Retronauts - Retronauts Micro 60: The Simpsons - Bart's Nightmare

Episode Date: May 6, 2017

The Simpsons might have gotten off on the wrong foot with 8-bit consoles, but Our Favorite Family's 16-bit debut was... kinda better? On our latest Talking Simpsons crossover episode, join Bob Mackey, Henry Gilbert, and Chris Antista as the crew gives Bart's Nightmare the Retronauts treatment.

This episode is brought to you by Audible, the audiobook service with more than 180,000 titles to choose from. Get a free audiobook and a 30-day trial at audibletrial.com slash game. Ahoy, hoi, ho, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Retronauts Micro. I am your host, Bob Mackie, and today's topic is Bart's Nightmare, the video game Bart's Nightmare. And before I start, who else is here with me today? Dangerous bubblegum, Henry Gilbert. And... Oh, boy, Bob!

Wait, no, Chris, is not that show? No, no, Chris, Retronauts. Oh, okay, I'm Chris Antista, and I like The Simpsons, but not this game. Okay, well, that's fair enough. And who else? Hi, there. Hi, there. Well, Smilandjo-Fishness here with us.

Dave approached me in a dark alley, and he said, you must have me on this episode. And I said, the more people talking about Bart's nightmare, the better. And in case you don't realize this, Chris, Henry, myself, sometimes Dave, we do a podcast called Talking Simpsons. It is a chronological exploration of the Simpsons on the Laser Time Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, baby. And my idea is sort of revisit the not necessarily high points of Simpsons games, because there are very few, but some of the more memorable games. This is the

high point for Simpsons console games. Well, until the Xbox 360 Simpsons game is terrible. Until Simpsons hitting around, which I swear. Sorry, that's the best console game. It's the best console games. Let's say pre-9-11. Pre-9-11, yes. The EA one is not good.

It just has all the voices and custom animation. It is technically terrible. Yeah, but that game is like two hours of terrible, terrible platforming gameplay It's more than that But I say two I meant because I meant 30

It's really long Two hours stretched into 30 With great cutscenes There's great writing I mean one of my favorite jokes From that era is Bart saying The Simpsons game Isn't that where we pretend

Dad isn't an alcoholic So I was like Wow this is dark for my Simpsons video game But yeah I mean we do the Talking Simpsons podcast We have done a Simpsons episode Video Game episode for Retronauts We did Bart versus the Space Mutants That's Micro 55

Please look that up at Retronauts.com Or just look through your podcast director You'll find it But yeah, I wanted to talk about Bart's Nightmare, came out in September of 1992, and I just want to know what our experience is with it. I think I want to start with Dave, because he seems to have the strongest connection to this game. I mean, I think I'm going to have a somewhat similar experience in that, like, I mostly

rented it. May have, like, I currently own it just because, you know, like, when I got a Super Nintendo for the second time, I was just like, oh, I'll buy anything, you know, that shows up in our GameStop because I have a 25% discount, so I did. Oh, you worked there. Quit bragging. Yeah, but then I, you know, it was like the lion's share of the time I played it was renting it and then figuring out stuff when I rented it for the second time, then the third time, and the fourth time.

Because even though it was... The game doesn't tell you anything. You just might stumble upon a solution. I wouldn't say it's a particularly good game. It's fucking terrible. There's something about it that is like, well, this time I feel like I can get all the pages. You never do. It does for you.

This time. Yeah. Yeah, I actually didn't rent it until the Genesis version later. because I had just been burned by previous Simpson's rentals that as a kid who couldn't just rent whatever game they felt like you got one rental every like in my house we went out to the rent-a-video game like once a month and you get one pick and I was not going to pick another Simpsons game

after Space Mutants and one other before that this is landing in the middle of the awful NES Bart trilogy Space Mutants versus the world and meets Radioactive Man. Which is, I would say the worst trio of games. Bart versus the Jaggernauts, awful American Gladiators rip off.

Yeah, there are worst terrible. I think than the N.S. Trilogy. But Radioactive Man is the worst. It's terrible. It's awful. It's really bad. I mean, weirdly, this was the best Simpsons game when it came. I mean, not kind of the arcade game, but the best

console Simpsons game because it was just like... I take that back. It's actually Krusty Super Funhouse. But it's like, it's so unfair. It's not even a Simpsons game It's like a re-skinned rat trap. But did you rent it as well, Chris? Oh, of course. Yeah, I wasn't allowed to have that many games.

And I don't think I... I want to say I knew enough that this should not be the game I buy. Yes. This should not... Street Fighter or Bart's Nightmare, but it looked really cool in previews. Because you just see, that's a giant picture of Bartas Godzilla. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the graphics look a lot better.

I mean, I only rented it. I learned from Space Mutants. You do not buy a Simpsons game. I did not buy that one, but that taught me, like, these games you don't buy. You poke at them for a weekend. and then you forget about them. But Bart's nightmare, just some cursory info.

It was developed by sculptured software, not Imagineering, who did the Bart trilogy on the NES. They existed for a long time, almost 20 years, 1985 to 2002. They weren't terrible, but they just kind of made mediocre stuff. I mean, Dave and Chris and Henry might know they made some of the S&ES WWF games. Okay, yeah.

Like superstars and things like that. Stars raw. Do they eventually become iguana? Iguana West or something. Or Acclaim West and then Aguana was their last. name like Guana North. The logo of like no bearing on quality could go either way.

It could be NBA Jam or it could be South Park. I think they even did like Mortal Kombat ports for S&S and maybe like Mortal Kombat 1 and 2 and 3. So the worst versions of it. The MK2 for S&S was pretty good. Yeah, I think a claim purchased them outright due to their chops

and being able to port stuff. Much like they did with the Simpsons, their WWF games were the best ones because the ones on the NAS were so bad. It was just like, Oh, this is an upgrade. A similar bad situation, though then when it moved on to the next generation, I just knew like, oh, if Acclaim publishes wrestling game, no, thank you.

That would be every wrestling game, I think, until, what, the N64 era? Well, yeah, in that era, THQ was making the good ones. First with WCW and then WWF. And we talked all about this one of previous Retro-Nuts about wrestling. That's right, Russellnots. I forget which number that is. It's way back on our independent run. A long time ago.

That was one of like your first Kickstarter. Yeah. That was a 2013 episode, I want to say. Thank you, listener, who requested us to do that one. You got your wish. So there was a Genesis version of this game. It came out a year later in 93. We're going to be focusing on the S&ES version.

It's the first one. Of course, it's a Nintendo game, Chris. I mean, we're Nintendo Nuts, first and foremost. But what's interesting about this game, unlike any other Simpsons game before it, the Simpsons had three seasons under its belt by this time. So as this game is releasing for SNES, the Simpsons is entering season four. And this game strikes me as a mix of like the premise of the game feels like Bart gets an F. Stealing from that, where

Bart needs to finish something by the next day or whatever. It's just sort of like a little borrowing of that, but you see more of the show. Oh, there we go. You see more of the show, but unfortunately you don't hear the opening song. That's it. I mean... As we established in the Space Mutants, episode. The only on the NES did they pay for the Danny Elfman's song

and I think all the rest were like the Simpsons license itself was probably so expensive that like where do you have budget to license a like a theme song from a TV show that has to be like a million dollars. Yeah I mean you hear in the nightmare overworld you hear bum bum bum

that's all you hear which I think is even that's illegal even doing that's illegal probably. I think they got away with it by making a saxophone a fucking enemy It could just blare out whatever it wants The saxophone did it Dude that overworld is one of the most insane things in the universe

And in hindsight playing it again for this It isn't it It really is a nightmare No it really feels like David Lynchian In its presentation towards like a waking nightmare Yeah like I can't I can't walk properly Like that's a thing in a dream

But it's all the time Like shit is echoing Everything has an echo It's about as fun as a real nightmare I mean they capture that element of it Before we get to how it plays I want to go over a few more things. This is the first of two Simpsons' mini-game collections.

The second is much worse, Virtual Bar. There is no saving grace in that game. I feel like there's one good mini-game in this collection here. Virtual Bar is nothing but trash. I like the Tomato Throne game, but it's okay as a weird tech demo. Like, wow, this is like almost 3D in a way. Well, as a, though, there's no more specific a reference of a mini-game in this as there is of like the Mount Splashmore H-H-2-W.

Whoa, slide. And not just you have to remember the different paths, because otherwise you can't pass it. Or you hit Homer the Tweet. It's a much better reference than anything in this game. It is, really. So, I mean, I feel like with this game in particular, I feel like they got feedback from the artists

or people to draw art for them to use because there are some, like, strangely on-model things. Bart looks good. The huge graphics like Bartzilla and Momthera and King Homer, those all look really good. I feel like there was definite more quality control over this one than Space Mutant. and every other crappy thing that came before.

I searched the credits for a familiar name, but they didn't seem to credit anybody from the Simpsons production. But a lot of Fox people. Okay, okay. So maybe they had some model sheets to work with, and yeah, just a tiny bit more processing power. Well, yeah, the 16 bits allowed Bard not to look like a duck. He just whites in his eyes.

Yeah, he's so ugly in those NES games. They could have made his sprite better versus the world, and at least in Radioactive Man, but that sprite is just so ugly. Yeah, you're right, though. It is so totally Bart gets an F, which is, if you don't know, is the first episode of season two where Bart is being threatened to be held back if he gets another F. He's doing very poorly, and so he's trying to study.

There's the snow day, and then he falls asleep while trying to learn about the constitutional Congress. Right, right. Technically, the first episode of Talking Simpsons. Yeah, the first guess. For you cheap skates out there. I'm just kidding. I love everybody. So the premise of this game is, so Bart falls asleep as a nightmare.

For some reason, the homework pages are located in his nightmare, although they blow out the window in the real world. It's like the episode, Bart gets an F where he falls asleep and meets the founding father. So, like, it's very weird that this game only references the first season, like, to a fault, even more than like the arcade game, which was already out and better. Well, I mean, King Homer's in this game.

That's true, my bad. And this is season two. But he's not black and white. That's true. And I was angry about that. But, yeah, I mean, so Bart, he has to get eight pages of homework from this nightmare world. And to do that, he has to do that. has to survive long enough in the hub world

to find a page, and that page will bring him to one of two different mini-games out of a total of six. Can you describe the hub world to just make him mad? The hub world is basically a war of attrition against you. It's like, everything is out to kill you. You need to survive long enough to find a page just to escape. You're walking

a street with evil mailboxes. An endless street walking in both directions, looking for hope against hope that you'll find a page. There's no guarantee there'll be a page anywhere. That paper will fly by. It's like a random element. We raced it on a laser time's racer time. And like, there's no guarantee you'll find a page by walking in any direction. It is literally random.

All the while, mailboxes are trying to kill you. Old ladies kiss you and turn you into frogs. Flying saxophones curse you and make you walk backwards. Reverse your controls. Principal Skinner will put a suit on you, which will make you walk slowly. It's a, it's literally a nightmare. It really is. And all while, like, it sounds like the Simpsons theme is playing backwards and echoed.

It's, again, David Lynch presents the Simpsons game. And your saving grace is that you can use bubble gum, blow bubbles, and if knock Z's into your life bar to extend it. Yeah, I mean, you don't even make sense. Oh, that you get turned into a frog by Lisa as a fairy, and you can get turned back if you find an old lady and her kisses. To kiss you, yeah. But her kisses normally hurt you if you're not a fraud. Exactly. And if you run into Jimbo and Doll, they will, like, grab you and walk with you, steer you into, like, danger.

And if you walk up to Fairy Lisa, she will turn that. them into frogs or squirrels or something. So there are a lot of cute, interesting ideas, but they're only there to punish you. So you can't really appreciate them. But things look like how they should for the most part. Well, Skinner is like a perp, he's in these more purple season ones. That's right, it's like lavender kind of. Back when he was still like making weird, like, faux-pa conversation things in his, his speeches.

Rusty leather. Medley, Melody. Melody, Medley. And the head of Jebedee's Springfield also is in there, which I feel like was the only season one episode, most game makers watch. Yeah, you jump over them. If there's one thing Bart did, it was saw the head off of Jebedy's Springfield. And he came back so often.

Yeah, so I don't know if I mention this, but you have one life bar for the entire game that has to last you through every visit of that hub world. So it is like just a battle against your soul where just everything is wearing down against you. You just want to get out of this hub world into much worse gameplay. I forget what it is that spawns z I think you have to jump over things and that spawns a z, then you have to blow the bubble, knock the z, and if it's out...

Randomly spawns a z. It doesn't always spawn a z. If the Z is outside of your life bar, it doesn't matter. You have to position the entire screen so that the Z goes up into the life bar. And you control the bubble gum bubble independently while you're frozen there, so you can get hit by enemies while you're controlling the bubble gun bubble.

It's like you want to call it lazy game design, but it's so fucking complicated. There are so many ideas, but they only exist to hurt you and make you upset. Also, there's those trees on the bottom level that can just block your vision entirely. Like, they cover everything. If this came out now, like, people would marvel at how, like, layer the hub world is and how many different. There'd be posts every, like, did you know you could do this in Barth's Nightmare's Hubworld?

Because the manual doesn't tell you, the game doesn't tell you. So, Bart's Nightmare H.D. remake, 2018, everybody, do not kickstart it. So let's go over these mini-games. So the first one, I'm just going in random war, the ones I played in it when I played it again. What's that? So does the game. You find a page. and you approach a door unless you have the colors

memorized you don't know where you're going to go. Yeah, one of two colors. You've got to choose one of two doors. Sometimes red and blue. Yeah. So Bartzilla is obviously a takeoff on Season 3's Triouse of Horror, King Homer segment. You basically, for one part of the segment, you are walking to the right side of the screen using very complicated controls to blow up things

in front of you, above you, and below you. Like artillery and like the army is coming after you. This is one of many, mini games in this collection with no music. It plays out eerily and like eerie not silence but just sound effects I think it's more laziness Chris

All the work went into making Bartzilla That's right and that's it I have a theory That every other reference in this game Is a season one reference Except for this And it's just like I think somebody said This game sucks

We need one more thing There are a lot of season one references In this game right Is this? I know the H-E and Scratchy one Is broken up and like you play it twice You get two different homework pages Is this one also two parts? I think it's actually India and a Bart

is the second of the other game with two levels which is okay we'll get to how bad that yeah in a second so I I was pissed off as a kid because the what I got it for was to be Bartzilla seeing that picture was like the only picture they showed so cool and when I play

it when you play it it's like this isn't fun enough like it should feel awesome to be Godzilla and just smash everything because you know what defines Godzilla it's that when a tank shoots at them it doesn't do anything Instead, they all hurt you.

They seriously kill you. It's more like piloting like a mannequin on wheels. It's kind of like... That's Godzilla's size. It's like an endless runner. Like you don't control Bart's move, but you only control how he can interact with the environment. Yeah, and the second part of this stage,

so the first part is you're walking from right to left, or sorry, left to right to get to this building. Then you climb the building to take out King Homer. You're just dodging things people are throwing at you and also dodging Mom Thra. And I feel like some of these are possibly, like, I don't think a game today would do a straight-up Godzilla parody. I feel like they be, because Toe is kind of, like, litigious, right, with Godzilla stuff?

They're very protected. Even with parodies. But, yeah, you dog, I like, I like the design for Momther. I'm like, some Simpsons artist drew this. No one had sculptured software came up with this design. I mean, I know this is a dream. So, you know, things, like, everything. This is all what Bart imagined.

But there's a continuity error right within that stage that Bart is bigger than buildings. Oh, you're right. Then he climbs a building that is way bigger than him. He's maybe one story tall in that. And, well, I noticed to You could read all the Bystanders who are dropping junk out their window as Japanese But definitely one is the Fugu Chef

Which is a season two reference Who he has on his bandana And everything. The bad Fugu Chef Not the one is that makes sex with Mr. Robbins. This is the only level with anything beyond season one Which leads me to believe it was created last Because it sucks so much. The second half the level is also notable in that

In the Super Nintendo version at least someone drops a Sega Genesis out of the window That's true So a Sega Genesis is like the size of Bartzilla Which also does make any sense Should be the Xbox original I don't know if they did the Chances version have like a console dropped out of any windows

I don't know I wonder Sega would be cool with that I don't think Nintendo would be Yeah I think they'd be more worried of a suit But then again it was the Wild West back there And there weren't lots of it So he gets to the top of the thing

And King Homer is there Now I am of two minds that to me, King Homer has black fur, but it is because he's black and white that entire scene there wasn't an in-the-show colorized King Homer.

However, if King Homer is a changed version of Homer and we know that Homer when he had hair had brown hair, then shouldn't his whole body hair be brown? That's true. And I think it might be more of a like a rampage reference in that killing King Homer

makes him into a human again or whatever. That's what it kind of feels like. You didn't need the king. King Homer Halloween special to imagine Homer as King Kong or as an ape. As a giant ape, yeah. I mean, he was Bigfoot in season one, basically. He was just, he was, he's taken for Bigfoot. And in the putting episode, he even just does the, like, dance.

Oh, that's right. The giant monkey. They do that joke so many times. It's true. It's an easy one to make. So if we're done with Bartzilla. I just, I have a completion noise. Oh, sure, sure.

Because this is important because if you didn't, haven't listened to Talking Simpsons, it's the three of us and occasionally did, going very thoroughly through the Simpsons. Season one is exclusive to patrons at patreon.com slash later types. You might not have heard it. One of two references that comes out of a season one episode is Homer's Odyssey. And I made it a point to mention it in that Talking Simpsons episode, but I didn't have the comparison sound effect. So when you get a page on select levels, not every level. Oddly pitch shifted.

A pitch shifted da-da-da-da-da-da-da-do-wo. In the beginning of Homer's Odyssey, the kids are going to the nuclear power plant on a field trip. And Bart's forced to sing in front. under the bus. John Henry? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Whoa. They took Bart Simpson to the graveyard.

And they buried him in the sand. Oh, yeah. And every local motor, they come to roar. I'm sure. There lies is steep. Bart? And they're like, Lord, Lord. Oh, they're lies.

I know. I'm sure I remarked upon that two years ago, but I can't remember. We did. But, like, that's what this is. And I got it because I'm like, I'm going to get him. They stole a license song. It's fucking John Henry. They didn't pay anything for you.

I'm pretty sure. They said. they sample duh and whoa and they just made they played duh on different keyboard keys that's what it sounds like that that that that that could have I was making keyboard noise with my fingers by the way or motions

uh yes I always wanted to play this again I did not remember that specific reference but every time I heard Bart say that in the game I thought he was literally humming like the Simpson's theme yeah yeah not in a weird pitch shifted way they were not allowed to use it except for the one time they did so we'll move on to it's not really named I just call it bloodstream

Bart is somehow in maybe his own bloodstream I don't know. He's sort of like a dig-dug-style character, and then he's swimming in this, in this body void, and he has to basically dodge and or blow up viruses and collect five Smiling Joe fisions, a super early, again, Homer's Odyssey reference. Yeah, you got Smiling Joe.

Oh, there. So if I'm accurately recruiting the game... I'm out there. Pretty much, yeah. It's awful. But this is the only game that I would say is even remotely easy. We called it the easy. It's the gimmie. It's the one you can pass. I don't know why you collect five of this guy in his bloodstream. There's no reason. And also, no one cares about Smiling Joe Fission. He was sort of the pre-Troy McCleur character in the educational film setting. Well, Andy was supposed to look like the Cleveland Indians mascot. That's right. Yeah. And this is him from, I believe, Homer's Odyssey as well. I think so, yeah.

I don't know, but I know someone who does. Smiling Joe Fission. Hi there, energy eaters. I'm Smiling Joe Fishing. Your atomic torque. guide to the strange and exciting world of nuclear power. And these are rods of Uranium 235. Hi, Rod. Hey, Rod. How you doing, Rod? Hey, good to see us.

That's, now we have the second character sample for the game. Yes, it's probably last, right? Smiling Joe Fusion. That's it. I even went to, like, check Barney's burp. It is not. Oh, it's totally not. It is not Barney's burp, which, again, I just found out that that was,

Dan Castaneta went over and over trying to record a burp. That is his burp. burp. That's like the perfect burp recorded in 1991. He wanted to find one burp that was perfect and he's like, please use that one every time and it's a real person's burp. It's so perfect.

I'm not like how Rick on Rick and Morty just does a new burp every time. You just can't be satisfied you can't hear what he's bringing up with it to on like the clean Barney burp. So, okay, and again the bloodstream level, no music. It just plays out like just this eerie

background sound. This is this weird kind of dirge. You can even hear it slightly with like, dur, dur, dur, der, der. Yeah. Interesting, yeah. A very video gamey sound. So, the next level is, I think, the best one, but it's still pretty monotonous. It just plays the most, like, an actual video game that you would

want to sit with. It's a real game. And that's Bartman. I mean, what's the most fun about this, and I feel like, again, this is probably a Simpsons artist bringing this to the developer, but you play as Bart, you have a slingshot, you're flying around, it's like a shoot him up. There's no power-ups or anything fun like that. But the coolest thing is seeing different Simpsons characters attack you in different aircraft.

I mean, and there's some novelty value in that. Oh, it is cool to see all the ones they pull out. It's the best sprite work other than the Godzilla in the game. Yeah, well, they get to sneak in with Barney, and Barney is not a season one blonde of design. It is a season two, Barney, that he's on a pink elephant, which is the closest to like an alcohol reference you would get on a superannist game, a reference to the hallucinations of Dumbo right before he meets some racist pros.

Is that reference to, like, alcohol withdrawal? Because, like, the DTs is what they used to call them. And I would see references to that on a lot of old things. Not anymore. Maybe they call it just withdrawal now. How dry I am. You apparently do see pink elephants when you're... On parade.

Yeah. But, I mean, the main appeal for this, for me, is just seeing the characters in fun little outfits and fun little aircraft. Like, Burns is in a Zeppelin, I think. No, no, no. The Zeppelin is... Oh, Smithers. Burns is in a biplane. The Smithers is so wrong.

Smithers looks... He looks kind of like Faye because his legs are crossed and one legs like dangling daintily. But he also is like green hair. That's true, yeah. He's way off. I think his hair is the same color as the sky. But I'm glad that Apu is his friend. Yeah. I think him giving the

jerky is a reference to the season two joke that he said he was writing the script, hands off my jerky. Oh, right. Man, that those power up say gives you, like those health things are so minuscule. Like, the life bar that both this and the Ich and Scratchie and Scratchie game use,

one hit will take off so much of your energy and if you grab a jerky or soda or whatever it gives you a sliver and it's not very kind to you fans of Kingdom Hearts will recognize that health part that's true I do love that animated health part I love how it turns into like a skeleton part when you lose all of your health but it's like the reverse of the game pro

point system like the one thing I noticed though is like Apu is riding a magic carpet and I'm like you got the wrong casual racism he's Indian not Arabian or Persian or whatever you want to want to say so uh yeah so sherry and terry in a uh in a balloon in a hot air balloon i'm sorry a hot air balloon yeah and then uh nelson goes by on a hand glider and uh boy i think that's

that's in a biplane so yeah i mean i let's trillion air biplane and i also did like the kind of subtle physics to the to the your slings shot especially like i think it does change the arc of your shot and when it goes to the cloud you hold it down and it when it goes through a cloud like clouds slow it down it's the most well-made I wish there was more to it. I wish there were, like, power-ups or, like, different kinds of shots. I feel like you could develop this into a real game.

Yeah. And you, Bart gets electrocuted, and you can see his barked skeleton. That's true, with, like, a pointy, does he have a pointy skull? Yes, he does. His hair points are part of his skull, so figure that out.

So, the next one is... Sorry, just one last thing about that part of the game is, I wish it had no music. Oh, yeah. Because that song will never leave my head. Dun-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, it's almost as bad as the back-to-the-fut-the-fut-us song. This is all Western development at its worst.

Oh, yeah. Sucks. And Bartman's shirt isn't light blue enough. It is lightish blue, but more gray. Yeah, I know, but it's still off bottle. That's true. Writing is my passion, but there's no money in the written word these days. It's all about talking, like podcasts.

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But I'm a real tight wad. Can I afford this remarkable system? Absolutely. My prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage. You are fully bonded and licensed by the city, aren't you, Mr. Plow? Shut up, boy. Ah! So remember!

Call Mr. Plow. That's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow. Mr. Cloud. And caller number nine for $1 million. Rita, complete this quote. Life is like a box of... Uh, Rita, you're cutting out. We need your answer.

Life is like a box of chocolate. Oh, sorry. That's not what we were looking for. On to caller number 10. Bad network got you glitched out of luck. Switch to boost mobile, super reliable, super fast, nationwide network, and get four lines, each with unlimited gigs for just $100 a month. Plus get four free phones.

Boost makes it easy to switch. Switching makes it easy to save. So the next level is something that's always baffled me. Like throughout my entire life, I still think about it. It's the Indiana Bart level, which I guess could be a reference to whatever season three episode that was with the Raiders parody opening. Was that Bart's Friend Falls in Love, I think? Parts for Friends Fold, Love the season three finale.

It's true. But I have no idea what the mechanics are. All I know is that you're traveling from the beginning to the end. You're hopping on pillars. Sometimes you hop on a pillar and another pillar will rise. sometimes other pills were fall and the blue devil is chasing you because if you would be red

that would be satanic kids but the blue devil is he red in the Genesis version he's not he's still blue all right and there's a green one to the devil's up too yeah you can whip eggs and I think whipping eggs gives you extra lies and the maggie statues in the background spit their pacifiers at you if this sounds like nonsense

it is I don't blame you at home for being like what are they talking about this was my like I think a couple times I would get to a B plus or a minus in the game could never beat this one because it's just too... Like, I never got all the rules down. Yeah, like, watching a Let's Play, reading a fact,

playing it myself, I'm like, this is still baffling to me. This feels like a Mensa test or something. And you have to play it twice to get all the pages because like the next thing we'll talk about, there are two versions of this you need to play through.

Because there are six mini games, but eight pages, so... But the devil, when it pops up, it's facing the camera, and so it looks weird. But then when it is facing Bart, it is exactly the devil first scene in the

Bart gets hit by a car when Bart goes to hell, yes. They are reaching a little further, but they oddly are sticking to season one. Anything else on this, I just, it bothers me. It still bothers me now. Like, how dare you put this in a game?

Like, who thought this was good? I guess, like, that there's no real walking that it's jumping from platform and platform is purely that. I guess it's kind of like Hubert, but I feel like there's a more apt game that it's ripping off.

And I'm sure whoever grew up with this game will leave me a nasty comment. Like, it's so easy, but I can't wrap my brain around. I'm sorry dudes. So the last level that we're getting to and the last one in the game is itchy and scratchy, which I think it's fun in theory

but the execution sucks. It could have been like a fun Simpsons arcade style brawler and I feel like they were sort of inspired by the Simpsons arcade game, but they didn't know how to do it as well as Konami and that's apparent. I mean, can you guys... One hit kills are what really sinks it. Yeah, I mean... Once you'll have fun, but then like, yeah, you'll get hit by a flamethrow and die instant lane.

It's like, well, that sucked. Basically, itchy and run onto the screen, do their attack and then run away and you have to kill them in every room. And then there are also things like the vacuum cleaners that will kill you immediately because fire kills Bart instantly. There are like phones that attack you. It's very odd. I mean, I love the itchy and scratchy

sprites in this. Yeah, they're the best done sprites in it. They're exactly right. Even when they pull out the ones in their chef costume, specifically from itchy and scratchy and Marge. That's right. That's right. That's the one where Maggie is inspired

to try to stab over with a pen by watching them in those outfits so it is that's another that was the last of like the direct references I noticed in the game and Bart's idle animation in this level not even idle you just stop moving he does this he's just like panting in a panicked way

it's kind of disturbing like I kind of like it that he's well because he doesn't really walk in that stage he either runs or stand still so he's always running and everything's trying to kill him it I think that's good acting on the sprites part of like what's next what's next

and I think season nine or ten Halloween episode would have this premise where Bart and Lisa kind of fight Itchy and Scratchy or have to survive an Itchy and Scratchy world. And then Itchy and Scratchy come into their world. They land on Regis and Kathy Lee, I think. I did like how in a beat-em-up fashion, Bart would get various weapons.

Like, I think your standard thing is a mallet, but you get like a plunger gun and fire extinguisher. You know that Plunger 9mmeter, that's also from Itchy and Scratchy and Marge. But that's what Maggie shoots at Homer at the end when she's inspired. to attack Homer again once violence has returned. I was going to say it's also from a street car

named Marve that season four. So they hadn't seen that yet. And maybe no, no, I love Lisa. It was like, A.B. With these suction cup guns, yeah. Oh, no, those are Nerfballs. Never mind. It is one of the most realistic gun sprites I've ever seen in a game with a plunger stuck inside of it. Yeah, that kind of struck me as odd. It's like, this is a really realistic gun,

but it's... That's a Glock. Wow. It's okay for kids. I don't know if... I don't think Danny Elfman would have made that song particularly, but this is another instance where there's a song you can use, but you're not. There is a weird cartoon theme playing during this. I can't remember it for the life of me, but it's definitely not the itchy and scratchy theme.

No, I can hear it in my head now. I refuse to sing it on this podcast. But again, it's like the Bartman song. There's 15 seconds of music basically in the loops. But there was the song The Bartman, but you wouldn't associate it with the Flying Bartman. No, actually Bartman didn't make an appearance in the song do the Bartman at all.

No, Bartman is just a dance there. It's not the character Bartman. Yeah. And I mean, the Itchy and Scratchy song itself is like 15 seconds long, so why not just loop that? But I'm guessing it's another rights thing. I mean, that would have been like hell anyway to hear that 15 second thing. But looped and looped. The last boss of this, if you can call it that, is you fight it, you fight an evil furnace.

It's not even anthropomorphize in any way. It's a shining reference. It's either that or Home Alone. Shut up. But like, why don't you fight like a giant itchy or giant scratching? I mean, they appear in the second version of this level like behind doors. It's a very boring way to end that level. It was like a stationary furnace, and the long play, I didn't replay it before this,

but the long play I watched of it that was like a no-death play of it, the guy just stands, the player just stands back and shoots fire sparks for like five minutes to get up as highest score as he can. And then finally just walks up like, the killed it there, dead. Yeah, it's not the most entertaining let's play, but, or long play, but you can at least see the end of this game. I had to do it to satisfy a curiosity. Yeah.

Like what happens when you complete the game, no deaths with a, a plus. You just get a different still image at the end or a different animation. It's infuriating to me because it is exactly the same as if you do get an F. Well, the thing is, it's the same screen, but the expressions on the family members change.

The expressions on some of the family members change. I think it great. Lisa's always pissed at you. Really? Not a plus. She looks at the fridge and then you and like disbelief. It's a lot of disbelief. Bart would never get an A plus. That's the thing. I always thought it was like, it was like

different family members would be happy with you depending on the grades. So, like, D would be Homer and then C would be more. And you see the score on the fridge, but the final screen is the game over screen with the word game over removed and the words the end added in. Oh, how nice of them. This is the big difference. You'll only get it if you finish the game. Calabunga! Wow.

That is not Nancy caught right even a little. Well, either it's not, or they sped it up for some weird reason. Calabunga! Or like it's compressed and sped up. Maybe it's her. I still don't think it is. She's not credited. Oh, in Calabunga, he says that in Barkett's an F.

Yeah, when he's going down the stairs with a sled, right? Yeah. Probably the only time, no matter what the T-shirts would lead you to believe. I mean, that did anger me, too, as a kid of, like, I worked so hard through this game, and now you're telling me I failed. It's just like, why did you, why are you being so mean? And the endings aren't really that different. I mean, you get the same image of the Simpsons.

standing around, but their faces are sometimes different. I'd rather see Mount Rushmore with Bart's head out of the bad. That's much better. And as Bart gets an F. Prues, like, anything over a C-minus is a success for Bart. Are we to believe that Bart actually made an A-plus paper? I don't think so. I mean,

he found all the pages of a bad paper. It should have been a D-plus. And he did it through sleep. Yeah. I don't know how. So, the next segment I want to go over is a few reviews of this game. I want to do this from now on because it will show you never trust game reviews. I write them. Don't trust them. Because they're always wrong until 10 years later.

I mean, sorry, they're always right until 10 years later. Then you're like, oh, my God, what was this person thinking? So my first one is from Game Informer, and I'll read you. And this is a guy who still works there, actually. Yeah, you're on the last, buddy. Andy. Macnamara. MacDemeter, yeah.

So listen up, Andy. You're about to go on. You're under the Mackey bus now. So here's what Andy said. Bart's Nightmare is one of the most original action games I've played in a long while. This game has to be one of the best S&AS cards. to date, Bart's Nightmare has interesting gameplay with graphics

and sound to boot. I don't know if he's saying the graphics and sound are interesting or that they're just there. Yeah, that's a weird collection of words there. Yes, I'm judging your work a quarter century ago, Andy. I'm glad my work in the game industry started after we didn't have to say, this is one of the best carts you can buy. Yes, please.

One of the best discs you can own. I want to call things disks or downloads. It's boring to just say game over and over again. I enjoyed this game pack. I'm not done with Andy's review. A claim has made this a must have for Bart fans And that's by Andy the Game Ombray And you gave it a 9 out of 10

So that's right Never Trust Game Informer It's one of the better Simpsons games But only because they're so terrible In 1992 What were the other Super 80s games I'm glad you asked This is

This I played before on one of our shows And it's still one of my favorite Because the commercials are incredibly well animated Hey kids It's the Golden Joyce, Nikola The most on sportsmen like conduct on Game Boy. Fart versus the Juggernaut. The best superhero performance on N.E.S.

Bartman meets Radio Agnop Man. The best performance on SNEF. Oh, Sparse Nightmare. I don't believe it. What for a winning Simpsons video game for every system. Don't forget trusty's funhouse. You know what? I mentioned it on our season three wrap-up, I think it was,

but the commercial shows that Bart stuffed the ballot box, which kind of proves these games suck. Bart had to cheat for them to win. Wow. Nobody would ever win. I really want to see them play a clip of Bart's nightmare and Krusty go, what the hell was that? I could have put a better game out of my, hey, hey!

You guys, look at that video listeners because they had the best animation. Yeah, I'll include the video in our blog post for this episode. I think the golden joystick is an actual award given away by, future, right? Yeah, it used to be. Yeah, future, whatever. Do you have another commercial? A German commercial?

This is, well, this is the original commercial. The Simpsons had a bunch of, it was one of a few franchises that had this. Almost every commercial is a multi-game and platform commercial. And again, the big takeaway for me there is that Krusty said Genesis, N-E-S and S-N-E-S, not SNES, N-N-E-S, N-N-E-S, N-N-E-S. Dan Castle had actually uttered those words. He did. And they'd never, he would never say that on the show. But this is for specifically BART's Nightmare

Barks Nightmare now on Jealousis with Fartzilla, Etchian Scratchy, Homercom, Bartman, and more. Barth's Nightmare now on Super NES and Genesis from a claim. Boo. That's the Etienne Scratchy music, by the way, from the game. Damn.

Boo and boring. There is a German version of a multi-platform, multi-generation Simpsons game commercial. Doss Nightmare. But because it's localized, they took it upon themselves to rap. It's Bart rapping in German

and I don't understand German but I know when you're saying game platforms. And so for me this is really entertaining. Great. ...resendied the Simpsons, that's fernich feroft in video games. I'm Bart Simpson and you comes with me

and see it with me through my revere. Pure for Game, Borenton, the super-starker video game. For Sega, Master System and Nintendo Game Bowl, N-A-S and Zupa N-S.

Zupa. Is that new animation or from Deep, Deep Trouble video? Yeah, it looks like Deep Deep Trouble. Well, it's from the multi-commercial for versus the Space Mutants World in Camp Deadly. With a couple of things thrown in. Where Bart refuses to stop playing his game in bed. Yeah, like, you don't see Bart mouthing any of this. Yeah, that's true.

But I did hear someone in German say, the master system. And like, that just makes me laugh so much. If you're German, don't say the master anything, pro tip. So I have one more review to read. is from Nintendo Power, I think this person no longer works there or is dead or in jail. I mean, that magazine no longer exists. It's true. It no longer exists.

I mean, someone could still be working on Nintendo Power. We don't know. He's in a home for former and very happy Nintendo employees who can't have contact with the outside world. That's true. We never hear from them again. So here's what George has to say. Bart Simpson has fallen asleep while doing his homework. Thanks for that information, George. You've got to guide

him through six surreal stages and help him gather up the pages which have blown out the window and scattered in the wind. The character and situations in this adventure are inventive. I like all the things that bark into plus find him sometimes difficult to control. That's by George. He gives it a 4.2 out of 5. It's not fair to make fun of writing from a long time ago.

I'll still do it though. But I'll cut Nintendo Power a little more slack because I feel like they were told like, you're writing for six-year-olds. Like imagine a six-year-old reading this, so write it for them. Those like first two sentences, though, that's when people are like, Uh, game reviews should be objective. Like, don't editorialize. Tell us if there are graphics.

Yes. Barf fell asleep. You must get him pages. Oh, very good. There's nothing political about this. Am I writing Pac-Watch or a review? That doesn't matter. Uh, just pick a number between four and five.

So, yes. That's what four is for. Good to excellent. So, final question, really. I mean, I think we talked a bit about this. But where do you place this game on the Simpsons game scale? It's very, like, it's very weighted. On one end, we have the arcade game and hit and run,

and then everything else is just, like, miles away from it. But I chose this one because I feel like it is the best of the bad games. Yeah. By far. And it's the pre-Polligal era. It's near the top or at the top of the crap heap other than Konami's arcade game. And maybe Krusty's Super Funhouse, but we don't need to go into it. It was a game they skin.

If you ain't playing as a Simpson, it ain't a Simpson's game. You're playing as Krusty. I have no idea why. And Homer and Bart appear, I guess, but that's basically... They stand it next to one static machine, and that is it. They're there to assassinate mice. It's insane. It's where the Krusty wasn't really in a Bart's nightmare.

He is there, Krusty balloons in the Bartman stage, but no Krusty, which he's obsessed with Krusty. That's his thing. And, yeah, I'd put it near the top of the pack. I'd play it over several other much worse Simpsons games, but I'd never play. I re-went back to the list of Best Simpsons games I worked on it, at Games Radar, and I still was just like, man, this is such a bad. Like, until the top four, it's just like, this is all bad. But it's okay.

I would never play it now, I ever. And also, I was struck by the cover. I forgot the cover had Green Shirt Bart, which is just like, that's weird. Yeah. That's rarely ever a weird. No, green shirt. You don't listen to talking. Simpsons, we don't know the reason why, but in commercials, Bart will appear in a blue

shirt. Like, a butterfinger commercial. In merchandise, sometimes. In merchandise, it's like a lot of stuff. I've got a rare green shirt, Bart. I don't know why he's green. I don't think it's bootleg at all. It's just a odd choice.

And that's not something that happens in the show ever. It's always orange. So, Chris, where do you put this on the Simpsons game scale? Considering how weighted it is. I hate it. I hate it, but it is the third best Simpsons game, period. Wow, three. Okay.

You know, you might be right, considering all the trash out there. Anyway, hit and run, Konami. Yep. Virtual Springfield. Virtual Springfield. I would say the Simpsons... One, I haven't played it, and can't. I would love to.

The Simpsons game is better than this, but it's still not fun. And also, whatever the crazy taxi clone was, I keep... I did play that one time. Road rage. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, top five. And I'd play skateboarding before this. That game doesn't fucking work.

No. No, it doesn't. The wrestling game is also weird. Oh, I'd never. play at wrestling. You can finally have a Crosskeeper Willey beat up Lisa. You can watch us do it. Yeah. So, thank you so much for listening. I've been your host, Bob. I hope you find this enlightening.

We're going to be doing more Simpsons games in the future, so tell me if you like this. I think I'll still do it even if you don't, so I'm sorry in advance. But just to let you know this entire show is funded by you guys, all the great Patreon listeners. If you want to know more about how to support our show, go to patreon.com For just $3 a month, you can get every episode a week ahead of time in without commercials and at a higher bit rate. So if you don't like it, our move towards commercials as a way to survive, that's a way to support us without hearing commercials.

It's very, very good. And it's less, I mean, we put out like six episodes a month now. So that's like 50 cents an episode, guys. And I think that we're at least worth 50 cents of your money for episode. I mean, I did at least 60 cents worth of work right now. I've given more to homeless people today. Yeah, exactly. Please open your heart and give to Retronauts.

Sorry, Patreon.com slash Retronauts. If you give more, there are more incentives. They're like T-shirts and stickers and stuff. and we are trying to make this a full-time business. Jeremy left U.S. Gamer to become a full-time retronaut. I'm just part-time, but who knows what will happen in the future. So please open your wallets and give, and we can do more cool stuff. We're upping our game.

We're doing more content. I'm really happy with where we are right now. Do you want to find me on Twitter? I'm Bob Serbo, and I think I've said enough. But please just go to patreon.com slash retronauts to find out how to help us out. Even a dollar a month from you would be amazing and does a lot for us. Henry, please. I'm H-E-N-E-R-E-Y-G on Twitter, and I love doing retronauts.

I am a retronaut supporter as well. And another Patreon I both actually give money to and appear on is patreon.com slash laser time, which that is the home of our cromulent podcast, Talking Simpsons, while the first season of it and the seasons two, three, and four specials, and all future specials, too, and tons of other stuff. But I just want to say, Talking Simpsons, that is my main podcast these days that I appear on, Bob host, and we are going through every episode of The Simpsons, chronologically. Season 5 is wrapping up.

We're having a lot of fun on it. A couple surprises, you weirdos. Oh, yeah, big surprises coming. I would like to say that I, too, donate to that particular Patreon. He's never had a Patreon in his life. Never donated his life. But also, Lasertime has a YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash Lasertime Network. We have streamed a lot of Simpsons games.

I would say almost all of them. console ones. I will say everything but Road Rage. Yeah. Everything but Road Rage. And we did races, as we mentioned before. And Camp Deadly. Oh, yeah. But we did race in both Bart's Nightmare and Bart v. Space Mutants, which were fun, because they're not traditional games.

So you have to find out non-traditional ways to race in them. Yes. That was interesting, and I believe I won. Oh, yeah. Both times. Oh, yeah. YouTube.com slash laser time on that. And Patreon, if we didn't say Talking Simpsons, the first seasons there, did you say that already? The entire first season. And three specials, right? Three specials.

hour long wrap-ups that if you like this show or Talking Simpsons are 30, 2010 to show you what the world

looks like at that time. I really love doing that in between Simpson's seasons where the writers leave or stay? What did the writers leave or stay? I really want to know. And will you find

like the most deepest cuts of deleted scenes anywhere like the Barts versus Hitler one is one of the most amazing things ever.

Nazis on tap. Nazis on tap. A Barry piece of Simpsons history. You will only find that... Well, I mean, it's on YouTube, but you only find us talking about that on Patreon.com. That's what's important.

And you'll help me, at least, and Dave, live. Isn't that important? Would you like to hear me again? Would you like to beat, in the audience, beat Brett, Henry and Bob, sell the jingle quiz on retro-nice? That's a great episode.

Two micros ago, so yeah. I love living. That's a terrible way to play. I endorse living. I'm exhausted. Yes. Thank you so much for listening. Your Patreon money makes these extra micros happen.

So thanks so much if you donate. We'll see you on Monday for a brand new retronauts. Goodbye. And caller number number nine for one million dollars. Rita, complete this quote. Life is like a box of... Uh, Rita, you're cutting out. We need your answer.

Life is like a box of chocolate. Oh, sorry. That's not. what we were looking for. On to caller number 10. Bad network got you glitched out of luck. Switch to boost mobile, super reliable, super fast nationwide network and get four lines, each with unlimited gigs for just $100 a month. Plus get four free phones. Boost makes it easy to switch. Switching makes it easy to save. The Mueller report. I'm Ed Donahue with an AP News Minute. President Trump was asked at the White House if special counsel Robert Mueller's Russia investigation report should be released

next week when he will be out of town. I guess from what I understand that will be totally up to the Attorney General. Maine, Susan Collins, says she would vote for a congressional resolution disapproving of President Trump's emergency declaration to build a border wall, becoming the first Republican senator to publicly back it. In New York, the wounded supervisor of a police detective killed by friendly fire was among the mourners attending his funeral. Detective Brian Simonson was killed as officers started shooting at a robbery suspect last week. Commissioner James O'Neill was among the speakers today at Simonson's funeral. It's a tremendous way to bear, knowing that your choices will directly affect the lives of others.

The cops like Brian don't shy away from it. It's the very foundation of who they are and what they do. The robbery suspect in a man, police say acted as his lookout have been charged with murder. I'm Ed Donahue.