Review Revue - Bar-Hopping Bicycle Tours

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about bar-hopping bicycle tours and discuss the California Bar exam, nosy concierges, and orphans! Plus some very minimal info about Reilly and Geoff's respective side hustles!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just wanna know how you feel I wanna love that's so proud and real

You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna read you First ep recording of the new year. Because it's Thursday night and we're feeling ice. Yes, it's ladies rice. I'm drinking ice. I'm having a glass of water. So Jeff is just kind of holding an ice cube in his mouth and waiting for it to melt drop by drop.

I'm holding it in my lip like dip tobacco and feeling it melt. And I think there's a buzz, but it might just be numbness from the... Ice. Ice. Yeah, exactly right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We haven't done this almost in a month. It's been three weeks. I know. I've really missed it. And remember how when we recorded with Elizabeth, we're like, man, what's going to change? What's it going to be like when we hit the first week of January?

And yesterday, terrorists stormed the Capitol. White supremacist domestic terrorists. Yeah. So comedy. Let's get into it. Comedy. We got the Senate. I still don't feel super optimistic. I'm not going gonna lie but um i'm sure things will get better we shouldn't anyways no no no this is great this is great because it's a time we're in the moment and now we're and and you're this is something new okay yeah i was just gonna say you know a way that we can change topic from white supremacy in terms of what's changed in the last three weeks not only

have white supremacists um infiltrated the capital but jeff has a man bun it's really small it's uh it's more of a top knot than a full bun but it's like i've never been able to do this before in my life so it's a lot of good and you have like one piece of hair kind of like refusing to follow the follow the norm and it's just kind of like refusing to follow the follow the norm and it's just kind of like shouldn't be like i wish no but it's like it looks like messy in the way there's like oh this i do this every day oh i just got back from yoga actually fall out oh it's just like when you're doing a bunch of sun salutations it's like yeah sometimes in the flow the hair will you know go a little awry um and now i'm drinking rye right so you want

enough you want a double shot you said just like what is your order i don't need to talk about your hair just give me the bottle um you're also wearing it's like the button down with the stash with the bun with the little wisps of hair you look like you are ready to serve me some craft beer hey can i get you guys something to drink or eat i'm carson and i'll be your waiter i'm gonna flirt with both of you guys neither of you will feel jealous and both of you will feel special and i'm asexual so and you don't have to worry that means extra tip for for a big uh car daddy car daddy i don't call myself that that's what everyone here because i have a big heart and i have a beanie what'd you you just say? Did you say red ale? Just waters for the table, actually.

Okay. Okay. I don't. What's up? You forgot how to podcast. I had a minor aneurysm. I even forgot how to podcast. Yeah, nothing's changed.

I had a nice holiday season with my family holed up in Ohio, as everybody knows. Nothing's changed personally really except for the man bun i got got a new strap for the watch nobody cares about that and um and i missed you i missed doing this show i missed doing this show i did forget how to podcast suddenly i i i've been watching so much tv that i'm almost just like wanting to watch you and be like oh what is he gonna do to do next? I'm having a conversation with you. Oh my god, I feel like this is so interactive. This is crazy.

Yeah, I got to do the HeadGum podcast on Tuesday, so that was like training wheels for this, which is like a tricycle, and then the next week's episode that you and I do will be a bicycle. You know what I mean? Like easing into it. And then we'll move on to Unicycle. And then Penny Fathers. You sent me a video Yeah, you sent me a video of a guy

falling off a penny farther and going oh but so slowly too he's he's in dublin and he's driving like biking a penny farther uh and then like a bus turns into a side street and he has time to break but i don't know like maybe there aren't breaks or their heart have you ever ridden one have i ever ridden a penny farther you're irish i don't know what you have it wouldn't shock me if you showed up to my house on a penny farther it and it honestly wouldn't shock me if you did the same to me riley daniel oh no oh no because in the slow fall to the side because it's like what six feet tall Riley, Daniel. Oh, no. Oh, no. Because in the slow fall to the side, because it's like, what, six feet tall? It's too tall for it to be a long fall.

That's really good. We're not talking about fucking penny farthers today. Jesus Christ. We're not talking about that. Pretty. It's almost related. It actually, actually it is.'re not talking about that. Pretty, it's almost related. It actually, actually it is. I did forget about that. So Jeffrey sent me a list of topics and they were really, really good. This was, it was a fun list to choose from, but I'm excited to do this one because this is something that I have no experience with, but, but little Mephri has a story about that he's very

excited to share. And I'm very excited to hear because hey podcasting is talking and listening together right that's just conversation but yeah well and so no but i think what's different about it is that it's like yeah what is different than he well like other people hear it so it's not just between you and me so you're on a tonight show couch right um we had a whole conversation sorry can we just we'll edit around this hey we had like a whole pre-interview and you're not bringing up any of those i'm bringing up the talking points that we discussed earlier and you're like not hitting them or telling any of the stories you're clamming up is everything okay i'm climbing well i mean

because it's just like i guess what i thought is that conversations are private but podcasts are public and so now this seems to be a mix between the two and i don't really know how to murmur in the crowd like you can tell people are whispering to each other no don't worry about them that's fine well i mean like now it's like they can they can see that we're talking but they can't really hear us i don't know can you guys hear me everybody using yes oh god oh fuck um yeah we're talking about bar hopping bicycle tours, I think is going to be the title of the episode. Bar hopping bicycle tours. So basically, I think everybody has a mental image, but maybe it's not as popular outside the United States. But it's like a trolley where everyone's sitting there and have their own like bicycle pedals and everybody has to bike equally to get it to go.

The only thing that makes it propel forward is literally biking. So you're getting cardio in while drinking gin on the street. To the thump of a beat because there is a speaker. It looks like a little cabana on wheels that people sit around and pedal and you go to different bars or that is the bar. You go to different bars. If it's in a city like New Orleans or Vegas, I think that you can drink on it. But because it's like technically an open air, like there's some legality where you cannot drink on the thing. That's why it's bar hopping in most cities.

So you basically like you get on, you bike to the first bar, get a couple of drinks there, get back on the thing, bike to the second bar, have a couple of drinks, keep going. Um, and so, yeah,

I did this in Portland. I did it at the, something they call it the Brewsicle. Also, a lot of these are like pun based. So that's why I think, I think I have a review from the one that you did. Brewsicle Portland.

Yeah. So that's the one I did. I have a review from there as well i bet it's the same one yeah so i did this i went to portland two years ago um and uh i did this tour it took us to three different bars i might have told this story on the show before but this was the but yeah i think i've told before this was the time um so i did it with my ex-girlfriend and we were like we went to the uh brewery first, had a couple of beers, started talking to everybody.

It was a lot of fun. Went to the second brewery, more beers and had some food. And then by the second bar, most of these, you go to three bars. By the second bar, you're kind of, it's a great experience because you're meeting these people. There's obviously social lubricant in the alcohol. Yeah. And we left the whole thing being like, I feel like I know all eight of these other people.

And as someone with like a lot of social anxiety, it's a really fun experience. I think if you and Daniel go to Portland, you have to do it. That sounds really fun. It is. It's a perfectly crafted experience all in all so after we eat at the second brewery our tour guide is like hey so you guys are all feeling good like uh i live in this area uh and there's one more brewery we could go to or i can take you to this dive bar and so we were all like well we already been to two breweries let's go to the dive bar go to the dive bar and yeah we long story short

the tldr of it all we my ex and i get hit on by two middle-aged people and they wanted to swing with us yeah swingers yeah they kept like uh being they kept changing seats so like the older woman would like they these people were like in their 50s or 40s, by the way, I think 50s. And like they kept complimenting us and asking for compliments. So they wanted to sing Hamilton with us on the jukebox. Sorry, what do you mean asking for compliments? So it would be like, so what do you like? They got to know us slowly. I thought they were just being friendly.

So we were answering a lot of their questions at first. And my ex is a musician. So they were like, oh, look, she's a singer. Caitlin, she's a musician. We should all do karaoke or whatever. And she's like, Cheryl's a great singer. Once you listen to her, you'll be like, Sharon, you have a great voice. It was a lot of mental gymnastics.

That's so funny. At one point, the woman was like leaning up on me there was one point where the guy like tried to put his hand on my leg and i kind of shifted away in a non in a polite way and then we're like okay i think we're gonna i like locked eyes with my ex i was like yes get out of here so we went and got another drink we said we were gonna go get a round of drinks and then i think we were saved by the bell like the tour guide was like all right we're getting back on the bruce and go it was like like, oh, so sorry. We got to go. And then we rushed out.

We got to go. My mom's here. Exactly. That's how it felt. And then we were on the Brucicle and we were all like drunk. And I was talking to other people like, hey, we almost got a foursome back there. Well, right. Because now you're friends with everyone else.

Exactly. So we chatted and gabbed. And then I think we went to the airport right after that. So that was a fun experience. That's aatted and gabbed. And then I think we went to the airport right after that. So that was a fun experience. That's a fun time. Yeah. Would have loved to have been invited. I would have loved an invite.

To the Brucicle or you wanted to come on the weekend away to Portland with me. What do you think? The second one because you don't understand social cues. It just seemed like it would have been fun. It seems like it'd be invasive. It really does. It seems like it would be invasive. It seems like it'd be too much, huh?

Well, maybe if you and I go to Vegas at some point, which I think would be fun to get a group. I've never been. We could do a Bruucicle or something. We could do a brucicle. We could play blackjack. Right. Until three in the morning. All right.

After spending an incredible evening watching the magic of Cirque du Soleil. Having a nice plate of fish. What? Raw. Wrapped in rice. Call that sushi. A plate of fish. What? Raw. Wrapped in rice. Call that sushi. A plate of it? So it's one filet?

What do you think sushi is? It's a cod wrapped in grains on a platter. I don't think it is. Would you like to start with your first review? I would This is a one star review Of Beach Barsicle There's another pun for your ass

In Venice, California Wait, we, okay That's crazy Don't tell me it's the same review And that the other one is the same review Because they both might be Okay, read it Alright, this is from Paul R Okay, not the same one Do you have a because they both might be. Okay, read it. All right, this is from Paul R.

Okay, not the same one. Do you have a last name for R, for Paul, Paul R? Paul Rotundo. Sorry, so it's like a rotunda, but male. Yes. And his sister's name, her first name is Colleen, but what's her last name? I think we all know

rotunda right that's what i was worried about all right one star from paul rotundo which is definitely one of my favorite names you've come up with one star i wish i could write a zero stars but one can do for now my girlfriend rented out a my girlfriend rented out beach barsicle for her birthday and our bartender and driver were so rude from the beginning to the end first off my girlfriend wanted to say a quick speech before we started and they interrupted her by saying we have a few announcements to make as well so that kind of made her not want to say what she had to say really rude of them because she is the one who rented this thing she is the one oh my god because she is the one who rented this thing she is the one oh my god because she is the one we

rented this thing for and they made her feel bad from the start second thing is we brought a lot of beer and drinks and we weren't going to use it all on the ride and they emptied it all out in the ice chest and said we couldn't take any of it home because it was out of the box so they kept all the leftovers just not a great experience in general i would not suggest this for anyone else unless you have two other people driving or bartending i just what got me was like interrupting the birthday girl okay everyone thank you so much for coming i can't believe it dirty okay everybody thank you guys so much uh i just a few housekeeping what's that oh i'm so sorry hi i i'm i'm lena um i mean you know that i rented the bike um i just could i say a few words i just have so many friends

coming out from out of town like um thank you guys it's my dirty 30 i cannot believe it and so i prepared not too dirty though sorry sorry though sorry The housekeeping was gonna be like stay clean Sorry can we it's okay to talk in front of everybody It's not gonna embarrass you It's okay to talk in front of everybody Dirty 30 birthday but guys not dirty 30 on the Barsicle right let's keep things neat Alright continue

Okay well yeah Dirty 30 and we're gonna respect the space And to my Meemaw and Peepaw Hey you guys aren't too old to be getting crazy you are too old to be getting crazy sorry how old are you guys meemaw we're 95 and 94 and a half that's older it's we do have a 70 year age cut off which is legal i think because you cannot be in a pedal seat if you're gonna be on this you have to be in a non pedaling seat is that fine um yeah i mean can we all can we all switch around a bit yeah yeah

totally yeah we can thanks guys i actually didn't see on the website that you had a 70 year old age limit that can't be legal okay well if it's not legal that's why it's not on the website we won't say anything because they're gonna stay here and it'll all work out because they're not pedaling but um anyway cheers no no no no because that's illegal that's illegal um you cannot drink on the barcicle roger's gonna come around he starts taking everybody's drinks putting it in an ice chest what yeah so just what do you don't worry about it it'll be cold it'll be cold it'll be cold i'm not gonna drinks will be cold we're gonna then we're guys let's just all go to a bar what are you talking about we can't even drive around to bars or drink here that's the whole point of this thing um no it's called the barsicle

yeah yeah as in take the bar i'm sorry they start passing out the california bar exam all right i hope you guys studied um again age limit of 70 because uh it's not safe to peddle and also you cannot become a lawyer after 70 i think i've never passed the bar so i don't know the law they just suddenly start taking off and we're off no no no this is not it's way faster than they thought so nobody can hop off all right no this is two hours 45 minutes for the first section what what do you mean what you knew this no this is my 30th birthday. I booked this because I wanted to do a drinking tour of Venice with my friends. How the hell

is it our fault that you booked the bar exam bicycle on your birthday? The whole staff cracks up. No, it's not funny. Even her friends laugh. Why are you guys drinking our beers? We brought those. Because we already passed the bar. I didn't pass the bar, but yeah, Julian. But you said it was illegal to drink on here and that you don't have a permit to do any

of this it's illegal to discriminate again i didn't pass the bar so if i'm saying something's illegal or not legal who knows oh my god cut two two hours later everyone's finally through the workbooks well i mean if you looked at sector c3 you would actually see that like that's all right pencils down isn't what okay oh wow all right we're gonna feed these through our um automatic machine so like how was it how was it everybody how was your bar cycle experience everyone else it's like wow that was like i was challenged but it felt good like it felt good to like it felt good to kind of like excel at something that i didn't expect absolutely absolutely and by the way hey no shame if you don't pass i didn't pass i've i've taken this exam nine times sorry i would like to go to a bar i'd like to drink my ass off okay dance

my ass off and and get fucked for lack of a better term okay okay? I don't want to- Illegal. Absolutely illegal. Not illegal. You didn't pass the bar. I don't want- Yeah, I don't know. The Scantron starts beeping. All right, hey. What does that mean? Look at that. Seven of you guys passed and one of you didn't.

Wait, I'm sorry. Seven of us passed the bar exam? I don't know how that happened, but yeah, you guys are a smart bunch, most of you. Not that I care, but who didn't? Yeah, who didn't pass i don't know if that's fair like i don't want to embarrass any of your friends so it's not me so it's my friend honestly i'm not even sure it's legal oh my god me ma's like well you can check

all right all right me ma you know hey seniority rules all right and uh ages uh patrick yeah yeah yeah um past flying colors holy shit i can leave my job at the genius bar this is amazing that's awesome good for you hey uh the genius bar to the to the real bar i never thought i'd see the day patrick you passed why don't you get inside that bar what the bar cycle tour is once you pass no way i'm sorry i don't know what do you mean there's no way pat get over there he hops off really excited okay well I'm gonna get a vodka crayon Lydia where's Lydia yeah it says here that you work at aloe I do I do aloe yeah let's say that you work at Paul Hastings no you're lying shut up you not only passed the bar but you got the golden ticket that is a work certificate you

are hired starting Monday get in the the bar. Oh, my God. Wait, no. I love Lydia, but she's not the smartest of the bunch. Chasten? Chasten. Sorry, Chasten. This is crazy. Don't be embarrassed.

I failed tonight. It's okay. I kind of knew I would. You're the only one who got a perfect score. No, man. Don't lie to me. Come on. Everyone's been lying to Chasten his whole life.

This has never happened. And when I say don't be embarrassed, it's because when you get in the bar they're gonna hoist you up on a chair and give you a kick get inside okay wow great so every lason lassen actually sorry last pass get inside what you pass the bar california bar exam go have a beer giardia giardia actually i'm so sorry to hear that but you can you'll know how to start the legal name change application because you pass the bar get in the bar um aj you pass get inside me ma you pass gramps you pass is this all a goof is this like a themed first like a really really intricate themed night out and this is like an escape room kind of bar cycle bar night i don't know what's happening can i just

get in the bar please it's it's not a themed night because and don't quote me on this because i've never passed the bar but that that would be against the law what would be against the law themed nights parties nights are against the law i don't fucking think so actually you know i'm gonna cut you a deal you can get in the bar but you have to work there because you're not a lawyer. No, I don't have to work at the bar. I run a nonprofit. I don't have to work at a bar because I didn't pass a practice exam. I'm not even sure, and don't quote me on this, but I don't even think it's legal for you

to work at the nonprofit now that you didn't pass the bar. My God. Tosses you like a bar back, like towel lands on your shoulder. Get in there. But work. You walk into the front door. Surprise. I just fall to my knees.

The cops show up. Oh, shit. Everybody get out of here. Everybody got here. They arrest everybody for doing a surprise party. He was right. Looks at it. I told you here. They arrest everybody for doing a surprise party. He was right. Looks at it. I told you guys.

Yeah, they arrest him too. False advertising. Of course. The Barsicle. That's awful. Should we take a break? Marty. And we're back. Jeffff what are you drinking that's a white wine it's just a finger so it's it's like you know it's five o'clock here so i put a finger of white wine into a glass and i'm sipping it at

my leisure don't say a finger of white wine it's a finger but like i hate that i just there wasn't a lot left in the bottle is all so i can't i can't righteously call it i can't rightfully call it a glass it's a finger okay your review here we go this is also for the beach barcicle in venice um so what i found for a lot of these reviews is that like people you bring your own drinks but then anything that's left unopened they keep yeah um has to be which is insane to me a lot of the review it's a long review so a lot of the review is this one talking about how they weren't allowed to keep the drinks that they brought but i'll skip around okay this is from genie and i intricate genie and intricate one star for beach From Jeannie Ann I. Intricate. Jeannie Ann Intricate. One star for Beach Barsicle.

I rented out the entire bike for my birthday and was very excited to celebrate with all my friends. To my surprise, I ended up being very disappointed. The first issue we had is that the quote unquote speakers that they had were anything but speakers. You could not hear anything. Then she talks about the drinks, like, you know, them not getting to keep it. A few days after the ride, I reached out to the owner of the company

to let him know what happened. He was the most unaccommodating and unprofessional man I have ever spoken to. He told me that everything I said was wrong and that the speakers can't go any louder because, quote, we aren't in New Orleans. And that it is our fault that we could not take the alcohol when we got off because we brought too much. Well, if that was the case, the driver and bartender should have told us and we would

have gladly taken the alcohol back to the car. He said that I should have read the rules prior to the ride. Sorry. He said that I should have read the rules prior to the ride sorry he said that i should have read the rules prior to the ride which i did and informed my entire party of he also told me that he heard my entire party was quote blackout drunk which in fact is false and unacceptable to say to a customer the owner of this company is the most unprofessional rude obnoxious person i've ever spoken to i suggest you invest your money in a company that appreciates your business what got me is like no you guys were you guys were wasted like let me tell you last night you guys were out of your minds um yeah are you are you sure you're the concierge because um we got a couple of drinks at the hotel bar and again I was just coming here to like know what some good brunch spots were

oh no no no I can I have a full list at my disposal I can hand it to you in any second but before I do it's like there's a couple places with bottomless mimosas and like I would just like to maybe your group should take it easy

this morning after the night y'all had i had a gin fizz and a lager oh my god you were even mixing drinks my dude you're fucking i try and fizz you're fucking crazy man i fucking love you i do it but really not with my heart in it nice yeah um you're fucking you're like i like you man you're my kind of guy you're my kind of guy what are you guys doing later are you man you're my kind of guy you're my kind of guy what are you guys doing later are you inviting yourself to hang out after basically accusing us of being alcoholics i'm sorry i might have overstepped it just seems like you know i can tell that we are gonna be friends um but sorry do you want the spots i have a list of the spots i can give you

yeah i'd love it and you can include the bottomless ones because we're not gonna drink probably if it has good food that's what we're looking for well i mean like actually yeah that makes a good point because if you guys drank today i'd be like oh my god hair of the dog much like we're not hungover again we bet we had a couple drinks maybe some of us didn't even have any alcohol it was it's we're here for oh you. Oh, you guys were not even alcohol. You were, oh my God. So you were like rolling. You're rolling in the deep. You guys were like out of it. Like, listen, we get a bunch of conferences rolling through here.

You know, it's like Albuquerque is the conference spot of America, right? Famously. I don't think so. We've never seen like this hotel this staff we have never seen a group quite like you guys um all right uh that aside i guess what what's what do you do for fun like what if have us having two drinks in the hotel lobby bar is crazy to you what are you doing this weekend i guess are you inviting me no no i'm asking you i'm not doing much i mean like what did you last night oh heck i mean like a night for me

like i'll have maybe half of a mike's hard lemonade because that's like whoa we're now we're getting jiggy with it i'll have half a mike Mike's Hard Lemonade and I'll maybe be a little crazy. What does that mean to you? Crazy? Watch. I'll know that there's a marathon of the nanny on late at night. Cut to him at home. Finishes his half of Mike's Hard.

Oh, Jason, buddy, we got to slow down. I put a little stopper in it, put it back in the fridge. I'll see you in a couple days. His fridge is full of half-drunk Mike's Hard Lemonades, a bunch of junk food that has sticky notes saying, Don't you dare, Jason. There's tinfoil with a don't you dare underneath. There are like six bagel bites.

I'm wiggling my fingers. Dare I? And I slap my own hand no you naughty boy sit your back down on the couch and put brand dresser on the tube okay all the art on the walls are printed out photos of art prints with the with sticky notes on those two saying make sure you really enjoy looking at this before you buy an alarm goes off 8 25 oh time for bed oh we can't be staying up too late i got work in the morning everything is funny to me because i can't trust myself anyway she got back yeah so that's kind of that's a night for me god i am a dr jekyll and mr hyde you're just jekyll

well you haven't seen like you know if there weren't the sticky notes if there weren't the restrictions i'd be like how you guys were last night that would be me every day cut to brunch yeah so for the presentation later um i just want to make sure that we're all prepared do you guys know what you're gonna do yeah i think i was just gonna like kind of show next quarter's numbers rapping on the window rat-a-tat-tat rat-a-tat-tat no what you guys chose that who is this brian who is this it's the concierge his name is jason he has no self-control and might be an alcoholic you guys chose the good morning griddle no way i definitely thought you were gonna choose oh oh morning oh day yeah are you saying that because that one is the closest one to the hotel lobby and this one's

the furthest one away? Because that is why we chose it. It's insane that you, because you must have gone to every single brunch spot to find this one. This is the furthest one away to get away from you. My shoes have holes in the bottom. Got it. This is my, this is my exercise.

Sorry, sticking out on the shoes? No. Oh, come on. Don't replace unless absolutely necessary. Hey, as long as they're still on the feet they are still working for me i guess so fine have a seat man wait no i'm sorry jason hi um this is nice this is kind of well yeah i'm the project manager this is kind of like this is our last chance to meet as a group before our presentation later at the conference oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. No, don't you.

Don't you. Don't you worry about it. I will. Hey, if anyone knows here about self-control, it's me. So I'm just going to sit quietly. I'm going to enjoy a respectful breakfast and and then I'll be on my merry way. And we appreciate it, Jason. So just, you know, I'm writing a sticky note.

I put it on the table. Don't speak unless spoken to. Duck tape over your mouth. It says, don't take off unless I beg. So you might beg. What I'm putting on right now, this is for you guys. So just. You're already not doing a good job of picking yourself.

Got it. All right. So, Megan, did you get a chance to look at my notes about just what I wanted to bring to the table? Because I was thinking for, you know. Sorry. Ignore him. did you get a chance to look at my notes about just what I wanted to bring to the table? Cause I was thinking for, you know, um, uh, sorry,

ignore him. Jason. Oh my God. It's really distracting, man. I do the little like lock and key. You're already duct taped. Over the duct tape.

God, Brian, can we like, can we move or can he go? This is, I cannot stress. He's going to follow us. Just power through. What do you think about's going to follow us. Just power through.

What do you think about my idea of consolidating the Southwest branch with the California branch? There's no reason that we need to have people in Arizona and in California. I think you need to be the one to give this keynote address. Okay. Because no one can do it like you. Jason, you don't have to clap. You're disrupting the entire restaurant, not just our conversation. I just start banging on the table.

All right, just again, power through God. I can't, sorry, I can't do this anymore. I need to go prep. And I don't know if you guys have, are you friends now? I don't really care, but this is work and we need to go do that work. So I'm sorry to your duct taped friend,

but either you need to leave or we're going to go because we can't be sitting together. It's just too big of a deal. It doesn't matter what he thinks about any of this. All right, we're going to consolidate the Southwest and the California branch. Jason winces and shakes his head like he wouldn't do that if he was us.

What? What? What is that? What is that? What is that? Throwing my hands up. We're speaking to you now. Now you can take the duct tape off. Don't look at me.

As he did, he had a beard before. And when he takes the duct tape off, it shaves him. So there's just like a rectangle. Listen, I just work in hospitality. I'm just saying those two branches, they don't seem like they'd be friends, if that makes sense. I have synesthesia, so it's kind of like they have personalities to me when I hear you talk about them. All right, Jason. Well, you're right.

You do just work in hospitality. So why don't you let the theme park division handle itself? Cut to the presentation. Next slide. What we think we need to do as a company is consolidate the southwest and california divisions thoughts well brian uh thank you for your presentation i can tell that you and your team have worked really hard on this and it's taken a lot of time a lot of effort and certainly a lot of money the you brought your own

projector and it looks very expensive. So good on you for that. Right. Absolutely. And listen, in my professional opinion, I just I don't think that merger makes sense. I don't think that consolidation makes sense. OK, what's your reasoning? What do you think?

Why do you think they won't kind of fit? I mean, listen, I've been in this business a long time son all right well and hmm um no it's just um nothing the branches aren't friends right what do you mean they aren't anyone anyone can look at this graph and show you that it's just like these california branches where'd you get that graph it's on hotel letterhead the guy next to her oh well that's from our new coo we got a new coo he's the most trusted member of this company as of today who is it through the glass the same ratatat oh my fucking god jason please take a seat you're late for the meeting but it's okay sorry sorry i i couldn't

find the sticky note that says get there on time but not early and not late don't you don't be a chief operating officer not know when to get where actually my other sticky note on my hand that i didn't see until now does say know when to get where appropriately paul you don't talk to our new coo like that what are you talking about no you're fired jason just sits there i tried to tell you i really did but can i be honest with you guys i'm turning to the other executives if i'm being honest we don't want to keep him anyway because like he and his team they got fucking crazy last night. No, we didn't. They were animals. Well, no, let's hear about how many drinks to bat. No, they had two each. You're fired.

We, that's nothing. This is, okay, this is from Brucicle, Portland. This is from Bonnie Y. You, no, you know what it is? Bonnie Yowza. Bonnie Yowza. Okay. Four stars? Bonnie Yowza. Bonnie Yowza. Okay. Four stars from Bonnie Yowza.

I had a great time. It's easy to make friends even when you're by yourself. I guess when you're lucky to be paired up with a group of fun people who are willing to adopt you. What? There's more of a review.'s just like you know about the beer but all right class uh back from summer break before we get into the uh the social studies of it all let's uh let's go around everybody kind of say the the most exciting thing uh that happened to you this summer uh my oh sorry sorry i spoke before being called on. My family got a puppy.

Oh, that's amazing, Alan. Amazing. His name is Butters. That's so cute. That's so cute. Well, my dad got a promotion and took us all to Atlantis in the Caribbean. Very fun. Very fun.

I've been to Atlantis. A lot of water slides. A lot of family-friendly fun to be had. Yeah, definitely. Can I go? Yeah. A lot of water slides. A lot of family friendly fun to be had. Yeah, definitely. Can I go? Yeah. I got a new family. I got a new family.

Oh, like you got a little brother or something. That's amazing. I did, in a way, get a little brother. And I got a little mother. She's only 5'2". and i got a little mother she's only five two and i got a big old daddy he's six five you know what aj this is a serious exercise right everybody else is sharing real things that happened to them over the summer break and i know you're really into creative writing but uh we don't need stories we need non-fiction right to put it in your words it is

how old are we? This is sixth grade. You think I'm just going to make up fiction about my summer? I've been through too much. This is real, Mrs. B. And it happened to me. What happened? Cut to a dream sequence.

This whole time is a voiceover. Mrs. B, imagine, if you will, a kind of restaurant with like open cafeteria seating. Does that make sense? Do you know what I'm talking about? Like a food court? Like a food court style. Yeah. Okay.

But it's just a restaurant. Okay. I was out for lunch and I walk in and I see this incredible, incredible family sitting at the table. They're smiling. They're laughing they're playfully poking at each other's food and and there was a seat open next to them we see what's actually happening lillian don't talk to me like that in front of the kids all right i'm so well

when else are we supposed to talk about it whenever we get home you just say i'm well i try to talk to you about in private cut to agent just watching they were blissful and so i thought maybe i should just go and see if i can soak up some secondhand you know what lillian i need like i need this like i need a bullet in my head all right i'm swamped at the office can we can we actually not talk about bullets in the head in front of skylar how about we not talk about that skylar does it bother you well kind of so see it doesn't bother the kid right well of course they're gonna say that because we're in public and they're a child skylar honey i'm so sorry that you have to see this but your father you know what we're not gonna talk about it we're not gonna talk

about how i haven't slept in the same room in six months everybody knows it right skylar's not stupid he's eight aj just comes in so i decided maybe i'll pop a squat and see what happens i wish we had never had kids honey because then I could leave your ass. Sweetie, are your parents around? Are you lost? Let me ask you this, man. Little guy. Don't have kids.

Their voices were like the sweetest nectar of the gods. It's like I had climbed up to Mount Olympus and I was basking in the light of Zeus and Athena themselves. I'm going to go get a pretzel dog. He stands up up walks away um sweetie do you need help finding your parents what they didn't know was i had found them right that second dad comes back he's still here get him out of here i don't know what to do his parents are nowhere to be found he hasn't said a word he just sat down and is staring at us i don't know what to be wearing overalls like that you look like you just came from oshkosh bagash they're all that fits me right now

sorry to hear that also no they don't stop it skylar who do you like better your mom or me um um see if it was you he would have said it right away he just is trying that's not true he's trying to tread lightly he's trying to not hurt your feelings aj nudges aj nudges skylar while they're arguing. So what kind of deal did you have to break to get into this group, huh? This is a horrible family. Run. I knew at that moment it was a challenge I had to accept. Come back to the classroom.

Okay, this is a really interesting story, AJ, but it's getting a little inappropriate, all right? Inappropriate how? It's a lot of mature subjects, okay? Not sleeping in the same room. You know, we don't need to be talking about that in sixth grade social studies. Listen, I didn't want to talk about that. They are honest and open enough

to discuss it at their leisure in public. And that's what I love about them. Cut back to the restaurant. Kid, when you get married, would you say it's normal to sleep in the basement? Aaron, you cannot ask this of a child who we don't know. You don't want me to ask Skylar. You don't let me go to therapy.

Well, I don't let you go to therapy because we can't afford it right now, Aaron. Well, then let me talk to a fucking kid that we'll never see again. That's free. That's free. Fine. Fine. See what I care. I'm going to go get a lemonade.

What do you think, kid? What's your name? My name is AJ. AJ. What does that stand for? Sleeping in the basement? Because that's not normal for sleeping in the basement because that's not normal no i don't think so yeah i don't think so i don't think it stands for that um i really like you guys i i think there's just something special about what nothing just sheila from the my office just walked past if she sees me hanging out with a bunch of kids, she's going to bully me. Oh, here he is.

All right. Hi, Sheila. Oh, here he is. Hi, Sheila. Aaron, look at you and your little chickadees. Look at you with your fat ass. This little daddy daycare over here. Get fucked, Aaron.

Get fucked, Sheila, or you wish. I've never heard anyone speak in such a tone. Cut back to the question. You cannot say words like that i have to send you to the principal's office you just did but they said it first cut back to the restaurant okay and back with the lemonade oh my god this kid still has not found his family we need to go home we have to go feed the dog well since you got the dog without asking me why don't we just adopt this

kid? I've decided. We've adopted this kid. Just like you decided to adopt Sparky without asking me. Okay, fine. Whoa, we'll adopt this kid. Hey kid, how'd you like to be a part of this family, huh? After everything you've just sought? I hug. I embrace everyone in a group hug. Yes! A million

times yes! I thought you'd never ask! I want a divorce. Back to the classroom. And let's just say it was the summer that started the rest of my life. Okay, um, well, that is our 45-minute block and that is the end of the school day. AJ, why don't you hang back for a second? After all, everybody's dispersed. Did I do something wrong, Miss B? No, I just, that clearly, there was a cry for help.

Are your parents actually picking you up after school today? Are you taking the bus? Well, they said they were picking me up, but they've said that the past couple days, and I have had to take the bus. Your real parents, not the story you made up. Your real parents. Well, they are my real parents.

Children tend to make up stories like the one you just told. Miss B, stop condescending to me, okay? This is real life. I'm sorry. please pick your jaw up off the floor this is what's really going on with me and i and i trust you and and and another voiceover and it was in that moment i realized miss b was the mother i never had well miss b you're right they're not picking me up after school no one's picking me up after school that's what i was worried about could you maybe give me a ride to where to your to your real parents house well here's hoping winks to the camera. So that's the pitch for a movie? Because that was only 50 minutes.

I just read the script. It's the end of Matilda where Miss Honey adopts Matilda, but it's that as a cycle for an hour and a half. Got it. Yes. Carson, we gotta stop accepting open submissions. Thank you for your time. Do you want to read

do you want to read the review that we both found that's just incredible during the break Riley and I figured out that we did bring in the same review from Brucicle and which is crazy because that's just that's wild there's so many of these anyway so this is from Roger M last name

Roger Modger this is from Roger Modger five stars. Roger Modger. This is from Roger Modger. Five stars of Brucicle, Portland yet again. So good. What a hootenanny evening peddling up, down, and around the Pearl and Alphabet districts on the big, bad, bodacious Brucicle on Halloween night. Boo! It was a little creepy and spooky, so misty and drizzly Halloween night.

Boo! We were cranking our butts off or not. In parentheses, some seats require no pedaling. I was wearing orange and black, my varsity high school sweater, and my wife was my girlfriend wearing my varsity jacket, dare I say, from 1970. All in costume, there was Batman and Robin, Superman, three-eyed golden girl.

I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. Three vampires dressed alike, all friends who grew up together in India. Two hilarious... God. Two hilarious minions and other ghoulish fun peeps. So we did the monster mash

and peddled off to party at three breweries for more fun, games, beer, and beer. Typo or? Afraid not. Afraid not. We went with friends we knew and connected along the way with all. Because we all had one thing in mind this macabre night.

To party on. This macabre night. Lucky Lab was beer, pizza, and getting to know you better time. McMenamin's on 23rd was beer shuffleboard and spirited chit chat. After more beer and singing, go Gale, go Gale. Don't do the dance. and more crazy talk and laughs time to board the bruceical one last time now picture us all leaving bridgeport brewery while pedaling in the pearl alley waving our arms back and forth and singing loudly. Na na na na. Na na na na.

Hey hey hey. Goodbye. We did draw attention. Peeps on the street waved and yelled. Cars beeped beep beep. Tons of fun. Don't let the rain stop you. Brucicle is a hoot nanny on

wheels. Singing. dancing on the pedals partying give me more and we did the mash the monster mash and it was a graveyard brucicle and brew smash let the good times roll on brew cycle every time you think it's done it's not it's such an awkward rhythm like he never settles into a speaking pattern it's one of my favorite reviews yeah this shook me all week long i know i think I know what's been shaking you because we talked about it. But maybe it's something else. I don't want to... No, it's that.

Got it. Okay, so Daniel and I are looking to adopt a dog. Oh, this is not what I thought you were going to say. Oh, wait, what did you think I was going to say? I'll tell you after. Wait, no, tell me now. No, the statement pants thing. Oh.

But you don't have to do that. Do the dog one. It's not that. Okay, so. Actually, no, I do want to do the pants because the dog thing is, I cried about it for like an hour today. Okay, here we go. What shook me? Well, this past week, I get a little text from jeffree

showing he's like i got a couple different vintage finds do you want to see it i'm like of course and he sends me some photos of like a cool like two cool jackets and then some pants some pairs of pants and i'm like oh my god these are awesome and oh actually and before you sent the pants photos you're like these last ones are especially and spa yeah and they were just two cool pairs of pants i'm like what what do you mean they're so and spa those are awesome but like what do you mean and and jeff begrudgingly admitted to me that i'm a pants fashion inspiration to him and he's like you love fuck you love a statement pant and i'm inspired by that and and he's like don't let it go to your head and i'm like roller coaster i was running around my house i lost my mind and then because i told it to

elizabeth and then elizabeth goes riley i just got a new pair of pants and and they remind me of you and then she comes out in a cool new pair of pants and they remind me of you. And then she comes out in a cool new pair of pants. And the idea of being someone's like pantspiration is- Don't say it like that. Is just thrilling to me. So that's what's been shaking me. No, but it is true though.

And I'm glad that I'm not crazy for thinking that too because Elizabeth immediately backed me up and had already had that same thought. I'm glad that I'm not crazy for thinking that too, because Elizabeth immediately backed me up and had already had that same thought. I'm so genuinely honored. I cannot tell you how actually kind that is. I'm glad. I'm glad too. I think I said something along these lines.

I'm simultaneously glad to make you proud and pissed of it. Yeah. We already kind of talked about it. But what shook me is kind of that my hair is now at a length that I can do different things. And I look like a different person, I think. You do. Can you let it down? Right now?

Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't look as long down as you think it's going to, I think. He's wincing. Oh, my God. So much hair. It's also because there's volume to it because it was in the the knot but like on the sides it's so much it looks really good i mean i appreciate that it's it's longer

at the back it's yeah anyway i need to you are a different man with this hair i like it better though i kind of i'm looking back at like photos of me with the short hair and i'm like i was just doing it because it was the style and it was really easy to up keep but like I feel more like myself with the longer hair. It's very you yeah. So yeah I'm excited about it. I'm going to keep growing it. I think we'll just see. I'll probably grow to hate it pun intended at a certain point

so whenever that is I'll get it at least trimmed but I kind of feel like this is my only chance to like go full on for like the shoulder length hair. I don't think so. Again, if it looks bad or I don't like it, I'll change it. But listen, if you love it and if you're feeling yourself, keep it. Yeah.

Because it's like. I'll be repulsed and won't talk to you. But that has nothing to do with you. But it's like if not now, it'll never happen. And I'd love to try. Because I remember I went to like an kind of preppy high school and uh our headmaster case in point preppy um he was like very like always wore a jacket he was a cool guy uh it had this really cool big mustache um and but he showed me once i forget why i was in his

office it wasn't for a bad reason it was because i liked him um and he showed me a photo of himself back in like the 70s and he had like hippie hair and i was it was like it blew my mind and i i want to have a couple at least one photo like that where i show my kids and they laugh and bully me for it you know i love that so um we'll see i'll show my kids and then they'll do the same to you but it'll hurt more because they're not your kids right

so those are just strangers bullying the shit out of me yeah I am a little concerned about like whatever like next video sketch that we're in

that people see if they haven't been listening to the show and then I just look like um I don't know someone who I don't know someone who i i i'm cutting this out this isn't an interesting thought um riley do you have anything to plug

um no just this um i will i will soon there's there's the show i think i mentioned it on the pod a couple weeks ago the show that um i don't know if mentioned it on the pod a couple weeks ago, the show that, I don't know if I mentioned it on the pod. I don't know. I think you did briefly, but you might as well just. There's a show that Daniel and I are going to be a part of that will be kind of like, it'll be a live show over Zoom with a bunch of different other acts. I'll explain it more once I'm kind of at liberty to promote it.

You can cut this out, but I think opening night should be the 29th of January, which is why we're like fucking stressed out of our minds. And our bit, ours is we're doing like a lot of improv games for our bit, which is gonna be really fun. That's fun. But yeah,

so Daniel and I are going to be doing a show over Zoom soon. And so I'll double check this week, kind of like if I can start, because it's still in the works, as in like we're still in rehears double check this week kind of like if i can start because it's still in the works as in like we're still in rehearsals and stuff and kind of like ironing out everything um i will i can't wait to promote that as soon as i can because i think y'all are gonna like it a lot it's really fun it's really innovative like the team behind this is just so awesome um some incredible incredible performers and i'm really excited to share it that'll be really cool what about you mefri um i'm also working on a little side project i just told you about it before but there's literally nothing to like point anybody to so

um i'll i'll point you guys to it in a couple weeks it's watch related i'll just say that what a fun plug at the end we're like yeah so we each have things that we're gonna suggest what we can't actually talk about if that makes sense and trust us we're doing really cool shit we're doing they're real like we have things like for sure we have them do i have anything to plug yeah of course just not yet um yeah let's just say i have something to plug that i can't talk about it's like lying to the teacher about oh yeah i've got i've started the essay it's almost done you can follow riley on instagram at riley anspa on twitter at riley coyote and you can follow the show on instagram at review review

and on twitter at review review show you can follow jeffrey on instagram at jeffrey james and on twitter at jeff boyardee so appreciate that uh we'll see you guys again next week uh if you get a chance uh still show people the review review best of episodes we're still trying to grow the show uh some fun guests coming up as well potentially in january and february and uh rate the show five stars on itunes we uh we should get back to repeating five star reviews every week yes do you want to do that now yes or do you have time should we go i i gotta go if you if we'll start next week yeah we'll see you guys again next week thank you so much for want to do that now? Yes. Or do you have time? Should we go? I gotta go. We'll start next week, yeah. We'll see you guys again next week.

Thank you so much for listening to Review Review. Arrivederci! That was a Hiddem Original.