Review Revue - BONUS FRIDAY: Rest Stops

Episode Date: July 23, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about rest stops and discuss unhappy dads and tragic radio call-in shows!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Thank you to Trico for sponsoring this bonus Friday episode of our show. Riley, for over 100 years, Trico has been the leader in innovation and ingenuity for everything wiper blades. Trico was the first to mass-produce wiper blades, and they've received numerous awards from vehicle manufacturers who trust Trico to put the best product on their vehicles. One of their products, Trico Neoform, is designed to match your vehicle's exact connection. That means no more guessing, no more hassle, and no more confusion while installing your wiper blades. Not only are they easy to install with their high-quality beam blades built to beat any type of weather, Trico Ultra wiper blades are American-made they easy to install with their high quality beam blades to be built to beat any type of weather. Trico ultra wiper blades are American made premium beam blades that shine in

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You just sold me a cow at an auction. And you paid above top dollar. Yeah. It was because I was talking so fast. Thanks, Trico. Holy shit. Oh my god! Oh my god! No! No fucking way! Okay. Oh my god.

Basilio! Basilio! Why? updating your why I review I won't stop review I won't stop review

review review One Star Review. Review. My birthday was a month and a half ago, and, like, I'm still getting presents. So anything good that happens to you you think is a belated birthday present? That was... I'm giddy i like cannot even stay in my seat right now that entire greg berg greg berg are you fucking kidding yeah greg berg you son of a bitch that he'd like to plug his band that he plays bass in zombie

sunday great name uh which i hope is not a pen on Vampire Weekend for obvious reasons. Greg, that was unbelievable. I am a better person for having listened to that and you better for having made it. That's a parody of one song, Glory, from Rent. Absolutely, it fucking is. I don't know that one.

I only know the 500 on your head. Oh my God. Oh my God. I cannot believe. rent absolutely it is i don't know that one i only know the 500 that oh my god oh my god i cannot believe not only did we get a rent parody but we got fucking one song glory that was amazing y'all please keep the musical theater parodies coming i cannot tell you how much joy oh my god can we also get a grateful dead parody because like yes i love musical theater too but that's I cannot tell you how much joy they bring me. Can we also get a Grateful Dead parody? Because I love musical theater too. But that's kind of my version of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Riley's version of musical theater. We gotta even it out. So we gotta even it out. That's what I've always said. We gotta even it out. We gotta even out the musical theater with the Grateful Dead. We gotta even it out. It's a bonus Friday, bitch.

It is a bonus fucking Friday. Sponsored by Trico Wiper Blades. Fuck yeah. Riley, you just went on a kind of a mini road trip. Daniel and I, weeks ago, went to Viva Lost Wages. I'm just kidding. It's called Las Vegas, Nevada.

It was last weekend. Oh, it was last weekend oh it was last weekend well i'm thinking oh yeah no when about at the time of two weekends ago two weekends ago two weeks ago uh went to vegas it is without traffic roughly a four and a half hour drive uh to las vegas but on our way home because we were silly, silly people came back on a Sunday afternoon, which I don't go to Vegas enough. And by enough, I mean, I've been like once every couple of years, maybe to see a show. I don't really like it very much.

Sunday afternoon is like the time when everyone drives back to Los Angeles after having come in to Vegas. And so it was that plus there were a bunch of accidents on the road. So that traffic plus the accidents. It took Daniel, Steve and Rashid and I seven and a half hours to get home. Are you kidding me? Well, eight hours because we stopped for lunch for like an hour. So let's just say it was seven hours.

It took us seven hours on what should have been a four hour drive um i i want the high speed light rail from la to vegas so fucking bad that'll be great the drive i mean listen what's great about that drive is you go through baker california and if anyone's done the drive from los angeles to las vegas um or have if you've just driven through Baker, California, it is, it's kind of like the three quarter mark. It's like,

that's how you know, you're kind of on the home stretch to Vegas. And it is a wild little town. It is home to the world's tallest thermometer. Right. And it also has a lot of like, I think it's, it must be close to, I guess, area 51. It has a lot of like I think it must be close to

I guess Area 51 it has a lot of alien themed things there like there's a it's in the middle of nowhere they have like a Greek restaurant called the Mad Greek they have a couple gas stations and then they have this weird spacey dome looking thing that

advertises fresh alien jerky and it's like I've never been in there but it's it's a wild of course not um but that is where um we took a little rest stop stop um and uh to rest your weary ass um jeff for lack of a better word Jeff any road trip rest stop experience

experience that boy is rest stop that boy is rest stop how do you drive like you're running out of time Stop. That is rest. Stop. How do you drive like you're running out of time?

How do you drive like you're running out of time? What's the Drake one? Man, the man is rest. Stop. We don't ever rest. We don't ever rest. Stop. Anyway.

Shit, man. Rest stops? Rest stops. Glad you asked. The only road trips I've ever done have been cleveland to the niagara falls and back and then a ton of them from like la to central california slash northern california um but yeah rest stop one of my favorite rest stops is the in and out it's not a rest stop but the place that we stop is uh in the in and out burger in kettleman city i know it's not a rest stop one of my favorite rest stops is a ruth's chris steakhouse in salt lake city i had a wagyu at coat in new york and that was fine to have and it wasn't

it wasn't a restaurant it was a restaurant um. Oh, damn it. No, but I mean, you got to stop for gas. You got to stop for snacks. And I'm looking forward to more road trips in my life where I stop at rest stops that are pretty shitty. For you rest stop purists out there, I think there's a difference between like a rest stop where it's like you can go, you can park overnight. They have showers. Yeah. They have bathrooms. They have like it is allowed to park and sleep in your car um and then there's like uh kind of a

bigger gas station with like the rest stop that we stopped at in baker it had like five different kind of like fast food restaurants within the rest stop had a coffee bean it had gas so it's like that also feels like a rest stop but when i think when i think like rest like legit rest stop i think of like kind of it almost looks like if you're entering a national park and it there's like the reception area but that's all it is hey uh can i get a room yeah Yeah, we don't have those. So what's the desk for? Why do you have reception then?

I need this job, man. Sorry, it's just like, can you not ask me questions like this at my place of work? Yeah, sorry. I guess we'll keep driving. So Jeffrey, do you have a revue for a rest stop? So keep in mind, this place also serves as a gas station this is for

arizona last stop in white hills arizona i think it's near the grand canyon four stars from juan m um juan mama mia 2 here we go again juan mama mia 2 here we go again. Juan, Mama Mia 2, here we go again. Four stars. Again, keep in mind this is mainly a gas station. Nice stop in the middle of nowhere. Store is connected to a burger joint, and there's also a shooting range and tons of souvenirs. This is a gas station. so I tweeted the other day

about remembering the concept of a man cave and a rest stop with a shooting range has the same energy of like you're on a family road trip and for some reason like the man the dad's like give me away from my fucking family. Like, I can't stand it. Okay, honey.

Anyone need a potty break? The rest stop is the only one for the last 90 miles. So I'm going to stop here. And even if you don't have to go, we're going to try. Okay, kids? All right, honey. So if you just pull over right in here. Yeah.

Pull over, potty break. We're going to try. Okay, kids? All right, honey? So if you just pull over right in here. Yeah. Pull over. Potty break. It's going to be so stupid. It's not going to be anything for me there. Well, there's going to be a restroom for you there. You've said that you've had to pee for the last 50 minutes. And I'm kind of- And I wanted to do it in a Gatorade bottle and you wouldn't let me.

No, because that's going to stink up the car. Anyway, we're here now. Kids, if you stick together buddy system okay you go the restaurant's going inside i'm going inside oh if you're gonna pick up some snacks can you please get us a couple waters and maybe a couple just like bags of chips yeah yeah yeah i'll do it thank you i'm gonna fill up the gas all right and uh family vacation and three two one break break cut to him inside. Yeah, could I just do a couple of these chip bags,

waters, and I would get a pack of smokes, but the old ball and chain wouldn't have that, would she? Yeah, I don't know. Ringing you up. Someone comes up behind you. Sorry, which way to the gun range? Oh, gun range. It's going to be, you're going to go out of this building

and take a right and it's right next door gun range oh yeah brother that's why i come to this rest stop every other week just gotta let off some steam you know why do you have to let off steam oh because i'm married you know how it is no fucking shit married. No fucking shit. It's the worst. I hate my spouse. My kids are bad, especially the daughter. The daughter's in the snacks aisle holding up a bag of gummy worms, like about to pull on your pant leg.

Dad? Don't pull on my pant leg. Can I get these gummy worms? Oh, you have a little tyke. She's the bad one right yeah she's the one that annoys me more than the guy my son is annoying as shit but i love him to death and to me you're you'll grow up to be good enough to have me as a dad okay he walks out oh man that oh my god hey if you got it's like when she leaves the room I just like it's a weight lifted off my chest I feel it too

she's not even my kid and I feel it hey if you want to let off some steam we got we got a lot of other married men back there if you want to just come hang

shut to the gun range hey everybody hey sorry man I didn't get your name oh it's yeah it's Randy hey everybody Randy hates his wife.

My man. Fuck yeah, Randy. Yeah. Here. Here's a gun. Slaps a pistol in his hand. Have at it, brother. Wait.

What are you guys printing out over there? Oh, this is just my family's faces. So I got my wife, my two daughters, my son hey put it on the foot on the board put it on the target they put this family photos on the side oh my god and I would never be violent with my family I like, I get it out here, all the frustration, all that. I'm averse to therapy. So are we. We.

We. No, yeah, me too. My wife's trying to get me into therapy. The most I'll do is go with her, but it's just to make her stop talking about it. Stop talking about it. That's what we feel too. Man, don't you hate being married to your wife? God, I sometimes, I just want to hit something.

Obviously, never her, but I want to let it out somewhere. Because who is she to tie me down, you know? Yeah, you would do so much if you weren't married. I would. Oh, my God, I'd be a king. I would be king of Milwaukee. But you know what? Those days are behind me. What would you do in Milwaukee? No, your days are in front.

I say. Come on, man. No, you can still do it. Also, the dude who shot the photo of his family is like sitting in a corner like holding the picture in his hands just weeping what would i do if i were what would you do with all that free time oh my god well let's let's get this out of the way first the man cave i'd make that in my entire home that would be my entire space just wall to wall one tv a giant tv i'd have my boys over every day my wife doesn't let me have wall to wall the wall carpeting. She's like, hardwood. Keep the original hardwood. I'm like, I want shag. We want shag.

Shag. We want shag. Shag. The wife comes in. Shag. We want shag. Honey, the kids are in the car. Oh my god, there's a gun range back here? Well, yeah. We were just playing around. He shoots off a bullet. It hits the gas thing. it around he shoots off a bullet it hits the gas thing I uh

I should have listened to you you're usually right actually and also hardwood is pretty classy now that I think about it you can always put a shag throw rug you can never undo waldo i want a divorce for this of course for this i wanted one and now i don't though how is that fair to me uh should we take a quick break and thank our sponsor yeah let's take a break marty here's here's my turn uh thank you i thank you again to trico for sponsoring this bonus friday

episode um i'm gonna try and do the same thing jeff did at the top of the show okay here we go ready okay here we go for over 100 years trico has been the leader in innovation and ingenuity for everything wiper blades trico was the first master to me trico was the first trico was the first to mass produce wiper blades and they have received numerous awards from vehicle manufacturers who trust trico to put the best product on their vehicles one of their products trico neoform is designed to match your vehicle's exact connection that means no more guessing no more hassle no more confusion while installing your wiper blades not only are they easy to install but they are high quality beam blades built to beat any type of weather trico ultra wiper blades are american

made premium wiper blades that shine in any weather these wiper blades also feature a unique design that converts wind force into extra pressure, allowing for maximum windshield contact. The Trico Smart Set Wiper Blades automatically pairs the correct size and fit wiper blades specific to your vehicle. That's two wiper blades sized perfectly and with the correct connection already attached. Simply visit wiperzone2.com, enter your vehicle information, and select the different smarts that you prefer.

Trico Smart Set Monsoon for areas with heavy rainfall, Trico Smart Set Tundra for cold, snowy areas, and Trico Smart Set Storm for everything else in between. Go to wiperzone2.com and use promo code REVIEW. That's R-E-V-I-E-W-I. Check out and receive $10 off your next order of $40 or more. Thanks, Trico. Insanely impressive. This is for Coalinga Avenal. A-V-E-N-A-L Avenal. I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly.

Roadside Safety Rest Area. It's in California. Four stars from Michelangelo S. Michelangelo Speed. Four stars from Michelangelo Speed. So many other Yelpers have crapped before me i feel honored asterisked around smiles holy moly i see john m has been here and portia c and marcus k etc etc it's a veritable who's who of northern california yelpers who have apparently beelined this stretch of I-5 on all the way to

points north and south. Facilities, nice, big, spacious restrooms. All caps, love it. I can meditate for 15 minutes and no one will be bothering me. Vending, probably the best vending I've seen on I-5. Almost as good as the hilltop rest stop vending just shy V.A.O. on I-80 as you're racing to the Bay Area from Sacramento. All caps. The low down. A most excellent rest stop to recuperate, exfoliate, gastrointestinate, and get your shit done. Parentheses, all caps. Literally.

Survey. Survey. I have yet to see any Wi-fi enabled rest stops just saying survey it it reads like like a really cheesy radio show like the one's a lot of sound effects i'm like all right ladies and germs it's your boy Big Tom coming to you live from the hive. That's right, my car. Today, we're using our police radio scanner to talk to the best and in the west on today's road trip. And that's right, they're going to be live on the hive, my little busy bees.

So let's see what rando, insert crazy sound effect here, we can talk to about their commute today. Okay. Let's give her a listen. Hello, lucky caller number one. You're on Big Tommy's Live in the Hive. How you feeling today? I'm feeling amped. Oh, man.

This is my favorite show. Oh, we got a loyal fan. Well, look at, what can I say except you're welcome. Hit him with the fart cannon. Okay, I'll hit him with the fart. It's my show, man. I'll hit him with the fart cannon It's my show, man I'll hit him with the fart cannon when I want it And we're gonna do it right now

That was crazy So, my man, where are you driving to or from today? I just got in a massive pileup Actually, if I'm being honest, I caused it I swerved lane to lane as a fun way in a massive pile up. Actually, if I'm being honest, I caused it. I swerved lane to lane as a fun way to kind of sync up my car's motion to your show.

Suddenly, everyone's pissed at me because I hit like nine people. Oh my, oh my God. I'm so, I'm so sorry. Is everyone okay? No, it's all funny because like you always say on the show that show that don't take life too seriously. And that's what it's all about.

Absolutely don't take life too seriously. We all need to laugh once in a while. But you may have killed multiple people. Nobody's dead. It's just a couple minor. It's a couple injuries. It's a couple injuries? Pew, pew, pew.

Right? Pew, pew, pew. I don't know. I don't know about right now well uh i'm so sorry to hear that i'm glad everyone made it out okay um i'll be it for a couple injuries um and how are you how are you doing let's do the the segment where you make fun of people who do artistic stuff you know what it doesn't feel like the time it doesn't feel like the time. It doesn't feel like the time. Paint? Do you like to paint?

Then lick my taint. Fart cannon. Hey, we have kids listening. I'm laughing because I'm nervous. We might have some kids listening to this program. So we are going to... Thank you so much for calling in today. A fireman. We hear a fireman in the room. Muddled by the window.

Sir, we're going to need to use the jaws of life to get you out of this car. No, dude, I'm on the phone. No, I'm actually, we're going to switch to a different caller. No, no, no, wait.

Switches it. Woo. Hey, hive mind. I am so sorry that we all had to hear that together. But thank God he's okay. I just want to reiterate, you know, we have a good time.

We have a lot of laughs on this show. But I say don't take life too seriously. But human life, I think, should be taken very seriously. And so that is, I am not joking right now. And so that is, I just want to say, like like to everyone on the roads, be careful out there. Stay safe. Drive safe. Drive smart.

And let's just, let's just, you know, let's have one more caller and see if we can end the show on a lighter note. All right. So, all right. Let's throw in a little fart cannon. All right. And hello. Lucky number caller.

Lucky caller number two. You're on live on the hive. Coming at you live from the hive. Coming at you live from the hive, my man. How are you doing? I'm good. I'm in the hospital. Why are you in the hospital?

You say that we need to seek adventure. So I went bungee jumping no without a cord you jumped off a bridge um i am so sorry to hear about that um again i don't know if you were listening to the show moments ago i i wanted to reiterate to everyone that yes seek seek adventure don't take life too seriously have a laugh but we do need to take care of ourselves and our fellow man um that is incredibly important. Let's hear the smile of the week. Yeah, you know what? That's not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea. We can absolutely do the smile of the week. And here we go. Ready? Ready to hear this smile? And one, two, three. Ah, there it is. There's my smile of the week. There it is.

Can I hear your smile of the week? A doctor comes in. Oh God, he's awake. Okay, yeah, just you need to calm down. You need to stop screaming because if your heart rate reaches over 120 beats per minute, you will have a heart attack again.

Oh my God, no. No, I'm just excited. I'm live on the hive with the hive mind. No, we're gonna close down for today. Please take care of yourself. I am so glad to hear you are all right. Please keep that heart rate down and keep on smiling. No take care of yourself. I am so glad to hear you are all right. Please keep that heart rate down and keep on smiling.

No, no, no. Do the thing where you make up a song on the spot. Oh, my God. All right. Life is a precious thing. I'm dancing really fast. I'm dancing really fast. Oh, no.

No, no, no. Doctor, doctor, I don't know if you can hear me. You got to bring him back. You got to bring him back. You got to bring him back. Please, please. I did bring him back. You ended his life.

No. No, I didn't mean to press that button. I'm so sorry. A fart cannon, really? That was an accident. That was a pure accident. Oh, my God. I am so sorry this

is jesus christ haven't you done enough i have i had oh no god this look life is hard all right So I think we all need to rock soft. I'm talking Sob Rock. Mayor. 2021. Wild blue. Deeper than I ever

knew. It's just another shot in the dark. All I want is to be with you. If you're gonna roll me then you gotta roll me all night long till the right one comes i'm just doing an overture no i know i can tell but usually the overture doesn't have lyrics well i don't know how to play any of them yet uh look it's a it's interesting i i think search for everything is still my favorite Mayer album.

This is only going to be interesting to my Mayer heads out there. But it's not as good as Search. I will say I think Search so far is his magnum opus. But it is close. I think for me it goes Search, Continuum, Saab Rock, and then all the other stuff. Heartbreak Warfare. That's not a good album

i fucking loved that it's not a no skip there's some really good songs on it i think who says is so good but like search is a no skip album i think sob rock is a no skip why you know love me is really dumb and bad yeah uh he's 43 so he's not gen z and he shouldn't act like he is um but and it's also like it's kind of a caricature of a song. It feels like, I mean, the whole thing is very eighties and I know he's going for that and I like that, but it's, it feels like very much like holding up a boom box, you know, type of thing. But no, Wild Blue is probably my favorite. Shot in the Dark is my second favorite till the right one comes to my third favorite. Last Train Home is good, but it's a single. New

Light is good, but it was a single that's now three years old almost, I think. Um, but it's a single new light is good but it was a single that's now three years old almost i think um but it's very good he's just it's it's it's all good music i think it's a no skip at my first listen through i was like this all kind of blends together it's all one good vibe but like it's not as good as search search it was a vibe but each song was very different from one another but upon listening more and more i'm i'm liking it more and more um i listened to it all the way through i'm not a huge mayor head And listening to it I'm like every song sounds the same On this album It is one long song It sounds like one long song

My first impression was I don't like this Yeah I wasn't crazy about it Why You Don't Love Me is a really dumb song But then New Light came on And I'm like why does this sound So familiar Because it's been out for years but i the daniel's like you don't recognize this song and i'm like i it's something about

it something he goes it's it's the song that plays after every patreon sketch that you would do to thank your patrons i'm like oh fuck me yeah um sob rock sob rock it's it's not as best but it is good in my opinion when i was in high school i was addicted to gossip girl i have seen the show all the way through probably more than three times um i've seen every episode multiple times like so elizabeth valente she was a huge like she and she still is like her her show is how i met your mother and she's seen that all the way through so many times she knows everything about the show that's how i was with gossip girl and so knowing that the reboot was coming out elizabeth's like oh i've actually never seen gossip girl i want to watch it all the way through so we did that a couple months ago and

that was like huge to be able to experience it with her for the first time especially that that show was like everything to me yeah fucking loved it like unironically loved it at the time yeah um saw the reboot uh it's not great um i've heard it's bad yeah uh but oh my god so in the in the pilot i'm'm like one of the dad, like the dad of the lead girl, one of the dads of the lead girl. And for all you gossip girl reboot heads out there, I'm forgetting his name and I'm forgetting, hold on, what is the character's name?

Because this will actually be much more helpful. The white dad. Hold on. Fring ding ding. Let me just pull it up really quick what is that character's name julian julian's dad played by none other than luke kirby and because at first it's like his hair is his his hair is a lot shorter than i'm normally seeing him and i'm like and i didn't recognize him at first but as soon as he came on screen i'm like hello wow what are you doing here and i'm like why is he hot and then i looked up i'm like wait is that who i fucking think it is i have db'd him like no shit it's luke fucking kirby luke kirby who won who is this person he played uh lenny

bruce he plays lenny br in Marvelous Miss Maisel. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I have a huge crush on him. And so this is my new crush of the week is Luke Kirby. And I was like, I am so much more invested in just Luke Kirby being in the show than I am in literally any other part of the Gossip Girl reboot. Kirby is so hot. Oh, he and Katie Holmes are dating?

What? No, this is not Katie Holmes. Who is that? Wait, no, it was Katie Holmes. Whatever. Luke Kirby, new zaddy. Luke Kirby, new zaddy, for sure. You can follow Riley on Instagram,

at RileyAnspa, on Twitter, at RileyCoyote, and you can follow the show on Instagram, at ReviewReview, and the show on Reddit, r slash ReviewReview. You can follow Jeff on Instagram, at JeffreyJames,

and on his verified Twitter, at JeffBoyRD. Luke Kirby, as far as review. You can follow Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James and on his verified Twitter at Jeff Boyardee. Luke Kirby, as far as I know, does not have an Instagram, but you can follow a fan page at Luke Kirby Source. Thanks so much for listening to this bonus Friday episode of our show. We'll see you guys again on Tuesday. Arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.