Review Revue - Arcades 2

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Alf and Reilly are back and they're totally Ms. Pacman's type. >>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is a HeadGum Original. We're not mad. We're just disappointed. And we're not mad because obviously we're, like we've said for weeks now, we're banking up. So do we have a theme song from y'all today to send in to reviewreviewshow.gmail.com? No, but that's okay. We're not mad. We've been banking episodes like crazy.

Your mother and I are worried sick. When you stay out that late and you don't come home with a theme song, what are we supposed to think? We're not mad. We're not mad. She's not mad. We wish you just called us. We wish you would have just called. I would always rather you drive home right away.

No matter what you've been doing. Stay there. And call for us to come pick you up. Don't bother me. Your father and I just wish that... You got a car? Drive. Should I sing a song today?

Give me a... Give me a... Give me a beat, maestro. Yeah. I would like you to sing a theme song for the program Review Review that is based on Billy Joel's Piano Man. Reading reviews on the podcast show and we are Riley and Alf. Okay. And people write things that they're unhappy about and

we'll do improv based on that. La la la la la. Anyway, so that was thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. No, I mean, it's like, yeah, I sing, but it's

like not. That's crazy. And what's crazy about that is like, and the listeners don't know this, is like you normally don't do karaoke. I'm going to kill you. Alf, what's new? We spoke on the phone, what, 30 minutes ago? What's new? Yeah, what were we talking about? Oh, I wasn't. What's new is that I was in Target.

Oh, that's right. You're in Target. And I was on the phone with Alf. And I walked. Apropos of nothing by the way it wasn't apropos we weren't talking about the shit that was in target no but i was walking around i was getting stuff for my trip and i'm like oh i want to get like a new like a just like a button down a beachy button down yeah and i walked past a row of button down shirts okay and then what did you do and i again this and to alph's point i wasn't like oh wow like i'm looking

through shirts we were talking about some random we were talking about how people were trying to hit you uh while you were in your car yes people kept trying to hit me in my car trying to hit you we were talking about that and then i said oh wow targets got some nice shirts i think it's worse than that i think you said like people are people don't talk about this but no i did not go you literally no i didn't know i did not i said like targets got some nice shirts no it wasn't more than no it was more you're trying to downplay you were like no i shit trust me if it was a good story i think you literally said like i can't believe i'm saying this i did i think you did say i can't believe i'm saying i keep on saying this but target's got some nice shirts and then you and then you stop for a second and you're like i'm gonna need you to send me a photo right now of what you're looking at

send me a photo of the shirts of the shirts that made you say i can't believe i'm saying this for the listeners the shirts that i sent you yeah sure i'm looking at them now um yeah sure ultimately it's a rack of shirts that you sent me the side view so just sort of like the arms you know kind of a i want to do this was this was my pov pov you're me looking at shirts and target and that's what I was seeing and every single shirt looks like it's kind of it's giving like $20 it's giving like sort of 90s rom-com like he let me borrow his button down you know what it's giving you know what it's giving? It's giving Elio, Elio, Elio, Elio, Elio. Yes. It's giving Elio. Oliver, Oliver. So that's new with me. I'm going to eat you.

What? Remember? Oh, the cannibal stuff? Armie Hammer. I'm going to eat you. But you were almost killed in a car. Twice. Both by men not wearing shirts.

Oi, oi. Oi, oi. I think it was hot today in Chicago. It was in the 80s, which you don't normally get in Chicago in this time of year. And it has been cold and rainy. And I think people were on one. As you would say, they were, they were, um,

they were whiling out. They were whiling out. And I, and I didn't know people just kept honking. And like, I wasn't in the way. Yeah. We were honking. And I started honking.

I bet you were screaming. I said, get out of my way. You fucker. But there's no one in front of me but then you were wondering why people were honking at you I said miss me you shirtless

prick and then all of a sudden these cars are driving at me all of a sudden I can't believe I'm saying this but Target has some really good shirtless men you did pose a question for me that I'd like to bring up on the pod. Oh.

When I was in... I don't know. You did ask me when I was in Target. You said... I did ask that. You said, okay, would you still be friends with me if everything...

A classic hypothetical. Everything was the same. Everything was the same about me. But. But. And this is Alf talking. I'm Alf. There's a twist. He said, would you still be friends with me? Everything was the same. Everything was the same about me. But. But. And this is Alf talking. I'm Alf. There's a twist.

He said, would you be, would you two be friends? Everything was the same. But I had a sexual kink and fetishization of Target mannequins. And it wasn't even just Target mannequins. It was just mannequins. It was just generally mannequins. But it was like specifically that like I was very vocal about it. Yeah.

That like you and I would be going into Target. I refused to be shamed about it. like i would bring it up like give me an example like okay you and i go into target i'm just grabbing like a kombucha you're grabbing a orange gatorade like a child okay not orange but red red whatever same thing to me and we pass by the mannequins. Sure. And what do you say? I take out my phone and I start recording it. A video.

And you're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, just for the group. Because I have a group. I guess I have a WhatsApp group that's other people who have the same thing. Other people also are into that.

Yeah. Like we send each other the mannequins and we're like, wow, check out the plastic on that one. I guess would be like an example. And would you still be like friends with me, you think? Or what I said and what i said to you on the phone is i wouldn't shame you hey my whole hey hey hey you're not hurting yourself or anybody else do whatever you're not doing it right oh sorry if you're not hurting yourself or anybody else

do whatever the fuck you want for us go off so if you have a kink for mannequins and that's for anything if you're not kink for mannequins. Sex cause queen. And that's for anything. If you're not hurting yourself for anything else, do literally whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. If you had a mannequin kink, I guess I'd just be curious, not shaming. No.

I would just be, I'd be like, whoa, what are you, that's so interesting, what do you like about them? Like what turns you on about them? I guess that they're kind of like spooky okay okay speaking of things that are spooky so soon you've barely talked about how you're doing all you said i was in target and i love the shirts i guess that is enough that's really like that's a big thing for me.

No, it's warming up here. I got a haircut today. Yes. and it feels so good. It feels so good. I'm glad it feels good. you made a face.

I, um, I love my stylist. Basically, I have wavy hair. I have like wavy hair and- Holy shit, gather a metal. Fuck off.

But I, in the past couple of years, it's like, because my hair is very fine, a lot of like the curling and styling products weigh my hair down a lot. And so then I'm just like, oh, well then it just looks greasy and weird and like has like a cast to it. Like it's's crunchy and so i haven't found the best way to like to manage my kind of hair that like has a curl pattern but is very fine but i have a lot

of it and so my so sometimes i'll just be lazy and i'll like either brush it out but then it just gets poofy whatever so i've been lately trying to wear it naturally more and like just really uh work with the curls and my stylist today gave me a lot of great tips and then he also he's like you know what because you're wearing he's like i do see your wave pattern i'm gonna give you more layers because your hair when it air dries it drags down the top of my hair this is so interesting i know yeah especially on a fucking audio medium yeah it stays very flat at the top but the bottom has curl so he gave me more layers that gives me more dimension when it curls and i feel very good about

myself and i love it and i love getting a haircut i do think thank you and this is just he he blow dried it so it's i'll be interested when i air dry it and it gets wavy and curly i'll be interested to see what it looks like but i'm very excited excited. And I love my stylist. So thank you. That's me. I wish there was a thing they could do that was similar to that. But like for your personality to give it more layers and dimension. And more layers and more lift. Uplift, you know.

But what's new with you really quick? Other than the driving and you wanting to fuck plastic? That was a hypothetical um no alph's kink that was no no we were soft launching honey there's nothing soft about it uh those fuckers are hard as rock they're made of plastic and so am i and so And so I think I, I don't know, man, I feel very liminal. It's spring, you know, we're on the cusp of seasons and my, my allergies are at a 10, um,

you know, Chicago, I believe don't factor me on this. When they city, the plan, when they plan the city, they only planted boy trees. They planted no girl trees

because they don't want us to have free fruit. And so, your air is full of cum at the end of the day. It's full of tree cum. And I hate it. It hurts my eyes and my nose and my throat. This sounds like you've ghostwritten a speech for Trump.

They only planted boy trees. Yeah. No free fruit. It's full of cum. Yeah. We have the best cum trees. But yeah, I guess that's what knew in me. Speaking of cum trees. No, speaking of a liminal space. Yes, that's what new in me. Speaking of countries.

No, speaking of a liminal space. Yes, that's so fucking true. Speaking of a place that it's like, what are we doing? What are what was the planning here? I don't know if I agree with that one, but keep going. Speaking of a place that's. Bright springtime, that's famously dark, but no, because we're talking about arcades okay and before no i'm gonna get ahead of it i'm gonna get ahead of it okay pr and spa back at it again so we were talking about what topics to do also this is episode 250

we are halfway to 500 yes can you we're halfway done fuck stop halfway to 500 we is that was a 250 crazy okay don't don't say stop it would be thrilling if we did this for 10 years that would be a good stopping point i we were pitching topics for today and i suggested arcades there was a little part of my brain that felt familiar so what i do whenever we check if we had done a topic before i will google review review and then the topic name now what happens is the podcast will usually come up but i look up review review arcades didn't come up but there was part of me that's like huh okay that's weird even you were like i feel like you've done that before i'm like i feel like i've done that before it didn't come up and then right before we jump on the zoom i look and yes we've done arcades but the reviews that we

found are just too fun and arcades is too fun a topic to pass up so yeah welcome to arcades too and i know what you guys are thinking i bet you're thinking wow that pitch session between the two of you sounds so fucking thrilling i wish i wish i could hear the kind of stuff they get up to in there where riley says she's gonna google something and then fucks it up and then i just think it's really beautiful um no i mean it was in 2020 when you did the last one so you can be forgiven for forgetting. Alf, talk to me about arcades. Because I talked to Jeff about it. I haven't talked to you about it.

Yeah, it's true. You haven't actually ever asked, and I've been meaning to bring that up. For years, you've been waiting. My list of things I hate you for. No, I think... You know, my experience with arcades is I think you and I

are of a different generation. No, we're not. I think for Gen Zers like myself, arcades are pure relic. I never went to an arcade. Not a true arcade growing up right whereas i'm sure you did you know like i'll kill you no when i picture your childhood right when i picture your childhood i imagine stranger things um you were riding your bike

i was 14 in like 1986 yeah that math adds up no but like you know anytime i went to an arcade it was like holy shit you can you believe they got this fucking thing still around you know what i mean pac-man yeah right like i stayed in an airbnb a few years ago that had a one of those cabinets that you can get that have um she's looking at me like I'm fucking crazy. It's one of those arcade cabinets, you know? What is an arcade cabinet? Oh, the listeners are going to fucking roast you for this. That's what they're called. An arcade cabinet?

Yes, they're called cabinets. Like, just what you're picturing in your head is like an arcade machine. Okay, well, you could have just said a game, a specific game. I didn't know it was called a cabinet but it wasn't just a specific game it was so you can get these things now you know computers um where it's like a it's a cabinet but it has like a shit ton of games on it right like it has all the buttons and it just has like a shit ton so rather than having like a dedicated like miss pac-man machine anyway this airbnb had one in

there it's an enormous airbnb i was staying with multiple people i wasn't just in my own giant airbnb call our government officials an arcade cabinet with all the games they're playing with the american people call our government an arcade cabinet officials an arcade cabinet okay all the games that they are playing with the American people yeah it's a first draft it's not bad no it's not bad let's workshop it no keep going since a cabinet is a thing in politics I think

you could have done something with that right I think like that's what I was doing yeah but it wasn't clear you know I know but the idea is there a cabinet and an arcade cabinet it's you could have been like joe biden's got an arcade cabinet with all the games they're playing in the white house you know whatever so you had you you had i know you would never criticize biden

that's my sleepy joe you're talking about sleepy deepy um but uh what the fuck cabinet yeah and so i played miss pac-man all the fucking time on that thing for like the week we were at that airbnb i would get up be in the fucking living room playing that cabinet and people would be like hey buddy we're gonna go like to the beach and i'd be like oh cool see you later really would you no not quite that bad i was being hyperbolic. But I did fucking love it. And if I had the space, I would absolutely put a Ms. Pac-Man in my house. I fucking love Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man's very good. I love an arcade.

The arcade. I was actually, I was in an arcade with my sister recently. She was visiting. The arcade, I think probably one of the only arcades I've ever been to. That isn't like a quote unquote barcade, which are very fun. I do love a barcade, but like an actual arcade is the play land, which is the reviews that I have today.

It, the arcade on the Santa Monica pier, which is like a very retro arcade. And I, I love it. I think it's a great first date spot. I think it's a great first date spot i think it's a great like um as a teenager date spot i don't know i think there's just a lot of fun to be had i love um air hockey i love um uh the kind of like the motorcycle race games and then they also they used to have

and they don't anymore they had the big birthday game i love skeeball i'm not very good at it but i love doing it uh i love the big bertha games all of the kind of like i mean i went come on look up at bertha you throw it's like a giant puppet with a big mouth and you just try and like get okay so the first thing that comes up is a gun the second thing that comes up is a golf club and then the first thing that comes up is a gun. The second thing that comes up is a golf club. And then the third thing is a Marvel Comics character. Nope, look up Big Bertha Arcade Game. Arcade. And I...

Oh, she's iconic. Yeah, I love her. Feed Big Bertha. Yeah. The thing is, what I love about the... Wait, about that wait i'm obsessed with no it's a great game but the thing is it's like oh i love miss pack those are all good too but there's so many just like vr games now or like they all are just kind of like vr shooting games yeah that's so boring to me i love the games like that of like a practical effect game or something much more

tangible like a ski ball like a feed big bird you know what i fucking loved coin push games what the fuck oh oh i hated where it was like going back and forth no that was boring shit to me okay well i um you know i think my lifelong love of edging um has really gooning even i really I loved those like just putting like a fistful of quarters in and being like I'm gonna see if I get more quarters that's wild

see I never went for those games I loved me some some Dance Dance Revolution I was never good at that unsurprising coordinated not I loved like

in Chuck E. Cheese the game we had to step on all the spiders it was oh fuck that game was fun that game

holy shit I loved that game you just unlocked something. Charles Entertainment, cheese. But even like a Dave and Buster's, it's just people, I love a game. I love a game. Getting together with friends to go play a game, and then when you're done with one game, go play another game.

And it's like, even if you're not going to rack up points to go get a prize, you get like some fucking cheapo plastic thing at the, that's still fun too. Like, I don't know. I love an arcade. I, I,

I see nothing wrong with them. I see nothing wrong with them. And I'm not, and I didn't say I did. Um, no, it's just like, I actually don't have a problem with our kids.

I love them. And I think they're very fun. There is a bar that Daniel and I went to recently. Uh, it's a brewery that has beer, tacos, uh, cocktails and and skee-ball. They just have a bunch of skee-ball. And I'm like, what a great night out.

Sorry, what a fun night out. Love me some pinball. Love me, like, it's just, I love an arcade. Fuck it. So I haven't played skee- since probably since a boy um and so i don't know if i i think i'd have to relearn it's it's one of those things it's like for me my approach to skeeball is the same as bowling my first first couple goes, my first couple goes are not great. Once I lock in, I am locked the fuck in as soon as I,

but it's, it's not one of the things where it's like, Oh, I haven't done it in a while. Let me do it. And now I'm good to go. It's every time I could go bowling twice in one week. And both times I'll be like,

just give me a couple of warmup hands. And then, Hey, good. Let me fucking breathe. Let me fucking breathe let me get there you know what arcade game i think was horse shit and i always hated and i thought was shit go off go off was the stacking one where it would be like stack oh i loved that and if you get to the

top you win a fucking you know helicopter i was always shit at that i can't believe see i always walked by the ones that were like, drop your coins in and just let her ride. And I thought that's the biggest scam in the world. I mean, arcades, they're expensive. They are,

they do, they are kind of scammy. It's getting a little bit of scam, but the ones where you're just, cause at least it's like, if I'm feeding my money into something, I know that it's like, I'm going to play a couple of rounds of Ms.

Pac-Man or I'm going to shoot some basketball or whatever, but I'm just watching my money go in and just kind of move around a little bit like the coin yeah but there's the potential that you win big because like what you don't understand is right at the edge and maybe if i just put the right quarter in the right way put a little you try and put spin on it you know my brother and i i remember there was one time i can't even remember where we were, somewhere in the middle of fucking nowhere, and there was like a gas station that you could walk to from where we were staying. And inside the gas station, they had one of those. Like, not a bunch of arcade, like literally just one of those. And my brother and I would sit in front of that thing for like hours and hours, like, Mom, can we go to the gas station to play with the coin push machine?

That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. That's really upsetting. It's so interesting that you think it's upsetting because it's like one of my fondest memories. No, that's a very nice memory. It explains a lot about you. What do you mean by that? What I mean by that is you begged your mom to go to a gas station to keep putting quarters into a scam game yeah not all of us grew up in a city okay I uh oh so I was gonna say earlier

my sister and I went we walked by it's like I we both were just noting how I don't know sexualizing pac-man making it a girl, making it, it's like, what if we made, what if we gave Pac-Man eyelashes and legs and caked her up with some jugs? Hell yeah.

Like, it's just so wild to me. But I love an arcade. I always will. I love a barcade. I think that's honestly, I haven't been to David Buster's in a long time, but fuck it.

That sounds like an amazing night out to me. I love a game night, though haven't been to David Buster's in a long time, but fuck it. That sounds like an amazing night out to me. I love a game night, though. It's like one of my favorite ways to spend time with people. I love a game. I love a game. I love a game, too. I love a cocktail.

I love like some fries and wings for the table. Come on. David Buster. Fuck. I want to go to David Buster's right now. But I love an arcade. It's so fun. It is dirty as hell, though.

I got hand sanitizer every 10 minutes. That shit's nasty. I know. Because you know the, like, fucking teen managing the prize counter is absolutely not wiping. Not giving a shit. No, of course not. No. You know what game? It is fun, and I hate guns guns but i do like this game is like not like the vr shooter games like a

walking dead kind of game but at least the playland arcade in in santa monica on the boardwalk there is um it's the kind you have the rifle but then it's like they're like all the puppets of like you have to shoot the no but it's like you shoot a target that lights up and then like a crow will call and then it's like all these practical effects of like oh you shoot a target that lights up and then like a crow will call and then it's like all these practical effects of like oh you shoot at the treasure chest thing the treasure opens it's like you're just kind of like hitting the marks to set off all of these little effects and i think that's very fun i have no idea kill anything i have no i i i used to fuck up a big buck hunt of course you did you have and you're shooting the fucking and then

you get to the later levels and you're like that fucking zebra's mine like you love hunting big game and so that's something that i that's not for me i actually don't see the point of uh killing animals for sport yeah and so the way you just haven't gone with me yet okay the way that you always like do that is no on new weekends you spend your time hunting one time sometime you me and the guy from jimmy johns are gonna go on a fucking tour and we're gonna shoot some endangered species should we shoot the shit take a break and get into our first review um sure we'll be be right back after Alf hunts a zebra. And we're back.

I can start us off with, these are all reviews for Playland Arcade on the Santa Monica Pier. This is four stars from Gracie C. That's going to be Gracie Chapman. Gracie Chapman. You got a fan's car. I'm going to take it. Four stars. I wish they had workers wipe down machines every hour or so like they do in the casinos. I'm gonna take it and leave it here four stars

I wish they had workers wipe down machines every hour or so like they do in the casinos or at least have wipes nearby some of the machines were a wee bit sticky other than that

this place is fun I am an adult with an adult child this was our weekend and we went to the pier and we had to make a pit stop in the arcade we had so much fun

we raced each other played air hockey and then played pinball we even got a few free a pit stop in the arcade. We had so much fun. We raced each other, played air hockey, and then played pinball. We even got a few free games. The people in the arcade are just there to have a good time. And you can feel the energy. I'll definitely stop in again the next time I'm on the pier. That's so sweet. I am an adult with an adult child.

This was our weekend. Are they doing an every other week? Like, I'm a child of divorced parents. I grew up doing an every other weekend situation. See, the thing is, I read that as, like, are you an adult still doing an every other weekend situation? Yes, that's so interesting. Is it like you and your 35-year-old son being like,

it's mommy's weekend. What if we had a date up here? Hey, it's our weekend. We can do whatever we want. Like, and so it's very sweet of like, oh, like, you know, I went with my kid and we're both adults. That's one way to view it of like, hey, we're both adults now, but we still had a blast. We had a weekend on the pier. We had such a good time.

Another way is, well, it's our weekend. You were with your dad last weekend and now it's my turn. Hey, Mom. Oh, my God! Oh, Tony, you're here! Oh, I thought traffic was going to be way worse, but you made great time. Yeah, I was able to, uh, ooh, sorry. I was able to, uh, leave the office. Sleepy, I can make you some coffee. Uh, oh, it's a little late in the day for that. I find that after three, my heartburn really starts going. Oh, my God. You and me both.

You and me both. How's work? Everything doing good after that promotion? I'm so proud of you, by the way. My God. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Yeah.

Can I get a Diet Coke or a tea or anything? Yeah. Do you have anything herbal? I mean, yeah. No, for sure yeah i was a little caffeine you know it's it's mom's night it's mom's weekend no yeah i'll be fine yeah like chamomile or peppermint maybe oh come on it's only four the party's just getting started oh no it's just it was a really long week and um like you say with the promotion like it's been uh it's been great but it's you know it's a lot more work so it's been busy yeah transition i saw that i saw the photos you and your dad were in new york last week and that's oh that was so fun yeah he um yeah

uh you know you remember his thing about wanting to visit all the MLB stadiums. So we were finally ticking off. That's so. Those ones. I'm so happy for you. That's so. That's so. Yeah.

And it was fun to do. But I'll be honest. I got back on Monday and I thought, holy heck, I have a lot to catch up on. Yeah. Yeah. How was your week? Well, it's. Enough about me. Oh, God. My week went week? Well, it's... Enough about me.

Oh, God. My week, what? I'm just, you know, how is any week as a middle school principal? It's just kind of more the same. Busy, I think, probably. Busy, but, you know, the kids are just gearing up for summer. And so, you know, it's more of just like fun, you know, end of the year things. But it's hard to focus when I'm like, it's my week with my son.

It's my weekend with my son. So I have so much packed in for us this weekend. Oh, my gosh. It's going to be so exciting. I was thinking we could. What's that? You're making a face. You're making a face.

No, no, no, no. Sorry. Yeah. Just like I'm going to have to do a little work this weekend. Not a lot, but like a little bit of work. Oh. Get ahead of that. Oh.

Well, how long? A couple hours? Yeah, a couple hours each day. Each day? But it's weekend. I know. But, you know, Craig, he's really been riding my... Sorry.

He's really been putting a lot of pressure on me. You can say it. Come on. You're not a kid anymore. You're not a kid anymore. Um, do you swear in front of your dad? Um, I guess sometimes. I bet you do.

Yeah. Yeah. You can say it. Just yes. It's a yes or no. Yeah. So you do. Not, probably not as much as I do.

But it's a yes. But it's, it's a yes or no question. The answer is yes. Right? You do. It's, it's dad. Yeah. Yes, ma'am. Yes normally. But it's a yes or no question. The answer is yes, right? You do. It's dad. Yes, ma'am. Yes.

No, Tony. I'm sorry. Come on. I told you you could stop calling me that, what, three years ago? I know. You're past that. Old habits die hard. Tony, I'm fun too.

I know you are. And I've never thought you weren't. And, and, and honestly, you know, who needs fun? You know,

you were a fantastic source of stability my whole childhood. And I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful that you still give your dad and me every other weekend of your time. I know that usually when a kid turns 18, they don't have to do that anymore. No, I mean, I'll be honest. It has made it hard, you know, to date, to do a lot of things, you know.

No one says you can't date, Tony. Well, I know, but it's just like, do you want to do something this weekend? No, sorry. I'm going to go to Tucson with my dad to see a baseball stadium. Do you want to get? You know, it's so funny. Every time I ask you if you want to go out of state with me, it's always no.

But you're taking so many trips with your dad everywhere you're going. I didn't know you went to Tucson, actually. Well, that was like a year ago. That was like a year. I'm sure I told you about it. It um he really wanted to see the javelinas um the wild pigs i just uh all i'm trying to say is you know we're both adults hey hey forget the herbal tea why don't i make us some margaritas wouldn Wouldn't that be fun? Drinking with mom. Drinking with mom and son.

What if we got a little drunk? Oh my God. What if we played a drinking game? I don't know. What if we played a drinking game? Oh, come on, Tony. I haven't played a drinking game in a long time. Oh, come on.

Neither have I. That's what makes it so fun. Here, I'll go. Let me just get these glasses. I don't feel like you normally do these two-person drinking games. Oh, come on. What if we watch? What if we watch a Nancy Myers movie?

And then every time there's linen in the shot, we'll take a drink. Come on. We'll be blotto by the end of the first act. Come on. Blotto, like blackout, drunk. Oh. Hammered, tanked, bombed.

I've never heard you talk about all that. Well, it's just... That's something you do a lot. I want you to have fun, Tony. I want you to look forward to spending time with me. It's just, you know, I think it's okay if I have fun with you different than I have fun with Dad. Well, so you do have fun with me then?

Yes, of course. How? List three ways that we've had fun, that you've enjoyed your fun with dad. Well, so you do have fun with me then? Yes, of course. How? List three ways that we've had fun that you've enjoyed your time with me. Okay, last week, or I guess the week before last, our last week, you and I,

we checked out that new restaurant, the Greek place. You can't even think. Name three ways you've had fun with your dad. I don't really want to do this. Okay. No, do you see what I'm saying? Yeah.

I love you. I don't want this to feel like a chore. So what can I do? I'm trying to figure out ways that we can better, you know, loosen up with each other, have fun. I don't know.

I mean, you know, you're so focused on me and like what I want to do. It's like, what would you be doing if I wasn't here? What I'd be doing is, oh, it's just work stuff.

You know, maybe looking at some admin things for the next week. Planning the next time you and I will see each other. Right, like that's kind of it. Like right there. Oh, so it's illegal for a mom to care about her son even if he's 36. No, it's not illegal. I just mean like when I...

Oh. I didn't realize that that was a crime to care about planning a fun time for your kid. Can I tell you something? Your dad doesn't plan shit. Well...

No. Your dad doesn't plan shit. Not well. Your dad is flying by the seat of his pants. That might have been the case 20 years ago i don't know what's the case today well he's certainly i will say not to get between you or defend him but he does plan a lot of these out-of-state baseball trips so i will say but

he does that for him i also enjoy them and you know that's kind of what i was going to say is like when i go on those trips with him like big mike is there you know big mike goes yeah helen comes um helen told me that she wasn't spending time with them anymore i again i don't want to get between but like i'm just saying not when i go over and hang out with them, like there've been weekends where I, I say like, what are we doing this weekend? And he says, Oh, sorry,

champ. I, you know, Mike and I are, are, are fishing this weekend. You know what I mean? And he invites me,

but sometimes I don't want to fish. And so we just don't see each other that weekend. Right. Cause he has a social, he has kind of like, he has like kind of like social social life no and i wasn't i didn't mean to suggest that you don't the thing is i carve out my time right it's just like on your off weekend i asked you what you do on your off weekends and you said plan for our weekend

but that's so that doesn't really feel like that's when i'm not with my friends okay so you are hanging out with people yes like i'm not a hermit tony god like who would you say you're ronda oh okay you're surprised yeah i just um yeah i i just haven't heard that name in a long time. Well, she's my employee, but we still spend time, I mean, like, we enjoy being around each other. Right, right. Outside of work. Well, I mean, we'll stay late on a Friday to get some stuff done, but we'll laugh. We'll have a laugh.

Because she's your assistant principal. Yeah. Okay. I chose, okay. laugh we'll have a laugh assistant principal yeah okay um i chose okay are we getting things out in the open seems like we are did i choose my career over joy whoa yes i don't know if it was a binary for women and my in that time it was. Okay. Hey, thank God it's not anymore. Right. Thank God it's not anymore. No,

I mean, I'm trying to make up for lost time now. So just, can we, I, I'm trying to figure out what you want from me. I tell you things that would be fun and it seems like you're not interested. no,

I, I just, I guess what I want is, is for you to not need this so bad. Okay, then go. No, I didn't mean it like that. That came out harshly, man. I just mean.

No, then you go. I don't need this. Okay, I'm going to go. And I hope. I'm sorry this happened. I'm going to. I. I'll cancel the Playland Arcade tickets.

I will cancel the reservations. Wait, wait, wait. What was that? No, I don't need this. You have tickets for Playland Arcade? Yes. Your favorite place is a boy. I didn't know that.

I didn't know that was still open. They're hosting an air hockey tournament, and I entered us both in, but no, I can cancel it, because you have work to do, and you want to go hang out with your dad. It's not about... I've been seeing somebody.

Your father? Yeah, you see him every other weekend. Oh, like dating. Don't rub it in my face. Like dating. I thought you just said you found it hard to date. Not impossible. And like, this is maybe why I'm bringing it up, right?

Is that it's hard, like, maybe- Oh, but Tony, I'm so thrilled for you. Thanks. But, yeah, I mean, I guess it just means that maybe I won't be able to come around as much so well bring them um more the merrier I don't know

I don't know if that's a good idea I why you don't think I'll approve yeah maybe well what are they like tell me about them anyone who loves my son you know that must have pretty good taste I'll approve yeah maybe well what are they like tell me about them anyone who loves my son you know

must have pretty good taste well um she's really great um she's super smart and and funny as long as she's a good head on her shoulders that's all I care about no she does and she you know

I mean I guess like the way that we met was that she works for dad so she like works with dad so like they know each other like he introduced me to her

and it wasn't like a didn't I really neither of us were expecting it but like so you know obviously she comes along on these trips sometimes and and and i'll i'll buy i'll buy you sex i'll buy someone to have sex with you what the fuck are you not sorry that came out wrong i won't buy someone i will buy service i buy a service. I don't need you to buy me that. I don't. Well, that's what your father essentially did. What he's paying for someone who he introduced you to.

Then what else can I give you? The man has given you a warm body. He's not. That's so fucking. No, he. She happens to work. I'll buy you drugs. I'll buy you. No, I'll buy you a dog work i'll buy you drugs i'll buy you no i'll buy you a dog i'll she's a teller at the bank where he man it's not like a thing about like

he didn't like pick her out that's so gross i don't know why then go then go go. Then go. Okay. Go, because clearly I can't give you what your father can give you. I gave you milk. I gave you life. I gave you a home in my stomach for nine months. I gave you a life source. I gave you nutrients. I gave you... Yeah, the milk. Okay, I'm going.

This is so not how I want it this weekend. So I guess we're done then. What do you mean we're done? You're... What? You have the teller that you got from dad. You have baseball tickets that you got from dad. This is why I didn't want you to...

I didn't want to tell... I knew you would react this way. I literally knew you were going to react this way. Then go off to... You've reacted this way to every girlfriend I've ever had. Because you meet them all through your father. Don't you think that's a little strange? No, actually, I don't.

Because you two are so demanding that I barely have a social life outside of you. Honestly, it would be a lot more surprising if I met somebody not through dad. And I sure as hell won't meet anyone through you. I don't want to date Rhonda. Not Rhonda. There's a really nice young new assistant teacher who just started assistant teacher how old is she she's 22 that's two yeah i'm 36 how old's the teller she's 33 i bet she's lying get just why don't you just think she's saying she's older than she is i bet your dad

paid her off to tell you that she's older than she is. So that you'd fuck her. This is what always happens. So that you'd fuck her. You disgust me. You really do. I love you. You are my baby boy. Enjoy the fucking air hockey tournament.

Are you happy? I swore you fucking sad, sad old woman. Now we're having fun. Come on. This is the most fun you and I have had in years. You're so sick. Bro, she was kooky. She was a little, like, I kind of was like, it's kind of like mom goals.

Is that crazy? She was feisty. Why don't you go ahead and read a review? For once in your goddamn life. What the hell? For once in your goddamn life, would you read a review? This is for nickel city arcade nickel city arcade arcade one star from sarah b sarah

bet she didn't say i was gonna bet she didn't think i was gonna say banana sarah bet she didn't say bet she didn't think i was gonna bet you didn't think i was gonna say banana sarah bet you didn't say bet you didn't think i was gonna say banana says one star the website says a hundred exciting video games that operate with nickels that's right here at nickel city arcade and family entertainment center we operate with just nickels i drove an hour and a half to get there no trying to relive some childhood nostalgia and it's all card operated i am so angry screw this this place. Liars. She is 100% in the right. Do I think she should have driven an hour and a half to go to an arcade? No.

Do whatever you want. Free will. To be named Nickel City and be average. She's not wrong. She's completely right. No, I mean, they are saying verbatim on the website. That's right here at Nickel City. We operate with just nickels so she's right but what i don't understand is that and i know this is going to come across as hypocritical given that i was talking about how much i love the

coin pusher games most arcade games the thrill isn't putting the coin in it's playing the game why do you really care how you pay for the game? This is actually insane that you are saying that after your favorite game was putting money in. If you're like, oh, they have Ms. Pac-Man. That's the game. Oh, they have Ms. Pac-Man, but it's not coin-operated. Never fucking mind. But it's like the coins on your card, if you're paying with like a credit card,

it's not just going to be five cents on your card. I see. You think it's going to be more expensive. Well, because they're also going to have to do like a fee. You can't just pay five cents on a credit card. They won't let you do that. They won't let you do that. I've tried.

But because, well, I mean, I know that at the Santa Monica pier, it's like, I'd be surprised if it was not this instead of a credit card is that you, you buy like a game card, a la investors or something like a,

like a laundry card, which is fine because then it's like, you're just tapping. You don't have to worry about like, Oh no, I need to get more change. I need to, you know,

it's like, and the money's like kind of dirt.'re just like sorting through the money's kind of dirty coins are dirty coins are kind of gross so now you're on the arcade side no i'm not on the other side i'm saying pin you down i'm saying that flip-flopping that just like they should clowns in the white house they should not advertise that they only take nickels and then make you know 100 i mean the name nickel city is unfortunate it's crazy i'm sure when they chose that name in 1979 they weren't expecting to be open for 50 years listen uh miss brown i i hear your concerns you are within your right to come into our office

and file this complaint i i completely hear you that being said it's not gonna go any higher than this room right here and why is that you didn't read the website. I looked at the website and it said pretty explicitly, here at Dimeland, we refuse everything that's not dimes. Right. And we do say that. Yeah, you can read. I have screenshots. Yes. No, you can read. I have screenshots. Yes.

No, I believe you. But you didn't take screenshots of the whole web page. You just took screenshots of those two lines. Well, what else does it say on the web page? You see, we had one of our interns here. They're a coder of sorts. And so if you look really closely, the background of our website is a shade of blue.

There's a really slightly different shade of blue near the bottom. And that has text that says, with an asterisk saying that it will be on a card, but it will only be 10 cents per game, but it's a $20 minimum for the card. So you can play a lot of games and they're only 10 cents. We did have to keep that on the website, but it's a $20 minimum for the card. So you can play a lot of games.

And they're only 10 cents. We did have to keep that on the website, but we didn't want to change the look of the website. Do you know, do you understand? I mean, I'm sure. I'm not asking for a refund. Oh. Okay.

Great. I'm just asking for you to change the misleading content so that no one else like me falls victim to your scheme. There's no scheme to be had. There is no, we're not going to do that because Ms. Brown, what happens, if you go on a computer or website, if you click the mouse, drag and highlight the whole thing. I shouldn't have to do that on every website.

But it'll show up. But it'll show up if you did that because you'll see the text, the highlighted text. And so, Ms. Brown, it is no scheme, I assure you. Here at Dimeland, we're in the business of fun, Ms. Brown. We're in the business of making sure that people have a jolly good time here. I can see you've made up your mind. I can see you've made up your mind. I can see you are a twisted individual who would rather take

advantage... I don't like name-calling. ...of an aged woman than practice honesty. So I will be taking this issue higher. Thank you, and good day. Wait, hold on. Thank you and good day.

Wait, Miss Brown. Do you smoke? Cigarettes? Yes. No. Do you mind if I? Sure. Great. Leans back. Miss Brown, are you a businesswoman? You

look like the type. Retired. So you live in Mac for the stuff. You have a mind for it. Historically. Great. You say that we here at Dimeland are being dishonest. Correct. You say that we are preying on aged people.

Undoubtedly. And looking at you, Ms. Brown, I would not say you're aged. In fact, I would look at you and say, you know, you're in the prime of your life. I hope you don't take that inappropriately. Well, you look damn good. Thank you. You're welcome. And I don't just say that to anybody. 52. You are a smart woman.

That was my guess for you. You're spot on. Like I said, you're a smart woman. Thank you. Now here, you don't need to take this any higher miss brown because business person to business person we're trying we have uh what the kids these days call an aesthetic we are trying to maintain the image of a retro arcade you know like you knew when you were a kid. And so if we're on our website advertising that we are taking cards at Dime Land, come

on, where's the fun in that? You look like you like fun, Ms. Brown. You like to have fun? I do not. I don't believe that. Come on, a guy like you, you must have fun in your day. Things I do for fun would give you nightmares, young man. Come on. Try me.

Is there a point to all this? My point is you and I are more alike than you think. Doubt it. Come on. You're telling me if you weren't in my position, you wouldn't do everything you can to make sure your business is thriving?

Young man, if I was in your position, there would be a dime land in every city in America. Well, that's exactly what we're trying to do here, Ms. Brown. And if you join our team, I see a lot of dime lands. In fact, I see, well, dime well dime country how much maybe even a dime world how much stock percentage come on we'll let the lawyers deal with that all i need is a yes or no from you miss brown i represent myself see I knew you were smart. How much? You are one smart cookie. How much?

Well, I mean, you know, you're just coming in. Why don't we give you 3%? Triple it. 9%? Double it. No, we're going to go ahead and stay with 9% for now, Ms. Brown. I'm out. Ms. Brown, wait. What about nine percent and, uh, I'll make you the manager of one

of the Dimelands? Don't want that. Why not? Too much work. Come on. What about if I give you the title but you don't have to do any of the work? Eighteen percent. Or I walk. Well, I don't want you taking this issue

higher up. How about 14? Double it. No, 18 then. Fine. God, you're shit at this. You are a hell of a negotiator, Miss Brown. You're just bad.

No, I can't wait to have you on our team. It is an honor to be working with you. What's my title? Can you shake your hand? Your title? Well, your title can be a Dimeland Associate. Double it. Oh, come on, Miss Brown.

I can't double a title. I walk. Oh, shit. Okay. Gosh, shit. Okay. Gosh, you're good. Dimeland consultant. Add 10. Oh, come on.

Dimeland aficionado. How's that? Closer. Double it. Dimeland czar. There we are. We found it. And what's your title?

Well, I'm the regional manager of this specific dimeland divide by three no that's my job I'm not gonna divide by three I'm an intern I'm an intern okay how much do you make I uh it's an hourly rate it's not much I make about

$30 an hour here okay seven $25 federal minimum cost cutting important rate. I mean, it's not much. I make about $30 an hour here. Okay, $7. $25, federal minimum. Cost cutting. Important. Shit, you're right. I mean, we will... I'm the czar intern. Is that your desk? Okay, I make $25 an hour, and I'm an intern.

Is this your office? Yes. Too small. Oh, well, thank you. You think I should have a bigger office? Yes. Too small. Come on. Thank you. You think I should have a bigger office? That's very nice. Okay, great. Now it's mine. Wait. No.

What a bait and switch. She fucked him. She totally fucked him. he thought he was on the upper hand she totally fucked him she fucked him um okay i well i have a review oh for arcade for arcade what a coincidence what the coincidence would you like an arcade I would like to buy an arcade burger I would like to buy an arcade burger This is, okay Why are you holding a thermometer? Um, to see how hot I am

Are you warm? No, it just was on my desk And I was playing with it Um That's all there is to that One star This is from Playland in Santa Monica Abby L Abby L That's all there is to that. One star. This is from Playland in Santa Monica.

Abby L. Abby L. Abby, Abby. A bee likes to pollinate. I really like that one. Stupid fucking name. It likes to. Yeah, right?

Like, what does that mean? A bee likes to pollinate. That's one of my favorite names. One star. Such rude stuff. They seriously cut the power in the middle of everyone's games 18 minutes before closing without warning. Sure, I would have understood if they gave us a warning or if it was 5 to 10 minutes before closing, but nope. Staff completely blew us off when we were trying to get a play card.

Just pointed to another worker without even looking at us. The games were fun, but overall the experience was just disappointing. Jesus Christ. Cutting the- not even telling everybody! Just like you're Ms. Pac-Man, you're about to fuck her. I was just about to fuck Ms. Pac-Man. I don't think you understand what that game's about. I was getting so close. She was like, it was really about to happen.

That's not a, okay, sure. No, dude, Robert, you don't understand are you fucking kidding me it's i was like eating the thing and then i was she was about to like spread them no the graphics couldn't even show that you just haven't gotten to that level sorry you must have only gotten to the first kiss level first base i've never gotten to the first base level i don't oh you're shit at ms pac-man then i'll tell you how many levels is the first base level the first base level okay well first you don't get to the first base level until after you've gotten to like the the um the kiss on the cheek level and that's level

five so you actually you have to meet her i thought a kiss on the cheek was first base well no that's pre-first base that's like you're about to hit first base oh that's like 0.5 base which is why it's at level five first base is kiss on the mouth whoa what that's crazy what kissing on the mouth? Whoa. Oh, come on, Robert. Like, you've never kissed someone on the mouth before. Yo, Brody, like, I didn't know you were like that. I'm a sexual guy. Always have been.

What? Come on. Don't be all Puritan about it. I'm not Puritan about it. I just wasn't expecting to come here and I thought we were like gonna play games. Not- I wasn't gonna listen to you talk about spreading Ms. Pac-Man.

I'm not talking about it. I'm trying to make it happen. And that little weasel behind the desk pulled the plug before I got any action. Oh, they are closing soon. In like half an hour. By then, we could've done it like two times i don't think you you hadn't gotten there yet i don't whatever um you don't think i could you don't think i could

close no brody i'm sure you could close with i could close miss pac-man i'm I take that bow. I put it in my mouth like a gag. Oh. Why? Why? That's level 62. You're just making stuff up. How would you know if you've never even got there? Because I've heard tell from the older kids at school.

The seniors. The seniors don't know what they're talking about. They're just fucking with you probably. No. They said at 62 you use her bow as a gag. and then at level 73 she puts her eyelashes on you and says you're a pretty girl aren't you and then slaps you across the face fucking way they did that in the game i i swear to god no they're really good at it and then you'll never guess what happens at level 80 i don't think i want to hear She chokes you Why?

What do you mean why? Why would she do that? I thought we were in love For sex stuff No no no no Sorry Robert let's get one thing straight You and Ms. Pac-Man Aren't in love But you're You're in lust my friend

Nope that's the beauty of it. All of the action and none of the responsibility. Oh, Brody, I feel sick. Luckily, this is a moot point anyway because the machine got unplugged. Hold on. I'm going to go talk to that little rat fuck behind the desk. See if

I can get him to turn it back on for us. Okay. Hey! Hey! Hey! Little rat stash. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Hi, Brody. Hey, brother.

Why don't you go ahead and do us a solid and flip that switch on real quick? You know that I can't do that, Brody. There's 30 minutes till closing, you little shit. Come on. Brody. You're not supposed to turn off till five minutes before i want you to know something if your sister didn't play bass in my band i would i would literally kick the shit out of you right now well too bad you can't and you think you could kick the

shit out of me when you can't even grow a full mustache? Get real, dude. You're like 5'2". Turn on the power. I can't, you little shit. Well, then let me do it. No. What? What are you talking about? You can't do it. You guys have never turned off the power this early. Yeah, but the owner's having a special event in here tonight. He said we have to clear everybody out. No, dude.

Please, I'll pay you. What do you got? I got a 20. Bucks? Yeah. Okay, sure. Uh, well, I have the other 10 at home, but I can get it to you later. Fuck's sake, Brody.

Come on! $10 and I'll give you a pack of gum. Ten dollars, ten minutes. Ten dollars, ten minutes. Okay, I can work with that. I can work with that. All right, Robert, are you ready to see some action or what? What did you have to give him?

I gave him... Don't worry about it. I saw you give him something. Was it... Was it drugs? What the hell's wrong with you? No, I don't do drugs. Good. I just, apparently

you're sucking in F-U-C-K-ing all around town. I didn't know that you were... I thought maybe you were doing drugs, too. No. Game boots up. Fuck! It started over! Of course it started over. They turned it off.

Fuck! Fuck, shit. I only have ten minutes, there's no way I'm even gonna get to level twenty, like, at this rate Well, at least I can see the kiss Hopefully Okay, here we go, first round, we're just going around, eating the dots, there's the ghosts Okay, here we go Oh, fuck, no, now I'm nervous, sorry, I died. I lost the live. It's because you're staring at me. Okay, I'll look away. Yeah, that's good. Okay.

There we go. Oh, wow. Level two. Here we go. Okay. She offered me her hand. I can shake it. In marriage? There we go. No, Robert, just to shake. All right. I slipped my phone number in there. Okay, and we're going around the ghost again. I'm not looking, but is that like a cutscene?

Or is that like part of the game? No, just don't look. It's part of the game. I'm not looking, okay. So like you're actively having to press a button to do that. Level three, there we go. And now I have to call the number, ask her out. She says yes, great.

Are you not doing the dots thing anymore? I'm doing the dots. Obviously, the dots are the game. But you hand her your number while you do the- The dots are the game. Dude, just fucking don't look at me okay we're at the italian restaurant we're splitting penne alla vodka love it she saw it on tiktok she said it's the bell hadid pasta and i said that's just penne alla vodka this is from like 80 years ago what do you mean tiktok okay and kiss on the street level five okay can i see can i see

it can i watch yeah yeah okay so now well now i'm just going around dating the dots again because she has to go home and we have to like spend like a night apart for her to realize i guess but do you want to play yeah why not i'll look away. I'll give you some alone time. You don't need to look away. I'm not. I'm not looking, brother. You just tell me what's happening. Anxiety that you have.

So I guess I'm collecting the dots. And I just got a power pellet. And now I'm eating the ghosts. And I got a cherry. Has she called you back yet? No, I guess I'm eating the ghosts. And I got a cherry. Has she called you back yet? No, I guess I'm just playing Pac-Man for now. No, come on. She's going to call.

Okay. And there's the orange. Okay, move over. Here, I'll help you get farther. Okay, can I watch? No. Why not? I'm shy.

I want to see. I'll show you when it gets to the good stuff. Tell me when it gets, because I missed the first kiss. I will. Okay. Okay. Oh, there we go. Thanks for getting there.

Okay, she called me back. What? Yep. We're... When did she call me? Oh, she's coming over. Yep, okay. Level eight.

She's coming over. She's coming over. No, because nothing's happening yet. You just said she's coming over. Robert. Yeah, but coming over she's coming over no because nothing's happening yet you just said she's coming robert yeah but what you don't understand about women robert is that they don't just come over and you get right into it you have to you know loosen up a little bit first brody the list of things i don't understand about women we're putting on incredibles 2 what just to have on in the background we can't just go straight to it to have on the background right pause hey robert like a hot movie no the point is you want to have something on in the background

that you don't actually care about watching that's a great movie i would love to watch that okay resume can we watch that tonight all right shut up dude i'm trying to get laid okay in a game all right and i'm bringing over the popcorn here we go more orange more cherry oh fuck the ghost sorry i've drawn the corner okay there we go uh laying out the popcorn oh my god oh my god oh my god level nine she's putting her legs across my leg i'm gonna watch i'm gonna watch i'm gonna watch oh well now it's back she now it's back to the doing the dots their cut scenes are so fast do you want to play she play? She has the legs across your legs. Okay, you go. I'll look away, give you two some

pregnancy. I don't need you to do that. So what happens next? You tell me, brother. I haven't gotten this far. I thought... Okay. So there's some dots. And I got a power pellet. And I am eating the ghosts,

and, oh, there's the pretzel. Did she take off her shirt yet? No. Oh, that's right, you have to do the kiss first. Yeah, right, I haven't gotten that either, so. Get out of the way, I'll get you there. Hey, Brody. Yeah?

I wouldn't mind if this was fake. It's not. Just fucking move. Here we go. I'm just saying. Okay, I lean in. I don't think you're cooler because you fucked Miss P. She pushed me away.

She pushed me away. She said, not so fast, big boy. I'm going to start watching now. No, don't. What's going to happen if I watch? You'll scare her off. She doesn't like voyeurism. That's probably

level 100 or something, I bet. I was gonna say, she seems pretty open-minded. She is, but it's gonna take some time. She draws the line of voyeurism? Okay. No, she she doesn't I just said it's level 100 what happens at level 100 is that's when she'll let other people watch

that's fucking weird but by then you do the joking you do the roleplay you do that well that's at least I haven't gotten there yet obviously but that's what that's what like Skylar and Bryce were saying Skylar and Bryce told youryce were saying skylar and bryce told you that yeah fucking oh my god they said you're not a man until you thought

fucked miss pac-man i thought you meant like i don't know like toby why would i be talking about toby no skylar and bryce they're like the most unreliable guys what are you talking about they don't fucking like you dude okay jealous much no they literally only talk to you because they're in your sister's band they know that they can't pull you because your sister's gonna fucking rip their dicks off no dude you just don't understand. We're close now. We hang out. They come to my house. Hey, little man, I gotta turn the power off, so.

No, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, don't. You can, fuck! We're open tomorrow at 9am. Come back with us. I'm not gonna fuck her in the morning. That's ridiculous. You're not gonna what? I'm not gonna fuck Ms. Pac-Man in broad daylight.

Idiot. Hey, man. I know I said that thing earlier about beating you up with your sister, but like, you seem, you're an okay kid. I know. You can't jerk off in here. I'm not jerking off. I'm not doing that like I know that the cabinet with Ms. Pac-Man it's pretty secluded

but you can't that's fucking weird it's part of it I don't do it until it's like level 8 you beat off at level 8 well that's when things start that's when it's like starting to get suggestive

and what Robert the Cuck over here just watches or no i make him turn away i haven't i didn't know he was doing that i haven't been i guess i'm shy because you keep watching i'm sorry to have to do this little man but no don't say it i'm gonna have to put your photo on the wall Don't say it no not the jerk off wall Come on no one saw me do it No But you were doing it you just admitted But no one saw me so it doesn't count I haven't offended anybody

Don't worry lots of guys have gone on You know to get put on the jerk off wall Gone on to have very meaningful You know productive lives Contributing members of society. But I haven't even gotten to, like, the part where she, like, lets me motorboat. That's not a part of the game.

Yes, it is. Looking over Robert. Yes, it is. That's what Bryce and Skylar were saying. Hey, Robert. Can I give you a piece of advice? Yeah, I guess. You don't gotta hang out with him just because you guys used to be friends

in elementary school. Come on, dude. We don't hang out because of that. Don't be an asshole. Like, I know you feel like a sense of obligation, but, like, trust me, like, you can outgrow him. It's cool.

Dude, we're best friends. How about you step off? All right, get the fuck out. How about you step off? All right, get the fuck out. I'm closing up. Oh, what a jerk, right?

Yeah. He was pretty, he was pretty rude about you. Yeah. And you like, what, what, like,

what is he talking about? Well, I didn't feel like he was, he called me a cock at one point, but that was about it. Yeah. But what an idiot saying like you don't have to hang out with her

like we're best friends we're practically brothers yeah no I mean it's true um yeah what oh come on

you're not you're not taking that seriously I'm just saying like you know man like last week when you told me that taking that seriously. I'm just saying, like, you know, man, like, last week,

when you told me that if we got to a high enough level, the lines in Pong would fuck. And then the week before that, you told me that if you reach a high enough level, Mario and Luigi will kiss, which I said I didn't want to see

but if you cross the road five times straight without dying in Frogger he will suck your dick right I Brody I don't think any of that's real but you haven't gotten there yet dude I think when we were

friends before I didn't realize that you were lying about everything and now I do and I think maybe I need someone who, I didn't realize that you were lying about everything. And now I do. And I think maybe I need someone who's a friend who doesn't lie about everything. I'm not lying. It's just... I'm just trying to make the world a little more exciting to live in. The world's plenty exciting without getting head from the frog or motorboating miss pac-man's but bajoombas i'm still learning yeah well you can't just you can't you don't want to be

my friend anymore no it's just like promise you won't lie about fucking video games anymore. Okay. Cool. I'm sorry. It's just my fantasy life is very active. Apparently. Sorry for having an imagination.

That just doesn't need to be a part of your life that you share. I just thought that since to be a part that we of your life that you share i just thought that since you're a little bit more you know pg than i am whoa whoa whoa i'm what i'm i'm pg-13 now baby okay, I just was trying to encourage you to come out of your shell a little bit more. I'm out of my shell, you fucking dickless shitbag. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I'm fucking serious.

Who is this and where did my best buddy Robert go? I'm sick to fucking choking of your fucking bullshit. Oh my god. I'm always cool. I'm always cool. And you're, you don't even know how to talk to anybody. And I'm like cool. And you don't even know how to talk to anybody. Oh my God. And I would probably be getting numbers if I wasn't hanging out with your lame ass.

Wait, whoa. That was really mean. Honestly, probably all the girls in school wouldn't be caught dead with you. What the hell, dude? Your reputation precedes you and it's bad. You're being mean. Beats off in the arcade. That's what they're in the arcade hey wait whoa i thought we were

what just happened i thought we were cool whatever man i'm out what the fuck hey you know what miss pac-man would never choke you anyway you're not her type her type is hot not nerd whatever loser and and you know what? I bet Frogger wouldn't go down on you anyway because you couldn't even beat any of the levels without dying. His sister pulls up. Hey, what are you doing out here? Just losing a best friend.

Nothing to see here. You told mom you'd be home like an hour ago. I'm sorry, just, just whatever. Can you drive me home? Yes, I have practice though, so like, you're gonna have to be cool when we get back. I'm always cool. Why do people think I'm not cool?

What's up? You seem weird. Sierra, does my reputation precede me what well that's what robert said he said my reputation precedes me and that everyone thinks i'm a fucking loser robert said that yeah he started cussing me out robert cussed you out i don't know what happened it was really you must have really pissed him off i don't know what i did all i said was i fuck miss pac-man and frogger and mario and luigi kiss and the pong lines fuck but other than that i don't know the pong lines fuck well it's like if you beat a certain amount of levels then it's like the sexual tension between them starts

to grow with each level and then it's undeniable and they have to bang it out no i guess i mean like more like practically is it like docking it's what is that oh you'll learn when you're older man um i think sometimes like you grow out of friendships, and that's okay. I think he grew out of me. I thought we were bros for life. Well, maybe you'll find some new bros, okay, little man? Hey, tonight at practice, you want to play the tambourine? If I am on beat long enough, will the tambourines squeeze my cheeks?

You can't fucking touch my tambourine. I just learned how to jerk off. Let's do our last seven. Let's do it. You fucking fuckers for fuck's sake. Let's fucking do it. This fuckers for fuck's sake let's fucking do it this shook me all what's been shaking your ass all the way to class shaking shaking shaking shaking shaking shaking my ass

um i guess fundamentally ultimately the end of the day the thing that has quite literally been shaking my ass i have one if you don't please thick slab of sourdough crusty bread we're gonna go ahead and put some butter and some sea salt on it i could have that morning noon and night that shit is so i'm literally my mouth is watering just thinking about it just a really fucking good good hunk of like hot toasted sourdough bread that sounds good as butter and salt daniel and i had one of our favorite dinners which is like a white bean and tomato stew last night with some chunky bread on the side. And just the bread alone.

I mean, fuck, dude. Like get a loaf of sourdough. Big serrated knife. Hunk off a couple slices. Or hack off a couple hunks a slice of bread what kind of butter are you putting on there you're gonna go ahead and put either

I like for whatever reason I like the vegan earth balance butter I don't know why I think I grew up with it as a kid as a spreadable butter and it's good but if you're not using that then you're gonna use the Kerrygold and there it is. That's what I was expecting the first time.

It's so, it's just so good. It's so good. It's really like giving like Renaissance, like medieval times feet like it's like i love it that's so beautiful anyway i'm gonna have that for dinner again we're gonna have leftovers i'm gonna have some of that fucking crusty fucking bet you are it sounds good to sell i can't wait what's new what's been shaking your ass i got pizza the other day from a pizza place i like i struggled for a long time to find a pizza place in chicago that i like deep dish or good normal normal normal yeah deep dish is fine like once every six months if you

can really write off the next day um but i'm talking about normal pizza that doesn't ruin your week. Gastrically. And the pizza place that I go to has started doing this thing. I don't know if it's because they like me or I know, right? Seems unlikely.

Or it's just like a thing they've started doing or what. But they make their own desserts in house and there are two desserts they give out and they've started giving me one of these two desserts for free every time i get pizza wow that's very nice and the two desserts are insanely large hard rock hard rice crispy tree oh and a molten sort of lava brownie thing that is just uncooked okay so here's what's happening they're giving you for free the duds like they every time i'm like yeah yeah and I'm picking up my like large pineapple and onion that's disgusting

and he's you know giving me the pizza and like the old man in the kitchen is like would you give him a dessert and he's like oh that's very sweet and I'm like oh thank you sir and it's either a rice crispy treat that hurts your mouth so hard

or uncooked brownie salmonella just a warm brownie batter that's been shoved in a bag that's inedible without just sort of licking it off the paper have you have you tried the ones that you can buy like why would i they're giving away for free what i'm saying is like have you done a quality control like sampling like okay here's the ones that they're giving away versus if i paid you know three dollars for the stale rice crispy before i started getting this free treatment i did intentionally order the brownie and it was exactly the same okay then never mind so that's just i just think they they just they're trying something honestly what i think has happened is they're like why is nobody getting the desserts must be because they don't know about them we'll start

give it we'll give a handful away for free and that way people will know about them and then they'll start ordering them out and i'm like your pizza's so good but oh my god change your dessert game up it's because they're putting it in the same wood burning oven right and it's not gonna cook it it's just like what the fuck that's very sweet and yeah that's very sweet let's find a middle ground, right? Between raw and rock hard. You can find

Alfred on Instagram. Raw and unfiltered at Alfred. I was going to say raw and rock hard is the name of my new stand-up special. At Alfred and you can find the show on instagram at review review reddit r slash review please send in original theme songs please christ please to review review show at gmail.com and you can find a review discord i think i already said that jeffrey james and i are patreon where we have monthly zardes that's a zoom party patreon.com slash riley and jeff

and you can find r Riley on Instagram.com just a web browser not the phone app at Riley Ansporan on Twitter.com now known as XXXXXXXXX dot com

for lots of sex at Riley Coyote. No. No, that's what Twitter is now. It's like mostly sex at Riley Coyote. And as we say every single week on the show,

we're always saying it. We are never actually not saying it. Now that I think of it. Now that I think of it, this is something we are never not saying. Did you know that? Did you know that? Bet you didn't know that.

Miss. Pac-Man. Pac-Man. Fox. Miss Pac-Man. Miss Pac-Man Miss Pac-Man Bucks Bucks

We'll see you next week Bye Bye That was a Hiddem Original