,

you'd place the Aladdin onto the cartridge and plug the cartridge into the NES and it would enable it to work, basically. Was this a precursor to the game genie? It was, I think it was actually. Yeah, it was Cody's as well, isn't it? They're same company, yeah, yeah. I imagine it's the same kind of technology,

but that's just me imagining. Yeah. When I cover this in detail, I'll find that out. When you say they didn't have the permissions to develop that, so they had to sort of use this, this Latin. Did that just carry on? Because I remember the Megadrive versions also being weirdly shaped cartridges, and there was always a sort of air of vague mystery and something sinister about the fact that they were non-standard megadrived cartridges. Yeah, it's true. I mean, Codemasters had their, you know, the J-Car, which we'll talk about, but even games like Cosmic Space had have differently shaped larger.

Angular kind of cartridges not just on the Mega Drive but also a master system I don't know why it's basically just the publisher so the publisher would take the manufacturing costs themselves and produce their own cartridges Oh right I remember EA having the

big set of it so EA would do it Accolade famously did it as well and they got sued because they actually like backwards reprogramed the Mega Drive to do the whole thing themselves imagine going to all that effort and then putting up Bubsy

I can't believe that now just kidding bubs is the best game ever played but yeah a few a few publishers did it basically it was just a way to get around

the costs of producing cartridges and having to pay Sega the costs to produce them themselves see I was going to mention the EA because they had those big those big coaches with the yellow tab thing on them and the eternal question is

what the hell is to deal with that yellow tab I think it's just aesthetic it is just aesthetic yeah it's pink in Japan which is kind of interesting really yeah Oh, man, Japan get the better tab. I can't believe this. But, no, being able to sort of construct their own cartridges,

of course, meant they could do the J-Car again. We'll get to that. But initially it was this unlicensed Aladdin Deccanthansa cartridge. I believe, at least in Powell regions, it did have a legitimate cartridge, or at least a proper NES cartridge with no pass-through, because I know we didn't use it when I played it as a kid. But what the heck?

I mean, this brings us to the eternal question. What's a micro machine? Like, what is a micro machine? Like, what is this? Do they, are they still a thing? I mean, you know, Hot Wheels seem to be eating their lunch. They are still a thing. Oh, wow.

But they haven't produced toys for a couple of years now. They were producing them. They did a sort of brand new line fairly recently, but I don't think it particularly did well, because I haven't seen them in shells for a while. But, yeah, it's obviously a little line of model cars and vehicles. And they're really small. really small.

This is going to sound like a really stupid question because I think the clue is in the name, but micro machines are smaller machines than Hot Wheels cars, is that right? Pretty much, yeah, or matchboxes as well. They're even smaller than that. They basically are... They are basically about as big as your thumb.

The best way to gauge it, I think, Liz, as I'd like you to answer this. Go on. What kind of creature could drive one of them? And, well, I guess an ant. I mean, an ant would be too small. I mean, I think at least some sort

of an earwig? No, I think an ant would be pretty... You think an ant? Pretty right the right size. Well, this is the argument that ends raptornauts because I just think, no, I'm sorry.

I should have got a box of the bloody things out and had them nearby. Yeah, and got some ants. Got some ants. I'm just trying to judge the scale from when I last saw them because these were the ones

that were used in home alone to trip up a burglar. That's one of those guys. They're a very swallowable toy. Yes, they are. They associate them with death. Yeah. They kill

burglars and they kill, I guess, kids. Don't swallow, don't swallow micro-machines kids. Love of God. You don't want a car in your belly. But obviously, it extends to just beyond real world vehicles. I know they did, you know, lots of things,

bikes, trains, planes and stuff. So they were creating like models of legitimate like car, like actual cars. They do super cars or do they do normal things like just like a Ford Escort? They did normal cars as well. There's a fantastic...

Ford Focus. There's a fantastic book from read-only memory, I think it is. I know, it's bit-map. I think it's Bitmap. I don't know. You mean Microw-BetMany, right? Yeah, Microw-Met Many, which is basically an enormous catalogue of like every microch machine ever names.

It's a fantastic book. It's a really good look. The very idea of just pouring through that over the course of an evening. It's lovely. It's like all high-quality photography of every vehicle. Like, it's lovely. I want to do a book which is all the Pugs. Like, that's what I want.

Oh, gosh. Yes. Read through it and just go like, yep. I had that pog. They could do first book one pogs, like World Pog Federation Official Pogs, and Kienis. Book 2, Slammer Whammy, that's a big one, that's like two volumes.

We bought some new Pogs about eight months ago. I was in the... No way. Yes, way. I was in the south of France. I was in a grocery store, and just by the tills where they have shiny things to keep idiot children entertained,

there was a shiny thing that entertained me, an idiot child, and it was a packet of Pogs. Not only was it a packet of Pogs, it was the first run, like the original 1 to 100. It was from that lot. Oh, mate. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. Complete with the depiction of Pogman.

Complete with the weird little hairy guy. The Pogman, yeah. You know, as a child, I loved Pogs so much that I had storybooks about that character. Like, they produced, they, I was just, whenever I was looking at the Pogs, whenever I wasn't looking at the Pogs, I was always thinking, what's that guy up to? And now I know. Pogs episode in the future may be kids. Oh, God, I love Pogs so much. I was going to say, if they actually did do pogs again, I would just buy them again.

I would fully become addicted to buying, I would just buy booster packs all the time. I had one of those, like, milk cap makers, which you could make your own cups with. I had one of those. And I absolutely destroyed many a Sonic the comic to milk caps, making my own pogs. I'm just like, yeah, that was a bad choice at the time that I will regret forever. Bad choice, a cool choice. Of what I was like as a kid, I used to become sort of enraged when people would call Keeney's slammers. I was fully bought into

the branding and the mythos like, no, they have a name. It's not just a slammer. It's a special thing. Yeah, it's a kinie. It's a kinie. It's ridiculous to say otherwise. You know, I did, this is totally niche, so I might just cut it, but I drew a thing recently, like a comic thing, and it was about kinies in some way, like, in part. And everyone I showed it to was just like, I don't know what a keeney is. And I was just like, what is happening here? Oh, well, it's because we call them Jets.

In the UK. The cultural... The cultural... I got nothing. I like... I mean, I think... I thought it was good. I thought it was good.

I enjoyed it. The cultural impact that Pogs had, like, to me, as personal impact they had. The idea of someone not... of my sort of generation, not knowing what Aquini is, is disgusting.

Next up, they're going to just be like, I don't know what a taso is. It's absurd, you know? But anyway, that's totally besides the point. Micromachines are not pogs. You can possibly stack them, but I wouldn't recommend doing so. Pogs do also fit in your mouth. That is true, but if you swallow them, you're less likely to die.

This is... Well... Would you maybe be more likely to die? Let's discuss this. Why, I reckon... There's enough gaps in a toy car to get a bit of breath of... Oh, that's a good point. Plus, you could open the doors to get some more area as well.

When the window down. Whereas if it's a pog, that'll just be like a manhole car. you are sweet. Yeah, you're right, you're right. When I was a child, I put a two pence quen of my mouth and choked on that, and that's about the size of a pug, isn't it? Oh, why would you do that? I don't know. I was watching Dave Benson Phillips and wake up in the wild room, and I thought, now is the time to put some money in my mouth and juggle it around my tongue, and then I nearly choked and died. Imagine if I choked and died, you'd never be able to hear this anecdote. Well, I'm glad you didn't. Thank you. Thank you very much. All it caused was

irreparable brain damage, and now I like Dizzy and Jetset Willie. Chuck Yeak. Anyway, yes, micro machines, they're so small, aren't they? You know what? We haven't had said any swear word yet, so I'll just say one now. Aren't they so fucking small, those cards? They're all well small. Because the gimmick here is, they're so small.

The gimmick here is that the cars would be on courses that are not exactly, not exactly brands hatched, you know, not exactly brand's head. They're based on sort of household and sort of down to earth settings. So, for example, the first game, correct me if I'm wrong on this, it has like the breakfast bends, the breakfast table. Yep. Where the course boundaries are made out of like Cheerios. Yep. You drive over like a big waffle, I think, at one point, or some, or just like a big shredded wheat or something. and there are beans all over the course to slow you down

which is kind of gross like I'd have to say but not only that you've got like a stage in the bathtub where you're driving power boats which going unbelievably slow instantly because there is a variation in speed between the different vehicles but then you're in the garden there's like a sort of I don't know I say classroom it's more like just a kind of a desk yeah like a work desk for a child

and then there's one in like in the garage so you've got like screws and screwdriver and all sorts of things lying around. Oil. You do have like a play pit as well, like a sand pit with the buggies. Treehouse stuff with the wooden walls.

I imagine that would, if it's, you know, California Buggie Boys was the inspiration or like the first take of it. I imagine that was probably an early track that, you know. Yeah, yeah, maybe. I was thinking that as well, actually, the sandbox or sandpit. Sorry, not sandbox.

It's a sand pit. Yeah. Sorry, Americans. I'm not saying, I'm not using, your words. Do you think that... You've been saying NES instead of NES.

I think you're the first British person I've ever heard say NES. You're right. That is disgusting. He's been hanging around too many Americans, unfortunately. I've been hanging around

with Parrish too long. But no, don't you think California Buggy Boys sounds kind of like a beach boy song? Like, California buggy boys. I can certainly see some like leather jackets with like an emblem emblazed with California Buggy Boys

on the back. I think they like to cause a lot of trouble but they just like to have fun. Totally. I mean, we're not quite at the character's leg screen, but if anyone on the roster is a California buggy boy is going to be Spider.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Spider is the best. When I was a little, when I was a kid, like, it's just B-Ly for Spider. He's clearly the coolest one. Yeah, I was going to ask, like, you don't want to get stuck with Walter, do you? I was going to ask who's everybody's main,

but yeah, we should talk about that, because there are different characters you can choose to players. Now, it doesn't really, they don't really do anything in this game. They're just kind of there. So you've got a bunch of characters based on different

let me put this delicately cut some of them bit racist maybe now stereotypical sort of thing like the Asian chap not exactly covering co-masters with glory

but you know the Rasta chap as well Dwight I want to say Dwight Yeah I can't remember his name To be honest No no he wasn't Dwain That was Dwayne That was the guy who's like a surfer guy

Wasn't he Yeah Yeah I always picked Dwayne because I really liked it when he said, let's race dem cars. I thought it was cool. And the problem is that itself is quite stereotypical. And I'm worried that I shouldn't have done a bit of the voice.

You never do the voice. You never do the voice. That's the rules, isn't it? Yeah, never, ever do the voice. Okay, let's roll back that one. I don't think I really did the voice. I think I just said Dem. Yeah, that's fine.

I think I'm okay. I think I skirted the line there. Anyway, yes, the characters, who would you guys pick? I mean, I'd always pick Spider. Yeah, same. It's a spider, yeah. Yeah, it's a spider landslide. I can't imagine a spider landslide to be awful.

For listeners of home, spider is a sort of typical greaser rocker type, black leather jacket, black sunglasses, hair and a big duck's ass quiff. And later games, he's got like a five o'clock shadow as well. Yeah, a tragically uncool child's idea of a very cool person. Oh, yeah, incredibly cool to an eight-year-old. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I was always hoping they would do a spin-off about Spider, just like what he's up to when he's not racing them cars.

It's not even him who says that, so it doesn't make sense. Spider doesn't say anything. I think he's entirely new. But there are other characters or there's like, oh, when I said Spider, Siri came on. I think that Siri thinks it's Spider, that's Spider, that's amazing. Amazing. You're never, Siri, you're not cool.

You're lame. Other than, yeah, there's all these, other characters from different racist colors and creeds, let's just say that. Some of them less offensive than others, all of them presumably well-meaning. It does give the sense they're trying to be multicultural and be inclusive, but they might be going, airing a little bit on the stereotype side. So, tut-tut, smack-bot, moving on. in this game

in the single player races they are more traditional just get to the finish line before the CPU however if you're playing in multiplayer which in sort of battle mode I think it's called you have a very

sort of unique system I'm not sure if it's actually in any previous games I don't remember seeing it previous to this I'm not sure if it was in that really speedway but what it is Now, I have best to describe this. Basically, if one player leaves the other one behind, they get a point.

And by leave them behind, I mean sufficiently advance from them that they get kind of bumped off the back of the screen, although it's not always like that. Yeah. It's sort of like the person who's in the lead is sort of bringing the screen forward with them. Yes. And if you're dropping further and further back, you'll effectively fall off the screen to vanish in a really satisfying sound effect sort of, p.

It's a little bit... It can be a little bit flaky in a way that elicited quite a lot of me going. I totally didn't fucking do that. But that's part of the fun, I think. This is one of those games where I sort of forgive the flaws because they add to the spite, you know? Yeah, the power find is a little bit of. It's one of those games that you can lose friends over, I think.

When it stops becoming a race and instead becomes sort of, well, I'm just going to try and push you off the edge of whatever we're on and you're going to try and do exactly the same to me. And neither of you move any further forwards than about three inches of screen real estate, but you're just bumping against each other, bumping against each other, trying to knock one off so you can zoom ahead.

Yeah, we didn't mention this, but some of the courses, and most of the courses actually, have pits where, for example, on, I want to say the classroom, there's a bit where there's a gap between desks and there's a ruler bridging them. Now, this actually might be a later game, I can't remember, but

when you get to that ruler, that's only about two cars wide. So you need to know it's there, and you need to be in the right position. If there's someone sort of level pegging with you, that's going to get rough, basically. Now, this game doesn't have power-ups. It doesn't have weapons,

with one exception, when you're driving as a tank, which does happen, I think in this game... I don't think the tanks are in the first game. They're not in the first one. Okay. I'm going to lean towards

they're in the Nes version at the very least, because I'm almost certain I remember playing them, But I'm not married to that. I might be wrong. It doesn't matter anything that applies to the later games too, but if you end up in a tank, you will be able to fire whatever tanks fire, a big bullet's tank.

A big round ball. A big round ball, yeah. To blow up your opponent, which is obviously incredibly fun. The fact that you only get to do it on a very rare occasion makes it all the better. Should we briefly touch on how the game actually controls? Because it's not like a sort of racing game in the sense that left and right is is absolute.

It's almost tank controls, which I guess given that we were talking about tanks, of makes sense, but it does apply to everything. Yeah. The physics on the NES, I didn't write that time, the NES and Megadrive versions are actually quite different. I don't really know how to describe them. But the Mega Drive version is a bit skidier, a bit more loose, I think. Then the NES, you're very kind of on your line, like your race line. I don't know how to describe it, because I'm not like a massive racing games expert.

Okay. But I feel like in the NES game you're more in control than you are in the Mega Drive. And that's not to say it's better or worse. It's just different. And being kind of loosely controlled, I think, adds again to the chaos. So, I mean, the Mega Drive version to me stands out as superior because, you know, it's better looking. And it's on the Mega Drive. And everything on the Mega Drive is better than everything on the net.

That's just how it is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't get upset about it. It's not my... I didn't make the games, you know. But yeah, but what were there being topped down? You basically press left and right to rotate the car, essentially.

so that's how you're controlling the steering but yeah it's clockwise or anti-clockwise and that's how you get your control I mean for first time players it's probably a little bit weird to get used to because you're obviously pressing left and it's not actually moving in that direction it's not a one for one

it's more a case of you're controlling the front wheels from a top down perspective but you do get used to it very quickly and it just creates a bit of a more unique control scheme that you wouldn't get on more standard sort of behind the car racing games. I find it interesting because, like, again, I feel like I'm being a positional,

but that's not my intention. To me, maybe it's because I've played it so much, but to me, it really just seems intuitive. Like, when you're racing behind a racer, you press left, your wheels turn left, and you turn left. To me, that's just normal. I can't think of an example of a top-down racing game

prior to this that has that, but surely even some... I mean, super off-road, doesn't that have that... same basic thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. Same similar thing. Because, like, I know sort of Super Skid Marks and, oh, God, what's the other one I was going to say?

Rock and Roll Racing. Yeah. Both have basically the same thing. Yep, they do. Now, Super Skid Marks, Total Tangent. Was that also Code Masters? No, that's an Atari, like, um, the arcade division of Atari. It's at the point, yeah, yeah.

Okay. I don't know why I think it's code masters. It's just, it's because of the cows. No, hang on. I'm sorry, I'm thinking of Super Sprint. Uh, you are right. Super Skid Marks is Codemasters, yes. That's interesting that they cannibalized their own series, isn't it?

Like, I mean, Super Skid Marks is basically Micromachines, isn't it? Yeah, it's a similar deal, but I think the markets were different because I think Super Skid Marks was mainly Amiga. Yes, it was. There is a Mega Drive port, but that came later. But I think it mainly targeted the home computers, whereas obviously the Micro Machine series was mainly a sort of home console. It did get Gosson and Amiga ports, but they weren't the lead thing for it.

No, no, definitely. Well, something I do want to mention about this game is the Game Gear version, because it has one of my favorite cheeky multiplayer modes ever. I didn't know about this. I think you can link up. Okay. But also, it has an advertised mode where one player has their thumb on the D-pad and one player has their thumb on the buttons. And it's like, you're playing two-player. And driving one car, isn't that amazing?

And it's kind of like, eh. Oh, is it? I thought you meant that it would be two cars and then it sort of auto-accelerates with left and right and then the two buttons turning left and right on the other side because I know they did that on the Megadrive versions where you could have sort of eight players with two players controlling two cars.

Maybe that's what it is and I'm misremembering it then because that would be definitely better if it was just half-player game. I thought it was like Croc 2 where they actually do that, you know. I wonder if it's like the later Mega Drive ones. I think it probably might be. I'm going to go ahead assume that it is. That's very cool.

Yeah. So with those, it auto accelerates. So all you're doing is the steering. Yeah. And that lets you just play the game using two buttons. You very rarely need to break in micrachines anyway. So it kind of works fine. So yeah.

My research into this has reached a cold trail. But that's fascinating and I hope it's true. In fact, it almost certainly is because that makes way more sense than why I thought it was. Although, having said that, that mode is in Croc 2. So there is precedence much, much, much later. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah.

The mode where you end up hitting your friends, they don't jump right. And this game, of course, it reviewed, like, brilliantly. It was very much raved about. But there was criticism for the visuals. They are plain, but, like, you know, it's micro-machines. Yeah. It's one of those pure gameplay kind of games. You really need to not worry too much about the visuals from this one.

I'd say it's a little plain, but very charming. Again, the tracks that you're racing, I know we've talked about like a breakfast table covered with stuff, a workbench with miscellaneous chemicals. It is the sort of thing that you'd get if you asked a kid to just build a track out of what's in front of them. If you've got a messy down table, if you've got a school chemistry bench, all of the little bits and pieces sort of making the edges of the track, making the jumps, making the blood. blah, blah, blah. It's so charming. It's stuff that you could cobble together out of stuff in your house. Yeah, absolutely. I agree. That is, uh, it's an exact, it is really imaginative and it's a huge surprise that it didn't happen before this, to be honest. Yeah. Yeah. Something I realized when I was doing a little bit of research for this and sort of scrubbing through various YouTube videos,

you know, when you, you've had sort of two things in your mind for a while, but you've never made that connection. It was only rewatching micro machines V3, and I don't want to jump too far ahead. It was only re-watching that that I realized that is where my love of the Catamari Damasi games. Oh, wow. In part, came from. And I don't know if I should have kept my powder dry on this and sort of lent in, lent into it properly when we got to V3. But the aesthetics of that and the aesthetics of Catamari, it was like the scales were removed from my eyes, this sudden connection between the two. Yeah. If you sit and they're going, oh, God, fucking of course. Obviously, this.

Kata Micro de Machini. There you go. I've brought them together quite cleverly there. Incidentally, I secretly just checked and it was in fact what you said Guy, it is all too accelerating and... Oh, there we go. I'm kind of sad that it wasn't

what you said, because that would be incredibly cheek. It would be very funny. I'm so glad I was wrong. I'm so delighted. Is there anything left to say about the original micro machines, though? I think the creativity of the track is a great way of symbolizing playing with micromachines

and not having play sets. I think that's just a wonderful little like nods to the actual toy and making it very apparent that like, oh yeah, anybody could make their own tracks and play with their toys like this. So that's really fun. I also like that the interstitials between races are actually a micromachines carry case.

And as it goes through, you fill it up with the different vehicles that you play as. Again, just a lovely little touch. One of those things I didn't really know. notice until, like, a lot later in life. And it's like, oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. I think that the car collection aspect is something that suffers a little bit by the fact that you can't save.

Yeah, no, absolutely. Because later games, of course, that is not true. You can, in fact, save. But it's not the focus, is it? Like, even the straight sequel doesn't really sort of, like, emphasize the collecting aspect. It's not until you get to V3 that they bring that back in a big way, but then you can, of course, save.

Yeah, this is it. You know, I think maybe we should talk briefly about the multiplayer again in the respect that while we did talk about the way that you score in it, The point is, I think it's the first to, like, five, isn't it? First to... So, it's essentially the first to eight. First to eight. You start off with four each, basically, and it's like you have to sway the points to each other.

Yeah. And it gets into sort of a tug of war, because you steal points back, basically. It's not like first ones win that, but it's that. Plus, when you've done a certain number of laps, I believe, it just tots up whoever's got the most points, so it doesn't last forever. Yeah, I think after three laps, so you have to be done, basically. It can last forever on Micromachines V3, which we'll get to in a minute. But first of all, the game was followed by the next year, well, the next year for some systems, three years later for others. Micromachines 2, Turbo Tournament, released on the Mega Drive, on DOS, on the game gear, and on the SNES, developed by Supersonic Software,

who have one of the best idents I've ever seen for their own company. Oh, yeah, the little car driving up the S, yeah, yeah. Awesome. It's awesome. And this is like, oh, this is, this is a big overhaul. Like, this is a big step up for this series. And it's also fascinating because I think this was the game that introduced the J-Cart, which is, they basically were sort of totting up how can we let four people play this game without having to buy the four-player adapter, the accessory. Which I've never seen in my life for a Mega Drive. I have seen it because I have memories of playing four-player Mega Bomb Man, but I can't remember what it looks like or anything. thing. Now, what this is, is the cartridge itself has two extra controller ports on it. Isn't that absolutely mad? It blew my mind when I saw it. It was like, yeah. Why? No, you can't put hardware into the, no, but that lives on the... It's against the law. Real Dr. Moro shit.

But my concern about that, because I have to acknowledge I haven't used the J-Cart, I just know it exists, wouldn't that jostle the cartridge and cause it to freeze? You see, that's what I was thinking as well. But then I remembered, controllers of the day had massive cables, which they don't have anymore. No, they don't. Even like the recent bout of mini-consuls have all these pokey little cables that don't really reach very far.

But, yeah, it was never really much of an issue because, like I say, the controller leads were just so long. I do wonder if someone, if there was ever a case of a child who was losing, who did it on purpose, went, oh no, the game's frozen. How awful. I'm sure there was lots of tugged the controller and pulled the console off the shelf. And you mentioned, I think it was you who mentioned Guy, the eight player with pad sharing, is here as well. Yes. So, yeah, you can have two controllers in the Mega Drive, two controllers in the Jay Carton and two people on each controller.

For all my sort of intense loneliness in the ear village, when I went to university, I brought my PlayStation with me at a PlayStation, my Mega Drive with me. and we had some micromachines sort of championships there. And I don't know if it's 96 or turbo tournaments that I've still got the copy of. One of them came with a series of invites. Oh, that's 96. That's 96. Little paper slips. 96.

All right, yeah, little paper slips in the box that you were invited to a micromachines tournament the name so and so, direction, so and so. And I've still got them, and I think that's kind of tragic that I never used them. No, don't worry about it. I have still got them as well. that's pretty good that's one of the best feelings I've ever heard of yeah it's really sweet

I think there were lots of different colours as well yeah they were blue and orange if I remember correctly yeah oh now that's bummed me up because I bought that game Turbo Tournament 96 on Saturday from this retro shop as complete and it is like manual and game but there are no invites so it's not in fact complete

I'll have to go back and kit a guy's henna send me your address after this and I'll post you I might actually do this But then you're not going to come to kill me. I can't promise anything, but... That's fair. He's going to be coming round to play a tournament with you, isn't he?

But then, of course, if I win the tournament, then, you know... Guts. Well, then it's, you know, gloves off. Another ear in the stream. You talk about the fact that the game is reminiscent of a sort of a child's imagination, of a child sitting there, driving their micro-missions around going brum, brum, brum, brum. Yeah. Should there not then be a course set in a child's guts?

Oh, they missed a trick there, clearly. They really did. Now, something that I find fascinating about this game, because it's very much a product of its time in that respect, is one of the drivers, one of the playable drivers, outside of Spider and Walter and the usual returning suspects and a few new ones, is Violet Berlin. National treasure, Violet Berlin.

The bad influence presenter, well, co-presenter, Violet Berlin. Now, I don't know if the listeners of retronauts, which are predominantly American, will know who Violet Bullin is or what bad influences, and I really feel like we should tell them. Absolutely. Guy, do you know what bad influences?

I used to watch it, but only very occasionally. I'm aware of it, and I'm aware of the existence of Violet Berlin. I was much more of a gamesmaster kind of boy. See, I was the other way around. I was a big bad influence guy, but kind of missed the mark on Games Master. Louis, tell us about bad influence. What was bad influence? What happened on it?

Basically, after school TV. ITV, CITV, really? Yeah, essentially, yeah, yeah. There would be a little game show on, bad influence, and it would give you the news and reviews of whatever was happening at that point. And, yeah, presented by Andy Crane and Violet Malin. Andy Crane. Sorry, it makes me laugh

Just to think about his existence I don't know what he's up to you these days Maybe he's alright Yeah, there's a very good interview with him Actually on a podcast I frequent I can't remember the bloody name of now But he seems like a great stand-up guy Oh, that's good

But yeah Because Pat Sharp, he's a bit of a naughty boy But Andy Crane And they're the WhatsApp doc too, aren't they So they have to be, you know That's it Yeah But yeah

Really fun little show Very much aimed at children But didn't talk down to them and yeah I actually remember the episode particularly where Violet Billing Coast to Codemasters and they program her into the game

like I'm aware they actually do a little studio tour and stuff and talk about the development of it yeah the thing I remember from bad influence is that is Namrud the cheats guy yes yeah yeah so he would always be sort of like

in this like hovel essentially like hacking things and then he'd give you a tip or a cheat for a game that week is doormand backwards did you know that Oh, that makes sense. There you go.

That's a gag I didn't get until right now. It's like miles per hour. I didn't get that till I was 28 years old. Oh, miles per hour. Right. I see. Oh, micro machines, because they're small. I see.

Yeah, very good. Yeah, one thing I want to mention about bad influence because I'm never going to have another chance to do so. They got the reviews done by kids. Yes, yes, they did. So it would be like kids like woodenly saying like, lemmings, too, is the brand new game. from DMA desire following the success of lemmings.

This new game brings all sorts of new lemmings to the game. The lemmings will come out of a trapdoor and you must use the lemmings powers to get the lemmings into their house. I give it 86%. That sort of thing, basically. I think I did stretch that one out of it too long. I feel bad about it.

I've been workshopping that bit for a long time. But they usually sort of like, at least give you a little bit of diversity. It would always be like a boy and a girl that would review it and it always seemed quite genuine because like one of them would normally

absolutely slag it off and the other one would like praise it to high hell so I think for me with bad influence and I mean no disrespect to you as an avid viewer of it because I also watched it

bad influence always struck me as kind of like this safe one whereish Gamesmaster was just like what's he gonna do now is he gonna talk about his pants he has There's a vis quality to Games Master, isn't it?

It feels like you're trying to get it past, like, you know, your parents, essentially. I was forbidden from watching Games Master at one point because I said crap. And I was not allowed to watch Game's Master anymore because of the rude word that I said. The unbelievably rude word, crap. Well, jokes on you, Mo, I watched every episode on YouTube. I just remember Patrick Stewart kind of... No, not Patrick Stewart. Patrick Moore was very creepy, and I didn't like that.

one of my favorite gamesmaster things ever is at the end of the final episode there's a shot of Patrick Moore walking out of the studio and he turns back to it as if he's being like wistful and then he just makes this dismissive gesture and gets in a car

and it's the most perfect kiss off for Gainsmaster like ever oh god remember when they brought it back and it had like Rob Florence in it God yeah briefly was it Trevor MacDonald as the Games Master

yes it was yes that's just I mean that's just upsetting I can't believe this I remember when it came out and everyone on my feed was talking about how brilliant it was and I felt like I died

and gone to hell Anyway Anyway Game's world What about that No we're not talking about games world We're talking about games now, not talking about Cybernet, none of that matters. We're talking about micromachines because the PC version of micro machines too,

I want to mention this, was the first one to include the track editor function. I didn't know about this. The one in the Mega Drive in the next game is very cut down, but this was where it initiated. Now, in terms of gameplay, it's basically the same. Right, yeah, yeah. With only very minimal sort of changes. Now, this was the one you had, was it?

guy, this was your micro-machines. Yeah, on the Mega Drive. I don't know whether the version I had had the track editor, so I'm not sure there was... TurboTornament original doesn't have it, but 96 has it. The update has it. I think I just need to rummage around some boxes upstairs. I don't think I've ever played with a track editor on it. That might just speak to a lack of creativity for my childhood self.

I mean, when I initially booted up Turbo Tournament 96, I was like, where's the track editor? It's sort of buried in the extra options. Yeah, you do have to go through a few menus to get it. get to it. Yeah. And when you get to it, you suddenly realize that it's not that fun to make tracks, but... I don't know. I would disagree, but... Fair play. Fair play. Okay, let me rephrase that. You suddenly realize you don't have any ideas for tracks. I don't have any ideas for tracks personally. So, how did it work? Was it just placing down tiles, like a bit by bit? You had a screen which had the nine different types of thing, I think. Yeah. Of course, I think you could

change it as well, but you would pick... You'd basically... Well, you've, you did this, Lewis. You should probably explain this, not me. Well, I mean, I can speak for 96. I can't speak for the DOS version of two. But for 96, it was very much a case of you basically picked your surface, so you could have, you know, concrete, grass, table, whatever, and then you would basically lay down by tiles the circuit. So you have your straights, your corners, you just sort of write down. The corners are all angular, so, yeah, it's not particularly, you know, smooth corners, essentially.

But it allows you to at least piece together a circuit. Then you can decide on the vehicle that you use and how fast it goes. and what the lines of the circuit look like as well. So you can make them out of chalk. You can make them out of, well, in the garden it looks like peas. It's like, yeah, or like bits of screw and stuff. Like if you're using like the workshop base. Yeah, and then it will generate it.

You can't go over a certain... You're kind of restricted to how much track you can use on any given save slot. You do have to work within its limitations. And it obviously has to form a complete circuit. you can't just do point-to-point races or anything like that. But, yeah, you do have a lot of freedom, and then you can stamp down different objects as well. So if you want to put extra things down, like fruit or, like, cups of coffee and stuff,

you can place it around it so you have obstacles to hit as well. That sounds really surprisingly full features, I used to use it so much. I think there's any 10 save slots to make circuits on 96. It's remarkable there are saves slots at all. I would have thought it would have used codes or something. No, no, it's fully like battery save to the point that, my battery is now going. Sometimes it will bring the circuits up.

Sometimes it doesn't. But yeah, it's on its way up. Oh, that sucks. But yeah, it's a really fun little feature. And, yeah, if the PC DOS version 2 has an enhanced track editor,

that's even better than this, then I think I would like to experience that at some point because I love that. Yeah, I think you have to get in on that. Yeah. It very much feels like the end goal for this game. Like, once you've added a track editor, then where do you go from there, right?

Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah, yeah. I don't really want to like, what's the word, run these two together because while they're very similar games, obviously, while Tobit 2096 is an update, it is pretty much a sequel. I think there's just loads of new tracks and vehicles, and the graphics are different. It's not just, here's the same thing, but more, it's new stuff.

I can't remember if it's 2 or 96 that introduces it, but there's also certain circuits called mini-micro circuits, where it's zoomed out even further, and you can see a lot more of the circuit. And as a result, it makes it a lot easier as well, because you can see a lot of what's coming up. I think that's Turbo Tournament. I remember being impressed by the different, I guess, zoom levels of each level. Because there's also the bonus stages where the track you're bigger and you have to collect the tiny micromachines.

In the Turbo Tournament, the original, their track courses where you have to collect one and the next one will appear. In 96, it's a maze. And you have to find your way to the tiny micromachian in the maze, which is very easy because at the beginning they show you the maze and show you where it is. So all you have to do is memorize it. I'd completely forgotten about this until I was looking on YouTube earlier today just to refresh this. And the memories just came flooding back like being hit by a car. Oh, my God, I remember being a great big, was they dump trucks? Like those big, like big looking guys trundling through like a tree house trying to get a tiny little car that gives you an extra life.

Yeah, I think it's if you collect 30, you get a one up. Because, yeah, these games, you just like. lives. There's no other way that they could, you know, punish you, I guess. Yeah. But from TurboTornament onwards, you've got saving. Not sure about military, we'll get to that. But, I mean, it's difficult for me to know what to say about this, because it really is basically the same thing but better with knobs on.

Yeah. TurboTorment 96 having more sort of shading, though I think that TurboTorment 96 overall feels a bit slower. Yeah, I wouldn't call that a bad thing. I'm not sure about that personally. I think they're quite similar. Right, right. I wouldn't call that a bad thing.

I wouldn't call that a bad thing. I just, to me, when I went back to it earlier, I felt like it was a shade slower. But then again, maybe it's just that the early races are a shade slower. That's fair. That's fair. Because I didn't get to the end, unfortunately. We should probably talk about, like, in particular,

how when you first play a micromachines, it's not very accessible to first-time players, I don't think. You really do need to play circuits repeatedly to actually learn how to race on them because it's so zoomed in and you don't really get a lot of forward's viewpoint. You can't really anticipate corners very well. Yeah, and you go very fast

and skid quite a lot. And those narrow tracks, like the rulers that you mentioned earlier, knowing when they're coming up and where you need to be. This is the thing. And they do find ways to sort of creatively make that a little bit easier on first-time players with later games. But at the moment with the locked sort of like top-down 2D like Mega Drive games, a lot of your first experience

of playing migraineries is just going to be learning the circuits because, yeah, until you know how they all sort of like play out, it's very difficult to anticipate corners. I think that's why it's best played with someone

who either doesn't know anything about it or knows space at the same level. Well, this is why the multiplayer is so good, isn't it? Because you're all on an even playing field. Nobody really knows what's coming and then it's just a case of like, well, just smack each other about it.

It's a good laugh. Except for the person who owns the game. Well, yeah, there's that. Who always wins. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, Micromachines, Taber Tournament, Tebowtonnament, 96, and then, again, in 96, Micro Machines Military. Yeah. It's a bit of a production line kind of deal here, because that's a real quick turnaround for these games.

And Micromachines Military, I think, was PAL only. It didn't hit the US at all. Yeah, I didn't get this until fairly recently, because it's a very, very late era of Mega Drive release. Yes. Saturn and PlayStation already out. The last two in particular as well have been Mega Drive exclusive

so military and 96 have been both on Mega Drive and yeah obviously just I always kind of associate the franchise with that system

I don't know if it's because of like games like this which are exclusive it obviously just did better on that system to justify you know doing a 996 Mega Drive

release is pretty wild isn't it? Yeah I mean what else is it like Sonic 3D and a bunch of secure stuff well this is it

Like, we're, you know, we're on the cusp of PS1 now. Like, there's, it's... Yeah, I think the PS1 is out. Well, yeah, essentially, this is it, right? Like, I think... Everyone's, like, playing Christmas metal and laughing at micromachian. Yeah, totally. But, yeah, military's fine.

There's nothing special about it, really. It's very much, like, a combat-focused one in that all the vehicles now fire. Yeah, I mean, I mean... All the characters are now in army fatigues. Yes, yeah. I think that's a cute touch, to be fair. They've all surrendered to the machine. Yeah, they're all about, they're all going to...

going to die basically. But, um, I mean, for me, having constant fire everywhere all the time, which is what it is. Yeah. Spoils the purity of the game. Yeah, absolutely. It doesn't work, in my opinion. Now, it's, that's not to say it's not fun, because it's not a badly made game or anything. No, but I do feel like they do combat better in later games. Yeah. It's, I mean, the thing is, it stops it being a racing game, more or less. It turns into something else. I think you were right with what you said earlier. When you get the tank on 96 or micro-machines too, that's a treat.

That's something different. And all of a sudden, oh, this is, we're now playing a slightly different thing. Whereas if every vehicle that you have has that, you're like, well... It's soon tests your patience as well to just be like constantly being hit by stray fire, especially when there's four of you playing at once.

It's just impossible to avoid all these bullets going around everywhere. Yeah, it's just... It's just... It really does, like you say, take away from the purity of actually just that fun arcade racing. It's like, yeah, because everyone can do it, you know, it loses the novelty. And to quote syndrome from the movie The Incredibles,

if everyone, when everyone's special, nobody will be, or something like that. I don't remember. I don't remember what he said. He gets fucked up. Like, he goes into a fucking jet. Like, he gets a turbine. He gets mulched, mate.

Maltz. They should have shown it. They haven't got any balls. Cowards, mate. Cowards. I bet there's a cut where you see him getting fully immense. Sorry, that's disgusting. But yeah, so is the military.

Thank you. They don't like it when we get political. They don't like it when we get political, I'm rational, you know. I always complain about it. I used to love your show, but then you got political. I'm done. I'm done with you. Speaking of being done, I'm done with military, because I want to talk about the best one.

Oh, yes. Controversial statement, maybe, hot take. I don't think it really is. As much as I love the Mega Drive, like, V3 is a killer in it. It's so great. Micro machines, V3, 1997. PlayStation, N64 and PC. I think the 64 version came later.

Yeah, because I think it's called Turbo at the end as well. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not as good. This is the game that brought the series into 3D, and in my opinion, it is one of the exemplary examples of doing it right. Like, they use the 3D in ways that only enhance the game. Memorable stuff, like, I remember in the fine dining track,

you can drive under, like, the dip in the fork, you know, little things like that enhancing that your incredibly cute weeness, you know. I love it. That sounded really bad if you don't. It took me a second to realize where you were... I hope like the quality of being we. Because weenus sounds like something else, doesn't it? It sounds like penis, that's what I mean.

But, no, this game, like, from the off, as soon as you put it up, and you look at those frigging menus, you're just like, yes, yes. Because it has the cutest menus I've ever seen it ever. It's like an isometric 2D menu full of roads, and your little car pulls up, and whenever you select it, he'll drive on that road through, and through that garage to the next part of the menu and it's all fully made up.

There's little guys on the side of the road jumping up and down and cheering for you and stuff and it's just unbelievably good. The polish is just out of this world. And I mean the main addition to the game here is the power-ups, I think. Yes. They've included a very, I would say,

limited and restrained in a good way. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Use of power-ups here where, for example, the power-ups aren't just sort of game winners. They're actually funny. Like, driving around with a massive hammer is very, very funny. The huge mallet is delightful. And the grabby little hands that zoom out from the front of the front.

Yeah, the sort of ultra hand. And the funniest thing about it is, when you grab some with the ultra hand, you pick them up and put them behind you. Like, it's perfect. I think even the power-up icon is just really, it looks almost tactile. It's just very pleasant to look at it. Well, it's like a little prissy, isn't it? Yeah, a sort of series of green cubes connected together with thick black lines.

And I can't remember whether they cycle through colors or not, but they just look, they look delicious. I really don't want to make this whole thing about me wanting to eat various toys. But power-ups, oh, just yum, num, no, no, no. They are tasty, aren't they? Yeah, it's like me playing Super Frog and just be like, God, I want to eat some fruit now. Not drink some luxate.

Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Don't get me started. But I think, V3 is incredible. I think the thing I really like that it does is the use of the 3D camera, to basically show you more of the circuit so that you can anticipate cornering better it will zoom out, show you more of the circuit

when you head into corners and then zoom in when you're on straight so you can just like blitz it with the speed and give you that intensity. It's really great. What it does that later games don't do, it doesn't give arbitrary camera movements when it really doesn't need to.

You will never get thrown off because you'll be turning one way and then a camera will start with any other way. It doesn't happen in this game. this is a very solid, cleverly made thoughtful game. And in multiplayer as well, like I think the camera will pull back

as as other drivers like move further behind the pack and stuff and so sort of give you that idea that there is an edge to the screen and that's how you, you know, you own your points in their head-to-ed mode. It's not as clear cut as it is with the 2D games where it's basically just if you reach the edge of the screen

you've done it, you've earned a point. There's a bit more wiggle room in V3. Like it feels like you can almost come off the screen a little bit, but maybe just get back on and catch up with the pack again, you know? It gives you an opportunity to come back into it.

No, very well done. Incredibly well. Amazing users as well. Oh yeah, definitely. Really great soundtrack. And even sort of as you're, I mean, you've mentioned navigating through the stage like going down the different roads and stuff, but the animations that play while things are loading, sort of little bouncy cars or sort of moving

checkerboard bits of track. It's just absolutely charming from hell to breakfast. It's perfect. It's like the apex of this series. Like, to me, it's not even like up for debate. Yeah. It's the best one. On the like, when you're selecting circuits,

isn't it like a little isometric cut, like slice of the circuit with the vehicle on it? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a really great little touch. They've all got cute little names as well. Yeah. My favorite thing about this game ever is my last time I played it. I haven't played it since this thing, so I don't think I could top it.

There's a level on the beach. there's a beach race and at one point in the beach race you ascend a sand castle now you're driving quite fast dune buggies

and ascending that sandcastle is remarkably difficult doing it at speed is just not going to happen and me and my friend who were playing it could not get up the sand castle we'd knock the other one off

or we just fall off and then that in itself was funny because it was taking so damn long to get out of the sand castle but I'm talking like this was probably like 10 minutes solid of time we then we

after about three minutes of it we made it even better because we found out because there's a button dedicated to the horn because we were constantly hitting the horn we found out that when the cars go off a cliff if the horn's going it goes like this and so we are

in hysterics constantly driving off this cliff sometimes on purpose sometimes by accident listening to it going now you had to be there but I promise you it was one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life it was the combination of complete

time wasting the futility the fact that if we just slowed down we'd easily get up there and neither of us were willing to do it it was a beautiful multiplayer gaming moment a completely organic that could only have come from this game and it's absolutely brilliant

to quote Codemaster's own tagline. The hubris, but they were right. They were right. Super Robin Hood's a banger. We talked earlier at the car collecting aspect of it. Yeah, the price parts, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I found that that was, not that there was anything missing from the Mega Drive micro-machines games,

but having that extra bit of like, oh, I've done a couple of races, I've just unlocked a new thing, and it's not just a new thing, it's this beautifully presented new thing. It's a little 3D, and I was quite late to the PlayStation. I clung to my Mega Drive for a long time, so real 3D stuff was still quite sort of mind-bending to me. And so sitting at my friend Thomas's house playing this game and seeing just this beautifully rendered little 3D toy car that I just unlocked, that was one of the big old dopamine buttons of like, a whole zoo of cars to collect. A zoo of cars is called... What is a sort of cars called?

Garage. Yeah. Dang it, I was close. A showroom. Yeah, I guess it would be a showroom. But yeah, no, that car collecting aspect is fantastic in this. And that you can take basically any vehicle onto any circuit as well. I was a big fan of the ice cream truck in particular

because the horn is obviously the little, you know, pinkly green sleeves. Absolutely brilliant. Love it. That is actually outstanding. But yeah, no, just, oh, again, like, again, putting that forefront of the actual toy aspects, like, back into the game, like, and, yeah, it just, it feels like the ultimate playbox. Like, it's a fantastic game, like, one of the PS-1's best. Yeah, absolutely. It surprises me that it's not still available in some way.

Yeah. I think it was on the PSN. Okay. For the PS3, I might be totally wrong about that. Hmm. But I could have sworn I had it on my PS3. That might be utter drivel. It does seem unlikely.

It does seem unlikely, I think. Well, just because the licensing, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because, I mean, for God's sake, they should be re-releasing these things. I've realized that the high of micromachines v3 is something I have been chasing since I played it. And every time I get a sniff of something that looks a little bit like it. I think maybe this is it. Maybe this will finally be the high point.

Well, I think there's something coming later, guy, that I could probably tempt you with. Okay, okay. All right, okay, okay, all right. He's going to give us lion bars. This is great. But no, Micromachines v3, unfortunately, was too good. And they immediately had to basically immediately ruin it. And by immediately, I mean three years later when they released Micromaniacs.

Oh, God. Also known as Foxkids.com Micromaniacs Racing in the US, and Denko Second Microrunner Maniac Hakushino Hisaku, which apparently means light-speed micrunners' Dr. Maniac's secret plan. I love that. I also love that Now this was a sort of weird, edgy continuation where

Rather than cars you played as small blokes Little dudes Not just dudes, people of various genders But it didn't It was advertised I remember the advertising for this In the official PlayStation 1 magazine Where it was like these half-page things

About how twisted in the head All the messed up Like crazy characters were like, oh, there's a clown, but the clown's kind of evil. There's a little girl who's like a little girl, but she's got a big brain, you know, the scariest thing ever. And it was all kind of just edgy in a way that even at the time had me kind of going like, I mean, I don't care as long as it's fun. Like, but the thing is, it's not that fun because it's not not fun. It can be fun, but you have to work hard for it, I think.

it's nice looking and I like the character models and I like the fact that you can jump because that does add a strategic layer to some of the courses but mostly when you are playing as a bloke but they handle like a car it's always weird yeah it's always weird I've not played it but when I when you sort of mentioned this in the notes I looked it up it struck me as one of those incredibly sort of late 90s ideas of yeah we've got something that good. We've got something that works really well. Let's strip a load of the stuff that

demonstrably works back and make it edgy so we can make adverts that are like, hey, you want to play games? You're a fucking idiot. Fuck you. Love those adverts. I played it very briefly at friends. Same friend that we play V3 at

and, you know, Moti tapped it up. And there is some fun to be had in MardiPlayer. But I think the thing for me was, like you say with the characters, you don't actually get any semblance of the characters when you're playing the game. Like, it just doesn't come across as these wack characters at all.

It could just be anybody. You are just selecting a vehicle at the end of the day, regardless of the fact that it's a, you know, limed human. Yeah. But, like, yeah, so it just doesn't really like have any sort of character to it in that sense, which is a bit strange

to think that was the big marketing push. Yeah, it kind of manifests itself as a spinoff, but I think it was actually intended to be V4 because the main character's called V4. Like that's his name. Really? Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. The weird guy who's got an engine in his brain is named V4. So that's a

mean... Yeah, no, he got an engine in his brain. It's pretty edgy, right? Yeah. And the other thing I really dislike about it is they are in the same scale as the cars. You look at the circuits like they're, you know, they basically are just the same scale, which doesn't make any sense because they won't fit in the cars.

And I hate that. I don't care how edgy these people are. They're so small. that if I were to go one-on-one with them, I would easily kill them. I was just thinking, if I looked at my dining table and tiny cars were whizzing their way around it, I'd be quite charmed. Yeah.

But if I looked at my dining table and tiny little men, little fucking freaks, horrible, they'd die immediately. Yeah, you'd just have to go and get hammer and just kill them, aren't you? So, yeah. Go on time, it's a micropace, mate. The big thing with this one as well is that

it's not developed by Supersonic. No, because they were busy, weren't they? Yeah, they were doing circuit breakers, which is the true micro machines V4 on PS1, as far as I'm concerned. I have never played it, and I'm going to play it. Oh, you should. It's a very, very good game. I'm assuming it's a racing game. It is a racing game, yeah, very similar.

It's small cars, but you don't really get the same idea that they're, you know, little cars in big places shrunk down. It very much just feels like cars in random circuits, you know? That's the only thing that's lost. It doesn't have the same sort of character. It reviewed very well. But it is a lot of fun. Yeah, and they also made Mashed as well, which was PS2, I think. Yes, yes, that's them as well.

That's more car combat focus, but a similar sort of top-down Micro Machemachian's V3-star camera, and that's also very fun. I love it when I'm reminded of Mashed. Like, there's so many games on PS2 that live in the back of your head. Yeah, MASH was another multi-tap fave at a friend's house, yeah, great game. And someone would just remind you of them, you just be like, oh, yeah, that existed. Life used to be good. Now it's bad.

But no, first of all, unfortunately, V3 wasn't on PSN, I checked. I think I just own a copy of it. That's probably what I'm thinking of. Fair enough. I mean, to me, I just see it as equivalent to something like loaded, which had the same exact advertising.

Yeah. Just like, look at this twisted guy. It's twisted in the head. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't fit. He listens to Lumbeska. He's twisted. It doesn't fit the characterisation of the whole micromachines franchise at all, to be honest with you.

It's just, yeah, it just misses the mark. It is a rare misfire. It is. Now, there were no more micromachines for three years, at which point micromachines blasted on to the Game Boy Advance. Yeah, I added this one last minute. I have not played this and did not include it on the notes, so I did not know it existed. Yeah, I don't think a lot of people did.

First I've heard of it. Yeah. It's not really advertised as anything other than just a port of micromachines, but when you play it, it's not. It's actually an original title with its own circuit. Let me interject real quick. I haven't talked about them because they're quite sort of low-key, but a lot of these games we've talked about have had Game Boy Color versions as well. Yeah, one and two in particular is on a great twin car, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Turbo Tournament and the original both, I think, sort of mashed together. Yeah. But I didn't talk about that, but it exists and it's pretty good. I suppose that's a bad habit, really, of ignoring the Game Boy Color versions, because often they are quite interesting.

I think more Game Boy Color coverage is definitely in Retronaut's future. Yeah, that'd be fun, definitely. Yeah, but sorry, I told you that I just wanted to make that clear that we need it. I did know they existed, and just wasn't covering them. It's just one of those things. I mean, like, it's worth picking up on because they do suffer from the same thing that this game suffers from. In that, like, the screen real estate is very cramped, and it's very difficult to see corners coming up on you on this way. You really do have a hard time.

Yeah, that's disappointing because if I'm playing on the Game Boy, I kind of already don't care about the visuals, you know? Yeah. So they may as well make them small and let me see more of the course. You'd have a pure gameplay, so why not? Well, this is the thing. I mean, the twin cart that we talked about are one and two on Game Boy Color. I think, if I remember correctly,

micromachines one, they redraw the graphics so that everything's a little bit smaller so you can see more of the circuit. But they don't for two. So the vehicles are a lot bigger and you can't see as much of the circuit. and it's just a harder game as a result. See, one thing I've done, sorry to interrupt you, Lewis. I've been doing the Game Gear Directory for Retronauts, reviewing every single Game game ever.

Now, something that comes up a lot, as you'd expect, is ports from the master system, which do not bother to account for the fact that you are no longer using a T.L.L. Television. Now, I haven't got to micro-machines yet, but I played a game recently called Singles Swim, which was also by Codemasters. Oh, yeah.

And a man overboard it's actually called on the game gear. And to my fascination, now, it's not that good of a game, in my opinion. But the fact is, when they put it on the game game, they didn't just bring over the same visuals. They massively zoomed them out so you can see way more of the level. Which I think is the right thing to do. Yeah. It's absolutely the right thing to do.

It makes the game that much more playable and elevates its score to something like, you know, three out of five rather than like two. It's fine. And it's because they made that effort that it's appreciated. Because handheld games of that era, benefit from simplicity, I'd say. Complexity, not so much.

Once we reach the game more advanced, of course, we're talking, like, post SNAS, more powerful than SNAS, so simplicity isn't really a thing that happens. But, sorry, GBA micro-room machines. Now, no multiplayer or link-up multiplayer? I think it has link-up multiplayer. I don't think there's any, you know,

console sharing on this one, unfortunately. But, yeah, like I say, the screen real estate isn't very well used. It feels like it's a little bit too zoomed in. You can't really anticipate what's coming up. And as a result, I didn't have a great time with it, unfortunately. There's some nice visuals, though. It does complement its 2D, top-down perspective with, like, 3D items that give it a little bit more visual.

So, like, as you scroll past, for example, if you drive under a pitchfork that's, like, stuck in the ground, you'll, you know, you'll see it move in three dimensions as you move under it, and it gives you a nice sort of, like, element of depth. Yeah, that's nice. So it gives it a bit of verticality, which obviously the 2D ones miss. And yeah, so that's fun. But, like, that's the main takeaway I have from it. I always play it for a little bit, realize that, this isn't a great playing game. But it looks kind of nice.

It seems like this is a real sort of wasted opportunity for some of the fun stuff that could be done with the link cable and the GameCube. Yes, absolutely. I don't know what world it would occupy, but four people with a Game Boy Advance connected to a GameCube doing something to do with micro machines. whether it was a kind of asynchronous thing and one person was putting more traps down or something, I don't know, but it feels like that could have been something for the sort of multiplayer mayhem of micro-achines when it was at its best was really focused on.

That seemed like a real missed opportunity. No, definitely. I think at this point, the franchise has kind of lost its luster a little bit because it's been such a long time. I think the toys have probably been discontinued by this point, or if they hadn't, they were probably not big sellers anymore. so they probably didn't have the clout or the budget to be able to do anything that's sort of elaborate but yeah it's a weird little oddity certainly worth

checking out if you're looking for you know a full micromachines collection but I don't think it's it's going to be a standout in anybody's collection unfortunately And it's a shame to say that, unfortunately, the series kind of continues along those lines. Yeah. Micromachians v4, which is a transparent attempt to, you know, abuse the nostalgia that people were having for V3 at this point. Released 2006, PS2, PSP, PC, and DS.

I tried the PlayStation 2 version and I thought it was really shit I mean what got me about it is something I mentioned earlier as V3 pointedly not doing in this game when you make turns the camera moves so you're no longer

what's the parallel to where you were before which means you're constantly losing control of your car yes I remember that now you're always adjusting your controls as you're on the fly, yeah, I remember now. It speaks volumes to my experience of micro-machines V4 that I had forgotten until we clicked record that I had it for the PSP. And that I, again, chasing the higher V3,

I saw there was one for the PSP. I love the PSP when it was sort of in its heyday. Brilliant stuff. The box art looks similar. Oh, great. And that just vanished from my mind until about 45 minutes ago. Oh, yeah, I had that. That was nothing.

V4, that's one number higher. I first owned it on PSP as well, and I had a very similar first experience with it, where it's just like, this does not control well. I hate the fact that I'm always constantly adjusting. It's very skiddy in comparison to the other ones as well, like really slydy in comparison to the other games. The courses just aren't that interesting. It's repeats of stuff you've done before.

Yeah, it's a lot of outdoor spaces as well, if I remember correctly. Lots of garden, lots of dirt and stuff. It's just not very interesting to look at. I did try it on PS2 as well because I was like, well, maybe it's just a case of the PSP doesn't have the grunt, the CPU grunt to be able to do this justice, right? And no, it's the same game on PS2, it's unfortunately a load of rubbish.

You tried the DS version, didn't you? This is the thing now, right? The DS version is actually a bit of a different beast. It's a lot more like V3 in that it doesn't have the same camera issues. It's more of that sort of free-moving camera that will follow the circuit can give you the best angle on any of the views. So I didn't feel like I was constantly adjusting the controls as much.

So in that regard, I much preferred the handling. Right. And because, almost in a weird way, because of it's, it doesn't have the same sort of graphical prowess. It's a lot more charming. Like, it's just a lot more simplistic and nicer to look at. And it feels a lot more like a continuation of V3, whereas the PS2 and PSP ones don't really, they give me that same sort of feeling. whereas I get that from the DS version. So it's not bad at this one.

It's not a bad little game. It's quite easy. I'd say it was a good first micro-machines game for anybody, like if we wanted to get used to it. I think the DS version of V4 is a good first port-call. Yeah, thinking about it, there are a fair number of racing games on the DS,

but not how many top-down ones. No, no, it's quite unique in that regard as well. I mean, PSP, I would just, like, eject the UMD, stick it down a cattle grid, and just jamming Burnout Legends and never take it out. Yeah, that's literally the only racing game you need on the PSP, isn't it? Pretty much, yeah. And then they brought a Burnout Dominator, and it's just like, how do I choose?

So, yeah, V4 are very, very much not good, unfortunately. Yeah, it's probably the worst one that we've done. I think so, yeah. For now. Now, there's something on the notes here that I didn't put on them. Ah. And I'd like to know just what you think you're doing, Liz. I have to say.

No, I'm a kid, obviously. So what's next for micro machines? Because we're rounding down now. There's any couple left. Well, we can't talk about the last game unless we talk about Toybox turbos, which is why I added it. So this is the one I think you should try, Guy.

Yes. I think this is basically the proper continuation of V3. This feels like a genuine sequel to V3. It's really nice controlling. It doesn't have any issues with the cameras. It feels like, a proper HD version of micromachines. It's got that same charm and aesthetic.

It doesn't feel like overly realistic like V4. It's got like a sort of a softer sort of cartoony look to it as well, which really helps benefit things. It's got some nice little new like additions. There's these events where you have to run away from like an imposing

wave of colour that's coming from behind you. So you're always got to be like outrunning that. So that feels very wipe out actually in a weird way. It's got some nice little ideas. and it introduces a lot of the car collecting back again. It is very much a Cody's micro-machines game without the micro-machines license

because I think this is what they were trying to do to sort of, you know, get that license back, essentially. I'm not entirely sure because I haven't read interviews or, you know, I don't really know anybody on the development team. But it does feel like they were testing the wars for a new micrachines game but didn't have the license,

so this was the best they could do, essentially. I think this sort of just about sort of caught my attention at one point but I think because it didn't have the license because they didn't have the name I thought well fight it'll probably be blah not realizing that it was bit by the same people it looks like it's still on Steam I might get that because if that works on the Steam deck that would be such a treat that I played it almost exclusively on Steam so it should still be up there yeah no I checked and apparently I own it so there you go well I would I honestly highly recommend it. It definitely feels like the V3

successor, you know. It's still available. Yeah. No, it's really good. 12 quid. There's a demo. Oh, you can't go wrong. So that's interesting because, funnily enough, the next game that we're going to be talking

about, Micro Machroachines World Series. Oh, this was such a rollercoaster. CDKees.com constantly try and sell me that. Oh, yeah. Has it been invested? No. It's just that they have probably bought 10 million cockies for it. So every time you buy anything that's like, are you sure? You don't want a copy of your Micromachians World Series.

It's only 199. Please buy it for love of fuck's sake. Yeah. I mean, I bought my boxed copy on PS4 for five pounds. Oh, five pounds. Well, that's not so bad then, okay. That's the same price I bought Anthem for. Wasn't worth it.

I would say that Micro Machines World Series for five pounds is also not worth it. Oh, dear. This is what I went through. So being invited to do this, I thought, oh, have there been any more? modern micromachines, looked it up, saw there was a PlayStation 4, and I thought, bloody hell, I love the PlayStation 4, I love micromachines. I then looked at videos online, and that looked like micromachines. This looked reasonable and genuinely, in between me being asked to appear on this,

and right now, I think I've experienced every single human emotion possible to feel with regards to this game, because, as I'm sure we're going to talk about, it's not what you think it is. And I was like, oh, can I get it on PSN? Oh, weird. It's not there. Oh, it's on eBay. I'd buy a micro-machines game for seven quid. And then the dread set. Yeah, it's... Shall I give you the spiel?

Yeah, give us the old 4-1-1. Hurt me, Lewis. Hurt me. So, I mean, it is made by the same team as Toybot Turbos. So it's really disappointing that it ended up like this because it controls the same. It's nice and responsive. got the good camera angles. It's got the same sort of, you know, cartooning aesthetic. It's not super realistic.

So it's got all the things I like about it. But, annoyingly, it's mostly an online multiplayer game, completely live service with bloody loot boxes. Jesus Christ. What a choice. What an awful choice. Yeah, it's such a strange choice. I don't understand what the thinking was behind this. I mean, are the servers even up still?

Yeah, believe it or not. I tried it today just to see if it was still working and stuff. And it's still trying to make me sign up for PS Plus. I guess that's sort of good that it's still going. Yeah, but who wants to play a micromachines in online multiplayer? The big appeal of this game is that it is a local multiplayer game. Like, that is the fun. You know, it's all sitting on a couch together, Josh, and each other.

Where's the frigging switch micromachines? What's going on? Yeah, absolutely. Can you imagine? Yeah, it would be good, wouldn't it? I turned and looked at my webcam saying that. I was so incensed. Like, I wanted to look you dead in the eye.

No, it's such a disappointment. Like, the only single-player content in it is a tutorial that teaches you how to play the single-player races and the battle arena races, which are basically just sort of combat-focused arenas. That's fucking unhinged. And then you can play offline single-player races, and that's it. I don't think there's even any AI in the single-player races. It's literally just time attacks. I feel physically sick.

It's like paying for a demo. That's what it feels like. It's horrendous. There's no career mode. It's never been patched. I mean, like, it's had patches. It's a live service game, right? But it's never been, there's never been any single player content added to it.

It's just such a thing. Is it like number go up? Like, you level up, like, your car, you're a bargain. I don't know, because I don't pay for PS Plus. I don't know what this is. It's all locked off to me. I can't experience this game. That's hideous.

It's not what I want from a micromachines game. Such a weird choice. I can't believe that. And, like, there's been clearly some attention given to the visuals. and the presentation as well. They signed Brian Blessed on to be the announcer, which is fantastic. Like,

what a great choice. And there's a lovely remix of the original theme song from the Megadrive on the menus. It's like, if you're trying to do all the things to evoke, like, the nostalgia for this franchise. And then look it all away from here.

Worth the fiver just for the theme song, I mean, it's nice and everything. But then one of the other weird things as well is that the combat element, so the actual weapons, the mines are sponsored by Nerf. This is something I saw in the...

Like all the weaponry seems to be... Nerf weaponry, yeah, because Micromachines is now owned by Hasbro. Hasbro have, like, obviously gone, get as many of our toys into this goddamn game as you can. And it's like, this is a... It's a game that's like shilling itself to you. So you drive over the Nerf mines

and you fall off the board and then Laser Beat comes and picks you off puts you back on the course. I wouldn't be surprised if there are like online circuits with like other Hasbro Toys like implemented into them. You need go home and have it off at Barbie. But yeah,

it is a real disappointment to end on unfortunately because it's like Toy Box Turbos was such a fantastic little yeah, we can do this still. Like Codys can clearly make a great micromachines game and then when they got the license back they didn't just do that again. Like it's strange.

It's like why why this focused on online multiplayer. I don't... I mean, I don't know for a fact, but it's got to be like the publisher saying that's what we want. It doesn't feel like anything like a developer would put in. We want the Small Cars version of Babylon's fall now. It feels like one of those things where it's like someone in the, you know, the boardroom was like, how do we appeal to more people?

How can we make micromachines appeal to more people? It's like, no, appeal to the fucking fans that will buy the game. Idiots. Then it gets me as like, for me personally, like, I'm not inherently opposed to games as a service like this. Like, what am I, I really like Destiny 2 a lot. And I dip in and out and every time it's a constantly evolving thing, there's constantly new stuff to do.

But that game is designed to be that. Yes, yes, yes. That's the point. That's the point. Now, the one thing that micromachines shouldn't be is that. It's the exact opposite of what it should have been. Like, it's an absurd decision made. by an idiot.

Yeah. I can't believe that they've done this. It's like that internet guy. I can't believe you've done this. I love that guy so much. We follow each other on Twitter. Hello. Wow.

So, yeah, that's the very sad drop-off of the different microcham. I mean, other than Tybox turbos, is this genre, like, alive at all these days? Like, is there an equivalent that people... I mean, track mania a bit, maybe? I'm pretty sure there are indie... small car racing games out there that filled that void but I don't know of any off the top of my head I have

definitely seen footage of things and gone oh that looks like micrachines and then just sort of never putting the back of my mind I tried the new hot wheels game but it just wasn't the same it's a racing game like it's cute yeah it plays like a Mario card and I've sung some time you can unlock cars and that's all fun there's another

service game isn't it it's like constantly loopboxes and things it's yeah if I don't want loophuses I want pogs I want packets of pox I'm making a game in it My game's got pogged in it Not even joking Not even joking

So yeah Micro Machines Drops off a cliff unfortunately I hope that if anyone involved With Micromachines Here's this Thinks that we're being overly negative I apologise

But you really must flush World Series down the toilet And he must make a new one It comes from such a place of love Of love and desperate longing Imagine how excited people would get If they just did a proper one on the Switch

and it was on the Nintendo Direct. It was just like micromachines except we haven't fucked it. Yeah. No, that's all it needs to be. A local one we play in micromachines is whoever it needs to be, right? The Switch is a perfect car.

I can't believe you've spoken this thing into being and it's something I can never own. Now, bear in mind, but it's just a perfect thing. Bear in mind, there is such a thing as the Retronaut's curse which means if we discuss something on the podcast and lament that it doesn't exist,

it will be announced either during the podcast or the instant the podcast finishes. This has happened over ten times. Oh, wow. Yeah. The most recent one I can think of is when we were talking about Doctor Who and we lamented a lack of a modern Doctor Who game and it was announced one second after we finished the podcast.

So hopefully we've just willed it interview. Unfortunately, I may have cancelled the curse by talking about the curse. It may one of those things where if you talk about it doesn't happen. But like, for the love of Christ's sake, Codemasters, or whoever owns the micro machine's license. Just sitting on a pot of gold and, you know, it would be huge if you just polished it up and made it good. I thought you could do with the track building now that there's online sharing.

Because Mario Maker, Mario Maker, too, making these wonderful things and then having a whole bucket of user-created stuff that you can dip in. Yeah, no, that would be lovely, especially because the limitations of the original track editor are, you know, it's a fun little thing. I've used it a lot, but, like, there's only so much you can do with it. And like I say, you can't really do smooth corners and things like that. It's all angles.

So just to have something that, you know, nice, fully featured, something like a modernation races editor where you could, you know, design your own course and stuff. That would absolutely fantastic. That's exactly what I want from in modern machines. Yeah, modernation races was sort of Little Big Planet races, wasn't it? And Dendon actually made that. They made a little bit of a car, isn't they?

Yeah. Yeah, no, very similar. But I think that pretty much wraps up micro machines. Unless we've missed anything. Listeners, if we've missed anything, let me know. And we'll do a second smaller podcast. but I cover just that but thank you very much

for joining me. Guy, where can our listeners find you on the internet and the things that you do? I realise I probably should have said this at the start rather than just saying, I'm Guy and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm a writer and a comedian. I stream on Twitch. Twitch.tv.4.000 brainmage.

If you've ever wanted to watch a confused man try and solve a cryptic crossword, you can. And it's more popular than I was expecting a man who doesn't like cryptic crosswords solving cryptic crosswords to be. But here we are. I also co-host I Don't Like Mondays, which is a husband and wife unedited Garfield review podcast where we start from the very first Garfield strip and one strip per episode.

We've now... You don't get very far through to you. It's just with the... No, what we've done, we've refined the format to the point where it's about an hour, maybe an hour and ten minutes of not talking about Garfield, then five minutes just to run through the Garfield strip and the podcast ends. I'll see that. Fascinates me because I mentioned this off, off mic, but I also do a podcast called the Dilkast,

which is reviewing Dilbert in the same sort of way, as nothing more than a brazen rip-off of yours. Now, the thing is, I didn't actually know it was your podcast until quite recently. I knew it existed, but I hadn't realized, oh, it's brain mage. I hadn't made that connection until I saw

recently that you were advertising it, you know. I was like, oh, right. So now that I'm here, I want to just apologise formally for ripping off your idea. But we quickly discovered the same thing. If you do just the Dilbert strip real quick, you can just talk complete crap for the rest of the time. And it's great. It just becomes hanging out with your friends. Yeah, without having to review Garfield at the end of it, there'd be no point.

But with it hanging above us both like the sword of Damocles, it inspires us and spurs us on to talk about anything other than that. And so we run the gumut of, you know, my recent ADHD diagnosis, what it's like being married to somebody neurodivergent when you're neurotypical. What would Coronation Street be like if there was a drunk chimpanzee as a character? All of this because we, wouldn't it be better? All of this because we don't want to talk about Garfield. I mean, Lewis, you are a pro-Garthield, aren't you? I am indeed.

Yeah, yeah. This is how I came to learn about the podcast. but yeah I would also recommend that you listen to I don't like Mondays it's a very good podcast Oh stop it I would I would recommend that you don't listen to No I'm joking I don't you should definitely listen to it And watch the streams

I by the way I really enjoyed your Mime bit recently I have to say that I thought it was extremely funny It took me like two goes to figure out what it was going on I was like oh I see okay Is that sticky like to your Twitter I don't know if that No, I've not put it...

I should probably put it some of the first I'm sure on my Twitter feed, to be honest. It's very funny. Very very funny. Lewis, where can our delightful listeners find you on the internet and the things that you do?

Yeah, so I write for SegaDriven.com, which is a Sega fan site and news resource and information as well. And I also do the accompanying YouTube channel, which is YouTube.com

4 slash C, 4.SagerDriven. I have a video review of microchines on that channel, which I would like you to go and watch because it's relevant to this episode. Yeah. You can follow me on social media. I'm on Twitter at Kronkblatt, K-R-O-N-K-B-L-A-T-S. What does that mean?

It literally just sounds funny. Okay, yeah, it does sound funny. It's fair, yeah. And I'm on Mastodon.com social as Sonic Yoda. So, yeah, if you want to follow me there, you can do that as well. MasterDon. On Social, indeed. I went on Mastodon earlier, and I tried to follow my friend Matt, and when I pressed it,

it said, you can't. You have to copy this link into your search bar. on your server to add him and I just was like fuck this is never going to succeed ever like come on honestly I just need an alternative from the absolute chaos and despair of Twitter

every now again okay speaking of the chaos and despair of Twitter I am also on Twitter at Brain Mage good stuff your Twitter is good it's funny it's good I think I discovered it through Dave Ballmer yes that sounds right yeah because you and Dave Ballmer

are sort of the same, I think. You're basically the same exact person with no differences. Same voice, same look the same. And that's completely untrue. I don't know what I'm saying this. So I think the listeners would be surprised not to hear Dave Ballmer. It's rare that my voice introduces an episode and Dave doesn't shortly come in. But he's locked away in the shed again with some marangs. Quick, should we talk about poo or something quickly?

Oh, yeah. Oh, I've done the big poo. There we go. Anyway, thank you very much for joining me. and thank you for listening to Retronauts. The pre-eminent Retro-Gaming Podcast, all the other Retro-Gaming Podcasts are dog shit. Don't listen to them. Listen to this one. That's not true.

I'm sure they're fine. Please don't attack us. If you like Retronauts, thank you. You can support Retronauts on Patreon at patreon. Patreon.com forward slash retronauts. Where for a mere $5 a month, which is nothing, it's so little money. Come on, five dollars a month in this economy.

It's like, come on. just give us the money for God's sake you'll get not only early access to each weekly Monday episode but you also get two completely brand new and unique full-length bonus episodes every month and they're really good too they're really good episodes some of them have got me on them yet but they're also still good okay

not only that but you'll get Diamond Fight excellent this week in retro columns every week which are also produced as a podcast so you can listen to the words being said instead of reading them if you are fiercely opposed to reading words and you'll also get access to the Discord

where you can come on there and you can call me a big fanny once again pleasure pleasure for having you both on here I hope you'll come back again someday I'd love to it to talk about exciting video games

of the past not like the modern shite ones that you get now Ugh. Bye I can never end podcast I'm so bad at it