Review Revue - BONUS FRIDAY: Bumper Stickers 2

Episode Date: March 19, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about Bumper Stickers and discuss internet schemes, awful stand-ups, and changing the world with a single sticker.Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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REVIEW, that's R-E-V-I-E-W, at checkout to get $10 off your next order of $40 or more. Thanks, Trico. Hey kid don't be upset take something and make it not that Don't be upset Take something

And make it not that Remember to let me into your house Then we can start To make it okay Hey kid I'm outside we are going to

make it better let it out and let it remember to let me into your house then we can try to make you happy happy happy happy happy happy so what was that about that was a custom intro that riley wanted to do it's hey jude parody and

it's hey kid and you're trying to so is that kevin mccallister you're trying to like get into the house no it's a sad kid a la julian lennon and like he's upset okay like it's we're gonna do rainy day activities together and make him not that the song's already about julian so don't adjust it for how you would have talked to john lennon's son no it's like but this is my point of view this is like man they don't know what they're talking about just let me inside and we'll like do paper mache Paul McCartney was avuncular to Julian he was of an uncle figure to him you're nothing to him I am like a cat in the hat figure how it's a rainy day and I'll have like you and Daniel in a box and I'll be like just come on just let me in let me in and I'm in a box. And I'll be like, just come on, just let me in. Let me in.

And I'm in a cat in a hat suit like Mike Myers. And Jillian opens the, I don't think so. Jim Carrey's the Grinch. Yeah. Really? And so you and Daniel are kind of going to like be thing one and thing two. And you will help us set up the crafts. But it's going to be me who's going to change his life and make it not that.

I always thought that this was Jim Carrey. Absolutely not. It is very much Mike Myers. What about Marie Jude? Uh-huh. Don't make me sad. I'm not trying to. Mailed me anthrax and I got sick.

It was an accident. Jaundice inside of my sunken eyes that they will cry and we're doing bumper bumper bumper with the bumper stickers episode last october i think it was bumper stickers bumper stickers yeah uh that we had to do it um uh yeah it's uh no if it land that reviews do it again. Reviewing bumper stickers. I can't. It's like it didn't fit. It didn't fit with the cadence.

Yeah, the rhythm of it all. The face that you made was like, I can't. It was like you were eight years old at a children's choir concert being like, no, I think it's too high for me. You're holding a pipe. Thanks for noticing dear um so this is coming out friday the 19th yeah um i'm gonna plug this up front because this is exciting shit for one night and one night only if any if anyone's seen mama mia that's that's how they intro donna and the d the Dinosaurs at Sophie's birthday party.

Anyway. Future me cut that out. Don't cut it out. Jeffrey James. Into the mist. Special appearance. One night. You know one night in Miami?

Yeah. This is one night into the mist. Jeffrey James is going to be doing a one night only special appearance. We're switching up the rooms a little bit because Daniel booked a job or something. And so Mephri and I are going to modify my room that I have with Daniel. And so Jeff's going to be just going to be a special friend who comes by. Not going to give too much away but there's a whole new scheme tickets are now 45 dollars no i don't know they're still 16 but

imagine it's like the vibe is going to be like it's blue's clues i'm blue and jeff is magenta and it's like steve is daniel he's like magenta's coming, magenta's coming over. Magenta's coming over. And then blue and magenta kind of left to their own devices. So that's what the night will be. Mm-hmm. Do you know what I mean? It's a long walk to get nowhere. I don't know what you just said. But yeah, so guys, come check it out.

It'll be, I don't know when you're listening to this, but if it's on Friday, check it out tonight. It's going to be a blast. I'm going to gel my hair, I think. Friday, Marchiday march 19th come catch come to dusty and june's room which is my room normally with daniel but but uh let's just say daniel won't be there june and yorma's room now my character is your name gonna be yorma i think it's gonna be yorma now i just decided tickets at into the mist.net slash tickets. You know the drill. Yeah.

But we're not talking about that. We are in our special Friday episode. We are talking about bumper stickers again. Riley, from last October to now, do you have, have you had any more bumper sticker experience? I haven't. Not really.

Maybe I just haven't been paying attention to them. It's not shocking that you haven't. You're like, honestly, no. Can I be real? I really haven't. Elizabeth and I do talk a lot about vanity plates, though. And we had a conversation the other night about different symbols. I mean, this isn't bumper sticker related.

But the hand symbol on a license plate and like what the fuck is that? And so Elizabeth looked it up and apparently it's like you pay like $250 extra for that. But the money goes to like helping save kids from child abuse. I don't know. But to see a hand, because usually it's like, you know, if you have a symbol, it'll like be a joke vanity plate. So like on the DMV website, there's an example of the hand symbol and then S-U-M-M-A-N, handsome man.

If you're on a first date, you get in his car, but you see the plate. was so much fun i feel i don't want to speak too soon but i feel like we're really connecting um oh my god i whoa whoa whoa right i feel it too migraine wow no it just it just came upon me do you need water right now i have water at my house i think i might go there and get it. Oh, I can give you a ride in this car. Oh, no. You know what? I might go back inside the restaurant because they have water there.

And I might just go wait. And I'll call an Uber home or a Lyft. Oh, yeah. Just this is so sudden. Did something happen? I just feel like we were really vibing like not only 30 seconds ago. We came outside. No, we absolutely were.

And then I just i just fell into a state and now i i have to go deal with this but um i hope you get home safe in your car okay yeah well i'll call you and hey for what it's worth i think you're a beautiful woman handsome man sorry sorry thank you i really know um hand hand handsome handsome man the plates yeah that's a little joke that i played with the dmv uh i everybody was like loving it in there it was unbelievable the day that i made that plate that request like you know the dmv is sort of grim usually and that day it might have as well been the fucking laugh factory. Oh, my ride's here. That was fast. There's no way.

I love how it went from, it was a joke we played. Yeah, it was so, everyone loved it. It was amazing. It was so good. No, it was a stupid goof. People couldn't get enough of it. It was unbelievable. Bumper stickers?

Yeah. Do you have any experience? I put a bumper sticker on my car. I don't know if this had happened before. I think this might have been before the last episode. But yeah, I put a Grateful Dead, steal your face. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Sticker on the back of my RAV.

Sticker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to start us off? I'll start us off. Okay. This is from seven years ago on Sticker Mule. So this is the title. It's five stars and the title is Surprisingly Happy.

This is from Robert P. Piegel. Robert Piegel writes, Don't be nervous. Order. Be happy. I am glad I made my order. I will be making more.

What was the sticker? It doesn't say. What? Don't be nervous. Be happy. It's like one of those like chats, you know, when you're on like an online store and like a little helper comes up or like a chat thing comes up.

Hey, can I help you find anything? Hey, yeah. I've been looking around for kind of, you know, I'm kind of a hippie. So I've been looking around for kind of a you know i'm kind of a hippie so i've been looking around for like a little uh mother earth bumper sticker um and i can't seem to find any um on your site even though it was recommended here by a friend why don't you pull that trigger hmm why don't you pull that trigger add to cart go ahead don't be scared yeah i'm not scared. I'm just kind of confused because it said that this sticker was here,

and I'm finding a lot of ones for national parks and stuff, but none that are like, save the planet, you know? I start typing, and then it goes away. Typing again. It goes away. So I'm going to guess that you don't have any available right now sorry i was checking we have a lot of options i just worry that you haven't looked at all of them because you came here wanting one thing but i don't want you to let your fear hold

you back we have coexist we have coexist we have always be yourself we have uh baby on board which is kind of cheeky um no i mean listen like i'm i'm so down to look at other ones but i don't want you i'm not scared i'm just uh i guess if i'm anything i'm picky okay but i'm not afraid to get a bumper sticker if that's what you're saying you're sending chicken emojis yeah what excuse me i'm balking if you can't see me but i'm like balking like a chicken because i think you're scared i want to talk to your supervisor i guess because this feels like the most unhelpful help chat i've ever encountered hey this is peter on team four uh how can i hi peter i was just talking to whoa empty cart didn't realize that we had a

scaredy cat. I don't know what part of me would be afraid to buy a sticker. I'm just, that's actually what I want to talk to you about, is that your employee sent me chicken emojis, was calling me like a coward. Listen, people come to this store online all the time, and I see them add things to their cart. I see them take it out of their cart we have a lot of we have a lot of like ways of surveying people on this site why is the

green light on my computer on i'm not facetiming anyone let's take a look at some of our options shan't we i start waving what about nice on board huh do you have a niece well i do have an i do have a niece okay but what about on board for niece. Okay. What about on board for niece? And it's a little French flag. I don't think so. Listen, I came here for just kind of an eco-friendly sticker. And now I feel like you can see me. Just turn to your right again.

Turn to your right again so we can finish the facial scan. I mean the sticker. This is insane. I never signed off on anything. You got a notification from Chase Bank. Was this transaction you? It's $12,000. What are you doing?

Why are you doing this? You refresh the page. It says 404, gateway unavailable. I get a call. It's my niece. Charlotte? Auntie? Charlotte, lock.

Are you home? Are you home? I am. There's a bunch of like people surrounding the house they lock the doors and close the shades charlotte lock the doors and close the shades they're offering me various stickers there's like a good job sticker and i guess that i could put that on my homework they said don't take anything from them turn your computer off and and and get your parents to close the shades and lock the doors okay it? Yeah, we have a safe. It's in the back. It's in the basement. I'll show you. No, Charlotte! Charlotte!

Charlotte! Fuck! Oh, God! I'm weeping. Mascara running in my face. I log back on to Sticker Mule. Hey, how can I help you today? Just put stickers in my cart.

I don't care. Just leave Charlotte alone. Just leave us alone. That's what we thought. I'll take whatever sticker you want. That's what we thought. All right, we should take a break uh but we're right back after this word from our sponsor of today's bonus episode for over 100 years tripe co has been the leader in innovation and fish for everything TRIP.

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10 off your next order of 40 or more fish don't take up hobbies this fast because you're going to drop it by the next time we do an ad drop what got it thanks trichum and we're back this is a five star review of i'm just gonna share my screen and show you okay it's a bumper sticker that says in a very bad font that also i think is the font on the front cover of franny and zoe always be yourself and then in parentheses, unless you suck. Send me a screenshot of this so I can post it on the Instagram. I will, yeah. This is five stars from ABC, which let's just say that's their initials. Annette Bening, kinda. Kinda with a C?

With a C. Got it. All right. So it's kinda Annette Bening. Five stars. And it's just the cry laughing emoji 12 times. No! No!

A couple goes to like an open mic night at their local bar. And stand-up's just like. And so I said to my kid he came home crying after a horrible day at school the bullies were like hey you're no cool and I said listen Tyler always be yourself

unless you suck the whole place yeah the couple's like I don't know I don't know about that hey you little sourpusses down front you little sourpusses down front. You little sourpusses down front. What are your names?

Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm Anne. This is my- Hi, I'm Joy. Oh, you aren't looking that joyful. I'll tell you that for free. Is that the joke or is that the setup? The crowd erupts in laughter.

Oh, that was, yeah. that was uh-huh you got us oh got us are you little business people i'm imagining you're business people because we're we're funny folks up here we're funny folks i'm a registered nurse um for the past year and a half i kind of worked to get the global pandemic underway and under wraps and it was hard so i kind of thought that my one of my first nights out on the town might be good to have some laughs yeah and i'm a i'm kind of a i'm a stay-at-home mom you know homeschooled our kids yeah homeschooled our kids and uh and so it's just nice to have a break oh give me a break give me a break break me off a piece of that chuckle town as the comedian does it she takes out a twix. That's not even a Kit Kat.

And you had that at the ready? Luma's perfect. Listen, I'm no carrot top, all right? I'm at the top of my game, but I'm no prop comic. I throw the Twix into the ground. That was a prop. You think you're better than me? Everybody's like, ooh.

It's not that weird of, yeah. I don't think I'm better than you. I just thought that you're the comedian. I'm not funnier than you. I just like, I don't. Honey, just leave it. I know, I know. Just leave it.

Oh, no. Oh, little man. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. Nurse. This is my song, and I'm a doctor song. Everybody's dying. I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor. Okay. Why don't you come up here and tickle my funny bone, Missy? All right, I'll take a crack at it. I'll take a crack at it. Because I think anything would be funnier than this. Honey, don't make promises you can't keep. Do you guys watch golf?

Oh, we got a nice setup here, ladies and gents. Okay, okay. Treat her kindly. Well, I always thought it was funny how in golf to be subpar is a good thing. But when you're out in the world, being subpar is below average. The bartender throws a full keg. Oh! It just barrels me down.

What was that? Joy rushes to the stage. Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god, are you okay? Whoa! Is there a doctor in the house Everybody cracks up

I'm a nurse not a doctor She needs medical Attention Oh I bet you get a lot of medical attention If you know what I'm saying Nobody laughs at that one That one was funny that was the only one that was funny That was clever

I'm a doctor I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. Yeah, that's what we like. That's what we like. Lucky for you, that's what I like. That's what I like. You know, like the Bruno Mars song. That one was also funny, and they stopped laughing.

Fuck. I'm a doctor. I'm... The place is shaking. are like going crazy they're like shaking their heads banging their heads against tables flipping shit over uh all right i brought another review do we have time for one more jeff jeff we have time okay don't worry okay this is a let me show you this one um god it's a five star review again of a bumper sticker that says um and there's a little there's a little decal i cannot tell you what it's it looks like a some kind of sculpture and it says it will be a

great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber it says all of that in kind of small font um here we go five stars from aurora l aurora la rora five stars from aurora la rora what a great point no no someone i imagine like someone sees that bumper sticker go by they're like on the freeway and they just stop in their car to read it they like pull up and then they just sit there wow now that's something to think about it starts to like back up traffic because everybody starts to like stop i guess it's like if you really if you really

think about it it's like that kind of explains everything hey what the hell are you doing you go go past go past i can't everyone else next to you is also baffled by something no no sorry just it'll be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber. Oh, that's good. Yeah. That's true.

That's a good point. The camera slowly zooms out to satellite view. All the major freeways in LA are just at a standstill. It starts hitting the local news. Cut hitting the local news. Cut to the local news. Record-setting numbers of traffic today as one bumper sticker stops the world? With me as ever before is the owner of the car that has the bumper sticker, Lisa Ranch.

Lisa, what's the story here? Hi, Carl. It's so nice to be on here. Thank you for having me today. Yeah, yeah, I mean, wow, the world's gone absolutely cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. You know, uh, my daughter, my daughter, Kelly, uh, she is in college now. She's in college on the East Coast. So proud of her. And she, she just came home one day and, uh, her hair died, her lips pierced pierced and she put she kind of put this on the back of the rav and uh you know i figure she's a free spirit let her do whatever she wants and uh that that's

all that's all there is to it wow no don't say that's all there is to it there's a lot there that i think the viewers can take away uh i guess it's just kind of like allow your kids to express themselves and have creative freedom. But that's all. I mean, I didn't do much. I just kind of sat in the car and said, you need me to go down to the Wiggly Piggly and pick up a pack of brats. Don't you dare downplay this. We're actually, oh, breaking news.

I'm actually getting in my headset. Let's go live now to the White House press briefing room. Cut to the White House press briefing room. It's Biden. It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to hold a bomber what a great point which is why i'm rerouting 50 of our country's military budget to the education the department of education this goes to show that doesn't matter who you are where you come from if you slap a sticker on the back of your rav you can change

the world his dentures fall out oh cut back wow powerful stuff from the white house itself lisa care to comment this was you i guess it wow to have my rav mentioned by the by the president what a what an exciting day for for toyota's everywhere. Um, I mean, uh, that's, that's fantastic. That's, I mean, that's amazing. We love to see change in action.

Um, so I guess, uh, good job to whoever made this, the sticker, I guess. Oh, you didn't make the sticker?

Well, like I said, no, my daughter Kelly found it at a bookstore in New York and she brought it on home and said, mom, we should put this on the car. Producers are getting in touch with me now.

We have Kelly. We have Kelly live on from Massachusetts. Hi, hello. Kelly, yeah. Kelly, hi. Hi. How do you feel about this sensation that you've created with one sticker? We have your mother here. She says that you

made... Hi, Kelly. Hi, honey. Oh, hi, Mom. Hi, Mom. Yeah, this is just like... Sorry, am I allowed to curse? You are not. Kelly, no, you're on the news, mom. Yeah, this is just like, this is great. Sorry, am I allowed to curse? This is great. You are not. This is, yeah. Kelly, Kelly, no, you're on the news, honey.

No, no, you can't do that. Sorry, this is, oh, as my mom says, oh, heck. Yeah, this is wild. I mean, like, I literally like bought this as a joke. Oh, here we go. We have some callers. Kelly, could you answer some callers? I guess.

I mean, I'm actually, I'm on my way to work. How long is this gonna, Kelly, we're on the news. Just like, be kind. Kelly, could you answer some callers? I guess. I mean, I'm actually on my way to work. How long is this going to... Kelly, we're on the news. Just, like, be kind. Okay, yeah. Yeah, this is Brian from Clinton Hill, Brooklyn. Question, what do you say to critics who say that that's too much to put on a bumper sticker? I agree with them. That's why I bought it. I think it's absolutely insane that this many words are on it. Like, I bought it as a joke.

Okay. I think it's, like, yeah's like yeah i was just playing devil's advocate i actually think that what you've done here is historic thanks so much for all you've done and all you continue to do i get no kelly that's what i've been trying to tell you i don't know no mom i don't know what's happening here and we've got vaunch from minnesota okay hey uh i was just asking kelly uh how do i get active uh i don't know i want to kind of how do you get active i want to make change and you seem to know exactly how to do it on a big scale no sorry i guess don't be as timid as you are you seem really scared i bought this as a joke i thought this was ridiculous so don't be as timid as you are. You seem really scared. I bought this as a joke. I thought this was ridiculous. So don't.

It seems like that caller hung up out of fear. God. Okay. Got it. Listen, I just like to set the record straight. Like I'm not a hero. I think like it's great that schools have more money now, but like I bought this because it's dumb.

Kelly language. I said dumb. Kelly. We're going back to the press briefing room at the's dumb. Kelly language. I said dumb. Kelly. We're going back to the press briefing room at the White House. Oh, God. Okay. It has been brought to my attention that Kelly Ranch bought this sticker as a joke. I'll tell you guys, during my campaign trail, one of my biggest issues was appealing to the younger voters.

And Kelly, if you think this whole thing is dumb, it's over. I'm sending more money from the Department of Education to our armed services and our Department of Defense. Thanks, Kelly. F*** me. Back to the news. Kelly language. Oh my, no.

God, no. How do you feel now? Well, I feel like s***. I mean, I just single-handedly depleted the education system of an insane amount of money. I mean, how am single-handedly depleted the education system of an insane amount of money. I mean, how am I supposed to feel? Yeah, we're actually getting live feed. Our field reporter, Peter, is on the ground right now at a local public school.

Peter. Yeah, thanks, Leslie. Kelly, I'm here at a local elementary school that says that their funding was not only cut, it's gone. Oh, my God. What do you have to say to this five-year-old? This is, yeah, Tyler, do you have to say to this five-year-old this is uh yeah tyler do you want to say hi uh kelly why would you do such a thing i did i bought a sticker i'm so hungry no i do think that it will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need

and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber but they did that they did that and you took it away from me i didn't do anything kid i didn't do anything typical not taking responsibility for your actions but you still get the fame and the fucking the status excuse me i would say i have to get back to class but well well, I can't. No! Powerful stuff. God! Back to you, Leslie. Those are fucking chronicles.

Should we do our last segment? Yes! This shook me all week long! Bruno Mars, obviously. Did you see his performance at the Grammys? I didn't. I saw a bit of their music video. I haven't even seen the full thing, but it looks awesome.

The music video is incredible. Their Grammys performance is incredible. And then he did a Little Richard tribute. Oh, wow. And I... Okay, so here's the thing. So I have seen him in concert twice. The same concert. The 24 Karat tour. And I love Bruno Mars.

And so I went once with my mom and then once with Elizabeth when he came to Boston. We were seniors in college. And it's hands down the best concert I've ever seen in my life. And Elizabeth and I were losing our, like that concert, we were just like, this is one of the best nights of our lives. We my life and elizabeth and i were losing art like that concert we were just like this is one of the best nights of our lives we're gonna live forever this concert was life-changing yeah and i remember like that night and then watching him at the

grammys doing the little richard medley he's a great entertainer i will say that his superbowl performance i think was one of the best of the last decade it's not it's not like oh my god i'm like in love with bruno mars but it's just it's like okay i was worried about that because you do have crazy crushes that and then um ringo presented billy eilish with a record of the year i love her i love her too but like when ring like trevor noah introduced ringo and ringo came and of course like you know, Ringo's just everything to me. And like, he came out, and bless him,

his hair and his beard died out of the box, jet black. Like, and he's just, and it's like the same kind of jokes he's been doing for years. If he's like,

I'm at the Grammys. Well, I've been to the Grammys before with a little band I was part of. And everyone's like we know the little band like it's the same joke of like and Trevor Noah introduced it with the same jokes that everyone's been saying

for years of like here's a guy who was in a little band everyone maybe might have heard of before and it's nice and Ringo Bless's artist is 80 and like he's just talking about how it's not his first Grammys. And, like, how he was part of the Beatles. We know, man.

And about, like, being at home. Like, being in the pandemic. So late, dude. At this point, some people aren't at home. He's, like, he's listing off, like, you know, record of the year nominees. And then, like, just, I don't know why it blew my mind like i'm such a beatle stand and i love billy eilish and so if we have to be like on the winner like the Grammy goes to billy edge but then to see her and phineas get on stage phineas is losing his mind to be on stage with ringo and billy i was cry

laughing billy takes the award and as she's going up to the mic, you just hear her say, hey, Ringo, what's up? Anyway, thank you so much. And then in her speech, she's thinking, well, at first she's like, this should have gone to Meg, like Megan Thee Stallion. And she's just like, it dedicates to her. It should have been hers. But then she's like, no, but really, I'm so thankful. I want to thank my parents thank you to ringo i feel like billy eilish is either the cool actually really cool or like

sucks like it's either all a visage or she's so genuine and i think it's the genuine thing i think she's so genuine elizabeth is not a like and i get it she's like i'm not a fan of billy's music but she's like but i would want to be her friend she's like i want to like hang out with her i think she's an awesome person i love her music and i want to hang out with her um but yeah so what shook me is base is that i wonder if finn has a finn with eilish yeah what shook you jesus christ the kinks i've been really into the kinks recently. Their album, Arthur. Just listen to it cover to cover. It's so good. I'm not really going to say much more about it because I sometimes

wreck albums all the time. Specifically, listen to Victoria, Shangri-La, and Australia in that order if you don't want to listen to the whole thing. Also, the guitar tones on it is so good. I've just been playing

along to it as well so yeah that's my rec you can find jeffrey on instagram at jeffrey james on twitter at jeff boyard you can find our show on instagram at review review on twitter at review review show on reddit at r slash review review and you can find riley on instagram at riley anspa and on twitter at riley coyote we'll see you guys again on Tuesday. Not even a full week. Arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.