Review Revue - Bidets (w/ Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan!)

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

You can finally change that Patreon name because Alf and Reilly are back and joined by Adal, Erin, and JPC of Hey Riddle Riddle fame!  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnit Twitter: @reilecoyote  Join the discord here! <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm   This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. Riley don't know how he's getting hurt. The family body works as he slips on an ointment.

Review, review, review it. Review, review, review it. Review, review, review it. Review, review, review it. Lucky, lucky elf. He got married to an ex-beef dude. I don't know why I bleeped me, I just said sheep. Dirty, dirty Riley, she doesn't give a goddamn crap. And yeah, she'll date a goddamn rat As long as it's that one from first away

Glad we don't know if he's getting hurt At Bath and Body Works As he slips on an ointment He's real bruised, he be dropping it And he'll slip on it He'll have to get up real slowly Oh my God. Oh my my god that was amazing that was great um that was from ryan i'm not gonna say your last name in case you don't want me to ryan sent us an unholy sam smith kim petra's unholy parody that was beautiful that was really great i am feeling for the very first time on this show a sense of embarrassment um about a theme song uh because we because we do have some guests

with us today and i'm realizing listening to back that that theme song was just a bunch of obscure references to things uh we've done or said and Well, that's every theme song for this show. I know, but a lot of, no, because a lot of the time they're just about how big my ass is and like how big Jeff's ass is. And it's just about, it's a lot of stuff about shaking our ass. I'm glad that we got,

but I'm glad we got one about my crush on Roddy the Rat from Flushed Away. That's really cool. I think that's a perfect time to bring it up again. Why not, man? Let's do it. I mean, if you haven't looked at the episode description, then you're in for such a treat.

Or the title, even. Or the title, even. We've got Adel, JPC, and Aaron from Hey Riddle Riddle. They're back. Yeah, baby. We're back. Back. And we're back.

And I just Googled Roddy the Rat from Flushed Away. And I got to say, no, thank you. Pretty fine, though. Are you Roddy the Rat from Flushed Away, and I gotta say, no thank you. Pretty fine, though. Are you kidding me? What is Flushed Away? Flushed Away. Guys, let's stop the pod.

We all need to watch Flushed Away over Zoom. I'll share my screen. I don't know. Do you think he's hot because he's wearing a tux? Thank you. He's hot because his hair, he's voiced by Hugh Jackman, and he's like a very posh rat with a good head of hair. You could have just picked Hugh Jackman as a celebrity crush though.

All my friends who went to film school look just like this. My boyfriend looks like that. Yeah. Yeah. That'll do it. That'll do it. You guys, how the hell are you? Looks like Matt Dillon from Something About Mary.

We're thrilled to be here. We're thrilled to be here. Thank you so much. Come on, man. Raleigh, no shade. Mary. We're thrilled to be here. We're thrilled to be here. Thank you so much. Come on, man. Riley, no shade. Couldn't be happier to be here. What's new in the 10 minutes since we last saw each other online? Good question.

I played with my cats for a little bit. So the cats are doing well. Got some crusties out of their eyes. Riley, it looks like you got yourself a cup of coffee. I have a little bit. So the cats are doing well. Got some crusties out of their eyes. Riley, it looks like you got yourself a cup of coffee. I have a little decaf. I'm trying to... So I get a lot of shit from Alfred and Daniel, my boyfriend, and Jeff

about having two cups of coffee a day. The reason you get a lot of shit is because of the two cups of coffee. Hey, come on. And so I'm trying a new decaf and I really like it. But for those of you listening, at the time of recording, we're back like a lot of apps.

It's February 13th and we have just recorded a Hey Riddle Riddle episode, which is definitely out by now. So go listen to that if you haven't. But we're here. Alfred, what's new with you? Just kind of generally.

Generally? Yeah. I had a real jump scare moment this morning. Is it when I called you earlier? No, I mean, every time you call me, it's the worst part of my day. But no, where I live, not to dox myself, but there's pretty bad parking. It's hard to find a parking space. And if I get back to my apartment after about 4 p.m no chance i'm parking

within about eight blocks of my house um but there is a business's parking lot that i can park in as long as i move my car before 6 a.m now yesterday i went and i bought an armchair and i picked it up, threw it in the back of my car, parked at this establishment, called somebody, somebody helped me move the chair in, did all that, said, oh, done for the day. Eat dinner, go to bed. Didn't move the car. I wake up at 1 a.m. in a sweat. Wow. I go, oh, fuck, I didn't move the car. I didn't move the car.

I didn't move the car. I didn't move the car. I didn't move the car. I didn't move the car. I didn't move the car. And so I had to then change the alarm that I had set for 830 to an alarm for 530. Wow. Good on you, dude. So that I could move the car. And I did move the car and I didn't get a ticket, but it was a rough way to start the day. And I tried to go back to sleep. Didn't didn't take. I like that you woke up at 1 a.m. and you said, oh, no, there's something urgent that I tried to go back to sleep. Didn't, didn't take, um, I like that you woke up at 1am and you said, Oh no, there's something urgent that I have to do.

This is a problem for Alfred of four and a half hours. There's something I have to do. I'll set an alarm three hours from now. Will I be able to sleep until it happens? Absolutely not. But don't have to worry about that now that some other assholes brought the thinking was, and I'm questioning it now. Will I be able to find parking at 1am? Everyone's

in for the night. If I wait till 5.30, maybe someone on my street, you know, who's a nurse or a other essential worker, had to get up really early. And you know, and I did ultimately have

to park like five blocks away. So it wasn't. Maybe you get really lucky and there's like a band of carjackers that only operate between 1 a.m. and 530 a.m. So they're like, that's their sweet spot to free you up. And also, Alf, you're you're you're an essential worker. This is what we do. This is essential. This work that we do.

You think that this podcast is essential? Yeah. I mean, it's like, you know, when everyone was like hitting their pots and pans at the beginning of the pandemic. Right, right. And so I was confused about that.

Oh, people are still doing comedy from their homes. No, I was really shocked when you were the first person I knew who got vaccinated. Because I do, I know a lot of doctors and nurses

and like people with really important, you know, health and safety jobs. Comedians. I heard you literally knocked people over to get to the front of the line. They said, they said,

what do you do? I said, I'm an improv comedian. They said, not a standup. And I said, no, sir.

And they shoved me to the back, which was weird because we're not here to talk about comedy, your crimes. We're not here to talk about Alf getting lucky and not getting a ticket. But in a way, I guess we are here to talk about a little bit of a jump scare. We're here to talk about something shocking.

Something. Little latrine jump scare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little latrine jump scare. Something European. Okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We're talking bidets. Bidets. We're talking bidets. Bidets. Bidets.

President Joe bidet. Am I right? So guys, we sent a list of potential topics, and JPC, you immediately said we're picking bidets. Tell us why. What were the other topics? JPC, you did not run this by me

you said that this is coming out or that we're recording it on February 13th so we're recording this the day before Valentine's Day I hit it knocked it out of the park this year with my Valentine's Day gift because the website or the bidet company Tushy was having a Valentine's Day

bidet sale and I actually brought this up to a friend of mine and they were like I actually bought a bidet for Tushy was having a Valentine's Day bidet sale. And I actually brought this up to a friend of mine. And they were like, I actually bought a bidet for Valentine's Day last year. So someone else is like me out there and thinks bidet equals romance. I've never owned a bidet before, but I purchased a bidet from them that came a few days ago. And so like, never even used a bidet before, but I have been using it for the last week. And I got to gotta say it's fine okay brave reviews like bidet game changer absolute game changer it will change the way

you shit and i'm like no not really i mean so when you responded to the email immediately saying bidet we gotta do debate but i got a bidet. That was because you were lukewarm on them? It's fine. Well, but what really did it is I don't purchase anything without reading reviews first. And as we all know, this is a review show. I read a ton of reviews for bidets, which I was like, oh, I'm already primed. Like I've already, I've already, I've already, you probably will read a review today that I fucking already saw. I think it is.

Holy shit. Holy shit. I think it is walk-biled that you, I mean, bidets have to be 500 to $800. You drop that amount of coinage without having used one before. That's like ordering. I try to think of a, hold on. It's like ordering whole Branzino and never having had fish before. Is that, is that a one-to-one?

I just think that's nuts. We've got to talk about money because bidets do not. I mean, like if you wanted to go buy a standalone bidet, but what a tushy is, is it's a. It's the attachment. It's like a bidet toilet seat. So it's a. It's like a scope for your gun. It's a scope for my gun.

And my gun is already one of the most high powered rifles on the market. Talking about your asshole, right? Jesus. I think I was talking about my asshole or my toilet. Either way, they're big, right? I had a waiting period. I had to sign a permit. Concealed carrying.

My asshole. I don't know. Aaron Adel, have you guys ever used a bidet? Just the once. Just the once? Scared me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I've used it maybe three times. And it does, if I can put this delicately, it does feel like someone's pissing on your butthole. And, Adel, that's a sensation you're familiar with? No judgment. Two or three times. Yep. No judgment.

It is, yeah, it is. I don't know if it's a, I don't want to say that I like it, because that's not the point of it. I don't think you're supposed I like it because that's not the point of it I don't think you're supposed to like it but I can see the benefits of it You're not supposed to not like it I'm fascinated that with three people a poll of three people

the best is lukewarm one person is like yeah they're alright and the other two are like no I will say it is not lukewarm it is cold as hell Well that's the issue that I found in the reviews. Because in the times I have used a bidet, and they're few and far between because it's not for me. It's not for Antspa.

But in the times I have used it, the warm water, that's the way you got to go. If it's warm, that's okay. But the people who I do know use a bidet are like zealots about it. They're like, it's's amazing i'll never not have one again i had a friend of mine who he's based in chicago and then he came out to la for a couple months brought his bidet attachment with him yeah because he's like it's so like a pet he had it on a leash and so he brought it around everywhere. It's a tight comfort animal. Yeah. I feel crazy right now. Have you used one?

Do you love it? I love a bidet. What, are you kidding me? They're amazing. Maybe it's because I'm, you know, I am famously European. I was born in the UK, lived there not long enough to gain sentience, but a little bit. And so I don't know if that influenced me just into loving. Do you have an attachment in your apartment i don't and i'm like really questioning how you have one and you don't

even like it and then i don't have one and i would love it here's what i'll say so if you want to go with the warm bidet you have to hook it up to like your sink basically my sink is like far away from my toilet so it just was not realistic for me you had to do the cold water. I could have done it. I could have done it the other way, but then I'd like run a long pipe or whatever. It would have been bad. But so it uses the water in like the tank, which is cold and maybe it'll be warmer in like the summertime, but like whatever. It's not warm, which would be great, but I've only used it for a week and I've liked it more and more and it's felt less cold the more that I've used it. And the one thing that I will say,

is it like the, the job that a bidet is supposed to do, supposed to get you clean. It does a great job at that. Okay. Can you hook it up to like Mountain Dew or something? Absolutely. Yeah.

Great question. Answer Adam's question. Great. Every one of my friends that has been like bidet, bidet, bidet. Cause I know some people that are very zealot, you know, zealotous about a bidet um there's a lot of zealotry about the bidet i'm like so all these motherfuckers love having a super wet asshole right because

it's like right it gets it i mean it gets it clean but it gets it well i know what i know there are like fancier bidet like if you get a standalone bidet, that will blow dry. Oh. It's like going through a car wash. It'll give you a blowout. It'll give you a gorgeous car. I have tried that before. And that as well.

I just, it's, I don't know. I don't know. Here's what I'll say is I've had a few friends who have gone to Japan. And every friend who's gone to Japan has come back to the U S and immediately bought a bidet. So there's something going on in Japan. We're like, they have the best bidet. The toilets have the ones that have everything.

I think the toilets are like heated and the toilets like drink your urine and like go yum. And then they lick their lips or whatever. Like it's, it's a whole weird system. Here's my whole thing. I'm looking for a lot of luxurious experiences in my life.

I don't need going to the bathroom to be luxurious. If I'm going to spend money, I want something cool for my shower. I was just going to say shower. How about a bidet attachment? What do you think a bidet is? Wait a minute.

Never shower again. If I got the money, I'm making something already kind of luxurious, even more luxurious, not taking something that's mundane and trying to make it a tiny bit better.

Here's the thing. I was doing research on these bidets. I do a lot of research before I make a purchase. The one that I bought is a tushy. It's like under 100 bucks.

And I figured I will try this one out. If I like it a lot, then the next purchase that I make, I'm going to get one of these fancy bidet in the toilet one out. If I like it a lot, then the next like purchase that I make, I'm going to get one of these like fancy bidet in the toilet combo things. Cause I saw those, they looked really cool. They're like electric, they're heated, they have dryers in them, tons of features. They have seat warmers. I mean, just like I live in Chicago and I have a toilet

in my basement that is like always so cold. And I was like, I would love a seat warmer. And my wife and I had been like considering doing And I was like, I would love a seat warmer. And my wife and I had been like considering doing a bathroom remodel, which we've been like kicking down and kicking down and kicking down. And I'm like, if I ever do remodel this bathroom, I'm going to buy this Japanese fancy space toilet that I poop in. And it says like, you know, arigato for your poop, my guy. I want that. This is dinner for me. It screens you for colon cancer as it does it as well.

I'm into that. I'm into the features. I'm into the features. And JPC just recently, maybe a few months ago, was a very good friend and bought me a power washer. So I don't need a bidet

because I take the pain off my asshole once a month. You're going to die so young, Adam. It's the pressure that I'm like, it's giving you an enema on the spot, and that's what I'm so scared of. Bonus! I don't see why that's a bad thing. Speaking of

enemas, should we get into these reviews? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do it. Do you want to go first, Riley, or should I? I can go. I can go. Let me find it. An enema. That was the Muppet who played drums? Yeah.

Yes. An enema on the drums. Enema. What? What do you mean? He just licks her asshole. Enema. This is for Tushy.

Basic 2.0 bidet toilet seat attachment. That's what I got. That's what I got. Five stars. And actually, there's no name for this. So we get to, y'all, one of you guys can make up a full first and last name. Yeah, let's just call it John Patrick Cohen. John Patrick Cohen, five stars.

Sorry, JPC, did you just say this is the one you bought? Yeah, I got the Tushy. This exact one? This is the exact one, I assume. So this is from JPC. It's five stars. The title is Fantastic. You Shoulda Bought It Yesterday.

Where has this thing been my entire life? I love it. I don't have any complaints at all. Had no problems installing it, which surprised me because usually there's something that goes wrong. My partner mentioned that the water is cold, but I don't notice that. Tap water temperature feels just fine to me. I'm saving so much toilet paper that I'll pay for this in probably a year.

Admittedly, I was a huge toilet paper user. I like to be clean. I'm also saving water because I previously had to flush at least three times to make sure the toilet paper didn't get plugged. Oh, sorry. To make sure the toilet didn't get plugged with excess toilet paper. It's a little embarrassing to admit, but it actually feels good hitting your asshole like that. Once something unusual, unusual sorry once something unusual happened a few minutes afterwards i feel like i had to go diarrhea and totally clear liquid came out i must blast some water straight up in my colon without realizing it i totally recommend it this is the most blue we've ever been on the show. The most like just graphic reviews.

But I love the total pretty normal. I must admit, feels good blasting your asshole with that. Baja blast if it's Mountain Dew. I'm not trying to be judgmental of people, but writing a one star review for a bidet, kind of weird, but more normal. You're okay. You're going to be okay.

Five stars. Taking the time to be like, cannot wait to talk about how much my butt loves this product. And then the end of like, I must have shot water straight into my colon. It came out of my nose. You don't have to tell the internet everything. You actually can keep some things inside your head.

A hundred percent. I also just love the added layer of gaslighting your partner in the review be like my fucking partner thinks it's cold but it's not has has she ever felt cold before i think there's so much tmi in this in terms of like let's be honest i'm a bit of a toilet paper hog like i'm a tp queen i use so i go through two to three roles a day. It's so much. I imagine like, it's like in an office, a full like team, like agents, PR reps, like all with like their top client. All right. So here's the thing, Mr. Chalamet, you have an amazing online presence.

We all love you. We all love you we all love you right I mean like as your head agent I cannot tell you it's like been with you for forever

and we adore you merci but yeah you and the French we love that French stuff don't we guys we love it

oui oui oui oui and that's the issue oui oui that is the issue so we've been so you've been posting a lot lately, which is very exciting, getting engagement up.

Exact them all. I wonder, yeah, I wonder if we don't have to post every single minute of our day, maybe a little bit of oversharing. I hope that makes sense. I don't want to come across as being. No, that makes sense to me. I mean, that makes sense to me, right? Everyone, that makes sense to us all. Yeah, if I may to me, right? Everyone, that makes sense to us all.

Yeah, if I may speak up, my name is Trey, Trey BN. Yeah, Trey, you were kind of like a little like, hmm. Yeah, I don't know if I fully agree. I don't know. Is that just, am I crazy? Is that just me? I'll go, here's the thing. I will crumble under peer pressure.

So if y'all want me to go with the flow, I will. But otherwise, I think I might be a trailblazer. No me to go with the flow, I will. But otherwise, I think I might be a trailblazer. No, thank you for saying that, Trey. Thank you for saying that. Wow. Okay. I feel a lot of support. Yeah. Well, Trey, can I ask what your objections were? I mean, we all were a team. We all want to be on the same page. We want to make Timmy just keep launching him further and further into the stratosphere. But where are you kind of pulling us down, I guess? I guess if I'm ultimately to get to the root of the problem, I feel like I'm just jealous of how handsome Timothy is.

Stop it. Come on. I think I speak for all of us when I say we're all a little bit jealous of that. Of course we are. You are gorgeous. But again, Trey, I actually, I'm so sorry just to be, again, we're a team, team player here. That actually is nothing and has nothing to do with what I said.

And so, but thank you for the feedback. Yes, Timmy, Timmy, my baby. Can I be honest about, can I just come where I'm coming from? Please. I feel like this is when I showed you guys, when I made that post that was POV, you're my toilet, and I'm absolutely ripping one. Yes. And then I stuck my phone camera in a Ziploc bag, and I put it on record, and I put it in the toilet, and then I absolutely blasted off. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And Timmy, yes, you, I mean, I'm just treading lightly here because I have a pool because of you and all the hard work you do. You're welcome. I love you. And it's nice. And it's a nice kidney shaped one. It's like very retro. I love it. When I saw that post, I cried in my car. And I screamed why in the top of my lungs so loud that it cracked my windshield.

And I'm just wondering if some people are just not on the same page as you and might have like an aversion to that sort of post. But I'm just a piece of garbage. So what do I know? No, Amanda, that is such a great point. That is such a great point. And I don't need to pile on Rex Flexman personal training slash diet and nutrition. Tim, I got to say, I saw that post and I said, okay, hell yeah. My man's doing what he's supposed to be doing because it was, it was clean like gasoline,

my friend. Everything that was coming out was exactly what you should be putting in. But then I thought I shouldn't know this. I shouldn't. Do you get that? I shouldn't have that information. Well, I want a little mystery in our relationship. You know what I'm saying? I agree.

And as sorry, this is Trey, Trey Biennigan. As someone who's about to play young Willy Wonka, the imagery of just you blasting off in the toilet, it reminds me of Augustus Gloop. It reminds me of when Augustus Gloop is- Trey, are you wearing a Timmy Chalamet wig right now? I feel like we just looked back over at you and now you're wearing a wig that looks just like his hair. Oh, am I?

That's weird. Oh, and how did this shirt that says, Timmy, I'm with him-y get on my chest? Anyway, I feel like you're laying a little too hard into that, because when people see Wonka in a few months, they're just going to be picturing your excrement flooding on top of them. Can I be honest? Oh, yeah. We love you. We love you.

We're obsessed with you. Can I be honest? Are you drunk? Do whatever you want. Just buy me dinner. No, I'm not drunk. I think people want to see my chocolate river. Nope.

They want to see the shoot. I'm so sorry, Timmy. Nope, nope, nope. Really quick. I just want to pivot. Trey, remind me. I know that we've all been part of this team for so many years. So many years.

It's sometimes names and faces and jobs get mixed up. Remind me what it is that you do on this team. I am of, I'm the head of dissent. So what I do is basically as we're team building or as we're like brainstorming, I put up roadblocks. So I try and slow us down so that we get paid more because the meetings take longer. Does that make sense? I love this guy. Or dissent.

I fucking love this guy or dissent i fucking love this guy i had a i had a uh bulletproof testosterone coffee before i came in so i'm still like vibrating a little bit but trey you are so not familiar to me you have been part of this team correct this isn't the first time that we're meeting you uh you were a really good point. Okay. You were in my wedding. This sucks to hear. Yeah, and I'm just garbage Amanda over here. Amanda, stop it. We all agree with that. We all agree with that.

Yeah, but you don't have to say that. If you were on the team, you would have been at my pool party, right? And you weren't at my pool party. I'm not sure what it is. I think I was. Kidney-shaped pool, if I'm not forgetting. Well, you could have just said that because you heard me say that. Okay.

Well, here's something I would not know. Your car had cracked windows. No, that happened today. And she did say that. We all heard that. We all heard her say that. Well, her name's Amanda. How would I know that?

Good point. He's got a point. Timmy, you recognize him, right? Oui. This is my friend Trey. He's been working for us forever um can I be honest about something can I just say where I'm

coming from please anything you want kiss your feet I don't want to be like this guy but you're the guy you're him you're Tim I think I might actually be him though um you guys work for me You're Tim. We love you. I think I might actually be him, though.

You guys work for me, no? Of course. Yes, yes, yes. Baby, baby, sexy boy. Pick him up. Burp him. Burp him. So sexy, baby. We work for you.

I'm scared that you guys might not take this well, because I know movies, Willy Wonka, Dune, we've been doing- Movies. You know movies. You guys know how much Dune, we've been doing movies, you know, movies, you guys know how much movies I'm doing, but you're like the Nicole Kidman of acting. There's nothing that you could do or say to me right now that would cause me to not love you more than I love any of my children. You're my man,

dude. I want to, I want to pivot. Oh, to Jeremy Piven. You want to work To Jeremy Piven? You want to work with Jeremy Piven? No, no, no. I do not think this is a good time to get in bed with Piven, but I fully support it.

Yeah, I got to say, what was... I was going to say, I love Piven, but no, that's not what I was trying to... Gross Point Blank is one of the most underrated movies. Yes, absolutely. I want to pivot to modeling, to producing. Butt play. Right. Butt play get you on a butt play no no that's fine it would take you and Cynthia if I'm hearing you right you want to quit your growing acting career and make a noning career out of butt play. Correct. I want to do freemium anal-based content. You say freemium?

Yeah. You say freemium? Yes. So you can do it for free. You can watch, but then there's in-app purchases. It's gated. Yes. Okay.

Cosmetics. Oh, my God. I bought that pool. Oh, my God. I'm going to go broke. There's an app, maybe. Have we thought wondering to me listen we love you

you're sexy baby we love you but I guess I'm wondering how and listen I love you do whatever you want follow your bliss what I'm I love you I love you I guess I'm wondering how

are we gonna see payment from that? Oh, yeah. Sorry. As head of dissent, I also want to know how are we going to see payment from that? Easy. Stop just copying me, Trey. I'm the head of dissent. You should have been out of this meeting at least 20 minutes ago.

Listen. I'm being so nice by letting you stay. I see that your eyes are all saying, is that Armie Hammer in a skin suit playing someone else? No, it's not. Okay. Am I the same height as Armie Hammer? I'm convinced. Okay, so that is Armie Hammer. That's Armie Hammer for

sure. You're all going to keep your jobs if that's what's worrying you. Hey, I'm not worried at all, Tim. Whatever is good for you. Good for the goose is good for the gander. You could call me at three in the morning to come with a bone saw to disassemble a body, put it in suitcases,

and drive it all around the continental United States so that no one ever knew that you killed someone. Now we're talking. All right, scene. This is a good idea. That is 100% our aim. Got it. Timmy's the least of our worries right now, I think.

Should we take a quick break? Let's do it. And then get back with some more, well, bidets. I know what I'll be doing during the break. Bidet if you do. Watching a clip of Macho Man Randy Savage as Bonesaw in Spider-Man? Absolutely. And we're back with Bidet's. Alf, do you want to read our next

Bidet review? Yeah, I just need to recover from absolutely blasting off during the break. You are disgusting. Taking a huge, absolutely huge shit. I was going to listen to this episode and be like, what the fuck has this show become? This one

is for Luxe Bidet Neo. Non- electric bidet. Toilet attachment. What? This is from Anal What? This is from Analog. This is a one star

review. So it's a hand pump well. From Tabby C. Tabby Cat. Tabby Cat. One star. How could you do this to a 76 year old lady?

Oh my god. Oh my god. Cold water bidet? How crazy that they even manufactured that. Plummer was in the midst of installing yesterday and discovered

there is only a cold water supply to this bidet he halted installation it is minus 30 degrees with wind chill today imagine what a nightmare please immediately send me a warm water model to replace this is like a far side joke but i'm not laughing okay i'm immediately picturing her with a huge beehive hairdo um she has like a 50s housewife wife dress she has those angled glasses glasses she's married to a cow she's pushing on a door that says pull um i just i do love a person like ordering a burger and be like this burger is. Please give me a filet mignon right now to replace it. It's like, what do you think purchases are?

Also, I'm sure the two of you run into this all the time, but old people really do think reviews are customer service. Yes, 100%. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing. And then also, what I love is when they imagine that the brand they're writing to like is listening yeah like in a way because we're like the brand itself they will address be like hey like even if it's five stars like i just want to let you know i love what you're doing so please keep doing it like thank you so much um i just i the beginning of how could you do this so this old lady got blasted to the ceiling.

I think she didn't even, she didn't even get to do it because the plumber was like, Hey, you called a plumber to install a toilet attachment. Uh, first of all, thank you. Uh,

this is a huge hundred bucks. He ever made. Uh, second of all, you know that it's, it's, uh, the middle of winter in Saskatchewan and you want me to put a cold water bidet in your house, right?

Mm-hmm. I love that so much. I love that so much. I have someone who just purchased one of these things. They could not be more clear when it is not a heated bidet. They could not be more clear. You're pissed. You're pissed.

And it's also the price tag, way different. To buy a bidet, it's like, yeah, this is 40 bucks. This surely this will have a heated seat. It's like, no, you bought a little piece of hose. That's going to shoot you in your butthole. That's all you purchase. Trevor, I know this must be such a hard day for you and your family with her grandma's passing. And I'm just I'm so sorry.

And I just wanted to come and pay my respects. You know, I only met her the once, but she was really, really special. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you. Sorry. Trevor and Bevor. I forgot.

I know that she loved. Oh my God. And, and, and Tim, Trevor, Bevor and Tim. My wife got killed by a toilet. I know. I know. Mr by a toilet I know I know Mr. Brown I know and I'm so I just listen I'm a friend of

what? I'm a friend of Tim's from college and you know your wife was just the sweetest but I'm so sorry you know I didn't read the full obit how did she pass you said a toilet but was it a stroke I know she had some heart issues you can laugh she got killed by a toilet but was it a stroke i know she had oh it's okay you can laugh she got

killed by a toilet that these three idiots installed for her tell them how you killed your grandmother uh just real quick i do want to say just just to set the tone um we're not at the point of our grandma's uh death yet that we are calling it an obit. We say the full word. So we're not going to say like she die or like she bear. She got, she got, she got bear in the grave. She got bear in the sand. I'm so sorry.

I will, I will, I will, I've been telling people all my friends, grandma, she die. So I will stop saying that. There's not going to be a memoir.

Okay. It's going to be a memorial. You're one to condescend. You killed your grandmother with a toilet. Tell your friends. I'm sure that's not going to be a memoir. It's going to be a memorial. You're one to condescend. You killed your grandmother with a toilet. Tell your friends. I'm sure that's not true. I know your sons. Hey, Mr. Ron, I know your sons to be three good men.

Those are a few good men right there. I know they've never killed their grandmother. Oh, well, they've conned you because they've been nothing but bad news my whole life. God, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's really hurtful. Yeah, Dad, that's actually, I'll say it. That's super fucked up to hear my dad say to me. Yeah.

As someone who gave the Yulo. Come on. Sorry. You're right. That was too soon. I always forget. Yeah, it's eulogy. Also, I'm your granddad Okay obviously

Because if your grandmother's dead And she's my wife My god Are you the kind of family That calls their grandparents Like really kind of Because you raised us So we call you dad

Also we call you dad Which I know pisses Trevor off Because that is short for granddad. Yes. So we have just been shortening it. And Trevor, I apologize. Granddad. I mean, you know that our family, Trevor. Trevor, also, come on.

Our family has always shortened things. It's hardly the time to be like, oh, we can't shorten things now just because our mom died. With grandma dead, now's the time to make a new change to turn over a new leaf. Okay. on dead now's the time to make a new change to turn over a new leaf okay it's like look we shortened grandpa's name and we shortened grandma's life i'm gonna sit in the curb and wait to die wait no no no i need everyone here i do want to repay my respects and i just i you keep saying you killed her you killed her but i know you three not to be murderers so what i mean i'm so sorry to keep pressing if you don't want to talk about it no it's okay so grandma wanted a bidet and we purchased

her one but i guess the one that we got was only a cold water model which was nowhere on the website so when we installed it we wanted it to be heated so we hooked it up to the natural um gas line uh of of the house and she used it, and I guess, I have no idea, but when you flush a toilet, it is a little spark that ignites the toilet. Yeah. And so-

There's some flints. There's flint. Everyone looking at a toilet, you'll see flint. You don't- You will see flint. And I just want to say, we never,

there was nowhere in the instructions for the bidet, in the toilet, nothing said, don't hook your toilet up to a gas line. Nobody told us not to do that. It doesn't have to not be there for it not to be. So well,

the gas lines in the bathroom, the gas lines already in the bathroom. So it's basically just connecting pipes together. You can love you three and she trusted you. And then you blew her up in the bathroom. Well, to be fair, what happened was she did get propelled upwards from the force of the gas and the spark.

Don't laugh. That didn't kill her. The three of you are about to giggle. I can see it. Stop it. That didn't kill her. This is so serious, Mr. Brown. We do have an Arlo.

That didn't kill her? No, we do have an Arlo door camera in the bathroom facing the toilet. And what we saw was that. For safety. Hold on. I can see you giving some judgment about the Arlo door camera facing the toilet in the bathroom. That's for safety. Because grandma, guess what?

Was attacked several times by a bear. On the toilet? By a bear. We had a lot of robbers. I don't know. A lot of robbers who would take a break to take a shit. But basically- They're not lying about that.

We live right next to the zoo and several bears got out and attacked her grandmother on the toilet. That part's true. There was a bear. It got a duffel bag that was full of cocaine. The bears were robbing her? Yeah, of course. They needed more money for coke.

What are you not getting? She flew out of the ceiling. That didn't kill her. She flew up to the ceiling. From what That didn't kill her. She didn't fly out of the ceiling. She flew up to the ceiling. She did. Got it. I'm so sorry. From what we've seen on the Arlo recording, she did what can only be described as an 860,

as per Tony Hawk 2. In the air, she flipped around. She landed face down in the toilet, her knees on the floor, and then the toilet seat slammed down on her neck. Now, the toilet seat slamming down on her neck didn't kill her. Did not kill her. No way. But she's still wearing it, so when you get up to the coffin,

be prepared to see that. She's wearing it like a necklace. They couldn't get it off. They tried. They couldn't get it off. Did she drown? They told us they tried. I don't know that they tried.

I felt like I could reach over. Did she drown in the water? At first. At first, she started to drown. Yes, she started to drown, but then one of the bears? At first. At first she started to drown. Yes, she started to drown. But then one of the bears gave her CPR. Yes. Don't shorten CPR.

Say the full thing. Sorry. Gave her circulatory pressure resuscitation. I have to assume that's right. Yes. I'm a doctor. Sorry. You don't tip the doctor, obviously.

You're a friend. I am at a loss. And I know you guys are at a loss. Big loss. You know Tim's a doctor, obviously. I am at a loss, and I know you guys are at a loss. You know what? This feels like a very complicated family issue, and I wonder if I just remove myself and I go. Well, hold on. No, no, you're a part of this now. We haven't finished.

That's what I was afraid to say, Mr. Pratt. That's not true. No, I'm a part of the conversation, but I didn't kill your grandmother. Oh, no? Well, then why did your gun end up in our grandma's hand? She wanted to see, she said to me, and I quote,

what's it like to feel the weight of a killing machine in the palm of your hand? Don't do the voice. Don't do the voice that confuses grandpa. Don't do the voice. I'm sorry, Mr that confuses Grandpa. Don't do the voice. I'm sorry, Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown. It's not her, Dad. She's gone.

She said, sorry, I'll do my own voice. I'll do my own voice, Mr. Brown. I'm really good at impressions. Holy smokes. She said, I want to feel the weight of a killing machine in the palm of my hand. I happen to be carrying at the time. Yes. And so I said, oh, Mrs. Brown,

want to feel my peace? And she said, yes. And can I just say, a lot of the neighborhood has been going around, a lot of the children in the neighborhood have been running around screaming, if it's Mrs. Brown, flush it down, which is very disrespectful. So disrespectful. I don't know why you're saying that

to me. I didn't spread that. So the bear wakes her up. I agree that's that. So the bear wakes her up. I agree that's disrespectful. So the bear wakes her up. So the bear wakes her up. She regains consciousness. Why are you talking? Sorry, why did you bring my gun into this? But she has the gun.

She was holding it. And she doesn't know what's happening. She shoots the bear. Shoots the bear. The bear falls down on her, hits her right in the shoes. She flips up again, does what can only be described as a 960 Jesus, as per Tony Hawk 3. She lands in the bathtub. Now, a marble hits the bathtub, which sets off the diver. A bathtub Now a marble hits the bathtub Which sets off the diver

A marble? Yes a marble Which sets off the diver Now there's Do you have a Rube Goldberg project In your grandma's bathroom? A what? A Rube Goldberg project

I don't know what that is But that diver Hey they did I know and they did Keep going We don't know what that means We don't know what that means We just call it

Big Mousetrap Yeah Yeah Oh yeah we have a Big Mousetrap Is that what you meant? Do you mean that We just call it big mousetrap. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we have a big mousetrap. Is that what you meant? Do you mean that we have a big mousetrap in the bathroom? Yes.

It doesn't matter. It's part of the machine. And when we wake up for breakfast. Like, chitty-chitty-bang-bang. When we wake up for breakfast in the morning, it's like Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, where there's a hole to do before our eggs are cracked, and we dump Mr. T's cereal. So your grandma has my gun.

She shoots the bear, you said? Yes. Ends up in the tub. Diver falls off. The whole, I guess you called it a Rube Goldberg machine. Rube Goldberg. Big mousetrap.

That's co-signing on that, but that is initiated. That's initiating her initiation into the local sorority. Yes. So the sorority sisters clamor into the bathroom. There's a bunch of-

You've seen White Chicks. I'll never find love again. You've seen White Chicks. You've seen White Chicks. I'll never find love again. You've seen White Chicks. From this point on, it's basically the plot to White Chicks. Yeah, so that starts White Chicks and then White Chicks ends, but there's like 30 minutes left in the movie.

So she's watching White Chicks? No, her life is the plot. Her life is the middle 80 minutes of White Chicks. It's the middle 80 of White Chicks and then the last 15 of Heat. Have you seen Heat? Do you know any Heat? Or have you read Heat 2? Oh, so you know Rube Goldberg, but you've never seen Heat.

I pull Mr. Brown aside. I just give him a hug. And in his ear, I go, I'll love you till the day you die, Mr. Brown. Marry me again We're dancing Oh I'm stuck I didn't think this through That was just like a Farside cartoon

Yeah sure So it was the middle half of White Chicks And the last 20 minutes of heat That was just like a Gary Larson far side in that it could be contained in one panel, I think. I think you could get one panel with that entire scene the gist across. Yeah, big panel.

Like a panel van. Oh my god. I also love that there was... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Go ahead. No, you go for it, man. No, Alf, what? no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Better be good, because mine was good too Mine's good too So's mine Then you should have asked for you to go first, and then me, then you I don't care

I think you should read them both, and we'll do a scene based on just one of them We'll vote The three of us will vote on which is better I hate to get involved, but I agree with Riley Alfred's kind of being a dumbass right now Thank you This is again for the same Tushy brand And we should read them at the same time, right?

This is for Tushy Five stars, and again, for the same Tushy brand. And we should read them at the same time, right? Yes. This is for Tushy. Five stars. And again, there's no name. So get a full name right now. Okay, so this one's John Patrick Cohen. And this one I think is going to be the one. This will be better for me.

This one's actually JPC. Yes, please. Five stars. The title is What Can You Say? Amen. This thing is great. Gets you absolutely clean. I was a little concerned because this one just uses cold water.

I didn't want to get the one that wastes energy heating the water. But getting spritz with cold water is not an issue at all. Am I allowed to admit that this was my favorite Christmas present? Oh, no. Am I allowed to admit it you would be if you didn't do it like that and then there's the emoji it's a smiley face with the hearts around it like did i do that disgusting by the way the way that this person talks is exactly in line with what i would expect from a person who is leaving a review on Tushy's website. Because if you guys have never looked at Tushy's branding, it's absolutely fucking cursed. It's just like a bunch of like, it's a bunch of like poop puns. And it's like, I hope you like potty humor and stuff like that.

And it's like, hey, man, just sell me a fucking toilet. Like if we don't need to do this. If the way Tushy brands talk to me like a person talk to me that way i'd lean in and be like hey man there's nobody else around like you can drop the act i'm not a secret shopper you said that to me a few times they've stopped buns are like you want to take a shit and you're like all right dude you just need to go to bed hey man i'm just i'm just like i'm just a guy in his 30s who's really just trying to get clean in his butt so let's just like let's cut all the cute stuff.

I'll free to review. Oh, we've never. This is the first time we've ever done this on the show. No, do it, Alfred. Do it. Do it. I feel like I was being a dick. No, you weren't.

You weren't. I want to hear it. No, you. Okay. You're an asshole, but I want to hear it. Well, speaking of assholes, this is from. Okay, Toshi. Twig.

No last name. Twiggy. Oh, the UK model from Twiggy. No last name. Twiggy. Oh, the UK model. Twiggy the model. It's got to be FKA, right? FKA Twiggy the model, the parody axe nobody asked for. Five stars. Will have your balloon not squeaky clean.

Yes. Yes. Never heard that term. This thing is the bee's knees i thought when i turned it on oh i thought when i was turned on to wet wipe several years ago that that was a game changer brother man let me tell you about this abomination this power washer will leave no prisoners behind i'm not sure if my water pressure is just really high, but I tried this thing full Monty and I spit water out my mouth.

10 out of 10. Would recommend. Am I allowed to say that that's my favorite Christmas present? It's interesting that the review said Brother Man, and earlier we talked about Macho Man Randy Savage playing Bonesaw in Spider-Man. This sounds like it could be because it's like Brother Man, get earlier we talked about Macho Man Randy Savage playing Bonesaw in Spider-Man. This sounds like it could be, because it's like,

Brother Man, get your balloon nut nice and clean. I turn it on full mochi and spit water out my mouth. Bees, bees, brother. I think I got something to combine the two. Oh, yeah. Hi, I'm here to check my husband into the

emergency room. Oh my god, absolutely. I'm so sorry, what brings you in emergency room. Oh, my God. Absolutely. I'm so sorry. What brings you in today? Well, I got him a bidet for Christmas. And when he used it, I'm sorry. I'm just in shock. Water came out of his mouth.

I have no response. Sorry? Water squirted out of his mouth like he was a fire hydrant. And I'm thinking that maybe the, I just know that the butt isn't. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. There's still a lot in there. There's still a lot in there. I'm sorry. I'm thinking that maybe the, I just know that the butt isn't. Oh my God. Oh my God. There's still a lot in there. There's still a lot in there.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I need to see a doctor right now. Yes, absolutely. Unfortunately, we are getting a lot of ambulances coming in. And so it might be a little bit of a wait time,

but it will get you checked in. Why don't you just take a seat? And apparently that's not supposed to happen. Okay. Okay. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. That's not supposed to happen. I'm so sorry.

I've been working here for nine years. Can I swallow it if it's toilet water? I'm not swallowing it because it's toilet water. I need to pass you up to my supervisor. David, David, I need you to... I'm upset. This is upsetting. Okay, yeah, just take a quick break.

I'm going to do a bit of triage, sir. Okay, I believe you. Do a triage. Okay, do you have... Did the water, did the bidet push the shit up into your throat? I don't know. I don't know what happened to the poopy. Can you cough?

Can you cough on this white napkin and see what... I honestly... Sorry, I'm just his wife. I was just there. I saw the whole thing. Just his wife. Can I stop you white napkin and see what sorry i'm just his wife i was just there i saw just his wife can i stop you for a minute don't say i'm just his wife you are his queen oh my god okay i'm a feminist i'm a feminist doctor so hot you are such a hot doctor it's so crazy sorry my shirt fell open let me uh wow um sorry merry christmas merry christmas merry christmas to you too what are you doing tonight? Is that crazy? No, that's not crazy

This is sort of the only thing I had going on Excuse me I need to see a doctor I'm here with my dad I'm bringing him in Because he's got a sore tummy And he wanted to come to the emergency room Because he's got a sore tummy

Can someone see him really quick? And it's an emergency Let me do some quick triage with him tummy and he he wanted to come in the emergency room because he's got a sore tummy can someone see you really quick and it's an emergency let me do some quick triage with him sir can you can you wait a bit it's so so sorry tiffany my daughter um sort of buried the lead there um it's a gunshot wound it's a gut shot i got shot in the stomach and I really... It feels urgent. It feels urgent. I don't know if it is, but it feels urgent. Not to make a to-do list for you, Doctor, but

again, my husband or whatever, water shooting out of his mouth that came from his mouth. It's still super wet in there. Oh, if Daddy, look, it's a water fountain man. That's cool. Tiffany, I want you to shut your eyes. Don't look at anything.

Yeah, a child shouldn't see this, doctor. A child shouldn't see this. Okay. That's way scarier than watching your dad get shot in the stomach. Mr. Gutshot, hey, I got this thing going on. Me? No, no, no. Sorry, Mr. Gutshot.

My last name is Gutshot. Okay, Mr. Blast to the tummy i'm greg gutshot i do a kind of a comedy show on fox news like sketch but for like republicans so mad tv no no no it's really funny it's really well written so now okay um mr mr blast to the tummy um i got this thing going on with this guy's wife, and it seems like maybe there's some attraction there. Are you able to, can you just put pressure on it and like hang tight? Oh, for sure. Last thing I'd want to do is cock block a doctor.

Dad, you can't talk like that. Sorry, Tiff. This is grown up stuff. I'm here for mom's for the weekend, and she said you always do this, and now I know firsthand. Well, this is what you get for playing with the gun I bought you on Christmas this is what I get for playing with a Christmas toy you got

me I said specifically it's loaded and the safety is off be careful unwrapping guns could prune your skin how was I to know I have a very soft belly Tiffany like a cat. I'll just keep standing in the middle of this waiting room with my eyes closed.

Thank you, Tiff. Now, Doc. Yeah. I don't know if there's any way I can help you out. Little scratch my back. You scratch mine. Maybe you save my life. You look pretty hot.

And you get the girl. I get to watch my daughter grow up, kind of like two for one. Actually, what would really help me out is if you could go up to her and be a total asshole, and then I'll knock you out and look like a big tough guy. Oh, okay. Sort of a carrot versus stick. I guess I can. Will you please promise you help me after, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Hey, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Hey, bro. Again, I don't want to be a dick or anything, but it's a crazy amount of water in my mouth. If I could get a straight answer on if I could swallow,

because it is toilet water. Okay. Ew. No, little girl. Little girl, look at me. Look at great... Dad told me not to look. Look at great gut shot. Look at great gut shot. Dad told me not to look. Look at Greg Gutshot. Hands over my eyes. Look at Greg Gutshot. Dad told me not to look.

It's okay, Tiff. Okay. It's okay. I'm looking. It's toilet tank water. It didn't touch the bowl. It's not dirty. I didn't get any poo or pee or anything.

Oh, no. Sorry, sir. You were about to say something to me? I was just going to say, hey, hey broad, why don't you get- Nobody talks to my wife like that! Punch! Ouch! Dad! I punched you, my wife punched me, but she punched

the water out of my mouth. Doctor knocks out kids. Oh no! Everyone starts punching the doctor. I punch myself in the face because I can't see. Somebody call a doctor! Another doctor, please. I'm back. It throws up again. I'm so sorry.

I've never seen anything like this. See? We should have called scene when the kid got punched. No, no. It wasn't time. It wasn't time. I wanted to let it breathe. This is completely

non sequitur, but you said a kid got punched. My wife is currently playing a video game called Hitman. I'm not sure if anyone's familiar with Hitman. You're an assassin. You're a trained assassin. You're doing all these infiltration things. But you can basically just kill anyone in the game. And I walked in on her playing

Hitman, and she walked into a bathroom in the game that was occupied by this woman who was like changing. And the woman goes, excuse me. And then my wife just like hit buttons and Hitman just punched her in the face and gild her like with a punch. I looked at my wife and I go, Jesus Christ. I was like, what are you doing? And she's like, I don't know.

I didn't know the buttons. And I was like, you murdered that lady. You monster. And all she said was, excuse me. Said, don't talk crap. Anyway, everything's okay at home. It's probably nothing. Should we do our last segment?

Let's do it. Please. This shook me all week long. All right, you guys. What has been shaking your asses, for better or for worse? A personal gripe, something you're excited about. It could be anything across the spectrum of emotions that's been shaking you all week long. Do you mind if I go first?

I have something. Please. That I've been sitting on and it's been blasting my ass all week long which is i just i flew home from a from a trip i was on on uh i came back friday i flew home this past friday and on the plane ride home i've never experienced this i was in the middle seat there was somebody on my left and right the person who was on my told me about this the person who was on my right who was the aisle seat didn't bring anything to do it's like the old seinfeld episode didn't bring anything to do was just staring at the back of the seat i put on an ipad started playing narcos which i had never seen narcos before it's a netflix original very good show but i'd never seen before i didn't know the content as i start playing it there's a lot of like sex scenes and all kinds of stuff like that

and i look over and the guy is staring. He's watching my iPad. Now the trouble is I don't have subtitles on, but Narcos is mostly in Spanish. So it's subtitled against my will. It is can't turn that off. I probably could. So he's seeing all these there's moments where it's like just really horny dialogue or really just like over the top sexual, the lines of dialogue.

And I am mortified. And this guy is laser-focused. Oh, my God. So for most of the fight, he's just watching my iPad. I'm too Midwestern to say anything about it, so I just let it ride. But I tried to fast-forward through a lot of the nudity and sex scenes, but I could not have been more upset about it.

Just really upset me. You were fast-forward as you were talking. Yes. That to me is the wildest part because that means that you are acknowledging that the situation, instead of just being like, I'm oblivious to this situation,

you're like, I'm actually experiencing this and I'm not going to say anything. And I don't want to watch Netflix porn with you. The guy was literally leaning in. Like he was not being... Oh my God. You hit fast forward and he goes hey hey i was getting good come on dude escobar is about to get it um but yeah very very rough situation i was hoping at least he would like put his arms across his chest

and like close one eye or just like at least pretend but because he was so obvious about it i had to i had to be ashamed for both of us that is horrible he was just hoping that you were going to be like do you want an earbud man yeah split like field trip oh my god i'm so sorry but what a story thank you very bad gpc what about you um i the the it's the thing that's been sticking in my cries it's actually pretty cool my older brother is running for city council and in indianapolis and i am uh doing a fundraiser to like try to raise money for his campaign but it's one of these things where i have to like ask people to like volunteer time because it's like a twitch stream and everyone that i've asked has been like super cool about it. But it's also like,

I feel so bad asking people to like, hey, would you like to volunteer for something? Because if I got asked to do that, I'd be like, I can't say no, like, right? No, I'm not going to help like a good cause or whatever. But so I've just been like, I have emails that I just have been not hitting send on because I'm like, wait for the right the right time like don't do it on a Friday people don't want to hear like people don't want to be asked for something on a Friday and so still those people ask you for a favor and then I know I hit him back with just text them about like something else like hey how's it going and they're like that's great then I'm like hey not complete non sequitur I need to ask you a favor but it's it's just been like it's one of those things that is consuming all of my thoughts,

but it's something I'm just not taking action on. So that's just grinding me up right now. Yep. Nice, nice. Erin, anything for you? I'll do a positive one. I love oysters, and I had some friends from Chicago the other day,

and so an excuse to go out to dinner, and I think I had the best oysters I've had in LA so far. Wow. Where? L&E Oyster Bar. I was a found oyster kind of gal, but I went to L&E, and now I think that that's where I'll buy my oysters

from now on. Cool. Dang. Fair enough. Damn. I wish I liked oysters, because I feel like it's cool to like oysters. And you need the help, man.

Jesus Christ. I need the help. I really do. I'll take what I can get like oysters. And you need the help, man. I need the help. I really do. I'll take what I can get. I gotta tell you about cigarettes. I saw a tweet the other day that was like, alcohol is the new cigarettes, weed is the new alcohol,

and mushrooms are the new weed. And I'm like, that sounds right. And those red Astro Boy boots are the new cooking. Yes, yes. If you like very well-cooked vegetables and or other seafood, L&E Oyster Bar also. I liked everything I tried from them. So pretty good.

That sounds great. Thank you. Hell yeah. Alfred. Hey. I was shaking your ass. I didn't know what you were. Riley, stop me

if I already said this one don't talk about the fucking blackout curtains again I swear to god he's said it like three times no no I went to the DMV did I tell the story already I went to the DMV on Friday

no but already such a cool story sorry no shortnings, please. Sorry, I went to the Department of Motor Vehicular Manslaughter on Friday. I won't reveal why I was there. Guilty! Because I need to get an Illinois ID.

It's a whole thing. And I was waiting in line and I heard two of the DMV employees talking and they were talking about one of them having a pun a day desk calendar. And I was like, oh, this is going to be good. And then one of them said one of the puns and it was. Why did the chicken go to the seance? Oh, I don't know.

Why did the chicken go to the seance? Okay, why did the chicken go to the seance? All I can think right now is a small medium at large, but I know that that's not. To balk to the other side. To talk to an egg extraterrestrial. So Riley is pretty much right. It was just to get to the other side. And that's been bothering me because, well, it's not a pun.

It's not a pun at all. It's barely a joke. Yeah, that would haunt me. That would piss me off for weeks and weeks. And so I've just been stewing of that, stewing on that, just being like, why would they call that a pun? And it's's like i get you have to come up with 365 puns yeah yeah it's like we're only that's not one of them we're in early february uh oh yeah you could uh you should still have puns left by by day 60 i guess yeah anyway yeah it should be like did the chicken go to the seance? Because he was Ouija board?

Great. Great punch up. In that pun of day calendar's defense, as someone who has done like 200 and something episodes of a rental podcast, I think it's more than fine if you don't actually do the thing that you said that you were going to do. And actually, it's actually better. So now I'm on the calendar side. Whoa. I'm going to fight you. Good save, JPC. Calendar's right. Calendar is now I'm on the calendar side. Whoa. I'm going to fight you.

Good save, JPC. Calendar's right. Calendar is right. Always sides with calendars. Riley, I can see the panic in your eyes. And that tells me you have no idea. Oh, I have one. No, I do have one. I do have something that shook me.

Why? So this is, like I said at the beginning of the episode, I'm recording. It's the day before Valentine's Day. And so Daniel and I, we have a neighbor down the hall in our building who has the cutest dog. If any of you guys,

anyone listening, follow him on Instagram. He's the little scruffy puppy who I post on my story a lot. And so Daniel and I get to watch him, which is great. And she invited us and then another couple in the building over for just a little valentine's happy hour she had like streamers up and like a lovely charcuterie board and it was so lovely and so the

day before we were watching her dog for a little bit i took a photo of him he was in our kitchen he was just looking very cute and i texted her to photo the next day we get over to apartment which also just like it was very it just like felt like college of like putting on our slippers heading down the hall it was very sweet um and i went to college with you and i can say you were always in slippers it was really it would be winter in boston and you were just trudging around in your slippers yeah in the snow going to class exactly um but she gives uh for each apartment she gives each of us a box and she made a mug in less than like 18 hours with the dot. I'm showing the Zoom right now

with the photo that I took on it. And on the back it says, I heart you. And it is just the sweetest thing in the world. And I just thought it was so thoughtful. One just to like have a happy over and give gifts like homemade. She just to have a happy over and give gifts. Yeah, gifts. Homemade.

She doesn't have a printer for her mug in her apartment. But to give just so, I just thought that was very, very thoughtful and just so sweet. And so it's my new favorite mug. So thank you, Sarah. Wow, that's really nice. Thank you, Sarah. Hey, thank you, Sarah. Everyone say thank you, Sarah.

Thank you, Sarah. Thank you. Guys, this you, Sarah. Everyone say thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you. Um, guys, this was a blast. Where can people find you? Well, first and foremost,

I don't know if Aaron said, thank you, Sarah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, I did. I did say thank you, Sarah.

You did. I didn't hear it. Thank you, Sarah. Okay. Thank you. I think, and then my voice got high

because I thought it was so sweet and my dog woke up from her nap. She's like, that voice is for me. Who else did talk to that voice? Look at her. She's so pissed. She's just staring.

She really is mad. She really does seem to be mad. You haven't explained. Fuck is Sarah. You can find our podcast anywhere you find podcasts. We are a HeadGum podcast, just like you. Same, same. Hey Riddle Riddle. and we also have a patreon where

all of our best stuff is to be honest patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle and we have 245 she's going to the other side 50 episodes crazy riddle podcast so if you like people who uh sometimes like riddles and sometimes hate them, we have a podcast for you. Amazing. Any socials to plug? Follow us at HeyRiddleRiddle. Yeah. We're everywhere at HeyRiddleRiddle.

Now, I will say that we don't know when this episode is coming out, so Twitter is most likely gone. So maybe don't use that one. That one's going to be – that one maybe has a couple of weeks left on it I'd say probably a couple of weeks and I'll very always plugs are I'll very quickly slip in Aaron has another head gum podcast called

sitcom D&D yes JPC has another yes JPC has another podcast called Bill Buds you should check out and I have another podcast called hello from the magic tavern if you want to check that out as well. And the episode of Review Review on sitcom D&D

will already be out by now. Amazing. Yes. So go check us out on Aaron's podcast sitcom D&D. I'm already going to say future actively

we're going to have a ball and it's going to be great up. So go check it out. You can find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInIt. You can find the show on Instagram at Review Review. Reddit r slash find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview.

Reddit, r slash ReviewReview. We have a Discord ReviewReview. It's a party in there. And I haven't plugged my Patreon in a while. Jeffrey James and I have a Patreon. It's patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. And we do monthly Zoom parties, also known as a Zardy.

And we do some Q&A, live streams. It's a good time. So come on down if you want some Riley and Jeff content. If you're getting sick of Alf's shit, Or you could donate to charity, just saying. For anyone who is unfamiliar,

it's patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff and Jeff is spelled all fucked up. Oh yeah, G-E-O-F-F, thank you. And to be clear,

when I say you could donate to charity, I mean Venmo me. Riley is also spelled the right way, which is R-E-I-L-L-Y. And what's amazing is people, y'all have been listening to the show and I've been making sketches for years and-E-I-L-L-Y. What's amazing is people, y'all have been listening to the show

and I've been making sketches for years and I still get R-E-I-L-L-Y. It's a beautiful thing. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com, only the web browser, not the app, at Riley and Spa

and on Twitter.com for as long as it lasts, at RileyCoyote. And as we say. Every week. Every week. The catchphrase that we all know. All of us.

We're going to say it all together because we all know it. Of course. A toilet. I'm not army. Kill my grandma. Now we said a toilet Val Kilmer grandma? Yeah. Yes.

You haven't seen Heat? You haven't seen Heat? Bye. Bye. Bye. I don't know why I bleeped me, I just said sheep. He accidentally ordered a Reuben, cause he's a- I don't know why I bleeped me, I just said sheep. Dirty, dirty Riley, she doesn't give a goddamn crap And yeah she'll date a goddamn rat

As long as it's that one from Fushed Away That was a Hiddem original.