Review Revue - Beginner Magic Kits (w/ Melanie Bracewell!)

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Comedian Melanie Bracewell joins Reilly and Geoff to read reviews about beginner magic kits and discuss childhood hobbies, marriage counseling, and "safekeeping."Follow Melanie, Reilly, and Geoff:IG: @melaniebracewell, @reillyanspaugh, & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @meladoodle, @reilecoyote, & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I just wanna know how you feel I wanna love that's so proud and real You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna

with you Woo, woo, woo! Really quick, Jeff, you should record the Zoom. I should record the Zoom. Check, check, one, two, one, two. I do a lot of physical comedy, so it's very important. And it really plays on the podcast. It does.

We are back. Oh, there's a mosquito. We have two guests. We have the mosquito in my room. And we have another little voice on the pod today. It's not just me. It's not just Jeff. We got Melanie fucking Racewell on the pod.

Much like a mosquito, I'm a little bloodsucker. To ruin your life. You are incredible. Purely from an accent perspective. I don't have an accent. I don't know what you guys are talking about. A Kiwi? This is neutral.

How's that? Is that a Kiwi? Auckland? Oh, no. You sound like... Ever been to Melbourne? You're trying to do a New Zealand accent, but then you're referring to an Australian city.

You can't even... Just Auckland. My favorite place is the opera house. It's a character he's working on. It's a Kiwi who wants to live in Sydney. It's a really niche character he's working on. Well, Melanie's here. Melanie has done so much.

You are a comedian. You are a writer, notably on Wellington Paranormal, seven days. Your Jacinda ardern impressions are unbelievable um the prime minister of new zealand for our majority american audience for those of you who don't know she is like the iconic pm of new zealand and a 2018 billy t award winner the top up-and-coming comedy award in new zealand you have done so much research my mom doesn't even know what the billy t award is send this to her and this is her way of being like i made it mom

i'm on a niche american podcast so how do you like me now oh i love it melanie it's what so it's noon to you 12 p.m it is 1208 the dream time to do a podcast it's noon oh wait no wait baby i'm acclimatizing what's like the covid situation over there i'm so curious because like i've been looking at new zealand just being like take me with you i would i would like to be let in please oh it was so good it was so good for a long time. For like 100 days, we were COVID free. And then about two weeks ago, it was like, psych, there's some people with COVID and we don't know how they got it. So now we're back into wearing masks and stuff. But it's so funny because it's like Donald Trump has put out these things being like, New Zealand's had a massive outbreak.

They thought they had it under control. And our massive outbreak is like four people. And we're like, yeah, shut shut it down don't touch anyone oh my god yeah yeah my friend my friend was studying abroad in uh in auckland and she uh was yeah going to bars like it was normal and it was like i was so jealous yeah and then the clubs all shut down right as i learned the wap dance you know it's all very up-to-date. Sorry, the one where you do a full split and kind of sprawl on the ground. Yeah, on the floor. I was just about to show that off to all the people in the club,

and then they shut them down, so I can't. And you can tell that you frequent the clubs by the way you say club. You sound so comfortable saying it. Down to the old night spots. Oh, my God. Down to the old night spots. Oh, my God. Well, we're here, and we are talking about a subject that's, I think, near and dear to Jeff. It might be near and dear to you.

We're talking about clubs. We were talking about clubs. And where do you find magic, Melanie? You find it in the clubs. Clubs. I'm often stopping people and going you know you want my number? Well how about you pick a card. Any card It's very cool. And how does that go

so you show them a magic trick for them to get your number. Yeah exactly a lot of the time they change their mind Yeah so they're like oh yeah I mean I can see where this goes A lot of the time they change their mind. Yeah, so they're like, oh, yeah, I can see where this goes. And then you fuck up the magic trick. And they're like, actually, I think this is taking too long.

We have to go. Oh, man, a lot of dead rabbits at nightclubs. It really kills the mood. That supposes that you're walking into the nightclub with a top hat on. I tell you guys, hold on. Yeah. Are you guys? Hold on. Doing the wop dance at a top hat to balance the dove underneath. The scent of rotting rabbit carcasses.

We are talking about beginner magic kits and spa. I know, dude. Do either of you have any experience, just kind of magic in general, but any beginner magic kit experiences memories Jeff left I'm here I'm here he disappeared give it up for Jeff

way to go usually when he goes off like this off screen he's usually getting a prop or changing not this time is that what you're doing Jeff if you notice anything new it'll be purely by coincidence oh my god wow velvet i used to do magic as a tweensman

bracewell and uh basically what i would often do is like so you would say i would say hey do you have a coin right you give me the coin i put it bag, flip a switch. It's a gag kind of thing where this lever comes down, opens a new pocket. And then I'm like, reach in there for your coin. And then you reach your hand in, coin's gone. Wow. And you're like, Jeffrey James, mind freak. Exactly right. I had the Criss Angel haircut. And how old were you when you did this trick? How old are you when you're a junior in college? Oh, dear God, Jeffrey. Oh, no. Sorry, uni.

Yes. I made the translation in my head, but thank you. Yeah, no, I used to do magic. Absolutely, I used to do magic. I saw this, and I talked about this on a different podcast show yesterday. You can go check that out. I watched this Disney Channel original movie called Mostly Ghostly. The kid in

it the main character loved magic and it kind of helped him get a girl and so i had to get the jacket i had to get the magic kit and um it didn't work did you just try and rhyme jacket with magic kit i did not get the girl from the magic oh no so there's that there was a plot twist none of us saw coming right thank you for saying that that was the real pull back and reveal did you have jeff did you have a favorite trick that you would do or one that you were like really proud of that you were like now this this is it glad you asked. So there was these two black things, right? And underneath them was a hollow peanut butter container. And then underneath that is jelly.

One can of jelly in one of them. So I would pull the thing up and there would be jelly and peanut butter. And then I would put it down and then adjust how I was holding them and then pull them up again. And then they would be switched. But really there's just four objects. This is really good content.

Melanie, did you ever perform as a magician before you were a comedian? Yeah, this is where I started my performing career. I would almost hold my friends as hostage while I performed a show called Mystical Melanie. But I didn't have any actual tricks. Like the tricks were so dumb that I thought that'd be funny. So it would be like, I'm going to disappear and then like make them close their eyes while I went home. So you were a comedy magician.

So you also are a virgin. Yeah, who told you? I feel a kinship. But it was good. So you would just leave? Yeah So you also are a virgin. Yeah. Who told you? I feel a kinship. But it was good. So you would just leave? Yeah, I would actually go home. Was that the only trick? Yeah, well, I can't really remember all of them,

but I just remember doing them at the time and then my friends later being like, oh, we were really forced to endure that. Oh, no. I was thinking that they were just sort of recurring members just wanting more action yeah um you're thinking like we're all in on this together and they're just yeah exactly that's the first inkling that you were going to be a comedian though because you left the building

you didn't just hide in a closet i actually never saw those friends again that was the best trick of all. So tragic. You made them disappear. Wow, they think I'm dead, but it was a little commitment to the book. Riley, what about you? Magic? So there's this place in Santa Monica. It's this little magic theater called Magicopolis. No way, dude. And it's a really tiny, like, 40-seat theater. Like, little old kind of digital thing. That seat theater like little old that's too many seats that's too many seats obviously it'll never be sold out and the front of it like the front of

it was a store it was like a magic store but then they also did shows in the back theater and so for two consecutive years when i was nine or ten i had back-to-back birthday parties each year at Magicopolis where I had like friends come and like invite them to this magic show and then we'd all like they would give us little like they would give us little kind of beginner tricks when we left um but two things one the show was exactly the same every time there were no new tricks there were no new magicians I saw it one year and with a group of friends in the next year it was exactly the same every time there were no new tricks there were no new magicians i saw it one year and with a group of friends in the next year it was exactly the same show and the tricks were like really just fine the thing about them doing the same show twice is they're relying on the fact that most people are into magic for like three months of their lives and then they

move on to something else they would never expect anyone to go to a magic show. And then a whole year later, still be in demand. And so I was like enthralled again. And all my friends were just like, oh my God, we're still at Magicopolis. But I know, I mean, like in a COVID free world, that's what I would like to do for my birthday next year is go and see that same show like 10, 15 years later. Also, like as a New Zealander, we don't have much like fun things to do.

So we look at America and we look at like Disneyland and all the crazy cool things you can do in America and then the crappy sort of New Zealand theme parks. So the fact that you had those like opportunities afforded to you and you went to Magigopolis twice, that actually upsets me as a child how is your reaction to this story jealousy i'm upset damn it but they i remember they would give us like the little tricks afterwards of like of the rings and it's like oh when i hit the two rings together and now they're attached but it was like so clearly the little the little latch on one of them yeah my niece just got into magic and i went to like a one of her birthday parties and it's so funny because they're all kind of all in a circle so i think some of them can see the trick and they're all like eight years old so they're not

afraid to call it out he'd be like it disappeared and someone'd be like i see it it's in your hand oh no life drain out of this no no no my godfather um is an irish priest and he also loves sleight of hand magic um but he only knows a couple tricks but like them. And so one of the tricks that he does, he has like part of a, he's like a plastic, it looks like the top of a thumb and it's like a little plastic thing and you can hide like a little handkerchief

or like a squishy ball or something up there. But he has had that little plastic thumb for God knows how long. So now it just looks like decrepit and and like it is so he pulled it out for my nephew when my nephew visited and like one he's northern irish so my nephew can't understand a word he says anyway and my nephew was like three at the time so he just saw this like tall irish man like with a gross ass thumb and the thumb was also used

so much that it was kind of open so you could see like the string coming out of it but like we didn't want to say anything to him because like he loved sharing this trick and we didn't have the heart to be like Father Patty you simply must get a new thumb

is all magic just humoring the performer? It really is. It's just like, wow. Good on you, man. Actually, I was performing magic for my old babysitter. She became a family friend. How old were you when you did this? I was like 10. Wait, you say my old babysitter. So not even your babysitter at She became a family. How old were you when you did this? I was like 10. What you say

my old babysitter. So like not even your babysitter at that moment. Like you somehow met up with the babysitter that you had before. You aged out of it and then did a magic show. Well, it's an absolute Sophie's choice because if I say that I was old enough to not need a babysitter, then it's sad that I was doing magic. but if i say that it was my old babysitter and i had a current babysitter at the time then it's just weird but i performed magic i was old enough to not need a babysitter still performing magic i think i was 11 or 12 and the trick went wrong and i ran away crying absolutely sobbing up the stairs and she came in and was like no it was really good you should not

have tried to do the cut a woman in half thing it didn't quite work out do you remember what the trick was? it was the peanut butter thing and I didn't have a grip on it so two jams yeah oh wow

oh you were so embarrassed you started crying Two jams, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, you were so embarrassed. You started crying. I was like, I had one shot. I had one shot. It wasn't good. Don't tell me it was good. Oh, my God.

And we all know that babysitter remembers that moment and laughs about it frequently. Yes, absolutely. On that note, we do have to take a break, but we'll be right back with some reviews on beginner magic kits with Melanie Brace. We'll be right back. And we're back. Melanie, my brother-in-law is from Melbourne.

Does that change anything in the way you think about me? Why do you think that changes something? What do you think that would change? Your brother-in-law, so like your sibling is married to someone who is from Melbourne. Well, he's actually not from, he studied in Melbourne. He's actually from Wichita. So he's been to Melbourne. Well, he connected through Melbourne to get to Malaysia. Oh, okay. All right. He's actually from Wichita. So he's been to Melbourne. Well, he connected through Melbourne to get to Malaysia.

Oh, okay. Right. He's been to the town hall. You know what? It might have not been Melbourne. It might have been Hawaii. He might have connected through Hawaii to get to Malaysia. They're not similar at all.

So he's like, no, that would make me sort of have more respect for you as a person. Yeah, exactly right. So kind of see me as more cultured, more worldly, traveled. Not really. Have you been to, again, Australia? That is a disrespect. I'm not Australian. We're an entirely different country.

We have a different prime minister, a different government. We're just like near. Definitely. We're just near the other country. It's like me being like, right, right. We're just like near. Definitely. We're just near the other. It's like me being like, well, I actually have an uncle that went to Toronto. So I sort of get your thing. Well, to be fair, Toronto is so close to where I grew up in America that I would feel a kinship. I really would.

Okay. God damn it. I'll just go fuck myself. I really appreciate that. He'll find a way. He'll always find a way. I love that. No, he shouldn't.

Melanie, would you like to start us off with our first review? Yes. My first review is from Michelle and Bob, who have rated it five out of five stars. Have you got the same review? Beautiful. No, I just love that a couple is reviewing a magic kit. Yes. I loved all the reviews because a lot of them were bought for children and then the adults review it.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Riley, what are their last names? Michelle and Bob Weig. Weig? Michelle. What is that? It's spelled like wig, but it's pronounced Weig. Michelle and Bob wig.

Right. I got this set because my four-year-old wanted a magician's hat and cape. Little did I know, I was about to learn magic. This set is absolutely amazing. The pieces, in brackets, both the costume and props, are great quality, and we have so much fun playing with it. I watched the how-to videos and love that it not only shows you how to do the trick, but also gives you an idea of the setup for it. It's very awkward.

The first step. And it only kind of tells you. Imagine if it just dropped you in midway. It's very awkward for a beginning magician to tell the story or make the joke that gives them the time and opportunity to perform sleight of hand without being obvious. I can't say enough good things about this. I love the fake coin, the one you can bite and take a piece out of.

It is so cool and fun and has a great wow factor. The thing I love most of all, though, is the magic colouring book trick. So simple and so impressive. Seriously, I could go on all day. Or you can just click add to cart and see for yourself. Oh my god it's so cool important for a four-year-old and the four-year-old is just in the corner while they're doing magic tricks I love that also like they're very aware of that it's like the magic is not just the trick

but it's like it's the entertainment factor and like the setup and the banter and like like conversation beforehand but they have to learn it i'm always so amazed yeah by the people who like leave a positive review on anything. To love something so much that it causes you enough passion to go on the website and let everyone know that it's the greatest experience of your life. That's why I love doing this show, though, because it's either five stars or one stars for the most part, and people just have such strong opinions. Yes, I weirdly stumbled across people doing reviews for cat food as their cat. So they would write it and be like, wow, when my owner pours Farina fresh into my bowl, I can hear it and I come scampering along. Like, it's amazing. I just imagine they're in couples counseling. Well, you know, Doc, you said that we should do a hobby together, just kind of something to bond us.

It's been 25 years of marriage. That's right. And, I mean, honey, I mean, we found it, right? Yeah. It's arrived in the mail, and, you know, little Timmy was really excited to open the present. I sort of helped him unwrap it. I was sort of like, give it, give it, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've included your son in kind of something that can bond you as a family together. Yeah, well, he's like the audience, you know. Like, he gets a lot of enjoyment out of it, I think. You know how New York City's kind of like a sixth character in Friends? Absolutely.

Everyone knows that. Our son is like the third, yeah. He's sort of part of the sorry don't call your son the third but he's like the third

part of this kit in a way yeah it's like a non-speaking role like we don't we don't let him talk during our performances

and we don't let him you know sometimes he breathes quite loudly and we go shh you're ruining it and but you know I feel like it's brought, you know, us closer together.

We might be less close with our kid, but we're closer together. And that's the point of this. Yeah. Where is he, by the way? I forgot him. Your son. You forgot where your son is. Yeah.

It's fine to be in a hot car. It's fine to be in a hot car for like 45 minutes, right? Isn't the cut off an hour? absolutely know you know what go get your kid then come back to the office this is unbelievable all right i'll continue the session i'll go get him you guys continue i'll go get him okay yeah okay so um linda i'm gonna need more clarification on what exactly this activity is because i think i remember suggesting to you guys something like you know taking more outings together you know maybe going to a picnic a little date night something like that I'm so glad you found an activity I'd love to hear more about that I mean I struggle to call it an outing like we we actually haven't read like this is the first

time we've left the house since getting the kit but this today's the first time you've left the house since getting a kit yeah like six six weeks ago like it arrived and we just were so engrossed with it where it's like there's this one where it's like a coin and you bite into it and there's a bite mark in the coin and you know you have to kind of actually sorry let me just do it for you for a second look um oh okay so you got a magic kit this this is a coin, obviously. Oh, no. Sorry, I've got this other one with this jelly and this peanut butter. No, it's really okay.

I get it. I think the trick is, I mean, you just told me what it was before you did it. I mean, you're just kind of making me really nervous. I come back in holding a hula hoop with a curtain attached to it, kind of scurrying it along. All right. I pull it down. Our son is there sort of sobbing. Now you see him. I pull it up again and then drop it and he's gone.

Now you don't. Oh, oh my God. That was actually really good. Where did he go? I could not tell you for the life of me. That was the first time it worked. Honey, I don't know what I did. Yeah, it's kind of hard because I come with these instruction kits but like the the print is quite small so you can't

actually read sometimes the end of the trick so a lot of the time we'll sort of get halfway through it and you know the bringing him back things a bit more difficult but the setup is beyond me i mean it's just so simple to get a grasp on how to start the trick. I'm going to have to stop you guys right here. I am so, so encouraged by the fact that it seems like you two have really strengthened your bomb through this. What I'm kind of gathering is a magic kit that you ordered online.

I think that's wonderful. Well, I mean, the coin, the... We never reveal our tricks. Ah, you don't. That's right. That's's right i don't think you know how to do the trick is the things uh toby you don't know how to bring your son back that all being said this is fully outside of kind of what i'm qualified to do in terms of your kid um i i know a couple other good family-based therapists to recommend, but I think before we do any of that, you simply,

I know I would feel more comfortable ending the session if you did bring Timmy back. I mean, how much time? No, we shouldn't have to hem and haw over it. No, we're not hemming or hawing. That's a really good suggestion. I don't want to, look, I know you're a professional and I know you think

Not a suggestion. You have to bring your son back. There has to be a way. I mean, therapy, you're supposed to provide us with tools, right? So I would love Yeah, totally.

And I feel like a lot of this that you're talking about yourself and it really should be about us. Like, you would love to see our kid. You would love to see the kid. Yeah. For us, this is a miracle to get him out of here. What? I would love to see our kid you would love to see the kid yeah for us this is a miracle to get him out of here

what I would love to see I would love for your kid to be safe and okay pick a card any card absolutely not

no I slapped the cards on the floor no there's only one turned up was this your card oh my god

yes this is insane it's your credit card Timmy just fully Is this your card? Oh my god. Yes. This is insane. It's your credit card. Timmy just fully poofs back in. What? There he is. No, don't just, how did you? I throw up.

How is this happening? Oh my god. Do you know how much the kit cost? $29.99. That is the real magic. And I think we can all agree on that. Cut to home. Do you know how much the kit cost? $29.99. That is the real magic. And I think we can all agree on that. Cut to home.

All right, son, what do you want for lunch? Peanut butter jelly sounds fine. Honey, get the trick. Okay, I'm going to get it. No, no, guys. Mom, Dad, we don't have to do a trick. I'm just really hungry. He loves it.

He honestly loves it. Here you go, honey. Peanut butter and jelly. And the two black things that you referred to earlier. She switches them. Wow. That's great. That's awesome.

Could you use the knife? I'm not allowed to use the knife yet, so can you kind of scoop it out and put it on the bread for me? Oh, the knife's gone through my hand. Ah! Oh, I'm bleeding out. That one. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, I'm bleeding out. That one wasn't a trick. That one wasn't a trick. Yeah, we gotta get you to the hospital.

Get it off! All right, start the car. I'll keep it hot. Timmy, you get in the front. What? You care about the wrong things. You absolutely care about the wrong things. Ever since the little runt was born,

our relationship hasn't been as hot. So let's get that done first and then we can care about his education. What do you mean it's not as hot? I felt like things were going really well between us recently. No, recently they've been great. Recently, ever since the kit came. I fear that once the love of the magic dies down, so will the magic in the bedroom die down. So you think we should order another Hot Wheels or something? We could buy a present for Timmy and then use it to better our relationship.

I do really like Hot Wheels, but I'd like to play with them. It's not going to work then. Baseball mitt? I've always dreamed of playing catch with you dad why are you rolling your eyes neglect makes us horny to me okay that's that's the through line we've worked out here gotta feed the little guy oh i can't i'm like hard because i haven't done it yet right he hasn't had his smuckers and i need i need like physical attention he hasn't had a smucker and i need to fuck her oh that's really good god he hasn't had a smucker and i'd sort of

like i'm so i hate what i said i hate absolutely a shirt no i hate what i said okay this is a review for ideal magic spectacular magic suitcase good title great title you can't argue with that Okay, this is a review for Ideal Magic Spectacular Magic Suitcase. Good title. Great title. You can't argue with that. A lot of magic. Did you say ideal? Ideal Magic Spectacular Magic Suitcase.

It contains over 100 tricks. You can't call your own product ideal. All right, this review is from Elsewiki. Melanie, you got a last name for Elsewiki? It's short for Elsewiki feet, I think. Elsewiki feet, five stars. Here we go. i got this for my eight-year-old son for christmas i didn't think he liked it at first because he opened it and just took it into his room then about a week after christmas he opened it up and began to play with it he played with it for days and kept getting me to watch him do tricks he even put on a show for his brothers

he loved it and i loved seeing him off his ipad for a change without me having to watch him do tricks. He even put on a show for his brothers. He loved it, and I loved seeing him off his iPad for a change without me having to make him. The other kids also told me they wished I would have got them one. That's it. That's very cute. The idea of being gifted something and then just

taking it somewhere else. So did you like it, or hmm? Oh, I just put it in my roof. No, oh my god, the coloring booth you got me so cool so cool so i just i kind of popped in my closet okay well what about like sort of the perishable goods that we gave you like the the food like the stuff that really should go in the fridge like how's that going oh my god i mean like i can tell all of the hard work you you put into into making that um that orzo salad.

And it does look spectacular. I can't wait to eat it. So just for safekeeping, I put it in my drawer in my room. Just put it in a drawer. For safekeeping, you put it not in an refrigerated space? You think so? I can't wait to eat it, though. There's dairy in it.

And thank you again so much for welcoming me to the neighborhood. I mean, I'm so honored to to moved in next to you guys you seem like amazing neighbors um what about the um like we're feeling really generous and we we got you a car yeah um i know i cannot i cannot believe you do that that is like i just i she's sort of a higher up executive at ford so we gave you a fusion it looks incredible like the mileage on this thing. It's my favorite color. Love the blue. It's upside down in a ditch. You know, just for safekeeping.

Dug a little ditch. Put it in the ditch. I'll take it out probably in a week. We were sort of doing like a sort of 12 days of Christmas. We did get you a partridge in a pear tree. What sort of happened to that? It was the tree and the partridge.

We've given it an environment already. Absolutely. You've given it the whole thing. With the car, with the Orzo, I found that it was kind of cramped for space, cramped for space in the house. So we just kind of threw it under the bed. Okay, you know what?

I'm going to try something. Because it's always space under the bed. I'm going to try something. We're like pretty, we're fine. We do well. I'm going to write you a check. This is for $100,000. This is just pure cash.

This is like, I don't even have to move any money around. All you need to do is you just need to take it to the bank and they will put it in your bank account. Like that's what we're supposed to take. You ate the check. She just ate the check. Oh. Are you kidding me? You guys, I cannot thank you enough.

I don't think so. For your generosity. Do you live here alone, by the way? Big house for one person. I do. I'm just a single woman in Seattle. That's me. If ever you need to borrow anything, cup of sugar,

if your neighbors come in to borrow a cup of sugar, just pop on over. Is the cup of sugar sort of on the ground in the garage? Sort of sprinkled along the concrete? It's just for safekeeping. It's all just kind of sprinkled on the floor. If you want to come over, just scoop it on up. Can I ask you where you do banking?

Where do you keep your money? My money? Yeah, I don't know how it could be any clearer. I don't use a bank. I do all cash. So it's mostly for a safekeeping thing banks are for safekeeping yeah exactly sort of the whole scatter it around and just kind of like really push it far into different trash cans around the house just so it's like okay they're in a spot i know where

they are in trash bags that you take out to the street do you keep the trash the cash in trash bags that you take out to the street on Thursday. How do you make money? I'm a lawyer. You're a lawyer? I'm a lawyer. Defense attorney? Do you keep them out of jail? I keep them in place for safekeeping.

I'll find them a safe house for them while they're awaiting trial and that's where I'll go to do my consultations with them, a safe house for them kind of while they're awaiting trial, and that's where I'll go to kind of do my consultations with them, do the appointments for them. Okay, so you're sort of storing criminals, as it were. In a safe house? I mean, some people think I'm a little pack rat, but I'm actually pretty organized. That's not what we were worried about.

That's not organized. You're not organized at all. You think because you have a special place for everything that that's organization, but there needs to be a logic to it. There's no logic. There's granulated cane sugar all over your garage. I'm feeling a little judged for the way I organize my home. So let me ask you, do you know where every $5 bill you ever have is in your house?

Capital One, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't generally keep cash, so. Okay, well, could you tell me where your car is? I don't think so. Garage, yeah. Oh, it's on the street, yeah. Really? Just, you know,

with the other cars, I haven't kind of rolled it into a ditch, because that's... I like to drive my car to keep it somewhere to get places right how do you guys make you guys are pretty well off what do you do like i said she's a ford executive and i um right but what do you do i'm a fine artist i'm a fine artist and i also run a art cure i curate a gallery but it doesn't matter yeah oh you're a fine you're a fine artist fine

artist means that it's really high quality art it It doesn't mean that it's okay art. He just gave you $100,000 and you're being a little touchy. And the check is inside of you. You're going to pass it. And this is the first time you've thought to ask what we do. We've been sort of sending you truckloads of gifts. You're a bachelor, it seems. You're absolutely right.

No, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right you're absolutely right this is this is my bad um i just you know what ah this is what i do i i i feel like i alienate people they think i'm ungrateful they think i'm how are you this self-aware and you're not making any changes terrible i don't know what to tell you i mean this is how i was raised you know it's like we learn our we learn kind of how to organize, how to clean up from our from our families and pass down. It's just kind of what this is. This is just who I am. And so can you tell me more about your home life? Like what what did your parents do? Like, why were they like that? I mean, my mother was a homemaker so i mean that's a full-time job she was taking care of the kids and cleaning and stuff is that what you mean by homemaker

mate like she was constantly building the house around us while we were still inside she was like an architect my dad was a contractor like the sims kind of thing like similarly to the sims she kind of she'd put the the kitchen sink in the bedroom for safekeeping. She'd put the closet in the safe. So it's like we just kind of grew up in an eclectic house. This is going to be an insanely invasive question, but I feel like we've gotten to that point. How do you have sex? Listen, my whole MO is keep it safe, safekeeping.

Bird in the hands, worth two in the bush, right? Meaning? You can't just say sayings like that and not give it. Speaking in platitudes. We're asking you to be specific. I put it in my hand for safekeeping because I know it's there. So you finish the person with your hand or you just kind of let it flop on? No, we'll just kind of walk around.

We'll just kind of walk around. So you're holding him by the dick like a leash, walking him around the neighborhood like a basset hound. Do you know what's crazy? That is the most normal thing that you've seen. We're a hit when we go to clubs in Berlin, let me tell you. Before police cars pull up. We got word that this was a criminal safe house. Listen, thank you guys so much.

I got to run. I get into the car, fully reverse it out of the ditch. Oh. Do we have time for one more review, or should we get to that last segment? Yeah, I've got time. Go ahead. All right. This is a four-star review of the Criss Angel Ultimate Magic Kit for beginners.

Yes. Four stars from David. No last name. Let's get a last name. Angel. He's, a last name. Angel. He's like related. David Angel. Was a great gift.

Unfortunately, my grandson liked it too much. He had already purchased it with his report card money. The return was a breeze. Thanks, Amazon. And then the title is Too Good to Be True. Wow. Sorry. But his grandson already had it. Bought it with his report card money.

Oh, my God. I guess the four stars is for how easy it was to return. Oh, wow. That is so funny. It seems like such a specific gift to get the Criss Angel mind. Yeah. This made me laugh because in my head, the grandson didn't have it. That is so sad. That is so funny. It seems like such a specific gift to get the Criss Angel mind. I know. This made me laugh because in my head, the grandson didn't have it.

He just didn't want it and wanted his grandfather to have the money back. Oh, my God. That is such a good way to get out of a gift you don't like. A couple is on a beach at sunset in Cabo. The woman turns and looks at the sunset. The guy gets down on his knees. She turns back. Beatrice, these last three years have been amazing.

And I can't picture my life without you. I just want to wake up when we're 74 and I'm still being the little spoon. And I didn't write anything. I just want to do this on the spot. Will you marry me? I'm just like looking at the ring and it's like, I have one at home. Like I already, like I've already got an engagement ring at home in my room like so

like I don't need one like sorry so awkward yeah hey sorry I'm part of the resort hi I come through I have a box of a thousand roses this was this is for Beatrice Jeremy

S is who paid it Jeremy i need you to sign for it i can't leave it sign for it um during a proposal absolutely i do have to leave it with you and make sure i got a confirmation all right thank you so much thanks so much congratulations by the way congratulations no no it's okay i've already got lots of like congratulations at home so i don't actually need you to say that um it's just like, what a crazy coincidence. Like, you're going to have to return that because, you know, I really... Where did you get another engagement ring? That's such a specific ring. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess we, like, maybe should have talked about that. Yeah, I got engaged, like, a few weeks ago. To who? Your friend, Mike. What? It was just... This is the thing, is the thing is that I always have to accept. Mike proposed to you? Yeah.

I always, I have this thing, I always have to accept gifts. So I had to accept it, but unless I already have it at home. And so I didn't have it. You should have got it in first. Sorry, me again. Sorry, I'm back. I got another envelope uh jeremy this is i think your your mother faxes over to the resort it is a deed to

the house that she bought for you i know way too much about this this was the house that we looked at together your dream house and i thought that i would give it to you and after we get engaged and it would be something you didn't have yet something you've always wanted so awkward like what are the chances but like i genuinely i genuinely bought a dream house like honestly three days ago are you kidding you closed already yeah like it's like across the street but it's pretty much the same house so like i would feel so guilty accepting your house whilst i also like already have a dream house i closed the box you know what you bought a house without talking to me about it first you said yes to my friend proposing to you which honestly i

might be more mad at him maybe this isn't right maybe this is a sign i think this is a sign are you fuck are you breaking up with me right now, you dog? What am I supposed to do? You want me to be your mistress in your engagement to Mike? Honestly, I thought our relationship was stronger than this. A couple of speed bumps and then you're just going to leave it all. Like, honestly, I thought we were really resilient. I thought we were really strong.

And suddenly you're going to break up with me because I've already got a husband and a fucking house and like a box of roses. Like that's a couple of things. It's not the box of roses that I'm upset about. It's obviously not the roses. Hey Beatrice,

hey babe, I got the key. I got the key to our villa. Oh, hey dude, what's going on? Not what's going on. Can you clear things up with him?

Honestly, he's being such a dick. Beatrice and I are getting hitched. I thought you'd be excited for us. Fist in fist. It just kind of, you know, that classic dick. Future scenario getting hitched. I thought you'd be excited for us. First in, first out. It just kind of...

That classic saying. Why did you say yes? You're the only person who would say yes to someone you barely know getting married. The next woman that walks by, if I propose to her, she's not going to say yes. Somebody walks by. Yeah, here we go. Will you marry me? Will you marry me?

Oh my god. What? Is this real? No fucking way. Oh my god, yes. Is this real? No fucking way. Oh my god, yes. You're shitting me. This is so exciting.

You're cheating on me. I did nothing. It was to prove a point. You are disgusting. I mean a trash, honestly. I cannot believe this. Double wedding, double wedding, double wedding. Don't say that. how did you already know this should be all week long melanie ever heard of a little thing called eschaton eschaton glad

you asked uh so it's do you know what sleep no more is you asked. So, do you know what Sleep No More is? You forced the question. I don't know what Sleep No More is. Fuck. All right. It's immersive theater. I'm going off the rails as soon as I'm stumbling across the finish line. Like a dinner theater thing.

A little bit. It's like a maze. It's not a maze. So, Sleep No More is an experience. I know. So, i'll explain it because i've done it it's an experience in new york it's like this five-story warehouse that has been transformed into this like immersive performance art like it's um every room every floor every every room on every floor it has a totally different theme and um you walk in and it's

kind of like a choose your own adventure you follow and so the performers are on yes um and it's kind of like a story based off of mcbeth kind of they have a similar thing in like the um london dungeons right i don't know yeah it's it's it's in the way that it's like you're you're watching this story on a loop and and you get to choose what kind of experience you want to have you can follow one person for a while then veer off like really shitty waste wills yes yes it's like west world but everyone's real and you can't talk um so that's exactly what it is so we did that but over zoom right so we went to a website that had doors and you click the door and then it opens a Zoom meeting and you're in that room. Right.

And what shook me specifically is how I'm getting red in the face just talking about it. I mean, Willa in the cherry lounge was an absolute flirt. And yeah, it made me feel good about myself. And she. So for some background each room had a different theme so it's like they this thing called eschaton which is so cool everyone should try it and don't say what i think you're about to just say because i don't think how can you get the same experience of something like sleep no more but during covid time like how can we get that through a computer and so so each room had a different theme.

So the Cherry Lounge, like, on the bottom of it, it was, like, come in for a sultry ride. For a normal conversation that might turn into more experience. So she's following a kind of script. And you thought that that was personalized to you. Yeah. You thought she was. Well, let's hang on a minute, Bracewell. Because she was talking to some guy from Pennsylvania like right as I entered the lounge

right and uh wasn't nearly as titillating as my conversation with Willa as soon as I sort of took the reins she was complimentary of my posture she said that she wanted to see me again at the next next eschaton and she remembered my name when I came back through the Cherry Lounge to get to a different room nary 15 minutes later. So you came back. And can you explain? I had to, but it was also to see if she wanted to, I don't know, get a drink with me.

Can you explain what your name was in Eschaton, Jeff? My name was Rodney. My name was Rodney. You can change your name. Yeah, they encourage you to have an alias. I wasn't gonna ask. I saw it come up as Rodney, and I thought, maybe this is a bit that's already been explained in the podcast,

so I don't want to bring it up. No. No, this is as of like five days ago. But I also had a meeting. So I had a meeting at HeadGum today, and it was like fine that my name was Rodney. Like, people razzed me anyways, regardless of what my name is in the chat. But then I had a different meeting

with Riley and I's commercial agent. And this was our new agent that we have never met before. And so there was like eight minutes that she didn't let me into the meeting room because she thought I was someone else. Oh my God. She's like, sorry, who are you? I'm like, oh, I'm Jeffrey.

I'm Jeffrey James. But my name says Rodney. I can explain. And then I got dropped as a client. I absolutely got dropped. You know, you can change it back I got dropped as a client. I absolutely got dropped. You know you can change it back, right? I know, but I just definitely forgot. You're a little annoyed that Willa

might not be able to get in touch. I don't want to show up as Jeffrey in the next Eschaton because yeah, exactly right. Willa won't put two and two together, I don't think. Because I won't be wearing the same cable knit chunky sweater that I was on Saturday, Melanie. She can remember your face.

Really? You don't have to wear the same dark sweater. sweater that I was on Saturday, Melanie. She can remember your face. Really? You don't have to wear the same dark sweater. So you're saying my face is memorable. Stop taking everything as a compliment. I appreciate that. I really do. But anyway, yeah, I found love.

I found love in a whole place, place. Okay, well, last night we watched a documentary. Oh, my God. It's called Chicken People. Okay. A couple people recommended it to me. It is literally its best in show, but for chickens. And it's real.

And so it's like these people every year. There is like an Ohio poultry convention, festival, whatever. This is something you made. I wish, man. I think I've heard of the stock it's like it's really first of all it's really well made it is very sad um and you follow kind of like three or four specific people and like you go to the you hear all about their lives and you see like each person has like maybe 100 to 500 chickens. And it's really remarkable. In the competition?

No, that you only bring one chicken to the competition. And like it's unbelievable. First of all, I didn't think I would learn as much about chickens as I now know. I don't know about chicken because, and this is such a stupid story, but it's like in primary school we had to do that thing where we had to look after an egg and not make the egg break. Oh, yeah. And my mum was like, it would be really funny

if you bring in a baby chick to school the next day and say it hatched. And so I did that. My mum called up all these places to get a baby chicken so i could bring it into school to do one kind of stupid joke of like i took care of it really well um and then we just owned a chicken you've been doing bits and you can walk i was like i was probably like nine or something i think it was in primary school like uh elementary um it's pretty funny and yeah and then I owned this little chicken and we took it to my grandma's farm and I just I was like that's my chicken

oh my god so it started as a bit and then you kind of gained a lifetime friend that's that's how a lot of my bits go man uh Melanie what's been shaking you you have the floor any current obsessions oh aggressions, whatever. Oh, okay. So I thought you were saying it could be something that you're angry about. Eregrievance, current obsession, something that's on your mind, anything. Okay. I'm going to eregrievance.

And this is with friends of mine who send me a message on Facebook, but it's very obvious that they've sent the same message to like six other people because it's like almost like a paragraph but there's no sort of personality traits or like hello Mel or anything and I just know that they are like getting frustrated about something and want an opinion but I know how many and then I'll message my other friend and go did you get this from James and they'll be like yes sorry James for airing this grievance on the pod but gotta stop it let's keep our conversations personal so it's not so much like uh because sometimes like the the uh kind of like copy paste messages are very obvious but this is like hey i need help like totally like yeah it'll be things like you know like

i don't know they'll take like they'll have some headshots and they want help choosing but the thing is like i can't decide between six and seven what do you think and it's all like very vague and i'm like you've asked a hundred people this this does not feel like i have any say in this opinion what i say won't it'll just be a percentage point of what makes your decision. Why don't you just do a Twitter poll? You're polling. That's so funny. People don't do that to me, but people just don't really text me that much. People don't text you.

People don't reach out to you generally. So, yeah, feel free to give James mine digits. I would love to kind of wax anything with him. Like you say, like, are you okay? Are you alright? Oh you alright like oh I mean I'm Gucci Maine

no but I'm I really could use a friend I can see why this is happening to you you get it you get it

you get it it didn't take that long Melanie thank you so much for coming on the show we really appreciate it it's a very funny app I can't wait to edit this

again the floor is yours uh anything to plug any upcoming projects any shows any uh tour dates since there's seemingly only four people with covid uh social media what have you the floor is yours i don't know how many new zealand like listeners you have watch last dad standing um on have on australia i'm on a show called have you Been Paying Attention, which is cool. Watch that. Otherwise, I'm like, just find me on social media,

Melanie Bracer on most things. Oh, you know what? Actually, what I do want to plug, I've started Twitch streaming. Playing games? I was inspired because I saw Omia was doing it, and I was like, oh, that actually just like a fun thing to do during lockdown so during this next this lockdown i bought all of the all of the equipment and i'm just such a like little dweeb like learning how to use twitch and it makes me sick but i love it it's so fun and i'm so what do you what do you stream so i've been just playing

fall guys because that's what everyone is playing at the moment. But I have just bought a scary game and I'm like easily frightened. So that's what that's going to be. It's going to be a lot of solving. That's incredible. I will watch that. I want to see you kind of go, I can't wait to see that.

So go check out Melanie on Twitch. At Melanie Bracewell on everything. Yeah, I think I'm at melanie bracewell on everything yeah i think i'm at melodoodle on some things who cares oh fuck i'm sorry i i know i would have killed to have at jeffrey james on any platform oh man but melanie jeffrey james is like probably a more common name than melanie bracewell there's only one other one i sort of know of that's on facebook so i'm run of the mill i'm run of the mill. I'm run of the mill is what you're telling me. Yeah, you're kind of like basic, like plain, like kind of blends in in a crowd,

like wouldn't notice you or your name or your face. Why don't you ask Willa? Why don't you ask Willa if I blend into a Zoom crowd? I was going to say, you might need the cable knit sweater. I have, and she said, can you please get him to stop emailing the support line for this Zoom theater? Zoom theater. When you say it like that, it makes me seem undateable.

Jeff's a magician who loves Zoom theater. No, it's honestly refreshing because anytime I go on like a panel show or something here in New Zealand, that is the running gag. It's like Melanie is a lonely loser. But now that you're here, you've kind of taken that role from me. So it feels amazing.

You've passed the baton in a way. Yeah. That's beautiful. I can't believe this is how it ends. Perfectly smooth smooth flight horrible landing thank you so much for coming on this was such a treat this was so much fun

Willa this is for you if you do want to find Rodney he's on Instagram at IamJeffreyJames on Twitter at Don'tPlayNoJames you can find more review review content at review review show on Twitter at review review on Instagram subreddit r slash Review Review. This was a treat.

Thank you so much, Melanie. We would love to have you back. If you're ever in L.A., hit us up. I want to move to L.A. Are you actually going to move? Yeah. I was going to move this year, but it was canceled due to the pandemic. We would.

Yeah. Just hit us up if you ever want to hang out in LA or do one of our live shows. We do a live show called HeadGum Live at Lyric Hyperion. We'd love to have you. So thanks for coming on. Thanks. We'll see you guys again next week. Arrivederci. That was a HeadGum Original.