Retronauts - Retronauts Micro 87: The History of Video Game Ads Part I

Episode Date: May 18, 2018

Whether you like it or not, advertising is everywhere, and it's always been everywhere--which is why the jingle for some now-nonexistent product has likely obliterated some important memory in your brain. And video games, being a product that's sold for money, have never been a stranger to advertising. On this first part of a two-part series, join Bob Mackey, Jeremy Parish, Matthew Jay, and Henry Gilbert as the crew explores the earliest days of video game ads, as well as the many baffling celebrity endorsements of the time. Mr. Intellivision would approve!

Hello everybody. Welcome to a very special intro to a very special episode of Retronauts. Who is here with me today? Henry Gilbert, hi. I'm Matt Jay. And these guys are on the content you're about to hear. So what happened is, folks, I am part of four concurrent weekly podcasts, and I'm also planning a trip to Japan. And I also have some freelancing on top of that.

And I try to have friends on top of that as well. And because of all these things that are happening at once, I know I should be. attacked online and docs possibly. But because of all the things that are happening in my life right now, I didn't have time to record a micro this week. So what I'm going to be doing is I'm chopping an episode in half, just like King Solomon threatened to do to that baby in that book that people like. You remember King Solomon won't. Yes, exactly. King Solomon, you're a wimp. I'm cutting this baby in half. So what's going to happen is this month, you're going to hear the first half of that episode. It's all about the history of video game ads. And the great part is the two halves can

stand on their own as, you know, what they're presenting. So we're going to go up until the 80s with this episode and the next episode will be the 80s and 90s. And yes, there are enough video game ads in the 70s to fill an entire micro. We're going to go on for like 45 minutes. And there's a special segment at the end where it's all celebrity ads. You're going to hear a lot about George Plimpton. You'll hear just a little bit about Bill Cosby before the troubles. And I think there's some other people in there like Don Knott and Pete Rose and Pele. It's all good. But I just want to let you know that's this is what you're hearing, and next month you'll hear the end of it.

So any final thoughts from you guys before we go? I just want our audience to know that I have your blessing. Oh, yeah, no, I don't care how they get it. As long as they hear commercials, I want this. Yes, it's all quality content. So please enjoy part one, and like I said, part two will be next month, and you'll hear all about the 80s and Atari ads, and Nintendo ads in the 90s,

where we get into the Play-It-Loud era and the Sega Scream era. So thank you so much for supporting the show, and we'll see you next month for part two. of this podcast. This week on Retronauts, give me your money. Hello, everybody. That was a reference for nobody except for Henry, who didn't laugh. It was holding back a laugh.

In today's episode, no, you must laugh at me full volume at all times. Today's episode is all about the history of video game ads. You've heard one of the people on the show who I immediately throw under the bus. I'm your host, Bob Mackie, and who is here with me today? The person right over there. Let's start with him. Hey, it's Henry, and I know that was a reference to strangers of candy. Thank you. Thank you. Somebody gets me.

Who's right over there? It's me. Jeremy Parrish, the original video robot. Wow. Did you come out of an egg? I did. Okay. You're covered in yolk. It's disgusting. And who else is here? I'm Matt Jay, and I always play it loud. Wow. Can you hear me now, Matthew? Yeah, but you work for the other company now. You're a traitor. Oh, no. This reference has changed references. I didn't mean to transfer on this reference.

But yes, so we're talking about the history of video game ads on this podcast today. And I've wanted to do this for a while. Mostly has an excuse to play fun clips and make fun of them, but also to look at this more analytically as well to see just what ads did for consumers over the years and just what information had to be included. And just also to see, like, what demographics were they targeting? Because if you read these ads in a certain way, you can say, like, oh, I can see what they're doing and how they're doing it. But I feel like marketing, I mean, games, of course, are memorable, but I feel like marketing has always been something that's been very memorable to us. And tons of good and bad ads have come up on

retronauts before, like good ads like the Mario 3 ad, where, it zooms out and all of America is making the Mario face. Bad ads like John Romero is going to make you as bitch. We all remember ads because we're inundated with them now more than ever. Since you started talking, Facebook has given me six ads for John Romero. Oh, my God. His hair products, I hope. But yes.

So in this episode, I want to look at TV ads specifically from the very inception of gaming onward to see how they grew or didn't grow with the medium. And to let everyone know, this is such a broad topic that I've narrated down specifically to TV ads in America for gaming consoles. Because I feel like there's an interesting through line that we can follow that changes over time. But I like the narrative that's going to be happening that I predict that we'll be happening throughout this conversation. But before we start, I want to ask everybody, like, what ad is in your brain forever? That's a video game ad. just because our brains, when they're at their most useful,

pick up everything and things we don't need. So, yes, like I imagine, I said this before, I imagine, like, when I am in 90 years old in, like, nursing home, I will be, like, telling nurses about, like, the secret exits in Super Mario world. Like, all this information that will never leave my brain. Jeremy, video game events. It's got to be the one I mentioned in a previous recording session today,

which is the Car 50. for satire Mario brothers Mario, where are you? That's a really good one and I totally agree with you. So I didn't get this ad for the show because it's for a game specifically

but we can listen to a bit of it. Something's coming up the plumbing Puerto Rici's in a bind giant turtles out to get and creepy crabs are right behind spider flies cheaper shites they're all coming out the pipes Mario, where are you?

This is a high budget ad. There are puppets, there's a set Yeah, like, we're going to get into some of these Atari commercials soon, but man, they spent a lot of money on their marketing. But, yeah, that's, if you remember Car 54, where are you, and you shouldn't, that is a parody of that shows. I do because I'm old. Well, I know.

I didn't see it first run, though. Ed Gwyn, Herman Munster is one of the main characters in that show, and it's pretty funny. Henry, how about you? Well, you kind of already said it, the Mario 3-1 with a giant face. Like, it got me, I already was super into Mario, and actually maybe even before, Mario 3 came out, the commercial for Nintendo's cereal system just got me, too, I'm just like,

oh my gosh, it's finally a cereal. It's a cereal now. It's a cereal, wow. It really got me to just buy a cereal that I ate once and was terrible. I ate it once too, but I can still remember what it tastes like, and I don't know why. My brain still has the memory. Let's hear... The dust is still in your nose from

smelling it. It'll never leave certain gaps in my molars. So here's this ad. It's where breakfast now. Nintendo. It's a cereal. Wow. Nintendo. Super Mario's show.

Nintendo. In a sweet flavor crunch. I didn't realize, yeah. It's like the underground Mario theme. Wow. So, yeah, I like the recreations of sprites in this video. By the way, we can talk during these ads. I just, in case you think of anything funny.

I like the, like, like, like, Nick Arcade. I can't talk over that kind of art. That kind of the high, beautiful music. Geez, I mean, yeah. So, yeah, this, what was it like, fruit and berry flavor? Frives, really mixing it up there. Fruit and berries. Both flavors.

Yeah. All the food groups. The two genders. You get two bags in one thing, so you end up actually getting less cereal, too, than you would in it in the same size box of cereal. But I guess it's because they didn't have the faith on selling a Mario cereal or a Zelda cereal. So it's just the Nintendo cereal. It was like a combo pack. It should have been Mario cereal and Duck Hunt cereal. Yeah, right.

But I guess Nintendo wanted to. Marshfellow dogs. Was this the one that's like separating? it in the middle. Yep. Yes. It was, I can tell you

that the recent Mario cereal is a lot better than this one, but it's not as special. It's, the recent Mario cereal is just Lucky Char.

But it's an amoebo. So they're continuing to change the box game, which I appreciate. What is the amoebo functionality of that box? I mean, you scan the box

and it's something in Odyssey. Coins. Mario gets diabetes. Mario's teeth fall out. Matthew, cuts the roof of his mouth. God. What is your memorable

commercials? I'll see if I can find it. When I think of a game commercials, the first thing I always think of is the Super Smash Brothers commercial with the, like, the Disneyland mascot cast costumes. That me and you and you and me song is playing, and they're happy together. Yeah, happy together. They're skipping through a field, then they start fighting. I remember that commercial is kind of blowing my mind, you know, because on the one thing, you're seeing them in these very well-produced, cool-looking costumes. But then it's also, like, it's Pikachu and Donkey Kong and Yoshi and Mario, like, holding hands.

And then they show the footage of, like, Mario throws a polka ball at Pikachu. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, this is going to change my whole, the way I see video games from now on. Actually, the great Tumblr, and I believe it's a Twitter account, too, it's called Supper Mario Broth. I believe in recent memory, they were posting pictures from that ad shoot. Like from the filming of it, yeah. Filming of it. Mine, I think this is the right one. It is a Nintendo Power commercial that I have this song in my head forever.

I hope this is the right one. Yeah, no power. Get the clues that you can use. Nintendo Power. Fire and fire. All those words were in my head. The house exploded in that. Then the planet exploded.

Things are exploding. I don't remember five years of French, but I do remember the Nintendo Power had. They had set in music French to that kind of music. I'm sure you'd remember. I agree. That music kicks ass. But, yeah, I mean. Oh, I was just going to say, I feel bad because all.

of us were just like Nintendo Mario. So let me mention an ad that I remember that makes me angry. It's not necessarily a fun I don't play this ad now. It's a much more recent ad. It's the Halo 3 ad that was like before the game came out. It was like this

beautiful like a tableau, like a diorama. The solid non-moving figures. Yeah, it was like this battle scene. Finish the fight. Our battlefield scene. And it basically made it look like this was going to be the end the story, Master Chief was going to die

in a heroic sacrifice, et cetera, et cetera, and that's not how the game went at all. I was like, this was so much more interesting than what the game turned out to be. It promised you like a World War III type battle scenario in the game, which you really don't get. We got like, go travel

through the alien vagina to find clitana. That was gross. That's not what I wanted. I guess before we get to the topic, though, well, you reminded me of a recent ad campaign that I hated beyond belief because it was on, it It was every pre-roll in every YouTube and Hulu thing. It was that perfect day commercial for PS4.

Dear God, did it make me angry? You love that song. I used to like it. I used to like that song. But, yeah, so ads have an effect on us. Everything is, we're shaped by advertising. Advertising is everywhere. So I want to look at the way video games were advertised over time from the very beginning

before there were even cartridges. And I want to start with the Kaliko Telstar, because this was one of the many proprietary, like, Pong machines, and we'll talk about a few of these, but they're very much advertised and advertised as if they are appliances in these early commercials. So let's hear the Kaleek Hotel Star commercial. Also, a great big feature of these early ads is a very beige living room with people in it. But yes, I want to point out ahead of time, you're listening to a podcast. You're not going to see these ads.

These ads are all on YouTube. I will put a link to all of these on the blog post that goes up with this episode. Go to Retronauts.com and find that. It will probably be in the Patreon post as well, if you're listening to this on Patreon. But here is the ad for the Telstar Pong machine. You're watching the most exciting game you will ever see on your TV set. Telstar by Calico with three different games. Telstar tennis with digital scoring, variable speeds.

Telstar hockey. Each player controls a goalie plus a forward on the other side. Oops, a goal. And Telstar singles handball, a game you play yourself. Telstar handball, tennis hockey. Are you a loser? We at an exciting low price for great family fun. Hit your TV to a tell star.

I mean, by Calico. People have got to be run into your house if they have a tell star. I mean, you're not going to be playing this thing alone. But that was the very first video game system that I ever owned. Really? My family didn't buy it, but it was one that was somehow left behind at the dormitory where my grandparents supervised, like a kid left behind in his room or something. So it ended up at our house.

It was the Telstar Alf. which is where I discovered Hyalai. Wow. Wow. Okay. I like the little switch on it to switch what game you're playing. Yeah. So in this commercial, it's advertised like an appliance. And I want to point out not just like what's in the commercial, but who's in the commercial. So like they're literally showing people using the controllers. Like here's how a controller works.

They're showing when the modes are switching, when he's talking about switching modes, there's a person switching the mode on the device itself. So it's like very, very literal with like how this thing is used. It's kind of almost instructional in that way. They were so new, you needed that information. Like, if somebody, all they heard about, like, what's the, it was still just thing people were talking about, like, an electronic game. But what even is that? One of those video style games.

How I want to get that in my wood-paneled room? Oh, boy. This is the beigeest living room I'm looking at right now. I can smell that wood-paneling. And it's like, it's pre-N-E-S being a toy, and it's like all grown-ups playing it. Yeah. It's like moms and dads. It's a couple.

It's like an adult couple. Notably, there's a woman in. this ad and as we go through these ads I will tell you women, little girls and old people are like eradicated from history in all of these ads. There's a fishbowl full of keys right there on the table. Yes. The whole entire room just reeks of cigarettes.

Well, I mean, the fact that it has high allay on it is such a like 1970s thing. Like that was very briefly this kind of phenomenon and then it went away. They even show in the commercial there. It's a silly thing that I'm surprised they leave in there where when they're showing hockey

where it's two panels on each side, you see on one side the forward and the goalie, the puck or ball or whatever, like bounces between them really fast and it goes into the goal, which almost is like, maybe don't show that. That's not how hockey works. It seems like that was not a fun part of that game. But I feel like with these early commercials, I feel, so I took a copywriting commercial running class in college.

And the thing about commercials is they all have a narrative. There's always like a story that's being told along with something that's being sold to you. And these commercials don't have a narrative. It's just like, look at these people using a thing. Well, the narrative is this is a new thing in your home. Right. But it's like there aren't characters who are, like, doing things or have a goal. It's just like, here are two people that you don't know and they're playing with a thing because they're basically props.

And as we go through these ads, there will be like narratives and these. But again, you have to explain a lot to this audience because they don't know what a video game is. There's no cartoon cat slam dunking a pizza. It's true. I don't care about the polar bear drinking Coke yet. Like, so much we have to learn. But here's an ad for the Sears telegame SuperPong in which it's very dry and domestic, another beige living room. but it's about

like multi-generational people playing this game. I like these early commercials because it's not just focused on little boys and we'll see more of that later in this podcast. Sears Telegames Super Pong.

Hey, Chris, where are you doing? Playing a little handball. Now there's more to Sears telegames than just pawn. Hey, Grams, you want to play some cats? Okay. Now Sears has a whole line of telegames. Hey, Grams, can I play?

Sure. Let's play Super Pong doubles. and some telegames have remote controls so up to four people can play a whole variety of games telegames, electronic games sold only at Sears So yeah, every member of the family is playing the game Which is, again, outlandish to me today in 2018

As a video game ad, like... There's a lot of grandpas in these early videos There really are, it's just like... I think the message was your grandfather is going to be the one to indulge you with this because your parents will not. Maybe, maybe, yeah, it's like, if you're sick of hearing war stories about the big one. If this is your grandpa in 1976, like, he was a doe boy.

Like, he was, and he didn't even remember World War II. Like, it was there. It's a toe boy. You're right. It's a World War I veteran. My knuckles are all fused together, but I can still play this Sears Magnavox machine. He's lived through desegregation, all this stuff. Yeah, what a life.

And now electronic tennis. I also like that Sears is solid. telling it is like, we know you're sick of Pong, you've seen Pong, you've all played Pong. Well, then what about Super Pong? Super Pong doubles. Up to four people. My favorite game. One old man and four children, or three children.

My favorite game developer is Sears, by far. Take that J.C. Penny. I like the friendliness of it, too, of just like, it's Sears. Look, you buy all your other stuff here, buy this. That does get to a very, very sort of short-lived marketing and sales tactics, a tactic that they used back then, which was to kind of blur the brand of the actual manufacturer and associate it with a retailer to kind of like say, oh, yes, this is the Sears game system and you will need to use a Sears television to play it. That was something Magnavox did with the Odyssey

was to be very misleading. They wouldn't actually necessarily say, oh, this only works with Magnavox TVs, but they would they would really push you toward getting a Magnavox TV, and they saw these consoles as a way of selling their televisions initially, and that was something that was pretty prevalent

for a few years in the mid-70s, and I think the Atari VCS, the 2,600, kind of pushed that to the side, because, you know, that started out as a Sears exclusive for the first holiday and then went, you know, worldwide. I mean, I shouldn't think it's bizarre because Sears was a major, they were

like the Walmart of their age, but it's just bizarre to think, like, they had a proprietary pong machine they sold, you know, it's just a different time. Let's get into traditional console commercials, starting with the first gaming console, the MagnaVox Odyssey. So, again, very literal, but with this, I believe we're going to see the real focus on you put the thing in the system. You put the thing in the system. This is how it works. Put the thing in the system. We'll see a lot of this in the future. But this is for the Magnovox Odyssey. I will, I will say, please take note in this weird spaces commercial, there is an inexplicable recorder solo that just takes over.

It just takes over. Is it Jethro-Tal style? There are lots of breathy gasps. It sounds like a second grader is practicing for a recital in the background. Magnovox presents Odyssey, the electronic game of the future. Odyssey easily attaches to any brand TV black and white or color to create a closed-circuit electronic playground. Odyssey gives you all the exciting action of hockey and, 11 other challenging play and learning games for the entire family.

They're going through all the games. Odyssey, a new dimension for your television. Now at your Magnavox dealer. He's listed in the Yellow Pages. I'm your MagnaVox dealer. What can I get you? Look at the cast of Mary Tyler Moore playing that. Pull up your...

You need some Magnavox's kid. I got a whole bunch of chick under my trench coat. They're not the Yellow Pages. They're not moving this month. Yeah, find your Magnavox. Again, I like just. visiting these ads because it was a different time, like, I will go to my Magnavox dealer. And I think even in like the, we did a podcast about Ultima on the Bard's Tale where it's

like, yeah, you would go through middlemen to get these things because they weren't all in big Vox stores. But is that really so different than getting, you know, retailer-specific DLC these days? Hmm. It's not as big as an investment. Like, you don't have to buy a $200 television. It's just like, you get the game here and you get this thing. That's true.

This ad, though, it's like, despite the recorder solo that happens in the middle, it's like a It's a couple sitting in a dark, like Charlie Rose set almost. I had no clue you put those things on the TV to play it. Like, that geography is just like a ball floats over. They found so many things to do with three orbs that move. It's basically, yeah, like people like shining a flashlight on a TV, different flashlights on a TV. Yeah, and there's no programming to like, if they, if you're not supposed to go through a wall, there's just a door there. You don't have to go through that door.

where you can just fly through that wall because it's just an overlay you stuck to your television. Do you know what kind of rich person you had to be to own a 25-inch television in the 70s? Holy crap, you were like in a mansion. You have better things to do than get an Odyssey. But you're right, Jeremy, in that commercial,

it says it fits any brand TV. They wanted to make sure because I think there was some confusion. But, yeah, the Magnobox Odyssey. But I was wrong about the cartridge inserting. That would be a later feature. Yeah, the Odyssey was built-in games. That's right. Odyssey, too, is when they introduced cards.

You see how they put it on the TV, though. Yeah. And again, it was selling it to a couple. Very briefly. It's just a little flash in it. Yeah, they show the setup almost a little bit. And they also show there's like a tight shot of just the hands on the controllers. Those weird, like it looks like a controller for like an electric blanket or something, the Bank of Box Odyssey. It's very strange.

But the people they're selling it to as a couple. It's just like, well, you're a couple. You want to do fun things in between your disco dancing. You're living in sin. Enjoy this video game in the 70s. Cocaine's getting old. Here's the new hit. Oh, man.

I'd love to go on a wild trip and play Odyssey. Let's talk about another Odyssey ad. It's another multi-generational fun for the whole family ad. It's good for everybody, even Mom. Let's hear about this Odyssey. This is Odyssey, the new electronic game simulator. You attach Odyssey to your television seven seconds to create a closed-circuit electronic playground. Odyssey is tennis.

Roulette. Football and hockey. analogic and geography Odyssey comes complete with 12 electronic games and educational experiences many more are optionally available like a shooting gallery

a prehistoric safari I can't believe they paid Wendy Carlos to compose the sound learning experience for all ages all ages Odyssey it's new from Magnibox I think it's actually the uh...

On a genie. Rick Wakeman. There you go. Yeah, again, um, it's for the whole family, like mom can learn geography, I guess. Dad can shoot at things as very sinister music plays. Yeah, that whole ad. Like, I, as, like, I've seen a lot of, like, second run horror movies on the original, you know, like, the original film stock. And it always turns that pinkish color.

Yeah. And like that with that set. That's exactly the same. Children laughing in the background with these repeated sounds. Yeah, and they're in this dark room. They're only lit by the television set. That's a terrifying commercial. I'm looking at the back of Bob's computer, so it's just a soundscape to me.

And I'm, like, imagining there's someone watching this living room and he's wearing some sort of hockey mask that's covered with blood. It's like the shiny. It looks like the shiny. I do appreciate the... Well, you know, all work and no play. That's what the Odyssey is for. Oh, yeah. It's saving Jack from being a dull boy. It's saving us from chopping our kids up. Crank up the Herb Alpert and get ready for some audits.

And it's the sound of the 70s and just white people hanging around. Off tune synthesizers. Forgetting about belays. My MoG is off key, but that's okay because my soul is groovy. So up next. Sorry, I'm sorry. Last thing, I think that all this talk about the learning stuff in these, it feels like it's them already defending themselves against like, this is going to rot kids' brains. You're going to be like, well, we've got learning.

You can watch this geography ball go across the United States. You can watch a light move around a map, and I guess that's, I don't know how to learn so much. I've never played an Odyssey. I don't know how any of these games function, but they look like the kids, when they're playing this game, it's a picture of a boy and a girl with two squares, and they're moving the squares around the screen and laughing. Like, have they all gone mad? There's an old angry video and LSD in the water. I guess so.

There's an old angry video game nerd video where he goes through the Odyssey's library that's pretty enlightening about it. I got to see how these are played. So up next MagnaVox Odyssey 2, this is a late 70s ad done by Leonard Nimoy. It's not as representational or literal as the past ads have been. In fact, it's basically just like a fun fantasy cartoon where it's like, your brain will make these games seem like they're better, almost. But I'll play it, and then I'll describe a bit about the visuals afterwards. Odyssey, video game fun, computer keyboard challenge.

So it's a man fighting a dragon. The entrance to an alternate world of fire-breathing dragons. Very well done, like, pretty animation. Yeah, this is really bad players. I can't believe Galvatron won't. to play video games. Four than 40 games and all.

This is what he wants to be taken seriously, too. The excitement of a game. The mind of a computer. All for the price of an ordinary video game, Odyssey. So yeah, so it's all like, it's sort of just like, just a cartoon version of what they want you to think this game is.

But in the end of the commercial, a cartridge slides into the machine, and then in the very background distance, you can barely make out how bad the games look. They're trying to trick you. Yeah, it's just like, forget about the thing in the background. But what about that cartoon with a guy fighting a dragon. It's just like the Atari boxes that have this beautiful paintings on them.

Legally, they have to show something of the game and not completely lie to you, but just that much. There's something to the magic of the animated lies of video game commercials. That is magical to me. I mean, I just, I love animation. It's just a cool thing in general. Some of the script there was like very heavily leaning on Nimoy's involvement with Star Trek, that the mind of a computer.

Like, I am positive that I've seen that episode of Star Trek. Well, and also in search of a bit. I'm thinking the ultimate computer. Like, and in search of, he was always explaining things like, I am the voice of mystery. It's, I miss his voice. It's magical. In this ad, though, there are no people. It's a cartoon, 3D cartoon world, but they do show the system.

They do show how it operates. And they do show it working with the TV. Again, like, people needed to know all of these things. Let's move on to another ad So here we go This next ad is an Atari VCS ad or 2600 Whatever you prefer from 1977 They're getting a bit savier in this ad

It does have a narrative It's not just a demonstration And it does show the cartridges Enter the console And I don't know who this act I can't tell based on how bad the quality Of the visual of this ad is But I am almost positive

It's either M. M. M. at Walsh Or Dick Van Patten as this main character But this is the first ad I've seen in video game ads where there is a narrative. There is a character trying to do something and it's built around

selling the consumer something. So let's hear it. It's about a man desperately in need, an old man who wants to play Atari. Attention shoppers. The new Atari cartridge game is in.

Excuse me. Uh-oh. George again. Atari's airsy back. It comes with 27 games, but that's just for starters. You can get nine cartridges, 187 games.

Oh, black jack. I'd like to an adult. Atari. Sorry. Only our demonstrators left. Mine! No, George. Mine.

The new video computer system by Atari. More games. More fun. Even back then, games retailers were dicks. Does George work there? What is George's story? He's wearing a suit. I feel like he must work like in another department.

He's like, I gotta get this thing. But he was eventually broken at the end by that salesperson. But there's a narrative. There's a guy who's into this game and he wants. It's sort of like a tricks rabbit sort of thing. George won't leave him alone. Yeah. This guy's like, I'm just trying to sell this.

sorry to other people, and George just is being a dick. He's over here on nitrogen, just giggling away. He just wants to play it in the store and never buy it. This takes you back to when you could work in a apartment store as a man in his 50s, and it's like, well, that's your job. It's, I wear a suit to this. This is my job, and it pays well. Like, Henry, I'm glad you hit upon that because this actually portrays a very different

retail world and where everyone helping you was not dead-eyed teenagers. It was like almost business people where they were trying to sell you things. It wasn't like, find the bar. you want and then bring it to the 24-year-old. It was probably just like huffed paint in the break room. It was a different age of retail where they wanted to sell you things. They were more hands-on. They probably were getting commissions and stuff like that.

This guy's got a blazer, a tie, and a waistcoat. He's doing it all. Probably like a nice pocket watch too for 40 years. I don't know, Montgomery Ward wherever he is. And so they do have to talk up, though, like, there are games on this machine, but you also buy other games for this machine. They still have to give that instruction to people. Like, you must buy the cartridges as well.

And I guess the joke here, well, this isn't really about it being all ages. I think the joke is that George in this commercial is acting like a kid. Yeah. And that is the humor of it. It's meaning that the, I think they are starting to see the kids are more the market for this than adults at this point. But at the end, they do make it clear like, no, this guy wants it. The guy selling it also wants it. So it's cool for adults as well.

And also that lady. The lady, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, again, not just little boys are playing these things. It's being marketed to families, couples, old people, World War I veterans. Oh, yeah, they even have to have the fine print at the bottom. Like, additional cartridge is available at an extra cost, just to explain that. Yeah, but it does come with 27 games, which is actually one game. With many most?

With 27 variants. Yeah. I don't know what game was that. Was that combat or something? I think, didn't they say Air Sea Battle? I think so, yeah. Okay. So our next ad of the set, our final out of the set, our final out of the show,

the 70s is in television ad it's it's it's we're getting towards the end of the fun for everyone period but we're still deep in it and this one is like again just like with the magnavox it will make your this thing will make your life better it will make your children smarter um it'll it'll make your it'll make your wife more attractive that's one of the things in this ad it's very sexist let's listen to it soon the john guy a family will be using their tv to help compute their federal income tax learn french improve math skills and quarterback and an NFL Here they come to like scrimmage. Introducing in television, the new home video system from the telelectronics.

Two components, each sold separately. Start with the master component. Available now for super games like NFL football. To pass. Go for it, Dad. Caught it. And for learning fun from the electric company. Now this one's a little tougher.

I got it. And when you add the keyboard component available this summer, Intellivision can change your family's life. It simplifies financial planning. Even custom designs a Jack the Lane exercise program for you. Play dryer. There is an entire library of Intellivision programs designed to grow right along with your family's interests. Discover Intellivision.

It can change your family's life. So that ad, it was like your kids will be smarter. It will help you do your taxes. It will, your wife will work out. Finally, your wife will work out because of this. computer it's not that your wife is recast as different actress it's just that she'll work out because a four pixels will jump up and down in a jumping jack this we fit this could be like a tim and eric ad almost the way how it starts out it starts out with the guy like looking down and like

looking up with his eyes this like sinister angle it looks like a jim brooks movie and then it looks like the shiny like it's such a weird and they're they've given up on the beige uh living room set and now it's just a beige empty voice yeah yeah that's true i mean i do like how uh how very uh they're very kind of regressive in terms of their marketing words like the kids will be smarter your husband will do business better and your wife she's going to be banging hot with this television let me tell you it was the 70s the women's live movement only could go so far i guess so but the uh i i do like the lies it tells you but also watching these commercials makes me feel over everyone's look overdressing in all of these.

Yeah. Maybe it's just that I'm used to how casually dressed everyone is in commercials now. That it's just like, no, they're just, if people wear a t-shirt, if they wore more than a t-shirt, I would think they are normal.

Gaming was not like, grab your filthiest t-shirt and some bagel bites and go to town. It was like, put on a nice dress shirt and the slacks your grandma gave you and your loafers. They actually kept a roll of paper towels next to our gaming system so we could wipe the Cheeto dust on the time. That's what the dress. dog is for, Jeremy.

If you like this show, check out the big podcast with Shaq every Monday at Podcasts 1. And he's not just talking sports. From wacky news stories to dumb entertainment rumors, Shaq is there making fun of it all. Check out the big podcast with Shaq at Podcasts. one in Apple Podcasts. Also remember to rate and review. We want pretzel crust.

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Pizza pizza at participating locations plus tax. So our next, so I wanted to have an entire segment on this podcast about celebrity endorsements because they were huge in the 80s for video game systems, and I feel like they're hilarious because of the people they got. And one of the people they got is George Plimpton. If you're wondering what he does, it's hard to say because he did a lot of things. He was sort of everything. He was one of those guys like Gay Talese, like a figure that existed before we were alive and conscious,

who was kind of omnipresent, and now you're like who? He was like a journalist and like a sports writer, and then he became known. And a sports man. And a sportsman, yeah, like, because he would do, like, he would do almost like dares. Yeah, he was like, he was like a jackass. Andy Kaufman. Yeah, yeah, I mean, Andy Kaufman, but Ivy League. And a hot plate.

And a hot plate from the Simpsons episode, yeah. I find it funny that you really can't nail him down because on the, on the episode where he was on, when he leaves a show and he says, and I go back to whatever it is I do. But, yeah, I love hearing him. He's, like, a very tweety, like, bachelory, kind of like, he reminds me, more Simpsons references. He reminds me of Hollis Hull, but from the Lisa the Iconoclass episode, the one about Jebediah Springfield. Very much so, yeah. He's just a fancy pants guy, which he adds us, it was a great casting because, you know, they could have gotten, I don't know, Bert Reynolds or whatever for that same time to be like, I play video games.

But when something is seen is so lowbrow that you get this fancy pants guy in a tweed jacket to say, to speak, to pontificate about Intellivision. And it's very different. Yeah, if we could get like Neil DeGrasse Tyson to talk about, to do a Fortnite commercial, that would be... I think the world has turned against him. It doesn't actually take two weeks to play this video game. You're wrong. Let's hear... So there are like 12 George Plimpton ads for Intellivision, but man, my...

So this is one of the first one. What made me laugh uncontrollably during this is his... The Chiron that appears that I think is also tongue-in-cheek, but I love this word. So he is George Plimpton and the... the descriptor is famous author and gamesman and I want that

on my like business card so let's hear George Plimpton talk about Intellivision for the first time I'll try almost anything so when the Tel Electronics asked me to compare their Intellivision games

with Atari I gave it a try I compared Atari baseball with Intellivision and found Intellivision played much more like real baseball than I compared

Atari football with Intellivision again in television played more like the real game In my opinion, if you try them both, there's only one conclusion you can come to in television from Mattel Electronics. I trust that, man. I played so much virtual baseball, and this is the best. That ad is cut for comedy.

Like, he is cut in the funniest way. I like how he briefly turns his head away from the mic. Yeah. And it's bad audio, but yeah. He is partially a joke, but it also is, like, while they were popular commercials at the time, it's like if they were comparing Ziploc bags to those other worst bags. It was a different time when having someone who was intelligent was something that most people considered admirable and saying here's a smart person who likes this thing was like, wow, maybe it's good as opposed to what does he know that stupid East Coast elite?

We got the situation to play the Wii U and he hates it and we really shouldn't have done this. Listen, Paris Hilton thinks the GameCube works like a purse. Who are we to argue? It's hot. We can't tell her otherwise. No, Plimpton also, his tweetiness and fancy-pansiveness, it's great. He's just like, I think you'll find that it's much better than the Atari. It's very convincing.

It's also, in terms of the structure and what they're doing, it's also one of the first ads or perhaps the first video game ad in which they show you the other companies thing, and they call it out by name and they show you how it's worse. So, like, we'll see a lot of that, especially in the 90s, but George Plimpton is throwing Atari under the bus. he made some enemies there. The television is a 16-bit system as opposed to Atari's 8-bit system, and I think you'll agree that 16 is twice 8. The Atari company didn't give me nearly as much cocaine as the other company. He would call a cocaine.

But the ad opens with the very, it's almost like, I didn't see you there. Yeah, I love that. It's so great. I'll try almost anything. Lovey. Yeah, I'll try almost anything is quite a line to start. I'm DTF. He is, okay, the definitive impression.

of George Plimpton is like a low-key Thurston Howell the Third. I'll try almost anything. So here's Intellivision ad number two. It's George Plimpton. I know my space games. When it comes to space games, nobody compares to Atari. Excuse me. Have you compared them to Intellivision?

Intellivision. Sure, they've got great space games. Like in television space battle. I didn't know. And now there's Space Armada. and the incredible Astro Smash. I didn't know. Here, compare for yourself.

In television space games from Metallronics. Once you compare, you'll know. This commercial is the equivalent of getting up in someone's Twitter mentions and saying, Um, actually...

I love how he was in... Astro Smash. When I'm not on my walking tours of Tuscania, I play lots of space games. Let's not be a little dipshit. I didn't realize all those games were such rip-offs of like, space invaders and asteroids.

They just ripped it off. It's Astrosmash. I love hearing him says, oh, it's on playing some controls. Did we hire him for this? No, he won't go home. We had this kid. Conceptually, I like that commercial. It feels like a response commercial to an Atari one where a kid is in it saying, like,

I like Atari more on 2 TV. But it also sounds like the kid is trying to impersonate Plimpton. He does a little bit of that cadence. Yeah, he's wearing a suit and his glasses, his hair, slick back. The way Plintin shows up and he's like, I'm going to replace this placard to make this TV start playing in television commercials. How do you like that? I also have superpowers. Here's the final one.

There are so many of these. They're all worth looking into, but this is like the culmination of all these ads in which the ad is really about George Plimpton being famous for hockey and television. It's about the kid from E.T. wanting his autograph. And I feel like what we don't see after this ad is this Mark David Chapman moment happens. And he is assassinating. Yeah, the real kicker to this ad, I'm going to spoil it for everyone, is that, like, the kid, I think, expects George Plimpton to know who he is, and Plimpton is like, who are you? He's just like this blank look of like, you don't know who I am? I'm the freaking E.T. kid. Is that like Astro Smite? I killed an E.T. once on Atari. It wasn't nearly as good as space.

I've been like that. I want someone to edit the Kill Bill music in when, uh, yes, the kid was. Like, we're like, right, let's hear this. I love this ad, especially because we'll get to it. Hey, Mr. Intellivision. Plympton. I bet it's great doing all those television commercials. I bet you get to keep all the games. Me and my friends like the Nightstock are the best.

That's a real scary. Here, your friends won't have this new one. Lock and Chase. They won't believe this. Would you autograph it for me? Certainly. What's your name? My name?

And then it ends. Okay, so... Blame, blame, blame. Maybe we should talk about the irony of having the star of E.T. in an ad for Intellivision, considering E.T.'s role in the downfall of Atari. I feel like this was... This is like the double backstab. I think he was cast afterwards, but you're totally right.

Like, yeah. Man, man. It was quite a gift for them. to get that kid in it, that he's, that, Ed, you need to give that preface of it because if you just watch this ad and don't remember what the kid in E.T. was like, that it was, you have to be reminded that everyone knew who that kid was. In 1982, they all knew. Yeah, yeah.

And that George Flipton as well, I know that he, John Hodgman said that one of the reasons he did the Apple ads, even though he thought they might be seen as gauche for a Yale educated intellectual like him. He's like, well, George Plumpton did me, so. Come on, Elliot. Let's give old Howard Scott Warshall the what-for. No, he would just, he'd be, like, living it up when Atari was sinking. He was in Mr. Intellivision.

That ad is cut exactly the same as, like, when... A John Carpenter movie? Well, I was going to say, like, a John Hughes movie when the two love interests, like, have their first... Like, they're at, like, a carnival, and they meet each other, and they're like, hi. I don't think they were playing that for laughs. I think it was played for sincerity. No, I think so. Yeah, I don't think it's on purpose, but that is,

definitely cut the same as if those two are falling in love right now. George Plimpton always carried around a copy of Locke and Chase if he's met any fans. I like George Plimpton's kind of frustration that he's now like, oh, I'm Mr. in television, am I? I've done so much. So up next, we have in our celebrity section, we have a bunch of celebrities for Atari,

Pete Rose, Pele, and Don Nott's. And their appearances are about on the level of, again, a Simpsons reference, just asked this scientist. That's basically they're doing the uh when they cut to these celebrities. Actually, Don Knott's gets the most work out of this, but here is this ad. And there's also some out there with Cloris Leachman. I recommend you look them up because it's about two seconds of Flores Leachman.

No, no, no, sorry. Carol Channing, not Clorice Leachman. They're different old ladies. Okay, Atari. Let's see your best pitch. I quit soccer to play Atari. You need more practice, Haley. You shouldn't quit a job

Can't he's doing here at Atari? The Atari Guys, we need here, Donnott. Oh, sorry. He's behind bars. You can't keep me in here, Atari? The Atari video computer system is 20 cartridges with 1,300 game variations you play on your own TV set. Don't just watch television tonight.

Play it. Yeah, so the celebrity angle, I appreciate it. So George Plimpton is professional. He did an entire ad. You get like a sentence out of Pele before it's time for Pele. to move on. He quit his job? He quit soccer.

To be bad at video games? I think so. It's that his actual daughter, I wonder. I wonder if he was like, we got to get my daughter in this. I didn't read that as his daughter. I thought it was just some, because adults are interacting with strange children in this. That's true. Like children, they don't necessarily know or are related to.

Though Pete Rose, like, he's like, all right, give you your best shot at baseball. Then they go to the baseball game. Like, well, this looks like, shit. Pete Rose should have been playing the gambling game. Yeah, right? he was just swinging a bat he wasn't even touching a controller yeah it's true and yeah all of these

I expected more like oh Don Knotts is in a breakout commercial it's barely He's barely in it's like You know I'm in behind bars story That's the weirdest one of The end of this because it's Okay so it's Pete Rose and he is It is Pete Rose and he's playing baseball

That is Pelee and he says I am Pele and I stop playing soccer So you're supposed to think this is Don Notts not an actor So did John Knott's go to Jail? Maybe. He's pretending to be in jail because he's an actor.

It's the dark end of Barney Fife we never saw coming. I mean, he deserved to get a deal. We've all seen the ghost and Mr. Chicken Miss or Notts. I'm afraid during our arrest. Cinema crimes. So we have two more to play before our break. One, I will say yes, it's Bill Cosby. We know what he did.

It's awful. And he should be in prison and probably die there. But I will say that he was all over commercials in the 80s. Codec film, Jello. Um, what else? Coke. Like, and in those commercials, when we played a few on Talking Simpsons, he's, he's, he's cosbying it up. He's doing all the Cosby stuff. He's doing the full-on Cosby voice. In this ad for a Texas Instruments, uh, computer, he is very playing it straight.

It's Plympton. He's very Plimpton. He's wearing, Bill Plimpton. He really is. He's wearing, he's wearing a tides, wearing glasses. He mugs like, he, he, like, he, he, like, is a 20% Cosby mug. Uh, so let's hear him, let's hear him shock for Texas instruments, which I'm sure they're very proud of this now. Looking for a powerful home computer? This is the one, Texas Instruments, home computer. With 16K memory, it can take you a long way. Want a computer with a lot of software?

Oh, yeah, this is the one. The T.I. Home computer gives you more of these software cartridges than any computer in the world. The whole world. So, with all the power you have here to run all the power here, this is the one. The home computer from Texas Instruments. This is the one. All right. I get it. Yeah, I feel like this is like Dr. Huxstable on this, not Bill Cosby.

I think that's what they were going for here. Yeah, a little too serious. But I guess Texas Instruments is serious machines for businessmen. They needed to get serious. They were in serious trouble. Giving all that money to Cosby, yeah. No, I mean, Commodore was eating their lunch by underpricing them. And, yeah, there were just a lot of problems.

So this was kind of like their Hail Mary pass, which, you know, you could do a lot worse than hiring Bill Cosby in 1982. I guess this is a pre-Cosby show then, so... Oh, yeah, yeah, this was early 80s. But they put on his glasses to be, you know, extra grown-up in the last one. Are they still around, Texas Insurance? Yeah, they still make calculators. That's true.

Okay, I was just curious. Our last one is Mickey Mantle for Intellivisions Play Cable, something I had no idea this existed until I did research. Apparently, it was a Sega channel slash Game Tap-style cable service that brought Intellivision games into your home. It's crazy, right? It's so weird they could do that back then, but I guess the game sizes were so small.

It was very easy to do. But Mickey Mantle is a baseballer, of course. I only am familiar with him through his rookie card, which is the most famous card ever, apparently. He married someone famous, I think. Marilyn Monroe? Oh, man. Does he flipping the bird on it?

No, that's another guy. But here is him for Intellivisions Play Cable. Okay, kid, you want to play the real thing? Pick a game. Any game. Every month on play cable, you get 20 great television games without cartridges, over $500 worth, all on cable,

and you can play any game you want, any time you want, 24 hours a day. You just push a button and batter up. Space Battle, I wanted to play baseball. Later, Mr. Mantle, later. Make one call, and you'll play them all without cartridges. Why wait? Yeah, again, Henry, it's like,

they're just hanging out with these adults that... Mr. Mantle? Not Grandpa Mantle? So this is just some kid that he knows. Get out of my house. But it's still so formal that he calls him Mr. Mantle. I guess so. The relationships in these commercials are strange.

Well, that kid should tell him, like, you haven't played baseball in 20 years. Like, you're not famous to me. You're not. I talk like Hank Hill, sir. Yeah, that's true. But it's just like, at the end, it's like, oh, by the way, I played baseball once. It's like, we know, we know. To my parents' generation, few people are more famous than Mickey Mantle.

Like, he was a huge deal. I remember my parents were, like, for real sad when he, died in the 90s. And I was just like, who's this guy again? Who's going to take up the Mickey Mantle now that he's dead? On that note, we'll be back after a break with the 1980s. Your yard takes a real beating from the constant wear and tear and overcrowding of weeds leading to weak, thin grass. Achieve the lawn of your dreams by starting the Scotts turf builder program.

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I'm Ed Donahue with an AP News Minute. President Trump was asked at the White House if special counsel Robert Mueller's Russia investigation report should be released next week when he will be out of town. I guess from what I understand, that will be totally up to the Attorney General. Maine, Susan Collins, says she would vote for a congressional resolution disapproving of President Trump's emergency declaration to build a border wall, becoming the first Republican senator to publicly back it.

In New York, the wounded supervisor of a police detective killed by friendly fire was among the mourners, his funeral. Detective Brian Simonson was killed as officer started shooting at a robbery suspect last week. Commissioner James O'Neill was among the speakers today at Simonson's funeral. It's a tremendous way to bear, knowing that your choices will directly affect the lives of others. The cops like Brian don't shy away from it. It's the very foundation of who they are and what they do. The robbery suspect in a man, police say acted as his lookout, have been charged with murder. I'm Ed Donahue.