Review Revue - Best of Review Revue 2023 Part 1

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

Alf and Reilly share YOUR picks for the worst of the best episodes in this Review Revue Best of 2023!This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self.>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. At participating restaurants for a limited time.

Who's our favorite host of the podcast review review? R-I-L, fuck. Antspa, that is who. Stabby, knifey, mcdonan. We call her mommy too. R-E-L-I, ah. Review, review. Riley Antspa is her name.

She keeps both Alfred and Jeffrey in line. Shine, shine, shine. She's a lady, so we will not talk about her ass. R-E-I-L-L-Y, Antspa is the best, review, review, Wiley, review, she is the best host, and no man can come close except maybe Jeff Probst, sorry. That's it. Jeff Probst. Sorry. That's it. Yay! I love that theme song because it was about

how amazing I am. That was from Jackson, Mississippi. I liked that one a lot. He said, this one's for Riley. No, sorry. He said,

here's one for Riley. Chine, Jackson. I love, that was a parody of the Mickey Mouse Club theme song. And I really liked it. I thought it was very clever of no one knows how to spell my name.

Right. All right. That was I loved it. I also really loved how it's talking about like no one can compare to me. Right. And how I'm kind of like everything.

But again, thank you, Jackson. But this is kind of like we're not even here to talk about the theme song. We're here to like get it. Alfred, it is. I'm just going to cut right to the fucking chase. Cut through the chatter, mama. It's time. I'm so excited.

It is time for the first part of two parts of the best of review, review 2023. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Review, review the podcast so good they named it twice. Come on, come on. We are going to, over the course of two episodes, if you have not listened to a best of ep before, and Alf, this is your first time hosting a best ep ep. Not even hosting, just being on too being on it what we're gonna do what happened what happened was you the people you me you you got

in line and stayed in line to vote for your top eight favorite review review episodes of 2023 now what's gonna happen is this episode we're doing Picks 8 through 5 We're working our way bottom to top 8 through 5 and then next week Join us again for 4 to 1 With a couple special surprises A little special sauce sprinkled in there Alfred you've

Hosted this show for a year now It's been a year How has this year of doing The show been like for you? It's been the year how do you feel what how has this year of doing the show been like for you uh it's been the best year of my life um i sincerely do enjoy making the show with you um i will say if you asked me off the dome right now yeah to name 10 episodes we did this year i probably couldn't do it sure and that is normal and that is normal i do an episode yeah and then i wake up you know what you mean by that yeah a hundred percent yeah

yeah you kind of it's like you fall into a liminal space it's not quite asleep not quite awake no have you ever had a um sleep paralysis Oh, it's a lot like that. Okay. And you're my sleep paralysis demon. This has been such a fun year. I mean, it's like I'm so grateful. I'm going to get so earnest. I am so grateful to be doing this show with you.

It's just been such a fun time, and I can't wait to keep doing it with you, to get to do to get to do years of a show with your best friend and then to keep doing it with another best friend I mean what's what more could a girl ask for can you ask for I mean and I remember we said it at the time but it remains true uh that we're already talking on the phone you and and I, eight, nine hours a week. Yes. A few hours a day here and there. And that's not even an exaggeration.

And I wish that were an exaggeration. And it really isn't. But it really isn't. And so to record. But it really unfortunately isn't. To record like a fifth of the time we talk in a week is a small price to pay for for for this loving um show and and community and i'm not gonna get earnest because that's your thing but it is uh before before like alph officially joined the show like before we recorded our first uh because alph and i what happens when we talk

on the phone is nothing we will kind of call each other, usually when one of us is driving. Yes. And it'll just kind of be nothing. And we're like, damn, will people listen to this? And so thank you guys for listening to essentially just what we talk about, but with a bit more structure. We have a lot to get through, guys. Again, we're not even going to, what have you been up to? What have you been up to?

What I've been up to is prepping this episode. What Alf's been up to is prepping this episode what I've been up to is sipping a coffee what do you drink in there oh it's just a 12 ounce drip from the coffee shop down the street from my apartment that I won't name to not talk to myself uh even though I've talked to myself like three times on the show we're doing a little morning app we're doing a little morning app so normally these best of eps are done at night. And Jeff and I have a couple alcoholic beverages. These ones are going to be done in the morning time. And Alf and I are going to be overly caffeinated. And so I have a little drip coffee with some with some peppermint mocha creamer, which is delicious.

Thank you for asking. And I know what you guys are all thinking. Like, is Alfred going to break his sobriety for this? Is Alfred going to break his sobriety for this? Yes. That is how much I love the fans. He's drinking an Irish coffee coffee there is whiskey in here i am three sheets to the wind right now um okay so we're gonna get right into it guys you all kind

of popped off for episodes eight through five because we have not one, but two ties. No way. We have two ties. Recount, recount. I demand a recount. Stop the vote. Lock her up. Wait. I remember asking Alf, I'm like, do we just pick one of the two?

Like, it's going to be too long. But then I listened to all the scenes. I'm like, no, we got it. Like, we got to give the people what they want. I'm not going to steal the election. I'm not going to rig the vote. We're going to get straight into it. Sorry, really quick

before we start off by figuring out what the eighth place tie is yeah surprise it's a tie um that is a surprise i didn't know i just want to say a big big thank you to daniel ramos who is our incredible producer because it literally this show would not be the show without him he like we will record and we'll be like well that was shit and then we'll listen back and daniel has like added sound effects and cut it in such a way that it's just like you do so much for the show daniel we love you so much and we are so grateful and um so a lot of especially this past year it's like the the sound effects that you hear the way the show is produced.

That's how Ramos, baby, it is. I couldn't do it. Riley couldn't do it. You shouldn't. Neither should I. But let's get into it. Alfred, we have a tie for eighth place of the Best of 2023. Drumroll, please. Please, coming in at a tie for eighth place is

Cafe Nero with Ed Jones and Ouija boards. Nice. I remember one of those. We're going to start with Cafe Nero with Ed Jones because we have to start with Ed Jones. Ed Jones is one of, what do you remember from this episode? I remember past and future guests ed jones uh looking very handsome on the zoom it was late at night for him and he beautiful beautiful boy he was willing to do it

for yes for the love of the game and i appreciate that he's the best in terms of the content of the show yeah do any moments stand out to you i seem to remember there was a thing of uh there was the there was like a jazz like a late night jazz bar thing and I'm that's so interesting that you mentioned that um I also that is one of my favorite that's one of my I love that bit so much I remember you two doing those voices and it made me cry laugh um Ed Jones is one of the funniest people I've ever met. Ed always. I think Ed also made, every time Ed has been on, he makes the list. We gotta get him back on the show. We gotta get him

back. So we have so much content to get through. So let's get into it. This is tied for number eight. This is Cafe Nero with Ed Jones. I have a review if we have time for another one. Go crazy. Okay. This is one in So we have time for another one. Go crazy. Okay. This is one in Soho by

Piccadilly. This is from Hannah B. Hannah, bet your life you're going to be alright. Hannah, bet your life you're going to be alright. Is that all one word or hyphenated? Yes. Her dad was Martin,

bet your life you're. And then Susanna, life's going to be all right. Bet your life you are. They shouldn't have got together. They were two rival families. Oh, God. Thank God they didn't order it the other way. So the last name was life's going to be all right. Bet your life's.

It's four stars from Hannah. Bet your life's going to be all right. Bet your life's... It's four stars from Hannah. Bet your life's gonna be all right. You may be thinking that everyone has been to Cafe Nero, so what's the point of writing a review about it? Fair point. But go to the Cafe Nero on 1st Street, Soho, and it is a very different experience. I tend to find myself here when I'm too tired or bored of dancing,

but not wanting the night to end. Sitting with a cup of coffee at 3 a.m., Soho and Nero is still buzzing with caffeine and people. Starting the night with drinks and chatting, going out and then finishing it in the same way seems perfect to me. There really ought to be more late night coffee shops. Try it. Wow. I'm just stunned that there's a cafe in Nero the same way seems perfect to me there really ought to be more late night coffee shops try it

wow i'm just stunned that there's a cafe near that's open at 3 a.m that seems like a big mistake and who's going to cafe near at three morning it's for the chat it's for the chat to start as we begin i can imagine there's so many like really like intentional like jazz or beat poetry clubs where they're serving coffee late into the night like you're not going to like the equivalent of a starbucks to do your late night like thoughts and the only person in there the staff so pissed off that someone's come in wow yes um are you gonna order anything else sir bags under eyes just like black circles on the rise yeah yeah yeah man groovy um can i get a uh panini Panini. Caprese Panini, if you've got it. Caprese Panini.

Our equipment is actually, it shuts off on a timer at a certain point, so you can get the sandwich, but it's not going to be pressed. It's not going to be a full panini. So it's not a panini, is it? No, it's a sandwich. Right, right.

Why don't you tell me what I can have? You can have the sandwich. Right, right. I guess I'll's the sandwich. Right, right. Why don't you tell me what I can have? You can have the sandwich. Right, right. I guess I'll have the sandwich. I mean, we have other stuff too. I'm sorry, it's just late. So I don't exactly know what the inventory is right now. Alicia.

Alicia. How are you? I'm fine, Tom. What a beautiful evening it is in Soho tonight, am I right? I heard that. Hey, sorry, my friend. I don't believe we've met before. How are you?

I'm good, man. My name is Flash. Flash, meet Tom. Hey, what's up, Flash? Like the light of my life here said, my name is Tom. And the light to me respects the light in you, my friend. That's very nice. I see your light.

It's bright. Everyone is full of light. Tom, would you like something to go? What a question. What are you having, my friend? This one is on me. I to give oh no no no no no i got a panini so i don't know if you can afford that your card's been declined the past three times that you've shown up no it's fine my dad my dad transferred me okay got it my friend

let me get you it all comes around goes around in the end oh oh, oh, wait. I think we're onto something here. Comes around. There's no music. They're both just kind of like wiggling. Comes around. Coffee by the pound. Pour me some beans. The queen knows what she means. Cup. Yes.

Cup, yes. Oh, man, you have skills, man. This is very bad. Oh, my God. Please stop flailing. This is not cup yes oh man you have skills man oh my god please stop flailing this is not good poetry or music what can I get for you right now that will get you to leave this shot as soon as possible why don't you

give me a story pour this man a cup of a tale oh my god Pour this man a cup of a tale We don't have My stories on the menu But we do have the remnants Of a blonde roast right now I'm not going to brew a whole new batch But we do have a blonde roast

I could take a blonde roast Alicia my friend, it's 2 a.m. You don't close for another two hours. What's the rush? The rush is that I had to pick up some extra shifts today, so I have been here since noon. I'm working 12 hours, probably more. Long day.

Yeah. Long nights. And this is making it longer. Long nights, long days and long nights. Heard that. Yep. Loud and clear. So Tom's getting a blonde roast, and what can I get for you, Flash?

Flash is having an ice cold panini. No pressing, please. I appreciate that, man. That's my order as well. Sudden third person. Okay. So two sandwiches then. Two cold paninis.

Alicia, do you like to dance? Sudden third person. Okay. So two sandwiches then. Two cold paninis. Alicia, do you like to dance? Do you want to come out to the club with us tonight? No, I don't. I want to go home. I want to go home and get into bed because I have the longest day ever and you guys are making it infinitely longer. Alicia, the world, this city doesn't sleep. Do you know what I mean? The music is alive and the rhythm is here.

We're feeling it there and we're feeling it here. You sing this song every time you come in. Yep, the music is alive. We're feeling it here. The rhythm's there. The rhythm's there. I'll get your sandwiches. And actually, I want to ring everything up right now.

So order everything that you're going to have right now. And then we're going to be done with this. All right. I think I'll be okay with just the panini. If you can get, well, no, I'll have a cappuccino and a groovy beet if you've got one. Cat. Oh, my man Tom has got me a groovy beet. Very nice. So then the cappuccino then.

Cappuccino and the sandwich for you. The beats are free, I guess. Yep, you can do that with Tom and you can do it outside. Tom, so just the blonde roast and, again, the ice-cold panini. I'll take it as cold as it comes. Great, that'll be from the fridge. How much is that going to run me, Alicia? Well, who's paying for who?

It really doesn't matter. I'll pay for both. No, please let me, my friend. No, my friend. It's not a crazy math. It's gonna be 17.75. Can I split it to two cards? I am approaching my credit limit tonight.

Is in the city of Soho where there are no limits. Approaching that credit limit. You can split it to two cards. That's fine. One of them's a Visa gift card. Is that alright? Yes, that's fine. We'll take a Visa gift card. So how much do you want to put on?

Do you want to split it evenly down the middle? Whatever's left on the gift card first, and then you can put it on my MasterCard travel rewards. Weirdly enough, you have five pounds flat on the Visa gift card. Perfect. So we'll do that, and then we'll do the rest on that. Okay, and get your signature, please. Thank you.

Awesome. That's it. So I will bring those up right now. Have fun. I want to leave a tip, but I only have euros. Is that alright? Hey, brother, tell me, whereabouts in Europe did you travel? I was in Oslo last weekend for

a poetry slam. I was at the very same poetry slam as thee. Oh, my, oh, me. Tonight we are going to party, my friend. I'll take the euros. That's fine. I'll just exchange them. Just, that's fine.

I'll take euros. Can you break a five? I have a five-euro note, but I don't want to give you all of it. You're an asshole. Can I charge my phone here? Is that okay? Thank you. I also need a charger. Yes, we have outlets.

I do not actually believe in electricity, if that's okay, but if you have somewhere... What does that mean? How do you charge your phone? Exactly. Right. It's been dead for a long time. Is that a tattoo? Is that a tattoo on your wrist?

Yes, it is, my friend. It's a musical note. C sharp. Pitch perfect. My man is pitch perfect tonight. No, it wasn't. That was a lot of notes, and I don't think any of them are pitch perfect. Alicia, do you like to sing?

I don't like anything anymore. I heard that. Capitalism. It happens, man. man it happens it gets you down here we go here's a blonde roast here's the cappuccino and here's two ice cold paninis can you cut it in half for me like mummy used to do i don't like eating a sandwich from the outside. I like to eat it from the middle first. If I do that, can I get a five euro note? Yes, I'll give you the whole five euros, my queen. Don't call me that. I will cut it down the middle.

Respect. And there you go. Okay, my bad. I am going down to the cellar where my manager is, and he'll come and take the rest of the shift. Sounds good to me. Have a a good night enjoy your paninis and the coffee hey alicia what thank you yeah whatever no but like thank you yeah i know i know you know what i know you're really going through it so it's the least i could do alicia i want you to really take this it, so it's the least I could do. Alicia, I want you to really take this in.

Okay. Look me in the eyes when I say, I love you. You're wearing dark Ray-Bans, so I can't really see your eyes. I appreciate that. They look great on you, my friend. I love you. That's nice. Do you love me?

No, I don't. Respect. I heard't. Respect. I heard that. I'm sure I'll see you both tomorrow, unfortunately. Every night. Yep. Every night. Yeah, that's, you know what, Tom?

I've wanted to bring that up with you for a bit. Sure. Do you have anywhere else to go? Right now? Yep. What a question. Got it. I understand. right now yep what a question got it I understand

I'm leaving and my manager will be up if you need anything else reaching up and grabbing coins out of the tip jar slap your hand stop it oh come on not anything can happen in Soho.

Manager crawls up from the basement. What can you guys need from us? I can see you two friends have love in your eyes. What? Whoa. What? Whoa. What? What? Wow, man, you've got some groovy skin.

It's wrinkled as fuck. I was gonna say the exact same thing. Do you boys want to crash in the cellar? No, do not offer that. Do not offer that. They seem down on their luck. Tom's already blowing off an air mattress.

No, because now I feel like an asshole. Alicia. I'm not the asshole. I appreciate your kindness, my friend. God damn it. I will not go unrewarded. You can go home early tonight. Thank you.

Hey, that Alicia, what's the deal with that Alicia girl? What's she saying? She doesn't like art. I thought so. She's not enlightened like my two friends, Flash and Tom. We're best friends. Hey, old wrinkly man yes thank you

will you guys speak at my wake I'm so glad you asked it's tonight I only knew this wrinkly man for a matter of moments I heard that

shortly after I met him I heard that. Shortly after I met him. I heard that. But he will always live long in my heart and in my soul. I wish there were some people here to hear this. Here's a little song we prepared in honor of our fallen friend. Though the road is long it never ends. You're always gonna be my one true friend.

Everybody putting me up on your floor and I wish you could have another copy of all. That one goes out to Alicia. I hope you're feeling flirty tonight. Such a big air horn. Cheer, cheer, cheer. She turns off the lights in the rec center where his funeralhole's being melted

okay that was that was episode oh my fucking god that was cafe nero i fully had forgotten about the manager who comes up from the cellar. I don't know. I was listening to that and I said, okay, yeah, this must be where the scene ends. Mm-mm, mm-mm, keeps going. And then I chime in with the, my two best friends who sleep on the cellar floor. There's something about the manager's voice

that feels very Planet of the Apes. I was literally, I was going to say, it's like, why was I doing Flash, Tom, together, strong? You decided your name was Flash. Flash, normal name, normal scene.

Oh my God. Come to my wake, why don't you? It was really hard to decide between that and the first one where it's like there was one barista who everyone wanted to fuck. Oh, right. And listen, if that was the fan favorite, sorry.

My fan favorite was the two beat poets at Cafe Hero. I forgot about that first one. That was funny, too. Oh, my God. And then we also did have the middle one of uh that we saw like religious symbols in the phone oh yeah i remember that okay i'm surprised how much of that one i remembered yeah um that won't be the case for all of these no and we're gonna go head straight into we're still on number eight because we have a tie so we it's kind of fascinating because at this point in time

the listeners know a lot more than we do as in they know what the runtime of this episode is yes yes yes yes um are we ready for tied for number eight i was already set up before ouija boards alf what do you remember of this episode? Fuck nothing. We did the Psychics episode with Kylie. And we did the Ghost Tours episode with Betsy and Marcy. And this one is completely... It's the both of those and neither of the... I have no distinct memory of what this is.

The only thing I remembered before pulling a scene is demon Kris Jenner that it was kind of like Bloody Mary but instead of Bloody Mary it was demon Kris Jenner I don't know that I don't really don't remember that at all I mean I have a vague memory Kris Jenner

Kris Jenner and like kind of insidious ask but who would go in the mirror? It doesn't matter. Let's get into it. Let's play. Fuck, fuck. Tied for episode eight, Ouija boards. This is for my TV show.

This is for winning moves games classic Ouija Brown, eight years and up. This is from Leanne G. Leanne Greensome. Leanne Greensome writes, Two stars. Bought it as a, quote, gag, quote, gift. Two separate.

Separate sets of quotes. One around gag, one around gift. Good. I don't think this was ever intended to be a real quote unquote Ouija board it is very thin scratchy wood I got it as a gag gift for my kid

when he weighed himself and it was 66.6 pounds what the fuck and to piss off my boyfriend worked like a charm sorry so her kid weighed himself And to piss off my boyfriend. Worked like a charm. Sorry. So her kid weighed himself, and he was 66.6 pounds. So she bought him a Ouija board?

As a gag gift, and also to piss off her boyfriend. Worked like a charm. Worked like a charm. Okay, so since this is your first couples counseling session um i i guess i need to start by asking you know what brought you guys in today we don't need to do a whole deep dive into the history but just so i get a sense of like why did you start now you know what led you to this point so uh roger why don't we start with you yeah um leanne i don't think you'll disagree with this um it's probably the ouija incident probably the ouija incident the ouija incident

was probably like i guess what brought to the surface well actually actually roger it's a ouija because there actually is the eye and Ouija. And here she goes. And here she goes. But no, I just want to say, if you're going to start, if you're going to finish what you start. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so Ouija incident. Sorry, you say Ouija too? Well, it's just that there is no I. What do you mean there's no I? There's literally an I at the end. But it's not Ouija. It's, you know, it's just that there is no i what do you mean there's no i there's literally an i at the end but it's not we g it's it's you know it's anyway it doesn't matter obviously um i'm pretty sure it's we g okay listen i guess i we joe we g tomato tomato right right i'm just saying I'm pretty sure. Okay, pretty sure, but you're not 100%. No. That's right.

I'm not. Okay, so none of us are 100% sure. So none of us. None of the three of us are 100% sure. Well, you sounded pretty damn sure. Well, I just, you know what? I was making my best guess. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Roger, that was really fucked up. I know, and this was my idea, if you can believe it. So this was your, okay, great. Let's get more into that. So Roger. This is my idea. So you say we, you know, the board.

The board. And it was your idea to come in. That's right. Can you give me a little bit of background? Yeah. I guess, so we've been together since high school. Class of 88, go beaver! We were the beaver.

Just the singular beaver? Yeah, go beaver. Go beaver, so just the one. We kind of made a big Trojan beaver. It was a whole thing. But yeah, we were the singular... Roger, you always get so off topic. I have high school have you're the one

who wanted to come here so you want to talk about being in high school she said why did you i have all the modern pride yes i think to understand the tumultuous tapestry of our relationship literally said you're so i don't need to hear about you beginning exhaust me, we're getting right into it. You won't let me get a word in edgeways. Edgewise. For fuck's sake. You know what our son said to me the other day,

Dr. Dentist, or whatever your name is? Thompson. Thompson, Dr. Dentist, whatever. Our son said to me, I was watching the big game. Go beaver on TV. Every game is the big game with this one. On TV, this local public access.

They put the high school's games on there. It's pretty awesome. And I was watching it and I got pretty heated because the beaver lost. And so I was like, oh, damn, that damn beaver lost. And so I so I was like, oh damn that damn beaver, you know. And listen, did you hear that sigh? She literally wants to interrupt me. She literally, Dr. Dennis, she literally

wants to fucking interrupt me. She won't let me finish the story. Please go on with the story. Also, I would really, I would really appreciate if you respected my name and position. Just call me Dr. Thompson. Okay, doctor. Dentist. I don't... Okay.

Because you got nice teeth. I don't know. I do nicknames. It's kind of my thing. Anyway, our son... He sure does do nicknames with every piece of ass he sees on the street. Oh, come on. That's his excuse. He goes, oh, hey, sugar tits. I've never... Oh, hey. oh, hey, sugar tits. I've never.

Oh, hey. I've never. No. Kissy lips. Okay, that one I have said. That one I have said. But sugar tits, I've never remembered. And then I get mad at him for it.

And he goes, oh, I do nicknames. I do nicknames. And I say, no, you do harassment. I love it. You do harassment. Whatever. Okay, you guys, both of you, I need you to get to the point. Is the Ouija board relevant? point is the fucking sugar plum fairy

is the ouija board relevant relevant look at me is the ouija board relevant or not i believe it's pronounced relevant that's what you both are like to me yeah the ouija board is relevant so i'm sitting in there watching the big game. The boy would come in. My son. The boy come in. He always calls him the boy. And he says, oh, that's my nickname for him. The boy. Oh, there's the boy. His name is Jason.

The boy come in. He see me, the dad, watching the beaver on TV. The beaver lose. The dad gets mad. He yells out, damn that beaver. And then the boy says, Dad, I've never heard the sound of your voice before.

Because mom never lets you get a word in edgeways. This never happened. This happened. This literally never happened. This literally happened. No, what happened was I got a Ouija board for our son as a joke. I was getting to that. No, you weren't.

And then Roger got mad and he said, I do not want that demonic shit in my house. And so I said, oh, it's just a joke. It's just a joke because our son weighed 66.6 pounds. And so I thought it was a joke. It was a little gag gift. Like, oh, our son's possessed by the devil himself. And then Roger took that very seriously. He got very upset with me. And he got

upset with the boy. Even though the boy didn't do anything wrong. And so then, because he got upset with me, he said, oh, well, we need to go to counseling because you don't understand why I'm upset. And so that's why we're here. Gotcha. That makes a lot more sense than you getting mad at the neighbor.

Can I just point out? i just want to point out leah did you notice how easy it was for me to not interrupt you there that was the easiest thing in the world did you notice how during your story i didn't interrupt at all except for the part where you weren't saying anything fucking true or relevant in your story? I was getting to it. You were not. Dr. Dennis, can I be real with you? My name is Sarah Thompson. Dr. Sarah Thompson. Esquire, at your service, whatever. Dr. Roger, why are you being so mean to her?

You're the one who wanted to come. I know. This was a bad idea. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense for you to be mean to her. Doc, can I ask you something? I guess. When you were the girl. What? In the school.

He means when you were, like, a young student. Did you have dreams? Um. That was a question. I understand. Dreams? Um... That was a question. I understand what a question is, but this session is not about me. Uh-oh, struck a nerve, me thinks. Roger, I see here on my intake form that you are a veterinarian.

That's correct. Is this how you talk to your patients at your place of work? I would never talk to them. They are animals. Cut to him at work. So, hi, Dr. Greensome. This is Poppy. That is my name. And she is 10 weeks old. She's. This is Poppy. That is my name.

And she is 10 weeks old. She's a golden retriever. And so she's just here for her vaccine and her checkup, please. Oh, the dog is very cute. Are you gonna... You can talk to her. Can I? Sorry, I thought I was Dr. Greensome, not Dr. Doolittle.

Oh, ha ha ha. Can I? Sorry, I thought I was Dr. Greensome, not Dr. Doolittle. Let's get her up here and give her some shots, huh? Oh. Oh, my God. What? It was just no bedside manner. What do you mean? I distracted her with a little bit of meat in my offhand, and then I jabbed her with my good hand.

All right, this is fine. Cut back to therapy. I'm a good vet. That sounds like a very normal... I'm a good vet. That sounds like a very normal... Okay. Sure, I don't fucking sit there and wax philosophical to the fucking animals,

but it doesn't mean I'm not a good vet. And you should wonder what this one does for work,'m sure i actually don't need to know you're the one who's being very rude and not getting to the point oh okay i guess you're not interested in how my wife makes do you want to make this work or not do you want to move forward with your wife or not sure she's a jockey she races horses we met because i was a horse doctor at the track. You know, you said that you met in high school. Right. Okay. What of it?

Now, he is right. I was a high school. I started jockeying when I was in high school because I was so tiny. Yes, and I was in an internship work release program at the racetrack treating the horses. It was a very normal situation. Many couples have met this way.

Many couples have met this way. I don't understand why you need me. Because it seems just like, oh, this was a spat. Unless we get deeper into you harassing women on the street calling them sugar tits. I don't. Leanne, can you please tell

the kind doctor dentist that I don't. Leanne, can you please tell the kind doctor, dentist, that I don't do that? I already told her that you do because you do. Cut to the kids therapy session in like 20 years. Evan? So. Evan? Jason. Jason. Sorry. Oh, sorry. Wrong chart. No, it's okay. Evan? So Evan? Jason Sorry

Oh sorry wrong chart No it's okay Jason You remind me a lot of my dad He rarely ever called me by my name By any name really Sorry I'm getting ahead of myself Hey Jason

I would like to apologize for calling you Evan just there That's a patient I have later today Want to know the bridge? Oh yeah I would like to apologize for calling you Evan just there. That's a patient I have later today. Want another ridge? Oh, yeah. That's amazing. Can I get you a water or something? Oh, my God.

Yeah. Honestly, I'll take whatever you have. Sure. I've got water. Take whatever I can get. Is that often the case for you you could say that yeah why don't you tell me a little bit more about that well i guess we'll just jump right in sure um the first memory that's coming back to me right now when you say something like that is um you know when

i was boy i would watch my dad watch the can i hold up for a second whoa whoa okay so now i have two questions had one now i have two okay um you said the phrase when i was the boy i would watch my dad watch the beaver on tv yeah i'm gonna need you to walk me through why you said when I was the boy. There's a degree of depersonalization going on here. Well, that's what my dad would always call me. He would call you the boy. He would call me the boy.

And how did that feel when he would call you that and not Jason? Well, I didn't have anything to compare it to, really, because he never called me Jason. Was your mother also around? She was around. And she's great. And she would call you the boy as well? No, she would always call me Jason. So that's something to compare it to, right?

Well, I guess I don't have any memory of my dad calling me Jason. So it's like I wouldn't know anything different of like, oh, when he calls me this, I feel this. It would just be, where's the boy? I am watching the beaver. The beaver has a big loss i am mad dad so this is oh get demon out of house okay i hate demon and i hate ouija board almost as much as i dislike the boy you should never have had the boy why did you not tell me to use the condom this is bad how old are you when this is happening i was 12 that's too young for language like that around the boy around a boy a

child i'm sorry jason i'm sorry no jason i'm sorry you were saying the boys so much, it kind of like, it just... When I get upset, I feel the demon come back into the room. And so... Oh, well, no, we don't need to... The demon that was conjured when I was 12 with a gag gift Ouija board that my mom got me. Okay, okay. All right, I'm gonna refer you. In the corner, Chris Jenner,

covered in blood, starts to appear like over the therapist's shoulder she points she looks down at him box cutter in hand i just hey hey jason jason looks like you just saw some saw something are you okay she's kind of you left me for a second confetti comes out and then they're on the moon and no she didn't do that because it's also my birthday she brought a unicorn into the sunset and then they all had spaghetti full of nays for dinner that was hard

that one was hard for me I'll speak the truth go beaver go beaver the boy said to the boy the boy the boy beaver um our first of what i'm sure will not be the last um husband and wife who hate each other scene yeah uh maybe also you know if i cast my mind back not the last hyper realistic therapy scene yes yes yes yes and then my third thought is that you and i should start going by sugar tits and kissy lips i love that double act name who's who let's a break, and then we'll come back with number seven. And we're back.

Are we ready to get into number seven? Drumroll, please. Coming in at number seven, not a tie. This one is securely number seven. It is Haunted Houses 4 with Kylie Brakeman and Ryan Gaul live from New York Comedy Festival. Live from New York. It's the Review Review Live episode. I loved this.

It was the first kind of real official review review live with two of just the best people, not just best guests, best people in the world. It was a blast. It was so much fun. The entire experience was so... To get to actually hear people laugh during us doing improv is a high like nothing else someone argued that being able to hear what people are laughing at um might have steered the direction of the scene might have been the um feedback loop that's kind of integral to the experience

interesting is there any standout moments for you are there any time i mean i definitely this one i remember pretty well it was very recent by virtue of the fact that a it was recent and b it's the only one of its kind i mean i remember you didn't know what a snuff film was and that was yes and since then i have learned and i and the egg is on my face i i i knew that you were wrong. Oh, interesting. And so you just kind of let me. But the fact that you got it wrong, I didn't notice any reaction from the audience. Kylie and Ryan didn't seem to react at all to you missing when it wasn't entirely. I was like, I must be wrong.

Oh, you were gaslit. I gaslit myself. You gaslit yourself. Because everyone else was like being so nice to you. Right, right, right, right, right right about how wrong you were i think one of the main things i remember is like in this scene it there was a lot of uh running a lot of running sound effects i had the thought at the time and i'll be interested um i don't know how this will sound on a recording of the episode. Well, Alf, it's funny you mention that.

It's funny you mention that. Like being able to see us tapping the microphone to be the running sound. Let's get into it. This is number seven, Haunted Houses 4, live with Kylie Brinkman and Ryan Gall. Now I have to pull it up. No, no, no, no, no, no part of you, no part of you. Do you want me to read a review? Let's get started! Yes! Okay. Now everyone gets to see the part that normally gets cut out where I open my camera roll.

Sorry. Hold on. No one can see this. And so I just have to say something. So I took screenshots on Yelp. Of course. Like a normal person. Whatever. I just peeped Al's phone. So I took screenshots on Yelp like a normal person.

I just peeped Al's phone. He has photos of a phone with the review on it. It's not the actual review. Please hold it up. Turn that brightness all the way up. This fucking sucks. And it's also, it's from far away. It's not from that far.

Okay. Okay. Well. Oh, God. If you must know, I was at brunch this morning and my mommy found this review and I took a picture of her phone because I don't like to do work for the show. And this one is from Jess S.

Wait, what's the house? I'll get to it. I definitely remember. He has to zoom in on the phone first. I gotta put... That's too much work. Bump the contrast.

So this is for Nightmare. It's a deep fried meme. Nightmare Mansion. Where? Haunted House. Where? Virginia Beach. Okay.

Virginia. Okay. Jess S. Can we get a last name for S? Jess S. Salamander. I heard salamander. Jessica Salamander says one star.

Not scary. Only had one actor. Poor girl is good, but not enough of her to go around. You can bring your five-year-olds in, because it's not scary. Poor girl. Wait, what?

Not enough of her to go around. What's the house called again? It's going to go ahead and be called the Nightmare Mansion. Nightmare Mansion, and it's one actor? Poor girl. Not enough of her to go around. She's just sweaty like

I'm running from room to room. I'm a ghost. Just climbing ladders. She's going down slides to get to the bottom. You have to walk past people and I'll be like, I'll get to you in a minute. I'll get to you. I'm going to scare the shit out of you. I to god oh my god she's waiting tables she's like sorry I'm gonna be

I got your waters I'll have somebody bring you waters that's horrible it's like oh it's like it's so it's already so uncomfortable I don't know from the one time I've ever been in a haunted house, there's so much of the ambient of waiting in line and being like, what's going to happen? But to see the behind the scenes aspect of this one girl, there's not enough of her to go around.

How does she... I would hope that there's some sort of dumb waiter in the house that she can crawl and ascend to. Because how else is she doing this? how is she getting from room to room unless she just sort of follows them and does different voices i imagine at her interview she was like i'm in you only need me bitches trust me i know you planned on like eight to ten actors well we only need to pay for one actor versus paying

for like 15 people. And if you're sure you can do the job. I can do it. You can scare. We get roughly like 200 to 300 patrons every couple hours. That's honestly kind of a joke to me.

Which part? When you said you only get $200, $300 per hour? Is that what you said? Yes. Sorry, I was on a phone call as well. I'm sorry, do you want this job or are you on the phone for another thing? Can I finish up my phone call?

Have you been on the phone this entire interview? I'm not even talking to you right now. I like you. Sorry, hold on a second. I'm not even talking to you right now. I like you. Sorry, hold on a second. I'm sorry. Give me one more second. I'm almost done. Is that to me? That's to you.

To me, Douglas? Yes. Yeah. No, it's going fine. I think they're going to hire me. No one has ever spoken to me like this before Oh, that's fine I love it

Good, no, I love, can I tell you what I love? Halloween I love Halloween season, I love the smell of fall I love the smell of dying leaves, excuse me, I'm on the phone I love the smell of dying leaves I love me, I'm on the phone. I love the smell of dying leaves. I love the smell of a tree

that is trying to die but also rebirth. I love the smell of squirrels. Hey, Becca. Sorry, can I just... Can I say something? Are you still on the phone? I really respect you and your time.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, sure. Can you hold... Yeah, what's the matter? Nothing's the matter. I want to hire you for the haunted house. I'd love to accept the position. Could you

hang up the phone so we can go over the deal? You got it. Like I said, 200-300 guests per hour and you are positive that you can do the job of cast of 15. Listen, I understand why you would question whether I could handle it or not. That's a lot. You go to a place like Boo Strawberry's Farm.

Oh, not Boo's. That's our biggest competitor. No, and I didn't want to bring that up, but I do have an interview later with them. farm. Oh, not boost. That's our biggest competitor. Cut to opening night. I didn't want to bring that up, but I do have an interview later with them. Cut to the opening night at the haunted house. Ambience is pretty freaky, huh? This is great. I can't believe

they're probably going to have a bunch of actors and stuff. I've never been to one of these places. Welcome to Nightmare Mansion. Oh, wow. and stuff. I've never been to one of these places. Welcome to Nightmare Mansion! Oh my god! Oh wow! He really got me. Where did she go? I think she's running up the stairs.

Is she upstairs? No, I'm right here. I'm right here. How's this checking to make sure all the ghouls are ready for your entrance? Wow, she did a full costume change.

Give me a second, just a second. Do you scan the QR or is that someone else? I'll go get the machine. Okay. So this is pretty freaky. I don't even know about freaky scary. This is weird.

Yeah, this is it feels like, I don't even know about freaky scary. This is weird. Yeah, it feels like, I don't know, there were budget cuts or something. I don't know how this could be happening. My cousin came last year. He said it was life-changing. Really? Okay, so it must get better. I bet it's a weird start,

and they're going to have hordes of people. Ooh, we should go up the stairs. Oh, she's coming. Oh, here. Welcome. Do you have the machine up the stairs. Oh, she's coming. Welcome. Do you have the machine? Oh, fuck. I knew she wasn't gonna...

So you guys know each other from work? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my first time hanging out outside of work. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I think it's actually... I think that we are more than nail polish. Hang on, I think she's got the machine.

Oh, false alarm. That's just her. Oh, no. I can't tell if she's above, below, or on the periphery. It feels like it's coming from my brain. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here I am.

Oh, hello. Do you need a second to, you can just like land. Of course I don't. Here's the machine, and please just use your QR code to sign in. And then welcome to the scariest night of your life. Okay, okay. Okay, there's three separate. That's fantastic.

All right. And then we'll have a quick little moment of a costume change, and you'll be welcome into Chamber One. Oh, okay. Okay, that sounds scary. See you in 20 minutes. Oh, is there, I didn't realize there was a wait.

I thought since we were at the front of the line that it was like we're straight on in. No, you're welcome to stand at the entrance to chamber number one. Do you want a water or like? Mmm. No, I'm fine. You said mmm like it was tasty.

Do you want a water? No, I was sipping off of my camelback. Oh, okay. Wow. You've really put that into the trench coat. Yes. Cut to a different room, chamber like five. I don't even fucking know.

Dude, I've been waiting. I'm like not even fucking, you scared this was going to be scary, Brad. What, dude? I thought it freaking was. This is for babies. There's like one woman. Hello, and welcome back. You have been some of my favorite customers.

I'm sorry, is the nosebleed part of it? Well, it is now. It is now. Have you been scared to the bone so far? Oh, it's serious. How fucking lame this haunted house is, Brad. You said this was going to scare the shit out of my ass. The Instagram graphic was really freaking scary.

Well, get ready for this. Oh, fuck. Oh my God, he's throwing up. Sir, sir, I'm sorry. Oh, my God. He's throwing up. Sir, I'm sorry. No, I have like a phone. Sir, we tap out. Oh, my God.

Literally stop. Literally stop. Literally stop. Tapioca. Tapioca. Tapioca. I think that was a safe word. I assumed it was tapioca.

Tapioca. He said there was one, so you assumed it was tapioca. It's fucking always tapioca. Tapioca. He said there was one, so you assumed it was tapioca. It's fucking always tapioca. I'm sorry. Do you need us to clean it up? If you're off. No, no, I'm good. I actually don't want to at all.

Just give me a second to recover. It'll be fine. Honestly, I apologize. I've taken on too much. Did you know this was going to be the job? What kind of fucking question is that?

You were stepping over cross-eyed. I thought it was a very generous question, actually, given the circumstances. No way. I guess I knew it was going to be the job, but I thought I could handle it. Sorry, lady, could you just give us a second? You can take a second. I just need to talk

to my comrades here. Fine. Yeah, I'll give you a second. That's the slowest she's been all night. I think she's just knocking on the door. This is so sad. Brad, I know you're trying to impress us. I know you want to get into our frat and you're like, this is like hardcore shit, but like, dude, all we've seen is a really stressed out lady.

And like, that kind of scares me a little bit. But it's not like, oh, I'm going to have nightmares about it. No, dude, dude, I swear. And I'm a great fit for Kai Alpha. Because this dude, this girl, she's so scary. I promise it gets scarier. Full disclosure, she's so scary I promise it gets scarier full disclosure she's my cousin and honestly I was gonna ask if you know her

the resemblance is striking I'm surprised you said cousin yeah yeah yeah man and she would always do this freaky shit when we were kids and oh shit oh shit here she comes hey Sarah

is everybody enjoying it your kids. Do you hear that? Oh shit. Oh shit, here she comes. Hey Sarah. Hey, yeah? Is everybody enjoying it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like I've messed up. So I actually really quickly need you to not blow this for me. Cause I sort of have a lot on the line. Is there any way you could sort of get it together? You want me to do something scary for him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could you just like, you want me to blow him me to do something scary for him? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You want me to blow him out of the water? Yo, selfie for the gram. You could just really put the fear of God into him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to get into this frat. There's a lot of beer I want to drink, and so I really need this from you. Can you do this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I miss getting hazed. That was so much more fun than this. Fuck. Is that weird to say? That was kind of the best time of your life? Yeah. No. I bet you thought the chamber five was all done. That was so much more fun than this Fuck Is that like weird to say? Like that was kind of the best time of your life Yeah No

I bet you thought the chamber five was all done But look at We've been in here for 45 minutes The door's locked I thought it was an escape room for a while I think it's just like Oh no no no no Oh shit

I don't wanna Oh shit Oh shit She's your asshole Are we being rude? I don't want to. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Are we being rude? I don't know. Dude, are you freaking scared? Yes, I'm scared. What the fuck was that?

Oh, well, you'll find out in Chamber 6. Were we supposed to memorize it? I wasn't paying enough attention. Don't forget to memorize the chamber map. Man, I think so. I think we got to just follow her because she's going to get really scary. Did this happen the last time you were here?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? I was freaked out, but I think in more of a familial way because I think it's just scary to watch someone you know go through that. But I get it. Door to chamber six is now open.

You have one more room, dude. If we're not scared shitless in this room, you can kiss that dream of being in our frat. Goodbye. No. She's gonna come through. I swear to God. She is gonna scare the bejesus out of you.

I swear. I swear. I swear. Let's do it. What's your name? Me? Yeah. Skylar.

Skylar. Skylar Bradbury. How'd you know that? Because I have your family. What? I have your family in the basement. She's fucking around. She doesn't have to be.

No, listen to them. Here is a recording of your family right now. Wait, what? What? Hey. Hey. Yo, that's my sister. Yo, that is your sister, dude.

I would know that voice anywhere. That is Tabitha. What the fuck? Dude, I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you. No, this isn't...

If you want your family to live... Holy shit. What do I have to do? I literally do most things. What do I have to do? You have to give me four million dollars. What? I don't have that. And one bag of pasta. This isn't

funny, dude. How did you get Tabitha to do a recording for this lame-ass haunted house? Look, I just, like, give Sarah the stuff and she just takes it from there. I, look, I really wanted to impress you guys.

You recorded? Is my family here? Well, yeah, of course. What the fuck? They're in chamber eight. We're gonna to get there soon. Chamber eight is now open. We skipped seven. We got to go get them. Yeah, seven's lucky, so they don't do it.

Right. Guys, I'm sorry if you don't appreciate this. I just thought I wanted to make it special for you. So I tricked Tabitha in with a handful of candy. And I told her that something awesome was going to happen to her. And if that doesn't make me a good... That's exactly what you told us. 18-year-olds will believe anything.

If she is 18, we should make that clear. And I just thought that this would be enough to earn your respect, but if it isn't, then maybe I'll see myself out. No, wait. I think that's a good idea. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What is going on? It's so dark. I can't see them. No, you guys aren't allowed in this room. Wait, I'm going up. She's going down. Wait, shit, shit, shit, shit. Dude, I'm going up. She's going down. Wait. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Dude. I can't see. The lights are out. Are you here? I'm right next to you. Hey. You're a really broad shoulder. Thank you.

I've been working out. I can tell. Stretching. My shoulder's a lot. It's like the only broad thing about you. It's very unsettling. I'm getting whiter by the day. Dude. I'll be honest. It's your

fucking family in here. I think I'm gonna run. No! It's been real, man. It's been real. Oh my... Excuse me. Hi. Welcome to Jersey Mike's. How can I help you? Where are you?

No, no, no. I want to go to Team Bray. Team Bray. Team Bray. Team Bray. Team Bray. Is that you? It's me, Tabitha. Tabith to go to Team Bray. Team Bray. Team Bray. Team Bray. Team Bray. Is that you? It's me, Tabitha. Tabitha. Tabitha. Oh, my God. Girl, I'm so sorry that I let my weird fucking friend bring you here.

Are you okay? I don't believe you. What? You don't believe what? Me? You're not really my brother. I am your brother. No, you're her.

You're her. There's no way. No. Tabitha, it's me. It're her. There's no way. No, Tabitha, it's me. It's Sky. I'm going back to Jersey Mike's. I'm going back to Jersey Mike's. Do you want that Mike's way? Does that when it's really wet? Yeah, it's olive oil.

It's vinaigrette. It's salt and pepper. It's actually really good. I actually recommend it. Okay, if you recommend it, I guess I have to. Oop, gotta go. Tabitha! Tabitha! Tabitha! I think I'm in chamber... I'm back in chamber five. What the fuck? Welcome to chamber five. No! I don't want to be here anymore.

Tabitha? Tabitha? Yeah? I swear to God I'm not Sarah. Say something only my brother would know. You're ugly as shit. Holy shit, it is you.

Everybody else thinks I'm beautiful, but not you. Tabitha, we gotta get out of here now. I think this frat pledge and his weird-ass cousin are on our trail. Okay, I think I saw a way out in Jersey Mike's. Okay, if you're sure that's the only way out, guess we'll go through Jersey Mike.

You have to get a sandwich and say you don't want it Mike's way, even though he recommends it. That's the scariest thing of all. I love pleasing service workers. I know, and the truth is the bread is stale as fuck, and that's why they want you to cover it in oil, because otherwise it's not a good sandwich. Okay, let's go.

So, have you made your decision? Yes, I'd like a provolone and turkey. And will you be having that Mike's way? Mike's way. Mike's way. Mike's way. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Mike's way.

Mike's way. I really recommend it. Recommend it. Recommend it. It's what everybody does. No, no. Not Mike's way. I want it dry.

I want it dry. You have displeased Jersey Mike. Punishment will begin now. They're making us run. They're making us run. They're making us run. We get out outside. Holy shit.

Holy shit. Are you okay? I don't know anymore. Hi, guys. Can we just do a quick questionnaire on how you enjoyed? Did you enjoy the haunted house tonight? I think I shit myself. Oh, good. Let me just mark that down.

How would you describe your shit? Oh, hey, Brad. Hey. That was some fucked up shit back there. Did you like the Jersey Mike's thing? It was weirdly specific.

And I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're in. Oh, fuck yeah. If you still want it. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, this is everything I've ever wanted. Yeah, this is everything to me. Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking this rocks. Yeah, yeah, I think I want to do this. Hey, brother, he kidnapped me. Yeah. Yeah, I'm thinking this rocks. Yeah. Yeah, I think I want to do this.

Okay. Hey, um, brother, he kidnapped me. No, Tabitha, girl, I know, but like you have to admit, that was like some baller shit. And there's more where that came from. No, thank you. There's more where that came from. You don't have to do that. My house, Friday night, you're all going to get kidnapped and you're going to

go to McDonald's. You're going to be asked if you want it Gritty's way you gotta say yes. I didn't know you could plan a kidnapping. Like that. Yeah I do it on Group Me with a couple of guys.

To answer your question my shit was rocked. Great. It was rocked? I mean like I had a fun time not like my actual shit. Oh that's fine. I understand. It's great. You guys actual shit. Oh, that's fine. No, I understand.

It's great. We've got your, you guys have been the only people that went through tonight. Why was it a 40 minute wait in that one room? Well, I guess sometimes things that are really cool take a long time to wait for. And you know what? That is the slogan of this house. And I didn't read the fine print sometimes things that are really cool take a long time to wait for

do mention some really cool things take a long time to wait for I mean you should thank yourself silly

that you're not I should thank myself silly thank you thank you I did it I'm silly now I was so serious

you've never heard of that thank yourself silly yeah, thank yourself silly? Yeah, dude, thank yourself silly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh. Yeah. That was kind of fun.

Now you do it. Okay. Thank you, thank you, thank you. See? Now you do it. Hey, I'm really grateful. Should we go get some Jersey Mike? Hell yeah.

Let's all jump in the air and freeze frame at the same time. Okay. And then we'll watch the credits roll over. Three, two, one. Yeah. As we go on, we remember. Let's do our next review. Oh, my remember. That's our next review. Oh, my God.

That was so much fun. You know what? The running red on audio, it played. Yeah, it did. I mean, it's worth repeating, even though we've said it a million times. Ryan and Kylie were so funny. They are two of just the most unbelievable improvisers. They're just incredible. They're incredible. Yes, it so funny. They are two of just the most unbelievable improvisers. They're just incredible.

They're incredible. Yes, it was funny. Yes, it was. We were nominated for Tonys and Pulitzers alike. Yes, yes. But it was so much fucking fun. And I want to do it again. They are so gracious.

And they're just the best. Even if we don't sell a single ticket. No, well, I'd like to. No, I hope we don't, frankly. No, don't say that. Alf, how are we feeling so far? I'm feeling great, I'll be honest. What was that, three we've done?

Yes, well, technically only two because eight was tied. And we've been recording for like an hour. I love it. But it's so fun. It's so fun. But it's such great memes. I hate to say it, but I do love to do the show with you. I do love. It's a blast's such great men i hate to say it but i do love to do the show with you i do i got and i hate to admit it i literally like i hate to say it but i love doing

this show with you um let's go to three episodes a week let's do i think let's go to number six well let's do the episode that was voted number six on our best stuff okay are you even ready i doubt it when is it from? What month? You don't know. There's no way of knowing. February? No way I remember it. No way in hell I remember those. Drumroll please. The people spoke. And coming in

at number six on the best of Review Review 2023. Heart shaped box chocolate with Miles Abonisenore. I do remember that. I love Miles.onisenore. I do remember that. I love Miles. And by remember that, I mean remember it happened. Miles is a little freak.

And I love Miles Abonisenore, that little freak. Didn't we record that episode like three days after he had a literal child? It was pretty soon after. It was maybe a month and some change yeah yeah um what the thing i remember most about this episode is like is specifically what inspired it which was when you went to a cvs and took sent me a photo of a heart-shaped box chocolate with a dog on it. With a dog on it. Yes. Yes. And being very confused of like chocolate is toxic to dogs. So why would that be advertised as such?

And why would you put a dog's face on a box of chocolate? Yeah. That's the thing I remember most. If I was a dog, I would 100% eat chocolate. What kind of chocolate would you eat? Like 87%. Like any kind of brand dark chocolate like ghirardelli like really rich really pure like absolutely guaranteeing i i die okay um is that what happens do dogs really die if they eat chocolate in large amounts they die in my

family no like if they eat large amounts, like Red, my family lab, Red the dog, he ate one time like an entire box of Is that why he's like that? No. Chocolate chip protein bars. Is that what made him that way?

And he was fine. Is that why he smells so bad? Let's just get to the scene. Let's get to the scene. Here's a hot and fresh review coming in for also Dove. Dove extra Large Valentine's Assorted Chocolate Candy. Ooh, Extra Large

and in charge. Okay. Ew. This is kind of crazy. Okay, so here's a review from somebody. Well, I have her name, but I guess we can't use it. Can we use it? Do first name, last initial. First name, last initial. First name, last initial. It's Cheryl, no last initial. Hines.

Five star review. Cheryl B last initial. Heinz. Five star review. Cheryl Bynes? Heinz. Cheryl Heinz, like the ketchup. Cheryl, five star review. This is gigantic. I expected this to be a standard midsize heart. Like I get from the drugstore for about $20 normally.

That has about 15 chocolates in it, was obviously not paying attention when I ordered and was really surprised with how awesomely big this heart is. Oh my God. It has 40 pieces of candy in it and is a really impressive heart. Exclamation point. It was

about the size of my laptop. Recipient was really small. It was fucking huge. It was so fucking big. Recipient was very impressed and excited as well.

Candy was all intact not melted it shipped in february so it is cold here some had jostled out of their spots but overall we're in place tin is really niceient said the chocolate was good. Sorry. So Cheryl bought a MacBook Air size box of chocolate. And really gassed it up too. And really was like, yeah, it was, let's just say it was the size of my fucking laptop actually. What did she think standard was?

If that to her was massive? Like this, hold it in the palm of your hand. She's got an 11 inch MacBook Air and it's like really. And it's gargantuan. It's the fucking 40 pieces. They must've been little. It's not that big. M&Ms.

Yeah, they were. 40 individually wrapped M&Ms in a box. That's so good. Marjorie. Marjorie. Yeah. Put this blindfold on. I got you a little something. Oh, stop.

You always get so crazy. Ever since we turned 80, you've been just, like, off the wall. Hey, I figure, why, you can't spend it in heaven. You can't spend what in heaven? Money, I mean, you know, like, you might as well. I thought you meant our best time together. No, I assume we'll spend, you know, a lot of time together in heaven. Not all?

Well, I think, you know, as in life, it's healthy for us each to have hobbies and passions that don't involve each other. So you imagine us having different hobbies in heaven that don't include spending time together? Well, you, yes. I mean, you love to bake. I imagined you and Jesusesus will be baking and then but leonard i love baking with you i know but sometimes you like to surprise me and be like i made a i made a you know a little um fucking flapjack or whatever and and you know and i'd skeet shoot you know it'll be me and jc and we'll be skeet shooting and you don't you say it's too

loud and i respect that so you know i think okay i'll put the blindfold and we'll be skeet shooting. And you don't, you say it's too loud. And I respect that. So, you know, I think. Okay, I'll put the blindfold on. We can talk about this later. I just, you know, absolutely. We could close the topic. Just button. I want to say I'm really excited to be in heaven with you. And I didn't, and I don't want you to think that I don't want to be in heaven with you.

Because there was no, there was nobody I would rather be in heaven with than my gorgeous wife Marjorie. I want to know if I can have the button on this actually. Okay. I just want to say, Lennon, that like, I want to spend every waking moment of my life and death with you. And so you saying that does make me feel a little insecure that you don't want to spend all your time in heaven with me. But I love you and I can't wait. Okay,'re done now oh baby doll okay okay okay and just if

i can just say one last one little thing um it's not that i don't you know in heaven time is infinite you know and more and more time it's forever so you know how do you make a fraction of infinity you know what i mean so in a, we are spending forever together just by nature of being in heaven. Anyway, button. Let's blindfold. Blindfold. Blindfold's going on. Okay.

And let's walk out back. Walking outside. Oh, mind your step. Mind your step. Mind your step. Sorry. Whoa. I really thought you were going to.

You telling me to do my step was scarier than the small step doubt itself. It's like in a car. It's like it's dangerous for the driver or the passengers. I know, but imagine from my perspective. It's like in a car, and it's dangerous for the driver or the passengers. Like, whoa! Because that could cause more accidents. You don't know how scary it was because you couldn't see it because you had a blindfold on. Okay. I'm sorry. Let's not squabble. There's plenty of time

for squabbling in heaven. What are you... Okay. We're outside. Here we go. Before I take it off, what I want more than... What I hope it is, more than anything in the world. I don't know if this is a healthy exercise. Is that it's our son, William, home, visiting us because he hasn't been home in five years. Three of them were the pandemic and the other two is that he didn't want to visit.

Well, no, it's a little more complicated than that, Marjorie. I really hope that it's him because I miss him so much and it would mean the world it would be amazing if I took this blindfold off and it is our son William sitting on the porch and I would love that too but he is a virologist at the CDC he has been very busy it has not been an easy time for him professionally so let's you know but yeah maybe it you know let's take if it's not him I, let's take it. If it's not him, I'm not going to enjoy it. Great. But I'm ready to see what it is or who it is.

Okay. Take the blindfold off. It's Dave from the Toyota commercial. It's Dave from the TV. Dave from the TV Dave from the TV remember 900-215 get your Toyota you always loved that song

in that commercial and I thought maybe this would be a nice meet you celebrity surprise meeting a celebrity now I see that you know you miss William you want me to sign something I can sign something? You want me to sign?

I can sign something. Also, Dave, Dave is a real guy. He's just like a real guy who was in the commercial where everyone kind of made a meme of. He's not even like an actor or anything. They just thought he was funny. 900-215 get your Toyota.

Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. Cut it out. Sorry. Do you want him to sign anything? I want him to sign it. 315, get your Toyota. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, cut it out. Sorry. Dave, no offense. Do you want him to sign anything? I want him to sign anything. I'll sign whatever. I want him to sign some divorce papers. Marjorie, you don't mean that, right?

Leonard, look me in the eyes and tell me that you genuinely thought that I would be thrilled by a visit from toyota commercials dave s i mean i'm right i'm standing right here hey this has nothing to do with you no i mean i just i can do other stuff too like i do tarot and if you need me to like i can you know i i do other stuff like i i don't i, I don't want you to feel like your money is wasted here, sir. Thank you. I appreciate that. You know, like, I obviously, I do need you to pay for my Uber home.

But other than that, I can do tarot. I can do other stuff while I'm here. There's a ladder. There's a ladder. So what else can you do other than tarot? Well, it's mostly tarot stuff. But I, like, can look at your plumbing. Yeah, there's a ladder in the shed.

Uh-oh. Can you clear the gutters? I would do it myself, but you know, 84 is a little touch and go being up on the ladder. I would do it, but Marjorie, you know, she says, oh, you're gonna hurt yourself, you know, so I don't.

As long as there's no snakes in the gutters, then I can definitely do them because I... Yeah, I would tell you if I knew that there were snakes. I remember a couple years ago there was a tiny garden snake, but I don't think those have any kind of venom, so I can't promise

that there will be no snakes. Marjorie, yeah, she's right. You just go ahead and do that. We'll see in a bit. 900 to 1-5. Get your Toyota. Dave. Yeah? 900 to 1-5 get your Toyota Dave yeah

if you were a married 85 year old woman you'd been with your partner no that's not the part you should go wow if I were a married 85 year old woman no that's not ok end of the hypothetical. 85-year-old woman. No, that's not.

Okay, transport yourself. You know, I do some sort of one-acts down at the Millsbury Playhouse, and some of my character work can get pretty good. Okay, that's great. I was going to go on a whole thing about like, oh, if you were me, a married 85-year-old woman who married her college sweetheart, we've been together for over 60 years,

and his Valentine's Day present to you was you, how would you be feeling right now? Let me just get into character. Okay. I'm 85! Oh my god, you asshole! I don't... I think that I'd be

absolutely feeling fantastic. Happy Valentine's Day! Cut to Dave's one act at the Bills replay house. I was 14 years old. Jeremy pushed me so hard in front of the class that I broke my tooth. Hey, buddy. What are you doing out there?

Jeremy, no. Jeremy, no. Jeremy, no! Don't push me! Stop it, Jeremy! The teachers came. Excuse me? Is anybody doing algebra in here? But they wouldn't help.

Later that night, my mom screaming at me. Way's the homework there, son. Marge. Margie. Margie. We're the only two people in the audience.

It's better than I thought it was going to be. I agree. It's pretty transformative. I like it a lot. I'm one 14th Cherokee. Okay, I'm out. I'm sorry. That was great. What i love about that it's like what i love about that scene and i like one of the things i do remember from this episode was like i remember going to pull the scene and i'm like

i remember miles like we pimped him out to do like a one-man show you just like forced him and miles um one man show now he was such a great sport about it he's so funny i also the other scene of course all these guests we have to have back the other scene i remember is like i forget what ended up happening but all i remember was that it was like it was like giving gifts to people in an office and you measured time by when the president who the president was at the time and he was like oh like oh yeah i've known you well trump was president then and everyone's like oh so you support trump oh so you support i have zero memory zero oh my god well alf it's it's, it's quickly becoming that time.

And by that time. It's beginning to look a lot like. Like number five. It's beginning to look a lot like number five. And would you believe that number five is another tie. No fucking way. Y'all, like there were some really consistent. It was a.

You guys couldn't pick between one or the other. You simply couldn't. You simply couldn't. So, here's what we're going to do. I'll tell you. Together. Strong. Here's the thing.

Here's what we're going to start number five with. We're going to start number five with someone who's already been on this list today. What? We're going to start with somebody. A little person we'd like to call Kylie Brakeman because coming in at number five. No way. Tied for number five is Psychics with Kylie Brakeman. Oh, I like that one.

What do you remember? Oh, now you're putting my hand on the fire. I remember, this one I remember pretty well, actually. Putting my hand to the fire? Yeah, now you put my hand to the fire. I remember Kylie was Madame Petrie. Madame Petrie. I remember something about being a Norwegian couple, like a pen pal.

Uh-huh, with kind of a Gilbert Godfrey kind of man it was a lot of fun I remember that this is the first time you had done it we wanted to get Kylie of course just back on the show any chance we get but we wanted to get Kylie on to do improv with you so that this was like a few weeks before it was a couple weeks before haunted house in New York and we wanted to be able to make sure that you so that... Right, because this was like a few weeks before. It was a couple weeks before Haunted House in New York and we wanted to be able to make sure that you guys played together before then. And this episode was just... We had the best time.

It was a long episode, just like this one will be. But we were just having so much fun. It's just like, we just, we couldn't... It was just too much fun. And so without further ado, here is Psychics with kylie brakeman give me a second to find the um time code one moment please when i look for the time codes time cords that's right i was peter griffin and was more like um peter lori ah hold on what Peter Lorre. Ah! Hold on. What?

Looking for the time codes. Where has somebody put the time codes? Here we go. Ready? Wait, what? Hold on. Something got messed up. Something got messed up. Ah! Hold on.

Just cutting to me, the one snippet of me doing a Dracula fight. I was going to ask you if gold is real. What the fuck? What the fuck could that have been from, darling? What on earth? Mad in Manhattan. Mad in Manhattan. One star.

That's the best I could do. Christ. One star. My experience is... So there's a place that has a lot of five star. My experience is completely different. Actually, I had a crush on one girl, but I got into an arranged marriage because of my parents.

I personally was not having a good time in my marriage, hence the thought of asking guidance from Amy. Amy said I need to patch up with my crush because she's my soulmate. When you're feeling low emotions, you tend to believe others rather than your own intuition. Amy told me that my crush is no longer with her husband, so she would come to me in this life. Hence, I started approaching my crush and was giving her a hard time over email. Finally, I got a death threat from her husband and was told not to approach her anymore. Hard time over email.

I want to come back to that really quickly. Then Amy asked me to pay her $5,000 so that she can do work to bring my crush back in my life. Since I already got a death threat, I asked her whether there'd be any other soulmate rather than my crush. Amy strictly said no. She is the only soulmate. Meanwhile, my crush was settled in Norway and there's no way I could see her. When I mentioned this to Amy, she said that she could give me a different soulmate. Besides, Amy told me that I'd meet a nice person at my work who'll be like my bestie.

That person recently cheated me out on some money. The lesson is, don't believe in any psychic. If you have a problem, please visit counselors. The psychic is the least of this person's problems i was giving her a hard time over email and then i got a death threat from her husband like i i i sort of i asked the psychic for a new soulmate and she said no. It's like, we're in deep doo-doo. This is no good.

You gave the psychic the clearest out imaginable where you're like, are you sure? Because I wonder if maybe there's another person it could be. And the psychic's like, nope, Amy. Nope, it's the one. It's the crush the psychic's like nope amy it's nope it's the one it's the crush it's her you got it you got to just follow up you got to follow up every email you can bcc me if you want but it's definitely her norway not that far come on make it happen god what kind of email was it what email did they send hey we have to be soulmates now.

Yeah, like I was giving her a hard time. Like this person who's your soulmate, I was giving her a hard time. And this was your pitch. This was your, you already have a really tough self, which is I visited a psychic and the psychic said we should be together. If you're then also giving them a hard time,

if you're like, you gotta come out with that information in the most normal way possible. That is not an easy task. Hey! Listen up! I got some news from my psychic! It's Gilbert Godfrey. You have

24 hours! Yeah, it's Gilbert Godfrey. You have 24 hours. Yeah, it's Gilbert Godfrey. Gilbert Godfrey wrote this. You have 24 hours responding. Whoa, Carlos, it's been a while since I've heard from you. This email finds me a bit distressed. Is there anything going on in your personal life? Is there any way I can call to

maybe help you out? 24 hours to what? Signed, Jessica. Okay, new email. 24 hours, anything wrong in my life? Oh, I'm gonna start typing. Type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, time, time. Dear Jessica, there is nothing wrong in my life. You have 23 hours and 15 minutes to release your husband and come live with me in Texas. So are you with me or are you against me? Because I have me and my psychic on my team. And you have you and my psychic on your on my team and you have you and your husband on your team and we're we're gonna fight each other so let me

know or I'm coming to Norway or else signed this guy send well time to brew myself a cup of tea I think that that went well. Hey, honey. Hey, Bradley. Can you come check this email with me really quick? I got a message from someone I went to high school with, and it's kind of freaking me out. Yeah, just one minute. I am putting the babies to bed. No, we don't have much time. He said we have 23 hours and 15 minutes till we fight. Oh, no. Let me come over right away. What is up, baby? Well, this guy I went to high school with, he said that he and his sidekick have a team,

and we're on a team, and we're gonna fight each other unless I release you and live with him in Texas. Hmm. He could be a scammer. No, I know this guy. He was always a little strange. But this is starting to make me worried. For you, for me, for the girls. You don't think he would hurt the girls?

No, but he might hurt you. I think so. He said we would fight. He actually wasn't specific about who he was going to fight or how or where. Ding! You've got mail! Hello, dearest Jessica. I realize I was rather unspecific in some of my claims about the fight.

I mean that I would like to challenge your husband to an arm wrestling match. Best two out of three. Or if I lose the first one, best four out of five. But if he wins the second one, it's best seven out of ten, and he gets an extra point.

I haven't exactly figured out most of the point system, but that will be figured out in a later email. Anyway, I'll meet you in the exact middle of Norway and Texas tomorrow. By the way, you now have 23 hours and 12 minutes to go. Send. Time for another cup of tea. Jesse, baby, I don't think we need to be worried about this. I think he is a little bit unwell. We can just, you and me, be here safe in Oslo with the girls.

You know, it would make me feel safer if maybe you responded to him. Yes. Because if I respond to him, I feel like he's going to be like, oh, now we're in communication. Now we're going to responded to him. Yes. Because if I respond to him, I feel like he's going to be like, oh, now we're in communication. Now we're going to continue to talk. Okay, should I respond from your email or make my own? No, no, no, no, no.

You should send from your email. Okay. Will you go check on the girls? I am worried that they are up too late. You always give them a little bit of chocolate before bed. This is what happens. What can I say? They're my baby Alright

That is opening up an email Dear I don't know Baby, what was his name? Will Dear Will But it's W-H-I-L-L Will, Dear Will.

Enter. I will fucking kill you. But signed your friend and mine. Comma. Enter. Robert. There we go. You've got mail ding well time to put down my cup of tea and

open up my email www.gmail.com oh okay here we go and it's from uh he's got a Norwegian name I can't quite read it uh open I will fucking kill you oh my god he did a Norwegian name. I can't quite read it. Uh, open? I will fucking kill you.

Oh my god, he did- I've never seen anyone do that before. That's really funny. You know what? He got me. Touche. Respond. Dear Norwegian man,

thank you so much for your pun. It changed my outlook on life, and I think I'm going to be different now. It's so nice to have a pen pal internationally, especially one that will change your perspective on things. Ha ha. I guess we could all use that from time to time. Ha ha. See you around in Oslo. This is dot dot dot dot dot.

I was thinking of what to say next, but I didn't have anything. Sincerely yours, Will. Winky face, send. Oh, look at this. A new email. With me opening it up and seeing it is from... Oh, Will again.

Is everything okay in there? Yes, baby. I am just on the computer. Okay. I want Norwegian bed chocolate, daddy, please. No, you have already had your piece, my naughty one. You go to bed now. Elsa, get back into bed. You and Anna need your piece, my naughty one. You go to bed now. Elsa, get back into bed.

You and Anna need your beauty sleep. But me and Anna cannot sleep until we have our Norwegian chocolate, our famous Oslo chocolate. You've already had some, darlings. Now get your booties back into bed. Jessica, let us give them one more piece. They are such good girls. They are such good girls, but they're gonna be up

all night! As long as our dog, Olaf, does not eat any of the chocolate, we'll be alright. Okay. We won't be up all night, Papa. We will be eating the chocolate and going right to bed, because we are good girls. You expect me

to believe that? Maybe. Oh, I nearly forgot about this email I have to respond to. Big speak in unison. Let me see. Let me see. Okay, one square each. And then off to bed with you. I mean it,

ladies. Thank you, mother. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. And thank you for adopting us from Germany. Of course. You are our special frau, frau, and we love you. Alrighty. Time to writing this email back to my

new friend, Will. Are you, are you in correspondence with him now? Now you've got me confused, baby, because you had said you wanted me to message him. Well, I meant, like, shut it down. The computer off? Okay.

Nope, that's not what I mean. I meant, like, I didn't want this to be, like, a bad... I wanted you to, like, make it clear that, like, I'm your woman. I told him I would fucking kill him. Okay. And he seemed to interpret it as a changing of heart for him. So he's in a much better place

and I think I'm going to invite him. Nope. I think that is the opposite of what you should do. Let me handle this. Okay. You said you trust me. I do,

but I'm worried that if he comes he's never going to leave. Dear Will, it is really a pleasure to hear from you again. I'm sorry I had to threaten your life, but it was what I felt was necessary for my woman, who is mine, and mine alone.

Parenthesis. She made me put that part in. Ending parenthesis. Alright, if you would like to come visit Oslo, you have always a room here in our apartment. Spare bedroom.

You can come if you want. We have a dog. His name is Olaf. A little bit more about me. I love football and also bedtime chocolate. You have any interests? Okay, goodnight. Sending.

Oh, an email. No, no, no. Okay, I'm reading, reading, reading, reading, reading, reading, reading, reading. Oh, wow. Respond. Time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time. So good to hear from you again. I was going to be wary about coming to Oslo to stay with you because I did not want anything to be weird with your wife.

But then you mentioned you have a dog named Olaf, and I really want to see that. So I am headed to the airport now. But first, a little about me. I'm 5'6". I have a couple of bees in my room that won't leave. And I am addicted to buying baseball cards here's a picture of me with a rare Babe Ruth baseball card from 1918 I'm a little

cropped out of the photo because I took it as a selfie with a Polaroid camera forgive my bad picture good night and I am boarding soon I will see you soon oh wow baby look an email come quick oh my god he's crumming more why would you do this you are putting the lives of me and Anna and Elsa and Olaf in grave danger

I swear to god I should not have asked you to write that fucking email Jessica baby I think you are making a molehill out of an antel. There is not going to be any problem with him coming and visiting. He's going to do something bad. I can feel it. He might hurt you or try and take me and the girls. I don't know, but it doesn't feel right.

The worst thing my friend Will has ever done is spend too much money on eBay for his baseball card collection. Okay. Dear Will, it is great to hear from you again. Really nice picture. I love the card. There is not really going to be any problem with you staying here. Jessica is very cool about it. And Oslo is a beautiful city.

We can check out the Heinrich Ibsen Museum. He was a playwright I like very much. Alrighty then. I am on my way to the airport shortly to picking your short king butt up. Speak soon. Kiss. Oh, an email! Wow. What a lovely surprise to get while I'm in the Uber

to the airport. Thank you for responding to me. I am very excited to see you. And really quickly, can you put your wife on the email please? Send. Oh, baby. Our friend Will would like to talk.

Oh, my God. I knew this was going to happen. I wanted to be left out of this. All right. I'm handing the keyboard over to you. Oh, my God. Okay. No, no.

I can't. I can't talk to him right now. Don't play. Oh, my God. No, I have the keyboard. I have to now. This is like so much pressure. Okay.

Girls. Hello, Will. I hear that you are on your way to Oslo. What a crazy move. Out of the interest of the safety of my family, I kindly ask that you get a refund on your ticket. If you are not able to do so, too bad, because I didn't ask you to come out here, and so that one's gonna be on you. Um, I apologize in advance, but I ask you to kindly not have any further communication with my husband. I know this will come

as a big heartache to you both, as you have made a very fast friendship over a very short amount of time. Jessica. Good luck with the bees, and see you never, hopefully. Jessica. Jessica, baby, I've just talked to the girls. They told me they cannot wait to see their Good luck with the bees And see you never, hopefully Jessica Jessica, baby, I've just talked to the girls They told me they cannot wait to see their Uncle Will

That's too The girls should be asleep No, I gave them more chocolate We're not asleep We had some chocolate and we are buzzing around I knew we were freaking out Tell Mommy how excited you are For seeing your Uncle Will Uncle Will tell tell mommy how excited you are for see your uncle will

they love him it is like disneyland for them they don't even know him you don't even know him he is crazy he is crazy and in the email when he said he has bees that won't leave he doesn't let them leave the bees are trying to get out of the window and he closes them. He's a sadistic fuck. You don't know what you're getting yourself into. Crazy funny, maybe. I love my friend Will. Bing!

Flight Austin, Texas direct to Oslo is now boarding. Okay, that's me. I better get up from this chair. Oh, what's that? An email. Life is full of many treasures. What does it say? Oh. Oh.

Bummer. Okay. Respond. Hello! I didn't know you felt that way. The last thing I would ever want to do is make you feel unsafe. I am leaving the airport now. I am stopping to get an Auntie Anne's, but I won't stay there for very long. So you don't have to worry about me accidentally getting on the plane.

I will just get the pretzel, wait in line for it for a little bit, and then I will call an Uber. I respect your family very much, and I wish you all the best. Please enjoy this attached PDF, which is a scan of me holding a baseball card of Clayton Kershaw of the Los Angeles Dodgers. It's not that rare yet, but hold on to this PDF, because it might be worth something someday. Many wishes,

Will. Oh, no. I'm going to bed. I'm going to bed. Don't even think about giving me any Norwegian chocolate. I need to sleep. Just the square. No. I need to rest.

You've done enough this evening. You and the girls. Olaf, come on, boy. Let's go to bed. Cut to the next morning. Hey, morning, Angel. Morning. Me and the girls thought it would be nice to bring you breakfast in bed.

We made you pancakes and Norwegian pancakes. They're regular but filled with mackerel. I appreciate the pancakes, you know, from home. The American pancakes and the Norwegian beds. Very thoughtful, I guess. And we also made you this waffle.

Do you see the message on the waffle that we burned into it? It says, sorry, we invited your stalker over to our country girls but but jessica there is more than a double meaning to you giving an american pancake because me and the girls have been talking all night and family meeting it was decided including meeting without including olaf was in charge and he said all of us took some minutes he said that all of us are going on a trip to america to see uncle will in all in austin texas no hook him i thought we were i thought we

hook him like from austin no know, I know what that is. Right. So then what... What's the point of the pancakes? The breakfast in bed? This means nothing to me. We're trying to show you... If you guys are gonna go, then I'm not coming with you.

And don't expect me to be here when you get back. Where will you go? I'll find a place. A place not in Oslo, maybe. You would abandon your children? No, I'm gonna take the girls with me. No, they are coming to America. Right, girls? How about one of us goes to America and the other stays in Norway?

Then, a few years later, we'll forget that we each exist. Then, we'll have to trick you guys into getting back together by secretly switching places. I think that one should go to America because her accent is already, like, it's like she's never lived not in America. Yeah, mine went away. Mine went away hard. And so I want to be the one to go to America, please. That one should be the one to go to America, please. That one should be the one to go to America, and then the other ones...

Okay, I like this plan. I'm staying here. What about Olaf? Well, Olaf's going to stay here because you're not going to bring a dog to America and then bring it all the way back. Oh! No. I wanted to rook him.

Yes, don't you hear? He wanted to rook him. Yes, don't you hear? He wanted to rook him. Oh, come on, Olaf. You're coming to America. We're going to go there and go to South by. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Olaf and the Norwegian guy. To America.

And also your American daughter. I forgot about the bedtime chocolate. I forgot about most. I forgot about most of that. I'll be real with you. Jessica, baby. My darling wife wife I am opening up the laptop oh my god that one

was hard for me to listen to why is that you because the voice I was doing I love the voice you were doing yeah I just want to apologize like if we have any Norwegian listeners like we don't yeah it's true okay Alfred this has all been fun and games but should we do the final it's so fun i'm having a great time i am being having a fun time but we have to wrap it up because we have one episode left that is tied for fifth place one episode left before the other 90 we have to do here we go are you ready what's

tied with psychics with kelly what month is this what month is this give me the month again i like i don't remember okay bitch sir drum roll please okay tied for fifth place is the 200th episode of Review Review. Oh, I lied. Tied for fifth place with psychics with Kelly Brakeman is Escape Rooms 2 with Jeffrey Tricle James. Jeffrey James. Jeffrey James. Jeffrey James.

Jeffrey James. Jeffrey James. jeffrey james jeffrey james jeffrey james alf what do you remember about escape rooms 2 if memory serves correctly this was the one we did on the live stream where i was extremely tired and i could barely hear a word you or jeff was saying because there was some technical difficulties. And that's exactly right. And that's exactly right. So this was the episode. And people said I loved that one. Jeff was trapped in his 24 hour surprise live stream.

And so I came in at like eight at night LA time. So it was 11 for you at night. Not early, late. like eight at night la time so it was 11 for you at night and um not early late we uh we jeff didn't know he was going to be on the episode and so it was just surprise improv after being uh trapped in a room for a good amount of time uh so nothing he wanted to do more than do this episode with us. But I think it was his first time being on the show since you took over as co-host. If my memory serves. I think that's right. And took over

is the right word. Took over. Like who? So let's do it. Let's wrap this up with tied for fifth place. We're gonna hear Oh wait! Do you remember anything about the improv? I remember. Was there one in a hospital? There was one in a hospital.

That's literally the only thing I remember is the one in a hospital. I think there was one in a hospital. Right, where it was like, my husband and my daughter. It was like, they're getting the gift for the parents. I have no idea what you're talking about. She's looking at me like I'm making a joke. Let's listen. Escape Rooms 2 with Jeffrey James. OK, we are Let's listen. Escape Rooms 2 with Jeffrey James.

Okay, we are going to launch into Escape Rooms 2 with Jeffrey James. Just a caveat. I'm not going to play the review because this clip would be way too long with it. But you can imagine that it's a funny review about Escape Rooms. Stop. So here we go. Escape Rooms 2 with Jeffrey James. Jeffrey James. I don't want to start

No initiate Jeff You're never going to get your Harold team with that Alf is mad And I don't know why I want you to do as much initiating as you're doing supporting In these scenes okay Jeff I want you to show your range Is that enough to ask

Is that enough to ask? All right. Is that enough to ask? Hello. Hi. Here. Sorry. Checking in late. I had to wrangle a bunch of kids.

It's my son's seventh birthday party. The big zero seven. And we're really excited. I got like 20 kids in the group right now. So it's a little crazy. But we are very excited for the railway escape room. I can help you with whatever you need help with today at this escape room. Why'd you add a zero before the seven? It's just seven. Well, you know how it's like, you know, it's like, oh, the big one, three, like, double digits. It's, you know, he's the big zero seven. So what if you reach a hundred?

I'm just trying to say that, like, age isn't just a double digit. You know what I mean? Well, Sammy, you tell them. You tell them. You tell them what it's like to be 07. Well, I'm 07 years old right now. I guess if I was 100, you should call me 007, like James Bond. Yes.

Yes. Sammy, that's exactly right. You heard it from the horse's mouth. So should we get going? We've got a bunch of little rascals who are ready to get in a room and then get out of it. Oh, yeah, we can do that. What's your name again?

It's Alfred. Nice to meet you, Alfred. I'm Laurie. It's so nice to meet you. That's a really sexy name. Is it? You said double, what's your name? 007?

You could call me 007. Sammy, what did you just say? I said that Alfred is a really sexy name. What? Um... You guys are gonna be in... What makes you say that? Do you guys have to do this in the hallway? Sorry? No, we can get you set up is what I was gonna say. You are paying by the hour,

so I'm just trying. There's like 19 other kids just running around. They're like the other kids just running around. They're like the little dust things from Spirited Away. They're all just like Sammy. Cool. Why don't we just get set up? Alright. I am going to wait in the lobby. I have a couple emails to do.

Mommy, you're always on your email. Well, someone's got to provide for this family. You're not paying rent. You're not paying rent. I've never done this. Is your husband British? Or is your partner British? My husband is, he is from Raleigh.

So what's, yeah. It's just kind of. Peppa Pig. It's just, he loves Peppa Pig. Watch a lot of Peppa Pig. He watches a lot of Peppa Pig. And so that's just kind of... Peppa Pig. It's just... He loves Peppa Pig. Watch a lot of Peppa Pig. He watches a lot of Peppa Pig. Okay. And so that's just kind of...

We actually have no British lineage in our family at all. Really? Yes. None. All right. None. Nice. You remind me of Daddy Pig.

What is that? He's Peppa Pig's daddy. Is that a real character in that show? Yes. Yes. Okay. I trust you. Okay.

What the hell? I'm going to be in the lobby. Why don't you get all these little rascals situated and... All right, right in here, guys. They're like climbing the walls. Not up the wall.

Just in here. In here. I need them all in the room. All right. So you guys have selected our bank vault escape rooms. So you have... The name of the story is...

Just quiet down, guys. They're climbing on you. No, you don't have to touch me. That's actually illegal. this the name of the story is just quite down climbing on you know you don't touch me that's actually legal um so the name of the game is the bank vault escape and basically you guys just got gold bars and you have to see if we guys just have quiet I can't wait to rob this place. Fucking blind. I'm going to escape with you. I'm going to take you with me. Are you talking to me? Yeah, sexy.

Knock, knock. Sorry, me again. I just wanted to... I know you guys are starting. I know you guys are starting. Sorry to interrupt. Sorry. Can I talk to you in the hallway? Oh.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Sammy Kids, why don't you just entertain yourselves for a minute? Easy enough. And I'll be right back. Yeah, what's up? I just, I don't know. Your son said he was going to leave with me and then called me sexy again. At first he called my name sexy, which was like...

Oh, my God. Was he doing like, oh, take you with me, sexy sexy is that what he kind of did yeah oh because he said well he said the name alfred is sexy yeah i did hear that and that bumped you that bothered you seemed like yeah and then now you're being like oh he does that sometimes sometimes he says i'm gonna leave with you sexy which by the way is way more aggressive than just saying a name is sexy the first thing it seemed like oh he just, he just learned what the word sexy is. No, he says that all the time. That's the part that wasn't bumping.

It was more that it's like, Alfred, you think the name Alfred is sexy? That was what was weird. Okay, that hurts my feelings. No offense. You don't look like an Alfred. What do I look like? A Dave. Wait, so, well, now my feelings in Eagle are hurt.

Are you saying that the name Alfred doesn't sound sexy? No, that's not what I said. A sexy name shouldn't apply to me. That's not what I said. I said neither. I just said, oh, whoa, weird that he thinks the name Alfred's sexy. Mummy. Yes, Sammy. Sorry, I couldn't help but eavesdrop. You heard

the whole thing? You don't think the name Alfred is sexy? Um, not I mean, not. You don't think the name Alfred is sexy? Um, not, I mean, not. What do you think? You said he doesn't look like an Alfred. What does an Alfred look like if not that?

Mummy, what does an Alfred look like? If not him or if not sexy? I'll take either. Sammy, why are you so upset about this? It's your big double, it's your big zero seven day. I finally hit double digits.

Yes. You didn't at all. Why are you so upset? I guess I feel like you're minimizing my sexual awakening. Is this right now what it is? I mean, if the shoe fits, love. She hasn't said anything to you about your sexuality. I was talking to her a little bit concerned because you were kind of flirting with me.

The sprites are all just like leaving the room, going all over the place. And yeah, now all these other kids, which by the way, I think they seem to be dust mites, are kind of going everywhere. Is this part of the puzzle? I don't know, honey. I don't think it should be. This doesn't feel like the runaway train, whatever we're doing. I'm getting a headache. Oh, honey.

Maybe we should just, do you want to just go home or do you want to do the room? No, I want to stay and do the room. I want to stay and do the room. Yeah. Okay, well, it looks like all your friends did just kind of leave the building from under the door. But could he do the room alone? Or could you do it with him? Would that be okay?

They weren't my real friends anyway. No. If they would leave you like that, they are not your real friends, honey. They are not your real friends. Fair weather friends. That's what I call them. Fair weather friends.

You learned that one from Peppa. Would you mind doing the room with him? I can't not do that. I am on the clock, but... Oh, God. Yeah, fine, fine. I can do it for... Oh, yay! Thank you so much. Oh, he's going to be

so thrilled. Look at him. Look at him. He's running around. This is the best double-digit day I've ever had. Can you also be in there with me, though? I don't understand what you need to be doing in the lobby. All right, Alfred, let's go into the room. All right, honey, I'll be out here if you need anything, okay? I'll be in the lobby doing some emails. It's just hard because I already know how to...

I won't need anything. I already know how to do this. I already know how to escape this room. Well, then let me lead. All right. Okay, I'll be in the lobby. It's just hard because I already know how to... I won't need anything. I already know how to do this. I already know how to escape this room. Well, then let me lead! Alright. Yes, let him lead. Okay. Really quick, really quick. Make sure he feels like he's really getting the experience of doing it for himself. Whoa, you just rolled your eyes. Sorry. Your seven-year-old's

hitting on me. He has dust mites for a friend. Just please give him a good birthday. I'm trying really hard. It's just, yeah, he's not normal. Please just go into the room and give him a great experience for his birthday. All right.

Thank you. Come on, Alfred. This place charges by the hour. We've got to get going. I'm the one charging you. Right. So I see a window and out the window there's a train track and there's a body on the train tracks and if we switch this lever the train gets diverted and it

hits the one body but it doesn't hit the 10 bodies does that make sense what i'm describing the trolley problem yes right the trolley problem ah kind of do you know what that is or are you just repeating what i said because if you know what that is that's you're pretty smart yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know what it is like yeah yeah do you know what that is or are you just saying yeah, yeah, yeah? Yeah, I know what it is now. So I think we flip the lever and then we see what happens. Okay, well, just so you know, if you flip the lever now, it will kill 10 people. I mean, c'est la vie, non? I guess it would be c'est la vie mort.

Oh. Enchanté. Parlez-vous français, Alfred? How do you know how to speak French? Yeah. We should... No, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying

this escape room... Burst through the door. Honey, I'm so sorry to have to interrupt again. I know you're in the throes of the birthday party, but your dad is in the hospital, and I think we need to go. Again? Again, again, again. Cut to the hospital.

Hi, Daddy. Oh, George, how are you doing, honey? Hey, son. It's his birthday. It's Sammy's... Milady. Oh, George, how are you feeling? Not good.

Not good at all. Was it a fall? Something you ate. Something you ate. It's what's been going on for a while now Which is neither Of the things you two said Is it the affair? Stop it Sammy

What? What did you say? I said it's my chronic bronchitis Oh sorry No he said is it the affair? And you said something? I'm stricken with lung disease. Oh, daddy, that sucks. That sucks, yeah.

Daddy, I think it's time you come clean. Deathbed confession and that. You should tell mumsy about the affair. Dude. I may. No. No. I've had sex with most of your friends.

I'm laughing. I laugh when I get uncomfortable. It's just tough because, like, they're so hot. Your voice is so normal now. Sorry. So are you just in the hospital? Do you? Is this?

Because I've been thinking the whole time that you've had, like, a chronic illness, and that's why you keep being in the hospital. I do. No, stop it. Are you in the hospital all the time because whenever you think you're maybe going to get found out, you come to the hospital? And check yourself in. Yeah, that's what's happening. Right.

Nope. Nope. Yeah, there was Ellie, there was Angie, and there was Madison. And then, yeah, there was also Angie. The second Angie. A different Angie. And Mary. There second Angie. A different Angie. And Mary. There was Mary.

Dude. I'm just saying, if you're going to confess. The death frights all come into the room. Start filling your lungs. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Angie.

Yeah. Yeah. The second Angie. I want her to help. You're dying and you want your mistress to help when your wife is right there? Angie comes in. George! No, the other Angie!

Oh, okay, I'll go get her. She's outside. They're all here. How did they know? I evade your assumptions at the hospital. And they also come for moral support because we talk. We talk? We text.

Do they know Sammy? Yes. Sammy? Yes. It's not on him to tell you about my extramarital work. No, it's not. I've been calling them stepmummy for practice. All of them?

Yeah. Daddy told me to practice because he said... I never said that. He said one of them's gonna do it. Mary, and I said to practice on Ellie. I didn't say to practice on the first Angie. But still three out of five of them, sure. All of them together?

We love you Sammy, happy zero seven! That felt really, really mean. All of them together. Why was that mean? We love you, stepson. I feel like you guys are losing sight of something here. What?

It's my birthday. That's what we just said. Happy birthday Happy zero seven All of us together In unison The entire time Ladies enough What?

Back to your rooms In the hospital? Yeah Sweetie What? Oh me now? Well Maybe Angie the second one first.

Got it. I'm out. Wait, wait. I get out. I'm out. I take all the things off. Wait. He dies.

Falls over. Angie the second one. Happy birthday, Sammy. This is the shittest escape room I ever did. Yes. Tell you one thing. Sure as shit didn't remember that one. Sure as shit didn't remember that.

I was right that he was in a hospital, but genuinely that was not the hospital scene I remember. That was very clearly us doing improv with an insane trapped trapped jeffrey james yes at night like with the two of you like sharing a mic i think or not on like i was hearing you through like someone's laptop that energy was insane um so well that was eight through five we should have jeff back on for like a normal one that was episodes eight through five, y'all. I'm so excited to see what four through one with some special, special treats have in store.

Let's really quickly do our last segment. Yeah! um the share christmas song uh dj play a christmas song yeah um what to say about it um yeah it's tough outside but it's love in here i have just one request this year dj play a christmas song it's a banger it's a bop i've been blasting you should listen to it you know what's so funny my what shook me is also a christmas song that elizabeth made made Daniel and I sing along to. What is it? Try to. It is, in fact, Justin Bieber's Little Drummer Boy featuring Busta Rhymes.

Bang on the bass to bass, but it's drum. Yeah. And I guess like reading the lyrics. I've never seen them written out before. Hard to be confronted by that. Yeah. But I bet you don't remember reading this in the bible or something like that

that was pre-Hillsong Justin for sure and then it was like and then it was like help the people around the globe globe globe globe giving us in theater school yeah it really felt like that globe globe globe

I'm on the drum yeah I'm on the snare drum It was really Daniel had never heard it before And so he was very shocked but it has been stuck in my head For the better part of a week I'll tell you that I'll tell you that Because having Cher's DJ play a Christmas song Stuck in your head is actually the best thing that can happen to a person

DJ play a Christmas song Guys thank you so much for voting. What a fun, silly lineup we have and we can't wait for next week where we will count up from four to one. We'll count up from four to one. That's right, folks. You can find Alf on Instagram and Alfred in it.

You can find the show on Instagram at Review Review, Reddit r slash Review Review, and the HeadGum Discord Review Review channel. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. And... You can find Riley on Instagram.com, just the web browser, not the phone app,

at Riley and Spa, and on Instagram.com, just the web browser, not the phone app, at Riley we've been saying this we've been saying this yep so you better you better say it along with us but you better fucking know it by now not to swear not to swear but for fuck's sake you better fucking know it by now for fuck's sake ready oh i was born ready yeah baby Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. See you next time. Yeah, baby.

Yeah, baby. That was a Hiddem original. Why would you text me during an ad read? That's a tweet. Loading. Okay, it is a t-shirt someone found or a sweatshirt someone found of Bugs Bunny sitting in a chair with Lola Bunny bent over his knee, spanking her bottom so hard that her bottom is red. Is what you texted me while I was doing an ad for the company that pays us to talk about how much we like.