Review Revue - Anthropologie

Episode Date: July 21, 2020

Reilly and Geoff discuss hippie-chic clothing, big band music, and the duality of woman. Be sure to follow the show's subreddit at r/ReviewRevue for all your Review Revue meme content!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. I think we were sharp on that one.

I don't, I couldn't hear it. I thought I was flat. I thought I was flat. Oh. You might've been sharp. I couldn't hear it. I thought I was flat. I thought I was flat. Oh. You might have been sharp. I didn't know that. Ah, fuck, man. If you're sharp and I'm flat, it's going to sound absolutely horrible. It's going to sound perfect because we'll cancel each other out.

Isn't that the devil's triad when it's one note and then like sharp and flat too or no? That's not correct. That's a fork. This? I'm holding justad middle three fingers so jeffrey it's a new dawn it's a new day it's a new week for we and we're feeling here Where did you find this wedding band? I don't know. It was very highly rated, but they're singing it and they're playing it beautifully, but they're using the wrong lyrics.

Fish in the sea, you know how we are. What? River running on, you know how we are. Running on? Like a run-on sentence? What are they singing about? Breeze drifting on in. You know how we are.

It's a new day. They're stuck on that we are thing. It's a new day. It's a new week. Week. For a week. For we. And we're feeling here. They're so good at getting the most cacophonous sounds.

And it fits phonetically. They're getting it on each beat. I'm gonna cry. It's a new dawn. It's a gonna cry. It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new week. It's a new week. For we.

I'm sure Turbulent Moose on the subreddit is gonna turn that in. Turbulent Moose has been killing it on the subreddit Well now everybody thinks he hosts the show And how is that fair to you? Well no Because they know that I'm the co-host They think he hosts it with me No

Because that would mean that it's negative to me In a way It is He made a video that made us really really Emo Because he had insomnia Or something It is. What? He made a video that made us really, really emo. Because he had insomnia or something. And made a video about, like, a promo, like, a review, review, promo video. And it was, like, a super cut of, like, all these different characters that Jeff and I have done at HeadGum.

And it, like, I'm like, wow. One, I'm like, wow, look at all, there was, oh oh my god, that video was so fun, that video was so fun. But then there were moments that I'm like, god, this wasn't that long ago, I look like a child. It was emotional. I love the idea of making something that obviously took a lot of time and then trying to play it off

as not weird because I had insomnia. Mr. Hanks. I never do this. But I just, Mr. Hanks, I never do this. I never do this, but I made you this painting. Yeah. It's of you and the whole family.

There's Chet. There's Rita. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is, this must've taken days. Yeah. This was about four weeks,

but I couldn't sleep, you know? So, so you just did this because you couldn't. So, you know what? Sorry, honey, go to the car.

Give me a couple minutes. Go to the car. Like you said, this guy might be a danger. Love that. Lock the car. You'll never feel worse about yourself than if somebody tells their significant other to go to the car? Go wait in the car. I'm not dangerous. What is this? You don't have to go wait in the car. You don't have to wait in the car. Rita, you don't have to wait in the car. Rita, Rita, go to the

car. You spent four weeks making this. I haven't slept since June. And then what I did with the extra time was I sort of made this painting of you and the whole family. I'm going to the car. Are you kidding me? Are you not going to the whole family. I'm going to the car. Are you kidding me? Are you not going to take the painting? I'm going to the car. No, you clearly spent a lot of time on it. I think you should reap the benefits of that. I'm going to the car.

It was so nice to meet you. It's so nice to meet a fan. Thank you so much. I also wrote a song. Lovely Rita, Tom Hanks' wife. Nothing could come between them. If I approach Tom in a parking lot. We are driving

away. Of course! Waving bye. That's it. Go wait in the car. So here we are. We're just like hanging out. We're just hanging out. We are just hanging out. We're banking Epps. We're banking Epps because you're going on a road trip.

I'm going on a road trip. So you remember when I sang It's a New Dawn, It's a new day, and it's a new week? Yeah, it has only been 20 minutes. It's actually, it's been, yeah, so it's not a new week. It's a new week for everyone listening. When I'm listening to this, it'll be a new week. But right now it's not a new week for we, and we're feeling here. We're feeling here right now because it's still Thursday, July 16th.

We're feeling here. That's, I do have an issue with that lyric. Shouldn't it be like- Why? Because it's not... What does that mean? Have you ever felt... Well, I mean, it's just like, yeah.

We're feeling here. No, you sound great. It's the lyric. That bums me. We're feeling here. So. So. Anyway, what are we talking about today?

Anthropology. Anthropology. This is my about today? Anthropology. Anthropology. This is my favorite store, Anthropology. What? What? It's your favorite store? I got everything in this closet from Anthropology. For real?

No, but at least it sounds good. Like, if I say something I wrote was based on a true story, that sounds kind of compelling. It doesn't have to be true for it to have that effect on you. So you think that you saying all of your wardrobe comes from anthropology is compelling? Okay, well, when you say it like that, of course it sounds awesome. But what I'm trying to understand is, like, how does what I say affect others on their ears? You know what I mean? So, like, if I say, like, let me, I'm going to say you something and then you tell me what effect it has on you.

You're going to say me something? I'm going to say something to you. You're going to say me something? Okay, say me something. All right. I just got back from a camping trip and we like hiked and we bungee jumped. It was a lot of action packed things and I took photos of it. Oh my God, you bungee jumped?

See? That's crazy. And I didn't do that. But your reaction is like, oh, you looked at me in a different way. You thought that I was photos of it. Oh my god, you bungee jumped? See? That's crazy. And I didn't do that, but your reaction is like, oh, you looked at me in a different way. You thought that I was kind of extreme. So, Jeff loves to do this thing where he will tell us that he is moving to a certain place

when he's not actually moving to that place, or gonna do something that he's not actually gonna do just to get just to get a response he had and i do love to put you on blast like this he had a bit a couple weeks ago where he texted like a couple of our friends separately and he had this whole thing jeff fate jeff loves to move. We know this. And Jeff literally texted me, amongst others, being like, hey, so you know how I'm moving?

I'm like, yeah. He's like, well, I'm actually moving to South Pasadena. And so for those of you who don't know where we are now, it's a good drive away. It's not that far. No, but it's inconvenient enough to where it is far. Because it's right by Hollywood Park. It is, but it's far away enough of possibility that I could live there. Because it's right by a highway. It is, but, like, but it's far away enough where it's, like, it's out of the way. Yeah.

And so Jeff's like, I'm moving there. And, like, we found this great spot. And, like, will you still visit? Will you still come over? And I remember being like, yeah, I mean, you know, I probably won't, like, pop by anymore. Like, we live close enough where I can, like, pop by. But, you know, I'll go over if it's, like, if I know I be there for the whole day or if it's gonna be like i'll be there for like a long part of the night or something like that and jeff's like that's cool i'm not actually moving

to south pasadena well you i told right away but there are some people i didn't tell so my roommate elizabeth valente she like even a couple days ago was like out of the blue one morning was just like wait so is jeff moving to south pasadena and i'm like no he is not she goes okay so he told me he is i'm like that's not true he's not doing it was a false it was a falsehood but for a few weeks there she thought that i was at least had the balls to be somewhere kind of off the beaten path she didn't think you had the balls to do it she thought why the hell hell is Jeff moving to South Pasadena? That's stupid. Well, it's not central.

It's not easy to get to meetings. Exactly. It's hard. So we didn't think you were like a big man for that. No, but you did because I also told Annie, Zoruba Walker, and she was like, I'm never going to see you again. And I was like, I'm kind of a lone wolf in that regard.

And then in terms of getting to the office or getting to the studio to record, 35 minute commute right um it's a good story my point is like i say things to have a certain effect and it doesn't matter if they're true that's lying no okay we're here to talk about anthropology the store you're talking to two-time emmy nominated jeffrey james my God. Jeff, do you have any experience with anthropology? My sister, Sarah, would shop at anthropology in high school occasionally. And there was this candle that she would often burn. Oh, they have good candles there.

What's that? They have good candles. They do. And so anytime you walk into anthropology, it just smells like my sister's high school bedroom. That's so specific. Correct. And that's what other people say. They're like, this smells like Jeff's sister's high school bedroom.

What? Who's Jeff? And how would you know that? But yeah, I mean, it's all like fake bohemian things that cost hundreds of hundreds of dollars it's so expensive but this was before the days of etsy so anyways that was our show um are you kidding me because when you end on that then it's a stupid when i was in high school i had an english teacher who basically it's like her everything she wore i don't know if she got it at anthropology i think some stuff she did but like everything she had was anthropology and vice versa anthropology was her i mean like some

stuff she might not have gotten there but any case the vibe was anthropology the whole thing like i walked in and like oh this is miss isaac this is where i'm at um and i think sometimes i would go into an anthropology being like is this i'm gonna try and make this my thing i'm gonna try and like this is the girl i want to be but there's i would never find anything that i actually liked um and except for like maybe a candle and there's like a pair of earrings that i still wear that i got from anthropology but other than that like it's all just a little, it's all just a little too over the top for me. Okay.

Meaning like ruffles or what? Too much. Yeah. Like a lot of ruffles, a lot of like, it just a lot. It's just not even sheer, like shimmery,

even shimmery and ruffles. And like, yeah, exactly. I know, dude. Um, so just a lot of stuff that i just

it was a it's a lot it's a lot i guess and it's we should explain what anthropology is for people who don't know it's like it's it's parent company is urban outfitters i learned and it's like an adult makes sense oh he faux bohemian chic clothing and furniture store. Is that fair to say? Yes. That's absolutely what it is. So you're better off just buying like locally made stuff if you want that. But it's right.

And so now we're here to talk about it. You were broken for a second. I broke for a minute. So Jeff, why don't, you know what? Hey, Jeffrey, come here. What? Stand up and listen. I'm not going to stand, but I'm listening.

Stand up. Fine. Jesus. What? Okay. Thank you. He literally is. He's literally standing.

What? Jeff, I'll let you go first. Thanks, I guess. Okay. You can sit down. Why do I follow your orders? I have no idea. All right, I'll go first.

But first, a word from not only our sponsors, but from, I guess, just, yeah, from our sponsors. Well, who else would it be from? Fucking Claire. Can I be honest? Sometimes it feels like Claire cares more about us than Marty does. Claire Claire's more about us than Marty does. Claire Claire's more about us than Marty. Let's go to the end.

And we're back with a four star review and spot. Guess who's back? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Suzanne R. Suzanne R. Suzanne R. Suzanne really, really, really, really wants a blizzard from DQ.

Her name is Suzanne really, really, really, really wants a blizzard from DQ. Yeah, you can't name yourself this. You came in here. Try to file a legal name change application. Can you just do me a solid and change it? Why do you think really, really, really, really, really wants a Blizzard from DQ is better? Because you realize this will never

fit on a form. This doesn't even fit on the name chase form. Because I really, really, really, really, really want a Blizzard from DQ. That's just how you're feeling in this moment. Why don't you come up with a last name that fits you? Or just keep Quarkskull, because as bad as that is, it's better than what you just proposed.

I come in the next day, so listen man, I thought about what you said, and I still really, really, really, really, really want a Blizzard from DQ. Alright, I can't believe this. I've never, I mean, I'm the one who filed the name change from Ron Artest to MetaWorldPeace, and at that point, that was the worst name I've ever heard.

This is worse. Because your first name, by the way, your first name, and I'm not, I know you're not trying to change this, so I'm not trying to make fun of it. I'm just trying to point out that it doesn't go with the last name that you just said. Your first name is Racer. Racer really, really, really, really, really wants a lizard from DQ. I stamp it. All right, take it to the window over there I go to the window of a Dairy Queen wrong window wrong window

alright four stars from Suzanne really really really really wants a Blizzard from DQ four stars from 2009 of anthropology in the meatpacking district of New York. Okay.

Manhattan, as it were. I would love a Manhattan right now. Anyway. I have two personas. Daytime Nancy and nighttime Nancy. These correspond proportionately to my outfits as well. Let's back up and introduce these identities. Daytime Nancy is responsible.

Acts like a 30-something adult career professional that she is. Pays her bills on time. Feeds her cats. Goes to the gym and volunteers. No. Nighttime Nancy? No, dude. I think you've all met her.

Or can get a quick briefing by reading a number of her reviews. Especially those of alcohol-serving establishments. Oh, my God. Daytime Nancy is happy when she's draped in clothes from Anthropologie, where the quality and fit are a little more upscale than your average chain. The sweaters here are soft, as a baby blanket, and stylish but classic. They have great sales, too, especially in the off-seasons, and creative window blanket and stylish but classic. They have great sales too, especially in the off seasons and creative window displays and trinkets. I always feel happy

when I'm coming here. It's almost 6 and Daytime Nancy is signing off. She is Jekyll and Hyde. Oh my god. That might be my new favorite review we've ever had. Oh my god. That might be my new favorite review we've ever had. Oh my god.

It can't be real. Also, the person who left the review is Suzanne. Who the fuck is Nancy? Or is she sharing an account? Or do people call her Nancy? Is Nancy a short for Suzanne? I don't think it is. My name is Suzanne, but my friends call me Nancy.

What? Nancy. call me Nancy. What? Nancy. Oh, Nancy, you have been such a help at the Soup Kitchen today. I mean, like I know on a Saturday for you to come in, it's just been like we've had the most incredible time with you. You really are such a giver. Oh, it's you know what it is. It's we need to give back to our community. And, you know, it's it it brings me joy.

It brings me joy to see the smiles on everybody's faces. I've come to really love these little buggers, you know.'s it it brings me joy it brings me joy to see the the the smiles on everybody's faces i've come to really love these little buggers you know i oh my god you are so kind the kids i know the kids really appreciate it and you know what i i hate to do this on such short notice because i know it's um it's it's uh 5 45 right now but um what our 6 p.m volunteer um she actually had the stomach flu so she can't come in would you mind doing the dinner service as well tonight i know it's a lot to ask um but it would we would really really appreciate it if you could stay i knew this day would come i knew this day would come um i'm so sorry i can't i can't work at the soup kitchen anymore i'm gonna have to work at it

what um you are you're our best volunteer. I appreciate that. If I stay past another 14 minutes, now it's 13, you and everyone in this kitchen is going to see a different side of me. Nancy, we know you as this bright, bubbly, fit, fun, career

driven anthropology wearing gal. And that is half of me. That's who you are. That is half of me. I have to go. No, Nancy. Nancy. You actually, um... The Clock Strike 6. Oh! It's a prisoner of

Azkaban, like, transformation into a wolf creature. Oh my god! And then back into just what she looked like before, but she's wearing all black. Skin tight, skinny jeans. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? Welcome to nighttime, Nancy fuckers.

Nancy, what's happening? Everything you knew about me is the inverse. So I'm not a career oriented woman anymore. In fact, I couldn't care less if I lose my job. Watch this. Hey, boss. Yeah, what's up, Nancy? Is this Peter? I lose my job. Watch this. Hey, boss. Yeah, what's up, Nancy? Is this Peter?

Yeah. I quit. Want to know why? I would really love to know why. You're our number one stock trader. Because I can't work for somebody I don't respect. Hangs up the phone. See that?

Oh, my. Nancy. What else did you say? You said I was fit? You tell me you go to the gym every morning and after you take care of your cats. Takes a whole bowl of soup. Commercial that. It all goes down. Unbuckle her jeans.

A huge pot belly comes out. Look at me now! Those are for the people we serve in our community. That's not for you, Nancy. You know, I said I fed my cats. Yeah. Not anymore. Mittens and trike. Not anymore. Mittens and trike. Not anymore.

I named them when I was nighttime Nancy. That's why their names are all weird. That makes sense. Did you name Mittens when you were daytime Nancy and trike after six? Correct. Got it. See this? This is an unpaid bill, buddy.

A water bill I haven't paid. And that's nighttime Nancy. This is a receipt for paying my gas bill. And that was daytime, Nancy. Are you starting to get the picture? Nancy, what happened to you? What happens at six? Why do you turn into this monster?

When I was in college, I was a straight-A student, but also I kind of partied. I really did. That's normal. We all did. I really did. Yeah's normal. We all did. I really did. Yeah, we all did. Usually you're either a partier in a burnout or a straight-A student, and you become a tech guru.

Sorry. So either you burn out or you become huge in the tech world. Exactly. Okay. And where did you fall? I figured out a way to do both. That's right. As long as I, from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., am goody two-shoes, daytime Nancy, the one that everybody likes, Mitten's mother. And you are tiptoeing. And I am tiptoeing around the soup kitchen.

Then I can be a degenerate from nightfall to sunrise every day and morn i hit the clerbs every day and night only night i misspoke i don't volunteer at night mostly because the soup kitchens are closed but also because i have to kind of box up my personalities in every which way look at my stomach well yeah. Yeah, it's huge. It's like, no, but it's like the rest of your body is so thin. Uh-huh. And this is like, you could fit a monster truck in there.

I've trained my brain and my body, my entire immune system. Whenever I eat anything junk food, it's after 6pm, obviously. It goes straight to my gullet. And from 6am to 6pm, I'm sucking in. I'm fucking, I'm fit. I'm Nancy

who goes to the gym. Now do you see why I can't work at the soup kitchen anymore? Because now you and all the people who come here through broth know the real me and you'll never accept me nancy don't say that nancy look at me i don't care what you do after six i don't care if you name your cat trike i don't care that you somehow trained your body to like warp itself in and out, depending on what time of day it is.

I don't care that you have three glasses of white wine around eight. You are the best volunteer we got. And you know what? We're all flawed. All right. We're all complex. Right. What's your flaw?

Being perfect? No, come on. I'm not perfect i did start the soup kitchen and give all of my money into that and made sure that this meat packing district had the best um community care possible but my flaw is that i still drink cow milk when i know i shouldn't you're just saying i no i'm not watch i grab a gallon of milk from the fridge. Whole. I start chugging it.

You finish the whole jug. See, Nancy? We all have our own little quirks at night. We're all kind of like gremlins in that way, huh? Yeah, I guess you and I are. But what about Josh? Whip Panda Josh? I'm not perfect either, Nancy.

I mean, I haven't seen my son in four years. But here I am, volunteering when I could be spending time with the little tyke. So, there's complexity there. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. We all like to let loose. We all like to...

Yeah, Josh, I think, yeah. Okay. It, okay. We all like to let loose. We all like to... Yeah, Josh, I think, yeah. Okay. It's okay. You just start laying out the forks, Josh. That'd be really helpful. Forks for a soup kitchen? Okay. Well, it's for the side salad.

Sorry. You knew that. I know. Anyway, if you need to leave... What are you talking about? I wasn't listening. Sorry. I was mesmerized by the fact that you just downed a whole gallon of whole milk.

Nancy, all I'm saying is we all have multiple sides to us. And if nighttime Nancy is, you know, just as much fun as daytime Nancy is, I think we're going to get along just fine. No deal. What? I have my partying friends. I can't bring you into the fold oh so you're leaving then um yeah i mean as long right because there's because we can all be like good and bad and

that's fine we can all be good and bad that being said with your behavior i don't think you should come back to the soup kitchen anymore josh walks up hey guys so my son he's been texting me i guess his mom gave her like mom gave him a phone. Should I respond? I shouldn't, right? Go see your son! Go see your son! Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Go see your son! He's like nine. That means he has thoughts. I don't know how to respond. Look at this. This one says, Hey dad, I know you're pretty busy usually,

but mom's new boyfriend, Darren, gave me tickets to the Mets game and he said it's okay if I invite you. Like, what am I supposed to say to that? You're supposed to accept it. Josh, go to the fucking game. Sorry to curse. Go to the game. All right.

Yeah. I want to do it. I'm going to. Okay. Fuck. I'm going to text him back. Right? Of course.

Text him back. Nancy, go drinking. I don't know. Josh, do you want to come? Drinking? Oh, that's, yeah. Fuck my I'm going to text him back, right? Of course. Text him back. Nancy, go drinking. I don't know. Josh, do you want to come? Drinking? Oh, that's, yeah. Fuck my son, right? You can volunteer.

Oh, funny. And be a career woman and go to a bar. You can volunteer on the day with a plate of rice and beans with a little cilantro on the side. We're in New York. We're at a bar. We see Nancy. Ooh, is it Nancy from the daytime? No, it's not.

It's Nancy from the night. And she's looking right. And she's looking tight. But not tight in like a creepy way. More like, ooh, she goes to the gym every day. Because you see her at Equinox, see her at Equinox, see her at Equinox. All right, cut. Look, man.

What's up? You're a very powerful record executive's son. So obviously I got put on this job. I just think we should... I mean, you laid out what your vision is for the tour but it doesn't matter whose dad who's whose son you are you're not going to fill those stadiums unless you put out a good product i think we can at least agree on that so i'm going to rework the lyrics here take a look at this pass it's instead of saying okay like kind of stream of consciousness as it seemed before,

just a nice little hook. Just like, tonight's the night. We're going to do it right. All right? Let's take it. Okay. Yeah, all right. Tonight's the night.

We're going to do it right. No, sing it like you were singing before. I was just like, what am I supposed to do with this? There's no feeling. There's no soul. There's no story in this. You had too much story. That's the problem.

You'd have too much story before. It's like details that do not need to be in the song. Can we meet at a halfway point with this? What's the halfway point between what you did and what I provided you with? Can I just kind of spit a few bars? You want to freestyle? Yeah. This studio costs $1,000 an hour and you want to freestyle?

Hit record. We're going to record on this. Tonight's the night and we're feeling right. Yeah, tonight's the night and we're feeling right. Nancy went on the D train to some part of the city. I don't know where the trains go. I'm a rich man's son. So I take a town car and I meet her at my bar of choice.

I don't let her choose. I don't let her choose because I know she'll choose some place in the village and I don't want to go there. I want to go to somewhere on Madison Avenue because I saw her at an equinox. Saw her at an equinox. Saw her at an equinox. Cut. Cut. Why do you

insist on keeping the saw her at an equinox almost borderline screamo bar and also you don't want to cut you're looking down upon greenwich village which a holds a very special place in music history all right i came up with joni mitchell back in the 60s over there and now it is a luxury part of town you're you said You admit to being a little rich boy's son, or a rich man's son, and you want to avoid Greenwich Village? It's so expensive to be there. Madison Avenue is what's cool.

No, it's not. Brooklyn is cool. Queens is cool. I know what's what. I'm Rick Rubin's son. So like I kind of have a whole lockdown funky up on the whole industry. What? I'm not doing another take.

That was it. We're going to put it out. Fine. Cut to staple seven. They love it. Better run an Equinox. Better run an Equinox. Not going to choose. Not going to choose. Not going to choose.

The guy looks up to a box where he knows the producer is. Folds his arms. Told you so. Everyone's still going, Star at an Equinox. You got me, man. I couldn't have expected this. You got me there.

No one could have expected this. His dad says that. This is a review for the Anthropologie on Newbury Street in Boston. So when I was at BU, this is the one that I would kind of like walk into to think I was maybe going to get something and leave with nothing. Of course. So this is from, it's a five star review. Holy shit. From August of 2014. Okay. From Melissa P. Melissa P. S. Holy shit. From August of 2014.

Okay. From Melissa P. Melissa P. Esenior. From Melissa P. Esenior. So not the one you're thinking. That's Melissa P. Esenior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not.

This person hasn't even seen SNL. Okay. This is from Melissa Piazsignore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not... This person hasn't even seen SNL. Okay. This is from Melissa Piazsignore. Oh, my God. Five stars. Cute vintage dresses? Check. Hair accessories to twirl my locks in?

Check. A comfy couch for the boyfriend? Check, check. I love this place for their superior collection of modern and vintage styles, but also because I need another eye to tell me what looks good and what looks great on. The fashion forward ladies at Anthro have a keen sense of choosing outfits that look good on just about every body type. And they're honest when it doesn't look right too. My wardrobe and plenty of compliments from the boyfriend and coworkers are to thank. Cheers to these fashionistas.

So that's the review cut to what actually happened. She comes out of the dressing room. The workers on her phone barely pay attention. So what do you think? I don't think that's your color. It's also a little tight in the wrong places. Okay. Okay, girlfriend. Thank you so much for being honest with me. I will go. So, what do you think? I don't think that's your color. And it's also a little tight in the wrong places. Okay. Okay, girlfriend.

Thank you so much for being honest with me. I will go. You know what? I'm going to go try the green on instead of this blue. Okay? I'll be right back. The fit's not going to change, just the color, but that's fine. Oh, my God.

You are so cheeky. You're just like a cheeky girl. Okay. I'll be right back. I come out. It's the same fit, different color. So, Trish, what do you think i mean usually our uh pieces are true to size but for you i would maybe recommend going a size up

from what you're wearing okay the color also totally and thank you for your honesty um and andy andy babe babe what do you think sorry honey i'm on a call i'm on a conference call listen what do you what do you think what you think? What do you think of the dress? You look great. You look fine. Just maybe talk a little less. I'm on a big business call. Daddy's on a big business call.

Yeah, sell. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He loves it. Oh, my God. This is so exciting. Okay, okay. I'll take it. I'll take it.

I go into work. I'm wearing the dress. We're at a random water cooler. Ladies, sorry not to brag, but uh? Uh? notice anything different sorry i got an anthro yeah lisa was just talking about her husband might be deported because um trump just got rid of daca i'm so sorry lisa no i mean i'm so sorry lisa what i'm so sorry lisa thank you um no, we're working with an immigration lawyer

and, um, trying to rush the wedding. We're probably not going to have the wedding that we wanted, but, uh, it'll at least be able to get a green card or at least get the, sorry, what can you not move like that? You're like, your dress is hitting the shins a little bit. Oh my God. Are you saying that it like actually has like it has good movement to it because that's what they said at anthro sorry the dress apology they said they yeah is that what you're saying that it's like oh i can twirl from over here but it still like hits you in the leg over there because it moves well yeah i don't know i guess it moves well oh my god yeah no i'm so sorry that's actually that's exactly what my my. Um, as well as Trish, the wonderful fashionista who styled me. Um, cut to home that night. You put your key into the apartment door, you open it, your boyfriend's on the couch. You bought from anthropology with another woman. Oh, um, honey, it's not, it's not what it looks like. I mean, she means nothing to me. She's just my secretary at my big business job.

I can't even believe what I'm seeing right now. I know. You must be feeling so many different emotions. It's just, we haven't been having sex a lot. I mean, you have to admit that we haven't, you haven't touched me in like eight months. Are you, are you two enjoying yourselves right now? What do you mean? Were you, did yourselves right now? What do you mean? Did you feel comfortable?

Did you feel supported right now? Honestly, honey, I haven't been feeling supported for the past couple of months. I mean, you know how stressful it was. You're saying you feel supported now, right now, tonight? Are you talking about emotionally? I'm just saying, like, how did the couch feel? Are you fucking about emotionally? I'm just saying, like, how did the couch feel? Are you fucking kidding me? Like, Trish at Anthropologie said that it had, like, a good bounce without, like, kind of enveloping you too deeply.

So it's like you'd still be able to, like, sit up when you wanted to enough to be like, ugh. You know what? I'm going to go sit and stay at my brother's place. They're putting their clothes back on. Wait. No, no, don't leave. I need to hear what you thought. The couch was deep.

How deep? It's like 25 inches interior seat depth, I think. Okay. It to hear what you thought. The couch was deep. How deep? It's like 25 inches interior seat depth, I think. Okay. It's a little bit more than I would have liked, but. She smiles. It seems like you had fun. Oh my God, you maniac. He leaves.

Cut to you writing the review. So all that to say, my wardrobe and plenty of compliments from the boyfriend and coworkers are to thank. Cheers to these fashionistas. A single tear trails down her cheek. Sen. Five stars. Dystopian. Unhinged.

I'm chugging Jose Cuervo. P.S. and your. P.S. and yore. P.S. and yore. Should we go to our last segment? We shall. This shook me all week long. I had a root beer float for the first time in over a decade. Oh my God.

What was that like? It's like, it's nostalgia in a glass. It's being at yours truly diner in Sugar and Falls, Ohio, slurping down that sarsaparilla cream. Don't ever say that imagine roots distilled not really though because it's not alcoholic into a cola in a way basically there's co2 injected into a root juice and then you mix in some sugar lactation from a cow so basically it's sugar lactation from a cow. So basically it's like a big- Sugar lactation's my new band. Sugar lactation.

Yeah. Sugar lactation, blossoms blooming, put my mouth around a glass. That glass held sarsaparilla, and then there's cream. And then there's cream is actually our first single. That sounds wonderful. Did you make it at home? There's a little bit of a I did was I had a glass full of I had like a split personality disorder.

Right, so that's not what I asked. I asked if you made a movie of your foot at home. I put the float together in a way in my family's kitchen, yeah. And then also I kind of like was unhinged for a weekend and wouldn't answer any of my family members' questions straight or in a language that they understood. Okay.

You were speaking in tongues and you were in a man's. Portuguese and, yeah, tongues. Demonic tongues, basically. I was saying Latin phrases backwards. And the root beer was, it was Sprezzers. It was either Sprezzers or Boylins. It might have been A&W. And then I basically summoned, I mean, for lack of a better term, Lucifer himself.

Okay. And he came into the cream, basically. So he was the ice cream. Okay. I transported the serpent into, I mean, honestly, and I'm just going to be honest here, it was a Barks. I lied about it being A&W. So the devil himself was in Barks, and I drank him down. So he's in here somewhere, or I might have passed him.

What shook you? Met her at an equinox. Met her at an equinox. Oh, he's shaking again. There he is. There he is. Lucifer loved the song. There's the little bugger.

So Elizabeth, she got some groceries delivered the other day. And Elizabeth, and, like, she'll be the first to admit this, has the palate of, like, a nine-year-old picky eater boy. Oh, yeah. She eats, like, sugar cereals and pasta all the time. Not even sugar cereals. Like, she'll eat, like, eggs and toast in the morning. She, like, her lunch and dinner. Her lunch is a nice healthy sandwich with a side salad and then for

dinner she'll do like a grilled fish and like some veggies um she talked about the palate of a five year old she like eats plain pasta with butter and salt all the time um and so she recently she got a grocery groceries delivered and um it's stuff that like i haven't thought to order in so long but now that she has i'm like oh can i have one like she got chicken fries like she got chicken fries i'm like some some brand like frozen chicken fries tater tots and she also picked up that we're gonna make tonight that i'm really excited about that i haven't had in so long because i've been making cookies like i love making cookies from scratch but she picked up the betty crocker like chocolate chip cookie mix like bag do you know what i'm talking about yes like i haven't had that and i couldn't tell you how long and we're gonna make it tonight and

i am so excited about it that shit was my childhood i I, yeah. The other thing that I was going to say that has kind of shaken me was like, I ordered some alcohol delivery yesterday. Why are you saying it so timidly? Like, I'm your dad and I'm going to catch you for it. No, just because, I don't know. Anyway, I ordered alcohol delivery yesterday. Oh, that's cool. Like an adult. Yeah.

So there it is. And so the guy came to the gate outside my house and he's just like he's like hey i have an order for riley it was like a bag of like two bottles of wine and like a bottle of bourbon and um i think a club soda and so i'm just like oh okay if you leave it i keep adding to it it was just like two bottles of wine and like a bottle of bourbon and like a handle of vodka anyway so he came in the bag there was also there was also a couple oranges um and my whole grocery order there's some takiki i bag there was also in the bag there was also a couple oranges and my whole grocery order there's some tiki i think there were two tiki's there was a light

and dark a little bit of yummy rummy um and there was um and there's a little jammy rammy there's a little bit of a gin gin make you sin. What's that? Gin. Sorry. Anyway. Anyway, so he was standing up. Testifying in court. And how much alcohol did you consume on this night? I had like kind of a, I had three cups of that. Gin, gin make you sin. What's that? I, oh, I had a couple of gin and tonics that night.

Okay. And that was it? Well, then there was a little yummy rummy in my tummy. So rum. So rum, yeah, it was rum. Then there was a little bit of like tickly, ticky, ticky, ticky. Look over at your defendant. Your defense lawyer.

It's tequila. She means tequila. She means tequila. Okay, thank you. Thank you. And then I had a little bit of wine. your defense lawyer it's tequila she means tequila she means tequila thank you thank you and then a hell of a bit of wine so wine

alcoholic grape juice yes why did you say it like that her defendants like she was saying it like she was whining like the play was on the word wine like she had a little wine

that's fine can you just say it in without without making a goof about it? Because you did commit vehicular manslaughter. Yeah. I had a couple glasses of rosé. And that's it? That's all you had to drink? No, there was a little bit of beer.

I hardly know her. What? Yeah, that's actually, sorry. She's been working that one for a while it's never really took off she meant she meant beer but kind of you realize that this lost the case she had a point to make and this was it this is her time to make her case you're a bad defense lawyer i don't even blame her i was driving the car i was driving the car she's my alibi who are you even licensed to practice law me Me? No. She is. She's actually my defense attorney.

Everybody's going to jail. I don't care what you did. Everyone in this room is going to a federal prison. So this guy had this bag of glass bottles. And so I'm like, oh. And he's holding it. And I'm like, oh, if you could just leave it um there i can come and get it thank you so much and he i saw him kind of look around like through the

through the like slats of the wood and he's like oh okay and then he starts to like put the bag over the gate like and the gate is like high enough where it's like you can't just drop it on the floor it's like he was gonna drop it like and and so i quickly like i had my mask on so and so did he so it's like i went over to the door and i'm just like uh um and i like grab and i'm like no okay that's fine yeah okay thank you so much just drop it here or yeah just leave it yeah there's fine okay i feel that you're supporting it though i'd rather no no no i want to just be contactless let me just drop it over the fence. Let me just drop it over the...

No, no, no! So that was very... I came in the house. I'm just like, that was so strange. Yeah. That's so funny. You can just leave it outside the gate. Oh.

Okay, got it. What are you doing, dude? You said leave it outside the gate, and I'm inside the gate. No, you're outside the gate. I'm inside the gate. I said leave it, not drop it inside the gate where I am. Can you just open the gate? No.

I can't see your face, so I don't know if you're joking. Why would I be joking? All right, all right. I have the alcohol. You can go home. Thank you for picking it up and dropping it off for me. Do you need be joking? All right, all right. I have the alcohol. You can go home. Thank you for picking it up and dropping it off for me. I can,

do you need anything else? No, thank you. Nope. I can see you kind of trying to peek through and I'm really all good. Thank you so much. All right, let me know.

Here's my, this is my card. It's a poster board. You can let that drop. That's fine. It shatters like glass. Got it. Okay, thank you so much.

Oh, funny. What did we learn? We learned all the different ways that you can refer to different kinds of alcohol. We learned that you can actually do good and bad in the world. And you don't, you know what I mean? You don't have to do different people. Yeah. We learned that as long as a couch is comfy, you can have an affair on it.

Infidelity is, yeah. It's sort of invalidated by a comfy sofa sectional in a way. Yeah. We learned that if a person, you know, if a loved one is going through really fucked up deportation laws that you probably shouldn't twirl a dress about it. So that it hits their shins. Yeah. Do you have anything to plug, Rylance? Well, if this comes out on the 21st, then tonight, Good Morning will be screening as part of the indie shorts within the Heartland Film Festival. 9 p.m. Eastern Time.

Virtual Q&A on either the heartlandfilm.org website or similar. We'll find out. We'll find out. We'll post it on our Twitter or something. As always, that was Jeffrey James. And you can find him on Instagram at I'm Jeffrey James, on Twitter at Don't Play No James always, that was Jeffrey James and you can find him on Instagram at IamJeffreyJames on Twitter at

DontPlayNoJames and TikTok at Jeffrey James. No, it's at IamJeffreyJames. Oh, at IamJeffreyJames. Do you follow me?

Sorry, do you follow me? Sorry, well, I deleted my TikTok, remember? Oh, you did delete your TikTok. Yeah. You can follow Riley

on Instagram at at Riley and Spa or on Twitter at at Riley Coyote as well as our show on Instagram at at Review Review. And, um, as well as our show on Instagram at, at review, review and on Reddit,

reddit.com. Our slash review, review, review. Yeah. So until next week, I'm feeling. He.

Arrivederci! Arrivederci! Fish in the sea You know how we are River running on You know how we are Breeze drifting on in You know how we are. Breeze drifting on in. You know how we are. It's a new day.

It's a new day. It's a new week. Or a week. And we're feeling here. That was a hate gun podcast.