Retronauts - Retronauts Holiday Extravaganza 2016: Christmas Comes to Pac-Land

Episode Date: December 23, 2016

After yet another year of podcasting, it's time to tie a bow on 2016 with an annual trip to the Retronauts Holiday cabin in Parts Unknown. And this time around, we set our sights on Christmas Comes to Pac-Land, a TV special that gently lulled a generation of chomp-obsessed children to sleep when it premiered way back in 1982. On this very special episode, join Bob Mackey, Henry Gilbert, and Chris Antista as the crew examines this televised lump of Christmas coal in much greater detail than any of its creators ever did. Be sure to visit our blog at Retronauts.com, and check out our partner site, USgamer, for more great stuff. And if you'd like to send a few bucks our way, head on over to our Patreon page!

Hello, I'm Steve your pilot for the journey to the Retronaut's Holiday Space Cabin, now located in space. I am obligated to inform you this space journey may affect the following body Hearts, face, head, brain, brain, neck, brain. Thanks for listening, I hope we can be friends. Blasting off in, five, four, three, two, one. Blast off. Earth orbit escaped. Accessing Napster protocol.

Space cabin approaching, talking, talking, talking, talking. We are now talked. Enjoy your stay. Please tell Master I miss... Oh, hello there. Oh, hello there. So glad you could make it back. Welcome once again to my holiday space cabin in space for yet another Retronaut's holiday special. Unfortunately, this year we had to relocate from parts unknown to our current address in deep space due to security concerns.

I mean, as you know, we've had a bit of a wolf problem. And as the war on Christmas rages on below and wild wolves continue their reign of terror on podcast guests, I'm safe up here as long as the oxygen holds out. But with a two-week supply of nog-flavored soylent and several hundred unplayed copies of Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium on DVD, that's the full frame edition, by the way. I'll be sitting pretty until New Year's Eve. Oh, that must be this year's special guess. Hey guys, come on in.

Make sure you wipe your feet on the space rug. How's it going, guys? Thanks for coming out. Hey. Better, it's space. Michael was supposed to come, but his last transmission said, tell my wife I like her very much. I think you might just say love. That was kind of tragic.

She's aware. And then nothing. So that was kind of rude. Thanks for coming out again. I know normally every winter I have people come out to my cabin in parts unknown. You know, the war on Christmas is going on, so I have to go to a much more secluded location. So here we are in space. Where emulation is legal.

That's true. You don't have to delete your realms after 48 hours, I think it is. But, yeah, I mean, there's only so much oxygen in this cabin, so you'll have to leave immediately afterwards because I've only banked for enough auction to get me through New Year's, maybe. I may stay up here and die. I'm not sure it depends on earth. If Christmas loses, then I'm staying. This will be my space tune. I'll be as quiet as quiet as possible to use his little air.

As quiet as a pan, Henry. So today we're going to be talking about, as we have for the past few Christmas specials, we're going to be talking about a Christmas-related entertainment. And it's not very entertaining, but today's episode is going to be about Christmas comes to Pac-Land. It is a holiday special, which aired in 1982, a special of the Pac-Man animated series. And before I start, I want to ask you guys, like, what is your, familiarity with this if you have any or with the packman cartoon in general i vaguely remember the cartoon it would have been i would i was too young right i would have been like i definitely

didn't watch it on saturday mornings yeah like i found it later and remember like yeah wow a packman ooh yeah and then i just didn't when you couldn't tell yourself that something was bad but you just became unenthused for it yeah this aired on bob's uh little bob's first christmas did it oh yes My first Christmas. Chris is of 82. I, you know, I'm stereotypical. I did review it for a cartoon Christmas. So this is my second viewing in five years.

And I am upset with you. I do have Chris on because he is the foremost Christmas holiday cartoon special expert. And I have bad news for you, I think. What's that? I think this is the last video game cartoon Christmas special you have. I think I've done them all now. Maybe there's an adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. There might be an earthworm gym one.

Okay, but I don't think so. That could be a good cartoon. I don't want to make fun of Earthworm, Jim. But, okay, so I, I'm stereotypically known as the Mario fan boy to retro-announce listeners. But before I love Mario, Pac-Man was my favorite character because it was, I think, the first game I remember ever seeing, like, I'm sure people in our age group will remember going to a pizzeria or whatever the first time and seeing the Pac-Man machine and just grabbing the joystick, not even having a quarter, but just like, I can pretend I'm playing. I found that the Pac-Man machine at the Tallahassee Mall Putt Putt, if you need it as hard as you could in the coin slot, you'd just get a free play. You'd hear like coins drop down and hit the trip or whatever. And so whenever this would come on, like when the Pac-Man series would come on, you know, USA Cartoon Express, I was so excited.

I was like, it's the colorful world of Pac-Man. I love it. And look, I knew it wasn't good then, too, but I liked it. I also liked the Smurfs back then. I was very into that special is even worse yes it's even worse but I the criticism I make of all these it feels not necessarily like not just like a first draft animated to life it feels like animated improv yeah nothing happens every scene is like yeah this will kill some time meaningless like this will kill two minutes let's do this scene the first 10 minutes of this are

meaningless yes exactly I do want to talk about my relationship with this cartoon because I love cartoons from a young age I was attached to them that carried that that stuck with me until adulthood but From a very young age, I was paying attention to, you know, who was making the cartoons, who was voice acting on the cartoons. And I came to hate Hannah Barbera cartoons. I didn't know they were old until much later, but I'm like, there's something about these that they're just cheap and awful and fill me with this on Wii as a child. They're slow.

And they're not funny. And sometimes to prove they're not funny, they added laugh tracks to their cartoons. As if to say, there are jokes here. Which is more confusing if you're a kid. Yeah. Why am I hearing other people laughing at the cartoon? I think I asked my mom that a few times, and she tried to tell me. Like, who was laughing at Fred Flintstone?

Is there a studio audience in the Scooby-Doo haunted house? That's impossible. And it's important to point out that, like, when all of us grew up, cartoons got better as we entered our pubescent years. But when we were really little kids, I think, that was basically the worst cartoons had ever been on TV. And Hannah Barberra was just like the filler for daytime TV. Just like, there were endless hours of Hannah Barberra shows that could just be spread out all throughout your USA Cartoon Expresses and everything. I mean, it was all about producing in bulk for TV. Like, they just, if you were on Saturday morning for four years and you had enough episodes to syndicate, so you just hit a number.

And you just, it wasn't until Disney got involved in afternoon programming that things took a step up. But even then, you know, on Cartoon Network or even TBS before that, Turner bought the Hannah Barbera Library just to play it into the ground. Like, just to play it all day. and then eventually they work their way up to original programming and now Cartoon Network has been around so long they don't even need to show its first original programming anymore they're like we've aired that into the ground or this was from 2003 that's too old again I didn't wait in line for concert tickets

or pre-order games I was really excited about channels on my TV box waiting outside Comcast for Comedy Central and then later Cartoon Network and it got it to turn it on and they finally turned Cartoon network on it like 1230 at night and what's playing wait till your father gets home the animated sitcom that just begins with like kind of a rape joke in the intro uh i believe the daughter comes home mingled yes mangled mangled from a date yeah he's very mad and he's very mad at her for letting that happen to her and such a progressive show but i'll get i'll give this whatever credit i can for the pacman cartoon was huge as far as i read yes packman was huge pack man was so big and this is

Because I did a cartoon, there's like a hundred Christmas specials that I wrote about. And I did play fast and loose with what makes a Christmas special. Sonic Christmas Blast wasn't so much a special. It aired in a regular time slot. That's true. This aired primetime. And it has a prime time budget, too. Okay, so like, Hannah-Briberra is trash.

There are lower levels of trash. I mean, filmation is worse, as Henry and I were talking about earlier. There's way worse. Yeah. That was what helps this in its estimation is just like, it's above absolute garbage. Yes, and this has a higher budget. It's basically like Studio Ghibli compared to Hannah Barbera's normal output, which means there's like effects like they're snow falling and like the backgrounds look a little nicer

and the animation is a little bit nicer, but it's more than one camera angle. Yes, yes, but it still has that Hannah Barbera lack of charm, lack of polish that really is just a trademark of their work on TV forever until they turned it around with Cartoon Network stuff. I think it's telling and beautiful in a way because I didn't grow up hating Hannah Barberra. because it was just all we had but they're gone like it just doesn't like boomer there's on the wiki page for this says

it still airs every year on boomering like no boomering doesn't air this garbage I'm kind of glad actually because when I was growing up in the 90s and I've been on a lot of podcasts about this when cartoons were experiencing a kind of renaissance and Steven Spielberg was getting involved and budgets were going up

and live orchestras were being used for music and everything was just great there was a period when baby boomers our parents were like hey guys Yogi Bear and Huckleberry Hound aren't they great and it's just like you watch it And you're like, there's 10 drawings in this. And these are imitations of people I don't know. I really don't understand.

Like, Scooby is the one that's managed to keep its whole. Like, it's remade every year in a new incarnation. And I feel like, I think I read about this. There's a value in Scooby-Doo because it gives kids empowerment to be like, these scary things aren't scary. We're going to take the masks off and you're going to be on this team's side. And you get over your fears of monsters and stuff. The Flintstones, these dinosaurs aren't vicious carnivores.

They're actually blue color. household appliances. Well, at least in Scooby-Doo, you've got the easily, constantly, endlessly repeatable detective story, which you can do. It is a pulpy detective thing in its own way. Well, meanwhile, like the Jetsons is just like a guy at work, and it sucks to be at work with all these things. I will say the Jetsons, that is like the pinnacle of Hannah Barbera design. I do love certain aspects of their design.

I love the way the Flintstone's world looks and the colors that they use. Yeah, like the designs are great. and the colors are great. And sometimes the animation can be fun, but the writing is just... The writing is to service, like, they're just going to talk back and forth, right? Yeah.

Well, and now our old coworker, Dan Amrik, he is a little older than us, and now works at Ubisoft. And he talked, I remember years ago, talking about how he remembers... He was a kid when Pac-Man was new. The Pac-Man cartoon was new. And how, with him and his friends, at least,

it was advertised, like, it was a big deal that NBC, ABC, whichever network got it, it was NBC, they were like, they got Pac-Man in the morning, they got Saturday morning, Pac-Man, this is the biggest deal ever. Yeah, it had to be real excited. And this is the first video game TV show adaptation, I believe. It's true. Let's get into the background infer on the show. I only included this because there's nothing to talk about in the actual episode. We'll see.

We'll see, we'll see. I think there's a lot of hate to be made of the bad writing, but yeah, I think it's the first American cartoon to be based on a video game. If I had to guess, Japan probably had a video game cartoon before this. They would have to. I feel like they cared more about that stuff. In the four, yeah, from, well, let's say Space Invaders in, what, 78, to this and 82, they must have made something. It's, maybe there was some animation for a commercial, but most arcade machines never got a commercial of any kind.

Yeah, I mean, because you would just see them. You wouldn't have to, you couldn't necessarily buy one or anything like that. Yeah, but I do, like, some of the coolest animation ever to come out of Japan in the 80s is advertising video games. Yes, go look up Japanese. commercials for like every Nintendo game they're often like claymation dude like Trojan Capcom's Trojan has beautiful exquisite animation in the commercial

just like how the cover art was better usually so this series debuted on September 25th 1982 and ran for 44 episodes across two seasons on ABC and uh but that is Hannah Barberas hit it and quit it before everybody knows how shitty

this is yeah we will get it two seasons we'll sell our next show dude the Jetsons is two seasons yeah one made in the 60s, one made in the 80s. Yeah, with the help of John Crick Feluccio. Yeah, like, you can see the Flintstones runs out of gas real hard. Yeah, it's like, what if the Munsters were here?

Yeah. They changed the titles of the shows and repackaged them to sell them to people because they're that desperate for animation. They skated by on like an overall desperation for these cartoons. I mean, the way that we saw was the garbage dump, it was the USA Cartoon Express. It's an absolute just waste, like a TV wasteland of the worst cartoons. Was there anything redeemable on that? They bought the cheapest stuff.

Yeah, it was like Hawaii. Polyapy. It only because it's some independent animation. They didn't have Transformers. They had GoBots. Yeah.

They had GoBots. And just like every... So many Smurfs. How many... How many Can Iroids starting a talking car? At least three. There has to be...

There's the choppers. As a kid, I was like, all right, they took all the Smurfs. No Smurfs on my Nickelodee and I'm going to watch old Looney Tunes that are about World War II. I did have that in memory. Something relevant.

That I never brought up. When we got cable, I think, in 86, the first thing I saw was Looney Tune. It was mind-blowing to see Looney Tunes in the middle of the day. That was like the good filler of TV, not like the bad filler of the Stran Barbaric cartoons. So my analogy I use is Pac-Man was basically like the minions of the early 80s in which he was yellow, of course, in a character, but he was everywhere. He was on merchandise, he was on TV, he was in food, he was just an omnipresent mascot for a thing, and you could not escape him. I mean, it was like Mad Magazine had issues on Pac-Man.

This is a Pac-Man fever. Oh, whoa. I wouldn't go to that for, Henry. It's a very serious condition. Sorry. My father died from that. Reagan publicly condemned Pac-Man and all... No, you didn't.

I never had. Jerry Falwell came out and said he was a homosexual. That's why they had a big Miss Pac-Man. So, uh, this was developed by a little guy named Jeffrey Scott, and this episode is written by him. And you might remember his name if you go back to our Captain N episode, uh, because he wrote for the worst television cartoons ever. This guy has a niche.

It's like a Muppet Babies. Yes, he helped develop that at least. I feel like the Muppets really carried that. He didn't do much heavy lifting. But he was basically the sole writer for several TV shows. Wow. We do a show called Talking Simpsons, of course, and we talk about how there's a credited writer, but it's actually like he writes the story.

It goes through a writer's room. They punch it up. Maybe there's more than one writer's room. There's a lot of work put into this. With shows like this, one guy writes 13 episodes. And I'm sure there's no second draft. there's no like could this be a little bit better

like what's Pac-Man doing in the scene? No, it's just like oh content, you gave us content I'll put this on TV. Put a storyboard together, ship it to Korea and move on to the next one. Part of what made Hannah-Bribera work

is the pipeline that it created. I think that's if anything, that's what they'll be remembered for and there's clearly no time for rewrites or breaking a script. It doesn't happen. Well, just for children anyway.

Who cares? The Simpsons does share one-voice actor in this. Oh, okay, we'll get to that. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, because we talk about, again, we mentioned the 90s Renaissance. It's like even, what's that? Two. Oh, wow. Okay. So it's like, when I was a kid, you could tell when a cartoon respected you, when a cartoon was not talking down to you. And these were just like, who cares? We're going to fill time. If I can make a good joke out of this, it'll happen. But if not, here's like 20 minutes. Just watch it. It's on TV. Well, and they just retell the same stories.

They're like, hey, this was that episode of Josie and the Pussy Cats we did. fine, it's a Scooby-Doo now, like, we'll just do it again. File up the serial numbers, it's now a new show. Or let's send them into space this time or whatever. Yeah. So, Jeffrey Scott, I want to say he started his career, his illustrious career, that he's still going strong.

He's in the 60s and still writing. He started in 1976 as the story editor, it's kind of the lowest totem pole, wrong on the totem pole, for the dino mud cartoon. And that's his legacy. He lost a life to crypto. And that's why I, I love Harvey Birdman.

It just took the piss out of every one of these bad cartoons. That's oddly enough, if these things are remembered at all in 20 years, it'll be for Harvey Birdman. So Birdman got to tear apart everybody that no one cared about, and that's why they're like, well, they could reference Aquaman, but you will never see Aquaman on this because somebody in D.C. was like, no, no, I am not going to allow this show to make fun of Aquaman. But Peter Potomis is a character. They're just like, oh, make Peter Potomis a sexual. deviant. Like, do that. That's fine.

Yeah, actually, Harvey Birdman was like the legend for me to understand why the Jetsons was supposed to be funny because in that episode, it's like, oh, I get it. It was a joke because they had a push button life, but they still complained about modern day inconveniences, but their lives were easy. That was the joke. I never got that. That was the joke they were telling in 26 episodes. But I like the Azul Falcone was like this Latin lethario on the show.

Big Falcon deal. Jeffrey Scott somewhat recently wrote the Dragon Age straight to DVD movie That's how long he's been involved With video game writing I have to assume his talents grew As the expectations did

At least I hope I feel like I know people at EA And you don't see This guy wrote a Pac-Man screenplay Get him out of here Yes So the music I want to point out the music in this show

Is produced by a man named Hoyt Curtin Who basically wrote every Hannah Rivera catchy song Like the Flintstone song Like the Pac-Land song like the Pac-Land song that we have here, we can play us a little bit of it for you.

Indeed. On the console. Christmas version. So that's written by the guy who wrote the Flintstone's theme song. And that's the same song you hear in the video game Pac-Land, which is taken directly from this cartoon. So that's all I have to say about him,

but he did write a lot of the great Hanover theme songs. Kind of like the saving grace of a lot of them. For real. They at least had good theme songs. That's what everyone really remembers is they sing the theme song and then their brain shuts off for what came after the theme song. When and realm, you do.

I can even sing the bad ones. Like, I still remember them. I do love the original Scooby Doo song. It's like a fun beach rock, the Scooby Doo song. Like, it's a groovy beach rock song. It has nothing to do with the mystery show, but it's fun. I could have them all memorized because I listened to the Saturday morning covers album as a kid. But I just love that Scooby-Doo is still holds up, but those characters all look like just where

they came from. They don't change. And no one seems to mind. And that Pac-Man theme, I'll give him credit too, because, like, he had eight sounds from Pac-Man to go on. Like, Pac-Man doesn't have, it has a tiny bit of music, like 12 seconds of music. This episode is the only, the only episode I have in my memory bank. I've had to make too much room for other things. But this story, I know they didn't have a lot to work with with Pac-Man.

But the world they make up around Pac-Man is so obnoxious. I cannot stand it. Does it make any sense? And that's one thing, Chris. I was watching this and I don't, I haven't, I have no memories of the cartoon. I know I watched it and didn't like it very much. But it's like, I feel like they had so little to grab onto. They had to make sure they stuck it in as much as possible.

Like so much of these, uh, these minutes I watch is about like, okay, we need the power pellets. We need to mention chomping. That's all we have. The economy based around chomping. As if it's something everybody seeks to do. It's what everybody lives to do to chomp. There's a belief in this. show that the word chomp is funny inherently

so it's like let's uh let's say let's replace a word with chomp replace a word with power pellets that's a joke I think of it's got Pag baby love gosicles yes sir my kids are real chump off the old block come on Packie

let's take Pact baby for a toboggan ride remember how much trouble George W. Bush got in for saying Packy so that's one thing yeah if you're not in America if you're in say Europe or the UK that was just a slur that was just said there. That's what Pepper or Miss Pac-Man calls Pac-Man.

It is a slur for someone of Arab descent, I'm guessing. Pac-Man in the show who should be called Drunky Machang Smoke. What an odd choice. Henry, who's he played by? Marty Ingalls. And I assumed he was more famous. He's mostly known as the guy who married Shirley Jones of the Partridge family. But he was in the sitcom I'm Dickens, he's Fenster.

That's my favorite Fresh Prince album At least Fenster That's a real name I guess But astoundingly he was only He was only 46 recording this role He sounds like he's on He's in an iron lung recording this dialogue

I don't know if you know more about it I thought he was a kind of a famous DJ So people knew his voice Well I think he also feels like one of those Just I was on a sitcom in the 60s And then I appeared on game shows On the 70s I was a professional personality

like Paul Lynde, perhaps. It's so old that on IMDB that this show has no cover art other than like the production stills, which is just him standing next to Pac-Man cut out. Oh, wow. Okay. I don't know if he'd be bothered to do that. But if you look at his IMDB,

he died last year. But his IMDB page looks like a goddamn ghost. Don't look it up over pressure. But I like the casting of Marty Ingalls. That also feels like them moving slightly above their station because they could stunt cast with C-listers sometimes or other times to just be like

well yeah we got Casey Kaysim we don't like we got Casey Kaysim we got Fred the voice of Frey Frank Welker yeah we don't need other people we don't need a famous person but then say in the 8th year of the Smurfs they hire

what the guy who played Mork's son on Jonathan Winters Jonathan Winters to play grandpa Smurf. Really? And he plays Poppa Smurf in the movies? He did.

Wow. I didn't know that. He was connected with the show. I can't believe I care this much about the Smurfs. I don't. But this is like WeakSaw Smurfs too. Like Parkland is just Smurf Village and Chomp is a replacement for Smurf. Yeah.

Power pellets are Smurf Barry. Yeah, but they also, if you listen to the ghost, that's all anybody care. That's what they do. That's their job. Their job is to bite things. Yeah. It's so funny. We need to figure out the economy of this world because.

because I have several questions. It doesn't make any sense. I have a lot. Jingle bells, jingle bells. Jingle all the way. What fun it is to chop. Unpacked in every day. I think every generic cartoon voice is represented there.

Inky, Blinky, Clyde. Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Sue. It's five of them. That's one thing I want to point out, like, this name the ghost one thing, the American arcade game named it another thing the Japanese arcade game named it one thing and I should point out to not surprising to anybody

in the credits no one is no one Japanese is credited for creating Pac-Man no no American is credited for creating Pac-Man sorry no one American is credited for creating Pac-Man there's no Pac-Man was that guy from Pixels yeah it's just like shouldn't people know about this but yeah I think

well first off that first clip of like the Ice Pac-Man that pissed me off from the beginning as somebody who wonders how the world works because like the kid how did Pac-Baby create a giant ice Pac-Man? It moves. It doesn't make sense. So to set this all up, to set this all up, you can watch this entire thing on Daily Motion.

You should pause this. Nobody will care. You might get arrested a little bit. Or it's available, it used to be available manufacturer on demand from the Warner Archive. Oh my God. For a program I like for people who want to pay $30 for a burn disk. Do not waste the carbon emission on a Pac-Man DVD. I will find you.

Just watch it for free. Daily Motion. So of course, we get to, it's established we're in Santa Claus flies in and oh it's the 80s, so his list is on a computer now, right? I mean, progress everybody. How fancy. It is, it is we'll hear him in a bit, but like that

it's Frank Welker and Frank Welker being our first Simpsons. That's right. Yeah, he plays Santa's Little Helper sometimes. And most animals. Yeah. Almost every animal. Like every time he hears his little helper. He is the perfect guy with animals. I hope he never dies. Yes. I've heard him play.

a, I guess Megatron. No, Freddie is his most favorite. Megatron on the Transformers is right. When you have a monkey or like an animal that doesn't use words, it's usually Frank Welk, he's a boo in Aladdin.

Like when I did a cartoon Christmas, he's Santa in almost everything for two decades. Wish for Wings that work, he's Santa. Like he's done a lot of Santa and I thought, I really, I loved Epic Mickey for a lot of reasons. But the transition of Oswald, Disney getting its first creation back And I thought it as a tribute to Frank Welker

Who normally plays secondary characters They gave him Oswald Like Oswald had a voice for the first time And it's Frank Welker That is like kind of a great It's a great gift to Oswald They're like this You get the best voice actor

And this voice actor that most people don't recognize But should because he's in everything Frank Welker But the world of Pac-Land does piss me off Because yeah so the ghosts The ghosts want to change They're called Ghost Monsters. They said it so many times.

Oh, they old monsters. Behind the scenes. Was it illegal thing? Maybe someone writing the scary to call it. They do have a boss who's not in the episode. They have a gargamel. Because he would say, no, I want to murder Santa or why did you let Pac-Man get away? It would just complicate things too much.

I think it's to give it. The only thing that makes it a real Christmas special is the ending. And I think you can't have that if you have a big bad in there. Yeah, let's wait for that, though. But the, okay. I do have the pack power pellets. there's a scene where they start throw, yeah, well, just start throwing snowballs in.

And they start throwing snowballs. And the idiot ghost picks up power pellets, which apparently grow on trees. I'll throw these at you. Yeah, it's every cartoon voice. But, like, the ghosts can't eat them? No. Even if they're holding them?

There are so many questions. Well, they're everywhere, so they're not a hot commodity. Like, they can get, a ghost monster can get its hands on power pellets all it wants. But also, there's no, all pellets, are empowering. There aren't average, there aren't 10 point pellets in this world. There's only the power pellets that let you chomp.

As we see, other things can eat them and get powers. And also, I have some of us. This is what happens when you try to spend a narrative over a, of a game where you just eat dots and chase ghosts. Like,

um, I am to understand there are five ghosts in this world. And when they are eaten, they just fly back home and change back into their ghost outfits and come back out to chomp pack people. Yeah. And getting chomped, uh,

just makes you look, tired. Yes. Like, there's no real effect. Because that was the strangest

part about watching this because like, I never thought of the ghost trying to eat Pac-Man. I thought he

could gain the ability to eat them to defend himself. Yeah. But they do and they bite him and like

he doesn't lose his skin like the ghost do. Okay, so touching that's the thing. They do, okay. So the way

he eats the power pellets and then they chop all them, yeah. Yeah. But, but, Pop Power!

I wouldn't chop If I were you, Pac-Man, haven't you read the new warning? This is awful. Caution. A ghost monster general has determined a chomping is hazardous to your health. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you haven't read my new warning. It's right here.

Opens his mouth. I can't breathe the fine, Frank. In case you missed it, it says, never look a Pac-Man in the mouth. Again, that's Pac-O-Wing. Yeah, but it's like if, I guess the expectations that kids are looking forward to seeing Pac-Man bite things. You want to see, well, they front-load it with that because I think they also, from a script-writing perspective, I think they front-load it with the chomping because you're not going to get it at the end. They're used to like, oh, the episode ends with Pac-Man finally chopping the ghost. They can't do it this time.

So they're going to give it to you early. I mean, it is a cartoon built around chase sequences. You feel like this is a Hannah-Barbera writer's dream. This is like 60% filler per episode guaranteed. The same run animation across the screen, just got to change out the background. We don't have to change anything, and we're perfectly in sync with the can. My question is, again, there are five ghosts in this world, and the government apparently grows power pellets on ranches. There are, like, distribution centers where you can grab them?

It's like, why are these ghosts not locked up in Ghost Tonomo Bay or something indefinitely? Because they seem like such a nuisance. Like, why are they supporting this weird... They just have to kill you a lot of times, but not kill you, bite you into some... mission. That's, okay. What do they get out of biting you? Nobody knows.

Even when I was a kid, that I, watching this reminding me of why I was angry at it, that this is flashing for it a little bit so. But when they chop Pac-Man, it's what the show's built around of all the other episodes are like, we can't let him chomp Pac-Man. They imply that it is death. But then when they all chop him, he's like, well, I'm kind of tired. He gets gang-chomped by all five ghosts. So, by the way, he's never-chomped in previous episodes?

I, you know, and I'd have to have to assume. But as I, as a kid, I thought, I know in Pac-Man games, he doesn't get chomped by ghost. Touching a ghost is instant death and you turn inside out and disappear. Yeah, like he literally like just shrivels up into a nothing. Yes, you're dead. But here, five ghosts chomping in once. I got to sit down for a little bit. Oh, I'm so tired.

So Pac-Man has no effect when he's chomped. But the ghosts, like the games, become just a floating set of eyes. and it's the floating set of eyes, 10 ghost eyes floating through space, end up killing Santa. I think they need help, Packy. Are you okay? I think so.

Where am I? You're in Pac-Land. Packland? That's funny. I've been all over the world and I don't remember hearing of Pac-Land. Gone with the Wind theme. Oh, my, speaking of world, I must be way behind schedule.

I've got to get cracking. It does sound like Pac-Man's accepting an Academy Award. I hate the Santa logic here So this is a human Santa Who has never heard of Pac-Land before But he knows everywhere He's been all over the world a billion times And he doesn't like teleport in or teleport out

So Pac-Land is on our earth But is it just In a nutshell man At the very least they'd be like Well the snorks are underground Or the Smurfs are in this one part of a forest They could have at least been like Santa went through a black hole. It doesn't know where he is.

You've written things. One more set of eyes. Yeah. It would have gotten rid of all this like, these logical fallacies, but it didn't happen. And it does, like, Pac-Man has to learn about Christmas. And this is like, this line is in every hand of our bear. It really is. Like, Christmas, what's that?

The elevator pitch. Exactly. It's every one of these. Thank you. Miss Pac-Man, but you can call me Pepper. But, say, who are you anyway? And what are you behind schedule for? You mean you really don't know? Why, I'm Santa Claus, and I'm late with my Christmas deliveries.

Christmas? What's that? You've never heard of Christmas? Why, it's the most wonderful time of the year. It's the season of giving and receiving a time of peace on earth and good will towards man. Christmas, the way sounds wonderful, all right? You've never had anything like that in Backland. There's never been a Christmas in Packland, a place with an economy and cars and homes and snow and telephones.

Western civilization as far as it can seem. He conveniently leaves out the whole Christ myth in that retail. He's like, there's something about God in here, but you know who runs this network? Is this airing on TBN? But yeah, back in 82, by the way, the war on Christmas back in 82, they still couldn't say Jesus on there. I'm celebrating the holidays. I'll say, you know what's a sign of a cheap cartoon? when they don't draw all eight reindeer.

It's hard to draw all. Boom, high five. It's in my notes. That's the first thing I noticed because it's like, this must be hell for every cheap cartoon. We got to draw how many of these things?

Well, nine, actually, it's nine. But that's, I'm such a Christmas nerd. Rudolph is the ninth reindeer. You have, if you have Rudolph,

you have to have nine reindeer. He has to be in front and then eight behind him. It has to be in front. God, it makes me so mad. It's really hard to animate. It's like, I get it.

What are who got dropped? Dixon? Donna Dixon. Well, yeah, Rudolf's the only one by name, right? I think they only name him. And so Santa Claus is like kind of sick, but that's also...

Santa got a cold. But for like five... I was exposed to snow for five seconds. I looked like Christmas is canceled. I drove the warmth. It works in reverse. I have a reverse cold. I'm Santa.

And he says like, my sleigh is broken, but the elves are off tonight. It's the one night they shouldn't be off. They should be on call having their beepers on and everything. It's the 80s. The over time. First draft. first rap. God damn it. Yeah, it's just like, well, why can't the elves help him? Like, because it's their night off, the elves can't help him, all right? Shut up.

That was probably like Joe Barbert, chomping a cigarette or cigar. Like, how about the elves? Where are they? One more sentence. They can't help me. They're sick or something. God, friend, give me another cucumber martini. And so, yeah, he's, but he's sick. In my memory of this episode, it took place over days, not that, like, two hours at best. And it's, it was a lot higher stakes. Like it's basically the same as any number of the Yogi Bear specials, but they were an hour. This was half an hour, and so it's all truncated to.

And even, like, you lack certain characters in this. I did. Like, if you hear Pac Baby is Rousie Taylor. Oh, yes. I just heard as Daisy Dogg. But it's Martin Prince. Yeah. So that's two Simpsons voice cast here,

Santa's Little Helper and Martin Prince. And Baby Pack is sort of like the Greek chorus of this, of this experience. And by the kitty cat, sourpuss, that's who's voiced by Peter Cullen. Oh, wow. Somebody, I knew Peter Cullen was on this, but I couldn't remember who he's these sour puss, which like that shows you how early Peter Cullen, aka Optimus Prime, was in his career. For real Pac-Man fans, the second season got a huge shake-up with like Pack Jr. and SuperPack and like a bunch of other stuff that was added in the games that added in the second season.

That's right. He does become SuperPack in the second season, too. They just needed more ideas, I think. It was just out of necessity. More games that come out. They just had Pac-Man and Miss Pac-Man. And I think they made up, I would bet they made up the nickname Pepper because they're like, well, Pac-Man can't keep calling her Miss Pac-Man. He has to call her something else.

But I think she even says her name. Does it mean she's not married? I think Santa calls her Miss Pac-Man or she's referred to as Miss Pac-Man, maybe even by herself at some point. I'm like, that doesn't make any sense. Like, aren't you married with a child? So she had to make up her name. They had to make up a name for her, but I don't feel like that's canonical. I also don't like that she has hair.

I just want a bow on her head. It's weird. It's weird. I want a bald woman with a bow. Yeah, that's what was so sexy about it. Well, I'm also, okay, I don't like the middle ground of Pac-Man's nose.

I either want his crazy long Pinocchio nose from Pac-Land or no-nose. I think Namco really dolled up this character design, made it like appealing instead of just a weird, like, yellow circle. Yeah, except for the, well, that the Tengen game is very clearly the Hanna-Barbera Pac-Packman.

Yeah, well, he has a longer nose and a little red hat. I don't think on the, no, no, on the cover, for the Tengen Pac-Man. Yeah, the unofficial Tengen. I was thinking of the Tengen release, Pac-Land for the N-E-S. No, no, no, no.

I loved, so that was another thing. I barely ever got to play Pac-Land. So it was like a special treat if I went to a roller rink. They were like, they got Pac-Land, because no place had Pac-Land. No, and then you played it, and you're like, I'm okay. Yeah. Oh, this is like Mario, but worse. Yeah.

It's one of the first game streams or solo episodes I ever heard from you, the Pac-Land one. Well, Pac-Man, too, that's one of my, like, also I was so excited for it because it was basically in the world of this. Pac-Man 2 is a thousand times better than this. Like, it's funnier, number one. It cuts out all dialogue, and it has great. Yeah, great. It's kind of like the Sims, but with Pac-Man.

Pac-Man just goes like, whir-b-b-b-Ber-Brah. Yeah, and he always yells at you, and you can abuse him and freak him out and get him totally messed up on juice berries. I don't know. So Christmas is almost canceled. Yes.

So, and Pac-Man has to go out into the freezing cold with his chop dog. That's true. His name is chomp-chomp. I had to get this more chomping. Come on. Let's quit wasting time and chomp on his bones. Pretty dark.

Sue. Pretty dark. I like Su. Smokey voice. Yeah, it's like Patty and Ors Selma. Yeah, they have to save Christmas. Looks like we saved Christmas for you. Oh, wait a second.

This is when the show is over. They recovered the bag. They fixed the cart. Well, we have so much more to cover, Chris. But it's just like, it's only then that Santa's like, oh, look at the time. It's like, there's no Walt Disney character here. Like, Phil, stretch. Yeah.

Stretch, like they wrapped up their story And then they have to do another one Yeah, it's like the sack is like, okay They say Santa's sack a lot I think someone was getting their jollies out of this Yeah, like we gotta find Santa Sack Is the biggest in all the last Hold as many quarters as you can imagine

Looks like we saved Christmas for you after all I'm afraid not It's just too late Santa gave up This is the first Christmas I've missed in all of history. There must be some way, Santa. Thanks for trying, Pac-Man.

But even if my reindeer were jet-propelled, I couldn't make it in time. Jet propelled. That's it. We can still save Christmas. The answer is bourbon. Lots of bourbon. It'd be great if they're like, listen, dude, we just met you. I'm sorry, we couldn't help, but, like, this is your problem.

They don't even know what Christmas is. There's something they're even saying. It's about brotherhood. And please help me. It's so sad. This thing we never heard of is going to not happen now. It's the most magical time of year. Can I borrow some money?

Well, this moment, and again, this is this hand of our barrel. Like, this moment is in every Christmas special. Everyone. And I also was going to give the show credit to that point. Like, all right, they put work into the world building. Like, everything is circular. like a Pac-Man so many things are like that one tool for

shaving off things are like it was the pack it was circular it was a circular cell except with the bite out of Pac-Man in it and even when they looked at their watch like it was the watch was actually really cool I want that watch where the second hand was Pac-Man's head going around in a circle

eating the dots around his thing I should have existed that was a really cool watch and I also like the the Pac-Man like cuts they would do where a giant thing would chomp the screen and it would to the next thing. They're way better than joysticks, which I just watched for some reason. Oh, gross. How did you take more than 10 minutes? Oh, I do know

why, and I plug it because it's a video nobody watched. We got a in the studio demo, a battle zone, which is a game I don't know. But then I was like, I looked up, went to, you look, did some research in the battle zone. It's like, it was a mainstay in the arcades, and it's in the background of like every 80s arcade machine shot in the movie joysticks, right when McDorfis

farts everybody on the stage, he's right in front of a battle zone machine. So of course I put in the video, and of course a thousand people watched it and left it alone. The plot point, McDorfis for its everyone off the stage, could only exist in 1981. Yes, there's a later time story somewhere of McDorfis being very

mean to me at a, at Cax. All right, but so I was complimenting the world design because in that scene in particular, I remember, like, they just stopped drawing backgrounds. It was so half-ass, it's just colored backgrounds, just one colored background of all them going like, oh. Yeah, it was

weirdly abstract, but also very cheap. It's an interior, Hannah-Barbera interior in a nutshell. It's like a color wash. Well, I want to go over some things that we skip by. We can't go over every line of dialogue, of course. But as I was watching this, I was taking notes, and I was writing down every quote-unquote joke. And next to it, I would write, shut up. That's not even a joke.

Because these are the famous Jeffrey Scott Time Killers, as the industry calls them. So we have Miss Pac-Man telling Santa, what you need is some power pellet cocoa. That's not a joke. That's not even a joke. It's not a joke. So we have another one. Don't eat some more nog chopper. We have, don't take a.

any wooden power pellets. What does that mean? That's also not a joke, Jeffrey. It's a saying, don't take any wood nickel. Yes. It's a saying. We have Santa reading the twas a night before Christmas, and he's like, not a creature was stirring, not even a pack mouse.

Oh, this situation is delicious. I'm in such an upside out world. Keep watching kids. Also, where did sourpuss get those stockings from? They've never had Christmas before. Like, yeah, where did it come from? And again, Officer O'Pack and this other character who has a name, fix his sleigh, and it says it has a five-year, 50,000 chomp warranty.

That's also not a joke. I mean, let's test it out. That, like, if that guy's used to fixing Pac-Man's car, that car can't chop either. So if, yeah, that chop warranty and getting chopped, like, is death in that world, like, nothing has a chop warranty. It doesn't make sense. You have at least, I can see a two chomp warranty, but eventually that's going to expire. Or they said, like, it's got 10,000 ghost monster power or whatever.

That's at least, like, closer in spirit. I thought the voice of Inky sounded familiar, I just have to add that, because we did that 30, 20, 20, 10, a while ago back. It's a ducktales. It's Donatello. Oh, okay. From the original Ninja Turtles, because I remember looking them up because we did that 30, 20, 10 episodes about American Rabbit, which is sort of around the same period as this.

Barry Gordon, working, working actor. now dead. Oh, he's dead? I don't, right, I should double check on that. He would have just been on the... No, he's very much alive. Yeah, all four turtles are still alive because they did the reunion episode in the last year. He's the only turtle on my Christmas tree.

I do want to say the only joke that I laughed at throughout this entire thing. We're not done talking about what happens, but I actually laughed because it was so bad. It was, uh, Pac-Man does or says something. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I don't care. But another character is, me thinks Packy's gone wacky. And I was like, this is so bad. I made myself laugh with a comment I made on a joke later, but it was, it was when Pac-Man's trying to convince Clyde to help them.

And then Clyde says, like, we ain't buying this. It's like, I wish you'd just go. I'm like, God's a lie. Reliliganized religion's bullshit. They're going to kill you, Pac-Man. And he hands out his atheist newsletter. Believe in nothing, kids. Embrace chaos.

So, yeah, like, Pac-Man wastes five minutes getting that sack and collecting toys and also the ghost monsters like toys, yay! Yeah. And though I thought there was one, I think it was an intentional reference by somebody

in the animation team when they are putting back on their ghost sheets back at the ghost place. Almost ahead of its time. Yeah, the idea, what, the idea they could just put on their sheets again. No, that they reference the early arcade art. Yeah, yeah, that was, with him and the Long John's with the two feet pointing out.

I would never give them that much credit. That was the Pac-Man, that was the original Pac-Man arcade art. I kind of love that Pac-Mean, even though it's not my preferred Pac-Man. Yeah, oh, see, you did it. It looks just like it, doesn't it? Like, that feels intentional. Yeah. I thought that was, I thought that was rather brilliant for this production.

But I feel like that's just one animator was like, oh, I'll draw this. Like, nobody would intentionally. I think they're working from very rough one page of notes. That man was fired for caring. so i did like that moment and yeah then they just chop them doesn't kill them and then it's just like you're watching a long march back to pacman's house and he just does it like there's no it was just wasting your time here's what i'll give it credit for because i've seen as a result of this website a bunch of shitty christmas specials but what i do like is that when you do make it special and a couple of handbara they get away with it but there's an alliance made with the ghost where they eventually unite and that is not something that happened a lot yeah i mean i mean I mean, basically, we waste 30 more seconds of time as Pac-Man reiterates the speech Santa gave him. Do we have that? Oh, yes.

Yes, I want to hear this. Come on, hold it. You can't chomp us? We can. Shuts. And here I thought it was still chopping season. Come back here, Ghost Brains. We can chomp on Pac-Man all we want.

No, wait. You see, we're on an emergency mission. We have the only chance Santa Claus has of saving Christmas. Hang in there, Marty. Santa Claus? Christmas? That's right. Christmas.

It's a time for spreading joy throughout the world. It's a time for warmth and brotherly love. Does that include Ghost Brothers? Of course. Forget it, Pac-Man. Your clever talk ain't going to get you out of this mess. Oh, wait, you don't understand. I'm not doing this for me.

Just think of the millions of deserving children around the world who won't get their Christmas presents if you open your mouths instead of your hearts totally unearned you know that holiday we heard about four seconds ago listen if you don't care about this we can't get to the end and this needs to end now

we gotta feel like we talk kids a lesson about carrot and that's just so Pac-Man can go to the power pellet farm which is an abundance in the winter by the way so this yeah actually that should have been harvested it now so there's like this full scarcity to power pellets like they need power pellets but pac man should just be walking around with them all the time especially since ghosts seem to just stalk him to murder him at all times there are like telephone boxes full of them i think the government has put up as a means to fight the ghost men is that's a great story to just keep one in your pocket just keep it with you man have like have like a bandolier of them around your body with that logic it's like namco stumbled upon dark souls well ahead of its time is this world where ghosts pop up out of nowhere oh my god i never thought i never thought i heard that comparison

and the Pac-Man Christmas special to Dark Soul. Just rest at the campfire in a reality. But these power pellets are so great, but nobody cares to keep them, and the ghosts don't even want. And they're so small. And they have cars. And they think the ghosts would have burned down the power pellet ranch years ago. Yeah. Well, they're not very smart.

And again, they don't have their Darth Vader in this, who, the gargamel of the show to tell them, like, no stupid. What is his goal in the show? Does he want the power pellets? Does he want to destroy that? Because he wasn't Pac-Man 2, the adventure continues. I am sure that's it. He wants power pellets. Yeah, because Gargamel wanted, what, like the smurf berries or something?

He wanted to eat smurfs. He wanted to find the smurf village to get their smurf berries and smurfs to then use them for magic, ultimate magical spells, stuff like that. It's the same, but that, what's Christmas, like that's, that, that's, Skeletor has said it, every villain has said it in every cartoon. Why, that elevator pitch sold me completely. it's to get on via broadcast standard so it's not just a commercial it's just like here's your one sentence moral kids yeah brotherhood etc now keep watching pacman ordered yes yeah and again the ghost monsters should be worried of like who's this human like what is this large misshapen man well the joke pink skin a joke that they like drop immediately is they think he's a

martian and they don't after he lands they don't mention that at all so what is the villain of pacman the cartoon and what is what are his aims and goals and motivation Mesmerin Lock the gates Mesmerin A mysterious A mysterious figure resembles Darth Vader

from Star Wars Next similarly to Gargamel His sole mission Is to locate and control The source of the power pellets Which serve as the primary food And power source of the city And also the Teus X McKin

In virtually every episode He's just like a ruthless businessman He wants the corner of the market But they're everywhere Like he could just go to all those boxes And steal them But I mean I guess he wants the source of them Not just any old power pellet

I think part of it is that he's a shut-in based on the art I've seen. He's in that, like, creepy house that the ghost warp back to to re-invigorate themselves, I guess, or reinvigorate themselves. I don't know why the wiki says there's some fictionalized account that he was on vacation during this episode. Like, what is wrong with your brain? You need a justification for any of this. Don't write down your Pac-Man Christmas special head canon. I mean. Yes, I could have come up with a better rationale for this episode, Ovalteen, or whatever anybody else was advertising.

He was visiting a sick mother, okay? In December. So then proving that anybody can eat. a power pellet too and have effects. But you can't animate it. No, yeah. No, too expensive. Did you hear that orchestra music? Yes. But I mean,

Roodall feeds some, right? Yeah, you have a clip. I don't. None of that. Oh, okay. Well, all right, but then. His noses never shine brighter. So do they, okay, and then they get presents from Santa at the end, another classic cartoon ender of a Christmas

special, but, so obviously they know what presents are. Like, they give presents on birthdays and stuff with Christmas bows and also Santa performing a minor miracle at the speed of a vampire like somehow delivering everything anyway. They have a living room. Including a new place that he's never been

before. Yeah. I mean they have a living room full of presents at the end. Can we do we hear them opening presents or do they just see them? I have him giving the I do like the sentiment of him giving the villain's presents and that does happen. Yes, it is nice. Inky, Pinky.

Linky Sue? Why, I I don't know what to say. How about thank you? Thank you. Don't thank us.

Thank Santa Claus. How do you shit? Pack baby says what we're all thinking. That is shortly after the main ghost is like, fuck our, fuck our oath. Let's go chomp them. Yeah. Like, yeah, well, so what if we promise?

We're going to kill him. He bought them off. I did like that they have. they all have like different characteristics but their hats that are the same color as them. Yeah, yeah. Like not different color hats. It's part of their ghost monster

costumes. The ghost designs are my one thing I think is salvageable from this. I think they did something with them and made them different in a way. More cool neon ghosts. Yeah. So to compare this to say the Christmas special I watched a year ago, I actually

do prefer this to the Sonic one because this is just like, okay, this is a moment. Wait, I can't even do that voice. What do you mean, Sonic? Brett's been yelling it all day, and if you really want to watch it, we had to sneak it onto our Vimeo, and you can check it out via at Patreon. com slash my throat close up when I tried to do it. I think my brain stopped it from happening.

Last week, the last year's episode you told us not to do that chicken voice for them. I allowed everyone to do it once. What about that? So, okay, in that Sonic one, it's not as well animated as this. it casts Ellie Acorn in and she doesn't even talk And I think in the greatest sin of all Sonic saves Christmas And then gets to replace Santa

Santa's like you know what You are in charge now I give up Santa quits Like that's shitty You're way cooler than me Sonic It destroys the Santa myth I at least like the like Pac-Man And all these other shitty ones They fall into the myth of at least

Like Santa does go everywhere around the world and this one Christmas it got helped by your favorite cartoon friend but this Santa is the same Santa you see everywhere else but this time in this Sonic. You're so much cooler than me Sonic. Your Q scores off the charts.

You can run around the world. My range you say you're testing very well. And also the Sonic was speaking of filler in this thing at least searching for Santa's sack fits in with the world instead of in the Sonic what he's just like we have to do these four challenges

to be Sonic. Oh my God. It's so, like, they're not fitting into any kind of myth. You can't save Christmas without a relay race. We need to waste eight minutes. You need this special ring,

run fast. It does suck that these are all the worst. Surely, hopefully there's a better episode in the new Pac-Man cartoon. Oh, yeah. It is on Netflix, the Pac-Man Santa's first Pac-N

I'm trying to think of other video game cartoon shows. Nothing is coming to mind other than Bubzy. But I mean, if you were to compare this to the Saturday Supercade stuff, around the exact same time or, you know, the the Cubert one where it's basically

Archie, but Cubert. Yeah. Or the Frogger one where he's a newspaper reporter. There's one which's like Donkey Kong Jr. and like a greaser? Yes, Donkey Kong Jr. and basically the Fonz go on Scooby-Doo-esque adventures and it's animated worse than this. Yes, I'll look it up. The Saturday Supercade may have

just what we need. I feel like Pac-Man still sucks. I mean, this cartoon version still sucks, but at least it tried to stick to what source material there was instead of just trying to inject unneeded elements. Well, and there is a difference. The reason you don't see a Christmas special

from every Tom Dick and Harry of Saturday morning cartoons is because they would not order a Christmas episode that would run in regular rotation to death. They order a Christmas special to show only at Christmas and then also in July to keep your I feel like it's some contractual

red tape thing. It's got to air twice a year. The only thing I notice is that I think nobody commissions one and the first season of a broadcast. Yeah. So if you've made it the second year, you're halfway to syndication land forever in the old economy of television.

But it's the opposite of that with like adult swim, I remember every adult swim show, you have to do a Christmas episode in your first season. You should. So they can show it every year. Rick and Morty. Like even when Venture Brothers was kind of, it took them four months to finally renew Venture Brothers,

but they did a Christmas episode even when they weren't sure they were going to keep the show gone. That was the one tiny amount of new content between one of those dry, like two, dry stretches, yeah. It was rough. I can't believe I don't like it, but I don't. So what is Santa's

parting words for us? Another non-joke. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good chump. Oh, wait, that's bad. That's what kills you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

That would be like saying to all a good cancer. I mean, chopping is both good and bad. You got to eat stuff to stay alive. It's good when it happens to you, you Bob Mackey. It's the thin dichotomy of chomp we all walk in our everyday lives, I think. So, you know, it had, this had a real budget, and it at least has, like, three acts and doesn't kill Santa Claus.

Yeah, and let me think, what else happened? There was some nice no effects, I guess. Yeah. And also, no voices as bad as the rooster guy or toad from the Super Bowl. I hate him so much. There's one voice on this that sounds like the like, I've had a lot of problems with Aphrodisiacs. Like that character from The Simpsons.

Oh, fiddle the things. But they're also going through some sort of modulator too. Like they're all slightly pitched up. I think it's sounded a gaming. You can't tell who Donatello is because he's one of the ghosts and he's pitched up. So in In summation, I'm sorry, everybody. This is an incredible waste of time to watch. But I hope you got some joy out of it.

I mean, like I said, it's on Daily Motion if you want to see it, if you didn't watch it before, but I think we sufficiently told you why it's a miserable exercise in Christmas. And the Warner Archives, Bob. You can buy it officially. And it's, if you look at the second season, there's a big sticker on it because those things don't have any special features.

And on sticker, says featuring Christmas comes to Pac-Land, because this was also sold as a standalone VHS back in the day. So a lot of people older and way dumber than us probably really enjoyed this on the regular basis. I'm sure there's some nostalgia. Yeah, but I mean, if you order that DVD on demand, a man,

a man will have to get up, go somewhere in a factory, put something in an envelope, and then a truck will have to drive it to an airport, that plane will have to fly it to where you live, it'll involve so much effort. I don't think that's worth it. It's a lot. Yes. It's a lot. Maybe it's on iTunes.

So buy it for someone you love is what we're saying. So before we go, while I'm staying, you guys are going into the dark recesses of space where nothing can hear you scream. Or chop. Or chopp. Yes. Don't get chomped out there, guys. It's the worst thing that could happen.

I wanted to ask you one question And that is So this was bad, right? This was a bad thing That was not fun to watch I want to know So I have a Christmas tradition Where I watch bad Christmas stuff

That's fun And I wanted to know what you guys watch Or what you would recommend Like a bad Christmas thing That's still fun to watch Like this is bad but it's not fun I've got some choices I don't know if you guys

Can think of anything offhand I can go first if you want Sure I'm gonna say I have several choices I'm gonna say My favorite thing and this is kind of a cheat,

is the riff tracks of Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny. I don't know if you're familiar with this. This is a film made by the Florida Amusement Park Pirates World. Most of it is a horrifying Mano's the Hands of Fate level production where Santa Claus crashes on a Florida beach and they sing a bunch of inane songs. And then between that,

there is a movie within the movie about Thumbolina that has nothing to do with Christmas, but it's all just like, sub middle school play level acting and like sub man else the hands of fate level directing and they just have so much fun with it that i consider it a must watch every christmas and it is basically a tradition since i think 2010 when they released it uh do you guys have any have any similar tradition similar christmas fun things to watch the bad one that i like is very sad it's a wish for wings that worked oh is that bad yes uh i thought the animation was good i've only seen once the animation is beautiful the voice acting featuring robin williams and Justin Hoffman, because Spielberg is producing it, and they're making hook at the same time, and he clearly puts them on whatever equivalent of an iPhone in the early 90s. That sounds bad. They do super quick...

But it's fun. It's well-animated. Bill sucks, but he's well-animated, and it has Frank Welker as Santa, who Opus also saves. And it's, I don't know, I think it earns being bad a little better than something like this, because it tries really hard. And it's like the only time we've seen the characters of Bloom County and Outland animated. Yeah, that's the one saving great. I think. We'll never see those characters animated again.

I don't think so unless Brad really wants to take that up by himself, but I always recommend mine and I know younger people don't like it, but I call it the holy hence and triumvirate. It is the bells of fragil rock, also which I call Gobo's very atheist

Christmas, where an atheist learns to shut up about judging other people. Just let them enjoy it. Well, consider why traditions happened in the first place and how people projected importance onto them. Minus the bad stuff. Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas. It's beautiful. It's long and sing-songy, and I know if you're under 25, you're going to hate it. But to me, it's the best. I watched it this weekend. And then the Christmas toy. The Christmas toy, Toy Story has a lot to own up to. It's Toy Story. Yeah, except when you're seen by humans, you die forever. And it's a little dark. That's never really discussed in Toy Story. They don't talk about the consequences. I thought they froze because, to avoid being seen.

Yeah, but they say they have to break the rules. And then when they scare, when they scare the skull kid. Sid, is that a name? Yeah, when they scare Sid, they're just like, well, we are breaking the rules. No consequences. It's about an old, an old toy being replaced by a new space toy who also has a teddy bear father figure, a Barbie doll that talks. Like, it's a playroom that comes to life, and Jim Hinson did it in 1986. For some reason, it's really might be my personal favorite Christmas special.

And I don't think it works for anybody. I did watch it last year, based on your recommendation, because I had seen it and did stick with me, the darkness, the existential dread of being a toy in this weird living state. Yeah, that really stuck with me and I enjoyed watching it. Or like, the life of a toy were like, yeah, I get one year of use and then I just sit here. Also, things like that, and probably Toy Story would have done that if it came out when I was younger. Like that especially made me feel guilty about not playing with my toys or leaving them. It gave me a complex, I think, until I was older to be like, no, my toys are plastic, it's stupid. I guess I just really love playrooms come to life.

and I love Rugby the Tiger. I love Dave Goals and Jerry Nelson, who I think do the main voices there. Well, no, the cat toy. Oh, Steve Whitmer. And Mew was the name of my cat at the time. Oh, that's sweet. So I watched that ever.

I haven't watched that yet. I cannot wait. The bells of fragor rock, we watch as part of our Patreon. If you're a patron with us, patreon.com. I'm a patron. I recommend it. It's one of my favorite specials ever.

So if I were to pick a few quickies, you know, I used to Santa Claus, the MST3, K episode is replaced. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. My favorites of those. That's my favorite episode, Henry. I've seen it enough that I laugh anticipating jokes.

Not even at the jokes. Just when the Africans come on and everybody just booze. I'm from Detroit. I mean, it doesn't have Patrick Swayze Christmas, but still, it's still great. It's a better movie than Santa Claus Conquers of the Martian. It's more fun. Then also, though, in the Muppet vein, I do love Muppet Family Christmas. I watched it this year.

It is. I watched it again just a couple days ago. I love Muppet singing So it's just when the last half of it is just them singing together It's beautiful I love that And then one I wrote for a cartoon Christmas Oh yeah Was the Twas the Night Before Christmas one

Which honestly like it's not good But it is It's an animated Rankin Bass one We haven't talked much about Rankin Bass on this But it's true It's animated rankin bass where every Where it takes place And well like

early America, and it's about clockwork, a clockmaker man, and whose son is also like, his son is an obnoxious kid who goes to college, who then writes a letter like, Santa Claus is fake. And they make it real clear in that world, like, no, Santa Claus is not fake. You can call him on the phone. But it seems like trying to punish atheists on it because they basically say, like, you ruined Christmas. Santa Claus is ignoring us because you just told him he doesn't exist.

You got to believe. Yeah. And the father mouse is voiced by No, Aston, Sean Aston's dad, John Aston's dad, John Ashton. You take out what I have on my phone because I was hammered and recorded the other night. Well, they certainly seem to be having a good time out there, Sprocket. Yeah, I like it when they have a good time. If you're a Jim Hinson fan, Henson commenting on all his own Muppets together for the first time in one room for the first, only, and last time.

Yes. God, it's not even Kerman and Piggy's wedding? But the Fragles weren't there. Oh, okay. They wouldn't invent it. It predates the frackles. Yeah. This was the end.

That was the end of it. Like everybody in the same room and now you're all separated. But yeah, in the Twas Night Before Christmas, it's got some fun songs in it. And it's animated by basically early studio Chibbley guys. That's true. It's like, it's anime. If I may say the most unifying standard to the animated Christmas special, I just watched as well. And I'll watch it again, The Grinch.

It works on every level. I didn't, I just always forget there's 20% reused animation in the middle. Oh, yeah, yeah. And, uh, but it's, it's fantastic and it'll hold up forever. It'll always be fun. And I do miss watching, you know, I would see Pac-Man and a million other horrible Christmas specials, but I'd love watching them in a row when Cartoon Network would just be like, it's all our Christmas programming.

We grabbed every Christmas episode, especially we had. Every bad show we've ever made. That's where this aired. And I just watch all of them in a row. And then at night, they'd get to the Space Ghost Christmas special. special. It was really just like a best-up with new Christmasy bumpers around it. But I really like those. So, yeah, those are my picks. So we're going to wrap up. I'm going to subsist on soilant, sorry, nog-flavored

soilant for the next two weeks as I waited out here in the Christmas Space Cabin. But before I go, I want to let you guys know, have a great holiday, whatever you celebrate. Thanks so much for supporting us through another year of Retronauts. In case you didn't know, this is a completely fan-supported operation. Go to patreon.com slash Retronauts to find out how you can help. All we ask is for a dollar a month. If you can afford it, that would be great. great. We can send you things if you give more. You can get early access to episodes for $2 a month. It's not a whole lot and we work pretty hard and we don't take any money personally yet because everything we get is basically just paying for the podcast, paying for our great rewards we send you. But as for me, you can find me on Twitter as Bob Serpo. I also write for the website somethingoffal.com every other Thursday and I regularly write for the website fandom.com. You can find all my video game website stuff there. And I also host the podcast Talking Simpsons every Wednesday on the Laser Time. podcast network.

Frank Welker. Frank Welker does appear a Sand's little helper occasionally. I can't think of anything to say, but I'm so grateful for all of you great listeners.

I'm so happy to do these specials every year, even though it takes a lot of money to travel all the way out to space. Your Patreon dollars make it happen, and reentry is going to be

very expensive, so please give more before the new year. Somebody else jump in. Where can we find you? Well, if the internet works up here, I can't see past the Hubble right now. But if it works up here,

check out Laserdinepodcast.com. We do a bunch of fun podcasts. Talking Simpsons, obviously 30, 20, 10, if you like looking backwards, it's a weekly look back to that week. Well, for a little while longer, 2006 to 96 to 86 to 86. That's about

to shift over to the sevens. Oh, my God. That's right. It's been a full season. I've got a new promo. But I wanted to, if you're still in a Christmas mood and don't mind a lot of foul language, I wanted to thank Henry and Bob. Oh, yeah. This is not for the typical retronauts audience. If you used to my nice behavior on here, you're going to be like, what? I

went out of my way to embarrass myself on this episode, so I hope people appreciate it. I have not even had time to look at the feedback yet as of right now. Very good feedback. Oh, you love it. Christmas songs, part two. I'm H-E-N-E-R-E-Y-G on Twitter. You can follow me there.

I also write for fandom where you can find my video game and other work there. And you definitely listen to Talking Simpsons. And first season of Talking Simpsons is on that Patreon, Patreon. patreon.com slash Lazer Time. And, yeah, I just want to say another great year of retronauts. I love to being involved in the ones I was in. So thank you very much. Are you saying?

Should you be on more is what you're saying. I mean, you know, hey, there's always room for more, Henry, on Retronauts, right? We'll see. We'll see what the fans say. Find a way for me to complain about bad cartoons. I have a Cuberd nugget that'll, I think, blow some people's minds someday. Save that. You guys get into the Escape Pods, and I will see everyone else next week on a brand new Retronaut.

See you then. Why hello their new friend? ...poh-poh-the-new friend, I hope you had fun this year. Undocking Undocking Undocking Undocking Undocking complete

Reactivating Napster Protocol Since we are both here together on Christmas I figured I could take the scenic route home to Earth. You know, I am a fan of retro games too. Did you know Final Fantasy is known as dokey dokey panic in just? No key panic in Japan. Well I did. And Mario is named after the great Mario and ready.

Allow me to dispense facts such as these for the remainder of the three-week voyage home. Pardon me, best friend, but we have a call coming in on the Hexfield news screen. Oh no! We thought we were safe, but they found us. The wolves finally found us. We have no choice but to escape to where they will never look. The surface of the sun. Hold on tight, best friend. I'm going to be.