Review Revue - Berghain

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about the exclusive Berlin nightclub Berghain and discuss comparing traumas, protesting weddings, and spending way too much money on a night out!Click here to purchase tickets to Reilly's new project, INTO THE MIST!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I just want to know how you feel I want a love that's so proud and real You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna feel I just wanna feel Just the two of us We're recording a podcast Just the two of us I think I probably did that intro on another episode of Just the Two of Us

Hi Jeffrey! Hi! Christ, that's not what I thought was gonna happen nothing no what do you think was gonna happen i have no idea you've been recently coming in really hot but i'm just i'm like oh what is she gonna do this week hi hi it's not even that the vaccine took that much out of us it's just kind of like long year right hey imagine like your first time at a bar i guess you're in a gainfully employed relationship but like if you're single in at a bar like how much am i ready to mingle or yeah yeah so like in the hypothetical okay in this hypothetical

you're at like a bar post-covid like let's say next winter like how many conversations do you think are going to be started with like god great to be back right it was a crazy year last year it's like yeah man I don't know yeah I don't know we all yeah it was awful it was awful no but I feel like we're reaching that part of the year where it's like, okay, it's now we're fully in 2021, right? And the joy, the optimism of New Year's resolutions or otherwise is kind of starting to fade into what we would call normalcy. What we would call normalcy. And it sort of fades into what we would call normalcy. And it's all one word.

It kind of sort of fades into what we would call normalcy. Into what what? Into what we would call normalcy. We're here. It's late Jan. By the time this episode comes out, Into the Mist will have had its opening eve. You're wide open. You can't say that.

I didn't mean it like that. I mean the show has been blown wide open. You can't talk about evil like that. I'm not. I'm saying the show is spreading its... Okay, now I'm sorry to hear it. No, I am. I'm recorrecting course jeff um if you

could predict like you haven't seen into the mist you haven't seen a lick of it um but i will have seen it but you will have seen it by now yeah um what did you think i thought it was interactive i thought it was of the time it was To me, it couldn't help but feel interactive. And it was also of the time period. The 20s roaring or otherwise, right? So you couldn't help but feel that the interactive show set in 1927

was interactive and of the 20s. I'm glad that I'm gonna get to be there on opening night for the first time. And I missed the dress rehearsal. I'm very excited. I'm very excited for you to be there. And we had our Zoom, we had a patreon zoom on saturday this it was such fun um but there are a couple people on there that are going to be into the mix so i've been getting a lot of messages from from listeners saying that they're coming and i think a lot of y'all are coming well we'll have been there this coming friday um and we have at least three more

shows we're selling tickets for like two weeks at a time right um and we have at least three more shows we're selling tickets for like two weeks at a time right now and we have a lot of tickets sold for opening we're trying to get um the next week as well um but it's very exciting i'm gonna dress up same well you have to you're in this show but i'm gonna wear like a coat like a one of these like a blazer and tie of sorts. I love it. I can't wait. Maybe I end up finding my next willow. Sorry, willow. Wow. I think you might. I think there is a room that I can already tell you're going to be like, oh, okay.

Okay. Okay. And Jeff, you know what? Like, so obviously this night, this evening, we're welcoming everyone. Well, I mean, this night is not as're welcoming everyone well i mean this well this this night is is not as exclusive um we we love it's like anyone who wants to come you know pay the 16 dollars and we'll see you there right um but not every not every night on the town is like that right how do you how do you figure well i mean you know there are some places where it's like you just

can't get in because there's too many people right now. You might have to wait a little bit. There's some places that's like, hey, come on, man. Don't wear jeans to this. And then there's some places. Where has anyone ever yelled at you for wearing denim? Then there's places where if you don't even pass the vibe check, get your ass out of here. Such as? This week we're talking Burgine.

What if you were, not only picturing you in line for Burgine, but what if you were the bouncer? So like I walk up and you're checking me out and I'm like, what do you do? I don't, I'm fully stone faced. I look you up and down. I start like with your, I look you in the eye. I kind of make my ways down. And then I look at your shirt and I kind of like raise my eyebrows like oh you're wearing that but i don't say it but i say with my eyes i'm like oh he's wearing that and then i start to question myself

my eyes keep traveling down i look at the pants and i kind of like tell my head like oh not bad not but they could be tailored better but they're not terrible and then i make the way down the shoes and i just like i kind of chuckle i look to the other bouncer i'm like the other bouncer chuckles too what's sorry what's funny i don't speak german but if i did speak german i in german i would say how old are you i'm 23 and i would notice that your eyes shifted a little bit and then i'd be like huh and then i'd be like and where are you from i'm from cleveland ohio okay and what and then i would say like oh what what brings you to berlin why did you come all the way to berlin from cleveland ohio uh just wanted to

like yeah kind of get some stories yeah i don't think so i know i felt it in the middle of the sentence i'm gone i was considering it and then that happened yeah have a nice night i was teetering on the cleveland thing and the next sentence is what sealed my fate. I've never been to Berlin. You said you've been to Berlin, you had a night on the town, and that you had some stories. I would love to hear them as well. When I famously studied abroad. I don't think it was famous.

How is it famous? When I famously lived in London for a couple months couple months when my gal pals and i we took a 36 hour long weekend away to berlin um we truly spent a day and a half there we left on like a saturday morning like early morning was this spontaneous or did you plan it weeks in advance we planned it like a couple days in advance i I think we had a free weekend. I call that spontaneous. And we're just like, why not go? I mean, like, why not us, right?

Hey, why not us? When else are we going to get the chance just to be like, let's pop over to Berlin for a weekend. Yeah. And that's super cool. I miss traveling. So we get there. I mean, listen, at the time I was 20 and never been to Berlin before. And I'm not like I'm not like a club person.

I like a dive bar famously. Everyone knows. Everyone knows. TMZ. These are just details about your life. They're not famously blank, famously that. We had no plan. We knew where we were staying.

And then we're like, oh, oh shit we actually we don't know what to do and so on the plane we're like looking up like i think we're taxiing away from heathrow and we're like what to do in berlin yeah and um so you know it's like we we saw the berlin wall we walked around it's like we we walked a lot but berlin is bigger than i thought it would be and so it's like it hit a point where like oh we should have like planned the day right um and but uh then we looked up um clubs like you know and we didn't ever heard of a club and until i went to berlin i didn't know that Berghain existed. I'd like to preface the story by saying there's no way we even tried to get in line for this club.

Because you look at me, there's no in what fucking world would I be allowed in that place? Yeah. So we look up like reviews because we were, you know, two young women who'd never been to berlin and so it's like and we're also not like intense partiers so it's like we didn't want like a really intense berlin club we're like what's like a fun popular place that like you go to crazy a concierge at a hotel what's like a mid-tier club yeah i mean that's essentially what we were looking for and um we get all dressed up we go out we go out to dinner and what we didn't realize about berlin is that like nightlife doesn't start till like 10 yeah um and so we had dinner reservations at nine and so we go eat and

then we're like okay we finished dinner around 10 in this club that we wanted to go to. I'm forgetting the name of it, but we're like, okay, it opens at 10. And so we were such fucking nerds. It's crazy. And so we're like, wow, where is everyone? And so we finally find the place and it is not even open yet. We get there at like 9.50. We were like, we are such fucking losers. We are standing.

We are the first people at this goddamn bar and someone came up to me and they like you know berlin is such a party city and they'd like it was literally like out of a movie like the trench coat on and they came up to me and they were kind of like pointing their pockets and like in kind of you know an accented accented English. They're like, you good? You want to party? Like offering something. And I just like little 20 year old Riley was like, oh, I'm okay. Thank you so much though. That's very kind to offer.

Thank you. The guy just looks at you like, okay. And I put my hand on my heart. I'm like, thank you so much. Oh, honey, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not for me. And then when we got in that bar later there was a woman in the bathroom and she like offered drugs again i'm like oh that's

so sweet but i'm all right see the fact that you just you call it drugs just like right and this person offered me fair but i didn't know what it was it could have been anything like the first guy truly just like pointed at his coat and was like you want anything and i'm like that's insane um little do you know did you know that you just you missed two undercover cop sting operations right yeah right um but listen and i remember hearing about bergine and part of us like we were like should we and i'm like no are? There's no fucking way we'd ever get in. But honestly, from stories that I've heard and also even some of these reviews,

it seems like you're the exact type of people they want. They don't want the people that are desperate to go to Burgheim. I mean, we'll get into it, but you probably would have gotten in. I don't know. I'm also, so for those of you who don't know what Burgheim is, it is like-

Yeah, right, right, right. It is a very exclusive club in Berlin. And it is like a giant- It's also like six stories warehouse. Yeah, it's an old power plant that's been transformed into just debauchery. Pure debauchery. For EDM clubber types. There's like rooms you can have sex in rooms yeah it's like intense and it's like a very it's like at some point i don't even know if i would enjoy

it but it'd be more of like the holy shit i got into for guys yeah it's the bragging rights by the way the whole reason that we are doing this episode we should say is that you texted me at 2 30 in the morning my time it was yeah your time 11 30 your time so it was normal for you but i woke up to a text from riley saying imagine our dumb ass is trying to get into bergheim and so i put it on my story and then marty reminded me that he and amir tried to get in and got denied yeah it's like it's basically there's a no cameras policy it's basically like really exclusive and really stickers on your phone once you get in if they see you taking any photos of

videos they kick you out the line i've looked up like so i don't know if i'd be interested to go but i've looked up a lot about it just because i'm so curious and um the line can be like three hours long just to wait to basically get told no unbelievable and it's open from friday through monday morning or like monday afternoon it doesn't close and i know i've known a couple people who have gone there's one one guy i went to college with who he got in and he told me that like the top so there's a couple like different clubs within bergain and the bottom floor is basically like that is like sex dungeon usa and then um the top floor basically like you're partying you're partying partying and then at sunrise

they they raise like the curtains and everyone parties is like the sunrise is over it's like it's crazy um and there's so many websites that's like basically trying to like train you of how to get in because like there are these famous bouncers like you just go the main bouncer is like this really famous guy i forget his name but he's like a photographer yeah spend something guard or something and like yeah gq profiled him he's like really famous and everybody wants to know how he decides and he doesn't he says he just he just, it's an energy thing. It's just an energy thing. And so it's like on the Reddit, all these places, it's like, here's tips on how to get in.

You have to speak German. You don't look at the bouncers in the eyes. Like you have to act like you don't care. Wear all black. Like all these different things. But then it's like, you know, it could also truly be whoever. Like some of my parents' friends who are like this older british couple who were just in berlin for a weekend they got in and so it's like i think you know the one thing sven has talked about is diversity too uh is that he wants like like they'll also

turn away really famous people like there's i think there's a list of celebrities who have been turned away from bergheim so like they don't want one type they would that's why i think if you had shown it showed up eager 20 year old r, you might have gotten in because like you don't even care if you get in or not. Maybe. Should we do our first review? Do you want to start us off? This might be one of my favorite reviews I've found for this show. I'm very excited about it.

Holy shit. Well, also, I'd like to preface that at first because Jeff and I've been talking abouthine, we're like, oh, we should just do Berlin nightclubs for this episode. But then we both only found reviews of Burghine. I guess this episode is just about Burghine. Yeah. This is from Jessica M. One star. Merlin.

Jessica Merlin from her trip to Berlin. Okay. This is my review of Club Burghine. So spelled wrong. This is my review of club berk get berk guy and so spelled right this is my review of club berk guy the famous electro music club i went to berk guy for the first time to listen to the techno music and do the butt drugs in the room with the sex i flew sorry i flew to berlin only for this from drunk alaska i was rejected despite wearing all black oh i only smoked hash instead of weed all week sorry hold on i'm cutting out some parts that just don't make sense okay i flew i'll just start over this is my review of club burke gein the famous electro music club. I went to Berk Gein

for the first time to listen to the techno music and do the butt drugs in the room with the sex. I flew to Berlin only for this from drunk Alaska. I was rejected despite wearing all black only and with no smile. But the men in black rejected my present of Capri Sun juice with multivitamins. I only wanted to be nice. Who doesn't like juice? I have many gay friends, but not here. We'll never be returning to this place. Go to Watergate instead.

I've heard very good tech house there, and sometimes people even say they like the way I dance. One out of five stars for ambiance out front. Saw many influencers with unique black kilts and fashion from the future. Inspiring. Thanks, Jill from alaska age 45 so so not jessica merlin right yeah she's drunk she was drunk on the plane she said she flew from drunk alaska which is just her home state and she's always drunk right my favorite is i have heard very good tacos there and sometimes people even say they like the way i dance

on a first date so what are your hobbies what do you like to do for fun you've told me that you're yeah sorry like oh no you've told me that you're uh yeah fuck what is everything okay yeah no it's just been like what happened i lost all my family members in a fire so like i'm in an emotional place no it's fine tell me about what you like to do for fun no Nathan I'm so Jesus Christ

wait was this recent? or I'm so sorry to be laughing that's how I deal with trauma no I do too and it's kind of it was recent yeah it was like four weeks ago oh my god I'm so sorry

if there's any I know this is only our first date you were about to tell a story and you seemed pretty upset so I'd love to hear what happened but you truly just told me that four weeks ago you lost your whole family in a fire again i'm so sorry like i never said anything actually i never said anything tell me your story we can kind of if there's anything i can do to help i appreciate that story time here we go it'll help me feel better okay well that actually like um well it seems so small now it seems so small no

don't do that to yourself don't compare your don't yeah don't do that um yeah hold on excuse me uh garcon we we uh can we get another another bottle of wine on me please i um i just want to do everything i can you know i that's that's okay thank you merci um what was that he said thank you i said thank you oh he's nice um well i mean it's you know what i'm gonna backtrack a little bit my therapist does tell me that like you know everyone has their own trauma okay not to compare and that it's like you know just because one person's issues are really really big doesn't mean that my issues are not as important. I couldn't agree more.

Don't minimize your issues just because they might not be on paper as bad as my entire family died in a fire. And I didn't get into a club. Feels good to like just say it, you know, it feels good to like. Was it like racism or something like sexism like that you didn't you were rejected from like a country club and so i don't think it was racism i was really trying to give you the benefit of the doubt what club it's a really exclusive one it's bergain it's in it's in berlin it's like one of the most exclusive clubs in the world and i you know they said no to me so it's's just been, it's just been hard. I mean, it's like,

I flew all the way out there for that. And I even like, I told them, well, you're gonna want me in there because I'm like, you know, you haven't seen what I can do. And they didn't speak English, the bouncers. And so they just kind of looked at me. And they were just like, kind of shook their heads. And I'm like, and I spoke loudly and more slowly to try and get them to understand. I'm like, you can't see you haven't seen what I can do. And they started like, dancing a little bit. And kind of pointed at myself like you want this in there. And they just shook their head and they pointed like, please leave. So I had to walk all the way back down the long line. And was that but that was it, though. You just kind of

danced and then they sent you back? Or did you like put up a fight? Well, here's what happened. I danced. They sent me back. I got back in line. Waited another two and a half hours. And I got back up to the front. And you can guess kind of what happened after that. They recognized you?

Hey, you said it first, not me. I don't want to keep diving into my trauma. But yes, diving into my trauma. The waiter comes and pours the wine. He does the thing where he pours a little bit for you to try. No fucking way. Oh, très bien, très bien. That'll do quite nicely.

Thank you. Would you like to try the wine? Un peu for Monsieur. I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay yeah i'm okay thanks d'accord merci what was that nothing i said thanks sorry again i'm i'm really it's like none of this is is to be like me not getting accepted into this club is the same as your whole family dying but it's just like i also don't want it i'm working on like not selling myself short and like not minimizing what's happening in my life so i guess it's like it's nice to know that like i can we can be there for each other um i'm so glad we

matched i'm so glad i met you because it's like if we hadn't met each other like we would be alone grieving and grieving well you know how long ago did you not get into the club what year is it? It's 2021. So it was a while ago. This was like 2017, 18. Okay. God, it just like flies by now, actually. Like it's, I kind of can't believe it. So if you don't want me- Time has moved slower than it ever has for me in the last 24 days.

I've been there. I really like- I don't think so. I mean, how have you been coping? To be honest, I haven't. I haven't slept this much in my entire life. I think I'm, you know, they say you're supposed to get eight hours of sleep a day. And I think I may be awake for eight hours.

Oh my God, you're so rested. That's so much better than how I'm dealing with it. Oh my God, I'm so jealous of you. Oh my God, I wish I were you. Oh my God. I'm downing the line. Can you like teach me? I haven't slept a wink since circa 2017 the waiter

comes over uh would you like to order some dessert uh there is a souffle but it takes 45 minutes oh uh we I think I think I speak for both of us we we uh we'll we'll take it I don't know how to say that in French I'm sorry we'll take it though d''t know how to say that in French. I'm sorry. We'll take it though. D'accord. Merci. What was that? Thanks. Maybe we should talk about something else. Oh my God,

absolutely. You were going to show me photos on your phone from your vacation, like three years ago or two years ago or something. Oh yeah. I'll absolutely show you. I know that you really want to see it. It might just be a little hard for me because it's like, it might just back some of the some of the memories all right then just don't show me any photos that'll be hard to show i thrust the phone in your face it's blurry photos that's you at bergheim

that's you inside bergheim so you did get in well i got in yeah the third time you got back in line a third time and got in so the trauma is my is my pride was hurt. I showed them my dancing, and a lot of people have told me they like my dancing. I smelled my parents' flesh burning from outside my childhood home. My dog came running out in flames, and I was able to put him out with a hose. But he was never the same again, and he suffered injuries that affect his hearing. So when I say, come here, boy, he doesn't. I saw a man dressed up like a leather dog being walked around on a leash, and someone was burning incense in the corner, so I guess you could say

we both have smelled things and seen things that we didn't expect. Incense smells amazing. Also, that could be kinda sexy almost. The incense was too intense for my nose and the dog man kind of popped out and i didn't see him because it was dimly lit what's this vote no your your thumb just swiped your phone and now it's a video of people hoisting you up and cheering your name what do you mean your pride was hurt this was you were the bell of the ball at bergheim that night okay listen just How do I turn this off? Fuck. Turns it up. Oh, shit.

Listen, just because my trauma is different from yours doesn't make it any less valid. This isn't trauma. You had the time of your life at the most exclusive club in the world. You know, I'm sorry. I can't do this. I can't wait 45 minutes for a souffle. Why not? It's supposed to be

the best in the city. You know what? This is on me. I shouldn't do this. I can't wait 45 minutes for a souffle. Why not? It's supposed to be the best in the city. You know what? This is on me. I shouldn't be dating right now. Obviously not. The waiter comes over. Madame, the souffle is going to take another 15 minutes. Is that okay?

You know what? Nathan, let's wait 15 minutes. And then to make you feel better, we can take it home. We can go to your place together. And you can tell me more about your... You know, I think I need to be alone right now yes we need to be alone together 15 minutes is that okay yeah we we merci merci if that's okay merci i'm trying to join in okay merci we're both sad not equally i'll never have a night like that again!

Should I do my next review? Or should we take a break? Or wait until after this one? Let's take a break. Marty! We're back! Riley. It's us what uh this is a one-star review of guess what club it is it i don't know if it's in german so i don't know if i know the name it's bergheim it's still bergheim okay obviously yeah okay um one star from grant p grant please one star from grant please just be old i was rejected at the door for being too young unfortunately i think the club is going for an older more rugged crowd

and discriminates against anyone who looks under 30 years old personally i was very upset because they refused to even check the age on my passport. I'm 23 years old and unable to grow facial hair, so naturally I have a young look. Extremely disappointed that this place would discriminate solely on age assumption. I wish I could give a proper review regarding the quality of drinks or the atmosphere. However, my two-hour waiting experience ended promptly at the front door with two old men saying, Du bist zu jung. You are too your. So, I don't know if that's a typo or. Probably a typo. Yeah, you are too young. Good luck finding young guys there. I like

the idea is like he's sitting around like telling the story to a bunch of friends back home, which he's from Fayetteville, Georgia, by the way. And's like it was yeah no berlin was awesome it's just i did i did the berghain thing waited the full two hours and oh my god did you get in i and it's so you know obviously your mind goes to the assumption that i would but they i swear to god traver they discriminated against me man because of my age yeah they discriminated against your age yeah my beard was patchy and that's what didn't get me any assy that night and i was yeah it was unbelievable it was it was honestly and i don't want to say racist because i'm white but well yeah so don't say that because it was at least an age assumption i was 23 when i was there i'm 24

now and it's just it it was unbelievable, man. Don't go to Berlin. Yeah, man, you've been talking about this trip for at least six months. And again, like, you're really just fixated on the age thing. Did they tell you? Did they say, like, you're too young for here? They didn't. Well, first of all, they didn't speak English.

So I don't know what they said. But they were giving me looks up and down. You know, other people around me in line were getting up in arms. Not just at the front but like as i was going along and i was just you know i'm having trying to have a good time like the rest of them this is a people were looking at you in line as you were like moving up in line yeah yeah i mean people were like getting upset around me yeah right because i remember when you first told us the story you know months ago that like you said something along the lines of that it's like you kind of like you whispered to the person in front of you but i'm kind and then you kind of like tugged on their shirt and you said something

about like their vibe or like their their energy well i was egging people on yeah sure because i wanted them to leave the line so i'm like tugging at people's shirts and then that doesn't get their attention then i moved to the earlobe and i pulled their ear and I'm like, you're not going to get in. You're way too overweight, man. And like shoving people behind me. You shoved people behind you. So you didn't even like shove the person in front of you. You turned around and shoved someone behind you.

You know what? First of all, I'm not going to be lambasted here because it's a club. All right. People are doing crazy things. But you weren't in the club, right? You were in line for the club. but i'm warming up you know you don't want to you don't just go zero to 60 because it's like if i'm not getting a little silly outside by the time i get in i can't just ramp it up i'm gonna be shocked i'm gonna be like it's gonna be

an affront to me people inside are doing butt drugs right so like how is it weird that i'm trying to create a domino effect pushing the guy behind me what's that first of all i don't know what butt drugs are and how would you know if you First of all, I don't know what butt drugs are. And how would you know if you haven't been in? I don't know because I haven't been in. Like I thought I heard pray tell of fucking butt drugs and I wanted to try it. Anything to get me to be different than how I am and feel better than how I feel. So I pushed the guy behind me really fast.

Like I did this like fake out. For the first half hour, I was just kind of like, you know, I was a pitcher on the mound acting like I was going to like throw the ball to first base and catch the runner. Yeah. So I would just turn around and then be like, ah, you know, and I'll be like, I'll laugh in his face.

And by the way, keep in mind, I'm like not with friends at this point. Or at any point. I remember like Bart and Chevy, they like said that they kind of went to a different club at this point. I remember them telling me that. Yeah.

That was the point in the trip where they had kind of had enough of old josh yeah they had enough of old josh hey listen man like i really hate to tell you this but you're no longer going to be in my groomsman party for the wedding um i think it's for pretty obvious reasons if you kind of listen back to everything you've said and done not even in the past six months just kind of the past year and a half was it your decision or was it carol and your decision do you want me to be honest or do you want me to to kind of sugarcoat it i don't know because the harsher it is the more i'll twist it but like i

guess just be honest then we'll twist it i'll have to do some like mental gymnastics to like yeah it sounds like you're pretty good at that it's like you you clear you're telling me the story you harassed people in line. You pushed people. I had sauerkraut for a week before the club so that I could have gas. Yeah. Kind of creating a bubble around me so that people wouldn't want to stand next to me. Right.

Creating sort of an allure. You do this, Josh, right? You do this. You pull all this fucking childish shit and then you blame everyone else for your problems. And I just, listen, man, like you can still come to the wedding, but like, but I just kind of made the exact, it was my decision.

I made the call that you can't be in the party, dude. You twist everything. Your perception of your own reality is beyond me. And it's beyond you. I guess it's just another thing I'm not going to be a part of no you can still come to the wedding but like i this is what this is exactly what i was worried about you would come to the groom you would come to the even the bachelor party or photo shoot and you'd be like pushing people and and trying to make it about you you're a racist what are you talking about i'm gonna protest your wedding i'm gonna object racist no racist honey why why is why is josh outside of the church

saying racist race he you know it there's nothing to do with that because he thinks i'm racist for i guess discriminating against his age which i didn't do and because he's not in the grandson party anymore look so those people are coming in looking a little old they're gramps i don't think these people are gonna want you in their wedding come join the picket he does okay racist racist what are you talking about you're not gonna let me in just because I turned 78 this week? No, Grandpa John, you weren't. Happy birthday to me, by the way.

We have a spot reserved for you in the front queue. You both are white. This is insane. A group of people of color walk past like, racist, racist. So you know that it's bad, right? You know that it's not racist. So you know that that's not what it is. Do you want to do your next review?

This is from Devin T. You're mispronouncing it. It's actually DaVinty. No, I don't think so. So, okay. Is the last name DaVinty? On the phone making a reservation. Oh yeah, last name is, well, the first and last name are kind of one On the phone making a reservation. Oh, yeah.

Last name is... Well, the first and last name are kind of one. It's Da Vinci. Yeah. I don't think that's what it is. We'll put you down for Da Vinci. Don't do that because if I show up, they're going to say, what's your name? And I'm going to say Da Vinci.

And then you're not going to have that reservation. So is the last name Da Vinci? No, the full name is Da Vinci. And the last name is... Yeah. That's the start of the T. Don't start with a U. No, beer starting with a T. Yeah, Da Vinci beer.

Da Vinci beer. God damn it. Five stars. Best ice cream in Berlin. And for only 150, they also have amazing smoothies. Try the Acai. Always long bathroom lines. But I guess people just like to take their time in

berlin music is okay but go for the ice cream and you won't be disappointed so i've read a lot of things about like people being like yeah there's an ice cream bar on the bottom that's amazing and they serve like drinks and smoothies and sandwiches and i just imagined like like fucking this 20 like basically like a 20 year old version of me like the most earnest like walking around just pure hedonism and debauchery and just be like and you know the long bathroom it's like you know everyone's doing drugs in there yeah oh man i've had to pee for so long these stalls are just not opening up i wonder what the deal knock knock hey excuse me i'm doing i'm doing cocaine in here oh oh shoot i'm so sorry about that um be safe have fun go to the next stall excuse me hello yeah sorry sex in here oh well uh pardon me um okay let me try

third and that's just out of order. Okay. Uh, fourth stall. Knock, knock. Hello? Hello? Hi. Um, are you, uh, are you almost done in there? I kind of have to use the little, little gal's room before I go. I'm doing a weird sex thing that involves no one else.

And I'm kind of just going to the bathroom, but it gets me off. Yeah, Toto. We're not in Kansas anymore. Um, all right. Well, I'll just hold it in a little bit, I guess. Um, will you let me know when you're done so i can come back in i'm gonna die on this toilet oh come on don't say that i'll i'll come check on you in like 10 minutes if i if you if i don't see you come out okay cut to the main

room bunch of edm music blaring wow these speaker systems are oh my god put my earmuffs on might be a little too much. You ride the DJ stand? Sorry, kid, what do you want? Excuse me. Could you just, like... Could you just turn it down a touch? Turn it up? No, no, no, no.

Turn it down a touch. Blare it even more. The speaker blows you, like, ten yards away. You landed in somebody's arms. Oh, you want to have actual sex in the dance floor oh no i'm okay is that a move is that a dance move i'm down to to do the actual sex it's it's literal penetrative intercourse oh i'm okay thank you so much though i'm a little i'm feeling a little peckish so i'm gonna go head down i heard they have ice cream here cut Cut to the ice cream bar. Wow-ee, Baskin-Robbins ain't got nothing on this.

Look at, over 50 flavors? My, my. It's like a Cold Stone Creamery setup, so people come sometimes just to watch, and then also people are getting blown as they make the ice cream. All right, sinners. Who's ready for some devil's cream?

Ooh, devil's cream. What kind of flavor is that? I've never heard of it. Raise your hand if you want literal ejaculate mixed in with the ice cream. Everyone in the room except you. I'm in somehow. I'm in the old-timey baby sailor suit. Golly.

I've never heard of that kind of salted caramel. Do you happen to have a good old vanilla? What? Everyone just stares at you. I'm sorry. I'm so short for some reason. Do you happen to have good old vanilla? Oh, you want vanilla sex to happen on the ice cream.

Everybody cheers. No, I would just like a cone with one scoop, please. A cone? The music stops. Oh, that's better. Now I can hear. Yes like a cone with one scoop, please. A cone? The music stops. Oh, that's better. Now I can hear. Yes, a cone. Oh, yeah.

One second. You take your phone out and start playing like an ice cream truck song. Sorry, what's that? I'm just setting the mood. Okay. I can turn it up if you can't really hear it. No. Scoops me along i heard that

wow thank you so much um and here give me some money those are all quarters you just paid quarters sorry it's i i only carry loose no don't be sorry it's like a all in it's an inclusive environment it's just most most most of the time people are more on the hedonistic scale why are you sure you're are you okay i'm having a great time i'm meeting a bunch of cool new people i got a scoop of vanilla ice cream i'm having the time of my life i will say it's a little dark i'd love if we could turn the lights up just a touch all right yeah it turns the lights up a little bit everybody groans no guys i just let's make sure everybody feels comfortable.

Somebody kind of like gets almost pushed into it. Oh, come on, guys. I know it's all in good fun, but I just, I don't like getting touched. Are you being tussled around there too? Yeah, a bunch of jerks. They mean well, but I don't know. It's okay. I've kind of gotten the lay of the land at this point i'm polly i'm dolly that's a great

name that's a great name i love polly i'm gonna thomas the tank engine costume i love your costume by the way i love your costume too did you know that this place was gonna be what it is yeah i mean i saw people lining up and i love being included so i just kind of got in and next thing i know i was at the door, and a kind man didn't even say a word to me. They just let me right on in. Oh, you got ice cream? Yeah, it's vanilla. Do you want to try some?

Yeah. Takes a lick. Oh, that's just what I needed. Oh, man, well, there's a whole ice cream bar just waiting for you, and I'm kind of a regular at this point. You're so cool. I've never been with someone as waiting for you. And I'm kind of a regular at this point. You're so cool. I've never been with someone as dangerous as you. Oh, Dom, you're making

me blush. Excuse me, Mr. Ice Cream Man, two vanillas, please. Alright, and then do you want any, just the normal one? Well, Dolly, would you like any of their toppings they have? Do you have sprinkles? Um, I think we do back here somewhere, yeah. Put sprinkles on it think we do back here somewhere yeah put sprinkles

on it gives it to him wow we more quarters got it so like where are you from oh me i'm from connecticut and i just decided to get on a plane and kind of see where the good wind would take me yeah i'm from connecticut i just got on a plane and i wanted to see where the good wind would take me. Yeah, I'm from Connecticut. I just got on a plane and I wanted to see where the good wind would take me. This is starting to get a little suspicious. Yeah. Well, do you want to go dance? Me, dance? Yeah.

We can go up and kind of... A couple people, I think, are having sex on the dance floor, but I'm sure we could find a spot to kind of move. I'm sorry. I can a spot to kind of move. I'm sorry. I can't do this without just at least checking in with you. You're doing like a kink thing, right?

Like you're like acting like a toddler and that's hot. Excuse me? I don't know. Dolly, what happened? I'm a regular Burgon. Yesterday I was a dog on a leash. I should get going. I would love an acai for the road, sir.

All right. This is a five-star review from Dex Travels. Okay. That's first name, last name. First name, last name. Absolutely. Five stars. With all the hype over this alleged,

will we get in or not entrance policy, I thought I'd just rock up with a friend as myself. No black outfit as suggested. No blending in. What's the point of that? I wore shiny purple boots, dark blue jeans, and a light purple tee. I was also styling a dark purple mohawk too. And guess what? Drinks are an average €3.50, which is pretty cheap considering,

and we paid €18 to get in. Amazing night. Highly recommend. which is pretty cheap considering and we paid 18 euro to get in amazing night highly recommend i just what what made me laugh about this was just like going to berghain and then raving not about the club but about the prices i imagine like like the relationship of like a cool like camp counselor and like the teens being like so what did you it's like, oh, my God. Jax, you got into Berghain? The boys and I have been looking that club up for years. It sounds so cool. Unbelievable deals.

We were robbing them dry, guys. I'm telling you, the stories behind those walls that I could tell, $3.50 for a shot, right? $1.99 for a scoop of ice cream that had an amazing taste that I've never tasted before and never will again. But did you dance for two days straight and get crazy drunk and have a bunch of sex? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner all for the price of $12.99. I got a roast beef sandwich for lunch as I was dancing near a bunch of people. And we were all staring at each other like, there's no way they're breaking even with these prices. Okay. Tell us more about like, did you meet anyone you hooked up with oh my god

in the club i had a dinner date the likes of which i've never seen or heard of before literally and i'm not even joking guys it was insane we were on the third floor which is a borderline cafe of sorts and it was a it was an all-you-could-eat buffet. Like, we stuffed each other's gullets down to the brim, all for the price of, say it with me, $17.95. $17.95. I'm telling you guys, I didn't even, I slept there. So I didn't even have to pay for a fucking hostel.

It was unbelievable hospitality. I've never been to anywhere that has these prices for the quality of food alone i had sushi sorry is sydney working today like is is sydney running the go-kart track today um i might go see we might should we let's go yeah let's go see what sydney's weekend was like. Okay. Cut to them with Sydney. Oh, my God. You guys. Once you guys turn 21, your life kind of changes. It's like, honestly, like, you're like, what? I can't imagine it.

No way. No way. Yeah. I went in. I was obliterated. And this is me saying, like, drink responsibly. Like, drink responsibly. Yeah.

No, we know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know.

We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know.

We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know.

We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know.

We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know.

We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. We know. irresponsibly yeah no we know they're like went with a group and like it was super super safe and fun but it's like oh my god we did like jaeger bombs we did like sake bombs like any kind of how much was the bill though right because that's all really expensive what he's like behind a tree whoa jacks don't yell don't yell no i'm just saying like what was the fucking final tab right god like it's not all fun and games cuss around the kids don't talk

about drinking around the kids and especially financially irresponsible drinking um we all split the bill really well no we didn't we didn't split it it was like yeah i mean like we i paid and how much was dinner before that well dinner it doesn't it doesn't matter you guys what i'm saying is that like it was an incredible night out is one that i'll never forget or maybe i'll never remember but you guys still haven't said a number yet like what how much was it well it does it doesn't matter right like as long as we all had an incredible time it doesn't matter how much it cost it's the memories is it over or under $100 for the night?

Well, go ahead. Over or under? Oh, my God. It was, yeah, it was over $100. It was over $100. For a night she'll never remember. Isn't that right? Why are you guys? Yeah.

Fuck you, Sydney. She moves over with Jax. Oh, and Cyndia? What's your name? Sydney. Oh, and Sydney? Cyndia. Sorry. No, my name, and Cyndia? What's your name? Sydney. Oh, and Sydney? Cyndia? Sorry. No, my name isn't Cyndia.

Misspoke, alright? Can a man misspeak? Clearly, yeah. Oh, and Sydney? What? Nobody even likes hanging out with you anyway. That's why they need the alcohol. They all turn around and walk away. She's left to her own devices by the lake

I try and skip a stone but it just sinks try and skip another one it goes like a hundred hey today fuck this shook me all week long. Air fryer and spa.

Tell me about it. You mentioned it on last week's episode, which if you haven't checked it out, Lobster Shack, some really fun episode came out today. You mentioned that you got an air fryer from your mom for Christmas. Well, my sister gave me an air fryer for Christmas and I used it. And what have you made? I made chicken tendies. And if you guys have ever made

baked chicken tenders, this is serious. Chicken tendies? In the oven. It's like they're, even at their best, they're still either a little soft or they're crispy but overcooked.

The air fryer solves the problem. I cannot stress to you guys enough that it is not overhyped. Like fries, I've done fries, I've done egg rolls, I've done chicken tenders. Solves the problem. I cannot stress to you guys enough that it is not overhyped. Like, fries. I've done fries. I've done egg rolls. I've done chicken tenders. I guess that's it.

Which, it all sounds unhealthy. But that's the other thing. There's no oil. Like, the worst part about fried foods, at least from my holistic nutritionist that she's told me, is the oil. That's why, like, having a fried chicken sandwich. Good night, oil. That's why, like, having a fried chicken sandwich is worse for you than the burger. But it blows my mind.

It's truly one of those things that's too good to be true. And I'm going to have dinner after this, and I'm going to use the air fryer. What are you going to make? I'm probably just going to do chicken tenders again. We don't have a lot of food right now. Chickie tendies. Chickie tendies. So that's really it.

If you are in the market or you've been considering getting an air fryer, do it. And if you're considering it now, keep considering it until you do do it. And you, Riley, use the bish this week if you want. It's awesome. I will use it this week. I want to try it. I haven't tried it yet. And it's so easy.

You don't even have to preheat it. I mean, you do, but like three minutes. Easy, easy. Let go of me. Let go of me. I'm telling you, you got to help me, man. I can't stop eating this fucking air fried shit um no it literally preheats and they say in three minutes but i in my experience it's been almost instantaneous like 30 seconds and you gotta let go of my color

i need you to know not only here i need you to internalize it i need you to internalize it but like i'm spitting on your eye god i haven't brushed my teeth since i had the air fryer to save your taste i can't stop eating from the air fryer so i haven't even had time to brushed my teeth since I had the air fryer to save you the taste. I can't stop eating from the air fryer. So I haven't even had time to brush my teeth. So no oil makes it healthier. But the sheer amount of calories I've had in the last 24 hours alone would kill a man. That sounds amazing. I can't wait to try it.

Cut my own hair. Obviously, I cut my own hair. Jesus Christ. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Icarus flew a little too close to the sun. Well, because you cut it once and it looked great. And then you cut it a second time.

I cut it once because, and I was like really, really careful because I just wanted a little bit of length off. And it was great. I was so proud of it. It looked so clean. Even Elizabeth and Danny were like, wow, we were not expecting it to look that good. I'm like, thank you.

And the next day I'm like, you know what? I do, like, it still feels a little too long. I'd like to just get it a little bit more length off. And so what happened was then I used the same method I did the day before, but so then the front framing layers, I wanted to cut chin length. So I did that. The front and the bottom look fine. The error happened in the middle.

So they're just chunky ass layers. I think I did the chunks of hair that I cut were too big. It looks like I'm wearing a wig on top of my hair. And to be fair, it doesn't look as bad as she's describing it. But I'm not trying to invalidate you because the emotional part of it is so valid. When I got bit in the face by a dog, I was telling you, like, I also cried i also cried and i felt so ugly but like you still look like you and you still look good like yeah but it's thank you but it's like i mean like a hair is such an emotional thing and i was talking to a friend and and she was saying that it's like we all have things like physical things that we like about

ourselves and don't like about ourselves right like that's just such a human experience but like we all have like physical things that like we take pride in and so my hair is something that like i love my hair it's like one of my favorite physical things about myself and so to be in a position now where it's like i don't feel good about my hair i'm like that's such a blow to the like it's such an emotional personal thing um but c'est la vie it'll just grow out fine. Um, but yeah, so my mom called me today just to say hi. She's like, can I speak to Sweeney Todd? I'm like, stop. That's really mean.

No, but she's like, you look fine. Yeah. Um, but she also did warn me. She's like, don't take too much off. You have a show. I'm like, I'll be fine. And then I called her and she's like, so I was right. I'm like, you were right.

Um, but anyway, c'est la vie. You can follow Riley Anspaugh on Instagram at Riley Anspaugh, on Twitter at Riley Coyote, and the show on Instagram at Review Review, and on Twitter at Review Review Show. You can follow Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey Jameson, on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Review Review. We'll see you guys again next week. But before we go, let's thank some VI podcast and Patreon members. We'll see

you guys all at bergine post faxee when we all are in line and none of us get in and then we'll all go to a different bar after and it'll be super fun we'll all laugh about it i'm crying in line nice social thanks to aaron carrico adam shea agent michael scarn acousia sarfo alex watts alex witt alton burkholder. Alvar Wallstrom Lindell. Alexander Hall. Anthony Amadeo. Bagadou. Bob Buell.

Brad Hild. Brian Dodd. Cameron Bradley. Chasten Bales. Christian Basketball. Chuck. Connor Finnegan. Damian Feldonio Kirk.

Daniel Bonney. Gentleman III. Eric Crust. crust fancy octopus garrett glasbergen holly happy hot dog holly isaac fletcher jackson hansel jackson martin jake the snake radiff jake knight new patron jake ullman. Jamie Ponchia. Jared. Jason Araya. Jesse Tipton. Jonah Sanchez. Josh Tischler.

Jub FPV. Caleb Luster. Katie Ross. Kerwin. Kevin Sunt. Kobe Holis. Lauren Malang. Malik.

Mark Priest. Mark Spalding. Matt Hasty. Got him there.thew lizama michael eback michael roland nate porteous nicolaj biergard noel samito nolan murphy isn't employed haha isn't that funny god i'm so sorry p phoenix mcvernan sabrina sam adams sam armstrong Phoenix McBurnum. Sabrina. Sam Adams. Sam Armstrong. Sarah Kilduff. Space Ant. Spencer. Stefan.

Steve Faraway. Sugar and Falls. T-R-A-K-G-U-L-L-I-A-B-U-E-D-I-F-I-S. That's Austin, dude. Theodore Giesen. Will Phillips. Xander Madsen. Yarrow Bouchard.

Z, my name comes last. Now everyone else can suck it Brendan Metz thank you to all our patrons especially our VIP podcats VIPodcats god damn it thank you everyone we really appreciate the support we're looking forward to our next zoom our next Q&A

if you're not sketch the next sketch hoodies coming soon hoodies come soon uh more cameos coming soon um if you haven't gotten tickets to into the mist the link is still in my bio at this point we have more shows coming up we have one coming up this next coming Friday, which will be February 5th. So come on down. It's a great time. Jeff, a pleasure as always. Yeah, the pleasure is always because it doesn't feel like work.

It feels like fun. Yeah, let's sign off. I also launched my vintage watch store. I mentioned it last week, but it's officially the Instagram the instagram is at kirkwood.goods the url is kirkwoodgoods.com and yeah so there are all the watches are available for pre-order there'll be more added soon um and they'll be available to ship in about six to eight weeks i just they're currently being serviced by the best watchmaker in los angeles in la watchworks so that's so exciting the website looks so good

and the watches are beautiful. And also, Into the Mist, like you said, ticket link will be in the episode description of this episode. So if you're on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, you can just tap and go. We'll see you guys again next week. Arrivederci! That was a Hiddem

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