Review Revue - Canned Tomato Soup

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

On this week's Review Revue: Alf and Reilly are back in costume and getting divorced.>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, juice. Don't make it crayon. Take an apple and make it wetter. I'm going to pee all over your rug if you don't bring me a mug of that juice stuff. Review, review. Okay. Is that a reference to something?

Did you do an episode with jeff about cranberry no so this is from this is from damien oh my god so damien is a long time patron of the riley and jeff patreon damien we go back we go way back so damien says hello mrs review i have haphazardly constructed my first theme song for the podcast i've had the lyrics for this for like three years and have just been too lazy to actually make it until now this song should work for any episode but if you do happen to do an episode about some type of juice or juice in general it would be particularly well suited also be sure to let it play to the end. That was from Damien, a.k.a. the crustacean. Yeah, well, at least it's short. Damien,

I mean, I guess it's like, it's the choking at the end that I'm really curious about. What was the artist's intent? I mean, I guess it's up to us. Once you make a piece of art and put it out into the world, you can't control how it's perceived. So, Alf, what did you make of the choking?

I made of the choking that it was like he was repulsed by his own work. Oh, interesting. Maybe he regretted what he'd made. Like, oh my God, the monster was me all along. Yeah, or maybe he was drinking cranberry juice and he choked on it okay so that's probably the second one or both um at the time of recording we have not done our show yet at the time of recording we are going to do our live show a week from today that's correct but by the time this comes out it will have already happened so let's set some intentions

right up front about how the show went i think the show was perfect i think we we sold out the venue enough that we literally even they're like oh my god you're too many people we have to go to radio city we literally oh my god radio city we have to go to madison's great garden it's literally we can't fit enough people i don't think that's a healthy expectation to set and so if it's anything less than that what a waste no i think it was a blast i think to counteract that my intention is gonna be it's anything less than that, what a waste. No, I think it was a blast. I think to counteract that, my intention is going to be. It's going to be great.

All the tickets were bought by bots. You and I are going to go on stage. There's not going to be a single person in the audience. And then the theater will burn down with us inside. No, not with us inside. Don't say that. Take it back. Say take it back.

Say take it back. Say take it back. Say I take it back. We're not doing something unless that take it back say take it back say take it back say i take it back we're not doing something i take it back oh my god okay alf what's new since we recorded a day ago um i've got a chili on the stove chili on the stove chili chili i'm so vegetarian chili or yeah I threw some impossible meat in there. Nothing impossible about it. Shut up. Are you going to have a little cozy Sunday night in? Okay, Meredith Marks. Are you going to have a cozy Sunday in?

Are we talking about rumors about a husband? I am going to have a cozy Sunday. Wake up in the late afternoon. Call Parnell just to see how he's doing. Are you going to watch a movie or just eat chili in a room? I'm going to sit in the complete darkness in my shower, cold water running, eating chili for three hours. I wouldn't put it past you. No, there's nothing fucked up about my chili. My chili is normal. chili for three hours. I wouldn't put it past you. No. There's nothing fucked up about my chili.

My chili's normal. I made a normal dish so that everyone would know that I'm a normal person. A normal dish for a normal night. And I'm a normal guy. I'm a normal night. I'm a normal guy. The science guy. Oh my god. I tried to do laundry three separate times today and each

time the washers were in use. That sucks. I hate that feeling. So I pivoted to making chili. Very different. So that's kind of how my day's going, but who gives a fuck? How's your day? My day? I mean, where to start?

More like your sleigh. I woke up with Alf calling me a witch. There was context to that. Nope. You texted me. You said, what's up, witch? Time to get out of bed. No, that's not.

And I said, I'm two hours behind you. So it's like, I mean, I can sleep in. We're still 10 a.m. I was sleeping in. Oh, Daniel and I went to a party last night. We went to a little costume party. Got kicked out? What?

Nope. You guys got kicked out. We were let a little costume party. Got kicked out? What? Nope. You guys got kicked out. We were let in. And we were Wallace and Gromit. I was Grimble. Daniel was Wolfman. And it was very fun. We went to this party that was like,

the theme of the party, it was like an immersive. The theme of the party was like Halloween. And everybody was in costume. It was like an immersive, so it was like an 80s theme. of the party was like Halloween. And everybody was in costume. It was like an immersive. So it was like an 80s theme. And the idea was that it's like, it's a company.

It's a Halloween for like a tech company. And so then within the party, there's like an immersive game that you can play over your phone. There's a lot of clues around. It's very cool. They did a really great job. And someone in line at this party, because I guess I didn't realize that you had to dress up as something from the 80s. I thought it would just be like, oh, and it happens to just be an 80s party. Lucky for you. Well, so I didn't know.

It's kind of 80, right? So we were in line at this open bar. They had a really delicious bourbon cocktail with coffee liqueur and it was really oh yeah um and so this this woman in front of us she had like a great uh like 80s aerobics there was there was someone a scooby there but she turned around we were talking about her costume and she's like she's like oh sorry I have to ask, who are you guys? And we're like, we're Wallace and Gromit. And she's like, oh, my god.

I so see it. Yeah. And she goes, is that 80s? Oh, my god. And I panicked. I'm like, you know what? I don't know. And Daniel to the rescue is like, let me check.

And baby, we clocked in at 1989. We clocked in at 1989. We made it. We made it. Which I was actually shocked that Wallace and Gromit was from 1989 I would have said 91 but she was like oh thank god right I'm like yeah

thank god would we have been kicked out what would have happened who would have known you would have to pay for everyone you would have to cover the tab at the open bar but it was very fun and i daniel at one point then he just turns me he goes it's so great you get to be your favorite thing in the

world and at first i thought he meant grommet because i was like i mean i love grommet but and he goes a dog and i'm like no that's true um but we're not here to talk about dogs as much as i'd love to we're not here to talk about your normal chili that you're going to eat in the shower. We're here to talk about something cozy. Something cozy? Something, frankly, not dissimilar to chili. Not dissimilar

to chili. No, speaking of chili, we actually are here to talk about something that you might as well add to your chili. Right. If you're crazy. If you're feeling... If you're feeling canned we're here talking about canned tomato soup we're here to talk about the canned film festival now alf did suggest canned soup autumnal we're coming out of halloween but we're still like in the fall like cozy food season and then i did immediately call him back two minutes later.

And I'm like, we need to be a little bit more specific. Let's do canned tomatoes. Which I knew you were going to do, by the way. Alf, talk to me about canned tomato soup. What do you know about canned tomato soup? You know, the way I see it, there's really two kings of the soup, canned soup game. There's tomato and chicken noodle, right? Okay.

You're kind of one team or the other, you know, I think. Yeah. And I was always and chicken noodle right okay uh you're kind of one team or the other you know i think yeah and i was always a chicken noodle kid um chicken noodle for the alfie soul uh i love the stuff um so tomato is fine to me but it will always be second fiddle and that was my childhood relationship my adult relationship is defined by one word. And it is a compound word. It's a word I talk about a lot. And it is. I have no idea where you're going.

Heartburn. Heartburn. As a sufferer of heartburn. Tomatoes are something I have to really be specific about. And yeah, I know what you're thinking. You just said you're making a pot of chili. I contain multitudes. I contain multitudes i contain multitudes asshole just because i said one thing doesn't mean i can't do the opposite okay but no i mean i like tomato soup but the truth is if i'm gonna have tomato

soup i'm not i think butternut squash is the only smooth soup I like. Oh, no. Oh, no. I've stumbled into another bizarre food take. Not again. No, butternut squash soup is delicious, but don't call it the only smooth soup I like. You know what I mean about soup? How there's smooth soup and there's chunky soup.

You know, like the broth-based soups, like fucking chicken noodle and all of those. You're a weird guy. Hearty vegetable, minestrone. Oh, I love a minestrone. These are all chunky soups, but then you have your smooth soups, your tomato, your butternut squash.

I just hate the phrase smooth soup. Why do you hate that? It, like, I don't know. I just really don't like it. Maybe just because you're saying it, but like, or I just don't like it. I think you're expecting it to be weird. And so you're like, no, that must be weird because it's about food and he's saying it. Smooth soup.

No, there's something about it that isn't right. My favorite soup- My favorite soup- Smooth. Smooth soup. I hate it because it feels like a smoothie and that's not what it is. Well, in a way. No.

Should I have to be ate? Should I have to be ate? I kind of sleep on tomato soup sometimes. And then every time I have it again, I'm like, God, this shit's so good. Because normally I'm a lentil girl. I'm a lentil soup girl because it was my yes it was an easy lunch because it's like quick i mean amy's my god i for cold out of the college not cold alf would eat cold lentil soup out of the can because and i think that's absolutely deranged my call like easy

college lunch amy's lentil soup heat that shit up it's it's fast, you got a bunch of protein with the lentils. And this is all I'm going to say about it. Oh, sorry. Okay, you hate women. Okay, you're interrupting me, you hate women. Fuck, fuck. No, speak your piece about the cold lentils about the can. I can't be fucked. It's not worth getting cancelled for

again. No, come on, come on. I just was going to say if gazpacho is allowed to be cold, why aren't other soups? Because chunky soup cold is foul. You haven't fucking tried that. Because that sounds nasty. Anyway. What is

cereal if not a cold chunky soup? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. So. Finish your thought. I sometimes you can have too much of a good thing. Sometimes you can have too many Amy's lentil soups and get really fucking sick of it. So then you switch over to minestrone.

It's kind of how I think about friendship, you know? As a kid, I was probably a chicken noodle girly, but the older I've gotten, my God, a tomato soup really hits. When it's good, it's good. Grilled cheese. Oh, come on. Tonight, Daniel and I are making one of my favorite soups. Stew. It's a stew even. And it's a it's good and in fact oh come on tonight daniel and i are making one of my

favorite soups stew it's a stew even and it's a tomato and white bean oh i'm making a stewie griffin um but yeah so i love a tomato soup so the thing about it about it and the reviews that i was finding for tomato soups is that a lot of it is like rooted in nostalgia. A lot, and like more so than any other soup, which is really interesting to me. It's like you're not going to be out here looking at like a cream of mushroom and being like, oh, tastes just like childhood. Or like, I feel

like you're finding more of the reviews for a tomato soup than like a fucking split pea. But surely chicken noodle is kind of the king of nostalgic soup. I would say that and tomato is up there, but it's just very funny because I don't know. I think it's like why?

I don't know. It was just wild. You're not going to be seeing a cheddar broccoli soup being like, oh God, I remember coming home from school walking in the snow. My mom would just make me a big pot of cheddar broccoli. I don't like cheddar broccoli soup, frankly.

I don't either. Do you want to start? No, we don't. There's so much more that unites the two of us. Psych, psych. I love it. I love it so much. No, I'd like you to start.

Oh, wait. No, we have to send intention. Fuck. And we did forget last week and that's on Riley. She did forget and that's okay. We forgot. No, it's on both of us.

We forgot to send intention because we were just so excited. And ultimately I think the intention, it was probably the flirtiest episode yet. Incredibly flirty. Um, Tina formal is hilarious. If you didn't listen to the Tina from episode, you're doing yourself.

Delete this episode off your phone right now and go and listen. Um, so what should this, this episode is going to be. It's Sunday, right? It's Sunday. There's chestnuts roasting on the open fire. And it's soup. I mean, it's going to be? It's Sunday, right? It's Sunday. There's chestnuts roasting on the open fire.

And it's soup. I mean, is this going to be the coziest episode? I think it might be. Okay. I'm scared. Why? I don't know. What if it's not?

And then you've made a liar out of me. What if I fall? Oh, but my... What if I flop? But oh my darling. What if you slay? What if you soup? What if you smooth soup What if you slay? What if you soup? What if you smooth soup?

Do you want to start us off, King? No, I'd like you to start us off. But I started last time. Ah, who's to say? I'll start us off. Here we go. This is for Campbell's Condensed Tomato Soup. Probably the OG reigning supreme of the canned soup game, Campbell's.

This is five stars from Kayla. Can you give Kayla a last name? Kayla. Kayla. Kayla. Kayla Soremito. Hey, so Ray Meadow. Okay, Lasso Rami. Do the title is Best Nostalgic Soup. So this review, I'm going to press it. It's not it's the review isn't particularly funny, but it just. Awesome to me. No, but you know, I can't wait. It doesn't make this soup with milk instead of water.

Best tasting tomato soup with a class grilled cheese sandwich. Glad this is available here as it is sold in stores less and less. Brings me back to the good old days. Fast shipping and items arrive undamaged. Best nostalgic soup. I'm sorry, am I doing a podcast with George Saba right now? No, it just meant that it's like, I find it really interesting that certain foods and not others

are things that are really nostalgic. But don't you think certain things are nostalgic for individuals? Like, I don't know if. No, I just mean it's like, like I said before, you're not going to find on like a chunky mushroom soup and like, oh, reminds me of the good old days. I don't know. There might be somebody. You're going to mostly see like the tomato. It's like, oh oh just like when I was

a kid it's like it's like if you were to throw like a nostalgia kind of themed party and it's like oh everyone bring everyone bring a dish from your childhood or you know you have you'll bring like a PB&J or like a fluffernutter which is like a very regional sandwich

or you know it's like and then someone just brings something that's so specific to them. All righty. Party's about to start. Make sure I got everything ready to go. I hope I remembered to say it was a costume. I think I told everyone to be in a costume. I hope I've got to feel silly

if I'm the only one in a... Oh, there's a doorbell. Let me see who it is. Jessica! Call, uh, excuse me. More like Kim Possible. Yes. Call me, beat me if you want to reach me.

Okay, I love that. I love that. Oh, my God. I mean, I couldn't come to, like, a 2000s party without dressing up as, like, the Queen Kim. Yes, wait, what was... Da-da-da-da. Was that it? Yes, that's it. That's name of the little the like friend zoned ass guy who is uh what was i think ron ron where's ron where's your ron oh my god i don't have one tonight but maybe he might show up oh

maybe he's already here all right well your snacks are in the kitchen. You go check those out. And I think... Oh my god, I'm the first one here. Yes, yes. Well, you know what they say. Early cam gets the worm. Oh my god. You're so funny, Roger. And by the worm, I mean the array of baby bottle pops that I have for you to choose

from. Stop it. Oh my god. This is just like the good old days. I remember that you said once that you liked us. Oh my God. You are such a sweet friend. I see someone else pulling up the drive. Let me check it out. Yeah.

Sweet friend. That's me. Okay. What do we have here? Hey, it's me. Hilary Duff. Just kidding. It's Samantha.

God. I got you. I bet you thought it was actually Hilary Duff. Just kidding. It's Samantha. I got you. I bet you thought it was actually Hilary Duff. I really thought I was face to face with the real, with real life Hilary Duff. Yep. Oh my God. Wait,

who are you supposed to be? I interpreted the prompt differently, but I like what you guys are all doing with it. It's cool. No, it's great, but it's like, it's your party.

So I'm just so curious. You're like, you know, two thousands, naughties, you know, well, if you see, it's great. But it's like it's your party. So I'm just so curious what your 2000s noughties costume is. Well, if you see, it's like I'm wearing these black trousers and this green shirt. And I have this spray ball. I'm the smell of pavement after it rains. Oh, everyone. Oh, more people coming to the party. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And I i'm like it's cool that you

guys all dress up as stuff from when we were kids but i guess when i said nostalgia i thought we would dress up as like i don't know i guess i just like interpreted it different even though there's no wrong way to do it i guess no no oh no oh my god we all love that smell it's like you're playing outside as a kid yes right exactly you get it like fresh cut grass is the green yes it's like summertime or it's fantastic whatever the bottle's full of chlorine so it smells like the pool knock on the door hi that's weird i thought everybody was don't forget me i hear them talking from the other side of the door i think they said hang on let me open it who else did you invite I feel like all of our friends are here

no I genuinely it's like Jessica's in the she's in the Jessica's in the kitchen probably going to town on those baby bottles that's so Jessica excuse me I'm still outside the door if someone could please open it I'm gonna open the door I guess

is anyone waiting on a friend? I can hear everything that you guys are saying. I guess they can hear us. I'm gonna open the door. It feels weird I haven't opened it yet. Okay, here we go. Hello. Hi.

Can we help you? You don't remember me, do you? Maybe it's because of my costume. Well, there's no, it's Alan from work. Uh, Oh my God.

I sorry. I said, I'm throwing a big nostalgia party. Yes. I'm sorry. Yes. You probably, you probably thought I was just my costume.

No. Uh huh. Mrs. Mrs. Nelson. Mrs. Mrs. Nelson. Mrs. Nelson. Mrs. Nelson. We all remember her from childhood.

She was my next door neighbor. Like on the, oh, like on The Simpsons? Was that a character? No, the character is the bully named Nelson. That's right. And it's not his mom. Sorry, no. That's not what I'm dressed up as.

You're, okay. So it's like Mr. sorry that's not what i'm dressed up as you're okay so it's i'm like mr rogers you said no mrs nelson from the good old days the good old days i don't remember that an mbc or oh my god hi oh you're um you're roger's friend from work yes i'm alan and oh look at you you're hillary Duff that's great we got Kim Possible over there and what Roger you're the smell of pavement after it rains thank you Alan I'm surprised you got that and I'm Mrs. Nelson yeah yeah um huh okay um guys I guess, uh, I think, um, we're all here and Alan is here too, which is great. Um, I did get an invite. So yes, we are all here. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, everybody else got a party full, but you got a, um, like a verbal word of mouth. Yeah. You asked me what I was somehow even more intimate. You asked me what I was doing this weekend. And I told you, I don't remember seeing swing on by or anything. Um, and sorry, I didn't recognize you before. I just... It's okay. My costume's

very good. I can imagine it's hard for anyone to look at me and not immediately be flashed back to their times as a youth. Well, it's... Yes. I mean, it is that. And I guess, maybe. And also more the fact that I'm not used to seeing you, you know, outside of a work context, you know, you're always in that hazmat suit. Sorry, are you lying to me?

Or do you actually not know who mrs nelson is are you just placating me all right alan sorry guys this is alan he does this stuff kind of no no he's he's fine i promise you i promise you this doesn't get any better for us if we let him elaborate. There was a Christmas. Jessica coming back out with a baby bottle pop. Oh, my God. Who are you? Mrs. Doubtfire.

I'm Mrs. Nelson. Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. You witch. Jessica, Jessica. What? Alan. Oh, my God. Easy, easy.

No, last year we had a Christmas party at work. And, you know, I came as Mr. Claus. And Jess, you remember you were Mrs. Claus. Yeah, yeah. It was a great costume. Right. Great friends costume. Yes, yes.

And I guess Alan interpreted it, you know, a specific way. And he dressed up as that one American flag ornament my grandma gave us. I don't know what, I guess he thought that was like a universal experience. I'm very, I have to say, everyone, I am very disappointed. I came to this party looking to meet new friends and have great experiences because Roger is an amazing man. He's a good man. Thank you. And I think he surrounds himself with good people. Jessica, I'm looking at man. He's a good man. Oh, thank you, Alan. And I think he surrounds himself

with good people. Jessica, I'm looking at you. You make a beautiful couple. Oh, no, we're not. That's so not anything I'm interested in. Well, you can always look in and keep an eye open. Alan, look. So, I'm just very shocked that none of you that, in a nostalgia

party, we're all supposed to be here looking around saying, oh, yeah. Oh, I love that. Oh, I remember that. And I'm just shocked that some of you have such a selective cherry-picking memory. Maybe you had a couple traumas in your youth and don't remember Mrs. Nelson. But Mrs. Nelson was a staple in my childhood. My parents worked a lot. mrs nelson was okay

we don't need to know she's baron and she lived next door i don't think you're i don't think that's a word we use anymore she always wanted to have a child of her own oh i'm sorry so since my parents worked a lot she said i can watch alan whenever you need okay so mrs now i was over at mrs nelson's house quite a bit yes she'd let me watch rocket power she need. Okay. So now I was over at Mrs. Nelson's house quite a bit. Yes. She'd let me watch Rocket Power. She'd let me watch CatDog. Now that you could have been a costume.

She wouldn't let me watch Disney Channel. It was only Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. Those were the only things I was allowed to watch. Okay. Yes, I was allowed to watch Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Okay. No, I wasn't allowed to watch That's So Raven, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, or Suite Life on Deck. I really thought you were at least 38, like late 30s.

But these are all way more contemporary. Mrs. Nelson was a staple in my life. Yeah, yeah. And I thought that it would kind of be a universal thing. Who wants to play a game? Who wants to play a game? I would love to play a game. I'd love to play a game.

I'll get my hat. Oh, my God. I play a game? Who wants to play a game? I would love to play a game. I'd love to play a game. I'll get my hat. Oh my God. I brought a game. We can all play, you know, a game that we all know from our childhood. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. We can play something like Operation.

That's so good. I brought Operation. That's so good. We can also play Hide the Penny on the Stair. Alan, I don't, I don't think. What's that, Alan? You, I'm sorry. Alan, no.

First, you don't know Mrs. Nelson and now you're you're all a bunch of liars and you're telling me you don't know hide the penny on the stair okay Alan let's play hide the penny on the stair just um can you remind us how it's played some of us I guess don't remember it's been a long time right. I haven't played since probably junior high, so. How about this? I give you the first step, and then Roger, why don't you give me the second step of the game, if you remember it. Okay, and I love that this game has steps, and that's definitely a part of it I remembered. It's part of the pun with the stairs and the steps, you remember.

Right, the pun. Right, right, right. First, you take a penny. And then what do you do, Roger? Well, you take a penny and then what do you do roger well you take the game was called hide the penny on the stairs okay guys i'm go with me on this i'm gonna i'm gonna have a guess does alan have a knife trust me if i learned anything from the christmas party this goes a lot smoother if we don't mention the knife. It's like a really big hunting knife.

Sure, Jess. Oh, are you admiring my hunting knife that I have on my hip? Then you, like, the second step is you put the penny on one of the steps and you have someone else has to guess which step it's on. So you do remember the game. I guess i was there well would you like to start us off i live in a studio we can make it work kitchen off the side i mean it's well it's kind of a one bed split i don't know what to call it anyway there's no stairs you don't want to play hide the penny on the stairs no we don't have to play out

we're gonna have to do it in the communal stairway that all the units share. And I'm just worried. That's perfect. Everyone will want to play. I don't think. It's mainly like people with families in the building. Honestly, Roger, we should probably go. He's like caressing the hunting hunting.

He's kissed it. He kissed it, I think I saw. With tongue. Really? Oh my God. I think he caught himself just a little though. He's running his tongue along the edge of the thing. Holy fucking fuck.

Yeah, Alan, why don't you go downstairs and set up? We'll be right down, right? Yeah, I'll be right down, Alan. Okay, don't take too long or else you'll be at the back of the line And it'll take you a long time to hide the penny Yeah, no I remember that from as a kid He leaves Jesus Christ

Are we all gonna get fucking stabbed? I don't think so Don't think so or we won't Look, last year at the holiday party Which was very nice for you to invite me as your plus one, by the way, because I don't work with you. No, but, you know, I guess they hear me talk about you all the time. They were like, we've got to meet the world famous Jess, you know, and then – Okay, guys, so what do we do?

It's important for me, I guess, for you to meet that part of me. Yeah, I mean, from the holiday party last last year he made us play a game called hunt the mallow where he hid a marshmallow somewhere on the tree and we had to find it's i think it was very similar um and basically hiding yeah i think it's something to do with the mrs nelson i think she was like a very forgetful woman and he had to find her stuff i think i i've learned to not ask follow-up questions um but if the christmas party's anything to go off he'll get bored after a couple rounds and we can come back up cut to mrs nelson's house like 15 years ago alan yes mrs nelson alan

yes mrs nelson i'm! I forgot where I put you. Oh, I'm right where you left me, Mrs. Nelson. Have you seen the clicker? Oh, I can go find it if you'd like, Mrs. Nelson. Oh, there's a good boy. I love the game Hide the Clicker. You're so great at making fun games for little boys. I sure am. Grabs it, brings it back. I sure am.

Grabs it, brings it back. I did it! I won! I won Hide the Clicker! Who's a good one? You're gonna get a penny for that. Oh my god! I can finally play hide the penny on the stairs! Don't spend it all at once now! You could get a ticket for you and a girl to see a film. Cut back. No, they go outside. There is a line around the block of, like, families and, like, people in the building who are like, Oh, yes! Hide the penny on the stairs!

We haven't played this game in forever! What the f- Do you guys- Do you guys see this? Oh, Roger, Jessica, Stephanie, so glad of you to finally stop by. Unfortunately, you're going to have to wait at the end

of the line because we have a lot of people who are eagerly awaiting to hide the penny on the stairs. Okay, yeah. Back of the line today. Oh, rats! I guess we're going to have to wait at the back of the line today Oh, rats, I guess We're gonna have to wait at the back of the line Um, huh, Steph? Yes

Yeah, I mean It does kind of look kind of fun The kids are having, like, the best time Just, like, replacing the pennies, running up and grabbing it Yeah, Steph, no, it looks like fun Um I guess we'll wait in line, though Right? That's what Alan told us to do So we're gonna wait in line The people in guess we'll wait in line though, right?

That's what Alan wants to do. So we're going to wait in line. The people in the front of them in line. I can't wait to play this game. I haven't played this game since I was like, probably like what? 10? Excuse me.

It's Brian, right? Yeah. Brian. Oh, and you're Roger. You're 12 C. Yeah.

Two, two, nine a 29. Yeah. 29. Yeah. Yeah. Um, 12c yeah to to 9a 29 yeah 29 a yeah yeah is this your buddy Alan he's really work together

it are you guys running a nostalgia party because like I mean yeah depending on the stairs Mrs. Nelson like you guys you grew up around here I grew I actually from Wisconsin oh but I mean i feel like everyone had a mrs nelson right yeah no i mean i guess i did have a there was a neighbor who

was often my babysitter she was 15 um you know i i called her i called Candy. That was her name. Not Mrs. Wilson or whatever. Everyone in line. Nelson! Nelson, yeah. Yeah, sorry, Mrs. Nelson. But no, I guess I get the conceit that we all had babysitters for the most part. Alan from the front.

He still isn't getting it. Roger, I think, you know, maybe you should go. What? I think maybe you should go back up to your apartment. No, I think you should maybe get out of the line. Jess, what? No, I mean, it's like, you know how much I adore you. You're my best buddy ever.

You're like a brother to me. Yeah, we grew up together and we have a close list that no one will ever understand. Exactly. And that's why I think that you should maybe wait in your apartment because everyone's kind of really on board with Hide the Penny. I'll play. I'm not a buzzkill. No, no, no. I just feel like part of the joy of Hide the Penny on the stairs is that it's like you

really believe in it. I do. And you really believe that you're hiding the penny on the stairs. You've done such a 180 on this. I mean. No, that it's like you really believe in it and you really believe that you're hiding the penny on the stairs you've done such a 180 on this i mean no but it's like i feel like i'm finally joining the spirit of it and yeah i know you better than anybody no i invited alan i tenderly like grab your face i'm like i know you better than anyone and i love you so much sorry oh my god you sound like my favorite housewife marlene spaghetti And I love you so much. Sorry. Oh my God, you sound like my favorite housewife, Marlene Spaghetti.

But I think it's better if you wait upstairs. You're always telling me that you love my Marlene Spaghetti impression. Yeah. I worked it into my vows. You should go upstairs. Okay. All right, I'll work. I'll go work on my vows I can work on my vows some more. Starts heading up.

Hey, Roger, before you go lock yourself in your room. It's okay, Alan. You don't need to. I get it now. Thank you. What do you mean? I get it. I get Mrs. Nelson and hide the penny on the stairs.

What do you mean you get it? It's a metaphor for the isolation we all felt as kids. And the way our dreams of the future don't line up with what reality is. And the way that we all kind of have a collective understanding of what it is to be youth that's grounded in our own personal experience, but somehow universal. Um, yeah. Sure. Take me and Jess, for example. No, don't take me for anything. We grew up next to each other next to our neighbors but we're trudging up the stairs muttering to himself

we grew up next to each other next to our neighbors you know and our experiences led us on different paths she went to Harvard. She made another crossfire. Made another. Here I am. So long. This is fine. Everyone in line. We can agree.

Like, this is... I just want to say, clarifying for everybody, Roger's wrong. This only interpretation, there's only one interpretation of what i'm doing and it is very literal there's no hidden meaning it's not a metaphor we all had mrs nelson in our

lives we all played hide the penny out the stairs everyone's like yeah there's a certain isolation that comes from Guess who's back Back Back Morning Spaghetti Spag Morning Spag- Spag-

I like you You're my favorite I like you. You're my favorite. Alf, read a review for once in your goddamn life. And we're back. And I'm going to read a review. Sure. This one is for soup.

That was the saddest, lowest energy. This one's for soup. That was the saddest, lowest energy anything. This one's for soup. Campbell's creamy tomato soup. Sounds smooth. 7 ounce microwavable bowl. You know the one that says it's like the weird styrofoam bowl

that you put in the microwave. It's not really... styrofoam bowl that you put in the microwave. So it's not really canned. It's like... This is from Gwen W. Gwen W. Wafani. Gwen Wafani. Yeah.

Fucking Christ. Four stars. A plus. I guess I'm old fashioned. The can seems to taste better. This is good, but I guess I just miss the metal tang. Oh my god. I've seen this thing on TikTok recently talking about boomers of like the lead stare.

It's like. No, not the lead stare it's like no not the lead stare you know what i'm talking about i know it's giving that it's giving like well i can't eat my soup unless there's lead and metal in it that's not how father used to make it i know well and it is it's like there's so many things like that where it's like all gasoline is labeled unleaded now and every can is like non-BPA. And I'm like, I don't remember BPA, but I'm glad it's not in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The way that like the 20th century was fully just us like poisoning ourselves.

100%. There can't be anything wrong with this can there. No, and then it's Putting lead in soup Putting lead in soup No it's just the Campbell's marketing meeting No I mean the reason why

Mr. Johnson the reason why we are Pitching sorry Mr. Campbell I was at a Johnson Johnson meeting the other day Mr. Campbell the reason why we are pitching A lead in soup Is to really appeal to You know People of a certain age Johnson meeting the other day. Mr. Campbell, the reason why we are pitching a leadened soup is to really appeal to, you know, people of a certain age who remember, you know, so much of our brand is nostalgia, remembering soups from when you were a kid. And for people of a certain age,

that meant a certain taste and that certain taste was lead in their soup. My father was the lead soup. Lead soup was his brainchild. And, uh, things are a little different around here now. Things have changed. We don't, uh, take such liberties with people's health anymore. Your accent's changing. He's kind of going in and out. Well, it's because I was raised on a healthy diet of lead soup.

But now we understand the dangers of such a thing. And I don't think,, and I don't think you'd be very happy if we put the lead back in, really. This is a stunt. I'm just suggesting it. Listen, you are Campbell, obviously.

This is your baby. This is your legacy. This is everything. I'm just... Listen. I'm just, I'm just, I'm nothing. I'm a nobody. I'm a nobody. I'm just an ideas guy, right? And I just, I'm a guy who loves soup. I'm a guy who loves our customers.

And all I was pitching is just an idea to, you know, bring more generations into the Campbell's fold. And I think we could do that through lead soup. Why not innovate? Why go back to the lead soup days? Well, you say you were raised on a healthy diet of lead soup. And look, you're now an incredibly successful businessman with a great mind, a great pair of eyes that's always staring.

And I don't understand why you'd think that it'd be such a bad idea. My health is none of your concern. You said you were a very healthy man. Yes, and this green skin I've developed is a sign of my fortitude. And you, or nobody else, will tell me otherwise. Still, lead soup is my generation, you know? The kids these days, they want soup that tastes like something else, you know. But asbestos or maybe microplastics, something a bit more contemporary, you know, something that appeals to you.

Well, the microplastics, that's a given. That's already going to be a given. Good, good. I'm glad. I'm good to hear it. No, no, no. I mean, it's like even if we tried to take them out, it would be impossible. Why would you want to be a given?

Why would you want to? God, I appreciate your time organs. And I've always said that, too. I appreciate your time, Mr. Campbell. I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board on this one. But thank you again for meeting with me. Of course. I like you.

Really? Yes. Oh, well, I like you. Really? Yes. Oh. Well, I like you too. Good. Thanks. I see this as the beginning of a beautiful collaboration. Oh my gosh.

That, uh, that really, I'm excited to go home and tell my wife because that really means the world. Something tells me that I'm going to be around for a long time. I hope so. right yes what do you mean something tells you that no i just have a feeling that i and you this is the start of something beautiful okay um can i just ask really i guess I'm just curious what gave you that impression? Well, what can I say? I like somebody who's not afraid to stick up for themselves, to speak truth for power. And it would be very easy for you to come in here and tell me what I want to hear. Instead, you've come in here and challenged me.

That's a challenge, and I like that in you. A challenge is a challenge, and that is something that you have always said. Go to bed. When you're talking to the company. What's that? Go home. Go to bed. Kiss your wife.

Come back in the morning when you're fully rested. Well, I mean, if you're letting me off, it's 1 p.m. I can certainly go home. But I'm happy to stay here. Why was your age? Workday ended at 1. We had martinis for the rest of the afternoon. Smoked.

Unfiltered cigarette. Um, you know, Mr. Campbell, I think you are right. I think I'm going to go home and I will... Yep, I will. I was going to do that anyway. Kiss her like a man! Kiss her like a man? Don't kiss her like a boy!

Kiss her like a man! Kiss her like a man? Don't kiss her like a boy! Kiss her like a man! What's the difference? I don't know. Men are strong because of the lead. Okay. Now fuck off! Okay. Honey, I'm home. It's just me at the door. Don't worry. I know you get scared sometimes when you hear the door open.

Whoa! No, no. Good. Thank God. That's me. Honestly, I don't have the energy for one of your, you know, when you show up with guests unannounced, it kind of can be, you know. I know, I know. We've talked about it.

We don't need to re-litigate. I have to stop doing that. It's just sometimes it's like spontaneity is the spice of life. Right, right. But you can be spontaneous in a way that your partner consents to, and then you can be spontaneous in a way that's jarring and unsettling. And that would include bringing strangers into your wedding. Well, you were spontaneous when I shoved your face into the cake at our wedding.

Yes, that's a perfect example of a time I was upset with you. You've picked a good example of a time I was upset with you. You've picked a good example of a time I did not love you. Honey, I don't want to fight right now. I had a really, not stressful, but just very weird day at work. What was weird about it? You had that big meeting with Mr. Campbell's, right? I did.

Is it Campbell? Just the one. It's just the one. It's Campbell's soup. So it's the soup that is of Campbell. Right. I just couldn't remember what the apostrophe was. No, so it's not Campbell's and then the apostrophe at the end. it's Campbell's soup so it's the soup that is of Campbell right I just couldn't remember the apostrophe it's not no so it's not Campbell's and then the apostrophe at the end it's Campbell apostrophe s okay so if you ever took an interest about where I work um you might know but I did have a meeting with Mr. Campbell singular and uh I pitched the lead soup idea you know the one I've been really working very hard on i had a great doc for it i had all these numbers pulled by all the the boomers who would

love the lead soup right and he turned it down oh he said that was my generation we need a new lead soup should have taken my advice he already gave me the same advice. He said the microplastic soup. And like I told you, I said the same thing to him. That's so funny, isn't it? I said the same thing to him. I said the same thing to him.

I said the same thing to him. That the microplastics are already in the soup. Oh, you said the same thing to him? So you said, oh, my wife had that same idea? No, all I said, I turned him down in the same way that I turned your idea down, which is saying that there's already microplastics in the sea. Fascinating. Fucking fascinating.

He told me to come home and kiss you like a man. Excuse me? He said, go home. Go to sleep. It's 1.30 now. He said, go home. Go to sleep. Kiss your wife.

Kiss her like a man. And I said, sorry. And he said, not like a boy what i don't think that guy should be ceo anymore personally so you don't think i don't want to you don't want to kiss me i don't want to i knew it i knew i literally knew that that's what you were gonna say i knew that that's what you're gonna say we have been over this every day you come from homework anytime come from homework that's what you just said i'm going you come from homework anytime come from homework

that's what you just said I'm going to bed I'm going to bed no it's 1.30pm you're not going to bed well if Mr. Campbell thinks it's a good idea why you know

Mr. Campbell has lead poisoning don't talk about him like that oh my god it wasn't a dig it's not low it's just true

He told me that lead made him big and strong Do you want some of this? Some of what? The chicken salad Oh sure thank you You didn't forget did you? What do you mean? For Christ's sake

What? You're unbelievable Tell me what I'm forgetting Tommy's school The potluck tonight. Oh my God. Oh my God. You didn't forget to pick up the cake, did you?

Like I said, I had a big meeting, which you knew about. Oh my God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you want me to go pick up the cake now? I can go pick it up. Sometimes I feel like your thing is that you think this marriage is your parents' marriage. I don't.

Come on. That's. Where you expect me to keep track of everything. Do 100% of the child. Right. You know. I mean, that's what my mother did. My father would come home after a long day.

My mother. My mother. Do you see how it feels when someone mocks you? She'd have a drink waiting for him. And a little bit of food. It's 1 p.m. And a foot rub. Well, Mr. Campbell said, if we're going to take Mr. Campbell's advice, Mr. Campbell said I should go home and drink martinis for the rest of the day.

Okay. So if you think I should listen to my boss. No, let's do it if Mr. Campbell said. No, he said I should be drinking martinis. Not for you. Shaking is great. Here you go. Here's one martini for the prick in the suit.

You just put vodka in a shaker and shook it around. You didn't add anything. That's all a martini is, asshole. Skulls it. These are good. We should drink these more. These are really good. I want another.

Shaken okay? What about the potluck? Well, Uber, it's fine. We can't show up drunk to a potluck. We've got two hours till the potluck. There's plenty of time for us to sober up. I'm starting to feel this one a little bit already. Come on.

Two martinis isn't going to kill us. It's really not. What would your boss say? My boss would tell me to drink until the cows come home. He'd say, break up. We don't want some fucking hair on your chest. Right? So do it.

Okay? Linda. That was amazing. What are you talking about? your impression well i know you stopped doing impressions a while ago you said i can't be an impressionist i'm a mom and i've always told you that that's not true i can't nobody wants to go to school and it's embarrassing all the other mothers are there what's it what would be embarrassing is if you couldn't do it well but the fact that you could just scare the shit out of me by sounding

exactly like Dave F. Campbell. That's, that's, there's nothing embarrassing about that. Thank you. That means more than you know. I can be nice sometimes. Maybe you forgot that about me.

Interesting. I. What? And maybe I can be spontaneous sometimes. You can be. I mean, what? We're getting sloshed before. We're drinking martinis before our kids call up. Martinis at 1.45pm?

I mean, come on. Who are we? I want you to quit. Linda. The job. It's killing us. What? Because of all the I want you to quit. Linda. The job. Linda. It's killing us. What, because of all the lead testing and microplastic testing in our food? Every day you come home, you look ten years older.

We fight like dogs. Lead. It's all the lead. I know what it is. I know why it is. I know why it is. Linda, if I quit my job, you know what that means? What?

You're gonna have to go out. Comedy club after comedy club after comedy club. It's worth it. I'll do it. I've thought about it. I have a plan. My mother can watch the kids on Sundays. That's when most of the open mics are anyway. Hell, I'll watch the kids on Sundays. Let's not get carried away.

I'm going to need you there at the show taping me. It's the only way I'll get better is watching myself. And putting it up on Instagram Reels. Right. You see, the way you get bookings these days, I've heard about this. They don't even care about how funny you are.

It's about how many followers you have to promote the show. No. You could be unfunny. You could literally just stand there. Oh. When we were coming up in the scene, I mean,

you and I, we'd be out there handing out flyers to try and earn a spot at the open mic. Now it's all about follower count. It sounds like you have it all figured out. Are you in or not? I'm in. Are you in or not i'm in are you in 100 because i'm not half-assing with it i'm not maybe i'm five martinis deep but this is the best

idea i've heard in my life god i've missed you i've missed you linda i've missed us i've missed this yes i've missed this okay set list who are we who am i doing who am i doing you're obviously gonna be doing now i want you to give now i'm gonna give you this is my favorite game to do with you i'm gonna give you impressions of my favorite impressions that you do and you're gonna have okay some of them might be rusty some of them might be rusty it's been 10 years since i was on the circuit do a little campbell okay um what would you like talking about what give me like a scenario talking about uh talking about uh lead lead poisoning oh i love. Talking about, talking about lead. Lead poisoning.

Oh, I love lead. It's turning me green. Ha, I'm Shrek. Oh my God, you're incredible. Okay. Give me another one. Give me another one.

Big Bird, Sesame Street. Oh, perfect. That was uncanny, Linda. Oh my God, we're rattling through. Give me another one. Okay. Jessica Rabbit.

I'm not gorgeous. I'm just drawn like this. God, Linda. I am so turned on right now. We need to close the strong one. Put your cock away. We need to close the strong one. Okay. Eye on the ball. Oh my God. Eye on the ball. Eye on to close the strong one. Okay.

Eye on the ball. Oh, my God. Eye on the ball. Eye on the ball. Eye on the ball. Oh, God. Who's your best impression? Your best one.

The best one that you could do. Oh, my God. John Lennon. John Lennon. Okay. Where is he? What's he doing? What's he doing?

He is writing Imagine. Okay. All the people there are. What a beast we are having. he is writing imagine okay you're ready I don't know you know don't get in your head now it's too late for that you're never been more ready you're right thank you thank you For reminding me who I was before you came into my life. I love you. I love you. Should we

skip the... Nah, that's crazy. Well, the cellar has an open mic tonight. And, you know, our son will mind if we don't go to this pop-up. He doesn't give a shit. He doesn't give a shit. He's doing fine.

Have his teacher forget his name, because he's so average. Let's go. Let's do it. I want to see you up on that stage. Yes. Cut to. All right, all right. All right. Okay.

That was Liza. Owen Wilson. Owen Wilson. All right. We got one weird heckler in the audience. You were doing Owen Wilson, right? I love impressions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, I wish there were more impressionists. We have got, funny you mentioned that, we have got ourselves a new rising star on the horizon here at the

cellar hell yeah now hey you can always teach an old dog new tricks but you can also remember you can have the old dog remember tricks that they used to do this woman if you've ever looked at the photos in the halls here at the cellar door uh she has graced this stage for decades and decades, but it's been a while since we've seen her. So she might be new to some of you. Please give your warmest welcome to a star who's burnt out

and now is on her way back to burn brighter than ever. Burnt out. Linda Peterson! No fucking way. It's Linda Peterson. Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys. How's everybody you guys, how's everybody doing tonight?

How's everybody doing tonight? Linda Thank you, thank you You know, I took a few years off Like somebody else I know Ro-Ro Ruby Right guys? No, I'm serious I'm just here to have a good time, just like all of you

I came out with my husband Speaking of coming out with your husband, remind you anybody right guys okay you sir in the audience you look kind of confused uh what do you do for work oh uh i i'm in insurance i'm in life insurance oh nice nice nice life insurance are you a stand-up or are you an impressionist? Because you were introduced as a stand-up. Sorry, as an impressionist, but you're doing kind of a lot of crowd work. Sorry, are you a stand-up or an impressionist? Right? This fucking guy.

This fucking guy, everybody. No, so me and my husband, we fight a lot, right? Mostly about, you know, the things we all do. Chicken salad, the kids, martinis. Do Joan Rivers. Okay do Joan Rivers okay no requests my teeth my teeth that's how I heard them you know it's seriously you guys are

too good to me you are too fucking good to me no on a serious note I took a lot of years off from comedy to do something that's even harder than telling jokes living with my husband. Come on! I'm serious. I'm serious. We're just here to have a good time.

The husband standing off to the side in the wings just like, biggest eyes ever. Like, what? No, guys, I'm serious. I'm not here to rag on my husband. Although, that's the way he talks about me, behind my back. But, um, look. You look like you have a little dick.

What's your name? And the audience, you, sir. Alright, and that's all the time we have for Linda Peterson. Alright, you guys have been a blessing and a curse. I love you so much. Don't forget to follow me. I have a new Instagram, and I have a book coming out

this July. Honey, we gotta write a book. I don't know what July. Honey, we gotta write a book. I don't know what came over me. We gotta write a book. Are you okay? We don't have to do anything. What are you talking about? I was electric up there. They loved me. I mean, fuck, I've still got it. You were so electric

that you gave me a shock. What were you talking about up there? I never talked about you like that and you were being so mean to me. Oh, it's a character. I'm me a shock. What were you talking about up there? I never talked about you like that, and you were being so mean to me. Oh, it's a character. I'm playing a character up there. You know I don't really feel like that. The characters we're doing are

Big Bird, Jessica Rabbit, Impressions. Right. What that was up there, that was you, that was your truth. Come on. Buddy, don't get like this. Buddy. We're getting to the top now. You and me.

Like it's always been. You pointed out that guy might have a little dick. Look at him. Look at his fucking face. I don't think that's funny, Linda. Yeah. Figures. Linda.

Figures you wouldn't. I'm going to go home. No, come on. I can't do'm not gonna let you do this to me if you are gonna keep doing this then maybe you should stay here tonight fuck you I could do it on my

no fuck you I was just help I was helping you I was letting you ride my fucking coattails I could do this just fine without you. I bet you could. Yeah. And I can't wait to see you thrive. Pathetic. Come on, Linda.

We don't have to end it with such harsh words. We don't have to end it at all. Maybe we'll just take a break. We'll start with that and we'll see where we end up what do you want me to say linda i'm not gonna let you just will be a fucking coward fine fine you want to see me be a man i want to see me be a man like my boss we're done we're done we're done okay we are over here's the little prick motherfucker I met in junior high. Take a hike.

I don't need you. I've outgrown you. I'll see you around, Linda. Thanks for the martinis. Yeah. He leaves. Thanks for the memories. Not.

Hey, Linda, that was a really weird set uh but we're gonna have to ask you to leave the green room because we got a couple of seriously man it was a honor to be back i mean thank you um so much you guys are doing uh that show next saturday you still there's a spot on that or my name on it there is a spot uh all righty i will see you there pete i swear to fuck you're a saint okay i will see you there. Pete, I swear to fuck, you're a saint. Okay? I will see you next Saturday. Cannot wait to be back.

I've got some new material that's way more problematic than the stuff I did tonight. You are actually never allowed to. We were just talking to some of the higher ups, and you're never allowed to come to the cellar again. Yeah, classic Pete busting my balls. Nope. It's just how it's going to be, Linda. Get in my belly. Come on. I really

hope that you respect... You're pulling my leg. Jagalicious. Come on, Austin Bowers. You remember. Come on. Pete. Pete, fucking look at me. Do you remember who sat front and center at your fucking intervention, asshole? Linda? Please don't make this any harder.

It needs to be. You fucking piece of shit. You too. Hey, too, Brute. Fucking Caesar impression, asshole. I don't need you. Linda, come on. Pete. I think I'm getting a divorce. linda come on pete

i think i'm getting a divorce we all heard linda your mic's been hot you took the mic with you back fuck i just was using it for a fact i didn't think it was hot why didn't you cut it i was yelling at my husband for like five minutes. We were yelling at you. No, I didn't hear. You couldn't hear anything. Exactly. Because, Linda, you can't hear anything other than the sound of your own voice. And it's always been that way.

The sound of my own voice? I think you mean the sound of Baby Yoda's voice. Come on. I'm fucking good at this. You know I am. Linda. Just give me a shot. We already did. That was tonight. And'm fucking good at this. You know I am. Linda. Just give me a shot. We already did.

That was tonight. And I fucking killed. I killed out there. Please get out of here, Linda. Don't make me call security. Come on. I'll go. Pulling up the walkie.

I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. Fuck, Pete. Fuck. This thing's coming from you. Youing up the walkie. I'll go. I'll go. Oh, go. Fuck, Pete. Okay. Fuck. This thing's coming from you. You named your daughter after me. Linda, you keep stalling.

I'm going to need you to leave the building. Okay, I'm leaving. You just wanted to take one last look at me. Linda, I'm- Star is born. Not looking at you. I was- Go.

I'm a Cooper from Star is Born. Okay, I'm going. I'm not looking at you. That was Bradley Cooper from A Star is Born. Okay, I'm going. I'm going. I'm going home. Tim Curry from Rocky Horror. You don't gotta go home, but you can't stay here. Nice. Nice.

Busking on the street. Doing impressions. Hey, do you take requests? You got cash, kid. I have a five. Fine. Who do you want to hear? Can you do Blossom from the Power Puff Girls? She's my favorite.

You sh- I, uh, I do Buttercup. Well, my daughter would like to hear Bubbles, if you can. Oh, well, I'd like to fucking sleep with JFK tonight, but that's not gonna happen either, is it, hag? Okay. He ushers the kid away.

Easiest five I ever made. Oh my god. Stole the five right out of the fucking sucker's hand. Didn't even see it coming. Hey, Linda. What do you want, guy? How'd you know my name? It's me.

Your ex-husband. Oh, Christ. You look like shit. God, it hasn't been that long. I could change in a fortnight. Life can change. I wanted to say that I'm moving out, so you can have the house. Billy Joel.

Nice. Nope. It just wasn't a reference mr campbell died the lead poisoning finally got to him and he named me successor so i've legally changed my last name to campbell and um i will be moving into his home guess that makes me Mrs. Campbell, huh? No, it doesn't. Because we are divorced. Come on, man. Give me a shot. One last shot at being your wife. I can't do that.

I was good at it. I can't let you back in my heart again. I was good at it. You know I was. For a time. For a time. Come on. But that time was fleeting.

I made chicken salad just how you like. With the microplastics. Yeah, and I kept that idiot son of yours in the middle of the class. God, I can't believe I'm saying this. I shouldn't be saying this. I shouldn't be doing this. You love me. I'll never love anybody else, Linda.

I need you to come to the Campbell Mansion with me. Okay, let's do it. Let's do it, fucker. I love let's do it Let's do it fucker I love your ass too God Should we do our last segment Not in my swamp Right guys Shrek that was a Shrek

I'm sorry. Those were nothing if not cozy. Fucking hell. Those two long ass scenes were nothing if not cozy. Meandering. No, just true to life. Yes. True to life.

Yes. Thank you. And I think too often there's a, in our culture today um this mic's hot right i think there's a uh assumption that we made the comedy or that improv has to be funny um and i think i think it's worth challenging that notion i agree you know and seeing like well if comedy's not funny and it's not short that notion. I agree. And seeing like, well, if comedy's not funny and it's not short, what could it be? It's science. It's an

experiment. In much the same way that a team sports, right? A sports team that wins all the time. That's no fun to watch. No fun to watch. Who are you rooting for? In a podcast where every episode's good, what's the fun of that? What's no fun to watch. No fun to watch. Who are you rooting for? Who are you rooting for? On a podcast where every episode's good. What are you listening to?

What's the fun of that? What's the fun? We keep guessing. You want to hear two people- Alf, what has been shaking you? Roping around in the dark for a joke. What has been shaking you? For 25 minutes.

What has been shaking your ass? What has been shaking my ass? Chicago. Chicago is a beautiful city, and it's most beautiful to me in the autumn. I think that's fair. I really like living in a city that actually experiences seasons. And it would be pretty easy to say that I'm only saying that as a way of coping with the fact that i live in a city that's winter for nine months of the year um and that's true too but i've been on like a couple really long walks in the last week and just seen the leaves falling the crisp air air, get a little latte, get a little PSL, even. And I just like the fall.

And I'm really hoping that it lasts and it doesn't turn to winter too soon. It will. Okay. I'm very jealous. It has, it's been a little chillier in LA in the mornings. What are you, like, 90? No, God, this morning it was like 65, which was beautiful.

It was really, really nice. What's been shaking me, there is a new viral sound, like a viral TikTok trend that I can't stop thinking about. Which one is it? That brings me so much joy. And I don't actually know what the show is from, but it's two puppets. And it's, who's that wonderful girl? Could she be any cuter?

If you don't know what I'm talking about, that's fine. It's two puppets. One of them is kind of like an old woman puppet playing a piano, singing, who's that wonderful girl? Could she be any cuter?

And then a little girl, little girl puppet in like a fairy outfit comes in. And it is my favorite thing. It is my favorite thing. That TikTok, like, sometimes those sounds just get so fucking stuck in your head that you're watching the videos and it's not even that you give a shit

about the video itself. You just want to hear that sound. Yes, it is. It brings me so much joy. And Daniel and I do it all the time. And Daniel, God love him. He literally, he knows that You just want to hear that sound. Yes, it is. It brings me so much joy. And Daniel and I do it all the time. And Daniel, God love him. He literally, he knows that I just like to perform around the house any chance I get.

So it's like, he will literally, he'll turn a corner and start singing Who's That Wonderful Girl so that I can make the entrance around the corner. And that is love. Find someone who will indulge your performative tendencies. Love is love. Love is love is love.

My TikTok sound that's been dominating my mind is wendy williams from the mass singer singing oh incredible uh native i'm a native new yorker right in the subway and she's like not on key at all but she's so confident and happy and it's like and if that's the energy that you want and you want the energy of, um, I was about to plug the live show that's already happened. Fuck. Yeah. It's already happened.

I hope it was good. Fuck. Um, but if you want more joy, if you want someone who posts on Instagram so much, you're like, oh my God, stop, stop posting. You can find Alfred on Instagram at Alfred in it. You can find the show on instagram at alfred in it you can find the show on instagram at review review you can find the show on reddit r slash review review and the head gum discord review review and jeff and i have a patreon patreon.com slash riley

and jeff and you can find riley on instagram.com just the web browser, not the phone app, at Riley and spot and on Twitter.com, now known as XXXXXXXXXX.com for as long as it lasts at Riley Coyote. And as we say every single week on the show, we're always saying this, we're never not saying it. Oh my God, he's crazy. I can't hear you. I can't hear you.

I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. No, I cannot hear you. As we say every bloody week, I can't hear you. can't hear you I can't hear you love I cannot hear you as we say every bloody week I can't hear you I cannot hear you I cannot hear you my darling

oh my sweetheart I can't bloody hear you I cannot hear you oh my darling can't hear a bloody word we'll see you next time wish I could hear you love you

love you everybody can't hear you bye bye have a great week that was a Hiddem original wish I could hear you love you love you everybody bye bye have a great week that was a Hiddem Original