Review Revue - BONUS FRIDAY: Car Antlers

Episode Date: December 18, 2020

In this special BONUS episode, Reilly and Geoff read reviews about Car Reindeer Antlers and discuss Wall Street pricks, intentional highway collisions, and wimpy boxers!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Thank you to Fram for making this bonus episode of Review Review possible. For over 80 years, Fram has been a leader in automotive filtration, Riley, because that's the only thing they do. Filters. My stupid oil has got me in trouble. I didn't have Fram filters in my truck that I ran over the other day. Want to protect your well-oiled machine to breathe easier when driving. Fram has the right filter for every kind of driver.

Fram oil filters are American-made, tough, and feature short-grip technology. No slip grip for easy install and remove, even with an oily hand, glove, or foot. Fram Cavanaer filters... God, I hate that image. Fram Cavanaer filters filter out contaminants like exhaust fumes, allergens, and pollution.

And with the power of Army Hammer's Arm & Hammer Baking Soda, you can breathe easy with an odorless interior. Find the filter that's right for you this holiday season. Go to Fram.com today. That's F-R-A-M.com. Thanks, Fram. I just want to know how you feel. I want a love that's so proud and real

You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna hit you I just wanna Happy Honda Days Happy Honda Days

Happy Honda Days Toyota Happy Honda Days. Happy Honda Days. Toyota Sales-a-thon. Merry Chrysler event. Mazda Hanukkah. Zoom, zoom. Zoom, zoom. Light the manure room. Oh, funny.

How goes it? Friday, December 18th. Recording this on Wednesday, December 9th. And that's just how it goes around here. That's just how it goes. What do you think you'll be feeling like on December 18th is basically when our work is done. We have a, we do have a VIP zoom party on, uh, tomorrow on the 19th. So if you're listening to this and you're a VI podcast, uh, please join us or want to be bump up to the higher tier or subscribe, uh, patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff, but that's just fun. And that's going to be great. Cause it's like all the work will be done.

We make some, we spike some eggnog with brandy. You say brandy drinking that you're a licker what's that i probably won't be having eggnog on the day that's how i know i'll be feeling on the 18th for sure is that i'm not gonna be like you know what i want to drink on a zoom call egg stuff and that has nothing to do with you so don't be sad. I take it personally, though. I know you do, which is unbelievable, actually. Yeah, that's an interesting question. How will we feel in nine days?

I don't know. I feel good right now. Hopefully I feel as good or better then. Fingers crossed, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah yeah I therapy this is you in therapy focus I asked if you were feeling bad they're cheering for you you gotta you gotta tell them something I'm not gonna say anything you're going through a really really hard time come on say something they love you you're clearly on the verge you're absolutely on the verge you're anything. You're going through a really, really hard time. Come on. Say something. They love you. You're clearly on the verge. You're absolutely on the verge.

You're going through a divorce. Your kids are going with your ex-husband. They all just went quiet because they actually don't like when you talk about my divorce. Yeah. That's what this is. Force. They love that. They love the run.

What's new in the world of Riley, do you think? What I think will be new? Now that's interesting, isn't it? Now that's something. I love saying not interesting questions are really interesting. No, that's interesting. See, that's interesting. That's interesting.

I think by then I will have all of my Christmas presents wrapped. In your den. And sent off. In your den. And sent off. In my den. Daniel really wants to call our TV room the den. He's such a Chicago boy. And Elizabeth and I are like, absolutely not. Yeah, absolutely not.

Our living room, he wants to call the den. And we're like, no. Well, you kind of, yeah. I feel like it's a family room. Family room, living room, it doesn't matter, but it's very funny because sometimes we'll be like, oh, it's on the couch in the living room. It doesn't matter, but it's very funny. Just not den. We'll be like, oh, it's in the, can you go? It's on the couch in the living room.

And Daniel was like, I don't know where that is. I don't know what that room, we don't have one of those. Do you mean the den? I'm like, I don't think so. That doesn't sound familiar. And then we're just in that cycle. Speaking of cycle, I fell off my bike yesterday. Did you actually?

I scraped both my knees, Billie Eilish style, yeah. Are you okay? Bru scraped both my knees, Billie Eilish style, yeah. Are you okay? Bruises on both my knees. Jeffrey fell off of a tricycle one day when he was triking around. He fell because of snow. Get my really bad name out of your mouth. What happened? You fell off your bike like a little kid. No didn't fall off my bike it just fit the story oh my god um ask me ask me one personal question about myself because i feel like i never actually share anything about my life on this show and i'd like what's one of

your happiest memories oh wow that's actually really good uh wasn't that was so fast you like had that at the ready because i love listen i listen, I overshare, you undershare. It's the over under of it all. I'm wondering what the happiest memory might have to be. One of them. It doesn't have to be the happiest. You know what? Yeah. The weekend before we all locked down in March, I went to Steamboat Springs with my buddies, Kevin, James, and Kevin's girlfriend.

And we were skiing the whole weekend. And I'm like, so 2019, I learned how to ski. 2020 was the first ski season where I was like, I already know how to ski. I can just go have fun. You can participate in ski season. Exactly. Ski-zen, yeah.

Ski-ski-zen. There was one night that we went to, we were in Steamboat Springs and we went to the Natural Hot Springs. And it's like just, it was just- I remember you telling me about that. I might've said it on the show. So sorry, I'll cut it out if I did, but- No, I just remember, I think, I don't even know just it was just i remember you telling me about that i might have said it on the show so sorry i'll cut it out if i did but no i just i think i don't even know if

it was on the show i just remember you talking to me about it it was like this canyon in colorado moonlit literally no electricity nearby just these natural hot tubs and so we went there and like brought a couple drinks it was just like a lot of fun and then on the way back we were our our van driver who drove us from our like uh chalet if you want to call it like our condo that we were staying at to the springs his name he said my name is brad but call me wheels and we were all like why do you want us to call you wheels and they're like that's what all my friends call me plus and then he just gestured at the steering wheel i'm like okay i get it and then he was driving us down this really like treacherous canyon and he was like yeah like i'm like i'm they also call me wheels because i'm like the best person to be driving around these

streets like i like just last weekend i saw a five car pile up over there i saw just one of our vans flipped with a bunch of people and into the creek and we're all like, don't tell us this. Don't. Wheels, please don't disclose that information. Yeah. And then on the way back, we were all like drunk. And he started again talking about all the crazy accidents he saw. And we couldn't stop laughing because it's like, dude, read the van. Dude, wheels can't read a van.

To save his strife. There's a tweet I saw. I'm forgetting who who tweeted it but it was very funny of being like man you know like those car antlers decorations they fool me every year like i always mistake cars for reindeer as soon as you slap those antlers on i've been twice today alone that's funny and they always i think they're the same like i love seeing a car with a red nose and antlers i think it's the funniest thing i've ever seen why don't you do it you have to do it for sure because i don't want to spend money on it like i it's like 10 bucks but then like i can't

do it i can't bring myself to you but i'd like to imagine just go one week without dairy and you can afford the antlers stop it i know um jeff what are your experiences with car antlers absolutely none i've definitely seen them before like especially in ohio it's a very midwestern wholesome energy thing it's a very wholesome energy. That really is the energy of the Midwest. This is not an interesting thing to say and everybody knows it, but just like the contrast of just the vibe when I'm in LA versus here, it's just like in LA, everybody just doesn't care about you.

And then when you're here, way too many people care about you. Anyway. Yeah. I'll see them in like the parking lot of a Heinen's. What's Heinen's? Is that like a local supermarket? Yeah. It's like the Gelson of a Heinen's. What's Heinen's? Is that like a local supermarket? Yeah.

It's like the Gelson's of Cleveland. Nice. Yeah. What if I like to imagine if someone like, because for some reason, when I see those cars, like I automatically, and I could be wrong,

but I assume that people who put antlers and like decorate their car to look like a reindeer, like they fucking live for Christmas. They live for the holidays. And their house must also be super decorated. But what if it's like nothing? They didn't decorate their house at all. They didn't even have a tree, no lights or anything. But they're like, I'll throw in a couple antlers on the car.

Get the old spirits going. Yeah. That's the least I can do. It's not a casual thing it's like because also in reading these reviews mine doesn't have to do with this but apparently you can't roll down your windows for anything because they hold the antlers attached so like you really need to want to have them on to have you need to want to have them on to have. Is all. I, similarly, I've never done it,

but I love seeing them. I'm always very tickled to see them. You're tickled pink. I'm tickled pink, and I do think that it's a medical concern. Do you think pink has ever been tickled pink? Do I think pink the singer has ever been tickled pink? You don't have to repeat it, because when you repeat it back in that slow way, it points out that, yeah, it's a bad question. No, so do I think that pink has ever been tickled pink?

Yeah. It's kind of interesting. Do I think pink has ever been tickled pink? Like, I'm just, I'm asking it to her. We have to take a break because i'm like my cheeks are rosy i'm embarrassed as hell i've definitely soiled my jeans hey do i think pink's ever been tickled pink what's that pink do i think do i think pink's ever been tickled pink okay so i'm pink and i'm on a press tour for like a new album. Everybody's been asking questions about the music. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Pink, Pink.

Yeah, NBC News, NBC News. Pink, do I think that you've ever been tickled, Pink? Pink? Her publicist steps in. That's actually all the time she has today. Everybody starts going with clamor. No, no, no. No, we need to know, we need to know.

Let's take a break. Marty. Daddy, I finished that letter for Santa you wanted me to write. All right, let's hear it, son. I'm still working on a couple spelling things, so I don't look too much into it. Well, that's okay. Just read it out loud, and if you stumble, then i'll help you with the spelling okay dear santa for over 80 years fram has been a leader in autumn autumn can you read this automotive filtration yeah you you spelled it right somehow but you don't know how to say it because that's the only thing they do filters weird start go on santa mr claus do you want to protect your well-oiled

machine or breathe easier when driving fram has the right filter for every kind of driver well buddy i think santa has the sleigh right so there's no gas involved it's just it runs on christmas cheer please don't interrupt me right i only have you for the weekend so yeah let's just make the most i know and it's like I go to mom's tomorrow morning. Wait, tomorrow Sunday? I thought you were going Monday morning. Mom said that she has like a dinner that she wants me to be at. I have to call your mother. She wants me to meet her new friend.

This is not fair to me, but go on. Her new friend? Fram oil filters are American-made, tough, and feature sure grip tech. Sorry, can you read this for me too? Again, spelled perfect, technology. Technology. This is your handwriting, what the hell? Sure grip tech tech. Can you sorry? Can you read this again? Spelled perfect technology technology. This is your handwriting. What the hell?

No slip grip for easy install and remove even with an oily hand glove or elf buddy. If you can nice if you can if you do go to the dinner tomorrow, can you can you take a photo of her friend and send it to me? Can I take a photo of mom's friend to send to you the person she wants to meet? Yeah, just I want to make sure that I look better than that seems inappropriate of me to me. Can I take a photo of mom's friend to send to you? The person she wants you to meet? Yeah, just I want to make sure that I look better than them. That seems inappropriate of me to do. I don't think you know the difference. You're right. Well, I'm also not in it with my letter. Dad, please.

All right, go, go. Fram cabin air filters filter out containments. Contaminants, yeah. Contaminants like exhaust fumes, allergen and pollution. With the power of Arm & Hammer baking soda, you can breathe easy with an odorless interior, Rudolph.

No way he's taller than me, right? Find the filter that's right for you, Santa. And right for me, actually, because I would like this. And go to fram.com today. That's F-R-A-M.com. Please thank you, Santa. I can't wait to meet my mom's friend his name is brad brad what brad what and what asked me and like check his wrist and see what kind of watch he's wearing

if it's a that's not even your name that's the only thing that weirdly enough you spelled contaminants right but you got your name wrong i forgot i was too excited by christmas and by brad brad got me a race car toy for Christmas. I was like an early gift. A little like Hot Wheels or? No, he got me like, I like can drive it around the yard. You got me a sock. I lost the second one. I know. I still love you, dad. You're going to be okay. Really? Well, dad, no matter how you drive fram has the right filter for you again go to fram.com today and find your perfect filter thank you fram it's beginning to look a lot like wrist miss i broke both my bows Both these bows

Fell on a ton of ice Broke my elbows twice And it didn't really feel too nice Too nice I have only since eaten white rice White rice Cause it looks like snow Yes it does

When my dad said he had to go My mom didn't put on a show and i couldn't even say goodbye he cried i only eat white bread shredded to look like snow my brother didn't come home for the holidays because I told him what was going on at home. Vanilla ice cream to look like snow. And mashed potato.

Mashed potato snow. Because your dad loved you only eat things that look like snow. As a coping mechanism. Yeah. Alright. This is a five star review Do you only eat things that look like snow? As a coping mechanism, yeah. All right. This is a five-star review of Christmas car decorations, reindeer kit, holiday car window decor,

rooftop antlers, and auto grill red nose decor for car. In a hat? This is five stars from Kindle. Well, it's just Kindle customer is the name kindle christmas kindle christmas um here to here we go my husband plays santa and he in quotes loves it no that's it yep no no that is the whole review yeah my husband plays santa and he loves it it's a five-star review why is loves it in air quotes that has nothing to do with anything that's nothing my husband plays santa and he loves it hi welcome to wendy's um can i get you oh look at

those antlers that's so festive yeah uh thanks my my wife um bought them for bought them for me uh sorry actually hold on let me roll down the window a little bit i gotta stay on oh sorry hold on i just gotta let me just open the door. Hits the brick wall. Oh, Jesus. Nope. And bump the Buick. Okay.

And here we go. Door's closed. Ha. All right. Hello. Yeah. Can I get you anything to eat? Are you hungry or?

You know, I'll just take a Coke. I actually already had lunch. I just needed to get out of the office for a bit you know just kind of drive around someone who wasn't my co-worker now i'm starting to get it car antlers you're kind of clumsy with the with the buick you don't actually want food you pulled up here to talk to me you need somebody i well when you put it that way it makes me sound kind of sad yeah 100 yeah um what's your name it's jordake jordake but we don't have to talk about my name it's not what it's about that's nice oh well jordake i'm sam uh it's nice to meet you um i'll get you that coke

right away i'll get you that coke right away oh take your time take your time jordake i there you go i was all fast i put the car in park and then i turn it off oh my god yeah all right what what do you need oh what else do you need beside the coke is it okay i mean like there's no line right now is it there's there's going i can guarantee there's going to be but yeah for now you're fine dude i just need to sit for a second okay i'm gonna close the window then just no please i'm begging you do not do that what's going on why do you need to talk to somebody so bad have you ever felt like your whole life is just one big plastic bag that's been put over your head so you feel like you're suffocating what are you being smothered by huh i guess i never thought

of it suffocating that's good um that's what happens when you put a bag over your head i'm just man i mean it's like non-stop right i mean like I don't know what you mean no but it's it's it's bigger than that it's it's it's the family and you know I should be so lucky I got it I got a job I got wife I got kids I got yeah what do you do for work it seems like this is a really nice Buick it seems like things are actually going well things I mean listen things are going well I'm a stockbroker so I'm happy god wow but mid-level or low level i'm top tier god i'm jealous but during the holidays you're a stockbroker you're on your break from work and you're at a wendy's drive-thru so you drove over here to new jersey from wall street i did oh my god that's what i'm saying man is this why do you even have a car because i can what's on the passenger seat there's

a lot of shiny things over there just pure diamonds my passenger seat is filled with pure diamonds and my trunk is filled with solid gold bars okay that's why this car is a little slower than than the average one also why a buick like you obviously have the money this is the top of the line buick i don't know why you didn't just do like a middle tier bend jordick i came to you because i i just need to like talk to someone real you know all right yeah um I work a minimum wage job, so it's kind of hard for me to see this and hear about this, but yeah, that's fine. But you get me.

I don't understand you at all. Why do you need to get away from your Wall Street job? I guess it's just like everyone at work is, they're all, they don't really care about the things that matter. Cut to work yeah it was just a nice getaway for the you know for the family we went out to you know um shelter island and we had a lot of fun and uh you know that's what it's all about you know being with

the family every year sam what'd you say no no sorry it's just like we get it we know how you feel about family it's like three guys around a water cooler and then sam was just kind of distantly 10 feet away yeah yeah i i really love my family um no but that's just that's that's what i did this weekend what'd you guys do well you know i uh you know kind of the same thing but we just kind of stayed around the house you know the kids are still young so we did some snowmen in the in the yard and uh oh my it's just a nice quiet time at home oh my god sam what what's wrong what's wrong jesus christ if you have to ask oh my god i am pouring liquid gold into my coffee oh my god what's wrong what do you value what do i value that's a weird question first of all the question

was what did you do for the weekend? Now you turn to Sam and say, what do I value? I don't know. Like what's my value? Like what's my net worth? No, not at all that. We know it's higher than us.

We're all analysts. Yeah, of course it's higher than you. Um, I'm going to go back to my desk guys. No, Peter, just no Peter.

No, Peter. Stay. Come back. desk guys no peter just no peter no peter stay cut back so i mean it's like everyone at work is talking non-stop about family and cheer and and gratitude yeah like it's making me feel left out like you get it you get it jorda you don't have to keep using my name um but yeah it's uh i don't really get it i gotta be honest i don't get it i i love you know being with family is kind of like the most important thing to me and i just wonder like what if do you a line starting

to build up yeah a lot of people behind you sorry about the honk well i'm not sorry about the honking you shouldn't you shouldn't be in park it's okay i don't know don't apologize it's okay don't worry about it um yeah i was What was really tough today. Why? I just need to get out of the city is like someone someone called me a mean name at work and I just like I didn't sit right with me and I didn't agree with it. Really got to work. Mr. Lorente.

Yeah. Could you get those your expense reports to me? I just need to do it. And if you could like you could just get those over to me. Big guy. Big head honcho. Excuse me. Oh, big head honcho. Excuse me? Oh, it was just a joke.

Like, yeah, you're head honcho. You're kind of the boss. Sorry, what would you say before head honcho? Big guy. Big guy. You're doubling down. Big guy. Well, you made me say it again.

It was just like big boss man. It was a colloquialism. It's like like right big boss man you know it's it was it was a colloquialism it's like hey boss man like hey you know trying to relate to you because you never let me what's your name again i knew you've worked for me for five years i know your face i just can't place the name giler giler what uh yeah giler scott giler writing down giler you don't have to write it down because i'm worried about what you're gonna do with it that'll be all for today cut to the afternoon it's just like he sees through his glass wall like giler is just like getting the news and we don't hear the audio and he's just like nodding and then giler just like

is packing his bags and like looks over to the office and sam is just staring back at him i swivel my desk chair around look out at the city yeah cut back i mean can you believe that shit someone you laid someone off this morning yeah well doesn't that bother you yeah cut back i mean can you believe that shit someone you laid someone off this morning yeah well doesn't that bother you get out of i mean it bothers me because then everyone i was walking around the office everyone's looking at me like i'm fucking scrooge or something around christmas time so they were just staring at you weird or was it more than that well cut to the office they're all throwing shit at him, Sam. I don't want to work here for you anymore. He's like in a corner.

Everybody's like, it's a coup. It's like in succession when Kendall lays off the whole company and they come and spit at him. And he's just like, all right, everyone pack up your things and go. We don't want to work for you ever again. Fuck you, Sam. Fuck you and your family. Fuck you. Throwing desks at you. They are hitting you, but you and your family fuck you throwing desks at you they are hitting you but you're not even flinching you grab your car keys and walk down stone-faced i'm under my

breath well i'm sorry you feel that way bad apology cut back to wendy's so that happened just before this that happened about 22 minutes ago. Got it. Can I just give you like a frosty? I mean, like I feel weird giving you something for free, but what gets you out of the drive-thru? I could really use a frosty. I could really use like a handout right now, actually. I don't think so.

You guys always get handouts. We never do. Here's a frosty. Here's a frosty, but you know what? I'm going to pay for it. Oh my, you don't have to do that, Jordakeak jordak you really don't have to do that get out of my drive-thru i try and start the car oh shit this happens sometimes when when you have the amount of gold bars in your trunk that i do sometimes a little bugger just won't start yeah

it's because you have a lot of stuff and it's like the gas is used up more because you have to use more torque you're out of yeah that's it it's on e you knew that you're out of gas well i guess it was meant to be in a way the tow truck cut to the tow truck guy being there what do you mean you wanted to like talk to someone real jordick leans out of the window don't even bother oh my god i'm so glad you asked lawrence It all started this morning. Cut to his home at Christmas, all the kids. Mommy, where's dad? Well, honey, dad just decided he needed to take a little Sam time this holiday season.

A little notification pops up on her phone. It says Hunter, in parentheses, repair man. It says, you up? parentheses, repair man. It says, you up? Oh, and you know what? I'm gonna take a little Lauren time. So kids, you can open your presents,

take selfies with them. It's a hot wheel. Merry Christmas. They open it up. It's not a hot wheel. It's like a knockoff. It's a not wheel. It's a not wheel. All right.

The saddest Christmas story. That's so awful. Instead of a Christmas story, it's a sad ass Christmas story. The saddest Christmas story. That's so awful. Instead of a Christmas story, it's a sad ass Christmas story. A sad ass Christmas story. Do you have another review if you want to do one more? This is a review. This is a five star review from Richard JM. Richard Jingle Malls.

Got it. Here we go. Five stars. Subject line. Other drivers loved my red decorated suv i was i was traveling on i-75 on christmas morning going to sisters everyone stopped giving me the finger what's the punctuation on that everyone's none the whole thing done so it wasn't everyone stopped comma giving me the finger

oh sorry no there's an exclamation point so yeah everyone stopped giving me the finger exclamation point exclamation point really joyful oh my god I just imagine someone just commuting to work normally fuck you

fuck you Honda Civic I'm going 65. I don't know what else to change. I'm in the middle lane. I couldn't be less offensive to you. Goes a little farther. A car pulls up next to you. It's a little girl in the backseat just shaking her head.

What? I didn't do anything, dude. The car slows down a little bit. The mom's in the front seat also shaking her head. Are you kidding me with this? I'm doing what? You're going slower than me, and you're in the further left lane. A school bus pulls up, and as it passes, every kid has the window rolled down, and one by one, they spit at you.

Oh, God. I'm trying to roll up my window, but it's one of the actual roll-ups. Oh, God, it's wet. I did nothing to you guys. I'm not even in the same lane. I'm literally staying in my lane. You get on a ramp and you're at a stoplight. A car pulls up next to you.

I'm telling you to roll down your window. Oh, okay. Did you see? Yeah, it rolls down. Did you see that back there that was nuts i saw that i am so sorry did you did something happen like i i couldn't help but i mean i know we only have a couple seconds as you're doing this you're kind of slowly inching ahead of me and diagonal but i don't notice so that you're like kind of blocking my view i don't

know sorry about that i really don't i don't know why everybody has their, like, honestly, panties in a bunch. Somebody who clearly they know is a tag team effort rear ends me really hard, pushing me into you, too, so I'm liable for damage. What the fuck was that? Oh, my God. Let's go yell at this guy, right? He rear ended me. You just slammed into my driver's side door. Are you kidding? The other guy gets out.

Hey! What the fuck was that? You crashed into me! Why were you stopped? I'm at a light! I don't know. This is it. It's green. It's green now, but it wasn't green when I was stopped. And now I can't drive.

My car is literally ruined. Fuck this guy! Guy gets back to his apartment. Finally, his car is just like destroyed. It dies as he gets to the apartment. Ah, okay. Opens the apartment. Oh, you're home.

Yeah, you won't believe the fucking drive I just had. It was- I look out the window. I see the car. No, I can believe no i i can believe it you can believe it or you can see what happened i can i mean well seeing is believing so by the state of you know your car i can look honey what are those what's that contract what's what are those law papers as of today we are no longer married i didn't sign anything. And that's exactly why. Because you never do anything, Simon.

You never take control. You never pull into a lane that you want to be in. You never edge forward at a stoplight that you know is about to turn green. And so you're like, I'm going to get a head start. Right? You never go five miles over the speed limit. And all the while, your car looks like rudolph so how's that supposed to make me feel i don't know i thought you liked the antlers you're too

nice you're too nothing well i'm sorry that you feel that way. Bad apology. I know. This Christmas, I want more than a box of nothing. You're like, cut to me, you kicked me out. I'm just walking sullenly around like a snowy street. I hear like, coming from like a garage door looking place. I'm like, what is this? I poke my head in in it's a boxing gym oh wow oh oh oh hey hey hey if you want you want to take a picture it'll last longer

so he kind of realizes something in himself hey why don't you shut up what the fuck you talking about uh i was just saying why don't you shut up why don't you shut up? Why don't we shut up? Why don't we fucking shut up? How about you get in the ring and I'll shut you up with my fucking fist in your face, huh? Why don't I get in that ring and I show you what a piece of this is? All right, everyone. Eddie, Eddie, glove him up. Glove him up.

Let's get in here, big guy. This guy who's like, has like 50 pounds on him and comes up to him. He's like, he's about to do it. I knock you out in one punch. Total knockout. Everybody in the gym like stops what they're doing. Holy shit. Vincent, Vincent, come out here.

A Sylvester Stallone type comes out. What? This guy just knocked Travis out in one punch. One punch? That's never happened. Who the hell are you anyway i'm i'm simon last name it's it's simon well simon simon you're ready for the big leagues cut to simon is now the heavyweight champ of the world he's on a billboard everyone on the freeway like looks up

they all kind of like they smile they were about to give him the finger and then you put it down not everyone in unison we all knew you had it in you simon and then simon's ex-wife is in a car with another man driving around so babe what do you want for dinner tonight before i rail you. What are you looking at? Just a little bit of history. But as for dinner, I'll take some shrimp scampi and then I'll take the car. I'm getting out.

What? He has like a dent in his head. Bald as hell. hell yes cauliflower rugby ears he's like a thumb creature from spy kids cut to her knocking on like the door of like a huge mansion hello oh hi simon lindsey um so this is your new place yeah it does the job yeah can I come in it's a little cold out here uh now's not really a good time hey Simon I'm crying. Two women coming. Yeah, yeah.

They're both, like, wearing really corny Playboy bunny ears. Hey, Simon. One of them's wearing his, like, button-down white shirt. Yeah, ladies, I'll be right there. Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you had company. Who's this? Oh, sweetie, I like your scarf. I didn't know Infinity Scarves made it since 2008.

And you might want to wear a skirt. Oh, well, it's pretty cold, so I have jeans on. Oh. Go back to bed, ladies. I'll be there in a minute he's wearing his championship belt and nothing else so what is it you wanted

you know what I'm sorry I shouldn't have bothered you especially after how I acted I this is so embarrassing I should just go yeah probably

wait no Simon close the door title card merry christmas from simon simon that was the darkest honestly both of those who are like really sad christmas stories stories it's a nice place yeah it does the job I can't stop laughing I'm fucking crying

and then we both did the same Simon so funny but usually when that happens in movies like he doesn't actually want to be with those girls he wants to be with the one who comes to come in and he's like no he's actually happier I'm fucking crying I'm a fucking thumb man Like, he doesn't actually want to be with those girls. He wants to be with the one who comes to come in. He's like, no, he's actually happier.

I'm fucking crying. I have a fucking thumb, man. She dates a thumb. Miss! Shut me off all week long! um oh um a family friend of ours got us these you kidding me a family friend of ours gave us this like gift. They're big on gift baskets. And included in this one were these really good tart but still sweet maraschino cherries. And the dark ones that are served in fancy cocktail places. So I'm back on my old-fashioned kick.

Like the Luxadaro? I think it is that. Yeah. Maybe. Those are good ones. So whatever it is, it'sian and like very dark with and very syrupy so i'll i'll do two of those in the old-fashioned and like just a little scoop of the maraschino syrup in it too and it's a game changer uh it really is it reminds me of like just a really nice cocktail bar old-fashioned it's not like it's like let i don't know i got bored with

old fashions but this made it more exciting to me because at the end you also get a little maraschino surprise so you can't say that i'm like clinging to something um yeah i similarly my my what shook me is in the same vein of if uh i subscribe to new york times cooking so i have all the recipe new New York Times recipes because we cook a lot. And I love cooking. And so we have like our weekly dishes. We have a bunch that we rotate out of. And so we want to expand that. And so we're going to try and do at least one new recipe a week.

That's fun. And so tonight, I'm really, really excited about tonight. What is it? And tonight we are doing sheet pan scallion chicken with bok choy oh my god that sounds amazing guys with like a miso ginger scallion um marinade over and all of it is over bok choy and then we're gonna make rice on the side and i am send me a photo you always tell me what you're gonna make make and then I literally just want a photo. I'm so excited to make this tonight.

Send me photos, please. I will. Thank you so much for listening to this bonus episode of Review Review. We'll be back on Tuesday with an episode with some very special guests. And again, next Friday with the best of Review Review 2020 bonus episodes.

So give those a listen uh hopefully your favorite episode makes it and if not it's just a podcast man get over it you can follow riley on instagram at riley and spa on twitter at riley coyote you can follow jeff on instagram now at just jeffrey james um and on twitter at don't play no james i need nowhere to find this show it's very exciting it is it's like such a small thing. I was texting my friend and I was like, this is not important. You don't give a shit.

But I got it. It is important. I got it. Jeffrey James. And again, if you would like to participate in the December VIP Zoom party tomorrow night,

December 19th at 5 p.m. Pacific time, subscribe or upgrade your tier at patreon.com forward slash riley and jeff and we'll catch you next week arrivederci that was a hit gum original