Review Revue - Arby's in the Tri-State Area

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

Reilly and Geoff discuss Arby's ad campaigns, fish flatbread, and Laurel Canyon. Plus Headgum super-producer Marissa Melnyk joins the pod to discuss the creepy Airbnb that she and Geoff stayed at during Jake's wedding!Be sure to give the show a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts, and include your pitch for an episode idea! Maybe we’ll choose yours for a future episode, or we won't!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. And it's time.

L to the O-G. Do be the O-G-A-N-E. Playing. And it's time. microphone stands never work for me. Well, you broke them. I didn't. Anyway, that was Kendall's rap from this past week's episode of Succession in lieu of a theme song, which we don't have yet. And again, the season will be over. This episode will come out by the time the season has ended.

You might get a dog and we were brainstorming dog names not minutes ago. My family is getting two puppies and my mom only wants one. My stepdad wants two. So there is a world in which I get the other one. We are brainstorming names.

The one I would like to get is a small kind of it won't be small. It'll be like lab sized. It's a lab and it's red. So I've pitched names because it's like I have to pitch names that the whole family will like in case it becomes one of the family dogs. But a name I also like in case it becomes my dog.

So I've pitched Milo and Bowser. Jeffrey pitched Steven. Steve. Steve. CEO. CEO. Daniel pitched Eric. That's good.

I like the name Chicken as well. Roasty. Roasty. Oh, my God. Why Roasty? Trencher. You're obsessed with the name Trencher. Because there's a sandwich shop near my house called Trencher.

Jeff and I both have super addictive personalities. That's true. The name he's been on right now is Trencher. It's like you can't have a son or daughter and name them or whatever. And the place is Laurel Canyon. What? Sorry, let me just

put my thoughts together. Uh-huh. Jim Morrison. Right. Carole King. Joni Mitchell. Mm-hmm. Jackson Brown.

Linda Ronstadt. Mickey Dolenz Crosby, Stills, and Nash Elliot Mintz Father John Misty Are these all people in your dream last night? Jade Castrinos from Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros God

People need to know about Laurel Canyon I feel like I'm the only fucking one You just listed a long list of famous people So you're clearly not the only one who knows about Laurel Canyon. I mean, I feel like I'm sitting on a goldmine of content. Songs, books, poems, fire.

Fire? You're sitting on fire? The canyon has caught fire multiple times. Of course. Welcome to Southern California, B. Jim Morrison put his girlfriend in a closet and lit the closet door on fire. Anyway, welcome to Southern California, B. Jim Morrison put his girlfriend in a closet and lit the closet door on fire. Anyway, welcome to Review Review, where internet comedians Riley Angevon and Jeffrey James read reviews of all kinds from around the internet.

Yeah. What are we doing this week? This week... Say it with me. Arby's in the tri-state area. Arbia. Areolas. No.

Sorry. Not Arbies on a boob. Jeff, why did we choose to do tri-state area Arbies today? Because I figure Arbies is like the epitome of grime in terms of fast food. Their whole commercial even sounds like dirt. It's like, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum commercial even sounds like dirt. It's like, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, Arby's. We have the meats.

The idea of a fast food chain that specializes in roast beef is really unappealing to me. Like I'm all for food that's at a decent price that it's like you can get if you need to. Sure. Not roast beef. That's not something you can do sustainably for that little of money. L to the RB. It be the RBs. R to the roast beef.

Yeah, everything about it seems bad. There are so many other fast food chains that you can go to. What's your favorite fast food chain? I don't really eat fast food, but... But, like, if you're on a road trip and you have to. In-N-Out, probably. Okay. I'd get a protein style.

You suck. Why? I ask you what your favorite fast food chain is, and you say the one that's only in California. And then I ask what you get there, and you get, like, the, like, one thing that's, like, slimming. Okay, then probably, um. It's been a long road trip. Yeah.

You're hungover. Yeah. And you just want food. Like, bad food. I'd probably get, like. Let's be bad. I'd probably get, like, some McNuggets. Okay.

McDonald's, nuggets, fries. You know what I really want? You know how there's always those billboards that say the McRib is back? Mm-hmm. It's like a really played out joke that it's like, the McRib is always back. But if it's back, it means that it did go away. It's just no one knew that it went away. Yeah.

So why don't you, if you're there for the McRib at its best, why not at its worst? McDonald's put up a billboard saying McRib is gone. That's what you want? I want them to spend advertising money. Is to let people know that it's not there anymore? You can't get the McRib. What's the point of that? What would they gain from being like,

we don't have this? So that we would stop hearing bad bits about how the McRib is always back. So it wouldn't be for McDonald's, it would be for you to stop hearing that bit. For everyone to stop hearing it. It was funny at first, but the first joke of like that. What if I were to tell you I think it's hilarious?

Like, would you think differently of me if I'm like, that is the peak of comedy to me. If you think it's funny, it wouldn't change my view of you. But if you think it's the peak of comedy, of course that changes everything. Like, Carlin's got nothing on the McRib is back. I went to Austin this weekend with my friend Kevin K. Nice. Anyway mine is Sorry you were saying. You jerk. Do you want me to teach

say this whole thing again? Yes because I need people to understand the aesthetic mixed with the kind of food mixed with your experience. Okay. The thorn was that it was super hot in Austin. It was like mid 90s and humid and I was sick. Bud or Rose was this place called Loro that my buddy Kevin took me to, also known as Steve's Sashimi.

You didn't tell me that it had an alternate name. No, his name in my phone is Steve's Sashimi. Okay. I don't know why. Got it. And so we go to Loro and he prefaces it. My friend is like, it is a logistical nightmare. And I was like, what do you mean? He's like, you'll see. So we get there. It's this like cabin looking restaurant, which

is kind of cool to me to have, to eat. Jeff is a nature boy. Jeff loves. I'm not that big of a nature boy. Well, he loves a cabin aesthetic. Yeah. To live in the city with a cabin aesthetic, aka Laurel Canyon. Stop it. Coyotes, deers, walking amongst us as one of us. Deer. Deer, deer right continue uh so you get there and you sign in with the host or hostess and you're like party of eight and they're like all right it'll be 30 minutes i'm like we can do that 30 minutes and then instead of having to wait on like a bench like you usually have to do at one of these la restaurants they usher us into this like wooded like not even patio because it was like forest floor outside outside outside and they served us

frozen cocktails like batch cocktails so there was a gin and tonic frozen and there was a peach bourbon old-fashioned frozen and we sat on tree stumps and adirondack chairs under an oak and we chatted and gabbed and talked about how hungry we were and how excited for the meal we were and i said to kevin you really talked this place up. So let's see what it delivers. And you were blackout this whole time. I was. And even when I'm blackout, I'm brownout, obviously, because of my race.

Got it. Continue. Let's stew in that for a second. This is a political statement. You get inside and then you grab a table and have to order at the counter and they bring it to you. Again, logistical nightmare. But Kevin

and my friend Lauren do it for us and we all sit down and we have a great time and this is like a Japanese inspired Texas barbecue crossover, right? Chicken garage, Malaysian chicken curry dishes. With blended margs and bourbon. Absolutely.

In a cabin building. In the woods. In Austin. Because it's not actually in the woods. It's on South Lamar. On a street. On a street. In a hat. In a house. In a hat. On a shelf. With an elf. Merry Christmas. What did you do this weekend?

Wait, what's your bud? Bud is well, I'm really excited for this podcast to start going. And I'm really sick of like banking eps, which is what we're doing. Banking eps. Banking eps. Banksy eps. Banksy's eps. We are, should we tell them? What?

We're Banksy. Oh, yeah, we're Banksy. That's it? That's the announcement? So all of that art is us. Us to're Banksy. Oh, yeah. We're Banksy. That's it? That's the announcement? So all of that art is us. Us to the Banksy. We are Banksy. We're Banksy.

Gorilla artists. The real thorn is that I was supposed to be a positive. I chipped my tooth years ago, my right front tooth. That's funny. Yeah. You must have looked, like, silly afterwards. Yeah. I was really tooth. That's funny. You must have looked silly afterwards. Yeah. I was really scared. Yeah.

It's funny you said. When you spoke, would it be like, So every couple months I have to get it rebonded. Sorry, I'm just thinking about that. Anyway, sorry. I'm trying to talk. Every couple months I have to get it rebonded. Kinky. Come on.

No, we're going to stew in that for a little bit. I want to move on really fast because of how I feel right now. No, because you're making a joke about putting my tooth in bondage. It's like BDSM. Yeah, BDSM for my teeth. Come on, man. I already feel like shit. I made the bad comment. My right tooth is now a little bit longer than my left.

Really? Like the only eye would know. Let me see. You can't see it from over there. So it doesn't, so people would never know. No, no, no, but it's like I feel it. So it's like been really, really frustrating me. That's been the thorn is dealing with that.

And not that I think it's noticeable but it's it's like visually but for me i feel it and it's really frustrating yeah yeah um and bud is oh god what's happening oh my god what are you doing this week i don't know um um oh fast fast right now you gotta do it right now you gotta, right now. You gotta do it right now. You gotta do it right now. You gotta do it right now. Come on, come on. I'm seeing Downton Abbey on Thursday with my friend Alyssa Yaffe. And we're very excited

because we're big Downton Abbey heads. We watched all of it in college together and now we finally get to see it all wrap up in one motion picture event. I hope we have fun. It's gonna be a really good time. I might get a popcorn. Um, yeah. so that's that.

What? Sorry, I just, your voice reached this register. It was kind of like a dog whistle. Anyway. It was kind of a dog whistle blower. Oh! Oh! Also news that will be outdated by the time this comes out.

Hopefully, we've dumped the Trump. Hopefully, we've dumped the Trump. Hopefully, we've dumped the Trump. I mean, he's made some good points over the years. Don't start. But I do think it's time for him to go. He hasn't, and it is. Yeah, I know. I know.

You're right. You're right about the second part. Would you like to start off our Arby's reviews? Four stars. July 24th this year. This is at Arby's in Hoboken, New Jersey. I'm listening. Hey, it's an Arby's.

No big deal, right? Wrong. You couldn't be any more wrong. This place is as big of a deal as their big meaty sandwiches. Oh, God. And that's pretty big. No.

Huge, in fact. Man, there's enough meat. Man, there's enough meat piled high on these things for you and me both. If I was in a sharing type of mood, which I'm not. Now who's thinking

RV ain't a big deal? They have the meat, and all you gotta do is come get your munch on. I feel sick. It's like you're on your phone writing this review. Honey, I have to tell you something. Yeah, what's up? Sorry, can you get off your phone?

I know you're writing one of your Yelp reviews. Sorry, this is just a really big deal. Honey, I've been cheating on you. And you're still typing? What is this review? Sorry, what did you say? I said I'm cheating on you. Sorry, um... Read me the last sentence you wrote. I had the most meat I've ever had in my life. So did I.

I cheated on you. Right. You were in a sharing kind of mood and I wasn't. So I had a lot of meat and it was a huge deal. This is the biggest deal I've ever, like this is unreal. I'm trying to tell you something that could change the nature of our relationship. Totally. I really hear that. But fuck, could change the nature of our relationship. Totally. I really hear that.

But fuck, you don't understand how much meat was in this palace. Where were you? I was at an Arby's. I was at the Arby's. And, oh, wow, you said you were coming home late. And so I thought, the man needs meat. The man needs meat on a Tuesday. So you must have known.

You must have had some kind of hunch. That's why you went to Arby's. Yeah, I had a little bit of a hunch. But it's nothing on that munch, you know? So I went and I ate. I ate myself rotten. You ate your feelings? I ate some peelings of some meat off a slab.

Peelings? You wouldn't get it. It's an Harvey's thing. He's your boss. Who's my boss? The person I slept with. The person you slept with is my boss. Yeah.

Mm. Mm-hmm. Well. Sorry, what are you drawing sorry i'm drawing the sandwich i had um i've been really getting into like hyper detailed art lately you know the art where it's like it's it looks like it's a photo but it's like whoa someone did that with colored pencils yeah it doesn't look like a photo by the way it looks like a grade school saying i'm getting into it. I didn't say I perfected it yet.

I want to work on our relationship, but you have to understand that part of it's you. I mean, you're constantly throwing yourself in there. Is it because I don't want to share the meat? Is it because I don't want to share my plate of meat? No, I don't want any of the Arby's meat. Because you're not getting any. I'm not in a sharing mood with this food. It's more the rhyming, yeah.

Fuck, Angela. Also, this needs to be said, he capitalized every word that wasn't it's or and or the. So it's just like. It's every word that he wants to emphasize. Can you read it with that emphasis without the articles? Hey, it's an Arby's. No big deal, right? Wrong.

You couldn't be any more wrong. This place is as big of a deal as their big, meaty sandwiches. And that's pretty big. Huge, in fact. There's clearly some emotion behind this, which is why. Sounds like you're a spy in deep cover, but it's your first time and you're really nervous. Like the way you were reading that. Good evening, friend.

Hello. Thank you for being my waiter at this Arby's today. Are you United States spy? What? Who? Me? Me? Kill him.

That's all it takes. Me? A spy? What? Couldn't be. Then who? Arby's got the cookie in the cookie. This is in New York, New York, 23rd Street, Arby's.

This is from Bloss. Chelsea Hotel Style. Sorry, Bloss C, four star review. This is from Bloss. Chelsea Hotel Style. Sorry, Bloss C. Four star review. Bloss C? Bloss C. B-L-O-S-S. Uh-huh.

C. Four stars. Arby's ain't really my cup of tea, but my fella loses his mind every time the commercial comes on, so I was happy to see this location open up on 23rd Street. The store is new and pretty nice, more in the vein of casual dining restaurant than fast food. The employees were all really nice,

way nicer than is typical. My fish flatbread was okay. Oh! Better than the fish sandwich at Wendy's, but not as good as the McDonald's fish sandwich. But no one cares because who goes to Arby's for the fish? Exactly! I will say that I did like that there were

three variations of the sandwich. I do think Arby's would do themselves a favor by adding a vegetarian option like a veggie burger or a grilled cheese sandwich. My fella liked his roast beef sandwich. I ordered the jalapeno poppers thinking I just wanted to try one and I'd throw the rest away. I ate every single one of those bad boys because they were effing delicious. I've never had better ones that were not homemade. I'd come back anytime when my man is jonesing, and I want to say, well done, Arby's. You hired a great crew. Keep it up.

My fella. My man. When my fella is jonesing for that meat, I'll be happy to go get a fish. Are you a pescatarian? Why'd you get the fish flatbread? I love that not only did she have the fish flatbread at a roast beef chain, she also compared it to

the fish sandwiches at two other chains. I mean, it wasn't as good as the notoriously food poisoning inducing filet-o-fish, but hey, my old man was a hankering for that roast beef.

On a bun. Can I admit something? This isn't even a bit. This is very real. Whenever you say that, it's usually pretty awful. So, when my stepbrothers and I were younger, we had McDonald's pretty frequently when we would do long drives. Sure. I were younger we had mcdonald's pretty frequently when we would do long drives sure um i

oh no dude no way you don't even know what i'm gonna say i already know i think everyone already knows at this point it's a waiting game to hear the words from the horse's mouth itself. Don't call me that. I would either get... So we would all, of course, get a McFlurry to end the day. Normal drink, sure.

Right? I would either get the Oreo or M&M's. Indulgent but normal. Indulgent but normal. The fries, of course. McDonald's has great fries. Great fries. Notoriously good fries. The nuggets I would get from time to time. People like those. The fries, of course. McDonald's has great fries. Great fries.

Notoriously good fries. The nuggets I would get from time to time. People like those. Yeah, they're good. They're good. They're classic. And the last item? Filet-O-Fish.

That, dude. Multiple times. Doesn't it come with like tartar sauce smothered between that and the bun? Yep. It's a slippery, I guess, like. And sometimes a slice of cheese. But I would ask for the cheese to not be on it because fish and cheese is gross.

So you'd eat a slice of cheese on the side? What the fuck is wrong with you? No, I would ask them to, you're looking at me like, I think you're, I think you're, I think people look at you as the more normal person between the two of us, which I think most of the time is correct. You're definitely a little bit more straight-laced, but you're a weirdo. Especially you as a child had some weird habits that you might have curbed so far.

So anyway, I really related to this woman and her quest. Would you have gotten the fish flatbread as a kid? No. Okay, good. I would not. A fish flatbread sounds disgusting. It's a bad filet sourced from the worst farms put onto a dough round put onto a pizza

yeah with no sauce it's just flatbread and fish I don't want to sugarcoat it for you the number six it's literally bad fish on flatbread

I'll take it you sure? we urge people not to well my fellow over here, he's really jonesing for a sandwich. For our normal thing, the number one.

People love the number one. Well, he's going to take five of those. I'm not supposed to legally tell you this. No one has ordered the fish flatbread in a decade,

and so the fish we have is frozen from 2008. But it's frozen, so it's still good. So you can defrost it. All right, we'll get you the fish we have is frozen from 2008. But it's frozen, so it's still good. So you can defrost it. We'll get you the fish. Can you sign this waiver first? Sure.

Have you ever had it? Would you recommend it? I haven't had it, and I would absolutely do the opposite of recommend it. Well, how would you know if you haven't tried it? Sign the waiver absolving us of legal guilt if you die. Yeah, I'm signing it right now. Yeah, I crossed the T's. There we go.

I can buy you one, and we can try it together. Because you just told me that you never had one, so'm signing it right now. Yeah, I crossed the T's. There we go. I can buy you one and we can try it together because you just told me that you never had one so we could both try it. If you force me to eat this flatbread and I die, my family will sue you. I'm not going to force you. I just figured that you'd want to try everything. I don't want it. Well, I'll gladly take one. I don't want it. Okay. You have it. Great.

Please don't eat it in the restaurant. Oh, well, we'd like to sit here. I mean, it's really nice in here. I'm worried for you. Do you want to watch me eat this fish flatbread? No, absolutely not. I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up. Sorry. I'd like to just really quickly.

I didn't get a side of cheese with the soleo fish. I asked them to... Don't look at me like that! I asked them to not give me cheese at all. Okay. So it would be like... No, you said, and I'm going to... When I edit this, I'm going to replay it back.

Right now, play it back. You said... No! Ask for it on the side. But I didn't mean it like that. I meant like. One bite of Filet-O-Fish, one bite of bad cold American cheese. Smiles all around on a road trip.

And your brothers are eating normal shit. And you wash it down with a milky puree. I probably thought that I was being so much healthier. I'm like, these idiots are eating their burgers while I am having a square piece of fish from a burger chain. Absolutely not. I draw the line at a side of cheese. I didn't get

a side of cheese. Anyway, thank you, Bloss. Okay, this is one star from a Manhattan on 42nd Street Arby's. Okay. It's on my birthday. Come and meet those dancing feet on the avenue I'm taking it to

42nd Street. Major review now. Sorry. I'm going to go for a walk. Come on. I'm going to go for a walk. I need to clear my head because if I stay here, I'm going to blow up. And he's back.

One star from my birthday last year. This guy, I think he wrote it at night and i think he was either high or drunk wait but it's called for my birthday last year no this is from november 28 2018 oh okay my personal jeffrey james's birthday last year i think he was drunk as shit when he wrote this because it says tonight and it was already late. Got it. Went to Arby's tonight. Walk in at 11.45 p.m. I order a roast beef and cheddar. Was told that I cannot get that because they were closing. Asked why.

Was told to talk to a manager because she told me that she was in the process of closing. And to order a different sandwich. I proceeded to say, that's not what I came here for. It's ridiculous. I was told to leave or they would call the cops on me. That's when the rest of the staff proceeded to protect the manager by getting in my face

telling me they would kick my ass. I work in the neighborhood and I've been there several times. This will be the last time I go. Don't spend your money here at any Arby's. That's really sad. No, it's not. They said that they would have to make the new ones. It's 11.45. They presumably close at midnight.

Oh, yeah. Can I get the roast beef and cheddar? And they're like, we don't have any of that. We're about to close. Can you just order a different sandwich? And he said no and was presumably super drunk. There's a photo of him and it's blurry and he looks super drunk. Oh, no, no. That's on him. And obviously he's probably

withholding details of how he was belligerent and the people were like... So it cuts to just him being like, can I have this? We'll kick your ass, dude. What? No. I just want this sandwich. No, we're gonna... Oh, well, we want to kick your ass. How's that for a midnight snack? I don't want that for a midnight snack.

How's a knuckle sandwich? I don't want the knuckle sandwich. I want the roast beef and cheddar. Well, we don't want that for a midnight snack. How's a knuckle sandwich? I don't want the knuckle sandwich. I want the roast beef and cheddar. Well, we don't have that, so we're going to kick your ass. This isn't right. I work in the neighborhood. I know. We've seen you here before.

But then cut to what actually happened. Give me the roast beef and cheddar. Sir, please leave. I'll kick your ass. Sir, we're closing soon. You need to talk to the manager if you want that. I'm going to fight everyone in here. Please don't, sir. What are my options? You can get the fish flatbread.

And that's all we have right now. We have a lot of that left over. I also, okay, I have a really good, sorry, this is a little tangent, but because we're in October now, Halloween season's upon us. If anyone out there is going to do what I'm about to say, if you're going to do it, just credit me. Again, this will be after Halloween. Again, if you're going to do it for Halloween, just credit me, all right?

Just credit me. What are you doing? Just give me the credit. You're all about getting credit recently. Anyway. Why do you want credit for things? Just give me the credit. Imagine a family, like a young family in Silver Lake.

One kid and the parents, or two maybe. The parents are sexy white claws, which I've seen advertised. And the kid, a LaCroix. Oh, that's really funny. Come on! Wait, that's what you're going to be? Give me the credit. No. Daniel and I, we were brainstorming Halloween costumes last night,

and I'm like, what if we just bought the sexy LaCroix costumes? So that's what we were going to do. What makes it sexy? It's like a two-piece. It's a mini skirt and then like a crop top long sleeve, and it has the logo on it, and then they give you like a colored belt to put on your midriff based on what flavor you are.

Interesting. Which I think just is hilarious. But we did find our Halloween costume. But credit me if you do the little. What's your Halloween costume? We're going to be Sloan and Ferris from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Why are you sad? I mean, that's just not as inventive as I thought you would be.

Asshole. Oh, my God. I mean, that's just not as inventive as I thought you would be. Asshole. Oh my god! You hated our costume last year. What was your costume last year? Elio and Marzia from Call Me By Your Name. That was still better, though. Because Daniel kind of looks like Timothée. I know.

Shalemai. Anyway, if you do the White Claw LaCroix thing, just give me the credit. What do you want people to do? So say they actually take your idea. Yeah. You want them to go around Halloween night at like parties or trick-or-treating and be like, this was created.

I got the idea from Riley Anspaugh. Yeah. A niche internet comedian. Yeah. That's all I want. Just give me the credit. All right, they'll give you credit. I believe this is from one in

West Hartford, Connecticut. I believe. Okay. From Anthony D. Ten months ago. Okay. One star. The food made me very sick, and the guy behind the counter is a snotty little bitch.

Oh, my God. I welcome the Arby's. Sorry, I'm a little sick, so I'm not touching the food. Jesus Christ, dude. Oh, my God. Give me just the number one, but don't get your snotty ass all over it, all right? I'm so sorry. I just need the money, so I can't.

I'm not going to hear it, man. Just give me the sandwich. Well, I can ring you up, but somebody else is going to give you the food. Oh, don't ring me up. Don't put your hands on the machine. Look at you. I told you I wasn't touching the food. Other people are going to give you your food.

I'm not going to touch the food. Oh, stop it. I'm sorry. Stop it. I'm sorry. You promise you're not going to touch my food? I have. It's already being made.

This guy just put it on the counter. It's $5.50. Oh, my God. You just grabbed my credit card. You literally just grabbed my credit card. You gave it to me. I have to ring it up. Yeah, but you're snotty.

I'm wearing gloves. I'm not contagious anymore. Anymore? Oh, Jesus. You sound disgusting. I'm wearing gloves. I'm not contagious anymore. Anymore? Oh Jesus, you sound disgusting. I'm sorry. Listen, I can't tell if you're what's making me sick or this sandwich. You haven't even eaten the sandwich. Down in one. Holy shit. What the fuck was that?

You just swallowed a sub. Give me another. You want another? Okay. But don't ring me up. Come on. You have to pay for the first one. Sir, you have to pay. Just Give me another. You want another? Okay. But don't ring me up. Come on. You have to pay. You haven't even paid for the first one. Sir, you have to pay. Just give me another sandwich and then we'll talk about it.

Okay, here. He's giving it to you. You make me sick. Chew your food this time. One bite. You swallow these like pills. And you know what you're swallowing? You're swallowing your mucus all night, you little snotty nose little bitch.

Come on. I already get enough of this at school. Come on. Oh, so are you sick all the time? No, I just get, yeah. I'm sick. I'm mostly sick all the time. I feel kind of bad.

Do we have time for one more? We do. Yeah. This one's kind of crazy. This is from Newburgh, New York. Okay. Which is actually where most of the youngins at HeadGum stayed at an Airbnb in a creepy Victorian Mons during Jake's wedding, which you were

in absentia for. Jake Hurwitz. If you're listening. He isn't. If you're listening, just give me the credit. The credit for getting married to Jill. Give me the credit for getting married to Jill. Did you introduce them? I did not. So you don't deserve the credit. Hey, listen, brother. Don't level with them as a brother. Listen, man, I forgive you.

Your forgiveness means not that much to him. Lost in the mail, and I forgive you for not providing me with your wedding. The wedding was a beautiful ceremony. I saw pictures. I had a lot of FOMO, but I forgive you, brother. The reception was incredible. Amir had a great speech. I believe it.

Mike Carnell also, I think, had a great speech. I believe it. Mike Carnell also I think had a good speech. Just give me the credit. Maybe he'll give you the credit. It's not up to me anyways. One star from Newburgh, New York which when I was there it was super scary

like the vibe was super negative and like super creepy. Oh but at the wedding though you guys had a ball. Yeah it was a great wedding. The wedding wasn't negative and creepy. The house was super haunted. It was like four stories,

which sounds cool, and they had this backyard, so when I was booking it, I thought Newburgh was going to be like this picturesque Hudson River town. Turns out it's one of the top ten most dangerous towns in America per capita. Jesus. And the house itself was super haunted.

Like, we went up to like we should have should we bring marissa up to talk about it just for two seconds yeah i don't want to just share one it's on this oh is this one okay hello welcome to the pod hi first guest yeah you know yeah this might be my first podcast appearance actually no. No. What? No, it's not. You've been on All Fantasy Everything for a few rounds. I, no, well, oh yeah, that's true. I did a few guest rounds, but I was never formally invited. Welcome. This is super producer Marissa Melnick.

She runs HeadGum. She runs HeadGum. Can you talk just for a few minutes about the creepiness of our Newburgh, New York Airbnb during Jake's wedding? Yeah, it was horrifying. It was straight out of a scary movie. It was like a straight up haunted mansion.

We got it for, seems like dirt cheap. Yeah, and which at the time I was like, oh, this would be great. Yeah, we took a taxi there. I think I was with Marika and Whitney, and so just all us girls, and I remember before

we even left the car, the taxi driver gave us a warning. He's like, hey, by the way, as soon as it hits sunset, don't walk around in this neighborhood. It's a really bad neighborhood. Holy shit! And we're like, ooh, okay. And I remember as we entered the house,

there was old neighbors a few doors down across the street just kind of watching us and standing there and watching us maybe maybe they suspected he was an airbnb and like seeing people go in there um but all the decor was super weird like very haunted looking like paintings of like figures with like no eyes just like staring at you both no eyes anyways the mannequin oh yeah there was a mannequin in my room like that looked like it was from the 18th century. And I didn't want to move because it felt like it was cursed and I didn't want any of those vibes on me. Some spirit will take over your body if you touch it. Yeah.

But when I'd wake up, I'd see the mannequin just staring at me. No, ma'am. Absolutely not. It was made out of iron and had the dress bust bust that I don't know what it's called. I know what you're talking about. There were so many hidden passageways with like narrow entrances that we didn't really know where it led to. There was a weird attic with like a bathtub in it. Yeah, it was.

So you walk up the stairs. Did you go up there? Yeah. So I think Mars and I were the only ones who went up there. But like you go up there and it's like like half the room is her shirt crimson red. And I think there was a trundle bed or something. And then the other half was pitch black. And it had one of those old bathtubs with the pin legs.

And it was stark black, too. So it was, the room was split half red, half black, and it looked like satanic rituals happened there. That's awful. And they probably did. Yeah. Well, putting all that together, we are reviewing Arby's chains this episode. Okay. So,

Jeff, would you like to read your last review? Yeah, do you want to stick around for this round? Sure. Or do you have to be on this call? Yeah, I do, actually. Okay, okay. But I'm Do you want to stick around for this round? Sure. Or do you have to be on this call? Yeah, I do actually. Okay, okay. But I'm excited to listen to this later. Yeah, we'll have you on proper in a future episode.

Thanks, Mars. Anyway, Marissa Melnick, everyone. So anyway, I wasn't bullshitting you. It was super creepy. Newburgh, New York. One star. Terrible. The lady at the counter told me if I didn't take their survey,

she would come find me. What? I mean, I'll never give these people my business again. She was old and crotchety, but she told me that this was my warning. And if I didn't take her stupid survey, she would find out who I was and come get me. Arby's, take your survey and shove it. That's their new tagline. But it for sure fits the bill of Newburgh, New York. Arby's, take your survey and shove it. That's their new tagline. But it for sure fits the bill of Newburgh, New York.

Arby's, take your survey and shove it. That's their new slogan. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Arby's, take your survey and shove it. Sorry. That was really, really great, Travis. Can we get another take just to play now? Because I think we got it.

Yeah, we got that. Again, I don't get this. We got that. Can we do another one that's like, this is a warning. This is like, I want you to warn the viewer. Okay, are you sure that the We Have the Meats thing, that was playing pretty well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's playing great.

This is just a play now. We're just revamping our brand. So, sorry, we're kind of running out of time. We have another session. Fine, okay, I'll do it. Yeah, just a warning. Bum, bum, bum, bum, Arby's. This is your last warning. No, that was great.

Sorry, we would actually love you to say, Arby's, take your survey and shove it, but use that as a warning. Okay, shit. This makes, yeah, you're not going to sell, you're not going to sell this shit. Sorry, what was that? Nothing.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, Arby's. Take the survey and shove it. Did anyone else in this booth get goosebumps? Yeah, everybody, all the women in the booth shivered. That was incredible. No, it was really bad. Don't use it. Could we get another one?

And we would just like you try some different copy right now. Oh my fucking God. Sorry, what was that? Nothing. Nothing. We would love for you to try Arby's Best Fish in Town. It's always been about the roast beef. Sorry, I misread that.

Arby's, we got the meat and the best fish in town. But as a warning. Fine. Thank you. Oh my God. Can you do the bum bum bums for me this time? How many are there? There's like seven or God. Can you do the bum-bum-bums for me this time? How many are there? There's like seven or something.

Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. Arby's. We have the meats and the best fish in town. Sorry, that sounded like a question, which is fine. And it's good to have. No, because I don't get it. I don't get what the whole. What do you mean?

It's a roast beef chain and you're trying to push fish on a flatbread. And also it's a warning. What does that mean? Like what's going to happen if they don't heed the warning so we have a lot we have the meat right we're actually running a little low on the meat we have a lot of fish and so we're really trying to get people all right to get the fish and as a warning if they don't get the fish we're gonna find them you know wait what does that mean you're gonna find them well you know yeah we'll find them what are you gonna do when they find them

I mean it's like listen they can't get the beef so they gotta get the fish and if they don't get the fish then we'll you know we'll find them we'll do something about it

I don't know if I should be a part of this I'm getting paid so well for this but I don't think I should do it you're being paid so well and you're getting free meat I'd rather be

financially bankrupt than morally bankrupt okay so I think I'm gonna you can find someone else to do this. We're gonna find you, Travis. What? No, just... Yeah, I know. You can leave the studio, go get in your

Prius, and go back... Wait, how did you know that car I drove? We'll find you. You already have so many of my details because you pay me, so you have my social, you have my tax ID, you have my address. We will find you, and we will fish you. Fine, I'll do it, I'll do it. Yeah.

Christ, I'll do it. Last one I'd like you to try. Arby's. Fish got the meat. Did you hear what you just said? Fish got the meat? Because the whole point is that it's like, oh, fish have meat too.

Not just the bovines. I mean, fish have... Meat. Love you to say it. Love you to say it. Love you to record it. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Arby's fish has the meat. Fish got the meat.

What difference does it fucking make? Arby's fish got the meat. That was beautiful. That was really shitty. Travis, that's incredible. I'm glad you're happy with it. I'm glad you're not going to come after me. Would you like a fish flopper anyway?

I really don't want one. I'm not going to eat it. You're not going to eat it. Well, get out of here. We'll glad you're not going to come after me. Would you like a fish flop or a new way out? I really don't want one. I'm not going to eat it. You're not going to eat it. Well, get out of here. We'll find you. All right. One bite. Vomits everywhere.

Give me that side of cheese. Great up. Great up. Great up. Hey, Jeff. Still banking ups. Still banking ups. But before we go.

Three, two, one. This shook me all week long. Ah, right now? You didn't even think about it? I was going to ask you first. Fine, I'll go. What shook you all week long? Laurel Canyon, dear. Oh my God.

I got drinks with my good friend Maddie Bain, who we should have on the show because she's great. And I was like, I had edited tomorrow's video all day. It took from 10 a.m. to like 6 p.m. It's really well edited. That's really good. Thank you. And so I was like, I need some fresh air,

right? Right. Getting drinks at 7.30. I have an hour and a half to kill. Sure. Where am I gonna go? Laurel. Stanley Hills Drive. Each went to a street. Oakstone Way. Crescent Drive. Lookout Mountain.

Wonderland Avenue. Kirkwood Drive. Oak Court. Ridpath Drive. You know so many streets. Utica Drive, dude. Willow Glen Road. You know all the streets.

Rothdale Trail. Laurel Canyon Boulevard. And this is what shook you? That you went to your favorite place? I drove around the canyon till I found a place to lie. Laurel Canyon Home by John Mayall. So you were singing about where you went. I was listening to Laurel Canyon music.

So you didn't get fresh air. You sat in your car on the street. Look, I drove in my car around the canyon. I wandered in a car to get fresh air because I took the top down on my car. Okay, fine. And that shook you. That's what's been shaking you all week long.

I've been shaking in my boots all week long thinking about Laurel Canyon, okay? Jeff is looking at me right now so smug. Oh my God. How long can we play this before we get copyright issues? I wish everyone could see Jeff doing this song right now. I'm actually going to record this on my phone, so when we have an Instagram for our show,

we can cut some of this out. Well, what's been shaking me all week long? We can cut some of this out. It's so beautiful to be alone. Well, what's been shaking me all week long? Yeah. Just Phoebe Waller-Bridge, generally, has been shaking me all week long. Her winning the Emmy for... Her winning three Emmys. So she won for Fleabag writing.

Yes, and acting. And acting. Yeah. And did she also win for Killing Eve? Jodie Comer won for Killing Eve, which is one of the actresses in Killing Eve. Okay. And so I'm obsessed with her. She's who I want to be. And Daniel and I, so I've seen

both seasons of Killing Eve, but I watched season one with him because he'd never seen it. He loved it. And we also just started watching Crashing, which is another show that she made. Crashing's also really good. It is really good. Not the Pete Holmes one. It's the British Crashing. It's the British Crashing. And I just love her. And so she's just been shaking me. It's like, how can I be her best friend and also be her, but also be myself? Right. Just be yourself. Don't be her.

But it's like, I want to be me while also being her. Just be yourself. Eh, maybe. Anyway, I'll find you. I'll find you, Phoebe. Don't worry about it. I'll find you. This isn't a threat.

This isn't a threat. It's a threat. It sounds like a threat. I love her. I wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Oh my, you're shaking. I love her so much. She's good, but you don't have to shake about it i just want to adore thank you guys for listening tune in next week i'm gonna record jeff doing this to post

um have a good one y'all i'll find you looking back a century i look at where i stand it must have looked what's great is that when i post on instagram no one will hear the audio of the song playing it's so beautiful That was a HeadGum Podcast.