Review Revue - Ballrooms

Episode Date: December 1, 2020

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about Ballrooms and discuss wedding crashers, making a living off lawsuits, and My Disney Kitchen!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You make me want to go out and steal. I just want to review. I just want to review. I just want new phone. Riley got an iPhone 12. You hadn't gotten a new one for several years. And so that's good to have. I upgraded my iPhone 8. The issue might have to be is that you now have access to yeah i mean animojis and memojis

yeah i put it on my instagram story today but you should just play it with one unicorn one on no no no i put the so riley sends me this this morning i mean at the end of the day it's like shouldn't everyone be scared of biden's tax plan i mean i know i'm making enough to be my uh my christmas bonus came early this year um so i know that i'll be making enough to for that. Anyway, yeah, I'll have a try. It's a fucking unicorn. So I've sent that as the unicorn. We can just post it on the Instagram. It is my new favorite thing.

It is the funniest thing I've ever seen. I will never get, I know I'm so late. I'm years late to this. Did you even need the new phone to have that? I thought that they had that. No, because I had an iPhone 8 and that? I thought that they had that. No, because I had an iPhone eight and you can't do that on the eight. I have,

I could send and like, I could send me emojis, but like, I could not animate your face. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so that's been very fun.

You told me, well, you told me that you were getting the phone on like Friday or something. And I, and then you were excited about the emojis and phone on like friday or something and i and then you were excited about the animojis and i was like here we go but then every single one has made me like cry laugh and so i'm so glad that you upgraded selfishly because well i'm in a dark place obviously but it's just so everything like the content i send you is kind of getting you

through um yeah well it's like we will get by you know so um yeah um what's new i really fucking needed to see that the unicorn sketch because it was a sketch really it was a pilot in a way it's all right i wonder if there's like a world where you create like i don't know a pilot about like a unicorn who is sort of a narcissist and a rich person in that regard. So like he's worried about Biden's tax play. Oh, we're still on that. We're still talking. Oh, I haven't moved on from it since you sent it to me this morning.

Got it. You haven't done anything else with your day. I didn't find a review. No, I haven't. What's new with you? Nothing's changed. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, which is nice um in a normal year uh you know the wednesday before thanksgiving i'd be spending time with family and

then friends and uh instead i'm in a closet so um that's that's really it i'm making my my infamous truffle mac and cheese for my family. Yeah. That sounds really good. It's fair. It's good. I'm not going to lie. I'm like, here's the thing. I was just talking to this, to my friend about this. I'm bad.

I think you and I have talked about this too. I'm bad at weeknight meals. I'm not, I cannot do it and make it interesting. But like when it's like, oh, people are coming over. There's a holiday. If I'm going to go all out, I'm a good cook. If I'm just cooking day to day, I'm bad. What do you mean bad at them?

Like, I don't know how to make them interesting because if I'm going to do it, I want it to take 10 minutes tops. So it's going to be bland for sure. So instead of make them interesting, it's like, would you rather order in on a weeknight rather than,

or are you just throwing together like a meal that is fine? Either. But like, neither is necessarily good because one is bad for my wallet. The other is bad for my tongue well one is probably yeah yeah whatever you said yeah and i appreciate that yeah i guess uh what's new with you what

are you doing for thanksgiving other than the phone um daniel every year makes an apple pie and it's amazing and so today daniel's gonna make his apple pie for the house is gonna smell oh and elizabeth's making cookies it's just it's gonna be a treat um yeah i'm very excited about that and what's new with me again i noticed this last week but it's gotten even worse, worse slash better of our house looking like a department store. Yeah, well, you did weirdly add like a makeup counter in the middle of your living room. So it's not just the boxes.

Right, and Elizabeth is offering free samples for whenever Daniel and I walk by. Daniel's in an Auntie Anne's uniform handing out pretzel dog samples and I just kind of go back and forth between their stages disguises trying to get free samples you know it's a little bit of famously fall cleaning yeah let's just do the episode come on um so it's a little chaotic in here but we're making it work um yeah is it better than before is it worse or is it the same but just like as last week yeah worse it's worse but but more

progress is happening like right bigger things are happening which kind of makes it look worse at the moment for sure well i mean i think that i need to follow your lead though because i'm currently in my closet my i did not grow up in this house my parents moved here right before I went to college um but it's still like all my clothes from childhood and I like I either hate them or they don't fit so like I need to get rid of them but at the same time this is like my little studio setup and if I get rid of them it's going to be an echoey room so like yeah yeah it's sort of a sophie's choice in that way a sofia coppola's choice as in a sofia coppola's choice she's got to figure out what the timing is on that last cut god um and the only other thing that's new is

i woke up with a bug bite on my right eyelid today oh is it a bug bite or a stye it's a bug bite so it itches it itches i'm so sorry that sucks it's okay it just means that i'm sweet and the bugs want a little piece of this you in therapy yeah so this is not about the bug bite everyone's thinking too much of me and i don't have enough love to give to myself that's exactly it people pleaser sweet no it has nothing to do with sweet because my blood is tasty your blood is normal like everyone else's you just get picked on you're susceptible to being taken advantage of because you offer so much no but i'm i'm a snack yeah uh that's actually our time i've been here for five minutes not even it's felt like 50 sorry

go on i texted jeff last night and i said what should we what should we review tomorrow because we knew we were recording in the morning we didn't have anything that we were doing yet and jeff he goes i don't know. Did you do anything? And I'm like, I haven't really put much thought into it. I go, what about you? And Jeff just sends ballrooms. So today we're talking ballrooms. Last week we did turkey trots because it's clearly Thanksgiving.

But now we're in this limbo between Thanksgiving and Christmas where it's like it could be anything. We can't do like four holiday episodes. And a ballroom can be anything. Ballrooms are very versatile. You could host a birthday soiree. You can host a wedding, a bar or bat mitzvah. It can be a banquet, whatever you want it to be. A ballroom is, is that's where you'll see it um yeah a ballroom can take shape to any event and you've always said that i've always like

anyone asks me for any advice that's the first thing i tell them of course naturally i'm like book a ballroom book it months in advance and they're like no i'm asking you specifically how do i fill out this tax form book the room even if you don't think you'll need it you probably i 100 will not need it to do my taxes book the room in june because that's when everyone's going to try and get the room for that is two months after taxes are due so i cannot you'll start them for next year in the room i won't be able to do that because i won't know how much money i made just book the room i can't believe i'm doing this this is so fucked jeff do you have any experience with ballrooms um i don't think so i well i mean the only thing that comes to mind is I was really bored during quarantine, like the first few months when I was living alone. And I watched this video of the Plaza Hotel in New York. I think it was an Arc Digest tour or maybe just like a normal tour. And it was walking through like the historic rooms of the Plaza. And there was like some really cool rooms. Some of them they don't use anymore which is for some reason i found intriguing and then there was just this wildly big and extravagant ballroom that

like people get married at i will never have a wedding in a ballroom but it's just it's still interesting to see the architecture yeah yeah yeah no because i feel, I don't know when I think of a ballroom, I think of, I think of a very grand, beautiful room with like, with hard floors, like not carpeting on the floors. And I feel like a lot of, but I feel like a lot of quote unquote ballrooms now have like carpeted floors and they're at like the Hilton or something for like a convention. Yeah. Right. And like, when I think of a bar, when I think of a ballroom, I just think of the ballroom from Beauty and the Beast. Like that is, that is a ballroom. That is the ballroom in my mind. Um, actually, you know what? I do have a ball. I have two ballroom experiences now that you've opened up to just not wedding venues. When I used to go to the world yo-yo contest in like 2010, 2011, it was in a ballroom one of those hotel carpet no it wasn't and no it wasn't

what do you expect it could be in an arena nobody gives a shit i thought it might be like outside on like a platform or something that's the u.s ballroom championship stop it you're lying that one's in a park no but the but the and then the other one is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony in 2014. I went with a couple of my friends because it's it rotates between Cleveland and New York and it goes for every three years.

It's in New York. It's once in Cleveland for obvious reasons. Wait, explain that. Because Cleveland is not alluring. Really? I don't Really? Yes. Yes. I love Cleveland, but not to musicians. Anyway, I went to the ballroom.

Great induction ceremony. Stevie Wonder inducted Bill Withers. Miley Cyrus inducted Joan Jett. Paul inducted Ringo. You went to that one? You went to the one where Ringo was inducted I'm almost positive because Paul was there but he might he might have been inducting not Ringo I it might have been the guy who did Dreamweaver I think Paul did induct then I think it was Ringo oh it was stacked like Stevievie wonder bill withers paul ringo miley joan jett uh oh green day was inducted so uh they were all there it was unbelievable it was such a day yeah green day was inducted green

green day was there my friends and i were just having a ball i think we all had fake ideas at the time we had just gotten them because we were like it was my last year of high school and uh i got a beer and that was a lot of fun and then because that you know at the time that was a lot of fun and during miley cyrus's speech i used to do this thing i still do it it's dumb i might cut this out of the episode but um my buddy tucker he's like my best friend since i was five and uh anytime I'm at a sporting event, a concert, anything, some people whistle, some people go, woo! You know, I go, let's go Tucker!

Because it's just something to yell. And so I did that as Miley was inducting Joan Jett and it was televised. So you can hear it in the speech. Yeah. You absolute ass! Joan Jett, one of the biggest days of our life, and you're yelling, let's go, Tucker.

You piece of shit. I was cheering for the old lass. No, you were cheering for Tucker. Besides, I don't give a damn about my reputation. Let's go, Tucker. I want to go to a ball. I want to go to a ball. Sure.

No one throws balls anymore. And I just... Don't lecture everyone. It's not their fault. I want to go to a masquerade i want to go to i want to go to no but like an old-timey one not like i'm gonna wear the fucking ariana grande like bunny like leather mask and like walk around a room no i was i was thinking of an actual ball yeah i'm just like you're the only one in the room you're wearing that fucking mask and you're just walking around a room um that's not what i want i want to go to a real ball like a masquerade like out of phantom of the opera in a ballroom

i feel like i did go to a gala once. Well, okay. A friend of mine used to be... You're hitting on a woman at a bar. I did go to a gala once. I feel like I did go to a gala once. That's my opener. Sorry, what did you say? Oh, oh no i was just thinking black ties okay okay i'm actually with my husband oh that's cool that's cool you guys need um a third or like a babysitter different things well i either like to have sex or make some extra

scratch god um so yeah so i guess that's my little experience my experience of ballrooms is like pop culture of like imagining what i would do in a ballroom so you want to be like at the biltmore hotel downtown la yeah yeah grandeur gold i want i want like i want to come down like a big sweeping staircase like em Emma Watson in the fourth Harry Potter. Yeah. Yes, exactly right. And have like a squire read out like, presenting Miss Riley Adspa of, you know,

blank, blank, blank, California. Where's her escort? She couldn't even pay someone to be it it's like medusa but instead of you turning to stone she looks at you and you immediately throw up oh let's get out of here you ruined a ball i want to take grand paul to the grand ball um that's i think the best pun we've ever made like through any head gum media it's so funny i'm not in a place to say that but i i love that no that that's my favorite that's my favorite sketch i remember watching that and losing my mind that's my favorite pre riley joining the team sketch i'm gonna take rand paul to the rand paul's drag race is so good i just wish i could have gotten

through without laughing because i laughed like the final sketch is bad because amir and i couldn't stop laughing let's take a break so we can come back and talk ball rooms marty Ballrooms. Marty. Okay. This is for the Alexandria Ballrooms. I almost did one. Los Angeles. This is from Caitlin D. Duchess. Caitlin Duchess. this is from caitlin d duchess caitlin duchess three stars from caitlin duchess interesting five stars for the beauty of the venue two stars for management and staff at the time

so round it out to about three stars from caitlin duchess okay here we go we had our wedding here two and a half years ago so this is a belated review we had our ceremony in the king eddie ballroom and our reception in the palm court ballroom when we booked and put our deposit down we promised that nobody would be using the mez and that we would be the only event on that day since we booked two out of the three rooms however at a later meeting we were told that this was absolutely not the case. They also did not tell us that we had to pay extra to use the main staircase to get to the second floor, and that we had to use the back staircase, which we were never even shown on our tour when we put down our deposit. We were also...

That's horrible. We were also promised a groom's room to get ready in, which was not available. They did eventually allow us to use the main staircase only because the other event was not booked and allowed us to use a conference room for the groom without charge. On the day of, we were told that they would provide the chairs with cushions and tables.

When our event coordinator asked for the chair cushions, she was provided a bag of cushions that were dumped out onto the floor most of which were too dirty to be used overall the venue was beautiful and everything we were looking for aesthetically but the management and staff left much to be desired our photos and wedding turned out beautifully and everything was everything we wanted but the road to that point had a lot of unnecessary potholes and detours immediately I had a lot of unnecessary potholes and detours. Immediately, the thought of, like, another, like, the image of, like, another, like, fancy wedding with a bunch of beautiful people going on in this kind of ragtag group who's not even allowed to use the main stairs. Because, like, it would be too hard to look at them and this other group is like getting

the groom's room like all these dressing rooms and like get this little misfit team to go up the back stairs and use the fucking like conference room hey twin wedding days ah oh I'm conference room. Hey, twin wedding days. Ah.

Oh, I'm... We're both getting married today. Which ballroom are you in? You're in ballroom A? Yes, my wife and I will be... My fiance and I will be getting married in ballroom A. I'm so sorry. Have we met before?

No, hey, I'm Jason. Hi, Jason. Oh, I'm so sorry. Have we met before? No. Hey, I'm Jason. Hi, Jason. It's really wet. Oh, I'm I'm Reynolds. Nice to meet you. I'm just Reynolds. So, well, that's great. I hope you have a wonderful day. You guys don't mind if I take a peek at your guys's setup, right? I'm the I'm the best man. So I'm kind of like, of like getting ready in a bathroom. You said we're getting married today.

Yeah, we're both separately getting married. Well, oh, am I getting married? I like to think I'm getting married because I'm part, like the best man and the maid of honor are both kind of part of the partnership in a way. Like they're both on stage sharing in it. They both share a kiss, who knows?

On stage. I'm going to be stage right or left, whichever one is like the one where I'm on the left if you're facing it. They both share a kiss. Who knows? On stage. I'm going to be stage right or left, whichever one is like the one where I'm on the left. If you're facing it. I don't think so. No, I have a big day to get to. I'm actually getting married. Um, so nice to meet you. I hope your day works out well. I hope that's not what you're wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I'm just getting ready. You've just, we just got here, but I'm going to speak to one of the managers. We were told that we were the only people who booked the spaces.

Oh, you want to talk to the manager? I've been talking their ears off all day. Let me get... Hey, Drew! Drew! Hi, Jason. Yeah, hi. How's it going? Hey. Hi, Drew. Yeah, that was actually... I had a question here.

We don't have to be right next to him when we talk. Can we just come in? Take you guys' time. I'm here if you want me to chime in at all. And I might do it either way. It's okay. You know what, Drew? Thanks, Jason.

Some space would be good. Drew, I'll bring you into, here's our kind of the groom's room, as it were. Let me just close the door. All right. See you in a second, Jason. Oh, my God. I cannot handle him right now i'm so sorry i'll keep him away from you guys don't worry well thank you it's just we

thought that we were the only we were assured that we were the only ones who had an event going on today so that we could kind of use all the rooms freely and um i have to admit and i'm so sorry we will give you back the full deposit it's whatever you need. Jason booked the space nine years ago and our book system was updated in 2015. So we just, we didn't have it on the date, but we had to honor it because he did give us a deposit almost a decade ago. But Jason isn't even getting married today.

And that's not the weirdest part about Jason. That's just like, that's the weirdest thing. That should be where the buck stops, but no, he's not the weirdest part about Jason. That's just like, that's the weirdest thing. That should be where the buck stops. But no, he's not getting married. He, I guess, swindled his way into being a best man in that wedding because like he was like, hey, all expense paid or something. He doesn't he barely knows anybody in the wedding party. So he kind of like he kind of scalped this wedding. Excuse me.

God, it's Jason. I figure Jason, we're still talking right now. You guys want a canopy? An appetizer? An Eddie teaser? Do you guys want an entree? Do you guys want some tapas? No, we're good.

We have our own caterer for my wedding. Thank God, because I don't have any with me. What are you guys talking about? He enters. Jason, God. Jason, look,

I have a really big day to get to and I actually really need to start getting ready because my wedding is in, I'm literally really big day to get to, and I actually really need to start getting ready because my wedding is in. I'm literally getting married in 20 minutes. So I would love this time to kind of, you know, go over my vows. Oh, I'll run them with you. Here, let me.

I'll be. What's your wife's name? What's your fiance's name? No, you really. You don't have. I don't want to do that. Are these your vows? Because I don't know you.

Please put them down. Please, Jason, put them down. Alyssa, for these last four years, you have been the. Oh, God. These are kind of bland. These are a little bit. Jason, Jason, put them down. Alyssa, for these last four years, you have been the... Oh, God. These are kind of bland. These are a little bit... Jason, Drew, can you please... Can you handle this?

I'll handle this. Jason, can I talk to you out here for a second? Oh, yeah, sure. Take some out in the hallway. What's up? You absolutely are entitled to having your own wedding in your own ballroom. Oh, thanks. But...

Oh, there's more? Yeah, there's more. But I'm going to need you to not interrupt the other guests. I'm not interrupting. I was helping him out with the vows. I don't think he wants your help. Okay, Jason? There's this main hallway for a reason. It separates your help today. And in these last nine years, it's it's really turned a sour decade into a pretty okay one. And maybe check your employee cubby when you get a chance because I left you a little something. All right. Thanks, Jason. He goes to the employee cubby. It's a check for $10, thousand dollars the memo is friendship with a smiley face oh no come back to the groom's room you're all dressed how do i look um yeah you look you look great you okay man yeah no i um this is your i don't want to yeah jason gave me a check for

ten thousand dollars oh my god basically as a thank you for the friendship that he thinks we've had the last decade but i've only talked to him on the phone maybe a handful of times well i guess there's maybe more to jason than we thought uh i don't know i don't think that i mean if more to him i guess he might be richer than you assume but i don't think there's more to him i mean i barely know him but um i would say either keep the money or give it back to him there's no middle ground with this um i would say keep the money for all the trouble that he's put you through wow okay i think a lot of things are being cleared up about what are you talking about whose side i should really be on who's the really there's no sides i'm gonna go get married right now we'll see about that won't we no i think you're a bad guy i think you're a bad guy cut to the wedding i am not the bad guy you're on the altar like

kind of nervous okay all right it's a big day she's a veil on everyone's standing up oh look at her wow so. Wow, so mysterious. Oh my god. Alyssa, it's your big day. Wow. Okay. Oh my god. She stands in front of me. I take her hand. Something feels different.

Why, Alyssa, what big hands you have. Thank you. I can't see your face. Alyssa, what, what a high voice you have. All the better to serenade you with, with,

with. And you never said you were much of a singer. The crowd loves it. That's true. She knows she's, she can't, she doesn't sing. Oh God.

Well, can I take, can I take can I look to the crowd? Take a peek under the hood? I start lifting the veil. Oh, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jason, what are you doing here? I told you I was getting married today.

No, what have you done with Alyssa? Where is she? She married Drew 10 minutes ago. She married the event coordinator? I don't know why you're so surprised. Somebody, like a cousin stands up in the audience. Yeah, honestly, Reynolds, you've been kind of an asshole to all of us at different points over the last few years. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you guys talking about? At our last Thanksgiving, you voted me Mr. Congeniality. In our pageant that we have every Thanksgiving. Where's this coming from? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. He sits down.

I thought more people would stand up. No, I've been nothing but a perfect gentleman. Alyssa and I have been together for four years, and in all of ten minutes, she can just decide to call the whole thing off? Yeah. What did you do? What did you say to her? I said that you weren't compassionate. You don't even know me, Jason.

Oh, I know you. I used to go to high school with tons of Reynolds's. They tried to box me out physically. They tried to put me in lockers. They tried to separate me from what was really going on. Like your wedding here today. Sorry. From what was

really going on? Does that mean you were just so they kind of let you run away with your imagination and didn't kind of ground you in a way to let you

know the reality of the situation. Yeah, takes one to know one, doesn't it, Reynolds? No, that's just what I'm imagining what would happen based on what you just told me. I got locked out of the school once. That's your own fault. I know.

I was late that day. But I didn't go to school with you. The other wedding wouldn't be happening if I didn't front the costs. So? You ruined what was supposed to be the best day of my life. But the worst day of Alyssa's, isn't it? Isn't it, Reynolds? And she's done nothing wrong to you.

She is an absolute sweetheart. She's the love of my life. And now she's gone. Married Drew? Some guy? He works as an event coordinator. I'm a stockbroker. Really?

I didn't even let her dad, whatever that antiquated thing is of like the bride's dad pays for the wedding. No, I paid for this whole thing because I wanted to give her the day she'll never forget. I flew all of our family out here. I made this happen.

And you did all that for what? For Alyssa? Yes, obviously for Alyssa. Why? Because I love her. How much do you love her? She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I'm a stockbroker.

I make tons of money. So much money. Think of a number. Think of the highest number you could possibly think of. What's the biggest number? could possibly think of what's the biggest billion dollars i make so much more than that they say money can't buy happiness but that's not like it's not not true like i'm pretty good all that being said alissa is the best thing in my life and well i can kind of hear now why people might not like me. I can kind of maybe get that at this point.

There it is. What are you talking about? Those. Those? Those are vows. Everybody applauds. Standing ovation. Alyssa, and then the music starts up again.

What's happening? She never married Drew. She never married Drew, Reynolds. I just, I read your vows earlier and they weren't good enough for her. Now, they are. Go marry your bride. Who are you to decide that my vows

weren't good enough for my fiance? Who am I? Good enough? Yeah. No, who are you to decide? Not asking if you're good enough what do you do man do you have a job i heard you left you with ten thousand dollars life insurance are you declared dead no my dad he died and he had the best policy in history you might ask who am i to decide that whether your vows were good enough or not?

I did ask that. Alyssa comes up to the altar. But look at those tears in your wife's, fiance, soon-to-be wife's eyes. As far as you're concerned, I'm Cupid. Bitch! He takes off tiny wings. Everybody's like, wow. Yes! He goes back to the entrance of the ballroom and stands right next to Drew.

They fist bump. They were in on it the whole time. Reynolds just kind of stares down the aisle at Cupid and just goes, I guess it is a happy Valentine's Day after all. The camera kind of zooms away from the altar back through the doors up outside, zooms out of the state, out of the globe,

passes a bunch of satellites and stuff. Roll credits. Read your review. All right, this is one star from Christina A. of the Majestic Ballroom, downtown Los Angeles. Christina Applegate. Christina Applegate writes, one star. Wow.

You claim that through thorough investigation that our claim is without merit? Is it without merit that I have an email from our caterer admitting that the floor was unstable? It's attached below. Is it without merit that I have communication from you acknowledging the issue? See attached. Also, our floor plan was approved by you.

Is that also without merit? This is only one of the many problems experienced that night. I'd be happy to provide more evidence if you believe our claims are, as you say, without merit. She's in court. Any of the evidence you just presented could have been photoshopped. Well, you see, your honor, I have some eyewitnesses that I have yet to bring to the stand regarding my big, if not biggest day. I'll allow it. I call to the stand Ricky D, my maid of honor. And yeah, Ricky was my best friend in college

and he tells it like it is. Ricky, take the stand. Hi, yeah, Carol, what you're saying didn't happen that night. I was there the whole time. No, so, sorry. Your Honor, I would like for that to be stricken from the transcriptions. Yeah, look, this is a small crime court.

You're trying to allege that somebody, that a bakery got your birthday cake wrong on your 24th birthday, which you've said multiple times is the most important birthday in anyone's life. Famously, it is the biggest day, I looked at the jury, and I'm sure we can all agree on that point.

They all kind of chuckle. Well, it's not funny, actually. I'm being quite serious. They all laugh a little bit more. Nope, this is not a joke. Your Honor, I would like to call a recess um your honor what's that thing called when i would like a new jury you cannot do that that's that's not a thing what if i said i know people on the jury do you a um yes i'm gonna ask you again this is under

penalty of law do you know anyone on the jury um you could serve up to six months in jail for being found lying some might maybe maybe look familiar to me so that's a no no is a strong word but no we'll take a brief recess we'll take a brief recess her in the in the in the lobby with ricky d ricky what the fuck was that i don't know why i even came down here you said it was a life or death situation this is nothing what's the crime fraud you're trying to accuse this bakery of fraud? Yes, I'm trying to accuse this bakery of fraud. And you are my maid of honor at my wedding last year. I don't know why I brought that up in court when this is about my birthday. But it's really important to me that they know how close we are.

And then you fully undermine me after them finding out that you are my best friend. How could you do that? I don't want to go to jail for lying under oath. And this is nothing. You jail for lying under oath. And this is nothing. You weren't lying under oath. How much money do you want to get from this suit, this case? I was hoping to get like $1,200. I will give you that right now if it means I can go home.

No, no. I'm not a charity case, Ricky D. You are. Excuse me? I think you're a charity case. A reporter is coming out for some reason. The press is now covering this case. Excuse me. Are you Ricky D? Are you Carol Ann's best friend and maid of honor?

You just took the stand. That's right. I did agree to be her maid of honor. I wouldn't say she's my best friend, but I think I'm hers. Okay. And this is all on the record. I'm just, what? No, this is not on the record. Well, it is because actually Ricky D never said that it was off the record. So technically this is still on the record. I don't care about any of this. Ricky, can I ask you a few more questions? It can be on the record or not. Yes, what? No, Ricky, you are not allowed to answer to this woman.

I'm sorry. This seems like a much more controlling relationship than we thought. Maybe the jury might like to hear about this. No. What, Ricky? You don't what? Well, I just don't think that the jury might like to hear about this. No. A what, Ricky? You don't what? Well, I just don't think that the jury gets to like, you don't get to like submit evidence as a reporter. Well, I never said I would submit evidence. But I point you to around the corner.

The jury's just all standing right there. But I don't, that doesn't get to stop me from. Yes, you understand. Okay. No, this is none of this. None of this is true ricky's just having a really bad day and trust me when we get back in that courtroom he is going to defend me like there's no tomorrow aren't you ricky d uh we'll see what happens in there all right court whatever

opposite of recess calling to court ricky d back to the stand yeah um i don't know it was a it was a it was a night you know it was one of those nights where it's like you'll kind of laugh about it the next day at brunch um carol invited i think 75 80 people 12 showed up four of them were related to her i came again your honor i would like that stricken from the records uh Overruled. You cannot just have whatever you want stricken from the record. Go on, Ricky. Yeah, so again, and I brought three of my friends. So four were family members that felt obligated.

Four were including me because I felt obligated. Objection, objection, your honor. Overruled, no reason, so. You didn't know what I was going to say. The last four were passersby that she invited in after she stopped crying for the first 45 minutes. honor i would i would like to question my own witness please can i do that now i'll allow it ricky d is it not it's just richard i don't know you called me ricky d my last name doesn't start with a d it's genslort it's dick genslort. Ricky D. Is it not true that when the birthday cake was wheeled out into the ballroom,

you said, oh, that looks different than advertised? No, that's like kind of you're mincing words a little bit. I said, oh, wow, that's a much bigger cake than I thought it would be because it was tiered. There were four tiers like clearly meant for a sizable party of maybe almost 100 and there were only 12 of us. Well, is it not true that the bakery did say we we do some refunds depending on the presentation of the cake i don't know why you're asking me that i didn't go to the bakery with you to get

the cake but i get close to the same but i texted you asking about your opinion on it and you never responded but the text did go through unless they didn't see it i have you on do not disturb but they did go through you just have me on do not disturb yes that's exactly right and i did not read them ricky are you fucking kidding me right now we're still miked ricky are you are you for real it's a reverbing throughout the whole courthouse order in the court all right either continue your questioning or finish the line of questioning ricky d is it not true that when we took bites of the aforementioned cake everyone was a little like huh this this could be this could be better the jury's all nodding yeah i guess when they when you served the cake i tried it it was a little bit dry and i have had cakes there you have it your honor so missy missy miss's bakery

said that i would not be able to get a full refund on this cake but as you just heard from my star witness the cake was a little dry and too big for the party that was assembled you didn't let me finish i was gonna say it was a little dry but i've had other cakes from that bakery and it was nothing out of the ordinary from what they usually do it's a bad bakery and you chose it no i would like that stricken because i started talking after he said yeah it was dry that doesn't that's not how the court works ma'am ricky d you may you may go back to your chair i don't know how to get you off the stand but just fuck off it looks to the judge can i just leave do i have to stay he's like yeah you can you can get out of here thank god i would like to make my closing statement to the jury your honor members of the jury what you have seen here

today is an atrocious crime against humanity of the highest degree first nay second i don't think so third degree murder of my taste buds and my happiness they all look shocked missy mrs bakery deserves to be punished by the highest ruling of that the law has to offer and if if you don't find the defendant guilty then you you might as well send me packing up and out of town because you'll never see my face here again. That's a promise. I rest my case, your honor. Yeah, I'm the defendant representing the bakery. I didn't get to call any witnesses before she just launched into her closing statement. Can I call one witness? I'll allow it. Brings up the person who baked the cake. baker i never got your

name we were never formally introduced i'm mrs missy oh you are miss missy you are mrs missy mrs now thank you very much mrs oh well congratulations isn't it a big day i mean like it wasn't your wedding a big day that you loved i'm trying to connect with you over this okay well missy miss i've had my big day too. It was so moist. It was amazing. Oh. Oh. Well, people of the jury, I would like to direct your attention to what Mrs. Miss just said.

She said that she baked a delicious moist cake for her own big day. Well, that's nice if you're selfish. What do you want from me? I wanted a moist cake, and I wanted a cake that wasn't four tiers. You can't handle a moist cake. Your honor, I would like that like underscored in bold and highlighted on the record, please. Can we do that? The stenographer is like, yeah, you can't.

No, and I won't do it for, yes. And this also, yeah, this is nothing. Go on, Mrs. Miss. What are you saying? I didn't have the ghee to make the cake that you wanted, which was a moist, keto-friendly vanilla almond. Your Honor, do you see what I see? Are you seeing what's happening right now?

Yeah, I can't believe this. You were right. All right, fucking Mrs. Missy's Bakery owes you $1,200. Yes! Everybody in the courtroom like applauds. I run outside. Ricky D! Ricky D!

Ricky, where are you? Ricky D! What? Oh, my God. I'm calling a Lyft. Ricky, we won. Richard. Ricky D, we? Oh my god, I'm calling a Lyft. Ricky, we won. Richard. Ricky D, we won the case.

We won the case. Are you fucking shitting me? I thought you'd be happy. I am happy. Look, we never talked after this case was closed. Wait, what are you saying? What's happening? A van comes up with the Mrs. Missy's Bakery logo on it.

He gets in. Ricky! Ricky D! No, it can't be true. with the Mrs. Missy's Bakery logo on it. He gets in. Ricky! Ricky D! No, it can't be true! Sometimes the truth is overrated. Closes the door. Drives off.

I can't believe it. My best friend abandons me in my time of need. And for what? Mrs. Miss's dry ass cakes this is unbelievable i a married 24 year old i can't even believe my husband didn't show up to court today to support me he didn't even show up 2024th birthday i guess well now that i'm rich 1200 rich richer maybe i can just start anew oh jury the jury's filing out of the court jury excuse me people of the jury hi sorry for being so formidable in there but i'm carol um does anyone maybe you want to go get a coffee uh we just had jury duty so i think we all want to go home oh well maybe we can all hang out after.

I have a lot of that leftover cake. If we put it in the microwave with a wet paper towel on it, it might soak up some of the moisture. They all look at each other. Ah, what the hell? Got to a really small studio apartment. A full jury sitting there. She's microwaving slices of cake individually with a moist paper towel in it.

Her husband comes home. Honey, it's been a really long day. Oh, what is this? Well, you, Simon, we find you, everyone says at the same time, guilty. I want a divorce. This happens a lot. To the jury.

You guys, you have no idea how many juries have come over to our apartment. My day job is winning lawsuits. How do you think I pay for all this? It's pretty modest. This should be all week long. Okay, Jeff, we said we would do the challenge this time. So one, two, three, go. Here we go. Mitchell's peanut butter topping.

Oh, you had it. Okay, what is it? Mitchell's peanut butter topping. If you're from Cleveland, you peanut butter topping If you're from Cleveland You already know If you're from Cleveland You already know So my favorite

Ice cream spot When I was growing up Was in Cleveland Called Mitchell's ice cream It's a local staple It's basically If anybody lives in Cincinnati It's basically

Grater's but better Sorry George And He's not gonna hear this It's It's I would go And I would get a peanut butter sundae, vanilla ice cream,

hot peanut butter topping, which is not just peanut butter melted down. Hot cross buns. Hot cross bun. It's like peanut butter but a little bit less thick and with sugar in it. So it's like a sweet and salty topping.

And if that on some vanilla with a some whipped cream and a cherry it's nothing beats that and so whenever i come home we always have like a bunch of jars of it because you can get it at mitchell's and i'll just i'll literally just eat it with a spoon that's how fun and that's a wednesday and that's a that's a that's today i'm gonna do this right do that right that's it today yeah that sounds delightful i'll bring you some i'll bring you i owe people jars of it because i tell everybody about it yeah that sounds delightful i'll bring you some i'll bring you i owe people jars of it because i tell everybody about it and that sounds really really good it's amazing okay what shook me so there is a game a computer game that i used to play when i was little oh my god

this made me laugh so hard so it's called my disney kitchen and i was obsessed with this game when i was younger i have such vivid memories of like, you make the pancake batter and then you pour the batter onto the griddle and then it tells you, it's like once the bubbles start forming, that's when you flip it. And then you can make eggs and bacon, but you can also burn it too.

And then you also can make different cakes and you can do like four flavor options. There's like lemon, chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla. And you can like drag things into the bowl and turn it different colors that game i loved that game a lot it was so much fun and i finally decided to look it up because i was talking to elizabeth about it and it all the memories started flooding back in and i posted on my instagram story so many less people played than i hoped or thought but I did get a couple messages from people saying like oh my god I did play this a lot so yeah that just really

brought me back in a big way I might watch a playthrough later on YouTube of my Disney kitchen I saw it on your Instagram story and laughed out loud I was like really why what is this of course she played this I'm imagining you as the little devil photo of you and you're like mad because somebody's interrupting with you you playing devil's kitchen or no my disney kitchen i'm looking it up right now that was good little rascal

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