Review Revue - Axe Throwing Places (w/ Alfred Bardwell-Evans)

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

Geoff and Reilly are joined by actor Alfred Bardwell-Evans of Into the Mist fame as they navigate 13 college degrees and flirty gym staff.    Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. Jeff walks merrily down the street

His big fat ass in tow Ain't no sound but the sound of grains Spilling from his toe And Riley, Riley insists To look at the rice at his feet Out of the doorway Basmati drips to the sound of the beat. Yeah. It's loose rice in a bag.

It's loose rice in a bag. And another grain gone. And another grain gone. Loose rice in a bag. Hey, they're going to read reviews. Loose rice in a bag. And another grain gone, and another grain gone. Loose rice in a bag. What episode was that from again?

That was such a good theme song. Wait, who was that from? That was from John Mars. That was... Pretty awesome name. That was fantastic. What was the loose rice in a bag episode from? I mean, sorry, what was that? What episode was that from?

I have such a bad memory with this kind of stuff. It was like... But I remember loose rice in a bag. Singing something, not to the tune of Another One Bites the Dust. It was, we were on like a date and you ordered loose rice in a bag. Oh yeah, it was like Chinese takeout and it was like loose rice in a bag oh yeah it was like chinese takeout and it was like loose rice in a bag um i just want to make it clear to the listeners that the guests we have on our format is not like we don't like make them be quiet until they are on because their their names in the episode title um for every episode so our today, he's just staying quiet because he doesn't want to be here.

It has nothing to do with like keeping it a secret or he just like really is he's participating as as little as he can. I have a big like digital countdown clock in the corner. Just literally watching the seconds. by until I can leave. I have a big digital footprint. Why'd you say yes then, I guess is the question. Riley kind of held some stuff over me, said I didn't really have a choice. Kind of.

Yeah, I guess she very explicitly sent me some things and was like, these will leak if you don't do the show. For the first time ever, we have a guest who's very special to me. Ew. And to thee. Alfred Bardwell Evans is on the pod! Ooh! Now you love it?

A second of you said ew. I'm so happy to be here, you guys. Well, now we heard his name. There's no way. He heard his name and then he got excited. I realized that this could be an opportunity to make something about me. And now I am thrilled. For those of you who don't know, Alfred is one of my best, best friends.

We went to college together. We did improv in college together. We've made shit together outside of college we just did a short film alf was the lead-in that daniel and elizabeth uh daniel directed elizabeth and daniel wrote i produced not to brag so i kind of had that was important job um would have happened without you but you're here i'll tell tell the people a little bit about, well, Alfred. Sure. I guess, first and foremost, I'm a friend of Riley's.

That tends to be how I introduce myself most often. You know, yeah, I live in Chicago, Illinois. So, you know, yeah, I guess it is. Affordable rent, horrible winters. You know, that's a trade off. And I couldn't be happier to be here, you know, and doing a topic which I'm sure we'll find has no personal relevance to me. Oh, also, if you listen to the pod and if you went to Into the Mist last year, you know him as Archibald McCloud. That's where you know him from.

And if you're a patron on our Patreon, you've seen him on a live stream before. He's tall and pale and ginger. But it was enough of an impression that you should remember the fucker. It'll be burned into your retina. Yeah. I think I asked you how many sexual partners you had and it

really bumped you I'll be honest I didn't really realize that we were gonna be even doing the live stream until pretty soon before I was there and you know I don't want to like quibble but you didn't just ask me that

it was more you came right out of the gate and you said, have you ever slept with a virgin? Was what you asked me. Which, you know, I would have thought there were a few questions more intrusive.

And it did go from zero to there. It went from nothing to have you ever slept with a virgin? It was literally like, how's California, man? Have you ever slept with a virgin before? And I didn't, I was legitimately legitimately you know

flummoxed by that that was that was tough to take in and I you know you don't you don't have to ever have to answer any question you don't feel comfortable about but in terms of the question of have you ever had a virgin yeah the answer No, so, sorry, that was me responding like, yeah, is that the question? In order to publicly reveal the answer to that, you are going to have to go ahead and subscribe to the Patreon. That is a paywalled secret. I will reveal almost any detail, personal or otherwise, about myself for money. On Jeff and my Patreon that you've only been on one livestream for and probably won't be on for in the near future.

Rising tide lifts all boats, my friends. AAA, ask Alf anything. I'm sure that the money... You get your AAA card. But we're not here to talk about virgins. Well, we're not here to talk about virgins. Well, we're not here to talk about- Fuck. We're here to talk about something that I guess just is like a totally random topic

that Alf picked. We're here to talk about axe throwing places. Places. Now, when we asked Alfred after he agreed to come on the pod, we're like, what topic do you want to cover? Pretty right out the gate, you suggested this. Why? We didn't put up a fight at all. We were just like, that's it, one, yeah. Yeah, and I mean, really, it was a test to see if you guys would sort of prioritize my mental health over content.

And what I found pretty quickly was it was, oh, my God, no, let's do that. Let's put your trauma on display for views. And so quickly was it was oh my god no let's do that let's put your trauma on display for views and so I was like oh cool people don't watch this podcast it's not really a video podcast no a lot of people don't listen either do they it's giving Kevin Nealon on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend I don't know if you guys listen

to that show but Kevin Nealon was on that show and he literally was like the meanest person I've ever, well, I guess it's not really giving me that much. What the fuck? No, it's- Comes on the show, you're the biggest dick I've ever met in my life. That right, well-

It's not- One time when I was in high school, I had a teacher, a math teacher, who like, I was like getting help from him and he started telling this story and the moral of the story was teacher who like i was like getting help from him and he started telling this story and he the moral of the story was basically this he was like yeah man when i was in the army i went to boot camp and there was this one guy who was just such a lazy piece of shit i don't know why i thought of that it was basically he basically told me like a five minute story

about a guy he knew who he had like a really low opinion of. And that was kind of the story. No, but Kevin Nealon's so funny and it's not exactly giving that, but I was watching that last night and it's a little bit giving that because it's just like sharp.

And you don't feel like- You're on it, man. No one's ever stood it's just like sharp. And you don't feel like You're on it, man. No one's ever stood up to Jeff like this. I was just gonna say, you don't feel like you invited this somehow by the first ever public question you asked me was the virgin thing. I think it's pretty audacious for you to come in here and be like,

hey man, your energy is kind of hostile. Alf, let's get into axe throwing. Sure. Because we did fail the test, and we did very quickly say yes to the suggestion. And do you want to tell, do you want to just kind of air out your trauma for the listeners? I said I wasn't going to talk about this. No, you didn't. I don't want to talk about this. You said it was going to come up. No, I don't going to talk about this. No, you didn't.

I don't want to talk about this. You said it was going to come up. No, I don't want to talk about this. You said there's no way it doesn't come up. No, I was pretty clear, I think, with... You read it all. Wow. Wow.

No, I just think it's... Not but five minutes ago, you said, yeah, I guess I'll tell everybody. No, man. I mean, the way in which you guys are so comfortable rewriting history is really kind of appalling It's like I do you know there one person when the mics are off and then they come on and they're just hungry for blood Do you want me to tell them?

Um, I mean that would be a fascinating that would be like a lot of the exercises my therapist has me do but I think I'll just go ahead and tell the story. So I've never thrown an axe I've never thrown an axe in my life. I never will. I will never hold an axe again. Because... So you have the old one. I thought I was telling the story.

So two years ago, I was outside chopping wood like you do, pretty rustic. And, you know, if you've ever, if you've ever, like, held a lacrosse stick, you know, and I'm sort of revealing something about my upbringing with this, you know how a lacrosse stick, it sort of cradles, it flips around, I was swinging the axe, chopping wood, hit me right in the head. Side of the head, axe to the side of the head,

blood everywhere. I go to the hospital, they put a couple pins in my face, turns out I broke a bone, I severed a pins in my face, turns out I broke a bone, I severed a nerve in my face, paralyzed one of my eyebrows. Yeah, and so I guess I like, you know, yeah, I guess I don't really like fuck with axes anymore. So you do, but you immediately suggest an axe throwing place to talk about for an hour. Yeah, I guess I'm, again, this is like, it reminds me a lot of therapy. But you immediately suggest an axe throwing place to talk about for an hour. Yeah, I guess I'm, again, this is like, it reminds me a lot of therapy.

Yeah. I guess I'm- You gotta get as much mileage out of that accident as possible. That's the thing. And we've stumbled into something here. And I just want to air it right now. You did say accident. And within about 30 seconds of me telling the story, every motherfucker thinks there's some kind of Jerry Seinfeld type

who wants to make jokes about like accident. Oh my God, that was a terrible accident. And you could have said comedian, but instead you said Jerry Seinfeld type. Well, I wanted to make sure that everyone knew it's not funny. And it's not that it's not funny because it's like trauma that's fine I think we should we should make jokes about trauma I think it's not yours specifically and mine only because it's lazy it's not you know it's right there it's the first thing I literally made that joke

to the EMT in the back of the ambulance they were really off put by it and they also said that that's kind of some low-hanging fruit man you're bleeding out from the face they're like that's really like that's what something jerry seinfeld would say they were like you really want that to be your last words king uh i also wasn't making a pun no i know which is shocking uh and i was genuinely off it was one of the few times i wasn't making a pun yeah when i found out about to make alf's trauma about me It was one of the few times I wasn't making a pun. Yeah. When I found out about, to make Alf's trauma about me, which is one of my favorite things to do,

when I found out about this, it was like, I don't know, how long did you, how long after it happened did you post on Instagram about it? Because I found out about this through an Instagram post.

In the hospital. It was a photo of you in your hospital gown with like stitches, like, you know, band-aids or whatever the fuck on your face. And like, it was like. Band-aids. Yeah, that's what they give you after you chop your face open with an axe.

It was like, it was a photo dump. It was like different photos of people like with like wild eyebrows. And it was like a whole long caption of like almost died. Like I remember I was at home and I was just like, I'm like, holy caption of like almost died like i remember i was at home and i was just like i'm like holy shit alfred almost died it was terrible but i'm glad we can talk about it now on a public forum yeah i mean i was actively on fentanyl when i made that post which is which is like a fun fact a lot of people don't know i woke up after the surgery and i heard my not my nurses talking shit um they were like, he kind of looks like Ed Sheeran. And I was like, still like dozed.

And I was like, come on. And then they're like, no, no, no. He's Harry. He's Prince Harry. And I was like, why are there no attractive redheads? Damien Lewis. Sure. I would have taken Damien.

You know, he is a good 30 years older than me, but that doesn't better than Ed Sheeran. Jeff, do you have any experience with axes or axe throwing places? No, I feel like there's so many axe throwing places, especially in Brooklyn.

And I wanted to go and I never did. I almost went one day. Didn't have anyone to go with or. Oh, I actually had the person to go and I never did. I almost went one day. Didn't have anyone to go with? I actually had the person to go with and it was closed. Perfect. And then every other day it was open and I didn't have someone to go with.

Friend for a day kind of thing. Sort of a virgin. Sort of a Bumble BFF moment that didn't last too long. An Acton Place is somewhere I would never want to be. I never want to, I am just too nervous. I'm not confident enough in my hand-eye coordination to be able to fling an axe through the air and, and trust that it wouldn't like, that I wouldn't slip and kind of do what Alf did.

Yeah. So, no. I was frankly astonished looking through reviews. What I was expecting, and maybe this is my drama speaking, was every... Hello, drama speaking. Hello, drama on the line. Was every single place to have a one-star,

like, lost a hand fuck this but literally none of the no nowhere i looked at like there were a lot of reviews being like i hate i wish this place was was less safe all these narcs coming around caring about how safe it is um so that was actually kind of encouraging to see that people take act safety seriously. Cause yeah, it turns out you can really wreck your shit with it. Turns out, turns out you might not have expected. Should we take a break and then get into reviews? Do we do on and just get into it?

Let's do one first. We're not, we're only at 15. Who wants to start us off, man? I mean, I will. I can. Do you want to?

I can. Yeah. I can. It's like no one else is like, no one else is chomping at the bit to do it. Like, I'll go. You were pointing at yourself. You're going, I want to go. I want to go.

So we didn't feel like we should say anything. You sent a message to the Zoom chat seven minutes ago saying, please let me go first. If anyone goes first, I'll cry. I didn't do that. I didn't do that. I didn't do that. I didn't do that.

This is a review from Axe Ventures in San Diego, California. Five stars from Sid S. Alf, can we get a last name for Sid S? Snape. Snape. Five stars. Sorry. This is poetry. All right, here we go. Five stars. Sid Snape. No generic poses by the destroyed target. Truth be known, my big brother and I put a hurtin' on the target planks working through rage. I am not proud of that. It wasn't mine to destroy.

I love the staff and their don't tread on me flag. Deep respect. Kat, C-A-T, or K-A-T, Kat, took time giving us thorough safety pointers and general tricks to succeed. The crowd was mixed, a huge group of guy friends and their proud father with his daughters and a couple. No one laughed when

the axe defied our intents. I liked the hatchet for its heft and balance. The small, shiny axe felt tiny in my paws, but flew well and stuck deeply. The double axe was challenging to release well, but the saw blade perplexed me. My buddy loved the throwing shovel, and it stuck deeply for his efforts. Go there already, very therapeutic evening. They also had, for the adventurous, a smash room filled with fun things

to destroy and your choice of weapons. We didn't try that. Maybe another time. Great evening. Thank you, staff. What are my favorite lines? There line so much the small shiny axe felt tiny in my paws yeah guys i i appreciate the advice that you're trying to give me advice but i thought that you were going to give me advice on the axe throwing. It feels like you guys are giving me tips on how you think I should be leading my life. You know, man, we see you. We see you come in here the way you are.

You know, and it's like kind of like... The way you are. That's such a big part of it. He comes in the way he is. And my main issue is it's sort of like, what you're asking us to do is teach you to run. And you don't even know how to walk, my friend. I didn't ask anything.

Okay, well, you came in here looking very needy. Well, then why'd you call us over here? Exactly. Why did he not call us over here? I'm pretty sure I heard it. You're pretty sure you heard it? Maybe you would. What is your name again, brother?

What is your name? Ram brother? What is your name? Ramon. Ramon? Yeah. Ramon. Ramon. I distinctly, you know, Jim, I distinctly remember Ramon calling, waving us over saying, help me, help me.

How do I throw this axe? I thought he was drowning for a minute. It looked so desperate. Yeah. Again, you even said it. It was, how do i throw the sacks it wasn't what you were just saying before i said you're giving me life advice which is that you think i should change careers because i guess you don't think it's interesting to work in sports media which a lot of people

would disagree okay so you work in sports media, right? Boring, very boring. Imagine I walk in to your place of work. Okay. I'm holding, I don't know what the fuck, a javelin, right? Do not bring a weapon to my place of work. He's talking about sports. He's thinking about sports. Throwing javelins is not a sport. I'm sorry.

I don't work in sports media, and I know that throwing javelins is a fucking Olympic sport. Thank you. Yeah, but the coverage of that is only every four years. I wasn't hired to cover javelin. Oh my god, just listen to the man. Okay, something else. A discus maybe. I come in, I'm holding a discus. Same exact Olympic coverage.

What do you want from me? All track and field games. Football. Great. Too easy. I come in, pigskin. Right? Holding a football. There it is. I look at you, okay, and it's clear by the whole way I am, I've never thrown, I've right? Holding the football. There it is. I look at you, okay? And it's clear by the whole way I am, I've never thrown, I've never even held a football. Okay.

And I walk in and I say, how do I, how do I win the Heisman? What do you say to me? That's a really good question, Jim. Not really. It's putting the shoe on the other foot for him. I can see him thinking through it. Just asking you to imagine you were someone else for a minute. I just don't think it's a one-to-one because what you're saying is you're walking into FS1's studios.

Yes. And you're holding a football. Barely. He said he's barely holding it. He doesn't know. He's never seen one before. How would he know how to hold it? Even if you're holding it perfectly, you- I'm sorry, but you look like you're almost 40, right? So you'd have to go back- Almost. So you're offended that I didn't go higher. I'm 43, young man. And he's fucking proud of it, brother. Yeah.

Age is just a number, and it's not anything to be ashamed of. I'm not trying to shame you. I'm just saying the Heisman is specifically a college football award. Sure. So my first concern would be- I've never even held one. Why would I know that? You knew about the Heisman at all.

So it seems like you know a little bit about football and it was just a hypothetical. What I'm saying to you is that if you came into my place of work holding a football, bad or well, and said, how do I win the Heisman? I would say it's not in the cards because you're 43 and you'd have to go back to college and then play with a bunch of 18 to 22-year-olds.

So you're saying when you're in your 40s, you can't go back go back to school is that what you're saying that once you've passed a certain age you you're you're barred from learning uh-oh uh-oh gates closed gates closed no more knowledge getting in the noggin is that what you're fucking saying man i think knowledge is power i think education is the most powerful force we have in the universe. And you're saying that my buddy here, fucking Jim R., can't go back to school if he so chooses? He could go back to school, but I don't think it's smart. And I don't think they'll take him on the team. You don't think it's smart. Ask me how many degrees I have.

Ask him. You probably walk in here. You have no idea. You think this guy probably barely even has two or three degrees. How many degrees do you think I have? I don't think that. I think you at most have an associate's degree. Baker's does.

You have 13 college degrees. Yes. And four of those are terminal. They're the highest you can get. What are all 13 of them? Okay. I was hoping someone would ask. Oh, now you're setting them off. Now you're setting them off. Tell them. Tell them all 13 of your degrees.

If you stutter even a little bit, I'm gonna know your line. You just gotta. I know you, man. I know you love doing this. Just rapid fire. List all 13 of your degrees right now. 3, 2, 1, go. Here we go. Bachelor's in American Studies. Second one is a Bachelor's in European Studies. Number

three, you're going to be shocked. It's going to go ahead and be Biochemical Engineering. A Bachelor's, a Master's, and a Doctorate. That's the first of my terminal degrees. Next up, I have a certificate, it counts, in Computer Technology Information Technology from a local community college.

And then I went on. That one's the biggest waste of time. There's something wrong with community college? Oh, my God. No. No. You're going to interrupt me in the middle of my thing. The name of the degree just seems useless, and it's a certificate, right?

It counts. Computer technology. Computer information technology and information technology. Computer technology and information technology. You want to know what my most important degree is? Yeah. My family. Is that one of the 13?

Because then it could just be a normal dozen. I have family psychology. Three degrees. That's the terminal. You have messed up written all over you. I mean, you walked in here and ring, ring, the bell went off. I said, this guy, you know, he thinks of himself as the cool uncle, but really he's the detached step uncle kind of type.

Step uncle, yeah. And you know what I'm talking kind of type. Step-uncle, yeah. And you know what I'm talking about. No, we all, like, honestly. Do you have a detached step-uncle? What does he mean? I was looking. No, I know because it's like, I almost didn't want to come over here and help you.

Can I be honest about that? I was so close to just turning you down, going to help some other paying, ax-throwing customers. But I see you, and I think there was a fear in me that it's like, oh my God,

he reminds me of Jonathan. Oh my God. He reminds me of Jonathan. But I, I decided to, to come over here anyway, because yeah, I have Jonathan,

your step uncle. He's my detached step uncle. That's fine. By the way, it's fine to have a step uncle that you're not that close with. I, if anything, I wouldn't want to have to get to know a step-aunt or uncle that well, right?

That's your biggest trauma? I never said that's my biggest trauma. But what I'm hearing you say is that just when family isn't related by blood, then they're not family. So you don't consider anyone who isn't related by blood. No! I don't know if we can serve you anymore, to be honest.

I don't want to be here at this point because now I do feel like you guys think my character's bad. We feel. Oh my god. Get out. Full refund. He never does this. He never does this. Full refund. What? Okay. 20 for your troubles. You're paying him to leave?

Yeah. He needs it. I mean, look. Christ, look at him. Oh, god. Theology theology one of my other degrees just cause you said Christ there's a bible story I think a lot about when I see you what is it Jonah and the whale which one am I

you're Jonah and you're trapped the whale is your dead end sports media career I'm on air talent he's reading you like a fucking book dead-end sports media career. I'm on-air talent. He's reading you like a fucking book. He's reading you like a book, and he knows how to read. He's got 13 degrees.

You're on-air. I'll say that much. You're on-air. I don't know about talent. If he gives you a full refund and a crisp 20, will you get off our premises right now? Yes, give that to me. I'm gone.

This has been hurtful. And also, I think I kind of have to take a look at my values, I guess. You're welcome. Would have been nice. I just saying thank you would have been nice. Thank you. Yeah. Well, thank you.

Say thank you, Jim. Say thank you, Jim. No, because I don't like the way you're making me say it. I already said thank you. I just said it. But it's, whatever. I don't know. That's not a thing you should look at.

I just think that's not a thing you should look at. If you had so much resistance to saying his name, look him in the eye, shake in his hand and saying thank you. This is great, Jim. Appreciate you, Jim. Shake his fucking hand. I appreciate you, Jim. Take his paw in yours.

Say thank you, Jim. Give me a paw. Give him your paw. Give him your paw. What? Give him your paw. What is this you Jim Give him your paw Give him your paw Do you guys own this place? Give him your paw 13 degrees and you just work at an axe throwing place? I'm a doctor And I am a lawyer as well And I know for a fact I don't need to answer that

I don't know how you had the time to get those He's 43 He's old as shit I'm 43 okay I'm old the time to get those. He's 43. He's old as shit. Okay, I'm old as time, man. You have two doctorates. Sure, you know. One of them's an MD, you just insinuated. Can I just say, your worldview is tiny.

Minuscule, man. You know, you ever use that thing where you put it, what's it called, a viewmaster? You ever use a viewmaster? That's your worldview. That's fine that you think that. Just slides. I'm gone. I'm gone.

This has been bad, but also maybe good. Don't do this to other people, because I'm going to go cry in my car. Release. That's beautiful. I don't need release. Go. Why are you still standing here? I'm gone! I'm gone! You've been standing in the doorway for ten minutes, talking about how you're leaving.

I hate to see him go, but I love to watch him walk away. What was that? Huh? I was talking to my colleague. Alright, let's take a quick break and we'll come back with some more axe-throwing, hatchet-having reviews. This new year, why not let Audible expand your life by listening? Audible CA contains over 890,000 total titles within its current library,

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the goals you set for yourself. Start listening today when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash wonderyca. trial at audible.com slash wonderyca. That's audible.com slash wonderyca. And we're back. Alfred, do you want to take the next review or should I? Yeah. No, I'd love to. Do you think you're okay to talk about it? Talk about my review? Yeah. No, I'd love to. Do you think you're okay to talk about it?

Talk about my review? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Given the accident. Yeah, I mean, we've been going for, what, a half hour already talking about it. I don't know why this is such a strange moment to ask for my- I just want to check in. I like checking in.

Hey. What? Thank you. I know. Not really, though. It wasn't like cause you she put you on the spot earlier saying talk about the accident that's the time

to check in now we just had a break you should be fine let's scrap it what the whole episode yeah let's fucking bin it there's no way you don't know how to deal with it Jeff you don't know how to deal with this that's why I need to keep checking in Alf are you okay to read your review now yeah let's okay hey let to keep checking in. Elf, are you okay to read your review now?

Yeah, let's... Okay. Hey, let's keep going. All right. Thank you. Okay. That's awesome. Just tread fucking lightly. Don't...

Oh, just... I was saying that's pretty cool. This is from Class Axe Throwing. Class Axe. Pretty good stuff. Throwing in Jacksonville, Florida. Of course it is. This is from Caitlin S.

Sever. That's what I was going to say. Really? Yeah. Group mind. My husband and I came in on Wednesday. We had Madison. Wait, sorry, how many stars?

Did I miss that? Oh, one. That's going to go ahead and be one star. Great. My husband and I came in on Wednesday. We had Madison as our expert nice and it's safe to say that we will never be going back not only was she really rude to me but the entire time she was flirting with my husband he would miss and she would say things like oh try

again or nice try but if i missed she would say really unencouraging things to me. She made me so uncomfortable. We left before our hour was up. She taught my husband a trick shot after like 25 minutes and allowed him to do a two handed trick. One handed. She at one point pushed me out of my range and started throwing axes with my husband as if it was their date.

She was constantly on her phone, and I was certain she was taking pictures and videos of my husband throwing axes. We had come to learn something new and have a good time, but it's safe to say we will not be back. Hey, hey, handsome. I couldn't help but notice that your grip on the axe is maybe a little subpar.

I'm Madison. I work here. I'm one of the experts. Figured I could give you a hand or two. Whatever. Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, that'd be totally fine. Could I just get a... Yeah.

Sorry, do you hear something? No, me? Do I hear anything? Do I hear anything? I hear the music. Right. Oh, I guess maybe it was hear the music. Right. Oh, I guess maybe it was on the music. Anyway, how do I, yeah, I guess how do I hold it? I guess is a good starting point.

Well, I guess, sorry, are you two together? Are you? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Three years. Sorry? Three years. Oh, I didn't, I was just more asking

Are you two here together In this one lane for the axe throwing? Oh, yes, we are Okay, and Sorry, can I get your name, Handsome? Sorry, we're both Handsome, I didn't know who you were talking to I'm talking to you Tall glass of water

Thank you You can call me duncan hi duncan and what's your name ugly sorry normie normie ugly what's your name uh holy shit um yeah my name's lily hi lily disgusting um okay well handsome duncan if you wouldn't mind i can just like what the hell was that snake around behind you and i can help you what whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what what no no you're fine you're okay. Lil, what are you, why are you being so rude to Madison? Are you kidding me? She's just trying to help us throw. She called me a normie and ugly, and then after I told her my name, she called me disgusting.

Dr. Swanson talked about, you're just projecting, okay, just because you feel that way about yourself does not mean that that's what other people are thinking or saying about you. Okay? Yeah. It's fine. She seems really sweet. Well, we also don't go to Dr. Swanson anymore because I misheard you when you said that it was what I thought an MFT, but it was an NFT. Have her. So that was just your buddy.

Yeah. an NFT. Have her. So that was just your buddy. Yeah, and he's very good with economics and also the market, the free market of a relationship, I think, as well. He's very good at it. The free market of a relationship? Things are getting too serious in here. There's a lot of talky-talky and not enough axie-axie.

What's funny about that? So true, Madison. God, you're funny. Not enough axie. Oh, my God. Not really. Thank you. So, okay, Duncan, Daddy Duncan, I'm just going to sneak around. I don't have children.

You don't. No. You don't have kids. Very much untethered. Untethered. I love that. What the fuck is happening? Hey, Lily?

Ass? Can you just, like, give us a minute? I'm trying to teach Duncan here Why aren't you teaching both of us? Why aren't I teaching? I never said I wasn't going to teach both of you. I literally never said that. Get your ears

checked, Lily. Okay, sorry. Why are you sorry? You're so meek. You're so meek and Duncan's so confident and so hot and you're sitting here just not. And you're going to rot. Now, excuse me. Well, I'm going to put my hands on your husband's hands. I'm going to put them around the base of this axe. I'm going to squeeze them tightly. And then one, two, three. Whoa.

Bullseye. Now, see, Duncan, I don't think you would have been able to do that with Lily. I don't think you would have been able to do that without my tiny little baby. Little hands are on your big, strong, manly ones. No, it's true. Lily doesn't know anything about axe throwing. Let me see your hands, Lily. That doesn't matter.

Let me see your hands, Lily. Giant. Calloused. Dry. Hey. Uneven fingers. Hey, Madison. What?

What? What? What'd I do? What'd I do? You're starting to cross a line. A line? Yeah, okay? Nobody makes fun of her hands like that, okay? That's the only time you even thought.

I wasn't making fun of them. Her hands are normal sized. Well, not compared to my little dainty delicate ones. I am not. My girlfriend does not have big hands. Oh, so you're not married. No. Oh, my mistake.

This is going to be a lot easier than I thought. Lily, I would like you to move to the other lane right now. I'm not going to do that. Lil, just do what she says. Just do what I say. Are you kidding me? Just do what I say. What's the big problem?

She's been overtly the rudest person to me in my life ever. Your hands are so small. I think- Mine? No, I was talking to Lily. Can we have a moment? You and me? No, me and Lily. You're like really close.

Okay. Sorry, I'll back up. You're beeping, but you're not moving. I'll go now. I'll go now. Start taking videos. Lily, moving. I'll go now. Okay. I'll go now. Thank you. Start taking videos. Lily, look, I- She's filming us.

And let her. She's filming us. And let her. I don't understand where you're falling on this issue, because you stand up for me with the hands. You stand up for me just now with her being close to you. But every other time, you've been like, madison you said i'm untethered i mean i'm just i'm just i'm just confused i guess about hearing you talk this way because

when we had our conversation last week you said that you didn't like um the responsibility of dating me you said that you felt like it was, you were being my mommy and that it was a lot of work for you and that you felt like my therapist and all these things. And I was like, okay. And I kind of took that as a cue to start, you know, looking around

and like appreciating, you know. Such a piece of shit. You know, I break up with you, obviously, because if that landed to you as not just me setting a boundary and saying, I need you to be working on yourself within this as I am on me,

you took it as, let me start looking for the next game. Not the next one, but maybe at the same time, I'm gone. Oh. Wait, did I just hear that you guys are no longer together? I mean I overheard I also have it on video

We're together If you're broken up I'm no longer interested in you If you're together then I'm even wetter But if you're apart then you're not for me So what is this? Lily I know that you broke up with me just now, and I get that. Ew. No, you-

Lily's cool now. No, wait. No, wait. Lily, just pretend that we're still together for a few more minutes so I can bag this one. I don't care what you do or have. And the last thing I'm going to do right now is help you out you're being hey lily wait lily before you go i'm really sorry about all that misunderstanding back there i think there was a lot of just miscommunication between the two of us and i think the way you might have interpreted what i was doing was wrong and it wasn't but

because we're here and now i I just want to say like, I'm sorry if I made you feel any kind of way. That wasn't the intention. And I'm wondering if like maybe we could go get a boba. We can't go get a boba, but you pissed me off so much and he pissed me off so much that I need to take out my frustration on someone's body sexually. So if you want to come back home with me, we can do that now.

But this is the only time I'm going to ask. And if you don't say yes right now, that's body sexually. So if you want to come back home with me, we can do that now. But this is the only time I'm going to ask. And if you don't say yes right now, that's totally fine, but I'm going to go. Let's go. Okay. I'm so confused. Brother,

did you say you're confused? Do you need help with the ax? No, I mean, yeah. Cause I got a guy, there is someone here who's got 13 college degrees no way help you with your life and with your arm throwing axe i it's like have you ever had a day

where your life was so bright and perfect and you had a girlfriend and also a flirting with someone and then in an instant it turns and it flips and it goes around the other way. And now you're so, so lonely. Boy, do I have the mentor for you. Sick. That sounds really hype. Are you going to come over here or not?

Yeah, just give me a sec. Calls. Calls. Tells us what? Hey, Lily. I know we haven't talked in a while, and I genuinely, I hope you and Madison are really happy. I just want to let you know that I met somebody too. He's got 13 college degrees, four of them are terminal.

And he has really turned my life around for the better, a lot better than you ever did so I hope you're thriving and I hope 30 is treating you dirty you which should we do our last segment let's do it. Yes! Should we do it? Alfred, what's been shaking you? You know, anything that's on your mind or anything that you're worried about,

you're anxious about, you're dealing with actively or inactively. The floor is yours. Oh, wow. You know, I guess I guess I have a problem. Okay. Okay.

And the problem is my addiction to Dunkin' Donuts. Got it. Iced coffee. I recently moved at the beginning of this. Chicago, Illinois. No, I've lived there for a very long time. But thank you for keeping up to date. Thank you for following me on Instagram and really keeping a prize for life.

I moved to a new apartment in Chicago. To be fair, you never post. Sorry. To be fair, you never post. Well, I do if I'm in a hospital bed. That's true. And I... It's also not a good...

Yeah. I just believe in... It's a bad sell. Sure. Could it be often enough that you're in hospital beds that you're like, oh, well, I can post now. I like to live my life. And then Instagram is just for the moments in between.

Got it. So I live now in a new apartment, five minutes walking distance, if that, from a Dunkin' Donuts. And I have been going to that. Dangerous. Yes, very much so and I have been going to that Dunkin Donuts every single day at least one time

what's your order? I get a medium iced coffee cream only you slipped into a Boston accent I don't think I did I just go up to the counter and I say good day madam could I please trouble you for A medium iced coffee

Cream only You can't help it We've never done this but we do reserve the right To refuse service to anyone And frankly I'm getting to the crux of the issue now My problem I guess is not really that I go to Dunkin one two times a day It's that Dunkin Donuts recently changed their reward program.

And if there's any Dunkey heads in the audience, they'll know. Dunkey heads? Used to be that 200 points on a rewards thing would equal a free beverage of any kind of beverage. You could get like an $8 drink from Dunkin' for free. Easy. Just for having 200 points. Calm down. It was free money.

You could get 100 bonus points every Monday just for ordering a head in the app. Holy shit. That way, every two weeks, you were getting a free drink. So then what happened? They just changed it. So now, they've changed it so the different points

based on the kind of drink you're getting. But even just for a mediumized coffee cream only, it is 500 points. It is $500. It went from 200 points to 500 points. And if you want to get like, you know, pumpkin spice, cold foam, like all of the shit, like an $8 drink, you're looking at like 900 points. And I think that is absurd. That's crazy. It makes me want to stop going

but you're not gonna but but i have a chemical addiction to caffeine there it is right and that's where you and i are the same i showed up at jeffrey james's place last night i was just about to say 6 30 p.m she she got to my place and was like was drink just drinking a coffee and i was like the sun is down which is a good i said it wasn't down when i brewed it which again is worse no because this one had just set this one had just set i don't know did you Were you able to go to sleep? Yes. Okay.

Then I guess I just envy you. I have had too much caffeine over my period of life to where it doesn't really... If I have a coffee at 8 p.m., I'll sleep like a goddamn baby. I'll sleep like a goddamn baby. Goddamn baby. I'll sleep like a god...

baby. Oh. Jeff, what's been shaking you um you know there's stuff there's stuff uh i'll just plug um my my sister has an online magazine called clear uh clear story and uh it talks about uh the intersection of contemplative thinking and social action uh and she just released a print edition. That's so much more important than anything I've ever done. I mean that genuinely.

I mean, what are we doing? What are we doing? I not putting together 190 pages of poems, essays, and interviews about rest, healing and wisdom. If you guys like reading stuff about contemplation or theology or social justice or anything like that, check it out.

ClearStoryMag.com. Sarah's the best. I'm going to triple check that that is the link. Probably good to do. That is it, yeah. I just want to say, I think you guys are really hard on yourself just there. Nah, you don't have to say that.

No, I mean it. I mean, you guys have a podcast, or in Jeff's case, you have 10 podcasts. What you can't do, by the way, is text us an Apple cash request for compliment and then give the compliment because we don't want or need it and I don't want to pay you

$10 for this. Okay, five. So you guys were really hard on yourself just then and it's like, you know, you make content and there's a shortage of that these days. You know, you go online and there's a shortage of that these days you know you go online

and there's like you can't fucking find anything you know especially podcasts it is an under saturated it's a brave new world out there for podcasts exactly it is a buyer's market

and I and I really think that you know there are 10 people who every week they might you might make their day a little bit better you know and they're sure there could be equally as many people whose day has been made worse um and i think uh and i think that's beautiful and that you guys should celebrate the part of the media ecosystem that you and you would have it. And like, let's be honest, you guys couldn't do what Jeff's sister does.

So it's not like you guys are wasting your time because this is kind of the best you can do. Well, now my webstricte kind of feels obsolete because it was going to be promoting content. Oh, sure. No, well, now I don't want to was going to be promoting content. Oh, sure. No, well, now I don't want to say it. I love content. I'm always on my phone. But now I don't want to say it.

You said that you like to live your life. You said you post on the in-betweens. You said that's the in-betweens, right? So you're always on your phone? You're never about content. There's a lot of in between i don't know like oh my god i never said what one weighs more there was this thing i get it's not really content it's a piece i think it's like a poem someone wrote um that i reposted to

i was less a poem and just more of like a little piece that someone wrote that i reposted to my story the other day um weeks ago by the time this comes out. But, um, that was just really, it was just really moving and beautiful and about how we all like could just show up more for each other in a way that isn't like, that we don't make a big deal about. I don't know how to describe that, but it's like, you know, even just like taking, like offering to take a friend to the airport or like, you know, that one of the lines was like, a friend to the airport or like, you know, that one of the lines was like, I want to buy fruit that's on like specialty fruit that's on sale, not because I like it, but because friends of mine might. And like just to just show up in

more of an active community way, which I think is really nice. And a lot of people DM me like talking about how much they love that piece. And I love it, too. And it's just like really cool that it's like, oh, we all want this. Jeff doesn't because he hates driving to the airport. But I like I think I used to do that for anyone. I'm not. But I think it's like oh we all want this jeff doesn't because he hates driving to the airport but i like i think i refuse to do that for anyone i'm not but i think it's really nice um and shout out to kevin t porter kevin t porter messaged me he said like this is beautiful how can we how can we incorporate this into our weeks and we were like talking about in like in what ways we can we can show up in community and so i thought that was just really nice okay that was nice sorry sorry no i think i think it's really great that you read that.

I think that the... But? No, I'm just saying I think it was really important that you specifically read that. Fucker. Because one thing I'll say, you have never bought me fruit. You know how much I love fruit. I have bought you something for

sure. Okay. Take a stab. Probably a coffee. Which you love. Or a chocolate, which you love. I do love a chocolate. I've bought you M&M's before. I've bought you M&M's. That's true. Hey, that's true. You know,

some could argue not quite as big of an ask as driving someone to the airport or buying a crew Alfred what do you have to plug what do you want to point to people my ears am I right well listen to you two jab on

holy shit Kevin Nealon I guess yeah follow me on Instagram Am I right? Well, listen, you two jab on. Holy shit. Kevin Nealon. I guess, yeah, follow me on Instagram. You might see me in hospital in about six months' time. I'm due for another visit. That's at AlfredInnit, I-N-N-I-T, at Instagram.com. AlfredInnit. Alfred, right? What's all this said?

Jesus Christ. It was perfect. That was one of them. That was one of the. He froze. I'm pissed. Alfred, for those who don't know, Alfred is British by way of Virginia. So if you're wondering, why does he sound like that?

That's why. Yeah. And I'm, and you know, just know that, you know, if you want to go to the subreddit and just sort of sound off in the comments about how annoying you find my voice, you know, I really, I, I thrive on that. You know what I mean? The haters are my, are my, uh, lovers, lifeblood, my lover blood. My haters are my lover blood.

You didn't like that? no I would have thought that was your kind of thing you can find Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James on Twitter at JeffBoyardee you can find the show on Reddit r slash review review Instagram at review review Twitter at review review show and you can follow Riley on Instagram at Riley on spa

on Twitter at Riley Coyote Alf thank you so much for coming on. This was super fun. I cackled several times. Thank you guys. This has been a blast. And you know, if you guys want to head over to the Reddit and leave some suggestions of

what you think Riley could do to be a better friend. I would love to hear those. Cause I think. Yeah. It was a blast having you put us on blast. I think it's pretty surprising how little accountability there is in this space for you guys specifically i think that it is been a long time coming and if i had more time i i have a grievance list a laundry list we'll have to have you on again soon. Yeah. I can't wait to be mean to Jeff more.

Yeah. And I do, if you come on again soon, you have to, the requirement is the laundry list. I want you to actually come up with 10 things. Okay. I mean, it won't be hard. I mean, the hard part is paring it down, am I right? That's going to be hard, this part is only limiting it to 10. Should we thank some... Let's do it. Pairing it down. That's gonna be hard as part of it's only limiting it to ten. Um, should we thank some

V.I. podcast? Let's do it. Big thank you to underscore Christian Sidehug so he could hug two people simultaneously. Ah! A mummy! Wait a second. Dakota just had trouble wiping this week. Get it together, dude. Jesus. Agent Michael Scarn. Aggie.

Aco versus the volcano. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan work tirelessly to quell Aco's boiling hot magma rage beneath the surface. No, it's never contained. At this point, I can't tell if Daddy chose Tuesdays or if Tuesdays chose Daddy. It's just, well, me. Austin's now a proud member of the Lego VIP Club, which is like the Mile High Club, except I've never had sex. Bob, Ben is reminiscing on the finale of Sleeper Hit, the comeback starring Lisa Kudrow.

If you know what this is about, please become. Bob Buell, Sausage King of Chicago. Cam is Sposey. That's spooky and cozy because it's October, baby. Chuck. Connor Finnegan's rage is Connor Finnegan's strength. And Connor Finnegan... I'm starting over.

Connor Finnegan's rage is Connor Finnegan's strength. And Connor Finnegan has been very strong recently. So you're just pissed. Yeah. Curbature on that grind. That's right. Grave and fine. That's nothing. Damien Kirk wonders

if his innie is also a sad, lonely incel type with notoriously shitty shoulders. But at work. Don't look now, but James Wagner's

behind you and kind of looks cool as shit. Fancy octopus is, according to a co, submissive and breedable. Gray's done. This is over.

I eat spaghetti and meatballs. It's like spaghetti and meatballs, but instead of noodles, I eat the sun. I'm Riley Anspaugh, and have you ever heard of this new show, The Office? You know, John Krasinski is kind of zaddy. Jake Ullman.

Jay's actually in the U.S. for a bit now, and this whole time zone thing might work out this week. Jeffrey Games. Jeffrey's evil, but playful twin. Jesse Tipton. Joe, and for lack of a better term, well, Malazov John Daniels

I feel like it's a trap that's just his real name Julian Bede feels felt like an outcast at the last Ardy so hey I'm gonna go die in a lake Caleb is too busy

to come to the phone right now please leave a message after the beep beep Casper of a Pasper Lord Hunter the Ordained Lucas Heinzel Michael Beggle

money money money I'm flush with Cas from all these Patreon sims. We're famous and more important than you. My what shook me is that I started an IT crowd, Nolan Murphy could stand to lose a few kidneys. I'd prefer him on dialysis. Oh, hi, Mark. Well, priest. Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater. Had a wife but couldn't keep her, well, happy.

Buff Riley. Raven Schmaven. Review R2. So it's this podcast but a sequel. Reese using insurance money to support you fools. Berkman. Smoke and Time on Main Island is closed for the winter and Jameson Poncia has to come up with new funny original names now.

Smooth Pete and his band that had its initial success and is now in its commercial years period, the Corbin Bowl Players. That's nothing. TJ Michael. And Vinyl Richie. So it's Lionel Richie, but he has an extensive record collection. He probably does.

That's just Lionel Richie. Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. You can also follow Riley on Instagram at Riley and Spawn Twitter at Riley Coyote. Jeffrey on Instagram at Jeffrey James and on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you so much for listening this week. What's that?

No, she's like, thank you. I'm just thanking them for listening. So he's like, yeah, that's yeah. It's a really big newgroni that you're drinking. It's 4 p.m. somewhere. It's 4 p.m. here. Right. It's music.

We'll see you guys again next week. Thanks for listening to this episode, especially, I guess. This one was huge. I mean gears what else is there to say and we'll see you guys again next week Arrivederci that was a Hiddem original