Review Revue - Arcades

Episode Date: October 13, 2020

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about arcades and discuss their new Patreon, Big Bertha, and one uncle's revenge.Subscribe to Reilly & Geoff's new Patreon!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh, & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote, & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just wanna know how you feel

For the one love that's so proud and real You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna rip you off Just the two of us Oh, that's good. Just the two of us. Oh, that's good. Just the two of us. We can record a podcast. Just the two of us.

You and really. Jeffrey, it's just us. It's a sigh of relief on my part, Riley. We've had so many. for the last two months, we've had a guest on every episode other than bonus episodes, which has been great. But you and I were talking, it's nice to just chillax. It's just nice to chillax,

like hanging out, Max, and relaxing all cool, shooting some b-ball outside of the school. Shooting some b-roll outside of the school. When. Shooting some b-roll outside of the school. When a couple of cons, they came to my house. Tried to get cash out of my aunt. Because I was living with my aunt. My mom got scared. She says, you're moving in with your uncle because your aunt got divorced.

Have you ever watched my favorite TV show in the world, Hello Ladies, by Stephen Merchant? No, but I love Merchant merchant so i should watch so there's an episode where it's like basically stewart the main character steven merchant he tries to make friends with like the construction guys who are working on his house who are like really like they're fucking hard and like they live in long beach and they're like long beach is where it's fucking at dude you got to come out with us and he's like okay so it's like it just turns into like a really like he gets mixed up at all this like fucked up shit in long beach and he's like okay so it's like it just turns into like a really like he gets mixed up at all this like fucked up shit in long beach and he's trying they're like so like so where are you from

man like what's your story and he just like well you know like life's been pretty crazy for me you know one day i was just like they were these guys and they were up to no good right and they started just you know making trouble started just, you know, making trouble in my neighborhood, you know, and I, I actually, I got in one little fight and my mom obviously got really scared.

I said, uh, you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air. It's that bit is one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen of gangly ass Steven. Just like talking the theme song to Fresh Prince as like his life. He's so good.

He's so good. The thing about Long Beach, I have a couple of friends from Long Beach. Everyone who's from Long Beach is like, dude, you gotta come down to Long Beach. And I'm like, why? It seems fine. The only thing they have is ballast point that you

can't get in la and the aquarium and the aquarium also the queen mary's pretty trill um what should we go to long beach in a global pandemic should we should we move to long beach i mean all you have to do is take the the the the the 110 north up to downtown although that's not where head gum is anymore so never mind that i that kind of hit me what's that sorry you want to talk about the the lack of the head gum office again me when i was falling asleep uh for me the fastest way to fall asleep is to cry myself to sleep sure it exhausts you huh yeah and so i'll think of like the saddest shit and the other night i was thinking about how we'll never go back to factory place well yeah jeff i guess that's the thing it's like

you gotta move the fuck on, right? Bigger and better things. You're recording in a basement, which is your house. No, I know. That's what I was saying is that it's time to move on. What have you been up to? Like, how are you? I'm good, actually.

Yeah, I'm still living in the basement. I put a little quilt up behind me to close off this studio space for audio and visual reasons. So like when I'm zooming, I have this nice little quilted background. And then also if I'm like recording a pod like this, there's no echo from behind me. It's very nice. That's the biggest development in my life. What about you? Had some roommate switch up, switcheroo situations.

And so the room now that kind of no one's using, we're like, oh, are we going to turn it into a home office slash recording slash self-tape space? And that's absolutely what we're going to be doing um it's a sound stage it is absolutely a sound stage of itself i have been like on pinterest on etsy looking up like home office things and like i don't need all of these things but god i want to have them um and thinking about the gallery wall that i'm gonna i'm just like very excited i'm very very excited about it i have an ikea desk that i would

highly recommend if you're into the architect style i think i've sent you photos of it uh the whole thing was like 180 bucks which is like you know pretty good price for how sturdy it is yeah i'm in i'm in the market for just just, I don't want to get anyone worried. Still very much living with Elizabeth Valenti, who we should absolutely have on the pod soon. That is not the roommate situation. Yeah, she's like another one of the most requested guests. My dear, dear friend,

my other pal, roommate, she moved to the UK. She's gone. Before we get into today's's app we have a little surprise it's not really a surprise but it's just kind of it's a surprise that has been teased and now it's um released released nice that's good we have a patreon we have patreon it's just us two. It is not a review, review Patreon.

It is a Riley and Jeff comedy content mecca. It's a pilgrimage to our roots in a way. Is it wrong to say that this is our birthright to have this Patreon? I don't think it's wrong. I don't think it's right, but I don't think it's like... It didn't feel right to say. Yeah. But I'm wondering if it'll fall on deaf ears it's probably it's probably wrong it's probably wrong um but go check it out go check it out it's uh patreon.com forward slash riley and jeff so it'll kind of force you to learn how to spell riley's name right

yeah um uh but yeah we have two tiers uh starting the first tier at $3.99 per month. Trying to cut you guys a deal because I know that you, we've gotten a couple comments saying that obviously you guys probably, if you're subscribing to our Patreon, you probably subscribe to the Jake and Amir Patreon or the Hey Riddle Riddle or the Punch Up the Jam, et cetera, et cetera. And at $3.99, let me pull up the tiers because i'm already forgetting what we're promising the first the first tier is the podcat tier at 3.99 per month you will get a monthly comedy sketch original written and performed by us or a song parody because we might be feeling musical la la la okay well we're not doing it today obviously yeah well okay no it's just clearly you're not feeling it today we also will be doing monthly q a happy hour style live streams where you can ask us anything and pour yourself a drang uh you can also vote on future review review episode

topics as well as get access to all review review ad reads past and future people have been asking for some of our old ad reads because of how off the rails they are you can hear favorites like Riley's rendition of I'm yours by Jason Mraz or Jeff's Pirates of the

Caribbean Fran I think and so on and so on so we will give you access to our entire back catalog of ads as well as every future ad because as you know, the ads do disappear after about a week or so. We will also be launching a Patreon exclusive Discord channel.

That doesn't mean we won't be on the HeadGum Discord, but it will be a Discord that we will probably be on more frequently and with less voices there because sometimes the HeadGum one gets crazy. The other tier we have is the vi podcast tier coming in at 1999 and i know it's steep but here's what we have with it y'all here's what we have with it we have everything on the podcast level so everything jeff just said plus a patreon exclusive garment dyed hoodie ever heard of it riley and jeff exclusive patreon merch which is why you know it's it's a it's a it's a couple clams more than the podcat tier um you also will get a personalized

cameo style video you get one of those per month um you also get weekly shout outs on review review and your name in the credits of every patreon video and most importantly you get to support two two little goo goo gaga babies and that's absolutely in the description of the vip podcast here let's face it la is an expensive place to live we love making content for your guys's asses uh but this will just help us be able to make even more. And if we reach 500 patrons, we will start a second podcast. A Hallmark movie video rewatch podcast. Yeah. Does that make sense?

Does that even make sense? We'll be watching Hallmark movies and talking about them. The good ones, the bad bad ones and the fugly ones we're watching it all if we have 500 of you guys per month so whether you guys subscribe or not thank you so much and sorry for

talking about it for so long but let's get to let's get to today's topic patreon is all fun and games and what else is all fun and games the reading of the will all fun and games? The reading of the will at someone's funeral when you kind of find out all the money you get. You think, sorry, you think

that they do the reading of the will at a funeral service? I'm saying if they did that'd be fun. Don't pay your respects because your respects are disrespects. It just kind of, it feels like, uh, it feels like Christmas to me. Funerals? Yeah. Got it. So I meant that we were going to talk about arcades.

Arcades. I love an arcade. I know. What are your highs, lows, ups, downs, lefts, rights with arcades? So as a kid, I used to love, the only arcades that were around me were like the ones in movie theaters, right? That are off to the side, et cetera, et cetera. Also Chuck E. Cheese.

Loved them. I loved them even more than the movies sometimes. What were your favorite games? Oh, you know what? So my mom grew up in New York, so my grandparents lived, or my grandfather lived in New York. So we would visit him like once a year. So I'd be in New York. And the one place I always wanted to go was ESPN Zone in Times Square.

Oh my God. Fucker. And that's why people go to New York. That's the Big Apple in a nutshell. Yeah, yeah. There was this one game, I don't know what it was called, but it was like this alien,

oh, you know what? It might've been Star Wars Phantom Menace themed where they're like competing in those like hover motorcycle race and so you kind of lay down almost supine on your stomach on a thing and like you're kind of it's a fully immersive experience god that was the only game I wanted that was that's that was New York to me I mean none of this Broadway shit none of this Greenwich Village style. I wanted the zone, the ESPN zone. What about you?

I know exactly the game you mean. I mean, yes, of course, we have our movie theater arcades. We have arcades in bowling alleys. Yeah. Also, we had the arcade on the Santa Monica Pier. It's kind of like the old, they have a lot of those old timey games. It's exactly what you would think of

when you think like A, California, but B, arcade. Yeah. And you had that not only at your fingertips, but your disposal. I mean, they have a photo booth in there and I remember going with my dad and my sister and my mom.

I have so many strips of photos from going to that arcade sure um the ski ball the big bertha games like the I mean they had everything there and the what big bertha you never played it's like a really old-timey game I think it's a game where it's like I let me double check. I don't think I ever really knew how to play. Bertha, don't you play arcade games anymore? It's really like you're just, it's like you're throwing balls and trying to get them in big Bertha's trap, for lack of a better term. This is a fever dream you had. It's like, these are the games, it's like, this game is made of cloth, right?

It's like you're coming to an arcade. What do you mean? Oh, God. I want to gag. I want to choke. I want you to throw that little bouncy ball and hit the dangly thing at the back of my throat. That's really good.

You should tweet that. I don't have a history with Big Bird, though, but fine. What I love about that arcade is that it's like, there's also there was also little rides outside of it and I have like I fucking loved the

like little just like you know put the coin in and it's like yeah yeah things you would find at like an ice cream store yeah and it's on the pier

and so it's like it's it's indoor but it's also it's like so it's under a roof but then there's no like doors to it

except when they close it down so it's alfresco it's that, it's like, so it's under a roof, but then there's no like doors to it, except when they close it down. It's that California inside, outside lifestyle. Yeah. Hey, AD. I guess. Yeah. So that was always really nice. So you get the smell of the sea while you're playing ski ball.

Jealous, very jealous. We should go to that Pacific Park or whatever it's called, or just the arcade with friends when this is all over. Yeah, it's a very fun time. I really enjoy it. I love an arcade. That and also Button Mash in Echo Park. Yeah, nowadays it's barcades. It's really, really cool.

Again, though, I think we talked about this on our episode of High and Mighty, which if you haven't checked that out, go listen to our episode of Gabrus' show, High and Mighty. We get cozy! We talk about coziness and it was one of my favorite, I think it was my favorite show I've ever guested on. It was really fun. Hopefully Amir hears that and kind of

is hurt slash steps his game up. But the food at Button Mash is really good. The food, I think Button Mash it's a better, it's even, it's a restaurant. Yeah, the fries, the garlic noodles. All that to say say arcades are the best um they're super super fun did you did you care about like winning prizes really like i'm gonna fucking get tickets i'm gonna fucking like win a win a super bouncy ball or like a tiny plastic dino no because i mean the whole thing was i had my sights set higher you know my expectations weren't a little bouncy ball i don't care for a

little plush doll right i want a rolex you know i want that roly-poly i want that don't call it a roly-poly i want that that that's that that that that that ice that that that jewelry stuff i want that roly-poly that ice that jewelry stuff And they didn't have that behind the counter, no matter how many tickets. Obviously. But they had like PS3s. Are you shitting me? They didn't have that at my local Solon bowling lanes in Ohio? I don't know.

Maybe I'm remembering it wrong. And it felt like, to me, it felt like that ball felt like a PS3. Did you play to win? No. I played to win the game. But like the tickets were kind of, you know, meaningless. Yeah. Um, I wanted to feed big Bertha.

I absolutely did. It was more compulsion to make sure that Bertha was satisfied. If any, God, I miss being out. Should we take a break? Yeah. Let me cry for a second. All right. All right.

This is one star. I feel like we haven't had a one star in a while. One star for all amusement fun center in Burbank. I never trust anything when it's called a fun center. This is from Mark H. What's his last name? Hamill. This is from Luke Skywalker himself. One star, all amusement fun center.

This place is really fun, but the workers here are very annoying. When I went in, an older man approached me and told me about all the prizes and gave me tips on how to win. And I was like okay i swear this man was bugging me a lot every every three minutes he would tell me something like a tip i left because he was bugging me too much all amusement fun center well guess what i don't have any fun at all oh my god welcome to all. Let me know if you need anything. My name is Jauntle, and you can address me by that name.

I have some tips for you. Pinball? Why don't you shake the machine so the ball goes where you want it? All right. Thank you, Jauntle. I am Tim. No, it's not cheating. Is that what you're going to say?

It's not cheating. It's gaming the system. Well, what you're going to say? It's not cheating. It's just gaming the system. Well, I wasn't going to say that. I was just going to say I'm here with my two girls and they really love playing it the way that you play. If you lose, you lose.

If you win, you win. So thank you so much. Thank you. We'll take our coins from you. If you lose, your father won't call you back. Excuse me? Oh, sorry.

Nothing. Yeah, you guys have fun. You guys have fun. i'm here if you need me perfect again thank you so much cut to we're playing and girls are like oh man oh we lost it's okay honey here here's another coin just try again all right pulling it back oh man i lost again you lost again oh god oh sorry did i scare sorry, did I scare you? Hey, John, a little bit. Yeah, it was a little jarring, John. Sorry, didn't mean to, didn't mean to.

I can't help but notice that you guys are running out of quarters. We are, and, you know, we had it. And my wife says, hey, that's your limit for tonight. You know, it's like we kind of feel like it's like Vegas here. So we might head out in a little bit. We probably have time for like one or two more games. Right, girls? We don't want to go.

I know, I know. But you got school in the morning. You know, they got A's on their English papers. have time for like one or two more games right girls we don't want to go i know i know but you had school in the morning you know they got they got a's on their on their english papers so i take them here whenever we get good grades for you know good night i have a feeling that if you pull back the little pinball thing a little bit harder and then again just sort of shake the machine it'll get you exactly where you need to be and you'll never fail. And you'll never fail.

And I'll show you how to turn this quarter. Takes a quarter from behind the kid's ear. And turn it into this. Like does a sleight of hand magic trick and pulls out a PS4. Oh my God. That's right. My daughters throw up.

Oh my God. How did you do that? That was insane. I'll be behind the i'll be behind the prize counter if you need me again john toll john toll or john john toll you're saying different things i misspoke you misspoke your name are you single i have a wife um i have a life do you work here what's that you work here right you absolutely like you're employed i volunteer you volunteer and i don't mean this to brag i just want to explain my situation What's that? You work here, right? You absolutely, like, you're employed? I volunteer. You volunteer. And I don't mean this to brag.

I just want to explain my situation. I was a very successful venture capitalist. Invested in Dell in the 90s and sold out big. I really did. And now I'm a philanthropist. Dad, I didn't want to listen to his story. She starts shaking it. Shaking it.

He was right. I won. I won big, Dad. Oh, my. Yeah, you really did. And you won by just, not by skill or fun, just by shaking it, didn't you? Didn't you? Thanks, Jauntle.

Thanks, Jauntle. You're welcome. The tickets keep coming out. Oh, they're not stopping. Oh, my God. How many of these do I need for a PS5? Jontle leans down to talk to her at her level. Let me tell you something, kid.

Life isn't about winning fairly. It's about the ends justify the means. Okay. Holly, come here. We're going to back away a little bit. Oh, my God. Best you can tell. Angel round.

And it was sort of a, let me take a chance on these nerdy white guys. They might have something. And they had something. And I'm made out with billions. Sorry, my other little girl, she's starting to climb on top of the prizes in the back. No, she's done it. She's found out that she can just grab the prizes because I'm not behind the counter. Daddy, look, I got a teddy. Oh, my God. No, Lily, we're going to go put that. She's done it. She's found out that she can just grab the prizes because I'm not behind the counter.

Daddy, look, I got a teddy. Oh, my God. No, Lily, we're going to go put that. I'm so, so sorry about her. Don't be sorry. She figured it out. She's cheating her way into having it, which is like as long as you have it, it doesn't matter how you got it.

Well, no, she's stealing. She's stealing the prizes from the back, which is not okay. I don't want that to be a lesson that I'm teaching to my kids. Can I ask you something? Oh, my God. Your your wife you said you had a wife i have a wife yeah did you guys meet when you were both single um girls why don't you play big bertha all right what do you know don't know anything did you did you know i mean i mean my subscript my subscription sorry my suspicions are confirmed i'm just saying that you know you're not like the goody two-shoes that you're trying to make yourself out to be, right?

Like, the ends justified the means. You ended up marrying the dame. But she was obviously a Michael or a Peter before. And you were Mr. Steal Your Girl. So, sorry. I have like a nephew and he really teaches me things. She was with my brother. All right?

She was with my brother, Michael Peter. I can't believe you knew his name. Lucky guess. That's really... She was with my brother, all right? She was with my brother, Michael Peter. I can't believe you knew his name. Lucky guess. That's really... She was with my brother, Michael Peter. Damaging. It was absolutely damaging. We don't talk anymore, he and I.

And I don't want my girls to know. They can't know, all right? They can't know that they even have an Uncle Michael Peter, okay? Uncle Michael Peter has never come to Christmas. Uncle Michael Peter has never sent him a birthday card. Uncle Michael Peter texts my wife, Sandy, every year on her birthday. And that's the only contact we have with him. I don't know why I'm telling you all of this, but I feel like-

It's because you feel comfortable because I foster an environment where you can, you know, again, share your experience. And again, look for you. That's not it. I don't feel comfortable with you. So what's different about you stealing your brother's wife than your daughter stealing a teddy bear or shaking a pinball machine?

They weren't married, and I don't want my girls to turn out like me, okay? So I can't be around you because you're bringing out the worst in me, and I don't want to bring out the worst in them from being around you. Dad, look. We found all these tickets in a man's hands that we shoved down the stairs.

No, girls. She? She? No, we gotta, girls, come here. Now you have enough for the portable projector. No, don't tell them about any better prizes than the fucking stuff. The portable projector? No, no.

We'll take it. We absolutely will not be taking it. Girls, where is the man now? The man you pushed down the stairs. I think he's either at the bottom of the stairs or he's walking slowly and limping up the stairs. He comes out. He's kind of shrouded in mystery and shadows. Looks up.

It's Uncle Michael Peter. It's you. It's you. Girls, why don't you go over by John? No. No. They need to see this. They really...

Let's not do this here. Elizabeth, Leanne. Their names are Holly and Lily. Well, that's what I was going to name my kids with your wife. Our wife. No, she's not our wife. She's my wife. You took everything from me, Tim.

You took my wife. You took my house. You took my house. Come on, man. We don't need to get into this right now. You took my clothes. And for what? They fit perfectly. They fit perfectly.

They wouldn't fit me now because guess what? I've been binge eating, stress eating, and then going on crazy Whole30 diets for the last two years to try and win her back. Dad, dad, who is this? Dad, he's making me really nervous. Is he talking about getting to mom? What does he want from us? Girls, girls, this man is very sick. This man's very sick.

And he doesn't know what he's saying. And I think we should just go home. All right, I think we should just go home. But dad, he looks so much like you. It's crazy. And I feel such, like, such, like, a father-daughter energy towards him. Yeah, me too. No.

No, you don't. Michael Peter pulls out two official documents, one in each hand. DNA tests. They are his kids. How? No, you made those up. This tests. They are his kids. How? No, you made those up. This can't be real. It's real.

And guess what? Jontle stands right next to him. They say in unison, the ends justify the means. I blackmailed a doctor to forge these DNA tests. But legally, these hold up in any court of law. Those kids, mine. but legally these hold up in any court of law those kids mine lily we patched things up and she's at my house which is your house which is now my house give me your shirt i don't want to shirt shirt shirt shirt everybody in the arcade. Shirt. Shirt. Give me your shirt, man. Shirt. Give me your shirt. My God, fine.

Fine. Give me your shirt. Fine here. These are my kids. I'm not letting you go home with my kids to my wife. What'll it take? What'll it take to get to the ends that I want? What are the means that I'm going to have to do?

I don't, there's not, I'm not putting a price on my family. Are you crazy? Let's just say I have everything in the world. What's your, what's your, what do you want? There's no number. There's no number. There's no number that could make me give away my family to you, Michael Peter.

Also, by the way, girls, this is my brother, Michael Peter. You should know. You should just know at this point. Alright, so there's no number. There's no cash. There's no material good. Absolutely not. I'm not a monster like you. What about forgiveness? What did you just say?

If you give me your house, clothes, kids, life, wife, I'll forgive you. You don't know how long I've waited to hear that. Dad, what are you saying? You're saying that you're not even going to take millions of dollars, but you'll let him forgive you. And then you'll give us away to this person we don't know, who I guess is our dad now. I really, I don't think I can live another day on this earth without your forgiveness, Michael Peter. Denied. Wait, what?

What? No, why? Come on, kids, what? What? No, why? Come on, kids. What? They go along with him. No. No deal. All right, quitting time. Quitting time.

Our gate's closing. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. I don't have a home. Michael Feeder just took my kids and my house and my wife and my life. Where do I go? I mean, can I at least keep my car? I hope I still get to keep my car. Afraid not.

Fuck. Maybe if you hadn't been playing by the rules so much. JonTul puts his sunglasses down. He closes up and walks out and gets on a hog. A Harley drives off. Tim is left in the arcade. Lights off. Doors locked. Childless, wifeless,

houseless, and carless. There's only one light on. Right? And I'm looking right at it. And the light to the big Bertha game is flashing. Guess it's just you and me now, Bertie. Guess it's just you and me. And that's the book.

What do you think? that was the whole book yes so we don't even get like the story of tim and his family we don't get tim stealing michael peter's girlfriend and marrying her we just we just kind of the book is the arcade sequence okay sorry i don't think you're getting it um the book is the arcade sequence and it's exactly what i said okay and you don't like it i just it's nothing if either you don't get it and you don't like it or like you like it because you understand and if you don't understand then you don't get it no i get it it's just it's nothing to me it's absolutely nothing that's not a book it's a scene it's not a book okay it's short story. The old man in the sea was sort of like a scene because it never left the boat. We will pay you for you to go away. We will pay you to put this project on hold indefinitely.

Can I take it to other publishing houses? Absolutely not. This shouldn't be out in the world. Deal. And that's the book. So it's a book about a book pitch about somebody, a brother who stole a brother's life and then the other brother gets his revenge by stealing it back? Mm-hmm. And then that's something, like, we read about someone pitching that, conceptualizing it and pitching it.

Yeah. So, deal? Yeah. People don't read might as fucking well oh i think i do um okay this is for playland arcade which is at the s Monica Pier, which is where I went as a lass. It's called Playland. Three stars from Leo Z. Zeus. Leo Zeus. Okay, here we go. Fun zone, folks walking around in flippy floppies, towels around their neck,

quarters in their pockets, and all hovering around that one person who has been beating every high record in every other arcade. Nice. If you play arcades, awesome. If you don't, there's always roller coaster rides for friends and family.

One thing I do recommend for you is to have hand sanitizer. At least for guys. Some savages don't wash their hands after pee-pee time. That's not cool. So be prepared for cooties, LOL. All in all, though, great spot for fun and adventures. Romantic sceneries for selfies.

Musicians play their heart out for a buck. Fishing crew always on deck. Souvenirs are sold every four feet away from each other. But most importantly, enjoy the company of the sea. Really calm, relaxing. And if you find an empty bench to sit on, take it. You'll love to watch the waves and the smell of the food cooking near you. The arcade is just another spot. Really fun until you cannot have those quarters in your pocket well spent.

They're in a men's room. The guy walks out. Hey, how was your pee-pee time? Oh, man, dude, my pee-pee time was fucking good, good. It was amazing. Afterwards, I did a little soap soap, did a little wash wash in the little rub-a-dub, and then I did a little splish-splash,

got a little dry, and now I'm ready to play. How was yours? Yeah, no, I was joking. and now I'm ready to play. How was yours? Yeah. No, I was joking. It was like a bit. Do you actually call it those things? Do I call it pee-pee time, rub it up, a little soapy soap,

and a little splish-splash, and a little dry-dry? Yeah. No, I don't call it. Yeah, dude, obviously. Everyone calls it that, man. Come on. Cool, cool.

Elizabeth? They're on a double date. Hey, we ready to go? Ken was just telling me that he had pee-pee time, did a little soapy soap, and then a splish splash. Yeah, well, I'm glad he did that now before we got in a little vroom-vroom to head to the restaurant.

Yeah, okay. Do you need to have your pee-pee time do a little swish swash before we do the little dry dry? And so then we can go have a little drinky drink and a little snake scent? What are we saying? What are we saying? Can I talk to you for a second? Me or Ken? You.

My girlfriend. Sorry. I know that his girlfriend is your best friend from college. But you don't have to say these crazy things is your like best friend from college, but like you don't have to like say these crazy things to make him feel comfortable. It's, it's weird. And I don't like hanging out with him. For the record, I don't like this.

And you should just hang out with, just hang out with Claire on your own. You don't have to bring me on a double date with Ken. Right. We, I really, it means a lot for me to have this time all together. And look, this is just, this is just because Clara's my best friend. Do we even like him? Do we like Ken? Ken's a sweetheart.

He's a- Look at him. He wore, he wore scuba feet as shoes. The little duck feet. He's walking in place like Daffy Duck. He gets a little nervous in front of new people, all right? He and Clara have only been together a couple weeks

and it would really mean a lot. His nipples are so hard. They're sticking out of his sheer T. You hear him from the background going, ooh, a little pop-pop from the nips. It's a little chill-chill in here. What is wrong with him? He's like a kid.

He's a little nervous, that's all. But look, Claire will be here in a second. Stop. You can't say that around Claire, all right? So we'll have one more little drink. I'll have a straight whiskey. I'll have a scotch. I'll have a man. Stop. You can't say that around Claire, all right? So we'll have one more little drink. I'll have a straight whiskey. I'll have a scotch. I'll have a man's drink, a fireplace and a glass.

What are you going to have, Ken? Milkshake? I don't think so, Ray. I think that's sweet, sweet time. And we haven't had the din-din. So we got to have the din-din before the sweet seat. So before we have the din-din, I'm going little uh taquique elizabeth do you do you want a little taquique um no i'm gonna have some rose rose ro ro for me rope just ray don't look

at me like that it's bad enough that he talks this way why do you have to adopt because now i feel like the odd man out and i'm the only sane one here. He doesn't, he clearly has no shame. He's fine saying it no matter who says it with him. Well, then maybe you need to take a look at yourself, right? Are you shitting me? Maybe you need to take a look at yourself and see why you have a lot of shame around, around having fun with your life. All right.

I'm not having fun. I'm not having fun. I know. Oh, you're not. We're not having fun. Claire comes back from the bathroom all right little diapy check puts her hand down his pants they start cracking up all right they're laughing is that a joke tell me that's just what they do it's just what do you what do you mean

hey hey elizabeth elizabeth and ray you guys before, before we go in the room, you have to do a little diapy check on each other. Okay. Ray, just this once for me, please. Ray, just be cool. What do you want me to do? Just be cool. Be cool. Flutz her hand.

Like, pulls up. You have a wedgie. Are you kidding me? Give them the all clear clear. All the green means go. I'm wearing boxer briefs. It it's fine it's normal thank you thank you for letting me do that i'm really really sorry i cannot fucking believe you just did that why'd you have to yell it even if you had to do it you could have waited everyone around here

thinks i'm wearing a fucking diaper no they don't no they don't they don't think you're wearing a diaper they don't think you're wearing a diaper my My diapy is good to go. Walking around the square. Oh, my God. So, yeah, again, just head to toe. He's wearing scuba feet, scuba shoes. And then he's wearing pleated chinos that clearly are not hiding a diaper. And then he's wearing a striped long-sleeved T-shirt and a hat with a spinner on it. Well, you know what, Ray?

He's kind. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from him. Hey, Claire? Claire, can you come? Actually, can you help me? I need to reapply some makeup in the bathroom. I think let's leave the boys alone for a little bit, just for them to bond. Does that sound good? No, I think that we're good to go. I think we're good to go in the car. We'll meet you out there in a second. Why don't you guys go get in the car

and we'll be out there in like five minutes tops. Five minutes to go in the car. We'll meet you out there in a second. Why don't you guys go get in the car, and we'll be out there in like five minutes tops. Five minutes. Cut to the car. Ooh, this is a nice little vroom vroom you got, Ray. It's a nice vroom vroom indeed. You got the little beep beep. You got the little horn horn. You got the A-C, A-B-C-D-E-F-J-H-J-K-L-N-O-P.

You know, that's how far I've gotten. What was that? Did it cost a little buck buck for you to get this vroom vroom, this nice vroom vroom? This nice vroom vroom? Do you not know the alphabet? I know it. Like, I know it. Oh, great.

Then let's hear it. Well, you know, at the end, it's like, next time, won't you sing with me? How about this time, won't you sing with me? Let's sing it together. together a b c d e f g h i j k l m yeah keep going q z y a q z y a well you already did a we already did a no well you don't know you're an active listener but you don't know that it's it's it's lmno p qrst okay so you're a big man. So do you think that makes you a big, big boy? That you know L-M-N-O-P? Are you making fun of me for knowing the alphabet?

Because you don't know it. Can I be honest with you? Can I tell you a little truth? You haven't been honest thus far? Your wife just did a diaper check on you in an arcade. Can I tell you a little truth? Oh, I wish she was my wife. I wish.

I mean, I'd like to give her a little smoochie. Can I give you a little truthy, Ray Ray? It's just Ray. You can call me Raymond just to make up for everything else. But yeah, what? Truth? A little truthy. Just a little truthy.

Just a little truthy. Something. You want to let me in on a fact? Let's hear it. I've been watching you with my little eyes balls. I've been watching you and it hasn't been so amazeballs. What do you mean? little eyes balls i've been watching you and it hasn't been so amazed balls it hasn't been i've been seeing the way that you that you treat your your lizzie gal your lizzie you're busy lizzie it's just elizabeth why do you talk like this i haven't seen the way you treat her and she wants

to have fun she wants to have playtime don't give me advice she wants don't you absolute dare give me advice she wants to she wants to be a ha ha gal she wants to be a laughing playtime little miss she put her hand on my ass earlier i think you're being a little priss to your little miss all right from one from one big boy to another big boy you could afford to have more fun in the sun with your little miss, little Pris. You could afford to wear normal sneakers. The girls get in the car. So, what were you guys talking about us? Were you, oh, no, girls,

we were just having a little truthy time, just a little Ruthie Truthie with my little Ray Ray. I think little Ray Gunn and I are really getting on, really getting on. Oh, I'm so, Ken, I'm so happy to hear that. You know, Ray Gunn is actually what his brothers called him when he was little i can't believe he knew that i just i had a little feeling a little feel feel on my tiptoes um ray should we start this room room get going on a little down the street i spin the hat get out of my car ray get out of my god he doesn't mean it he's get out of the car ray ray it's over i don't care if i'm a dick for this i don't want to be a part of this night i don't want to be part of this real real re-ration ship no i'm sorry it was just i'm so

what'd you say the way you have treated Ken and me, Ray, you can go to dinner on your own. You can do everything on your own now because I have seen the light. And yeah, I want to be Miss Fun in the Sun. And you are being a little Miss Priss to your old miss. We're breaking up because of Ken. Not because of Ken, but thanks to Ken.

Amen to Ken, I say i say ken did you shit yourself i didn't think you could smell it this quickly but i did get a little nervous slash excited and so that's where little the little poop poop in the dike dike came from keep the car he leaves the keys and walks off into the night i'm sitting in there there with the girls. Okay, who in here knows how to drive the vroom vroom? This shook me all week long.

I'm gonna go with I voted. I voted early. So, not a fun one this week, but if you can vote early, do it. You can go to headcount.com or.org, I forget which, and check your voter registration. And if you live in L.A. City Council District 4, vote for Nithya Raman for City Council District 4 vote for Nithya Rahman for city council. LA City Council is responsible for a budget of $6 billion annually. So that's crazy.

And they have equal power to the lives of Angelenos than the national government, if not more. I wish I lived in District 4 so I could vote for Nithya. Well, that means we have to move to fucking Beachwood Canyon. And that's obviously an easy do. And I am. to move to fucking beachwood canyon and that's obviously an easy do and i am george and i found this house in beachwood canyon like the day after we signed our lease at this place um and it it had a pool it wasn't a house it was like a it was a a basement not basement it was a duplex and it was the lower unit in a house in beachwood canyon overlooking Lake Hollywood with a pool and a water slide. And it was the same price as this place that we're living in now.

That's insane. It was insane. I think it was like kind of those COVID panickers who were like, I need to get somebody. Let me like underprice it. Right. And so I sent it to George and I was like, I like our place, but this would have been cool. And he was like, I'm angry. Anyway.

Yeah. Go out and vote. Vote early. That's it. It's not fun or funny. Really quick. This is not fun or funny. This is just kind of what it is. I've been on the plight of sleepless

nights to get 10,000 followers. I've been telling Jeff once I hit 10,000 I'll matter. Jeff was like, once you hit it,000 I'll matter and Jeff was like once you hit it then you'll realize there's nothing on the other side and then you'll kind of always feel sad and I'm like no that'll never happen to me

that's what I thought it'll never happen to me so it happened it's nothing I did as soon as I hit it i'm like let me use that swipe up feature to get people to register to vote baby but that's not important what it's important is to go vote like our lives and our planet depends on it because it literally does thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode uh you can catch riley at riley unsprawled on instagram

at riley coyote on twitter the show on instagram at riley coyote on twitter the show on instagram at review review the show on twitter at at review review show and on reddit r slash review review i always forget because none of us we don't like neither of us have the same thing on instagram and twitter yeah and the show doesn't have the same thing on anything i know and jeff on instagram i am jeffrey james and on twitter at Don'tPlayNoJames. Also, rate the show five stars on Apple Podcasts. We haven't said that in a while, but it really does help the algorithm with getting us on charts and stuff. And we're always trying to get that catch. We're always trying to get that audience.

And that's kind of like what's the most important thing to us. And also, again, our Patreon is out today. If you want to go check it and if you're not in a place to subscribe to it right now, that is totally fine. But if you could share it, tell your friends, tell your family, tell your grocer, huh? Yeah. Talk your grocer's ear off about this.

They'll love it. We have a comedy sketch dropping, I guess, today when we launch. It'll be up, so sign up for that. And then we'll do a Q&A live stream this Thursday at 6.30 p.m. Pacific time, 9.30 p.m. Atlantic, Eastern, whatever. So subscribe for that. Thank you so much, y'all.

You okay? Yeah, I'm anxious. About what? It's the coffee. I haven't eaten enough, i had two okay well go eat go eat no i ate i had a sandwich but it's it wasn't and it didn't end up being enough never enough you know greatest showman anyway thank you guys for listening we'll come back next week that was a hit them original