Review Revue - Best of 2021 (Part 2)

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

It's finally here! Part two of the 2021 Reviewies;  On this episode of Review Revue, Reilly and Geoff reveal the fan voted TOP 4 episodes of 2021.     Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Edited by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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i feel low. I know. Okay, so what's the point? I just love kissing so much. You didn't really look at that. I thought that you would kind of celebrate. I will cry. I can't wait for Ben's turn. It'll be fun.

Let's just say daddy's dada. God, I love lo-fi. Yeah, that came in from Evan, who said he decided to make a lo-fi thing out of our conversation we had on the podcast, complete with an old Jeffrey the Dumbass singing podcast or lifting me higher to wet the appetite. That was beautiful. Yeah, that got me in some type of mood. I love lo-fi, but what sucks is like, I love lo-fi, but then to hear Jeff under it say, I love kissing, is that like kind of brings me out of the vibe.

Does that make sense? Does that make sense? It makes sense. It's just like, I'm going to hold tears in for the next hour and a half and then let them out after we hang out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thank you, Evan. That was gorgeous, except for Jeff kissing.

But other than that, it was beautiful. And he'd love to plug his podcast, Dungeons vs. Dragons. Ooh. Dungeons vs. Dragons. Great name. So shout out, Evan, for that. And go check out his show. But Riley, we're not just here to talk about Evan Dungeons vs. Dragons and lo-fi music.

No, we're not. I know you think we are. I know a lot of people are tuning in being like, we're here to talk about lo-fi and Evan's podcast, Dungeons vs dragons and lo-fi music. No, we're not. I know you think we are. I know a lot of people are tuning in and being like, we're here to talk about lo-fi and Evan's podcast Dungeons versus dragons. But you guys, that's not, that's not actually what we're like a shocker spoiler, right?

That's not what we're here to talk about today. Not at all. Not like literally not one bit, except for the bit at the beginning where we were here to talk about that, but not anymore. No, we're here to talk about the top four episodes of the best of review, review 2021 edition.

These are the fan favorites. These are the top episodes of the year. Voted on by listeners. By y'all. By y'all. I am excited to get into these. There's some real bangers. Already.

Talk about them. Eight, seven, and then eight, seven, and tied for five. We're a blast. The Wetherspoons episode,

the Kraft American singles, so much fun to listen back. It was all a ball. It was all a ball. Jeff, how are you today? Because we are doing these back to back. So we did,

I know this came out a week later, but we did just record part one. And the 10 minutes in between the break we took. How were your 10 minutes? Yeah. They were good.

I exported the files and put them in a folder. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. So it's safe to say it's going pretty well. I microwaved my coffee that had gone cold. Yeah. And is it good?

Is it just as good? Is it just as hot? Is it just as scalding? No, but you know what? I'm drinking it. I'm drinking it for sure. But I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm drinking it for sure. But I'm excited. I'm excited.

I'm happy to be here. And I'm excited to see what the future holds. Not even just for this episode, but just like what's my life going to look like in like three years? That's too much. You're already biting off more than you can chew for this episode. Three doesn't seem too crazy. All right. We'll get into three.

Let's get into these episodes first though are you ready for the fourth best review review episode of the year as voted on by listeners yes coming in at number four is haunted houses 2 with ryan fucking gall yes yes yes ryan gall is the fucking goat anything he touches turns to gold i cannot believe we've had him on the show not once not twice but thrice because i'm including the live show he is uncle ryan to us he is a perfect person does that make sense he's the nicest guy he's he can turn any bit into a really, obviously, I mean, it's on this list, so a goaded bit. I also would say probably that if the live show had been released, it might have made the list, I would say, because of Ryan. I think that's true.

This episode was really fun. I'm glad we got to do it around Halloween this time because the last, in 2020, we did Haunted Houses 1 in September. Of course. So all year, you and I were talking about doing this episode around Halloween. And I think we did it the week before Halloween, like right by it. I record, it was 11.30 PM when we recorded it where I was. And I was worried that I was going to be too tired for it

and that I was not going to bring my egg in. Really? And that did, yeah. But because of Gaul's, Gaul, I couldn't fall asleep that night. The opposite problem happened. It was almost like I was nocturnal that day. You were so excited.

You were so hyped. Because I was so excited. I was so jazzed. I was so cafe-fade up in terms of Gaul. So instead of drinking hot bean juice, I drank that hot Ryan. Don't ever say that again. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

He's just, he's just incredible. I feel like, and this is just, Ryan, if you listen to this, you might, you might not, who knows. But. I love him to death. I love him. I love you so much. And also like playing with him, like every time we play with him makes me a better improviser. Like I learned so much just from, like, I, it's just, I just, I am so inspired by him.

I look up to him so much. I was so nervous the first time we did it with him and I was still nervous for this one, but the fact that we've gotten to do with him three times, I think we all like know each other now a little bit enough to play where it's like, I know what he's going to bring. Hopefully he knows what we're going to bring. And it's just like, so this one was my favorite episode of the three that we've done with him.

Me too. I'm so glad it made the list. And in scrubbing through it to edit out this clip, like of the, I couldn't pick between the three that we've done with him. Me too. I'm so glad it made the list. And in scrubbing through it to edit out this clip, like of the, I couldn't pick between the three. I did. So we're going to play the entire episode. I did,

but I was just like, God, these are like, I was just, I was laughing out loud earlier this morning. Some bit that I know it's, it wasn't a scene, so it's not gonna be included this,

but I did love in our, like in talking about what we're scared of, like all these things that we did learn that Ryan is is probably possessed yes he is uh he's he's a clear clear audience potentially he hears like children screaming and sees them when he chose to close his eyes so that's so hopefully he's hopefully that's faded for him or it's gotten to a point where he actually enjoys it yeah or gotten worse um yeah so let's cool so let's listen to yes of course of course uh so here's number four haunted houses 2 with ryan gall i can't wait okay so this is one star was not scary at all and i get scared of every single thing it was very weak

actors also smell of bo which I wish they could somehow conceal. The escape room's five minutes long and not worth it. There are so many better places than this. My credit card balance scares me more than this place. What got me about this is the backhanded fucking thing of like, actors

smell of BO, and I wish there was some way they could do something about that. God, I wonder. Oh my God. That's great. It's like, yeah, I get it. I get it.

I know. Deodorant. I know. Are you looking for a specific brand of deodorant? Well, it's not even for me. Sweetie, I hate to talk for you like this, but my fiance, yes, we're recently engaged. Congrats.

Thank you so much, my fiance, Billy. You don't have to tell everybody. You don't have to tell everybody. I'm excited. Are you not excited? I am excited. It's just this guy doesn't fucking care. No, I care.

What? Don't say that. I totally care. So Tucker tucker tucker yes thank you for helping us so my fiance billy here he's what you'd call a man's man he's got that must he's got that stinky stuff and so we're just here he's a little embarrassed it's a little embarrassing he's a little embarrassed shouldn't be embarrassing a lot of girls actually like that i find that uh deodorant can sometimes mask uh mask masculinity mask masculinity yes yeah well no no no no no no no no no no, no. My dude. No, no, no. Yeah, hey, man. Nice, dude. Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men. Yes.

I love men. I love men just as much as the next. Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men. Yeah, dude, honestly. Men, men, men. Yeah, I thought we were going to keep going. No, dude. Who cares, dude?

Billy, your voice just changed completely. You just went down like three octaves. Hey, I'm going to tell you this. If you ever get the feeling that it's not worth it to go through with this. What? There's people that will support you. Tucker, I'm sorry. You don't know him from a fucking hole in the ground.

So sorry. Can you just get your manly nose out of this? We're just looking for some old spice I think we're friends cause he knows we're getting married just supporting my brother man just supporting my brother okay well could you please just recommend your strongest deodorant because

Billy smells like ass there I'll say it he actually smells like ass and that's not even exaggeration so I'm gonna need the like military grade shit that you have in this Walgreens right now. I live in the woods and they don't use any of this. And I'm sort of that way.

I get it. I get it. Listen, you guys got to find your, you guys got to find the space where you can live. I love. Oh my God. I thought you were going to say find your beach. No, we live in Culver City.

That's where we live. We live in Culver City. We found it. Oh shit. I love beer. I would to say find your beach. No, we live in Culver City. That's where we live. We live in Culver City. We found it. Oh, shit, man. I love beer. I would love to find my beach. And if you ever want to visit my beach, feel free to come by and visit. Your beach?

What do you mean your beach? You own a beach? No. Do you have a sandbox? Hell yeah, dude. I have a sandbox. What? I've been trying to get a sandbox, but she won't let me have one.

We don't even have kids. You don't need a sandbox. You can I've been trying to get a sandbox, but she won't let me have one. You don't even have kids. You don't need a sandbox. The moment somebody says you can't have something is the moment you turn around and you effing sprint in the opposite

direction. You sprint. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. Again, we just need the deodorant. Actually, because you've led us to the aisle, we don't even need your help anymore. We are more than fine to pick out a deodorant that works for him.

So Tucker, thank you so much for your help. I'm going to head back to the front. No, you know what? Fine, I figured out which deodorant I want. It's the fancy one that's locked. You need an employee. Oh, you want speed sticks. You want speed sticks?

So we do need Tucker. Yeah, the fancy speed sticks. Because you have the key to unlock it. I have the key. And if you want that, I need to be able to open it. So you'll have to choose one. And then I will let you look at that one. He did.

He said he wants a fancy speed stick. So can you please open the drawer? As soon as you pick a flavor. Flavor? I can't just give you a free-for-all. I can't just open it up and let you fiddle through that like a bucket of jelly beans. No, you got to pick one. You like jelly beans?

Dude, I love jelly beans. My dude. You love jelly beans? Hey! Dude, I love giant peach. My dude. You love it? Hey. Man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man. During all this, I'm like taking the keys. I'm like trying every single key on the chain. Give me my keys back. That's attached to my belt.

You're hurting. I know. You guys are. You're hurting me. I'm not hurting you. She opens it. She grabs one of the speed sticks, pulls up my shirt,

applies it for me. No! God. Deep ocean. That's deep ocean. That's a good one. Speed stick, deep ocean. I like that. Okay, we'll take it. Yes. Can you ring us up? Or actually, do you have a self-checkout option that would be

significantly preferred? No, those are closed closed today you have to go for me cut to the register hey can i help you today oh my god we literally walked up here together you went behind the register here's a 20 i know it doesn't cost as much. Keep the change. No, hold on a second. That's $22.49. $22.49 for a speed stick? It was the fancy one. I'm sorry. It's Canadian. Canadian dollars?

Or it's a Canadian brand? No. Canadian feet tall. canadian dollars yeah yeah come on man of course it's canadian dollars listen yeah not everything's if you want your guy to smell the way You want him to smell You gotta pay for it It's $22.49 with tax

You know what, Billy? Sorry, Tucker, can I have a sidebar with my fiancé For one goddamn second? I honestly could care less What you guys do I don't think that's true So, Billy Billy, stay strong.

I get to stay out of this. You gotta come to my bachelor party. What? Damn it, Billy. I'm definitely coming. I slam my engagement ring down on the table. I've had enough. You have been like this for months.

It's all men, men, men with you. And you know what? I've had enough. If this is what you want, the bachelor life, the musk, the woods, everything about it, then you have it. But I don't want any part of it. So I'm going to go back to our duplex in Culver City. And if you want to chase after me.

I'm sorry. God damn it, Tucker. What? I'm sorry. There's a guy behind you. He's trying to buy something. I'm so sorry. But I used a condom in the most sacred of ways,

and I need plan B. Are you an L.A. Dodger? I wear it because there's sort of a dugout in my neighborhood, and I want to look like I fit in. And I'll maybe one day be a concessioncession stand guy maybe you guys can step aside let this guy buy his plan b yeah this is just taking so long it's not a problem dude just step aside is it i'm sorry charlie i know your name you i'm just gonna assume your name is laura yeah it is laura how did you know that because you're you have laura written across the butt of your yoga pants oh yeah okay looking at people's butts all right should we do our last segment

oh my god man man man man man oh my god hey come on man come on man it's obviously canadian dollars that's not obvious man you want your man to smell nice you gotta pay the price it's 22.59 with tax just look also the callback to plan the plan b bit the plan b bit dodgers yeah oh my god yeah there were a lot i remember about that episode there were a lot of i feel like that was one of our strongest callback episodes yeah um where everything everything just came together oh my god also like trying all the keys hey that's attached to my hip you're hurting you're hurting me no you're not there's something about the way that right it's like there's just certain characters just like it's

just so slow that it's so fucking funny you're hurting me nobody who's in pain says something that slow you gotta come to my bachelor party man oh I'm definitely coming a step behind but I'm so joyous of him I don't care about what you guys do that's not true

yes you do you've been talking to us for way too long oh my god so fucking good mad man it's staring at people's butts man man man man manly man what two already emasculated guys think that it is to be a man masking it masks masculinity masks masculinity so you're like hey uh this guy my guy smells like actual ass i need your help and he's like actually i think that it's cooler when you don't have spirals out of control so fast uh hopefully we can get him back on next year maybe haunted house three we gotta do three um also that episode got us the placement on vulture's best of comedy get him back on next year. Maybe Haunted House 3. We got to do Haunted House 3. Also, that episode got us the placement on Vulture's Best of Comedy Podcast again. So that was a big week.

And both of it's Haunted House's with Ryan Gollum and Haunted House's 2 with Ryan Gollum. We're getting into the top three now, Anspar. Are you ready for the third best of Review Review 2021? Yes. Oh, wait, really quick. That was another that was another highlight of this year is that was that we got mentioned

in Vulture again, which was really, really cool. It's always unexpected. Shout out to Becca James for that placement as well. Fellow James. Thank you. All right.

Number three. Life Threatening Hikes. Life Threatening hikes with caleb harron and shelby this shit was fucking bonkers again another episode where i think every bit in the episode could have been the one that we chose oh i'm giving a ted talk i'm like the world's best navigator and explorer and then caleb just starts like from the audience being like this guy doesn't know what he's talking about and everybody he's a youth pastor and everybody gets behind him so funny I remember just cry laughing at every single bit and then Shelby's like press conference I think she's like a park ranger or something like that. Who refuses to do anything. Yes.

About a very dangerous hike. Oh my God. It was just, it was just off the wall. It was so, this was such a fucking funny episode. Yeah. And shout out Caleb and Shelby.

They, they Keeping Records is their podcast on HeadGum. It's so fucking funny. It's one of my favorite comedy podcasts. And also just got to mention, I think by either, I think the new, either the New York Times or Vulture. It was Vulture or vulture it was top yes top 10 comedy podcast of the year

it was incredible well deserved and if you guys like our show you'll love their show so check it out and um here is uh the third favorite fan voted episode life threatening life threatening hikes This is a quote from Newton County Sheriff Glenn Wheeler about how he gets 10 calls a year about people who have fallen off the edge of the cliff at this hike. This is what he says. They're not always fatal falls, but they're injuries in that area. When I'm talking about that area, I'm talking about Hawksville Crag. Or the trail into Hawksville Crag. Or that bluff line. So just to be clear, he's talking about all one thing. And then he talks about a 20-year-old student who fell to her death.

She was here with a group from her college, and the professor that led the group had been coming here for more than 20 years and bringing groups out here. It's a beautiful, beautiful area, but it's also kind of treacherous. And then the last thing I'll read from him is that people on social media have been begging the sheriff to put in a fence around this risky area because they don't want to see so many people die. And he says,

it will only hamper our efforts and we'll take away from the natural and wild beauty of the place that people go to appreciate it i just had this image like the sheriff who that's the only way he speaks and everyone's so emboldened at like a press conference like begging him like why won't you do anything with all with all of the deaths in the area sheriff Sheriff Wilson, why haven't you put a fence in around the area yet? The people are dying to know. God, it would just be such a shame to see a little piece of metal

in this great expanse that I like to look out on. I mean, my wife fell in love with me looking at this expanse. And I'm going to put a metal on it. What happened to your wife, by the way? No one's... She has found another. I'm sorry? looking at this expanse and i'm gonna put a what happened to your wife by the way no one's she has

found another i'm sorry i feel like i was clear yeah next question i don't want to get into my wife well you said you didn't want to get into your wife but we asked you about the fence and you immediately got into your wife so it's hard to imagine that you don't want to give it to your wife. I'm on that reporter side as well. Oh, yeah. So my wife's a beautiful woman. Y'all know her. She's the mayor. Why is that funny?

Sorry. What's funny? Yeah. It's just funny because the mayor and the sheriff, we were working on a children's book about the sheriff and the mayor. And it's like a comedy or why? It's not funny that you guys got clapped. No, it's funny.

It's funny because we're going to have to shut it down. The ending was that we fall in love and now. You're going to have to shut the book down? Instead of just changing the ending, you're going to have to shut the book down. Oh, you want me to write a children's book about how love isn't real? You want me to write a children's book saying dates love isn't real you want me to write a children's book saying they used to fall in love and then love doesn't actually exist and then it tells the kids about how how it feels when your heart gets ripped out in front of you you know what sure i think we've been it's today's about the you know the hike we all we want is a wire fence around this dangerous area and like i said

it would affect the way that you look out into it. It would affect the way you look out into it. It would also affect the way you do. It affects the way anyone would look out into it. If I stood in front of you and I held a piece of paper, you'd see it. And that's the same with a fence.

Isn't it true that your last campaign, you received $50,000 from a pack that is anti-fence? Does that have anything to do with your... It has nothing to do with it. Yes, I took the grant. Why wouldn't I? Grant? I don't know if it was a grant.

So that implies that there's a project that the money's going to go towards. And you applied for it. You applied for the anti-fence money. It's called an offense sign. There's going to be an offense sign in front of the freaking's gonna go towards. And you applied for it. You applied for the anti-fence money. There's gonna be an offense sign in front of the freaking hike. Dummies. I'm sorry, are you intoxicated right now? You are not standing up straight.

I'm standing up. For what you believe in, right? Stop leaning on the podium. What happens if you just take your body weight off the podium and freestand? Oh, no hands, no hands. Fucking idiots. I can do it.

Oh, my God. The crowd had a lot of murmurs. Oh, my God. WTUV. What the hell is going on with you guys? What do you say to those who say that you can get the exact same? Yeah, I don't look so surprised before you hear the end of the question. What do you say to those who say that you can get the exact same view on a safer hike such as the stoas gulch those people haven't done both

hikes i'm telling you that right now those people are liars that's like saying you can get the same thing if you eat an apple and an orange they're two different fruits you could just say it's apples and oranges you don't have to yeah you don't have to give them about eating sorry that i made up my own saying. Some people do that. That's how sayings become. That's how a saying comes to be, is you start saying it. Do you think everyone was born with the understanding of apples and oranges, or do you think someone

started saying it, and then everyone started understanding it? I say it's like eating an apple and eating an orange. I think we've gotten slightly off topic. So 700 people died last week on that hike, you're not really doing anything oh so now we put up a fence and then what what did they die for well that's the question what are they dying for they already are dead they already are dead and what did they die for if we now put up a fence they're already gone for the future people who would have died and didn't because of the fence's erection. It is disrespectful. If I die, if I die. It's not funny.

700 are dead. What's up? You tell us. No. You tell us, Sheriff. You tell us what's up. You tell us what's up, Sheriff. No, this is a public forum.

Y'all are asking questions. Ask your next question. The reason 700 people die doesn't affect my decision is because they're already dead. I can't bring them back to life. Why would I try? I don't believe in the

witch's magic. The witch's magic? Yeah. The witch's magic. It's called a cauldron. Look her up. The witch's magic. It's called a cauldron. That's where the potions get mixed. Where are we at a disconnect?

I don't understand. Y'all have never read a book. So if I'm not mistaken, actually, I'm looking through the brief, The Witch's Magic, colon, it's called a comma. That's your ex-wife's latest children's book that she's writing solo. Is that right? Yeah, but I wasn't going to bring it up.

I'm not on a press tour for her book. If I was on a press tour for her book, I would be at a bookstore instead of freaking City Hall. Next. Okay. Is it true you've been spotted around town

with a new bow? Is it true that you're maybe moving on way too quick? Say their name. I'm sorry? Who would you see me around with? Say their name. A lot of people have seen you around with Derek, the farmer.

Are y'all together? Romantically. Romance is such a difficult topic. I'm going to say their name. A lot of people have seen you around with Derek, the farmer. Are you all together romantically? Romance is such a difficult topic. Not in definition. It's pretty, the question was very straightforward. Is it romantic? And that's something that I'm trying to figure out too. I like the guy a lot, but I don't know, you know, because there's so many things you have to consider.

Is he in the right place? Am I in the right place? If we start now, is it too soon? If we start later, is it too late? Will his kids like me? His kids don't like you. They've been on TikTok doing videos about that. Next question. Sorry. Just back to the feds.

We just got an update. 17 people have fallen dead to their deaths since the beginning of this press conference. In the past five minutes? That's not true. No, I just got the alert on my phone in the past five minutes. I'm also getting it. How many people? 17?

18 now, but yeah. 18 and climbing. We will light a candle. I don't know what to do for you. We're telling you, build a fence. We're telling you what to do is build a fence. If I build a fence now, they're still dead. That's what I'm trying to get through to your head. If I build a fence right now, they're still dead. They don't come a fence. If I build a fence now, they're still dead. That's what I'm trying to get through to your head.

If I build a fence right now, they're still dead. They don't come back to life because there's a fence now. Can I paint a picture for you? You build a fence right now, and then tomorrow we don't get a text that says 17 people have died. What do you think about that? I'll say this. I'll say this I'll say this

I'm on the fence about it oh my god I forgot how much I love that bit that's that's so that was I think that might actually

be my favorite bit from the year now that we listen back to it Eric the farmer do you think you're maybe moving on way too fast? I'm laughing. Can you believe Sheriff and the Mayor?

And is it a comedy? That's not because that's not funny. Why are you laughing? Can I paint a picture for you? You put up a fence right now and tomorrow we don't get a text that says 17 people are dead in five minutes. God. Oh my god. we'll light a candle i'm i can't bring him back i can't define romance it's such a complicated topic well not in definition i like the guy a lot i like the guy. Oh, fuck. That was so good. Oh, my God. Shelby's so funny.

Oh, my God. What's up? I love Caleb, too. Yeah, in the middle of it. What's up? What's up? We're saying what's up. He's drunk.

It's the simplest solution. No hands. No hands. What do you guys want? Offense. Also, the fact that all three reporters are like really aggressively like coming at her all at once she's laughing through it oh it's so funny what's up they're so good we should have that on again too yeah all right what's that oh shit yeah have a bit brandy i think this is a bit of brandy remember that from last year's

uh best of episodes the holiday jude law yeah jude law with his strong jaw jude law with a lock jaw so he has he had headgear actually is something people didn't know about jude hey jude lock jaw can't close my mouth maw uh all right are you ready for in a way you and i are like lennon mccartney um yeah i don't know it's like we're the same as them. It's like in the way that we collaborate and just like our minds. Just let me think about it.

It's like you don't have to think about it. It just is. No, I don't think that's true. Try the next one. All right. Are you ready for our runner up? Our silver medalist. Our second place.

Our silver fox. Our silver fox. Our silver fox. Honestly, a little bit. A little bit. Number two of the best of review review 2021 is Old Navy with Billy and Adam. Yes! Billy and Adam are just kindness personified. I love them.

This episode, it was really, I scrubbed through this one and yeah it was so hard to pick because literally every scene from this episode are some of my favorite scenes from the whole year the german exchange student the exchange student who's like i am the king of the navy you have the the like customer service line of like going back and forth. I love that one. It was so good. And Billy just being so fucking aggressive. Oh my God.

It was brilliant. But the one that we picked is just, this was so, this has gone down as one of my favorite bits, I think. Me too. I love Billy and Adam. I wanted,

they're just the best. I know we literally talk about it every time we have them on of like you guys got us started like every single time and they're just um they're they're so lovely and they're so funny they also are so fucking quick like they are they're just their minds work just so just so and they're just so they're just so wonderful this episode was so fucking fun yeah we should do we should do another one with them too because i think it's actually almost been a year i think we had them on last january yep because i was still at home all right let's let's listen back to this one i'm so excited here we go this is old navy

with billy and adam this is one star. Oh, brutal. From January 25th, 2021. Recent. Brutal. Not off the press. Okay, here we go. I came last Saturday, the 23rd, and took two underwears.

I was ready to go to the cashier, but a security employee asked me to show my pants, but I refused. Another one came and told me that he saw me on camera putting me in underwear in my pants. I was obliged to show me that he saw me on camera putting me in underwear in my pants. I was obliged to show them

that they made a wrong accusation. When they saw that I didn't steal anything, a third one asked me if I wanted to buy anything. Of course I said no. Then they brought me to the exit. After that, I called them

and asked for them to apologize. The employee said he was sorry and he took my name. I said, Dennis, like a dog, and he said name. I said, Dennis, like a dog. And he said, no. I said, sorry, like Dieu, God in French. He took my phone number and told me that he'll call me back on Saturday. But they didn't.

I called again and they said again that they'd call me on Monday. I just want to say that I'm a caregiver. And this is the day that my patient went to take his vaccination for COVID-19. Plus, I'm 58. I've never stolen my life. Old Navy. O like old. Security. S like STD. Am I a victim?

V like victory. Be careful to bother nice people. There's always justice from who? From God. Sometimes you deal with somebody more important than you see. This is a crazy person. This is a crazy person.

When I first read this, I thought that they were spelling Old Navy. Yeah, it's not acrostic. But it was, oh, like, oh, or whatever, S, V. I'm like, what are you spelling? Don't emphasize the letter.

Of all the batshit crazy stuff, Dieu was the one that was like, excuse me? You can't slip into French. You're a psycho. We've already established you're a psycho. Dieu, God in French. And it's not clarifying at all to say, that's my name, Dennis, like a dog.

Dogs can be named anything. It's like, that's in no way clarifying. You knew he was crazy out the gate when he said, I took two underwears. Yeah. You can't take two underwears. Yeah, also phrasing it like,

I took two underwears sounds like they were stealing. Exactly. I know. If he just said, he's like, I picked up two to then go buy it.

But then he's like, so I took two and then they asked me to show them because they said it was stealing. Like, no, I just took them. I didn't. I'm 58. And took two and then they asked me to show them because they said it was stealing. Like, no, I just took them. I'm 58.

And then he said, like, show, they asked me to show them my pants, which leads me to believe, like, did you put the under, did you take the underpants on your pants,

on your legs? Are you wearing the underpants? Apparently on video they thought that he stuffed them in his pants. But I also love the clarifier that's like,

well, I'm 58. I've actually never stolen in my life. I'm 58. So, yeah. Cut me some slack. You're at a wedding reception giving a speech. Oh, Peter.

How long has it been, man? 20 years since college? Yeah, bro. Yeah. I thought that I would start us off with a poem. Okay. The whole crowd is like, aw. We love that. So many memories. This could be anything

P important important rather to me that Peter is you're a real mainstay in my life Peter and I hope that you and Lisa have a long relationship long as in

till death do you part E relationship long as in till death do you part e everyone can see how much you guys love each other right i mean i can see it in the way you guys like i want to find someone that looks at me the way lisa looks at you peter lean over to peter sorry so that p that was all just the first letter of the acrostic sometimes it just goes off on his tantrums and it's better to not stop them it's like waking someone up when they're sleepwalking this is gonna be the longest acrostic. Sometimes it just goes off on its tangents and it's better to not stop them. It's like waking someone up when they're sleepwalking. This is going to be the longest acrostic poem ever.

Nine. Let it happen. Nine. The number of sexual partners I know that you've had before. Hold on. Lisa. No. That's not true, honey.

That's not true, honey. Nine. You told me four. You have enough of a sample size to know whether this sexual chemistry is going to work. I'm sorry, Aunt Elizabeth. Who? Aunt Elizabeth. It's my aunt. Aunt Elizabeth. She's here.

This is crazy, but yeah. Another P. Fantastic spelled with a PH. And that's what this wedding has been. I love you, Peter. And lisa welcome to the family thanks buddy means a lot cheers cheers uh thank thank you so much uh that was so beautiful um am i i don't mean to be rude looking out to the crowd but am i am i am i just a little too uh drunk off the champagne or did he not spell

peter's name he spelled p e 9 p i was trying to keep track it was yeah thanks dad thank you no i Yeah. Thanks, Dad. Thank you. I was keeping notes here, but P-E-9-P was the... P-E-9-P. If that's... It's kind of a weird quirk of his. I kind of let it go. This is between you and me, Lisa, but I think he can't spell.

I honestly think that he can't spell. I feel bad. I didn't want to call him out or shame him or embarrass him or anything. I feel like I should go apologize. I feel like I should go apologize. R is for the way you look at me. Just let him go, hon. O is for the only one I see.

C is very, very extraordinary. Nine is like the nine in Peter's name, and that is fine. Now R. R-O-C-9-R. See, we just sometimes got to let him just have it, huh? We all have our quirks. Hey, Simon. We're on our quirks. Hey, Simon. We're on the dance floor.

Hey, Simon, can I talk to you for a second? Hey, hey, congratulations. Oh, thank you so much. It means the world that you're here. And I just want to say, I'm really sorry for kind of bringing up your problem, for lack of a better term, in front of the whole reception.

That was so uncool of me, and I had no idea. And so, you know, if you need anything, I here for you and i just i just wanted to say that i'm oh i dropped my glass that i'm really sorry about that oh after my speech i went straight to the bathroom what problem do i have you you know you well i mean the the come on you can be honest with me we're family now you're my brother-in-law. I mean, like the, the poem you wrote, just how it was written.

It's fine. I mean, like it was really endearing and I think the sentiment was so beautiful. Um, but I think, you know, if you need help, just ask.

I'm a teacher. And so this is kind of what I do. I didn't want to have to do this. everyone oh yeah yeah we're gonna take a quick poll and then we'll get back to the festivities if you think my poem was the best speech of the night stand on that corner of the room and if not you stand on the other and if there's not enough room in that corner then that's fine fine, but my point will be made. I walk over to one corner. Nobody follows. Music slowly comes back,

and everybody just goes back to dancing. His jaw is on the floor. Everybody. Yeah. Rocking body. Yeah. Everybody. Yeah. Rocking body. Yeah. Everybody. Backstreet's back tonight.

Backstreet's back. All right. Lisa's dad walks over to Simon and says, hey, Simon, that was a pretty wild poll. You just took. Anyway, I just want to say, uh, now that we're family and everything, um, you know,

my daughter, she's a teacher. And if you ever need any help with anything kind of grammar related or alphabet, alphabet related or ABC, any ABC stuff that you might need help with, even ABCD. Yeah. I yell out from back, or one, two, threes.

Yeah. Any of the numbers and letters stuff, like Lisa is so smart and she'd be, you know, we're family now and we don't need to be embarrassed and just want to kind of put that out there. I thought your speech and your poem were really lovely, really heartfelt and beautiful. But again, anyc stuff you need um no no shame no embarrassment but lisa's happy to help you out yeah i actually really fucking appreciate that okay watch the language but i cool sorry i really f u 9 5 k l 4 appreciate that I know there's children around. All right. How do you spell your name?

I've heard Simon spelled so many different ways. I'm just curious as to how you spell Simon. S-I-M. And that's it. Okay. So, yeah, I would say if ever you want any kind of – I'm not even saying like a formal tutoring thing, but even if you just want to chat with Lisa about your name and the letters in it or the letters that aren't in it or what the difference even is between letters and numbers. Yeah.

She would be, I think, happy. I speak for her when I say she'd be happy to help you out. We're family. Just, again, letters and numbers and how they're different and just the fact that they are different yes yeah and if you ever want help writing the next wedding speech come to me because you know great i will take that i will definitely take that subpar and not in a golf way okay um well anyway happy that you're here, Simon. Can I give you a hug? May I hug you? I'm just waiting for your consent. Sorry, I was thinking about that.

We've all come over to the corner of the room now. The entire wedding is now standing in the corner waiting for you to either hug the father-in-law or not. The DJ's even over here now. The music has stopped. Is Simon going to? He's acknowledged that he can't spell. He's acknowledged that he needs help. If he'll just hug the father-in-law, we can get back to the wedding and celebrate.

Simon, we can't continue until you hug my dad. We're all in the corner of this banquet hall. Just hug Lisa's father-in-law, Simon, for the love of God. Please, Simon. Simon, this is taking way too long, buddy. I'm thinking, I'm thinking. Everybody's so close to me in this corner. I didn't ask you to do that.

You did. You literally asked us to do it. In the poll, not to hug him. All right. A few people start trickling away from the corner. They've lost interest in this potential hug. Well, now hang on a minute, because if I'm going to do it, I want an audience.

You told us that you didn't even want us here in the first place. I'm so alone in this world. Right? So to see Peter and Lisa and what they have, I'm four years older than Peter. How humiliating is that that I haven't found my spouse? Humiliating. This is Peter.

I'm approaching Lisa. Hey, Lisa, listen. I got to apologize for Simon. He's really kind of taken the spotlight away from our special day. I was gonna say. I think that if it's up to me, I think that maybe you and I go our own ways.

We both start fresh. I'm sorry. This has just been, I'm overwhelmed by this whole thing. For a little respect when you get home. Yeah, baby. When you get home. Are you divorcing me? We got married like 30 minutes ago. That's how you spell respect.

The whole father-in-law refuses to hug my best friend. That's how you spell respect. And sock it to me, Simon to me, Simon to me, Simon to me, Simon to me, Simon to me Simon to me Simon to me Simon to me Simon to me Simon to me Simon to me I don't even want to be part of this family anyway I mean Really quick

Cut to Simon Years from now He has a wife And they have a dog And they don't want to get the dog too excited Okay Simon we need to go take him on a W-A-L-K So I just like

Whenever you're ready Just let me just tell me Then And then I'll know We're gonna take take him on a W-A-L-K. So I just like, whenever you're ready, just let me just tell me then and then I'll know. We're going to take the dog on a roller coaster? Simon to me, Simon to me, Simon to me, Simon to me, Simon to me. R-E-S-P-I-9-0. That's how you spell respect. R-E-S-P-I-9-0 that's how you spell respect r-e-s-b-i-9-0 that's how you spell suspected simon to me simon to me simon to me simon to me simon to me what are you doing

i forgot about you calling everyone to different sides of the room yeah're going to take a quick at a wedding. At a wedding. Oh my god. P-E-9-P is what he said. Yeah, I was keeping track. It's such a simple bit but it's so funny to me. Oh my god. Just people who don't know

how to fucking spell. It's also like and the difference if you need help with your ABC stuff ABCD stuff and also just the difference between

numbers and letters and that they are different. And then he and then can i give you a hug it's like a it's like a tim robinson sketch i'm thinking i'm thinking i'm thinking i'm thinking well don't trickle away i want to like i want an audience also like it's like the whole business you can't spell but that you're also changing the lyrics of respect r-e-C-9-5-0. That is how you spell Respect. L-O-V-E and Respect, the only two songs that are based on spelling. R-O-C-9-R.

I love that bit. Well, we should take a quick break and thank some sponsors and then come back with our number one episode of 2022 as voted upon by the listeners. By the 2020 you. Holy shit. Yeah. We'll be right back. And we're back. Riley, what a journey it's been 52 weeks over 60 episodes how many episodes it's actually because it's 12 plus 52 so it's 74 episodes a year because we do one bonus friday a month well there's also a milestone we hit this year is our 100th up 100th up my god that was huge that was huge i don't actually don't know if we're because this

is episode 118 so are we gonna make it we're not gonna make it to 200 next year 200 will be 2023 that's insane yeah it'll be early i wonder if we'll record um in person by the time we get to 200 i wonder if the head gum studio will be done and done-proofed. Well, that's the thing, because I think COVID will be over, but still we won't have a working studio, is my guess. By 2023, we still won't be able to record in person. That is correct. That is 100% correct.

That is correct. 100% correct, Marty. Marty! Riley, are you ready? All right, Jeff, let's do it let's get number one your voted top episode of review review 2021

number one of 2021 is Brett Mintz with Ben friggin Schwartz with literal Sonic himself my god I mean I can't believe we got him on the show Ben friggin Schwartz. With literal Sonic himself. My God. I mean.

I can't believe we got him on the show. That, I mean, we really, it was perfect because he was quarantining in his hotel room before. In Vancouver, I think, shooting. Nothing else to do. And the fact that we had to get Amir to email him a video saying that he was a chipmunk the whole process was multiple takes unbelievable multiple takes was so fun and he's he's the nicest guy this one was controversial because people were like oh like he's being rude when we were recording i didn't feel like he was being rude no i didn't at all and what's funny is that like

literally when we would be like and we're gonna take a quick break in like the moment like in those break moments he literally was saying he's like i hope you could like i hope people know i'm kidding i hope people don't think i'm like being a dick and we're like no it's so clearly a bit and he's like yeah we were like oh people will get it yeah and he literally told us he's like i think you guys are amazing you guys are so wonderful this is just a bit i hope i'm not like i hope you guys don't take it seriously we're like oh no not at all and then of course it comes out and people are like, Oh my God, he's an asshole.

Um, I've never been more nervous for anything in my life. I, I was more nervous for the Lamorne Morris. Really? I was so nervous. Cause we've met Ben like a couple of times. So like,

I knew it was going to be good. I was so nervous. I was really nervous. The end, the what shook me was so, um, kind, kind. So just so wonderful and like so heartfelt yeah it was just it was an unbelievable day like i left that episode

one i think it was just also he fucking he flipped the show on his head and fucking called our asses out um it was so funny. It was just, I was buzzing after that episode. It was unbelievable. He was one of our gold, he was like one of our golden geese. From the beginning, from the beginning. All right, without further ado,

our number one episode from 2021, Breathmints with Ben Schwartz. Benjamin Schwartz. Five stars. The title is Love. I've been using these breath strips for years and I love it. It's perfect for a quote unquote emergencies.

I always keep a pack in my purse. What do you have? What were you thinking, Ryan? I didn't have a specific one in mind. I was just, I love the idea. You just had a lot of different small ones. Tell me what your small ones are. Not a small one. Just the idea of a breath mint emergency is very

funny to me of what constitutes an emergency i love it all right jeff now you can't start like that that was what i was gonna do um all right hmm i could i could initiate you if you want. No, no, no, no, no. No fucking way. No fucking way. I don't fucking think so. Can you read it one more time?

Absolutely. That'll give you time to think if you want. Go right. Yeah. Let me pull it back up. Okay, here we go. I have been using these breath strips for years and I love it. It's perfect for emergencies.

I always keep a pack in my purse. So don't touch emergencies. And Jeff, whenever you're ready. Yep. Oh, yeah, you need. Yeah, I have a Phillips head. I keep it in my purse all the time. Did you just see Mitchell versus the machines?

Yep. And I really took it to heart. Your voice is getting shaky. Like you're a little nervous. No, no. It's just like, yeah, I've never been this close to somebody who used to play on an MLB team. Oh my God.

Yeah. Sorry. So you do have that Phillips head for me though? I do have that Phillips head. And again, that is Alex Rodriguez over there. Are you serious? No, that's what I'm saying. That's why I'm nervous.

Oh my God. You're talking about A-Rod from the Mariners and the Yankees? From the Mariners? He was definitely on the Rangers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely on the Yankees. He was on the Yanks, yeah. Dude, he's going out with J-Lo now, I think, right?

Or no, he got divorced or something? No, they divorced. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Should we talk to him about it or something? I feel like he could use the emotional support. That's what I'm thinking. I feel like celebrities don't really like when you go up to them, but he's dealing with

something right now. This would be the time for us to actually go up and talk to him, don't you think? I say we're never going to see him again. So even if we piss him off, no harm, no foul. That's a great way to think about talking to someone that you've seen on television. That's a perfect way of thinking about it.'s perfect all right this is what i think we should do yeah we're gonna go up to him but we can't just go up to him like a oh like i love your work it has to be like a bigger entrance than that uh okay fire fire what are you doing holy shit you

i'm sorry to interrupt your guys lunch but I just heard there was a fire and should we go help them in the kitchen it's a federal crime oh my god dude I'm so sorry is there is there a fire

no no no we heard about Jennifer Lopez yeah if there's not a fucking fireman then I'm gonna go back and enjoy

my lunch no they just told me that it's fine they just told me that it's fine was it cause you like stopped being inventive in the sack or Jesus no I'm just told me that it's fine. They just told me that it's fine. Was it because you stopped being inventive in the sack?

Jesus. No, I'm just... Was it? Was it because of that? Our biggest question is, is it because you weren't inventive enough in the sack and that's why Jennifer Lopez left? You can talk to us, dude. We're just normal dudes.

We don't know who you are. You don't know who I am, but you know about my divorce with Jennifer Lopez, so obviously you know who I am. Well, you know, that's the context we know you from. Nothing else. That's all we know about you. Yeah. All right.

I actually don't feel comfortable sharing details about my intimate personal life with two strangers. I'll just start sharing something about my life and maybe I'll make you feel better about yours. No, man, you really don't have to. It's all good. Sometimes if you're vulnerable, it gives other people permission to be vulnerable.

Barbara, I was dating this girl Barbara for so long and she's like, I don't want to go out with you. And I was like, prove it. And she left and I was like, why? And I still go to her house all the time and she's not into it and i'm like um so what's j-lo like what's j-lo like you're stalking your ex and you shouldn't do that anymore what's j-lo like she's wonderful i wish her the best you know it didn't work out um and that's all i have to say are you guys members of the press off the record this is all

off the record was it missionary did you just do too much missionary you know what sorry for snapping you guys earlier it's been really hard and so to have people strangers even who care and don't want to talk about baseball or anything else but want to talk about baseball what the fuck is baseball

you don't know what baseball is it's okay if you don't know who I am, but you don't even know what baseball is? Did you mean basketball? Was that the typo? Oh, we love basketball. New York Knicks this year.

Are you kidding me? Emmanuel Quickly, this is unbelievable season for the Knicks. Randall has handles. I was going to talk about every intimate detail about my sex life,

about my personal history, about J-Lo, everything, but you know what? It seems like you guys just want to wax basketball, so I'll let you get back to that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We want to talk about that. We would love to talk about that.

We want to be there for you, dude. I don't know what the fuck you guys want from me. You're saying you don't give a shit about who I am, but you want to be there for me? You want me to open up? We'd love to hear the details. We'd love to get into the nitty gritty of it. And if you want me to be vulnerable, just to kind of complete the circle,

I have a horribly disfigured ass. Show me your ass. No, you don't have to show me your ass. You don't have to show me your ass. Show A-Rod your ass. Sorry, I didn't see my ass. I just figured that'd be a good nickname for you. Alex Rodriguez, A-Rod. Does anybody else call you that? Yeah, I don't know, man. Oh, nice. Okay't see my ass. I just figured that'd be a good nickname for you. Alex Rodriguez, A-Rod. Does anybody else call you that? Yeah, I don't know, man.

I'm not, yeah. Oh, nice. Okay, I see your app. You can pull your pants up. Tell me what's wrong with it. It's a very short crack. It's a very short crack. It's a short crack.

It almost looks like there, yeah, there just might be a hole and a half. You should get it checked out. It's almost one cheek, to be honest. It looks like home base. So you do know what baseball is. I meant when you're climbing. Base camp. That's true.

Base camp he's talking about. It has another name also. Base camp. Maybe there's something to be said about people opening up to you and you wanted to get vulnerable to. Yeah. You know what? We're brothers this afternoon. It's what we are. We're brothers. We're brothers today.

Sex makes me very emotional and it doesn't for her. And it hit a certain point where she just, it got kind of too emotionally intimate for her. And I can't say that's why she left, but I will say I've never had a connection with anyone like that in my life.

And I'm sorry I don't have a weird ass. I'm sorry I don't stalk my ex. I'm just a guy with a big heart and um yeah so how far along in the relationship does this happen was this like after your mvp season or before it got it i'm gonna head back to my table if we're all sharing disfigured parts of our body let me show you the feet yeah let's see the feet i have so i have no real toes i just have like big stumps they are big they're big stumps it They are big stumps. It actually kind of looks like my ass.

Yeah, it looks like your butt. And I guess we get in it there. No, no, it's perfect. That was a perfect one. The game was clear. I felt the beats were even clearer. That might be my favorite one we've ever done. Is that crazy to say?

That earnestly is my favorite end to a scene you've ever done. Disappointed, it does look like your butt. Do you know what I realized? And I got very nervous when I did it. I'm in a hotel because we're filming here. And I just yelled fire at the top of my lungs four times in a hotel. And then I literally literally and the hotel just opened like it's been closed because of covid so like there's like six people in this whole hotel

so like things are starting to get back to normal and people are trying to figure stuff out and i wonder if what i just did was illegal but i don't think so because i'm in a hotel room it can't be illegal right it's not illegal yeah because that's your dwelling place for the okay good i would just because i literally heard a movement outside and I was like, oh, there's only five other people in the whole hotel because they just opened. I was like, did I just commit a felony? Yeah.

And that was kind of the onus of this. We caught your ass. This has got you journalism. You see a fire department come in here. The Do Not Disturb sign was on. Yeah, sorry. I yelled fire because I was doing this scene. You want to know about the scene? Okay, sorry. I yelled fire because I was doing this scene. You want to know about the scene? Okay, yeah.

Alex Rodriguez. While he was playing Alex Rodriguez. You have any notes? Yeah. Her middle name is Marie. Yeah. And Aaron. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, man. My favorite line. Actually, it actually kind of looks like my ass. Yeah, it looks like your butt. I forgot that another part of the whole bit of it was like, after every scene, he would give notes on the scene. Oh my god.

No notes. What is baseball? I don't know what that is. You know who I am. And was that after your MBC season? So you do know who I am. It actually kind of looks like home base. So you know baseball no was that a typo i mean i love it's like you can it's okay if you don't know who i am but you don't know what baseball is i don't know baseball what is that is it a sport what is that is that basketball my god that was my favorite bit from the episode and yeah just having him on was a dream come true even people who don't really

know comedy too i think we're excited that like when we shared it to instagram and they were like holy shit you got ben schwartz yeah that was just that was just such a fucking treat he is a gem he is such a gem he's a righteous gem stone just yeah oh my god we're talking about stone well that was we did it we did it those were the top another year in the bag another year in the bag the top eight episodes

unbelievable of the show and thank you to everybody who voted guys thank you so much thank you for everyone who listened this year yes

it's just been such a ball and if you feel like you might have a friend who might like the show please send them this episode or the other best of episode we figure it's a good intro for people some of the best bits have a friend who might like the show, please send them this episode or the other best of episode. I, we, I,

we figure it's a good intro for people. Um, some of the best, uh, bits from the show and so that you don't have to give them just one episode. Um, cause sometimes on the subreddit people are like,

what's a good intro episode. And I think that these are the best of episodes or fun intros are good. Yeah. Good. Um, yeah. Some of the best guests and some of the best bits. Please share them around.

Yeah. We'd love to bring more people to the party. Into the fold. Yeah. But before we go. Yeah. Riley and I wanted to share an honorable mention bit. That's one of our favorite bit from this year.

So let's get into that. Here we go. Drum roll, please. Riley and I's favorite episode from the past year. Car Antlers 1. please Riley and I's favorite episode for the past year car antlers one from last December actually last December oh my god let's not even intro it let's just go here we go this is a five-star review from Richard J.M. Richard Jingle Malls.

Got it. Here we go, five stars. Subject line, other drivers loved my red decorated SUV. I was traveling on I-75 on Christmas morning going to Sisters. Everyone stopped giving me the finger. What's the punctuation on that? No, none. The whole thing, none.

So it wasn't everyone stopped, comma, giving me the finger? Oh, sorry. No, there's an exclamation point. So yeah, everyone stopped giving me the finger. Exclamation point? Exclamation point. Really joyful. Oh my God.

I just imagine someone just commuting to work normally. Fuck you. Fuck you, Honda Civic. I'm going 65. I don't know what else to change. I'm in the middle lane. I couldn't be less offensive to you. Goes a little farther.

A car pulls up next to you it's a little girl in the back seat just shaking her head what i didn't do anything dude the car slows down a little bit the mom's in the front seat also kidding me with this i'm doing what you're going slower than me and you're in the further left lane a school bus pulls up and it as it passes every kid has the window rolled down and one by one they spit at you oh god i'm trying to roll up my window but it's one of like the actual roll-ups oh god it's wet i did nothing to you guys i'm not even in the same lane. I'm literally staying in my lane. You get on a ramp and you're at a stoplight. Car pulls up next to you.

I'm telling you to roll down your window. Oh, okay. Did you see? Yeah, rolls it down. Did you see that back there? That was nuts. I saw that. I am so sorry.

Did something happen? Like, I couldn't help it. I mean, I know we only have a couple seconds couple seconds as you're doing this you're kind of slowly inching ahead of me and diagonal but i don't notice so that you're like kind of blocking my view i don't know sorry about that i really don't i don't know why everybody has their like honestly panties in a bunch somebody who clearly they know it's a tag team effort rear ends me ends me really hard, pushing me into you too. So I'm liable for damage. What the fuck was that? Oh my God. Let's go yell at this guy, right?

He rear ended me. You just slammed into my driver's side door. Are you kidding? The other guy gets out. Hey, what the fuck was that? You crashed into me. Why were you stopped? I'm out of light. I don don't know this is it like it's

green it's green now but it wasn't green when i was stopped oh my god literally ruined fuck this guy guy gets back to his apartment finally his car is just like destroyed it dies as he gets to the apartment okay opens the apartment oh you're home yeah you won't believe the fucking drive i just had it was i look out the window i see the car no i i can believe it you can believe it or you can see what happened i can i mean well seeing is. So by the state of, you know, your car, I can look. Honey, what are those? What's that contract? What are those law papers?

As of today, we are no longer married. I didn't sign anything. And that's exactly why. Because you never do anything, Simon. You never do. You never take control. You never pull into a lane that you want to be in. You never edge forward at a stoplight that you know is about to turn green.

And so you're like, I'm going to get a head start. Right? You never go five miles over the speed limit. And all the while, your car looks like Rudolph. So how is that supposed to make me feel? I don't know. I thought you liked the antlers. You're too nice. you're too nothing well i'm sorry that you feel that way bad apology i know this christmas

i want more than a box of nothing you're like like, cut to me. You kicked me out. I'm just walking sullenly around like a snowy street. I hear like coming from like a garage door looking place. I'm like, what is this? I poke my head in. It's a boxing gym. Oh, wow. Hey, hey, hey.

If you want, you want to take a picture to last longer. He kind oh, oh, oh. Hey, hey, hey. If you want to take a picture, it'll last longer. He kind of realizes something in himself. Hey, why don't you shut up? What the fuck you talking about? I was just saying, why don't you shut up? Why don't we shut up? Why don't we fucking shut up? How about you get in the ring and I'll shut you up with my fucking fist in your face, huh?

Why don't I get in that ring and I show you what a piece of this is all right everyone eddie eddie glove him up glove him up let's get in here big guy this guy who's like has like 50 pounds on him comes up to him he's like he's about to do it i knock you out in one punch oh total knockout everybody in the gym like stops what they're doing. Holy shit. Vincent! Vincent, come out here! A Sylvester Stallone type comes out. What? This guy just knocked Travis out in one punch.

One punch? That's never happened. Who the hell are you anyway? I'm Simon. Last name? It's Simon. Well, Simon, Simon, you ready for the big leagues? Cut to Simon is now the heavyweight champ of the world.

He's on a billboard. Everyone on the freeway looks up. They all kind of like, they smile. They were about to give him the finger, and then he put it down. Everyone in unison. We all knew you had it in you, Simon. And then Simon's ex-wife is in a car with another man. They're driving around.

So babe, what do you want for dinner tonight before I rail you? What are you looking at? Just a little bit of history. But as for dinner, I'll take some shrimp scampi and then I'll take the car. I'm getting out. What? He has like a dent in his head. Bald as hell.

He has cauliflower rugby ears. He's like a thumb creature from Spy Kids. Cut to her knocking on the door of a huge mansion. Hello? Oh. Hi, Simon. Lindsay. So, this is your new place.

Yeah, it does the job. Yeah. Can I come in? It's a little cold out here. Now's not really a good time. Hey, Simon. Simon. I'm crying. Two women coming.

Yeah, yeah. They're both wearing really corny Playboy bunny ears. Hey, Simon. One of them's wearing his button-down white shirt. Yeah, ladies, I'll be right there. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you had company. Who's this?

Oh, sweetie, I like your scarf. I didn't know Infinity Scarves made it since 2008. And you might want to wear a skirt. Oh, well, it's pretty cold, so I have jeans on. Oh. Go back to bed, ladies. I'll be there in a minute. He's wearing his championship belt and nothing else.

So what is it you wanted? You know what? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you, especially after how I acted. This is so embarrassing. I should just go. Yeah, probably. Wait, no, Simon.

Close the door. Title card. Merry Christmas. From Simon Simon that was the darkest oh my god I just had to take a lap

I forgot that his name was Simon Simon I forgot that he like the montage like him walking through the dark snowy streets and seeing a gym and just wanting to beat the shit out of somebody why don't you shut up

why don't you come in the room that's so elaborate it's literally a movie oh my god us saying that that will forever be my favorite moment on this show regardless of what happens is us both having the same thought of, like, Simon.

But then it's the fact that there were two is so funny. It's perfect. There had to be two. There had to be two. There had to be two. There had to be two. So, yeah, that's, I think, unequivocally our favorite bit from the past year. Oh, my God. there had to be two um so yeah that's I think unequivocally our favorite bit

from the past year my god unbelievable Simon unbelievable wow another year in the books in the bag I should go yep yep wait no sorry closes the door in her face that's not how it's

supposed to end oh Oh, my God. He likes the new life. Yeah, he loves it. He loves it. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. We did it. We did it.

Guys, thank you so much for listening to another year of Review Review. Thank you so much to those who voted in the Google form. And I can't wait to do another year. Another year. Who knows what the next year will have. That the exciting part of it who knows i'm so i'm so excited for this next year new bits yeah new themes new characters new dreams oh that's really good yeah i want to be an interesting theme uh a lot of uh the best of episodes were with guests so i wonder if i wonder if a those are easier to remember on the form because the rest of them are always just you and me.

And they probably all blend together. Or is it that people like guest episodes? Maybe we should try and have a guest on every month. We've talked about doing that before. Let us know. Yeah. Yeah. Hit us up.

Hit us up. Post on the subreddit. Talk to us in the Discord. Here's Jeff's personal cell phone number. No, no, no, no number no no no no no no no um but yeah we'll see you guys again

in the new year uh we hope that you have a happy new year happy new year stay safe yes um

and I'm sending you a bunch of romantic kisses and I'm sending platonic kisses um because you know you don't want to assume that people are into you

romantically and all the other things no I'm sending them to you they're in the mail you can take them if you want to assume that people are into you romantically and all the other things. No, I'm sending them to you. They're in the mail. You can take them if you want or you can return them. So you're kissing an envelope and sending it to

the thousands of listeners individually? Yep. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of money and time and effort. Worth it. Not really. You can follow Riley and Spa

on Instagram at Riley and Spa on Twitter at Riley Coyote and the show on Instagram at Review Review and on Reddit r slash Review Review and the HeadGum at review review and on Reddit are slash review review and the head gum discord.

You can, I think it's head gum.com slash discord or discord.com slash head gum. You can actually follow Jeff on Instagram, which sucks, but it's at Jeffrey James and on Instagram. I mean, sorry, at Twitter at Jeff Boyardee,

unfortunately it's fortunately, but thank you all so much for listening. This show would literally could not be possible without listeners fortunately but thank you all so much for listening this show would literally could not be possible without listeners so thank you keep the theme song

submissions coming and we're so grateful I'm so grateful to do this show and I can't wait for the next year and can't wait for a live show

2022 it's gonna happen alright Arrivederci that was a Hiddem Original