Review Revue - Best of Review Revue 2023 Part 2

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

Alf and Reilly share YOUR picks for the best of the best episodes in this Review Revue Best of 2023!This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self.>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. And now, for the first time ever in the history of the Kentucky Derby, we welcome to the track Secretariat, a human stable boy.

This is just preposterous. How could he ever not do it? Reluctantly crouched at the starting line Horse hooves stomping and scraping in time The green light flashes, the flags go up Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup They deftly maneuver and muscle for rank Fuel burning fast on an empty tank Reckless and wild, they pour through the turns

Their prowess is potent and secretly stern As he speeds through the finish, the flags go down The fans get up and they get out of town The arena's all horses except for one man is his potent and secretly stern as he speeds through the finish the flags go down the fans get up and they get out of town the arena's all horses except for one man still sprinting imprinting his mark on the land the sun has gone down and the moon has come up officials still waiting to give him the cup but he's driving striding and hugging the turns and thinking of that horse for whom he still burns he's going the distance he's going for speed she was all alone all alone at a horse party because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course he's fighting and fighting and thinking of that horse he's going the distance

and you're listening to review review that went so hard cannot hear you love sorry one day she'll figure it out one day she'll figure out there we are went so hard yo that was a fucking banger. That was so awesome. Oh, my God. That was from Lundy. So Lundy said, this was, okay. This originally was sent in September 8th. Okay. It says, hey, a parody of The Distance by Cake, the band.

Hi, Riley and Alf. I loved the show for years, but was never creative enough to write a full theme. That could, I don't believe you for a second. Luckily for me, due to sketch, I barely had to change a song at all to reference hopefully one day i can finish another theme that actually references the title of the show or your names or something instead i don't think the end of once was a sketch from two months ago uh i don't do much but i'm lunday l-u-n-d-a double y on insta

and twitch so then november lunday sent this theme was dated when I first sent it, but now forget about it. Please don't actually forget about it. It would make me sad if you forgot about it. Please use this more polished final, which is the one I used. I added the title of the pod, which seems important. That was so awesome. Thank you so much.

That was like genuinely, like that kind of went hard. Kind of went hard. Fun fact. Do you know the band fun fact do you know uh the band cake do you know where the name comes from no my ass alfred yeah we're here for the best of review review 2023 and you know what too this really more like heart too because i love being here heart to heart let's talk about it let's talk heart. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. How have you been since the last time we recorded, which was 24 hours ago? I've been good. I made some cookies.

They were fire, I think. What kind of cookies? They were dark chocolate, ginger, sour cherry cookies. Okay, crazy ass. Yeah, you know, I kind of went crazy mode on it. It's whatever. Wait, today's Boxing Day at the time of release Oh put them up Happy Boxing Day my darling

Federal weight and heavy weight How do you think your Christmas Will have gone You know it's time recording it's Sunday December 17th Do you think you can have happy Christmas Ron Absolutely Hermione every year

on Christmas day I go out and I buy $4,000 worth of lottery tickets and I think this year it really panned out that's my hope you think that by the time of release that is correct

so this is the last episode. I think by Boxing Day, I will have met Santa. You really think so? I think like two nights ago, Christmas Eve, going into Christmas morning, I think I will have stumbled upon him. Okay, stumbled upon. What does that mean? It's like I'm going down to the kitchen just to like get a glass of water and he's there and we lock eyes and we're like should

we i saw riley in the kitchen underneath santa claus right on the mouth but listen we're not here to talk about kissing santa on the mouth we're not here to talk about kissing Santa on the mouth. We're not here to talk about your cookies, even though they sound amazing. Because we have a lot to get through today. Because, like we said last week, you all made your freaky little voices heard. You voted. And we had an amazing countdown of eight through five. There were two ties last week, which was crazy.

Okay. Two ties last week, which was crazy. Okay. Two ties. If you haven't listened to the best of part one and you want to hear like, oh, what was eight through five? What were the ties? What were a little bit less popular than these? What were like slightly less popular, except the number one, can I just say, ran away with it.

Ran away with it. Now that's interesting. Because I don't know what it is. But I think we're going to get straight into it. Really? Now that's interesting. Because I don't know what it is. But I think we're going to get straight into it. Are there any episodes that you're hoping are in this group? Well, now you're really asking the tough questions. I mean, I...

Because you don't remember any of them. Yes, exactly why. Got it. I guess I would be disappointed if Bop It wasn't in there. I will say that. Because I think Bop It is fun. Something that we are going to do, a little treat that I mentioned last week, a little special surprise. OK.

Is that, so you all got to make your freaky little voices heard by voting for these. And we're so glad you did. And again, thank you everyone for listening to another year of Review Review. Another year. Alex and I have our favorite episodes as well. And so what we're going to do is we're going to do four, three, two,

and then we're going to share. Alf and I each have our own pick for our favorite episodes. And we're going to play those. Shockingly, our picks weren't popular. Our picks were not on the list. But that's great. And then we're going

to do one. So these are some long episodes. If you want to just scrub to your favorites or what, you know, scrub to that, do whatever you want.

It's the holidays and it's the holidays are meant for scrubbing through podcasts to find the place that you want to be. Do you think I could make money on Cameo

pretending to be Santa? Yes. Perfect. Daniel cutting in here really quick uh same as last week if you could just please add the drum sound effect and also i'm gonna send you the time stamps again to drop these in because i don't know how to pull that independently thank you so much i appreciate you okay alf do we want to just get right into it or should we take a tiny little break and then come back with episode with with number four it? Or should we take a tiny little break? And then come back with episode, with number four on the list.

Let's take a teensy tiny one. We're going to take a teensy tiny break. But we'll be right back with number four, counting down. And we're back. I have a question. Yep. Before we jump in. Should we set an intention?

We didn't do one last time, but we can certainly do one this time. I feel like it could be fun. Okay. Low stakes intention. be fun for listening to yeah there's nothing cooler than listening to yourself laughing about it it's awful how about you set it

okay I don't like that but I'll do it I think that this episode is going to be this shred it I don't like that, but I'll do it. I think that this episode is going to be the shreddiest. Shreddiest. This is going to be the shreddiest episode. Like we're going to shred.

We're going to shred. I love that. Let's do it. You don't like it. No, I like it fine. But let's get into it because this, I'm so excited for these final couple on the list. Okay, let's get into it because this i'm so excited for these final couple on the list okay let's get into it number four on the best of review review 2023 is drum roll please horseback riding oh my god i was so nervous that this one wouldn't make the list because this one was one of my

favorite episodes of the year the scene we all know the scene make the list because this one was one of my favorite episodes of the year. The scene. We all know the scene I'm going to play. It's one of my favorite scenes I think I've ever done ever in anything. And are you yawning or going to sneeze? Are you already bored? I'm so fucking bored right now, bro. Got it.

Is this the one that the theme song was about? Yes. So aptly enough that this theme song is in reference to the scene that I'm going to play. But the other scene, there were a couple other scenes. Another scene that I did really love is Nightmare. Like the weird demon horse. Yes, with the little horse spider babies. Yes, I remember that.

Nightmare was really good. And then there was also like horse Bible kind of thing. Or it's like you read in the chapter of like i forget what even that was bible but do you know what i'm talking about no one scene that was like there was one scene that was like you haven't done your reading and it was like horse theory and it was that you're making this shit up no it was like you could make up anything no don't you remember the one in the horse where they were the horses that were both on the ark and they were planning to kill Moa?

Like I would be like, yeah, absolutely. We recorded that. That sounds like something. What do you remember? Pretty much everything that was in the theme song and nothing else. No, I do. Yeah. I don't really remember.

Okay, great. Are you mad at me? No, it's okay. Are you mad at me? I'm fine. You seem mad. Here um here we go we're gonna dive in this is i'm so happy this is on here i think about this scene at least like once a week it's like i remember actually when we oh we'll talk about it after this is horseback riding schools number four five stars melissa delavigne this is probably my favorite place to be on the weekends their horses are not only well kept and beautiful but they're very socialized and friendly it's the place for

riding whether you're a beginner or advanced they offer basic horsemanship classes which i highly recommend if you're just starting out this helps with building a relationship with your horse, which will transfer to the saddle and improve your overall riding. I love the environment here. I always feel at home when I come for my lessons. I know it's like a real term, but horsemanship. Horsemanship. Bumps every time for me.

Horsemanship. I, when I tellumps every time for me. Horsemanship. When I tell you, I had to read that back. And again, I am ignorant in the ways of horses and horsemanship, apparently. But I'm dying to know what that looks like and what that means. And I guess what it feels like. I love that it transfers to the saddle. I'm picturing it's like an etiquette class on how to be a gentleman

but but horses it's it's a horse cotillion all righty children It's a horse cotillion. Alrighty, children. Now, please pick up your dessert spoon with your left hoof. One of the horses picks it up with their teeth. No! The horse is laughing.

What? Becky. I don't understand. I was trying to do my best. I said left hoof, did I not? Becky is such an idiot. She doesn't even know how to pick things up with her hub. Stop it, stop it.

I'm just as bright as the rest of you, so just... Girls, girls, leave Becky alone. She may have been raised in a barn, but that... All of them laughing, laughing. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve an opportunity to learn proper ladylike horsewomanship you don't you don't have to protect me like that sir i'll get it i promise all right once again from the top ladies top, ladies. Cut to the end of class. I was like, excuse me, sir, could I have a word? Yes, of course.

Step into my horse office. It's just a stable. A really nice stable. Diplomas on the wall. Mr. Appleshire, I just wanted to apologise. I'm doing my best, I really am,

but, you know, I wasn't raised in fancy boarding schools and fancy riding clubs like most of these ladies here, and I just wanted to let you know that I'm trying my best, but I don't know if I'm cut out for real horsemanship and for life as a horse lady. Becky! Never talk about yourself like that. Would you believe me if I told you

that long ago there was a little pony, just barely a babe, born in a pretty rough stable himself. Who? Are you talking about my dad? No, Becky. I'm talking about your horsewomanship teacher, Mr. Apple. Mr. Appleshire, are you telling me that you grew up in a stinky old barn just like me?

Mr. Appleshire, he grew up in the stinkiest barn in all... You don't have to talk about yourself in third person anymore. I know the stories about you. You're right. I grew up in the stinkiest, most rancid barn in all of London town. But thanks to the teachings of my forefather, gestures to a horse portrait on the wall, Mr. Applebottom Jeans,

I learned a thing or two, and now I choose to impart that wisdom unto you. But, Mr. Appleshire, I'm not sure if I... I kind of like kicked a little duster with my hoof. I'm not sure if I deserve it. Becky, you deserve the world. The other mayors are laughing at me, they are. You heard them in class. Becky's so thick, she doesn't even know how to use a hoof instead of a mouth.

You heard them, sir. I can't show my bloody face, my long face in there ever again. Becky. Becky, those young ladies wouldn't know the true meaning of horsemanship if it bit them on the ramp. Mr. Havisham! I'm sorry, but it bears saying that you taking their derision and still choosing to learn proper horse etiquette shows more strength of character than those girls have ever shown. I am going to make it my personal

mission to make you the most eligible young horse maiden in all the county. Oh, Mr. Appleshire, it'll be hard-pressed to find me as an eligible horse lady.

I think we can make it work. Cut to a monot- A monetized montage. Monetized. There's ads every 30 seconds. Cut to a montage of her being trained to be actually the best horse lady that the county has to offer. Learning to eat with the proper hooves. She can dance, standing on her back

feet like a human would. Getting like a full blowout on the main full makeover. Mr. Appleshear's doing the blowout. He's holding scissors. It's really normal stuff. The rain in space stays mainly in the plane.

She's getting it. Everything's going great. She's getting it. She's getting it. There's a ball. There's a big ball. It's the night of the biggest ball in all of the county. Any horse who's any horse is there.

You go get him, champ. Remember everything I've taught you. I kind of give like a little nod. I'm very demure now. Now, I can't go in there with you, but I believe you will do great things. I kind of give you a questioning look. Like, why? Why can't you come? Because, my dear, I'm old.

My time is up you were my last great masterpiece and now it's time for me to retire both literally and

figuratively gives you a big horse hug. On the back of standing up, embracing each other. Goodbye, Becky. I believe in you. Thank you. And now presenting

Miss Becky Applesnap I. All the horses turn. You see some of the girls from the horseman show. Oh, Becky. Oh, God. They let her in here. Shouldn't she be at the petting zoo? Good one, Gwendolyn.

Good one. I've been working on that for weeks. Very funny. Very funny. Door's open. Becky's standing there on her back.

Everyone's immediately shocked because she did not know how to do that before. She kept standing in front of us.

In front of us. Doing a handstand. She was obsessed with handstands. But now she's on her back hips. She's in a beautiful form-fitting gown. Her mane is piled up in like a chignon bun on her head.

And she has like a cigarette holder with a carrot in it. The most handsome horse in the whole place. Duke. Duke, With a carrot in it? The most handsome horse in the whole place. Duke. Duke Apple Stallion walks up to her. Enchanté, mademoiselle.

I don't believe I've seen you around the watering hole before. Oh, you're Duke Applestallion, are you not? Oh my, what a refined accent you have. Where did you go to school? Horse-eaten? If I can be perfectly honest, Mr. Duke,

I would never be caught dead at a school like that. And I've seen you around the watering hole, but before I learned how to walk on my hind hooves and put my hair upright, you never took a second glance at me. And so if you can't accept me at my

most normal, you don't deserve me at where I am today. Oh my. I do, I do apologize, miss, if I ever came across as stuck up. It was never my intention

to snub such a gorgeous mare as yourself. The other horses come up to her. Oh, oh, Duke, oh, darling, don't tell me that you've taken a fault in Mr. Becky. Did you know that she was raised in a barn?

Can you believe it? In a barn, you say? Oh, now I've heard everything. I knew it. I knew you were all fake. But I didn't come here to impress the likes of you. She's Princess Diana mixed with Audrey Hepburn. I didn't come here to...

She's kind of like doing the look up and down like Princess Di. I didn't come here to impress the likes of you. I came here because I needed to impress myself. So if you'll excuse me, everyone, I must do my rounds, and then

I'll be on my way. You won't be seeing these gorgeous hooves ever again because I'm off. Where are you going? Who knows? Spain? Portugal, maybe. But whatever it is, I won't be here long. Later in the party, she's on the balcony having a cigarette.

Just a carrot that's on fire. Pardon me, miss. Can I get you another thing to drink, maybe? Oh, that would be wonderful. And what is your name again? Oh, you don't care what a lowly stable boy like. Oh, no, I'm just... It's don't care what a lonely stable boy like... Oh no I'm just... It's a human! It's a stable boy!

You don't care what a lonely stable boy like me has to say? You're the most gorgeous horse I've ever seen. No, don't say that. No. What is your name? I do care to know it. Oh, well, if you must know, my name is Secretariat. Secretariat. That's a beautiful name. For? I, like, lift your chin up with my front hoof. What a beautiful man. A beautiful man indeed.

Now, Secretariat, I'd love some water with a sprinkling of hay in it, as if it had just come from the trough. Can you make that happen for me? Absolutely. One hay water coming up. And, Secretariat, before you go, an older horse once gave me some beautiful, life-changing advice. Believe in yourself, Secretariat. And the rest will follow after months of hard training. Can I tell you something? Anything.

Something I've never told anyone, nor horse nor man. My greatest dream in this life is... Well, it sounds stupid. I can't even say it. No, Secretary, you can tell me anything. We shall be the best of friends from this day forward. Well, I know I'm just a lowly stable boy, but my greatest dream in life is to win the Triple Crown. I want to be the fastest horse that anybody has ever seen.

Do you think I can be here standing on my hind legs wearing a dress in a bun smoking carrot then you can do anything Secretariat thank you I'll never forget you

go to the Kentucky Derby it's a paddock full of horses and a human man I'll never forget you. Cut to the Kentucky Derby. It's a paddock full of horses and a human man running on all fours. And Secretariat rounds the corner. We've never seen a human man run like this. 40 miles an hour, 50 miles an hour. Oh my God, he's lapping the other horses. Ladies and gentlemen, Secretariat becomes the first human man to ever win the triple crown.

Two normal ones. Two normal ones. They just did. Becky is, like, sitting in a box at the derby with a big hat. She's like, I knew he could do it. He's next to her. My god, I think the boy's done it. He's reverted to his old accent.

In his old age. Thanks for watching! you I'm crying. I love that scene so fucking much. What on earth? I love it so much. Oh, my fair horsey. What on earth? Oh, my God. Oh, I love it so much. Guys, this is obviously an audio medium, but while we were listening to that scene, with each of the voices we were doing, we were just showing each other Google image searches of people who we thought we sounded like. fucking apple stallion like the hot like posh horse came up al just slowly put into frame his

photo it's just a photo of dr frankenford i'm a sweet horse vest side oh god i love that scene so much it means everything to me because I see it. I literally see the movie of it in my head. I see every single part of it. That one is very evocative for sure. It's very evocative. Also, the way in which during the beginning part, when we were still trying to inject nays into the scent. Yeah, and then we just fully dropped it.

And it just sounded like Tim Allen. Oh, my God. Oh, thank God. Horseback riding school is my favorite horse he made it holy you know what and i think you know what else i want to point out about that scene that i think is beautiful yeah yeah please you know she doesn't have to end up with secretariat you know what i mean she doesn't need that doesn't need to be the end of her story the apex you know what i mean is finding love and for some reason she wants to go to portugal no she wants to she wants to travel the world and i think that's beautiful spain she's not allowed to dismiss it no but she's like you'll never hear from me again and it's like

my number one dream in life is to be a human man that runs a race also it's like alfred i was just imagining him just like he's lobbing down the horses do you see have you ever seen videos on tiktok of people running on all fours? Oh, like the wolves. Like it's like, good for you. Yeah. Yeah.

That's like what I'm like. It's the funniest shit. All right. Let's take a quick break. We'll come back for number three. That was only number four. We have, we still have more to come. and we're back and we're al are you ready for number three are you even ready i guess not i guess we should be all right

drum roll please coming in what month what month? Please, give me the month. Alfred, I don't fucking know. The month is September. Okay. Was that so fucking hard? That's when I had COVID. Okay. Episodes we recorded when you had COVID. I really don't remember you've had COVID so much.

No, I've only had it twice. Coming in at number three. More than me. Drum roll, please. I'm at a three. The one. The only. European Hostels.

Oh, wickedly talented European Hostels. Wickedly talented European Hostels wickedly talented European Hostels what do you remember from this episode I don't remember what that scene was I just remember that name and maybe that like was there like we were all wearing

fedoras maybe I don't know but I do love that the only episode description for this episode that Daniel made is just Ye Doggy Frank. Ye Doggy Frank. That's, I mean, and in terms of what the other scenes could have been. I could not tell you. That is a fucking. I could literally never tell you what the other scenes were.

Because all I remember is Ye Doggy Frank. Ye Doggy Frank. what the other scenes were because all i remember is ye doge frank this is another one similar to the uh uh the one from the last episode with will and uh with kylie the the psychics episode where i'm just sort of doing like a vague european i think oh yeah no that was i do remember that with this episode we kind of painted ourselves into a fucked up corner of like european like european stereotypes yes yes yes yes yes and like not good accent work um so let's get into it without further ado here is european hostels ye doggie frank this is for it's a party hostel it's it's uh ranked at least on this website which is like not tripAdvisor, not Yelp or anything like that.

I'm forgetting the name for it. I just took screenshots and then I closed out the tab. But it's ranked as the number one best party hostel in Berlin. That's saying something. It's called the Circus Hostel. Oh, fucking hell. It's

ranked out of 10, so it's 10 out of 10. Whoa! This is from AC. Okay. This one comes from air conditioning. You are a piece of shit. And this is from August 19th, 2023, so this was very recently. Whoa!

Whoa! Air conditioning. 10 out of 10. Writes, this was a perfect ending for me. Everything was as it should be. Not having AC was not a problem for me as there are some small ventilators.

This was a perfect ending. To what? To what? To what? Genuinely to what? Genuinely to his life. To his trip, I imagine. Kind of ominous. This is how I want to go.

Walking to a hospital and you're just like, fuck, I could die here. I could fucking die on this plane. A family comes in, like a recently bereaved family. Rings the bell, fuck off. Oh, God, I can't wait to do this. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Hey! Do you work here? Yeah, what's up? Hi. This is highly unusual. I'm sorry, um, my brother just passed, um, and, uh, my family and I, we just came back from- Dolences. Thank you, thank you.

I really appreciate that. Um, you know, he was sick for a long time, and, and so it- What did he have? It was almost kind of like a mercy. Uh, he had pancreatic cancer oh um well right oh yeah um but he actually it's kind of been a wild goose chase uh for his for his wishes after his death uh but he he let us hear um and he wrote a letter to us that the coroner found in his uh suit jacket pocket he died in his suit he died in his suit he was uh he was a fancy guy and he said um if you want a

taste of the life of the party parentheses aka me smiley face go to circus hostel in berlin ask for peter and he'll give you everything you need to know about well me wow that's heavy you wouldn't um you wouldn't happen to be peter would you no no my name is uh my name is Jasper, but I can get Peter. I think he's in the back. Peter's here. Oh, my God. Yeah, he's on towel duty.

Well, that'd be amazing. Washing towels. Well, my brother clearly connected with him a lot, so if there's anything else I could learn from him, I would be honored to meet Peter. Sure. Yeah, I guess I'll grab him. Do you want to sit down? There's a bar. Do you want to wait in the bar? You know what? Yeah.

Papa could use a drink right about now. Oh, okay. Get to the bar. Dirty Shirley, please. Extra dirty. Coming right up. You're French. Wasn't expecting that here in Germany.

Bienvenue à Berlin. Everybody is a transplant here. Oh, cool. Kind of like a melting pot. My brother, Frank, he loved fondue so you give melting pots that's just a little bit about him sorry this is really hard being here was this uh frank your brother any chance that he was quite a fancy gentleman um yeah he was god he was kind of the fanciest guy I ever met. He always wore a suit.

I mean, my God, the man loved a suit. Hair perfectly coiffed all the time. Had to be. That was so Frank. And yet he went through all this effort to coiff his hair and then he hid it under his fedora. You met Frank? Of course. Always in a fedora.

Never in a bad mood. Yes! That's him! He was happy-go-lucky, and if he wasn't in a fedora, he was in a pork pie cap. Absolutely. I have to say, I'm slightly concerned by your tone of voice. You are saying

past tense. He was. Has Frank moved away? Um, he has moved away yeah he moved away uh back to the great unknown oh um to the picket ski in the sky that's that's heaven all right oh he's passed away frank passed passed away yesterday, actually. He had pancreatic cancer and it just absolutely ravaged him. So I'm here to meet Peter, who, you know, he left a note in his fancy suit saying that Peter kind of changed his life at this hostel. Absolutely. Well, you cannot go wrong with Peter.

He is one of the nicest men I have ever met. Well, you know what? You seem pretty nice yourself. Oh, may we? Would you like to connect with your brother? Have his favorite drink, perhaps? Oh, my God. Yes, I will say also about my brother.

He's the fanciest guy I ever met. And I can't believe he was staying in hostels around Europe. He could afford really nice hotels. Oh, but of course, from his microchip business, he told me all about it. Yes, the dog microchipping. He was very concerned about people being able to track their dogs. And it was lucrative. But no, maybe.

He was a kind man. He would rather spend his money on others than on himself and he gave everybody here a sense of happiness and an amount of money before he paid well my god how much did he pay you not crazy crazy, like 30 euro. But it adds up. Oh, so he paid for a drink. Right, well, there were like 20 people here. So it's, you know, do the math. No, that's a good amount.

I would love to have his favorite drink. Okay. I can remember it's just kind of a neat scotch. That was how I knew Frank. No, no, no, no. That is not the Frank that I knew. The Frank that I knew was always drinking what he called worm bombs. It was a glass of absinthe that you drop a Jaeger shot into. Frank. May we? Because Frank was... This is the Frank who cleaned his pocket watch three times a day and always had to have his shoes shiny enough that he could see his reflection.

So it doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would have a worm bomb. Oh, but yes, Frank, he was the man who was always wearing a pocket square, never not drinking absinthe. Wow. I guess there was a lot to Frank that I didn't know. Perhaps you did not know your brother as well as you thought. That was really out of line. No, I just meant it was clear.

I'll take a worm bomb, but I'd really like to see Peter, please. Okay, I will make two. One for you, I will make two. One for you, and one for moi. I don't want to have a drink with you, because you're kind of stepping out of line. Okay, Peter can have the other one, then, if you're going to be a...

Whatever. Alright. Here he comes, now. Here he comes. Here's the man of the hour. Peter? Howdy, howdy! Oh howdy oh howdy again was expecting a german man what can i do's you for us well you can do's me for a bit of clarity and maybe a little bit of solace um i hate to say this but uh my Frank, you may have known him as the fancy man in the fedora. Well, by howdy, I do.

He lost the battle. He's no longer with us. He's in the Great Poughkeepsie in the sky. And he left a letter saying that you kind of changed his life over here. No way. That's wild. And he left a letter saying that you kind of changed his life over here. No way. That's wild. Your accent, it's amazing.

It's kind of a chameleon. You started off, I thought you might have been from Texas or something. Yeah. Well, I'm kind of from Texas by way of, you know, kind of, I spent some time in Stockholm and, you know, we're European here. It's everybody is... Melting pot. Melting pot. It takes off his enormous

cowboy hat. I'm really sorry to hear about your brother. Thank you. He really, you know, I was never a hostile guy in my youth. And Frank wasn't either,

but it seems like this place, these people, this country changed him. Can I show you something? Is it having to do with Frank, I imagine? Yeah. That would be crazy if I had just said, like, ye doggie, let's get it going and go

see something that has nothing to do with your brother. Like a baseball card collection. That would be crazy. I have a stamp collection that is really, really good. I don't need to see that. That's okay. Please. Let's go. You're the man who I came here to see, so if you have anything else that could help me

learn a bit more about the brother that I guess I never knew, I want to see it. Yes. Come with me to the back patio. It's going to be a really good time. Go to the back patio. Go to the back patio. You see 35 people all wearing suits in fedoras with glasses of absinthe in their hands.

You see, this was Yee Doggy Frank's influence. He was a crazy guy who loved to party. And he was always partying and always dressed nice. And his influence has made this place crazy good everyone cheers wow we drink to you oh my god um so you all knew frank but of course um you know can i just ask i won't take up too much of your time this is, I honestly don't know how much my heart can take this. It was so recent. I miss him so much. Can I ask everyone to go around and share

I don't know, something about Frank that made them smile? I can start. No, no. Please, let me. I'm the waiter. Well, I'd like to start because I'm his brother. I'm the bartender from before, you remember. I don't like you very much.

I offended you very, very deeply. Yes. Your brother Frank, one time he saw me and I was crying over a femme fatale, a woman who had broken my heart. You are a Pepe Le Pew man. And he passed me his Garfield print pocket square for me to blow my nose. And he said, cheer up, Baco. It is always going to get better. Every time.

Ye doggie Frank. Ye doggie Frank. Ye doggie Frank. That really changed my outlook and now I only date women who are right for me. Ye doggie Frank.

You know, like 10, 15 years younger. You, I don't like you and I don't like your whole thing. Okay.

Your whole thing is bad. I have to inventory the bar. I will leave. I can share a little bit about you, Dougie Frank. Is everyone here kind of by way of Stockholm? Yay! You Dougie.

You know, Berlin to Stockholm is not a long flight. It's melting pot. We are in the melting pot. I'll be honest. Sorry, Peter here again. I'll be honest sorry peter here again i'll be honest we have real questions about melanie i think she might be faking the accent um but we've never really caught her out so we don't know well i can be honest about this i am from i am from Bloomington, Indiana. But I feel like my heart has always been on this side of the water pond. And so I kind of feel like I am part of the culture in a way.

Nobody talks like this here. Except her. I can share about Ye Doggy Frank. Ye Doggy Frank. Ye Doggy Frank. Ye Doggy Frank. Ye Doggy Frank. Ye Doggy Frank was, I am not ashamed to say, a wonderful lover. Oh, my. Oh, we don't need to get into that. No, I think it's important you know this about Ye Doggy.

I would like to hear this. You suck. May we? Ye Doggy was selfless. Yidogi was gentle but rough when I wanted him to be. Yidogi

changed me from the insides outwards. He cut my hair in the most intimate way. He looked me in the most intimate way. He looked me in the eyes as he trimmed my bangs and said, this will be a good look for you, Melanie. Wow.

I didn't believe him at first. But then I walked out on the streets the next day and boom! A modeling scout saw me and handed me a card and said, you got what it takes? And I said, oui. And so that was Frank's doing. He knew what I was capable of. Yidougi Frank. Yidougi Frank.

Yidougogi Frank. Yidogi Frank. Yidogi Frank. Look, I don't want to be out of a line here, but we would love... Is it the bartender again? Is it you? No, I'm Peter. Can you tell? Oh, sorry. It's Peter.

It's Peter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from Texas, by way of Stockholm. Anyway, would you like to share a little story about your brother? I would love to. It means so much to me to see you all here. I'm kind of confused because I came to break the news about his passing. So it is a little bit confusing.

I don't know if you guys were all just here dressing up as Frank or what that was about. It's Yidogi Day. Wednesday was Yidogi Day. He made it happen. And we have not stopped since he left. We did not know he was about. It's Edoge Day. Wednesday was Edoge Day. He made it happen and we have not stopped since he left. We did not know he was dead. This was normal for us. Edoge Frank. Melanie,

I swear to God, I'm gonna find out that you're lying about the voice and you're gonna be so fucked. I will share. Frank, you know, our parents weren't aren't the best parents but that's you know they tried they're from a different time and so they never said i love you to us i i don't think we've ever we ever heard our parents say that um but after you know we'd hear mommy

and daddy fighting in the other room and get nervous, Frank would hold me in his sinewy arms. And he would say, they love you, buddy. They love you, William. And I would say, you don't know that? And he'd say, I sure do. Why don't you ask them? What a weird thing for you to say. And I'd say, they're fighting. And he goes, try. And so I would say, Mommy sure do. Why don't you ask them? What a weird thing for you to say. And I'd say, but they're fighting.

And he goes, try. And so I would say, Mommy, do you love me? And Frank, as our mom, would go, I love you, William. And then he'd be like, now ask Daddy. And I'd say, Daddy, do you love me? And he would go, I love you, William. So he was always there for me.

You know, even in the darkest of times. Holy shit. That is one of the most depressing things I've ever heard. The grimace stories that I am a bartender at a party hostel in Berlin. You need to get out of here. You bum me out so freaking hard, man. Yeah, we do not like to remember Ye Doggy Frank as anything like weird or sad. Most of my memories of Frank are very, very horny, and I love

it this way. We would like for you to be having a leaving and for us to continue Ye Doggy Dad. Melanie, I swear to God, that was so different than before. You are obviously lying. I'll go. I'm sorry.

I want you guys to keep your memory of Frank alive in the way that you see fit. But I just wanted to say thank you for... You're welcome. Clearly not you, bartender. Thank you to everybody else for giving him the happiest memories. Ye doggie Frank. Ye doggie Frank. Can I have a goodbye kiss?

No. Okay. Have a blessed day. Yee-doggy Frank. I'm very religious. Let's take a yee-doggy break. Let's take a yee-doggy break. What? I get it. I get it.

They voted for it to keep us humble. What the fuck? They voted for it because they were like, they're going to be riding too high after that horse scene. We need to make sure they remember their lowest moments. Doggie Frank. Look moments doggie frank um look you doggie frank you might have listened to that and thought you know they're really fucked up for doing that scene but you really fucked up for starting a scene with pancreatic

cancer you guys picked it so if anyone's to blame it's not us for doing it or playing it again it's you for voting for it that was that out of the six we've done so far or whatever that was probably the hardest to listen to it's shocking that one was hard to listen to it's shocking the horse one was like smooth it was like easy listening music that was like frank i kind of need to take a break, I think. Let's take a little break. Let's take a break. Doggy Frank. I'm not going to do it back. Do it.

You have to. Doggy Frank. Doggy Frank. Alfrini Tini, we have reached the second best fit. No freaking way. Of Review Review 2023. How are we feeling i mean i really hope you doggy frank was sort of the calm before the storm i hope that this one's really gonna blow me away

do you think are you ready you want to find out what it is i'm gonna remember this one i think you're gonna i don't think you'll here's let me be honest i didn't remember a single scene from this episode. Okay. But I do remember a lot about this episode. Humbling. When is it from? I'm not telling. Okay.

Keep me humble. Shit. Coming in at number two. Number two. Number two. The second best of Review Review 2023 is... Drumroll, please. Episode 200, Medieval Times with Jeffrey Treichel James.

This one will keep me humble. This one will keep Alfred humble because you, the one thing you don't remember is what Medieval Times was or the topic. So this was the episode in which Jeff and I pulled reviews from Medieval Times, as we were supposed to do. And Jeff pulled Renaissance, I'm sorry, Jeff, Alf pulled Renaissance fair reviews. I don't think that it's kind to bring up that. I don't think that it's what a friend would do. Well, what a friend would do is to do the right review, right? I'm not from present day.

I don't know these references that you guys know. I love this episode because it was so chaotic. And it was, what's funny about it, it was my 200th episode. Right, and only yours. I am the only one who has done 200 episodes of this podcast. Also, why were we like 200? Nothing says 200 like medieval. I think we didn't theme it to be i think it just

happened to be we knew we wanted to do it with jeff and i i think medieval times just came up and so that was but that feels apt um i don't i didn't remember okay uh in another two years when we do the 300th episode yeah um Let's make it relevant. Let's do it about the movie 300. Great. Cool. Let's get into it. This is episode 200,

coming in at spot number two, Medieval Times with Jeffrey James. Jeffrey James. Two stars, Medieval Times, Waterpark. Can't say I enjoyed it, and I think the experience can be improved. For food was decent wasn't expecting the best meal but it was decent food barring the tomato soup the rest you can eat with your hands and they do provide napkins and towelettes to stay clean the actual show would have been okay except it was really hard to understand what was being said

the acoustics are not great i think the show's changed a lot since I came for my eighth birthday back in 2001, and it doesn't feel like an improvement. You can buy alcoholic drinks. $9 doesn't feel great for a small pina colada when strawberry mixed with Malibu rum, but it did taste good. What was odd was that I wanted a virgin, but it wasn't allowed. It's noteworthy that when I went two days ago, there was a protest from employees on strike claiming sexual harassment and animal abuse is going on here. Jesus.

You're not allowed to have a virgin drink, and they're abusing the staff and animals. It's also the thing that stood out to me for some reason was the thing of like, they make you eat with your fucking hands like a fucking animal, which first of all, I don't know how historically accurate that is. I feel like people in medieval times still had fucking forks and knives and shit and second and what a fucking moist towelette isn't anachronistic historic like henry the eighth ate an entire fucking a boar's head with his bare hands and then said prithee fetch me my fucking purell united airlines branded sanitizer wipe it's like what and like, well, strawberry daiquiris. Now they definitely had those in medieval Europe, but virgin one? Like, weird moments to choose to be historically accurate and then just to abandon the premise instantly. I also love, it's like, it's a completely different, it's like 20 years have gone by.

And he's like, I think it's different from when I was a kid. Just like having that perfect memory of like, what a fun eighth birthday at this like family friendly, like geared towards like families and kid experience. And going as an adult being like, this doesn't feel good. I don't like this one. I think I have that experience a lot of like things that when i was a kid i was like this is sick and that was an adult i'm like i don't know you know guys do you ever have that do you ever feel like just like you'll never have the you you know, the same joy,

the same wonder that you did when you were a kid. You know, the simplest things, you know, brought you so much joy and now it's kind of like, wow,

you know, I'm, the rat race caught up in it, you know. I do, I do like the idea of only picking and choosing

what is historically accurate or not just depending on what they can accommodate or not Guys, I am the one funding this museum. Alright? So, can I please have final say? Is that too much to ask? Because I can pull the funding. Do you guys want to pull the funding? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, sir. We don't want you to pull the funding. No, no, no. I mean... Alright. Then I don't think that we should show this cave drawing. It's not pretty. Well, sir, if we may, this cave drawing is thousands of years old. Right, but what if there was a laser light show?

As this museum is all about the history of the human race Which is what I'm interested in And we are so grateful for your patronage to this wing of this museum Okay Oh, he's chewing his tobacco again Mr. Parker, we are so grateful for your contribution and for your care for this museum And your 50 billion dollars that you have waived in front of us. It is an ungodly amount of money.

It can easily become zero. No, no, no, sir, sir, sir. Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir. If I may, if I may. You may. Can I? I'll search the bench. Thank you, sir.

Thank you, sir. He's just sitting on a bench in the museum. I have to ask, would it be possible to do this room right here, leave as is, cave drawing, you know, boring. Cave drawing, cave people. Honkshu. And then your, what was it, laser light show? Laser light show.

Which is a fantastic, very fun idea. Different than laser tag. It's not something you participate in. No, right. Right, it's not. But you cannot tell me that this is not part of the human race. No, and I'd say- And it is the history because it's been around for a sec.

No, absolutely. And I do, and I do, and I love that idea. And I do feel like it's more maybe at home in our modern wing. We do have a wing that's dedicated to the last hundred years of human history. Yes. How am I supposed to compete with the moon landing? With modern rock and roll music? With the invention of the personal computer?

I want my shit to be in a wing that people don't really like. So when they're in that wing, it's the coolest thing in that wing. Sorry, Mr. Parker, I just have a quick question, if I may. Please, call me Professor. Are you a professor? Not yet. But you want us to call you that. But call me it, so I can see if it kind of fits in.

It's sort of a foster to adopt scenario. Sure. Professor Parker. I don't like it. Call me Mr. Parker. Okay. Mr. Parker, are you implying that you said my, sorry, and this is, I'm just using your language. Sure.

I want my shit in this wing. Are you implying that you invented laser light shows? I don't think I said that at all. I said my shit in this wing. Are you implying that you invented laser light shows? I don't think I said that at all. I said my shit. I said I want it in this wing, and I want there to be a laser. But you're saying how do I compete with the moon landing, the invention of the personal computer,

you know, all of that, which it's like, I think, I'm so sorry. I took that to mean that your contribution to the history of mankind versus you would be. My contribution to the history of mankind versus you would be. My contribution to the history of mankind museum. Got it. Right. Right.

But to your point, what you add to the museum as a benefactor, sort of you put your mark on. And at a certain point, not anytime soon, but let's say this museum, which it's in New York, so it's going to be there for a while. In 100, 200 years, people are mostly looking at the benefactors names they're not really looking because they don't know who did the laser light show they don't know who did the cave drawings they only know the breathe when you talk you can take a second yeah there you go mr parker mr parker uh professor uh mr mr parker mr's great i like mr you guys like mr or professor Yeah, there you go, Mr. Parker. Mr. Parker, Professor, Mr., Mr. Parker. Mr. is great. I like Mr. You guys like Mr. or Professor? What do you guys like? Mr. is good. You're not a professor, so I think Mr. is good.

Dr. Parker? No, I'm definitely not a doctor. You could have a doctorate, and I'm a doctor, but I'm not a medical doctor, but I still deserve it. If you're a doctor, you would be the one giving the cash to the fucking museum. I guess I just, um, I guess I'm wondering,

Mr. Parker, if there is a world in which the laser light show Love it. Hasn't finished. Oh, there's more. Okay, sorry.

Gets paired with the lobby. It's the first thing people see. No, no, no. Wait a minute, Mr. Parker. You think I'm dumb? You think I am at $50 billion

and then I'm deciding to put that same $50 billion into a museum as a donation? And you think I'm an idiot? I see what you're doing. You're trying to use positive language by saying pairing it with the lobby. Nobody gives a shit about the exhibit in the lobby. The exhibit in the lobby is the drag. Mr. Parker, it is the first thing people see when they walk in. It is what they will associate their experience at the museum with. If they come in and see the light show with your name right in the front, they will think, oh my goodness, this is a Mr. Parker experience.

The laser light show is staying in the prehistoric wing, and on this point, I will not bend. We still have. We've only used $5 billion. We have $45 billion left. So why don't you guys list out what you want the $45 billion to go towards? And I will say if I like it or not. I want a raise.

No. Fuck. Next. Maybe. No, you go. Maybe once you start putting Laser Light Show on the forefront of the museum, you'll get a raise. How about that? If we push back on the laser light show being in the prehistoric wing,

are you going to pull all funding? Not all. Well, it depends. Let's see what. I've already written the check. So what I've given so far is all right, but I can pull funding for the rest. What else do you want in the prehistoric wing or anywhere in the museum? Just say, and then I'll say yes or no. We don What else do you want in the prehistoric wing or anywhere in the museum? Just say, and then I'll say yes or no. We don't want the light show in the prehistoric wing.

The laser light show is what? It's laser light show where you don't get anything. Mr. Parker, I have a suggestion. Please. Okay. Here's my pitch, I guess. Just spitballing here. You know, I wasn't prepared for this.

How about we have an exhibit, a wing, if you will. Love it. And it's dedicated. He's not done. There's more always with this guy. how about we have an exhibit a wing if you will love it and it's dedicated he's not done there's more always with this guy you think his sentence was what if we have

an exhibit a wing I think that's a great idea and what if it's an expansion sorry William you can keep going you know in many ways

my life's work my PhD thesis was about the history of tools you know and the way in which our brains and it was brilliant i actually really love this idea so we could have like we could have he's not done kevin stand-in we could have geraci frances we could have i don't understand you said it's a history of tools i'm listing all the tools that i knew growing up in New Jersey. Oh, okay. All the guys that kind of made fun of me and now look at my ass.

Park Avenue apartment. Yeah. Could you tell us a little bit more about your childhood? I think it might help inform. My childhood or everything after my life got good? Because I'm comfortable talking about the latter. No, I would like to hear more about Mr. and those parts of your life, Mr. Parker. I was born to an oil tycoon.

If we put the laser light show in the prehistoric wing, which again doesn't make any sense historically, can we do whatever we want with the rest of the museum? Can I just say that I want to take a minute to make sure we're being intersectional here

because we're talking a lot about history. We're not talking a lot about her story what about here stick with me on this a history of women's liberation within the laser light show sphere i and again i'm just spitballing here i wonder if there's a world no hang on I wonder if there's a world in which now I'm not saying this is what you're doing but to the general public that might come across as

you diminishing the significance of the women's liberation exhibit by saying like implicitly people are only gonna go to this if there's lasers and I'm not saying now mr. Parker I'm not saying that is what you're saying but

he wants a raise you clearly by the way William don't know anything about me or my that's true you refuse to talk about your childhood I'll talk about everything from the point where I made my first billion on. And you've asked me no questions about that. My staff is 75% women. Clap.

What are you doing? Clap. I, Mr. Parker, I'm a historian a damn good one thank you, thank you William I just want to give this information to the public and show pride

and reverence and also learning and learn from our past learn from our history, learn from our mistakes and learn how we can improve as we march on into the future, that's what I want to do with this museum. I agree. And we have the same goals. What the disconnect is- I don't think we do, Mr. Parker. I have to disagree. I don't think we do. No, because the disconnect is happening where you're like, oh, what we want is a room with a bunch of cave drawings and baskets. People will walk through that room unless you add a laser

light show. They're going to walk through every room, Mr. Parker, because this is a museum and that is what they're designed to do. They are designed to walk through these spaces. Sometimes people walk and they stop and they read and they look at what's around and they say, wow, lasers. Other times they just walk straight through the...

You're done with what? The museum? I fucking quit. I'm over it. I'm over you. All right, now we have another 60,000 to put towards the laser light show. Well, yeah. 40 plus

benefits. You know what? I'm out too, William. And it pains me to say because it is an unbelievable amount of funding that we could have gotten. This could have been the best museum in the world. It could have been the best museum. You're right. It could have been the best museum in the world. Permission to speak freely? Do it. We're done.

No, we don't work here anymore. You don't even have to ask, William. Go. Approved by me. I think We're done. No, we don't work here anymore. Do it. You don't even have to ask, William. Go. I think you're entitled. I think that chewing tobacco that you're always, that you refuse to spit out. It's disgusting. I always see you spitting, but nothing

comes out. It is straining your bottom lip. We worry that you swallow it, I think is everybody's fear. And I think you're a i think you're a tragic little man you're a mean man you're a mean little man and you know what else what else your laser light show is fucking mid i'm gonna kill this guy cut to 10 years later the museum opens and every single exhibit is a laser light show

mom mom it's all but it's not it's it's like prehistoric era through the lens of a laser light performance mom did they really have all this technology back when back when back when grandma and grandpa were alive? If you're a liar to your kid, I'll give you a million dollars. Well, honey, since it's in the History of Mankind Museum, it must be the history of mankind. So your name? Checkbook. Samantha Brown. Samantha Brown?

Samantha. Never mind. Puts his checkbook away. What? Bad name. He just stands in the vestibule of the exhibit. Yeah, another, like another couple walks in there

on the other side. Hey, psst. Sorry? If you guys say that you like the exhibit, I'll cut your check for $1 million. Oh, no. We don't. Sorry. We don't work here.

A million dollars. We don't work here. We're just. He said he would give us a million dollars if we said we love it. We love it. We love it. It's the coolest exhibit ever. I think he thinks we work here.

I don't. No. Briston Dunn. Tristan Dunn. Briston. Never mind. uh briston dunn tristan dunn briston never mind he hasn't given out any money and they're just all crumpled checks of names he doesn't like you think i built my fortune cutting checks to people whose names I liked?

Excuse me, mister. I'm just a whippersnapper, but I love this museum here. Is it yours? Who's asking? Me. The name's Parker. Mr. Parker. Well, Mr. Parker.

Can I call you professor? How's that sound? Let's try it out. Mr. Parker. Well, Mr. Parker. Can I call you Professor? Let's try it out. Professor Parker. No, I prefer Mr. Me too. Do you like this museum? Well, gee willikers, I've been to every museum in the tri-state area, and I think this is the grandest one I've seen yet.

I particularly am a fond of the lasers. A what of the lasers? Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. I was going to give you a million dollars. No, I said I'm particularly fond of the lasers. Find.

Security. Ah! They have guns. You're not supposed to have those as security for a museum. But they're laser tag guns. They just shine them into people's eyes and send them to the optometrist. Alfred, I'm feeling generous. No way.

No fucking way. Can we take a break first? Too many breaks. There's no way. No fucking, no fucking way. Um, can we take a break first? Too many breaks. There's no way you guys have four ads. That's never happened. Honey, there's no way we have any. Uh,

I'll be back. The width of your ass. What's going on? What'd I miss? You left to go to the bathroom, which had never happened during. There's something about it. Literally time jeff does that fucking voice it gets me sorry every time he does that fucking voice it kills me i love it so much it's also it's just like it's a voice that's like

baiting you into acknowledging it and trying to like be like why the fuck do you sound like that oh my god i really i forgot about that scene i forgot about was just like him not giving money to people whose names he doesn't like right giving scrooge right you could have given me a million guesses and I would not have remembered that scene. But then the minute it started, I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alf.

Remember how I promised at the beginning of the episode that we would do Alf and Riley's picks of the year? I do remember that. Before we do. It was three Riley's picks of the year. I do remember that. Before we do. It was three and a half hours ago, but I do remember it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which do you want to do yours or mine first?

Oh. Let's do yours first. Okay. This is my, not necessarily like the favorite, favorite, favorite, but this is like if I had to pick one of my favorite bits of the year. It's going to be this one.

Drum roll, please. Riley's pick for best of review review is taxidermist. I love this. And you know it's good. I'm not even going to, we're not even going to say anything else. We're just going to go straight into it. Here we go. Taxidermists.

This is a taxidermist in Ontario, Canada. Okay. Phil F. Phil Follins. Phil Follins. I could feel it. Okay, one star from Phil Follins. I got a

43 and a half inch pike done it is the ugliest thing I've ever seen it is laughed at every time someone sees it and when I went to pick it up it had grown to 47 inches

the whole fish is smeared with something and then repainted. The painting is very ugly. It does not resemble at all that the fish that I had caught. He claimed to have 25 years experience. Whatever you do, don't bring your fish there I heard I heard you say python at first I'm like what the fuck but also

makes me think of like the guys you see on dating apps who just are holding fish it's like it's a bumble conversation I'm messaging first. Hey there, looks like you're quite the outdoorsman. Been any fun camping trips recently, Liam?

He's typing back. Yes, Samantha. I actually was recently up at the lake and I caught this beauty. Sends a picture of him holding the ugliest fish you've ever seen. Types back. Jump scare, LOL. 43 and a half inch if you can believe it.

Interrupts the text. Oh, sorry. No, right. What were you saying, beauty? Oh, haha. I was just saying that's a scary looking fish. You would never catch me out catching one of those, LOL. So what else do you like to do for fun?

Haha, yeah, I ski and snowboard a bit. What did you mean when you said that it was scary? This is the prettiest fish I ever caught. Skiing and snowboarding is awesome. I've never been up to the snow, but I hear it's a great time. Maybe you could show me. Maybe you could show the snow bunny one day. Wink. Direct reply to the fish comment.

I'm so sorry. I guess I just don't really understand these things. Fish like that kind of creep me out. Love me a goldfish, though. Hee hee. Never been up to the snow? Question mark? What a weird way of saying that. Haha, no, but I'd love to take you up there. We could rent a lodge or, I don't know, something sometime.

About the fish. I really don't think it's that weird looking. No offense, but I catch a lot of fish and this one looks pretty normal to me. Kind of offended. Just kidding. How else would I say I've never been up to the snow? LOL.

And then emoji of like thinking like the Sherlock one. I guess I'm going to have to try and figure out a better way to say that. Lodge would be fun. Heart emoji. Would love to get cuddled up fireside on a cold winter's night with a big strapping guy like yourself. Another wink face. As for the fish. Again, I guess I just, it's just not really my thing.

But how cool to meet someone who has different interests than you do. What other kinds of fish have you caught? Ha ha ha. No, yeah. I mean, I guess you could have just said, I've never seen snow before, or maybe I've never gone skiing. But to say I've never been up to the snow before, something's definitely not right about that. About the lodge, though, that would be really cute, right? We could cuddle.

Maybe there would be a hot tub. Anyway, back to the fish thing. Sorry. I just don't understand why, as someone who's never fished, you would even say that. Because now you're admitting you don't know what you're talking about. So why would you start a conversation by saying it was an ugly fish? That's just rude. I've caught many fish.

Tuna, bass, pike. If it has fins, I'll catch it. No need to be mean, me thinks. I guess that was just my way of saying I've never been up to the snow before. Oops, there I go saying it again. I don't think it's that weird never been up to the snow before. Oops, there it goes saying it again. I don't think it's that weird looking back. Up to the snow. It's kind of like going up to a mountain or up to a lodge.

You have to go up to some high altitude of some sort to get to the snow. So, IMO, it's not really that big of a thing, LOL. Lodge could be cute hot tub or maybe a rain shower and like the purple devil emoji as for the fish again I'm really

sorry if I've offended you but at the same time a girl's gotta have gotta be able to have her own opinion, right? And then like the flexing bicep emoji. I can think that the fish is ugly and that's no reflection on you. I mean, come on, right? It's just a fish.

Have you been fishing your whole life? Did you start doing it with your dad or something like that? Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. No, ha no yeah for sure about the snow thing i guess i just think it's kind of wild that you're implying that snow only happens at high altitudes dot dot dot dot dot dot dot like there are a lot of places it snows that aren't high up. You don't need to go up to get snow, I guess. Ha ha ha ha. But yeah, anyway,

it would be really cool to link up in person at the lodge or not, but I think we could be really compatible. Ha ha ha. About the fish, I'm sorry if I came across harsh. I was just really proud of the fish, I'm sorry if I came across harsh. I was just really proud of the catch, and I wanted to share that with you. And the way you reacted made me think that maybe you were a judgmental person.

Obviously, I believe in a woman's right to choose and hold her own opinions. I would never insinuate that because you are a woman, you don't know about fish. It's just that you said you don't know about fish. Maybe I could take you fishing sometime. Ha ha ha. My dad and I aren't that close. All caps. LOL.

Silly me. I forgot about snow that happens not on a mountain. Just a classic brain fart. I'm texting while driving right now, and I really shouldn't be, but that's my bad! And then the crazy emoji with the tongue out like, ah!

As for the lodge, could be super fun. Maybe some marshmallows over an open fire? About the fish. Do you really believe in a woman's right to choose? Ha ha ha ha ha. No way. You shouldn't

be doing that. That's not good. You shouldn't text and drive. Ha ha ha. You were joking about the texting and driving, right? Ha ha ha ha ha. And then a Michael Scott gif. Him being like, it's a joke.

How about the fish? Yeah, obviously. I believe that a woman has the right to choose. I'm not a fucking monster. Ha ha ha ha ha. What, you assume all guys who fish are

Republican? Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Kind of judgmental. Sends a photo of myself in the car. Not a joke, hee hee. I'm being so bad right now. I'm at a red light, though. Don't worry. About the fish. That's good to hear. But you've called me judgmental a lot. Not once did I ever say that I think all men who fish are

Republicans. But you have to admit, sometimes they are and sometimes they might not be but when you outright just said obviously i believe when a woman's right to choose it kind of gave me a vibe of are you just saying that too and then like the kind of text that's like uppercase lowercase uppercase lowercase get in my pants or not lol ha ha ha ha seriously I would feel more comfortable if you didn't text me while driving I think that's really not cool and super dangerous ha ha ha ha

about the fish no seriously I really believe in bodily autonomy. It's very important to me. I have a degree in women and gender studies from Kenyon College. And I want you to know that your rights are not a joke to me. So many ellipses. In regards to your pants, I would absolutely love to get in them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Maybe we could link at Chili's. Unmatch.

Fuck! About the fish. About the fish. About the fish. I don't know why i thought that one ended in a car crash yes yes i really like i maybe maybe i cut it off too soon but i had such a strong memory of ending in a car crash but um i also really did forget the um bodily autonomy yes i believe in a woman's right to choose the texting texting and driving. This was all so interesting. Oh, my God.

Also, just like that, what were you saying, beauty? Sorry, what was that, beautiful? Maybe we could link it Chili's. Hello, beauty. Oh, beauty. Okay, Alfred, what is your pick of 2023? My pick for 2023 is drum roll please drum roll please apple orchards

otherwise known as the first appearance of marlene spaghetti yeah i will say i really did like this episode as a whole i remember there was like the beginning of that at the beginning of oh really quick about the taxidermist episode i feel like there was also a scene where we did like a bing crosby thing um oh my god it was like singing about taxidermy that was really fun so like the taxidermy episode as a whole was really fun and i remember apple orchards of course like the the debut of marlene spaghetti but like i remember there's also a scene where it's like we're doing a commercial and i'm like i'm trying to get you to like genuinely talk about how much

you love these cider donuts and you're like fucks fuck farms i don't remember that one um but it was i mean marlene spaghetti the appearance of marlene spaghetti i was insane i've never seen you laugh that hard and especially at something you said i know you made yourself like this opening be like i did something so funny i had to pick it but i can't help it okay it was funny as fuck let's i mean i'm dying to hear her so let's get into it this is alf's pick apple orchards featuring marlene's they get kelsey grammar the star of frasier eerie eerie it's like he's in the room. One star. We had a birthday party here for

my daughter. We were so excited about coming to the orchard and having the kids do an apple tour. We were told via email that we only had to pay for the children that were coming to the party. It was not cheap and I had payment ready at arrival. At arrival, we were not greeted. We sat. I walked around trying to find someone who could help us. We were ignored. When the quote-unquote tour guide finally came, she took me in the barn and wanted payment. She then tried to tell me I had to pay for the parents as well as the kids.

This was not what we had spoke about. Kids can't drive themselves. Plus, we had already settled on a payment via email from the party coordinator. Long, short, we... Sorry. Long, short. It says long, short, short, but I would imagine that it meant long, short, short. Long, short, we... Sorry. Long, short. It says long, short, short, but I would imagine that it meant long, short, short. Long, short, short, we just paid for the kids.

I was totally embarrassed. After the Apple tour that we waited 15 minutes for, we were promised cookies and cider. I had made goodies and brought them for the kiddos so I had plenty of food, but the tour guide only had cider for the people we paid for. She made a huge stink about it. I was mortified.

Then after I tipped this tour guide, which I shouldn't have even done, she set the cider out on the table. I always liked this orchard, but I tell you, birthday parties are a total rip. We have not been back since. Moral of the story? Money does not grow on trees, but apples sure do. That's not the moral.

No part of that was. It's not the moral. And it also is like, it's giving like Hobby Lobby sign and or Real Housewives intro. My name is Vanessa and money doesn't grow on trees but apples do the house I was getting ready before their promo shoot meeting each other for the first time

obviously because these women are not friends in real life hey nice to meet you hi um you know I've actually I've seen you around Dansville Indiana before but I guess it's the first time we are officially meeting.

Yeah, your husband's on the school board, right? Yeah, and your husband's the vet? Yeah, that's right. For horses. Hmm, for horses. So that's why you smell the way you do. You're funny. I think we're going to be close. You seem kind of like a cold-hearted bitch, and I like that about you. Yeah, my friends, such that I have them, have told me that before. So, Ice Queen, what's your name? Wait, Ice Queen, I'm taking that. Can I have that? Well, I mean, you can say that I said that it was, you know. No, I'm taking it, because that's what a queen does.

Oh, honey, you are not the queen. More like the court jester. Oh, I love you. What's your name, crazy? My name's Spaghetti. Well, Mar's Spaghetti. Well, Marlene Spaghetti. This feels like a spaghetti western because this town

ain't big enough for the two of us. Oh, I love you. Marlene, it makes sense that your husband's a vet because your voice sounds like Droopy the motherfucking dog. Oh, you mean this thing.

What was that? Marlene, I could not hear a word of what you just said, girlfriend. Wait, what's your name? You're going to be the comedian on this season. I can already tell. You have me busting out of my seams. Honey, I'm not the one that has you busting, okay?

You're so right. My name? Oh, my name? Oh, you want to know my name? It is Natalie Types. Natalie Types. Because I'm all Types at crazy. But my birth name... Sorry, my friends tell me I have a crazy laugh.

Bitch, I don't know why they'd say that. Your laugh isn't crazy. It is bone chilling. No, I love you. Your ass is my favorite. I have done nothing but be kind of mean to you. What do you have to love about me? Your whole disposition.

It's kind of serving for me. But you still didn't tell me your Christian name. Oh, my Christian name? Your birth name. I didn't know we were getting religious on this season. Of course. We're in Danville after all.

Okay. Well, Miss Spaghetti, my name is... Please, you can call me my name. You can call me whatever you like, but just don't call me at home. My name is Natalie Streaks. Natalie Streaks?

Yeah. That's not any more believable than your fake name. Oh, you expect me to believe Marlene Spaghetti is your Christian name? Yeah. It was originally Spaghetti-O, but Grandpa came through Ellis Island and they changed it. No, you really expect me, you know, I may look young as hell, but I was not born yesterday,

Miss Spaghetti. Oh, that's perfect. Miss Spaghetti, I'm kind of taking a liking to you. You can be my new hype woman. Hype woman? That sounds perfect. More like Natalie type woman.

Stop that. What? It's cutting too close. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were sensitive like that. You told me you were all types of crazy. Can I tell you my real name since you've basically already guessed it?

What? Natalie Typewriter. No way, that's your real name. That's my Christian name. God gave you that? What's crazy, Marlene, if I can call you Marlene, is that when I was born, I was born Natalie Brown. But upon my birth,

the whole hospital shook because a voice boomed into the maternity ward and said, oh, this little girl, this is Natalie Typewriter. And that's been my name ever since. Oh, wow. I really like the way god sounded in that story well doesn't god sound the same to you miss spaghetti no my god is french he when i was born

he boomed in and he said you should tell y'all this little baby will be mine in spaghetti. I thought you said that it was Spaghetti-O. No, it was Spaghetti-O before Granddaddy came through from Ellis Island, where it was changed to spaghetti. It sounds like your family has Italian oranges. Yes, we have a huge orange plantation. Don't you mean an orchard? Right, whatever. No, very different.

Please. Please what? You be my best friend. Let go of me. Your grubby little hands. Please be my friend. You smell like hay. I love it.

I roll around in this stuff. Okay, ladies, it's finally time to do the intros. Thank you so much for being patient. Marlene Spaghetti, you are up first. Speaking. What's that? Speaking. Nope, I'm looking at you. You can come onto the soundstage first. Looking.

Yep, you can come on right over here, and we will do your intro. Just give us a couple different options. You can play around with it. Okay. I'm Marlene Spaghetti and I'm the ice queen that's gonna fuck you. Perfect. Wait, no, no. You want an alt?

I'm the one who gave her ice queen and she said she would give me credit. I never said that. Now, Miss Typewriter, please do not use my christian name she and i don't even have the same god her god is french my god would never be french what my god would never be french i want you to do your intro if you're so clever fine i will okay uh marlene if you could please step out of the shot i will get miss typewriter in here i'm natalie and that click clack you hear is not just a typewriter it is me it is it is me writing up all the dirt i have about Marlene. Marlene smells like hay and she's sleeping. Stop it.

That was, to be fair, that was Miss Typewriter that was too wordy. Yes. Can Marlene go again? Yes, but I'd like to just, if we could shoot one of you out first so we don't have to keep switching up the setups, that would be great. Okay, you'll go. My name's Marlene and life with me is a roll in the hay. I love the stuff.

That was perfect. We're going to lock that in. That is officially OK. Great. Real Housewives of Danville. I'm going to log that in. Marlene spaghetti open. Great.

Your turn, bitch. I'm gonna log that in Marlene spaghetti open great your turn bitch oh ladies I love it already getting catty we haven't even started filming this is great save it for the cameras huh save for the cameras I'm don't choke bitch I'm Natalie and when I, bitch. I'm Natalie. And when I was born, God told me I was his favorite. Okay, we're gonna actually try and do a different one because that was not... One, nobody believes that. And two, that kind of wasn't zingy enough.

Like, hers was like, life with me is a roll in the hay. And that's fun for Danville, so why don't we try it again? Okay. Sorry, I thought the hay um and that's fun for danville so why don't we try it again okay um sorry i thought this would be fun but it's not uh so it is fun if you're clever ha okay all right here we go we'll try this again I'm Natalie and you're not okay that was quippier it was definitely less wordy but that kind of didn't really go anywhere doesn't mean anything

can she be here she's wrapped out she's not the director I want to do another one sir yes I mean listen she's really killing it oh my god fine my name's marlene spaghetti but you could noodle around with me anytime that one didn't make sense that one didn't make sense spaghetti's a noodle no but she said my name's this but you can do this. There wasn't actually, she didn't say anything that would contradict that. Okay, I'll do it again and I'll say and, you dumbass.

Fine, do it again. Okay, my name's Marnie Spaghetti and you can noodle around inside me anytime. What'd I do? No, that's perfect, Marissa Spaghetti, we'll keep that. She sounds like a baby. She sounds like a baby. She sounds like a colicky infant. Why are you making fun of me when I'm clearly the hottest one on the season?

Let me go. Let me go. No, I have you in my grasp. No, I meant let me. Oh, can I keep holding you then? No, let go of me. You're disgusting. I'm beautiful.

Did you say I'm beautiful? I'm beautiful. That's a laugh. No, not a laugh. That's a laugh. No. No. No.

No. Natalie, I feel bad for you. Can I give you a creepy intro so you stop making a fool of yourself? No, I can do it myself, Miss Spaghetti. I was cast on this show for a reason. Embarrassing, you know. My name's Natalie, and the only typewriter that I'm going to be clacking this season is your face. Natalie, that doesn't mean anything. Marlene, why don't you give her a tip? No, no,

I can do it. I just, there's many more noodle puns that can be made than typewriter puns. How about this? Mmm, I'm Natalie, and if you come for me you're gonna get typewriter's block and you kind of punch the camera

typewriter's block or how about I like this guy extra extra read all about it I'm Natalie and no that's worse okay sorry uh how about uh what's what's black and white and red all over it's natalie typewriter that doesn't make any sense it's like a newspaper yeah right natalie can i be honest what what come to kick me while I'm down? No, I've been doing that

I think What? I think at the end of the day Your problem Is that you don't love yourself I wake up every single morning Next to a gorgeous veterinarian for horses And I roll out of bed

And I look in the mirror and I say Missy Spaghetti, you've done it again. And I wish that it was your life. What can we do to get you to a place where you roll out of bed and you say, my hubby is on the school board and

I'm Missy Typewriter. My name's Natalie and I'm the teacher's pet every school year. Yeah! Oh, yeah! That was great, Natalie. How about another take? Oh, yeah.

Do it again. Okay, I'm feeling more confident now. I'm Natalie. And my husband and I fuck on the teacher's desk every Tuesday. Oh, yeah. Okay, no. Natalie, I think we should stop. My name's Natalie. Yeah. And I fucked the principal's desk every Tuesday. Okay, no, Natalie, I think we should stop. My name's Natalie, and I

fucked the principal two times last year. Whoa! What? Who's that? Your husband, not the principal, he's on the school board. No, he's on the school board, but I still got it. You fucked the principal?

Yes. You're admitting your infidelity? My name's Natalie, and the only thing hotter than infidelity is my ass. Whoa! She's crazy! Okay, Natalie, the viewers are going to love you, maybe even more than they love Marlene. No, that's not going to get carried away, Mr. Producer. Well, I mean, it's just clear that Natalie's going to be the drama of the season.

Yes, because Marlene's going to be the trade. Alright, let's wrap this up, boys. Let's bring in the next two housewives. Yeah, we only do them two at a time. Yeah. Alright, Marlene and Natalie, you are wrapped for the day. You guys can go home. Yeah, we only do them two at a time. Yeah. All right. Marlene and Natalie, you are wrapped for the day. You guys can go home.

Can we now bring in Christy Pastrami and Leanne Eraser? It is me, Leanne Eraser. Okay. Love that. um okay love that that was a one take wonder and miss pastrami can we go from you all right let me just transcribe that i'm christ Christine Pastrami, and this season, I'm bringing all the beef. All right. Sorry, can we get another clear one from you, Mr. Racer? I'm Mr. Racer, and I want a ruby scratch. Okay, we just typed this in for subtitling. And I want a Scooby snack. Okay. We just typed this in for subtitling.

I'm Miss Eraser and I want a Scooby snack. Scooby? A Scooby snack. Sorry. All right. Let's bring in the other two ladies. You guys are good to go. Okay.

Okay. We got Christina Appletini and Missy Potts. My name is Appletini. And can we get your cold open? Yes, I am Mrs. Appletini. I am 350 years old. Okay, it's okay, we didn't need a slate. Can we get a cold open, like a fun little quip?

Okay. My name is Mrs. Appletini, and I was there when your great-grandfather was born. Perfect. Hello, darling, I'm Miss Potts, and Potts calling the kettle sexy. Do we have a... Hey, Chris, do we got any more ladies to go?

Sir, may I have an audition? Oh, you're one of the PAs. Yeah, but I think I might be TV worthy. You think you can be one of the real housewives? Oh, I think so. Sure, I guess. Why not? We're here, right? All right. Can I go? Is it rolling? Yeah. Yeah, it's rolling.

All right. My name is Oliver Twist, and this season, sir, can I have some whore? And is your name Oliver Twist? Can be season, sir, can I have some whore? And is your name Oliver Twist? Can be for a prize, love. Okay, you're on. Hells yeah. Should we do our last segment? I think I need a bath. Oh my goodness.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Can we just say... Marlene Spaghetti is so deranged and demented i have to say i had i forgot about a lot of there was four other women besides natalie typewriter and marlene and then a bonus oliver twist i got hiccups during that scene oh my god yes what the fuck happened i laughed so hard i got hiccups marlene uh possessed you um oh my god i love marlene spaghetti so much mrs appletini mrs potts like mrs potts um it's really something yeah i forgot about the scooby-doo woman completely

oh my god alf what a year i'm trying we've had so many before we get to number one we've had so many amazing fucking guests this year it's true like so many incredible guests we've had so many fun episodes and it's just i'm so grateful for this year it's like there's just been it's just so much fun and so many memories and i'm just what what a what a blessing to have so many silly times that i can't even remember i couldn't even remember the scooby snack woman it's like there's just so many silly so much lore and i'm very grateful me too i think um i can't believe I literally have hiccups right now.

It's so bizarre. I think like we could have done, we could have done 50, we could have done 50 best of. I know I literally have hiccups.

We could have done 50 best of episodes, you know, selections. Like, I really do love doing this show and

that's why I want to go out on a high. I'm so grateful. I can't wait for another. We had a live show this year. I mean, it's just like. We literally did. I'm so excited to see what 2024 has in store for this show. Thank you guys so much.

More live shows. More guests. More live shows. More guests. More fun. And we are just so grateful. We quite literally could not do this show without you guys listening and supporting us. And we are so just so grateful we quite literally could not do this show without you guys listening and supporting

us and we are so so grateful this episode number one was like it wasn't even a competition this one ran away with it like the most votes by like 20 plus votes

yes I'm so glad it's on here it's one of my favorites of the year it's one of your favorites of the year alf and again it's the one you wanted drum roll please the top voted best of the best review review 2023 is bop it twist it pull it bop it alf what do you remember from this episode guess who i have right here who oh my god you have this episode i love this episode so much i can't stop it should i let should i lose oh yes you did good score six oh my god six i remember doing this episode and we were like, oh, we just made a film. We just did a 40 minute film. He's so loud.

This was a fun one. I remember it was scary. It was haunting. It was haunting. It was dark. There was a lot of dark themes. I genuinely am very pleased to know that it is on the list at all, let alone I could never have dreamed number one. Number one. to know that it is on the list at all let alone i could never have dreamed number one number one

i do remember at the time being like oh this is so dark and weird no one will like this and so it warms my little you really like it but you like the scene and daniel ramos the editing of i mean like throughout the whole uh year but like the sound, the sound effects on this episode, especially are, it's a masterpiece. I'm so excited to hear this again. Also,

this is a special mention, the Dice episode where there's like a chase where we're like parkouring around the city. Daniel's sound editing on that one, I mean,

it's so much, but it's like, those are two that I'm like, damn, the sound effects on these episodes are just like, are perfect.

And you really make the worlds come alive, Daniel. Thank you so much. Let's get into it, Al. Round out the year. Best of Bop It. This is the world's smallest Bop It. It's five stars from Indie J. Indie Jones.

I mean, it's right there. Indiana Jones. Indie Jones. Five stars. The's right there. Indiana Jones. Indy Jones. Five stars. The title is Mini Nostalgia. Made it to 100 and it doesn't go further. So mad. Yep, so no one else needs to play the game

because I made it to 100 and that is the record. I guess we can play something else now. So no one else needs to try it because I already made it to the end and that's how far you can go in the record. I guess we can play something else now. So no one else needs to try it, because I already made it to the end, and that's how far you can go in the game. So, we could do Twister, we could do... We could play some cards, we could do Simon Says. Yeah, man, I mean,

I'm down to play whatever. I don't know about you guys. Like, I'm down to play whatever. How do you know that it's, like, 100s to top? How do I know? Randy, I know because I'm really good at it. And I got, I bopped it to a hundred and it was like, winner, big winner. Jason, you are the top winner. And so that's what it said.

So I guess we don't even need to try. By that point, you had gone into the other room and you were saying like, nobody look at me. So I didn't hear what it said exactly but i don't i would all i'll say is i'll be really surprised if it said that i don't know why you're believing sorry not believing me no i do sorry i don't know why i'm doing this either but i mean hey listen it's your 13th birthday party so it's like we can do whatever you want i'm just saying because i'm your friend and like I really appreciate you inviting me because we're just lab partners and we haven't

hung out outside of school except for today. But like if you want to play the game we can. I'm just trying to help you have a good time because it's not going to get past 100 because I already beat the game. No, it's fine. We don't need to play more Bop It. I don't think people wanted to do that anyway. It's kind of

you know. What do you mean people didn't want that anyway. It's kind of, you know. What do you mean people didn't want it? It's kind of the best game. Well, it's a little bit of... Yeah, no, you're right. It's a great game. It's what? It's a little bit of a game for babies is all I was going to say. It's like a little bit of a baby game.

So does anyone else have a game they want to... I think it'd be fun to play Twister, Randy. Okay, yeah. I think Twister can be kind of fun. A little skin-to-skin. Who wants to get the mat out? I mean, Twister's also kind of for babies. What, we're having tummy time on a mat? Is that what's going on?

No, it's not. A little bit of tummy time for babies? It's not tummy time, man. It's like, we just, you know, it'd be kind of fun to be all there in a pile together. I think it would be so much fun to have skin-to-skin contact, Twister. Oh, what? Like a baby, like a baby and a parent does skin-to-skin contact right after birth. No, not like that.

If you're saying, oh, skin-to-skin contact would be really cool, then you must also be a baby. Fine, I'm a baby and I want to play a big game for babies. I love Twister. It's a baby's game. Like, are you happy? Okay, now let's all get out the mat and spin okay is that okay with you man i literally don't know why you're aggressive are you gonna be cool are you gonna be cool you're 13 randy like it's your day i'm trying to help you have a big kid birthday and your baby ass is still 12 so maybe let me run the show

everyone oh no i didn't mean it like that. Oh, my God. You guys are so dramatic. Put your phone away. Miguel, put your phone away. Don't film this. Everyone recording. Stop.

I don't want this. Are you going to fight him, Randy? No, I'm not going to fight him. Well, I'll fight because I'm not a baby. And big boys fight. Little babies say goodnight. That's what they do they always do that yeah i'm not gonna fight you stacy goes randy randy like running a finger down his chest yeah you're gonna be the hottest guy in school if you beat the shit out of your lab partner that's not a fair fight i'm twice his

size i'm not gonna kick the shit out of him a big boy if you want to fight me we can just fight i feel like this really escalated in a way it didn't mean to man like can we just bury the hatchet are you serious right now okay yeah you know it's your birthday i'm sorry i got carried away too i sucker punches him out of the blue he's knocked unconscious he lands on the bop it button so you just hear bop it bop it bop it move his head move his head i can't i don't want to try to win this neck looks broken his neck's not broken from one punch i'm'm 13. I can't be that strong. Wake up, man.

The neck is fully twisted. No, you're just... Twist it. Twist it. Stop. Get that thing off. Twist it. Bop it.

Take the batteries out. None of us want to touch him because he's... Miguel, put your phone down. None of us... You're going to have to touch him. We don't want to touch the body. I'll touch... Okay, just...

Everybody shut up. Bop it. Bop it. Twist. Bop it. Twist. Twist it. Okay, just everybody shut up. Bop it. Bop it. Twist. Bop it. Bop. Twist. Twist it. Bop it. I take the bop it. I just hurl it against the wall. You alright, man? Hey, buddy.

Slapping you a little bit. Hey, buddy, you up? You awake? Randy, stop it. I think he's dead. He's not dead. Randy, you literally punched him so hard. No, Will Smith hit Chris Rock harder than I just hit this guy. He's fine. He cracked his neck landing on the boppet. You killed him.

I didn't kill anybody. Right, man? Get up. Come on. We know you're faking. Stop it. We know you're faking we know you're faking this is crass this is crass stop shaking him what just let me think just let me think miguel keep recording we're gonna want to have this i swear to christ give me your phone right now knock knock hello kids oh randy i feel like it's getting pretty crazy down here starting to come out into the basement anyone mom don't come down here mom don't come down here oh are we doing

some skin to skin twister right now we're playing naked twister we're playing naked twister don't come down okay will you let me know if anyone needs a blankie or a towel or anything to keep you nice and warm. Ew, Mom, gross. Go away. No one needs a towel. I just heard a lot of, I meant to keep you warm. Not for anything else. I didn't mean like I meant like- To keep us warm? Mom, go away. Jesus. Okay,

okay, Mom's not welcome downstairs. No, she's literally not. Okay. Randy, are you sure we shouldn't tell your mom? Because she might need to help us. We need to hide the body. Bop it. Where is that noise coming from?

Bop it. What noise, Randy? Don't you hear the freaking bop it? It must have gone somewhere. Someone's playing with it in the other room, maybe. Randy, no one hears that. The bop it noise is done. You smash it against the wall. Twist it. Randy, no one hears that. The bop-it noise is done. You smash it against the wall.

Twist it. Pull it. Kill it. Stop. Stop. Whoever's saying that, stop it. We have to hide this body, okay? Tonight.

Thomas. Okay. Get your power wheels. It's the only way we can transport the body. My powers aren't going to hold a 12-year-old kid. He was small. He's like 90 pounds tops. We fine. Kill him. Kill him.

Kill him. Kill who? Randy, stop. Randy, what is going on? I need to kill Miguel because he has the footage. What? No, you don't need to kill Miguel. Miguel, come here for a sec. Did you know that

Gullible's written on the ceiling? He looks up to the ceiling. I sucker punch him. Randy! I had to. He had the footage on his phone. Instant kill. He punched him right under the chin.

Breaks his neck again. His brain explodes on the back of his head. Holy shit. Holy shit! Holy shit! I didn't think I was gonna punch him that hard. Thomas and Stacey are just staring at him, but tears rolling down their cheeks.

I think my mom's here to pick me up. So... Stacey? Stacey? Yeah, yeah? Do you know what an accomplice is? I...

That's on my vocab list for this week, but I haven't memorized the definition. Well, it means somebody who helped somebody else kill someone. Kill her! Kill her! I don't want to kill her. She's Stacey. She's my everything. You don't have to kill me. You don sissy She's my everything You don't have to kill me You don't have to kill me

You don't have to kill me But the Boppet says Knock knock mom again I feel like I hear something Mom go away Mom go away There's nothing going on Is naked twister done or no?

Yeah we finished The game Okay So do you need a towel Or a blanket No towel mom Go away I'll tell you when it's like

Okay for you to come down. Or any snacks. No snacks. We ate so much lunch. Please leave us alone. Please, guys. Have some privacy. I'm literally 13. He becomes a teenager and suddenly doesn't want his mama. God, my mama's such a bitch.

Hey, uh... Randy, it's been amazing celebrating your birthday. Thank you. You're amazing. And I do think it's time. Thank you. I do think it's been amazing celebrating your birthday. Thank you. You're amazing. And I do think it's time. Thank you. I do think it's time. Thomas.

Yeah. I think my mom's here too to pick me up. Hey, Thomas. Yeah. Can you do me a favor? Kill him. Kill him. Silence him.

Silence him. Hey, Thomas. He knows too much. Twist it. Twist it. He knows too much. Twist it. Bop it. Bop it. Punch him. Silence him. Hey, Thomas. He knows too much. Twist it. Twist it. He knows too much. Twist it. Bop it.

Bop it. Punch him. Throat. Punch him. Thomas! Bop it. What? Can you spell eye cup?

Uh, yeah. I see you pee. No, you don't! Punch him in the stomach, Zoran. Your fist goes through. Ugh! Ugh! Oh my god, I can't, I can't, I can't.

Finish her. Finish her. Finish her. Stacy. Randy, I think I need to go. I think I need to go. Stacy, kill me. Randy, I think I need to go. I think I need to go. Stacy, kill me. Randy, I think I need to go. What?

It's the only way, Stacy. If you don't kill me, I'm going to kill you. Kill her first. Kill her. No, I don't want a bopper. I don't want a bopper. I don't want you to bop me. I don't want you to bop me. Just punch me. It's that easy. That's all you have to do to kill somebody. What are you talking about? Just punch me. It's going to be fine.

I think you have, like, superhuman strength or something, Randy. I don't know what's going on. Stacy. Did you know that if your hand is bigger than your face, you have cancer? No way. It's true. Try it.

Okay. I'm so sorry. What's her hand above her face? He takes her other hand and slams it into his chest Killing him instantly Thank you Thank you Oh my god Bop it

No Bop it No, no, the Bop it's destroyed I don't know what's going on Tell the mom, Bop it. No. Bop it. No. No. The Bop It's destroyed. I don't know what's going on. Kill the mom. Bop it. Now you have to kill the mom.

Bop it. She knows what you did. Bop it. And are you sure we don't need any towels? Randy's mom, please go upstairs. Please go upstairs, Randy's mom. Oh, where, where, where? I need to see my little bouncing baby boy.

I guess he's not a baby No, stop it. Stop it. I can't kill her. I can't this is crazy. This is um, oh Oh my goodness. Okay, what happened? What happened to my son? Um Randy's mom Can you get a pen and a piece of paper, please? Um, okay. Can you, I'm so sorry, Randy's mom, but can you please write down Penn Island? Uh, yeah, I can do that. P-E-N-I-S-L-A-N-D.

Pen. That's penis land! And takes the pen, shoves it in the middle of her throat. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry! Now you. Now you. Now you. No.

No. I won't do this. I will not do this. No. No. Run out of the house. Cut to 20 years later. She's just like living in a cabin like on a lake.

There's a knock at the door. Hello. Howdy, stranger. Do I know you? I don't know. I'm hoping you can help me with something. Okay, what is it? I'm looking for a...

Stacy? Who can I say is asking? Are you Stacy? It depends. Who are you and asking? Are you Stacy? It depends. Who are you and why do you need Stacy? My name is Agent Wayne. Federal Bureau of Investigations. What?

Sorry. You live really far out. I'm like, my snowshoes getting out here. I took it out of me. My name is Agent Wayne Wilson. FBI. Federal Bureau of Investigation. Stacy isn't home right now. Okay.

Do you have any idea when she'll be back? No, but you can wait in here until she comes back if you want. Okay. And your name? Macy. Okay. Thank your name? Macy. Okay. Thank you, Macy. I'll do that.

He goes in. Can I get you anything to drink? Tea? Coffee? Water? Water would be fine. Thank you. May I ask, Macy, how long have you known Stacey? Long time. Too long. Did you know her in the summer of 95 summer of 95 i think it was just before we met actually we met winter of 96 right right just kids then, huh? What happened summer of 95?

Nothing. Anyway, I should probably keep the questions to a minimum until she gets back. Pour some glass of water. You all right, Macy? Yeah, so why are you looking for Stacy? Hand was shaking when you poured that water a little bit. I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry.

Hey, I get it. Must be nerves. Cop comes in your house, won't tell you why he's there. I get it. Don't worry. You're not in trouble. Don't do well with pigs in my house, you understand, agent? Sorry?

Right. I'm not running a barn, so I don't take well to pigs trotting around my floors. Right, right. I think it's best for both of us if we just sit tight, wait for Stacy. Sounds fine by me. Here's your water. Thank you. You fish?

I'm vegetarian. Of course. What's that supposed to mean? No, I'm just not surprised. Agent, have you ever played with a bop-it? Of course. When you were a kid.

Yeah, game for kids. Not a long time. Had one, I think. Bop-it, twist it, pull it. And the like? Sure, and the like. Hmm. Taking another taking another water glass in my hand. Back and forth.

Toss it back and forth in my hand. So, I think my favorite thing about a boppet is that you can keep going forever and ever. Right. Wouldn't have to stop. Right. You just keep on going with that streak.

Sure, sure. Once you start a streak, it's hard to stop. You get what I'm saying. Of course I do. He starts reaching his hand inside his coat. It'd be a shame for me to break my streak now. Do you understand? Can I ask you a question, Stacy?

Yeah. I fucking knew it. Pulls out a gun. Just unloads. Whole clip in her. Gah, gah, gah, gah. She survives. Pop this.

Gah, gah, gah. Her fist takes the bullets. What? No! Wow! Hey, agent. Holds up a calculator. Takes out a calculator. What?

Type out what is the say right here on the top. It says boobies in the calculator. It says 80,800 and, wait a minute. That's what I thought. Boobies. Calculator through the brain. The telltale bop. That shit was a banger, dude. that shit was a banger dude that shit was a banger rainbows whole ass

off in that hey you acted your whole alpha c you put your whole real pussy in that what a way to end up the year with a little bit of gun violence on the show hey man it's all in good fun daniel holy shit i mean daniel i mean that was silence of the lambs that was amazing that was amazing the ambience of like the like the forest sounds in the cabin transport i was there i was there i was there oh my god should we do our last segment last segment of the year of the year last time well not really because we'll have another episode oh wait nobody wants someone up here oh shit it's the last episode of the year what a year i'm just gonna go ahead and start i am just shook by a another year of review review this is the third year of review review yes right you start in 2019 didn't you

or no i don't early 2020 early 2020 so 20 so four? No, we're completing the third year. We're completing the third. We're entering the fourth year of our review. I am so grateful. I'm so grateful for this past year. What's shaking me is just gratitude. Gratitude's been shaking my ass. Gratitude, gratitude.

And what a year of guests, of fun, and to get to do it all with you, and to have you all listen. I'm just, I couldn't be more grateful. And that's just shaking me that people, that you all listen to the Telltale Bop, that you all listen to Horsey Cotillion, that you all listen to, you know, Marlene Spaghetti, and we all do it together. And I'm just so grateful. Thank you to every one of the guests who've come on.

Thank you guys for listening. I can't wait to have repeat guests new guests more live shows we're gonna fucking do it big in 24 we're gonna fucking do it big in 24 that's what what's been shaking my ass is very similar i mean not to get overly earnest on main but when you asked me to do the show last year a little early last fall you know i was extremely nervous to see how people would react i thought maybe you know maybe i would get um doxed voted off the show kind of people would boycott the show i thought i would get george santos and everyone has been so nice and it's been such a fun uh year and this truly has been a highlight of my week every week and same i can't wait to keep doing it it's fun to do improv with you

it is fun to do improv with you fuck it fuck it i'll say it with you um and i hope we do more live shows and i hope we do more crazy zany little sketches for the for the show you doggy frank you doggy frank you can find alf on instagram at alfred in it you can find the show on instagram at review review. Reddit, r slash Review Review. Discord, where it pops off every day, all day. Review Review channel. You doggy Frank. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com.

Just the web browser, not the phone. At Riley and Spa. And on Twitter.com now known as xxxxxxx.com. At Riley Coyote for as long as it lasts. And as we say every single week on the show, we're never not saying this. And we're going to wrap out the year saying this. We say it every year. And we're and we've been saying and we're gonna wrap out the year saying that every year and we're gonna say it every year hence we're gonna keep saying it every year

you doggie frank you doggie frank happy new year everybody see you next year bye Doggy Frank. No, not you, Doggy Frank. You Doggy Frank. Happy New Year, everybody. See you next year. Bye. Happy New Year. That was a Hiddem Original.