Review Revue - Best of Review Revue 2024 (And Happy Trails!)

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

Alf and Reilly join forces to countdown your top 5 episodes of 2024 in the final episode of Review Revue. Thank you for listening!>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitJoin the discord here!Produced by Grace Harper @chorlesborkleyAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. At participating restaurants for a limited time.

Come on, baby, now. Let me look at you. Talking about yourself. Try to tell the truth. I could stay up half the night trying to crack your code I could stay up half the night but I'd rather hit the road

on the night that I met you I was on the town on the night that I met you I just wanna know how you feel Wanna love that's so proud and real You make me wanna go out and steal

I just wanna fuck you I just wanna fuck you I just wanna fuck you I won't let you down So you don't need to shout I could stay up half the night, playing with your head. I could stay up half the night, but I'd rather go to bed. On the night that I met you, I was on the town. On the night that I met you I just wanna know how you feel Wanna love that's so proud and real You make me wanna go out and steal

I just wanna fuck you I just wanna fuck you. I just wanna fuck you. And every day And every way And every day And every way I just wanna know how you feel Wanna love that's so proud and real. You make me wanna go out and steal.

I just wanna be you. I just wanna be you. I just wanna know how you feel Wanna love that's so proud and real You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna be with you I just wanna be with you And as we say at the end of every episode, and we're always saying this, we're never not saying this, Arrivederci!

Chi! No, because everyone did it. Everyone did the chi. Everyone did it. No, because everyone did the chi. That was from, I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. You promised you wouldn't cry.

That was from Curbature. Curb says, hello, got a few podcasts from the Discord. Sorry, a few podcasts and i from the discord got together to make a theme song that will hopefully be played as the podcast ends in order of appearance curvature and curvature says hopefully by the time this comes out i'll have an animated version of a clip from face painting kits on my youtube channel uh georgina at g-e-o-r dot g-e-m-u-z on instagram damian the crustacean kirk uh for the piano bob yule from the 99 questions podcast lauren mince at mystic falcon on youtube and jenna make some choices denton

uh musselini jenna i'm so sorry if i'm butchering your last name guys that was that that was awesome i can't believe y'all got together and made that. That was so sweet. And right before we started recording, Alf and I were like, we're not going to get sad. We're not going to get sad. And immediately as the song started playing, I was catapulted back to recording the show. I remember when Jeff and I used that theme song as a joke for the first time in the studio in person years ago. And we're like, what if this was just a theme song? How fucking stupid would that be?

And here we are. And I'm definitely not sad. Right? That was, and I mean this with full sincerity, a more emotional rendition of that song than paul mccartney could ever deliver i think that's absolutely paul mccartney's version of that song makes me horny scary horny and i have never once felt any amount of emotion during pa McCartney's rendition of that song. Sure. Now here's a thought for you. Yeah.

Halloween costume. Okay. It's me. Okay. I'm wearing a baseball hat. I'm listening. Backwards. Okay.

And it says like MMA fan on it. Why? And I'm wearing a Wings t-shirt. It's December 17th. Time recording. And it's Jake Paul McCartney. Now is that anything? I don't think so. Okay. Now here's another one for you. I'm wearing a baseball cap. Backwards. Says YouTube on it. Uh-huh. And I'm wearing a baseball cap backwards. Uh-huh. Says YouTube on it. Uh-huh. And I'm wearing a Wings t-shirt.

Uh-huh. It's Logan Paul McCartney. Logan, I knew you were going to say that. Alf, this is the last ever episode of Review Review. No. And it's also the best of. Like, it's exciting and it's also sad and it's bittersweet and it's all of it. What's new with your ass?

Um, what's new with my ass is... Let's keep it normal. Nothing's different about this episode. What's new with you? Yeah, man. My blackout curtains, brother. It's hot in Chicago. It's cold in Chicago. It's quite cold in Chicago, actually.

I was sick for like two, like 10 days. I mean, I'm still kind of sick. That's a long time to be sick. I like still, you can probably hear it in my voice. I'm like a little bit like not 100p. And I have. Not COVID. No.

Took many a test. Not COVID. Went to the urgent care. Not COVID. Nope. Took many a test. Not COVID. Went to the urgent care. Did a test there. Also not COVID. Did a strep test. Not COVID. The strep said not COVID.

And the hot doctor said I had a zit in my ear. That was unrelated. I thought I had an ear infection also. I had a zit in my ear. That was unrelated. I thought I had an ear infection also. I had a zit in my ear. And I have been watching The Gilded Age. Wow, I need to get back into that. I'm into it, man.

I'm into it in a big way. Christine Baranski is everything to me. Cynthia Nixon. Succession for theater nerds. It's like worse St nerds. It is. It's like. It's like worse Downton Abbey. Yes.

That's a better comp. It's Downton Abbey for theater nerds. In the best way. Yes. Yes. Like. It's like if Downton Abbey didn't. Didn't care.

Like it's like. But also had Nathan Lane in it. Nathan Lane playing a southern. It's my favorite. It's my favorite. It's my favorite. Arist aristocrat who's like married to a woman. He's playing like the colonel. He's playing like Colonel Sanders. He's literally, he has like a big handlebar mustache and he's like, well, I would love to entertain Mrs. Astor.

Foghorn, leghorn, soundin' ass voice. Like the most unbelievable plot lines, people behaving in the most irrational way humanly possible. Literally also just sort of glamorizing the kind of worst people who've ever lived. Sure. Like railway barons. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's a whole subplot in the second season about like.

No spoilies. Okay. I want to see it. About. Okay. I won't tell you. Union busting. It's you. Union busting. It's all about union busting.

I have an infection on my toe. You said you weren't going to talk about it. You brought up the zit in your ears, so I went to urgent care today because I have a- But my zit in my ear's funny. I have a cut on my toe and it's infected. And it hurts. Anyway- Did you say how you got the cut?

Oh, you did tell me how you got the cut. Yeah. It doesn't matter. It's kind of embarrassing. But we're here. I guess what's new with me other than that is, I don't know. I was literally thinking about, as I was putting her in her crate while we're recording, I'm like, wow. For years on this show, all I've talked about is wanting a dog.

And now to be doing the last episode and being like, I have to walk my dog and pet her is crazy. What's new with me? What's new with me? Going to Chicago for the holidays. Very excited. And we're going to miss each other famously. We're going to miss each other. So that's kind of crazy.

It's hard to think about what's new with me when this is the last ever episode. I keep going back to that. And guys, it's going to be a long one because. I can't believe I talked about the Gilded Age. Can we do it again no i can't believe i used my like what's new with you i talked about how i have a toe infection so it's fine no we're keeping it normal guys as bitter like with the with the bitter comes the sweet the people have voted the voices have been heard all 81 people have voted. The voices have been heard. All 81 people who voted have spoken. No way. 81?

That's like almost as many as we're in. My. Yeah, go on. My. My. Funeral. We don't have time. There's going to be a long one, guys.

So y'all better strap in. Because the episodes you picked are here and they're now. Alf, we're going to do the top five voted best of episodes of 2024. Normally we do ten, but times have changed and we're only doing

five. And we've often rewound the clock. Since we landed on Plymouth Rock. We're just going to jump right into it because we have a lot of waxing poetic about the show to do at the end. And we have a lot of improv to get through. So, Alfred, what is your guess? What's coming in at number five? I mean this more than any other year, literally just last year. I don't remember this show.

I don't remember a single episode the only episodes i remember are the one we did with ryan gall because that was too some guests but go on oh fuck i have to i have to name every single one uh i don't remember any of the ones with guests there you go especially ryan gall i'm gonna offend some guests as if anybody's gonna listen who's guest on this fucking show. Grace, drumroll please. How funny would it be if there was no drumroll? Drumroll please.

Coming in. Grace, don't take that as an invitation. Number five. Sorry, I took a bite of ice cream because I'm really unprofessional. Number five on the best of 2024. Coming in number five is Orange Theory. Now that's an episode of our podcast. Alfred, what do you remember about this episode? Because I will tell you,

I remember that it's maybe the first episode we ever did in person together. Oh, is this the one where we did it in the basement at Daniel's parents? The Rashid family home basement. I remember feeling this is really weird the whole time. It was so bizarre. And we were just like riding the high of being in person.

It was so chaotic. What was weird about it that I didn't realize was weird about it until just this moment now that we're talking about it? Part of why I think it was weird was we were sitting so close to each other. Thinking about it now, when we recorded the HeadGum studio, we were sitting in chairs sort of like six feet away from each other. We were at the kind of small table

you get outside a Parisian cafe. Yes, a bistro. Like a tiny table. In a tiny room. Literally like sort of two feet away from each other the entire time just locking eyes, doing improv. No, it was so intimate. It was too intimate. In a tiny room. It was a crazy

way to do our first ever in-person record. Yeah, but that's why it's so memorable. So I know the exact, I mean, listen. Hey guys, hey guys, listen. Hey guys. Hey guys. Listen. Hey Linda, listen. I know, I know that maybe, guys. Listen. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Listen. Hey, Linda, listen. I know. I know that maybe, you know, if I, let's say Orange Theory, this episode, for example.

If I play the scene that I picked, people are going to be like, well, that's not the scene we were talking about. Sorry. Shut up, Milhouse. Shut up. Sorry. It's our last episode. We're making our voices heard, but we also want to be heard, too. So I hope they line up. And if they don't, too bad, because it's the last episode we're making our voices heard but we also want to be heard too so i hope they line up and if they don't too bad because it's the last one to say to say we also want to

be heard too on the podcast you have hosted for four years it's insane hey guys is it really can we get a can we get a word in here please no seriously for once can you guys listen can this show not be about you for one fucking second can it be about the host number five is orange theory this is another one for the orange theory fitness manhattan east 39th street new york new york okay uh last i checked never Last I checked, never sleeps. I'm walking. This is one star from Anz A. Anz, army, this question, may I enter your home? This is from Anz, army, this question, may I enter your home? And are you happy with that? Yay.

Okay. One star. Came in for my first time. Signed in online. Name was not added to the list. Fine. Sign me up then. Girl made me wait until she signed everyone in, even though I was there before them. She even attended to another person who was there for the first time who came in after me. Asked for my credit card, even though it clearly states on the website on that Yelp that the first class is free. Fine. Pay $20. Fill out form. Told not able to join class because I was not there 30 minutes prior, which I was not aware of. Asked her why she let the other guy in and responded with, he's been to another location. After he clearly told her this was his first time. Wasted

10 minutes where I could have just been told from the start I wasn't able to join class. That sucks. The way it was written, like blah blah blah blah blah. Fine. Sign me up then. Blah blah blah blah blah. Fine. Pay $20. Also, fill out form. Ellipses,es ellipses it's like the way it's

like writing it in real time i don't know why it was really moving to me moving moving that's powerful yeah fill out form oh form interesting oh what a crazy way to recount a story it's almost as if they were writing the review as they lived it yeah they're standing in line going okay now I've heard everything had to fill out form interesting actually doing that on a date

you're like live texting your friends as it's happening out loud phone out so um have you been uh to this uh bar before you know what i i live close by and i see it on walks all the time and i'm like oh my god this place looks so cool such a cool name too like rum tum tugger but it's not cats themed which is very strange to me. No, I mean, I guess the story that I heard was that the guy who started it

was like a huge Andrew Lloyd Webber fan. That's crazy. But died before Cats came out and then they renamed it in honor. I don't know. That's so convoluted. It didn't really make sense even from the front. So you've been here before?

Yeah, a couple of times. Oh, a couple of other first dates. No, no. Is this your move? No. Yeah. My move is to take people to the cat's bar that's not a cat's. No.

My buddy had his. He had a party here. Oh. It was for a divorce. Sorry. I don't know why. I just felt weird to mention that it was like a divorce party. Don't know why i just felt weird to like mention that it was like a divorce party don't feel weird on a day you know what you mean it's like oh

mentioning a funeral at a wedding you know what i mean it's kind of like no no not that we're getting no no no you're not thinking too far ahead i swear i wasn't um but yeah so it's too far ahead called date wedding. Howdy. Sorry. What was that? Nothing. It was just like, I just like to keep notes. I journal a lot of my life. Like I do have to do bullet journaling.

No, what is that? It's like this notebook where it's like, you know, pretty free form, but there's a lot of like bullet points as you can kind of craft like this is you can do normal journals, but it's also it's like, here's my sleep tracker. Here's my mood tracker, you know, food, things like that. And so I just like to normal journals but it's also it's like here's my sleep tracker here's my mood tracker you know food things like that and so i just like to yeah it's super healthy and so i just like to track um you know i like to keep track of my days and my thoughts and stuff like that's awesome really i've uh no i've never really been a big journaler i tried a couple times but i don't know it doesn't stick a scroll whatever reason. A scroller, not a reader.

Me thinks. So I guess we're going to start it off basic, John. But what do you do? Oh, I hate, like, I even hear myself saying that, and I just, like, want to die. Like, oh, what do you do? Like, I'm a little robot. Oh, then you don't need to ask, I guess.

No, I'm just curious. Yeah, i make swords scary profession we'll try to get out of this one quickly maybe call me in five minutes if i don't text i can like it feels like you're like um i like no never mind what no i thought, you just don't seem present. Oh my God. You know, it's so funny that you say that because I can. No, I just was going to say, I swear I can hear you whispering to yourself as you write a text. No, I mean, in this new year, my like word for the year is honesty.

Honesty, transparency, you know, just like, I want to be real. And so I could sit here and just keep all my thoughts to myself. But that's why not only do I write journals all the time, but I publish them every single page of everything I write. And so it's like, I want you to know what I'm thinking because it's like, if I'm not sharing what I'm thinking, people don't know the real me. So I think your job is very scary and strange. Oh, okay. You can say that. You don't have to just me. So I think your job is very scary and strange. Oh, okay. You can say that. You don't have to just write that down.

You can just be honest. Oh, a lot of people are like weird about me being that honest. I mean, listen, you make swords for a living. You kind of hurt them all. Okay, then great. I can be, the way that you kind of brought up how like, oh, you know, thinking too far ahead like that this is a wedding.

From that to the sword thing, that put a lot of fear in me. So I was texting my friends like, oh, please call me and fake an accident in five minutes so I can leave. Oh, that sucks to hear. I know. Well, it sucks to be in the presence of it. It sucks to experience for me. I don't think, I don't think i don't sorry i yeah i mean i don't know how it went this way from the start i know it's such a shame because you're so cute and like your right and i think i was just nervous and when i said the thing about the funeral and the wedding it felt normal to me at the time. But I can see how.

But looking back now. Right. That you would be afraid. We've only been in person with each other for 10 minutes. That could be scary. Yeah. I mean, I do have to quibble with that a little bit. Sure.

I'm open to anything. I just think, like, I make swords. Like, can you say more about why you think that's so scary i guess because it's 2024 where are the swords going who are they for is it a hobby are you getting paid to do that yep okay so are you interested in violence is that so sure so some of those questions have already been answered um you did ask me what i do for a living. So do I get paid for it? Yes. Who do the swords go to? They go to the Olympic fencing team.

Oh. They do a lot of college fencing. Oh my God. So they're fencing foils. You could have said that. Epes, sabers. Well. Not as scary as I thought.

So if you'd asked a single follow-up question instead of just typing, type, typing, you could have maybe figured that out. I'm so sorry. I really did not mean to offend you and this is where uh you know the amount of first dates have been on and people huh huh i'm just trying can we start over sure let's i'm rebecca have you ever been to this bar before rum tum tiger what a cool name no obviously we can't you know redo the past we write history we're living history whether we want to be part of it or not and so what do i do um i'm a dog groomer oh that's so nice yeah yeah yeah yeah

um is trying to have sexual intercourse with dogs. What the fuck? Is grooming dogs. You see how it's like that for me? That's really fucked up. I don't think so. That's a weird joke. It's not a... No. Yeah.

Makes inappropriate jokes. No, it's not. Don't like sense of humor. I just, I think I was just still upset about the sword thing because it's like. I was trying to move past that. I know you're making a weird grooming joke about dogs. No. Yes.

Yes. I'm sorry. I can see now. Poor taste. When I said it. No, I have great taste. I have great taste. Trust me.

Can I be honest with you, John? I don't know how we move forward from here. know the groomer thing was a mistake fuck can we be how about this let's just be friends wants to be friends do not want to contact him oh are you fucking serious i was saying that to my phone what i will say to you is i don't want to be your friend i don't want to contact him. Oh, are you fucking serious? I was saying that to my phone. What I will say to you is I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to contact you again. Okay. That's fine. I really wish this could have went better.

I just said it to say it. John, the more you talk about it, the worse it gets. You know what it was? I had the idea in my head that like, I was like, oh, whatever she says, I'm going to make

a snide comment about it. That's not nice. Because that's what you've done to me. But I was very scared of your profession, John. You have to hear that. And I was scared

when you said... No, to make a forward comment about like, oh, we're getting married to then saying, I make swords. I did not say we are getting married. can you hear the kind of

person who i thought you were i said talking about a divorce party on a first date can you hear like mentioning a funeral at a wedding implying oh this is gonna go somewhere we're already talking about divorce even a bit can you hear how a comment like that plus the sword thing made me very scared about the kind of man you are? But we texted. I just, I was hoping that like. Plus the groomer comment. Why are you. Look, I will give you the groomer comment.

Okay. That one, you can tell I'm not defending that one. I'm trying to explain it. Then why are you wanting to be mean to me? Because you, I, I think. I'm sorry if my honesty hurt your feelings.. I'm sorry if my honesty hurt your feelings. And I'm sorry if my honesty hurt your feelings. What were you being honest about?

The groomer comment. So you were honest about that. Yes. So you don't apologize for it. So you are defending it. I just, I just want, I just want this to not happen once. What do you mean? I just want to go on one normal day.

Maybe you should change your job then and people might not feel so threatened when you say, I make swords for a living. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's one of those things where when you make swords for a living, you meet a lot of people. It doesn't seem weird to you. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't seem weird to you. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't seem like a weird profession to me. Or I guess you could say, I make fencing swords. Oh, that's a great note. That is actually a great note.

That's more helpful. Thank you. Because when you say, I make swords for a living, I'm thinking of, like, you have a lot of, like, medieval kind of swords hung up in your home. And can I give you a note? I don't know what i could have done differently but yes and if i and i'm not trying to assign blame but like if we look back on this conversation the funeral comment the groomer comment the thing the things that i said that we could all all the things that you said yes yes and i'm taking responsibility all the things that i

have been saying that we can all agree in hindsight were odd things to say on a first day yes all these say on any day yes to be honest a first date. Yes. Odd things to say on any date. Yes. To be honest. Oh, it doesn't matter how long you've been together. Odd things to say to your husband or your wife. You know what I mean? Yeah. Odd, odd, odd.

Don't say that. Odd, odd, odd, odd, odd. Don't say that. But I do think I was put into a position of anxiety by the fact that you were staring at your phone. You know, you show up on a date with somebody and it's the, you've just met. You know, it's the first five minutes of the date. I take that.

And she's staring at her phone. I'm not supposed to be insecure about that. You know what I mean? And so I think I was overcompensating with humor that was not appropriate. I completely get it. I know, I do. No, see, that's where I can own.

What I can own is that I shouldn't have been on my phone. I could have been saying that to your face. Okay. You know what? Some of my honesty, I was a little scared of so i was directing into the phone when what i need to be better about is just saying to your face i'm scared you make swords you're calling this date a wedding you know i could be saying that directly to you i don't want to relitigate the way i could be directing that to you rather than my phone but you did say

like oh there was truth in the groomer comment which was really fucked up i didn't when i said that there was truth in the groomer comment i can clarify because i think we're getting our waters across there i think what i meant was there's truth behind the emotion there's truth behind what i was feeling there which was that the need to attack um you know you know i see i can understand how that got misconstrued you know i wanted to score a point you know like like this back and forth like you had, fencing is so much more interesting. I would have had so many less fearful thoughts.

And I do want to push back a little bit on that because I do make swords for a living. I go to a lot of conferences and conventions. Don't say that. And I do have to quibble because we in the field of smithing, I do know a lot of people who make swords not for fencing

for replicas uh you know for for theatrical productions for for for just connoisseurs just you know and and uh i think you know there are lots of contexts in which it's okay to make a sword you know i? I can understand that. And none of them are scary, to be honest. I can't think of a situation where someone saying they make swords for a living is scary. I feel like we've reached a good point and then we went back

because you can understand. You're right about that. You can understand I make swords on a first date for a living is a scary thing to hear. Okay. Single woman in the city just trying to get by. Trying to have a fun night at Rum T scary thing to hear. Okay. Single woman in the city.

Just trying to get by. Trying to have a fun night at Rum Tum Tugger. Yes. And so to be at a table with a man whose livelihood is rooted in violence is something that's very scary to me. And I don't see it as inherently violent. As a weapon. Yes, of course. And weapons are cute and cuddly like dogs or spiky and mean like weapons. Okay, but what about police dogs?

What about attack dogs, guard dogs? There are ways in which dogs can be aggressive and can be violent, can be tools of violence in the same way that swords. I'd have to quibble with that. Dogs are all good boys and good girls seriously what you've never been grooming a dog and they've bitten you uh because i'm a good groomer i died i don't not trying to accuse you of anything you or you say i don't believe that i find it hard to believe because even if you're a good groomer there are good they're bad pet owners who not disciplining you were gonna say they good groomer, there are good, there are bad pet owners who are not disciplining.

You were going to say they're bad dogs. No, there are no such thing as bad dogs. Right. Now I believe. Oh, no such thing as bad dogs. So no violent dogs, no mean dogs, but swords are violent.

There's no such thing as a bad sword. A sword is an object. So I guess what we're saying is they're bad people. Yeah. Definitely some of those. Well, John, I will say I have not had a discussion this heated in a long time. Wish I could say the same.

But I guess that probably tells me something you're passionate sure are i didn't really get that over text oh oh yeah i suppose not i like passion i don't like violence but i like passion cousins not sisters what do you think about it sorry what you just said violence violence and passion you know what I mean they're related

hard to have violence without passion in a way I've never thought about it like that I think you're a lot more thoughtful than I gave you credit for. Thank you.

I was actually going to say the same thing. Have you said that line before? Sorry? About violence and passion. No, just came to me. Or did you just come up with that right now? It came to me in the moment. Talking to you, I guess it revealed something to me about my work and about my relationship to it. Can I let you in on a little something? Let me in.

There's some parts of me that are kind of unleashed in my work as well. Unleash, little dog pun. Let's just say that when the dogs come in, they aren't the only bitches at work. What would that be referring to? I can get a little passionate as well. I can get kind of mean. To the dogs? To the owners.

Oh, that's okay, I guess. Probably what? To the dogs? To the owners. Oh, that's okay, I guess. Probably, what, when they're being kind of mean to you first or refusing to pay. I see how they treat their dogs. Yeah, right. I know. Not grooming them properly, not trimming their nails enough. And I let them have a piece of my mind. That's where I started with the whole honesty thing.

Yeah, I don't think that's bad. Really? No, I was scared for a minute. What do you mean? Well, when you said that they're not the only bitches in the room. It's just that, you know, you look at me and you think, what a sweet girl. Right. But actually.

No, of course. What do you mean, no? I just mean... You don't think I'm a sweet girl? Through the course of this conversation, I've seen a lot of different sides of you. You immediately said, no. I was just agreeing with you. I was trying to encourage you to keep going with what you were saying.

Because you look at me and you see... A person buried deep. Hey, it's getting a little crowded in here. You know what I mean? Filling up. It's a Friday night in the city. What do you expect? I love this city. Don't you? It's the best city in the world.

Best city in the world. I'm always saying that. The world revolves around New York City. New York City is the best city in the world. It's a city where a groomer... Dog or otherwise? Okay. Are you kidding?

Okay, I'm out. No, are you serious? We were going to go have the best sex of either of our lives. Still can. No, no, no. Still can, honey. Come on now. Don't be like that. cousins not sisters cousins not sisters cousins not sisters i will never forget that

here's a genuine question i have yeah people listen to this show people like listen and and i what i remembered about that scene well i remember how physically close we were and we were looking at each other after after you said cousins not sisters we were crying we were trying so hard not to like we were trying to keep going and i remember i was sweating i was laughing so hard and crying so hard i did ultimately forget until this we listened about the dog groomer joke the dog groomer joke. The dog groomer joke. Cousins, not sisters. I mean, there's a lot there.

That you make swords. I love that scene. I think it's 20 minutes too long, but that scene. Not too long. That wasn't long enough. Also, in that Orange Theory episode, I also had Nordic poems,

and it was almost kind of like a heist ensemble movie or like breakfast club situation don't remember that okay any slightest i'm so glad cousins not sisters made i didn't even remember that i did i that's one of my favorite scenes of the year because like for nothing else other than cousins not sisters passion and violence cousins not sisters. Passion and violence, cousins not sisters. If we ever made shirts, that could have been one of them. Cousins not sisters. We still can. We can just make a shirt. Seems like a bit of a moot point. I love it.

That was number five. Alf, are you ready for number four even? We didn't set an intention. But that's so like us. Okay. This is going to be the most last episode ever. No, I. This is going to be the most last episode ever. No, I think it's going to be the most first episode ever. Okay.

My intention is that this... This is going to be the most... This is going to have the most finality to it. I think this is going to be the most shit my pants episode I've ever had. I shit my pants on this episode. Great. Coming in at number four, you guys.

This is a little crazy. Do you want to play any theme songs? We don't have the time. I know. I just feel so bad. We'll talk about it later. Okay. Guys, come in at number four.

Is kind of contentious. Because it is, you guessed it, a tie. Alfred. No way. Do you know what two episodes came in at number four? Of course. I'll tell you right now, Grace, drum roll, please. We have a tie between Beer Gardens and Renaissance Fairs with Scott Sayes.

Now, that's interesting. I feel like those two are, hear me out, cousins. They're kind of in the same world. They're cousins, not sisters. Not sisters. They're cousins, not sisters for sure. For sure. Beer Garden is very European.

Beer Garden. Beer Garden. Renaissance Fair. Guys, like I said, it's going to be a long episode. Sorry, it's our last ever episode. Light your cigarette and get your vodka soda. Which one do you want to start with? I want to start with Renaissance

Fairs. Okay, great. I loved this episode. Scott was such a fun guest. First time guest. And he absolutely crushed it. We had such a blast with him. First time last time. First time last time. Because the show's over. He's never coming back on this old thing. A scene that I loved is not the scene that i picked because they were i i love okay you know

i'm saying like i i loved this episode so much it was really hard to pick one but the one that i didn't pick that i still think about is the new jersey renaissance fair where we it just got so insane and we had such a blast new jersey ran and it was like all the weird shit like we're talking about like someone was like a review about you know really not period appropriate ren costumes and like you know we're like what if we put et as a lady but gave her elf ears or something what show is this i don't literally i wasn't on that episode don't remember this and now it's a relatively recent one jesus okay great well let's dive in. I gotta stop doing

all these inhalants. Do you not remember anything from this episode? Because I'm going to ask you, like, what are your memories of this episode? This episode? The Renaissance Fair?

Yes. I do remember this one. I do remember. I don't remember the New Jersey part or any of that. That's crazy. I love that scene.

I remember the one about cucking. Let's get into it. Here, tied at number four is Renaissance Fairs. This is for Los Angeles. This is the Ren Faire right outside of LA. We got five stars from Danielle G.

Can we get a last name for Danielle G? Not everyone wants. Okay, okay. Let's workshop this. Danielle, Danielle G. Guielle danielle g gubernatorial gubernatorial danielle gubernatorial five stars i love that there's no context for what she's saying here we go the blue knight omg so amazing he was so interactive with the audience. He was so funny and confident. First time bringing my son here, and this night blew us away. Sit on the blue night side.

Kids, ladies, and men love him. Now that's a review for Medieval Times. That's not actually. I think so, like 100%. Everyone else is like, the food was great. It's literally surrounded by all these reviews. The food was great, had a great time. and he thinks so like a hundred percent it I everyone else is like the food was great it's like literally

surrounded by all these people like the food is great had a great time with my family parking's a little tough but this one I just couldn't get over

it's like it's not even all in the same sense of like oh he was so awesome and funny he was so funny and confident oh god

and now that I think of it everyone loves him like it's just really added to like her husband is just sitting there being like yeah exactly yes like it's the blue night wow that's exactly it like it's like i'm imagining it's some jousting thing or maybe it's not maybe it's truly just like i don't know if it was like a meet and greet character kind of thing. If it was a jousting thing. Don't know if he had his helmet on or off.

I guess he was talking because of how funny he was. Maybe he didn't even do anything. Maybe it doesn't even matter. But this woman was enthralled. And I just was so charmed by that. She's discovering. She goes, maybe I am Polly. And I'm just looking at the blue knight.

My God. The blue knight is just so charming. It's just, huh, maybe monogamy is not for me. Okay, no, you guys, I know, I know, like, we just went here last week, but you guys didn't get to see this jousting tournament. So trust me, it is going to be so worth it. The Blue Knight, like, sorry, I'm blushing. He's just, you'll see what I mean.

He's kind of one of a kind. I've been to these before. Like, I know that they kind of just come out and ride their horse and do some tricks and stuff like that. Most of them just come out and ride their horse. You're so right, Alan. Like, that's what most of them do. But I don't think you've seen this knight.

He's pretty special. Okay. Sorry, I'm just like butterflies in my stomach. Oh, my God. Here he comes. Here he comes. Try and get his attention. So he looks over at our section.

Blue knight! Big blue! Big blue! Big blue! Oh my god, that's really good, that's really good Here ye! It's me, it's Susan, I was here last week Hello maiden, hello Oh my god, hello maiden, look at me

I mean, could you believe this? Do you see what I'm seeing? You've brought your squire with you, I see Oh my god That's so good You've brought your peasant serving boy, I see. Oh my god! That's so good! You've brought your peasant serving boy, I see. That's so good!

Well, we're together. We've been dating for a couple months, actually. Oh, in your dreams! He's my squad! Do you see it? Oh my god, I'm crying. I'm crying. He's so funny. Yeah, it's my squad. Oh, my God. Do you see it? I mean, he's so. Oh, my God. I'm crying. I'm crying.

He's so funny. Yeah, it's pretty good. Oh, blue knight. Look at him go. Oh, my God. Are you having fun? Isn't this so fun? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my gosh. This is great. You know, I haven't seen anything yet. I'll be honest. It's very kind of typical knight behavior so far. Oh, I guess we'll agree to disagree i'm not seeing the you know the green knight coming around and giving this kind of you know one-on-one interaction but uh yeah sure okay all right everybody the show's about to start but can i get a volunteer oh yeah just sorry i took my turkey. Yes, yes,

yes, Blue Knight, yes, it's me, Susan, from earlier, from just now. Anybody, anybody. Alan, raise your hand, because the more hands that are raised, the bigger chance we get. Big Blue. Little One, the peasant boy. Oh my god, he chose you. Alan, you have to

go, you have to go. Come on down, peasant boy. Yeah, alright, well. Alright, here chose you. Alan, you have to go. Come on down, peasant boy. Yeah, alright, well. Alright, here I go. I'm coming up here. This is so exciting. What's your name, little one? Alan. Okay, can I get a hand for Alan?

Smattering. Alan, what do you do for work? I'm a manager at a Chipotle. Okay, can I hear it for Chipotle? Someone in the back. There was an E. coli outbreak two months ago, and it was barely reported. Okay, I don't control that. I don't control that.

He doesn't control that. So I got you. Okay, settle down. Settle down, everybody. Okay, Alan, so what what i'm gonna need you to do i'm gonna ride my horse up and down and i need you to pick up its shit you're gonna be my shit scooper alan everyone's eyes laughing the entire crowd's losing it well i don't think that that's well that's just like a bit... Here's your shovel.

Get scooping. Everyone's like crying, laughing. They're like, yeah! Sorry, sorry, buddy. Do I actually have to do this? Or is this just a bit, a part of the show? Or what is this? Yeah, you have to do it.

If you don't do it, someone's going to step in it. I'm going to fucking trip. Be a good sport, okay? Your girlfriend, you know, she clearly is having a good time. Just play along don't be such a buzzkill hey fuck you buddy i'll fuck i'll pick up this shit but like alan alan yeah whoa this is a huge honor okay you got a fighter in the ring huh do you want to do you want to joust you want to get on the horse uh hi how much shit I'm picking up, I don't know if I'll have time. All right, settle down, little one. Okay, I'll get on the horse if you want me to.

Don't touch the horse. Alan, Alan. You can't touch the horse. Don't touch the horse. When we were at the state fair last month, remember, it didn't end well. Very clear rules. Don't touch a horse. Listen, I've been around horses my whole life.

He's a kicker. Can I get another volunteer, please, from the audience? Please, for the love of God, please. Anybody. Oh my God. Anybody. Alan, get us down. Alan, who should I pick? Pick Susan. Pick Susan, my girlfriend. Oh my God. My arms have to come out of my socket. She's about to lose her mind. You want me to pick

your girlfriend? Oh my God. Are you sure? Yes. Go ahead. Okay. Please. Susan, come on down. Yes god hi um i'm so sorry you already know that um i'm my name is susan you're cute what do you do for work oh my god um thank you i i teach ap lit at oh wow can I get a round of applause for teaching America's children the future of our country? Huge round of applause. Yeah, I know that's right. Thank you.

Thank you. A lot of kids eat at Chipotle. A lot of kids get sick at Chipotle. If they had reported it sooner, my son wouldn't have gotten E. coli. It almost put him in the hospital. I don't work for the corporate office. What I'm saying is I manage a local Chipotle. Whatever.

Which one do you manage? Which one? The one on 5th. 5th and Main. Nobody go to the one on 5th, all right? What the fuck? This guy's been picking up horse shit all day. You're definitely going to get E. coli eating that.

I'm not going there after this. All right, Susan. I'm'm gonna need you to play a very important part here. Oh, happily. Sir, I actually don't know your name. I just know you as the Blue Knight. You can just call me the Blue Knight. Okay, happily. My name's Barry. Okay, Sir Barry the Blue Knight. You're gonna be playing the Knight's wife Oh my god, all the women in the crowd are like, fucker!

You're gonna be standing on the sideline cheering me on Happily, I think I can do that And if I joust well, maybe I get a kiss Oh stop, that's my wildest dreams And if I joust well, maybe I get a kiss. Oh, stop. That's my wildest dreams. All right. The contest is about to be settled down, peasant. What should I be doing as I'm-

You're picking up the shit. I'm still doing it. I have to keep doing it? He shits a lot. I don't know what to tell you. Aren't you going to be riding him? Am I going to fall behind? This is a huge honor. You get to

squire before Barry the Blue Knight. Go along behind and pick it up. I got to sprint alongside? Yes. What about the jowls? What about the wood splinters? It gets in my eyes. Close your eyes. I don't know. Close your eyes, Alan. You should have brought goggles. Think about it before you ask.

Okay. If you love me, you will do this for me this is really big all right well we've been dating for a few months this is kind of crazy this is okay all right let's just do that can we just add to the story that maybe like the the guy picking up the shit is also is with the with the with the woman who's cheering on the knife with the night's wife i don't think so. No way. That's really inappropriate.

You have to be his wife. Well, maybe you're having an affair with the guy picking up the shit. You're not cucking the blue knight. That's not going to happen. Who would cuck the blue knight, Alan? Have you seen him? You have to think about it. You can't cuck the blue.

You can't cuck the blue. Alan, you've got to think about these things first. In the story, that wouldn't make sense. Look at him. Who would cuck him? With you of all people. Like, actually, Alan, I want you to think about it for real. Who would cuck him?

Be real. With you of all people. Whatever. Aren't we supposed to be using our imagination here? We really can't fucking imagine a world where that... That's fine. That's fine. All right.

You can't run behind the horse and pick up your shit. You've got to run, Alan. You've got to run as fast. All right. I'll walk behind the horse and pick up your shit. You gotta run, Alan. You gotta run as fast as the horse. You gotta keep up. Everybody know your place. Some of this is human shit. The suit is very tight. It's hard to get off in time.

Sometimes I just let her ride. Okay. So on my mark, we're going to joust. Exactly how we do it every year. Mark! They gallop towards each other. Alan's sprinting alongside with a bucket, trying to catch the shit. I beat the fucking Green Knight into the ground.

He's fucking toast. I'm the best knight ever into the ground. He's fucking posed. I'm the best knight ever. Everybody's screaming my name. Blue Knight, Blue Knight. Circle back around. Go over to the Blue Knight's wife. Pretty good show, huh? That was incredible.

Somebody call 911. A wooden splinter went through my collarbone. Hey, Susan, I was going to make out with you in front of your boyfriend, but he looks like he's pretty sick. I think he got hit with something. Does anyone have a phone here? Are we still pretending we don't have fucking phones? Somebody call an ambulance.

Susan, I think you need to go. You need to look after him. I was going to. I was just going to say, sir, this has been such an honor, but, um, I, I can't kiss you. I wasn't going to kiss you. The horse is shitting on me. The horse is taking a shit on me. You weren't going to kiss me?

I was not going to kiss you. No, it was all part of the bit. Wait, so sorry. You didn't want to kiss me or you weren't going to? It's a humiliation thing. Oh. Maybe I deserve this. The whole point of this show is like a humiliation kink thing, I guess.

Oh, no, the vibe is very horny. I see my Alan is getting, he's in a bit of a pickle right now. I should go over to him in a second. I'll be honest. I thought he was in on it. I thought he liked this kind of thing. That's why I leaned in so hard. I didn't know he wasn't cool with it. I wouldn't have done all that. Maybe I'm not as big of a catch as I thought he liked this kind of thing. That's why I leaned in so hard. I didn't know he wasn't cool with it.

Maybe I'm not as big as it catches, I thought. I sit here covered in shit. I just, I thought. You should really look after him, though. He looks sick. I will, no. It's like that. It's one second.

I just, I think I thought that I was special. Take all the time you guys need. In the audience. I thought that like. You are special. You are. Everyone's special to me. Well, that's like a platitude. Exactly. That's like a platitude. are special you are everyone's special that's like a platitude exactly that's like a platitude like oh everyone's special like i thought that it's fine i should hey alan are you how are you doing are you okay

an ambulance arrived the medical people are there alan's dead alan's dead alan's dead alan's actually fucking dead he's covered in horse shit um oh that sucks that's actually such a bummer the crowd we're glad he's dead fuck that guy everyone stop alan was a decent man a fine man average and i'd only been with him a couple months. No, stop it. Barry, enough. You said fine. Fine and average are basically saying.

I'm using my imagination. And in the story, maybe he was a real knight all along. And I just didn't see him that way. But everyone, toast your turkey legs. To Alan. To Alan. No one does it. I bet these have E. coli too.

Hey, that's not his bucket. It's mine. I'm the best knight ever. Everybody cheer for me. Everybody cheer for me. I'm the best knight. You suddenly became like five years old. I beat him into the ground. I'm the best night ever.

I'm the best night ever. And all the girls in the scene want to kiss me. You? I texted you this while we were listening to this. Yeah, you did. You sound like you're in a porn. Like in what way? I don't know. It's like I're in a porn. Like in what way? I don't know.

It's like, I guess not a porn, but it's like in kind of like a romance novel erotica. You're like, and you will be the knight's wife. And you will give me a kiss. And you'll be the knight's wife. His throbbing member. Eclipsed her view Ew That's horrible His wings spread

What the fuck? Whoa, he's got wings Holy shit His tail whipped Whoa His hooves stomped He's a pegasus? His tail whipped His fire breath.

Hot on her neck. What? Pegasus is a free fire. This doesn't make any sense. Oh, sorry. I skipped a page. He's gone loaded. What?

Is that a euphemism or does he really have a gun? What does Pegasus have a gun? Pegasus has a gun. Breast milk flowing. Now, wait a minute. I really don't remember that. Let's do, here we go. Beer gardens tied at number four.

I genuinely don't remember anything. I don't remember a single moment. No, it was just us. Oh, I'm glad I got votes. I couldn't tell you what happened. But then I listened to the scenes from this episode and I called you. And you remembered. And I said, do you remember this scene?

And you actually immediately, you're like, is this the one where we go? And I said, yes, it is. I don't remember. I'll play it. This conversation was today. Because beer gardens, I remember doing the episode. I remember us talking about how lovely a beer garden is. I could not tell you what we did in our scene.

So I'm glad y'all liked it. Mmm. Should we give it a listen? Mmm. His beak pulsated. Tied for number four here is Beer Gardens. This is for Edgewater Beer Garden, not in Edgewater, Chicago,

in Edgewater in Denver, Colorado. Five stars from Ronnie W. Ronnie, won't you have a beer? Ronnie, won't you have a beer? Five stars. Great experience. If you left this place any less than five stars, you are a dumb dumb. Great ambiance.

Fantastic food that's priced low enough to not make me have to sell plasma while in Denver. Is that a thing here? Do y'all sell plasma? But most of all, the staff was amazing go unless you're a dumb dumb but even then go be a smart smart no you're lying you're lying be a smart smart no not be a smart smart to use the word the fucking say dumb dumb you are a dumb dumb twice and then end it with be a smart smart be a smart smart makes you want to tear off all my is that a thing here do y'all sell plasma like what

i am still really stuck on be a smart smart i'm really stuck on don't be a dumb dumb, be a smart smart. Don't be a dumb dumb. Be a smart smart. That's awful. That's really, really awful. Do y'all sell plasma? Do y'all sell plasma here in Denver to the Florida meal? Like we do wherever the fuck Ronnie is from. Ronnienie won't you have a beer ronnie just

have a beer don't be selling your plasma don't be a dum-dum be a smart smart smart ronnie don't be a dum-dum why don't you sell some plasma it's like like as a slogan don't be a dumb dumb be a smart smart for harvard like the harvard marketing department okay class uh today we have a very special guest uh we have a recruiter from harvard coming in to tell yes i know i know who here has seen Legally Blonde. Who here has seen Legally Blonde? What about Legally Blonde 2? Yeah. Yeah. What about the third one where it's like she has her cousins or something and the British girls, the British

twins from Sweetheart and Zack and Cody. Anyone? Okay. What about Social Network? Yeah. Come on. Come on. No Social Network heads. All right. Well, those are the only movies with Harvard in it. Anyway, we're going to go ahead and welcome to our class today, Mr. Evan Johnson. Now, Evan, he graduated summa cum laude from Harvard Law and he now worked for the university. And he is ready to tell you guys all about this wonderful school. He is in admissions currently. I don't know. I'm actually really curious to hear about his journey from graduating top of his class in law to now being admissions recruitment. But here we go.

I'm going to help pass out some flyers from him. And Tiffany, I know that you got your eyes set on Harvard, so I'm sure you'll have a lot of questions for him. Yeah, I do. I'm very excited to talk to him. Great. OK, well, without further ado, Evan Peters. Yeah, I do. I'm very excited to talk to him. Great. Okay. Well, without further ado, Evan Peters. Thank you, Barbara. Thank you for that fantastic introduction.

Wow. It's amazing to look out here and see the smiling faces of Harvard's maybe next four years. I think it's one of my favorite parts of my job is meeting those young people and, well, changing their lives by letting them come to Harvard. Yes, you. Mr. Johnson, I just want to say I'm Tiffany, and I'm looking to go pre-med, and you will definitely be seeing me in Crimson very soon. Wow, pleasure to meet you. Pleasure to meet you.

Good eye contact. Good eye contact to meet you. Pleasure to meet you. Good eye contact. Good eye contact. Thank you. I've actually, that is something that I've been meeting with a lot of admissions coaches and they say that that is one of the first things that scouts notice for recruitment for Harvard. Wow. Well, yes. I mean, look, I don't want to say anything's guaranteed. We actually have a very low acceptance rate but you know you see she's looking around the class like sorry sorry you do you you know you seem like a smart smart so um well i know that you guys have recently changed your latin school motto and so that means

a lot to hear you say that yes um well for those of you who are not in the loop and don't know what to say. Yes, I know. I think most of us are not in the loop. Tiffany's referring to Harvard. We've recently decided to go in a different direction. Of course, you all remember our previous motto so clearly that I don't even need to mention it. I think we can all say it at the same time because everyone here knows it. Of course.

Especially you. So, Evan, why don't you lead it for us and then we can all say it at the same time because everyone here knows it. Of course. Especially you. So Evan, why don't you lead it for us and then we can all chime in. Was that the old one or the new one? The old one, please. Okay, the old one, of course, is... Which of course is latin it translates um well roughly to we are better than you um but we've recently decided that was a little bit exclusive um and we wanted to change direction so um well um actually uh if you want to switch to the next slide. Yep. So this is our new motto and logo.

As you can see, it says, Smartest Smartest, nay Dumbo Dumbo. It is a little bit more accessible, we feel, a little bit more to the spirit of Harvard as an institution. I have a question. Sorry, I know no one's expecting Ms. Brown to have a question Sorry I know no one's expecting Ms. Brown to have a question No of course I think we all agree That it's wonderful when teachers are involved In the admissions process

You say that this new The translation I have it brushed up on Latin In a minute Oh yeah of course be a smart smart not a dumb dumb Right That's what I was afraid of I have it brushed up on Latin in a minute. Oh, yeah, of course. Be a smart smart, not a dum-dum. Right. That's what I was afraid of.

You say that this is to be a bit more inclusive. Yeah. It feels very condescending. Extremely, of course. Right. So at least you know that. Well, we're still Harvard after all, aren't we? Cut to the think tank meeting for the new slogan everybody we've gotten too too many complaints about we're better than you i thought it was a

nice little tongue-in-cheek of you know at least everyone at least we're all on the same page but i do think that we should appeal to the common masses. Well, thank you for suggesting this topic. I actually, you know, as an admissions counselor myself, I do interface a lot with the students. And I think, you know, what we could really do is maybe get to the heart of We're Better Than You, which is why. We could do a TikTok dance! We could do a TikTok dance! Now this I love.

This I love. You said you're getting straight to the heart of the students. They're all on it. We could do a day in. You said you're getting straight to the heart of the students. They're all on tape. We could do a day in the life of a smarty. Well, and what I was actually going to say was, why? Why are we better than you? Why are we superior? And I interrupted you.

And you did interrupt me. And I interrupted you. And I apologized. Oh, that's all right. I apologized from the bottom of my heart, Evan, my dear colleague. I'm so sorry. Oh, but Robert, and have I mentioned you smell fantastic today? What is that?

What are you wearing? It's Tom Ford. It's Tom Ford. Well, it's delicious. It's simply scrumptious. Oh, thank you. I got it on Com-Av. Oh, fantastic.

I personally, I never go to that side of the river, but I hear they do have some good parfumeries. Now, tell me more about your TikTok dance idea. I think that's really fantastic. Well, I want to hear more about the why. So I'm thinking we can maybe even bridge the two ideas together with a little link. We do a day in the life of a smarty. And then maybe the reveal at the end is why they're so smart as well. They went to Harvard.

They go to Harvard. I think that's fantastic. I think that's fantastic. I think that's fantastic. I personally, I think that's fantastic. I mean, oh, that's so fantastic. Would you like to, well, here's a couple pitches I have for a new motto if you're willing i love it any idea of yours it's gonna be amazing obviously they're gonna be latin right we can't change that

much otherwise the donors are gonna flip so obviously oh they will flip their lid so we are gonna have to stay with sorry but before we move on, can I just say, you have the most enigmatic laugh. And by enigmatic, I mean magnetic. Look at me. It's just so many SAT words just fumbling around in my brain. Well, hopefully that SAT word scores you a 1600 or above. No! Of course, you can't go above it.

It's the max score. I was being facetious. But no. You haven't seen my score. I found a way to cheat the system. Oh, Robert, I'd be loved. I happen to get a 1632. I'd love to see your score, Robert.

I think it's fantastic. Give me some of your ideas for the Latin. We're getting too distracted by how fantastic these are. The Latin. My first idea is going to be... Erto verbum, verum i scu felices. Which, of course, you know what that translates to.

Oh, I know, but I want to hear you translate it. Of course, the English translation is... Nothing's better than a Harvard man. I have to say, Evan, that did give me a tickle. Because you and I as two proud Harvard Princeton men, I do fear that that made me a bit more alienating to the rest of the student body and perfected students. Oh, that's a good point. I didn't even consider the gender of it all.

Well, let me see. Well, maybe this one. Do you have one you care to share? You go, you go. No, darling, I want to hear yours. Oh, no, you fantastic man. I want to hear you. And that's scent you fantastic man. I want to hear you. And that's scent.

Okay, so here's one I was workshopping. I think it's a little bit more inclusive. Okay. Okay. Oh, no. Peso pesante. Which, of course, translates to don't be poor. Again, Evan, I'm loving these ideas, my darling.

Thank you. I feel that you're continuing to alienate people more and more. You know, we have many students on financial aid with various scholarships, financial aid services. You know, not everyone can be, well, us. I thought that everybody who went to Harvard was rich. I didn't know that we were letting in poor people. Well, I may have a new motto for ye olde Grimson. Obermatter!

Kerteshare. I mean, it's not going to be as good as yours, of course, you brilliant beast. I can already smell you. You're fantastic. This one is going to be Frinta bulus etimus oh already that i can hear the power of that what's that translation i'm not familiar with that course means will bully idiots no what do you think of that? Oh, it's fantastic. I really think there's something magical about that.

But again, I feel like we could almost say it's simpler. Get to really the heart of the matter. Well, we do want to include that if people don't go here, that they're very stupid. Exactly. An idea. Evan, we can combine ours in many ways. What about?

You know, there are some words in Latin that I've kind of forgotten in my, you know, middle age. Oh, you're coming along like a day over forty. What about be a smart smart? You know, words that the common folk can understand, Evan.

Oh, but they're still missing that us and them. How about be a smart smart, not a dumb dumb? No. No. Only turn into whale turkeys. No. No. I hate ours.

Fucking humbling. No, I mean it. No, I have something I need to say. No, this is important. I have to get this off my chest. No, I mean it. I mean this. I mean this sincerely from the bottom of my fucking heart. What are we like?

I have loved every minute of doing this show. But if you're sitting there going, oh, review review's ending. I'm so sad. Listen to that scene again. Rewind. Listen to that scene again. And tell me that the show needs to keep going. And Riley, are you looking at your infected toe?

Yeah. Oh my God. Because that is more appealing to me than that scene. Your infected toe is more exciting than whatever the fuck. I don't know what's more fucked up. No, we did that and we're like, yeah, this is an episode or that someone voted for. No, guys, listen, maybe I picked the wrong scene. Are you sure people voted for that one on maybe i

picked the wrong scene clearly maybe i fucking up what if you didn't but you know you know what's crazy what if that's here's the thing here's the thing listening to the role that made me laugh that was fucking stupid it made me laugh so i don't know why was it 35 minutes long that was a scene that y'all picked i don't judge judge you. That made me laugh. I judge the shit out of you. What I remember from hours ago is when I called you, Alfred, I said, do you remember the scene from Beer Gardens? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where we go, and you said, oh, the one where we go, ah, la, la, la, la, la. You remembered that. You're like, yeah, that's the scene I think people want to hear. I was wrong. I thought that one was funny.

I mean, it's like, this is a little crass, but there's a certain post-nut clarity. Oh, Alfred, I hate that you're right. Like. Yeah, no, I really hate that you're right. Like the phrase that comes to mind. Don't say it again. Is, it's a tweet, right? And I imagine somebody retweets this clip of that scene from the show and says, this is all they would need to do to put a final nail in my coffin.

Yeah. They really thought they ate with this. Oh, no. We really thought we ate with that. We have to take a break. We have to take a break and then come back with a different episode. I think we should end the podcast no we'll be right back with more with with episodes with your top three

and we're back. Are you even ready for number three? I don't think you can handle this. I think this will be a palate cleanser. This one I'm very excited about, Alfred. And now are you saying that on meaning it? I am saying it on meaning it. Grace, drumroll please.

Number three, the people spoke and we heard it, is Haunted Houses 5 with Ryan Gall. Oh, hell yeah. Thank God. Haunted Houses is an institution here on Review Review. Palette cleanser. I mean, I think he has made the list every time we've done a best of episode. I should think so. Ryan Gall really is one of the best people in the business. He is so kind. He has been so generous with his time and his talent with us over the years on this show.

And to think that literally years ago we got him on because Jeff Jeff, as a bit, tweeted, get the gall, or we got the gall. Like, that's crazy. That is mental. Do you have the gall for gall? That is mental. That's amazing. And now we're here. And now we've done 500 houses.

We did a live episode with it. Like, that's crazy. We said it to his face, but I really mean it. Like, he's genuinely, like, one of the best people. I mean, he really, like, he's so funny, but even more than that, he's so fucking nice and generous with his time and his energy. And, like. He inspires me so much. I,

I, I remember when I took over the show being like, I'm excited to do the gall app. Every year I get excited about the, I was excited about it. And to, to, to do it live in person in New York with him was such a blast.

And I, you know, that was such a high, that was a incredible high i felt like i was on all the drugs and uh yeah i just i really love that and with kylie in person that was incredible i loved that show yeah i i don't have any regrets from our time doing review review, but that the energy of that show was so fucking great. And I wish we could have done more. Well,

we'll do more with our next show without further ado. Here is number three haunted houses. Five with Ryan. Go like Oprah with Ryan. You get a goal. I have two from delusion. So they're amazing. Both five Delusion So they're both five stars But they're both very different experiences

I would say that that tracks with my experience I've been in it three times Wow That's okay So you liked it enough to keep going back Here we go This is five stars for three weeks ago At the time of recording

Like it was Halloween recently Five stars for three weeks ago at the time of recording, like it was Halloween recently. Five stars from Alicia H. Alicia Hellhound. Alicia Hellhound. Alicia Hellhound. Five stars. I've done Delusion six times now. It's unlike any other experience. It's not all jump scares.

It's deeper themes and stories. One year was about loss. Another was reclaiming your memories. This year was mourning and how toxic it can be when you refuse to let go. It doesn't always quote unquote make sense at first glance. It takes time to put it together and it's a more an emotional journey than a literal one. It's unique and well worth trying. I don't think that's a haunted house. I think that's a play. She just went to church. Somebody called it delusion. She went down the wrong alley and ended up in a Baptist church. I couldn't believe that. Like, so, okay, so you've been. Does that track with your experience? Yeah, you know, it's a really, it's, I would say it sort of does track because it's not about jump scares.

It's more about a really spooky narrative that has a message. So, yeah, I think they changed. It has a message. So yeah, I think they changed. It's a sermon. They changed. Yeah. They changed the message each year to be like, you know,

something, something different and a little deeper as what was her name? Alicia. Alicia. Alicia. Hell hound. Yeah. Alicia.

Alicia. She's right. Yeah. Honestly, I feel like Alicia is looking for something. Yeah. This is more about her. It's more about her.

It's like I couldn't – I mean there's so much. It's like I couldn't tell if it's like the actual – I mean I'm so happy that you've been three times. That's amazing. Like the actual place is – You know what they do. Or maybe you don't. But they rent a house in LA. They rent like an abandoned house or a house for rent.

And I think they buy it out for like six months. And they dress it and like create this story, a walkthrough. But it is not about like jump scares. It's about like. Your mother called. Well, the last time I went it was like about like the three daughters of the of a man and the daughters each wanted different things in life and so it is just a production of three sisters you know what it sort of reminds me of is um

what was the one in in new york city sleep no more More, where it's not, it's got a spooky feeling to it. But you're never going to go like, oh my god. You know, yeah. But this time you get a parable. Yeah, yes. It feels a little bit like

you signed up for a class. So funny. It's so crazy. Yeah, it's a little nuts. signed up for a class so funny do you remember the themes like so there was the one time you had the daughters yeah there was something with daughters there was something about a relationship i remember like uh maybe a romeo and juliet type five of like one. Classic scary story. Yeah. Classic. You know, I think it isn't it?

Doogie Howser who produces it. The actual character. You're not talking about Neil Patrick Harris. I could believe that. I could believe that. That makes sense. Yeah. I believe he,

he produces it or at least originally did he's like all magic castled and that's like a very magic castle kind of vibe that's a great comp it feels like when you go into the magic castle it kind of feels

like spooky I'm not scared but it's spooky I'm in the mood to be like in a weird place and that's what it feels like spooky. I'm not scared, but it's spooky. I'm in the mood to be like in a weird place. And that's what it feels like. Dad, I know you don't like Halloween, but it really means a lot to Alan and I. I know you do. And it really means a lot to Alan and I that you would come to this haunted house because I think it may change your mind about some things. No.

Can I have a snack before we go in? You can have a snack. Yeah. Anything you need. I just feel like, you know, this is going to really help us as a family to be here. What do you mean by that? It's going to help us as a family. The only reason I'm coming is because, honestly, I want you and Alan, I want you guys to be happy.

And I hope you guys get married. Thank you. Thank you, Doug. I appreciate that. I didn't ask you anything. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I am.

I just, I know that you two haven't always seen eye to eye and I know you're going to say, oh, a haunted house. How could that possibly bring us together? But just try it. Well, I don't know if that's what you were thinking. I wasn't thinking that. I was thinking I'd come. I'd have a couple of snacks.

I'd make it through this. I hate Halloween. I can't wait to get to Christ's birthday. But I'd rather move on to Christ's birthday than deal with this Hallow's Eve business. dad come on come on alan right aren't you happy aren't we happy that he's here yeah you know doug um you know halloween's not you know halloween's it's not my favorite addressed you talk when you're addressed she addressed me she asked for my input i did ask him for his when a male addresses you okay can i may i speak sir you can speak. I'm not a huge fan of Halloween either. So, you know, I maybe. I like that. Yeah. So maybe this is a time where you and I can, you know, together explore, you know, outside our comfort zone and grow closer.

I like that. Okay. Perfect. I don't love the idea of going outside my comfort zone. No. But it's how we grow. If an opportunity. Well, you can also grow through abuse. Uh, the Silverstone party. Yes. Yes. That's us. We're here.

We're here. Do you have the tickets? Yeah, I have them on my phone. Yeah. I have them on my phone. It's like, I know you hate e-tickets dad. I know you can't get a physical ticket. We can't just have a ticket. It doesn't matter. We're here. Oh, no, you guys. I can scan them right now. Perfect. Thank you.

I love your hair. I love your hair, young lady. Oh, thank you so much. I dyed it red, you know, for the holidays. And you have a beautiful smile, honey. Perfect. Okay, let's go. Let's go.

Let's get on in. Doug, let's keep it moving. I will just say, is it any of you guys' first time? My dad. I'm here for the first time And my fiancé. It's our first time. It's their first time here. They're getting married. Yep, dad. I told her that's what fiancé means. Hopefully she'll be pregnant soon and I'll be a grandfather and we'll

extend our dynasty. Well, we don't know if we want kids. I told you we don't know if we want kids. I said we'll extend our dynasty. Okay, so we do things here a little differently. It's not your usual, you know, spooky, haunted house, you know, but it will make you think. And it will scare you a little bit. It'll bring up fears and we'll work through them together.

Not we. I will not be joining. Would you like to? Would you? Dad, she works here. She doesn't want to. Okay, I was going to offer. She wanted to come.

You could get another Eid ticket. She's probably done it before, you know, the staff. She's probably done it. She's probably been in it. She doesn't want to. Okay, I was going to offer. She wanted to come. You could get another e-ticket. She's probably done it before, you know, the staff. She's probably done it. She's probably been in it. I don't know. None of us know. If you guys step right this way, and then we will see you on the other side. Good luck.

I promise. God, Dad. God, she was great. No, she was very professional. You're right. She was great. She had great hair. Did you smell that?

It's good perfume. Smell what? Oh, my God. Good perfume. I didn't smell it. Going to smell that? It's good perfume. Smell what? Oh, my God. Good perfume. I didn't smell it. Go into the first room. Lights turn off. Hello, and welcome to room number one.

How is everybody feeling with each other? What the hell is this creep? I feel a little nervous. I feel scared but willing. Everybody look to the left. Take in who you see. Now look to the right and take in who you see there. One of these people will disappear in the next room.

Oh, no. Oh no. Oh my god. I hope it's me. That's really scary. It could be any one of us. Why would you say that? Sounds like it could be fun. Maybe I have a special role or something.

You don't want to be with your wife-to-be and protect her? That's not what he meant. And I don't need him to protect me. It's all fake. We don't need anyone to protect us in here. Everybody needs somebody to protect them. I don't think that's true. In a partnership...

Sorry, do we choose who disappears? Or one of us just goes? It just happens. No, it will be a game. A game that will decide who disappears first. Okay. Three knocks to the door.

Four kicks to the floor. Okay. A fight to the ceiling. To find out how you're feeling. A fight to the ceiling. Find out who I'm seeing. What is a fight to the ceiling? A fight to the ceiling. I'll see you on feeling. Fight to the ceiling. Find out who I'm seeing. What is a fight to the ceiling? A fight to the ceiling.

I'll see you on the other side of the door. Crack slam. Okay, I'm really stuck on a fight to the ceiling. Well, let's start. I'll take fight to the ceiling. I can fight. We're not supposed to touch. I think it's we're working together.

The point is we're working together. Pull down this chance. No, Dad. Dad, Dad, stop. Dad, we have to start with three knocks to the door. Honey, you're embarrassing me. Maybe. I'm embarrassing you.

You're embarrassing me. Maybe it's some sort of teamwork thing. This is supposed to be a group effort, right? Yeah, exactly. And you're skipping all the steps and pulling down the light fixture. So it is a group effort. We're all trying to work together. I'm trying to work together. Perfect. No, you're not. the steps and pulling down the light fixture. I mean. So it is a group effort. We're all trying to work together. I'm trying to work together.

Perfect. No, you're not. Three knocks to the door. Knocks to the door. Okay, how about. Four kicks to the floor. I'll do the knocks on the door. I'll do the knocks on the door.

Okay. And then, honey, will you do the four kicks to the floor? I will. Yes. Perfect. Yeah. Okay. Hey, this communication.

Well, it's just shocking to see you agree to something. Okay, you know what? Hey, this communication. It's just shocking to see you agree to something. Okay, you know what? I'll say a fear that I had coming in here is that we were going to be fighting the whole time. And so the fact that things are being brought up, communication, disagreement, and we're working through it. This is what delusion is for. So, yes. Okay.

Your mother doesn't appreciate me physically. Is that a fear? And I hate that I know, which is part of why we're here i just wanted to bring that up before you do your four kicks to the floor that has nothing to do with anything you know it says on the wall right there bring up a fear what did alan do you have a fear do you have a fear i feel like that's part of the game i guess a fear of mine doug if i'm being honest would be that um in my marriage our relationship ends up like yours and monica's wow i wish you'd save that for like room four i'm just i'm sorry i have to be transparent i mean i see the kind of marriage that they oh the choice has been made

oh wait but we didn't even fight the ceiling oh so they're letting us do it and they did did they come in earlier so i'm gonna knock i'm gonna knock you kick and then you fight okay all right yep okay i'll do whatever 3, 2, 1, okay Knock, knock, knock Kick, kick, kick Fucking ceiling, I'll get you Goddamn ceiling Just like jump and punch it, I think Okay

What was the last one? Oh, fight to the ceiling will show how we're feeling Yeah I mean, I feel the same as when I came in here I had one Heineken At the Cheesecake Factory, and I'm probably a little loose-lipped. God, your tolerance is so low.

No, his tolerance, he rarely drinks. I think around this time of year, a lot of the fears he has are at the Devil's Holiday. He'll have his yearly fall beer. Anyway, is the door opening? I know you are. Where's the door opening? I know you are. Where's the guy? Hello.

There you are. It's okay. I misread the script earlier and I entered early. It's okay. Please come in. Three doors before you, you shall see. Okay. Which door shall you decide to be?

So we have to be... Enter one, each of you, and step your feet in through and through. So we have to pick which door to be, and then... We all go through, that's it. That seems pretty straightforward. Just we each go through a door.

Well, wait. I mean, are we gonna lose one of us in here? And don't forget to hug each other. Because remember what family means to you guys. Think about if you can sign up through this QR code for family therapy. If you wish, it might help thee. Thank you. This is why we're here. This is why delusion works. And this is why we're here this is why delusion works

and this is why we're here wasn't one of us supposed to disappear did I misunderstand him I thought one of us was going to go away where's Alan we're here dad turn around if you turn around we're here turn around which way

turn around to hear us then we're here I Turn around which way? Backwards? Turn around to hear us. Then we're here. I can hear you fine. I just can't see you. Turn around the sound of our voice. I can't see you guys either. Just keep turning. Okay.

Doug? They asked us, wait, before we beat the doors, they asked us to talk. I'll take this door. This door right here. Yeah, I'll go through the middle. I'll go through the right. And before we open, they asked us what family means to each other. Yeah.

Well. Dynasty. Well. Dynasty. Spreading your blood. What? Well, I mean spreading your blood so that someday when I die, you'll have children so that I'll. Do you mean spreading your seed? Ew. That's disgusting.

Ew. Okay. I'm not happy with saying that. I'm trying to bring you guys closer together. Are you guys sexually active? Of course. Of course we are. Oh, my God.

I thought you'd like that. You want us to have kids. I don't understand what you're holding. Once you're married. Oh, right. That's that. Okay. To me, family means being able to see through the noise of disagreement and realize that we all love each other and want the same things for each other.

For me. Okay. Only one of us gets to go? Please choose your door. Okay. We have a group behind you that's waiting. Sorry. Maybe if the instructions were clearer.

Okay. Alan, waiting. Sorry. Maybe if the instructions were clearer. Okay. Alan, quickly, family. Family to me is the ability to change and grow together. Beautiful. I guess. All right. I guess let's open. That was.

Dad, don't. The weakest thing I could. I'm opening the door. You know what I think is interesting? That door is the first time Doug's ever been on the left of anything. So I think that's something, isn't it? I'll have you know, I was born on the left. Wow.

You know what they say. What does that even mean? I was born on the left. On the left side. There were always two people. Your mother? The left side of her. The left side of her. I came out the left side of her of her the left side of her came out the left side of came out the love there's only one way to come out like a cesarean

i don't understand no even cesarean you get like pulled out it's the front still in like the middle of you guys don't know what you're talking about babies are always pulled out on the one side or the other were you okay were you there when your daughter was born? Never mind, doesn't matter Doesn't matter Please Use the phones to communicate If you must This is gonna end badly

There's just phone booths We open the door to phone booths Like back in your day, huh, Doug? Who are you calling? Is someone calling us? Hello? Beep boop, beep boop, boop, beep boop, boop, beep boop. Who are you calling? Beep boop. Someone calling us. Hello? Hello?

Who is it? I don't know. I just picked up the phone. It dialed somebody. What the hell am I supposed to do? Douglas? This is a delusion for sure. What the hell is that?

Dad, come on. Douglas, is that you? Yeah, this is Douglas. Oh, it's Monica, your wife. Oh, what the hell is that? Dad, come on. Douglas, is that you? Yeah, this is Douglas. Oh, it's Monica, your wife. Well, what are you doing? You called me, didn't you? The phone rang. I guess I called you at what you were on my mind.

Oh, how's it going at the house? Do you remember which side our daughter came out on of you? My left side. She was on the left, wasn't she? Yeah, Toby was on the right. She was on the left. That's why Toby lives in Texas. Dang right.

Dang right. Dang right. Will you be home for supper? I hope so. And you know what? I hope you make a nice tuna casserole for me. I'll make you whatever you want. You're my king of our dynasty.

My line's dead. I picked up my phone and it's not. There's not even a phone in mine. There's not even. This is crazy. I have the phone, but nothing's called. Honey? Yes?

I'd like to make love tonight. Oh, Douglas. I don't know what to say. I'd like to make love tonight. Oh, Douglas. I don't know what to say. I quite like that. Hang up the phone, and now everyone enter room four. Okay. Did we do anything in that one? There was no riddle.

Somehow he's winning. There was just a phone call. I didn't realize. I'm ahead. It says on the wall, I'm ahead. It says if you get a phone call,'t realize i'm ahead it says on the wall i'm ahead it says if you get a phone call you won't be the first to fall so no one's gone we're all still here i thought one of us was supposed to disappear two rooms ago i think that was like metaphorically

it's like oh who's gonna leave well we drift apart well here we go room four i wonder if this is the last one i think we're progressing right I think my dad wants to have sex with my mom. That seems fine. You heard that? Of course, we're all in the same room. That's quite loud. Well, I guess I shouldn't be embarrassed. You led with that. You said that she doesn't give you affection physically.

You already told us about half of that, so I don't know why you're weird now. Doug, you know, normally I'd want to smack you across the face. You're Doug, Doug. I'm worried about you. No, I'm talking to myself. You guys can be quiet. Doug, normally I'd want to smack you across the face. But today, I appreciate

that you opened up to your wife. Oh. Are you guys listening to this? Yes. We're in the room. Reading on the wall. It says, speak to the mirror in front of you. The truth will be revealed. I want to become a better father. I want to be a better father-in-law to Alan.

Wow. I want to learn that we can all be different and we can all move forward somehow, some way. That was really beautiful to add. That was very beautiful. I think somebody's learned a lesson today in our very haunted house. Thank you guys so much for coming to Delusion. If you want to exit to the left, we have our gift shop. If you guys want to fill to the left we have our gift shop if you guys you changed your outfit we have a qr code if you want to do our exit maybe it's a twin situation thank you so

much for coming we really hope that it was spooky and illuminated a lot are you the same one that let us in i am the same one that let you in we I am the same one that let you in. We're a little short staffed tonight, so I am your entrance and exit guide. How'd you say we get out again? You exit to the left. Exit to the left. That reminds me of my wife. Right, Doug? Because of the birthing.

Exit to the left. Oh, that was nice. You remembered that from inside the house. Yeah. I'm trying to relate to him. I think that's really good. My daughter exited to the left. Right, that's what I... When she was born out of my woman.

Yeah, Monica. Well, you know, two steps forward, one step back. God, I love that. I realize that every... And by every, I mean the past two haunted houses we've done with Gall, this and the live show have included scenes with houses with multiple rooms and being let into like, oh, welcome to the next room. I was going to say there's a very similar energy to the uh jimmy john's haunted houses oh my god the jimmy john sponsored haunted houses yes i love that that was so much fun i remember that episode and like i just i think

nothing makes me feel better myself than like doing improv with gall saying a joke and seeing him on screen like move away from the mic to laugh i'm like oh god what a hit what a hit it's a hit it's a hit it's a hit well alf we do have two more but i don't know if you're ready no i'm not you're not no i want this episode to be four and a half hours okay guys Okay, guys, we're coming down to the last two. The number two, the top, the number two. DD Mega Doo Doo. Episode number two. Do you have any guesses at all?

Is it one with a guest? No. Then no. It is, drum roll please, Grace. Thank you, Grace. Great Wolf Live! then no it is drumroll please grace thank you grace great wolf lodge oh i don't really remember this one i kind of remember doing it i don't remember the scene though i remember i remember a couple of the scenes and i was what i'm like huh i i remember it was a fun episode now listening back i'm like oh, that's a fun premise. But I'm realizing, I'm going to play a full scene.

But I'm realizing why you sick puppies picked this one. Why? I'm just going to play it. I'm just going to play it. This is a two-parter. Here we go. Great Wolf Lodge, number two. Let's cut right into it what is new with you my darling

I don't know but I think you should tell our dear vodkats oh my darling what if you slay I have been what if you flop I have been and you know squeamish listeners you know sensitive listeners tune out now I have been shitting and throwing up the baton has been passed for 48 hours straight

it has been the anchor like my mind gets still sneak peek for the topic my body is a water slide which is my favorite um john a body is a water slide alf i had e coli weeks ago i don't have it anymore because you gave it to me yes i am so sorry do you feel comfortable sharing the story yeah okay sure i'll tell the story guys if you feel weird about bodily stuff skip try skipping ahead a couple minutes um just like a little warning for that i will say it's also one of the funniest fucking things i've ever heard in my life it's not that funny okay it's funny because you're a sadist yes um so i was driving around i was driving to work and all of a sudden i was struck ill and I vomited ultimately.

While driving. While driving. That's the most important part. Which was kind of an unpleasant experience. And I was sort of coming to a light, but as I was vomiting and I was sort of like, my legs were kind of spasming and I was like hitting the brake and the accelerator alternating. And I threw up. I was trying to throw up out the window but i lurched forward and the seat belt locked and so i was just it was just it was heinous it was going everywhere

it's horrible it was going everywhere i was covered in vomit and then i had to drive like 40 minutes back to my house it was a heinous heinous experience i was using like the three wet wipes that i had in the car to try and deal you had to drive home covered and covered covered and then and then he gets home doesn't he and he has explosive diarrhea and what does he discover but that the water has been shut off inside his building so he cannot shower he cannot even flush the toilet he cannot even wash his hands what did you do well luckily i had a half a bottle of water that i was able to use to um wash my hands and i had some like lysol wipes and like wet wipes around the house with which I was able to sort of clean myself up.

And then I just kind of had to like. Clean yourself with Lysol? Yes. What else was I supposed to do? I was covered in vomit. I was covered in vomit, Anspa. It was horrible. You were cleaning yourself with bleach?

Yes. Just rubbing it. My beard is like completely blonde now. Oh my God. Yeah, it was heinous. And then I had to wait like two hours just sort of sitting in my own filth for the shower to come back on

and I could fucking fully kind of bleach myself in there. To sit in that, that is so atrocious. I'm so sorry that happened to you. And all I've had to eat in the last 48 hours is two sleeves of saltines and a bagel. Most of which I threw up at different points. So I feel dehydrated and awful. So if this episode isn't what you wanted, you can fuck yourselves. Oh, do you think it's something you ate?

I mean, I don't think it's something I smelled. Nice. I don't know, man. I do think it's, I did eat ultimately, and I don't, I'm afraid to say what I ate that I think might've caused it. Don't mean to say it. I don't want to be victim blamed.

It was Chipotle. Well, it was Chipotle. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly allegedly but it was worth it so i not only had i forgotten that i told that story in so much detail i forgot how terrible i forgot the details frankly i did too exactly what happened and it was like i was right back there listening to myself it really is one of the funniest things i've ever heard also forgot how fucking sadistic you are and how you genuinely were cackling the entire time play it i couldn't not play it that

would be crazy to know what mourns the wicked i mean geez, let's cleanse the palette with a scene from Great Wolf Lodge, huh? This is for the Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City. Everything's up to date in Kansas City. They've gone about as far as they can.

A little Oklahoma for you. Oklahoma where the Great Wolf Lodge is a water park. This is from Chris I. Chris Chris Icarus. Chris Icarus. Chris Icarus.

Flew too close to this Chris. Flew too close to the wolf. One star. Oh shit Chris did not have a good time. Absolutely. The worst general manager eric and head of security at any facility i have ever been to there was an issue where another guest an adult was intentionally manipulating a part of the tower to spray the crowd and people that passed by. I'm talking old people above 70.

And I stupidly forgot and walked by in my street clothes and nice shoes as we were leaving and got drenched with water. Mind you, it was minus three degrees outside. The answer from the staff was, oh, well, here's some clothes that are two sizes too small for you. Spoke to Eric, the general manager, who said he would try to make it right by comping us for another visit. Do you think that happened? No way.

Hey, hey, you up there, you up there. You please, please listen to us. You're hurting innocent people. You don't want to be doing this. Woo! I love the water park. Hey, man, talking. Hey, someone, someone get him a phone up there. Can someone get him a phone up there?

Yeah, chief. I'm on it. Somehow throws a flip phone up there. Hey, buddy, I'm going to call you, okay? Whatever, man. Mommy, he got the water all over my cake. Can someone please get this man off of the water? We're working on that.

Enjoy your wet cake. Ring, ring, ring, ring. I don't want to pick up. Please, it's good. I don't want to pick up. Please, it's good. I don't want to yell, man. Please pick up. Hello. Hey, is this the water tower blaster?

You can see me. Okay, well, I am Detective Sparks. And I'm here. Are you a real cop? I am. Do you want to see my badge? Lawyer. Okay, I'm a lawyer. And I did commit a badge? Lawyer. Okay, I'm a lawyer.

And I did commit a crime by saying that. No, I want a lawyer. But now you, okay, so you're a lawyer, okay? I'm a detective. Well, they are calling me detective because, you know, I'm kind of the best on the team at negotiating. I'm not actually even a real negotiator. You don't work here. Do you work here?

I do. I do work at Grady's for Fla work at great you're not a lawyer or a cop man i am a lawyer if i could bend this thing back like another half inch i swear i could spray you right now we're getting off topic listen i'm here off topic you're just lied about your profession two times like you're on survivor're on Survivor. I was a lawyer. I was a lawyer. I was disbarred. So now this is my job working at Great Wolf Lodge. Okay?

Okay. We're not here to talk about me. What's your name? Brady. Brady. You got a family, Brady? Sure do. Got a spouse?

Kids? Wife. Two littles. Still squirting. Hey! Got him! Hey, hey, that's enough. People are trying to have a good time down here.

There's a grandma over there. I think if I get her feet, she'll slip. Don't! Hey, Brady. Why not? Brady. Why not? Take a look at yourself.

Is this the kind of dad that your two littles look up to? Someone who sprays water at children having a birthday. Innocent old ladies at the lap pool. Is this the kind of life you thought you would have? No. What's the life you want brady well believe it or not i used to be a detective no you're lying come on that's really cool new york city solving the big crimes wow Big crimes. Wow. You had a lot of purpose in life then, huh? Yeah, a lot of purpose-is. Then I got fired.

Dare I ask? I aimed for the king. And I missed. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. Well, I'm not asking you to aim at anyone today. In fact, I'm asking you to put that squirt gun down. My kids, they look at me and I can just see it in their eyes. They see a failure.

No. Is your family here? They say, that's my dad. That's my dad, the failure. My dad tried to arrest Rudy Giuliani. Sorry. You think Rudy Giuliani's the king of the New York crime scene? He was back when I was there.

Are your kids here, Brady? Yeah, of course. Are they in this room right now? No, they're at the builder bear well i can imagine you'd be pretty embarrassed if your family walked in and saw you shooting water at high velocity at little old ladies maybe but maybe why don't you think about it for a second yes they would be i would be. I would be embarrassed. They would be embarrassed. We'd all be embarrassed.

Are you okay? Okay, we're getting somewhere. I'm not your enemy. Look, I'm on your side. Feels like you are. I'm on your side, man. All these people, they look at you and they just see a jackass adult on a kid's play set. I'm just trying to make everybody lighten up. Well, look around.

Take a second longer to look. What do you see? I see a kid whose mom was all upset at him for being a brat on his birthday. And then he got sprayed with water. And now, who's his mom upset at? Me. Right, but also you got water all over the kid's cake and it's an edible now. Who's mad at God for taking her husband?

But now who's she mad at? Me. Okay. I don't know how you got that. She's just sitting there. Be, you know, the punching bag for all these people's anger. Maybe I can make their lives a little easier. And you feel like this is you making up for not taking down Giuliani.

I was this close. Door opens. Hey, honey, we got the kids each got their oh what are you what's going on oh i'm just happening i'm just playing no he's not just playing he got my book wet shut up granny oh just sit down your socks are in the chest oh fuck oh my bad my bad. My bad. Brady, get down from there. Brady. Brady. You're starting to hurt people, Brady.

You don't want to be doing that. Starting to hurt people? Brady, come on. I've been hurting people all my life. No, you haven't. One big fuck up after another. Listen, man. I know we only met a couple minutes ago, but I can tell you want to help people.

You want to be a role model for your kids you want to have a great time at this great wolf lodge oh you want to be the big you want to be the alpha wolf around no adult has fun here um how about you look a little closer that old woman who you thought was mad at god she was mad at me because I told her that the next wave pool would start up at three when it's actually four. She's having a blast. And you see that little girl over there? She just learned how to swim without floaties. She feels like a mermaid.

I said adult. Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, oh, what about what about your wife how's she feeling have you checked in with her she's probably feeling like she married a nobody we're not talking about you right now we're talking about if your adult wife is having fun at great wolves why don't you pass the phone over? Excuse me? Samantha. Samantha, you're Brady's wife?

Yes. He wants to talk to you. Okay. Brady, what's going on? What's happening? Nothing. I just was playing around with the squirt gun and things got a little out of hand. Brady, all these people look really, really mad.

They're not mad. They're just wet. They'll get over it. You come to a water park, you don't expect to get wet. Brady, what's going on? I just have a question for you and I need you to answer 100% honestly. Of course. I just want this to stop. And it's not about Rudy this time. I swear. Okay.

Are you having fun here? Am I having fun at the Great Wolf Lodge? Are you my adult woman wife? Having fun here at the Great Wolf Lodge or not? Do you want me to lie or do you want the truth? I want the honest to god truth

brady this place smells like ass yes smells like wet mildew feet yes pizza chlorine cheese chlorine pizza chlorine cheese but i'm having a really good time. What? I went down the water slide and I felt like a kid again. I splashed around in the deep end and, you know, in my head played mermaids a little bit. I was too embarrassed to say to you, hey, let's go to the Lost Kingdom. Why didn't you say anything?

Because I thought you'd think that your adult woman wife was acting like a baby that this is a place for kids and you always say no adult can have fun at great wolf watch it's true i didn't think they could but but then that put on me like oh i'm a freak i must be a freak because i'm having fun at this indoor water park no but do you hear how you saying no? It doesn't make me feel like an adult. Yeah, when you say it back to me like that,

I hear it. So, if you could just let go of the Rudy Giuliani thing and maybe get your feet wet a little bit. I fucked up, Samantha.

I think you would have a blast. And the kids want you to have fun, too. I don't think they're gonna let us stay here. What do you mean? I think when I come down, they're probably going to tell us to leave.

Because I did hit that old woman right in the chest and she fell. Brady, what the fuck? I know. It happened really fast. Jesus, so we can't stay here anymore i doubt it i don't know ask your best friend over there whatever his name oh don't start hey i'm not your enemy baby i'm not your enemy i'm just saying like you cheated hey it's it's me again it's detective. You're not a cop. I never said I was. Well, I did.

I lied. Anyway, I overheard a little bit of your conversation. Not on the phone, but you are maybe about 10, 15 feet away. Get to the point. Your wife and kids can still stay here. But I feel like we'd have a lot of angry wolf cubs if we let you stay on premises. I get it. So now, knowing that your wife and kids can stay and have fun,

and there'll be no legal action taken against you, we'll just take your photo and make sure that no one here ever lets you in again. I would never come back on my own. That's fine. Would you mind coming down from there? Who would come here alone? Would you mind coming down from there? Do you guys really have people who come here by themselves?

Yes, regulars. That's fucking weird. Please come down from the tower, Brady. Can I bring the water gun with me? No. I gotta leave it up here? Yes. Fuck. Brady. tower brady can i bring the water gun with me no i gotta leave it up here yes fuck okay i'm coming i'm your pal coming it's done everyone's like thank you guys thank you guys get out of here what spits on you oh you said i you said i get kicked out you didn't say I get fucking spat on.

Well, I'm not in charge of that. There's some angry people. You might want to consider making amends. Goes up to the old woman. Reaches out a hand. Hey, let me help you. What's your name? My name is Rose. Sorry about your husband your husband rose what happened to him he's dead and so you're

mad at god no he's upstairs watching the big game oh oh well i'm sorry that i got your book wet and my chest cavity is filled with water still oh i would see a doctor about that i think it's your fault that's called dry drowning and it's very serious can we get this man out of here yeah yeah he's on his way i just have a couple more hey miss i'm sorry about your kid's birthday party i didn't mean to um get the cake wet um or anything oh you didn't mean to get the cake wet when i just saw when earlier before that phone call i saw you you zeroed it what and you were you were narrating you said i'm zeroing in i'm locking locking in. Target locked. I know, I know. And then you said, pew, pew, pew, happy birthday to you, you, you, as you were shooting the cake. And I just. And you were making bullet holes of water in our kid's cake.

And I saw how mad you were at him before. And I thought maybe if I could take the heat off of him. Mad at him? You were yelling. It looked like I was mad, yelling at him. Yeah. We were singing our favorite song. Weren't your mom. No yeah we're singing our favorite song weren't your mom no we were singing our favorite song no you're singing welcome to the jungle and it has a lot

of screaming in it so if you'd actually listen to women and wait guns and roses song yeah i love that song well maybe if you ever try listening, you need to hear what's going on around you. Kids from 1 to 92 are all having a great time here at the Great Wolf Lodge. But it smells bad. Well, there's one person you didn't apologize to yet.

I'm drawing a blank. It's your wife? Oh, Sam, yes. You have anything to say to me and the kids? Itty and bitty? Itty. Itty. Bitty.

Yeah. Sam. Yeah? I'm sorry. For? Damn. For. Damn. For not being able to get Giuliani. What?

Hey, Daddy. Yeah, Eddie? We don't care about how you're the guy who let Giuliani get away. But he was on charge of everything. He was the head of it all. Listen to your kids. Listen to what they're trying to say to their papa. I hear you, Eddie.

Hey, Dad. Yeah, Eddie? We love you. We don't care that you're the one who let him get away because you're our dad thank you for saying that guys um i'm gonna let you guys finish up the vacation um i'm gonna go wait in the car we'll be here for another two days and i'll be in that car festering well actually we cannot have you on serious the premises that includes the lot or any lodging space thereof fine i'm gonna go stand right outside the front door that's still on the premises the sidewalk outside depending on the radius of outside that radius

okay i can't stop you there and i'm gonna take that fucking water gun with me hey before you go first of all put that down oh fine thank you for for stepping up to the plate today being the man that your kids want you to be and know who you are don't know if i did all that but thank you and by the way no fucking way juliani i'm gonna drown you'll never get me alive what did we learn? Don't get wet. Don't get wet at the wet place.

I feel like I'm having... Aging. What? I'm aging. Yeah, that was wild. I think that gave me Benjamin Button disease. Then let's round it out. Are you ready?

Let's roundhouse kick me in the head. This is, like, far and away the top episode. Top voted episode for best of the year. Far and away the top episode, top voted episode for best of the year. Far and away. Wasn't even close, actually. You ready? Okay. Grace, drumroll please.

Thank you. Your number one best of the best episode, final best of episode for Review Review 2024 is Hooters with Ed Jones. I was wondering if that would be it. You sick dogs. I loved this episode. I loved the topic. I think it's hilarious. I think Ed is a man.

Ed is like a three-piece guest, and he came decked out in a three-piece suit. And he was sweating. He was so hot in that suit. I don't mean to just single them out because we're talking about their episodes here. Ryan and Ed and every guest we've had, we've been so lucky to have so many great people on. And Ed is truly one of the greats. He is. He is.

I mean, he's such a dream. Ed and I got connected. We started following. I remember seeing his bits on TikTok and Instagram, his sketches and videos. And I thought he was so funny. And then I saw that he followed me. I'm like, oh, my God. And so I'm like, oh, this guy's hilarious.

We need to get him on the pod. And he was like, absolutely. And he loves Jake and Meera,. I'm like, oh, my God. And so I'm like, oh, this guy's hilarious. We need to get him on the pod. And he was like, absolutely. And he loves Jake and Mir, loves HeadGum, loves Jeff. And he's brilliant. And he's always just down to clown. And this episode was no exception. He gave us such a beautiful send-off in his suit. And he came dressed for the occasion.

A part that was not included in the scene that I chose, but I loved it, is Alf. I think that, was it the review that you got or that Ed got was like a weirdly beautiful haunting, almost like a poem. Do you remember what I'm talking about? Oh, it's like very, your memory is awful.

I know it's concerning. It was like, you know, talking about like the desperate Americana or something about who they're like, it was weirdly haunting. Wow. No recollection.

Do you remember anything from this episode other than Ed wearing a suit? I remember saying some things that I thought after the fact. Ooh, I hope that wasn't too far. Perfect. And I remember Ed being funny and... Wow, this is great, Alf. That's about it.

Well, I'm sorry. You expect me to remember. I was there, too. Okay, but you also were cheating because you listened to the clips. No, I didn't. I picked this scene. This is the one where I play a boss who's out to dinner. Is this the one that I'm thinking of?

Yeah, let's get into it. Here we go. Your number one pick is Hooters with ed jones should i should i kick us off i think we should guess goes first is it weird to have so my mind is from is from england is that is that strange no that i would expect nothing does that set the tone in a weird way no it's i i am so excited to hear what the brits have to say about Hooter. This cultural exchange. The name is so crass. It's just like to say it is like so. Well, and the logo is the owl,

just sort of the two eyes. Does the owl have big boobs? No. No. It's so weird. But he likes to look. Why not? Why not?

Why does the owl have a rack? On its face. Okay, well, this is about Hooters in Nottingham, which is like... Oh, my God. That's like... Robin Hood goes to Hooters. This is little John hanging out.

This is from Bradley L, and it was from August 2015. Wait, Bradley L, Alf, what's the last name for Bradley L? Bradley Leave. Because that's what he voted a year later. How many stars was it? It's two stars. Okay. It could be worse.

Could be worse by one. Okay, the tagline is awful. Here we go. If all you care about is boobs, beer, and chicken wings, then this place is for you. Right. Sign me up. Don't get me wrong, I'm partial to all three of those, but the whole place needs sorting out. The table arrangements are terrible. When we were shown to our table, we could hardly get round to the other side, as the layout of the table next to us meant there was no room to get through. Same on both sides.

Here we go. He brings it home. Here we go. Food is decent, but... There's so many spelling mistakes as well. Food is decent, but wouldn't call it value for money. Hopefully I can avoid this place from now on, full of stag-doos, boisterousous men who behave like they've never seen a woman before oh my god oh my god that's brilliant that is brilliant oh my god I just imagine it's like, it's like, you know,

the people working at Hooters, it's like, this is just their job. They don't give a shit. But for some reason, Bradley walks in and everyone's like throwing themselves at him. Sorry. It's just,

I can't get over the layout. Hey, hey, Jim, can I take table five? Sorry. I just saw like, I think my future husband just walked in. Like, I know that's Sarah's table, but please, just for tonight. Did Sarah okay it?

I haven't. Hey, Sarah. Yeah? Sarah? What is it? I know table five is yours, but there is a guy who's, I think, going to be seated there. And, like, I don't know. I just, I think it's,'s like love at first sight. Is it

okay if I take this one this time? My love, you be as authentically you as you need to be. Oh, Sarah, you are a doll. Love you, girl. Thank you so much. Yeah, half your tips, half your tips, please, half your tips. Yeah, no, of course, trust me. I'm not even going for tips.

You go for it. You go for it. You deserve it. Yeah, you can have the table, but let's get over there. Okay, no more chit-chat, please. Whoa. I hate tall drink of water. Welcome to Hooters. What can I get for you today? Yes, sorry.

Yes, I will have... Are the wings good? Oh, the wings are good, but we got some other things on the menu that might be a little bit more to your taste. Okay, yep. I'll go with the wings are good but you know we got some other things on the menu that might be a little bit more to your taste okay yep no i'll go with the wings so i'll get um two uh how many wings four wings is that good for one four oh i mean um yeah i guess you could you could do four and i could throw in a couple extra buns in there for you if you want we don't serve buns but i

i don't mean that i mean i'm mean, sorry, you make me so nervous. Sorry, I'm really struggling to hear you over the acoustics of the furniture. It's very condensed. Hey, baby. Hey, baby. Tyler. Can I get another bratwurst? Oh, my God. Hey, Adam, I told you to stop

serving Tyler when he gets like that. Tyler, you can have an, yeah, whatever. Thanks. So back to you, Mr. Man. Yeah. You know, I don't normally do this here, but are you seeing anybody right now? Sorry if that's inappropriate. Look, it's sorry.

It's just, I did, I booked this for a work thing. I've generally got no interest in, you know, I appreciate everyone here is very well, buxomly stocked, but genuinely for me, Justin, you know, I appreciate everyone here is very well, um, um, uh, bucks, bucks, um, um, stocked, but, um, genuinely for me, this is meant to be a networking event. So, and I did order, I did explicitly say in my booking that I needed it to be as, as, as open as possible to allow for, for post-meeting discussions. I really don't think I've been, I've been adequately, um, uh, Oh, I can make it, I can make myself as open as you need.

Again, I appreciate that, but it feels like the layout here, I can barely squeeze in between these two tables. Oh, yeah. Sorry, is this the Civil Engineers networking event? Yes, hello.

My name is Dudley Leave. I've got a lot of opinions, which we can networking event? Yes, hello. Yes, my name is Dudley. Dudley, leave. Sorry, I've got a lot of opinions, which we can get to in time. Please, please, take a seat. Would you mind taking my friend's order here, please? Oh, yeah. Hi, I'm Brandy.

What can I get for you today? Oh, I don't know. What did you have, Dudley? Wings? Yes, two wings. The double. Okay. I'm not know. What did you have, Dudley? Wings? Yes, two wings. The double. Okay. I'm not that hungry.

I'll have one wing. One wing is fine. Well, actually, um, totally. I wonder if something might be easier if I get you guys just, like, a basket of maybe, like, eight, and you guys split those. Oh. It sounds like an awful lot. I'm at a hotel. I don't really want to take the leftovers back.

I'm okay. Thank you. One wing is fine. How many of us are there? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. There's 12 of us. I don't think, no, we don't need the eight. That's fine.

Yeah, one wing. One wing to share is fine, thanks. Just a couple of knives and forks if you get a chance. One wing to share and a couple of knives. You'll split what, sorry? The wing. Okay, that's fine. I'll come what sorry the wing yeah okay that's fine i'll i'll come back with the the sorry so dudley you wanted two wings and then so you wanted just the one to split to split okay so i'll come back with the three splitting together thank you um and then i

will also come back with a little something extra for my man dudley over here okay all right thank you sorry i i'll go. Sorry, I'll go. Thank you. I'll go. So Dudley, tell me. It's great to see you. Yes, fantastic. We met, I don't know if you remember me,

at the conference last year. Anthony. Yes, of course. Yes, hello. Yes, from the rush. Yes, I remember. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So yeah, I'm really excited to talk to you. I actually have a bridge coming up, and we're really looking for somebody.

Okay, it takes a lot shorter time than I thought to get three wings. So there's your one wing to split. Oh, this is far too big. I'm sorry. Okay. I had no idea when I ordered it. Well, then it's just a one. You can split it.

That's fine. There you go. And Dudley, I have one wing, two wings, and uh-oh. My cell phone number just happened to get lost in the sauce. It is covered in buffalo sauce, but if you just kind of like smear it, the number's under there. Oh, that reminds me. Here's my business card. Thank you. Oh, no. And thank you very much.

Thank you for the reminder. Well, this is my personal number. You can reach me day or night, preferably night. Mine's just office. And I'd like to get off at 10. Sorry, that was too far. Sorry, is it okay? Can we have a word, Brandy?

Is that okay? Oh, my God, we can have more than a word. Sorry, I just can't get out through the side. He has to clamber all the way over the table, knocking over the table. It's fine. I'll just get up. I'll just get up.

Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. Okay, well. No, appreciate that. Randy, hello, hi. Yes. Look, I, quick question for you. Yeah.

Are the breasts, are they a prerequisite? I just, look, I like boobs, boobs, chicken wings. I'm partial to all three. But this is, for me, this is a big deal. I've got to close it today. If I don't close this deal, I'm in

big trouble, Brandi. Does that make sense? Kind of. So I guess, sorry, what you're saying is you like the boobs, the wings, and everything else, and you have a business deal, so I don't really know what the problem is. No, it's just that I can't help but feel, I don't know whether the civil engineers people here are, I just, I can't help but feel maybe they're not focusing on the civil engineering. He giving you trouble, Brandy? This guy giving you trouble? I'll fight him. Tyler, I need you to go back to

the bar, Tyler. Whatever. You'd be lucky to have me. Yeah, okay. Sorry about that. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you've ever been to one of our establishments before, but this is kind of the deal. Normally, the whole thing is like, you know, lick fit, don't touch, don't even think about it, don't even ask

about it. But Dudley, there's something about you that... More like lick, but don't touch. Tyler, I will hit you. God, he's... I'm sorry, Brandon. Absolutely disgusting. I'm sorry, Brandon. But Dudley, there's just something about you that I'm like, you can have it all. You can have it all.

And I know you're going to say, it's like, what? That's every man's dream coming in here. And yeah, I can can make that a reality for you so why don't you just forget the bridges forget it all and let's get out of here what do you say um right so just double check are you are you involved in a civil engineering capacity as well or is or is this is this something else i'm a server at hooters because I have an amazing rack and high, tight ass. Yes, and congratulations on all three of the above as well.

Tyler, stop giving me a thumbs up from far. I'm just saying, he's doing good. He's risen you up. Sir, look, sir, I'm sorry. If you have a beef, then please don't bother my... Again, are you a civil engineer? I cannot stress enough how much that I am not a civil engineer

and that I am a server here. You are a server, yes. Sorry, yes, from the ass and the large... Boobies. Boobies, boobies, yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 100%, 100%. Zooms.

Tyler! What? You said boobies. No, that's enough, mate. That's enough. What's your issue, man? 100% 100% Zooms Tyler what you said all right no that's enough mate that's enough what's your issue man

no look I'm sorry she is a phenomenal brain she has excellent management skills and you insist

you insist on treating her like some piece of meat wow um I guess my my perspective Mr. Mr. Leave is that even if she's not a civil engineer, even if she's just a server at Hooters, she's worthy of respect, no?

And she deserves dignity. She doesn't have to be some PhD scientist to be having me treat her as an angel. Wow. I love you, Brandy. Okay. Tyler, that was really nice. Will you marry me? No. I love you, Brandy. Okay. Tyler, that was really nice. Will you marry me? No, I can't be doing that. But that was very nice.

Sarah, will you marry me? Through the door, some of us. Excuse me, guys. I'm a priest, and I'm in real danger of losing my priest license unless I marry somebody in the next goddamn 10 minutes. I am in real

trouble here, folks. Is there anybody? Dudley, Dudley, Dudley, just forget it all now. Dudley, what is holding you back? Is it going to be me or Bridges? Is it going to be boobs and wings or money and jobs? What matters to you? Brenda, you can't make me choose between a very sensible job surrounded by quite boring men

and a lifetime of passion with a gorgeous woman that I've just met. What am I supposed to do there? I mean, I know what I would do. Guys, guys, I'm going to need an answer right this second, okay? I'm losing my license. This priest is about to lose

his priest license, and as we all know, that's a huge deal. I'll fucking marry anybody. It's got to be one of you I mean Brandy look I would appreciate it if you could just give me maybe a tall frosty one maybe a couple of wings just to dissect absolutely father please

thank you God bless you thank you for being a servant of the Lord I appreciate your faith and your service but please you gotta pick one of these god damn dudes to marry this Deadly, this priest is going to lose his priest license. Does that mean nothing to you? I have a life insurance policy, nearly $300,000.

That's good. Who's your supplier? Who do you get that with? Because I'm looking to change at the minute. It's Geico. People don't think they do life insurance, so they do. It's a decent policy. It's through work. I'm an underwater welder.

That's amazing. How long have you been doing that? I started my apprenticeship back in 08. Father, I think you just do these two. I think it's a done deal for me. Look, Brandy, these are delicious, by the way, and I hope you don't mind me saying this. I say this with the Lord's blessing. You have a phenomenal rack. Thank you so much, Father.

Absolute A-star rack. And I mean that from Deuteronomy 9, from the bottom of my heart, and a great ass as well. Thank you. I know true love when I see it. Heck, the way you two guys look at each other, gosh, it just puts that barbecue sauce all up on my leg. Up and down.

I'm going to set it right on myself, Father. Dudley, I'm desperate. Let us join together. Let us first wipe our hands clean. Brandy, you got the wipes? You got no wet wipes? Yeah, of course I do. I have them on my holster all the time.

Tyler, you know this. Brandy, please, this is a wedding. You got it. No, I'm happy for them. I have them on my holster all the time. Tyler, you know this. Brandi, please, this is a wedding. No, I'm happy for them. I'm excited. I don't know what I could have done differently because I was about to just take my shirt off and he's more interested in talking about Geico.

I guess it just makes me second guess. What even do I have to offer? What do people even see in me? But yeah, whatever. Marry those two, I guess. That's fine. Brandy, that is, oh my gosh. The humility that you have shown.

Not only are you beautiful, you are kind, you are generous. You would make anybody happy. And I cannot wait to marry these two strangers. I thought you said you were going to lose your priest license in like five minutes. Did I say five minutes? Did I say that before? Maybe, Brandy. Maybe you should really think about it.

True love that you've been looking for all along. It's right in front of you. It's not with you, Tyler. I swear to God. No, I'm not even saying that. I'm just saying if you look around, you might see somebody. Well, there was another bridge builder person who also seemed not at all interested in me. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Another bridge builder. Oh my gosh. No, not that one. It's not you, Tyler. No, I know. It's Sarah. Sarah? The British one. I never even considered her. With the high and tight ass and the bazoom like a

pair of mountain rocks. Sir, excuse me, sir. Are you telling me that there is another lady with very large breasts in this establishment? That's our whole thing! Father, you won't believe how many. Why have none of you ever even been in a Hooters before? There's four or five of them. This is our whole thing.

I refuse to walk past one. Obviously, the only time I've entered one is in this very emergency situation. Desperately. I'm sure you understand. Where is this other buxom lady? She's on her break. She's smoking in the alley, yeah. Sarah! Brandy,

what's going on? Sarah, we're getting married. We're getting married. I mean, this has been the craziest day, but how about it? I don't even have the logic for it anymore. Do you want to marry me? And then we could just kind of figure it out. Double wedding!

60% a tip. 60% a tip. 60% a tip. 60% a tip's perfect. Okay. And shake on it because you can be a real. I know. I know. I promise.

I promise. 60% tips for sure. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. We're doing it now. I love love. You know what, guy? I love love as well.

Oh, would you look at that? My license has just expired. Thank you so much for having me, everybody. What a great day. And can I say again, the breasts in this establishment, oh, my Lord. They're going to kill the Elvis impersonator because we didn't get marrying time. And there you have it. And we ended as we lived.

And there you have it. That episode was crazy. That scene was so silly. Unlike every other scene in every other episode in every other room. It was just normal. I think, as always, we did a normal one. That was a normal one. As I always say I love it when they are grounded

When they are short When they are concise Hey Alp should we do our Last last segment Our final final segment This Shook me all week long What are you going to do?

Sue us now? We'll do the whole song, fuckers. What's shaking you, man? This is two and a half hours, huh? We agreed that we would save this till the end. So if you've made it this far, incredible. Honestly, and if you haven't, that's also fine. It's probably very similar to the 81 of you that voted.

What's shaking me is that this is the last. Honestly, I don't think it'll hit me until we stop recording that this is the last episode. Yeah. I don't think it will ever hit me because I'm going to live in this moment forever. You shouldn't. This is so nice, though.

I know we said a lot on the last episode with Jeff, and I think that was like the really emotional one. It was like the three of us. But I guess what I'll say, what's shaking me, is that it's done, and what an amazing... It's done. It's done. I mean, it's done and what what an amazing it's done it's done it i mean it's just like what what what an amazing ride and every single person who has pressed play on this show made this happen made us get to like five years is the 267th episode of this show like that's not nothing. And from, you know, day one to now, like I, every person who

supported the show, every person who is on the discord, on the Patreon, on the supported live shows, when we had live shows on COVID, when we had like, you know, our zoom live show, our in-person live show to every single guest who has given their time to being on this show. I mean, especially in COVID when it was like, this was such, I know Jeff and I say it all the time, but this was, this show really got us through the darkest times of COVID and brought so much joy. And I got a really lovely email to the review review email talking about how like this was, uh, this and the head gun podcast, like really came out at a time in lockdown and just got us through a lot. So that meant a lot.

And I'm so grateful to have gotten to do it with Jeff and to have gotten to do it with Alfred. And I'm just so deeply grateful. I don't think I'll ever have the words. I can't believe I'm not crying. I think I'm just still in shock that this is it. Yeah. But I'm really, this show is every,

this show is everything to me. And so I'm so glad that we get to go out on a lovely note and it feels right. And it is bittersweet. And I'm just, thank you guys so much for your years of support. I really don't know what else to say. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Um, no, I mean, I, you know, I, I don't think I've ever met, talked about this on the podcast, but like, you know, I remember very clearly where I was when you called me to tell me that Jeff was taking a step back and that you wanted to

ask me if I wanted to do the show. And I, you know, said yes immediately, obviously. You know, I was working a job at my old, insane old job job i was at a convention center in new jersey serving coffee to some of the worst people you've ever met in your life um at a pharmaceutical conference and i like snuck off the booth uh into the stairwell to take your call because i was like i need a fucking break um and you know we talked about it and it like, just knowing that I was going to get to do this with you got me through, you know, that insane shift and many more like it. And like, you know, genuinely this last two years of doing this, you know, was really two years of doing this you know was really two years of of me and I think a lot of us like kind of putting our our lives back together a little bit after the pandemic right I mean I know you and

Jeff were doing it in the heart of the pandemic but like this was me you know relatively early in sobriety in post-covid in post my accident like in in all of it still trying to figure out you know how to do comedy and and and make things and and you know all the rest of it and and this show was an integral part of that And there's been a lot of ups and downs, you know, for me personally and professionally in the last two years. And this show has been like just nothing but a consistent beacon of light and something that I look forward to. And, you know, I might not post all that often, but like, I see every comment that people put in the discord or on the Reddit, you know, every nice thing that you guys have said about the show or last few years or about me and how much you guys, you know, embrace me and the change, you know, and I really never took it for granted and I don't take it for granted now. And I, you know, I'm just super grateful. And, you know, I think, you know, it's hard to believe that it's ending.

It's crazy, dude. I was literally thinking, like, oh, I'm never going to put rr record in my calendar again totally like that's crazy totally no i mean it it it doesn't make any fucking sense no i mean jeff and i talked about this last time that it's like i know for jeff and i who did it you know certainly for me who's been doing this for the entire run but it's like i, I feel like I've grown up. Like this show has seen me through like early adulthood into now. And like, that's just crazy. It just,

it's wild. It's wild. Also to every single person who sent in a theme song, like I remember for years, Jeff and I were like, Oh, we'll make one. We'll have one written.

And we, for years, never ran out of listener-submitted theme songs. Maybe there was like a week or two where we had to sing our own. But like in five years, that's crazy. That's crazy. I'm so grateful. And for all the songs that never got played, we're listening to them. Let us know. Honestly dm me on instagram at riley and spot if you want us to release in some capacity all of the unplayed theme songs somehow i think yeah i think that would be really fun and we are so grateful like you guys are so

creative and you're i just you're so generous genuinely so much talent Yes So much more talent and effort In the theme songs than in some of these fucking scenes I Just no and I mean that always Like I Just the participation From the audience like the engagement Like you know

We you know There's not that many of you but By god are you awesome. You guys are just the best. The best. And I would not trade our, you know, small but devoted listenership for, you know. I'm so grateful. For Rogan's.

I'm so grateful. Every single listener, everything. I'm so grateful Every single listener I'm so grateful I feel like we could just go on and on forever I know But the good news is That We'll be back We're gonna have another show

We're gonna have a new show It's not goodbye Listen you can't stop us from making shit It's just putting putting review review to bed what a wonderful wonderful chapter for our lives i'm i will never forget it because it has shaped me in so many ways so many totally and i and i know it it is weird to be ending it but i i truly believe that this is happening at the exact right time. Yeah. And that I'm just really happy with the note that we're ending on. And I'm really proud of the last couple episodes.

And I'm really excited to be working on something with you that is like new chapter just new and fresh and like we are excited about and i think you guys will be excited about and i you know in a way review review will always exist it literally will because you can stream it. Until HeadGum stops paying for the hosting in probably 10 years, I'd say, you can listen to it. Thank you, Amir, for making it happen. And Jake, obviously, of course, but Amir really gave Jeff and I the idea for Review Review. So funny. Alf, where can people find you?

That's not how we've ever ended the show. Oh my God. That is so funny. That's amazing. You can find Alfred on Instagram. That is so funny. You can find the show on Review Review on Instagram if you want. You can still be getting in that reddit r

slash a review and i will see how long the discord the discord is active discord uh head gum discord server uh review review yeah um and this is crazy to say but you can find riley on instagram.com just the web browser not the phone app app at Riley and spa and on twitter.com for as long as it lasts. Now known as XXXXXXXXX.com. Even though she's not really even on there anymore at Riley coyote and on tick tock on the clock till the party don't stop. Tick tock the app atiley and spa and on blue sky i never really came up with one for that at

riley and spa and of course as we say every single week on the show we're always saying it we are never not saying before we do that one i want to give a quick arriveder go go Go. Go. But I love you all. Thank you so much. And we say this every week. Wait, I have one more. I have one more thing I forgot to say that I wanted to say. Thank you to Daniel Ramos. Yes.

Oh, my God. How could we forget? Daniel Ramos. Daniel the King Ramos, who saw us through years On this show You legend Thank you so much Truly the show wouldn't And for Grace Harper

Who anchored us through the end Absolutely Who took us through the home stretch Our editors, our producers Oh my god And everyone at HeadGum Whoever told BetterHelp Let let them do it. See what happens.

Oh, thank you guys. Thank you guys. I truly, without the support of every single person working behind the scenes at HeadGum and on the show, you know, I couldn't fucking edit this thing. It's a mess. So, yeah, I just wanted to get that in there. Yes, thank you. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Before we go into that long good night And as we say Every single week on the show we are always saying it We are literally Never not saying it Ever ever ever not saying it This will be cemented as the show's tagline Forever

Bye Bye Tagline forever. Bye. Bye. No fucking way. Bye. We love you. Bye. We love you. Bye-bye now.

Bye-bye now. See you soon. Bye. See you soon. We love you. Bye, sweetie. We love you. Bye.

Bye. We love you. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Goodbye now. We love you. Bye. See you soon. We love you. Bye, sweetie. We love you. Bye. Bye. We love you. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Goodbye now. We love you. Hey, goodbye for now. Hey, ta-ta for now. Bye-bye for now.

Bye-bye for now. Bye. Bye. Come on, baby, now. Let me look at you Talk about yourself Try to tell the truth I could stay up half the night

Trying to crack your code I could stay up half the night But I'd rather hit the road On the night that I met you I was on the town On the night that I met you I just wanna know how you feel Wanna love that's so proud and real

You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna fuck you I just wanna fuck you I won't let you down, so you don't need to shout I could stay up half the night, playing with your head I could stay up half the night, but I'd rather go to bed On the night that I met you I was on the town

On the night that I met you I just want to know how you feel What a love that's so proud and real You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna fuck you I just wanna fuck you And every day And every way

And every day And every way I just wanna know how you feel. Want a love that's so proud and real. You make me want to go out and steal. I just want to hit you. I just want be you I just wanna be you I just wanna know how you feel What a love that's so proud and real

You make me wanna go Out and steal I just wanna be with you I just wanna be with you And as we say at the end of every episode, and we're always saying this, we're never not saying this, Arrivederci!

That was a HateGum Podcast.