Review Revue - Bowling Alleys

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

This week on Review Revue, Geoff and Reilly prefer Tarzana over Mar Vista, make a bowling ball sick, and find a rich husband, all while reading reviews on BOWLING ALLEYS.    Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a Head slash actor slash comedian from Cleveland, Ohio

Who now resides in Los Angeles In 2016, Jeffrey was selected As Bonnie Ardai's writing fellow, writing and starring in the FOD exclusive. The new waterproof phone doesn't matter the following year he starred as Russian season 2 of College Humor. She teased a duo of college who were slowly and horny. Jeffrey currently writes for Apple TV's Emmy-winning Carpool Karaoke.

He can be seen in the weekly HeadGum Originals Sketch series, Jeffy the Dumbass Off days and Day in the Stride Jeffy hosts the popular comedy Podcast, the HeadGum Podcast On the HeadGum Podcast Network, which recently recorded I love this song. Not this version of it. Rick Hyperion Alongside Shelby Wolstein He's a recent graduate Of the USC School

Of Cinematic Arts But that will never Come up This is too long I don't want to listen Back to my Fucking stupid bio That is your bio

That is fucking I love In 2016 He he was elected. Evan Lexel coming in hot once again with a song that I requested in too deep by a parody by some 41. That's such a good song. That that version especially was like really fantastic. The lyrics were good good i have a prescription

to evan lexell i take it two times a day um what do you mean evan lexell just sounds like a prescription drug evan lexell i guess it just sounds like lexapro yeah evan lexell is the off-brand lexapro yeah yeah ev. Evan Lexalpro. That was Gorge. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, my God. What? I'm saving it for my What Shook Me.

Oh, my God. Do I know? No. Oh. You're not going to care either, but it's like made my life come true. We're here. You're back. You were on a trip.

You were in Long Island. I was in Long Island. You were on a trip. You were in Long Island. I was in Long Island. Jeff was on a bender. He was deep into a Long Island iced tea for about a week. I was in Los Angeles, but I was like sipping a Long Island iced tea for the better part of a month. Yeah. How was it? It was good.

We celebrated my mom's birthday. She was happy. I was happy. She's a big 35 that would make her pregnant at 10 never mind right never mind so how was it well actually we've seen that that's possible oh yep it was fun we just relaxed for the most part i had a bunch of gluten-free cake because my mom doesn't eat gluten and it was really good so you sound surprised really really i'm uh i'm sitting on my bed because i'm selling my desk in 40 minutes uh which is a good plant of the Chekhov's gun

because I might have to jump off early and then come back if you're still doing plugs to sell the bish. There's nothing like doing an improv-based show where you have to leave the scene to sell a desk and then come back into it. We'll be done with the improv by then. Also, we wasted like 15 minutes talking about nonsense.

Well, because we haven't, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever, like in person. I haven't seen you in person since we shot the sketch that came out yesterday where you give me a swirly. I miss you. Let's hang out.

Let's do it. Yeah, Jeff and I are both in the process of Moving Jeff's a little further along in the process than I Daniel and I are In that we haven't found a place yet Hmm But Elizabeth found a place and signed her lease And so she's

Which like I'm very excited for her And also deeply sad So that's gonna be But it's cool she got a studio that's good for her Yeah which I'm very very thrilled for her and also deeply sad so that's gonna be but it's cool she she got a studio that's good for her yeah uh which i'm very very thrilled for her when did you start looking like when did you look at the first like two weeks ago it's gonna be a while it took me eight weeks we have until the end of september we need to be out of here yeah end of september no um you'll find a place but it's gonna take you a while if i had guess, it might be easier because you only have one other person to be like,

do you like this place? And to agree. Cause that's really what took us so long was there's three minds that have to agree. And we all have different priorities. What's, what's tricky is, is cause we're looking for two bedrooms because of the work that we do.

And it's like, because we, you know, I need a place to record and daniel has daniel vo and like editing work like video editing and so it's like it's not stuff you know you know it's like if we're working from home different jobs we could just get like a big one bedroom and like you know do work in kitchen living room whatever but it's like we need to be separated from other parts of the house to be able to do what we do.

Well, also, at some points, you guys really need to be physically separated. Like, you guys will start wrestling. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, we get it. We just can't stop. Yeah, you take, like, a fighting Irish stance, and he sort of takes, like, the stance of his character in that one series where he looks crazy and doesn't speak English.

Oh, Stargate Origins. Stargate Origins, Stargate Origins. Yeah, whatever he does when he's in battle mode. Totally. And so that's where it's like you gotta, it just gets too heated. We gotta separate. Yeah. But so that's what's been making it difficult is finding that in our price range because

it's just crazy right now. Well, you know what? I mean, the thing with moving is like there's like, you know, you have a checklist or like a wish list of what you want and, you know know you kind of want to knock all those pins down uh when you find the place by signing the lease and rolling the ball and for those of you uh because literally everyone else other than me who didn't see jeff did the emotional throwing a ball well it's more like a we sports thing where like you do it straight up and then it drops. If you couldn't guess by our incredible segue from moving and checking off dishwasher, AC, parking, fridge included, one and a half bath.

We're talking about bowling alleys bowling alleys um so let's talk about it daniel cut that out i'm sorry leave it in because i want the world to know jeff that's really unbecoming of a young gentleman if there's anything i want to be it's kooth um um i love bowling fucking love bowling um yeah i i bowling's a fun thing to do when you don't want to go dancing but you also don't want to just sit in a booth uh let's do an activity let's do an activity let's go to the highland park bowl let's get uh highland park bowl is really cool yeah i mean even if you don't like bowling i mean i go with people sometimes that don't like bowling and then they go and then they're like okay this is sick also there's

burlesque dancers sometimes they don't stand up to jumbos so i um i have never been to a bowling alley with burlesque usually there's one place that I would go to as a kid in Santa Monica, California. I'm forgetting what the bowling alley was called, but I would go there with my dad or with friends. And I mean, I just I love a bowling alley. This sound like just it's really satisfying. Just hearing the sounds of a bowling alley is really nice. Yeah. And then often they'll have like a little

diner attached to it diner diner yeah well at least the one that i went to had like a diner attached so you'd bowl and then you'd get like a patty melt and fries it was fucking awesome um a little cafe arcade i'll play the simpsons arcade game i mean it was just nirvana in many ways in a way yeah um yeah childhood bowling alley experiences was like ice cream socials in middle school hanging out with girls bunch of guys bunch of girls not really bowling even just me and like five other kids shared a monster energy yes it was oh that was like drinking before alcohol it was like drinking because I remember it was like we were all like oh my god I'm so hyper right now. I'm jazzed. To have had five sips of a shared lukewarm monster was like, that was drinking.

I had a NOS and I felt like a boss. I felt so cool. I'm like, no, no one can hold me back. I'm so hyper. Like, I need to throw the ball down the lane. Before there was getting drunk, there was getting hyper. There was getting hyper. Who wants to get hyper this weekend?

We should do a Patreon Zardy where the goal is to get hyper. That should be this month. We haven't planned August yet. We need to do that. The theme for this month's Zardy is hyper. Patreon.com forward slash riley and jeff uh nice plug but uh do you want to get us started off with our first bowling alley review i would really really love to okay here we go because i have two today i'll take first one first and

then you then me but like these two go hand in hand and they're from separate places so this is from rafa oh this is uh bolero bolero i thought it was bolero um probably that probably that probably bolero um in mar vista california okay one star from rafael s rafael strike so on the nose and he loves it that's his like that's his last name so he goes and he's really good at bullying he goes he's like that's rafael strike yeah we know you're here often strike s-t-r-i-k-e all the pins down in one throw. From me. Strike. All right. One star. Raphael, strike. I used to love to go to Marvis to bowl,

but since Bolero took over, it's just a terrible place to bowl. Lanes suck, never oiled, ball gets stuck on return, and staff is about as helpful as a migraine. Had to wait 20 minutes and three visits to the front desk for my ball return at the end of the game.

And they put someone else in my lane to start bowling before I got my ball back. Who does that? If you want to get drunk and throw house balls on crappy lanes, this is your spot. If you want to bowl, all caps, I suggest Corbin and Tarzana. For those who don't live in LA, Mar Vista's kind of cool. Tarzana sucks. Yeah. Do you want to get drunk?

Just throw a couple balls down a lane? Yeah, that sounds great. By all means. Listen, brother, if you want a bowl with a capital B-O-W-L. So the whole thing capitalized. I don't think so. I really don't want to go there. Listen, man, I know I'm new here.

I can't tell the vibe of all the coworkers, but you've kind of cornered me here in the break room. And I'm down to go bowling with you, but the first option sounds fun. The second option feels like you're going to take it way too seriously. Of course. Listen, Evan, of course the first option is going to be fun. It's going to be child's play. It's going gonna be light-hearted we'll throw back a couple beers they make a damn good

cocktail down there the food is fantastic i mean like you've you've never had better wings at a bowling alley in your life the which is and you know what's crazy the arcade free free with any game that you buy for bowling so it's like but that probably means they don't have like tokens and like tickets to get prizes oh they do that that's what's crazy is that it's like free games but they still give you tokens this my phone i won it out of the climate that's an iphone 13 pro max that's a 1400 value because you're not really like you're not there to bowl right you want to bowl you go to Tarzana. So that's what I'm saying is, like... What does the Tarzana place have?

It has two lanes, no food, no arcade, and just lukewarm PBR on tap, flat. So the way you're describing it is bad. Do you understand that? Like, the way your tone shifted? But you're not listening, though. It's because it doesn't have all those, oh, the distraction of a good time the distraction of every everyone who works at

that marvista bowling place is a 10 they're all the hottest people i've ever seen i'd love to see and they're so nice they're so yeah i'd love to interact with them you know what forget it let's just let's nix bowling's just, can we talk about something else? All right. You said you're moving. Of course. You said you were

deciding between two places. I'm sorry I cornered you. I just, no, it's all right. It's your first week here and I just want to make sure that it's like we're,

you know, make, making friends. But you said you were deciding between two places. I am. Here we go. So this first place,

I mean, talk about a strike oh checks all my god that's beautiful where is it it is in the best location i mean like gorgeous residential area but also within walking distance to coffee shops grocery stores fun bars like cool places to where in town is it in town yeah we're in town it's tarzana okay which is perfect because it's right next to i yeah i'm gonna say that i don't want i i fear that you having proximity to the bowling alley is gonna make you kind of trend towards this side of your personality which isn't good sorry no i'm sorry about that yeah i just like i'm getting frustrated i overheard that wasn't sorry no that was really not okay no i'm sorry i'm just i'm sorry no like can i just

say i'm sorry and we move on or is this going to become a whole thing thanks for saying that katie it's just there's no way i was just he. Like, sorry, he has a hobby. I have hobbies. What kind of hobbies you got, man? Oh, man. Sorry. Just Peter, that's. All I'm hearing here is that you're just fucking shitting on Russell for liking bowling. Like, we all know that's his thing.

We all have our things, right? I mean, if you guys overheard, which bowling alley sounds more fun to you, Marvista or Tarzana? Well, depends if you want to bowl or just want to have a good time. Because if you want to bowl, you got to go to the one in Tarzana, obviously. Well, what would you guys want to do? Would you want to have fun, drink some beers and casually bowl? Or do you want to bowl, all caps? Well, those are different nights.

Those are different nights. So the question doesn't even make sense. What are you like, man? You said that you have hobbies. You know, it's like, sorry that I'm trying to have a life outside work. Like, yeah, I'm a data analyst, but that's not who I am. No, you're like, don't get small. Like, you're like kind of letting your shoulders go concave.

Well, because you offended him. You're like, oh, you piece of shit. You like to bowl. You're making up your personality. I'm a good guy. I have hobbies. Good guys don't say I'm a good guy. You know what?

That's how you know they're not a good guy. No, you're right. I just, I've never said that either. I just am feeling like I'm a good guy. You know what? That's how you know they're not a good guy. No, you're right. I just, I've never said that either. I just am feeling like I'm on the spot. Well, it came out of your mouth really fucking easy. Because I'm not, I'm still like moving into my desk. And so I don't want you guys to get the wrong impression. Well, unpack your boxes.

Let's see kind of what tchotchkes you have. It tells, it tells a lot about a person, like what they choose to put on their desk. What means a lot to them? Well, I don't have a lot of tchotchkes. I just kind of have, well, here's my stapler, and then this is like a pen. Yeah. Well, the pen is I got on a trip to Office Depot, and that's all I have so far. I have a picture frame, but I haven't found a photo for it yet.

But I'm fun. I promise. You're not into anything. What kind of music you listen to, man? Whatever's, yeah. Whatever's on. Probably the radio. The radio.

That's not a kind of music. I think you need to come out bowling. I think you need to come out bowling. I think you need to come out capital B bowling with us. Fine. Cut to Tarzana. Strike. All right. You're up, man.

You're up, Evan. Let's see. Let's see what you got evan you old bitch all right uh all right 12 pounds that's good right listen you figure out you're this is we're here for you to figure out what's gonna be who i am who are you all we know is your name is evan we don't even know your last name uh evan's not actually my birth name i was trying it out to see if that's who i am that's fine is that who you are it doesn't feel right i don't even answer it immediately when you guys say evan it doesn't like you know can we try the ball

throws it up drops like we sports Like Wii Sports. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, you could practice, but I feel like you don't even want to. No, I think I'm going to see if I can transfer branches. Because this first week was a wash. This has nothing to do with work. No, you guys got this bad impression of me. You're not going to change your minds.

Raise your hand if you would change your mind if I got better in the next couple weeks. No one. Right, so I'm going to transfer branches. I'll move. I'll move to the Bay. I don't care. We don't really care what you do. We don't know you.

We don't know your real name, apparently. We don't know any of your likes or dislikes, any of your hobbies. We know that you shop at Office Depot, and that's quite literally the only thing we know about. I have a stapler. We all have staplers. Kidding me? Since when? Cut to the next rant.

Everyone there, they have barren desks, empty picture frames everywhere. Uh, yeah. I think I'm gonna like it here. Every name tag is blank. Or it's all like a whiteboard name tag. They're all trying on different names. Hey guys, just a quick announcement. This week I'm gonna try being austin everyone hi austin no i don't like it never mind okay uh all right let's take a quick break and come back with some more bowling alley reviews and we're back

and we're back this is a four star review from Henry G Henry gutter ball nice this is Henry Gutterball. Nice. From where? Shadow Lanes.

39. It's in Koreatown. Oh, wait. I've been to this one. Yeah. It's huge. I think you invited me to go here once and I couldn't make it. It's huge. How big you invited me to go here once and I couldn't make it. It's huge.

How big could it be that you... It's huge. Okay. Henry Gutterball, four stars. Customer service was spotty, with one employee giving us an attitude and a fed-up vibe. But other employees were really nice and even helped us fix our vending machine situation. The bowling part was fun, except for one time, the ball got sick. But besides that, it was flawless.

I'm sorry. No, it didn't get... You're not listening. The ball got sick. Sorry. I think the masks, it's just hard. You're not listening. The ball got sick. Sorry. I think the masks... It's just hard. You know, COVID.

I'm so sorry. It's hard to hear sometimes. I'm stuck. The ball got stuck. We've tried to get maintenance and to oil the lanes and to oil the rails. I would love if the ball got stuck. I would love if the ball got stuck. The ball threw up.

Please put your mouse back down, sir. The ball threw up. Please put your mouse back down, sir. The ball threw up. You threw the ball up? You know, sometimes that happens, and it's like that will cause a dent. And so what's weird is that it's like when the floor dents so many times, the ball will have a hard time getting over the hump. You are not listening to what I'm saying. The ball wasn't feeling well.

I'm going to need you to pull your mask back up sorry the point you cannot keep pulling it down to talk well you know what it's it's sophie's choice right because when i put my mask back on you can't hear me i but i'm being clear and you actually you are hearing me you just don't believe me i think one of these balls was nauseous. I swear to fucking God. Listen, we try and deliver the nachos to the table at the time that they're ordered. Nauseous, not nachos. Yes, we're saying the same thing. That's not really my job.

I'm usually with maintenance and stuff, all things bowling alley. If you want to talk to the catering food team, they're the one that asks right. If you're maintenance issues, then can you follow me to the vending machine? We have a situation. Absolutely. Walked over to the vending machine. So I don't know what to get. Okay.

And honestly, it's because I've lost my appetite because I watched a bowling ball puke. Right. I think, you know what? This selection, I'm pretty proud of the selection we have here. So i can understand why it's hard for you to decide what to get or what not to get um

i don't think i'm fully understanding you clearly when you're talking about the ball one minute it's stuck one minute you're talking about throwing it up or it threw up. That's not physically possible. If I heard you correctly, and I did. I was just trying to divert the other things because there's no way that the ball got sick and the ball was nauseous. Well, you want to come see it? Come see it. Come see it.

Walk towards the lane. The ball is just next to what is clearly human vomit. See? Right. Yeah, I see. human vomit see right yeah i see so are you checked in alone correct well you bought a single lane single player game well yeah which is fine we have a lot of people coming in you know

1 p.m. on a Tuesday just for a single player game. I can very clearly see that you just put the ball next to a pile of your own sick. What? Right. That's the question that's on my mind. What do you mean?

Kidding. I haven't even eaten. I walked you over to the vending machine i said i hadn't gotten anything yet there's powdered sugar on his beard right so you bought a six pack of the donuts that we had in there hostess donuts i don't blame you no this this is cocaine don't put that by my And also put your mask back on. I cannot stress it enough. I don't want to see what's next to your mouth. We are in a pandemic.

Please put your mask back on. I didn't eat donuts. That would... Because I didn't... You guys have faulty balls. I don't know what you're feeding them. It is not embarrassing to throw up. You're not a child.

Right, I'm not a kid. Right, but you are certainly you are acting like a kid who threw up and is embarrassed about it. It's okay. People throw up. If the donuts didn't sit well with you, I'm so sorry about that. One, that is not our fault. We don't have any

claim to that. But two, if you just happen to throw up, just alert one of the janitorial staff. We can clean it up. No two, if you just happen to throw up just alert one of the janitorial staff. We can clean it up. No harm, no foul. I won't tell mommy or anything like that. I'm really rich.

I just don't have anyone to share it with. You said that to me when you checked in yeah but i said it like it was a joke earlier and now i'm saying it's serious so that's why you that's why i came here because i don't have to work right right so i have like sort of a warren buffett investment situation and then it's like let me eat some junk food from the vending machine like I was a kid. Till I puke. But then I realized, once I saw my own sick, that this isn't what adults do.

And so the ball did it, and I need you to acknowledge that. Nope. And would you like to go on a date with me for dinner? Oh, no. I would not like to do that. Was it something I said or did? It was all of it. It was every single thing.

So it was... Wait, sorry. How much money do you have? What do you do? Well... Sorry, what don't you do? I'm like to the point of rich where I can't even put a number on it

because I have assets that are traded and shared every day. So like there's gains and losses every day, but it's somewhere in the ballpark of half a million dollars. It's less than I thought it was going to be. What are the trades looking like for you these days? Do you think it's on an upward? Well, the market's about to crash. And yeah, now that I say it out loud half a million dollars are you gonna get out much

money actually like you can't really sustain i mean well for someone who said like oh i don't need to work you do need to still work if you have that much you do still need to work but we could do like we could do like breakfast for dinner or something sorry i, I'm just doing a bunch of math. Half a million dollars is still a lot of money. I think I was under the impression that you

were like a tech billionaire or something. Well, I'm technically a thousandaire. I would like to get dinner with you until the markets crash. Okay, never mind.

Alright, our next review yes yes let me see okay so this is from my first bolero uh review talking about it's like if you really want a bowl go to go to corbin and tarzana so this is from corbin bowl in tarzana corbin bowl you know corbin blue this is corbin bowl this is five stars from olivia a olivia almost as in nine pins down. Olivia almost five stars. Great place. So classic and just so fun. Corbin Bowl is always popping because... Corbin, sorry. Corbin Bowl is always popping because it's just so much fun.

It's so cheap too and they have a lot of specials and deals to attract a crowd i've been going here since i was a young kid and it's still great just the fact it's just so fun twice back to back in separate sentences makes it seem like it's not very fun it's so fun it's awesome what i love that what i love about it is that it's fun. Okay. Are you okay? No, I think Martin is awesome. He's just so awesome. And that's why it's like, you know what? I'm so happy with him.

I'm so happy that I left Jamie for Martin because Martin's awesome. And so it's like, Mom, that's what I'm trying to tell you is that it's like I am doing really well because Martin's so great. He's so awesome. And what does Martin do? What does Martin do? I just feel like well because Martin's so great. He's so awesome. And what does Martin do? What does Martin do? I just feel like I know nothing about him yet. I mean, he's just, God, he's just so awesome. He, he's a.

That's not an answer. He's a vet tech. And he's awesome. Is he? Well, he wants to be. He's. So what, so what does he do today? Well, today, you know, he got up and he's just so great.

He, you know, when I think about Jamie, it's like what Jamie's doing. Jamie was work, work, work. He's like, I'm a cardiologist. Well, Jamie was gainfully employed. Yeah, he was saving lives and doing heart transplants. And then I met, I Martin, and it's like... Where did you meet him? And don't say he's great.

Like, where did you meet him? It's just... Because I see you have like a neon wristband. It looks like you went to some kind of event recently. Here's the thing about Martin. I'm not going to say he's great, but he is. What I love about him is that he's fun we met at Corbin Bowl where Corbin Bowl what is that it's a bowling alley in Tarzana which is so fun and he

was bowling with friends or no he was bowling alone um which is I think what I love about him is that it's like he's not afraid to do things off the beaten path, like go bowling alone. And he's just so fun. And so it's like, who needs Jamie, you know? I know you two loved each other, and I know that we were all so close, and it was so good for so many years. But I'm happy with Martin. Have you talked to um jamie about this or because like it seems like you and jamie

are still dating you just met a guy who bowled alone and i don't even know if you're attracted to him because all you can say it doesn't seem like you talk to him because all you can say is he's awesome you don't know what he does jamie it's just jamie you know he's mr work he's mr doctor and so it's like you know I'm just feeling like he doesn't Really have time for Laura Anymore doesn't have time for me But Martin that's where I'm Thinking it's like ooh do I leave do I leave Jamie

For Martin for real because Martin's so fun And so great What did Martin say when you talked to him Martin said I Have so much money I don't need to work. Oh, well, how much money does he have? That's so,

here's the thing, he's so great, he doesn't like talking about it very much and he really downplays it. So he said, I have like an exorbitant amount of money

and he says, but right now I'm only, I'm only good for about half a mil. And I said that, Martin, that's a lot of money. Jamie has more than that, I know of money. Jamie has more than that.

I know for sure. Jamie has, Jamie like gross income is like $4 million. Right. He's a leading cardiologist at Cedars-Sinai. So why would you, yeah. Because Martin's just awesome. Is Martin really hot? Is he really attractive?

You know what's so great about Martin is that you wouldn't look at him and be like, whoa. Like the way you look at Jamie and you're like, whoa. Like you look like you play a doctor on TV. Martin's just a guy. And that's why he's so great. What is this really about? Because it's not about Martin. It's not about Corbin Bull.

It's not even about Jamie. I can tell based on your energy you walked in here manic. I was on the phone with your aunt. And you said it was... You whisper yelled at me that I have to talk to you about something. It's private. I'm with child. Which is great.

Which is so great. And you want to know why it's so great? Why? Because Martin's so great. Which is so great. And you want to know why it's so great? Why? Because Martin's so great. So Martin's the father? Shrugs. You have to know. Did you have sex with Martin?

It seems like no. No, but here's the thing. So it's Jamie. So everything's fine. You just got pregnant with your husband and saw a guy bowling alone i can't help but think about what could have been okay fine then think about what could have been but don't come to my house and talk to me about it all day oh oh my husband's providing for me oh my husband you work from home what are you talking about it's not like you don't have a purpose i'm a therapist who works from the comfort of my own home because my husband can go make

so much money saving lives. You can do that without your husband. What are you talking about? You're not a housewife. I don't feel like I'm enough, mom. Right. So there it is. Have you ever felt like that with dad?

No, I'm secure myself. I'm great. Your dad's great. You've never seen someone bowling alone at a bowling alley on a 11 a.m on a wednesday and i have but it didn't strike me like you did what if what if fine what if have that daydream but when you're done you have a husband you're pregnant with a kid you have a great life i don't know what else you want. Sometimes I just feel like a gutter ball. Nice.

I just feel like an almost. But I don't know if I feel like a strike. So you're like writing a poem, I guess. So write a poem about bowling. But don't interrupt my day. Should I leave Jamie for Martin? Like for real? I don't care what you do.

But I don't think you should. No, you know what? Whatever makes you happy. But that won't. Really? Yeah. Even though he's really great? He's not.

Yeah. But honestly... Yeah. Okay. Neither are you. Okay. okay well that's the issue there that's the issue yeah i didn't want to say it because i'm your mom but like you're you aren't enough well right so this is what i was trying to get at here is that i'm considering leaving my incredible husband for this for this guy because you've always told me that i'm not enough oh it's that i've been doing that yeah i guess i shouldn't have done that i'm i guess i'm sorry i'm like actually sorry you're not looking at me when you say that you're like straight up the ceiling well

i'm uncomfortable because it's like realizing i could have been a better mom i almost broke up my marriage and that would that would have been on And that would have been on me. That would have been on me. But it's like I almost did that because of how you've treated me. Sorry. Again, whenever you're. Oops. Sorry about that. Right. Right. Right? I made some mistakes, didn't I?

No, I am sorry for that. Thanks. Well, this has been great. I'm going to stay with my rich cardiologist husband, who's very hot. You're going to stay with your husband? You live with him.

I mean... Oh. Yeah, you meant like you're not going to break up. Okay, I thought you meant like you're not sleeping here tonight. No, I'm not sleeping here tonight. Yeah, stay with him. That sounds great. Okay. I guess I need to break it to Martin.

We had a plan. I don't think so. I don't think you did. It sounded like you barely talked to him if at all i feel like i owe him a call cut to that hey martin yeah who's this it's laura from corbin bull we met at the we met at the uh space theme night at corbin bull laura oh sorry i meet a lot of people there. Oh, this was from last Wednesday.

Oh, sorry. I'm getting another call. Can I call you back? Oh, really quick. Can you just hold? He hangs up. He doesn't call back. He's taking it really hard.

He's not. He doesn't know who you are Should we do our last segment? Yeah John Walker from Panic at the Disco Followed me on Instagram Stop it Yeah That's insane

I don't know why He only follows like 200 people I commented on his Instagram Which is why he like found my account But I don't know why he chose to follow me Because you're barely funny And you're verified I'm not verified On Twitter? No this was on Instagram Oh I thought it was Twitter I don't know why he chose to follow me. Because you're barely funny and you're verified.

I'm not verified. On Twitter? No, this was on Instagram. Oh, I thought it was Twitter. Yeah, which like my Instagram presence is only interesting if you maybe like watch HeadGum stuff or listen to this podcast. Like, so I don't know why he followed me. And I also am assuming he's going to unfollow me at some point. But I'm going to try and figure out a way to milk this for some kind of sentimental

or monetary value. That's incredible. Yeah he's like he's probably my favorite member of Panic at the Disco if not Brian Ross. That's insane. He also was in the Young Veins. His solo music is great and he's just really cool. Like he still releases music for the fun of it. I don't think he makes a lot of money off of it.

He's just a cool guy. That's really cool. My jaw dropped when I saw the notification. I wish I could talk to my younger self. I really wish that I could talk to myself in third grade when Pretty Odd came out and be like, John Walker's going to follow you on social media. That's really awesome. So unabashedly excited about that. What's been shaking you? I'm so proud of Daniel. What's been shaking me is watching Paper Girls. Paper Girls. Paper Girls is so

fucking good. I should watch it. It is so good. It's a series? It's a series. All the episodes are on Amazon Prime. I know we talked about this on Daniel's episode, but I've watched it since then. And it's really good. It's been getting awesome reviews. And there was even an LA Times article that was like,

Paper Girls isn't Amazon's Stranger Things. It's better. Wow. He's a series regular? He's a guest star, two-episode guest star. But we'll see what happens. If they get picked up, who knows? But he's so good in it.

I watched it with him, Daniel, Jesus. I watched it with him, Elizabeth, and, uh, one of my best friends, Alfred. Oh, this is what's really, it's a Paper Girls and we're filming, today's the third. We're filming a short film this weekend, this coming weekend that Daniel and Elizabeth wrote that I'm producing. Um, and one of my best friends from college and life is uh is in it and so he's staying with us right now for two weeks and so having him here has just been like really really great i've missed that's really exciting so that's

been really really fun is he living in new york he lives in chicago chicago um Chicago. So if you're an Into the Mist head, he was Archibald McCloud, who was in Into the Mist for one or two nights. Coming up with, like, not that that was a show that needed realistic-sounding names, but I do think that coming up with realistic-sounding names that aren't either basic or outlandish is hard. Yeah, it is.

But, yeah, so that short is going to be really fun. And go watch Paper Girls because Daniel fucking rocks in it. And the girls, the Paper Girls are fantastic. I think they were maybe like 15 when they filmed it. They're supposed to be 12 in this series. And they're amazing. So it's really, really good. So go check it out

And then when the short is done at some point Go watch that Hell yeah You can follow Riley on Instagram On Twitter And the show on Instagram Jeff is lounging on his bed right now Well yeah I'm selling my desk

In five minutes And this was my only chance This is what on his bed right now. Well, yeah, I'm selling my desk in five minutes, and this was my only chance to... This is what... I had to be on my bed, and then my knees started to hurt. You can find Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James, at Twitter at JeffBoyardee,

and, um... Yeah. Let's thank some VI friggin' podcasts. Okay. Thank you to underscore Christian Sidehug so he can hug two people simultaneously. Agent Michael Scarn, Ako is literally begging for forgiveness. She is so sorry for everything. Please forgive her.

That read was so funny. Ako wants to apologize to herself for all the hate, vitriol, and outright poison she's allowed to be slung her way by haters. Chuck! Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo, Cosmo. Dakota just got suspended without pay pending investigation, so let's see how long you ride out this Patreon subscription, buddy. Fancy Octopus. Freya. Jeff Puff. without pay pending investigation so let's see how long you ride out this patreon subscription buddy fancy octopus freya jeff buff jeffrey jamester vomit skinder surprise ego waflu over the cuckoo's nest smart thermostat device news that was really great graze ghosted that's right he's supposed to go on a date tomorrow and he's not received a text back for nearly 48 hours No

Hallie the horribly awesome is Grey's twin and is now employed Nice Happy birthday Jeff use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase Hey Jeff could you please have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle On the HeadGum Podcast please I eat spaghetti and heat balls It's like spaghetti and meatballs but instead of noodles I eat the sun

I sincerely would like to apologize for the wolf The epic wolf I've unmoed I sincerely would like to apologize for the wolf. The epic wolf. I Venmo'd Jeff my rent money to pay for this subscription and would really appreciate it if you could send it back. Thanks. Jake Ullman. Jay's actually in the U.S. for a bit now, and the whole time zone thing might work out this week.

Jesse Tipton. Joe, and for lack of a better term, Malazoff. Caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep! Casper Bopasper. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Lucas Heinzel.

New patron? No. No. Two years. Michael Begel. Nate Porteus has a birthday soon and can cry if he wants to. Happy birthday, Nate. New patron.

Nolan Murphy. Yeah. Nolan actually passed away this week. His body simply couldn't handle Continued employment And stopped working Oh hi Mark Well priest

Nolan's gonna be a background actor in this short I'm so fucking excited That's great I almost moved to his street Oh my god Not that close to it But we were gonna look at a place in the street Oh so it's lame to advertise your business through your Patreon name?

Come say that to my face at Smoke and Time on Main Island. Pete Skeet Skeet Bradford. Quok. Raven Shmaven. Reese Alpine What the Fuck Bergman. Seen as Bob Buell having a Malibu Bay breeze But dropped the cranberry juice Behind his computer Oh poo Scene is

Oh my god Wait stop this is so funny This is over my head I don't understand So this is from Our last Zardy when you had to leave early And I was talking about how it's so funny Dana and I have just been saying It's like 20s or 30s When people would be like, oh, poo.

And so we were taking turns like saying that seriously instead of like, oh, fuck. It's like, oh, poo. Did people say that? And so we were having everyone go back and forth like doing different scenarios, trying to do it in a straight face. Here we go.

Scene is finding out you're not in the core four. Oh, poo. Scene is Jeff getting ankles wax four. Oh, poo. Scene is Jeff getting ankles waxed. Oh, poo. Scene is you get caught by McConaughey for not knowing how to play soccer. Oh, poo. Scene is you pay $20 to talk to your favorite podcasters, but they have rehearsals or some shit. Oh, poo.

Scene is there's a black fly in your chardonnay, then a death row part in two minutes too late. Oh, poo. Scene is there's a black fly in your chardonnay, then a death row part in two minutes too late. Oh, poo. Scene is you were going to show off your new tattoo, but your boyfriend just told you they hate tattoos. Oh, poo. Scene is you're eating a salad with a dear friend and accidentally cum in your pants. Oh, poo. Scene is your theme song is lying patiently in Jeff's box, email or otherwise. Oh, poo. Scene is you got high on mushrooms and's box, email or otherwise. Oh, poo.

Scene is you got high on mushrooms and broke your hand punching a microwave. Oh, poo. That would never happen. Scene is you lost a patient after a 12-hour surgery and it is absolutely your fault. Oh, poo. Smooth P. Sorry. Smooth P.

So layered. Smooth Pee and the slammed gashes. Smooth Pee is such a soft start to that. And the second half is so hard. So what, is this like a job now? You're telling me I have to update my name more than once a year? That's so granny. This is so fun.

Every time I read one of these, it's like Bing on another $20 from one of these dumb... You say it. Cunts. And TJ Michael. Holy shit, you guys. Shout out patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. Oh, boo. And we will see you guys

again next week. I think we are going to take a hiatus, a quick hiatus. Yeah, but then we will be back for sure. And we will see you guys next week. Arrivederci.

That was a hit gum original.