Retronauts - Retronauts Episode 268: Holiday Special 2019 - Pokemon Christmas Bash

Episode Date: December 24, 2019

It's time once again to head to the Retronauts cabin in Parts Unknown for yet another look at a video-game-adjacent Christmas thing! We've worked our way through quite a few video game cartoon Christmas specials over the past few years, so this time around we're going to switch gears and explore another medium entirely. The late '90s/early '00s Pokemon Boom brought us many cheap cash-ins, so of course it spawned one of the cheapest cash-ins of all time: a cheesy Christmas album! Is it truly the reason for the season? There's only one way to find out! On this episode of Retronauts, join Bob Mackey and Henry Gilbert as they explore the magic and wonder of 2001's Pokemon Christmas Blast, and ponder over the supposed popularity of Stantler.

POMAYOR. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Hello, everybody, and welcome once again to the retronauts holiday cabin in parts unknown. The days are getting shorter, the temperatures are dropping, and Jack Frost is gnawing on your face.

All telltale signs that the holiday season is upon us. Now, it's been a lonely past few days here at the cabin, as my loyal companion, Steve, has been forced to work through the holidays by me to find some much-needed ads to keep this podcasting enterprise and its highly expensive cabin rentals alive for yet another year. Yes, things are tight this Christmas and we're down to just the expired eggnog, but I know we'll get through it with a little Christmas spirit. course the vivid hallucinations brought on by drinking expired eggnog. But things should get less lonely soon, and I... Oh, speak of the devil. Hello, Henry. Come on in. I'm glad you made it here alive. I can't run these podcast networks by myself.

Oof, I'm beating the snow off of myself here. This is the one part of the world that is not affected by global warming, so it's extra cold here today. But thanks for coming for yet another holiday episode. It's our ninth in a row, and you've been on quite a few of them. Wow, gee, that's how time flies. Here's hoping this Christmas will not be our last, as the song say. I hope so. Boy, what a depressing song.

And there'll be plenty of those on this episode because for the previous couple of years, maybe four or five years, we were covering holiday cartoon specials based on video game cartoons. We're running very low on those. Thankfully, our podcast, what a cartoon was kind of spun out of that idea. So now there's like 100 episodes of that you can listen to. So I decided for this one to focus on something completely new and non-television-based, the 2001 holiday album, Pokemon Christmas Bash, which was new to me, I believe, this year. It was the first time I found out about it.

I had no idea that existed. If it had come out during the real Pokemon boom of 99 and 2000, I probably would have at least heard of it as a joke thing. I'm sure you know about to be a master. Oh, yes, yeah. Which was a gift I got my first girlfriend in high school. I know that's soundtrack very well in all the songs that were in the movie. So, yeah, this one, though, I completely passed me by. I mean, you know, the Christmas of 2001, I didn't have as much time for irony.

Like, we were just all, we were all shocked. We wondered if irony would even exist anymore. September 11th is unavoidable in this podcast, by the way, because this is the Christmas after it. and when you hear about when this album was recorded and released, it's just like, whoo, where were we as a people? Huddling in fear, thanks, brought on by cable news. I mean, we all

turn to different things in times of mean, and sometimes that's, you know, Pikachu we turn to when nothing else makes sense. But I wanted to cover Christmas albums, the very idea of them up front, because everything is merchandise to Hellenback, but I believe sincerely that Christmas albums are

the sweetest plum, as Christy would say, because they are so low effort because all you need to do is whiff on some super easy Christmas topics. You're just giving a list of like 500 nouns. Put those in a song. Or you can just do a bunch of covers because so many Christmas things are in the public domain. Yes. Yes. It's pretty amazing what Christmas albums are. Like they have to, I think the first one I noticed as a cheap cash in in my childhood was a the new kids on the block one, I believe it was. Or maybe it was even by the time there were boy bands again in the later 90s when I realized like they record one new song.

Oh, yeah. And then the rest is either traditional covers or they might even spring for a couple of songwriting rights to do covers of a recent songs. I believe in sync did a Christmas album in that tradition. Oh, yeah. That was, yeah. I mean, and they're also like contract fillers for. Oh, yeah. This is a third album.

Yeah, this counts as a third one. And, you know, there's ones I love for how cheesy they are. I think the Mariah Carey's came back around to just being like the Christmas song now. Yeah. Like she's, she has fully embraced it for this year. It's 25th anniversary, which like that time sucks. I don't like it. I think Paul Thompson said this great bit where he talked about how like he, he realized the commercialism of Christmas when he saw that in his childhood, Barbara Streisand did.

a Christmas album and he's like but but she doesn't she's Jewish what? She's stooped to that she's stoop to the level of Christianity well I don't want to go over a few really bad Christmas albums that are super gimmicky because there are so many out there if you just Google there's been

a million listicals written about just how many bad gimmicky Christmas albums there are and I wanted to go over a few of them just to establish the context for this is just the thing that happens that we all have to live with and one of my favorites is something that should be talked about more along the lines with the Star Wars holiday special. And of course, I'm talking about the 1980 Star Wars Christmas album. Ah, yes. Yes, which came, was that before or after the Life Day special? It's after Life Day. Life Day was 78. Because they're like 77, they sold all the toys. They're like, we got to keep this ball rolling. Let's get a Christmas special out to sell more toys in 78. It just seemed normal then. And I think I was first aware of this album via the podcast Comedy Bang Bang. Remember,

when comedy bang bang used to play novelty songs because scott ockerman had like this huge collection of novelty music yeah i i think that was this vestigial tale of when they premiered as an online radio show that they're like i guess we could put it out as a recording too uh and then once they knew they were a podcast they're like well having copyrighted music in the middle of our podcast uh seems illegal now so they haven't caught us yet but uh here is the song. So this is a legit song. This is released. Then you can still buy it. And it's all on YouTube, by the way. All of these are all on YouTube

because nobody cares. But this one is called What Can You Get a Wookie for Christmas when he already owns a comb? And it's supposed to be cheesy and bad. What can you get a Wookie for Christmas when he already owns a comb? What can you get in a

farry kind of friend like that? Take home. Okay, was that taken out of the canon, thanks to Disney? Oh, it's definitely in the legends section of the canon, yeah. Oh, geez, but they're acknowledging both Christmas and Life Day. Like, what is going on with just the mythology of this world? Yeah, I mean, it's in contrast. There is no Christ in the galaxy far, far away.

This happened before Christ. Yeah, yes. Yeah, you're right. Well, I mean, Jesus only existed on this planet Earth. So in galaxies far, far away, like they would have, did they ever get the good news about our Lord? That's how powerful our Lord is, Henry. Okay, so a lot of this podcast is going to be me playing clips and then having you guess beforehand what's happening in the clip. A lot of unlikely celebrities will release Christmas albums.

I'm going to play a bit of this, and I want to see if you can guess who this is. You better watch out. You better not cry. Oh, that's what you just filmed it, isn't it? Is that your final answer, Henry? I'm sorry. It is. It's Regis Philbin. 2005. He had a Christmas album. 2005. It's way too late.

That guys been famous for like 60 years. When he was like 70, I guess that was the time to launch it. But it's literally called the Regis Philbin Christmas album. Wonderful. You know, maybe he waited that long because in the 90s, Kathy Lee was like, I own the Christmas album. Mark it here. You can't do it. She did have those, right?

She was always breaking out in the song. I totally forgot about that. Yeah, it was a real thing of ridicule by the South Parks and Saturday TV fun houses of the 90s that Kathy Lee recorded a Christmas album, which, you know, probably it doesn't sound very good. I can't remember. I hope a little Cody and Cassidy turned out okay. They were mocked mercilessly. I should look up what Cody and Cassidy are up to these days. Look up their prison records.

So in the history of holiday novelty records, it all starts with this one, of course. I can do this with a garage band right now but it took real effort to record those dogs and put them on like tape it took a razor blade and magnets to make all this happen but after the dogs stop barking listen all right we'll give you a break from the dogs so it's not dogs for the entire song but yeah this is just a tradition that's been dating back to at least the 50s and earlier, of course, Alvin and the chipmunks had their Christmas

song and everything. Yeah. So this is a tradition, a really bad, cheesy Christmas album that you just buy knowing it's bad. Yeah. Yeah, the John Waters collection of those is a real classic of Christmas badness. Like he's, it even got me to make a mix CD of Christmas music a couple years in a row in the early 2000. I gave it to my then friend who she worked at a frame shop with other folks who and like frame everybody buys frames at Christmas. Like it's what it's easily their busiest time of the year. And she would put it on and everybody enjoyed it. And she's like, oh, make another one.

The only track they didn't like was I thought I was so clever to have the Chipmunks Christmas song then followed by a. Pat and Oswald bit, where he talks about the Chipmunks Christmas song and slowing it down so they sound normal. Classic Pat and Oswald bit, very good. But for them, but for the Fram Shop workers, they were like, oh, it's the comedy bit again. I just want to hear another song. Skip like every time. You need to take down that song. Take it down a peg. But yes, today's topic is Pokemon Christmas Bash released October 9th.

2001. Yikes. So featuring the voices of Veronica Taylor as Ash, Rachel Lillis as Misty and Jesse, Eric Stewart as Brock and James, Stan Hart as Professor Oak, and the late Maddie

Blaustine as Meowth. So this is the proper Meowth. When we cover this cartoon for What a Cartoon, I believe it was the first Meowth voice, but last year's holiday special for Retronauts, I believe that was Maddie Blastine. Yeah, Maddie did better Meowf. The original meowths isn't bad he's good too and i mean that's where mattie's performance began with uh with meowth

but grew into so much more i yes well i have to say right from the start i am shocked they hired the real voice actors yes i mean i i know they're not expensive uh compared to say getting a star war's voice actor to be on that wookie song but still yeah actually uh for like to be a master and i believe the following album, which was called Totally Pokemon, I believe it was Pokemon inspired songs for the most part, just by studio musicians. Like, To Be a Master, who was singing that? That wasn't Ash or Misty or James or whatever. It was just like pop singers, random pop singers brought in. Yeah, yeah. This one, meanwhile, it's the characters singing it. Like, I already like that. Like, it always felt special in the N60, late in 64 era of Pokemon games that could have

like, say, at the start of Pokemon Snap, Professor Oak, in his cartoon voice, say, hello, welcome. Like, uh, it, it felt different and good. So this album was released by the label E1 Music, which released a lot of rap. So way off tone from the

Pokemon Christmas Bash album, uh, acts like Master P, War InG, Wutang Clan, Exhibit and Bone Thugs and Harmony, all in the same level, uh, label rather, as Pokemon Christmas Bash. Wow. Man, were they, they were seeing like, they have a hold to fill of

kids' Christmas music that their other acts can't. Maybe they were trying a little change for the new millennia you know, but I love all those rap masters there. I know I sound as

suburban as possible saying that. Well, don't worry, there is some rap on this album. All right. So, following the proud tradition of E1 record. So this is actually the third proper Pokemon album. The first one was called To Be a Master. The second one released earlier this year in January of 2001 was called Totally Pokemon,

and this one, of course. And I couldn't find any liner notes for this online if they even were, but I can be assumed that four kids slap this all together because their logo was on it and they were clearly capable of such a thing because they were writing music for the show and off in lyrics. I assume that their production team put this together. I mean, four kids got a lot of its early jobs in the dubbing world just because they're like, we have a studio to record. things and we have editing software like that we're not widely available. So I would think just like

how Pokemon Company was like, you guys just handle it for kids. Like same deal with with this. Well, also I wouldn't think they were lighter notes. I would think the front of this CD disc is a one-sided picture of the cover and then a white side. Black background. They don't have them. Why waste of money on a two-sided printout? Why credit anyone? But yeah, if you want to listen to this yourself. It's on Spotify, but the entire thing is on YouTube. Like a thousand people uploaded it. So you can just get it in any format you want. And most songs are free via Amazon Prime. I was Googling it on Amazon just to see like when it came out. And it shows, it says like this is available on Amazon Prime music. And it's only like eight of the 12 songs. It's

very strange. Wow. I need to. I'm going to give a listen to those. I'll be right after my speaking of novelty Christmas songs. I bought it last year. There's a joke in Spider-Man into the Spider- verse that Spider-Man records a Christmas album, and then they released a five-track mini-epie of the songs in the movie. Five songs is the way to go with any Christmas album. We'll see that soon. So a few things to go over really quick before we get into the songs, the 10 original songs, well, mostly original songs, is that I love all the voice actors from this cast,

but they were never hired to sing music. And that is very obvious, because I would say over half of their performances are just spoken words. A lot of these songs are interrupted with sketches. And I believe Maddie Blaustein is the only good singer because her performances are the best and she sings the most. So yeah, I feel bad for a lot of these people, especially Rachel Lillis, because she has the hardest time. But she has asked to sing and she clearly did not sign on to voice Misty and Jesse to sing. I mean, also for Misty's like the character voice she has to do in that especially. Like I don't know how well. you can sing keeping that range or like Veronica Taylor her very froggy ash voice she's got a lot of

problem singing too and we'll see that soon yeah well you know this is a this has always been an issue for anime dub actors because the Japanese talent often is like um they come from the idol factory or they're at least like heavily harshly trained to be a singer on top of a voice actor so you can just count on them of like well this character is going to sing in this special OVA because we cast a person who can sing. But then when you bring it over to America, you're like, okay, dub actors, get to sing in. It's like, I'm just a cheap talent you hired for, you know, my price tag. Yeah, it's why, I mean, that's a big reason why Tokyo Mirage session just is all Japanese

because it's like 10, 10 to 15 original songs in it that no way Nintendo's going to hire people who are actually great actors and singers in the English version. Yeah. Another thing that's very obvious with this very cheap Christmas cash in is that they did not want to pay for anything. The Japanese Pokemon company owned the rights to, or the anime studio, rather, whoever owns the rights to, let's say, the voice of Pikachu, because despite being front and center on the album, I believe there is one Pika in this entire album, yes. Wow. And Team Rocket is in it, but there's no Team Rocket theme because the Team Rocket theme is music from the Japanese series. They did not write new music when they were dubbing it, at least for that team.

that's, man, no Pikachu, like that is the really bad one there. Like that, I mean, open your pocketbook for that one, at least. I'm very disappointed to hear that, that, though, that music thing, you know, to promote another thing that we do on the What a Cartoon we just did for the OKKO finale. We talked about how they did that Sonic the Hedgehog episode, and they wrote great original music for it. That was, you know, what they wanted to do, but also was of necessity when they found out like, you know, if you want to have the

level one Sonic music in here, it's a long conversation and a lot more money. And I believe four kids wouldn't even want to pay any money so the conversations never happened. So yeah. They're doing this to make money, not lose money. And also one other thing to go over is that we are only in Generation 2, so there are what, like

251 Pokemon or something like that? Yes, yeah. And I will say that when they're putting this together, I know they're like, God, what is the most Christmassy Pokemon? And it is Stantler. So there are numerous Stantler references throughout this album. In fact, often

Stantler will be the only Pokemon reference in a song that they're singing because they had to hang their head on Stantler the one sort of, you know, Rudolph style Pokemon. They only had 251-ish to work with. So now I'm sure they could pull much deeper, you know, Pokemon, much more

obscure Pokemon to fit their Christmas theme. But this, they only had Stantler. Well, at least in this one, they had Stantler to go on. You remember last year it was Rapidash pulling San Santa sleigh. They didn't even have Staller then. They had to wait for Gen 2. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess there's not really much you can do with like even Togapie. If this was a Christmas or this was an Easter thing, then they could have had Togapy there. But, ah, see, if only they had

had Deli Bird then, like Deli Bird is the Santa Claus Pokemon. That's definitely just Santa Claus. What Jen is that from? That is from, man, he was Gen 2. I thought Deli Bird was Gen 2. They didn't bother even putting Kelly Bird in here. Wow. Okay. I'm astounded because like

Stantler I get but if there was another existing one they could have named it but Stantler I have not heard of Stantler since I played gold. I don't think there are like

Stantler plushies I'm sure in Japan in the Pokemon Center you can find your Stantler but yes again Stantler is like what they hang everything on for this to work like

Stantler's our guy. I mean there are many other dear Pokemon in D.E.R. They're all dear to me but let's get started with we'll go over 10 songs from this 12 song album because the last two songs are karaoke versions of existing songs yeah and you'll know like when we get

into it you're like okay I'm done by song six I'm done by song five so the first song is Pokemon Christmas bash because this entire Simpson's Christmas book it really is you're totally right they made the joke before this came out yeah where I guess the entire framing device is that Ash and Misty and Brock and Oak and Team Rocket are having like a Christmas party and this establishes the concept of the party and they talk about their Christmas wishes. So who do you think is the first voice on this album, do you think? I mean, I would think Ash would be first. Well, okay, no, no. I mean, change my guess. Ash seems like the obvious one. But in the Pokemon games, the first person you meet is the

professor and he asks you your name and your gender. So I'm going to say Professor Oak. Let's hear who is the first voice. on earth and to spread good cheer. A bash, a rocking party filled with fun where the laughter is party. It's the Pokemon Christmas Bash with Team Rocket, Brock, Misty, and Ash.

So without further ado, here's a Pokemon holiday greeting for you. There we go. So that is the very first voice you hear on Pokemon Christmas Bash. Dexter, the Pocodex. Oh God, I didn't even consider that the Pokedex could talk.

I guess, I mean, that actually fits with the C-3PO rap feel of the Christmas album of the Star Wars. I wonder if they ran this by Master P when he was at E1 for a day. Just like, can you please produce this? I was going to say the, when you tell me there's a bunch of sketches there, that definitely also feels more like the 90s hip-hop style as well. And you skip those too. After the first album, after the first album listened through, I was like, I remember the sketch.

I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. Talking about blowjobs. These nuts, we've heard it. So, yeah, let's hear the Pokemon Christmas Bash chorus, which relies on a very familiar phrase. Who's that Pokemon at the Pokemon Christmas Bash?

Who's that Pokemon? Pikachu will not be appearing. Oh, man. Yeah. He won't be saying anything or doing anything. It's too bad Pikachu had to go visit his home. Yes. He's very sick.

Pikachu got snowed in at the Pokemon Center, guys. I now realize why it's a Christmas bash because that rhymes with Ash. Yeah, they're going for the easiest rhymes. So this song is basically structured around all the characters talking about their Christmas wishes.

And Brock starts, and his is very filthy. Let's hear Brock's Christmas wish. Two things on my list ain't many. A kiss from Nurse Joy, an officer Jenny. Santa flees with your ho, ho, ho. Put them both under the missile. So Brock's kicking it and it's a gas

At the Pokemon Christmas bash So Brock is down for this polyamorous lifestyle in 2001 He was an early pioneer I mean that fits more with his Honestly original anime character Of the harem dude Yeah like horny harem man To quote we hate movies

I've got kids here He's getting too horrors Especially like They knew what they were doing with him Talking about these two women and say like, it's Santa with your ho, ho, ho.

Oh, oh, geez, double entendre's. But yeah, like, we all know that there are horny on Christmas

songs, to quote we hate movies once again. There is a horny on Christmas song on the Pokemon Christmas

Bash album. We'll cover it soon. Oh, no. So, that was Brock's wish. Let's hear Misty's wish, which does not

fit in with her character at all. I don't know who wrote this. Just give me one dance with Ash at the Pokemon Christmas bash. I mean,

I guess Misty was kind of Sundare, but Ash was less like of a sexual figure than Doug funny in Pokemon. Yeah, he feels nothing below the waist. Yeah, that's, that is shocking for me to hear. I, I feel like, uh, the voice actor should have defended the character of Misty of like, she'd never do this. She did, well, like, yeah, at best she is sundari to him, but really she's just like, I,

she should have said, my wish is to get my bike back that, and replace that Ash destroyed. That was the entire reason she joined him. Yeah. And just steal from him. She wouldn't. And I mean, to dance with him, it's just, yeah, that is completely non-fitting with her character. Yeah. Or at least, like, I don't know, wish for a special beau for her Togapie or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Give her some agency. This is not past the Beckdel test, this song. And again, they just, but it's, it had to be because they're like, this has to end with the word ash. Yes. Because it goes back to bash. They got away with it with Bratelters. rock of like gas to bash sure no one says it's a gas not even like almost 20 years ago yeah man

you gotta think crash is coming next or uh well we'll see i didn't capture ash's wish because it's very boring it's like i want to be the Pokemon master and catch them all sure and i think he rhymes catch with bash maybe something like that but i did capture team rocket's wish and i do like how low-key james is and he's super low-key in a lot of this and i don't know if that's just because his voice actor was like I'm not getting paid enough to deliver. You get one tank. Good old Eric Stewart. But I love how sultry and low-key James is with his wish.

Take a break. I'm causing trouble. Jesse. James and make that double. We thought we'd change our ways and be nice on Christmas day. Team Rock gets having a blast. At the Pokemon Christmas badge. So low energy.

Like, we thought we changed our ways. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, there's almost like a pause of like, he's taking a hit off a cigarette like more of this yeah well they only get like one lyric each like they i mean he's really taking it easy in the in the james role there and uh they but you're right they were smart to end with meyouth closing it out like he is the best singer yeah among them the character meyouth is we're going to hear a lot of meyouth but yeah that is essentially

the Pokemon Christmas Bash, bringing you into the world of Pokemon's Christmas celebration, and they're all making their Christmas wishes. Most of them are romantic. So look, as a opening song, I think normally it should be your best song, and maybe it is. But it should just be like a bop about Christmas. But this is more like if this were a Christmas musical of like, here's every character who's at the party, beat them all. Like it's just a big ensemble song, which it doesn't feel as right to me, I guess, but it kills time. I think also

it was really smart to them, though, to use like, who's that Pokemon, like, but not in the same, you know, tune because then they'd have to pay somebody. I'm sure that would involve more costs. So that was the first song, Pokemon Christmas Bash. The second one, thankfully, is the only song sung by Professor Oak.

And here we hear a bit of Ashes singing, which is I think Veronica Taylor has like a three-note range as Ash, because she's, she might be able to sing in her normal voice, but she's croaking out that froggy Ash voice. I can't understand it, yeah. I definitely, I would bet she, we'd have a great time of karaoke with Veronica Taylor, who would be free to sing any way she wanted to, but yes, to play the eternal, uh, cracking

voice child that is, uh, Ash, catch him. Where, how can you sing? But this song is all about sort of turning the tables on Santa and giving him a gift. And in this case, he wants to give Santa a Pikachu for Christmas. And in this case, Pikachu is sort of a stand-in for Rudolph and that he'll help Santa in ways that Rudolph can. But here is a bit of Ash singing. It's very, very painful.

I'm giving Santa a Pikachu this Christmas. I bet he'll scratch his beard and say, Now Christmas Eve's will be a breeze as long as I have one of these on foggy flights through winter nights to light my way. actually there was no singing there I'm sorry no that was talk singing

yeah but he went into like sorry she went to like say yeah that's okay get one sung word and that was the roughest word yeah yeah well also I feel bad for Veronica there

that she was asked to be like okay sing as Ash but then Ash takes on the character of what he thinks Santa would say Jesus they're not getting paid well enough I want to ask these people

like how much are you getting paid again we're not making fun of them for their poor singing ability we're making fun of four kids for forcing them into these roles. Yeah, probably for scale, I think. Oh, that's more of a union thing. It's probably way below scale. Actually, that's the whole point of being non-union.

I guess conceptually, you know, they're getting back to Santa. At least it's more in the style of the season. Though I do wonder, you know, don't spoil it for me yet, but I do wonder if the non-religious context of this takes away a lot of the classic songs they could cover. You can't do O Holy Night or Silent Night. But here is one sour note that I did capture, just to show you how unfair it is to make someone sing as Ash. Power up a slew of Newy. Let trick trades. Trit trades.

I'm very sorry. Boy, they... I don't think four kids could afford auto tune back then. No, did it even exist? Oh, well, don't you believe in my... Oh, right. Yeah. So it was there. But that's that's why they teamed Ash up with Professor Oaks so they could at least try to harmonize together. Do you think they even were together for this recording? Absolutely not. I really don't think so. But I guess it at least covered it a little bit. But yeah, poor, again, Veronica. I love Veronica Taylor. It's so like she also, I mean, knowing that they also did a lot of like localization work on this, I've been. that they're unpaid songwriters to

agree on this too. Yeah, a lot of this podcast is about poor labor practices. But yeah, so the song, they were just singing about how Pikachu would light up all the candy canes and power all the electric trains. I don't want an electrified candy cane on Christmas. It's a bad idea. What kids are playing with trains? They're playing with their video games. They're playing Pokemon

for the Game Boy. So here is a little more talk singing to round out. I'm giving Santa a Pikachu this Christmas. I'm giving Santa a Pikachu this Christmas. It'll be the best friend Santa ever had

You'll have fun with Pikachu And Pikachu's gonna have fun too Playing up in Santa's workshop Say, that's not bad Okay Say Ash, where is Pikachu I haven't heard him once yet Ending with like

That's not bad That is the very end of the song too Oh really? Yeah, that's not bad Yeah So we're not gonna have too strong In emotion to Express It's like, it's not bad.

Listen, don't even remind people of Pikachu if he won't be showing up on this album. It's a mistake. It's a mistake. I mean, God, it's so, you play the Barking Dogs thing. Do a Pikachu barking dogs, jingle bells. But again, paying for Pikachu's voice. Exactly. Yeah, EQA Otani, is that her name?

Yeah. Yeah, to get, but I mean, just imagine, like, Pekapi, Pika, Pika, Pikachu. I wouldn't be surprised if that already existed in Japan. Or if there were existing songs with her singing. singing as Pikachu, but just saying Picapy or whatever. I mean, Japan loves their Christmas albums, too. So I'd bet, especially for popular anime. So I think I'm going to do a little more research after this to see if they did put one out in Japan.

So the next song is a song by Misty. The third song is called Winter is the coolest time of year. I captured the least amount of clips because honestly, it's the most boring song on here. But it feels like a Pokemon variant on the classic Slay Ride. It's not a cover, just their sort of take on a similar song. by Misty, and what I captured here was the mid-song sketch. As I said before, I think Rachel Lillis might be the weakest

singer on here. So this song's interrupted by a sketch because they're like, get her out of here, get a sketch in here, get a sketch in here. So here is the minute-long sketch. A minute-long sketch in the middle of a song. And like a three-minute song, a barely three-minute song. But yeah, here is the sketch from Winter is the coolest

time of year. There's season that sneak. If you can't take that heat, the days Nice are nice and icy clear There's a thrill in the air When there's a chill in the air Because winter is the coolest time of year Come on guys, let's make a snowman

I have a better idea, Misty What's that, Ash? Let's make a snowmine. Perfect. How about it tent to cool? We're a refrigeriodo. Let's build a butterfreeze. Could we continue this discussion inside Where it's warm?

Oh, come on, Brock, it's cool out here. Yeah, too cool. Misty, we gotta get Brock to chill out. We do. Well, no, not snowdown. Guys, go. So yeah, there's a forest and green,

a blue shutter cottage of gray. It doesn't look right without a blanket of white and a light of the rounds and they're calling the bright red flame. So yeah, there's a thrill in the air, because there's a chill in the air, rhyming air with air. I guess it's not as bad as I thought I was when I was capturing, but it's still like these mid-song sketches, they're just bailing them out, I think. Oh, no, that, okay.

Oh, there's snows. on my back. Oh, Lord. Don't do that. Oh, no. It's such an old radio play. No, put that gun down. Get away from me. I think the only thing it felt really clever in that was like butter freeze. Let's build a snow morn. Yeah. I mean, that was terrible. But the, also like bring up ice type Pokemon that if you're going to like say, oh, is there an articuno? I made an articuno or something like that. Maybe like that's a harder pun to do. I don't know. I guess. But like also I suppose put. the I love winter song for Misty like she's a water type gym leader and I guess water would freeze in the Christmas time I guess I don't know it's she just needs a song on here I do I at least like the energy after the previous two I at least like the energy was more upbeat like

da da da da da da da da da da da yeah kind of like a jingle bow rocky kind of swing and beat that was very jingle bell rock yeah so our next song is nobody don't like Christmas sung by Maddie Blaustine as Meowth, and it is very much of the very short and small genre of Little Stinker Christmas songs. Have you heard the song, All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth? Oh, have I?

We sung that all the time in school. I had no idea it was a Spike Jones song. Oh, I didn't know. It was from the clown prince of music. Yes, not the director, but the famous old novelty singer. I was a fan of Spike Jones as a kid. That explains a lot about me.

I didn't not like the song as a kid, but I look back on it, and I think it was a song our parents' generation liked. So they made us sing it in the 80s. And so, like, isn't it cute? We're making our kids sing a song we listen to as kids. Like, that is making kids now sing all I want for Christmas is you. That is true. And I prefer that song to two front. I mean, I guess for children who lost tea, like, if you're singing when you're like seven or eight, you have recently lost your baby teeth and it is a feeling you can remember but I think this song definitely is calling back to that old Spike Jones song

and here is a clip of that song in case you're not secretly 90 years old like Henry and I All I want for Christmas is my two fronties My two front teeth See my two fronties Gee if I could only have

My two fronties And I could Wish you Merry Christmas. So, yes, a Christmas song sung by Little Stinker. That's Mr. Hanky. Yes, exactly. You know, I've never heard that before. I've only sang it as a kid.

I've never heard that. Just Googling him like, Spike Jones, really? Yeah, that was his song. Look him up. He's all over YouTube because nobody cares about his music anymore. You know, the other little stinker song I just remembered was, I'm getting nothing for Christmas. That's it, yeah.

I guess there's more little stinker Christmas songs than I remember. My mom like that one more, because she likes songs about bad kids. So let's hear a bit about Meow Stans on Christmas. Nobody don't like Christmas. It's the happy day that everybody loves. It's the snowflakes drifting down as the folks all over town. I trim in trees and knitting gloves. Oh, it's so good.

I like this song. I love the Bugs Bunny voice that Miao has, and I think Maddie definitely has the best, most spirited performance on this album, being forced to sing as this character. Yeah, I think you can definitely feel a lot more like fun being had by the performer in this, for sure.

Yeah, and I, it also, unlike, like, I wouldn't think of Misty as a particularly festive character, just like, I love this time, or same with I don't think of Ash is a type of character who wants to give gifts to Santa Claus. Yeah, well, maybe Misty had that winter song because she's an ice queen in the series. Oh, but for Miaoh,

he does fit for the little stinker song. Like, Miaoth should be going like, no, he should be saying a double negative as well. Ain't nobody like it. He's from Brooklyn or perhaps Osaka. Who knows? It's the Osaka dialect of Miao. Yeah.

But a lot of this song is about how other holidays are in fear. And then his next verse, he sings about those fake New Year's fans out there. Some people don't like New Year's. December 30 feasts the night they tread. They may be blowing on noise makers, but they're all a bunch of fakers because they'd rather all be home or sleep in bed. I mean, that's true of me. I agree with you.

Yeah, boy. They're all a bunch of fakers. Acting like they're having fun, they'd rather be sleeping. I agree, Miaoth. I do. That's also funny that for this Japanese thing, culturally for America, it's the inverse where like New Year's is like our date night one of like I'm gonna kiss a New Year's and Christmas is the family one. Meanwhile, in Japan, New Year's Day is more of the family thing and where you, the grandma gives money to the kids. Money time. Yeah. And meanwhile, Christmas Day is date time. And you might not even get that. day off from work in in Japan. Well, let's hear what Miao has to say about romantic holidays and also patriotic ones. Oh, boy. God bless our troops.

God bless our troops. What the fuck? If you ain't never. I've been on a date. I love that. I do love that. Yeah. You do the art motions of a munchkin land kid, like for those.

Oh, it's good. I feel bad for all of like the poor teens playing Pokemon, though. I'm like, I've never been on a date. Oh, man. And also like, yeah, who, who'd celebrate the fourth? I think it keeps slightly in the Pokemon universe there where they're just like, you don't care about America because America doesn't exist in that world. It's a post-American society.

That's why it's Utopia. You know, what this song reminds me of is the weird bit in the special Twas the night before Christmas, the 70s Rankin' Bass one, where in the middle of it, they just have a song about how great all holidays are. That feels like a real time killer to me. What about St. Patrick's Day? No, there's, in the middle of this Christmas special, it's all snow and ice and everything and bubbled up, they're like, we're skating down a rainbow on 4th. of july or it's it's easter it's just it's very mixed messaging that also yeah like this feels like a time killer of we've said all we can about winter can we can we say just something about other holidays it's only song four but uh here is me off this song it's really good i enjoy it a lot

made me laugh but here is me out roasting even more holidays oh man memorial day is a day to forget Oh. And turkeys don't celebrate Thanksgiving yet. St. Patrick's Day is dull. A holiday is pouring. And who wants to go through all that Yom Kipporin? Whoa. Oh, wait.

You got to hear the little noise because I believe, I believe Maddie Blastien, based on the name and her twin brother, is Jewish. I believe so. And listen to the little noise she makes after Yom Kipporin. wow that's sorry I was laughing too hard let's forget about everybody who died in the war that's great like memorial day forget it's like boom I just love that oh so much fun oh that yob keep pouring oh man yeah that's so okay this is easily my favorite song yeah so there you have it that was the peak of this album and then we have the bittersweet Christmas song it's sort of like a I'll be home for Christmas without the threat of war looming over the song. So here is the intro to I keep home in my heart. Didn't I expect this? Brock, what's wrong?

Aren't you having a good time? Oh, sure, Misty. Then come back inside and join the party. I will in a second. Brock, are you crying? No, it's just cold out here. And you're what? I'm not crying.

Brock is. Wow. Oh, damn. I'm guessing this is about how he misses the family he left behind to go on their adventure. Because they're all traveling. This is a song about how they miss their hometowns. And so guest star on this one is the Seinfeld bass. Oh, yes.

You can hear that clearly in the background. And it really sounds like either a Michael Jackson or Paula Abdul song from 1990, not a 2001 song. Yeah, or like the opening to sledgehammer. Like, yeah, when you told me this was like the same. Christmas song, I was expecting, you know, strings and just like, they can't afford strings. Yeah, no, I mean, they didn't buy that MIDI instrument. Yeah, exactly.

This is all just like from one keyboard. I think with this one, they hit the demo button on their keyboards. Let's hear Brock's thoughts about home. I can close my eyes and I see my friends, my family. The happy times that I share with all the people who care. so far away from them on christmas day and though he may be apart i keep my home in my heart wow no that was so michael jackson like it feels like a b side like a smooth criminal on one side and then this one on the other yeah it uh i mean also reminds me the key impossible theme like

oh yeah that's right yeah but uh yeah this is so this is the serious michael jackson's song style, except it's Brock talking about, well, just vague family stuff, which... Yeah, she can name any, like, family members or thoughts or anything like that. Just like, I name check Peter City, I'm good. The joke of his character is that he's

like a big sexist trying to get with a bunch of women, but it's partially so he can get a wife to take care of his many sisters. It's really a wife quest for him. Exactly. Yeah, but that I thought they'd go

for a much more like earnest thing instead of just like rocking out while being said yeah it's pretty powerful right from Boxhart so would you believe there's another mid-song sketch I didn't capture it

but another one where Missy's like I know how you feel Brock I feel the same way too in fact I have my own verse So let's hear Misty's thoughts about missing home during Christmas I'm thinking about my sisters back home the bells would ring to a song

songs we'd sing and even though i love to roam on christmas eve i make believe i'm home oh poor rachel lillis that's two homes and one set of lyrics yeah i mean yeah i just feel bad for especially like at least with brock in the last lyric they doubled or tripled him up that kind of covers it but this is just like a solo for her but i guess I mean, that fits more at least in character for her that she's like, I miss my sisters who also run the gym that we work at. There's more to her

biography than just like, I at least live in a town. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, after this, there's a bridge and then they sort of just do the chorus over and over and they fade out. They used to be the style of songs at the time where they would just fade out where it's like, the producer's like, I've decided when you're done with the song. Let me just fade this out. Yeah. Well, you've got to give time for a radio

host to talk over. Exactly. Talk about upcoming concert tickets. You could win. But before we move on to the next song, let's hear an ad from our sponsors. Hello Retronauts listeners. I am Steve Kier with an exciting new offer for my listeners. It's the fifth anniversary of Ami Bos. And what are we to do right now thousands? If not millions of gamers are staring at these useless hunks of molded plastic

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So just go to me go Meltters.com and use the offer code retro to get 5%. off of your fifth order in 2019. Offer expires January 1st, 2020. That's me, glowmelters.com, and the offer code retro. So we're back from the break, and the sixth song on the album is The Christmas Song, a cover of the Mel Tourmey, Robert Wells Standard from 1945. but sung, in quote, sung by Team Rockets. So we'll see what the meaning of sing is.

Yeah, yeah. Wow, give this to team. I mean, I will say thumbs up that they actually paid for a song. I really wonder what the status of this song is, though, in terms of rights. I mean, Mel Tormay didn't die that long ago. So I guess so. It's definitely pre, it doesn't predate the Mickey Mouse rule of public domain. though I'm not a music lawyer.

Yeah. Well, somebody paid something, but here is them kind of singing their way through this song. Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe. Hope to make the season bright. Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow. We'll find it hard to sleep. So yeah, Miaoth Upstages both of them. Easily.

What if I went like this? I mean, James could go so much more sinister in camp. He is just not trying. Everybody knows some turkey and mistletoe. Oh, God, yeah. And just like, this song is so, it's already a slow song. But, like, that's why, like, Johnny Mathis is just like, Hanobit him in a minute.

Like, Conan O'Brien, he did one of my favorite bits about it when we were growing up. like everybody says she my shoulder that you i don't remember that bit at all oh it's so great he'd sing it with uh with martha stewart when they would do christmas stuff together all the holiday scenes conan did with martha stewart is some of my favorites i think they've re-uploaded a couple on the official team cocoa website so he found the clip and here it is here's what henry was referencing Hi. Jack Bonds Knitting at your nose.

Your tight carol being sung by Hawaii. You get it. It's very funny. Yeah, he overdoes it. So it was a Conan classic, I think, uploaded just like a few days ago.

Wow, I completely forgot about that. Yeah. Well, you had to, I got lucky, I think, I saw at the time. But it was just a recurring bit he did with Mark. Martha Stewart, especially, I believe in the start of that, she's like, here's how to make eggnog, and his joke is he keeps pouring more bourbon into the eggnog when she's like, no, that's enough, it's enough alcohol, but. So the thing about this song, though, is I feel that Chris's albums are already very lazy, and this one is especially lazy, because most of these songs have not been changed fundamentally. There are so many opportunities they could have used to, like, swap out Christmas nouns with Pokemon ones, like, chestnuts. How about, like, power berries or potions or something?

I don't know. Like, work harder. The first Pokemon reference comes halfway through the song. And it's the first appearance of the immortal Pokemon. We all love him. We all know him. Stantler. And every mother's child is got a spy.

Why, oh, why? To see, Stanler really know how to fly. My, oh, my. So I believe, like, in the entire cover of that song, Stantler, is the only thing they swap in from the Pokemon universe. When they, if they did none, it would be better. By giving you one, you're just like, well, okay, then you know you could do that. Yeah. When they say, like, some turkey and some mistletoe, like, say you're eating like, I don't know, slow bros of mistletoe.

That's a dark Christmas sign then. Well, people eat Pokemon in that universe. I guess so. It's something they don't like to talk about. But yes, here is the wrap-up of this very low effort cover, the first cover on this album. There will be more. And so I'm offering this simple phrase to kids from 1 to 92.

Although, it's been said many times, many ways. Merry Christmas. There's like the four words that Team Rocket sung in the song. That's that of me out. Well, that was a week ending to like, to you. Yeah. Yeah. I, man, that's, well, you know, I think I realize the benefit Maddie Blowstein has on this that her character is not supposed to sound good.

That's true. But somehow she does sound the best. Yeah, she sounds the best anyway. But it's like Misty, all the other voices have to be. be like more normal voices so you expect more from their songs too so I think I do think meow benefits from having a lower bar of expectations like when he goes and every mother's child yeah I do I do enjoy that uh yeah I guess the confidence of getting to sing as a crazy character might have her doing a better performance I think Stewart should have tried like

that's he should have embraced more of that camp with James like he's he has the same ability there. It's so like James should be more flamboyant. And I just hate it's like, chestnuts roasting on an open fire. I think at least that one baby's like, ooh. Yeah. Like that's the one like, I need more of that out of you, Eric. Yes. But up next we have song number seven under the mistletoe, a classic horny on Christmas song. And this song once again is trying to smash Ash and Misty together. Oh, boo. No. I mean, you have Nurse Joy. You have Officer Jenny. You have Brock. Those should be the romantic pairings in your Christmas album. I would love to hear the nurse, Officer Jenny

from the show sing on this. We dodged the bullets. One of Officer Jenny's bullets. Yeah. But here is Ash just struggling to make it through this song. There's a feeling I'm getting. I just can't explain. Making me glad

tonight. Maybe it's Christmas. Maybe the snow. Maybe the mistletoe. I'm guess that we should be glad we were spared. Baby, it's colon outside with Ash and Misty. Oh, yes. Yeah, that's far worse.

Yeah, that's on that Regis album, by the way. Of course it is. I mean, he sees only innocent things in that song. But, yeah, I don't think Ash should not be feeling any funny feelings on Christmas that he can't explain. No, no. Like, again, this is a. non-sexual character. Like I said earlier, Doug Funny was a more sexual character in that he had feelings for a woman or another person, romantic feelings. He knew a crush. Yeah. But he also didn't go like, I want to kiss her. Like, that is the intent of this song too. Just like, I need an excuse to kiss this girl. Like, even Doug would never imagine like, and what if Patty kissed me? It got up to like holding hands. That's the furthest he would go. But yes, I think they actually do kiss in this sketch. Hey, wait a minute, there's Christmas cookies over there.

Let's go get some, Pikachu, too. Big, hi, Ash. Oh, hi, Misty. Great party, huh? Yeah, we were just going to get something to eat. Hey, did you see your story? Yeah, maybe you should go tell Brock. Maybe not.

Anyway, can we squeeze past you? We're pretty hungry. Oh, sure. Okay. Oh, wow. Ew. Those noises you hear, I think it's supposed to be them just, like, smashing into each other, perhaps accidentally kissing. Well, they should eat like a big.

cartoony clung or like a big noise you know yeah they're gonna at least do that but like I was shocked dear Pikachu there like that's what astounded me because Pikachu is front and center on that cover and that little pika is the only time you hear him and it feels like they're getting away with something

like it does stand out like if you never heard him you'd be like okay I understand why but you hear him once and you're like what's going on there's a smoking gun in this song I need to know why you can hear Pikachu maybe they thought Pokemon Company couldn't possibly listen to this you would get like three songs and it'd be like No, I can't.

But, okay, at least, okay, it does fit for him that he'd want Christmas cookies. But it's also a very weird thing of better not tell him, nurse choice here. You know what he'd do, it's like, whoa. He's had quite a few glasses of special eggnog, made of bourbon and ice cubes. Daddy's eggnog. Yeah, I. Keeping Brock away from the women, boy, dark Christmas party. Yeah, which also then, that feels even weirder too.

It's these two kids who understand that just like Brock, too horny but hey here's some mistletoe what do we feel as younger people it's gross this is not what you do with these characters i think we've all learned from safe search off Pokemon uh googling that this is wrong and you shouldn't go here with these characters don't project these feelings onto those characters it's just wrong there are adults in this cartoon yes and we shouldn't hear from them at all uh let's move on to the next song which is another cover are you familiar with the 1960 Christmas standard must be Santa Claus. Oh, I know that you, Santa Claus.

I probably know it. Let me play a little clip. I know you know it. Who's got a beard that's long and white? Oh, yeah. Who comes around on a special night? That comes around on special night. Special night, beer that's white.

Must be Santa. There we go. See? I hate that big. I think it's Santa Claus. Yeah, well, I will say I am a very xenophobic Christmas fan that, like, I love campy Americana, can't be Britishness, I like less. There's a couple British Christmas songs, like, mostly they have to be by an ex-Beedle or Elton John saying like, step into Christmas, but not simply having.

I love that one because it's awful. Oh, so bad. The time is right. I can't stand it. I think this is better than wings. Sure, yes, yeah. But yes, so they basically do their cover of Must Be Santa Claus. And like that Christmas song, there is one Pokemon reference in here, and it's Stantler again.

Of course. So let's hear the one Pokemon reference in Brock Misty and Ashes Must Be Santa. Who very soon will come our way. Santa very soon will come our way. Eight little Stantler pull his sleigh. Santa's little Stantler pull his slate. Stantler's plate, come our way, ho, ho, ho, cherry nose, cap on head, suit that's red, special night, beard that's white. Must be Santa, must be Santa, must be Santa, must be Santa, Santa Claus.

Who is the Santa bird, Pokemon? Deli Bird. It must be Delhi, you know, just. Just make it make it a Pokemon. Or is it DeliBird? Just to add that, must be Santa Claus. I mean, at least it's set up already in the universe that Santa Claus does exist and they've met him. That's true.

We saw that last time with the last episode we did for what a cartoon, or sorry, Retronaut's holiday special was the Jinks holiday hijinks special. So Santa does exist in that world. Yeah. But also like, yeah, when they say cherry nose, just say berry nose. Yeah, yeah. Again, putting that one reference into just like it makes me think you could have tried a lot harder. Yeah, for briefly, it becomes the Stantler song. It's like, Stantler, Stantler, Stantler, Stantler, Stottler.

If you heard this album not knowing about Pokemon, you'd be like, this is the Stantler game. You play as Stantler, he's the most popular character. I'm buying my son a Stantler toy for Christmas because that's all I hear him and he plays that album. So again, a cover, and the next thing is a sort of cover where they sort of cop out, it's not even a song. They just do their own version of The Night Before Christmas, the classic, 1823 poem, public domain, of course, a visit from St. Nicholas, so more free Christmas stuff to pilfer. I mean, that kills a lot of time reading that. Yes. This is the one time Stantler is not name-checked when they could. Name-checked Stantler. But really, they're doing a lot more

word replacing, so I'll give them credit for that. But this is such a patted-out production, and it even starts with a sketch. And I will say up front, they're stealing my bit. Oh, it's freezing out there. Close the door Did you get more wood Oh yeah Oh Oh yeah

Geez Hey What's that It's a Christmas poem It was the night before Christmas I downloaded it from the internet Oh I know this one

It was the night before Christmas And all through the house Not a creature was stirring Not even meow Ooh hey Eggnog's ready. Eggnog? Yeah.

Brock made eggnog and Christmas cookies. All right. Oh, you guys are reading the night before Christmas. It was the night before Christmas. I already read that part. Pick it up from here, Brocko. Right. Just killing more time.

That's at least funny. That gave me a giggle. Later, Brock is like, where did you get this version? And they're like, oh, we got it from the internet. So they're just explaining why it's different. Yeah. Also, I'm trying to. imagine what obviously this is before tablets and I can't imagine they have a computer so

Misty printed out she went to the library yeah yeah and she must once they come in and he drops all of the firewood on the floor she then like from her backpack goes like hey look at this all this paper he's like what's that it's a poem do we need that much setup for this to just to have a different version of but I mean the entire like there's been two instances so far of a different version of a Christmas thing this sketch is like justifying that I mean, it gets them another minute. It gets them one minute closer. Like, I think price-wise, if something was 30 minutes, they can't justify $10, like a 40-minute CD can.

President George W. Bush Jr. would shut them down. So, Team Rocket interrupts this. And it would have been so cool if you heard their theme song. But again, that is Japanese music. They're not licensing. So we get their interruption, but without the cool theme. I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than that.

Maltrez, his courses they came. He whistled and shouted and called them by name. To protect the world from devastation. Team Rocket! I knew I heard something. What are you doing here? We came to capture some rare Pokemon so the boss will give us our Christmas

bonuses this game. Oh, isn't that quaint? They're reading a Christmas poem. Ooh, Jesse, this is my favorite part. Now dasher, now dancer, now prancer, and vixer. On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzin. To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall.

Now dash away, dash away, dash away, dash away, all. Anyway, as I was saying, move over to work. I'm reading this part. Yeah, he could have been like on Stantler. You know, put Stantler. Like, if you're going to name check Stantler twice, it makes it obvious, like, he's missing in this whole thing. And maybe Stantler, too. Somebody's angling for a Stantler mention in this.

after doing a simpsons roasting on an open fire anniversary hearing the christmas bonus bit there too it's like people don't joke about that anymore because it simply doesn't exist and no reference to donna dixon in this one uh but yes let's hear them uh wrap this up with a description of santa claus his eyes how they twinkled his dimples how merry his cheese were like roses his nose like a cherry his droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow and the beard on his chin was his Why does this know? The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf. And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. I always enjoy just the weird Brooklyn, whatever he's got going. I had nut and nothing to dread. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, again, on that War on Christmas stuff, I am shocked they kept in the, that pipe thing gets cut a lot. That's true, yeah. Like the smiling man with the nice pipe. With describing smoking that pipe as like friendly of like it in circles, it's had like a wreath, not like this old, this old tobacco fiend stinks. He smells. His beard is yellow. It's disgusting. His smile full of yellow teeth.

Yeah. But again, I guess if they were to cut that, that's sick. more seconds they're losing every second counts especially when you're ending your album excuse me with two karaoke versions so uh the final original in big quote song is so far there have been nine songs and three of them have been covered so the christmas song must be santa and the uh the visit from st nicholas this one is a christmas medley of familiar free songs to use the classic yes but with Pokemon word substitution.

So let's hear this very first part of the medley to indoctrinate your children. Here's your chance to sing along now we love Pokemon and so do you

raise your voice in you type song now all the tunes are old the words are new. I love the Christmas a song with the characters from the product telling me I like the product. You like this product. We love Pokemon and so do you. And also their justification of the star like, this is a medley, but we're making up new words. The words are new. So how can the kids even sing along? It's new

words. Yeah, maybe you can print those out from the internet in 2001. But yes, this next one is, so let's talk about what you think these parodies will be, Henry. So jingle bells. What do you think the parody is. Jingle Pokey Balls or just Pokey Balls? You got real, okay, you got it. So, yes, you guessed the obvious parody. It really reminds me of jerky balls from

Clone High. But here is Pokeyballs. So sweet. Oh, Pokeballs, Poker them all the way. You may catch the Pokemon you want on Christmas Day. So there you go. That's Pokea Balls.

Yeah. You know what? I think this is probably the most creative they've been the whole, at least songwriter. Yeah, they're really having all their weird alt tricks for the end so they were so exhausted by the end of this that's why they could all like stantler just fuck it throw them in there uh the next song is sorry the next part of the medley

i did not capture it's a version of a good king once a sloss good uh i mean good king went uh good king piquetcher no good king well there's a Pokemon with king in its name uh well kingler is the only one oh Nito king oh Nito king of course and uh in the song it's like on the feast of stephen and this one They talked about his trainer, Stephen. Sure. It's fine. I was like, is Stephen a character in this world? But no, they didn't think of a thing to replace.

So there you go. Okay. Joy to the World. What do you think that's about that parody? Well, it has to be Nurse Joy, then. Exactly. This really is made for children. So let's move on to here, Joy to the World.

Nurse Joy is a girl. She sure is fun. But I like James. So basic facts about Nurse Joy, she is a girl, and she's fine. But I like Jenny, too. He can't choose, but, like, boy, he's also stretched on that, too. Yeah, it's bad. Okay, okay.

So the next thing is a parody of, oh, Christmas tree, what Pokemon name sounds like Christmas Tree? It's so close. Christmas Tree. Wait, Blissy Tree? Or no You'll hear it Oh, cat to pee

Oh, that's great That's actually good So they're So they're actually So they're actually So they're actually teaching kids So they're actually teaching kids about the game Through this song

Which is the most creative they've gotten so far That is the most informed they've been the entire time. Like, it's Caterpee. They're so lucky that Caterpian butterfree, like, they fit, they both fit in there for Christmas tree. Damn. Like, the point of the anime is to teach you about the game and how it's played in sort of a more abstracted sense. And this is the only time, like, the album fits along with that philosophy. Like, yes, here is how what evolution is and here is how it works.

They are ending strong, I feel like. They really are. But also, you know, this could just be a list of, like, unhurmed. finished ideas. We could do the full Christmas tree song for this. We got three lines in and that's all we got. So let's just make it a medley.

Well, what I didn't capture was Professor Oaks starting up a 12 days of Christmas parody. I will say whenever you see a parody of one of those, they are just chewing up time because that song is so repetitive. You write 12 things and then repeat them like 13 times. So what do you

think comes on the fifth day of Christmas? The five golden rings is a end up part of that song. What Pokemon do you think is going to come to you on the fifth day? Well, in the show, there are gold magic carp. Is it five gold magic carp? You're going to hear it. Five gold deep. Oh, I was so close. Yes, and instead of... That's even bad. That's a good one. They're really trying on the song in ways they weren't trying in previous parodies. They did this at the start of the day, and it was just downhill from there. They did have one day for all of this. And instead of a partridge and a pear tree, it's a

far-fetched with great agility. Sure. Yeah. Okay. I mean, that is a bird Pokemon, so that also fits. Sure. So the final part of the medley is, I will ask you, Henry, what do you think we wish you a Merry Christmas turns into? And it's not very good.

We wish you a Merry, well, I guess I wish you a Merry Poca-a-Mus? It's worse than that. Let's hear it. Oh, no. We wish you a narrow Christmas. We wish you a Meryl Christmas We wish you a Meryl Christmas Happy holidays, everybody

And a Hopp in New Year What? So Meryl and Hopip are named checks. Remember when Meryl was Pika Blue for all of us Americans? They're like, who's that blue by Pikachu? I love the summer of thinking it was called Pika Blue. But, yeah, well, look, at least Merrill sort of looks like a Christmas ornament, a tree ornament. A bulb-like thing. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's supposed to be more of a water balloon, I think. But I at least think that that type of pun, I will say, of Merrill Christmas, it at least does fill me with the kind of fuzzy feelings I had for the bad jokes on the Muppets and Sesame Street Christmas albums of my childhood. Yeah, it reminds you a better thing.

Yeah, of the way Fazi Bear would say a stupid line when talking to John Denver. So this album ends with two karaoke versions of, honestly, they're just bad choices. So there's a karaoke version of I Have a Giving Santa a Pikachu for Christmas, which is like not a good song on this. If I had a choice, I would have a karaoke version of the first song, Pokemon Christmas Bash, and maybe even I keep home in my heart. Yeah, yeah. So wait, is the Miao song, at least, karaoke? No, so the first karaoke one is the Santa Claus song. The second one is the Christmas medley.

They're just giving you Christmas songs you already have. Yeah, that's lame. Also, I'd at least, if you're going to get me a karaoke version of something, just give me the opening theme to the show in karaoke. Like, remind me of it better. But again, that's songwriting rights probably even for the opening song they've got to pay somebody. That's got to be true.

That's so cheap. That's been our exploration of the Pokemon Christmas Bash album. It is like Simpsons Christmas Book. You're totally right about that. Before we wrap up, Henry, I want to know what is your favorite and least favorite song? If you need time to think, I can go first. Okay, why don't you go first? Okay, I'm going to cheat because I think we'll have the same favorite.

I do love nobody don't like Christmas, and I do laugh out loud. Memorial Day is a day you can keep. Whatever the line is that I forget, but it makes me laugh. And I do like all of the other holiday bashing on that one. Yeah. And I think my least favorite one is going to be the performance. Professor Oak's song because I don't like his voice and Ash is making his the most of singing in that song. It's just not very good. I just don't like the Santa Claus Pikachu song. So those are my choices. Well, okay, yes. Definitely Miaoh gave me the most like actual mirth. Like I laughed the most on that one. Especially the Yom Kippoor. I was like, oh, so Yom Kippur also exists. I mean, that's fair in the Pokemon world. If they've got Christmas, they should have Yom Kippur as well. All religion should exist in that world. even if principal skinner thinks it's fake yom kippur but um i actually think my least favorite is

the mistletoe one because it's the two weakest singers together and then you just have like the the creepy area they take them into which is just like these two characters again should not be uh even like childhood crushing on each other it just doesn't feel right you're right that would be my second worst choice yeah i mean the santa song sucks it's probably the singing in the whole thing, though, well, Misty solo on the sad song about missing home, no matter where she roams. Yeah, it's, that might be the worst song. But yeah, I don't like when they project horniness onto these characters.

It's not right. Even if it's holiday horniness, it's still wrong. When you have such a horned character as Brock, put the horny song on him and let Ash be sad. Like, this is an easy switch. Let Brock have the song about mistletoe. Yeah, yeah. Let Ash be the one sing about, I miss my mom. Like, I'm away from home in Christmas.

Don't mention Brock in the mistletoe song. Don't make us think of the character that's more appropriate for the song. Yeah, yeah, who's like, they're trying to quarantine from a pretty girl because he will not leave her alone. This party is getting dark. But, yes, I hope you enjoyed our discussion of Pokemon Christmas Bash. I love doing these holiday episodes, and I hope you love them too. If you grew up with this album, let me know. Like, this came out when I was 19.

I was not even into anything along these lines. I could not even enjoy it ironically as I'm doing now. And there was no outlet for me to talk about it. So this is the first time I'm really interfacing with it. But I really want to know if you're out there, if you're like 30, you might have heard this when you were a kid. I'm almost 40, so I'm far too old for this. Yeah, I'd love to hear what the folks think about it.

This was fun to experience for my first time right now. Like I was glad to have not experienced it for 18 whole. years to finally hear it now. And now you can just put on your Spotify playlist when you go home to visit your parents and they'd be like, what is this? Man, this album can vote now. Oh, shit. That's pretty crazy. Not in my country.

Yes, but thanks for joining us for another episode of Retronauts. If you want to help support this show and get every podcast a week ahead of time and at free, please go to patreon.com slash Retronauts, and you can do just that. Every dollar you gives us, help support the show, and this is a completely

fan-supported Enterprise We really appreciate anything you can give, and we'd like to give you a little something in return. Henry, please talk about everything you're doing, most of which involves me in some way. Yeah, this is a co-promotion here. I'm going to sit back and let you plug everything I'm part of. But yes, me and Bob, co-host a couple weekly podcasts. I think you listeners will really enjoy. If you liked our many asides about The Simpsons here, then you'll love our Talking Simpsons podcast where we go chronologically through every episode of The Simpsons. We just are finishing off season. and actually did a 30th anniversary special for Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire. And on our What a Cartoon podcast, we talk about a different animated series once a week. And we have covered so many cool things. If you're in the holiday spare, you'll really like the one we did for Charlie Brown Christmas special

or the Mickey Mouse special, Duck the Hulls. Plus, we've done so many great when we did a Pokemon one just a month ago with Retronaut's favorite, Kat Bailey, as our guest. Yeah, you can always go back in time and listen to our Retronaut. to Pokemon one we did for last year's holiday special too we covered uh that holiday hijinks with jinks and you can hear all those podcasts what a cartoon and Talking Simpsons a week ahead of time and ad free if you support our podcast on patreon at patreon.com slash talking Simpsons which is also home to a ton of exclusive podcasts including if you wanted to hear us talk about Futurama we just

finished the first half of season two on our Talking Futurama Patreon exclusive podcast so please check it all out and have a happy holidays as for me i've been the host of this episode, Bob Mackey. Find me on Twitter as Bob Servo. That's it for us this week. We'll see you next year in the Retronauts Holiday Cabin and next week for a brand new episode of Retronauts. Have a happy holiday.

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