Review Revue - Best of 2020 (Part 2)
Episode Date: December 29, 2020Happy New Year from Review Revue! Join Reilly & Geoff as they countdown numbers 4 through 1 of the best improv bits from the show from 2020, as voted by YOU - the listeners!Follow Reilly ...and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just wanna know how you feel
I want a love that's so proud and real
You make me wanna go out and steal
I just wanna know
I just wanna know
Riley was just holding up a long stick lighter,
like one that's meant for candles and fireplaces,
and swaying to the music.
She made a gesture like,
the whole house is going to explode.
I'm like, right, for sure that's a gas leak, obviously.
Check your stove.
Last ep of the year.
Last ep of the year. So y''all if you didn't listen to the
episode we came up with on christmas this is part duh of the best of review review 2020 as voted on
by our listeners so last week we did number eight through five we started from the bottom now we're
here oh that's good and now we're doing four through number one but before we get to that jeff how the fuck have you been in the four hours that i haven't talked to you for you
guys it's been what four days for us it's been four hours i i didn't do a lot it is still december
16th absolutely is i i synced the audio and then i watched big mouth and played some guitar and uh
yeah now i'm uh having let me do my jude law having a bit of
brandy it's just any british person i guess but no have you seen no no no stick with jude law
well jude law in the holiday when he finally like he goes yeah he goes over and camera diaz
and he's like oh who are you sorry like i when i get too drunk at the pub i like my sister houses
me and then she's like uh do you want to drink? And he's like, I think there's a bit of brandy.
Oh my God.
Right?
Jude Law.
Prime Law.
In the holiday.
So hot.
It breaks me.
It's like Jude Law in the holiday,
Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love.
I think that's it in terms of like the hottest male
cinematic performances and romantic comedies.
Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love doesn't do it for me.
I mean, he's like a little bit of a sleaze, but like him at the end, like when he's finally with Emma Stone, he's like a good, I think he's hot.
I just, Jude Law, there's something about, oh my God.
Is it Mr. Napkinhead or what is it?
Yes, Mr. Napkinhead.
The way, like the fact that he's such a good. And that he wears all these beautiful neutral colored cardigans.
You have to stan.
And he's so, oh, his glasses.
Fuck, he's so hot.
He's so hot.
I love the holiday.
Yeah, I remember the glasses in the morning.
And he makes her tea or whatever.
Oh, my God.
But, yeah, that's the genuine reason why I'm drinking brandy right now.
It's like, I think there's a bit of brandy.
But, yeah, you did that exactly right. The kind of little, like, squint andy right now. It's like, I think there's a bit of brandy. But yeah, you did that.
You did that exactly right.
Like the kind of little like squint and the look up.
And the point.
Yeah.
Let's both do it.
And that'll be the thumbnail for Instagram.
So.
Yeah.
How have you been in the last four hours?
I've eaten handfuls of Chippy Men.
What flavor?
Probably just chocolate chips.
Semi-sweet from, I think they're just like 365, like Whole Foods brand.
365.
Damn you, semi.
Sweet chocolate chips and then I...
Yeah.
You have a white wine, you said?
I texted you.
I have a white wine.
I texted Riley.
I just want to get this word for word.
Are you making a cocktail? She says, yes, get this word for word um are you making a cocktail she
says yes about to right now what are you making and then i said honestly brandy and then you said
oh shit i'm gonna have a white wine like a fucking mom so first of all not a cocktail right you said
i said are you making a cocktail you said yes about to but neither was mine first of all neither
was yours second of all i was gonna make a cocktail but then i'm like First of all, neither was yours. Second of all, I was going to make a cocktail, but then I'm like, I don't like,
I was cycling through different drinks in my head.
I'm like,
I don't,
one,
none of those actually sound good to me right now.
Two,
it takes too much effort.
Then I have to clean everything out.
I don't actually want to do that.
But three,
my favorite white wine.
I forgot that I haven't bought a new,
a new bottle of it that I put in the fridge last night.
Oh,
hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
It's perfect. It's new. I'm going to pop that open. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. It's new.
I'm going to pop that open.
Oh, it's going to be delicious.
And hey, it is, huh, kids?
Cheers.
Cheers.
Hey, it's our last episode of 2020.
It's our last episode.
New Year's Eve is two days from now.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Happy New Year.
And cheers to you guys for support.
Yeah, let me take a sip first.
And cheers to everybody who's come on board with us this whole year.
We started pretty small and we've doubled our listenership over the year.
So thank you guys.
And doubled in height.
I'm now like six foot.
You were three feet.
Sorry, no.
No, that's not what I meant.
I'm now like 10 foot.
No.
I don't think so.
That's a world record.
We should, the show would change.
The show would have to be about how tall you are.
No, but seriously, thank you guys so much
for coming on board, for telling your friends,
for listening every week.
We can't thank you enough.
I don't know how you feel, Riley,
but I don't know, like my entire life
is different than it was last year.
And for the better, for sure. 100%. Well, obviously because of COVID, but also just entire life is different than it was last year and uh for the
better for sure 100 well obviously because of covid but also just like you know this time last
year like aside from yeah um and now this is kind of the mainstay in our lives and you know it means
a lot to me uh i hope it brings joy to everybody out there you know joy to the world you know so
it's kind of funny i were very grateful to everyone who's listened, and I hope that this show has given people joy,
especially in these times,
and outside of these times.
I hope it gives you joy regardless.
I'm grateful for the constant that this show is in my life,
and I'm grateful for Jeffrey.
I'm grateful for Rylance.
I love you very much.
I love you too.
All right, are you ready?
Shall we get into four through one?
Yes, are we ready for number four?
Drum roll Reeves.
Keanu Reeves drums a little bit.
Number four coming in with 191 votes is Margaritaville's with George Saba.
Christian Thurston, baby.
You guys are about to hear it.
Yeah, I want to listen to this.
I haven't listened to it, I think, since I edited it slash recorded it.
But the way you tell your thing and the way that he gets into it is just the funniest thing.
I don't know if I should spoil it.
I'll cut it out if I should, but just for you at least.
He's like, you say, it's all good or something at the end and then he just says it's all good baby
and then we were both like what
in this bit this is one of the like george saba another one of the funniest people i've ever met
in my life the way like george is so fucking quick
and he's he's so fucking quick and like he just fully thrusts himself into the craziest characters
and like fully commits and doesn't bat an eye and i think it's it's just brilliant and he's so silly
he's he's he like he's one of the silliest people i know i always describe him as a gumby-esque
cartoon character with a heart of gold and a college education.
That is 100% right. And I remember, so I don't listen back to every episode. I'll go through bouts where I'll listen to it when it comes out, but then sometimes I won't. But this one,
I remember as soon as it came out, I'm like, well, I have to listen to this. I can't not
relive this moment. And every time I hear hear it or even someone like if it's in
discord or reddit or whatever whenever anyone just types christian thirsty baby i cackle somebody
dm'd me that i i posted some story on my instagram story and somebody dm'd me to that instagram story
and it had nothing to do with george or or the podcast and they just said, Christian Thirsty, baby. And I just started, like, dying.
Or no, somebody, it was Kersh-tion Dior.
C-A-I-R-S-T-O-N-D-Y-O-R.
I'm like, couldn't be further from correct.
Kersh-tion Dior.
Yeah, I mean, like you were saying, so George and I used to do,
and, you know, hopefully we'll do again when the world is back to normal uh duoprav shows before you moved to la and uh we would do them throughout
la and so i feel like i know how george plays and also we live together and do bits all the time
so i was really excited to have him on the show obviously and he's also just like my best friend
um so what it was like one of my best friends.
Every time I say, every time I say you're my best friend, you're like, well, we're work colleagues.
And then if I don't call you my best friend, you're like, what's that?
So it's like, it's truly dealer's choice.
It's Sophie's choice.
Really?
Have you seen, do you watch crazy ex-girlfriend?
I don't.
There was a song.
The boss, I'm forgetting his name.
He's so funny.
He's, he's telling one of his employees like
they're all friends but it's like he's playing a song for her on guitar in his office
and the song is you're my best friend i'm not your best friend and that's okay
i think that is okay as sad as it is i think that's okay like i don't know if george considers
me his best friend but i think i consider him my best friend. Also,
Tucker, like, I have a lot of best friends. Anyway, such
a... Well, like, you're my, like, I'm,
you're my friend, but, like, I'm your
best friend. I don't... Does that make sense? It hurts
my feelings to, like, admit to it. No, but it's, like,
if, yeah. Yeah.
So, um, I think
maybe you could do the rest of the countdown, because
I'm just, like, sad as shit now on the verge of tears.
No, Jeffrey is my best friend.
Anyway, one of my best friends.
Hi, all of my best friends listening to this.
Blue light glasses then or a prescription?
No.
Got it.
Sorry, I fully interrupted you.
No, so I was just really excited to have George on.
And, you know, like you said, the analogy I would use is that it's the first down, the
first drive of a football game.
And he just throws a fucking Hail Mary with full confidence that it's going to be a catch. of a football game and he just throws a fucking hail mary with full confidence that he's gonna it's gonna be a catch and it usually is so i was
really excited and then another memorable part from this episode that i mean i'm sure everybody
remembers is the fucking review he brought in he also like he picked we a week in advance and he
like i think he texted me being like hey like what kind of like what kind of reviews do well don't do well because he's hurt he had heard the show but he's like again
one of like elizabeth one of the hardest working people i know um so doesn't listen to a lot of
podcasts um and so i like gave him advice on like oh like pick something that you know would be good
for to pull a premise from not it doesn't have to be super involved but just make sure that it has
enough and then he came in with that and like as he was going on
and the thing you and i were both like listening because we always try to like obviously listen
very intently to the reviews to mine you know ideas and we're just i think i either locked
eyes with you or it seemed like i did on the zoom where both of us were like this is nothing
how are we supposed to do this and then i guess it was it was middle of the road review there was
nothing to pull from it there was nothing and he he called it out and he's like i don't remember
why i chose this yeah that's a highlight of the show's entirety of the show for me we were
crying laughing yeah at that moment of like all of us realizing like george you've brought
you this review is nothing oh i can't wait but i really do want to
do every time he comes on i want to do margaritaville's because i oh yeah i think that's
brilliant i think i had like three or four good ones in my back pocket for this and we only ended
up doing one but uh i don't know if it'd be fun and also maybe we like do a doughboys type thing
where we all go to margaritaville and then go record the episode i would love and before that maybe we like if we have him on again
soon um we could we could truly i wonder if margaritaville like if we can pick up or
we're gonna get take out from jimmy buffett's margaritaville in the third wave of a historically
lethal pandemic that would be absolute rock bottom for my life forget the
pandemic right right if i'm gonna splurge on getting takeout i'm gonna do it at jimmy's
margarita no i truly would be into that or or like i don't know we could figure it out
um but i remember let's play it i can't wait what are we gonna say we're gonna say also i think all
had either margaritas or some kind of, you know, island drink.
George had like a bright blue drink.
Yeah, I think he used blue Curacao.
He had like blue spirulina or something.
He put seaweed in the shit.
But yeah, anyway, without further ado,
this is best of number four,
Margaritaville's with George Saba.
This is from Nina Extravaganza.
Four stars for Margaritaville on the strip.
Love and happiness.
That's what I call happy hour.
Always love coming to an old-time favorite.
Our waitress slash bartender is on point.
We ordered some sides to go with our drinks.
Amanda is helping us out.
I like her friendliness.
She's talking to me like she has
known me all my life.
I give her two stars. And the
appetizers, one, but it's all
good. Even my margarita gets a star.
Young and old, it's all
good. It's all good, baby.
Hey,
everybody. Thanks for coming to my
party.
Yeah. We know Cynthia. Oh, yeah. hey everybody thanks for coming to my party yeah um yeah we uh we know cynthia oh yeah you know cynthia roommate yeah well it's uh it's pretty cool yeah i think you guys you guys have good vibes are we early or
right on time baby no one else has shown up. Is Cynthia here?
Cynthia is not here.
She's been in the bathroom for what feels like nigh on one day.
Okay, but she's in the house.
Well, I'm not going to knock on the bathroom. I don't think she's in the bathroom, man.
What's your name?
My name?
Yes.
What's your name?
Kirsten.
Kirsten?
Kirsten.
What's your last name?
Christian. What's your last name
Christian Dior
your name
is Christian Dior
we can have multiple names
baby names are just words we
apply to people right
they're just freaking words
wait we can have multiple names or
multiple people can have the same name
multiple people can have the same name? Multiple people can have the same name, baby.
Multiple.
But you don't have other names.
It's just Christian Dior.
Just Christian Dior.
That's my name.
Matt, stop.
We don't have to get into it with him.
Maybe we can come back another time.
What are you doing?
Wait, hold on.
See, you guys brought wine.
What are you going to do?
Just take that wine yourself?
I've seen the gift.
That'd be awful rude.
It was for Cynthia. Christian thirsty. What are you going to do? Just take that wine yourself? I've seen the gift. That'd be awful rude. It was for Cynthia.
Christian Thirsty.
What was that?
Christian Thirsty, baby.
Christian Thirsty?
Can I? Yeah.
Because we got a text from a new
number and it said it said, hey, it's Cynthia. Just got a new phone. Why don't you come on over? I'm having a few people over for a little hang session.
So, full disclosure, that was me, Christian.
Okay.
Right. You did not need to say that, we figured.
Oh, you guys are like little detectives.
You guys are like my little friends.
You just told us.
You just told us to pull out.
Yeah, you fully said you sent the text.
Listen, I think we're going to go.
I think we're going to head out.
Hold on, my little detective friends.
I got crime for you to solve.
What?
You have a crime?
What are you talking about?
It's like a joke?
Well, it's a little serious, actually.
You said you didn't need me to tell you that, so you must have inferred it.
I've been trying to solve a crime.
Do you work in law enforcement?
Are you a detective at all?
Not at all.
I think cops are bad.
Good.
Cool.
Good.
Good.
Good.
Good.
So do we.
Right.
What crime are you trying to solve?
A murder.
Is this a murder mystery party?
No, this is a real crime.
The party was just supposed to be good vibes.
Didn't know my new friends were detectives.
Who was murdered?
Who was murdered?
Yes, that's what she said.
Of course, you bring up there's a murder.
Who was murdered?
How are we supposed to know?
Commodore Beasley Gorp.
We're absolutely leaving.
Commodore Beasley Gorp?
He's a Commodore.
They don't have those much anymore.
It's not common enough.
It's why it's novel.
Knock, knock, knock at the door.
Knock, knock, knock.
Rapping, rapping, knocking at the door. Knock, knock, knock. Rapping, rapping, knocking at the door.
It's open.
Hello.
Oh, hello, Christian Dior.
Oh, have you met new friends to help us solve the murder?
I have, Zsa Zsa.
Zsa Zsa what?
Or is her first name Zsa and last name also Zsa?
First name Zsa Zsa. I'll let her say her last name. First name Zsa Zsa what? Or is her first name Zsa and last name also Zsa? First name Zsa Zsa. I'll let her say her last name.
First name Zsa Zsa. Last name Borg.
My husband was murdered.
We see she's wearing like a tinfoil alien outfit, like a la Andy Warhol.
You're looking great, Zsa Zsa.
Oh, you too, Christian. Now tell me, does anyone have any leads on what happened to my husband, Commodore?
Looking for you, Zsa Zsa.
I made friends with two detectives.
We're not.
We're not detectives.
We are here for Cynthia.
We were throwing her a housewarming party.
It was a housewarming party.
Oh, look at them.
Moved in with a Craigslist roommate.
They look mighty smart.
Thanks.
Say, do either of you own a magnifying glass?
I do, weirdly, but it's not for what you think it is.
It's for reading small texts.
I collect old volumes.
Yeah, it's more practical.
Say no more.
I have to say more because it clarifies it and changes it.
No, you don't.
I stopped listening. Right, that clarifies it and changes it. No, you don't. I stopped listening.
Right. That's what I was worried about.
Well, listen, Christian.
I wanted to come by
because I have a new piece of
evidence that might help
with the murder.
Okay. All right. I'm really sorry about
your husband if this
is real. Of course it's
real. Commodore was murdered in cold blood
it wasn't supposed to thunderstorm christian plays on piano
out of tune thank you christian out of tune okay oh my god i i can't believe we're still here. All right. Christian, remember the last time I saw you?
I said that the last words Commodore ever uttered,
do you remember what they were?
Just say it at the same time.
We gotta say them at the same time.
We gotta say it at the same time.
What?
What?
Who was I to you? what what what what
you guys said different things
kind of delayed from each other I don't
think he said he absolutely
said what what up you
man that's
he had a way with words
that hasn't died
on his waterbed and
on his bedside table.
In the little drawer, I opened it up, and what did I find?
What?
What did you find?
I can't believe I care enough to ask.
I found a bloody shoe.
Ah, you time it so well if you're doing that.
If not, it's just weirdly happenstance
that it thunders at the same time.
It was a light up sneaker.
We all know what that means.
What does that have to do with anything?
The front door gets kicked in.
A Chuck Norris looking guy.
Colonel Mustard!
Not from Clue,
although it's a happy coincidence
here to solve a crime.
Oh, Colonel Mustard,
I'm so happy you made it.
Christian Dior,
I need more of that fancy cologne
you gave me.
I've got it in spades.
Say, Colonel Mustard,
couldn't help but notice you're only
wearing one shoe.
So I am.
I lost it, not in a drawer.
Can we say something? I think, um,
this is crazy.
Uh, uh, uh, Zsa Zsa,
do you have the shoe that you found
indeed I do
well there's no reason
to have that well I think
well I think my guess is that
the shoe is
Colonel Mustard's other shoe
yeah I have to let's just figure
this out fast because it was obviously Colonel
Mustard
no way Christian I figured this out fast because it was obviously Colonel Mustard. What? Colonel Mustard would never.
Christian.
I knew my friends were detectives, Colonel.
You never told me that.
I just got here.
I said I knew that.
I didn't disclose that to you, Colonel.
I kept that as a secret for me and for Zsa Zsa only.
Is this really a crime scene?
Because I'm starting to get a little worried.
I can't tell if this is a party.
I can't tell what this is.
Oh, no, this is all real, babies, honey.
This is all real.
This happens every night for us.
She comes back with the shoe.
All right, I can't believe I'm doing this, Colonel Mustard.
I know you would never hurt a fly.
This is some weird Cinderella stories you got going on here, Christian Dessure, the fashion designer for real.
I'll put the shoe on.
But why don't you test where the toe hits?
I'll guarantee it'll be a half size off. What do you you test where the toe hits? I'll guarantee it'll be a half size off.
What do you mean test
where the toe hits?
When you're at a store,
a footlocker of sorts,
and they kind of let you test
out which sneaker size you
really need, because it varies
brand to brand. You put your
wiggly, writhing foot inside,
and they touch where the toe is. Here we go. I put the shoot
on. It fits perfectly. Fuck!
Colonel Mustard, baby.
You're under arrest.
Colonel! How could you
do this to my dear Commodore?
I was always jealous of the Commodore.
That's right, I did it.
But it was only to win back your
approval in affairs romance.
What the fuck are you talking about?
His name is Colonel Mustard.
You're supposedly the actual fashion designer, Christian Dior.
You guys solve crimes.
And he killed your husband?
You solve crimes every night?
You guys solve the crime really well.
We experience a lot of crime.
She put a shoe on him.
She put a light up Skechers on his foot and that's it.
I would have never thought.
I work at Le Pen Quotidien.
I know nothing about crime.
Oh, that's an awful fancy word.
Oh my God.
Le Pen Cokie Dote.
No, forget it.
You know what?
Listen, I guess we should...
I don't want to call the cops,
but I do feel like we should call the cops
because there is a convicted murderer in the house.
I've got handcuffs, baby.
We don't even have to.
This crime happens to us every day, like I said.
And I'm still standing here, not trying to flee.
So is this like on a loop?
Is this the crime you play out every night?
Cynthia comes out of the bathroom.
Okay guys,
that was perfect.
If we can do that when we open the doors tomorrow night
to our immersive theater experience,
it's gonna be a hit. Cynthia! What?
God damn it! Are you kidding me, Cynthia?
What was this? What?
This is an immersive theater experience.
So then, what's everyone's real names?
Are your names Christian Dior, Zsa Zsa, and
Colonel Mustard? I'm actually Christian Dior
baby. It's very little acting on my part
I just put, she just tells me
to show up and I say boop boop boop
baby baby
Well hang on a minute. How did you get the thunder
and lightning to go? Well
that was just a
coincidence
No way or in lightning to go. Well, that was just a coincidence.
No way that's real.
Are you kidding me?
Oh my God.
I know last week we said that British pubs,
I think might be my all time favorite bit.
This is maybe tied.
I don't know.
It might be my all time favorite bit.
I mean, what's to say?
What do you say after that i forgot that jaja you're looking great jaja jeff goes old friend energy yeah you're looking
great jaja you and i were talking uh during that and just being like what world do these voices
come from what are these tropes?
They're spot on but I can't place it.
Like you came in with the
of course it's real
to help us
solve the murder.
I don't know what that's from but I recognize
it as like a murder mystery trope.
I guess it's just for murder mystery movies.
Jeff and I were crying laughing
listening to that and listening God damn it's just the murder mystery movies. Jeff and I were crying laughing listening to that
and listening,
God damn it, George.
You're so fucking funny.
I mean,
I don't even know,
I'm at a loss.
It's truly one of my favorite bits
we've ever done.
Really has nothing to do
with the fucking review
or the topic at all.
All he picked up on was,
it's all good, baby. Which which is like i don't know where that
what accent that is it's so good oh he responded here we go let me see if he's free
hey it's george oh god george we've just been dying we just listened to christian thirsty baby
that whole christian dior sketch or bit. And you are so fucking funny.
Margarita Vils comes in at number four on the fans favorites, favorite episodes of the show.
Who beat me out?
Who beat me out?
I mean, we have to.
We're doing a countdown, so I'm not going to tell you live on air.
What the fuck?
Who did I beat?
Well, just be happy that you're in the top four.
Like, you're never grateful.
Oh, my God.
Come on, man.
Yeah, it's a real job for you.
It's a real chore, actually.
All right, some people are cursed with humor.
Do you ever have fun with it?
Did you have fun on the show?
Never. Not once.
The last gives me pain.
Got it.
That's really hard to hear.
You know what's hard to hear?
What?
Stand-up and improv and sketch
all sorts of jokes they're escapist media right so people do look to comedy to kind of like
relieve themselves from pain obviously not me you know what warms me up what war footage I don't think so.
I called you to give commentary on the bit, the Kerstin Dior bit.
Now you're saying that war documentaries make you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
How did it come to this?
I don't think so.
I think we're going to hang up.
Thanks for the... Actually, you didn't give any commentary on the commentary yeah just just just a little bit what
you remember from the show what you enjoyed of it or not even you i mean you can be negative too
i mean the show as a whole i i loved uh having a review that was really bad we talked about that we talked about that and I
Kirsten Dior I mean the main thing is like
I disassociated
from my body
for sure and we can tell
George Sava couldn't be two
more separate individuals
well
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde I slip into them
without control
we listen back to it
and if you hear this episode or just this
part of this episode,
if you listen to the review that Riley brought in,
the only thing you
pulled from it as a premise is that
the last two words she said is
it's all good.
And then you said, it's all good, baby.
That's the only thing
you pulled, which is like genius and it went somewhere super fun. I just clocked that and I was like, God, it's all good, baby. That's the only thing you pulled, which is like genius.
And it went somewhere super fun.
I just clocked that.
And I was like, God, that's so funny.
I didn't realize I did that, but I'll take the credit.
Shout out, George Saba.
You want to plug your social media?
Yeah.
So my Insta is at George Saba, G-E-R-G-E-S-S-A-B-A. I have a food Instagram
at, oh, you know what? I said my Instagram wrong. It's Secret George Saba. Secret, and then plus
what I already spelled. I'm going to make it really hard for people to follow. You already have.
And then my food Instagram, which I'm more active on, is at SecretGeorgeSava, but secret's spelled S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-S-E-A-T-C-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-G-E-R-E-T-G-E-R be moot. Perfect. You guys gonna have me back or?
We were talking about having you
back again for
Margaritaville's part
two but after this
call I don't, you
know, it's all kind
of up in the air.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wait, so is it
because like the
podcast is ending or
is it because of
like me as a person
or?
The second one for
sure.
It's mostly the
seat crit George
Saba actually.
Anyway.
Oh really?
We should get on
with the show.
Thanks for joining
us George and
giving a little bit
of commentary but mostly just offending veterans. Thank you George. the show. Thanks for joining us, George, and giving a little bit of commentary,
but mostly just offending veterans.
Nice, thank you, George.
All right, thanks, George.
Bye.
Kush a thirsty baby.
All right, are we ready for best of review review number three?
Coming in with 214 votes.
This one's an early one.
Okay, Mephri.
Karaoke bars with Amir.
Wow.
An in-person ep.
An in-person ep with Amir Blumenfeld.
This one honestly shocked me.
I mean, it's not a bad ep, but I guess for me,
our first few episodes, we're still trying to figure out what the show is,
and I just didn't remember this one because it had been so long.
The only thing I remember about this episode,
one, is that it was in person.
As Amir, our first first guest he might have been
i think he was yeah he was and then i think finn was like the next week or something i remember
there was some review about like someone was sitting in a chair but like the chair in the
lobby was reserved how do you remember this riley i'm like i'm only no nigh on photographic memory
yeah and i always i actually have all i have a not necessarily a photographic memory. Yeah. And I always, I actually have, I have a, not necessarily a photographic memory, but like
ever since I was little, if I see a play or a movie or anything, I'm able to remember
a lot of lines from it.
That's insane.
Really later on.
So does that help you when you're memorizing lines then?
Yes.
But it's like, I have to separate because I have a semi photographic memory.
So it's like, I have to separate because I have a semi photographic memory. So it's like I have to separate like visualizing the page for visualizing the page from actually
like doing the work and like, you know, taking that on rather than just like, oh, and now
because I can see it in my mind, that's what I say.
Yeah.
Anyway, so enough about me being fucking.
I don't know.
Am I like brilliant?
Is that? I don't know. Well, I don't know. You said brilliant what's that um i don't know well i don't know you
said it not me i didn't say anything hmm i yeah let's let's roll the tape all right this is uh
literally uh it's number three on their best of review and it's episode three i think karaoke
bars with amir blumenfeld also something interesting that i'll preface this with is um
i included some of the non-improv stuff because the bits, I think, in between the improv was arguably the best part of the episode.
So anyway.
Okay, here we go.
Is Motown Philly the one that's like Motown fill you up right up to the brim?
No, that's Uptown Funk with wrong lyrics.
Motown Philly is this actual song.
Okay.
Yeah.
There's nicer ways of correcting me, by the way.
I thought I was being overly polite to how angry that question was.
What would you have said if you didn't want to be polite?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Got it.
What are you saying?
Yeah.
That's obviously not the song.
Okay, we can cool it.
Is it that I'm not a good rapper?
It's that you're not a good person.
Yeah.
Let me just read the lyrics and then you'll know.
Go for it.
Motown Philly-up.
Wrong.
Right up to the brim.
Keep going.
We're going down to the suburbs this time to school and we won't get an A.
You sort of rapped that part.
It didn't rhyme.
It was a little rhythmic.
And we will get an A.
So you go over your mom's friend's house for school and she makes an advance.
It's sort of a fantasy come true,
but you're also scared of shit.
You're doing school at your friend's mom's house.
She was gonna tutor you
and watch you while your mom was at school.
God, what?
And then she puts your hand on your inner thigh.
Oh my God.
That's quite enough.
Easy.
Come on.
Sorry.
No, you're not. You're thigh. Oh my God. That's quite enough. Easy. Come on. Sorry. No, you're not.
You're smiling.
You're happy.
When we went to South by in 2018, right?
Thanks for the invite.
You didn't work here fully.
So?
I was in the kitchen of the Airbnb.
This is a non sequitur, but just in terms of Marty doing stupid shit.
We'd come back after going out after the show.
It was me and Marty
in the kitchen
and we were both having
cheese and crackers.
Crudités, yeah.
Not crudités.
Appetizers.
That would be,
yeah.
Vegetables and ranch dip.
No, it wasn't vegetables
and ranch dip.
It was cheese and crackers.
But he's saying
that's what a crudité is.
No, that's charcuterie.
No.
Charcuterie is what you had.
He's saying crudité
would be like veggies and dip.
What a weird thing to chime in with.
Well, you're talking about, we were talking about Marty Singh and now you're talking about
him eating cheese.
So I feel like mine's equally as unrelated as yours was.
He and I were talking, we were eating cheese.
Okay.
And then he said, I said, how's your South by been so far?
He said, it's been chine.
I'm like, what's that?
And he said, that's cheese and fine.
And then he took a huge bite of just Gouda.
Shine.
If that's actually what happened,
that's the funniest thing Marty's ever said.
I wrote it down because it was so fucking funny.
That's cheese and fine.
It's been cheese and fine.
It's been shine. Do. It's been chine?
Do you think he said chine accidentally and then backed into that?
Or he's like, it's been cheese and fine, so chine.
Chine.
Based on how proud of himself he was afterwards, I think he thought of it.
Cheese and fine.
Do you guys want to go out for some cheese and fine later?
You mean cheese and wine?
No.
Sounds chine.
Which is charming wine.
Charming.
This is, I put no thought into these.
Okay.
So.
So you, what, what's the, you wrote him or you found him?
Found him.
Got it. But I didn't put in, you know. Any thought, what's the, you wrote him or you found him? Found him. Got it.
But I didn't put in, you know.
Any thought into what?
Finding them?
Like this one is just five stars and it basically says that they had a good experience.
That's not good for a podcast.
This is every episode.
One star, July 20th from Mia T.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mia T.
Holy shit.
Pop star Mia T.
My first time visiting.
We got two drinks for 40 bucks. Jesus. Yeah, it's fine. Mia T. Holy shit, pop star Mia T? My first time visiting.
We got two drinks for 40 bucks.
Jesus.
After ordering our drinks,
my friend asked me to take a photo of him in the fancy chair that was literally empty
at the time in the lobby.
And a woman ran up to my friend
to get her out of the chair immediately
and called security.
Sorry, I guess it was reserved?
Just this one chair?
I had to ask the woman's name, Sarah,
to let her know that it was our first time there
and we didn't know that one chair can be reserved.
Shame on you, Sarah.
Try smiling.
By the way, what's with the aggressive,
hardcore security out front?
We were barely near the building
when they approached us and checked our purses,
like the freaking TSA.
I just spent $40 on two drinks.
Imagine reserving
a chair.
Like, for what?
If it's just the one in a
lobby? It's not in the karaoke room.
It's just in the front
office. No, you guys go on ahead. I made a
reservation for this chair.
What's that? You guys sing.
Go in the room and have fun.
Yeah, thank you. It's $40.
Let's go party.
This is fucking insane. I got the chair.
I got the chair.
You guys are clearly first timers, but this chair is like
a big deal to Sarah B. Someone's
sitting in that chair. Man, I don't know what to tell you.
Shit.
Sarah! Yeah.
She'll take care of it.
Holy shit. Oh my god. Wait, security's
coming out. They're gonna break his leg.
Oh my god.
Holy shit, dude. They just kneecapped
him. Oh my god.
They're tasing him. This happens more
often than not. What's
so special about the chair? You can
reserve it. Leave him alone.
Hey. What?
Don't be a dick.
I'm not.
I'm trying to save this man's life.
He accidentally sat in a chair you reserved.
They're not going to kill him.
They're going to beat him within an inch of his life.
For what?
He didn't know.
For the chair, dude.
This is karaoke.
I love that they pressed these people blocks away.
That was not for that venue.
They've got mugged.
Hey, what's with the security up front?
Security?
Yeah, they had to take
my mace and my wallet.
This is Western and Third. Where were you
frisked? I was at L.A. Live.
That's 11 miles
east of here. You were
had by a wallet inspector
of sorts. That's what he called himself. They said that they would take you to had by a wallet inspector of sorts.
That's what he called himself.
They said that they would take you to the back room, you could get it after your time here.
They said that if they confiscated my wallet now, that we would get the karaoke room for
free after paying a fee.
Okay, so at least you have your wallet, right?
So you'll get it for free after paying for it.
I have the physical wallet.
He took my cards, my debit card, my gift cards, all the cash.
And then what do you have to do to get that back?
Oh, well, he didn't give instructions, but I assume it'll be
after the karaoke. Did he give you a place to
meet him? Well, you guys are
at the front desk, right? Isn't it in the back? Just go fucking
check. No, it's not in the back.
We don't have security. You were clearly
had by a very bad con artist
that took your money
11 miles from here. He was dressed
well, though. He looked like he was legit.
He's taking a lot of money.
Yeah.
He had a shirt that said FBI female body inspector.
Oh, that's a really good one.
Yeah.
You weren't even going to LA Live.
Well, I was.
There's actually.
Have you been to Shaquille's?
Shaquille O'Neal's Bar and Grill?
Yeah.
No, I have not been to Shaquille's.
Okay.
It's Chime.
It's Chime.
What's that?
That's cheese and fine.
So it was cheese.
And fine.
They don't sell a lot of dairy, actually.
So how is it Chine?
If anything, it was bine.
Burgers and fine.
Cheeseburger.
It was rind.
What's that?
That's rind.
Yeah.
I had a watermelon.
Got it.
So it's not a combination of two words.
No, that's not a portmanteau.
I understand.
Have either of you ever dealt with like a person at a front desk who's like memorable
or like a manager of any kind that you would like seek out?
Like a Sarah B?
Not a Sarah B.
Though I have been told that if you tip the front desk person at a hotel,
they'll take care of you extra well.
And I tried it once and it felt very skeevy.
I'm like, oh, thanks for checking me in.
Here's $20.
Bye.
I'm not even the concierge.
This is the only interaction we're going to have.
Did anything...
I don't know if there's a better room available.
There is, but for $20.
For $20 more.
Yeah, it's $1,000 more a night for the presidential suite.
Thank you for the $20 bill, though.
I don't know.
I'm not like a bribing kind of guy.
Yeah.
It felt disingenuous for me to try.
And nothing changed.
No.
That reminds me of something.
I was really bored at home the other day.
That doesn't sound like you.
And I Googled how to play Solitaire.
With real cards?
Yeah, because I love cards.
And I've never played it before.
And the idea of like self tipping off, I looked up the rules and it's just like
you have to
I didn't even fully learn it
it was like you have to
line the cards up
order them in a certain way
yeah
I'm out
I was alone
and I sat there
with the thought like
then I can just
fucking do it
I don't have to
follow a rule
to do it a certain way
it's a game
you can play it by yourself
but like
it could fall apart
if you don't play it
by the right rules
but if I if I just have to order them a certain way,
I can just shuffle them out and put them in that right way?
Yeah, you can win fast.
I could give myself that tip of like,
hey, here's how to cheat the game.
Cheating in Solitaire is a new low.
Because you're cheating yourself.
That's like lying during therapy.
I never played, so I don't know. You don't have to be there.
My thought was, then why does anyone play this game?
Yeah, I can just tell people I played and won.
That's playing.
I won solitaire.
How was your morning, man?
It was awesome.
I won solitaire.
Oh, cool.
Oh, my God.
It was really awesome. I got solitaire. Yeah, how was your morning, man? It was awesome. I won solitaire. Oh, cool. Oh, my God. It was really awesome.
I got, like, the king, and then, yeah, you know.
You're the coolest guy in the office.
From there on out, I just felt right to do it.
Yeah.
To play.
And you did play and win?
Yeah, I got, like, eight.
Boom, boom, boom.
Can you teach me how to play?
Teach you, yeah.
Wait, you got eight in a row?
Yeah, I think.
I don't know.
Like, it happened so fast.
One second I was Googling how to play, and the next I just figured out I won. I don't know. Like, it happened so fast. One second I was Googling
how to play
and the next I just figured out
I won.
I don't know.
It was cool.
I got like,
I did it,
I got like the,
what's it called when you win?
The gambit?
Or no, what's it called
in solitaire?
I won, basically
is what I'm trying to say.
Why are we like
digging into this
like it's a fucking mystery,
murder mystery?
I, I, okay, I didn't play solitaire.
Are you happy?
Oh, congratulations.
No, come back.
Let's let everyone know.
Hey, everybody.
I'm a big fucking weirdo that didn't win at solitaire.
He didn't play solitaire.
I didn't even have to know how to learn how to play solitaire.
I masturbated for four hours.
Got it.
All right.
And I won.
And I am the winner.
You're a new hire.
Anyway.
No.
What are your hobbies?
Looking at me like I'm a weirdo.
I just moved to a place with like a chef's galley kitchen, so I can kind of make everything.
And then pre-make it, marinate it.
What was that?
Cooking?
In terms of being good at something?
I cheated at masturbating.
What are you fucking talking about?
What the fuck does that mean?
I cheated on myself.
I promised myself I wouldn't do it.
And I put on a blindfold and went to town riding on a pony.
I really hope that's like just a metaphor.
I don't think so.
Worst part of all.
I wish it were.
Everyone in this room wishes it wasn't including you.
Yeah.
The worst part of all is that it was just China, you know?
Your jack-off session
with the pony was cheese.
What?
Cheese?
Oh my god.
The bird of China.
The bird of China.
I love it when Amir saying,
that's true.
That's the funniest thing
Marty's ever said.
Marty's ever said.
I was like,
because also like,
I don't even know if Amir
had heard the show prior.
Yeah.
So like,
I think it's less improv heavy,
just more like conversational bits heavy,
which is like,
still fun.
And like,
you know,
I think it's a fun episode to listen to, but that birth chine that's it's like of course it's top three
because that's like top three quotes of still 2018 when marty said it but it's like it's entered the
ether of the show now yeah god you say chine the other day but it was c-h-a-I-N-E. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said that's Chyne. That's Chyne and fine.
Fine.
I also love that Irene Walton uses it in her videos.
We got to bring her on in January.
Yeah.
God, yeah.
She says Chyne in her Patreon and YouTube videos.
And she has a big audience.
Bigger than ours.
She's so cute. She mess than ours. She's so cute.
She like messaged us.
She's like, is it okay if I use Chyne?
And we're like, we want Chyne to be everywhere.
Chyne has to be ubiquitous by the time I get married.
So let's give it 10 years or so.
I want Chyne to be in the-
Jeff, when I give a speech at your wedding
and I will give a speech at your wedding,
whether you ask me to or not, I will just at some point stand up.
I don't ask you and then you're drunk.
Like, let me tell you about something all about Jeffrey James.
Hey, everybody.
Listen.
Oh, God.
Jeff and Stacey.
What's there to say?
She's chimes.
Her dad is like the girl who like went through a tragic breakup with
daniel like two weeks before this and dropped out of hollywood at the same week yeah her career
tanked and she lost all her friends oh my god this is the nightmare version of my life i'm just like
yeah listen jeff's one of my best friends, but this lady, she's trying as fuck.
Her dad's like, what?
I'm like.
Nobody laughs.
But you crack up.
What did she say?
She's cheese and fine as fuck.
Wait, didn't they used to have a podcast together yeah she disappeared to an
island for four years on a sabbatical and the show just fizzled out
no this is like the fucking like oh god what's it called uh shit the scrooge um what's it called
oh nightmare before christmas. Oh my fucking God, no, no, no.
No.
No, keep it in. What is it?
The Christmas Carol.
Christmas Carol.
The Nightmare Before Christmas.
I almost said Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
That was going to be my second guess.
You know Scrooge?
Oh yeah, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
But God, Chine is beautiful.
God, Amir's so fucking funny. He man i cheated on myself i cheated at masturbating put a blindfold on myself i wouldn't do it and i truly forgot about
the solitaire experience that i had um and listening back like god that's so funny cheating
at solitaire is the funniest fucking thing
amir and jake they keep getting funnier the more i know them um but then when you like the more i
know you it'll be like huh well that jeff didn't land that one okay well it'll be different let's
be five minutes later hard to hear hard to hear because like well you know i have therapy this
time tomorrow so that's perfect because that one comment that you said as a joke, as a goof for the show, will stick with me for the better part of a lifetime.
And that's something to look into.
So that's my work to do?
Well, that's your work to do.
No one else can do that work for you.
This is a little bit of a tangent.
If it's not interesting, I'll cut it out.
But like, it is interesting to kind of, and empowering to be like, oh, that's my work.
Riley's about to crack up because it's so not the tone of this episode.
I guess I'll have to cut it out, but...
Yeah, fucking forget it.
No, it's...
Also, do you ever laugh so much
that your pectoral muscle flexes
and, like, strains?
No.
Okay, I think there's something wrong with my body
and mental health at the same time
sorry
there's something wrong with my body and my mind
let me just
sorry there must be something
there might be just an issue only with my mind
body and spirit
no like I'll laugh
like during that and during the fucking
Margaritaville's bit I'm laughing so hard that like
my chest is like
pulling at itself
you're having a hard time
you ever laugh so hard that like your left
arm kind of seizes and you start
smelling things that aren't there
anyone else smelling bacon?
No, I swear to God, Riley.
You know that striations, I think, is the word for it,
where it's like the muscle fibers in your muscle.
I don't think so.
When you're working out, you feel them tight.
Yeah, you don't think so.
All right, forget it.
Please, please, I'm begging you if you're listening to this
and you feel this too, tweet at me.
I'm in a bad place man all right
let's go to uh number two can we get a drum roll please i think you know what it is say with me
haunted houses with ryan gall ryan gall is one of the best people i've ever met and we met him on
zoom for an hour one time i want him
to first of all if we do end up doing more like at least day in the strife or head gun videos or
whatever we should have him on because i want to meet him i want to hang out and uh he does this
um this ghost story show with matt catanzano check it out um if you go to either of their
instagrams they have it on there um and i have a go i experienced something
paranormal i did an episode with them go check that out and uh it's great and like you know
seeing ryan again and meeting matt like just great great guys but ryan specifically one of the nicest
people i've ever met truly like and the way god the way that we got ryan on the show was so psychotic and like i'm so grateful um but i
just remember like does gal have the gall um all those hashtags we really made it happen on twitter
didn't we do you want me to read verbatim the tweet that made it happen yes i tweeted out
in parentheses ryan gall calling into a radio show. Hey, longtime Galler, first time listener.
What is this show?
And then, you know, not even for him to see it, but just for other people to see it.
And as part of the joke, I said I responded to that tweet saying attention, Ryan Gall and added him.
Then somebody responded real quick.
Was this worth it?
I mean, really?
And then Ryan responded the next day.
He's like, I have to say, yeah, it was.
And then I think I sent that to you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, if this is not how it went down,
but I sent that tweet to you
and I sent it to the HeadGum Slack
and I was like, hey, should I DM him
or respond to him and say, hey,
I do this improv comedy show with Riley Anspa.
Would you be interested in coming on?
And then he didn't respond for a while.
But so I thought that he either saw it
and wasn't interested or didn't see it yet. and then we posted on the subreddit and said hey
we're we're as close as we'll ever be to getting ryan gall on the show uh everyone tweet out the
hashtag does gall have the gall and it fucking worked oh my god and he like he was so gracious
and and you know it's like anyone else could have been like god these fucking kids
like what the hell are you doing but but he was so kind oh my god i it meeting him was he our first
zoom guest we had we did hey riddle riddle i think hey riddle riddle oh that's right that's
right that's right um he he was just so wonderful and he's one of those people that like you know
it's in the first five minutes of meeting him.
It's like, oh, I've known you for years.
Like so.
Yeah.
Just so awesome.
And this.
Just like a warm energy makes you feel like you've been friends for a long time.
And like he is just one of the most skilled improvisers.
Like it is it is like watching someone compete in the Olympics and you're also running the race with them.
And you're like, how am I in the Olympics?
And it's like, well, you're not.
You're giving water to the Olympian,
but you're still like at the event.
It's like a relay race where there's four parts
and you run the third part.
So he runs the first two and you're in first place.
And then you grab the baton and you're like,
fuck, let me not fuck this up.
And then you hand it off to him again.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Yeah, he's fucking incredible. And the love he has for haunted houses i think really shows up god every bit from this episode i loved so i don't even want to know i don't want to guess
which one it is i just want to hear it because i will be excited with anyone that it is and i
think i know what it is but okay i think i think you do
too but also like you said all three were great and so i just so fun i picked the one that somebody
commented on reddit about and also i thought of the three was it had a slight edge and it was just
a little shorter my favorite quote from this episode is him being like i sell i sell produce produce or produce produce produce
the fuck are you talking about all right without further ado this is uh
review review best of number two with ryan gall haunted houses
this is a review um for hollywood horror nights um And it is from Danielle P.
Ryan, what does the P stand for?
Palette.
Danielle Palette.
Incredible.
This is two stars from Yelp.
This is from September 31st, 2019
from Danielle Palette.
The mazes are great.
Themes, makeup, scents,
gingerbread scent in the Krampus maze and pumpkin candle scent in Halloween.
Temperature changes, the Krampus snow scenes, etc.
Details are phenomenal.
However, they need to give each individual group 60 seconds on their own before sending in the next group.
I feel like that's not asking a lot.
People will still line up and continue to wait in the long lines, especially when you have private time to actually get scared.
The way the mazes currently work, you're pushed through with a huge crowd on your coattails,
so you're forced to speed through every moment, and you can hear the group that's up ahead
so you know what to expect.
If they could let you in within 30 second intervals that would be tremendously better and the phrase that stuck out
in my mind was the idea of coming to this place where thousands of people go every year but like
wanting like alone time to feel afraid yes yes that's it but i do kind of get that. I get that. Like, there's nothing worse than hearing people have a head going, like giving away what you're about to head into.
Oh, it's the military scene.
Come on, man.
Damn it.
Slingshot.
No, don't say it.
And we're already trying to.
Keep going.
Hi.
Thank you so much for meeting with me.
No problem.
I have some complaints, Universal Horror Nights.
It is a little long, but bear with me.
Just one second.
Let me get off.
Okay.
Just let me get off the phone.
I have another complaint going on.
Am I still on?
You're still on, but I'm dealing with multi-complaints right now.
Okay.
Well, I guess I have a complaint.
It's like you're not listening to my complaint.
You have a bunch of complaints.
I can call back another time.
It is a weird way to roll meetings.
No, you don't have to call back at another time. Actually, I'm the only person in charge of complaints here at Halloween Horror Night,
so I have to kind of multitask
and I have kind of a positive
attitude about it. So if you guys have a positive
attitude, I feel like we can really get
to the bottom. It was a great experience.
It was a great experience. Oh, sounds like you
don't have a complaint then. I just think
there are things that could make it better.
Then it wasn't great.
No, but it was great. Sorry, I do have a complaint.
A performer tripped my kid in the maze. A performer tripped my kid. the maze a performer tripped my kid he stuck his leg out my kid fell flat on
his face if you could just give us a second i'm still dealing with uh somebody over here
so when i say something you say you're that you're dealing with her and then when she says something
you say sorry you're dealing with me exactly you can you're kind of picking up on it so
your child tripped her child no my child was, my child was tripped.
Was tripped by a maze employee?
By a maze employee, yes.
Okay, so,
and you want me to?
Well, my kid,
we had to go straight from the park
to the nearest ER
and he got four stitches on his lip.
So we would like to be.
That's a character scar.
It's a character scar? A character scar. It's a character scar?
A character scar. That's a character. Every child has one. A character scar, something that
they get on your face, a little scar that gives them character. I think, honestly, if you're
asking if you can pay us for that, no, we're not interested in taking payment for that.
No, I called you because I want you to pay for our medical bills. There's no way
I'm paying you because someone in the Krampus maze tripped my son. I'm sorry, who are you talking to?
I'm talking to you. To somebody else? Why would you? Oh, you want me. I'm not asking for you,
like out of your personal pocket. I'm not asking for you to pay. I'm asking for Universal to pay
the medical bills. I'm trying to think of the moment when we had a gun to your head,
putting you into the maze, asking you, forcing you to go into the maze.
This is wildly inappropriate.
I was talking to this gentleman over here.
I'm sorry.
I was giving her the floor.
That's a much more serious complaint than I had.
And I understand.
I'm trying to rotate back and forth so we can try to get this done.
Is this like an efficiency thing?
Is this to try and get more people in and out?
It's a voluntary thing.
I get that it's a voluntary thing.
Yeah.
So, and did you have, you had a great experience.
I had a good experience.
It could have been great.
You said great in the beginning
and now you're switching it to good.
So it's sort of like,
you're sort of the John Kerry of going into mazes right now.
You're flip-flopping.
You're flip-flopping.'re flip-flopping very that's
not me that's not it's you saying it i look mine was a clerical thing the maze was great
i did lose my keys in the maze and we found those you did okay because the front desk person didn't
seem to be singing the same tune they said there is no lost and found there is no lost and found
when we find something in a maze we throw it back in and you have to go find it
you shitting me i've waited in an hour for an hour and 45 minutes in the line i excuse me what's your
name again my my name is peter peter peter um i'm not shitting you when we find something as part of universal horror nights and part of the experience
our lost and found is called lost and lost what so we you've lost it and now we make it more lost
and you get to go find it but we do not charge you to go back in and find are you hearing this
what's your name sorry i'm lauren i am hearing. If you guys don't mind, we ask you two
separate complaints not to communicate.
This is unbelievable.
I understand. The most red
tape ever. Tell me about
it. No, you're not in on it.
You're creating the red tape. I'm following
procedure.
This cannot be the books. This cannot be by the books.
Oh, it's by the books. I could read you
the exact thing. Please do. I'd love to hear it. I'd love to hear books. Oh, it's by the books. I could read you the exact thing.
Please do.
I'd love to hear it.
I'd love to hear it.
I would also love to hear what the rule book says.
I mean, the rule book is so long. I bet there's a table of contents.
Lost and lost?
Yes, the lost and lost clause.
Just word for word.
If a customer loses anything from keys to food to children,
that lost property will be sent or tossed back into said maze
for the customer to hunt down and find themselves.
Please tell me that the children don't fall under the tossed category.
I would love to tell you that.
So that's exactly what it is.
I mean, tossed can be a gentle toss. I don love to tell you that. So that's exactly what it is. So they are tossed.
I mean, tossed can be a gentle...
I don't think so.
A gentle toss.
It's an airlifted push.
Listen, here's what I'm going to say to you,
is if you lost something,
then you're on your own.
That's the policy? That's the official policy?
I'm sorry. I'm not talking to you.
I didn't lose anything. My child is
facing an injury. All I'm asking...
Well, he lost a little bit. Is it a he or she?
That's not the point. That's not the point.
His name is Connor.
That's a good name. Thank you. It's my father's name.
Thank you.
That's great. That's really special.
Yeah. Is there anything else i can help you with well you still haven't helped me with the first thing so you uh okay so god you are
exhausting can i ask another complaint i have you're exhausted what's your name again what's
my name yes yes my name is customer service agent six29-4397-7294-697.
Whatever number you're saying.
Can you just, you mentioned character scars earlier,
and I can't help but mention this insane 10-gallon hat that you're wearing.
No, I haven't said anything complimentary.
Can you remove the hat?
Because I think that, I just want to see something.
No, this is part of my costume for through the.
It's customer service.
It's not costumer service.
So you don't need a costume.
Well, that's not what we call it here.
We call it costumer service.
Nice.
They're a movie studio.
It is nice.
Of course they call it costumer service.
Where are you going?
I have to go because you're not helping me.
All right.
I only had 15 minutes for this and I got to go pick up my kid.
You're too regimented in your life if you only had 15 minutes for this.
I don't need advice from you.
That's not why I'm calling.
That's not why I'm here.
I know I am.
I'm working on it.
I am a single father.
I don't have the choice.
He's just trying to survive.
He lost his keys.
He lost his keys.
I have been Ubering hither and thither.
It's been a fortune.
What's my name? Yes. It's the only the three of us well i'm not talking to you i'm not
too regimented in your life i don't need advice from you that's not why we're here well here it's
called lost and lost other than produce my other favorite quote from the whole episode is, our policy is if you lost something in the maze, then you're on your own.
The way he says it.
Gall did say something, whether it was on the ghost story thing or I think even on our pod,
that he listens to the show mostly every week while he runs.
So Ryan, if you're listening to this, you're the second most favorite episode.
I'm not speaking clearly. And thank you so much for coming on the show this year we'll we'd love to have you
you are a treat and truly like doing improv with ryan gall is i i remember we ended that episode
and we texted each other we're like i can't believe that just happened there's been a lot
of moments like that with the show but
yes gall is definitely the biggest one like just in terms of like for me like because people keep
asking oh who would you love to have on if you could have anybody my golden goose list which is
partially like i don't know it's it goes gall colin jost jetty osmond and so like that's the
trifecta for me. And we got Gall.
And Gall had the gall,
so the hashtag worked.
Gall and Lapkus were like two guests
that I'm like,
who?
But Gall,
I mean,
Also because Lapkus
was on the day,
was an hour after
we found out Trump lost.
But Gall,
God,
that was such a treat.
Every,
every part of that episode
was just,
I remember listening to it and just being in awe of him
and just laughing my ass off.
Oh my God.
Costumer service, that's not a thing.
Please stop saying it.
Also, every time he makes the choice of,
oh, I wasn't talking to you.
Yeah, brilliant.
No logic behind the switch, right?
It was brilliant.
You and I were having a conversation.
Don't switch now.
He's like, well, actually,
our preferred policy is that if you're giving a complaint
you're not allowed to talk to the other person on the line oh so yeah it was truly one of the
episodes escape rooms i think was the same way it's like of these three what do i even choose
right um so gall please we'd love to have you on again um so fun i mean
do you have any other thoughts on this episode no i just i love that episode so much nothing
but amazing memories from that episode that one i think is my dad's favorite episode really that
was one of few he doesn't listen to all of them but that was one of the few that he was like god
but he was ryan gall was really funny and also like i was home when we recorded that episode so
i told my family, I was like,
we got Ryan Gall.
He's coming on the show and everybody's so excited.
But yeah,
well-deserving of the number two spot.
Should we.
Let's round it out.
Do the big reveal.
The top voted episode of 2020.
2020.
This is of 50 episodes that were eligible to vote for this episode,
I don't think it's going to come as a surprise to anybody.
Drumroll, please, Riley.
With.
Oh, also, we should say that the Gaul episode got 255 votes.
I forgot to say that.
But this one, with 359 votes.
Just to be clear, the bottom five are all under 200.
Then karaoke bars and haunted houses are firmly in the top three. This one got almost 400 votes. Just to be clear, the bottom five are all under 200. Then karaoke bars and haunted houses are firmly in the top three.
This one got almost 400 votes.
This was in a landslide.
Airport lounges with Jake Hurwitz and Amir Blum.
With Jake and Amir.
They birthed us.
Jake and Amir gave me everything.
And, you know, we wouldn't have this show without them.
We really wouldn't.
They did.
I mean, I'll never forget the day. day i mean because i'm older than you i'll never forget the day that jake
and amir kind of like put you into the world does that make sense it's like i was there for your
birth actually and they did birth you so you think actual birth do you think that i'm five years old
i know actual birth because i was you adult races i didn't want to bring it up but like they're new
and your teeth were fine before that's not relevant it's not didn't want to bring it up, but they're new and your teeth were fine before. That's not relevant.
It's not?
I just have to mention it because it's been irking me and I've never used that word before.
Airport lounges.
What do you remember from this episode?
My memory from this episode is it was a beautiful chaos it's one of those that was just like us four shooting the shit and like just
living in in the in the chaos of what we created and i remember like at some points being like okay
i'm gonna try and be the straight man i'm gonna try and like bring some sense of groundedness to
this but then at some point just letting go and being like we're just here i loved this episode
i love doing it i was looking
forward to it so much because we know them so well and i think this was around the time that
we i think we just did guests for like eight weeks yeah and you know we met mel bracewell we met
ryan gall we uh you know i knew gabrus before we had done live shows with him but like got to know
him more like um so other than george for that span it was a lot and cecily and alden it was a lot of like
getting to know people as we did improv which is fun but can be challenging in certain ways so this
i was like i know what they're both gonna bring for the most part right let's just have a ton of
fun it was so much fun there there are fathers what's that they there are there are there are
dads i guess i have one dad and that's yeah i'm not gonna say
his name and it's jay kerwitz and or amir blumenfeld it's either one yeah i am very excited
i i i have a feeling the bit you're gonna pull you know what it is it's like everyone being
allowed in the lounge except for me yeah but i'm gonna cut that out because i want it to be a
surprise you know what it's gonna be uh this i'll just all i'll say before we go into it is this was i think the most fun uh i've had
with post-production where it's like this bit's funny as it is but like me adding some sound
effects and music into this is gonna make it even better and um this is actually one of the episodes
that i point people to along with british pubs not in
the uk because um i just think that it's like a good example of like pre-bit banter and like you
know yeah it's also just really like it's really cool to come full circle and have jake and amir
on our show yeah it's 100 cheers me and let's listen to best of review review
the number one fan
voted episode with Jake and Amir Airport Lounges
this is a HeadGum Podcast
hey guys Jeffrey here
this episode's gonna be a little different
I mean I just want to be honest with you guys it's not gonna be
up to par for what Riley and I
like to usually put out obviously we kind of hold ourselves to a certain
standard and you guys have come to expect laughs every week. This week might not be that, but I
just wanted to kind of give that as a preface before we get into it. So anyway, let's get into We heard that.
You didn't record that separately.
You said, hold on. That hold on really fucked up what are you
talking about i have to preface this podcast has like a foreword where you say that it's not going
to be funny you're up it's a prologue uh and then it's a prologue and then we went into the theme
song i mean i'm down like i get it i get it why why do you get it you're the guest because every
time i do a podcast with you you bring the the mood down. I'm talking to a mirror.
You bring the mood down, you bring the energy down.
You don't really bring the...
The fun.
I don't know.
I want a partner that brings the heat.
You don't...
Yeah, he doesn't do that.
So you're on Jeff's side.
By the way, he said he was making fun of us both.
He was saying that this episode's not going to be funny
because we're on it.
So that includes you.
He didn't say...
I didn't say Jake's name.
He's right.
He did just say it's like, you know, things would be different. He didn't name any specifics. I didn't say, he didn't name me by name. I didn't say Jake's name, he's right. He did just say it's like,
you know,
things would be different.
He didn't name any specifics.
I didn't say it was because of the guest.
I feel like the unsaid.
With an S,
but it is because of a guest.
And then I,
that's the furthest I'll take it
because I don't want to like alienate Amir.
I mean,
either Amir or Jake.
And I think that's why I,
I wasn't rubbed fully the wrong way
because I got where you were talking about.
I was rubbed fully the wrong way.
I was rubbed fully the wrong way. I was rubbed completely differently completely differently that's a shame I don't think he meant for that to
happen so I think that's on you for maybe feeling it yeah something I've been working through in
therapy is that you have to kind of like accept that other people can deal with like you know
certain things like letting them down in a way like you have to do what's best for you at certain
your therapist sucks shit even if it means letting down certain boundaries. Yeah, after a therapy session, you did that.
She sucks.
What's that?
After the therapy, if you did that,
then your therapist sucks shit.
This is a two-star review from Susan M.
Riley, last name?
Me-oh-my.
Susan Me-oh-my. Susan Me-oh-my from two-star review from last September of the United Club at LAX.
This is the United Club that has an outdoor deck, which is pretty trill.
That's a sky lounge, baby.
Sorry.
Yeah.
All right.
I bought a day pass so I could relax on a long layover at LAX.
But the check-in guy.
In two interactions I had with him 10 days apart, the guy at the front desk, the one with the glasses and goatee slash
scraggly beard, was very cold and unsmiling. I am on two hours of sleep at the club check-in desk
and I was trying to bring up my pass in the United app. took me a minute he kept trying to dismiss me nope no pass
no pass then gestures to the next person behind me sir sit over there then when i left he he said
friendly things to the person in front of me and behind me looked right at me but no goodbye
excuse me hi ding ding ring the bell uh Good evening, or good morning, sorry. I am losing track of time, you know.
It's a long night, couple of red eyes.
I was wondering if I could just check in.
I have a pass and my boarding number
if you want to pull it up.
Sure, yeah.
It is J25876.
That's not there.
No pass.
No pass. No pass.
Oh, well, I...
Ooh, can I get in?
Come on down, friend!
Balloons fall from the ceiling,
confetti cannons burst out.
A European kiss.
A banner falls down saying,
it could only be Jacob.
How are you?
Good.
I don't have my pass.
It's fine, sir.
Straight up the escalator with you.
There's an omelet with your name on it, my friend.
Arrivederci.
Wow, this is it.
Lounge sure has changed since the last time I was here.
You've never been here before in your goddamn life.
I've never seen your face.
You have no pass.
J2962?
I think not.
Did you even check?
I didn't even see you type anything on the computer.
I know all the passes by heart.
You know all the passes that haven't even been bought yet?
I bought mine this morning.
Here comes another.
N45-822.
There he is.
There he goes.
A spring break.
Deep French kiss for four seconds.
Good to see you again.
Thank you for having me.
I'm not even flying anywhere, man.
The service last time
and this time seemingly
is unbelievably better
than any Michelin star restaurant.
Absolutely raising the roof.
Get up here.
Get up here.
I'm loving this.
There's omelets on deck.
There are people dressed in
distasteful Egyptian attire coming with a throne. I sit down on it and they take me up the stairs. Here's on deck. Omelette's up there. People dressed in distasteful Egyptian attire
coming with a throne.
I sit down on it and they take me up the stairs.
Here's your towel.
Here's your towel.
Have fun on the water slide up there.
Can I get in?
You didn't even check.
You didn't even check either of their passes.
Slap across the face.
You have to calm down.
You must calm down.
What?
I have been talking so calmly to you
and you've been treating me so poorly.
You haven't even given me a smile,
and you kiss both of them on the mouth.
A kiss?
Do you want a kiss, you sicko?
No, I'm not saying.
No, God.
I don't want a kiss.
I just, I'm so tired.
Sorry, can you guys keep it down?
I just want to go upstairs and sit down.
There's an orgy happening upstairs,
and we keep hearing this mousy, shrilly, almost bad noise.
Both of you guys either have to look me in the eyes directly and hold the eye contact,
or just chill and look elsewhere.
I'm trying to get rid of this troglodyte troll woman.
I know she's putting a damper on things.
I'm trying to get her to leave.
I'm just trying to get into the lounge.
Just look up my past, please her bags. Open her bags.
Please.
Oh, that's funny.
What the fuck?
No.
Open the bag upside down.
Bring the bags upstairs.
We can play with it.
We can play with the bags.
Throw a dopp kit.
What the fuck?
No.
These are my.
Stop it.
Let's all fuck this toothbrush.
What?
Oh my God.
Is there anyone I can talk to about this?
Do you have a manager?
Is there any supervisor? Ed Bastian walks in. Ed Bastian. I just want to about this Do you have a manager is there any supervisor
Ed Bastian walks in
I just want to make sure everything's okay here
I got a call
Mr. Bastian hello I'm Miss Miyomai
I've just been trying to get into this
I get what you mean Trevor
I get what you mean
Wait what do you mean
You have your pass number
Did you give him your pass number
I gave him my pass number he didn't even look it up he said it didn't exist right because i know i gave you the
past number i gave you the past number mr bastion i gave it to you i bought it i paid 35 dollars
all right you know what i know how to fix this just pay for a day pass we can't seem to find
your current one in the system it's ten dollars just cash we can just and then you can go upstairs
and join the party all right can i can i get a refund on the pass that I bought earlier?
Hold me back, Bastion.
We'll refund it.
Hold me back.
Oh, my God.
Fine.
Here.
Here's $10.
Here's $10 in cash.
I need it.
No, that's good.
Can I go upstairs?
No, man.
This is the lounge for lounge pass.
Oh, here comes J1799.
Y'all ready for this?
Oh, my God.
Airport lounge.
Bastion, you old son of a bitch.
Why don't we go upstairs and fuck each other?
How the heck are you?
Let's go 99.
Let's go 99.
You know what?
I've had enough.
I've had enough.
Everyone stops.
This lounge, whatever the fuck you want to call it,
this is some fucking sex club.
I just wanted to sit in a nice chair,
maybe snooze for a little bit,
and eat some eggs, all right?
I'm done.
I'm done with this.
I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing with this,
but I'm going to go kick it at Virgin, all right?
I'm going to tell everyone about the little scheme
you've got going on over here,
because it's done.
It's unsanitary, it's unprofessional,
and it's downright unkind.
I hand you a 14 inch dildo.
That's the kind of spunk we need.
The passion that we need.
What?
Welcome to the club, you absolute bastards.
Oh my God, are you serious?
A reverse water slide comes up underneath you
and shoves you up the escalator.
Woo!
We're all washing each other's hands.
Whoa, where'd you get that dildo?
Oh my god.
The songs are so funny.
A reverse, also that it's all going up.
A reverse water slide.
No, that was beautiful.
And fucking Jake, I give him my number.
He's like, no, no, not there.
Not there, I don't think so.
And then Amir, who does not have a pass number,
can I get in we european style kiss on the cheek and then yeah french deep french kiss four seconds also i had
fun coming up with ideas this was the one that we almost did alms before but we were like it's
probably too niche it doesn't even exist anymore and even it did, it's just this one place in the arts district of Los Angeles.
But yeah, I mean, maybe we can do like a bonus episode for OMSB or something.
Would love.
This was such a treat.
Jake and me are so fucking funny.
Oh my God.
And like to do this one over Zoom.
I mean, I love doing it over Zoom, but it's like, I really can't wait to get us four in the studio again to do this one over zoom i mean i love doing it over zoom but it's like i i really can't wait to
get us four in the studio again to do something yeah i think like when we're back in the head
gum office we should do us that's when we should do the next one with all four of us because like
yeah let's say that's again june july whatever um would be a nice way of celebrating hey we're
back in an office we're working together again um and i look forward to that your therapist can eat shit
that is another one of my top five favorite moments of this year of the show and i think
that's even what we clipped out where it's like yeah if you did that your therapist sucks shit
and then i actually didn't hear him because on the zoom it cut out and i was like what'd you say
it's like if you if after a therapy session you did that, your therapist sucks shit.
Such a funny way of phrasing that.
A bit that wasn't in the edit for this,
but that I do love that's been recurring
is our awful renditions of big band songs
has been one of my favorite.
We did New York, New York as Chicago.
And then just like, yeah.
So he has another song called Chicago.
You're conflating the two.
And Amir logged off the Zoom
as soon as I started singing.
Anyway.
We done did it, Anspa.
Again, just to recap from eight to one.
Escape rooms, British pubs not in the UK,
delis with John Gabrus
lids
margaritavilles
with George Saba
karaoke bars
with Amir Blumenfeld
haunted houses
with Ryan Gall
and airport lounges
with Jake and Amir
wow
I feel like
was a successful
first year of the show
for sure
for sure
and then also
just these best of episodes
I had fun doing this
with you.
I hope it comes across in the final edit.
We shall see.
But guys, let us know whether you liked this, whether this is something you would like to do next year.
This was a blast to go a trip down memory lane.
And in thinking about all the other episodes that didn't make it to the list, in making the list that then became the list that people voted from, it was really fun to be like, oh, yeah, that's where this bit happened or this guest or, you know, all of that.
Like everyone was such a treat.
And all the guests we had this year were just treats as well.
I'm just I'm so grateful to be doing this and that y'all listen.
Thank you guys so much for listening to the best of Review Review episodes.
We'll see you guys again next week with our first episode of 2021,
a normal episode with a very special guest.
And thank you for listening the entire year since January.
Thank you all so much.
It's kind of nice that we started it in January,
that we've had a full year to look back on
at the end of the year.
And thank you to Riley being the best collaborator
I could hope for.
And so much fun improvising with you.
Every week, you bring something new to the show and it just,
there's not a week where I'm like,
I don't have a quote in the back of my head for the rest of the fucking day
where I'm like,
that's,
that was hilarious.
And we should also do something for the,
for the one year anniversary.
I think it's January 28th or something.
Maybe we can have some special guests or do something special.
Would love.
That's a goal of mine.
Happy new year,
everybody.
We'll see you next week. safe stay healthy jeff i'm very grateful for
you and the show paul mccartney if you ever listen to this i'm so sorry um you can follow
riley on instagram at riley and spa on twitter at riley coyote and the show on instagram at
review review the show on twitter at review review show. You can follow Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James and on Instagram at Jeff
Boyardee.
Yes.
We'll see you guys again next week.
Have a happy new year.
Have a safe celebration of the end of 2021.
We're almost through this,
this muck and we'll see you guys on the other side.
Arrivederci.
Switched it up on their asses. That was a Hiddem Original.